.
.
I am still having to fiddle with everything in order to keep... from collapse. I may attempt, further, to figure out something more passive to do for some parts of the day. I have taken the foot stool in, near the chair in the living room. Stacked pillows, a minor foot stool as well, as a means of elevating my feet. It just doesn't work. Not well. So, perhaps, reading in the afternoon, or maybe late morning and early afternoon, hoping to keep my feet elevated above the heart for more time than just when I sleep. My feet, the left far worse, are still swelling. Though not nearly as bad as they had been. I really hope to figure out how to cut even that.
Less fluid was tolerable. Sipping, and less... cool not chilled... attempting to both pace and watch, amount and speed of consumption. It's a bit of a trick when health isn't completely topped. Concentration and memory are trickier. Some days I am sure I will slip more than other days. Control. A precision I may not be able to reach. A condition that may not be solved by control. One problem set at a time.
I don't know how I cause problems, but I do. Well, no, some of it I see. I just realize there is more going on. Though they have to see, by now, that choices really aren't ours, on some things. It just doesn't work that way. I am going to have to change some of the things I do. Not that I need fear, merely that I shouldn't... test some things.
Oh, the other day? I smelled snow. Not with my 'nose in the present', but, I suspect, my 'nose from the future'. Or, that is how it felt. Doesn't seem possible though. It's in the upper 80's to 90's out there. Still, in a few weeks to a month I will know. Impossible, really. I shouldn't write this, knowing, logically, it almost can't happen. Might have been something else in on the wind one eve... yesterday or the one before I believe. Or... maybe a projection, or future memory seeming thing. Hard to know, but I pegged it as I saw it. Dubious but...
Definitely losing... size anyway. Not so much weight, almost no weight. Doesn't make sense. It's some pretty hefty size that is going. I would be sure it was cancer except so little actual weight is being shed. Very strange. I look like one of those guys who wears pants four sizes too big. Which... Hmm... New pants, I guess. I'll need to do a more accurate sizing, 38's, maybe 36's. I have some 38's to check. It has come off very quickly... a few weeks, maybe a month at most.
Good night.
Monday, July 4, 2016
I keep wondering if this is it.
.
.
Have you ever driven really fast. No, not 70, not 90, 150 or more? If you have, you may have come to an understanding that the road, the car, and the speed are not working together well. Something has to change, and quickly. Steerage, at that point, becomes very limited. DON'T even think about it. You'll be dead before you blink. Though in part because, when things get to that point, blinking... at least for me... becomes somewhere between unlikely and impossible. Breaking may not be possible either, certainly not much, possibly not enough, not quickly enough.
There are a few, precious few, things left to you. Time is not on your side, it is parsing away so quickly. Some men can use these moments, first to consider, then to react. Most people... can't find that time between time. It is the difference between those who dare, and among those, those who survive. What I have done twice, that I remember, was to let the engine idle down and be extremely precise with steering, but without oversteering. The difference is so fine most wouldn't know it. If you have learned to let a curve autopilot, or slingshot, you, then you have some small inclination about that which I write. If not, don't even think of driving much over the speed limit. That limit is for you.
In health, I am at that point. If I am not careful, my leg may well burst. There is no recovery from that, to my mind. It will lead to a slow, poisonous death. And yet the thirst I face seems impossible. And, yet, as on the road, I am seeing the potential for a careful aim, release from the accelerator, and patient control, into a better place. A quart jar of water, though with other additions. Pure water ends up hurting my throat and making me thirstier. Keeping ice on tap, but not making the fluid icy... just a bit chiller. Tea, a bit... water with mix a bit... but controlled. A timer, sipping, until I learn some sort of control. Whether I lost control of fluid intake, or whether my system is failing and the technique of hydration needs tweeking... doesn't matter. I am here now, it's about what to do next.
How do you think I have survived the near impossible? Just because? Not always do I remember, but this is the way. Will it work this time? I have never known, any given time, whether it would work. So... I don't know. However, I... would bet my life on it, on my gut feelings, on my reactions, counterreactions, and proactions.. more than bet that of most, or of medicine. Heal thyself, be thine own doctor. Might not work, eventually won't. But who says what they would do would work? And, what, really, would they do? Probably nothing, as usual.
.
Have you ever driven really fast. No, not 70, not 90, 150 or more? If you have, you may have come to an understanding that the road, the car, and the speed are not working together well. Something has to change, and quickly. Steerage, at that point, becomes very limited. DON'T even think about it. You'll be dead before you blink. Though in part because, when things get to that point, blinking... at least for me... becomes somewhere between unlikely and impossible. Breaking may not be possible either, certainly not much, possibly not enough, not quickly enough.
There are a few, precious few, things left to you. Time is not on your side, it is parsing away so quickly. Some men can use these moments, first to consider, then to react. Most people... can't find that time between time. It is the difference between those who dare, and among those, those who survive. What I have done twice, that I remember, was to let the engine idle down and be extremely precise with steering, but without oversteering. The difference is so fine most wouldn't know it. If you have learned to let a curve autopilot, or slingshot, you, then you have some small inclination about that which I write. If not, don't even think of driving much over the speed limit. That limit is for you.
In health, I am at that point. If I am not careful, my leg may well burst. There is no recovery from that, to my mind. It will lead to a slow, poisonous death. And yet the thirst I face seems impossible. And, yet, as on the road, I am seeing the potential for a careful aim, release from the accelerator, and patient control, into a better place. A quart jar of water, though with other additions. Pure water ends up hurting my throat and making me thirstier. Keeping ice on tap, but not making the fluid icy... just a bit chiller. Tea, a bit... water with mix a bit... but controlled. A timer, sipping, until I learn some sort of control. Whether I lost control of fluid intake, or whether my system is failing and the technique of hydration needs tweeking... doesn't matter. I am here now, it's about what to do next.
How do you think I have survived the near impossible? Just because? Not always do I remember, but this is the way. Will it work this time? I have never known, any given time, whether it would work. So... I don't know. However, I... would bet my life on it, on my gut feelings, on my reactions, counterreactions, and proactions.. more than bet that of most, or of medicine. Heal thyself, be thine own doctor. Might not work, eventually won't. But who says what they would do would work? And, what, really, would they do? Probably nothing, as usual.
Oh, that hurts.
.
.
Compression socks. I learned that putting them on before everything expands is the only way to fly. If too, it isn't as nice and easy as it sounds. To be fair, I have only had my legs to back to near normal a few mornings the last few days, and that from using the water pill to a level that seemed to have been dangerous before... that that might, as it ends up, just have been coincidental, or maybe incidental? An accidental collusion of various forces all acting, through various mechanisms, to do similar things, then beyond to excesses. In any case, what I am here to tell you, is that putting those on the socks, especially with the skin of your leg feeling flayed from expansions and contractions well beyond even just the skin's norms or good health, is extremely painful. Even with the size down to normal, perhaps below. On the good side, a very high elevation at night, and voiding often, plus the pill, at least gives me that opportunity. It is even worse when the leg is engorged. There is some hope that this will help. The veins in those legs might just be shot. If so? It is just a matter of time.
Oh, now he says. Sure, after blaming the world and everybody? Aye, but I had good reason to think just so. The world was being nasty. I still don't know that it might not have participated. I know it has, if further afield and slightly more indirectly. The false pride of the VA, doctors. The maltreatment, mistreatment, misdiagnosis, and even knowing absence of action... They are playing their part even now. And they mean to do so. Who else? What else? I don't know. I have my reasons to causes for suspicion.
A dream. A China woman, or some oriental... Her father was a billionaire, and much more, industrial, tech, tycoon. Murdered for trying to safe his profits over the Chinese (or whatever state) interests. A maddened flower with two thousand flours of scientists, mathematicians, engineers, labs, and microfacturing units.
First, she build a bigger building, though keeping the old for the one offs. Then she kept everyone working on money making, to keep vengeance afloat. The? Then she learned how to manipulate first electrons then atoms, molecules, cats, and finally people. She could move to them, invincible and yet terrible, or she could pull them to her, stuck like a single-celled creatures on a slide. Murder, torment, usually rightly, though at a whim wrongly. Maddened and drunk on power, she went well beyond her intended purpose and well into world domination. While you can pull on Batman's cape... the worst he will do is punch or arrest, if he can. But don't pull on Superman's cape. Between the brilliance, speed, flight, and some other things... Well, she didn't end up in a super-collider, in an event horizon, the middle of a sun, or such. She did end up where none would envy. It is theorized, due to size and speed, she will never die, or age, but feel time just as we do. It was the only way. While an endless loop, or some of them, cannot be broken? They can be... reduced. Unfortunate, she had a wicked ass.
This is the first day I have gotten the socks on before any swelling could happen. I'll be careful with fluid intake, but... I won't push it to the gagging point. I may truly be between gagging on thirst and bloating on rather little fluid as my only two choices. Which... if you faced it, would you choose? I'm thinking bloating, but... I am hoping, just a slower drip sip will get me past the one without the other. Not sure. Later.
.
Compression socks. I learned that putting them on before everything expands is the only way to fly. If too, it isn't as nice and easy as it sounds. To be fair, I have only had my legs to back to near normal a few mornings the last few days, and that from using the water pill to a level that seemed to have been dangerous before... that that might, as it ends up, just have been coincidental, or maybe incidental? An accidental collusion of various forces all acting, through various mechanisms, to do similar things, then beyond to excesses. In any case, what I am here to tell you, is that putting those on the socks, especially with the skin of your leg feeling flayed from expansions and contractions well beyond even just the skin's norms or good health, is extremely painful. Even with the size down to normal, perhaps below. On the good side, a very high elevation at night, and voiding often, plus the pill, at least gives me that opportunity. It is even worse when the leg is engorged. There is some hope that this will help. The veins in those legs might just be shot. If so? It is just a matter of time.
Oh, now he says. Sure, after blaming the world and everybody? Aye, but I had good reason to think just so. The world was being nasty. I still don't know that it might not have participated. I know it has, if further afield and slightly more indirectly. The false pride of the VA, doctors. The maltreatment, mistreatment, misdiagnosis, and even knowing absence of action... They are playing their part even now. And they mean to do so. Who else? What else? I don't know. I have my reasons to causes for suspicion.
A dream. A China woman, or some oriental... Her father was a billionaire, and much more, industrial, tech, tycoon. Murdered for trying to safe his profits over the Chinese (or whatever state) interests. A maddened flower with two thousand flours of scientists, mathematicians, engineers, labs, and microfacturing units.
First, she build a bigger building, though keeping the old for the one offs. Then she kept everyone working on money making, to keep vengeance afloat. The? Then she learned how to manipulate first electrons then atoms, molecules, cats, and finally people. She could move to them, invincible and yet terrible, or she could pull them to her, stuck like a single-celled creatures on a slide. Murder, torment, usually rightly, though at a whim wrongly. Maddened and drunk on power, she went well beyond her intended purpose and well into world domination. While you can pull on Batman's cape... the worst he will do is punch or arrest, if he can. But don't pull on Superman's cape. Between the brilliance, speed, flight, and some other things... Well, she didn't end up in a super-collider, in an event horizon, the middle of a sun, or such. She did end up where none would envy. It is theorized, due to size and speed, she will never die, or age, but feel time just as we do. It was the only way. While an endless loop, or some of them, cannot be broken? They can be... reduced. Unfortunate, she had a wicked ass.
This is the first day I have gotten the socks on before any swelling could happen. I'll be careful with fluid intake, but... I won't push it to the gagging point. I may truly be between gagging on thirst and bloating on rather little fluid as my only two choices. Which... if you faced it, would you choose? I'm thinking bloating, but... I am hoping, just a slower drip sip will get me past the one without the other. Not sure. Later.
Sunday, July 3, 2016
Not absolutely sure.
.
.
If life isn't the whole, or the most, of the problem. I'm more sure, day by day, that I might survive. The heat makes telling how much I am improving a difficult task. On cool days, though, I collapse. Hot days just provide fever, or enhance, or even simply expose it. Lungs are weird, burning, used up, often.
I hope to keep up, a bit. Some days yes, some no. Dishes today, a load of them. Hopefully a shower or bath before long. Maybe laundry if I am awake when it cools. Nothing with the bedrooms so far. I'm just... not sure about trying to vacate the room that I can lock down and cool down, not as high summer approaches... not without some other means of serious cooling.
I have ordered industrial(tm) sized fans, with adjustable air flow. The goal is to bring a long more cool air in at night than typical fans can dream of doing. Opening the upstairs windows, turning on the biggest fan up there, aimed down through the vent, then with the other fans and the second... lessor... industrial fan, clear and cool down here. It isn't just cooling, but getting fresh air in. Now, as to (tm)? We'll see. I thought about an humidifier, just... not really sure about that. Finding one that fits the bill is another thing, as well. I would want to be able to add ice, for example. A pour spout in might well not allow that. And the size of tank might not allow that, or the shoot from spout to tank. Maybe a trip to town this week... if I can, if it's not too hot. The curtains are doing a fine job. No holes in the ones in the front room. That really helps. And Sassy no longer rips and shreds. All good, for... how far I have gotten.
Gifts of music, from time to time. Who knows who sends, or why to be honest. Delivered in such a way that... well... Never mind. Call it what you will. It seems like it fits? I can't tell when I didn't find it native, like the next one... or more that it find me? I know not. I know nothing, less.
.
If life isn't the whole, or the most, of the problem. I'm more sure, day by day, that I might survive. The heat makes telling how much I am improving a difficult task. On cool days, though, I collapse. Hot days just provide fever, or enhance, or even simply expose it. Lungs are weird, burning, used up, often.
I hope to keep up, a bit. Some days yes, some no. Dishes today, a load of them. Hopefully a shower or bath before long. Maybe laundry if I am awake when it cools. Nothing with the bedrooms so far. I'm just... not sure about trying to vacate the room that I can lock down and cool down, not as high summer approaches... not without some other means of serious cooling.
I have ordered industrial(tm) sized fans, with adjustable air flow. The goal is to bring a long more cool air in at night than typical fans can dream of doing. Opening the upstairs windows, turning on the biggest fan up there, aimed down through the vent, then with the other fans and the second... lessor... industrial fan, clear and cool down here. It isn't just cooling, but getting fresh air in. Now, as to (tm)? We'll see. I thought about an humidifier, just... not really sure about that. Finding one that fits the bill is another thing, as well. I would want to be able to add ice, for example. A pour spout in might well not allow that. And the size of tank might not allow that, or the shoot from spout to tank. Maybe a trip to town this week... if I can, if it's not too hot. The curtains are doing a fine job. No holes in the ones in the front room. That really helps. And Sassy no longer rips and shreds. All good, for... how far I have gotten.
Gifts of music, from time to time. Who knows who sends, or why to be honest. Delivered in such a way that... well... Never mind. Call it what you will. It seems like it fits? I can't tell when I didn't find it native, like the next one... or more that it find me? I know not. I know nothing, less.
Maybe.
.
.
A full pill extra of the water pill, extra time down, more time on my butt not doing anything, an attempt at less fluid... Maybe. The less swollen foot looks normal, the worse one both the food and above that to the calf muscle, are looking better. The better one is almost looking normal. The worse one is looking better than the better one looked yesterday and for... some time before that. The skin on the bad leg part is still very sore. Too many days swollen. Who knows if it can repair. So swollen, like a watermelon, I thought it would surely burst. So, yeah, I had some hard feelings. I've never seen it like that, treated or untreated. I take it personal if I think I'm being attacked, and had reasons both in real life and the digital world. Someone had gone back and found this, and was watching in several times ever few days for weeks. With what was going on here and there out there, I took a hint. Was keeping my pistol, for sure, with me wherever and everywhere. I can take a hint. So... yeah.
.
A full pill extra of the water pill, extra time down, more time on my butt not doing anything, an attempt at less fluid... Maybe. The less swollen foot looks normal, the worse one both the food and above that to the calf muscle, are looking better. The better one is almost looking normal. The worse one is looking better than the better one looked yesterday and for... some time before that. The skin on the bad leg part is still very sore. Too many days swollen. Who knows if it can repair. So swollen, like a watermelon, I thought it would surely burst. So, yeah, I had some hard feelings. I've never seen it like that, treated or untreated. I take it personal if I think I'm being attacked, and had reasons both in real life and the digital world. Someone had gone back and found this, and was watching in several times ever few days for weeks. With what was going on here and there out there, I took a hint. Was keeping my pistol, for sure, with me wherever and everywhere. I can take a hint. So... yeah.
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
A little note.
.
.
I didn't want to just head off and have someone worry. I am fine, and will be. If I die, I'll let you know right away. *grins* Thing is, blogging has become a bit of a problem. My main browsers no longer work well, the rest flood advertising, spilling my data everywhere I must assume, and it's just become a hassle and unworkable situation. It was meant to be that. The rabbits, white-breed, corn pone, have nothing to fear crowd be damned. That's not American, that is a good little NAZI. And it will come back to bite. The thing is, I'm not interested in that gig. There really may not be a choice anymore. Which is what they have been working at for a very long time. It's called a trap, boys and girls. It either puts the rabbits in cages, then on the medication that doses them down to servitude, or eliminates them out for disposal in some other way.
I can't really fix things, or change them. Those aren't my skillsets. And, if they were... well... you will probably begin to notice that hackers are corporate and government. Even the wild ones of those will... have a choice to make. So I will be backing out until I can figure out some other way of carrying on. There simply may not be another way. I may never post again. Not sure if I should shred this, though I'm not sure it matters. Both sides have collected enough evidence. When the left is the right, the right is definitely wrong. Good day, luck, perhaps goodbye.
.
I didn't want to just head off and have someone worry. I am fine, and will be. If I die, I'll let you know right away. *grins* Thing is, blogging has become a bit of a problem. My main browsers no longer work well, the rest flood advertising, spilling my data everywhere I must assume, and it's just become a hassle and unworkable situation. It was meant to be that. The rabbits, white-breed, corn pone, have nothing to fear crowd be damned. That's not American, that is a good little NAZI. And it will come back to bite. The thing is, I'm not interested in that gig. There really may not be a choice anymore. Which is what they have been working at for a very long time. It's called a trap, boys and girls. It either puts the rabbits in cages, then on the medication that doses them down to servitude, or eliminates them out for disposal in some other way.
I can't really fix things, or change them. Those aren't my skillsets. And, if they were... well... you will probably begin to notice that hackers are corporate and government. Even the wild ones of those will... have a choice to make. So I will be backing out until I can figure out some other way of carrying on. There simply may not be another way. I may never post again. Not sure if I should shred this, though I'm not sure it matters. Both sides have collected enough evidence. When the left is the right, the right is definitely wrong. Good day, luck, perhaps goodbye.
I suppose no one warned you.
.
.
Though I think it is not their way. The brights find their way there. As do some of the broken. Mix and match and it is why I may be found there, from time to time. An artifact. Once grand. Though just as possibly a never was. Shattered, broken, or an illusion... if still, either way, surprisingly, breathtakingly, sharp... from time to time. Now you know. It is how we learn... *cough* evolve even, some might say. Don't worry, I am dying. Though I have been doing that, possibly, since before you were born. Never mind. Just... saying... hello.
.
Though I think it is not their way. The brights find their way there. As do some of the broken. Mix and match and it is why I may be found there, from time to time. An artifact. Once grand. Though just as possibly a never was. Shattered, broken, or an illusion... if still, either way, surprisingly, breathtakingly, sharp... from time to time. Now you know. It is how we learn... *cough* evolve even, some might say. Don't worry, I am dying. Though I have been doing that, possibly, since before you were born. Never mind. Just... saying... hello.
Thinner.
.
.
Yeah. Shivers for a few... minutes to seconds. The right as rain in the sun again. A chill to keep from getting too hot, until it gets too cold. But no edge is ever crossed too far. It's an ugly time, if I don't think it'll be that way for long. Just something trying to live to murder another day... a bug, or poison, or dark will, or even a confused will of light. Not my will to stay or go, I've arranged that be handled by another, because it is and will be in any case... not just because I decided to attempt to be a humble servant, and then seem to have been invited to be more. Hrm? Oh, shut up? You or me? Oh, I'm with you. It just spills out and I am too lazy to clean it up anymore.
Still, I am a bit, sort of, what... punch drunk? Yeah. No booze was used in the making of this tale. Just the remnants of bio or man-made poison. My body has a powerful way of change things from their intended to my needed... a painkiller, most likely, in this case. It was the shivers, exhaustion from those, that almost upended me. Odd. The pain from that... it's like having your body pull yourself apart. Hours of it, a day, more? Still happening, if not to that extent of time or intensity. Enough breaks, now, to recover, even so.
As to the title? Yes. What he said. Noticeably, much, visibly. I... thought the belt hoops wouldn't lie. Though, maybe, I was somehow mistaken. You know how we can see what we wish. But the scale denies. I am 273, only seven pounds off, which shouldn't be visible unless fat is being replaced by muscle at nearly replacement value... which... doesn't seem right. There are tricks in there, that to a certain class of system... physique... one that muscles a bit too easily... causing stretch marks with simple normal exercise if with a push toward excesses. Perhaps the heavy things I do have ripples that might not be normal in most? Dunno. Do know I've gone down, in the odd way a rolly-polly works, two belt sizes while only losing seven pounds. There might be a few other options, like losing a twenty pack here and moving it there, but that isn't registering either. Could be other things. Isn't cancer, or it would be much more weight loss... most likely. Wanted to know my diet. Seafood. Fish, oyster, seaweed, etc? No! See food? EAT IT! :) Hungry.
I have the last batch of dishes going, rice on to which, actually, I will be adding fish *wink* to the steamer basket at the half-way point of cooking the rice. Then? Well... after some time to digest, I think I'll be prepping the spare bedroom for my stay... not favored. The window doesn't support the ac, so I'll have to windtunnel the cool in using fans, and maybe a mocked-up false wall... which won't be terribly efficient. I have to do something to force something or nothing will be done. I may be fighting the world with a hand tied behind my back and a serious limp, which means I have to fight smart. The world, both men and nature, will eat you if they can. It doesn't matter their wish, it is how things are done. No crumb must remain. So either you eat, and show enough strength to resist, and if necessary retreat from the side you definitely don't want eating you, or... prepare to be et. I choose not to be et, and will make it not so, if I can. If it takes eating rice and steamed fish. Bleh. Butter!
No idea, again, what I really wrote. If it offended you, though? Good. Now get off my damned porch!
Later.
.
Yeah. Shivers for a few... minutes to seconds. The right as rain in the sun again. A chill to keep from getting too hot, until it gets too cold. But no edge is ever crossed too far. It's an ugly time, if I don't think it'll be that way for long. Just something trying to live to murder another day... a bug, or poison, or dark will, or even a confused will of light. Not my will to stay or go, I've arranged that be handled by another, because it is and will be in any case... not just because I decided to attempt to be a humble servant, and then seem to have been invited to be more. Hrm? Oh, shut up? You or me? Oh, I'm with you. It just spills out and I am too lazy to clean it up anymore.
Still, I am a bit, sort of, what... punch drunk? Yeah. No booze was used in the making of this tale. Just the remnants of bio or man-made poison. My body has a powerful way of change things from their intended to my needed... a painkiller, most likely, in this case. It was the shivers, exhaustion from those, that almost upended me. Odd. The pain from that... it's like having your body pull yourself apart. Hours of it, a day, more? Still happening, if not to that extent of time or intensity. Enough breaks, now, to recover, even so.
As to the title? Yes. What he said. Noticeably, much, visibly. I... thought the belt hoops wouldn't lie. Though, maybe, I was somehow mistaken. You know how we can see what we wish. But the scale denies. I am 273, only seven pounds off, which shouldn't be visible unless fat is being replaced by muscle at nearly replacement value... which... doesn't seem right. There are tricks in there, that to a certain class of system... physique... one that muscles a bit too easily... causing stretch marks with simple normal exercise if with a push toward excesses. Perhaps the heavy things I do have ripples that might not be normal in most? Dunno. Do know I've gone down, in the odd way a rolly-polly works, two belt sizes while only losing seven pounds. There might be a few other options, like losing a twenty pack here and moving it there, but that isn't registering either. Could be other things. Isn't cancer, or it would be much more weight loss... most likely. Wanted to know my diet. Seafood. Fish, oyster, seaweed, etc? No! See food? EAT IT! :) Hungry.
I have the last batch of dishes going, rice on to which, actually, I will be adding fish *wink* to the steamer basket at the half-way point of cooking the rice. Then? Well... after some time to digest, I think I'll be prepping the spare bedroom for my stay... not favored. The window doesn't support the ac, so I'll have to windtunnel the cool in using fans, and maybe a mocked-up false wall... which won't be terribly efficient. I have to do something to force something or nothing will be done. I may be fighting the world with a hand tied behind my back and a serious limp, which means I have to fight smart. The world, both men and nature, will eat you if they can. It doesn't matter their wish, it is how things are done. No crumb must remain. So either you eat, and show enough strength to resist, and if necessary retreat from the side you definitely don't want eating you, or... prepare to be et. I choose not to be et, and will make it not so, if I can. If it takes eating rice and steamed fish. Bleh. Butter!
No idea, again, what I really wrote. If it offended you, though? Good. Now get off my damned porch!
Later.
Getting better.
.
.
A bit at a time. More each day, though, I think. I still fall back, a step or two, from time to time, though no longer falling to bottom and getting further from it. I am pretty sure I was on the steps of a complete bodily failure. All I would have had to do was... blink. I guess I really am on the side of life now. Yeah... this is going to be a long painful trip. I'm up for it. For now, to just find my stride in the moment. The rest will be solved in it's due. I... now I believe God really, certainly, backs this venture. Not that such would make me right. God isn't on anyone's side. Don't delude yourself. But if something is supposed to happen, or not, it will or won't... for good or ill. Perhaps my end is simply supposed to be somewhere else... in a rock or snow avalanche in Alaska, that takes out the senator on the lead to develop a government program that will initiate an unstable a.i. which would, if allowed to exist, do the same thing my flesh kin were meant to do... though for Christ 2.0. Not just sully the line, but end it this time... so as to keep the world for Satan and family. Though, most likely, it's just as evidence that, yes, you can... with faith and true God, face... anything. That's... it. I wouldn't have ever in my life thought so, but I think that is enough for the cost of admission, and will dutifully, painfully often, go on... falling and rising as the heavens spin above and the pit yawns below. Suspended reanimation. *grins*
I went down around 20:30. Someone *cough* forgot to stop back. I wanted to go back to bed so strongly. I waited as long as I could. No real problem, perhaps they should stop that. Too much is too much, and I think there is too much on some people's plates. Truly. Don't scourge... no need... that is what life often is as is. If you don't think so, think of what you would be doing if you weren't doing what you have to do? If there is nothing else, either you are indeed fortunate (enjoy it, if it works for you), or you are a damn fool lost to a dead world. Even if I weren't ill, the time I must spend eating, sleeping, voiding, dressing, cleaning *cough*, etc... Well... Though, as with any pain, those are there for a reason in the here and now. Warnings, resets, checksums, function variables, offsets, stabilizers and destabilizes... much else. They serve a purpose for our mortal coils, which serve us as well as we serve them, save for the few... whiney... Jobs and Jonah's out there. *cough* Just glad it wasn't a whale swallowing. Never hear the end of THAT ONE! "Hey, Jonah... feel like a sucker!" *group laughter* Damned heathens. Anyway...
I am hoping to get more work done today. I would like to get moved into my spare bedroom, to begin emptying my main bedroom, to clean... top to bottom. Clothes will be sorted. I have too many. Not that I obsess, and buy too much. I probably buy too few. The problem is that I rarely eject old and worn. Now, while I don't wear them (unless down to the scraps), they do fill up spaces. I could toss, though I think some of them are off sizes or colors (hate grey, keep trying for some reason), that they are hardly used and would work well as a work thing or daily home driver. Even for near dress in some blue collar venues. Mighty ducky to walk onto the construction site or sewer plant in a good looking polo, and not be the usual suit suspect. *wink* Though even the somewhat warn, slightly stained, or with holes, can go to centers that know how to renter that into other useful products. Charities, on their good side, have become very good at 'using the whole animal'. So... I'll try to let them.
I want to make the room completely bare, clean, let dry, clean again, air out, then move back in. A week? I'll probably want it quicker, but it will probably take longer. My reward? A new mattress top for in there. Everything else is dory hunky. No more pillow tops! Gah I hate that thing. You can only twist it, not twist and flop, so it goes soft so much more quickly. Rotate them like your tires, every 10k miles, is it? :p I ought to do it more, being a bengal tiger weight class, but... I stopped rotating it some time ago, because I was just changing one double pot hole side for the other, both pretty much done out. Tried crissflopping it, didn't work either. Mattress shows me no respect the further!
Anyway, that is the plan in the cave. Little things in the kitchen, a bit of laundry here or there, and some toying with ropes outside when I am feeling really pumped... Initially I only want to be around ropes when focus, fortitude, and exuberance are all in play. A ten foot drop, with the right spin, can kill. Helmets might be nice, but your neck isn't a whole lot more secure than a chicken. Man, you shouldn't read here with your head there. The puns they are a spinning. For those who think I started that, I didn't. For those of you who did... Enjoy your youth, but... get a grip. Funny how another in the future even, can already affect the past. You just have to have a simple sight for this one. Some don't have it... black and white as like animal thinking. Some know exactly of which I speak. Two different groups, mind you. At least for now, oddly. Some say you can teach a man to see in the dark, or woman... thank you Loretta, I am not so sure.
Huh? Too tired to make sense of the gibber. I'll game a bit, grouse for eats, take a shower, and try to... figure out today from there. Later? Who ever knows.
.
A bit at a time. More each day, though, I think. I still fall back, a step or two, from time to time, though no longer falling to bottom and getting further from it. I am pretty sure I was on the steps of a complete bodily failure. All I would have had to do was... blink. I guess I really am on the side of life now. Yeah... this is going to be a long painful trip. I'm up for it. For now, to just find my stride in the moment. The rest will be solved in it's due. I... now I believe God really, certainly, backs this venture. Not that such would make me right. God isn't on anyone's side. Don't delude yourself. But if something is supposed to happen, or not, it will or won't... for good or ill. Perhaps my end is simply supposed to be somewhere else... in a rock or snow avalanche in Alaska, that takes out the senator on the lead to develop a government program that will initiate an unstable a.i. which would, if allowed to exist, do the same thing my flesh kin were meant to do... though for Christ 2.0. Not just sully the line, but end it this time... so as to keep the world for Satan and family. Though, most likely, it's just as evidence that, yes, you can... with faith and true God, face... anything. That's... it. I wouldn't have ever in my life thought so, but I think that is enough for the cost of admission, and will dutifully, painfully often, go on... falling and rising as the heavens spin above and the pit yawns below. Suspended reanimation. *grins*
I went down around 20:30. Someone *cough* forgot to stop back. I wanted to go back to bed so strongly. I waited as long as I could. No real problem, perhaps they should stop that. Too much is too much, and I think there is too much on some people's plates. Truly. Don't scourge... no need... that is what life often is as is. If you don't think so, think of what you would be doing if you weren't doing what you have to do? If there is nothing else, either you are indeed fortunate (enjoy it, if it works for you), or you are a damn fool lost to a dead world. Even if I weren't ill, the time I must spend eating, sleeping, voiding, dressing, cleaning *cough*, etc... Well... Though, as with any pain, those are there for a reason in the here and now. Warnings, resets, checksums, function variables, offsets, stabilizers and destabilizes... much else. They serve a purpose for our mortal coils, which serve us as well as we serve them, save for the few... whiney... Jobs and Jonah's out there. *cough* Just glad it wasn't a whale swallowing. Never hear the end of THAT ONE! "Hey, Jonah... feel like a sucker!" *group laughter* Damned heathens. Anyway...
I am hoping to get more work done today. I would like to get moved into my spare bedroom, to begin emptying my main bedroom, to clean... top to bottom. Clothes will be sorted. I have too many. Not that I obsess, and buy too much. I probably buy too few. The problem is that I rarely eject old and worn. Now, while I don't wear them (unless down to the scraps), they do fill up spaces. I could toss, though I think some of them are off sizes or colors (hate grey, keep trying for some reason), that they are hardly used and would work well as a work thing or daily home driver. Even for near dress in some blue collar venues. Mighty ducky to walk onto the construction site or sewer plant in a good looking polo, and not be the usual suit suspect. *wink* Though even the somewhat warn, slightly stained, or with holes, can go to centers that know how to renter that into other useful products. Charities, on their good side, have become very good at 'using the whole animal'. So... I'll try to let them.
I want to make the room completely bare, clean, let dry, clean again, air out, then move back in. A week? I'll probably want it quicker, but it will probably take longer. My reward? A new mattress top for in there. Everything else is dory hunky. No more pillow tops! Gah I hate that thing. You can only twist it, not twist and flop, so it goes soft so much more quickly. Rotate them like your tires, every 10k miles, is it? :p I ought to do it more, being a bengal tiger weight class, but... I stopped rotating it some time ago, because I was just changing one double pot hole side for the other, both pretty much done out. Tried crissflopping it, didn't work either. Mattress shows me no respect the further!
Anyway, that is the plan in the cave. Little things in the kitchen, a bit of laundry here or there, and some toying with ropes outside when I am feeling really pumped... Initially I only want to be around ropes when focus, fortitude, and exuberance are all in play. A ten foot drop, with the right spin, can kill. Helmets might be nice, but your neck isn't a whole lot more secure than a chicken. Man, you shouldn't read here with your head there. The puns they are a spinning. For those who think I started that, I didn't. For those of you who did... Enjoy your youth, but... get a grip. Funny how another in the future even, can already affect the past. You just have to have a simple sight for this one. Some don't have it... black and white as like animal thinking. Some know exactly of which I speak. Two different groups, mind you. At least for now, oddly. Some say you can teach a man to see in the dark, or woman... thank you Loretta, I am not so sure.
Huh? Too tired to make sense of the gibber. I'll game a bit, grouse for eats, take a shower, and try to... figure out today from there. Later? Who ever knows.
Tuesday, June 28, 2016
Hmm? Oh, yes, still here.
.
.
If it was an attempted assassination, it failed. If it wasn't, it failed too. I'm miserably difficult to kill, murder, or even suicide. If it was easy, it would have been done a long time ago. I mean like a lot longer ago than you might think. It's been an ongoing project since before I was born. Tricky little fetus just wouldn't roll for it. Fixed her knicker and knee problem though. *wink* Next time she was married. I was teaching before I was born. Whatever the case, I am slowly improving.
Dishes, a lot of them, cleaned, set to a fresh sudsy, washed again, rinsed... and I almost thought I stalled. Nope, Doom found his bullocks, squeezed a little too hard for a little extra go, and got to it. Don't worry, no testicles were damaged in the analogy. *grin* I spat out the dishes, drying some, some being left to air dry, some a bit of both. Oh, and I'll be putting another charge of dishes in before I go to bed, which won't be until after supper arrives. Yeah, it wasn't them. I know. Just as I know it wasn't food poisoning. And while some symptoms could suggest, and strongly, extreme dehydration... there are signs that something else is in play. Like a leg that is bright red, sore to the touch, and doing odd things. As I said, as if an infection took hold in a very small portion of the body. If it where the foot, that might make sense. And I suppose there are things that can do that, but they are exotic... rare. It would have to have been, pretty much, introduced... or a very odd incident. One probably has better chances of contracting leprosy. More so since I haven't been out in a good long time.
Lungs are still a bit spent. The feel like I have been doing windsprints, too many over the limit. The way it can make you sick, or vulnerable too it. Only that is a symptom, not, in this case, the cause. From shivering. Seriously. Harsh. Aspirin is helping. I checked the dose and usage... seems 2 for an adult, every six hours. I'm not an adult. I am two. And, when you put two and two together, on one weapons platform, you usually end up at five. Some things really don't add up in a static way. Don't believe me? Find out how much tranq it takes to take a 150# cat down. Now simply double that, shoot the 300# cat, and go on in. Just let me watch. It really isn't that simple. I've learned on my own. Oh, but I am going to back onto the water pill, but just half a pill. If I still have fits, I'll quarter the thing. I need the pill, water has been the problem... biggest one... right up until I attempted to fix it. Not sure if the otc stuff had any affect. As I said, despite dehydration, my feet are still just a bit puffy. Though I'll wait until tomorrow to start those. And, for now, I will only do those. If equilibrium is found, I will then add in the others, one at a time. Perhaps those things only work in unison with what I was taking, or what else I was taking was harsh enough that it covered for these. Dunnot... Will tinker until I do, or die. Wish me luck? Wee!
Later.
.
If it was an attempted assassination, it failed. If it wasn't, it failed too. I'm miserably difficult to kill, murder, or even suicide. If it was easy, it would have been done a long time ago. I mean like a lot longer ago than you might think. It's been an ongoing project since before I was born. Tricky little fetus just wouldn't roll for it. Fixed her knicker and knee problem though. *wink* Next time she was married. I was teaching before I was born. Whatever the case, I am slowly improving.
Dishes, a lot of them, cleaned, set to a fresh sudsy, washed again, rinsed... and I almost thought I stalled. Nope, Doom found his bullocks, squeezed a little too hard for a little extra go, and got to it. Don't worry, no testicles were damaged in the analogy. *grin* I spat out the dishes, drying some, some being left to air dry, some a bit of both. Oh, and I'll be putting another charge of dishes in before I go to bed, which won't be until after supper arrives. Yeah, it wasn't them. I know. Just as I know it wasn't food poisoning. And while some symptoms could suggest, and strongly, extreme dehydration... there are signs that something else is in play. Like a leg that is bright red, sore to the touch, and doing odd things. As I said, as if an infection took hold in a very small portion of the body. If it where the foot, that might make sense. And I suppose there are things that can do that, but they are exotic... rare. It would have to have been, pretty much, introduced... or a very odd incident. One probably has better chances of contracting leprosy. More so since I haven't been out in a good long time.
Lungs are still a bit spent. The feel like I have been doing windsprints, too many over the limit. The way it can make you sick, or vulnerable too it. Only that is a symptom, not, in this case, the cause. From shivering. Seriously. Harsh. Aspirin is helping. I checked the dose and usage... seems 2 for an adult, every six hours. I'm not an adult. I am two. And, when you put two and two together, on one weapons platform, you usually end up at five. Some things really don't add up in a static way. Don't believe me? Find out how much tranq it takes to take a 150# cat down. Now simply double that, shoot the 300# cat, and go on in. Just let me watch. It really isn't that simple. I've learned on my own. Oh, but I am going to back onto the water pill, but just half a pill. If I still have fits, I'll quarter the thing. I need the pill, water has been the problem... biggest one... right up until I attempted to fix it. Not sure if the otc stuff had any affect. As I said, despite dehydration, my feet are still just a bit puffy. Though I'll wait until tomorrow to start those. And, for now, I will only do those. If equilibrium is found, I will then add in the others, one at a time. Perhaps those things only work in unison with what I was taking, or what else I was taking was harsh enough that it covered for these. Dunnot... Will tinker until I do, or die. Wish me luck? Wee!
Later.
Climbing out of holes.
.
.
It doesn't really matter what kind of hole. There are only two options. Either you extricate yourself from the predicament or you do not. If you do not find a way out, quite often, even of simpler holes, you will die. I suppose the severity of the condition of the "hole" suggest how quickly it will kill you. A hole can be anything. A spiritual weakness. A physical issue. A mental flaw or false allowance. Right down to a literal... hole.
How to do it? When you find yourself in a hole, or better, if it is already unavoidable of course, is to take stock of the situation. Keep your head clear, or as clear as possible. Fever causes distortion, lack of clarity, and creates an inability to focus. But, if it's seen and understood, eventually that can be worked through. Figure out, as well as possible, what has happened and how to fix it. Then begin rocking your way to the solution. Sometimes persistence, sometimes hard work, sometimes luck, but until death is obtained a solution is possible... probably.
I have been working on things. Nothing fancy, but to bring me more into the world, I cleaned the toilet today. It wasn't terrible, due perhaps. It was an easy enough task. It did allow me to check whether the silicon calk worked or not (it did, for sure). It also made the world more physical, or real. I'm still floating on fever dosing. Whatever that is that causes the mind to drift, while fevered, still remains to a degree.
As well, I looked for the hatchet with which I will heat-cut and cauterize the ropes I will be turning into prusik lines and the inch webbing I will be turning into safeties. It definitely needs sharpening. I'll have to find the stone, puck really, It's not the best sharpener I have ever had. I suppose, for in the field, it might be the better, lighter option... or it's just a gimmick the "prepper" youtubers promote like whores? It's difficult to know these days. Every time you find something you think you can trust, the company sells out and sells down, for a few dollars more and the short run.
Anyway... I'll be working toward waking and working. Playing with what gear I have, at low heights, tinkering and goofing, perhaps finding my footing in the lower levels. A thousand times to create muscle memory. Thing is, I have the memory, most likely. But it's old memory. Sure, it's like riding a bike. Though also, even back when you could, you fell. Of all the memories we do have, pain is not among them. Which... is a mixed blessing. It means, when coming back to something, some of the hard learned lessons have gone a bit soft. Yeah, it means that first spill will hurt thrice as much as it otherwise would. *grins* Thank God I am a clown for pain. *woo-hoo, woot, toot*
I'd like to hit the dishes today, get a shower in, see where things are going. Still not quite keeping the fluids in, or keeping up on that. Even so, still some swelling in the feet. I'll have to go slowly with that. I suppose it really was just an o.d. of the water pill. You can get rid of a lot of water, and quickly. Just not that quickly. You know, I ought to check the symptoms for dehydration... if I think my case would be a bit more complicated. After a quick check? I'm calling that a strong contender. Now, they suggest a lack of urination. In my case, due to medicine, that WAS the cause of my dehydration. I would say it was about as bad as dehydration gets in the short term of it's existence made it possible to be. Hmm? I mean, that was as bad as it could have gotten in the timespan of it's existence. Actually, for what I went through, I am doing quite well. Meh... just another.
Now to get other things going. Though, perhaps, first a nap. Just a bit of sleep, not a real sleep... probably. Later.
.
It doesn't really matter what kind of hole. There are only two options. Either you extricate yourself from the predicament or you do not. If you do not find a way out, quite often, even of simpler holes, you will die. I suppose the severity of the condition of the "hole" suggest how quickly it will kill you. A hole can be anything. A spiritual weakness. A physical issue. A mental flaw or false allowance. Right down to a literal... hole.
How to do it? When you find yourself in a hole, or better, if it is already unavoidable of course, is to take stock of the situation. Keep your head clear, or as clear as possible. Fever causes distortion, lack of clarity, and creates an inability to focus. But, if it's seen and understood, eventually that can be worked through. Figure out, as well as possible, what has happened and how to fix it. Then begin rocking your way to the solution. Sometimes persistence, sometimes hard work, sometimes luck, but until death is obtained a solution is possible... probably.
I have been working on things. Nothing fancy, but to bring me more into the world, I cleaned the toilet today. It wasn't terrible, due perhaps. It was an easy enough task. It did allow me to check whether the silicon calk worked or not (it did, for sure). It also made the world more physical, or real. I'm still floating on fever dosing. Whatever that is that causes the mind to drift, while fevered, still remains to a degree.
As well, I looked for the hatchet with which I will heat-cut and cauterize the ropes I will be turning into prusik lines and the inch webbing I will be turning into safeties. It definitely needs sharpening. I'll have to find the stone, puck really, It's not the best sharpener I have ever had. I suppose, for in the field, it might be the better, lighter option... or it's just a gimmick the "prepper" youtubers promote like whores? It's difficult to know these days. Every time you find something you think you can trust, the company sells out and sells down, for a few dollars more and the short run.
Anyway... I'll be working toward waking and working. Playing with what gear I have, at low heights, tinkering and goofing, perhaps finding my footing in the lower levels. A thousand times to create muscle memory. Thing is, I have the memory, most likely. But it's old memory. Sure, it's like riding a bike. Though also, even back when you could, you fell. Of all the memories we do have, pain is not among them. Which... is a mixed blessing. It means, when coming back to something, some of the hard learned lessons have gone a bit soft. Yeah, it means that first spill will hurt thrice as much as it otherwise would. *grins* Thank God I am a clown for pain. *woo-hoo, woot, toot*
I'd like to hit the dishes today, get a shower in, see where things are going. Still not quite keeping the fluids in, or keeping up on that. Even so, still some swelling in the feet. I'll have to go slowly with that. I suppose it really was just an o.d. of the water pill. You can get rid of a lot of water, and quickly. Just not that quickly. You know, I ought to check the symptoms for dehydration... if I think my case would be a bit more complicated. After a quick check? I'm calling that a strong contender. Now, they suggest a lack of urination. In my case, due to medicine, that WAS the cause of my dehydration. I would say it was about as bad as dehydration gets in the short term of it's existence made it possible to be. Hmm? I mean, that was as bad as it could have gotten in the timespan of it's existence. Actually, for what I went through, I am doing quite well. Meh... just another.
Now to get other things going. Though, perhaps, first a nap. Just a bit of sleep, not a real sleep... probably. Later.
I had hoped I figured it out.
.
.
Food poisoning. Not intentional, done to myself by myself. But that... isn't it. Probably on several levels. First, it was too long ago. The ham and beans. I thought I might have pushed it. It tasted good enough, actually really good... that last meal of it. Still, the funny thing about food poisoning is that it doesn't have to taste bad. And, depending on how weak your system is, in particular, at a given moment, or with other things going on to weaken it (even just being too tired), just a dab of bad in food will do you, and that dab may never give a clue by scent of taste. Everything since then has been, for sure, on the up and up. Ah, I researched symptoms. While I did have cramps, it was in my stomach. Fever was the only symptom, of a handful, that I have.
The left leg was and remains the oddest symptom. I get that shivering caused certain areas of my body to convulse to the point of wearing out muscle and even seemingly hurting joints. But, after a day and more of that leg giving me pain, odd pain, I gave it a closer look. It is inflamed with a redness that looks to be a burn, swollen or puffy, and the skin is sore to the touch. It looks like a local infection, which doesn't make sense. There are no open wounds. It would have to have been an infection that went blood-born, and settled in that area? I really don't know these things. They symptoms really don't make sense.
I am still having a difficult time keeping fluid it. No diarrhea or such. Just voiding, the seeming standard way, but on roids. Well, and sweating a bit too much. I am almost sure the fever hits while I am sleeping. The rest of the pains are slowly giving way, easing. Aspirin is helping, though not all that much. Just cutting the edge. It's enough and I am pleased for it. I don't even know how to go about sorting the symptoms in search of a diagnosis. Why look? To attempt to treat it. I do believe, basically, in treating the symptoms, as much as that is possible in my condition. Fluid in, as much as possible. Food as I am able. Sleep as needed. Aspirin on the side, full spectrum, as often as the label suggests. Just hoping time solves the rest.
Later.
.
Food poisoning. Not intentional, done to myself by myself. But that... isn't it. Probably on several levels. First, it was too long ago. The ham and beans. I thought I might have pushed it. It tasted good enough, actually really good... that last meal of it. Still, the funny thing about food poisoning is that it doesn't have to taste bad. And, depending on how weak your system is, in particular, at a given moment, or with other things going on to weaken it (even just being too tired), just a dab of bad in food will do you, and that dab may never give a clue by scent of taste. Everything since then has been, for sure, on the up and up. Ah, I researched symptoms. While I did have cramps, it was in my stomach. Fever was the only symptom, of a handful, that I have.
The left leg was and remains the oddest symptom. I get that shivering caused certain areas of my body to convulse to the point of wearing out muscle and even seemingly hurting joints. But, after a day and more of that leg giving me pain, odd pain, I gave it a closer look. It is inflamed with a redness that looks to be a burn, swollen or puffy, and the skin is sore to the touch. It looks like a local infection, which doesn't make sense. There are no open wounds. It would have to have been an infection that went blood-born, and settled in that area? I really don't know these things. They symptoms really don't make sense.
I am still having a difficult time keeping fluid it. No diarrhea or such. Just voiding, the seeming standard way, but on roids. Well, and sweating a bit too much. I am almost sure the fever hits while I am sleeping. The rest of the pains are slowly giving way, easing. Aspirin is helping, though not all that much. Just cutting the edge. It's enough and I am pleased for it. I don't even know how to go about sorting the symptoms in search of a diagnosis. Why look? To attempt to treat it. I do believe, basically, in treating the symptoms, as much as that is possible in my condition. Fluid in, as much as possible. Food as I am able. Sleep as needed. Aspirin on the side, full spectrum, as often as the label suggests. Just hoping time solves the rest.
Later.
I think it is just physical.
.
.
I mean, it isn't the heart or other ailment. Though it may have been compounded by taking too much furosemide. Dropping too much fluid, too quickly. Even so, it didn't completely get rid of the swelling. Annoying. The reason the illness continues is two part. The first is that I caused damage through extreme dehydration. The other is that I opened that dam, and it is still flooding out. I guess I have to keep filling the fluid reservoirs and taking gobs of aspirin. I am choosing aspirin, even if some would suggest tylenol, because if it just happens to be the heart, aspirin is more suitable. And there is a chance, even if it isn't because of the weakness of my heart, that it could be brought in to play. Extreme dehydration can kill even healthy people.
No, I didn't take all that much water pill. Well, compared to when I was on it. I started on half a pill for about a week, but was getting no results. So I kicked it up to two pills for one day, then a whole pill for several days (a whole pill is 40mg). I used to be on a pill and an half (60mg). After I went to one pill, the next day everything went absolutely bonkers.
I do believe I am still going through the shivers, but only while asleep. At least it isn't the whole time. However, that is adding to the hurt. I'm not getting a solid break so as to begin healing, or at least not very quickly. Every muscle group and many bones, and a general if in the background headache all remain. The leg that I hurt so badly with the shivers (why one and not both legs?)... while the muscles are feeling slightly better, it is now the skin that hurts. I think the damage is actually working itself out... almost as bruises do.
Hmm... I went to bed about 14:30~13:00... Waking at 12:30. Just a note to self... so nine and an half to ten hours. It's not full sleep as I am voiding, often, through the night. I probably go, say, five to ten times. Something is just working. And, no, I dropped all meds when things went haywire. So, that isn't it. Been off them for days now. I will, probably, get back on them when I improve enough. Though the doses will remain low, only being worked up... if needed... over multiples of weeks or even months. This little gig learned me. This morning? Much worse than the last time I woke, though maybe fading... or the aspirin is kicking in.
Later.
.
I mean, it isn't the heart or other ailment. Though it may have been compounded by taking too much furosemide. Dropping too much fluid, too quickly. Even so, it didn't completely get rid of the swelling. Annoying. The reason the illness continues is two part. The first is that I caused damage through extreme dehydration. The other is that I opened that dam, and it is still flooding out. I guess I have to keep filling the fluid reservoirs and taking gobs of aspirin. I am choosing aspirin, even if some would suggest tylenol, because if it just happens to be the heart, aspirin is more suitable. And there is a chance, even if it isn't because of the weakness of my heart, that it could be brought in to play. Extreme dehydration can kill even healthy people.
No, I didn't take all that much water pill. Well, compared to when I was on it. I started on half a pill for about a week, but was getting no results. So I kicked it up to two pills for one day, then a whole pill for several days (a whole pill is 40mg). I used to be on a pill and an half (60mg). After I went to one pill, the next day everything went absolutely bonkers.
I do believe I am still going through the shivers, but only while asleep. At least it isn't the whole time. However, that is adding to the hurt. I'm not getting a solid break so as to begin healing, or at least not very quickly. Every muscle group and many bones, and a general if in the background headache all remain. The leg that I hurt so badly with the shivers (why one and not both legs?)... while the muscles are feeling slightly better, it is now the skin that hurts. I think the damage is actually working itself out... almost as bruises do.
Hmm... I went to bed about 14:30~13:00... Waking at 12:30. Just a note to self... so nine and an half to ten hours. It's not full sleep as I am voiding, often, through the night. I probably go, say, five to ten times. Something is just working. And, no, I dropped all meds when things went haywire. So, that isn't it. Been off them for days now. I will, probably, get back on them when I improve enough. Though the doses will remain low, only being worked up... if needed... over multiples of weeks or even months. This little gig learned me. This morning? Much worse than the last time I woke, though maybe fading... or the aspirin is kicking in.
Later.
Monday, June 27, 2016
Better if still a bit worn.
.
.
Everything seems to be improving ever so slightly. I had though the fever was returning. That's not it. It's simply warming up outside, which is causing me to heat up, which seemed like a fever. I'm probably just a bit more sensitive to heat at the moment. I am actually surprised I am doing this well so quickly. I shivered, hard, both awake and asleep, for many hours. I could not get that to stop, surprised I could sleep while that was happening. Not a deep sleep, perhaps, but deep enough to escape the worst of it. I mean, when you shiver long enough, and so hard, that your lungs burn from the effort, you know you were going at it with diligence. Believe as you wish, I'm just telling you as I see it.
I've been up since 10:00, but here at 14:22 it's back to bed. I really don't want to push things until things are much better. I will sleep when I need it, when my body requests it. I'll run the ac, which might help. Actually, I needed both the ac, and as many blankets and layers as possible. How that works I can't quite say. It was the only way I could find comfort. Comfort is what allowed sleep. Sleep is probably what eventually fixed some of it.
Just... letting you know I am still alive, and improving. Probably, mostly, as well as I can tell. Good night.
.
Everything seems to be improving ever so slightly. I had though the fever was returning. That's not it. It's simply warming up outside, which is causing me to heat up, which seemed like a fever. I'm probably just a bit more sensitive to heat at the moment. I am actually surprised I am doing this well so quickly. I shivered, hard, both awake and asleep, for many hours. I could not get that to stop, surprised I could sleep while that was happening. Not a deep sleep, perhaps, but deep enough to escape the worst of it. I mean, when you shiver long enough, and so hard, that your lungs burn from the effort, you know you were going at it with diligence. Believe as you wish, I'm just telling you as I see it.
I've been up since 10:00, but here at 14:22 it's back to bed. I really don't want to push things until things are much better. I will sleep when I need it, when my body requests it. I'll run the ac, which might help. Actually, I needed both the ac, and as many blankets and layers as possible. How that works I can't quite say. It was the only way I could find comfort. Comfort is what allowed sleep. Sleep is probably what eventually fixed some of it.
Just... letting you know I am still alive, and improving. Probably, mostly, as well as I can tell. Good night.
Back to being better.
.
.
The fever is gone but a mild form of the headache from it remains. All other aches and pains still exist, but at a much eased level. That doesn't mean it is good. It simply means I can do minor things. I can be awake. The problem with the mild pains is that they aren't from one, or several, things... but everything as far as I can tell. Head, neck, bones, muscles, torso, limbs, organs, and some other stuff that doesn't seem to be from anywhere I can tell. I have taken care of the thirsty throat. I do believe the apple cider vinegar did the trick for that. It didn't seem to right away. I was still in such bad shape that I went to bed right after. I think it worked in that time.
I honestly suspect extreme dehydration. It just didn't have any other symptoms of a bug, flu, or cold. I still have to be careful, with hydration though. My body, in spite of going to dehydration, is still holding fluid in my feet. Not much, just a bit of swelling on the very top of my feet.
I would like to eat... something. I'll grouse around for a bite of this or that. Not sure what is out there. I have eggs, but those are getting pretty close to being done... heading towards bad. I have hamburger thawed, if anything I would make with that might seem a bit too much. I am sort of on the edge of going back to bed. While hungry, I just can't do too much. Hopefully enough. The shivers that bruised muscles and pained bone has left me needing food. If nothing else, it may help me repair.
Good night.
.
The fever is gone but a mild form of the headache from it remains. All other aches and pains still exist, but at a much eased level. That doesn't mean it is good. It simply means I can do minor things. I can be awake. The problem with the mild pains is that they aren't from one, or several, things... but everything as far as I can tell. Head, neck, bones, muscles, torso, limbs, organs, and some other stuff that doesn't seem to be from anywhere I can tell. I have taken care of the thirsty throat. I do believe the apple cider vinegar did the trick for that. It didn't seem to right away. I was still in such bad shape that I went to bed right after. I think it worked in that time.
I honestly suspect extreme dehydration. It just didn't have any other symptoms of a bug, flu, or cold. I still have to be careful, with hydration though. My body, in spite of going to dehydration, is still holding fluid in my feet. Not much, just a bit of swelling on the very top of my feet.
I would like to eat... something. I'll grouse around for a bite of this or that. Not sure what is out there. I have eggs, but those are getting pretty close to being done... heading towards bad. I have hamburger thawed, if anything I would make with that might seem a bit too much. I am sort of on the edge of going back to bed. While hungry, I just can't do too much. Hopefully enough. The shivers that bruised muscles and pained bone has left me needing food. If nothing else, it may help me repair.
Good night.
Back up?
.
.
I can't be sure of anything. I have a fever, and chills too. Plus I feel as if I am extremely dehydrated on top of somehow also having too much fluid in there. It just doesn't make sense. On the good side, I think putting extra fluid in has helped. Though maybe that is just the aspirin? Maybe a bit of both. I do know I can walk without feeling like jello. I am not on perpetual balance loss. Something, even so, is very wrong. I have only ever felt like this a few times. A few serious 'bugs', and a few times I believed someone had attempted to poison me. If I had to bet, this would be poison. Though I don't have any suspects. I seem to be pissing people off in droves lately, so... maybe anyway. You don't have to know who is working the scheme for it to be happening.
There are two things that could easily cause what I am suffering. The first is too much fluid loss. Doping food or drink with extra doses of the water pill. As I dehydrate, I burn inside and out, sort of. The other option is somehow adding sugar into my diet... in such a way that I couldn't tell it. As I said, no suspects. That I may be changing some things up. For now I am adding fluid. Not too much, as that can be just as bad. And being so dried out, I can't tell if something is sweet or not.
I may literally be on the verge of death. I can't be awake or asleep, I've got a fever, I am dying of thirst, my organs are all seeming to be on the verge of failure. I have no real good idea about how to deal with this. A few more days like this and I will fail.
.
I can't be sure of anything. I have a fever, and chills too. Plus I feel as if I am extremely dehydrated on top of somehow also having too much fluid in there. It just doesn't make sense. On the good side, I think putting extra fluid in has helped. Though maybe that is just the aspirin? Maybe a bit of both. I do know I can walk without feeling like jello. I am not on perpetual balance loss. Something, even so, is very wrong. I have only ever felt like this a few times. A few serious 'bugs', and a few times I believed someone had attempted to poison me. If I had to bet, this would be poison. Though I don't have any suspects. I seem to be pissing people off in droves lately, so... maybe anyway. You don't have to know who is working the scheme for it to be happening.
There are two things that could easily cause what I am suffering. The first is too much fluid loss. Doping food or drink with extra doses of the water pill. As I dehydrate, I burn inside and out, sort of. The other option is somehow adding sugar into my diet... in such a way that I couldn't tell it. As I said, no suspects. That I may be changing some things up. For now I am adding fluid. Not too much, as that can be just as bad. And being so dried out, I can't tell if something is sweet or not.
I may literally be on the verge of death. I can't be awake or asleep, I've got a fever, I am dying of thirst, my organs are all seeming to be on the verge of failure. I have no real good idea about how to deal with this. A few more days like this and I will fail.
Back to bed.
.
.
I was able to do some work to relax the dry throat. It's still dry, but better. I did get another pot of tea on, for when I wake. And I may have a bit of apple vinegar in an attempt to just fix the bitter throat more. I am still in great pain. Perhaps, having taken aspirin, and going back to bed, plus working the throat open... maybe, in a bit, I can wake. Nothing, so far, is really do all that much.The fever and chills are right there, waiting, to come back. I sure hope something breaks loose. Not even sure what to take to deal with it. I can't be awake, really. I keep waking in horrific pain. Back to sleep, if I can.
.
I was able to do some work to relax the dry throat. It's still dry, but better. I did get another pot of tea on, for when I wake. And I may have a bit of apple vinegar in an attempt to just fix the bitter throat more. I am still in great pain. Perhaps, having taken aspirin, and going back to bed, plus working the throat open... maybe, in a bit, I can wake. Nothing, so far, is really do all that much.The fever and chills are right there, waiting, to come back. I sure hope something breaks loose. Not even sure what to take to deal with it. I can't be awake, really. I keep waking in horrific pain. Back to sleep, if I can.
Brutal!
.
.
The fever shivers came back. I shivered so virulently I hurt... every muscle group. Some worse than others. My throat is so dry that whole run feels as bad assome of the worst muscle difficulties. Drinking an half gallon has done nothing. My chest hurt like the dickens. My heart, actually. I dosed heavily with aspirin. I am in seriously bad condition. I tried to wake, I tried to push, I worked and looked for any way thorugh. I cannot say how long I have been in fever chills, but it's going on.... a day... two... maybe three. Everything hurts. I'm going to set up a sip of apple vinegar, and another gallon of tea, in an attempt to break through the inability to fix the throat. I don't think anything is going to help the organ, muscle, and other problems.
Dying? Honestly? Maybe. Maybe the aspirin will help. Everything is on fire, everything hurts. I'm going to say this right now. I have never felt this bad. Everything that can hurt does hurt. Muscle, bone, places that don't seemed connectedd to anything... memories I don't remember. I simply seem unable to shake any of it. Lungs even burn. It's not, though, as I think about it, death. It is just pain at every level.
I am going to attempt to stay awake for a bit. May not be possible. If I... I want to holler, curse, swear, shout. It just won't do even the tiniest bit of good. God seems to think suffering is my life. I won't cuss Him for it. Though I must admit, if I can wiggle out of it I will. At least this time. Absolutely BRUTAL. Later.
.
The fever shivers came back. I shivered so virulently I hurt... every muscle group. Some worse than others. My throat is so dry that whole run feels as bad assome of the worst muscle difficulties. Drinking an half gallon has done nothing. My chest hurt like the dickens. My heart, actually. I dosed heavily with aspirin. I am in seriously bad condition. I tried to wake, I tried to push, I worked and looked for any way thorugh. I cannot say how long I have been in fever chills, but it's going on.... a day... two... maybe three. Everything hurts. I'm going to set up a sip of apple vinegar, and another gallon of tea, in an attempt to break through the inability to fix the throat. I don't think anything is going to help the organ, muscle, and other problems.
Dying? Honestly? Maybe. Maybe the aspirin will help. Everything is on fire, everything hurts. I'm going to say this right now. I have never felt this bad. Everything that can hurt does hurt. Muscle, bone, places that don't seemed connectedd to anything... memories I don't remember. I simply seem unable to shake any of it. Lungs even burn. It's not, though, as I think about it, death. It is just pain at every level.
I am going to attempt to stay awake for a bit. May not be possible. If I... I want to holler, curse, swear, shout. It just won't do even the tiniest bit of good. God seems to think suffering is my life. I won't cuss Him for it. Though I must admit, if I can wiggle out of it I will. At least this time. Absolutely BRUTAL. Later.
Sunday, June 26, 2016
Gonna leave a mark.
.
.
I went for a rung above what I have been hitting. I was stuck going to bed at about 14:30 for at least a few days. Though even that was quite a push. I think it had been 9:30 for a few days before that. I was up until 20:30ish, giver or take an half hour. Went in hard, in one sense, but ended up being a soft bexit. Perhaps because it was cool comparatively? Maybe. Down and out, quickly and mostly painlessly. Waking at 1:30 is a bit early. But I woke as hard, in ways, as I went to sleep. Extra long days, more sun, more heat overall, it all adds up and is tended in the equation, for now, by shorter sleep periods and longer days. Still, good enough. A minor headache as I wake. As with many morning fog type things, this should pass naturally and by itself. I think it's already almost gone.
One of the the things that was vexing me was that I was holding water again. Between being inactive, and off medicine, that was becoming a problem. For me to become active, or make a jab at it, I had to try to get rid of the fluid build up. It wasn't filling the lungs but it was bricking my feet. I have leftovers from medicine, on that score, so I have started. I probably... should have gone a little slower with those. Cavitations were... getting almost noisy in all the wrong places. Grinding gears is not a good human(ish) feel or sound. Still, I think it has worked and I seem to still be breathing. I can back the dose down to normal, or close to it, now, then ease it back to a very tiny maintenance dose, knowing that I have to do my part by becoming more physically active or finding a source for higher doses of the water pill... which I don't want to do. So... there is that.
Today? No idea. It's Sunday, so can't do a whole lot. Then again, after my usual store did something I find highly objectionable, I may be changing stores. Just ~$300 to $500 a month, not enough for them to worry about probably. I meant to call them about it, just never have. Now that... or when for certain I have decided, I think I will just call them and let them know I am out and why. Homosexual songs, in their store, broad daylight, here? No... just not acceptable. Christians don't bomb, they simply leave off. Pride in sin is immortally lethal. I won't be a party to it. I'm sure some muzzie will take my place, if he finds out... at least until he realizes his sin, and no way for him to recover other than murdering his kind... other kind? It all fits, really.
Bacon and eggs? Perhaps, before long. I am keeping my cast items in excellent condition. I really can fry eggs without a hitch or stick. If just doing eggs, not bacon first, I can get by with quite little oil. I think the honest tricks are only using non-metal (or when using metal, not scraping) utensils, and not actually water washing... or very rarely. If need be, I often just add a bit of water to the fats in the pan, heat it all, let it cool a bit, then paper towel the rest out. Hot water into a cold pan makes more of a mess than anything, forcing me to do a complete strip. I've not found how to fix that. So, yes, there is a way. And, no, I don't have a problem with rancid pans. If you will be storing it for a bit? Just keep a small layer of fat on the bottom, wipe some of that up the sides, and salt it heavily.
Later.
.
I went for a rung above what I have been hitting. I was stuck going to bed at about 14:30 for at least a few days. Though even that was quite a push. I think it had been 9:30 for a few days before that. I was up until 20:30ish, giver or take an half hour. Went in hard, in one sense, but ended up being a soft bexit. Perhaps because it was cool comparatively? Maybe. Down and out, quickly and mostly painlessly. Waking at 1:30 is a bit early. But I woke as hard, in ways, as I went to sleep. Extra long days, more sun, more heat overall, it all adds up and is tended in the equation, for now, by shorter sleep periods and longer days. Still, good enough. A minor headache as I wake. As with many morning fog type things, this should pass naturally and by itself. I think it's already almost gone.
One of the the things that was vexing me was that I was holding water again. Between being inactive, and off medicine, that was becoming a problem. For me to become active, or make a jab at it, I had to try to get rid of the fluid build up. It wasn't filling the lungs but it was bricking my feet. I have leftovers from medicine, on that score, so I have started. I probably... should have gone a little slower with those. Cavitations were... getting almost noisy in all the wrong places. Grinding gears is not a good human(ish) feel or sound. Still, I think it has worked and I seem to still be breathing. I can back the dose down to normal, or close to it, now, then ease it back to a very tiny maintenance dose, knowing that I have to do my part by becoming more physically active or finding a source for higher doses of the water pill... which I don't want to do. So... there is that.
Today? No idea. It's Sunday, so can't do a whole lot. Then again, after my usual store did something I find highly objectionable, I may be changing stores. Just ~$300 to $500 a month, not enough for them to worry about probably. I meant to call them about it, just never have. Now that... or when for certain I have decided, I think I will just call them and let them know I am out and why. Homosexual songs, in their store, broad daylight, here? No... just not acceptable. Christians don't bomb, they simply leave off. Pride in sin is immortally lethal. I won't be a party to it. I'm sure some muzzie will take my place, if he finds out... at least until he realizes his sin, and no way for him to recover other than murdering his kind... other kind? It all fits, really.
Bacon and eggs? Perhaps, before long. I am keeping my cast items in excellent condition. I really can fry eggs without a hitch or stick. If just doing eggs, not bacon first, I can get by with quite little oil. I think the honest tricks are only using non-metal (or when using metal, not scraping) utensils, and not actually water washing... or very rarely. If need be, I often just add a bit of water to the fats in the pan, heat it all, let it cool a bit, then paper towel the rest out. Hot water into a cold pan makes more of a mess than anything, forcing me to do a complete strip. I've not found how to fix that. So, yes, there is a way. And, no, I don't have a problem with rancid pans. If you will be storing it for a bit? Just keep a small layer of fat on the bottom, wipe some of that up the sides, and salt it heavily.
Later.
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