Couldn't sleep.

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Though, too, I am hoping to push days back around into alignment, and I want to water the rabbits.  I wanted to be awake until daylight, and on into the day a bit.  Well... here I am.  So I best get the rabbits fed and watered.  It was too late, last night, to water them again.  They simply won't feed or drink when it is dark.

Eyes are burning.  Sleeping too long, and staying up way too long.  I just can't quite get it all corrected.  Still, I am struggling with things.  Somethings aren't working out, others seem flat out failing, and a few things are doing okay.  But, I am still juggling.  And, when an egg drops, I let that go, get another egg, and get back to it.

Blood sugar was 90 just now.  I'll take it.  A fast acting dose, 15 cc's I think.  Then a slow acting dose.  I have finished the pills, much earlier.  So, as I go to bed, I'll take the night pills, saving the morning pills for my "morning".  Those water pills are too much for a bedtime snack.  I've been keeping up on those things, mostly.  Though I did figure out why some of the pee jugs smelled odd, even after being well cleaned.  One word... garlic.  That... I finally put it together, that when I eat extra garlic, it gets in there.  Not even bleach can quickly reduce that.  I love my garlic!

Certainly not perfect.  Definitely not the worst I have done.  And I haven't fallen completely off the track.  I keep missing, in a lot of way, but I haven't had to shut it all down and hope for better times.  I am a bit surprised.  There have been times when I really thought the rabbits would end up dead.  But I have kept watering them, and they just won't quit either.  So, when I can do them a square, I do.

I won't mess with the hydrant, nor did I last night.  Just couldn't get to it.  Maybe when I wake up later.  Well, on to rabbits then bed.  Good morning, day, and night.

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Forgot to post this last... well... this morning.  Oh, did get out for the rabbits.  But their waterers were still running, and had water, so I didn't end up needing to change them.  But!  I did check.  Fair enough.

A lot of salad today!

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And, actually, it was really good!  I wasn't cramping my style by doing it.  Hungry for it.  The first two were just standard.  The last one was with boiled burger.  Which, actually, was pretty good.  I think I'll have a final bowl of that, just spiced, otherwise alone.  It was good enough for my tastes.

As well, a fatted coffee or two, and a chia and flax breakfast.  I think I have enough room for more, but... one more bowl of burger should be good.  I will definitely be getting more lettuce.  As to salad dressing, I think I'll just make my own.  The italian was okay, but my vinaigrettes beat the tar out of  that.  I do need to find good olive oil though.  Extra virgin is only for that and a very few things.  

Don't... bother cooking with it, really.  Good also for mayo.  So... spend the money, and get definite extra virgin.  Which... I need to do.  Otherwise who knows what is in that oil.  Seriously, they fill it with (on the high end) canola, on the low end... you don't want to know.  

Same with ghee too.  Don't buy that, make that.  Plus, if you have a basement or root cellar, ghee will last a very long time.  Make three to five jars.  Oh, and don't make it out of grass fed, grass finished, organic.  Ghrrr!  Complete waste.  Use a lower middle grade of stuff.  Look, I won't be cheap for being cheaps sake.  Just, don't waste your money by cooking on high with evoo, or using extra class butters for ghee.  Just... don't.  If you have money to throw away, could you... throw some my way?  At least I won't waste it.

While I missed the technical window, by time, I made it by length of time allowed.  It's as good as I can do with sleep being so off.  Technically, though, I fasted longer, so it's all good... unless I make it back up tomorrow, by being up early.  But, even then... it'll do.  Intermittent fasting will just... have to sort itself out some days, in spite of, or because of, me or my failings.

The girls have been extra hungry today.  Pissing me off, a bit.  But, I... have relented.  If they are hungry, I will feed them.  I know how the cold gets to me.  And, I worry about them.  I just make sure they aren't just jerking my chain.  They haven't been, and are completely demolishing what I give them, so... I'll... feed them a bit more.

Late on the rabbits.  But, tonight, I will definitely get them more water.  I have been lax lately.  They are still doing good, but I want them to do better.  I may, if possible, thaw the hydrant tonight, or give it a good shot.  It read 28, last time I looked.  Not sure if it is staying there or cooling more.  I hope it is.  The hydrant is rather frozen.  Oddly, again, there is an icicle in it.  That really shouldn't happen.  I will look for the torch, soldering torch really, and get that going while I use the heat gun as well.  Maybe it will thaw faster.  Hopefully it doesn't break.  Ugh.  Who knows.  I guess I will find out.

One more bite, then done for the evening.  I don't think I even started eating until... 18:00?  20:00?  The latter, I think.  Just... couldn't... go.

My brother texted, that they received a package or two.  I have another gift for them, next month.  Something that is wonderful, both for holy holidays, as well as just for whenever.  I have been using it, and enjoying it, immensely this year.  Actually, I plan on sending several out, to folks near and far, through the next few months.  Not... a lot.  Just... a few, to good folk.  I won't write what it is, some may well read here.  Nothing fancy, just... a pleasant little thing in life.

Well, on to food.  Medicine too.  Oh, the pills I thought I was out of?  I am, but because I used them in the pill dispenser, as far as they would go.  I think I have a week or two of them.  So, all good, not actually out of those.  I will try to order more quickly, next time.  They are set to only offer a month of medicine, instead of the usual three months.  But because we weren't sure if these would do.  Still not sure, so... I'm... sort of stuck.  But I don't want to increase the dose until I am more sure.

After some misses, I want to give them a few more days, then begin checking bp again.  So, I really need to make sure and hit the meds super on it, every dose, every day.  I need to see exactly how these are doing with bp.  Especially since I reduced carvedilol.  I haven't tested that aspect yet.  Gah... trying.  Doing well really.  But falling a bit, in the cold.  I'll keep at it.

Awake so late!

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The cold is getting to me.  I can't sleep until late, and on top of it I sleep so very long.  Fourteen hours down, last night.  Hard to go to bed early enough to work around that.  I... kept waking.  The girls were singing for breakfast.  I think someone rang the doorbell.  I thought it rang.  Thought it was a delivery.  Nothing at the door, when I eventually pulled out of that blackhole of a sleep.

Who says there is no light in a black whole.  It is all around you, being directed inward, just like you.  Only, what you see in it is all out of context, like you being out of space given propulsion and steerage.  By your charts, you should be far away.  Just as the light should be with other light, sending visions to other places, along with the whole of what was once a light transmission package.  Not all light gets bent, just what is close.  So it was with the sleep last night, and dreams, sounds, thoughts.  All.. somehow... out of context, space, time.  But a very good sleep.

I did end up eating more last night.  Salad, with italian dressing.  Nothing fancy.  Not many calories.  And, yet, it messed up blood sugar this morning.  It had been 98 before that.  This morning, it is 161.  Yes, I just can't eat late!  Still, I am pushing a lot of fronts... calories, fats, carbs, depressing those.  Plus, trying to eat it all, and enough, in a short timespan.  There are going to be hiccups in my plan.  And, maybe, in time, I will do it... or be required to loosen my grip.  Why hold on to what one can't control?  Better to take a step back, if required.  Time will tell.

As with medicine, I am trying to sort things out in midwinter.  A desperate time to attempt... anything... let alone severe medical intervention or food/dietary controls.  Not that any of those things is ever easy, but when even witches are complaining about their nipples, you... know it's a troubled time.  I'll bet that tom has to keep his testes up where he sounds like a teen choir boy, too.  Cold, I tell you.  And, it's more than just temps.  There is something dark to these recent temps.  Something, almost with ill, evil, intent, in it.  Wait... there is... a prayer for such things.  I think Christ said them, at least once.  I ought to see if these are layman prayers.  If not, I can at least pray, with that intent, as a laymen.  Foul airs... these... are biblically know.

Well... Up.  Breakfast is brewing.  Or the water has probably heated anyway.  I cleaned and added litter for the girls, then fed them.  Medicine... pills... are down, as is electrolytes.  Oh, I'll get vitamins as well.  Eating as quickly after as possible.  I like to let the chia seeds stew for fifteen to twenty minutes.  Provides a warm breakfast, but not too hot.

Then, after I warm, out to the rabbits.  Oh, while getting breakfast brewing, I checked.  It is about 28 out there.  Which, really, isn't bad.  I may try to thaw the hydrant sometime today.  It doesn't even feel bad, as it has.  I didn't get the trash and recycling bins in, will do that when I get to the rabbits.

Well... on to my day.  Later.

It is freezing!

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I have the furnace up, somewhere between old people heat and really old people hot.  And I am still cold.  Yes, dressed warmly.  Drinking hot drink after hot drink.  It seems to be really cold out.  No wind, just... cold.  Or, no wind last time I checked.  I really don't want to take fresh waterers out to the rabbits, but I... will.  Though I may take a shower, see if that helps.

I did get most of the chicken down.  I left a decent little bit for Sam, but really got enough to call it good.  And I ate within the four hour window.  Five hour?  I... can't be sure, now, but I thought I got it in the four hour window.  The way to do that, in the future, is to eat a heavy half first thing.  Though, breaking fast with a large meal can be difficult too.

Cutting cream, quite a bit, really makes the fats easier to limit.  That is one part of it.  But getting the protein in is brutal.  Now I get why people don't eat enough protein.  For an average person (150 pounds, give or take), that is 30 to 50 protein a meal, just to maintain muscle.  Not powerlifting type, or body building.  Those guys are hitting 300 grams of protein, as a starter, at that level.  If you aren't eating that much protein, you are losing muscle mass.  You definitely can't build, but you can't even maintain.  Some things make sense now.

This is, probably, the best day for a higher protein version of keto so far.  Fats were closer to the cutoff than hoped, but under... 88.7% of max.  As with carbs, at this point, the task is to limit fats rather than maximize.  With carbs, I went over the 30 mark by 3.9, but more than half of those are solid fibers.  I'm good with that.  Would like to cut just a bit, but that shouldn't be a problem.  For protein, at weight loss but maintenance levels, I got 111% of my goal.  And, to be honest, I want more like 132% on up to 176% of my goal.  For protein, I want overages.  It's... just... currently... eating that much protein is problematic.  Even knowing sources for it, quite yet... I just don't.  Well, other than 10 chicken drumsticks!  Ugh.  

Still, not bad, at 32 calorie under the max.  Now, I do try to hit that as close to on the nose as possible.  When I don't, I get hungry in a mean and nasty way, and may go on a binge.  There is only so much I can deprive, and I am right on that line.  I may yet have half a tablespoon of milk with some hot tea, to cover that gap.  It will add fats, but... I don't want that hunger thing to attack.  Or I may not.  It's... probably close enough.

Blood sugar is 98.  Good enough.  I did dose with dinner, because of the potato.  Well, that is it for starches, sugars, and sweet carbs for the week.  Two such meals a week, maybe three.  The rest have to be fiber, veggies, or other righter carbs.  I used to not count veggies, but... no, I need to know what it is I am eating, down to the gram nearly.  Gotta count everything, even if you allow some things to pass.

Well... on to something.  I may well be to bed early tonight.  I'd like to get the bins in, get a shower, and then feed rabbits and cats.  Actually, I'll give the girls treats, right now.  Bring the bins in.  Then shower.  After watering the rabbits, I'll give them a can of food.  Then... begin heading to bed.  Later, or goodnight.

Odd how things work.

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The baked chicken, by the way, was excellent.  I have had half the pieces.  With skin, this time.  Absolutely wonderful.  While putting it into the food logger, I... saw something odd.  So, I checked something else.  I added the rest of the chicken drumsticks, with skin, to the daily menu.  And?  And... I got to the right amount of protein and fat!  Well, with what else I ate.

I am cutting the fats I am adding to my breakfast and coffees, teas, etc.  A tablespoon per.  Some days I will have more, other days... most days... less.  As well, coconut milk on some occasions, which cuts more, especially as I use less.  Still, the trick is to figure out how to eat the rest of that chicken!  That is a lot of food.  Well, and I am trying to finish it by 18:00.  Which, I don't think is possible.  As is, I am probably going to have to push it two more hours.

Delicious, but that is a lot of food.  A bit high on carbs (due to a potato, if half of the carbs are fiber from chia seeds).  But only 3 over, so... doable, and it won't be every day.  I was under my limit of fats, by a bit.  Which is good.  And over on protein, which is excellent.  Assuming I can finish it all.  Oh, and one more fatted drink.  Still under calories by 32.  I... can live with that.

I will have to see about chicken thighs.  While chicken has been a bit off, lately, the tricks my mother taught me, to brine the chicken, as well adding vinegar... soaking in that for an hour... really helps get rid of that bad taste.  Further, not over-cooking helps a good deal.  More?  I don't cook it in it's juice.  I set it up, so it drains that.  And more properly, or nearly, roasts rather than steams or broils or such.  A dry cooking process.  Fantastic.

I'll try to finish it off, in an hour or so.  I'll be taking just a slight amount of fast acting insulin, to get things in trim.  I will be doing a second set of chores tonight.  Feeding the girls two or three more times.  Though, even with what was left on the chicken bones, they are going to have a good night.  Pulling the bins back, from the curb, and getting a shower too?  Right.

Oh, and if I didn't mention, I did call the VA, ordering medicine and setting up another appointment.  They keep wanting an office visit.  I keep refusing.  As soon as they stop the genocidal policies, I'll come back in.  No mask, no push for the anti-vax, none of it.  If they want to kill people, I will leave them to kill the idiots.  Not my gig.  If they want to murder me, they will have to do it honestly.

Well... on to digesting supper... dinner?  Yes, dinner.  Supper is yet to happen, if the food is already cooked.  Oh, and I'll think about setting up to boil hamburger tonight... for tacos tomorrow, and other things.  I just hope I can handle that lean of burger.

Something they suggest, is that boiling fattier burger will only take it to about 90 to 93 percent lean.  The question is, is it more expensive to render fattier burger, or purchase leaner burger.  The thing is, boiling (or frying, draining, then rinsing) only gets it to about 90 to 93 percent.  Doing those processes to 90 percent lean (or more) beef removes no fat or calories.  I may way the burger, before and after, then compare prices.  It may or may not be more expensive to render.  As well, it would be far easier to simply buy leaner burger, and not have to mess with it.  Currently, 85% lean is $5.50 a pound?  Crazy, but... so, it really might be cheaper to buy the 93% lean (what my store offers as the leaner choice).  I'm not sure what their ground turkey or pork is, though, either.  And, yes, it's all the same, based on the percent lean, not on the base meat.  So, when someone says ground turkey is leaner?  It might be, or not.  Unless you know the number, the meat isn't automatically leaner because of what it is, as they add or subtract fats, from other sources of necessary.  Nothing is, these days, offered as is.  Bleh.

Well... so full.  I'll try to get more chicken in.  Hope I can.  Later.

A quick bit.

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Meds ordered, an appointment arranged.  All good.  Now to get chicken soaking and set up breakfast.  Trying less cream this morning, just a tablespoon.  Attempting to rein in the fats, calories, and sort out proteins.  It'll be messy, might take a while.  But... that is how life goes.

As well, let my brother know his gifts are on the way, and how I use them.  He can do as he pleases, just informing him of my methods.  And... I called him a grinch!  :)  Only because he is!  Still, hoping he enjoys.  Or... whatever.  Not my problem.

Best get to setting up chicken and breakfast.  Oh... but I am out of the new stuff.  I'll just have to wait until it arrives.  Not much else I can do about it.  I just wish the VA would allow us to get a script, at least on non-narcotics, so we can fill them ourselves if all else fails.  A ten day wait, I am told.  Oh well.  I guess I'll get a vacation from some of the medicine.  Should I go back on the smaller dose of carvedilol until then?  To cover some of the gap?  Bleh.

Later.

Awake late, of course.

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It took so long to get started.  Now, I succeeded, there is that.  But, first I had to push to get going, then break to back it down so that I could sleep.  Trash and recycling were out before I went to bed, so I didn't have to worry about them missing the short bus.  :p  Kids!  Just... couldn't get right to sleep when that was done.  Oh, but at least I got laundry put into the dryer.  A few days out and there is the worry of mold.  Twelve hours isn't an issue, mostly, usually, probably.  But not in the winter.

Blood sugar is 127 fasting.  Yes, I have been pushing, and missing, this and that.  Doing my best, and hopefully getting back on track.  Then again, too, I wanted to see if I could go without fast acting insulin.  Not without higher slow acting?  I'll speak with my doctor, see if I should try to go all with slow acting.  I am nearly there.  Though, not sure it is fully possible... even with careful eating, which I also can't always guarantee.  So hungry lately!  Low carbs, check.  But lower calories?  Not so much, always.

I heard scraping and machinery this morning.  But I didn't think it snowed?  Was I dreaming?  I don't know.  I tried to wake up, but my eyes would not open.  Literally, I could not force my eyes open, or roll over to try to gain traction, or anything.  I simply laid there, thinking I was hearing something I didn't think I should be hearing.  Oh, no bother or such... just... now I don't know!  I... know who to ask.

Such odd dreams continue.  People from thousands of years ago, in dusty cities, all around the old old world.  I suppose Europeans had already begun their thing, but... they weren't know, really, to the "modern" world.  Just... people who lived in crazy cold places, for whatever reason.  Known only to few.  Their weather was their fortress, as with deserts for sand thieves, the high desert barbarians.

Everything was always dusty.  A bath a luxury.  clean clothes a thing for after rains.  Sure, there were some, or times, but rare was one, one's clothing, one's home, clean.  Dusty, usually.  Sweaty most frequently.  Just being hydrated was a gift.  Being drunk was a requirement for that, as the water was often bad, or worse.

You live better than kings, even with the problems that come with it.  You don't even realize it.  Just to have meats available, at your leisure.  Sure, kings didn't have to cook, but those who cooked for him were as likely to poison his food incidentally via presentation as through poor management of foods, say setting raw meat next to cooked meat, or vegetable's, or leaving meats out too long.  They didn't have refrigeration.  Though... how helpful, compared to hurtful, refrigeration is... is another question altogether at times.

Anyway.  Imagine when washing feet was a great honor, and needed.  Even if a rarity.  Christ knew these times, and the grace of being tended.  And... of tending.  But rightly, unlike his false modernist traitors.  The world, so long as men choose to choose right from wrong in great enough numbers, sorts these things out though.  Will have to see if the traitors win, to their mass detriment, or if right men will retake their right stations.  Not... in some ways... my concern.  Do... or die... of a sort.

Oh, but it is very cold out today... 7 or 8 degrees!  Crisp.  I'll get chicken drumsticks soaking, and turn the oven on in readiment.  But not removal of skin!  Ugh, that was absolutely horrible.  Ugh... to try to eat before 14:00 is going to be a trick.  Well, I could eat something else by then, just not the drumstick.  Oh, and they need to soak for an hour, so definitely not.  Trying, still, to finish eating by 18:00.

I know, I said I wouldn't.  But... I believe in the process, even if I am struggling with it.  So, yea, still going to try.  If I fail, I fail.  Then I continue trying... until I get it or really understand that I can't succeed.  And, then, reset things.  Oh, as well, I need to call the VA, get meds sent, and set up an appointment with my doctor.  I am going to try one more month of this stuff, maybe two.  Midwinter makes decisions more difficult, if probably more certain.  If I can... survive, even maybe at times thrive, in this cold, I can do it any time... or... the odds are better.

Best get to things.  Good afternoon and day.

Someone has been suggesting.

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More, my dreams... they have been powerful of late.  Not... immediately prophetic, I suspect.  But the time may well come.  If, too, I suggest any war waged in near time will have been a chosen device by all governments concerned.  The outcomes, too, are probably already decided.  Dog and pony show, for each leader, a lie to their people.

Done.

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Oh, it took "forever"!  I just couldn't get going.  Tired.  But warmed, finally, mostly.  Laundry, being turned to the dryer, was the last thing as it ended.  Trash and recycling first.  There was more to that than I thought.  But, gathered, bagged, tied, moved out, then the bins moved to the street.  Both.  And both need going.

A shower?  I don't think so.  I did get medicine.  Though I have to check about the other medset.  If it's ready, I'll make sure it has the new stuff.  Oh, and probably another prescription.  They are short scripts, in case they don't work.  I don't quite want to sign off on them.  Just because I am able to keep taking them, and do bare minimums, doesn't mean it is working.  I'm... seeing.  This, also, is the bottom of winter, high winter as I call it.  Difficult to tell.  Still, another month or two, I'll make up my mind.  Anyway, I think I have enough until more arrives.

And, I should begin testing bp again... now without that one portion of carvedilol.  We are getting very close to the right numbers, and right medicine, to do the job.  But... it... I have to be able to do more than just eat and sleep.  No, managing pets and small livestock isn't enough else.  Those things shouldn't be a problem.  At least being able to get on top of the house as well, and maybe getting out once or twice a week.  Swimming, hiking, snowshoeing, anything!  Well, and shopping a bit more, for fresh veggies.

We will see.  I want to see what bp is, now, too, on the lower dose of carvedilol.  Getting there, just... maybe needs to be better.  Is there more I can do?  I'll... I'm... trying to see where, or how, I can fill in the gaps.  If possible.  High winter is a tough time to do it, but if it is possible, it would show up now.  So, in this next month, depending on numbers, and what I can do...

A bit bodily cranky, slightly sore, just muscles.  I'll take painkillers tonight, just because I have ignored these pains for some time.  They are, generally, comparatively, mild.  But, as I have worked, and tried, and done, I have stretched my body a bit.  All good.  Tonight, though, some relief.

Blood sugar is 113.  So... all good.  I have been abusing it, lately.  But it is being generous in spite of that.  Eating right, even if a bit too much?  Right, that helps.  Even at my worst it is better than often before.  Tomorrow?  Spaghetti!  But with near-noodles, or such.  I'll try the zero carb ones... some sort of Japanese root or such.  That, burger, boiled if I have a pot to do so in, then with tomato, tomato paste, anchovy paste, and an actually short list of herbs and spices.  Well, and of course some cheese.  With a salad on the side.  

Actually, I am looking forward to it.  Might have to hit dishes right after chores, and after a shower also after chores.  Still have to be careful about serving size.  Just not AS concerned.  Though, if I have salad first, it should be a breeze.  I may weigh the portions out, so I know what that looks like the first few times.  Ought to even do that with the salad, just... to actually know what "three cups" of salad actually looks like!  I really don't know, I've been... guesstimating.  Always something.  But something, once fixed in a place, can often be left to it's own devices.

Not a bad day, not at all.  Gifts, debts, work, chores, pets, and body.  Amen.

Waterers, and a few other things.

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I did all of them, while at it.  Won't be doing a second set of chores.  Did what I could, as far as cold and wet and outside.  Wait!  I still have to get trash and recycling out.  So, there is that.  I need to warm up a bit first though.  Filling the waterers is cold work.  Especially as the day is ending.

I even made a hot drink.  It just isn't helping all that much.  Frigid.  I may have another.  I need warmth, and just can't seem to find it.

Litter, the girls have been fed, I am done eating for the day.  Medicine?  I think I have night pills, but insulin is in.  Oh, I also have to reset medicines?  Or, maybe not.  I might have one ready, except for the new med.  Well, and it will have old medicine in it.  Just one pill, which I am discontinuing in an attempt to make the new meds work, but not so well I can't stand.  I may have to cut something else.  I am still a bit... under the weather.  I need more than what these medicines are allowing me.  Though which to cut, and possibly when to cut it, is another thing.

I think the newest medicine requires two pills a day.  I will look up dosage and else about it, soon.  It may be at minimum dose already.  The next newer pill is at max dose.  I could cut that.  I think the doctor wanted me to take that in the morning.  So, I have been.  If cutting that to half isn't enough, I could try taking it at night.  It's just that pills seem to weary me, so if taken at night... not as much of a problem.  If, too, it may not have as much of an affect when that affect is most desired?  All about appearances, to a degree.

Anyway... taking out trash and recycling, getting a shower, oh... and putting laundry into the dryer.  I did two loads yesterday.  Forgot one.  I'll... get it today.  More laundry this week.  Not too much more, one to three loads?  Maybe.  Well... on to another warm drink.  Then trash and such?  Yes, but I'll flip the laundry first.  I don't want to forget, and it should be an easy thing.

Supper was perfect.

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Well, as close I can do.  Nothing terribly fancy.  Grilled blade chops and a baked potato with butter and sour cream.  The potato done to perfection, then beaten like a starch egg.  With the butter and raw sour cream lending flavor and fat... similar but not quite the same... fat and flavor that is.  One can be the other, often is.  But, both can be quite different.

As well, finished chores, a goodly bit ago.  I am hoping to set up the waterers again today.  The hydrant, of course, is frozen solid again.  So, I won't be messing with it for a while.  Though, if some day happens to warm a bit, I will take advantage and work on it.  Beside the hot air gun, I have some torches.  I may put one of those into action as well.  Hit it top and bottom.  Hoping nothing breaks.

I'll get trash out, and recycling too I believe.  Most of it is out.  All needed is a few bags, light stuff.  It may well work out quickly.  Another shower?  Maybe.  I am getting excited about having a commercial trash bin, to begin going through things.  A bag here, twenty boxes ready to go upstairs, maybe more.  Sacks to be filled, boxes to be broken down, even some furniture to go.  I don't think the old bed will fit, but the trailer will work for that, and some couches.  I... plan to strip the house down to floors walls and ceilings, mostly.  Then clean right down to what is possible of shine.  Then... make some decisions.

A visiting half owner, a traveler, keeping, or leaving.  I just... don't know.  I have been dragging my feet on this part for a thousand reasons.  The greatest of these is uncertainty.  I'm... still not certain.  Then again, even as I go, or stay, do, or do not, decisively?  I am never certain.  It is merely, that once the mind is decided, and the body condones or acquiesces?  Then, to within it and my powers, it will be done.  Amen.

Well... On to digesting a fantastic meal.  Yes, too many calories, if still less than what I had been eating by a long shot.  Yes, too many fats.  If less than I had been eating.  Yes, too many carbs.  No, not enough protein, but, more than before.  The trend is good.  I needed food, real, solid, whole, good, hot, food.  And so it was.  As well, I am... beginning to move the needle in as right of a direction as is possible.

Next time?  Half a potato... thus half the butter and sour cream.  Check.  Next time?  Maybe begin cutting the cream, from a quarter cup to a tablespoon?  For both the breakfast and coffee?  Sure.  But how to figure in more protein.  Eggs, egg whites?  But what to do with the egg yolks?  Freeze, for things?  Cook, then freeze, for things?  I should check what they might be good for?  Homemade mayo.  What else?  I'll... check the keto idea sources.

Now, I did finish within the four hour window.  Only because I didn't start until 14:00, I believe.  Or later.  Hmm, didn't take my dubious vitamins.  Still have time.  They... may cause (if a minor) blood sugar reaction.  So, I like to take those during food times.  Most of my stuff doesn't, but two... being good in all other ways... do.  I... do my best.  I have limits, but I... do what is possible.  Later.

A very good day.

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Chores?  Not yet.  Getting there.

I, first, checked on a potential visitor.  Some debts, and gifts, were on the menu.  The extra yogurt, potentially.  His mother makes it, but sometimes the world doesn't let us do what we wish.  I... wondered.  She and his sister are yogurt eaters.  So, a good home for a couple of excess quarts of it.

Plus, as mentioned, I ordered four aloe vera plants.  I was hoping one, maybe two, would arrive worthy of planting.  All four did!  And, not just on the cusp of health, but in absolutely gorgeous form, with many and thick branches, and large!  I was absolutely dumbfounded.  A rare affliction, I assure you.  Still, I only had a place for one, maybe two?  Two it is, as it turns out.  And I had purchased soil, specifically for cacti, succulents, call them what you will.  Enough to be sure, and then some it turns out.

So... I offered these, and they were accepted.  Plus, one of the three bags of soil, as two was plentifully sufficient for my needs, in pots a bit too big but what I have.  Still, room to grow, it is hoped.  Plants, soil, yogurt, oh and some smaller rocks, for the bottom of their planters.  I do that with all my plants, cacti or not.  Very few plants grow well in excess water.  I had some left over from when I poured concrete.  A bag of that.

As well, I paid up on milk for what remained of last month, plus this month, and an accidental debt.  I owe him a meal, as I see things, for that.  Just, trust me.  Wasn't my intention, nor his, but it happened because of course it did.  And, I should have figured out to pay him sooner, but this, and that, and reality, and tired, and busy, both of us.  So... still, a bit of gratitude for patience seems right.

Now, that was the start to the recent finish, on such projects.  Being that I had gotten that going, I got the rest of it going.  I had ordered not just the two aloe vera... remaining... but had also ordered six, as it turns out, tiny house plant starters.  I had two larger planters, for the aloe vera.  And five water-basin planters, but six plants.  Still, I figured out a large mug to use as a final planter.  If these take off, I will need bigger planters, but they are on the way.  Ugh, only ordered four, probably need six.  Will have to order more.  Damned expensive for cheap plastic, but that is what it costs no matter if in a brick and mortar or online, what can you do.  As well, the aloe vera are planted.  I had to create a place for the planters.  Temporary, will have to do something else.  But, for now, right now, it will work.

Oh, and while my visitor was here, the suggestion that this, the computer, room will be managed soon was a sore for sight ears... or the obverse, but parallel?  Perpendicular?  On an eighth?  No... sixth, sense, but which angle is beyond me.  Do you understand?  Never mind.  Anyway.  While discussing that, I think I may try to figure out how to get a trash bin in, and start getting things out.  A few boxes a day, full of old things I don't, won't, can't, use.  Clothes sorted, excess, extra, useless (at least to me), gone.  Winter or no, it is time for me to begin... paring.  And, yes, I can afford it this month, even with all.  But, it isn't that expensive, per month.  If I can't afford a pick up, it will wait until the next month.  Pay in advance, so it is all done.  Two months rental down.  Amen.

So... now to warm up, rest, then get to chores.  I have the grill going for chops, and a potato baking.  No choice, I need hot, solid, food.  Breakfast and a fatted coffee?  No, I don't think I had a fatted coffee yet.  After chores.  It is still 10 F out there, crunchy type of cold.  Dry, bitter, crispy, but beautiful.  I... have to admit, I do love the look of winter.  Spring is also rather sexy.  Summer is potent, fall is wistful to sad.  I love them all.  Anywhile... that is that for that, for the moment.

See?  A very good day and I'm only half way through.  Amen.

Good afternoon,, early evening already, and day.  Chop chop!?!  Later.

Awake, a bit late, but...

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Am I off, or do I keep running into being awake late because of attempts at getting things negotiated correctly?  A bit more of the latter, though some of the former.  I still believe, with a bit of effort and patients, I can steal daytime back.  I have never been able to do that before.  But... things have... changed.

Awake around noon.  It's already 13:30.  I haven't gotten to chores yet, but I did clean the cat litter.  Which... is staying amazingly good.  If nothing else, tending cat litter exemplarily really makes the world better for everyone in the house.  Fresh water, frequent feeding, treats, and personal attention is also good for all.

Eating, too, rightly.  Medicine, now that I have the right stuff.  I still slip, nothing I can do about that.  I am been taking medication, of all sorts, for the most part, so well, that I have only missed, say, four doses in a month?  Given that I am still rather crippled, lame, off, this is not bad.  That it is deep winter, dark, cold.  This is exceptional.  Summer has it's own problems, as do spring and fall.  High winter and summer are the most difficult.  Doing very well for December and into January.  Oh, but I need to reset medicine.  Today!  Out, otherwise.

I do believe, as well as tracking food, and creating limits, I will begin limiting fluid.  Currently, I may be drinking up to six or more 16.9 fl. oz. bottles of water a day.  Which, to one degree, is fine.  But to another, not so much.  Four is the goal, without stress for less.  I will allow tea and coffee, without consideration, since they are self limiting and parts of meals at times.  Some of it is financial.  These cost, much more than water, even through the reverse osmosis system.  Some of it is trying to limit that much hydration.  I'm simply not convinced it is necessary or good in some way.  I may even try to cut to three a day.

I have thought about fruit and vegetable infused waters, say cucumber and... something, or raspberry and lime.  But those would be an improbable mess to try to maintain, and expense.  The idea is wonderful, the practicality is nigh on impossible for a single cripple.  Even one a day, made, rotated, kept fresh, cleaned out as needed, would be a lot of work, and expense.  Though, there is the idea of vinegar waters, and such, which would be a good way to keep apple cider vinegar flowing and fresh.  Though, in winter, having that cold wouldn't be necessary.  So it can be made on the fly.  Only in summer, sometimes, would having a few quart jars of that in the fridge, be quite nice.

Blood sugar is still a bit high today.  I've been failing to monitor and manage blood sugar.  Why?  I... am just having difficulty functioning.  I'll keep at it, and will get back to it.  It is cold out there, and is staying cold.  It was 10 when I checked a bit ago.  I doubt it will warm today.  Oh, it was 157 fasting.  Sucks, but... has definitely been better.

Oh, well, and food is being tricky.  Hungry, too hungry for my allotted calories.  So, I have been eating, and after my food window.  Something has to give.  Perhaps I simply have to set weight loss aside, at some times.  As well, sometimes, perhaps, I won't be able to eat in the four, or even six, hour window.  Until I can... acclimate.  Or if the weather doesn't support the diet?  Sometimes things have to give.  Willpower is one thing, reality is another.  Currently I am exceeding too many limits.  So... so I eat, as needed.  I'll keep it keto.  I will aim at higher protein, lower fat, and even lower carbs.  I will keep my goals in tact, even as I exceed them.  But, I... need food!  Ugh.

I am not going to lie to you.  I am not going to lie to me.  I have hit... something.  And, currently, I can't get around it.  If I don't deal with it honestly, as able, I will end up just falling off completely.  I want to maintain an honest log, and dialogue... monologue actually... here, about this.  The truth may not set me free, but within it are the only possible mechanisms.  Is cold a limiting factor for a tighter diet?  Do I, with a bad heart, go through the same difficulties with a stricter diet that I do with simply taking meds, when health seems to stumble?  Things... like that.  Frustrating?  Sure.  But... I need to know, understand, work through, but in the light of truth... not some fancy of how I want it to be, how it could or should be... according to my ego or even intellect.  The truth might hurt, but it teaches, advises, and is a step toward wisdom.

Later.

Cold out there for sure.

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I finally got around to defrosting the hydrant.  Three or four half hour sessions out there.  I couldn't go faster.  I'd come back in, and warm up, for half and hour, then back to it.  I was beginning to wonder if it would work.  It did, finally.  The first bucket went to the cats, then two more filled and brought in.  I'd like to get all of the waterers topped off.  Then refill the buckets if possible.

I need a little break.  Hauling water is a big chore, to be honest.  Not doing it daily is nice, but having to work so hard to make it happen isn't so nice.  Work hard?  How about work cold?  Still, once every four to six days, versus daily?  Yea, okay.  In the summer it's nearly a daily thing, as the rabbits drink like sailors are reputed.  They would in the winter, if they only could.

It's late, but I did what I could, when I could, as fast as I could.  And... I still have things I am hoping to do.  But I'll need an hour to warm up.  Assuming I can stay awake that long.  Oh, best check meds.  I think I took all pills for the day, but I haven't taken slow acting insulin.  I'll get that, set the timer, and game a bit.  It's the warmest area.

On to it, I suppose.  Still hungry?  But, this time, I'm not sure if it is just in the mind.  Then again, the cold really does pull it out of me.  Energy.  It uses resources like crazy.  I don't have a lot.  I don't know, I'll think about something more.  Gotta be careful though.  Already a few calories over for today, and a bunch over yesterday.  Bleh.

Ah-ha.

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Well, it will help.  Frying, draining, then rinsing hamburger (or boiling it) reduces fat, thus calories.  Now, at 90% or leaner, it has no effect.  Of course, this was on 80% lean hamburger, which is becoming difficult to find!  I can find 85%.  I used to be able to find 70%, but that's been a long while.  Anyway... I am thinking of doing this.  As well as reducing fat and calories, it doesn't affect protein.  Plus, it can then be packaged in baggies, some of it frozen, for really easy meal planning.

I keep looking at little ways to increase protein, while reducing fats.  There are problems, potentially.  As with the chicken.  Removing the skin, to me, made the meat inedible.  That... won't work.  And, this might have a similar problem.  There is only so much spice can help with.  Or sauces, or else.  Still, worth a shot.  Same with ground turkey, ground pork, and such.

It will take little steps, slowly improving protein amounts, reducing fat and calories, to get to a higher protein keto method.  I really do think that will help.  Of course, I have to sort out how to manage the calories, to get enough in that I don't perpetually feel too hungry to manage, and yet still lose weight.  I can't plateau right off the starting block!  That just won't work.  It's... going to be more of a trick than they like to suggest.

I also have some doubts about people on youtube.  I wonder how many... accessory chemicals might have been used.  And, yes, many would cheat it to make it look good.  Though, too, my health is a major factor.  I don't have the metabolism of even a normal guy my age, which would be anemic.  I am not sure if this is even possible.  But I am going to keep trying.

Hmm, another fatted coffee, sardines, and two keto crackers... to get a bit more in, and to warm up, then on to thawing the hydrant, and getting fresh water in for cats and rabbits, and some for storage.  I'll be going over the 236 calories left, but I have to... so hungry!  Well, and I'll try to do more to fix the shivering, on top of those.  Later, or goodnight.

Second chores finished.

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Actually a bit ago, an hour or two?  Their waterers were definitely frozen again.  Fresh water was enjoyed by all.  It doesn't look like the tom has been around.  Personally, I hope he does have a home, somewhere.  A warm place, regular food, he is just shy of other company?  I can hope.

I am hoping, yet, to get the hydrant thawed and refill waterers, refresh the cat water, and then refill all the buckets.  That really does well, lasts a goodly while.  When everything is reset, as I am doing things now, two buckets, including fresh water for the girls twice, lasts about five days.

I had really been worried about my medicine.  But a closer look and it shows I have only missed three times in the last five days.  Not perfect, obviously, but not nearly as bad as I was thinking it was.  And, I would guess, I have only missed slow acting insulin last night, so once in... a rather long time.

Given how beaten up, tired, and such, I have been here in these last few days, this isn't bad.  It might continue.  I am stumbling, not much I can do about it when I am in this sort of shape.  The cold has been getting to me.  It was 10 today, even in the bright sunny daylight.  It just gets right into my bones.  I have been keeping the heat up.  And, yes, that makes it more pleasant.  But it still doesn't make up for the lack of sun (generally, just good today and maybe a bit yesterday).  Just seeing the sun helps, but that is weighed against the cold.

Oh, I did, actually, weigh the chops, after cooking.  Then, weighed what I didn't eat.  It was a 13.68 ounces freshly cooked, and the remnants were either 8 or 6 ounces, give or take.  I... should write these things down.  I'm going by 6, to err in favor or weightloss.  Which means, two chops, those two, were ~8 ounces?  Something like that, rounding up.

Ugh, couldn't find good nutritional data for pork shoulder chops.  All I could find was British, and they are horrendous at maffs and culinary.  Why only British and such tonight?  I hate when they direct all things to "Over There" at certain times.  It isn't even that late here.  We really need to take the internet back.  Third worlders, which pretty much includes Europe now, just can't do modern things.

Still, I did get yesterday calculated.  Wow, eating out is... not good.  Never fries.  I didn't realize they had so many calories.  Oh, but I did learn that the Five Guys does make burgers without buns.  I should have asked.  Just assumed they didn't.  Strangely, if I had seen a bunless burger option, I would have not ordered the fries.  But, since I was in for a penny, I was in for the pound.  Bam.

I've got to tell you, though.  I am eating too little, and it is causing imbalance.  The hunger that grows is beyond my ability to control.  Though, it might have something to do with the cold, as well.  When one is always shivering, perhaps eating a bit more is required?  I'll... have to sort things out.  

I am pretty sure, however, tonight, I will eat more.  I do want to avoid carby stuff, like yogurt and fruit.  Maybe yogurt, but... not a lot.  The problem is, some of what I have to eat is a minimum of even fats and proteins, while most is fat heavy.  Ugh...  As it sits now, I am beginning to look for foods which are protein heavy, and using the fat goals as maximums, not necessary to fulfill.  The only thing I really am aiming to eat all of is protein.  But I am living in a protein desert... sort of.

Well, all is well.  Rabbits, cats, and myself are fed.  Food logging is caught up.  Oh, but I still want to get fresh water in and sorted.  A shower yesterday, and two days before that.  The house is hell, but... I'll keep at things.  Maybe, soon, a bit, or more, done.  Now, though, to figure out what to eat.  Later, or goodnight.

Too cold.

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Ten degrees.  Just a bit too crisp to do both sets of rabbits at once.  I took a short break to warm up, then got the others.  I'll get them water again tonight.  The tom hasn't been around, or wasn't hungry.  I took him warm chicken, tonight.  Maybe he gets plenty of dry food.  Cats will eat it, but they really don't prefer it.  If they have options, they will choose the other choices... or from what I have seen.

The girls have already been fed and had their litter changed, twice maybe already?  But they do need fresh water.  As to I, for the waterers.  Though, really, I don't fill them as often as I do in the summer.  They freeze mostly full, and I just thaw and reuse.  I can use them two, three, maybe four times before they drink them to a quarter empty.  At which time I dump and refill.

I will change their waterers out again tonight.  Plus, I am curious if the tom ate the chicken.  Then again, who knows what might be eating it.  With no new snow in a while, I can't tell if the tom is even going out there.

A normal, chia, breakfast.  Then, probably, shoulder chops... grilled.  Two of those.  They are thin, and have bone, so won't be offering much actual meat.  I'd guess four to five ounces per.  It would be difficult to know.  I suppose I could weigh the cooked meat, then weight the bones after I've eaten the meat off it?  Figuring out exact amounts, even when careful, isn't precise.  Still, I think I have been doing well.  Sometimes a bit over, sometimes a bit under, but it works out.  

I did get gifts to folks on the way.  Mother already got hers.  It just worked out a bit slower this year.  All good.  Now, to check my bills.  Anything needing paying, which still needs me to do it... so be it.  I'll get to it Monday.  Other than a bit of shopping through the month, mostly fresh veggies, and some meat if I see a sale on what I eat, that should be it for this month.  I just need to figure out how not to buy more stuff!  Ugh.  Later.

Up late, as usual.

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It is becoming usual.  Though last night... well... there were reasons.

I got to town.  For financial reasons.  And to do some minor shopping.  Salad, cheeses, a few other things.  I had meant to get eggs, but forgot.  I'm not sure if my source still has them.  Will check today, because I forgot to get eggs.  I was using them, then not, now will be using them again... or that is the plan.

But, too, I got some beer.  Regular, and lambic beer.  For the night.  And, saved the strawberry lambic for midnight.  I was up just a bit later.  As well, I got a burger and fries while in town.  I know, but I wasn't cooking.  The only place I could find open was the five brothers, or such, burger joint.  The rest were closed.  I took what I could get.  Not bad burgers, just... buns.  I am beginning to like burgers on lettuce, to be honest.

I was worried about blood sugar this morning.  And, at 147 fasting, it isn't what it should be?  But, given the givens, not bad.  I did have a dose of insulin, with supper... the burger and fries, but nothing more.  I had 25 cc's with, in case I had to eat bad.  Used it all.  I even forgot slow acting.  I'll get it in this 'morning'.  Well... early afternoon.  And, I forgot all meds yesterday.

No, I'm not being recalcitrant.  I just had a rough day, start to stop.  And, am going through something... confusing.  Sleepy?  Brain fog?  More of a tired state?  All I know is my memory and will to do things is weak.  I can try all I want, but like a car with a dead battery, it won't turn over.  I'll do my best, with what I have, but... it's just as it is.  

I bought a variety of sorts of, probably shoulder, pork chops.  Two packs, they looked really good and were affordable.  Hamburger was nearly five a pound, and chuck roast was over seven a pound.  I can't do that.  They have to be tossing a lot of chuck, and even burger.  No one can afford that.  Pork is up to where beef was, but if this is good, I will do it.  If not, I'll... find something else.

My trouble with food is that I simply can't get enough protein in to reduce fat.  My budget, ability to buy cook and clean as well, simply doesn't allow for that much protein.  If money isn't an option, and you trust your local fishmonger, that might help.  Well, and you have the time and energy to cook and clean up after that much meat cooking?

I have looked at powders, but for 20 doses, $50?  No, that's just way too expensive.  But there is one option I haven't fully explored, but will... egg whites.  Trying to eat enough calories, without eating too many fats or carbs on top?  And being a bit cautious of lean meats, which have their own problems... including absolute lack of flavor...  It's a trick.  All I will say is that I am leaning that way.  I know I am getting far too few proteins in my diet, most Americans are as well.  But, to get enough proteins is quite a trick.  By my raw weight, I need 224?  Ugh.  So, I thought I'd be clever, and go by my ideal weight (and I went low at that).  By that, I need 300!  Akch!  Well...  My guess is most Americans, save those who have good coin and a penchant for staying fit, don't even have the coin to keep up with that sort of protein needs, without getting too much fat or carbs, or both, with it.  And, no.  Bodybuilders, at my ideal weight, would be looking more at like 400 grams of protein, at my ideal weight, as a basement starting figure.  And, yes, they have trouble getting that much protein in too.  Well, more trouble than I have.  But they must have day jobs and spend just about purely on their crafts?

Such a messed up world.  I still haven't been able to get back to work, even doing the little house things.  I am still rather lame.  I keep it on my mind, keep planning... to work, to clean, to open up areas, do things.  And... keep failing.  Keeping up on the cats, rabbits, and my own food, mostly.  Just not much more.  Would more protein in the diet actually help?  Maybe.  Assuming fats and carbs were kept in check?  I just don't know, but would like to try it for a month.  If I can find an affordable means of doing so.  Later.

Yes, up late again.

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Things are just off.  I haven't been working, cooking is tricky, life is complicated... yet easy.  13:30, or so.  I got to the first part of chores quickly.  It was too cold to do the outbuilding rabbits, had to warm up.  The sky cleared, at least.  And, it is 22 F, so not terrible.  But there is a wind going.  It just shoots that 22 to heck.

I did get cat litter reset, and the girls fed.  I set up breakfast, and will have that before going out.  Not sure what to eat, but I'll fix something.  Brush my teeth, take a shower, and maybe... something...  I don't know.  New Years Eve already.  A good thing.  Was running low on everything.  It's not New Years that is important, it is that it is probably payday.

Dreams, of places, times, faces... mine, various, and your, theirs.  People from ancient lands and a week ago, visiting and talking.  I don't give them what they are, I only remember and perceive, sometimes wrongly, though I think more often correctly than otherwise.  I, generally, like people.  Even when I desperately disagree with them.  I don't agree with my mother, almost ever, to be honest.  And, sometimes she very much hates me for that.  Over time, though, I think she has let go of basing love on agreement.  While I have learned to love people, simply.

People won't be right.  Even when they are right, how they present, or operate, within that, is... often dubious.  Just... a thought.  Pray for your enemy, though if you have to kill him, do so.  Pray for him WHILE you are killing him, if you can.  I...always had the ability to pray, a connection sent to God, with a two way connection.  I pray, even while I have sinned, even while I act, and of course even when I am doing nothing.  

What I had once thought of as a beam of energy turns more into an... umbilical cord?  Yea... something like that.  I have been aware of it since childhood.  But, became embarrassed and tried to undo, or hide it.  Like all teens, and some of us who were teens before our years suggested it, we are... ashamed, and try to hide what we don't understand.  Eventually, I realized, God is here no matter.  So, I... just let Him in... or... allowed myself to see that truth.  Can't keep Him out.  Now, it is no disgrace, even in my sin, to have Him near, know He sees, ask Him to heal.  Even while sinning.

As perfect as I can do it.

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an half cup of raw whole fat yogurt and a cup of fruit.  Just one, not two as has been the thing.  Low blood sugar used to scare the dickens out of me.  But, then, I felt so horrible, and like I was falling.  Now, when it is low, I barely notice.  And, am calm while  treating it.  I don't seem to be dying.  Still, nothing to goof with, but...

Just the right amount.  And, given enough time to go up and come down to some level.  Blood sugar is 99.  All I could ask from it all.  And averages for the week, biweekly, and month are 102, 108, and 114!?!  Nice.  Yea, a couple of failed days made me wonder.  But, I... it happens.  Back on track.  Should be able to keep it doing well.

It looks like it's on to bed, now that blood sugar has cleared.  Oh, I missed one of my medicines today, pill type.  Just too late to mess with trying to get both doses in.  Just... won't stay up that late, or slice the difference that thin.  Damned dangerous games I play sometimes.  Not this time.

Goodnight.