Back to food logging.

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Well, I just wasn't able to keep up on things, everything.  Out of focus, lost, drifting.  Still am, but trying to latch onto a few things.  Logging food is one of them.

Just for today, can't remember what I ate yesterday.  Today I had chia, fatted coffee, taco salad with cheddar, and finally a cup of egg whites mixed with my homemade kefir... with a few drops of various sweeteners.  Not... bad.  I had hope to add berries.  But the ones I have in the freezer have that freezer burn smell.  Bleh.  So... I just went mostly raw.  May add cinnamon and some other spices.  Vanilla would be nice, too?

Not only did I log today, I am getting very close to hitting my targets.  Protein powder, in with the egg whites, and kefir, will make an excellent full finish for my needs.  It isn't really all that bad.  It's more the idea, than the fact.  And, with berries, fresh... or fresh frozen... I am quite sure this will be a delight.  I'll stay away from most frozen fruits, very high in sugars.  And, many of them have sugar added on top of it.  But some berries are frozen without being drenched in sugar, dextrose, corn syrup, or else.  If you look carefully.  If you don't know what an additive is, look it up.  Most people have smart phones right there with them, these days.  It'll find it for you.

It's like they are trying to charge someone for the sugar they should really be throwing away (or not producing).  But they produce it because the government subsidizes that.  So... they have to use it.  Industrialized farming coming to it's final conclusion... make people sick for industrialized medicine, then keep them sick for it and big pharma.  No one is on your side, or riding to your rescue.  They are just going to rob the government through you, until they can just go through your pockets for spare change when you die.

Anway...  Oh, and I may have made a rough round of intermittent fasting.  Definitely in the eight hour run, but more likely in the four the six hour window.  I have another hour for the six hour window, I am pretty sure, maybe two... but I am being conservative.  I just have to get the goop down in time.  I think I can.  Anyway...  Good morning and day.  Hopefully I can stay awake until 14:00 to 16:00 tonight.  Not sure, it's rough.  Later.

Better.

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Blood sugar is 128 after several meals and one dose of insulin.  An 89 point drop.  See, that is what I was discussing.  When diabetes is mostly under control, save an outlier event, or even series of events, but mostly good eating and attempts at medication go forth, then the seeming high numbers crumble easily.  So, if I try to dose as if diabetes were still totally out of control, and food was bad every day, all the time, then... I get in trouble, quickly.

I really do eat keto, low carb, very well now.  Fats are probably still too high, proteins too low as well.  But I am working on these things.  Calories?  I haven't been able to track, lately.  I'm just not... conscious, awake, aware, able.  I'm... trying to get back to it.  I really pushed, and it really costs me.  Will do what I can.

Gaming, mostly, lately.  Can't do well in even that.  Though, with this game, as with most Dark Souls type games, the devs cheat against players.  I almost beat the boss, the first one.  Should have.  I was nearly full health, the boss was on it's last tenth, then all of a sudden I couldn't hit him, he couldn't miss, and I was given no chance to heal or else.  Even my special combat skills refused to land, and they are supposed to be automatic hits.  So, yeah, the game is cheating.  So?  I... figured out how to cheat better.  Don't know if it will work, yet.  Will find out soon enough.  Assholes...

One more meal.  I have had chia, a fatted coffee, a cheese and deli roast beef sandwich, and a taco salad.  All good, really good.  Not sure what I can have for a last meal.  I keep thinking cat, the cats keep thinking not.  :)  The funny thing is, they know what I'm talking about when teasing about that.  And don't think it's all that funny.  Well, the youngest, Sassy, doesn't think it's funny.  Sam is just curious, if I eat Sassy, if she can get a 'wing' or drummy out of it.  :p  She is as bad as me, only... she is half serious.

Hmm, I may just go with a kefir, egg white, and berry smoothie.  Slightly sweetened with liquid stevia and that other one I use.  While stevia doesn't really sweeten?  To me?  It... somehow... helps the one I use, allowing me to use less, and avoiding blood sugar spikes.  It's... an odd thing, but works.  Liquid sucralose, is my main.  But, used itself enough to my tastes, it'll cause a spike.  I am down to two, usually, but up to six drops, allowed, a day.  And, was doing really well that way.  No more than two drops in any drink.  Though, oddly, if I cook it I don't get the spike.  Which I rarely do.  Just a note.  Very strange, but take em' where you can get em'.

I was nearly awake until midnight?  Definitely after 23:00.  I am trying to push days and nights back in order, then get things arranged.  But keep up on medicine is bogging down.  I... don't get it.  My whole will is aimed at that, but something broke recently.  Though it broke in high winter.  A tough time, season, to have a 'flat'.  Getting the spare on, and going, is a trick.  I'll keep at it.

Well, back to something or other.  Later.

Kefir is back on the menu, boys!

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Now, either you love, or hate, kefir.  Some may tolerate it, and learn to... accept it, for nutritional reasons?  I would like to say I couldn't do that.  But, cabbage and a dozen dozen other foods would call me a liar.  Still, with this, I am not sure it is possible?  Anyway, I... do love my kefir.  More so since I brew it myself.  From grains I trust, using raw milk, on my counter.

My first half gallon is ready.  It is not the best, in spite of being double fermented.  Not that it is bad, just that it isn't all that strong yet.  It will take a bit to get to the strength I like.  But it will get there.  Still, for now, it will happily do.  I am having a cup of the lovely stuff right this morning.  It was finished last night, to before bed I put it in to chill.  I can't quite wrap my bean around warm kefir.  Your mileage may vary.  Raw, today.  Though I can see adding egg whites, protein powder, and frozen berries, into a smoothie.  I have chocolate and unflavored powders arriving.  They were on a very good sale, and all other things checked.  Tasty?  Probably not.  Some of that will be up to me, as with egg whites.

Protein is the new name of the game.  Odd, how, when I finally sort out how much fat, for a traditional keto diet... and begin hitting the target fairly well?  I realize I need to change course.  Still, I think I'll get onto the new system before long.  My one concern, despite what some suggest, is protein based blood sugar spikes.  I'll... sort that out in time.  Some of it will have to do with how fast the protein uptake is, much like with sugars.  Everything has some sort of sugar or starch, or is a protein which can be used AS such.  My guess is, the more complex, the more difficult to pull the proteins in order to create glucose... insulin.  Can't be sure, and will have to try various protein sources.

Well, I made a mess of things again, with blood sugar.  It... does get messy, or can, as I restart.  Especially if I get impatient.  Too much fast acting insulin yesterday.  But the readings were over 200, so I thought 20 cc's would be fine.  Twice.  But, it seems, while blood sugars will go high, they are till prone to being brought down quickly.  Especially with slow acting now being added again.  I crashed a few hours after going to bed.  I had to gobble two and a half packs of glucose tabs, and some candy.  Ugh.

Today?  I want to get the jars cleaned.  The hydrant ate yesterday.  Hopefully to some use.  But, if nothing else, I did learn a few things.  If it is flowing, or not actually, on a warmer day if it is, I'd like to do a bit more tinkering with it.  I think the plunger is set too deep.  Over time, that will wear it too quickly.  It can be replaced, but... that... is a whole other and extra animal.  

Jars, trash and recycling set up, maybe put out, and something cooked, or set to thaw to be cooked.  Taco salad should work well, after this chia breakfast and kefir side.  Oh, and cat litter.  Probably a complete refresh.  I need to see about local cat food and litter prices.  It's a lot more work, but I think I am being ganked about that online.  Or... cat food has become nigh on unaffordable?  Same with litter.  Online just doubled prices, which were already a bit higher than local.  But delivery made the premium... premium.  But... not double premium.

A shower, today.  Gotta be.  Needed.  Wanted.  Even the cats let me know it's time.  Women!  If a critter that licks it's own butt turns up it's nose at you... yea...  :p  That, and maybe milk.  Or sometime this week.  A couple of jugs, to keep the kefir going.  But... I really have to get the other jars clean and ready.  That and milk are both bottlenecks currently.  So, I gotta do it.

Later.

Not going to make it.

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Just that bit of effort this morning pretty much did me in.  I had a bite to eat, hoping it would warm and tend me.  Nope.  I didn't eat enough to cause a crash, either.  It... I simply am finished.  On to bed.  No, I didn't get the hydrant going.  No, I won't finish chores... until later.

The girls were fed, well.  I ate, and dosed.  I wanted to be careful, before doing else.  Blood sugar is 129, but less than thirty minutes after eating.  So... probably can take slow acting insulin.  It will be decreasing, but... all good.  It shouldn't drop too much.  And, anyway, I have glucose tabs upstairs if needed.  Been doing rather good, lately.  Haven't needed them in some time.

Good... afternoon, day, and goodnight.

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Well, there is that.  I had left the hydrant handle up.  There was a sad little hope that, somehow, it would start to flow.  Somehow.  So, I went to turn it off, and... it was flowing.  I must have just started, as there wasn't much water out in the area.  So... when the lemonade is offered from lemons, I... I'll take it.  I got to work trying to get the plunger adjusted.  To be honest?  I don't think it worked.  I may have overtightened.

Still, will find out if it worked soon enough.  There didn't seem to be any suction, however.  So I have my doubts.  Perhaps the rubber stopper is worn, or something else in there isn't working correctly.  But without suction, I am guessing there may yet be a problem.  Then again, maybe it drains so fast there just isn't suction.

The other problem was that it seemed to want to leak unless it was too tight.  I just don't know.  All I know is, an opportunity arose, and I took it.  I did what I could with it.  I can hope it worked.  I just have reasons not to believe so, or at least to doubt it.  No worries, you do your best, you take your chances, and you go from there.

Now I can go to bed knowing I did do something.  Well, and the cats have fresh water, and I have two fresh buckets of water by which to refill waterers, and maybe change out the girls' water as well before having to obtain more... however easily or difficult that might be.  I can check the water next time I am out, see if it will flow.  I don't have to be filling buckets to check, I suppose.

Anyway, goodnight.

There may be a solution.

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Assuming I can get the stupid thing thawed enough to run, that is.  I have been working on it, off and on, for an hour now.  I looked for either of my torches.  Neither are to be found.  I guess those were also stolen.  There are only two places they would be, and they aren't there.  Assholes steal both of them, not even leaving me one.

Chores finished early.

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Right around 08:00 to 08:30, I got out there.  As suspected, food wasn't an issue.  Water, of course, was.  It was 14 or 16 F out there, 16 I think.  Not as cold as it sounds.  No wind, not wet.  Not even too dry.  I actually think, when it is too dry, it does feel colder.  It feels, when you breath through the nose... which I do out there... as if a nose hair was pulled too.

No, just a pleasant winter day.  A bit deeper into the cold, but not unbearable, with all else for measures.  Sunny, if that doesn't add any warmth to the day... or... Nothing directly.  I am sure, without it, it would be colder.  It's just, some days, any heat from the sun doesn't seem to touch the skin.

Sort of tired, still.  Worn, getting better?  Trying to get better.  Not really improving.  I'm not sure if I have, finally, fallen behind on pill medicine.  But I did restart insulin last night.  Just can't seem to get it all straight, quite yet.  Working on it.  Eating is still off kilter, being that my schedule is off.  Getting headed back toward both days and a singular day in a day.  I really wrapped my body, as if it were a car at high speed, around a tree or light pole or such.  Didn't kill me, but sure banged some things up inside.  Heck of a ride though!

I am hoping to be up at least until noon.  But, maybe, later... The goal is to do chores again around noon to 14:00.  Then the rabbits will drink.  I am sure their waterers will be frozen by then, again.  Oh, and I am hoping to get the hydrant flowing again too, so as to refresh the girl's water, and get two buckets for refreshing the waterers.  Ugh.

I let one container of kefir go another round.  Plus the two that are working.  And, actually, I have two from the old ones still going.  They do smell okay, similar, yet slightly different.  I want to see if they will, in time, work out.  I won't be getting extra milk today, but sometime this week.  I may put those in the fridge...  And the others, once they hit critical.  I also have to clean out jars.  I have seven to clean, three being soaked as is.

Between cleaning jars and getting the hydrant flowing, and looking over internal parts for the hydrant, that will be it for the day.  Well, and chores.  Though, to be honest, a shower would be good too.  Ugh.  And food.  Do I have enough time for all that?  Maybe.  But not if I just sit here.  Though, for hydrant parts, I have to be on the machine.  Could call places, but... I'd rather at least figure out what I need.  Once that is done, then I might call some places.  The problem?  All the places I would call are big chains.  At this point, what is the difference between amazon, walmart, lowe's, etc.?  There aren't any local shops.  Wait, there... actually might be.  And they might carry the items.  But... what is their name?  I could check.  Assuming I can figure out what it is I need.  Later.

Revisited chicken was... good!

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Perhaps it was too moist, the first time.  Perhaps it was the vinegar, which had time to evaporate overnight?  Whatever the case, heated, to a point where the skin could and did crisp, the chicken tasted much better.  Next time I will merely brine it.  Then leave in in the fridge, in a wash pan, after being blotted dry, to dry more fully.  Say, overnight, tented in plastic wrap (over the wash pan, leaving plenty of air to allow the chicken to dry).  Yea, a lot of work.  But if I don't salt brine it, often it is tasting bad.  No real choice.  And, since chicken can taste really good, it turns out, if done and processed correctly...  I need the protein.

That, and cauliflower, broccoli, and water, made for a very good meal.  I could have eaten more, I think I had four and an half drumsticks, I was tiring of all the goodness.  So, shared with the girls.  They absolutely loved it, so I know it was good.  Then again, they liked it last night too, and I didn't.  Perhaps they saw the potential that I couldn't?  Though, if the chicken is bad, they really won't eat it.

Now, for another meal.  But what?  I am still a bit tired and confused, baffled by the world.  But I know I need to eat.  It helps recover, even from merely going without sleep for three days.  Hmm... perhaps a salad.  But with what?  Tuna?  Oh, I could make eggs!  If I have a pan available.  If not, I could get one ready.  I need to clean a little pot, so as to boil half the eggs, anyway.  Hmm, warm boiled eggs, though, too, would be super on a salad.

Oh, I need to set up an italian dressing.  Do I have any good oil?  If I don't have olive, I could try avocado oil?  I don't have an italian spice blend I like, but I do have bits and pieces of what I'd usually use.  Oh, and a bit of hot.  Not every time I make italian dressing, spaghetti, or such, do I like it hot.  But every third time, or so, I like some serious to light heat, depending on the mood.  So, yes, some carolina reaper flecks, some of the 90k cayenne ground, and maybe a touch of the standard hot pepper flakes.  The mix, you see, hits several levels of heat.  Actually, adding black pepper also perks those pepper tips up just a wee.  *wink*  Love me some heat, and know how to do it like a heat wizard.

Even if I don't have a salad tonight, I may go ahead and set up the spicy italian dressing for a soon to be meal.  I'll just put it in a smaller canning jar, let it marry out, overnight, then put in the fridge tomorrow.  I like to pull it out, if I think in advance, and let it warm to room temp while I wait for the meal.  Not always can that be remembered, but it's... a nice touch.

Oh, and reset kefir.  Will see how it works out.  The liquid, while not exactly whey, was put in one jar.  The grains and some of the thicker curds, were put back in the jars they were in, with milk added.  Those will get a first ferment.  The other jug will be given a second fermentation.  Tomorrow, I will probably put all in the fridge, considering getting more milk this week so as to manage that, and get it all up and going again.  Then, begin cycling the jugs through.  A jar lasting two to three days, then cycling through.  Double souring all of it, so that I don't have blood sugar spikes.  Or... that's the plan.  I sure miss that stuff.

Well... on to... something.  On to dinner.  Maybe figuring out supper, or whether to go without that.  Don't know.  Sorting out life as I wrestle with death?  Amen.

Not too bad out there.

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I didn't check the thermostat, but it seemed... okay out there.  Probably in the 15 to 25 range?  The rabbits were happy to see fresh water.  They all still have food, or the ones I checked.  Probably won't eat, but... who knows.  Tonight or tomorrow I need to get fresh water from the hydrant.  Which means thawing it out.  I should look for a parts kit.  As the reason it may be freezing is because it has a gasket leak inside?  I suspect so.

I have an alarm set, to feed the girls in a bit.  I am having a fatted coffee as I wake.  Will have something else shortly... perhaps a taco salad?  Maybe sardines on those keto crackers?  Or without the crackers, to cut cabs.  I may try to crisp the skin on the chicken, that might help.  The soaking may make those soggy, and perhaps it is taking up the vinegar, making it taste off?

I don't know.  Next time, I'll try just a brine.  Maybe the vinegar doesn't work well.  Well, and dry them out a bit before cooking them.  Sure extends the cooking process though.  I don't know, I'll keep trying.  Especially since chicken can be a superior protein consumable... if I can cook it, processed as needed, so as to be able to eat enough of it.

I am hoping to do more than just sit today.  What?  Laundry, dishes, drilling holes in the pipe for installing i-bolts and then setting up the hammock.  As mentioned, something I ordered was an underquilt for a hammock.  It is supposed to be comfortable to zero degrees, f.  I'd like to check it.  It isn't even that cold, so...  Still, I'd like to begin seeing about winter camping, but starting in my back yard.

Perhaps I will need more.  Beside my various multi-layer sleeping bag sets, and the underquilt, I may need a high-r value (well insulated) sleeping pad.  And, just maybe, an overquilt.  There is only one way to know.  And, to be honest, I would like to try it on the coldest day, with high winds... as if I got stuck in it, out there.  Because, I have no doubt, if I go out there, I... will get stuck in it.  It is how my life is.  Now, I don't mind, I just want to come back.  I have, always, before.  If but for the grace and blessings of God, even though it has hurt.  Or... because it hurt?

No, I want to find out what I and my equipment can take, and in a place where if it isn't quite up to snuff, getting out isn't at the cost of fingers and toes, or life itself.  God gave me a responsibility.  I take it serious.  And, yet, He knows I must go out there.  Or... plan and configure so I may.  Later.

Awake, and gladly.

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Down just before, or at noon.  Down well.  Sleep was fantastic.  I think?  I could have awaken at 19:00 to 19:30, and various times after, in half to quarter hour segments?  Initially.  My body wanted up.  It wanted to wake.  I negotiated more sack time.  Not for... my pleasure, or mere leisure, but to try to get back to days.  If I reason with it, sometimes... if in accord... it will abide my will.  This time it did, without much fuss or selling.  We both prefer days.  It makes managing everything from intermittent fasting to medicine a lot easier.  It is on-board with health, as there have been signs of improvement.  We both have... plans, hopes, for more.

Anyway, so back to sleep.  After a few automatic attempts to wake, every half hour, we finally shut off the bioautonomic beeper... on the bio alarm, and slept until nearly 22:00.  A good sleep.  Dreams, but I don't remember them.  Hmm, though, there was a particular woman I once adored in there.  A once lover.  Now I remember.  Her scent.  Her feel.  I really liked her, loved her.  Miss her.  It isn't all about sex but... sex is a powerful thing.  When you are that close, you... have become more than friends... a sort of kin?  I just couldn't always stay.  And women can't always wait.  Slaves get what we get, I guess.

I have ordered protein additives.  I will, probably, try several types.  Along with the egg whites, I should be able to reasonable add forty to eighty proteins a day, if I can't get it in my food.  Into a kefir smoothie, or with coffee.  I am sure the smoothie will be better, but the coffee, other than being a bit different, isn't bad.  It just seems like it has pepper in it?  It makes the coffee much less sweet, more... savory.  Savory!  That is the word.  I could add more sweetener, or go with butter or ghee instead of cream, and spice and herb it more to fit the savory feel?  Thinking out loud.

Anyway, yes, I have plans to get more protein in.  I am hoping to eat more, and just use the additives when I fail.  And, hopefully, at that, just twenty grams a day extra.  The first goal is to get to 150 grams of protein a day.  I have, with some effort, been able to hit between 113 and 135.  But that has been pushing, especially since I can't eat chicken as well as I had hoped.  There is no way I can eat ten pieces of chicken drumsticks.  They just... especially from time to time, are inedible.

Hmm... I wonder if there is a local who raises chickens, affordably, for sell.  Well, and perhaps I should get going with rabbits.  But, if chicken is too lean?  Rabbit, without any skin at all, would be brutal?  Hmm, wrapped in bacon?  One piece per might help, though, too?  Ugh.

Well... I best get to waking.  I will get water out to the rabbits.  Even if they only get a sip, before it freezes again, at least I have done what I can.  I really hate going out, in the cold.  But, it's... not about me.  I know it is right, and that... is right, regardless of feels.  Though, sometimes, feels... when aligned with what is good, can be wonderful.  It's just not about feels.  They can bolster what is right, but are rarely a sign of what is right.  Save pain.  If it hurts?  And you are sure to do it anyway?  That... if you aren't a masochist... which I assure you I am not... is a sign post of the right direction.  Heck, even love, here, in this fallen place, hurts.  Beautifully, sometimes, often.

Later.

Almost noon.

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I... didn't mean to, or even want to, stay awake.  But, here I am.

Definitely goodnight now.  And morning (still, here anyway), and day... good, good, all of whichever.

Oh well.

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I brined the chicken for an hour.  Then baked it, just right.  But something tastes wrong, still.  The skin, wrong.  Was it the apple cider vinegar?  Was it just too old, or not frozen quickly enough?  Not processed fast enough?  Or are my taste buds off?  Sam and Sassy both tore into it.  Though I only gave them the meat.

Because they are more than happy to eat it, I will save the rest, for them.  The broccoli was okay.  A bit overcooked.  Just a bit.  That is hit or miss, but I am getting better.  Though, this time, I was outside doing chores.  I was legitimately busy.  Just crossed wires while stumbling through the morning.

I would like to have gone to bed around 02:00 or 03:00.  That didn't work.  So, I am hoping to make it to noon.  I might.  But it's rough.  So tired.  Only an hour and a quarter to go, but some days that is a very long time.  Today is one of those days.  Still, I'll... try.  If I can't, I can't.  I won't worry.  There is tomorrow.

Oh, I should have checked the mail.  My medicine should be in.  I am just running out.  So...  I can't get in this morning.  Far too tired.  Last night?  I was too tired, and too confused.  Getting better.  I did push.  But boy did I push.  I probably got... four hours of sleep, in three days?  Just an hour and an half on the final day.  Crazy.  Some young people can't do that.  Imagine what I could, and did do, when I was young.  Things you... don't want to know.  Regardless of any other story or thought, know that, without a doubt.

What's more crazy, to me, was of all the things I did, places I went, and trouble I got into and out of, it was... a virus that got me.  If even it couldn't seem to kill me.  Something so small.  And the reoccurrence of it, the shingles, recurring chicken pox... untreated for a mere three months, got into my heart.  Herpes Zoster, or some such... which I thought was just... herpes.  Nope.  Anyway... so, yes, that is what killed me... for as well as I can die.  So far.  It'll get me, eventually.  The thing is, that can attack any part of the body.  I wonder if the boosters they gave us, when going abroad, as what they force on the military now, also played a part by making me vulnerable.  Seriously, they have been fucking vaxxes up for my whole life.  If it didn't cause the problem, it certainly may have led to it, or allowed it, or even helped it happen.

Ugh.  I'm not going to make it up longer.  Goodnight, morning, and day.

I kept thinking I'd go to bed.

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I just couldn't.  No great problem.  I'll have something to eat shortly.  I... oh... chicken drumsticks.  I will brine them, adding vinegar, for an hour.  It just really helps, as chicken has been rather skunky lately.  Winter?  Poor, few, workers... or automation isn't working out?  Whatever the case is, chicken is rough lately.

Since I am awake, I'll get the rabbits feed and water as soon as it lights up out there.  I have been feeding the girls well.  But, their litter!  Yea.  That really needs tended, reset whole I would guess.  I'll check, but... it's probably pretty rough.  When it is rough, Sam gets rough.  She is too old to care for herself as well as she would wish, especially if the pans are a bit off.

She is mostly sleeping the last of her life.  I... understand.  Medicine has helped, so I don't do that as much.  But... anything gets pushed, or pulled, or hurt, or... and I can go down hard.  Now, with medicine, it isn't quite as bad.  But, still, I know where she is at.  So, I try to keep up on things, just to ease the last of her life.  I swear, she is trying to outlive me.  I am grateful for her efforts.

Still cold, in here.  I need to insulate the house, seal cracks, do other things.  I just... haven't been able to do much.  The thing is, this will help in summer and winter.  I don't think having a home completely sealed is wise, but having it breath much more explicitly... making air transference more of a task... is wise.  Necessary.  Not sure how possible it is, but I think the drafts are mostly from doors and a few windows.  I am sure there is a way to seal up much better.  I... beside being not able, and not being able for a while, I don't know how.

Well... on to making a bite to eat.  Meat, I really need some.  And, chicken, at least with skin, does work well.  Perhaps broccoli.  And... something else.  Oh, I did get kefir sorted, and another jar started.  It sure seems like a lot of grains were made, or it is coming out very thick?  It's been a while, but this seems different.  This seems more like yogurt, cut in the container (though I didn't cut it) than kefir as I remember it.  But yogurt cultures wouldn't do that.  So... not sure what to think.

I do need to empty the other kefir I tried to make, from the refrigerated stuff.  And clean those jugs out, to get them in play for a full set of kefir, set and refrigerated, and with spare jugs ready for when I need to make more.  I will reuse the jars a few times, but at some point it is just best to completely reset the whole jug, wash one, bring a clean one in to replace, and go from there.

A shower would be good, too.  Perhaps it will warm me up.  So cold, even with the furnace up high.  Oh well.  Later.

What for supper?

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Supper?  Lunch?  Dinner?  Surely not breakfast!  Well, maybe.  By sort if not time or meal placement?  I mean, fried eggs, to me, are always breakfast foods.  And I am leaning toward eggs.  But fried, scrambled... or other?  I have been thinking about it for the last two hours.

The girls have been fed.  I haven't gotten out to the rabbits yet, but will.  Late or not, I'll... do it.  Oh, and I best get litter tended.  Probably have to throw the lot out and start over.  I did have a very good, rather long, run on keep up on litter.  I just pushed and fell, hard.

On the good side of things, I am not actually that far behind on pill medicine.  I only missed one dose in the last... two weeks or so?  At least.  I know I hit the last week of my last pill box well.  And I am just down one dose, and that from yesterday.  I may have been struggling with it, confused about days, not sure when to take it and all, but I... got it all in, save one dose, and I will try to get it in even yet.  Ugh.

Cold, people.  Colder than walk-in deep freezers.  A dry cold, at least.  And, even so, the snow is disappearing on my lawn.  Not in my field.  I suppose houses give off lots of radiant heat?  It just seems odd.  The rabbits don't even blink at it.  Their coats are quite nice.  Though, they do stay still.  You would think they would be more active, but... no.

Oh, I have chicken that needs to be cooked.  I'll check it, but it should be good.  And, tonight, I am going to try egg whites in my coffee.  Not an extremely hot coffee, I don't want it cooked.  I just want it to mix as a liquid.  Protein!  But first, to figure out, say, 20 grams of protein... also 100 calories.

Done.  As it turns out, there are ~13 tablespoons in a cup.  A serving is three tablespoons, so round to four servings provides for 1 cup... actually that is a bit more but within tolerances.  In with warmer but not too hot coffee, with cream and a few drops of two sweeteners (so as not to cause an insulin spike)... and... down the hatch?  Well?  It's... a bit different.  Not great, not terrible.  Different.

Can I eat this every other day?  Maybe.  Can I eat more of it?  Probably not in this form.  I also have protein powder on the way.  Why?  I need a lot more protein.  I simply can't eat what my body needs, even purely at maintenance.  No wonder I have grown weak.  Age will do that, but not eating well enough to even maintain muscle will lead to greater weakness.  Time will tell if protein can be leveled and maintained, then if that works... at both regaining and maintaining muscle.  I'm not going after the world cup in old guy body building, or such.  I just want to be a bit more able, fit.  We'll see.

I have carrots steaming.  I'll probably just have a few meat sticks and cheese, for lunch.  Lunch?  By time, I guess that is it.  I may get to the rabbits, while the carrots cook.  A bit warm and some cold.  I prefer hot food in the winter, it just isn't always possible.  

Hmm... the egg whites sure thicken the fatted coffee.  I am down to about a tablespoon of cream per coffee, so it had become rather watering.  The egg whites add... a fine grain?  Something like that, texturally.  Not as smooth as cream, but not terribly graining.  Just... think eggnog.  While smooth, it is thick too.  Unless you add enough vodka to enjoy it.  Well, that was my theory when younger.

Yea.  On to getting the rabbits a bit of a later night watering.  I am pretty sure they will take it whenever they can get it, in this cold and dark.  Hmm... I still wonder if there is a way... You know?  Christmas lights!  They would work around the closer cages, not really out to the outbuilding though.  Though... with the ducks gone, perhaps I could move those cages closer?  So I don't have to walk so far?  And, have access to power?  Heck, I might be able to put all the cages in there?  Maybe, just... maybe.  That would be a lot nicer for them.  And I wouldn't have to struggle with tarps, wind, else.  And... could close them up, so nothing is bothering them.  Maybe, maybe.  I'll... have to see about that.

Well... all good to plan.  But until I can function, it's... just that.  Later.

As it turns...

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I did make it awake long enough to feed and water the rabbits, this morning.  The plan, then, was to go on to bed so I would be awake in time to water them again.  Well?  As to the plan...  I wasn't able to sleep until noon.  And, I find myself waking at 20:30 or so.  All good, save that it is a bit late to water the rabbits.  Still, in a bit, after waking, I will get them fresh water.  I checked the temp outside.  At 10 to 12, their water is definitely frozen.  Probably has been most of the day.  So, fresh water, even if they only get a sip while I am out there.

Sleep was very good.  The problem is, I still don't have a day, or "day", and night... or "night".  I am sleeping about as long as I am awake, mostly?  So it is more like having two days and nights per actual day and night cycle.  Winter, pushing things, off meds... can't seem to figure out when to take them, or remember to take them.

I can't focus, remember, think well.  I'll keep at it.  At least thing have been better arranged.  And I will be getting a means of discarding large amounts of things, and then doing so.  The slog will be sorting.  What to keep, for now.  What to toss.  Perhaps even what to consider selling.  For now, however, choosing what to toss and what to keep is primary.  A box or three a day, more some days, once I have a place to put the refuse.

Food, too, is off.  I am blindly hungry when I wake, so eat.  Having two days per day, generally, means I am overeating.  But I can't focus.  I'll... eventually... sort things back out.  One problem, medicine, feed cycle, etc, at a time.  On the good side, I am generally eating right.

Oh, and kefir is going.  Either today, or tomorrow, I will drain it off, and reset.  If there are enough kefir grains created, I will do two half gallon starts.  The goal, eventually, is to have four half gallon jars going, using two to three per week.  Preferably about two per week.  One as a starter for breakfast, I guess with chia.  One small glass with each meal, for digestion.  It helps move it all along AND break down vitamins and minerals.  Plus feed and restore the gut biome.  Plus, it really does act as a sort of fiber.  Just the bulk of it.  Love the stuff.  Missed it.

Today?  Tonight?  I have no idea.  I will do whatever I can do.  Later.

Cold, and feels it.

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Some days 11 F seems cold, some days it doesn't.  Today it feels it.  Crisp.  A hard cold.  No play or give to it.  Yes, I really do believe there are days, at the same temp, that feel better.  Today isn't one of those.  Still, I got the rabbits fed and watered.  Didn't need, or even want, more food.  But water was in high demand.  I am hoping to get up and out before it gets too dark.

I wish there was a way to get some light out there, but really, I just don't have what is needed, currently.  No pun intended.  Mostly.

The girls have been fed, I have been fed.  Getting confused about days, somehow, still.  I... finally realized it was Sunday, not Saturday, or Monday as I had thought before... well.. was.  It has Become Monday, so, yes.  But... in my confusion, I missed a day of medication.

I am missing medicine, feed amounts and windows, and insulin.  I am in really rough shape.  I will simply have to do my best, recover as I can, and push through when possible... living with the consequences in the interim.  It is pretty brutal.  At least I am mostly keeping up on feed, water, and hopefully will get caught up on litter soon.

Now, for some sleep?  I think so.  I'll give it a shot, anyway.  Though, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I will sleep quite well.  I just... want something to eat, first.  Oh, I know I am eating too much.  But my body is asking for it, politely.  I am trying to offer it what is better, rather than have it come unglued and go to town, literally and figuratively, and eat like a beast.  Sometimes, if we can negotiate, we can make some reasonable compromises.

Yea, I'll... have something.  Goodnight.

A very good supper.

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I didn't even end up eating any potato.  I did add carrots, to the steaming pot.  And had both broccoli and cauliflower as well.  Those and the chops were quite enough.  I even left an ounce or two for the girls, of the meat.  Though, if there is butter in the veggie juice, they will enjoy some of that.  Cats aren't stupid.

I got the waterers all reset.  It was about time.  I had hoped to water the rabbits, but it was already dark when I woke.  And they just don't drink in the dark.  Even with a porch light on.  I might see about getting a light out there, for them, for late watering.  Though, too, their waterers needed reset.  It was a double negative.  I'll get them as soon as it is light, though may be going to bed shortly.  Still, should be up sometime in the early to mid morning range.

Oh, I may boil some eggs.  I like having some for frying and scrambling, but having some boiled is really good too.  I might be able to fit a dozen or two eggs into my menu through the week.  While not, as whole eggs, protein heavy, they are a good mix, about even between protein and fat.  And, generally, a very healthy food for a sit down or run and gun meal.  If I had boiled eggs on hand, I might not have eaten as badly when out.  Then again, I needed caffeine very badly.  When I push like that, something has to give.  Still, maybe... I might not have eaten quite so badly.  A little bad versus all and very bad?  Plus, now that I have croutons, or a replacement that is very excellent, boiled eggs on my salad is another missed treasure.  Boiled eggs and, say, canned tuna, on a salad, turn it into a real, whole, full, meal.  Especially with a homemade italian or similar dressing.

Well, not sure I can get to boiling them tonight, but maybe tomorrow.  And fry a few for breakfast, for a change.  I still really enjoy chia, just... I miss eggs, finally, again.  I think I overdid it there for a bit.  Balance.  Definitely need balance.

Well, on to... just a bit more tinkering, then bed.  Hmm, and a plate of salad.  Maybe just lettuce, dressing, and croutons.  Nothing fancy, but it sure sounds tasty.  Later, or more likely good night.

Pork blade chops!

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Well, sounds good to me.  As well, broccoli and trying half a potato again.  With the broccoli, it is hoped my appetites will be sated.  I am trying to get over my addiction to carbs, if it's possible.  Fast carbs.  But I don't, too, wish to be completely incapable of process even fast carbs, but in smaller amounts.

I do see the similarity between carbs and booze.  The Irish nearly prove my point.  Was it because they ate so many potatoes that they became so vulnerable to alcoholism?  Did American indians have a problem with alcoholism because, much as with diseases, they really hadn't ever had access to carbs in any quantity, so were... are... nearly completely unable to resist?  Odd, how opposites can be the same.

Anyway...  two medium chops, about 8 ounces after the bones are weighed, cut, out.  Plus a healthy dose of broccoli and carrots, steamed.  Plus half a potato.  Then, either tea, a fatted coffee, or just water.  Probably just water.  Later on, probably just a deli meat and cheese sandwich.  Oh, and maybe, trying a cup of egg whites.  I wonder if that can be mixed with a warm coffee, to make a more tolerable protein drink.  I might start small, just a couple... three... tablespoons of the stuff in with a fatted coffee.

The guy, as mentioned, who suggested this, says he drinks it straight.  I'm balking at that, but, if my approach works out, or I get used to it, maybe.  Oh, I should boil some eggs, to start getting whole eggs back into my diet.  And having fried eggs a few times a week.  Boiled are good straight, on salad, they say even in soup?  Dunno, those orientals can be a bit odd with their foods... even to me.  Sometimes I like it, sometimes not so much.

Well, best check on the grill.  It is freezing out there.  And it is creeping in, even with the heat up, and dressed warmly.  Later.

Upon waking...

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I was sure it was Monday, afternoon by the time.  So, I got up and was ready  to face the week.  I am behind on... everything!  The cat litter and pans are a mess!  The rabbits, I need to water them as often as humanly possible and absolutely twice a day minimum while this new freeze has taken over.  I need to get back on a feed plan, myself, well, and make sure I am feeding the girls more often.

Everything sort of went off the rails.  Two days with less than two hours of sleep each, plus a longer day before that.  Trips here, and there.  Eating wrongly, poorly, but as needed.  It caught up to me.  Missing meds, though even when taking them, when the clock and schedule are in freespin, I am not sure they matter.  Woah.  If the place would just stop spinning for a bit!

In the old, old, old days, when life would get this bad, I would drink like three sailors.  A fifth of vodka, a fifth of Yukon Jack, and a case of beer would put everything back in place.  I couldn't drink daily.  Even weekly.  Or socially.  I drank as a medicine, for when the world went completely sideways.  And, to be honest, with nothing else in the works back then, it actually fixed things.  No, not even a consideration these days.  Medicine is almost there, finally.

It will take unbending my bent body and mind, and stretching and pushing back into some kind of shape.  Plus, doing my best with medicines and food.  Weak as a babe, I pushed hard.  Got it done though.  I have had much worse, but I was younger, fitter, and such.  Still, I will... get back on track.  And, Thankfully, it is Sunday.  I have... a bit more time before having to get back to it.  Though, I am hoping to get trash rounded up and out, and recycling too.  May not make it to the curb, may not be enough.  But... I'd like it out, then decide.  Mostly likely only one smaller bag of each.

That morning seltzer does a world of good.  I look forward to it.  Any bad tastes, or dry mouth, or such... this takes care of it.  As well, it makes up for what I lose to the water pills and keto.  I am holding off blood pressure testing until medicine and schedule... a, any, schedule, is back in play.  Right now I am sleeping, then awake, when I am, but that could be at any time.  I may even go back to bed shortly, or in a few hours, or maybe not for ten or fifteen.  I'm off my rails.  I'm not even quite ready to aim for a schedule.  Too unstable.

Still, all good.  "Breakfast" soon, some gaming to try to get my mind ordered and ready to target real world tasks.  Medicine, wherever I am with all that.  Oh, I'll get litter, and the rabbits, and the girls fed, before long.  Ugh.  A shower, it is hoped, and setting up some dishes?  Laundry is probably ready to be hit.  Well, and trash.  Just... flicking through the to-do list... lists?  Later.

Day, or night?

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What day is it?  Wow.  I sleep, then wake, eat, then sleep.  I think I missed the rabbits for a day.  I don't like doing that in the extremes... hot or cold.  I don't like doing it ever, but it happens.  Sunday.  Today is Sunday.  I am about to go back to bed.

I am terribly bent out of shape.  Not sure when I woke, yesterday.  Actually... I think it was around 17:30.  How about that.  Right when I woke, I sent a text.  It was at 17:30, on the dot.  Anyway... I have remained awake.  Still in rough shape, trying to sort things out, body, mind, food, medicine.  Everything seems like round items are trying to make it into square grooves, and it's not working.  I'll sort it out after a few days.

It is 8 F out there.  Oddly, it doesn't feel all that bad.  No wind, dry, and maybe the sun will be out today?  Difficult to tell, but it sure looked like that was going to be the shape of things.  The rabbits all looked good.  I petted some of them.  They are still rather shy, but allow it, mostly.

Taco salad for a meal last night, and a fatted coffee.  A small meal, to be honest.  And, even so, I am absolutely stuffed.  I don't quite get it.  I'm fine with that though.  I would get back to intermittent fasting, but days and nights are spinning.  until I have a schedule again, I can't sort that out.  I am back on keto, solid, though.

I did start up kefir.  The grains arrived a few days ago, but I have been too busy or too tired.  Last night, in the quiet, I put the goop in the milk and am letting it smooth in the warmth of the kitchen.  Hoping it goes quickly.  Then, to reset and double.  Starting with half of a gallon, and hope to double that as soon as there are enough extra grains.  I think that helps with digestion... makes it more complete... and pushes things through... plus increases the bio processes in there.  Plus, it's a marvelous drink.  Now that I am testing blood sugar, and all that, I'll see just how keto-friendly the homemade stuff is.  If it's not quite there, I'll have to sort out double souring it.  Basically, anything not a month old isn't too sour for me.  I've... got a gut that handled Drano without... burns through the lining.  I... can handle quite a lot.  I'll stick to kefir, though, for now on.  :p

Wow.  Amazing what happens in a few days.  Sure messed me up, but well worth the price.  Cash in the bank, a bill no longer due, registration difficulties gone.

The one thing I did buy, with some of the extra (if I was probably going to even without it), was the purchase of a hammock underquilt.  Built for winter use.  Now, to get my hammock set up out there, and a tarp over the top.  Then, to get the underquilt on it, and see how it works.  Good to zero.  Will... find out in time.  Would like a top quilt, and an insulated sleeping pad.  But... this is a start.  One thing at a time.  These are hand made, so... it'll be a day or six, or more, before it is made.  Then it has to be sent.  I am excited.  I went economy, can't afford the fancy.  But... it'll do.

Goodnight, good morning, and good day.

Up, again...

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For a while?  For the night?  I'm still a bit confused and out of sorts.  Pushing two days in a row, throwing my whole schedule off, eating like a hangry fool, missing meds and taking them very off schedule... what was taken... leaves me a bit, a lot, out of sorts.

All good.  For the mission, the man is expendable.  Not only was the mission embarked upon, no matter how dubious, it was returned from AND successful.  None of that is every promised or even suggested.  It is... merely hoped.  The mission comes first.  The prices is... what it is.  For all but those who pay it, it is, at most, an afterthought.  At least I actually brought home bacon, not just a bunch of gratitude from command who really didn't actually give a shit.  Or even like us, most of them.  Worse under dems, but not great under repubs either, to be honest.

I ate this morning, two meals.  Small meals.  I have to eat again, but I'm not really keen on doing much.  Hmm... I do have already cooked burger, salad, cheese, and such.  Sounds good to me.  Easy is good, beats even a steak, when recovering from pushing to extremes.  If I would have to cook it, anyway.

Hopefully, I will get the big bin in, to near the house, in the next week or two.  Then I start breaking, tearing, sorting, and tossing.  A LOT of tossing.  I am excited, and yet fearful.  This will be the beginning of a long run... to get the house cleared, cleaned, straightened.  To get my belongings in order, reducing my stock, and again, and probably again again.

I'm not planning on going minimalist.  I merely want to keep only that which I will use, or that which might be useful.  Almost anything that is in the way of clean, simple, function, or proper aesthetics, will go.  Even my couches, recliners (too old and don't work well), and other things will go.  Good furniture, fitting clothes which are still in good shape, will be kept.  Perhaps some new furniture, on the lower end, for plants, and a better tall-boy recliner, may replace most of my living room stuff.  Perhaps a few chairs for guests.  But I have endtables and a coffee table, so maybe not much else?  Plant stands, maybe, specifically for those?  Maybe?

My kitchen will be cleared, and reset.  Designed, from top to bottom, for storage and ease of use.  I have wire shelving, regular cupboards, and rolling wire racks.  I have the perfect gear for making a highly functional kitchen, just too much else in the way at the moment.  It could be an ideal kitchen.  I even have a big, 6 quart, standing mixer.  I have everything, save perhaps a wood burning cookstove, a gas stove, a stove vent, and... well... I have much else.  

Oh, well, a larger food processor, if I get the kitchen in order and keep it that way... I may get one of those back.  The rolling racks would be perfect for larger "small" appliances.  Storing below what isn't being used, having a cutting board on top, for almost any even larger small appliance use on top.  Perhaps two at a time, and I have two of those.  I used to do more, but that got reduced as I began... losing space.

If this works, once every few years, I may just get one of those for a while, and... begin paring.  The hope, though, is that this will, mostly, get a lot of that done.  And, this time, I'll keep up on it.  It is... a possibility.  Definitely a hope.  Dubious?  Aren't all hopes, even plans?  Amen.

Well... on to dinner.  Supper?  Breakfast?  I... don't think, at this time in the mess of recovery, food is anything but face and body filler.  No name or title quite works.  Later.  Oh.  Blood sugar is 164.  I don't think that is fasting?  Not long enough since I ate, before I slept.  And, without slow acting insulin two nights running, or even fast acting for... a while... three days?  So... okay.  Back on the chain gang, tonight.  A small(er) quick acting, then a slow acting regular dose in an hour.  Not bad for the abuses I just put my body through.  I was expecting three fifty, hoping for two and a quarter.  Amen.

Back to it all.  Shouldn't be too bad.  Oh, and kefir.  I'll restart that tonight!  Excited to get that back into production.  Love that stuff.