Brutal day.

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I was awake until... later in the morning.  Ten, noon, something.  I think?  Was so very tired though.  I was staying up in the hopes of getting to town to do shopping.  That... probably won't happen for days, maybe a week.  Why?  Because I am absolutely burned out.  Like a mouse, after a cat has played with me right up to death.  Things hurt in ways I can't understand.

I did find steaks, good ones and bad, in the drop in.  I tossed some of the bad, will have to toss more.  There is a real limit, especially on thinner steaks.  If you bother with thin steaks, eat them in two months, or just toss them.  They get greasy, are difficult to cook, and get frostbit very quickly.

On back to bed?

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I was looking for the burger.  It was left in the oven.  It doesn't smell, but it's not good.  So I just double bagged it, in grocery bags, tied it up, and tossed it.  Yes, it's not good.  Nothing else really available for dinner or supper, whatever you call it.  Which is fine... I really wasn't hungry anyway?  Hmm, maybe there is something in there, easier to eat.  Or... it just doesn't matter.

The last time I checked, it was only down to 68.  But that's been two hours ago?  It just isn't cooling off all that much.  Humidity is holding it, or was.  Which is fine too.  I just doesn't matter.  I should sleep well.  Oh, but it is up to 70?  Strange.  Humidity?  A front of some sort moving in?

Agony.

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The honey poultice hurt, a lot.  When I got home, and settled a bit, I decided to go on back to bed.  So very tired.  But that burning!  All morning.  I could rest, but not sleep, for the first... four hours?  Or so.

Rolling, flipping, flopping, trying to find a more comfortable position.  None were to be found.  simply resisting the urge to rip the dressing and honey medicinal patch off and out was... all that I could do.

Made it!

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A wound clinic appointment.  This morning.  I wasn't sure I would make it.  Even feeling better, getting a shower, getting dressed, and getting out on time, were all tricks I had to push to complete.

I haven't been tending the wound well.  So it was a bit rough, but not too awful.  The doctor is having me go back to the honey treatment.  It's not my favorite, it stings a bit.  I will do it, I will do it as well as I can.  He did teach me a minor trick, as to getting it to fit in more comfortably.  It will, does, burn a bit.  A price I will pay in order to get this stupid thing healed.

Just barely.

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I beat the alarm.  By five minutes.  I... just... wanted to see how close it was, rolled over and... just in time.  Now, initially I turned of the early time, so as to roll back in and sleep until the next alarm.  Before I even rolled over, I deciding against that.  I had set the alarm clock down and was about to tuck back in, when I just decided to get up.

It must be a better day.  Not that I am feeling a ton better.  I still have odd aches and such.  But, when I am doing better regardless of else, I... like to be out of bed.  As soon as possible.  I don't dream hard these days, or often.  But I used to hate to sleep for that reason.  The instinct remains.

Pretty good.

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It took hours, to get the griddle finished, a second go, then the burger cooked.  It got done.  I just finished a bit of it.  Can't eat much, didn't think I would.  Sure looked like a lot, but lettuce seems to be more eye than stomach.  A good cup and a half of burger, at most.  Some spice and sour cream to finish the thing.  Perfect?  More solid that I have been able to eat, and carnivore(ish) enough to not feel guilt.

I cleaned the griddle after finishing.  So, really, it's ready for more food, before too long, as needed.  I only use a portion of the grill, at any given time.  This time I used more, as I cooked a mess of hamburger into beef crumble.  Still, having been cleaned well, and again, and seasoned, then cleaned after, the two (of four) spaces I used are ready for another meal or three, depending on how well I clean after each.

Maybe.

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I got to the grill.  It needed some attention.  So I heated it, then went out with the duck fat.  Bleh.  Either the duck fat is rancid, or was just too strong?  Whatever the case, I decided not to continue with that.  Butter doesn't work, ghee perhaps, but I haven't made any.  Then I remembered.  Buckets of coconut oil.

But those are really old.  A decade?  Maybe.  Maybe more?  Kept sealed, in the basement.  What, about gallon or two gallon sized?  Something.  Organic, cold pressed, and as mentioned still sealed.  I had no idea how well that would work, but it's what else I had.

Better.

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Just plain better.  No major exemptions.  A bit of soft discomfort, but there... is... always soft discomfort.  Well, or more solid pain.  That is just life.  Failing organs, or the sense of it, is more severe, even for me.  And... mostly rare.  A few times a year, less these last few years.

I am hoping to get burger going on the griddle yet tonight.  Not sure, just hoping.  Then, to spice it, add it to romaine, add some cheddar and sour cream, and call it dinner.  If... the lettuce is still good?  I'll check shortly.  If I can get to it.

That did help.

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Yogurt and fruit.  Not the best, but tolerable, edible, comfortable.

I'll tell you, there for a while there, I thought I was, or might, die.  Didn't want to... put it out like that.  Something was really wrong.  I figured, one of those naps I just wouldn't wake up from.  Wow.  That was a bit harsh.

To eat or not.

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I hate when I get better, start feeling better, but not quite enough better to move on back into normal life things.  Like eating.  I have some want of food.  But my body isn't quite able to eat, digest, food.  Or... I don't believe it is.  Perhaps yogurt?  Or some mild egg dish, like custard?  But I would have to be able to stand long enough to prepare that, and tend it while it cooks.

That doesn't sound all that difficult.  But given my condition, it really is.  If I can even do something, it will probably be yogurt, with fruit.  Which will ruin my blood sugar, but get me something soft, easy to digest, and with some good with the bad.  Yes, I think I will eat, yogurt and fruit.

Better?

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Cautiously, I suggest that.  Everything that is wrong is still there.  Milder?  Improving?  I think so.  If, too, I can't yet be absolutely certain.  Sleeping a lot, that is certain.  Sleep really is helping.  Life has been very difficult since yesterday morning.  Before then, but it got really bad right about then.

If you have ever worked yourself half to death, into a dither, and kept going?  And your body finally just quit the whole game?  But, as it is starting to get oxygen back to the oxygen starved cells, lungs started not burning, muscles are just coming back from being burned out?  Not... back to it, just not as bad as it was, and more into recovery than still suffering?  That's... about where it feels like I am.

Really rough.

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Not sure what is so wrong?  The higher humidity, along with the higher heat?  Pushing a bit further than I should have, and in it?  My heart hurts.  My body in general hurts.  Everything, every part of my body, is tired.  More than tired, exhausted to the last bits of capacity.

It's as if everything I have for energy, and every little engine in my body... I am out of all fuel, and all the engines are completely overheated.  I am having trouble just sitting here.

Rough. Rough!

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Every muscle, joint, and bit of connective tissue which allows me to sit up, get out of bed, stand, lift, or else, hurts.  For no good reason.  If I had been working for days in a row, sure.  But I haven't been.  I have been, by necessity, taking it easy.  Maybe I did push too hard and I simply haven't recovered.  The little bit up on the roof was... something else.  Various other excursions, efforts, chores, too.

I like it, in one sense.  I love exhausting myself.  I just wish I had done more to get to this point.  Unfair.  Maybe.  But life isn't fair.  So... I just have to rest, relax, until I can get things rearranged.  The heat might be getting to me, or at least limiting my recovery.  All good.  I'll... do what I can.

Surprised.

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I did get the trash and recycling gathered and out, then to the curb.  Wasn't honestly sure that was going to happen.  My body hurts, my torso, legs, arms, neck.  Everything that is used to move, lift, carry... hurts.  Not... terribly, but tired too.  I wasn't sure I could do it.

As well, I bagged the bins back up, ready for this next week.  Nice.

On back to bed.

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Oh, but I have to get trash and recycling out.  Yes, I'll... do that.  The on to bed.  It was cool enough a few hours ago in order to turn the ac off down here, and open a few things up.

Still feeling rough.  Things hurt, inside.  Organs, bones, connective tissues, arms, legs, and midsection mostly.  The neck and back a bit as well.  It's a difficult time.

Oh, the side bruise.

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I had stopped checking it.  It seemed to have become... stuck, at about three to four ounce sized, or so?  Hard, but not like a rock.  More like a thick pack of leather?  I gave up on it, as it wasn't shrinking, softening, or doing anything.  A few days ago, quite by incident,  I bumped the bump, so decided to check it while reminded of it.

It is much smaller.  It is now, probably down to one to two ounces (think of a burger patty, but made of leather).  And deeper in.  If I brush by it, on the surface of the kin, it can't be felt.  I have to push in, find it, to sense it.  Fantastic.  Still, I hoped it would already be gone.  It's at five months now?  Or so?  The first appointment I have listed was the second week of April.  Though, was I going in before then?  Sometimes I just changed that date to the next, so sometimes I removed the previous day.  But that might be about right?

Not sure when, but back to bed.

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Again, again.  It is 20:27 as I wake.  I slept well, hard.  With the ac on since it was afternoon.  It is still on.  I'll want to turn it off before too long.  It is just down to 80 out there, but in the mid to low 70s everywhere, but 78 here.  Which... honestly, with the fan going, is pleasant.  Need a bit of warmth to kick the machine over.

Feeling better mostly.  Oh, the complaints remain, they are simply much milder.  Blood sugar had been 172 earlier when I was awake.  It is now 133.  For reasons, none, or maybe that was my body having some sort of hiccup in which blood sugar just wasn't... working, or was being mass produced for good or no reasons.  I have noted, at times, when my organs hurt, blood sugar can go a bit sideways.  There is nothing to be done for it.  But, 133 is better than 172, I'll happily take it.

Not dead!

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Still a bit miserable.  Waking midafternoon, around 14:30, I'm not moving fast or strongly or more than with some great effort.  The heart isn't tired, after a bit of rest.  But it feels like I was kneed in the groin, in such a way to harm the man parts there.  It hurts right up into my torso.  Some minor nausea.  I don't think I did catch them, or such.  I just think whatever is wrong is causing something like that sort of discomfort.

The back still hurts a bit too.  Muscles and arms ache for no good reason, more on the arms, biceps and triceps for no good reason.  Just getting off the floor, out of bed, was a stress to them for some odd reason.  And still a bit weary.  May go back to bed in a bit.  Or not.  If I can, I would love to sleep another four, six, ten hours?

Up, and all.

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Not staying up.  I had an event, but I am having to cancel.  I sent a text to the chief.  It is as much as I can do.

My heart hurts.  I took a handful of aspirin, for the pain and the particular sort of pain.  It can, has, helped.  I don't think I'll die, but I am toast.

Look, I... hear you.

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Believe?  Yes.

Remember.