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I did have to push it today, first to get up, then to get showered, then to get out of the house. And, if I could only put a hundred rounds down range, I did do that. Of course, there is the driving too. Mountain driving is a little more tiring than local driving, with constant cornering, the need to be very vigilant due to fishermen and campers who seem to think being a foot off the road is okay, and drivers who think my side of the road is 'better'. I did get out and I did enjoy it. Just being out of sick bay is a good thing. Fresh air, some friendly conversation, and some shooting.
That little push allowed me to sleep well after I arrived home. And though I woke up in the early hours, that is okay too. I know I will sleep again somewhere between 5:00 and 9:00, maybe earlier. But more, when I do wake up at 9:00 to 14:00, I will be well rested and ready to do more. I seem to have to maneuver myself and my situation, incrementally, like playing chess, to get myself into position to launch. Trying this, doing that, it is a trial and error thing. I have to work hard just in order to, well, work hard. You would be surprised at how hard I work just to try and work. That seems to be my lot though.
I might, again, try to get out on my own a few times a week. If nothing else, target practicing or fishing. If I can keep this double sleep up (which is a precursor to one decent long sleep period, or that is my goal), that is. Everything I do, whether on or off medicine, is trying to situate myself for a normalized life. Everything I do has consequences, potential payoffs, and potential wipeouts. There is no manual for this, my illness just is not textbook, and further, my doctors seem to not believe me.
I am going to have a serious sit down talk with the woman I will be seeing this coming month. I have to induce in her, through honest conversation, that I am on their side (that being, on the side of health). I do not have a deathwish, I am not disinterested in what they are telling me, and I am serious about trying to be healthy. I have absolutely no interest in telling them lies about what the medication is doing to me. I am not trying to simply get to the Ritalin, as I went through this for four years without ever knowing there was such a thing, or more, that it would or could help. I now know it works, if too I know it only mitigates. It does not bring me back to full potential, it does not always work, and it has a set of problems all by itself. I have to make this absolutely clear.
As for food, I will go to the class and see. But if they try to suggest I live on 1,500 or 2,000 calories a day, they will lose a great deal of my trust. And, yes, I will ask questions about this and other things. I will ask if they can help me customize a plan. And I will be honest about the problems, financial and otherwise, regarding their recommendations and see if we can, together, come up with solutions. If they will work with me, and trust me to a degree, and then go from there, I might be able to do some things. And, I will be honest with them, I generally am. I like D.C.'s plan of steak and vegetables. I have seen that work, for me, quite well. Starches, carbohydrates, sugar, okay, we can drop much of that but not all. But I need real options, not faux health foods, like processed "low fat", low this, low that, when I know they quite often replace one bad with another.
I am just practicing what I will say. Does that sound reasonable? I really have to knock that distrust they have down, first, or nothing else matters. They have to learn to trust me implicitly. I think that last doctor did damage to my reputation, and that has to be fixed. There was something very flawed about the man. I am not sure if it was his liberalism, his conceit, his disrespect of veterans, or what. But he had a pocketful of attitude. I cannot let his problem become my problem. They really need to make sure doctors do not have serious issues with their potential patients or simply serious personal problems.
Well, back to... I dunno. Reading? Tinkering? Researching? Who knows.
Good night, Sweetheart, it's time to go... Shanna-na-na-na...
"But I need real options, not faux health foods, like processed "low fat", low this, low that, when I know they quite often replace one bad with another."
ReplyDeleteAmen to that, and they don't taste all that good either. I tend to avoid anything that says 99% fat-free or something like that.
Hehe, good to know I am not alone. Oh, and those things are often more expensive than the rest too. They get you three ways with that stuff. I think I would rather die of diabetes than to eat fake food. No, really. No, I insist, really.
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