Went in hard.

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But slept long and well.  I almost feel that an alley, around an upcoming corner, might get me out of my own little slice of hell.  If not this next one, the one after.  I'll keep looking for a way off this River Styx that I seem to be stuck on.  When taking out the trash and recycling end up being too being too big of a job to just do... forgetting is one thing, a different thing... then I know I am in trouble.  It took four hours last night, and I was zapped when I was done.  As well, with the thermostat set at 76, I was cold.  Even though I was fully dressed and had warmed by taking a shower.  Crazy.  Then again, I have had worse.

I did realize I had an appointment coming up tomorrow.  I was really pushing to keep my schedule in order, so that I could go in.  But that failed.  Waking, today, at 14:00, and hour after when my appointment is scheduled for tomorrow, I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to turn back the clock.  So I called and changed the date.  That is an improvement.  There were decades where if I became ill, I had zero chance of calling in, let alone even knowing an appointment was coming.  I can't even imagine how many appointments I missed.  I had no chance.  It's a dental.  As I said, I am very leery of going to a V.A., knowing Zero is pushing to have ebola patients shipped in.  The V.A. is the one hospital system that is so political controlled that they could force doctors to treat such patients, and do it secretly.  Not even all doctors, admin, or staff, would necessarily know or be told.  Dental is off-campus, a bit, so it is probably safer.

Today?  I don't know.  I plan on breathing.  Maybe eating.  I might go get the barrels from the curb.  Well, you asked.  That is probably it today.  Long days, in my condition, beat the crap out of me.  And I don't have much poop to start.  So... I'll recover, I guess.  I might grump, too.  No, no might about it.  *f'ing grump!*  Oh, but I suppose I can do some research.  There are a few things I wanted to check, a few new things I want to know, and... just... well... things.  While I won't even plan a day, I will plan for a time when I can plan.  I don't get to die so I won't just quit.  Dang rules!  Yeah, but there... can be some humor in it.

Oh, don't be morose about it.  I'm not.  Heck, grumpiness means that I haven't quit.  Being grumpy, as I see it, is a dissatisfaction that precludes surrender.  It's believing there might be better, but not being able to lay hands to it immediately.  I'll keep fumbling blindly in the world, until I can lay my hands to it.  Light a candle rather than curse the dark, you say?  Yeah, well, where are the fucking matches!  Urhm, yeah, trying to help, I know.  But you aren't helping.  I know what to do, just can't do it.  Later.