Awake!

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I have been setting my alarm of late.  Not just in an attempt to wake in a timely fashion, but also as a grab at sleeping long enough.  It is no guarantee.  It will allow me to monitor sleep, in the short range of a few days.  As worn as I am I truly want a full eight hours if I can push that through.  If I need ten hours I will take that.  My body is tired.  I need at least eight, so I plug for it.  I was able to stay down until the alarm went off this morning, unlike yesterday.  But I had things to do yesterday, even if that fell through.

Oh, sure, I have things to do today as well, but not by office hours of town businesses... unless I find out the UPS store operates on Saturday?  Even so, it just seems different today.

My list of things to do keeps getting bigger.  At least before I can take some time, real steady extended time, off.  I need to clear and clean back to where I had it when the appliances arrived.  I want to break boxes down, and get those and whatever styrofoam I can into the auto for my next trip in town.  Boxes and styrofoam have started to retake territory, especially as I have needed to dig for tools and still receive boxes!  Tribbles?  I am starting to wonder.  As well, just getting in to do dishes.  I really... just... have to do that.  The long thick rubber gloves I purchased will make that a lot easier.  My hands are still a bit over-dry from extended cleaning and harsh ingredients.  But those gloves make the work... nice.  Dope the gloves with baking powder or soda and you don't sweat, even in hot water.  Oh, and cleaning goop(tm) out of bowls and pans that have sat for too long is much easier.  It's still not quite fun, but... or perhaps yet?  Well, it depends on if their is a nasty odor.  That is a serious killjoy.

Yeah, but, for now, just getting started on anything is becoming a brutal push.  I have used up all of my natural energy.  I have scrounged and manipulated for advances in energy.  While I have been burning that energy, I have damaged myself... pulling and tearing muscle, bruising clean to the bone as I do things with uninhibited gusto, pushing beyond anything I have done in a very long time, and... even so... continuing, even if just in my mind, to push against the walls.  I... understand my problems completely.  And, as with when I was young, and drop-shipped into hell, it doesn't much concern me.  I am back on duty.  Curious to see if it kills me.  I've always like playing with fire, that my friends is my gig.

The lobster was perfect, by the way.  She, or they, had never cooked it before.  They were live.  I asked if they heard them scream.  Sometimes yeah, sometimes nay, I guess.  Not this time, I was told.  It's just their shell, but it truly unnerves some folk.  I should have warned.  I have heard clipping the tips of the claws helps, though maybe not for that?  I haven't put two and two together, through learning, before the last time I cooked them myself.  Delicious.  Sweet meat butter spunge lollipops.  With baked mac and cheese on side, fancified, and a very nice side of green beans and onions, done just right.  Once every few years is as good as I can do for a meal such as that.

Oh, millennials?  For the blessed efforts of just one, I... will be going easier, and looking harder, at what and who.  I'll still give them rotten apples and fruits on occasion, but more aimed at specific ones.  This one woman has... opened my heart to that whole generation.  Well, and she wear me out just watching.  Oh, but she does have some notions I am aiming at... a made bed, dressing each morning, and showering either in the morning or night, as I can.  I can't quite get away with messy buns, but I can braid or put it up otherwise at night.  Anyway, she... earned a blessing not just for her, but a... release for her gen, from me.  As if that means anything, in one sense.  And, yet, it does.

As I continue in life, I have decided to make great efforts to keep up.  Dishes, clothes will be on a coat-hook tree, clean and folded or hung, or in the basket only... clothes will be folded and away... dishes will be scraped and rinsed immediately, and cleaned at least twice a week, even if there are few.  A place will be found or made for everything.  Boxes will be torn down and put in the vehicle as they arrive or at least in some reasonable batches.  Well... that's the story.  I need to get things arranged to even fully begin trying to implement that.  And I still have a lot of house cleanup too.  But I think I can.  Later.