Not much done.

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I even crumbled and had to take a nap earlier.  I couldn't get to anything major.  However, I didn't collapse into a heap of sleeping bear again.  I honestly didn't think I'd make it past 14:00 or 15:00.  Here it is, after 19:00, and I'm still awake.  It is nearing bedtime in a terrible hurry.  Which, given all, I can take.  I'll get back to work when I can.  Today just wasn't it.  I really have ripped my body apart to get to where I am.  And while things are sliding, they... haven't collapsed either.  Still, I have to seek windows of opportunity with all haste and perhaps, again, outside of what I think is possible.  I don't want to lose my hard won gains.

Dreams.  I can sense when they are probable.  Maybe terrible, maybe just powerful.  I will be confronting my failed corpse, and even maybe death, each in some form or other.  More, she might be in there.  She... wants love.  But she wants to make sure whoever it is that requests it of her can face pain, death, even her.  She is more terrible, in ways.  Death is not an option, and she will harden any man... who becomes her other part.  She doesn't even know it, few women do.  But she is brutal.  It has been breed into them from great pain and the harsh realities of life.  Lovely, and just as painful as a rose, stem and all.  Don't go in there without expecting to be crowned with thorns.  Whether I remember is another thing.  Might even end up with a bloody nose.  Dragons, and their spawn, know when they are going home.  Still... I won't complain.  This is what I was made for, each and every pain develops strength.

Once you surrender to the fact that life will, has to hurt.  That there are more pains, here and now, than fixes... you can begin figuring out what you can do and when.  To be honest, I am just grateful to God that I have learned to live with pain with no more than aspirin, and even that not too often.  I would guess it has bent me.  I have limited my sympathy and empathy to those who truly suffer without having played a role in it... and not all of them depending on how they deal with it.  But I see that as a feature, not a bug.  Life is harsh, those who push you to go beyond the pain are... trying to help you.  Or, that is my goal.

Good night.