The future.

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While I can't forget the past I can and have moved on.  Leaving behind what needs to be left, taking and cleaning, as much as that is possible, what is worth keeping.  Life and love are dirty things.  Dealing with hunger, not too much feeding, not to little, of all appetites, is the better of ways, the more sure of ways.  All other paths have prices which lead to excesses.  And, yet, even well timed and managed hungers... lead to dark things and places, even when that is right.  A first child, and witnessing it, changes everything.

On my mind.  The last set from looking through the door to a part of life most don't even know exists.  Remembering how love was, why it was what it was, and some other things.  As that door is remembered, and relinquished for the most part, further and, to a degree new, understandings are presented.  Yes, as I have worked, and now as I rest, she clouds my thoughts and perhaps I seed her will.  Difficult to know, but I think so.  She is afraid, but then, who isn't.  Better to be with one who knows enough to honestly fear than to be with a heedless fool who will be in over his depth in short order.  Just admit that from the start and... take a breath when possible, take a nap when needed, and do what you can when and how you may, together or alone as it must be.

Yeah, she is on my mind in ways I know and new ways.  I'm just pleased she is just as terrified as I am.  It tickles my heart to be in trepidation in unison.  Yes, a bunch of songs just, sort of, hit it.  There might be an order.  They might be in some order.  But I don't claim they are in the right order or any such.  It's... in there.  Look or don't, as you please.  Ugh, but women do it to me.













And SHE says it's not fair?  Yeah.  Ugh.  She's got me pinned to her collecting board.  I'm almost thinking it means I have her exactly where I want her.  Or I am just trying to make myself feel better about it all?  FIIK!