So difficult.

.

.

Having a heck of a time lately.  Just getting in to shower, or remembering to thaw meat, and so on.  The very simple, little, easy things are so seemingly impossible!  Now, I keep aiming at the goals.  Keep pushing, trying, thinking about how to get to these things, what might make it happen.

And, yet, not yet.  Difficult.  And, life is beginning to become painful again.  Mostly kinks in the neck and back.  But my legs hurt, as if they are draining too much.  As well, very susceptible to cramping.  Legs, even the torso if I bend or flex the wrong way.  Not sure what the problem is.  It doesn't make sense.  Minerals used to manage this really easily.

Haven't been eating well.  Mostly coffee.  But, until dairy arrives, I don't even have that.  So... tonight... water.  I did find soup, though.  And have spiced it.  Adding beans tonight, but also the remnants of the burger crumble I cooked not long ago.  Plus spice, hot spice.  Delicious, surprisingly.  And with cheddar it was exceptionally good.  Then again, not having eaten in a day or two... the best spice is hunger.

Gaming.  Just to stay awake.  Reviewing the world through the internet.  Not much happening.  Something about building the wall on the border, but have great doubts about that.  Even if this admin wanted to, it is so corrupt and incompetent it couldn't get it done.  The only thing is does well is lie.  I don't believe, but... whatever.  Doubt it if would matter, at this point.  They will just fly them in, at even greater cost to taxpayers, somehow.

Most "conservatives" seem to not really care.  More worried about being called racists about black crime, or bigots for allowing Jews to tear down the US border, allow crime in the cities, release criminals, and do whatever to tear America apart that they wouldn't consider doing in their actual country.  If it looks like their cousins are kicking some ass back home?  Anyway... liberals were lost long ago, conservatives... were they ever really what they thought?  Fighting to be the true liberals?  Hooked on sportsball, betting, and many other vices.  More concerned about keeping whatever hoodwinking they have on the side than taking care of anything real?  Seems so.

When they realize being middle class is being poor, that being American is being a foreigner in their own land, and the rest?  It'll be too late.  I don't think it can be fixed, at this point.  Not without more blood than they could tolerate.  Certainly, they wouldn't have anything to do with it.  Would rather die, and many of them will.  The foreigners who have taken over their lands hate them.  And, so do their children and grandchildren.  Messy.

Anyway... I'll try to sort my messes out.  And get going.  Can't help the hopeless, wouldn't help the corrupt, and have no interest in joining them in their fall.  But, that means getting up, and getting out.  Time is tight.  Maybe too late already.  But... I'll try.

Did get "morning medicine" in, if just now.  Will try to remember "night" medicine.  By between ten and bedtime.  Trying to push to later though, too.  Make it to noon again, or later.  Ugh.  Later.