Still awake, but dragging.

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Sandpaper eyelids don't help.  *blink blink*  No coffee for most of the night.  Though, finally, I gave in and made some.  Using chocolate collagen powder gave it a boost.  As well, sweetener.  Cool water to temper it just a bit.  Nothing fancy, but it works.

Oh, I did clean the pee jugs.  With things being off, I have been filling one a day, rather than one a week as I had been doing.  Something is really off.  And, during the day, I am voiding about double that.  How can I be dropping nine liters a day, while only taking in between three and five?  Anyway.  That's a good start.

I still think I'll get a shower shortly.  No trim, did that the other day.  No shave, just not up to it.  I'd like to get trash and recycling to the bins.  Perhaps get the dishes in to a fresh soak, and perhaps start some whites... if there are enough.  Then, if I can get that far, on to bed.

Thing is, I can't quite hit it just immediately.  Which means I may not hit it at all.  A bit of gaming in hopes of that allowing me to push along.  Oh, and I'll take medicine now.  Before I burn out, crash, forget, and wake without.  Is it helping?  Not... in the short term.  It will, does, after I get used to it.  However, I may be taking too much carvedilol.  That stuff crashes my system until I get used to it, but I may simply be on too much for my body.

My doc tries to gaslight me about it's affects.  Which... actually should be a warning not to take the larger dose.  Doctors, at this point, can't be trusted.  The more they push, they more you should push back.  Their interests aren't your health.  It's money, or even your death.  Who is their boss?  Whoever pays them.  And the VA pays them, which means the government pays them.  And the government doesn't like vets.  The VA is just another union racket, well and experimental.  It's not for our health.

Well... on to gaming a bit.  Then, hopefully, at least a shower.  Later or goodnight.

Oh, this song... really gets to me.  Reminds me of sex, though being intimate other than sexually, too.  Have you ever just enjoyed... hugging, touching, kissing, feeling?  I have, do.  As a lead up, and sometimes, rarely, a cooldown.  But, too, sometimes just... a familiarization that isn't sexual.  If... you can get beyond simple hunger, for a while.

Yes.  I really do love this song, vid.  The confusion, frustration, fear, anxiety, of sex.  But the pleasure, joining, too.  It's... a lot of things.  This vid covers so much... of that and it's surrounds.  I wish I was a simple man.  I'm... just not.  Yea, later.