The clock, she spins!

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I can't be sure when I went to bed.  Waking, here at 15:00?  15:20?  Something.  I hurt so bad.  I was so cold.  I finally gave up, and jacked the furnace yesterday afternoon, let it run the night.  Finally, I am feeling life in me.  Already had it rather warm for my usual tastes.  Made it warmer!  Much warmer.  The body doesn't hurt as badly, with some warmth in it.  Death seems a few more steps away.  But that cold body thing, that is brutal.  It isn't, completely, about the temp of the world.  It means my health is falling, failing, struggling.  It means I am dying, just a bit.  If you ever reach death, and go beyond, and your remember at all.  You'll know cold.

Cold, like death, isn't terrifying, as it might have once been.  Though, for me, it's always been more like playing tag, and not trying to be "it", than a fear.  A game, like much of life.  War, love, learning, playing... all games, too often.  It was difficult to take them seriously.  If too, after a few brutal bumps, that didn't help.  Enough pain, and any man will break.

But that cold.  With death.  It's a special thing.  As your body temp plummets, as you are dying, after you have died... when the blood stops moving...  That's a special thing that you can't know, save maybe on the coldest night, naked, in the rain, or a river or lake.  I... was feeling that.  The body isn't fully alive.  It just isn't, won't ever be.  If, it seems, I can... do minor work-arounds, from time to time.  Until I can't.  God asked me to stay, it's a bit of a pickle, but my faith is in His will.

The burger I had out got forgotten.  I just... was trying to do things, got nothing done.  A bill is too late.  Never got the vehicle sorted out.  lots of things are just not working.  I pulled chicken, and more burger, out last night.  To thaw.  Hmm... yeah.  I think I'll stuff the bird with sauerkraut.  A... thought experiment.  Put thyme, rosemary if I have it, and sage mixed into the 'kraut.  But try to not bake it too long.  That sort of does bad things to birds.

The burger, I suppose, I'll fry and put in a bag... beef crumble is a good add to lots of things.  But, for whatever reason, I really don't like hamburger these days.  Have they switched something?  Adding pink goo, literally?  I think that is the slurry they get from sending bones through stripper devices?  Using every last piece of scrap, crushed and diced and whatever.  Or they are adding things to it that aren't meat.  I like liver, kidney, and such, but I don't want them in my burger.  Something is wrong with the world these days, something terrible.  It's all a façade.  It isn't just fake, it isn't just gay, it's fake and gay.  Everything you see, everything they say, everything they sell you.  So many lies it's not possible to even come close to seeing the truth.  Unless you look, if few want to see the warted ugly bald-faced truth.  I'll be honest, I don't want to see it.  I just can't NOT see it, at this point.

There are good, and there are bad, and there are neutral.  All are fallen, failed.  God doesn't choose the perfect.  There are none.  Christ wasn't chosen, He Was.  That's different.  The rest of us?  Get to suffer to come to Him.  Or suffer more by not.  Funny how that works.

Never mind, just... rambling as my mind... awakens, reboots.  Coding error?  I don't think so.  Be well.  Hmm... chicken.  I'm hoping it is thawed by my noon... what, around 20:00?  Oh, that would be wonderful.  Still, it'll take, say, an hour, hour and a half, to roast?  Or such.  Later.

Didn't post.  There was content I was... considering.  I... didn't publish it.  You know who you are.  You do.  Strange that you read here anyway.  Yes... I really do see you.  Never the mind.  If you doubt, or hate?  Spend a moment to pray.  Even for me, if you dare.  *grins*  I certainly pray for you.