So rough, difficult.

.

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I want to sleep.  I can't.  My body is sore, tired, sleepy, exhausted.  Doing anything takes concentrated effort, sometimes for days at a time.  The house is a mess.  I am up on laundry.  Dishes, general upkeep, and some other things however, have me against a wall I can't seem to escape.

Can't sleep, can't be well awake, can't work, can't always cook or eat even if I could cook.  I was able to get potatoes and ham heated or cooked, and down.  While I wasn't hungry, I was hoping food might do some good.  I am sure it did, it's just that I can't tell what that good might have been.  I really hoped food would do something positive for me.  Nope.

The temp out there, at least before sundown, was around 36.  It has been raining off and on through the day.  Lots of traffic.  Between being a Friday, and the start back to business after Christmas, it does make some sort of sense.  Even so, it seems busier than I would expect.  Strangely, it slowed down just when I thought it would pick up even more, around 17:00.  Well, it had quieted.  Sounds like folk did some shopping before then heading home.  Now it's wall to wall, or nearly.

I so want to get to some work.  Picking some things up, tearing down boxes, sorting, folding, and such.  But my body burns from exhaustion.  I wonder if that is part of the heat issues I am having at night?  Cramps in my ribs, even.  Burning in the lungs, while awake.  Tired eyes, burning eyes.  Burning muscles.  Mostly in the torso and arms.

And little burns, more like from cuts, but in the larger muscle groups... upper body.  I have no idea what causes these things.  No, I've been taking medicine.  Standard doses.  Regularly for a while now.  Feels like my lungs have been being put through sprints.  And my torso, arms, and upper back, have been doing jerk heavier iron lifts.  Not... the best methods, but good for specific strengths... needs... wants.  If much more prone to injury.  Ugh.

I'm thinking of heading on back to bed.  Not sure I can.  But maybe.  Night meds first.  Then feeding Sassy.  Maybe gaming just a bit?  Or not.  So tired, worn, bedraggled, hurting, aching.

Some days I am surprised I am still alive.  Not sure why something hasn't broken, or broken enough to kill me.  I honestly suspect I have had a heart attack or two?  Perhaps a stroke in there?  It just... doesn't kill me.  Or even damage me, or for long.  But it can put me down.  For a while.  Cramps, in my ribs, under my arms.  Cramps on my shoulder arm crowns.  Tears in so many places.  Bleh.  I've had worse.  But it's been this way for a long time.  I had gotten so much better for a good deal of time, that I thought I... would do better henceforth.  Not.

/gripes

I'd like something to eat, else.  Just not sure what.  Applesauce?  Peanut butter on some rolls?  Dunno, something.  Later.  Or good night.