.
.
I have been trying to get some sleep but it just isn't happening. Not yet anyway. At least my internals have found peace for the last hour. I did call my nurse and got right through. I asked about the bowel issues with her and she didn't seem to think I needed to worry. And probably rightly. If it continued for three days, then an over the counter would be the recommendation. I don't think I would wait more than a day and a half though. I also asked about work, if I might be doing too much. She suggested that I go by feel. If it feels too much, take a break or back off for a day or two. That is pretty much what I am doing. I also reported my bp and pulse for the last two days. All good, very good actually.
I don't think I'm going to let them tinker with medicines for at least three more months. If they have to change the water pills, due to something being far too low, I worry. As I said, I think those pills are simply keeping a flooded basement (lungs) dry, they aren't fixing the heart. That will take time. If I can keep these stats as they are for six months the healing will begin. I can see where, on my skin, my healing properties are back in action. I had stopped healing for a number of months when edema was going from bad to worse. Cat scratches literally stopped mending. Now I heal from even a serious scratch in days, not weeks. A cut in my palm from when Sassy was cuddled in my lap, a tom hollered out, and she got all wicked (and thankfully I got my hand between her and more sensitive places just in time as I... just saw it coming), which went in past all skin and into meat, less than a week ago, is now nearly gone. I think my internals will heal too, with the lower bp and pulse. No, I don't want them to touch anything. And then make very minor changes, one at a time with a month between to see if it's a problem, and then only after checking to see if anything has improved to make additions possibly unnecessary. Grumpy, fussy, stubborn, call it what you will. But they have proved themselves too wrong too often and they won't pay the price of being wrong.
I doubt if I will get to much today. Until I can kick out and sleep a bit, I am simply shot. I honestly don't know how I did what I did for as long as I did being as sleepy as I was. After two or three weeks of good living, just this little bit of sleep deprived exhaustion is... unnerving. No, I will sleep again before I get to anything else. I must sleep. And, thankfully, sleep now means rest and rejuvenation. If you have that, drop to your knees and give thanks. Trust me, whatever else is wrong with you, not being able to ever rest is worse.
Well, on to a bit more goofing, then another try at sleep. Good morning and good night, I hope.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
No sleep tonight.
.
.
I did, by the way, get a couple of loads of dishes done, soaked another set of dishes, and cooked some of what I brought home from the store. I need to figure out how to keep the grill cleaner though. I know you can "cook it off", but that eats a lot of fuel and doesn't do all that good of a job. Another thing to figure out. I have time, I suppose. My back isn't killing me nearly so much now. Dishes are no more a joyful chore, but it is much easier without having to fight pain. I seem to have gotten back in recent "normal" shape rather quickly. Getting into actual shape may take a bit longer.
I could not sleep. I tried to go to bed early. I just could not get to sleep. After several hours of fake it till you make it, I gave up. It may be that I did so little my body does not feel the need. Because in spite of not sleeping I am not actually tired. My bowels are giving me fits, possibly why I couldn't sleep too. Beside growling and complaints, and several 'productive' trips into the lou, it looks like diarrhea. Not a real issue in general terms but it could mess up my fluid intake system. I'm a bit nervous about it. Hopefully it's just a very short term issue. More fluid, for sure, will be allotted.
I hope I can either just stay up for the day or get by with a nap a little later, then on to mowing. I am so close to having the yard done that I just don't want to miss the opportunity to get ahead there. I actually think Sam likes the grass being cut. She goes out much more than she had been and begs like she used to, last summer, when things were trim. I doubt if the cool spring would have had her wanting to stay in. She still has long grasses and weeds in the lot next to me, so she gets the best of both worlds.
Fresh air is pouring in and has been these last few days. With lows in the 60's, I have just kept four windows which allow for the most total flow open. I could open more, but then it is easier to forget what all is open. And, when the sun is at the right level, I will be opening the curtains again today. What a novel concept. Am I out of mourning, is life starting, or... what? I still am not sure what happened with that. Just that it struck me as the right time to open them and... so it is? I do think it means something, it is significant, as if another part of my brain lit up again, something that has been dormant, if I doubt I or anyone else really knows what happened.
Have a great morning. No quotes around morning needed this time!
.
I did, by the way, get a couple of loads of dishes done, soaked another set of dishes, and cooked some of what I brought home from the store. I need to figure out how to keep the grill cleaner though. I know you can "cook it off", but that eats a lot of fuel and doesn't do all that good of a job. Another thing to figure out. I have time, I suppose. My back isn't killing me nearly so much now. Dishes are no more a joyful chore, but it is much easier without having to fight pain. I seem to have gotten back in recent "normal" shape rather quickly. Getting into actual shape may take a bit longer.
I could not sleep. I tried to go to bed early. I just could not get to sleep. After several hours of fake it till you make it, I gave up. It may be that I did so little my body does not feel the need. Because in spite of not sleeping I am not actually tired. My bowels are giving me fits, possibly why I couldn't sleep too. Beside growling and complaints, and several 'productive' trips into the lou, it looks like diarrhea. Not a real issue in general terms but it could mess up my fluid intake system. I'm a bit nervous about it. Hopefully it's just a very short term issue. More fluid, for sure, will be allotted.
I hope I can either just stay up for the day or get by with a nap a little later, then on to mowing. I am so close to having the yard done that I just don't want to miss the opportunity to get ahead there. I actually think Sam likes the grass being cut. She goes out much more than she had been and begs like she used to, last summer, when things were trim. I doubt if the cool spring would have had her wanting to stay in. She still has long grasses and weeds in the lot next to me, so she gets the best of both worlds.
Fresh air is pouring in and has been these last few days. With lows in the 60's, I have just kept four windows which allow for the most total flow open. I could open more, but then it is easier to forget what all is open. And, when the sun is at the right level, I will be opening the curtains again today. What a novel concept. Am I out of mourning, is life starting, or... what? I still am not sure what happened with that. Just that it struck me as the right time to open them and... so it is? I do think it means something, it is significant, as if another part of my brain lit up again, something that has been dormant, if I doubt I or anyone else really knows what happened.
Have a great morning. No quotes around morning needed this time!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
I haven't gotten to even a load of dishes.
.
.
But I think I will before I sleep. I believe I will be going into town, again. Milk, looking for another litter box, Gatorade is low, and perhaps looking for a few things to tide over my little meals, perhaps cold cuts, salami, or... something. I simply don't dare run out of drink. But having cut back, the next containers of gatorade will last more like a month each rather than two weeks for two containers. Milk, however, is always a struggle to keep on tap. Yeah, a goat would be nice. Feeling better, I might even begin considering making my own cheese. Making it once in a while only though, there is only so much goat cheese one can eat. I might wash a load from each sink, reset, head to town, and see how I feel about another load when I get back though.
I was a bit more exhausted today than I at first would admit. I can tell my body was feeling it. At least this time there is a reason. I've been pushing pretty hard for a guy who was on his death bed less than a month ago. But I also think that is how most people live. You do what you can, which actually is quite a lot but never enough, then you rest. A natural order. I just need to make sense of my new natural order, and find out what the real limits are, make sure healing is happening and being allowed to happen, and such.
Perhaps, after mowing tomorrow, I will try to spend my energies on more academic pursuits. Getting back into calculus and some of the other math fields, would be a welcome thing. Perhaps, now, physics won't quite be so daunting. Being fully awake, mentally, much of the time, is... almost frightening. I bet I... actually, I do remember my neighbors names. That... is new. Hmm, I even remember the name of the neighbor who I have allowed access to my lot for the alfalfa. Absolutely amazing. But, such a change, so fast, it is frightening. The world just became somewhat more accessible, real, alive. In any case, I have been pushing and I need to take it down a notch. A major work project a week and typical care in the home should be enough until I know how well I am doing in real terms.
I still can't believe 129/90 with a pulse of 79, or close to those. Those medicines at those doses shouldn't even be showing much if any of a drop in blood pressure. Sensitive to medicines indeed. Well, onto a bit more work, a drive, and either a bit more work or not and an earlier bed time. Good night!
.
But I think I will before I sleep. I believe I will be going into town, again. Milk, looking for another litter box, Gatorade is low, and perhaps looking for a few things to tide over my little meals, perhaps cold cuts, salami, or... something. I simply don't dare run out of drink. But having cut back, the next containers of gatorade will last more like a month each rather than two weeks for two containers. Milk, however, is always a struggle to keep on tap. Yeah, a goat would be nice. Feeling better, I might even begin considering making my own cheese. Making it once in a while only though, there is only so much goat cheese one can eat. I might wash a load from each sink, reset, head to town, and see how I feel about another load when I get back though.
I was a bit more exhausted today than I at first would admit. I can tell my body was feeling it. At least this time there is a reason. I've been pushing pretty hard for a guy who was on his death bed less than a month ago. But I also think that is how most people live. You do what you can, which actually is quite a lot but never enough, then you rest. A natural order. I just need to make sense of my new natural order, and find out what the real limits are, make sure healing is happening and being allowed to happen, and such.
Perhaps, after mowing tomorrow, I will try to spend my energies on more academic pursuits. Getting back into calculus and some of the other math fields, would be a welcome thing. Perhaps, now, physics won't quite be so daunting. Being fully awake, mentally, much of the time, is... almost frightening. I bet I... actually, I do remember my neighbors names. That... is new. Hmm, I even remember the name of the neighbor who I have allowed access to my lot for the alfalfa. Absolutely amazing. But, such a change, so fast, it is frightening. The world just became somewhat more accessible, real, alive. In any case, I have been pushing and I need to take it down a notch. A major work project a week and typical care in the home should be enough until I know how well I am doing in real terms.
I still can't believe 129/90 with a pulse of 79, or close to those. Those medicines at those doses shouldn't even be showing much if any of a drop in blood pressure. Sensitive to medicines indeed. Well, onto a bit more work, a drive, and either a bit more work or not and an earlier bed time. Good night!
First visit done.
.
.
I was able to get the shower, dressed, and shaved in time to visit one of my neighbors. It was a good conversation. The husband showed me how the land is divided, and I learned they do not own the lot beside me. Thankfully they knew who did, or at least they have a contact for someone in the family. I think they will be good people to get to know a bit. I may have someone to offer a hand putting the roof up next week. Neither of us knows what we are doing, strictly speaking, but neither of us is a complete dunce either. I can tell if another guy has some native mechanical intuit with which to work. He seems to have it. Information and contact, that I initiated. Another first as an adult, for the most part. But it was 20:30 by the time we concluded. So that is it for visits. Hmm, maybe a stroll to the post office though. My new glasses might be in.
I am going to have to watch the fluid. I have been a bit dry for several days. I have been lax on getting enough to drink. I think staying busy means I am not noticing and, the definition of being busy is that you aren't doing what you might normally do... sort of... just go with me. Too dry on what I am taking could be a serious problem. I have decided to cut the Gatorade to half strength as well. I don't think I need that much of what it offers, but water is simply not palatable. I need to get milk back on tap too. Despite it technically being a diuretic, I think I actually have a net gain of fluid from drinking it. And it adds variety and solid nutrients. Soda is an occasional treat now, too. I doubt if I drink more than a can or two a day and I don't always finish it.
Oh, one thing I am very pleased with... I am wearing the 38 waste jeans. I was pushing 44's into 46's when I moved here. What a change. They are a bit tight. I think that will change too. Simply being active will take care of much of the problem, after the water has been removed. What an amazing thing. My stubbornness might have it's problems, but I think this time, holding the doctors to bare minimum AND continuing to go, it might be paying off big time. Still, I needed a slow day today. Pushing it too hard too fast while my heart is still enlarged and other organs are still healing would be very unwise. If I can pass up a first heart attack I have an excellent chance at a real and long life.
Well, on to... something. Good night, for sure, I do believe.
.
I was able to get the shower, dressed, and shaved in time to visit one of my neighbors. It was a good conversation. The husband showed me how the land is divided, and I learned they do not own the lot beside me. Thankfully they knew who did, or at least they have a contact for someone in the family. I think they will be good people to get to know a bit. I may have someone to offer a hand putting the roof up next week. Neither of us knows what we are doing, strictly speaking, but neither of us is a complete dunce either. I can tell if another guy has some native mechanical intuit with which to work. He seems to have it. Information and contact, that I initiated. Another first as an adult, for the most part. But it was 20:30 by the time we concluded. So that is it for visits. Hmm, maybe a stroll to the post office though. My new glasses might be in.
I am going to have to watch the fluid. I have been a bit dry for several days. I have been lax on getting enough to drink. I think staying busy means I am not noticing and, the definition of being busy is that you aren't doing what you might normally do... sort of... just go with me. Too dry on what I am taking could be a serious problem. I have decided to cut the Gatorade to half strength as well. I don't think I need that much of what it offers, but water is simply not palatable. I need to get milk back on tap too. Despite it technically being a diuretic, I think I actually have a net gain of fluid from drinking it. And it adds variety and solid nutrients. Soda is an occasional treat now, too. I doubt if I drink more than a can or two a day and I don't always finish it.
Oh, one thing I am very pleased with... I am wearing the 38 waste jeans. I was pushing 44's into 46's when I moved here. What a change. They are a bit tight. I think that will change too. Simply being active will take care of much of the problem, after the water has been removed. What an amazing thing. My stubbornness might have it's problems, but I think this time, holding the doctors to bare minimum AND continuing to go, it might be paying off big time. Still, I needed a slow day today. Pushing it too hard too fast while my heart is still enlarged and other organs are still healing would be very unwise. If I can pass up a first heart attack I have an excellent chance at a real and long life.
Well, on to... something. Good night, for sure, I do believe.
Cover crops and open windows.
.
.
A quick scan of cover crops, while I contemplate local involvement, has lead to the opening of a huge can of worms. I suspect the whole notion of actually putting in a cover crop, if I get to that point, will come down to a fairly quick easy solution. Of course, first I have to gain allowance from my neighbors, though it is a reasonable method of finally getting over to meet them. And then I would have to figure out how to get the area plowed, which means I will need to do some work in the area, which itself might end up being a whole other can of worms, since if I want to use the full length I will need to do some stump removal. Of course, for now, I could use 2/3rds of the length, assuming allowance or land checking makes that even possible.
Further, to do any of this, I am going to need to speak with at least one and as many as three of my neighbors. I am about to take a shower and go for a walk, to begin speaking with my neighbors. At least regarding three different issues. I have been seeing children in with the horses. In another sort of world I probably wouldn't mind, so long as there were no specific issues. But in this world, lawsuits make having unattended children a financial hazard at the very least. But too, the horses and llama should be heading back to their own land now. I had told a man he could take the crop there. With five large grazers beside taking up space and eating alfalfa to the nub, that can't go forward. And, the man who to my knowledge so far may be able to bring in manure and do the plowing is the man who I have given access to the alfalfa. So... visits begin. But a shower first.
Tomorrow is back to mowing, making some phone calls concerning business and Church, and probably little else. Thursday is busy taking Sam in for her next to last visit with the vet for the year and maybe housework. Friday may be a day to do shopping and shooting. I am hoping Saturday or Sunday to try my hand at climbing. If nothing else, I would like to work out a climbing solution regarding the ropes. I probably won't go higher than ten feet off the ground. But I might try to set the thing up, test it, take it down. Rest a bit. Then do it all over a time or two.
Throughout this week I am also going to be working on getting my schedule back to a daytime schedule. What I just did is a first though. I opened the curtains on my windows. I haven't done that for... decades. I don't know why I did it now or why I used to not do it, only that it is now both tolerable and... for some reason... wanted. Of course, when I need light in here to see, I will close them. Something, indeed, is different.
On to a shower, maybe a shave, and out into the world. I have... things to do. Good day.
.
A quick scan of cover crops, while I contemplate local involvement, has lead to the opening of a huge can of worms. I suspect the whole notion of actually putting in a cover crop, if I get to that point, will come down to a fairly quick easy solution. Of course, first I have to gain allowance from my neighbors, though it is a reasonable method of finally getting over to meet them. And then I would have to figure out how to get the area plowed, which means I will need to do some work in the area, which itself might end up being a whole other can of worms, since if I want to use the full length I will need to do some stump removal. Of course, for now, I could use 2/3rds of the length, assuming allowance or land checking makes that even possible.
Further, to do any of this, I am going to need to speak with at least one and as many as three of my neighbors. I am about to take a shower and go for a walk, to begin speaking with my neighbors. At least regarding three different issues. I have been seeing children in with the horses. In another sort of world I probably wouldn't mind, so long as there were no specific issues. But in this world, lawsuits make having unattended children a financial hazard at the very least. But too, the horses and llama should be heading back to their own land now. I had told a man he could take the crop there. With five large grazers beside taking up space and eating alfalfa to the nub, that can't go forward. And, the man who to my knowledge so far may be able to bring in manure and do the plowing is the man who I have given access to the alfalfa. So... visits begin. But a shower first.
Tomorrow is back to mowing, making some phone calls concerning business and Church, and probably little else. Thursday is busy taking Sam in for her next to last visit with the vet for the year and maybe housework. Friday may be a day to do shopping and shooting. I am hoping Saturday or Sunday to try my hand at climbing. If nothing else, I would like to work out a climbing solution regarding the ropes. I probably won't go higher than ten feet off the ground. But I might try to set the thing up, test it, take it down. Rest a bit. Then do it all over a time or two.
Throughout this week I am also going to be working on getting my schedule back to a daytime schedule. What I just did is a first though. I opened the curtains on my windows. I haven't done that for... decades. I don't know why I did it now or why I used to not do it, only that it is now both tolerable and... for some reason... wanted. Of course, when I need light in here to see, I will close them. Something, indeed, is different.
On to a shower, maybe a shave, and out into the world. I have... things to do. Good day.
Lots of questions.
.
.
To bed after 6:00 and not out of bed until 16:00. I have been pushing though. I am backing off a bit today. Dishes will get cleaned in batches throughout the day and I will be trying to get to bed early tonight. Midnight or 2:00 might not sound early, simply compared to 6:00 might it be considered early. I just checked my stats, 129/90 with a pulse of 79. If I had let the doctors work, they would have had me trucked down and off my medicines by now. I am truly feeling like a new man. But I will still have to take my time getting back to truly full function.
I don't know if this can, or will, last. But I see that the doctors, after twenty some years, have stumbled upon the problem and with me as a guide, have treated it. Honestly though, now I have to figure out if all those would have, could have, should have, and will statements were just bluster or if there is anything of truth to the notions of who I believe I am. So much time is gone, I am so old now, how much is left in any case? And too, do I still have some serious limits? Treating an illness, as many know, is not a cure. Nothing but questions, actually.
Tomorrow I will mow. Today I am simply done for heavier work. Dishes and straightening, goofing and planning. Putting the roof on the coop is next weeks big project. As well, now that I am feeling better, if I can get going and begin visiting my neighbors, I might see if I can use that spit of land beside the drive for a long wide garden (it may actually be mine, but asking the neighbors would be polite anyway). I would like to find someone to plow it, deep, like a regular field, and mix in manure. It might be a bit late for a real garden, but I might look at D.C.'s ideas and see if a cover crop for this year might be worth the effort.
I don't want to push things too far or too fast. Money is and always will be a bit of an issue. My stamina is still very weak. I am not yet organized, everything around me is a blur as I come up to fuller mental function in the midst of domestic, business, and health chaos. It will take time to find my feet. Now is when a wife would come in handy. The only thing I know about life is if you aren't running you are falling behind. If I don't find a wife to tend many of the domestic duties, for me to get ahead I will have to find other means of tending that care or it will be most of what I do. But for now, domesticity will be a tool to rise, a goal to maintain, and a simple pleasure if done successfully until I can get other plans established and rolling.
I checked on my mother today. She was out of it yesterday because she had her eye surgery first thing yesterday. Between the stuff they gave her, this, and that, she was pretty groggy by the time I called. I had been a bit worried, she never sounds that rough. She is getting older, and sickness can strike at any time in any case. I was quite relieved to hear there was a specific and short term reason for her to be in such a state. A major relief, to be sure.
I gave her the good news. I told her that her son is back, and maybe like she has never known. Though I think I was doing good in the Navy. I was moving up, working hard, going places, making a name for myself. I really believe that. Then... I couldn't. I don't know what she thinks, or believes, or understands. Perhaps the next time we visit in real life, with evidence of more solid footing on my part, she will say more. Not that revisiting the past is the deal, I just want to... reboot and understand what happened and has been happening from her perspective. It may help with moving forward.
New man, indeed. Maybe, as things go forward, I won't even be talking about me. Projects, climbing techniques, fishing catches (stretched a bit perhaps), pictures of places that catch my eye, and other things around me... And people I meet. A new blog for a new man about real things. Time... given some time. I don't know about you, but I am tired of me.
.
To bed after 6:00 and not out of bed until 16:00. I have been pushing though. I am backing off a bit today. Dishes will get cleaned in batches throughout the day and I will be trying to get to bed early tonight. Midnight or 2:00 might not sound early, simply compared to 6:00 might it be considered early. I just checked my stats, 129/90 with a pulse of 79. If I had let the doctors work, they would have had me trucked down and off my medicines by now. I am truly feeling like a new man. But I will still have to take my time getting back to truly full function.
I don't know if this can, or will, last. But I see that the doctors, after twenty some years, have stumbled upon the problem and with me as a guide, have treated it. Honestly though, now I have to figure out if all those would have, could have, should have, and will statements were just bluster or if there is anything of truth to the notions of who I believe I am. So much time is gone, I am so old now, how much is left in any case? And too, do I still have some serious limits? Treating an illness, as many know, is not a cure. Nothing but questions, actually.
Tomorrow I will mow. Today I am simply done for heavier work. Dishes and straightening, goofing and planning. Putting the roof on the coop is next weeks big project. As well, now that I am feeling better, if I can get going and begin visiting my neighbors, I might see if I can use that spit of land beside the drive for a long wide garden (it may actually be mine, but asking the neighbors would be polite anyway). I would like to find someone to plow it, deep, like a regular field, and mix in manure. It might be a bit late for a real garden, but I might look at D.C.'s ideas and see if a cover crop for this year might be worth the effort.
I don't want to push things too far or too fast. Money is and always will be a bit of an issue. My stamina is still very weak. I am not yet organized, everything around me is a blur as I come up to fuller mental function in the midst of domestic, business, and health chaos. It will take time to find my feet. Now is when a wife would come in handy. The only thing I know about life is if you aren't running you are falling behind. If I don't find a wife to tend many of the domestic duties, for me to get ahead I will have to find other means of tending that care or it will be most of what I do. But for now, domesticity will be a tool to rise, a goal to maintain, and a simple pleasure if done successfully until I can get other plans established and rolling.
I checked on my mother today. She was out of it yesterday because she had her eye surgery first thing yesterday. Between the stuff they gave her, this, and that, she was pretty groggy by the time I called. I had been a bit worried, she never sounds that rough. She is getting older, and sickness can strike at any time in any case. I was quite relieved to hear there was a specific and short term reason for her to be in such a state. A major relief, to be sure.
I gave her the good news. I told her that her son is back, and maybe like she has never known. Though I think I was doing good in the Navy. I was moving up, working hard, going places, making a name for myself. I really believe that. Then... I couldn't. I don't know what she thinks, or believes, or understands. Perhaps the next time we visit in real life, with evidence of more solid footing on my part, she will say more. Not that revisiting the past is the deal, I just want to... reboot and understand what happened and has been happening from her perspective. It may help with moving forward.
New man, indeed. Maybe, as things go forward, I won't even be talking about me. Projects, climbing techniques, fishing catches (stretched a bit perhaps), pictures of places that catch my eye, and other things around me... And people I meet. A new blog for a new man about real things. Time... given some time. I don't know about you, but I am tired of me.
More and more.
.
.
I just can't quit. I have the last load of two loads of laundry in the dryer, I think the last of what I found in my search for things to wash and keeping up on my clothes. I have done two more loads of dishes and have two more soaking. One of those loads of dishes needs to be dried and put up. Some of the remaining dishes, yet to be soaked, are... pretty gnarly to put it nicely. Still, a few hours or an overnight soak will see to them. I have other tricks as well, should that not work. It is a lot of work. A week or two a bit at a time and many things are coming together. After the fundamentals are tended, I will clean the bathrooms again from a week or two ago, straighten and clean my bedroom, then begin ordering the rest of the living spaces. Next comes unpacking. Some things will have to remain in boxes until I get more furniture, so... estate sales, yard sales, and browsing here and there. I don't mind buying good used, even if I need to make minor repairs to hinges or drawer runs. I won't buy particle board furniture or other junk.
Next month I think the two things highest on my list for new purchases are a bike and the rocket stove. Other than that I hope to remain flush and just save for a month or two. I would like to, eventually, begin cutting the branches to foot lengths and storing those, to be used over the summer in the rocket stove. I really would like to get a feel for what I am dealing with in that stove. Eventually I would also like to get a solar oven or two. I might even take the rocket stove camping, if I can get to camping. Experiment with cleaning water by boiling, cooking, and perhaps other things. Of course nothing beats a standard fire at a camp site. But those are notoriously bad cooking instruments. Then again, you don't have to carry much in order to utilize a campfire either.
What a wonderful little bit of life I have finally started carving out here. There is real hope that I won't just be a cripple for the rest of my life. Even if I can't get on to a profession, I might honestly at least get into a simple, fun, working retirement. At my age I have doubts about working, simply being hired might be a bit tricky. Finishing college, as I slow down, would be a trick even if I regain mental and physical condition. Who knows though. But... there is truly hope for much more than what I have known. Yes, excited we are, as some short green lightsaber wielding menace to the dark side might have said. Although I think I am more excited than he would be.
Good night.
.
I just can't quit. I have the last load of two loads of laundry in the dryer, I think the last of what I found in my search for things to wash and keeping up on my clothes. I have done two more loads of dishes and have two more soaking. One of those loads of dishes needs to be dried and put up. Some of the remaining dishes, yet to be soaked, are... pretty gnarly to put it nicely. Still, a few hours or an overnight soak will see to them. I have other tricks as well, should that not work. It is a lot of work. A week or two a bit at a time and many things are coming together. After the fundamentals are tended, I will clean the bathrooms again from a week or two ago, straighten and clean my bedroom, then begin ordering the rest of the living spaces. Next comes unpacking. Some things will have to remain in boxes until I get more furniture, so... estate sales, yard sales, and browsing here and there. I don't mind buying good used, even if I need to make minor repairs to hinges or drawer runs. I won't buy particle board furniture or other junk.
Next month I think the two things highest on my list for new purchases are a bike and the rocket stove. Other than that I hope to remain flush and just save for a month or two. I would like to, eventually, begin cutting the branches to foot lengths and storing those, to be used over the summer in the rocket stove. I really would like to get a feel for what I am dealing with in that stove. Eventually I would also like to get a solar oven or two. I might even take the rocket stove camping, if I can get to camping. Experiment with cleaning water by boiling, cooking, and perhaps other things. Of course nothing beats a standard fire at a camp site. But those are notoriously bad cooking instruments. Then again, you don't have to carry much in order to utilize a campfire either.
What a wonderful little bit of life I have finally started carving out here. There is real hope that I won't just be a cripple for the rest of my life. Even if I can't get on to a profession, I might honestly at least get into a simple, fun, working retirement. At my age I have doubts about working, simply being hired might be a bit tricky. Finishing college, as I slow down, would be a trick even if I regain mental and physical condition. Who knows though. But... there is truly hope for much more than what I have known. Yes, excited we are, as some short green lightsaber wielding menace to the dark side might have said. Although I think I am more excited than he would be.
Good night.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Hmm, there is always tomorrow.
.
.
No kitty litter box, or none of the type I was looking for (the highest walled litter boxes I can find, thank you). But I did refill tobacco and then ordered a pizza. To be honest, Dominoes (assuming it is a well run branch) is a very good pizza. They even have some of the things girls seem to be demanding (like chicken). What they don't have is as much variety as some boutique pizzerias. But what they do have is good enough for me. Stock good quality ingredients, a regular and large menu wherever they serve, and very good prices. For me it is enough, and more. A half of a large pizza is seeing me into carb fatigue! But I enjoyed every bite. And, I have two meals in the leftovers.
What is odd is that, 50 pounds ago, I ate up to two of those at a time. No, I actually don't think that had much to do with my weight, odd as it might seem. I do think most of my weight issue has been an issue involving water retention, which as it is turning out provably, has nothing to do with salt, fat, or other consumption. Simply put, my heart was struggling and losing, water was being tucked away. Hmm, maybe that means I could go back to eating more! Yeah, but no. It's less expensive to eat less.
I am needing to figure out more things to eat other than simply what I have been eating. Cheese was fun for a while. Brots were tasty for a bit. Perhaps as the kitchen is ordered, I might again bring fresh fruits and raw vegetables back. Peanut butter works with those as well as ranch dressing and some others... a little dab will do you. What cold cuts wrap fruit well? Genoa salami, some better ham types... Eating more often and much smaller portions is an interesting way to go. It was by necessity more than choice, it just happens to work out after life improved. With everything doing so well I simply fear changing anything, definitely not quick changes. Any small portion meals that pack a big flavor taste for you all? Actually, with smaller meals, fancier things can be had since like a half pound of even $20 cheese will last two to three meals. Try that with yourself, your wife, and a handful of teens. But hey, if you have a handful of socialists (of your own making) living with you, and you can catch me (literally, though I won't run), I will buy you a couple of pounds of several good cheeses (once a year). Though I would advise you to hide the cheeses. What is yours is, well, theirs... you know?
I am not sure I will do another thing today. The ribs and back are a bit sore from standing for so many things. Then again, who knows. Just because I am complaining doesn't mean I can't function. With my mind working, sometimes overcoming the grumps of the body is easier. Oh, and Tylenol. I had... sort of forgotten to take that the last few days. The pain simply isn't even usually that bad. Hmm, didn't even see that stop happening. Maybe some Tylenol, a little stupid tube, then another couple of loads of dishes and laundry. It turns out it is the dryer that matches my washer which has the steam cycle for pillows. The washer has an allergenic cycle which isn't for this and a steam cycle but that is for getting wrinkles out. Bah! The washer might be had before summer is out though. Oh well, that saves me a bit of work in the short term. And clean pillows is good enough for now. I am absolutely amazed at how well I am doing and how easy it is to make use of myself in real ways. As much as I am doing, I actually now feel lazy, if that is because I am so out of shape from a two decade downtime that my body now can't keep up with my mind. Though my mind tries to push the time on even the washing machine, so... it isn't completely in sync with the realities of the space-time continuum sometimes either. Anywho... Ciao.
.
No kitty litter box, or none of the type I was looking for (the highest walled litter boxes I can find, thank you). But I did refill tobacco and then ordered a pizza. To be honest, Dominoes (assuming it is a well run branch) is a very good pizza. They even have some of the things girls seem to be demanding (like chicken). What they don't have is as much variety as some boutique pizzerias. But what they do have is good enough for me. Stock good quality ingredients, a regular and large menu wherever they serve, and very good prices. For me it is enough, and more. A half of a large pizza is seeing me into carb fatigue! But I enjoyed every bite. And, I have two meals in the leftovers.
What is odd is that, 50 pounds ago, I ate up to two of those at a time. No, I actually don't think that had much to do with my weight, odd as it might seem. I do think most of my weight issue has been an issue involving water retention, which as it is turning out provably, has nothing to do with salt, fat, or other consumption. Simply put, my heart was struggling and losing, water was being tucked away. Hmm, maybe that means I could go back to eating more! Yeah, but no. It's less expensive to eat less.
I am needing to figure out more things to eat other than simply what I have been eating. Cheese was fun for a while. Brots were tasty for a bit. Perhaps as the kitchen is ordered, I might again bring fresh fruits and raw vegetables back. Peanut butter works with those as well as ranch dressing and some others... a little dab will do you. What cold cuts wrap fruit well? Genoa salami, some better ham types... Eating more often and much smaller portions is an interesting way to go. It was by necessity more than choice, it just happens to work out after life improved. With everything doing so well I simply fear changing anything, definitely not quick changes. Any small portion meals that pack a big flavor taste for you all? Actually, with smaller meals, fancier things can be had since like a half pound of even $20 cheese will last two to three meals. Try that with yourself, your wife, and a handful of teens. But hey, if you have a handful of socialists (of your own making) living with you, and you can catch me (literally, though I won't run), I will buy you a couple of pounds of several good cheeses (once a year). Though I would advise you to hide the cheeses. What is yours is, well, theirs... you know?
I am not sure I will do another thing today. The ribs and back are a bit sore from standing for so many things. Then again, who knows. Just because I am complaining doesn't mean I can't function. With my mind working, sometimes overcoming the grumps of the body is easier. Oh, and Tylenol. I had... sort of forgotten to take that the last few days. The pain simply isn't even usually that bad. Hmm, didn't even see that stop happening. Maybe some Tylenol, a little stupid tube, then another couple of loads of dishes and laundry. It turns out it is the dryer that matches my washer which has the steam cycle for pillows. The washer has an allergenic cycle which isn't for this and a steam cycle but that is for getting wrinkles out. Bah! The washer might be had before summer is out though. Oh well, that saves me a bit of work in the short term. And clean pillows is good enough for now. I am absolutely amazed at how well I am doing and how easy it is to make use of myself in real ways. As much as I am doing, I actually now feel lazy, if that is because I am so out of shape from a two decade downtime that my body now can't keep up with my mind. Though my mind tries to push the time on even the washing machine, so... it isn't completely in sync with the realities of the space-time continuum sometimes either. Anywho... Ciao.
Had to go to town.
.
.
I figured out why the gas shut off before filling my tank. I was down to a dollar and change in my local account. I figured I had best get some money transferred in, so I did. I made it just in time, I think. Banks are closing earlier and Saturday has been cut. Oh, I understand and it is no worry, as long as I know. I put a large chunk in, but I am hoping to not spend more than what is absolutely necessary. Another hundred in food, whatever the shots for Sam cost, and a bit of fuel. I have not been being reimbursed for travel to the V.A. Clinic in Ogden. It sounds like a lot of people are not being reimbursed. If I didn't plan on it, that would be one thing. But when I am told I will get it and then don't, it becomes more of an issue. I may have to contact my congressman. Hey, if they don't have it, fine. But if they are just lousy employees, they need the office cleaned up.
I did a bit of weed whipping when I got back. I needed money in the account for a number of reasons, and by Thursday, so that was a priority. After one shot of weed whipping, I checked on the bed spread, put it in for a bit longer, and then took a break. I'm still officially on a break and will probably take a bit more time on my break. I am already a bit tuckered. I guess even the little chores do add up and I have been very busy. One more run at weed whipping, at least or at most. More dishes this evening throughout the evening, another load or two of laundry which should just about be the end of that. I have a basket of clean and folded for which I need to find a more settled place. I really haven't been "together" enough, since moving in, to have everything arranged yet. Normally, as an adult so far, I never got to the point where things started having their set places. Wool socks, just wherever? No, I want to find a particular drawer for them. Same with all my items. Of course, once I have a place, I then need to put them there like clockwork. Anyway, bits and pieces, but definitely moving forward and not just slowing how fast I fall behind.
Not feeding wet food actually has the kittens being really nice. They are SO transparent. Hey, they don't intend to be tricky. But little do they know, I like having them around more. Nothing ever quite works as planned. I forgot to get the trash out, but it is quite a small amount. However, I also forgot the complete change of kitty litter. That has to be done every week. Sassy is less nasty, though that still comes and goes. Even without that, those boxes simply stink. I have heard that one cat box per cat plus an extra box is the way to go. The next time I am in town I may get another box. It's a lot more work but if it pays off in odor control, until I can afford an automatic box, I may go with it.
Drats! I was going to thaw a chuck roast for my good behavior and work ethic of late. Ah well, I will thaw it overnight for tomorrow. Cheese, brots, or sardines tonight, I guess. Hmm, maybe if I go in for the extra litter box I might grab something a little tastier. While my account is drawn down, I usually keep a few coin in my pocket. Enough to last me a few days just on wallet living if need be. Later.
Update: Despite not being sure, I did finish the weed whipping. It took three work periods and some hefty rest periods. Tomorrow, if I am able, I will get the mowing started. First High, then low, so that may take a few days. After that, raking. Actually, I think once I get to low cutting, I will mow and rake in smaller sections and all at once, mostly. I do believe I will make a trip to town yet tonight. An extra litter box might be worth it, but food I don't have to cook and something warm and different will definitely make the trip worth the hassle. Plus, I can get out and enjoy it. Driving is a pleasure, a leisure activity, now, again. I managed to call my lady friend and my mother. My mom was done for the day so she offered a rain check and I took it. I hope she is okay. My lady friend was a bit smarmy, in her typical way while she wakes for work. But it sounds like she is doing well. It's always nice to do a bit of catching up. I'm thinking of sending her a bit of money for a dinner somewhere. She is terrible with money, so even a little bit is a great gift. Well, on to dinner.
.
I figured out why the gas shut off before filling my tank. I was down to a dollar and change in my local account. I figured I had best get some money transferred in, so I did. I made it just in time, I think. Banks are closing earlier and Saturday has been cut. Oh, I understand and it is no worry, as long as I know. I put a large chunk in, but I am hoping to not spend more than what is absolutely necessary. Another hundred in food, whatever the shots for Sam cost, and a bit of fuel. I have not been being reimbursed for travel to the V.A. Clinic in Ogden. It sounds like a lot of people are not being reimbursed. If I didn't plan on it, that would be one thing. But when I am told I will get it and then don't, it becomes more of an issue. I may have to contact my congressman. Hey, if they don't have it, fine. But if they are just lousy employees, they need the office cleaned up.
I did a bit of weed whipping when I got back. I needed money in the account for a number of reasons, and by Thursday, so that was a priority. After one shot of weed whipping, I checked on the bed spread, put it in for a bit longer, and then took a break. I'm still officially on a break and will probably take a bit more time on my break. I am already a bit tuckered. I guess even the little chores do add up and I have been very busy. One more run at weed whipping, at least or at most. More dishes this evening throughout the evening, another load or two of laundry which should just about be the end of that. I have a basket of clean and folded for which I need to find a more settled place. I really haven't been "together" enough, since moving in, to have everything arranged yet. Normally, as an adult so far, I never got to the point where things started having their set places. Wool socks, just wherever? No, I want to find a particular drawer for them. Same with all my items. Of course, once I have a place, I then need to put them there like clockwork. Anyway, bits and pieces, but definitely moving forward and not just slowing how fast I fall behind.
Not feeding wet food actually has the kittens being really nice. They are SO transparent. Hey, they don't intend to be tricky. But little do they know, I like having them around more. Nothing ever quite works as planned. I forgot to get the trash out, but it is quite a small amount. However, I also forgot the complete change of kitty litter. That has to be done every week. Sassy is less nasty, though that still comes and goes. Even without that, those boxes simply stink. I have heard that one cat box per cat plus an extra box is the way to go. The next time I am in town I may get another box. It's a lot more work but if it pays off in odor control, until I can afford an automatic box, I may go with it.
Drats! I was going to thaw a chuck roast for my good behavior and work ethic of late. Ah well, I will thaw it overnight for tomorrow. Cheese, brots, or sardines tonight, I guess. Hmm, maybe if I go in for the extra litter box I might grab something a little tastier. While my account is drawn down, I usually keep a few coin in my pocket. Enough to last me a few days just on wallet living if need be. Later.
Update: Despite not being sure, I did finish the weed whipping. It took three work periods and some hefty rest periods. Tomorrow, if I am able, I will get the mowing started. First High, then low, so that may take a few days. After that, raking. Actually, I think once I get to low cutting, I will mow and rake in smaller sections and all at once, mostly. I do believe I will make a trip to town yet tonight. An extra litter box might be worth it, but food I don't have to cook and something warm and different will definitely make the trip worth the hassle. Plus, I can get out and enjoy it. Driving is a pleasure, a leisure activity, now, again. I managed to call my lady friend and my mother. My mom was done for the day so she offered a rain check and I took it. I hope she is okay. My lady friend was a bit smarmy, in her typical way while she wakes for work. But it sounds like she is doing well. It's always nice to do a bit of catching up. I'm thinking of sending her a bit of money for a dinner somewhere. She is terrible with money, so even a little bit is a great gift. Well, on to dinner.
Up, earlier than suspected.
.
.
It is taking a bit to wake up more fully. But then I was up until past 6:00... I am pretty sure. So a 13:00 waking and two hours to more fully wake, get my medicine down, and have a bite to eat isn't all bad. I even checked the comforter in the dryer and set it to dry a bit more and am considering another load for the wash. I will be steaming the pillows I am not currently using. They have all been washed, but steaming should kill dust mites on top of that. I just need to look at the manual to see which setting works for that, precisely. A shower, dressing, and then to get to the yard. I think I will weed whip what remains, then mow. Rather than doing this, then that, in parts. Since the yard looks so nice, I will also rake the parts I do. Today or tomorrow I need to get a gift certificate for some large pizzas. Yes, indeed. I need to find out who was clearing my driveway too. Dang it, gratitude has solid place in history, life, and personal relationships. And pizza is good gratitude.
I have put the girls on solid food for a bit. Sassy was begging too much on wet food. Her begging was getting too good, she perfected her whine amazingly. But while the squeaky wheel idea works, it also brings lots of attention, not all of it good. Let them eat cat biscuits for a bit. Sam won't mind, Sassy might need some 'time out's, all good in papa's book.
I am not sure how much of the dishes I can get through today. Or the laundry. It depends on how beat up I become doing the lawn. But I might be able to stretch my rest times, doing bits of it all, resting in stages. While I don't lose breath, or even sweat all that much, while working even hard, I do slowly drift into incoherence. Not the typical sort that work usually gives, but the damnably harsh type that sees me blind and confused. Actually, that I can work as I do at all is actually good. That I am stretching further into it is great. I sometimes wonder about it all. It is odd to feel better, after being down four months unable to catch my breath while even sitting and talking, and being truly dysfunctional for decades, to be finally doing better than I have in twenty years. My mom isn't here to push, I'm not taking a medication which pushes, and I am badly out of shape... and yet I am doing fantastic. I have to wonder where I will be in a month, or a year, at this pace. My life has started, again, after a twenty some year... emptiness. But the trick may now be to not kill myself living. Still, in some weird way, that would be funny. Don't laugh, damn you. (that's my job)
Well, on to a shower and dressing. Ah, clean work clothes. I have been keeping up on laundry. Smaller loads after a few days is seeing me without more than a basket of daily use laundry. Everything smells... good. Even my bathroom smells more like a pool than, well, a men's room. All very good. Later!
.
It is taking a bit to wake up more fully. But then I was up until past 6:00... I am pretty sure. So a 13:00 waking and two hours to more fully wake, get my medicine down, and have a bite to eat isn't all bad. I even checked the comforter in the dryer and set it to dry a bit more and am considering another load for the wash. I will be steaming the pillows I am not currently using. They have all been washed, but steaming should kill dust mites on top of that. I just need to look at the manual to see which setting works for that, precisely. A shower, dressing, and then to get to the yard. I think I will weed whip what remains, then mow. Rather than doing this, then that, in parts. Since the yard looks so nice, I will also rake the parts I do. Today or tomorrow I need to get a gift certificate for some large pizzas. Yes, indeed. I need to find out who was clearing my driveway too. Dang it, gratitude has solid place in history, life, and personal relationships. And pizza is good gratitude.
I have put the girls on solid food for a bit. Sassy was begging too much on wet food. Her begging was getting too good, she perfected her whine amazingly. But while the squeaky wheel idea works, it also brings lots of attention, not all of it good. Let them eat cat biscuits for a bit. Sam won't mind, Sassy might need some 'time out's, all good in papa's book.
I am not sure how much of the dishes I can get through today. Or the laundry. It depends on how beat up I become doing the lawn. But I might be able to stretch my rest times, doing bits of it all, resting in stages. While I don't lose breath, or even sweat all that much, while working even hard, I do slowly drift into incoherence. Not the typical sort that work usually gives, but the damnably harsh type that sees me blind and confused. Actually, that I can work as I do at all is actually good. That I am stretching further into it is great. I sometimes wonder about it all. It is odd to feel better, after being down four months unable to catch my breath while even sitting and talking, and being truly dysfunctional for decades, to be finally doing better than I have in twenty years. My mom isn't here to push, I'm not taking a medication which pushes, and I am badly out of shape... and yet I am doing fantastic. I have to wonder where I will be in a month, or a year, at this pace. My life has started, again, after a twenty some year... emptiness. But the trick may now be to not kill myself living. Still, in some weird way, that would be funny. Don't laugh, damn you. (that's my job)
Well, on to a shower and dressing. Ah, clean work clothes. I have been keeping up on laundry. Smaller loads after a few days is seeing me without more than a basket of daily use laundry. Everything smells... good. Even my bathroom smells more like a pool than, well, a men's room. All very good. Later!
It is going to take some time.
.
.
Wow, the more I do the more I see. And, comparatively, I am doing tons more work, and easily. Fitting in washing then drying, getting dishes to soak, on to folding, and picking up little bits here and there, putting things in dressers or hanging them both clothes and other items. There are literally thousands of things to get to. And, if all holds, I will. It is amazing to have enough clarity of thought that a few decisions don't shut me down. Is this trash, or want/need? If a keeper, where does it go? All of that is almost automatic and not a concern.
My home is, in the worst places, merely a bit messy. You can't quite call it hording, not by a long shot. Merely softly handled. It is a bit more so, as I begin going through rooms, laundry, and various other sorting. The difference is the mess is actually being sorted well and finally. Items come into the sorting area, are found permanent places, tossed, or being set to be given away, and new things come in. I don't know how long this will take. Given that I still have items in boxes from my move, upstairs, I suspect it will take up to six months to have a home with flow, regularity, and everything in it's place. This will not just be my first home, it will be the only home that I have truly known. And it is becoming a real home.
Simply and truly amazed at how easy it is. I must note, though, that doing dishes is a bit of a back breaker. I have not been standing for nearly the whole time of the illness. I will figure it out though. My plan, now that weather is at least reasonable, is to do almost all of my cooking on the grill for the foreseeable future. While that won't end all dishes use, it will cut down on the big cook items. And, with bread around, and napkins, and the ability to functionally make use of those, most dishes will become clean and stay that way. If I ever get to the point of considering fixing up the kitchen, I probably will consider a dishwasher.
Well, a load in the dryer and one finished in the wash, a couple of stacks of dishes, and then it will be lights out. If I don't wake until afternoon tomorrow, I am fine with that. We are getting long days again, so an afternoon start on the lawn will be just fine. If I wake and am ready early, I will get to it then. I really don't know how any day will be, only that things will move forward, one way or another.
Good night.
Update: A few loads turned into four loads and three loads of dishes were washed with two more loads soaking. I have an hour or so before the last load should be finished in the dryer, but I am done with dishes for the night. Standing is killing my back. But as with the other pains, I think I can work through that as I get back in shape. Not only has laundry been going forward, and dishes, but I am folding and hanging the laundry and drying the dishes, and doing odds and ends in the world of sorting as well. Oh, and of course, I take breaks and just goof. I would say it is getting to the point were work and play are hitting 50/50. While there is room for improvement, I am satisfied with this for now. I still have no real great control over my schedule, and my days and nights are twisting. But I think I have a much broader range of options when it comes to being someplace on time. All good.
.
Wow, the more I do the more I see. And, comparatively, I am doing tons more work, and easily. Fitting in washing then drying, getting dishes to soak, on to folding, and picking up little bits here and there, putting things in dressers or hanging them both clothes and other items. There are literally thousands of things to get to. And, if all holds, I will. It is amazing to have enough clarity of thought that a few decisions don't shut me down. Is this trash, or want/need? If a keeper, where does it go? All of that is almost automatic and not a concern.
My home is, in the worst places, merely a bit messy. You can't quite call it hording, not by a long shot. Merely softly handled. It is a bit more so, as I begin going through rooms, laundry, and various other sorting. The difference is the mess is actually being sorted well and finally. Items come into the sorting area, are found permanent places, tossed, or being set to be given away, and new things come in. I don't know how long this will take. Given that I still have items in boxes from my move, upstairs, I suspect it will take up to six months to have a home with flow, regularity, and everything in it's place. This will not just be my first home, it will be the only home that I have truly known. And it is becoming a real home.
Simply and truly amazed at how easy it is. I must note, though, that doing dishes is a bit of a back breaker. I have not been standing for nearly the whole time of the illness. I will figure it out though. My plan, now that weather is at least reasonable, is to do almost all of my cooking on the grill for the foreseeable future. While that won't end all dishes use, it will cut down on the big cook items. And, with bread around, and napkins, and the ability to functionally make use of those, most dishes will become clean and stay that way. If I ever get to the point of considering fixing up the kitchen, I probably will consider a dishwasher.
Well, a load in the dryer and one finished in the wash, a couple of stacks of dishes, and then it will be lights out. If I don't wake until afternoon tomorrow, I am fine with that. We are getting long days again, so an afternoon start on the lawn will be just fine. If I wake and am ready early, I will get to it then. I really don't know how any day will be, only that things will move forward, one way or another.
Good night.
Update: A few loads turned into four loads and three loads of dishes were washed with two more loads soaking. I have an hour or so before the last load should be finished in the dryer, but I am done with dishes for the night. Standing is killing my back. But as with the other pains, I think I can work through that as I get back in shape. Not only has laundry been going forward, and dishes, but I am folding and hanging the laundry and drying the dishes, and doing odds and ends in the world of sorting as well. Oh, and of course, I take breaks and just goof. I would say it is getting to the point were work and play are hitting 50/50. While there is room for improvement, I am satisfied with this for now. I still have no real great control over my schedule, and my days and nights are twisting. But I think I have a much broader range of options when it comes to being someplace on time. All good.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Well, okay, that is different.
.
.
Having energy, will, and whatever else goes into the mix, I decided to do a bit of laundry. Usually when I decide to do something, I mean I only plan on doing a very little bit. Not this time, and I think something significant has changed. I didn't just grab the little bit that was left of the main part of the laundry. I looked around for other things that needed to be washed, during a much wider sweep, to include blankets, the comforter, and sheets from the spare bed. I also looked around to find clothes that had been washed but never properly tended. Wrinkled, in piles, I put those in for the wash. I then gathered it all, and in several loads, have it waiting in the wash room with one load going. To top that off, I grabbed a couple of boxes and started a collection to be given to charity. Some clothes are fine but are either too big or simply never were my style. Some are rather worn, though might still make decent work clothes. I will let them decide. Further, the first load of dishes is soaking. I suspect I will get two loads soaking, and when they become temperate enough to deal with, I will begin filtering through the dirty dishes.
Oh, not to worry, it is all light work. I really will not push again until tomorrow. And, honestly, my pushing is not hard work in a quantitative or qualitative way, it is simply far in excess of what I even could do at any time for the last three to four months. But I do need to ease back into anything like function. I guess I am amazed at how easy work can be, even this lighter work took so much concentration just to see me through the very minimum. I have been falling behind for... most of my adult life. I could not keep up, catch up, I merely... slowly decayed until or unless I received help. When I tell you that most of the day I just sit there, and that I honestly hate it, I don't think you understand.
My activity, at times, has been as limited as getting up to use the facilities, to get something to drink or eat when I could remember, or to go to bed. Otherwise I was chained to the computer to have some form of contact with living people, to play games through which I tried to keep my mind active and awake, or through blogging from inside the bubble. These last weeks have been unlike anything I have known. While Ritalin does allow more function, it pushes, hard. It was like taking a "mom" pill. It rode me to function. I was still always tired on the inside, my body just wouldn't sit still. This has been more natural. I have no idea why it is happening, unless I have been suffering from heart related issues as the underlying cause of my problems for most of my adult life. And, just maybe, I have been. All I know is things have changed, for the moment, for the better.
I am still crippled. What has changed is that when I have a number of factors come together, I can focus and do like I have never been able to do. My limitations are at least in part due to the recent bed rest requirement. But years of being close to that have not helped. It will take time to get more real function back. Simply keeping up, if that remains viable, hiking or biking if I can get to those, and swimming and weight lifting too, I might actually regain something of health. I actually think, if this continues for a year and I honestly regain serious stamina and health, I will have to reconsider college. I almost hate to have to do that, but it is what I would truly love to be doing. While retirement is cushy, I couldn't just take it if I could work at a reasonable level. This is new, it is fresh, it is unproven, so I won't really say... anything with certainty. Only that two weeks being clean of most symptoms and life is really looking solid. Extrapolated over time and an engineering degree and career are actually possible, a wife would be definitely doable assuming a family life as the goal. Once married, I might seriously consider the diaconate. Running before I can actually crawl, but this is looking... possible.
Well, back to tinkering between spits of work. Good night.
.
Having energy, will, and whatever else goes into the mix, I decided to do a bit of laundry. Usually when I decide to do something, I mean I only plan on doing a very little bit. Not this time, and I think something significant has changed. I didn't just grab the little bit that was left of the main part of the laundry. I looked around for other things that needed to be washed, during a much wider sweep, to include blankets, the comforter, and sheets from the spare bed. I also looked around to find clothes that had been washed but never properly tended. Wrinkled, in piles, I put those in for the wash. I then gathered it all, and in several loads, have it waiting in the wash room with one load going. To top that off, I grabbed a couple of boxes and started a collection to be given to charity. Some clothes are fine but are either too big or simply never were my style. Some are rather worn, though might still make decent work clothes. I will let them decide. Further, the first load of dishes is soaking. I suspect I will get two loads soaking, and when they become temperate enough to deal with, I will begin filtering through the dirty dishes.
Oh, not to worry, it is all light work. I really will not push again until tomorrow. And, honestly, my pushing is not hard work in a quantitative or qualitative way, it is simply far in excess of what I even could do at any time for the last three to four months. But I do need to ease back into anything like function. I guess I am amazed at how easy work can be, even this lighter work took so much concentration just to see me through the very minimum. I have been falling behind for... most of my adult life. I could not keep up, catch up, I merely... slowly decayed until or unless I received help. When I tell you that most of the day I just sit there, and that I honestly hate it, I don't think you understand.
My activity, at times, has been as limited as getting up to use the facilities, to get something to drink or eat when I could remember, or to go to bed. Otherwise I was chained to the computer to have some form of contact with living people, to play games through which I tried to keep my mind active and awake, or through blogging from inside the bubble. These last weeks have been unlike anything I have known. While Ritalin does allow more function, it pushes, hard. It was like taking a "mom" pill. It rode me to function. I was still always tired on the inside, my body just wouldn't sit still. This has been more natural. I have no idea why it is happening, unless I have been suffering from heart related issues as the underlying cause of my problems for most of my adult life. And, just maybe, I have been. All I know is things have changed, for the moment, for the better.
I am still crippled. What has changed is that when I have a number of factors come together, I can focus and do like I have never been able to do. My limitations are at least in part due to the recent bed rest requirement. But years of being close to that have not helped. It will take time to get more real function back. Simply keeping up, if that remains viable, hiking or biking if I can get to those, and swimming and weight lifting too, I might actually regain something of health. I actually think, if this continues for a year and I honestly regain serious stamina and health, I will have to reconsider college. I almost hate to have to do that, but it is what I would truly love to be doing. While retirement is cushy, I couldn't just take it if I could work at a reasonable level. This is new, it is fresh, it is unproven, so I won't really say... anything with certainty. Only that two weeks being clean of most symptoms and life is really looking solid. Extrapolated over time and an engineering degree and career are actually possible, a wife would be definitely doable assuming a family life as the goal. Once married, I might seriously consider the diaconate. Running before I can actually crawl, but this is looking... possible.
Well, back to tinkering between spits of work. Good night.
Lots of sleep!
.
.
And I needed it. The cats were fussing, it was way past their usual feeding time before I got up this morning. I quieted them several times. And I can see that Sassy raised hell around the house for not being fed. I didn't care. I figured they would at least have some hard food left when I got up. Nope, not a bit. Too bad. I don't worry about them going without food for even a day, so long as they have water. Life in the wild would do that and worse. A few hours elicits zero sympathy. In spite of the occasional sound trouble from the natives, I managed a very good sleep. The pains are disappearing, even the pain in my side that has troubled me, off and mostly on, for months. Sleep, lower activity, eating and drinking a bit better, vitamins, and the pills are all coming together. Though I wonder, as I have eliminated as much extra water as I am going to void and just keeping it level (it seems to me at this point) and that probably being the case for a week or two now, perhaps my body has... realigned the innards to the new dimensions and that realignment was a large part of the pain? Maybe.
Another day of very light duty, rest as I need it, and simple things should lead to an earlier rise tomorrow and a beginning of the end for lawn care for a bit. As well, on days I am not actually working this week, I am going to begin wearing my weight vest, starting with 20 pounds. I am not sure how long I can wear it, and I won't be using it to beat myself up, merely to increase general stamina as I go about life for as long as I can. I will work on wearing it longer before I add weight. Trust me, from experience, just sitting around with 100 extra pounds on the body is... serious. That is my goal.
Sure, I work and wiggle my way out of pain... merely to look forward to recreating the pain! Yeah, well, that is the way of it. If you want to get ahead. And despite what doctors may think, my only goal since falling ill was becoming well enough to tax myself beyond comprehension mentally and physically again. I might be peevish about how, I might require some things they don't think is necessary, but they probably know neither the problem nor the solution, in truth. I see them as tools, they see themselves as the answer (in spite of constant failure when followed strictly). Oh, yes, life is getting better.
Off to do a bit of laundry, resoak the resoaked (ad nauseam) dishes and maybe get a load through, and loading another box or two of bullets. Or... actually... whatever happens. Good day. God be with you.
.
And I needed it. The cats were fussing, it was way past their usual feeding time before I got up this morning. I quieted them several times. And I can see that Sassy raised hell around the house for not being fed. I didn't care. I figured they would at least have some hard food left when I got up. Nope, not a bit. Too bad. I don't worry about them going without food for even a day, so long as they have water. Life in the wild would do that and worse. A few hours elicits zero sympathy. In spite of the occasional sound trouble from the natives, I managed a very good sleep. The pains are disappearing, even the pain in my side that has troubled me, off and mostly on, for months. Sleep, lower activity, eating and drinking a bit better, vitamins, and the pills are all coming together. Though I wonder, as I have eliminated as much extra water as I am going to void and just keeping it level (it seems to me at this point) and that probably being the case for a week or two now, perhaps my body has... realigned the innards to the new dimensions and that realignment was a large part of the pain? Maybe.
Another day of very light duty, rest as I need it, and simple things should lead to an earlier rise tomorrow and a beginning of the end for lawn care for a bit. As well, on days I am not actually working this week, I am going to begin wearing my weight vest, starting with 20 pounds. I am not sure how long I can wear it, and I won't be using it to beat myself up, merely to increase general stamina as I go about life for as long as I can. I will work on wearing it longer before I add weight. Trust me, from experience, just sitting around with 100 extra pounds on the body is... serious. That is my goal.
Sure, I work and wiggle my way out of pain... merely to look forward to recreating the pain! Yeah, well, that is the way of it. If you want to get ahead. And despite what doctors may think, my only goal since falling ill was becoming well enough to tax myself beyond comprehension mentally and physically again. I might be peevish about how, I might require some things they don't think is necessary, but they probably know neither the problem nor the solution, in truth. I see them as tools, they see themselves as the answer (in spite of constant failure when followed strictly). Oh, yes, life is getting better.
Off to do a bit of laundry, resoak the resoaked (ad nauseam) dishes and maybe get a load through, and loading another box or two of bullets. Or... actually... whatever happens. Good day. God be with you.
Something finally clicked.
.
.
Discussing the Church and man, women and men, and considering sometimes true and sometimes false notions of Christianity, I have started to realize some things. Many people, solid Christians, in committed relationship, often have a great deal to overcome to actually become conservative. Strictly speaking, being any one of those to any depth, is quite the challenge. Husbands are constantly negotiating with their wife and to some extent their children. People are lead in a direction by their faith leaders and their own perceptions, with regards to faith, that are sometimes quite contrary to their natural instincts which can be for good or ill. And being conservative means understanding tough love. I don't bother with calling it love, per se. I don't suggest ending food stamps is loving, for example. I see it as simply morally correct to not take money from a worker to pay a woman to have children outside of the bounds of a relationship which supports a child. No love involved. Wisdom, perhaps. Truth, of course. And many things mixed in like the paints on a palette, but love is not but a very small part of it and usually coming from other things like justice.
Marriage, as I have suggested, is a means of modifying man. With the balance of power having shifted, not away from man so much as away from marriage itself, men are further unbalanced by marriage. What is it socialists and communists announce? Ah, from within and from without, from bottom and from top. That is why so many married men are... frozen into being less than forthright and they are pulled into weakness. Their houses are built upon sand. Some believe they ride the alpha train, or even the omega, which might be true in their own little part of some part of their shared world, but the truth is they are merely given an allowance for that. Both in the good way of old and the real way of the new.
The Church continues to bath in femininity. That is an aspect of it's nature, as the Bride of Christ. But that many churches allow for a female actor to play Christ in Flesh, that even those which don't continue to make women more and more an integral part of their leadership and participation, the reality, here too, has been broken. Between men backing off and women stepping up the issue becomes rather extreme.
Yes, reading blogs and news and other information, I was disturbed at how liberal married, Christian, self ascribed conservative men were seeming. It all seems to fit, though, now. Of course, too, the internet is swimming with post-menopausal liberals. Educated people who, having realized liberalism was wrong, a decadence, and immoral or amoral, are attempting to change sides. Much of what they think, how they react, and what they even think is possible in the way of change, is tainted by their past. Many are still quite liberal, they just don't like it. Using the powers of the dark side they have always known, they shield themselves by saying they are conservative out of a demand in their lives for logic, truth, and such, but they can't quite make it to functional conservativism so they lie to themselves and to others.
Ah, okay. I am... much more comfortable understanding why people where saying 2 + 2 = 19 now. I still don't like it, but at least it is making more sense. Oh, and by the way, punch me in the face, as a solid Christian, and the only cheek I will turn is yours. And it will hurt. Just... saying. Don't even try any of that crap sandwich bologna here.
.
Discussing the Church and man, women and men, and considering sometimes true and sometimes false notions of Christianity, I have started to realize some things. Many people, solid Christians, in committed relationship, often have a great deal to overcome to actually become conservative. Strictly speaking, being any one of those to any depth, is quite the challenge. Husbands are constantly negotiating with their wife and to some extent their children. People are lead in a direction by their faith leaders and their own perceptions, with regards to faith, that are sometimes quite contrary to their natural instincts which can be for good or ill. And being conservative means understanding tough love. I don't bother with calling it love, per se. I don't suggest ending food stamps is loving, for example. I see it as simply morally correct to not take money from a worker to pay a woman to have children outside of the bounds of a relationship which supports a child. No love involved. Wisdom, perhaps. Truth, of course. And many things mixed in like the paints on a palette, but love is not but a very small part of it and usually coming from other things like justice.
Marriage, as I have suggested, is a means of modifying man. With the balance of power having shifted, not away from man so much as away from marriage itself, men are further unbalanced by marriage. What is it socialists and communists announce? Ah, from within and from without, from bottom and from top. That is why so many married men are... frozen into being less than forthright and they are pulled into weakness. Their houses are built upon sand. Some believe they ride the alpha train, or even the omega, which might be true in their own little part of some part of their shared world, but the truth is they are merely given an allowance for that. Both in the good way of old and the real way of the new.
The Church continues to bath in femininity. That is an aspect of it's nature, as the Bride of Christ. But that many churches allow for a female actor to play Christ in Flesh, that even those which don't continue to make women more and more an integral part of their leadership and participation, the reality, here too, has been broken. Between men backing off and women stepping up the issue becomes rather extreme.
Yes, reading blogs and news and other information, I was disturbed at how liberal married, Christian, self ascribed conservative men were seeming. It all seems to fit, though, now. Of course, too, the internet is swimming with post-menopausal liberals. Educated people who, having realized liberalism was wrong, a decadence, and immoral or amoral, are attempting to change sides. Much of what they think, how they react, and what they even think is possible in the way of change, is tainted by their past. Many are still quite liberal, they just don't like it. Using the powers of the dark side they have always known, they shield themselves by saying they are conservative out of a demand in their lives for logic, truth, and such, but they can't quite make it to functional conservativism so they lie to themselves and to others.
Ah, okay. I am... much more comfortable understanding why people where saying 2 + 2 = 19 now. I still don't like it, but at least it is making more sense. Oh, and by the way, punch me in the face, as a solid Christian, and the only cheek I will turn is yours. And it will hurt. Just... saying. Don't even try any of that crap sandwich bologna here.
Utah splitting hairs.
.
.
Illegal immigration is the topic, as well organized through the liberal msm as possible here. In spite of the larger Republican base in the state, the msm is extremely liberal here, by the way. But that may be changing as long standing Republicans are being ousted. Bennett last time, perhaps Hutch this time. I think this will begin changing other things, including the allowance of such a liberal media. The GOP convention has issued, albeit, a non-binding resolution (for whatever that truly means or will come of it) to repeal the Utah's guest worker program. The program, in essence, allows illegal immigrants to register, pay a fine, and continue to stay as employees. There are several sides both for and against the issue.
I don't really care about the argument indicated, that this merely allows forced labor among illegal immigrants. I also don't care that they stay, unbothered by law either. A better guest worker program, where people apply over the border and are pre-selected, screened for criminal backgrounds and health, then allowed to visit to work in certain industries but only if there are jobs available. The whole notion of a free pass for criminal behavior be given because a fine is paid is not acceptable. Further, family members have to be excluded. And beyond, we need to fix this unconstitutional understanding that wrongfully allows anchor babies.
Why allow workers in? Simply put, unless native Americans begin giving birth in sufficient numbers to account for all levels of work, the prices of produce will rise too quickly without cheap labor here. Either that or we will be getting our "fresh" fruits and vegetables from foreign nations rather than California, Florida, and wherever else we currently get some large portion of our produce and fruits. There are other low level manufacturing and other low skill work which simply makes some sense, given our birth rate problem.
Vox seems to think that, for free-trade to go forward, borders must be erradicated between the free-trade partners. I think a strict guest worker program would... stretch the notion. One of the possible real problems, of course, is the abuse of said workers. Then again, living in the US, earning real money, is better than squatting in Mexico with zero prospect of any kind of a wage. I actually think we should allow the wages for these workers to drop to a level where they can't send as much money home as they do. All industrialized nations have earned some things by paying with hard labor, usually for a very long time (though as industrialization progresses, the length of time to buy out of servitude has shortened dramatically).
Since Mexicans can't or won't do so in Mexico, they should continue to suffer the consequences and be force back to Mexico. Only when they rid themselves of socialism can they begin to do that. Further, this would keep their failed system within their failed state, rather than exporting that part of it along with tens of millions of soon (by both parties sadly) new US citizens (who can't and don't want to speak English, don't have a grounding in civil law or common social understanding and are only interested in getting whatever they can for free while demanding more, on top of wages they are sending home (if they happen to work)).
So, I am all for the repeal of the law as it stands, I would like to see something else come forward to replace it. Now, in truth, much of this is fiction as I don't believe the law can function as it is being held up by the federal government, who denies it using federal control over immigration issues. What a weird mess. I suppose the thing was actually just a bogus bunt to appease as many as possible, from big business, farming, to liberal city types. There is, actually, no law there to repeal! Politics! *sigh*
.
Illegal immigration is the topic, as well organized through the liberal msm as possible here. In spite of the larger Republican base in the state, the msm is extremely liberal here, by the way. But that may be changing as long standing Republicans are being ousted. Bennett last time, perhaps Hutch this time. I think this will begin changing other things, including the allowance of such a liberal media. The GOP convention has issued, albeit, a non-binding resolution (for whatever that truly means or will come of it) to repeal the Utah's guest worker program. The program, in essence, allows illegal immigrants to register, pay a fine, and continue to stay as employees. There are several sides both for and against the issue.
I don't really care about the argument indicated, that this merely allows forced labor among illegal immigrants. I also don't care that they stay, unbothered by law either. A better guest worker program, where people apply over the border and are pre-selected, screened for criminal backgrounds and health, then allowed to visit to work in certain industries but only if there are jobs available. The whole notion of a free pass for criminal behavior be given because a fine is paid is not acceptable. Further, family members have to be excluded. And beyond, we need to fix this unconstitutional understanding that wrongfully allows anchor babies.
Why allow workers in? Simply put, unless native Americans begin giving birth in sufficient numbers to account for all levels of work, the prices of produce will rise too quickly without cheap labor here. Either that or we will be getting our "fresh" fruits and vegetables from foreign nations rather than California, Florida, and wherever else we currently get some large portion of our produce and fruits. There are other low level manufacturing and other low skill work which simply makes some sense, given our birth rate problem.
Vox seems to think that, for free-trade to go forward, borders must be erradicated between the free-trade partners. I think a strict guest worker program would... stretch the notion. One of the possible real problems, of course, is the abuse of said workers. Then again, living in the US, earning real money, is better than squatting in Mexico with zero prospect of any kind of a wage. I actually think we should allow the wages for these workers to drop to a level where they can't send as much money home as they do. All industrialized nations have earned some things by paying with hard labor, usually for a very long time (though as industrialization progresses, the length of time to buy out of servitude has shortened dramatically).
Since Mexicans can't or won't do so in Mexico, they should continue to suffer the consequences and be force back to Mexico. Only when they rid themselves of socialism can they begin to do that. Further, this would keep their failed system within their failed state, rather than exporting that part of it along with tens of millions of soon (by both parties sadly) new US citizens (who can't and don't want to speak English, don't have a grounding in civil law or common social understanding and are only interested in getting whatever they can for free while demanding more, on top of wages they are sending home (if they happen to work)).
So, I am all for the repeal of the law as it stands, I would like to see something else come forward to replace it. Now, in truth, much of this is fiction as I don't believe the law can function as it is being held up by the federal government, who denies it using federal control over immigration issues. What a weird mess. I suppose the thing was actually just a bogus bunt to appease as many as possible, from big business, farming, to liberal city types. There is, actually, no law there to repeal! Politics! *sigh*
Saturday, June 18, 2011
The great escape.
.
.
I had just laid down for a nap. I didn't really need a nap in a terrible way but I wasn't interested in pushing it until I was completely exhausted. The phone rang. I knew who it was and I was correct. My friend was on the line and interested in shooting. He said he simply lost yesterday in the nether, something he never does. I suggested that that is something I have done frequently, that perhaps now he might understand. I've been better about it, since getting over whatever. Anyway, I suggested it was all good. I had slept until 15:00 yesterday so would not have been awake to go.
I made it into town relatively quickly. We stopped and grabbed a few sandwiches to go. I stopped for some ammunition, just in case. This time we went up the canyon. The first place we went was still closed. The next place we considered was busy. I was a bit nervous, being Saturday and Father's Day Weekend, that there would be too many people anywhere we might wish to shoot. The last place was open. While we were shooting, a man who has moved here from South Dakota looking for work, nervously approached. He seemed a bit on the nervous side. My friend wouldn't really talk to him, but I did. He had purchased a .357 recently, but only bought a few rounds. He was wondering if we could shoot right there. Well, yeah. So, I sort of invited him in despite my friend.
He hadn't shot in years, he suggested. I suggested it was a good thing he bought the gun before he came because Utah can be really freaky about letting people moving into state buy even long arms. I had purchased a few .357 rounds, had some reloads, and even loaned him my overhead ear sets. I used a set of in-ear plugs (terrible trade). It's the one thing he forgot to buy and shooting without any protection was a bit much for him. It jangled his nerves and hurt his ears. Anyway, he at least found out his pistol was reasonably sighted in and he could hit a dollar sized target at 25 feet. I went ahead and let him sound my .45 off. I think it shook him a bit. He has only ever shot wheelguns, so the auto was a new thing. But that my .45 kicked and twisted less than his pistol was a real surprise. And 13 rounds through the gun also seemed to throw him a bit. He kept peeking to see if it was done yet. Way too funny. He bought the whole box of .357 125 grain I had, as he liked the few he shot. I just sold them for the same price I paid. Plus I tossed in a dozen and a half reloads for free. He asked for my phone number, since he was a newcomer... and a shooter. We will see if he calls.
After that, back into town. My friend's foot was hurting him pretty badly. He took a few painkillers while we were up there, and by the time we got back, his foot was a bit better. I told him on the phone about how much I thought my vitamins were helping, I think they have allowed better eating, drinking, and perhaps thinking. His doctor is so concerned about him that he is setting him up for the dietician. While that may help, what doctors don't seem to understand is that until you get some grip on life, telling us to eat right and even showing us what to eat, is a lot like freeing turkeys from the 20th floor. Turkeys don't fly and ill people don't eat. Vitamins might be helping me. So, feeling slightly better and hoping to do much better, we stopped in and he bought an electric shaver and Flinstone's vitamins.
I did fuel up the vehicle on my way home. I usually fill it all the way. For whatever reason, the pump stopped before reaching full. I didn't really think about how much would be needed, a bit tired from the day and recent events, I simply assumed it was full. I washed the car as well, then noticed the pump had only put in three quarters of a tank. Irritating but whatever. This time, finally, I think she is clean, as clean as she gets, too. The last few washes simply didn't quite get it, then didn't get all of it, but finally... clean.
Medicine, a few brots, and perhaps to bed early tonight. I might set the alarm for 7:00 or something. Who knows what napping as needed will do to my schedule, but it is so much easier on my old bones, regarding getting things done when I am awake, and such, that naps are truly worth their weight in gold and sleeping when needed is much easier than fighting it out as I stretch for nothing. I never get a thing done when I stay up for it's own sake, though in the past the difference was negligible. At this point, sleeping enough really allows some serious work to go forward, at least of the lighter variety such as laundry and cleaning the bathroom.
Good night.
.
I had just laid down for a nap. I didn't really need a nap in a terrible way but I wasn't interested in pushing it until I was completely exhausted. The phone rang. I knew who it was and I was correct. My friend was on the line and interested in shooting. He said he simply lost yesterday in the nether, something he never does. I suggested that that is something I have done frequently, that perhaps now he might understand. I've been better about it, since getting over whatever. Anyway, I suggested it was all good. I had slept until 15:00 yesterday so would not have been awake to go.
I made it into town relatively quickly. We stopped and grabbed a few sandwiches to go. I stopped for some ammunition, just in case. This time we went up the canyon. The first place we went was still closed. The next place we considered was busy. I was a bit nervous, being Saturday and Father's Day Weekend, that there would be too many people anywhere we might wish to shoot. The last place was open. While we were shooting, a man who has moved here from South Dakota looking for work, nervously approached. He seemed a bit on the nervous side. My friend wouldn't really talk to him, but I did. He had purchased a .357 recently, but only bought a few rounds. He was wondering if we could shoot right there. Well, yeah. So, I sort of invited him in despite my friend.
He hadn't shot in years, he suggested. I suggested it was a good thing he bought the gun before he came because Utah can be really freaky about letting people moving into state buy even long arms. I had purchased a few .357 rounds, had some reloads, and even loaned him my overhead ear sets. I used a set of in-ear plugs (terrible trade). It's the one thing he forgot to buy and shooting without any protection was a bit much for him. It jangled his nerves and hurt his ears. Anyway, he at least found out his pistol was reasonably sighted in and he could hit a dollar sized target at 25 feet. I went ahead and let him sound my .45 off. I think it shook him a bit. He has only ever shot wheelguns, so the auto was a new thing. But that my .45 kicked and twisted less than his pistol was a real surprise. And 13 rounds through the gun also seemed to throw him a bit. He kept peeking to see if it was done yet. Way too funny. He bought the whole box of .357 125 grain I had, as he liked the few he shot. I just sold them for the same price I paid. Plus I tossed in a dozen and a half reloads for free. He asked for my phone number, since he was a newcomer... and a shooter. We will see if he calls.
After that, back into town. My friend's foot was hurting him pretty badly. He took a few painkillers while we were up there, and by the time we got back, his foot was a bit better. I told him on the phone about how much I thought my vitamins were helping, I think they have allowed better eating, drinking, and perhaps thinking. His doctor is so concerned about him that he is setting him up for the dietician. While that may help, what doctors don't seem to understand is that until you get some grip on life, telling us to eat right and even showing us what to eat, is a lot like freeing turkeys from the 20th floor. Turkeys don't fly and ill people don't eat. Vitamins might be helping me. So, feeling slightly better and hoping to do much better, we stopped in and he bought an electric shaver and Flinstone's vitamins.
I did fuel up the vehicle on my way home. I usually fill it all the way. For whatever reason, the pump stopped before reaching full. I didn't really think about how much would be needed, a bit tired from the day and recent events, I simply assumed it was full. I washed the car as well, then noticed the pump had only put in three quarters of a tank. Irritating but whatever. This time, finally, I think she is clean, as clean as she gets, too. The last few washes simply didn't quite get it, then didn't get all of it, but finally... clean.
Medicine, a few brots, and perhaps to bed early tonight. I might set the alarm for 7:00 or something. Who knows what napping as needed will do to my schedule, but it is so much easier on my old bones, regarding getting things done when I am awake, and such, that naps are truly worth their weight in gold and sleeping when needed is much easier than fighting it out as I stretch for nothing. I never get a thing done when I stay up for it's own sake, though in the past the difference was negligible. At this point, sleeping enough really allows some serious work to go forward, at least of the lighter variety such as laundry and cleaning the bathroom.
Good night.
More sleep.
.
.
Fine, a long nap yesterday and more sleep last night. I have no idea how long I slept either time, only that I slept until I could wake with some ability to think and function in a more fluid manner. It really helps. I have been having to use a little forethought in order to take my medicines, but it seems to be working. By the way, that I have been able to concentrate and take my medicine regularly... is an unusual thing. I am trying no harder and yet taking the medicine like clockwork. I have not been able to do that up to this point. It has as much to do with being in the right place, a place I mostly feel secure living in, as much as it has to do with the correct medication.
I am not sure how short or long term this medication is. I had hoped we would review medication at cardiology. No such thing occurred. I am going to run out of one of the water pills shortly and I believe that would be a mistake. As is, from past experience, hydrochlorothiazide is not sufficient by itself to get rid of enough fluid. I need to check, if it looks like I will be running short, I need to make sure that is reissued. The problem with my medicine, as is, is if one part slips, the whole thing will most likely fail. I've been there, done that. And yet I can't honestly count on my doctors to maintain. They merely change and experiment or follow some preconceived notion of how things "should work" despite realities on the ground. They almost never explain things, either. Which simply doesn't work here.
It's still a painful life. My ribs (and most of my body) are feeling it from the lawn, my side (though improved) is feeling it (from water loss?). More Tylenol, for now, and keeping activity light and sweet, should see me through a resting weekend. After that, I will simply have to push again, if necessary. The rest of the lawn will get hit this coming week, continued cleaning of my abode, as well as as much business as I can get done. Once the home is in order and business is tended, I can get to figuring out exercise, perhaps weight lifting, hiking, and maybe on into biking. Swimming would be great if the water would slow and warm. The last time I looked I don't believe swimming out at the local reservoir would be... wise.
Well, onto... resting. Though a few loads might go into the washer and dryer today, so be it either way. I am still just waking up, kicking the machine over, testing the waters. Until I go through my booting up I have no real idea about what to expect from my day. I did cook brots yesterday, so with the cheeses, I have some fine little meals in the offing. I might be a pauper prince, but I AM a prince. Now, scoot. I have important unimportant things to do...
.
Fine, a long nap yesterday and more sleep last night. I have no idea how long I slept either time, only that I slept until I could wake with some ability to think and function in a more fluid manner. It really helps. I have been having to use a little forethought in order to take my medicines, but it seems to be working. By the way, that I have been able to concentrate and take my medicine regularly... is an unusual thing. I am trying no harder and yet taking the medicine like clockwork. I have not been able to do that up to this point. It has as much to do with being in the right place, a place I mostly feel secure living in, as much as it has to do with the correct medication.
I am not sure how short or long term this medication is. I had hoped we would review medication at cardiology. No such thing occurred. I am going to run out of one of the water pills shortly and I believe that would be a mistake. As is, from past experience, hydrochlorothiazide is not sufficient by itself to get rid of enough fluid. I need to check, if it looks like I will be running short, I need to make sure that is reissued. The problem with my medicine, as is, is if one part slips, the whole thing will most likely fail. I've been there, done that. And yet I can't honestly count on my doctors to maintain. They merely change and experiment or follow some preconceived notion of how things "should work" despite realities on the ground. They almost never explain things, either. Which simply doesn't work here.
It's still a painful life. My ribs (and most of my body) are feeling it from the lawn, my side (though improved) is feeling it (from water loss?). More Tylenol, for now, and keeping activity light and sweet, should see me through a resting weekend. After that, I will simply have to push again, if necessary. The rest of the lawn will get hit this coming week, continued cleaning of my abode, as well as as much business as I can get done. Once the home is in order and business is tended, I can get to figuring out exercise, perhaps weight lifting, hiking, and maybe on into biking. Swimming would be great if the water would slow and warm. The last time I looked I don't believe swimming out at the local reservoir would be... wise.
Well, onto... resting. Though a few loads might go into the washer and dryer today, so be it either way. I am still just waking up, kicking the machine over, testing the waters. Until I go through my booting up I have no real idea about what to expect from my day. I did cook brots yesterday, so with the cheeses, I have some fine little meals in the offing. I might be a pauper prince, but I AM a prince. Now, scoot. I have important unimportant things to do...
Women.
.
.
This time it was Dr. Helen who brought the topic up. Something about something and women only rating 20% of men well. I could have left a comment, but I didn't want to pollute her pool. I usually only leave comments, rarely going back and rarely reading other comments. I think I have been hearing that my method is indicative of a candidate for the short bus. *bang* Anyway, I wrote a comment, but decided to paste it here.
Well, that's my story. I know from dating enough of these lovely creatures that they are insane when it comes to sex, marriage, time, and they are fickle bunnies. Don't go there. Have them come to you. Pretend they are in quicksand, you don't go to them, you bring them out, or you both get stuck and it becomes untenable quickly. That is how I will work it if I decide to mess around with my birthright 'birds and bees' kit again. Oh... that's gonna hurt. :p
.
This time it was Dr. Helen who brought the topic up. Something about something and women only rating 20% of men well. I could have left a comment, but I didn't want to pollute her pool. I usually only leave comments, rarely going back and rarely reading other comments. I think I have been hearing that my method is indicative of a candidate for the short bus. *bang* Anyway, I wrote a comment, but decided to paste it here.
I wouldn't worry about how much a woman rates me any more than I would take advice from her about how to unlock her inner lovey dovey side. While women downrate men virtually, publicly, and privately, to our face, and behind our back... most women are with a guy. I am absolutely positive that there aren't five women per alpha. Just... do the analysis and you easily find that women are either as clueless, schizophrenic, or lost in space on this issue as they are on most other issues involving love, romance, family, etc. No, I am sure it has a purpose. But don't let it fool you. And that is a different topic.
I would guess, in real encounters, what a woman rates as subpar today she may well rank highly tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that. She will eventually give some large porting of the boys team a good rating. It just seems more static at online places. Further, haven't you ever seen Groundhog Day? Even the more dense of males gets more than one chance and does learn. The movie actually shows an idiot being an idiot and methods of romance that don't work, IIRC, but that is beside the point. Though consistency of rating will never really be there. Which is why even the vaunted alpha will get tired of the screaming and whining implacable she-beast and look for that one woman who just "is". She doesn't exist, btw. Or settle into an alpha-beta mix in order to drag a relationship out for the rest of his miserable life. *grins*
Worry about how women rate you the way you worry about a particular pet you might be considering likes you. Don't look for what they like, look for a consistent reaction to you from them that you like. This is why I believe dating for a full year, half of that exclusive, and then engagement for six months to a year with marriage counseling (preferably religious, as secular counseling is very dubious). Find out where she rates you poorly and make sure she can get over it. The rare times a man decides to divorce it is related to sex, finding a partner who can and will, and occasionally finding a partner who bothers to play the part and takes care enough to... excite. Most divorces are women who settled and were unhappy, got bored because they really weren't ready, or such. If she clearly sees what she is facing, then decides, the chances of success are much better.
Well, that's my story. I know from dating enough of these lovely creatures that they are insane when it comes to sex, marriage, time, and they are fickle bunnies. Don't go there. Have them come to you. Pretend they are in quicksand, you don't go to them, you bring them out, or you both get stuck and it becomes untenable quickly. That is how I will work it if I decide to mess around with my birthright 'birds and bees' kit again. Oh... that's gonna hurt. :p
Nice and short.
.
.
Short but deep, I think. There wasn't much muss or fuss, it a was crawl in, a bit of wonder at how long it would take, then I was asleep before I could really think about it. My mind is rested but I am physically tired too. I might need extra sleep times throughout the weekend. All good, just fine. I still think I can do some laundry, maybe even getting the pillows steamed and dried again.
I keep thinking about finding a wife. Oh, I know, ignore women's advice on dating. Duh! I remember my mother telling me what women like and realizing if I acted like that I wouldn't even get a kiss. I had some early insights into things so I was never fooled by women's wants. Besides, I had watched her, who she picked. She certainly didn't go after nice guys. When it comes to love, romance, attraction, and such, women have no head for it. Much like drinking, some pursuits are better left to men. A woman can't chase or she will lose hard. She doesn't understand, she will simply have to hope a suitor will approach and will do the thinking for them while she considers things in her own odd way. Her way is often more social acceptance and her wants than anything reasoned, and those as afterthoughts more often than not. That is why society used to have the wisdom to protect women. They have no head for ensuring an equitable relationship.
I realize, from a number of recent incidents, that I shouldn't have a great deal of difficulty at least meeting a number of prospective women. I don't know what women see in me, but to cause an older woman to flirt, a middle aged women to blush, a younger woman (legal mind you) to give personal data I had neither asked for nor even intimated I might be interested in, and some other events, they must see something. Not that I have been trying, either. And I won't try, merely making my presence known will be enough. Getting out and about is the trick. I could let those things go to my head but it simply isn't worth it. Those might be flukes in any case. All I know is there are five to seven women I could easily have negotiated something something with in the last month, all while I've been living under a moon of suffering.
The thing is, where to meet women? While Church seems like a good place, I am not sure the women there are any better than bar flies these days. Women seem to have decided, if a guy isn't sexing them after the third date, it isn't going to work. Sure, there are some better situations, but those are usually young first loves. Once a woman has been on the market, she presumes sex in the relationship before marriage. Of course, that can be... worked. Nothing like leaving a woman hot and alone to drive her into the relationship. Found that out by accident. Changed my mind. Then again, she almost became a stalker. Careful with that one. What I need to do is find a place where some commonality of culture can be found. I really am looking for a solid Catholic woman, if there is such a thing. One who can do pole dancing.
I'll figure it out. If I decide to do so.
.
Short but deep, I think. There wasn't much muss or fuss, it a was crawl in, a bit of wonder at how long it would take, then I was asleep before I could really think about it. My mind is rested but I am physically tired too. I might need extra sleep times throughout the weekend. All good, just fine. I still think I can do some laundry, maybe even getting the pillows steamed and dried again.
I keep thinking about finding a wife. Oh, I know, ignore women's advice on dating. Duh! I remember my mother telling me what women like and realizing if I acted like that I wouldn't even get a kiss. I had some early insights into things so I was never fooled by women's wants. Besides, I had watched her, who she picked. She certainly didn't go after nice guys. When it comes to love, romance, attraction, and such, women have no head for it. Much like drinking, some pursuits are better left to men. A woman can't chase or she will lose hard. She doesn't understand, she will simply have to hope a suitor will approach and will do the thinking for them while she considers things in her own odd way. Her way is often more social acceptance and her wants than anything reasoned, and those as afterthoughts more often than not. That is why society used to have the wisdom to protect women. They have no head for ensuring an equitable relationship.
I realize, from a number of recent incidents, that I shouldn't have a great deal of difficulty at least meeting a number of prospective women. I don't know what women see in me, but to cause an older woman to flirt, a middle aged women to blush, a younger woman (legal mind you) to give personal data I had neither asked for nor even intimated I might be interested in, and some other events, they must see something. Not that I have been trying, either. And I won't try, merely making my presence known will be enough. Getting out and about is the trick. I could let those things go to my head but it simply isn't worth it. Those might be flukes in any case. All I know is there are five to seven women I could easily have negotiated something something with in the last month, all while I've been living under a moon of suffering.
The thing is, where to meet women? While Church seems like a good place, I am not sure the women there are any better than bar flies these days. Women seem to have decided, if a guy isn't sexing them after the third date, it isn't going to work. Sure, there are some better situations, but those are usually young first loves. Once a woman has been on the market, she presumes sex in the relationship before marriage. Of course, that can be... worked. Nothing like leaving a woman hot and alone to drive her into the relationship. Found that out by accident. Changed my mind. Then again, she almost became a stalker. Careful with that one. What I need to do is find a place where some commonality of culture can be found. I really am looking for a solid Catholic woman, if there is such a thing. One who can do pole dancing.
I'll figure it out. If I decide to do so.
Friday, June 17, 2011
BAM!
.
.
Fair enough. I have hit a brick wall. Nothing is going to move forward for a while. Actually, I believe I am about to crash hard. I sort of felt it coming so I took Anacin this time. While it is doing just fine with the pain, even taking it with soda didn't help fight off the exhaustion. I've seen exhaustion creeping in and tried to figure out how to... get by it, ignore it, dose it. That isn't going to happen. No, a nap, or even a longer bedtime, is what is going to happen. Fine, fine, I made it through a serious four or five days and rather successfully. I just hope it isn't here to stay.
Sam has been all lovey dovey today. Sassy has been hiding her frisky self. She isn't even making noise outside of my viewing as is her usual. I let them sleep with me last night, again. Though I think that will be a rarity. Sassy would be fine but Sam vomits too often. I just cleaned up two of her messes in other places. She goes through phases with that. She has been helping me stay awake today though. There is always good, bad, and ugly.
Good night, or... something. *BAM!*
.
Fair enough. I have hit a brick wall. Nothing is going to move forward for a while. Actually, I believe I am about to crash hard. I sort of felt it coming so I took Anacin this time. While it is doing just fine with the pain, even taking it with soda didn't help fight off the exhaustion. I've seen exhaustion creeping in and tried to figure out how to... get by it, ignore it, dose it. That isn't going to happen. No, a nap, or even a longer bedtime, is what is going to happen. Fine, fine, I made it through a serious four or five days and rather successfully. I just hope it isn't here to stay.
Sam has been all lovey dovey today. Sassy has been hiding her frisky self. She isn't even making noise outside of my viewing as is her usual. I let them sleep with me last night, again. Though I think that will be a rarity. Sassy would be fine but Sam vomits too often. I just cleaned up two of her messes in other places. She goes through phases with that. She has been helping me stay awake today though. There is always good, bad, and ugly.
Good night, or... something. *BAM!*
The weather?
.
.
It is still moody here. We receive a few warm and sunny days and then fall back into overcast with occasional rain. Since we still have serious snowpack in some parts of the state, this is possibly best. Too much rain, of course, only adds to the flooding. But too quick of a warmup will lead to a sudden deluge of melt water. Not that we can really pick or choose. It is more that we are just dodging bullets right now. My area is fine, more or less. The only problems we might face is having access to the closest shopping areas restricted and be required to drive longer for groceries, appointments, and such. At least, from what I can tell. And I don't see that happening. Other areas are simply being hit, spillways are being used, levies are sometimes failing sometimes being inundated. On the good side, for the first time in a long time wells are full and the Great Salt Lake is picking up water.
There are several flood zones throughout the U.S. From Iowa to one or both of the Dakotas, and of course in the South. Other areas are continuing to suffer from drought, and the fires that go with them. Actually the southern part of Utah is among those areas. Arizona, Florida, Texas, New Mexico, and many others continue to burn or suffer drought. I am not sure about the rest of the world though. And, no, this isn't man-made. Some of the academics and Russians understand this to be a solar event. We have just gone through a very long drought of solar flares, among other cycles. Not only did that affect temperatures, it affected many things. It was actually affecting short-wave radio, decreasing it's effectiveness and causing some to quit the hobby altogether. This is ending. Now we are facing global cooling. By the way, global warming (small as it actually was) most likely creates weather stability. Global cooling does the opposite. If you thought the weatherman was an idiot before, wait. You haven't seen anything yet.
This whole AGW, or whatever they are calling it now, simply reminds me of the pagan belief that bad weather meant people needed to be sacrificed. It was mere superstition regarding natural events which lead to a decrease in the population through sacrifice. While modern pagans abuse science to their means, the results are going to be similar. Degrading the economies of free states, building up barbarians, spreading industrialization to nations who are not yet prepared to deal with it, all will lead to social, military, civil, and other disasters. Worse, it won't change the natural events which will unfold, it might accelerate them. For some of them, that is the plan. For others, it is merely (another) unintended consequence. Much like banning DDT, trying to not allow chlorine to clean water in 3rd world nations, and other such. Why, they don't even allow US grain to be given to starving people because it has been genetically modified and there is concern that this will get into the starving people's exports, then be sent to Europe. Oh, shiver at the thought. Amazing. Unintended? I have to think that word may not mean what they think it means.
Ah well, get ready for the cold, and the unstable weather patterns that will form from that. Understand the economy is caving. Figure out how to live much more humbly. And learn to tune out "scientists" who make more money and receive more grants when people are afraid. I haven't seen a good figure on how much of the economy has been dumped into bad science, money that could have much more wisely been spent in the private economy for real needs and wants, and the chasing away of business through their "work", but my guess is it has been a huge bite. Don't have a job? Thank a scientist. If the rules and regulations they push haven't killed your job, or the politics they have supported haven't killed your job, then the imposition of those things which have forced your job overseas has. Big bite indeed.
.
It is still moody here. We receive a few warm and sunny days and then fall back into overcast with occasional rain. Since we still have serious snowpack in some parts of the state, this is possibly best. Too much rain, of course, only adds to the flooding. But too quick of a warmup will lead to a sudden deluge of melt water. Not that we can really pick or choose. It is more that we are just dodging bullets right now. My area is fine, more or less. The only problems we might face is having access to the closest shopping areas restricted and be required to drive longer for groceries, appointments, and such. At least, from what I can tell. And I don't see that happening. Other areas are simply being hit, spillways are being used, levies are sometimes failing sometimes being inundated. On the good side, for the first time in a long time wells are full and the Great Salt Lake is picking up water.
There are several flood zones throughout the U.S. From Iowa to one or both of the Dakotas, and of course in the South. Other areas are continuing to suffer from drought, and the fires that go with them. Actually the southern part of Utah is among those areas. Arizona, Florida, Texas, New Mexico, and many others continue to burn or suffer drought. I am not sure about the rest of the world though. And, no, this isn't man-made. Some of the academics and Russians understand this to be a solar event. We have just gone through a very long drought of solar flares, among other cycles. Not only did that affect temperatures, it affected many things. It was actually affecting short-wave radio, decreasing it's effectiveness and causing some to quit the hobby altogether. This is ending. Now we are facing global cooling. By the way, global warming (small as it actually was) most likely creates weather stability. Global cooling does the opposite. If you thought the weatherman was an idiot before, wait. You haven't seen anything yet.
This whole AGW, or whatever they are calling it now, simply reminds me of the pagan belief that bad weather meant people needed to be sacrificed. It was mere superstition regarding natural events which lead to a decrease in the population through sacrifice. While modern pagans abuse science to their means, the results are going to be similar. Degrading the economies of free states, building up barbarians, spreading industrialization to nations who are not yet prepared to deal with it, all will lead to social, military, civil, and other disasters. Worse, it won't change the natural events which will unfold, it might accelerate them. For some of them, that is the plan. For others, it is merely (another) unintended consequence. Much like banning DDT, trying to not allow chlorine to clean water in 3rd world nations, and other such. Why, they don't even allow US grain to be given to starving people because it has been genetically modified and there is concern that this will get into the starving people's exports, then be sent to Europe. Oh, shiver at the thought. Amazing. Unintended? I have to think that word may not mean what they think it means.
Ah well, get ready for the cold, and the unstable weather patterns that will form from that. Understand the economy is caving. Figure out how to live much more humbly. And learn to tune out "scientists" who make more money and receive more grants when people are afraid. I haven't seen a good figure on how much of the economy has been dumped into bad science, money that could have much more wisely been spent in the private economy for real needs and wants, and the chasing away of business through their "work", but my guess is it has been a huge bite. Don't have a job? Thank a scientist. If the rules and regulations they push haven't killed your job, or the politics they have supported haven't killed your job, then the imposition of those things which have forced your job overseas has. Big bite indeed.
Rest.
.
.
I was up way to late finishing the last of the laundry. Oh, whatever. I did the best I could as fast as I could. I still have several loads left to do, of which I am aware. More may become known to me and I might decide to do some clean but wrinkled clothes. Getting going takes a few to several hours though, it just does. Hopefully, though, I will get on laundry before I start pushing my sleep time further back or even as far back as what happened last night. But I wanted to finish that laundry, pushed just because I could and was fixated, and just took the hit last night.
Sleep was fantastic. I don't remember the alarm going off and it seems my friend didn't call. Waking at 15:00 was not great, but there it is. That is fine, there is tomorrow. I will call him shortly and see what is happening. His foot may be bugging him too much today, or my phone is being funny. I just cooked beef ribs, on the bone! I will be cooking brots shortly. I pretty much ate the beef, immediately. It's been a bit since I have had beef, solid, stock, on the bone, hot, fresh, beef. Yeah, I needed that. Perhaps I will get to working on the kitchen this weekend, since being on my feet is more manageable. I won't be pushing it, just doing bits and pieces, sort of what I have been doing this week minus the lawn care. I do need a little down time. Thankfully, downtime now includes housework. Some housework.
I will load another box of bullets too. Perhaps after putting in the first load of laundry. Yeah, none of it is fancy, heavy, or taxing. But continual activity, even at a slow pace, is a huge upgrade. Especially since it can still be classified as downtime. The yard looks fantastic. They not only knocked down the weeds and mowed, they raked. I had no plans on raking, there was no way I could have added that in. To be honest, what I had done those two days was already pushing things a bit too far. I never would have gotten done before having to start over, and that without raking. This is my chance to get on top of it. Gratitude is serious on this.
Well, another blog post, then some laundry, and on to bullet making.
.
I was up way to late finishing the last of the laundry. Oh, whatever. I did the best I could as fast as I could. I still have several loads left to do, of which I am aware. More may become known to me and I might decide to do some clean but wrinkled clothes. Getting going takes a few to several hours though, it just does. Hopefully, though, I will get on laundry before I start pushing my sleep time further back or even as far back as what happened last night. But I wanted to finish that laundry, pushed just because I could and was fixated, and just took the hit last night.
Sleep was fantastic. I don't remember the alarm going off and it seems my friend didn't call. Waking at 15:00 was not great, but there it is. That is fine, there is tomorrow. I will call him shortly and see what is happening. His foot may be bugging him too much today, or my phone is being funny. I just cooked beef ribs, on the bone! I will be cooking brots shortly. I pretty much ate the beef, immediately. It's been a bit since I have had beef, solid, stock, on the bone, hot, fresh, beef. Yeah, I needed that. Perhaps I will get to working on the kitchen this weekend, since being on my feet is more manageable. I won't be pushing it, just doing bits and pieces, sort of what I have been doing this week minus the lawn care. I do need a little down time. Thankfully, downtime now includes housework. Some housework.
I will load another box of bullets too. Perhaps after putting in the first load of laundry. Yeah, none of it is fancy, heavy, or taxing. But continual activity, even at a slow pace, is a huge upgrade. Especially since it can still be classified as downtime. The yard looks fantastic. They not only knocked down the weeds and mowed, they raked. I had no plans on raking, there was no way I could have added that in. To be honest, what I had done those two days was already pushing things a bit too far. I never would have gotten done before having to start over, and that without raking. This is my chance to get on top of it. Gratitude is serious on this.
Well, another blog post, then some laundry, and on to bullet making.
Hmm, still going.
.
.
Both firearms have been cleaned and are ready for action tomorrow. Laundry is taking forever though. Even with small loads, since I am asking for specific things, it is just taking a long time. The last two loads should be easy though. I decided to wash my chest weight vest. I have been looking over wrist and ankle weights but I keep reading advice which recommends vest weights over extremity weights. The vest can handle up to a hundred pounds. It might be a decent thing to start with and I can start with as little as 2.5 pounds though I will probably start with about 20 pounds.
The Tylenol is working, mostly. I think what woke me during the test was a return of the side pain and maybe the beginning of the other pains. The pain pills give me between two and three hours of pretty solid pain relief and a few hours of slightly more comfort than without. I had thought I could only take them once every 8 hours. After reading the instructions (go figure), it says I can take them every four to six hours. Nice! I was needlessly suffering. I don't mind dosing up, in the short term. Really, no problem there. I figure, before long, I won't need them nearly as often. A heating pad might help, and I suppose ice, water, towel, and bag might work when it is too hot for a heating pad, if still needed.
Really, this has been an excellent week! I still have way too much to do, no time to get it all done, and, and, and. Prioritize, organize, and move. I really can do it. While I can, I will. It simply amazes me how easy it is when... well... it is easy. I want to work and play and tend things. I like to keep up and work and play.
I can do these things. Some little switch either says yes or no, though. It's not a conscious choice. Actually, when I can do things I almost HAVE to do them, just like when I can't I simply really can't. Whatever, I'll take it for now. Good night.
.
Both firearms have been cleaned and are ready for action tomorrow. Laundry is taking forever though. Even with small loads, since I am asking for specific things, it is just taking a long time. The last two loads should be easy though. I decided to wash my chest weight vest. I have been looking over wrist and ankle weights but I keep reading advice which recommends vest weights over extremity weights. The vest can handle up to a hundred pounds. It might be a decent thing to start with and I can start with as little as 2.5 pounds though I will probably start with about 20 pounds.
The Tylenol is working, mostly. I think what woke me during the test was a return of the side pain and maybe the beginning of the other pains. The pain pills give me between two and three hours of pretty solid pain relief and a few hours of slightly more comfort than without. I had thought I could only take them once every 8 hours. After reading the instructions (go figure), it says I can take them every four to six hours. Nice! I was needlessly suffering. I don't mind dosing up, in the short term. Really, no problem there. I figure, before long, I won't need them nearly as often. A heating pad might help, and I suppose ice, water, towel, and bag might work when it is too hot for a heating pad, if still needed.
Really, this has been an excellent week! I still have way too much to do, no time to get it all done, and, and, and. Prioritize, organize, and move. I really can do it. While I can, I will. It simply amazes me how easy it is when... well... it is easy. I want to work and play and tend things. I like to keep up and work and play.
I can do these things. Some little switch either says yes or no, though. It's not a conscious choice. Actually, when I can do things I almost HAVE to do them, just like when I can't I simply really can't. Whatever, I'll take it for now. Good night.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Pain!
.
.
Well, perhaps pain alone can shut me down. It has been a very rough day. Sitting doing as little as possible has been the deal. I can't really tell you where it hurts, though I think the tip of my nose is good. Oh, and my forehead doesn't seem to be complaining. The rest of it, though, is either griping or outright cursing me. And I am tired. I did push. Tylenol mutes the peanut gallery but doesn't change the fact that a little too much strain and the voices come back quickly. STOP! Or we will kill you! :p Meh. I will probably get to a few loads of laundry before heading to bed again, or trying.
I truly hope I can use this weekend to get rested and ready for more work Monday. The little things, like laundry, seem to be merely an inconvenience rather than a physical test. While my concentration is better, between the pain of pushing and being tired from that, it has it's limits. Setting several timers makes sure one of them will break through and keep me on track. A load of dark and white special materials and then bed time.
Tomorrow I hope to go shooting, so while waiting on the laundry I ought to clean my pistol and rifle. I won't say that will happen, any of it, but that is the plan. Then, perhaps, over the weekend I will begin straightening out my room. Everything is out of sorts, it could use a vacuuming, have things sorted, and figure out what else might need to be washed. At this point I am not sure how much I can do but I will use whatever I have to get as much done as possible. Just sleeping in a clean bed with most of my clothes clean and hung is a fantastic incentive. We will see.
Good night.
.
Well, perhaps pain alone can shut me down. It has been a very rough day. Sitting doing as little as possible has been the deal. I can't really tell you where it hurts, though I think the tip of my nose is good. Oh, and my forehead doesn't seem to be complaining. The rest of it, though, is either griping or outright cursing me. And I am tired. I did push. Tylenol mutes the peanut gallery but doesn't change the fact that a little too much strain and the voices come back quickly. STOP! Or we will kill you! :p Meh. I will probably get to a few loads of laundry before heading to bed again, or trying.
I truly hope I can use this weekend to get rested and ready for more work Monday. The little things, like laundry, seem to be merely an inconvenience rather than a physical test. While my concentration is better, between the pain of pushing and being tired from that, it has it's limits. Setting several timers makes sure one of them will break through and keep me on track. A load of dark and white special materials and then bed time.
Tomorrow I hope to go shooting, so while waiting on the laundry I ought to clean my pistol and rifle. I won't say that will happen, any of it, but that is the plan. Then, perhaps, over the weekend I will begin straightening out my room. Everything is out of sorts, it could use a vacuuming, have things sorted, and figure out what else might need to be washed. At this point I am not sure how much I can do but I will use whatever I have to get as much done as possible. Just sleeping in a clean bed with most of my clothes clean and hung is a fantastic incentive. We will see.
Good night.
Oh, right, the dreams.
.
.
My dreams were rather strong last night. I dreamed several different dreams but they were all sort of connected. They had to do with the rich creating cushy jobs for themselves in order to help the poor. Charities are set up in which the functional CEO of the charity is paid hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of dollars to hand out pennies to the poor. It just enraged me. That is part of the reason I despise most charities. It is why I disbelieve "government charities". The only difference between government and private charities is how many get a bigger piece of the pie.
I am sure there are some better charities, or charities go through cycles of suck and give. But when a charity worker is paid more than the president, can it really be called charity work? When dozens of people get paid huge salaries, can it really be said to be working for the poor? I simply don't buy into almost any charity I have ever seen in recent years. I remember hearing, about fifteen years ago, that the head of Good Will Industries was being paid (I think) $200 or $400 thousand dollars. Huh? I think I dreamed at least two along this line.
In another separate dream I heard about a charity being set up to get people to go to the funerals of indigents. People who died who had no one else to go to their funerals. Now, this interested me. Then I found out the money being raised for the charity was being used to put out an exquisite meal, so the thing was becoming a morbid scene of opulence. I became rather enraged and got the thing shut down. I continued working on the notion, getting people to attend the funerals and pray for the soul of the departed, but without food, fame, or personal gain of any sort being part of the queue.
Ah well, everyone knows and no one cares. They give to some of the bogus charities and think themselves better for it. Or once their political careers have ended they go on to "work for the poor". Or, whatever. I don't really care how much of a percentage goes to the poor themselves (though that is an issue), I do want to know how many are milking that money, for how much, and to what real good. I doubt most cancer charities, I am dubious of most "feed the poor" charities, I doubt most of it. Bah!
Later.
.
My dreams were rather strong last night. I dreamed several different dreams but they were all sort of connected. They had to do with the rich creating cushy jobs for themselves in order to help the poor. Charities are set up in which the functional CEO of the charity is paid hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of dollars to hand out pennies to the poor. It just enraged me. That is part of the reason I despise most charities. It is why I disbelieve "government charities". The only difference between government and private charities is how many get a bigger piece of the pie.
I am sure there are some better charities, or charities go through cycles of suck and give. But when a charity worker is paid more than the president, can it really be called charity work? When dozens of people get paid huge salaries, can it really be said to be working for the poor? I simply don't buy into almost any charity I have ever seen in recent years. I remember hearing, about fifteen years ago, that the head of Good Will Industries was being paid (I think) $200 or $400 thousand dollars. Huh? I think I dreamed at least two along this line.
In another separate dream I heard about a charity being set up to get people to go to the funerals of indigents. People who died who had no one else to go to their funerals. Now, this interested me. Then I found out the money being raised for the charity was being used to put out an exquisite meal, so the thing was becoming a morbid scene of opulence. I became rather enraged and got the thing shut down. I continued working on the notion, getting people to attend the funerals and pray for the soul of the departed, but without food, fame, or personal gain of any sort being part of the queue.
Ah well, everyone knows and no one cares. They give to some of the bogus charities and think themselves better for it. Or once their political careers have ended they go on to "work for the poor". Or, whatever. I don't really care how much of a percentage goes to the poor themselves (though that is an issue), I do want to know how many are milking that money, for how much, and to what real good. I doubt most cancer charities, I am dubious of most "feed the poor" charities, I doubt most of it. Bah!
Later.
Now that is sleep!
.
.
Every time I thought sleep was right after this load or this action... there was another step. As I was drifting into sleep it became more and more difficult to remember what else would need to be done before I would allow myself to surrender to it. Add to that, drying bulky items like pillows and blankets is not an exact science. Further, to try and keep these things in better condition, I would dry them on delicate using the less dry function, then finish them with a warmer setting. It was pure torture, and somehow I loved it. It must be like playing Elmer Fudd AND Bugs Bunny, all at once. The two sides of my brain, using a quarter of their usual resources, playing with each other. At least it was for a good cause and it did work.
A clean bed is a wonderful thing. I knew it was bad, for a long time, I simply couldn't do much about it. I would like to have allowed the mattress to air more than a day. The next time I am out I may air it again. I can now functionally literally move the mattress and I can remember to do so, the only question is will I remember in time to muss with the project.
They did a huge part of the lawn! I have a bit left, which is great. I was hoping to have something left to tug me out. I have less left than half of what I did, so it won't be too much. I will not be getting to it today though. Or tomorrow. I am actually planning to work on it Monday. I have pulled, pressed, pushed, and overdone for a number of days now. I will continue to do small things though. Those littler special loads of laundry will go forward. As will some cleaning in the home. Cleaning my guns. Just little things. I would also like to load another box of .45 ammunition. And perhaps find my calculus study materials. Things to do while I become more functionally disabled? Yeah, sort of. Shu-hush.
My side is absolutely murder right now, I am taking Tylenol instead of Anacin, which is not as affective at cutting the pain. Why? Because the Tylenol won't mess with my stats like the caffeine lacing that wraps the Anacin. And, I am needing a lot more frequent dosing. While I may, when I really need to do something (like shooting tomorrow) use the Anacin once in a while, I will obey the doctors for the most part since they seem to have accidentally lowered my blood pressure. But dang, that side went from painful to outrageously constant burning pain, with upticks into seriously hateful harshness. Hopefully a few days of rest will help, and continued working when I can. But my muscles are sore too. A good thing, something anyone who has worked out knows. The burn is back, as is healing and strengthening. But the combination is a bit much to simply ignore at this point and work past. My mother suggested a heating pad, then an ice pad, then maybe a towel and water and plastic or something. I stopped her at the heating pad. I will pick one of those up while in town tomorrow. For my side. I have a feeling that might help.
Wow, what a week. I only have one appointment next week, Sam goes in for the last of one series of shots and the second of three in another series. That means I have nearly a full week to do lots of things I have been meaning to do. If things hold I should be able to get to them. It is amazing how much mental clarity is the key. I can work past physical pain, if I can be clear. I can work, to a lesser degree, past a lack of energy. But I can't work through psychic morass at all. I can't remember what I AM doing, what to do next, and decision making, planning, and such disappear as soon as I finish writing or thinking about them. *ALL STOP, those getting off in Stupidville...* Or is that Boneheadsville? Whatever. ALL STOP is about right on top of it. But not this week. Maybe not next week.
Later.
.
Every time I thought sleep was right after this load or this action... there was another step. As I was drifting into sleep it became more and more difficult to remember what else would need to be done before I would allow myself to surrender to it. Add to that, drying bulky items like pillows and blankets is not an exact science. Further, to try and keep these things in better condition, I would dry them on delicate using the less dry function, then finish them with a warmer setting. It was pure torture, and somehow I loved it. It must be like playing Elmer Fudd AND Bugs Bunny, all at once. The two sides of my brain, using a quarter of their usual resources, playing with each other. At least it was for a good cause and it did work.
A clean bed is a wonderful thing. I knew it was bad, for a long time, I simply couldn't do much about it. I would like to have allowed the mattress to air more than a day. The next time I am out I may air it again. I can now functionally literally move the mattress and I can remember to do so, the only question is will I remember in time to muss with the project.
They did a huge part of the lawn! I have a bit left, which is great. I was hoping to have something left to tug me out. I have less left than half of what I did, so it won't be too much. I will not be getting to it today though. Or tomorrow. I am actually planning to work on it Monday. I have pulled, pressed, pushed, and overdone for a number of days now. I will continue to do small things though. Those littler special loads of laundry will go forward. As will some cleaning in the home. Cleaning my guns. Just little things. I would also like to load another box of .45 ammunition. And perhaps find my calculus study materials. Things to do while I become more functionally disabled? Yeah, sort of. Shu-hush.
My side is absolutely murder right now, I am taking Tylenol instead of Anacin, which is not as affective at cutting the pain. Why? Because the Tylenol won't mess with my stats like the caffeine lacing that wraps the Anacin. And, I am needing a lot more frequent dosing. While I may, when I really need to do something (like shooting tomorrow) use the Anacin once in a while, I will obey the doctors for the most part since they seem to have accidentally lowered my blood pressure. But dang, that side went from painful to outrageously constant burning pain, with upticks into seriously hateful harshness. Hopefully a few days of rest will help, and continued working when I can. But my muscles are sore too. A good thing, something anyone who has worked out knows. The burn is back, as is healing and strengthening. But the combination is a bit much to simply ignore at this point and work past. My mother suggested a heating pad, then an ice pad, then maybe a towel and water and plastic or something. I stopped her at the heating pad. I will pick one of those up while in town tomorrow. For my side. I have a feeling that might help.
Wow, what a week. I only have one appointment next week, Sam goes in for the last of one series of shots and the second of three in another series. That means I have nearly a full week to do lots of things I have been meaning to do. If things hold I should be able to get to them. It is amazing how much mental clarity is the key. I can work past physical pain, if I can be clear. I can work, to a lesser degree, past a lack of energy. But I can't work through psychic morass at all. I can't remember what I AM doing, what to do next, and decision making, planning, and such disappear as soon as I finish writing or thinking about them. *ALL STOP, those getting off in Stupidville...* Or is that Boneheadsville? Whatever. ALL STOP is about right on top of it. But not this week. Maybe not next week.
Later.
Ready for bed.
.
.
But the bed is not ready for me. All good though. By the time I finish washing what is needed, getting my bed reconstructed and properly set, I will enjoy one of the most pleasant sleeps in some time. While not exactly a perfectionist when it comes to washing linens, I do better than an average bachelor. I would have to say that this winter, irregardless of the extra illness, I have been a bit lackluster. The illness merely made bad much worse. I couldn't get to the sheets and such even in twice my normal time of every few weeks. Then my normal time just became a thing of lore. Fresh bedding will be quite a pleasure.
They say pillows should not be washed. I have never really understood that. The deal is one is supposed to buy new pillows yearly. Have you priced good pillows lately? Something about dust mites, is one reason to buy new. Something about washing damaging the pillows and the dryer being worse. While, generally, there is something to dust mites, I have never had a problem with pillows being damaged. And the washer I now have has a mode for tending dust mites, killing them actually. While it is true I did not use that mode, this first round, I probably will get to that within a week if my health and function status continues to hold up. I simply wanted clean pillows before steaming them. Which means, after washing the pillows, pillow cases, and dust protectors, I will need to shower before going to bed. All that stuff from the EEG attachments is still there. The good thing about short hair is that it is easy to clean and dries quickly.
Writing for writings sake. I know. But as my mind is opening up things to occupy my mind are still limited. Cleaning my home, tending the yard, and more practical matters are using my time in such a manner that finding other means of usage is both more than I can do in combination and less of a priority. I might have to find the calculus material. I enjoy that when I am higher function. Some of the rest of it will have to be more social in nature. Getting back to Church might help with that, getting out in other ways might also be good.
I noticed as I was dressing to leave tonight that I have lost significant 'volume'. My face looks much thinner. It almost unnerved me. While not handsome in any case, not being chubby-cheeked is a strange thing, like a stranger looking back from the glass. The shirt I put on, being made of cotton and just having come out of a hot dryer, seems... huge on me. This was a shirt I could scarcely wear when I arrived, as I filled it and then some. Now it billows, a strange description for a short sleeved black shirt. I lost 35 pounds when I moved here, give or take. I have only lost another 15 pounds on the water pills. And yet I think I have lost more size to the 15 pounds than I lost to the other 35 pound weight loss. My guess is I will lose more weight and girth. Of course, the pain possibly from the weight loss is pretty severe. I feel like the meat is falling from my rib bones or something. Who knows.
On to tinkering until another couple of loads are washed and dried and I can comfortably and cleanly sleep again. Oh, yes, that will be as divine as worldly possible. Good night. Again if that's what it is.
.
But the bed is not ready for me. All good though. By the time I finish washing what is needed, getting my bed reconstructed and properly set, I will enjoy one of the most pleasant sleeps in some time. While not exactly a perfectionist when it comes to washing linens, I do better than an average bachelor. I would have to say that this winter, irregardless of the extra illness, I have been a bit lackluster. The illness merely made bad much worse. I couldn't get to the sheets and such even in twice my normal time of every few weeks. Then my normal time just became a thing of lore. Fresh bedding will be quite a pleasure.
They say pillows should not be washed. I have never really understood that. The deal is one is supposed to buy new pillows yearly. Have you priced good pillows lately? Something about dust mites, is one reason to buy new. Something about washing damaging the pillows and the dryer being worse. While, generally, there is something to dust mites, I have never had a problem with pillows being damaged. And the washer I now have has a mode for tending dust mites, killing them actually. While it is true I did not use that mode, this first round, I probably will get to that within a week if my health and function status continues to hold up. I simply wanted clean pillows before steaming them. Which means, after washing the pillows, pillow cases, and dust protectors, I will need to shower before going to bed. All that stuff from the EEG attachments is still there. The good thing about short hair is that it is easy to clean and dries quickly.
Writing for writings sake. I know. But as my mind is opening up things to occupy my mind are still limited. Cleaning my home, tending the yard, and more practical matters are using my time in such a manner that finding other means of usage is both more than I can do in combination and less of a priority. I might have to find the calculus material. I enjoy that when I am higher function. Some of the rest of it will have to be more social in nature. Getting back to Church might help with that, getting out in other ways might also be good.
I noticed as I was dressing to leave tonight that I have lost significant 'volume'. My face looks much thinner. It almost unnerved me. While not handsome in any case, not being chubby-cheeked is a strange thing, like a stranger looking back from the glass. The shirt I put on, being made of cotton and just having come out of a hot dryer, seems... huge on me. This was a shirt I could scarcely wear when I arrived, as I filled it and then some. Now it billows, a strange description for a short sleeved black shirt. I lost 35 pounds when I moved here, give or take. I have only lost another 15 pounds on the water pills. And yet I think I have lost more size to the 15 pounds than I lost to the other 35 pound weight loss. My guess is I will lose more weight and girth. Of course, the pain possibly from the weight loss is pretty severe. I feel like the meat is falling from my rib bones or something. Who knows.
On to tinkering until another couple of loads are washed and dried and I can comfortably and cleanly sleep again. Oh, yes, that will be as divine as worldly possible. Good night. Again if that's what it is.
Two hours.
.
.
That is all the sleep I could get for the test. It sounds like they are going to try and send me a machine after I told them I probably don't need one. After being tested a half a dozen times in the last five years, they do a test at home while I have pulmonary edema and then base probably even weak evidence from that to do more. I think they are tossing these machines around since psychiatry is being debunked, ridiculed, and put aside as childishness. Their new candy is breathing assistance. Won't work, I want them to find the problem not an excuse to stop looking.
I have worked for two days in a row. Sure, not much work, a few hours each day. Well, and laundry, and a few trips, and... more than I was doing per month for the last few months. I was sure I would sleep well. The tech wasn't happy. I think, for him, it has become a bit of a game. He can control pressure and I think for him keeping the visitors down is satisfying. I stayed down for an hour after waking, trying to get back to sleep, before suggesting we call it off. He asked for another half hour to try and I accepted. I am pretty sure he has methods of adjusting the air pressure which often works to elicit sleep. I tried to work with him, as I would much rather have slept. The bed was comfortable, I was tired, it just didn't happen.
The CPAP was fine to sleep with, actually. I have heard good and bad about it. The thing is my sleeping problems have nothing to do with breathing, save when I have trouble breathing even while awake. The only thing that has worked with helping me to sleep is, actually, Ritalin. It allows me to kick over whatever holds me and burn enough calories in order to sleep. It doesn't solve the problem. Whatever is holding me back still exists. It simply allows me to push past it. Some sleep medicine did force me to sleep but it limited the sleep to four hours, with or without Ritalin. Most of it had no affect. I don't know what the problem is, in full. Only that anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, sleeping pills, and even exercise without something to allow that to happen with any frequency or the focused vigor necessary.
So, back home, up with little to do, I am finishing my bedding. I am hoping to have my bedding ready to be put back on and my bed back in play before crashing. I can't tell what of the yard has been done, even with the full moon (ishness) I just can't see. Sassy was out while I was gone. I put her out a bit today and with the lawn events, she wouldn't come back in. I nearly weed whipped her while doing the back yard slightly before leaving. She was hidden in the deep grass. Then she wouldn't come in, disappearing... somewhere. I think she was as pleased to see me when I let her in a bit after returning home as I was to see her. Crazy girl.
Well, on to tinkering while I do the laundry.
.
That is all the sleep I could get for the test. It sounds like they are going to try and send me a machine after I told them I probably don't need one. After being tested a half a dozen times in the last five years, they do a test at home while I have pulmonary edema and then base probably even weak evidence from that to do more. I think they are tossing these machines around since psychiatry is being debunked, ridiculed, and put aside as childishness. Their new candy is breathing assistance. Won't work, I want them to find the problem not an excuse to stop looking.
I have worked for two days in a row. Sure, not much work, a few hours each day. Well, and laundry, and a few trips, and... more than I was doing per month for the last few months. I was sure I would sleep well. The tech wasn't happy. I think, for him, it has become a bit of a game. He can control pressure and I think for him keeping the visitors down is satisfying. I stayed down for an hour after waking, trying to get back to sleep, before suggesting we call it off. He asked for another half hour to try and I accepted. I am pretty sure he has methods of adjusting the air pressure which often works to elicit sleep. I tried to work with him, as I would much rather have slept. The bed was comfortable, I was tired, it just didn't happen.
The CPAP was fine to sleep with, actually. I have heard good and bad about it. The thing is my sleeping problems have nothing to do with breathing, save when I have trouble breathing even while awake. The only thing that has worked with helping me to sleep is, actually, Ritalin. It allows me to kick over whatever holds me and burn enough calories in order to sleep. It doesn't solve the problem. Whatever is holding me back still exists. It simply allows me to push past it. Some sleep medicine did force me to sleep but it limited the sleep to four hours, with or without Ritalin. Most of it had no affect. I don't know what the problem is, in full. Only that anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, sleeping pills, and even exercise without something to allow that to happen with any frequency or the focused vigor necessary.
So, back home, up with little to do, I am finishing my bedding. I am hoping to have my bedding ready to be put back on and my bed back in play before crashing. I can't tell what of the yard has been done, even with the full moon (ishness) I just can't see. Sassy was out while I was gone. I put her out a bit today and with the lawn events, she wouldn't come back in. I nearly weed whipped her while doing the back yard slightly before leaving. She was hidden in the deep grass. Then she wouldn't come in, disappearing... somewhere. I think she was as pleased to see me when I let her in a bit after returning home as I was to see her. Crazy girl.
Well, on to tinkering while I do the laundry.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
That works.
.
.
A handful of Anacin, a bit of food, the first load of pillows in the machine, and a couple of hours for the pain relief, and I found myself getting the lawnmower lit up and into use. I have mowed about half of the larger area I weed-whipped yesterday. That is some of the rougher terrain and has some of the highest grass, plus no shade. It is quite a nest to try and mow, it will be a slow process. Enough of that for now.
I have decided to, after a break, begin weed whipping. Neither job is more or less strenuous, but I think the job will go faster given two lawnmowers and two weed whips going if there is a lead on the weed whipping. Tactical, as I am not sure how much time we will have to work tonight. After about a week, I will have to get out and mow again. Right now I am not using a bagger. Simply put, I don't really have the means of disposing of that many clippings all at once.
The pain isn't coming back, for the moment. And while when breathe becomes an issue, I merely slow down or take a mini-break, whichever is needed. Work might not always be a favored enterprise. Being able to work and having the focus to get to it is grand. There is nothing like sweating and pushing and pulling and lifting to drown out the horrible memories of being incapacitated. I had best use as much common sense as possible though. I am still suffering from serious heart problems. But who ever knows how much is too much until of course it is too late? Doctors will either to tell you to just get a job or to do nothing. Which one, if any, do you take advice? Do they honestly know?
I might be able to get my bedding washed while I am mucking around in the yard. Plus the mattress will get a 48-hour airing out to boot. Hmm, thinking of that, I may lift the mattress so it can completely air out on both sides while I am gone. I wish I could put the bedding out to line dry. I will work on making that possible when I return.
I have so many things to do now that I am almost not sure where to start. Phone calls, business arrangements, mailings, home and yard work, washing and cleaning, and getting back into a reasonable pattern of existence. I will probably be buying a bike this coming month. I have the money now, but would rather have that and a bit more before I buy. Plus I plan on getting a reasonable seat, I hate ball-buster seats. H... A... T... E... You can do whatever you want with your groin, as for mine, I will pamper it. Sadists must have invented those things. Then again, that must mean most of society are masochists?
While I rest I blather. At least I am resting. Which means I am working. Which means things are getting done.
.
A handful of Anacin, a bit of food, the first load of pillows in the machine, and a couple of hours for the pain relief, and I found myself getting the lawnmower lit up and into use. I have mowed about half of the larger area I weed-whipped yesterday. That is some of the rougher terrain and has some of the highest grass, plus no shade. It is quite a nest to try and mow, it will be a slow process. Enough of that for now.
I have decided to, after a break, begin weed whipping. Neither job is more or less strenuous, but I think the job will go faster given two lawnmowers and two weed whips going if there is a lead on the weed whipping. Tactical, as I am not sure how much time we will have to work tonight. After about a week, I will have to get out and mow again. Right now I am not using a bagger. Simply put, I don't really have the means of disposing of that many clippings all at once.
The pain isn't coming back, for the moment. And while when breathe becomes an issue, I merely slow down or take a mini-break, whichever is needed. Work might not always be a favored enterprise. Being able to work and having the focus to get to it is grand. There is nothing like sweating and pushing and pulling and lifting to drown out the horrible memories of being incapacitated. I had best use as much common sense as possible though. I am still suffering from serious heart problems. But who ever knows how much is too much until of course it is too late? Doctors will either to tell you to just get a job or to do nothing. Which one, if any, do you take advice? Do they honestly know?
I might be able to get my bedding washed while I am mucking around in the yard. Plus the mattress will get a 48-hour airing out to boot. Hmm, thinking of that, I may lift the mattress so it can completely air out on both sides while I am gone. I wish I could put the bedding out to line dry. I will work on making that possible when I return.
I have so many things to do now that I am almost not sure where to start. Phone calls, business arrangements, mailings, home and yard work, washing and cleaning, and getting back into a reasonable pattern of existence. I will probably be buying a bike this coming month. I have the money now, but would rather have that and a bit more before I buy. Plus I plan on getting a reasonable seat, I hate ball-buster seats. H... A... T... E... You can do whatever you want with your groin, as for mine, I will pamper it. Sadists must have invented those things. Then again, that must mean most of society are masochists?
While I rest I blather. At least I am resting. Which means I am working. Which means things are getting done.
Wowouch.
.
.
I doubt if many of you have ever heard of a beautiful death? A beautiful death is when a warrior, at his peak and truly in fine form, meets an greater opponent and is killed in spectacular form with terrible but swift brutality. Spartans, of ancient Greece, were the first group I knew about who considered such a thing as the... best way to go. I used to concur completely. Barring that a man has little reason to live. If you couldn't fight, and fighting is what a Spartan did, you had no reason to exist. While I will probably not ever find a perfect death and don't really seek such, I have found beautiful pain. Hey, take what you can get.
The work I did yesterday was fantastic, considering the givens. I completed three large loads of laundry, from washing to drying to folding or hanging. I also picked up the sticks I have been meaning to get to for... a very long time. And I started in on the lawn. I suppose I may have done a sixth, maybe a fifth, of the 'first coat'. That is I have cut the tops off the high grass making the lawnmower a more feasible tool for the rest of it. The higher parts of the tops can't really be mowed, not with my equipment. Actually, they can't be weed whipped either. I have to weed whip at a line slightly below half height as anything above that is too hard to cut. I will be getting to more, shortly. I need to get my lawnmower going, to make sure it is available as well.
Now, the thing is, I have not worked in three months. Doing a single load of laundry has been the top of the work capacity. So grabbing a 6 pound weed whip, holding onto the gyrating device, and swinging it back and forth for an hour or two, was quite a bit of work in comparison. That side ache I have had has become quite a thing. It is a beautiful pain. It used to be able to take my breathe once in a while, now it has my breathe down to a practiced whisper. I breathe slowly, carefully, even a little fearfully. It feels, in a minor way, like I have been cut from backbone to sternum, from the middle of the soft torso back up to the sternum. The pain is always there and rather pronounced. It can become extremely pronounced, to definitely taking my breathe for several moments, like diving into cold water on a hot day, if I breath too fast or with any depth. But it doesn't stop there. I keep trying to... breathe deeper. I want my breathe back, I hate that feeling of restricted breathing. That is more terrible than almost any pain.
Guess what? I am about to make it worse. Beyond getting the lawnmower going, and possibly testing it on one of the plots, I am going to weed whip a bit more this afternoon. And, when the helpers arrive, I will do so again. This is going to be tricky. Especially with a drive to Salt Lake City later tonight. But since I have the help, and don't wish to appear to be a laggard, I must do as much of this as I can. At least simply mowing from now on will seem much easier in comparison. I really am considering a riding mower. I will make that decision after this is cleared and then after I mow a regular lawn once or twice. If it really is a bit too much I might just have to figure out how to get a rider. Getting old, sick, or both, stinks. If I do that I will buy one that can handle attachments I do believe. A true garden riding mower for mowing of course, and hauling, tilling, maybe even snow removal and minor bulldozing. Or... not.
It is fantastic to have 90% of my clothes not only clean but also hung or folded. I have been limping by with a load a week, usually not folded or hung, and just getting by with just enough clothes to get through another week. I hope, now, to organize my bedroom and get it cleaned up from being a sickroom. It needs... a lot of work. Being your own doctor, nurse, and caregiver when you are pretty much flat on your back means... concessions. As soon as you can though, you kick the tics and fleas to the curb. No, I don't think I actually have either. I do have a bed that will see those if not tended though. Every pillow, blanket, sheet, comforter, and whatever else there needs cleaning. Pillows, I think, this "morning". They will have some time to dry as I won't be drying them completely in the dryer, it messes them up.
I had best get busy. I am not sure when to expect the company and I don't want to look more like a leech than what I already do. Oh, right, I best get my travel gear packed for heading out tonight. Last minute packing often leaves something forgotten. Oh, and, WOUCH. That really does hurt. Later.
.
I doubt if many of you have ever heard of a beautiful death? A beautiful death is when a warrior, at his peak and truly in fine form, meets an greater opponent and is killed in spectacular form with terrible but swift brutality. Spartans, of ancient Greece, were the first group I knew about who considered such a thing as the... best way to go. I used to concur completely. Barring that a man has little reason to live. If you couldn't fight, and fighting is what a Spartan did, you had no reason to exist. While I will probably not ever find a perfect death and don't really seek such, I have found beautiful pain. Hey, take what you can get.
The work I did yesterday was fantastic, considering the givens. I completed three large loads of laundry, from washing to drying to folding or hanging. I also picked up the sticks I have been meaning to get to for... a very long time. And I started in on the lawn. I suppose I may have done a sixth, maybe a fifth, of the 'first coat'. That is I have cut the tops off the high grass making the lawnmower a more feasible tool for the rest of it. The higher parts of the tops can't really be mowed, not with my equipment. Actually, they can't be weed whipped either. I have to weed whip at a line slightly below half height as anything above that is too hard to cut. I will be getting to more, shortly. I need to get my lawnmower going, to make sure it is available as well.
Now, the thing is, I have not worked in three months. Doing a single load of laundry has been the top of the work capacity. So grabbing a 6 pound weed whip, holding onto the gyrating device, and swinging it back and forth for an hour or two, was quite a bit of work in comparison. That side ache I have had has become quite a thing. It is a beautiful pain. It used to be able to take my breathe once in a while, now it has my breathe down to a practiced whisper. I breathe slowly, carefully, even a little fearfully. It feels, in a minor way, like I have been cut from backbone to sternum, from the middle of the soft torso back up to the sternum. The pain is always there and rather pronounced. It can become extremely pronounced, to definitely taking my breathe for several moments, like diving into cold water on a hot day, if I breath too fast or with any depth. But it doesn't stop there. I keep trying to... breathe deeper. I want my breathe back, I hate that feeling of restricted breathing. That is more terrible than almost any pain.
Guess what? I am about to make it worse. Beyond getting the lawnmower going, and possibly testing it on one of the plots, I am going to weed whip a bit more this afternoon. And, when the helpers arrive, I will do so again. This is going to be tricky. Especially with a drive to Salt Lake City later tonight. But since I have the help, and don't wish to appear to be a laggard, I must do as much of this as I can. At least simply mowing from now on will seem much easier in comparison. I really am considering a riding mower. I will make that decision after this is cleared and then after I mow a regular lawn once or twice. If it really is a bit too much I might just have to figure out how to get a rider. Getting old, sick, or both, stinks. If I do that I will buy one that can handle attachments I do believe. A true garden riding mower for mowing of course, and hauling, tilling, maybe even snow removal and minor bulldozing. Or... not.
It is fantastic to have 90% of my clothes not only clean but also hung or folded. I have been limping by with a load a week, usually not folded or hung, and just getting by with just enough clothes to get through another week. I hope, now, to organize my bedroom and get it cleaned up from being a sickroom. It needs... a lot of work. Being your own doctor, nurse, and caregiver when you are pretty much flat on your back means... concessions. As soon as you can though, you kick the tics and fleas to the curb. No, I don't think I actually have either. I do have a bed that will see those if not tended though. Every pillow, blanket, sheet, comforter, and whatever else there needs cleaning. Pillows, I think, this "morning". They will have some time to dry as I won't be drying them completely in the dryer, it messes them up.
I had best get busy. I am not sure when to expect the company and I don't want to look more like a leech than what I already do. Oh, right, I best get my travel gear packed for heading out tonight. Last minute packing often leaves something forgotten. Oh, and, WOUCH. That really does hurt. Later.
The Church, the family, and some issues.
.
.
While pondering whether I will get to go forth and find a woman to marry, I have been contemplating family life. Strangely or not, depending upon how you understand the Church, the relationship between man and wife is very similar to the relationship between a man and the Church. The two issues are, in many ways, inextricably intertwined. There are differences too, of course. But the similarities far outweigh the differences. While I have always believed there is a great similarity, until I began thinking about looking for a wife and what that means, I didn't see how strong the similarities are.
My focus, however, strayed from that point. Rather than looking at the similarities, my mind took a turn onto the path of thought concerning problems I have with women, and by extension at times, the Church. What amazed me was how similar both the nature of problems are and how deep they go. To choose a bride, take the vows, and surrender to a new life, a man surrenders some parts of himself. The Church, like a woman, is feminine in nature. While this seems good, it excludes masculinity. In churches where women are ordained, the balance is even further thrown over, all but hating men and possibly on into that. But even in my Church, and from the beginning, men have chosen to give up the masculine nature in order to seek even the priesthood. While still surely men, they leave behind sexual relations when they do so properly which the majority honestly do, and they leave behind any call to arms, two of the most virile aspects of masculinity. They give these up in and for trust and faith. Women, by their very nature, are feminine. Even lesbians and feminists, with their higher testosterone levels, are yet fully defined by femininity.
This, for most men, is a difficult thing to overcome. Even in Churches where biblical understandings are implemented, the feminizing factor cannot be denied, even to the point of being overpowering at times. Marriage is no different. With women in tow, a man must slow down, change, make room in his ways for a wife. She simply can't do all he can do. Further, she has learned mannerisms which allow her to find use in a world which has decided she will be weaker, among other things. She slows things down, she adds detail and various other virtues and vices to grant a more level playing field, in her favor. And yet, any man worth his salt knows that such a playing field is a child's game meant to do precisely what it does. Men only choose to allow for that unbalanced and often illogical playing field in order, to, well, play with the crafter of that field.
In other words, both women and the Church, while natural elements in some ways, are also quite unnatural to men is as many ways. Rules, regulations, illogical devices, and an uneven playing field that is stilted against men. It is no wonder men rebel against both, and strongly, at various times in our lives. There used to be balance through law, for the family. There used to be some support through civil and religious norms. Most of that is gone, for now.
The one thing, for now, that I see in my Church is that the femininity of the Church as the bride is offset by the masculinity, even handicapped in some ways as it is, through the masculinity of the priesthood and the rest of the hierarchy. I see that as an attempt, by God I would assume, to try and create a balance between allowing the feminine of the notion of the Church being the bride of Christ and the reality that men cannot be brides. I can't say I fully understand the checks and balances, but I think barring an overriding civil dissolution the idea is good, it works, mostly. At this point, of course, we live in civil disorder.
I know, should I go looking for a wife, I will have to put up with feminine elements in my life. She will have to be allowed to impose rules, hopefully more created in unison. But if she is to have a place in our life and further into my life, I will have to bow to areas that she has responsibility thus freedom thus control. Lord knows I hope she doesn't try to dress me funny. I have limits. In other words, no matter how much men like it or not, we have to hand at least one of our testicles over for her purse, sometimes both. She will act, if the woman becomes our woman and the reverse, as a ball and chain. We will do similar back, if in different areas, but that isn't my issue today.
The Church, and women, do tend to tame men. Women can't do it without familial attachments, women will simply follow men into hedonism. The churches which try to equate men and women also fail because of the pre-existing imbalance toward the feminine of the Church. But if vows are taken in anything like a legitimate manner, the wife will settle a man. The Church will too, if a man honestly submits. Do I really want to be tamed? Honestly? No. But I do want a wife, I do want children, and I want to be a part of the Church. There is only one way to get those. I don't, however, always have to like it. I will have to grin and bear it. And, given the chance, I will.
By the way, the priest called not long ago. Being a bit busy sounding, and having a complicated schedule myself, I have not yet called him back. I hope to do that, along with some other business, tomorrow. I have a few things to discuss. *grin*
Tired, yes indeed. Sleep should be good. Doh! I forgot about the laundry. Bad me. That means another hour up. I should sleep really well.
.
While pondering whether I will get to go forth and find a woman to marry, I have been contemplating family life. Strangely or not, depending upon how you understand the Church, the relationship between man and wife is very similar to the relationship between a man and the Church. The two issues are, in many ways, inextricably intertwined. There are differences too, of course. But the similarities far outweigh the differences. While I have always believed there is a great similarity, until I began thinking about looking for a wife and what that means, I didn't see how strong the similarities are.
My focus, however, strayed from that point. Rather than looking at the similarities, my mind took a turn onto the path of thought concerning problems I have with women, and by extension at times, the Church. What amazed me was how similar both the nature of problems are and how deep they go. To choose a bride, take the vows, and surrender to a new life, a man surrenders some parts of himself. The Church, like a woman, is feminine in nature. While this seems good, it excludes masculinity. In churches where women are ordained, the balance is even further thrown over, all but hating men and possibly on into that. But even in my Church, and from the beginning, men have chosen to give up the masculine nature in order to seek even the priesthood. While still surely men, they leave behind sexual relations when they do so properly which the majority honestly do, and they leave behind any call to arms, two of the most virile aspects of masculinity. They give these up in and for trust and faith. Women, by their very nature, are feminine. Even lesbians and feminists, with their higher testosterone levels, are yet fully defined by femininity.
This, for most men, is a difficult thing to overcome. Even in Churches where biblical understandings are implemented, the feminizing factor cannot be denied, even to the point of being overpowering at times. Marriage is no different. With women in tow, a man must slow down, change, make room in his ways for a wife. She simply can't do all he can do. Further, she has learned mannerisms which allow her to find use in a world which has decided she will be weaker, among other things. She slows things down, she adds detail and various other virtues and vices to grant a more level playing field, in her favor. And yet, any man worth his salt knows that such a playing field is a child's game meant to do precisely what it does. Men only choose to allow for that unbalanced and often illogical playing field in order, to, well, play with the crafter of that field.
In other words, both women and the Church, while natural elements in some ways, are also quite unnatural to men is as many ways. Rules, regulations, illogical devices, and an uneven playing field that is stilted against men. It is no wonder men rebel against both, and strongly, at various times in our lives. There used to be balance through law, for the family. There used to be some support through civil and religious norms. Most of that is gone, for now.
The one thing, for now, that I see in my Church is that the femininity of the Church as the bride is offset by the masculinity, even handicapped in some ways as it is, through the masculinity of the priesthood and the rest of the hierarchy. I see that as an attempt, by God I would assume, to try and create a balance between allowing the feminine of the notion of the Church being the bride of Christ and the reality that men cannot be brides. I can't say I fully understand the checks and balances, but I think barring an overriding civil dissolution the idea is good, it works, mostly. At this point, of course, we live in civil disorder.
I know, should I go looking for a wife, I will have to put up with feminine elements in my life. She will have to be allowed to impose rules, hopefully more created in unison. But if she is to have a place in our life and further into my life, I will have to bow to areas that she has responsibility thus freedom thus control. Lord knows I hope she doesn't try to dress me funny. I have limits. In other words, no matter how much men like it or not, we have to hand at least one of our testicles over for her purse, sometimes both. She will act, if the woman becomes our woman and the reverse, as a ball and chain. We will do similar back, if in different areas, but that isn't my issue today.
The Church, and women, do tend to tame men. Women can't do it without familial attachments, women will simply follow men into hedonism. The churches which try to equate men and women also fail because of the pre-existing imbalance toward the feminine of the Church. But if vows are taken in anything like a legitimate manner, the wife will settle a man. The Church will too, if a man honestly submits. Do I really want to be tamed? Honestly? No. But I do want a wife, I do want children, and I want to be a part of the Church. There is only one way to get those. I don't, however, always have to like it. I will have to grin and bear it. And, given the chance, I will.
By the way, the priest called not long ago. Being a bit busy sounding, and having a complicated schedule myself, I have not yet called him back. I hope to do that, along with some other business, tomorrow. I have a few things to discuss. *grin*
Tired, yes indeed. Sleep should be good. Doh! I forgot about the laundry. Bad me. That means another hour up. I should sleep really well.
Some help.
.
.
After I had finished my work for the evening and was resting the doorbell rang. I wasn't sure who it might be but happily answered the door. It happened to be the bishop of the local area. He had seen me out working and thought to stop and see if I could use some help. Why, yes, I could. I realize the job would have been... a bit much so soon. So, tomorrow afternoon he will be arriving with some of his children. With my weed whip and one they will arrive with, we should be able to at least take down the height, allowing for mowing soon. Quite nice and timely.
After my visitor left, I called my friend. He had just eaten. He wasn't sure he wanted company but I think he might have been a bit lonely too. He hasn't been doing well, his foot is causing him great pain. Sleep is troubled and the pain pills don't seem to allow him to sleep a full night. His doctor won't give him stronger or more medicine. Unfortunately, my friend may be addicted. I am not sure how to advise. Though I suggested that he might have a problem with the medicine more so than the pain. He didn't seem to hear though. All I know is I hate heavier pain killers, as much for fear of addiction as for my hate of how it makes me feel. Then again, maybe they simply need to treat the pain for him to heal rightly, then back him off. I really don't know.
I went shopping on my way home. Mostly cat food and litter. But I saw a nearly half off deal on my usual toilet paper, picked up more cheese, and looked over the bikes. About three quarters of the way through my shopping I realized I had pushed things a bit too much today. Or at least I was wondering. Then again, maybe I wolfed dinner down a bit too quickly. That or some combination of the two. I was seriously worried there for about ten minutes. As I left the store and neared the X, I started feeling better. Muscles are a bit pulled, I haven't used them in months. I am not sure how well tomorrow will go, but I will put some skin in the game, what I can put in. I also have to drive to SLC tomorrow night for the sleep study. Should be interesting. I should sleep well.
I have a load in the dryer and one more to dry. It has been a great day, if I survive it. I should sleep well, I am quite tired. Good night. Sleep well.
.
After I had finished my work for the evening and was resting the doorbell rang. I wasn't sure who it might be but happily answered the door. It happened to be the bishop of the local area. He had seen me out working and thought to stop and see if I could use some help. Why, yes, I could. I realize the job would have been... a bit much so soon. So, tomorrow afternoon he will be arriving with some of his children. With my weed whip and one they will arrive with, we should be able to at least take down the height, allowing for mowing soon. Quite nice and timely.
After my visitor left, I called my friend. He had just eaten. He wasn't sure he wanted company but I think he might have been a bit lonely too. He hasn't been doing well, his foot is causing him great pain. Sleep is troubled and the pain pills don't seem to allow him to sleep a full night. His doctor won't give him stronger or more medicine. Unfortunately, my friend may be addicted. I am not sure how to advise. Though I suggested that he might have a problem with the medicine more so than the pain. He didn't seem to hear though. All I know is I hate heavier pain killers, as much for fear of addiction as for my hate of how it makes me feel. Then again, maybe they simply need to treat the pain for him to heal rightly, then back him off. I really don't know.
I went shopping on my way home. Mostly cat food and litter. But I saw a nearly half off deal on my usual toilet paper, picked up more cheese, and looked over the bikes. About three quarters of the way through my shopping I realized I had pushed things a bit too much today. Or at least I was wondering. Then again, maybe I wolfed dinner down a bit too quickly. That or some combination of the two. I was seriously worried there for about ten minutes. As I left the store and neared the X, I started feeling better. Muscles are a bit pulled, I haven't used them in months. I am not sure how well tomorrow will go, but I will put some skin in the game, what I can put in. I also have to drive to SLC tomorrow night for the sleep study. Should be interesting. I should sleep well.
I have a load in the dryer and one more to dry. It has been a great day, if I survive it. I should sleep well, I am quite tired. Good night. Sleep well.
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