.
.
I have an appointment this morning, with the doctors. I get to tell them that I am at the end, and past it really, of my capacity to take the medicine. My guess is they knew this was coming, sooner or later. Since they put the appointment a month off, I think they even knew the cutt-off point. They were hoping a month would allow me time to get situated on the medicine. Or they wanted to give the medicine time to work, knowing I would do my best. I have to cut my medicine, at least back to where it was. Despite them saying they have never heard of anyone having problems with these medicines, my guess is they have heard this from every client they have, save those who are so ill from the heart problems, and tended by someone, that the patient doesn't notice the difference.
Now, it isn't that I don't want to take care of the condition, it is merely that I cannot take care of the condition. I suppose the best I can do is take what of the medicine I can take. Since the difference between one quarter and one third of the max dose (the max is what they really want, and for example, I am not exactly sure the portions only that the logic works) is probably the difference in my capacity to take it on my own, that there is little health benefit from the upper part of that and I do better on the lower amount, which means I will probably half and half again the dose of my main medicine, over time. I suppose a bit of medicine coupled with being (more) active is better than nothing and better still than taking so much I end up missing lots of doses.
I have a good idea how they will take this. But that is that. I do need to check and see if the angiography is still planned for later this month. I have arranged lodging for the visit. Hotels either have a three star or better rating at a hundred plus a night or they get comments suggesting the plumbing doesn't work, the place is either dirty or filthy, the place seemed dangerous, and even that prostitution and drug deals are going on in the places. Urhm, a hundred and more didn't seem all that bad, all things considered. Oh, those things will still happen, they just won't be nearly so obvious. Now, the thing is, after going through an online site to order my reservations I went to look at the hotel more closely at it's own site. I wanted to see if I really saved any money (to my notions, from what I could see, I did not, by the way). In any case, the hotel itself was showing no vacancies. Odd, and most hotels were showing no vacancies throughout SLC. Is something happening mid-September that would cause hotels to be booked full? Hmm, not Thanksgiving, not Christmas, then, what? Ski season won't open for another month either. Weird. All over SLC, hotels seemed booked. I couldn't find a hotel with smoking rooms though, for my mother. I don't mind, mostly. She will, but... Not much I can do if such a thing doesn't exist.
I wish there was more to do in SLC, early. While I am sure, if you lived there and knew the place well, you might be able to find a thing or two. But for a big city it does roll up the streets and shut down the world at a rather early time. Then again, what would be open in real big cities? Bars? Great. Actually, what would I be interested in doing? Hmm, window shopping tools, chatting up a solar energy store employee (though often the salesmen know nothing), finding books on the subject. Nothing exciting but it might be something. Hmm, since I will be in town after it wakes up I might look for a bookstore or a alternative power store or resource center to visit.
Later.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Bee in the bonnet.
.
.
While I can't sleep and am unfit for work, my mind has been doing things. While browsing the web I happened to be directed to a horror movie. No, that one wasn't of particular interest. But it did cause me to start thinking of movies I had seen. Just as now, as a child, I had difficulty sleeping. My mother happened to be a fan of horror, and company was better than not. So, while my brother slept, we watched old horrors. I wasn't allowed to watch the really bad ones, like Last House on the Left (which I still haven't seen, and won't).
But there was one I could only faintly remember. Something about dinosaurs, and some people running, and an insane asylum at the end. I thought it would be easy to find. Not so much. A half dozen search criteria in several search engines and YouTube came up with nothing. Looking through hosts of sites, dozens of collections of trailers, I was starting to get a headache. Finally, with a list of movies and links where I could check the name and find out more, I hit upon it. "Equinox" (1970, though the original was "The Equinox", 1967).
Oh, it is a stupid movie. The monsters are claymation, the story is probably as bad as the monsters, the acting is wretched, I had no doubts. I don't think I thought it was all that good as a child. But I did see potential. Not for anything fantastic, but for more than what was shown. And, the good thing was, it wasn't the soft-port (or even harder versions) that a lot of horror was and is, it wasn't a slasher (never cared for those). Just a tale to tell over a fire while camping I suppose. But, I did find it.
There is one more I may look for someday. In the story, a young woman and her husband meet the mother-in-law (the wife's mother). As the story goes on, it turns out the mother-in-law is a witch. And she tries to kill the husband for some reason. I think they try to escape but trickery is afoot. Finally, he finds the witch, kills her, and buries her. Then continues life with his wife until he realizes it is not his wife. He races to dig up the grave of the witch only to find it was his wife he killed and buried.
I used to like Vincent Price movies, but later on realized they were extremely melodramatic. And just as cheesy as the others. Of course, he seems to have a very 'Poe' appeal. Then again, I sort of burned out on Poe long ago too. Ah well. It is interesting to find out what movies are available to watch without paying. Some are tightly guarded. Equinox was just released as a bundle of a bunch of stupid things, for $36 or so, therefore it is not available. But to me, it never will be worth $36, or even $6 and shipping. I just wanted to know what the darned thing was called! Ack. Well, I would have watched it again, if it was free. Spending my time as the fee for nostalgia, nothing more.
I think it is about bed time. I have to get up and get going for an early appointment tomorrow, but that shouldn't be a problem. I will probably be up by midnight and I am staying up 12 to 18 hours, which will see me off, which is all I need. I can limp back if I have to. Oh, beans and ham are cooked. I suppose I should tend that. It takes hours for it to cool down enough to mess with though. Hmm, a bowl of that wouldn't be a bad thing. With some of the whole whipping cream to thicken the juice. Numm!
Good night.
.
While I can't sleep and am unfit for work, my mind has been doing things. While browsing the web I happened to be directed to a horror movie. No, that one wasn't of particular interest. But it did cause me to start thinking of movies I had seen. Just as now, as a child, I had difficulty sleeping. My mother happened to be a fan of horror, and company was better than not. So, while my brother slept, we watched old horrors. I wasn't allowed to watch the really bad ones, like Last House on the Left (which I still haven't seen, and won't).
But there was one I could only faintly remember. Something about dinosaurs, and some people running, and an insane asylum at the end. I thought it would be easy to find. Not so much. A half dozen search criteria in several search engines and YouTube came up with nothing. Looking through hosts of sites, dozens of collections of trailers, I was starting to get a headache. Finally, with a list of movies and links where I could check the name and find out more, I hit upon it. "Equinox" (1970, though the original was "The Equinox", 1967).
Oh, it is a stupid movie. The monsters are claymation, the story is probably as bad as the monsters, the acting is wretched, I had no doubts. I don't think I thought it was all that good as a child. But I did see potential. Not for anything fantastic, but for more than what was shown. And, the good thing was, it wasn't the soft-port (or even harder versions) that a lot of horror was and is, it wasn't a slasher (never cared for those). Just a tale to tell over a fire while camping I suppose. But, I did find it.
There is one more I may look for someday. In the story, a young woman and her husband meet the mother-in-law (the wife's mother). As the story goes on, it turns out the mother-in-law is a witch. And she tries to kill the husband for some reason. I think they try to escape but trickery is afoot. Finally, he finds the witch, kills her, and buries her. Then continues life with his wife until he realizes it is not his wife. He races to dig up the grave of the witch only to find it was his wife he killed and buried.
I used to like Vincent Price movies, but later on realized they were extremely melodramatic. And just as cheesy as the others. Of course, he seems to have a very 'Poe' appeal. Then again, I sort of burned out on Poe long ago too. Ah well. It is interesting to find out what movies are available to watch without paying. Some are tightly guarded. Equinox was just released as a bundle of a bunch of stupid things, for $36 or so, therefore it is not available. But to me, it never will be worth $36, or even $6 and shipping. I just wanted to know what the darned thing was called! Ack. Well, I would have watched it again, if it was free. Spending my time as the fee for nostalgia, nothing more.
I think it is about bed time. I have to get up and get going for an early appointment tomorrow, but that shouldn't be a problem. I will probably be up by midnight and I am staying up 12 to 18 hours, which will see me off, which is all I need. I can limp back if I have to. Oh, beans and ham are cooked. I suppose I should tend that. It takes hours for it to cool down enough to mess with though. Hmm, a bowl of that wouldn't be a bad thing. With some of the whole whipping cream to thicken the juice. Numm!
Good night.
Solar power, inverters, charge controllers, wiring for dc.
.
.
Yeah, okay. I'm starting to see rough outlines. I am starting to see where, money allowing, along with a little ingenuity and elbow grease, a decent system could be created easily and rather quickly. The more difficult aspects are designing the system,which will require understanding what I need/want from the system in the first place, wiring dc (and perhaps developing some of the dc to ac for a small number of ac outlets, if it is possible to have a "duel fuel" power system), and probably hooking up the tie-in to the grid (required to receive the government rebates which would make the system more feasible).
From what I am seeing, so far, the reason a tie-in system is more of a problem is because it involves a (pseudo, if they insist) government bureaucracy involvement (the power company, so regulated it might as well be the Post Office!). I am not sure how much red tape is involved, but just understand, whenever the government gets involved, expenses and complexity escalate exponentially. As well, your opsec is smashed. No, you can't trust your government, or to keep it's mouth shut. Telling the government anything is like putting neon signs every few miles on every road leading from your home for as far as our borders and beyond (or, telling a woman, which is often exactly what you are doing). Bah! Still, those neon lights dim in time. And in a grid down, they would go out.
I am looking at a couple of devices tonight, a grid-tie and battery back up inverter and a charge controller, trying to figure out what they mean. Sure, sure, they have descriptions. Oh, of course, it is easy to find more general descriptions of the general device, how it fits in, what it really does.
One indicates it is good for 3.6 kW at 48 volt and 45 amp DC charger and is vented. Okay. Is that, per hour? Is that per day? Do I need one, two, four, six? What in the world am I really dealing with? Is that average in a sunny place like Hawaii or Florida, is that average in the contiguous US, what? Can I even just have one, or must they come in pairs? Oh, sure, I have read, and read, and read, and... I am still reading. How can you know how much to plan to install if you don't even know how much you really need? I did see a bill from December last, electric, indicating I had used 1.3k kwHrs for the month. I suppose that is a start, but how does that relate to real daily usage. (Remember, I have some electric heat, which I use always in my en suite bathroom and any time I am here in the computer room and feel a chill (since I am in skivvies, even in the winter, that is usually:). I use far more electricity, I think, in the winter. But, what does that really mean?
Oh, why the 48 volts? I am thinking that the best place, for me, to install solar panels, is out back, on poles, stacked several on a pole, around the fenced periphery of my acre. I can't swear I need 100 yards (or is it feet), but I suspect I might. The trees would make them invisible from the front. I suppose I could put a couple (four, maybe eight) on the font south facing slant roof, but that roof is low enough that they would easily be seen on the road. I don't wish to advertise.
The second device is much more straight forward. Heck, it doesn't even indicate it is self-venting, or needs venting, or... something. What is missing, again, of course, is scale. Is this a singular device, how many kWhrs will it handle, and of course installation.
Well, this item makes more sense, though I still don't have a good grip on how much power over time it actually offers. It says 7,200 watts. Nice. Is that per hour of sunshine, per day, per minute, per... what? If it is per day on a sunny day, this is (according to my December power bill) about one seventh of what I use, currently. Did you happen to notice how much it cost. Of course, you still have to add solar panels, the charge controller, wiring, and either do or have the installation done. My guess is, if you buy your own parts, many companies will not then install or if they do, they would do so at a steep premium. Their junk or your work, most likely.
There is nothing altruistic about solar, or any other, alternative energy source. It's all about the green which has nothing to do with grass, trees, the planet, carbon footprints, or anything else. Only the foolish earth religionists can imagine that, fool themselves into any such damned fool notions. It's about backing away from a failing system and covering your own butt, or if you install and build, about getting as fat and happy as you can while the (economic) sun still shines. Right, Gore?
Is there a "Solar Power for Dummies", then a solid follow-up for more advanced, then maybe a manual for installation? Hmm, now I went and did it! Okay, that is what I need to look for. Books. I will go look. Reading online, mostly from people who are saying "Don't worry, buy this, it is the best evah!" isn't getting it.
Later.
ahahahahahahhaaa whoo haha Solar Power Your Home for Dummies
.
Yeah, okay. I'm starting to see rough outlines. I am starting to see where, money allowing, along with a little ingenuity and elbow grease, a decent system could be created easily and rather quickly. The more difficult aspects are designing the system,which will require understanding what I need/want from the system in the first place, wiring dc (and perhaps developing some of the dc to ac for a small number of ac outlets, if it is possible to have a "duel fuel" power system), and probably hooking up the tie-in to the grid (required to receive the government rebates which would make the system more feasible).
From what I am seeing, so far, the reason a tie-in system is more of a problem is because it involves a (pseudo, if they insist) government bureaucracy involvement (the power company, so regulated it might as well be the Post Office!). I am not sure how much red tape is involved, but just understand, whenever the government gets involved, expenses and complexity escalate exponentially. As well, your opsec is smashed. No, you can't trust your government, or to keep it's mouth shut. Telling the government anything is like putting neon signs every few miles on every road leading from your home for as far as our borders and beyond (or, telling a woman, which is often exactly what you are doing). Bah! Still, those neon lights dim in time. And in a grid down, they would go out.
I am looking at a couple of devices tonight, a grid-tie and battery back up inverter and a charge controller, trying to figure out what they mean. Sure, sure, they have descriptions. Oh, of course, it is easy to find more general descriptions of the general device, how it fits in, what it really does.
One indicates it is good for 3.6 kW at 48 volt and 45 amp DC charger and is vented. Okay. Is that, per hour? Is that per day? Do I need one, two, four, six? What in the world am I really dealing with? Is that average in a sunny place like Hawaii or Florida, is that average in the contiguous US, what? Can I even just have one, or must they come in pairs? Oh, sure, I have read, and read, and read, and... I am still reading. How can you know how much to plan to install if you don't even know how much you really need? I did see a bill from December last, electric, indicating I had used 1.3k kwHrs for the month. I suppose that is a start, but how does that relate to real daily usage. (Remember, I have some electric heat, which I use always in my en suite bathroom and any time I am here in the computer room and feel a chill (since I am in skivvies, even in the winter, that is usually:). I use far more electricity, I think, in the winter. But, what does that really mean?
Oh, why the 48 volts? I am thinking that the best place, for me, to install solar panels, is out back, on poles, stacked several on a pole, around the fenced periphery of my acre. I can't swear I need 100 yards (or is it feet), but I suspect I might. The trees would make them invisible from the front. I suppose I could put a couple (four, maybe eight) on the font south facing slant roof, but that roof is low enough that they would easily be seen on the road. I don't wish to advertise.
The second device is much more straight forward. Heck, it doesn't even indicate it is self-venting, or needs venting, or... something. What is missing, again, of course, is scale. Is this a singular device, how many kWhrs will it handle, and of course installation.
Well, this item makes more sense, though I still don't have a good grip on how much power over time it actually offers. It says 7,200 watts. Nice. Is that per hour of sunshine, per day, per minute, per... what? If it is per day on a sunny day, this is (according to my December power bill) about one seventh of what I use, currently. Did you happen to notice how much it cost. Of course, you still have to add solar panels, the charge controller, wiring, and either do or have the installation done. My guess is, if you buy your own parts, many companies will not then install or if they do, they would do so at a steep premium. Their junk or your work, most likely.
There is nothing altruistic about solar, or any other, alternative energy source. It's all about the green which has nothing to do with grass, trees, the planet, carbon footprints, or anything else. Only the foolish earth religionists can imagine that, fool themselves into any such damned fool notions. It's about backing away from a failing system and covering your own butt, or if you install and build, about getting as fat and happy as you can while the (economic) sun still shines. Right, Gore?
Is there a "Solar Power for Dummies", then a solid follow-up for more advanced, then maybe a manual for installation? Hmm, now I went and did it! Okay, that is what I need to look for. Books. I will go look. Reading online, mostly from people who are saying "Don't worry, buy this, it is the best evah!" isn't getting it.
Later.
ahahahahahahhaaa whoo haha Solar Power Your Home for Dummies
Cheesy?
.
.
I've gotta tell you, when a woman laughs at your jokes a little too much, it sure seems cheesy. Oh, fine, in a bar it's great. Everyone is fat, happy, and stupid there anyway. Which is probably why I don't go there anymore. Something akin to the Camelot in Monty Python movies? Yeah, probably.
Anyway, I have always found women who laugh at everything you say as silly. I used to think it was due to drink. But when it happens at a grocery store? Oh, she was pretty enough. Couldn't have been much more than 23 or 24 either. What was she doing laughing at my jokes? I tested by tossing out a couple that were blatantly foolish. Nope, she still chuckled. Maybe I am being too harsh? Is this a natural reaction to a guy they like, hate, fear, see as authoritative, or... something?
Anyway, I did get some groceries bought. On the downside, I am out of freezer space. I went with pot pies, as a filler food. I even bought a dinky apple and cherry pie, just to sample. Curiosity got the best of me. Of course I bought some nice salami cuts, various cheeses, sour cream and whipping cream, and ricotta cheese. I have never tried ricotta, though I am guessing it is similar to a pseudo-pureed cottage cheese? I have had it in lasagna, just never by itself. I want to try it in the beans and ham, maybe with the cold cuts and cheese too. Just to get familiar with it.
Oh, I did buy a little more than the recommended amount of bleach for storage. It is the first item officially ready to go and put in my downstairs pantry. I need to get a permanent marker, or find mine and see if it (or they) still work, to put dates on things. My goal is to replace many things in a year, including bleach but minus long term food storage items. I'll just look through stuff occasionally, and if it is a year old, put it on a grocery list, buy it, and trade places with the "old" long term storage item. I would like to add foods into a rotation, say keeping some flower and some wheat berries on hand, but turnover isn't quite as time sensitive (other than opened containers, which is why I think #10 cans are best for me, at this time).
If you want to become a chef, to be honest, don't go to chef school (first). Go out and eat everything you can get you hands on, of various "qualities", in various forms, mixed, matched, cooked, raw, and in between. Sample what spices do, mix and match, and create flavor profiles of your own. And don't stop with what you like. Try to learn how to create flavors other people like, maybe especially if you don't like the taste. Just so you know what is right and wrong about a particular dish and can tell if it is "right", even thought you despise the profile. No, I will never be a chef. But I would like to be as close to a home chef as is possible. My lady friend often liked things I despised, to her I owe a great debt (if I didn't, at first, understand or appreciate). I learned to make things she adored and I hated as well as learning to make things we both liked. Almost all my dishes were hand made, start to stop, too. But I also learned that, to be a real chef, you need to shop pretty much daily, you need a prep chef (or two), and someone to wash and keep on top of that, and you need some cooking devices that are outside of the financial capacity of two middle incomes unless both were extremist foodies. Think blast chiller, salamander, and the rest. Well, and a home which has been refitted to handle the heat and energy requirements of that equipment, and given the space for easy access and use of several of those at a time. *laughs* Hey, I thought about trying to figure it out at one time.
I am not sure I will get to much tonight. I would love to, but there is nothing left to give. Who knows though, as time passes, perhaps something will trigger something which will start the ball rolling. Once it gets rolling, it works. Until then, well, you have here what I have had for the weeks before yesterday. If nothing else, the big picture ball is on the move. I am getting closer to having things done. I am well ahead of where I was yesterday.
Later or good night.
.
I've gotta tell you, when a woman laughs at your jokes a little too much, it sure seems cheesy. Oh, fine, in a bar it's great. Everyone is fat, happy, and stupid there anyway. Which is probably why I don't go there anymore. Something akin to the Camelot in Monty Python movies? Yeah, probably.
Anyway, I have always found women who laugh at everything you say as silly. I used to think it was due to drink. But when it happens at a grocery store? Oh, she was pretty enough. Couldn't have been much more than 23 or 24 either. What was she doing laughing at my jokes? I tested by tossing out a couple that were blatantly foolish. Nope, she still chuckled. Maybe I am being too harsh? Is this a natural reaction to a guy they like, hate, fear, see as authoritative, or... something?
Anyway, I did get some groceries bought. On the downside, I am out of freezer space. I went with pot pies, as a filler food. I even bought a dinky apple and cherry pie, just to sample. Curiosity got the best of me. Of course I bought some nice salami cuts, various cheeses, sour cream and whipping cream, and ricotta cheese. I have never tried ricotta, though I am guessing it is similar to a pseudo-pureed cottage cheese? I have had it in lasagna, just never by itself. I want to try it in the beans and ham, maybe with the cold cuts and cheese too. Just to get familiar with it.
Oh, I did buy a little more than the recommended amount of bleach for storage. It is the first item officially ready to go and put in my downstairs pantry. I need to get a permanent marker, or find mine and see if it (or they) still work, to put dates on things. My goal is to replace many things in a year, including bleach but minus long term food storage items. I'll just look through stuff occasionally, and if it is a year old, put it on a grocery list, buy it, and trade places with the "old" long term storage item. I would like to add foods into a rotation, say keeping some flower and some wheat berries on hand, but turnover isn't quite as time sensitive (other than opened containers, which is why I think #10 cans are best for me, at this time).
If you want to become a chef, to be honest, don't go to chef school (first). Go out and eat everything you can get you hands on, of various "qualities", in various forms, mixed, matched, cooked, raw, and in between. Sample what spices do, mix and match, and create flavor profiles of your own. And don't stop with what you like. Try to learn how to create flavors other people like, maybe especially if you don't like the taste. Just so you know what is right and wrong about a particular dish and can tell if it is "right", even thought you despise the profile. No, I will never be a chef. But I would like to be as close to a home chef as is possible. My lady friend often liked things I despised, to her I owe a great debt (if I didn't, at first, understand or appreciate). I learned to make things she adored and I hated as well as learning to make things we both liked. Almost all my dishes were hand made, start to stop, too. But I also learned that, to be a real chef, you need to shop pretty much daily, you need a prep chef (or two), and someone to wash and keep on top of that, and you need some cooking devices that are outside of the financial capacity of two middle incomes unless both were extremist foodies. Think blast chiller, salamander, and the rest. Well, and a home which has been refitted to handle the heat and energy requirements of that equipment, and given the space for easy access and use of several of those at a time. *laughs* Hey, I thought about trying to figure it out at one time.
I am not sure I will get to much tonight. I would love to, but there is nothing left to give. Who knows though, as time passes, perhaps something will trigger something which will start the ball rolling. Once it gets rolling, it works. Until then, well, you have here what I have had for the weeks before yesterday. If nothing else, the big picture ball is on the move. I am getting closer to having things done. I am well ahead of where I was yesterday.
Later or good night.
Twitching but awake.
.
.
Yeah, it has been a tough couple of days. Sleep is difficult, adding in a doorbell and it was murder. I am not sure what I can do, but having started with tasks, even though I don't feel like continuing, seeing the carrot of partially completed tasks drives me on. Little areas looking better today than for days or weeks, jobs in themselves half or more completed, and little things I have been wanting to complete which haven't be touched in a bit are everywhere. I need some time to get my bean wrapped around life but there seems to be no time like the present. Food would help but none is just sitting there, ready to be consumed. So, perhaps a shower, a trip to town to grab a bit, eating a bite, recovering from that, then on to work. It is the plan, whatever really happens.
I have loaded two pounds of beans into the soaking pot. I have a ham thawed for when it is time. A little bit of sour cream, or whole whipping cream, might be good. I know I have no whipping cream so I best check on sour cream before I head to town. That adds a richness when the beans and ham become a little stale from eating it a bit too often over a short time. The ham and beans should give me a good week of plentiful eating, maybe two. A loaf of good bread or rolls would add to that greatly. This time I ought to freeze about half of my production, but that ends up being a lot of work I am not sure I can do. Splitting off and cutting up the ham, portioning out bits ham to the various containers, all of it going into a half dozen containers or back into the cookpot, then being allowed to cool enough to freeze. It's a goal.
Well, on to... waking up. Good "day".
.
Yeah, it has been a tough couple of days. Sleep is difficult, adding in a doorbell and it was murder. I am not sure what I can do, but having started with tasks, even though I don't feel like continuing, seeing the carrot of partially completed tasks drives me on. Little areas looking better today than for days or weeks, jobs in themselves half or more completed, and little things I have been wanting to complete which haven't be touched in a bit are everywhere. I need some time to get my bean wrapped around life but there seems to be no time like the present. Food would help but none is just sitting there, ready to be consumed. So, perhaps a shower, a trip to town to grab a bit, eating a bite, recovering from that, then on to work. It is the plan, whatever really happens.
I have loaded two pounds of beans into the soaking pot. I have a ham thawed for when it is time. A little bit of sour cream, or whole whipping cream, might be good. I know I have no whipping cream so I best check on sour cream before I head to town. That adds a richness when the beans and ham become a little stale from eating it a bit too often over a short time. The ham and beans should give me a good week of plentiful eating, maybe two. A loaf of good bread or rolls would add to that greatly. This time I ought to freeze about half of my production, but that ends up being a lot of work I am not sure I can do. Splitting off and cutting up the ham, portioning out bits ham to the various containers, all of it going into a half dozen containers or back into the cookpot, then being allowed to cool enough to freeze. It's a goal.
Well, on to... waking up. Good "day".
Monday, September 5, 2011
Gotta try for more sleep.
.
.
*zzz...* Huh? Oh, right.
Waking up hurt. The news of possible water access rung a very tired bell, beside the irritation of the doorbell. I had to dig and then begin trying to come down. *zzz*
Later.
.
*zzz...* Huh? Oh, right.
Waking up hurt. The news of possible water access rung a very tired bell, beside the irritation of the doorbell. I had to dig and then begin trying to come down. *zzz*
Later.
Another door bell ring.
.
.
This time it came a few hours after I had laid down to sleep. And I really needed sleep. I am surprised I heard it. I was wearing the CPAP (for the first time), which might have been new enough to keep me from deeper sleep. I wondered if I had missed something or if a neighbor needed something. I had forgotten to call my neighbor again. Odd, but the neighbor called right after the doorbell incident. It seems the Mr. got my message and was calling back? I spoke of that for a bit, he said he will look into it, then he had news.
He said his mother works for the county water board. It seems I DO have water shares or rights, two water shares. The last owners hadn't even known, somehow. The water was in the name of the original owners (only three different owners (the first owners passed it down through the family from 1880 until 2003 or so)). If so, their shares go back a long way, which is quite good in a state where the date of the claim is counted as your position in line for water in scarce years (rights though, not shares, as I have found out after researching). It is irrigation water, from what I am told. I think I was told more because I haven't been watering my lawn than anything else? That was mentioned. *grins* Never... mind. He suggested what an upwelling (or something like that, where the water comes out) might look like. As soon as I can get my act together, I will begin looking for it. Two shares. I'm not quite sure exactly what that means, though it should be plenty for a little more than an acre.
After a bit of checking, I will learn more. Okay, here it is. Both water rights and shares exist, and they are quite different. Both of them seem to have limits on non-use, where access may be canceled after so many years (5). If it is water rights, it would be a set amount of water. But if it is a water share, that is dependent on a board's ruling here in Utah that sets "water bounties" based on what is considered necessary for production locally, by county, per acre, though some counties might have more than one area if the conditions are different enough I suppose.
I am terribly surprised the last owners didn't know. I am quite sure they would have utilized that water. They did a lot of work. And, though I am not positive, it seems that even irrigation water can be used for livestock? Oops, irrigation water is seasonally available. Oh, but there is some other classification, agricultural water, which can be used for both livestock and irrigation. Ugh, this is getting confusing. I honestly can't understand why that wouldn't have been a part of the contracted deed of sale, or whatever? Perhaps the one who sold the place was a widow and she simply didn't know these things?
In any case, if I can renew that, and get it into my name, I probably will, cost dependent. If it is too much I simply won't be able to move on it. I only have just so much financial wiggle room right at this moment. But you know I would love to have some water availability, even if just for the lawn. A timer or two and hoses, I suppose.
.
This time it came a few hours after I had laid down to sleep. And I really needed sleep. I am surprised I heard it. I was wearing the CPAP (for the first time), which might have been new enough to keep me from deeper sleep. I wondered if I had missed something or if a neighbor needed something. I had forgotten to call my neighbor again. Odd, but the neighbor called right after the doorbell incident. It seems the Mr. got my message and was calling back? I spoke of that for a bit, he said he will look into it, then he had news.
He said his mother works for the county water board. It seems I DO have water shares or rights, two water shares. The last owners hadn't even known, somehow. The water was in the name of the original owners (only three different owners (the first owners passed it down through the family from 1880 until 2003 or so)). If so, their shares go back a long way, which is quite good in a state where the date of the claim is counted as your position in line for water in scarce years (rights though, not shares, as I have found out after researching). It is irrigation water, from what I am told. I think I was told more because I haven't been watering my lawn than anything else? That was mentioned. *grins* Never... mind. He suggested what an upwelling (or something like that, where the water comes out) might look like. As soon as I can get my act together, I will begin looking for it. Two shares. I'm not quite sure exactly what that means, though it should be plenty for a little more than an acre.
After a bit of checking, I will learn more. Okay, here it is. Both water rights and shares exist, and they are quite different. Both of them seem to have limits on non-use, where access may be canceled after so many years (5). If it is water rights, it would be a set amount of water. But if it is a water share, that is dependent on a board's ruling here in Utah that sets "water bounties" based on what is considered necessary for production locally, by county, per acre, though some counties might have more than one area if the conditions are different enough I suppose.
I am terribly surprised the last owners didn't know. I am quite sure they would have utilized that water. They did a lot of work. And, though I am not positive, it seems that even irrigation water can be used for livestock? Oops, irrigation water is seasonally available. Oh, but there is some other classification, agricultural water, which can be used for both livestock and irrigation. Ugh, this is getting confusing. I honestly can't understand why that wouldn't have been a part of the contracted deed of sale, or whatever? Perhaps the one who sold the place was a widow and she simply didn't know these things?
In any case, if I can renew that, and get it into my name, I probably will, cost dependent. If it is too much I simply won't be able to move on it. I only have just so much financial wiggle room right at this moment. But you know I would love to have some water availability, even if just for the lawn. A timer or two and hoses, I suppose.
Running out of steam.
.
.
I have done what I could. Two loads of dishes, two loads of laundry, a bit of cleaning, picking up, and organizing here and there. I want to fold the last of the laundry and what is in the dryer, put the wash into the dryer and let it go on 'fluff', make my bed, and then crash as hard as I can. If nothing else, I am pleased to have gotten the work that I did do finished. I have some hope that this isn't the last of my work cycle. I would like to have the computer room, laundry, dishes, kitchen, and my bedroom ready for inspection from the mother general. Next week would be an easy week if so.
I need to do a bit of shopping to see me through. I do need good food when I want to work. I had grilled chicken the other day, a bunch of it. And that did help probably get me to the point of working. In these times, with the medicine beating me up, knowing to eat is one thing, figuring out how to buy, getting enough going to cook, even remember to eat, and figuring that all out in a short enough time that the food doesn't spoil, is actually one heck of a trick. It's almost an accident. Still, it's part of my game plan.
Well, I best get to things. My back is starting to ache and not recovering well anymore. Just a few more things and I can sleep with a (more than usual) tired body and a rested mind (rested from having begun the work, done the work that I have).
Good night.
.
I have done what I could. Two loads of dishes, two loads of laundry, a bit of cleaning, picking up, and organizing here and there. I want to fold the last of the laundry and what is in the dryer, put the wash into the dryer and let it go on 'fluff', make my bed, and then crash as hard as I can. If nothing else, I am pleased to have gotten the work that I did do finished. I have some hope that this isn't the last of my work cycle. I would like to have the computer room, laundry, dishes, kitchen, and my bedroom ready for inspection from the mother general. Next week would be an easy week if so.
I need to do a bit of shopping to see me through. I do need good food when I want to work. I had grilled chicken the other day, a bunch of it. And that did help probably get me to the point of working. In these times, with the medicine beating me up, knowing to eat is one thing, figuring out how to buy, getting enough going to cook, even remember to eat, and figuring that all out in a short enough time that the food doesn't spoil, is actually one heck of a trick. It's almost an accident. Still, it's part of my game plan.
Well, I best get to things. My back is starting to ache and not recovering well anymore. Just a few more things and I can sleep with a (more than usual) tired body and a rested mind (rested from having begun the work, done the work that I have).
Good night.
Moving forward.
.
.
A load of laundry is just about dry now, one of the loads of dishes has been washed dried and put away, the computer room has been touched up, and during my break I have booked a hotel room for the angiography and read something I promised to read. While it is far from stellar, my plans for tonight are indeed moving forward. I need to eat though. Hmm, eggs, toast, bacon, and milk? Yeah, I suppose that might work. But after one more load of laundry and dishes have been completely done, so I have a kitchen sink available and another bit of work checked off. I hate cooking without having a sink right there, open, free, and usable in all ways. And food is a good carrot to get other things done.
Before I booked a room I checked my accounts. Not great but not bad either. If I only spend on groceries and travel as needed, plus a couple nice meals with my mom, I should be able to do well enough. Nothing fancy, mind you. And, if I keep it frugal by watching my nickels, I do believe I might be able to get the sweeteners this month if things look good at the end of the month and push ahead and buy a good deal of the rest next month. Wheat will be the one thing I will definitely be holding off buying until November. The stuff I want is a bit more expensive. Why buy it? Because I am not willing to hope that I am buying fresh good grain, that is not several years old, for all I know, and of questionable sources. Right now a store will sell you your own foot if they think you won't notice. But I think I can buy the rest of the food stores for a year next month.
Oh, I had meant to do it but forgot, I did fix that. I had suggested saving an extra hundred each month, for, say, eight to ten months, and then buying a mbr, namely the M1A. So, since pay day just passed, I put $100 into savings then set up an automatic transfer. I already have a transfer going but I couldn't find a way to amend that one. I actually have it set up to pull for the next three years or so, same as the other. Which is fine, I would actually, eventually, time allowing, like to dump 20% of my income into a 'possibilities' account. But that will be... a while. Even though I may end up using much of my savings (except at least that $100 for the rifle), if need be, to buy the long term and three-month supply. I want to get that kick started hard, and figure out rotation, and eventually rotation of even some of the long term foods (grains for cereal, bread, whatnot, and of course the beans and rice). I will sleep a hell-a-lot better knowing I have food for a year and stored properly, and three months of easement food (intermediary food, between all by hand and the ease of life today). Then I can move on to a grain mill, electricity needs, the possibility of propane installation and then appliances and perhaps a propane generator. Oh, and somewhere in there a chronograph. And, well, everything else. Ugh!
So much, so big, but it is going forward. It does take time. It takes money, and managing money. It takes effort. I have been, while in zombieland, prepping if somewhat in a sideways fashion (wool socks, new clothes (of utility), skivvies I have wanted and needed due to their particular utility, tools, and such). These things are good, but I was missing the boat. I should have been buying food. I am so distractable, worse when illness or medicine flare up. Then again getting out was not easy, sometimes it wasn't possible. Whether I seemed to want or need to get out it just didn't happen, often. If I can get the foods in order however, I will be pleased with those other things. I have never had a pair of cotton socks last me more than a year or two, I have wool socks from back when I was playing with the hippie chick(en). Ha! That is seven or eight years of wear, or more, and I wear them daily. Well, when I do wear anything, which is usually save summer when I don't have to leave my home.
By the way, it is seriously cooling off. While it seems warm enough during the day, and it is in the 70's and 80's, my house is staying at 72 (with the windows closed) which, after the 90's and 100's seems downright cold. I'll... have to adjust. Hopefully before the real cold hits. Uhrm, right, back to it.
.
A load of laundry is just about dry now, one of the loads of dishes has been washed dried and put away, the computer room has been touched up, and during my break I have booked a hotel room for the angiography and read something I promised to read. While it is far from stellar, my plans for tonight are indeed moving forward. I need to eat though. Hmm, eggs, toast, bacon, and milk? Yeah, I suppose that might work. But after one more load of laundry and dishes have been completely done, so I have a kitchen sink available and another bit of work checked off. I hate cooking without having a sink right there, open, free, and usable in all ways. And food is a good carrot to get other things done.
Before I booked a room I checked my accounts. Not great but not bad either. If I only spend on groceries and travel as needed, plus a couple nice meals with my mom, I should be able to do well enough. Nothing fancy, mind you. And, if I keep it frugal by watching my nickels, I do believe I might be able to get the sweeteners this month if things look good at the end of the month and push ahead and buy a good deal of the rest next month. Wheat will be the one thing I will definitely be holding off buying until November. The stuff I want is a bit more expensive. Why buy it? Because I am not willing to hope that I am buying fresh good grain, that is not several years old, for all I know, and of questionable sources. Right now a store will sell you your own foot if they think you won't notice. But I think I can buy the rest of the food stores for a year next month.
Oh, I had meant to do it but forgot, I did fix that. I had suggested saving an extra hundred each month, for, say, eight to ten months, and then buying a mbr, namely the M1A. So, since pay day just passed, I put $100 into savings then set up an automatic transfer. I already have a transfer going but I couldn't find a way to amend that one. I actually have it set up to pull for the next three years or so, same as the other. Which is fine, I would actually, eventually, time allowing, like to dump 20% of my income into a 'possibilities' account. But that will be... a while. Even though I may end up using much of my savings (except at least that $100 for the rifle), if need be, to buy the long term and three-month supply. I want to get that kick started hard, and figure out rotation, and eventually rotation of even some of the long term foods (grains for cereal, bread, whatnot, and of course the beans and rice). I will sleep a hell-a-lot better knowing I have food for a year and stored properly, and three months of easement food (intermediary food, between all by hand and the ease of life today). Then I can move on to a grain mill, electricity needs, the possibility of propane installation and then appliances and perhaps a propane generator. Oh, and somewhere in there a chronograph. And, well, everything else. Ugh!
So much, so big, but it is going forward. It does take time. It takes money, and managing money. It takes effort. I have been, while in zombieland, prepping if somewhat in a sideways fashion (wool socks, new clothes (of utility), skivvies I have wanted and needed due to their particular utility, tools, and such). These things are good, but I was missing the boat. I should have been buying food. I am so distractable, worse when illness or medicine flare up. Then again getting out was not easy, sometimes it wasn't possible. Whether I seemed to want or need to get out it just didn't happen, often. If I can get the foods in order however, I will be pleased with those other things. I have never had a pair of cotton socks last me more than a year or two, I have wool socks from back when I was playing with the hippie chick(en). Ha! That is seven or eight years of wear, or more, and I wear them daily. Well, when I do wear anything, which is usually save summer when I don't have to leave my home.
By the way, it is seriously cooling off. While it seems warm enough during the day, and it is in the 70's and 80's, my house is staying at 72 (with the windows closed) which, after the 90's and 100's seems downright cold. I'll... have to adjust. Hopefully before the real cold hits. Uhrm, right, back to it.
Not going to waste what I have.
.
.
No more, or at least not tonight! I have been sitting and moaning recently. Sure, research is ongoing, including long term food storage. I think I might be able to get more of that more quickly than what I had thought. While I haven't checked out my money to see if I can buy sweeteners this month, I have that list. My guess, with two nights of motel and food costs in SLC surrounding the angiography, it would probably be wise to skip that this month. But, other than looking and thinking, nothing physical has been happening. As I said, not tonight.
I... sort of just stumbled into it. Angry to have been tricked, in a way, by my medicine, and while walking through the kitchen and seeing the dishes stacked up, I decided to put my hands to them. I drained what needed to be drained, filled one basin with hot sudsy water, washed off the counter space I will need and then some, put two more basins of dishes to soak, and... decided that wasn't near enough. I think it sort of followed like this. I then went to get my dirty laundry. I was fearing I had a bunch in the wash room but that didn't confront me none. It all has to be done. So, I entered my bedroom and picked up every last stitch of easily collectible dirty garment I could find, putting it all into a heaping basket.
But then I looked at my bed. It was still out in the middle, due to having had it tilted with 2x4's when edema was at it's worst. Though no longer on the wood, the wood was still there and there was little room to get into bed, which means my night stand isn't in place, so the CPAP machine has not been used. (Yeah, it gets complicated in my stupid little world, or at least I have to think of everything before doing anything so often things get sidelined. *nevermind*) The point is, I removed the wood from under the bed, put the bed back on the sliders to move it more easily, then pushed it back in place, found the nightstand and put it where it will help, then found the CPAP and put it in place on the nightstand. Okies. I then stripped the bed and will wash everything again, putting on clean bedding shortly.
Happy with that, I picked up the laundry (though I still need to grab the towels and hand towel from the bathroom(s)) and took it into the laundry room, fearing I was going to have to add it to two other baskets of clothes. Hmm, it seems I have already done those! So, I sorted what I had, then put a load in. I'm still not perfectly clear about sorting, I just do the best from the memories of having watched women do this. The cats are outside or they would have thought popo had gone mad again.
Which they no longer really fear, but it does get them going. Popo might storm and shout and get uptight, but the worst he does is make noise, they have found. But they do almost pay some attention and quit whatever they were doing, mostly, for a while. But the truth is, there is no fear. It is more like a game. Exemplified by exhibit A, as follows.
I had to stop, my back started killing me again. But as I finish writing this, it is already completely better. Just a little stoppage from time to time will do. Then I will finish cleaning this, the computer room. Sorting paperwork, picking up fully, then sweeping and mopping. I will have this room good to go, those three basins of dishes done and whatever is left after that set to soak, my bed set back up, the laundry done by morning, and use my CPAP for the first time the next time I crawl into bed. Yeah, I do think I will. Wish me luck... while you snooze? I may need it, and I'll just take it since I know you are good for it.
Sleep well.
.
No more, or at least not tonight! I have been sitting and moaning recently. Sure, research is ongoing, including long term food storage. I think I might be able to get more of that more quickly than what I had thought. While I haven't checked out my money to see if I can buy sweeteners this month, I have that list. My guess, with two nights of motel and food costs in SLC surrounding the angiography, it would probably be wise to skip that this month. But, other than looking and thinking, nothing physical has been happening. As I said, not tonight.
I... sort of just stumbled into it. Angry to have been tricked, in a way, by my medicine, and while walking through the kitchen and seeing the dishes stacked up, I decided to put my hands to them. I drained what needed to be drained, filled one basin with hot sudsy water, washed off the counter space I will need and then some, put two more basins of dishes to soak, and... decided that wasn't near enough. I think it sort of followed like this. I then went to get my dirty laundry. I was fearing I had a bunch in the wash room but that didn't confront me none. It all has to be done. So, I entered my bedroom and picked up every last stitch of easily collectible dirty garment I could find, putting it all into a heaping basket.
But then I looked at my bed. It was still out in the middle, due to having had it tilted with 2x4's when edema was at it's worst. Though no longer on the wood, the wood was still there and there was little room to get into bed, which means my night stand isn't in place, so the CPAP machine has not been used. (Yeah, it gets complicated in my stupid little world, or at least I have to think of everything before doing anything so often things get sidelined. *nevermind*) The point is, I removed the wood from under the bed, put the bed back on the sliders to move it more easily, then pushed it back in place, found the nightstand and put it where it will help, then found the CPAP and put it in place on the nightstand. Okies. I then stripped the bed and will wash everything again, putting on clean bedding shortly.
Happy with that, I picked up the laundry (though I still need to grab the towels and hand towel from the bathroom(s)) and took it into the laundry room, fearing I was going to have to add it to two other baskets of clothes. Hmm, it seems I have already done those! So, I sorted what I had, then put a load in. I'm still not perfectly clear about sorting, I just do the best from the memories of having watched women do this. The cats are outside or they would have thought popo had gone mad again.
Which they no longer really fear, but it does get them going. Popo might storm and shout and get uptight, but the worst he does is make noise, they have found. But they do almost pay some attention and quit whatever they were doing, mostly, for a while. But the truth is, there is no fear. It is more like a game. Exemplified by exhibit A, as follows.
I had to stop, my back started killing me again. But as I finish writing this, it is already completely better. Just a little stoppage from time to time will do. Then I will finish cleaning this, the computer room. Sorting paperwork, picking up fully, then sweeping and mopping. I will have this room good to go, those three basins of dishes done and whatever is left after that set to soak, my bed set back up, the laundry done by morning, and use my CPAP for the first time the next time I crawl into bed. Yeah, I do think I will. Wish me luck... while you snooze? I may need it, and I'll just take it since I know you are good for it.
Sleep well.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
One more thing tended.
.
.
A little bit of looking around and I found what will help me figure out power usage. The thing that sticks in my craw is that many things get great reviews, but if you look at the bad reviews you find all kinds of ugly. And, yes, looking at only the good is foolish. That is what an optimist does. He sees a majority of favorable reviews and ignores the rest, then whines ceaselessly when failure occurs until he finds another product with (mostly) good reviews. Something about doing the same thing over and over and insanity? Anyway, I figure if I order one of these, and get right on using it, I have 30 days with an actual guarantee for the cheaper one.
Before I can figure out my solar electric system, I have to have a clear idea about how much electricity I currently use. I can't plan for having appliances that use propane, or a wood burning stove, or anything else until I have those in hand. And, I may have to go with a system that won't cover all of my current usage and hope there is time to scale back in time. But I need to have a solid scale so that I neither overspend nor short myself "unexpectedly".
Something else that has to be noted is that, in the shortest of the winter months, we only get 1.9 hours of sun here. And, that is when it is not overcast (though perhaps that is the average including cloudy days?). We have another several months in the 2 hour and change range. While it is sunnier here than in Iowa, from what I have seen (which means little, in truth, as empirical data from a few years is void), that really impacts my best hopes for the system. And while a wind/solar system might sound good, this area is particularly windless coming in at the lowest wind production capacity rating available, making the much higher costs unreasonable for several reasons. So either I upgrade the system to provide something during those times, plan to cut back hugely in the winter the time when electricity is very important for at least lighting but also due to not being able to get out of the home as often or for as long, or a bit of both while figuring out how to change some the parameters by adding propane or other gas appliances.
This is not an easy trick. But I don't want to do what I have read others have done by building a system with high hopes only to be crushed by the reality on the ground. The truth hurts, but more so if you don't ever seek the truth in the first place. What was it? Ah. "How terrible is wisdom when it brings no profit to the wise." Too late is simply just that, too late. You can always upgrade, unless you have used every resource at your disposal. Those panels need space, lots of it for a decent sized system, and they are expensive. Adding in the best would reduce space at a cost, and vice versa. A balance has to be obtained that works for your pocket and your land. This might be the more painful of directions, slowing all progress. But the pain is felt going in, not in the living. A few months of serious planning, sweating the details, covering for losses and problems, designing for needs and some wants, adding some padding for when even the worst case scenario ends up not being the worst, and knowing what must be cut from current usage versus living in the squalor of failed dreams. Just... that is all. Again.
You know, one of the things most people don't take into account is huge. If the economy collapses you will be spending a much larger amount of time in your home. For me, I see this amazingly easily since I am often stuck in my home. As a fact, my home has become more of an extension of my body than a place to dwell. Being desperately exhausted all of the time must be something like having diarrhea to a degree. Most of you have had that. With both of those, you have serious limits on how far and long you can leave a 'safe place'. If you have diarrhea for an extended period of time, you will more and more simply choose to stay home. It is the same with exhaustion. The world is unkind to the weak and ill. And, being in your home, you will use far more resources. When doing activities become dangerous because there are no medicines or doctors, you will cut your activities to only what is necessary. No more hikes to see the top of the world, no more hanggliding, no more wind surfing, no more camping unless to live in a cooler climate for a bit but it won't be the same. You will work and sleep. And you will not work eight hour days, the work will be far too hard.
I know they say farmers used to work from sun up to sun down, but I think you miss that the woman and young children were always at home. And that work was at a very slow pace, save planting and harvest times. Further, the man was always home for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Don't be fooled into thinking, depending on where you live, that you will be working long hours in 100 F plus or even 20 F minus weather. It won't happen. Your will is not stronger than your body and your body isn't so strong as you would like to imagine. You will be homebound and sucking juice or burning wood or using water constantly, like nothing you have ever known. Just... some more thoughts. Most people do not realize that most of their life expenses are subsidized by their employer. Oh? Oh yeah. Now... that is all.
.
A little bit of looking around and I found what will help me figure out power usage. The thing that sticks in my craw is that many things get great reviews, but if you look at the bad reviews you find all kinds of ugly. And, yes, looking at only the good is foolish. That is what an optimist does. He sees a majority of favorable reviews and ignores the rest, then whines ceaselessly when failure occurs until he finds another product with (mostly) good reviews. Something about doing the same thing over and over and insanity? Anyway, I figure if I order one of these, and get right on using it, I have 30 days with an actual guarantee for the cheaper one.
Before I can figure out my solar electric system, I have to have a clear idea about how much electricity I currently use. I can't plan for having appliances that use propane, or a wood burning stove, or anything else until I have those in hand. And, I may have to go with a system that won't cover all of my current usage and hope there is time to scale back in time. But I need to have a solid scale so that I neither overspend nor short myself "unexpectedly".
Something else that has to be noted is that, in the shortest of the winter months, we only get 1.9 hours of sun here. And, that is when it is not overcast (though perhaps that is the average including cloudy days?). We have another several months in the 2 hour and change range. While it is sunnier here than in Iowa, from what I have seen (which means little, in truth, as empirical data from a few years is void), that really impacts my best hopes for the system. And while a wind/solar system might sound good, this area is particularly windless coming in at the lowest wind production capacity rating available, making the much higher costs unreasonable for several reasons. So either I upgrade the system to provide something during those times, plan to cut back hugely in the winter the time when electricity is very important for at least lighting but also due to not being able to get out of the home as often or for as long, or a bit of both while figuring out how to change some the parameters by adding propane or other gas appliances.
This is not an easy trick. But I don't want to do what I have read others have done by building a system with high hopes only to be crushed by the reality on the ground. The truth hurts, but more so if you don't ever seek the truth in the first place. What was it? Ah. "How terrible is wisdom when it brings no profit to the wise." Too late is simply just that, too late. You can always upgrade, unless you have used every resource at your disposal. Those panels need space, lots of it for a decent sized system, and they are expensive. Adding in the best would reduce space at a cost, and vice versa. A balance has to be obtained that works for your pocket and your land. This might be the more painful of directions, slowing all progress. But the pain is felt going in, not in the living. A few months of serious planning, sweating the details, covering for losses and problems, designing for needs and some wants, adding some padding for when even the worst case scenario ends up not being the worst, and knowing what must be cut from current usage versus living in the squalor of failed dreams. Just... that is all. Again.
You know, one of the things most people don't take into account is huge. If the economy collapses you will be spending a much larger amount of time in your home. For me, I see this amazingly easily since I am often stuck in my home. As a fact, my home has become more of an extension of my body than a place to dwell. Being desperately exhausted all of the time must be something like having diarrhea to a degree. Most of you have had that. With both of those, you have serious limits on how far and long you can leave a 'safe place'. If you have diarrhea for an extended period of time, you will more and more simply choose to stay home. It is the same with exhaustion. The world is unkind to the weak and ill. And, being in your home, you will use far more resources. When doing activities become dangerous because there are no medicines or doctors, you will cut your activities to only what is necessary. No more hikes to see the top of the world, no more hanggliding, no more wind surfing, no more camping unless to live in a cooler climate for a bit but it won't be the same. You will work and sleep. And you will not work eight hour days, the work will be far too hard.
I know they say farmers used to work from sun up to sun down, but I think you miss that the woman and young children were always at home. And that work was at a very slow pace, save planting and harvest times. Further, the man was always home for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Don't be fooled into thinking, depending on where you live, that you will be working long hours in 100 F plus or even 20 F minus weather. It won't happen. Your will is not stronger than your body and your body isn't so strong as you would like to imagine. You will be homebound and sucking juice or burning wood or using water constantly, like nothing you have ever known. Just... some more thoughts. Most people do not realize that most of their life expenses are subsidized by their employer. Oh? Oh yeah. Now... that is all.
Ugh.
.
.
I could not sleep so I tried to stay up, to take my friend out. Hmm, missed confession, church, I wanted to at least try for this. Nope. I completely ran out of steam. Yeah, it has to be the medicine this time around. How can you take full dose medicine when you can't take full dose medicine? That is easy, you don't. I will continue to do my best to take it until my next appointment. But I am shot. Little will happen in life until I start lowering the dosages is my guess. I will try but I realize I am back to zombieland. At least they honestly did do the increases slowly enough that I didn't actually 'black out'. Sure, it crept up on me, but I have been, for the most part, able to take the medicine up to this point. At this point though, that is almost the sum total of what I can do. I didn't lose a month, fall off medicine mostly, only to 'wake up' one day and feel guilty about... not taking my medicine. Back to those initial levels, it's as good as I can do, or want to do. Then again, even trying to just take it back to the last dosage level might be enough.
My appointment is coming up rather quickly. My mission, should I accept it (and I do), is to get there, somehow, by hook, crook, claw, or nail. It will be difficult. I can barely sit in this chair and type. Zombieland indeed. I wonder if all medicine does this? Every type, whether they were treating some false diagnosis or this real one, when it gets up to or even close to dose, does this. Do they have anything that doesn't cause a complete failure in my function? Is that their goal? I really don't know. I know only that nothing can help me if I can't take it. They might as well just quit and go home. That is what I will be doing after I inform them, mostly.
I did see a cool little home, again. I have written about these before. I never did find material costs and such until this time, I think. They are called Tumbleweed homes. People keep calling them the $99 dollar houses, which I knew was wrong. That is how much plans cost. The building material list is more along these lines. Still, not too bad. I would not be building it on a trailer, thus cutting some costs, but then adding costs by building a foundation. I would try to get it on a foundation (perhaps even with a small cellar), and have electric and gas attached.
Why? For one or two of those crazy women types who have some claim to me to have their own little nest. They would have to bring something to the effort, financially, mind you. But they would have a place to themselves, each. My mother would hate it, upon first seeing it. But after living with me for a week or two, she would be moving in faster than I could count to 1, 2, feminists suck, 3. *evil grins* My lady friend would absolutely love/hate it. As she does all her things. But they would have the main house if it got too cold/hot, for laundry, for bigger meals (or meals in general). But... with my rules. No mouthy woman crap in my presence. They want to natter, they could do it amongst each other or find friends to hate on. And being that they don't like each other much more than they like my manness and my attitude, it could work, mostly.
Yeah, well, my sense of humor never leaves me, mostly. Yes, to some of you women readers, I understand that you have no sense of my humor. But... think about it. You aren't supposed to have it. It's in the genes. *boing* I will try to get some work done tonight. This room has been started but not finished. And perhaps I could revisit the dishes. That is all.
Sleep well while I try to get my lump going faster than a snail. Good night.
.
I could not sleep so I tried to stay up, to take my friend out. Hmm, missed confession, church, I wanted to at least try for this. Nope. I completely ran out of steam. Yeah, it has to be the medicine this time around. How can you take full dose medicine when you can't take full dose medicine? That is easy, you don't. I will continue to do my best to take it until my next appointment. But I am shot. Little will happen in life until I start lowering the dosages is my guess. I will try but I realize I am back to zombieland. At least they honestly did do the increases slowly enough that I didn't actually 'black out'. Sure, it crept up on me, but I have been, for the most part, able to take the medicine up to this point. At this point though, that is almost the sum total of what I can do. I didn't lose a month, fall off medicine mostly, only to 'wake up' one day and feel guilty about... not taking my medicine. Back to those initial levels, it's as good as I can do, or want to do. Then again, even trying to just take it back to the last dosage level might be enough.
My appointment is coming up rather quickly. My mission, should I accept it (and I do), is to get there, somehow, by hook, crook, claw, or nail. It will be difficult. I can barely sit in this chair and type. Zombieland indeed. I wonder if all medicine does this? Every type, whether they were treating some false diagnosis or this real one, when it gets up to or even close to dose, does this. Do they have anything that doesn't cause a complete failure in my function? Is that their goal? I really don't know. I know only that nothing can help me if I can't take it. They might as well just quit and go home. That is what I will be doing after I inform them, mostly.
I did see a cool little home, again. I have written about these before. I never did find material costs and such until this time, I think. They are called Tumbleweed homes. People keep calling them the $99 dollar houses, which I knew was wrong. That is how much plans cost. The building material list is more along these lines. Still, not too bad. I would not be building it on a trailer, thus cutting some costs, but then adding costs by building a foundation. I would try to get it on a foundation (perhaps even with a small cellar), and have electric and gas attached.
Why? For one or two of those crazy women types who have some claim to me to have their own little nest. They would have to bring something to the effort, financially, mind you. But they would have a place to themselves, each. My mother would hate it, upon first seeing it. But after living with me for a week or two, she would be moving in faster than I could count to 1, 2, feminists suck, 3. *evil grins* My lady friend would absolutely love/hate it. As she does all her things. But they would have the main house if it got too cold/hot, for laundry, for bigger meals (or meals in general). But... with my rules. No mouthy woman crap in my presence. They want to natter, they could do it amongst each other or find friends to hate on. And being that they don't like each other much more than they like my manness and my attitude, it could work, mostly.
Yeah, well, my sense of humor never leaves me, mostly. Yes, to some of you women readers, I understand that you have no sense of my humor. But... think about it. You aren't supposed to have it. It's in the genes. *boing* I will try to get some work done tonight. This room has been started but not finished. And perhaps I could revisit the dishes. That is all.
Sleep well while I try to get my lump going faster than a snail. Good night.
Figuring yourself out.
.
.
Do you think, for the most part, you are a kind man or woman? Do you think you try your best, and that you even do pretty well? I know I do. I also know I am blind to much of what I do. Memory issues aside, I have to wonder what the other guy, gal, or "witnesses" thought. I do know I've probably not missed having a particular curse word used against me. I've been in a lot of fights. I've known a lot of women. How wrong was I? How judgmental? How many mistakes, real mistakes, did I make?
There is a song and a movie that... sure made me stop and think. The song is just a general notion. The movie... How much don't I remember. Nah, the movie is a bit extreme, even for me. At least in the deepest and darkest parts of it.
Do you really know who you are? Now, I will say this. Once I became a Christian, for sure, and to a greater degree, I do. Not that I'm not still capable of being a tool, just not that kind of tool. I can choose to sin, but I can't be made to do so.
.
Do you think, for the most part, you are a kind man or woman? Do you think you try your best, and that you even do pretty well? I know I do. I also know I am blind to much of what I do. Memory issues aside, I have to wonder what the other guy, gal, or "witnesses" thought. I do know I've probably not missed having a particular curse word used against me. I've been in a lot of fights. I've known a lot of women. How wrong was I? How judgmental? How many mistakes, real mistakes, did I make?
There is a song and a movie that... sure made me stop and think. The song is just a general notion. The movie... How much don't I remember. Nah, the movie is a bit extreme, even for me. At least in the deepest and darkest parts of it.
Do you really know who you are? Now, I will say this. Once I became a Christian, for sure, and to a greater degree, I do. Not that I'm not still capable of being a tool, just not that kind of tool. I can choose to sin, but I can't be made to do so.
I figured it out.
.
.
The reason my days and nights and sleep are becoming messed up is probably due to the increases in medicine. It makes me less able to be active, which makes it harder to sleep, which makes my days shift and twirl. And, perhaps, it makes me healthier so that even if I cannot function I do have the energy deep down inside. That keeps me awake. That is why they made the appointment for a month after this last increase. They thought I might bottom out and where hoping to give me some time before adding to the dosage. I hate to say it but I won't be ready for another increase. I know where that next step will take me.
I think I have hit the limits with medicine. The problem is, it is nowhere near where they want it to be in order to actually fix anything, if it can. But barring moving forward I may have to move backwards. If they can't figure something out, this is probably it. I will be discussing this next time. I don't have a wife to tend me. I don't have the capacity, as is, to tend myself. Something has to give. Ah well, I gave it a decent shot. The upshot is that on minimum doses I sure feel better. I might be dying faster, but I sure don't feel like it on low doses.
You can't say I didn't try.
.
The reason my days and nights and sleep are becoming messed up is probably due to the increases in medicine. It makes me less able to be active, which makes it harder to sleep, which makes my days shift and twirl. And, perhaps, it makes me healthier so that even if I cannot function I do have the energy deep down inside. That keeps me awake. That is why they made the appointment for a month after this last increase. They thought I might bottom out and where hoping to give me some time before adding to the dosage. I hate to say it but I won't be ready for another increase. I know where that next step will take me.
I think I have hit the limits with medicine. The problem is, it is nowhere near where they want it to be in order to actually fix anything, if it can. But barring moving forward I may have to move backwards. If they can't figure something out, this is probably it. I will be discussing this next time. I don't have a wife to tend me. I don't have the capacity, as is, to tend myself. Something has to give. Ah well, I gave it a decent shot. The upshot is that on minimum doses I sure feel better. I might be dying faster, but I sure don't feel like it on low doses.
You can't say I didn't try.
Sleep cycle is nuts.
.
.
You can try to sleep but that doesn't mean you will sleep. You can want to sleep with the same results. Who knows why. I simply cannot find sleep when I necessarily want or need it. Oh well. I have been doing more research regarding a solar power system. One thing I am certain about is that I can't depend on one completely to live the life I lead. Wait, let me take that back. I could if I wanted to use my acreage for solar panels and somehow spend a fortune. Then again, when I am filling out forms, I probably exaggerate without really knowing what I am talking about.
Several things do come to mind though. One line of questioning is how much electricity do I really use. How much of it is needed. With my sleep schedule being erratic, it will change. If I am awake in the day, I use very few lights. If I am awake at night, I blow the bank. I hate having the whole house dark. Now, I probably could get more lamps. Most of my main room lights are four bulb jobs. I suppose I could change those out? Uhm, no. When I want serious light I like having four 100 watt bulbs. But I could go with more single light lamps, or lamps with multiple independent bulbs. Anyway, I need to figure out how much electricity I really use.
Another question is how much I can reasonably cut back and how much I will seriously need to change in my lifestyle, if I want to have a (basically) off-grid system. When my mother returns home I will be disconnecting cable tv. But I will still watch movies from time to time. I will still use the dvd math tutorials occasionally. But that would only add up to, say, six hours a week, maybe twelve if I was studying heavily. Though I would like to get a refrigerator and freezer along the lines of what I showed D.C., or what he showed me, I wouldn't be using those unless there was a grid down event (probably?).
I would like to change to a propane drier, perhaps stove (unless I decided to go with a wood stove). Having both might have advantages for sideways reliability (no wood, no problem, no gas, no problem). Crazy talk, but. What I am saying is I would like to alter some of my appliances, change my ways a bit, and figure things out. I may start looking for a tool that allows me to measure my energy usage a bit more closely, and can check the power usage of items, or two different devices if need be.
Given all that, I still think going with the best solar system I can afford is the way forward. [after food and transport, of course] Oh, I really would love to upgrade my kitchen in there somehow, but that looks like it slid so far down the list as to be off the list, for now. After the power source, I then have appliances and tools to consider. Everything from a wood burning stove and stock stand alone heater, to propane drier, and perhaps propane stove/oven, and in there as well, canning supplies, livestock, kit for livestock, and the rest.
I feel like a ship run by a crazy captain. He wants to go where it is safe, due north. But he wants to go where it is warm, due south. So he commands they head north by south! I still want some good things in life. I still want to enjoy what is enjoyable, while I can. But I don't want to squander time or money or my own energy. How about north by southnorth? Oh, I thought about a solar water heaters, but I think just my power plant will take up all available reasonable slots for solar panels. I might make those propane though. I wish I could consolidate the hot water supply, but the distance and complexity would make that a bit fail, I think.
Anyway, I keep looking and finding out more. I suppose some of this will come through osmosis, some will have to be the hard work of crunching numbers, figuring out amps, volts, wiring, components, learning how to install things, how to configure them, making and reading diagrams, and ugh stuff. None of it will be easy, at all. Even the pro's mess it up. And, I would argue the pro's are almost more likely to mess it up because they are never who they seem. DIY is the best way so you know what is in there, you know what goes where, you will probably learn any maintenance along the way. Why have a system you know nothing about for a time when there may be nobody to help?
I have to take my friend shooting at 13:00 and it is now 7:05. I need a bit of sleep, anyway. Good night.
.
You can try to sleep but that doesn't mean you will sleep. You can want to sleep with the same results. Who knows why. I simply cannot find sleep when I necessarily want or need it. Oh well. I have been doing more research regarding a solar power system. One thing I am certain about is that I can't depend on one completely to live the life I lead. Wait, let me take that back. I could if I wanted to use my acreage for solar panels and somehow spend a fortune. Then again, when I am filling out forms, I probably exaggerate without really knowing what I am talking about.
Several things do come to mind though. One line of questioning is how much electricity do I really use. How much of it is needed. With my sleep schedule being erratic, it will change. If I am awake in the day, I use very few lights. If I am awake at night, I blow the bank. I hate having the whole house dark. Now, I probably could get more lamps. Most of my main room lights are four bulb jobs. I suppose I could change those out? Uhm, no. When I want serious light I like having four 100 watt bulbs. But I could go with more single light lamps, or lamps with multiple independent bulbs. Anyway, I need to figure out how much electricity I really use.
Another question is how much I can reasonably cut back and how much I will seriously need to change in my lifestyle, if I want to have a (basically) off-grid system. When my mother returns home I will be disconnecting cable tv. But I will still watch movies from time to time. I will still use the dvd math tutorials occasionally. But that would only add up to, say, six hours a week, maybe twelve if I was studying heavily. Though I would like to get a refrigerator and freezer along the lines of what I showed D.C., or what he showed me, I wouldn't be using those unless there was a grid down event (probably?).
I would like to change to a propane drier, perhaps stove (unless I decided to go with a wood stove). Having both might have advantages for sideways reliability (no wood, no problem, no gas, no problem). Crazy talk, but. What I am saying is I would like to alter some of my appliances, change my ways a bit, and figure things out. I may start looking for a tool that allows me to measure my energy usage a bit more closely, and can check the power usage of items, or two different devices if need be.
Given all that, I still think going with the best solar system I can afford is the way forward. [after food and transport, of course] Oh, I really would love to upgrade my kitchen in there somehow, but that looks like it slid so far down the list as to be off the list, for now. After the power source, I then have appliances and tools to consider. Everything from a wood burning stove and stock stand alone heater, to propane drier, and perhaps propane stove/oven, and in there as well, canning supplies, livestock, kit for livestock, and the rest.
I feel like a ship run by a crazy captain. He wants to go where it is safe, due north. But he wants to go where it is warm, due south. So he commands they head north by south! I still want some good things in life. I still want to enjoy what is enjoyable, while I can. But I don't want to squander time or money or my own energy. How about north by southnorth? Oh, I thought about a solar water heaters, but I think just my power plant will take up all available reasonable slots for solar panels. I might make those propane though. I wish I could consolidate the hot water supply, but the distance and complexity would make that a bit fail, I think.
Anyway, I keep looking and finding out more. I suppose some of this will come through osmosis, some will have to be the hard work of crunching numbers, figuring out amps, volts, wiring, components, learning how to install things, how to configure them, making and reading diagrams, and ugh stuff. None of it will be easy, at all. Even the pro's mess it up. And, I would argue the pro's are almost more likely to mess it up because they are never who they seem. DIY is the best way so you know what is in there, you know what goes where, you will probably learn any maintenance along the way. Why have a system you know nothing about for a time when there may be nobody to help?
I have to take my friend shooting at 13:00 and it is now 7:05. I need a bit of sleep, anyway. Good night.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
I caught the little bastard.
.
.
The one ringing my doorbell. Scared the bejesus out of him too, you should have seen his face. In my deepest darkest Darth Vader voice I asked who his parents where. And he told me as fast as he could. I then told him to go home. *poof* They didn't think I was quite as quick as I was. You would know it was the one black kid in town, or one of the few. They are adopting them up here. And, yeah, I suspected him to. It is my way, and for good reason. I know his parents so I called. No one answered so I left a message and will call back or walk over tomorrow. On the other hand, I suspect the kids were taking turns and they aren't all black. His turn came at the wrong time. In any case, this will soon be ended. No, as I said, I am not all that angry, just annoyed. I am almost sure I did the same thing. Still, now I know why not to do that. It takes time to learn. Not that I wouldn't mind hearing about a spanking. I know if I had been caught I would very much have had my butt red for a bit.
I love it when a plan comes together. *chuckles*
.
The one ringing my doorbell. Scared the bejesus out of him too, you should have seen his face. In my deepest darkest Darth Vader voice I asked who his parents where. And he told me as fast as he could. I then told him to go home. *poof* They didn't think I was quite as quick as I was. You would know it was the one black kid in town, or one of the few. They are adopting them up here. And, yeah, I suspected him to. It is my way, and for good reason. I know his parents so I called. No one answered so I left a message and will call back or walk over tomorrow. On the other hand, I suspect the kids were taking turns and they aren't all black. His turn came at the wrong time. In any case, this will soon be ended. No, as I said, I am not all that angry, just annoyed. I am almost sure I did the same thing. Still, now I know why not to do that. It takes time to learn. Not that I wouldn't mind hearing about a spanking. I know if I had been caught I would very much have had my butt red for a bit.
I love it when a plan comes together. *chuckles*
There is that too.
.
.
I went to sleep so that waking at 14:00 was reasonable. But I have been pushing everything with little sleep, longer hours, activities (considering), dehydration, and little food. Here I sit, barely awake, at 19:10. I set the alarm for 14:00 and heard it but only woke enough at 13:43 to shut if off. What a weird, hard, deep, mishmashed sleep though. I'm not sure if it was good or bad, it feels like a mix of the two, like the rides at the fair that were an absolute thrill and scared you happily but left you on the edge of losing everything you ate for the last three years! He's gonna blow captain, run away, run away fast! I'm still reeling from the event. I think it was better than not, and needed too.
The only dream I remember was a real kick in my tenders. Oh, I knew the truth of it at all times, I just hate looking at it so bluntly. To know there is a sun, and like it, also means you don't necessarily stare at it. Over and over, various problems were outlined in skits. The two themes I remember being in numerous skits each I can only briefly describe. In the first, I noticed sales going forward. People of mean means, average income folks, and the rich were trying to obtain things they needed or things that they were required to obtain for societal purposes. One man was buying groceries, a poorer man was buying wedding rings so his son might be able to marry, and a list of other sales scenes. And then I was able to tell the actual price the merchant had paid for those items, and I knew in a few cases the merchant knew he was selling inferior-for-the-price items, with a straight face. This is an irritating part of capitalism. Though do not be fooled into thinking socialism or communism don't support, and more so, these same things in their own ways. The next series of scenes were police involvements with citizens. For the most part I am a law and order sort. Many of these scenes were just fine, typical, as they could and should happen events. But some of them were of the worst sorts. And, yeah, that happens. It was just an irritating, true, but side issue dream. I think there were many other types of scenarios, but those are the ones I remember. Yeah, a dream that took everything I pretty much believe in and shoved my nose in the worst aspects of it. Heh. I don't mind. And... I know. But I still believe in what I believe.
Hmm, I seem to have been busy blogging yesterday. Oh well. I couldn't get much else going and was trying to stay up, so when I push myself and don't have much else to do that I can do, blogging is something to do, along with research. I was trying to stay up so as to get good sleep, though it looks like I overdid the staying awake and then overdid sleeping. Ah well, I do try. It is difficult to play this game of life just so with such sandbags that I posses with no intent or even guilt. Simply, there they are. But I am not complaining. God has tended me far better than I deserve. This is truer then the last statement. I... came out ahead. And perhaps I have learned humility for it, or some humility, I think. A good trade in real terms.
Has anyone noticed that as you age your understanding of money expands greatly (irrelative to economic factors, just assume the dollar was and always will be worth exactly the same for this exercise). When I was young, even before health issues became apparent, money was so different. Oh, sure, I knew of cars and houses and tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions, billions, and trillions of dollars out there. It just wasn't real to me. Even if I had it, or when I had it, it was something of a tool, a cold hard thing like a hammer. None of it was pertinent to my life. Now, as I drive a vehicle that involves those amounts and type this sitting in a house that involves even more, those numbers all become just a little more real. They are a part of my life, and perhaps a little bit of who I am. I wonder, if I live long enough, if those numbers will eventually shrink from my conscious understanding again? I don't think it is a moral issue, though, not in my case or most others. It is just there. Later.
.
I went to sleep so that waking at 14:00 was reasonable. But I have been pushing everything with little sleep, longer hours, activities (considering), dehydration, and little food. Here I sit, barely awake, at 19:10. I set the alarm for 14:00 and heard it but only woke enough at 13:43 to shut if off. What a weird, hard, deep, mishmashed sleep though. I'm not sure if it was good or bad, it feels like a mix of the two, like the rides at the fair that were an absolute thrill and scared you happily but left you on the edge of losing everything you ate for the last three years! He's gonna blow captain, run away, run away fast! I'm still reeling from the event. I think it was better than not, and needed too.
The only dream I remember was a real kick in my tenders. Oh, I knew the truth of it at all times, I just hate looking at it so bluntly. To know there is a sun, and like it, also means you don't necessarily stare at it. Over and over, various problems were outlined in skits. The two themes I remember being in numerous skits each I can only briefly describe. In the first, I noticed sales going forward. People of mean means, average income folks, and the rich were trying to obtain things they needed or things that they were required to obtain for societal purposes. One man was buying groceries, a poorer man was buying wedding rings so his son might be able to marry, and a list of other sales scenes. And then I was able to tell the actual price the merchant had paid for those items, and I knew in a few cases the merchant knew he was selling inferior-for-the-price items, with a straight face. This is an irritating part of capitalism. Though do not be fooled into thinking socialism or communism don't support, and more so, these same things in their own ways. The next series of scenes were police involvements with citizens. For the most part I am a law and order sort. Many of these scenes were just fine, typical, as they could and should happen events. But some of them were of the worst sorts. And, yeah, that happens. It was just an irritating, true, but side issue dream. I think there were many other types of scenarios, but those are the ones I remember. Yeah, a dream that took everything I pretty much believe in and shoved my nose in the worst aspects of it. Heh. I don't mind. And... I know. But I still believe in what I believe.
Hmm, I seem to have been busy blogging yesterday. Oh well. I couldn't get much else going and was trying to stay up, so when I push myself and don't have much else to do that I can do, blogging is something to do, along with research. I was trying to stay up so as to get good sleep, though it looks like I overdid the staying awake and then overdid sleeping. Ah well, I do try. It is difficult to play this game of life just so with such sandbags that I posses with no intent or even guilt. Simply, there they are. But I am not complaining. God has tended me far better than I deserve. This is truer then the last statement. I... came out ahead. And perhaps I have learned humility for it, or some humility, I think. A good trade in real terms.
Has anyone noticed that as you age your understanding of money expands greatly (irrelative to economic factors, just assume the dollar was and always will be worth exactly the same for this exercise). When I was young, even before health issues became apparent, money was so different. Oh, sure, I knew of cars and houses and tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions, billions, and trillions of dollars out there. It just wasn't real to me. Even if I had it, or when I had it, it was something of a tool, a cold hard thing like a hammer. None of it was pertinent to my life. Now, as I drive a vehicle that involves those amounts and type this sitting in a house that involves even more, those numbers all become just a little more real. They are a part of my life, and perhaps a little bit of who I am. I wonder, if I live long enough, if those numbers will eventually shrink from my conscious understanding again? I don't think it is a moral issue, though, not in my case or most others. It is just there. Later.
Oh well.
.
.
I just can't sleep. I feel it, yes sir, I do want to sleep, both mind and body. My eyes even hurt. I used to think that might be some kind of headache or some mental condition, when I used to believe in that. As my head has cleared, I see more clearly about more things than what I could keep conscious enough to really pin down before. Got to hand them something for that, as these medicines ARE actually improving my life. And what I see is this pain is neither mental or a headache, it is my eyes hurting because of a lack of fluid. My eyes rub my eyelids, dry eyelids, or maybe just sore from being open too long while dry along with the blinks combined with no lube. Something like that. It is just my eyes telling me to suck fluid like a fool or my body will hurt me even more. You know how many times they have hurt like that, for long periods, and I just ignored because I didn't know what it truly was? I'm surprised I haven't hurt myself silly ignoring things I couldn't become awake enough to know where a problem and tend. Well, knowing isn't immediately helping but I am trying to hydrate.
I wrote to the proprietor of SurvivalBlog, giving thanks for a couple of articles that got me started. One I read tonight, the other I read recently. Combined with all else, and a friend, I am just extremely grateful to have some kind of loose but possible plan for an energy and heating/heating-cooling system. This is real, I can see the numbers working, I can see (with the money in hand) me truly getting into the project, digging deep, pushing, pulling, scraping, drilling, sawing, and... getting it done. It most certainly will not be done in a week, or three, or even three months. It might take me a year or two to make it happen. If I can indeed get to it in the first place. Like I said, an $18k system would, in finality, end up costing me about $8.1k. Which, with the first lump of cash that could be arriving soon (need to call and check) might leave me enough to buy a rechargeable 20 volt power tool kit, extra batteries for that, standard rechargeable batteries, consider a low-power freezer and refrigerator, and still have a bit to pay off one of the more irksome of my bills.
My deal is doing even more research, deciding on whether to go with solar and wood burning and propane generator with ac, or geothermal. Woops. I kept thinking I knew nothing about geothermal, so I did some digging. A ballpark figure for geothermal seemed to be about $26k. It is NOT something I could install myself, at all. Okay, so that is out of the picture. Oh, they would finance it. They suggest $302 a month, indicating that is how much I am supposed to be paying on my utilities a month as is, which I could just now pay them, but forgetting (ignoring) that geothermal is only more efficient. It still uses from 28% to 60% of what I am currently paying (only the 60% applies to me, currently, as I have no AC, which is where this unit shines in comparison, and it is only hot enough to really use AC a month or two out of the year, for me and here). However, an $18k solar system would easily see me through, perhaps without the need of a propane generator for the window ac? I am not even sure I would need that much of one? Just... scrambling eggs.
Oh, one little snag. An add to complexity and cost, to be sure, as well. The only way to receive those government rebates, at least from Utah, is to have a grid tied system. That doesn't necessarily mean I would have to have it installed, it does mean a lot more of a new and complex design element must be considered. Why can't the government just leave us alone to do what we think is best? I know they just want it so that they can grab if they want or need. I simply don't trust the state. I wonder how long it must remain grid available? It seems that, as soon as possible, dismantling the grid tie might be very wise. Then again, maybe not. I hate that anyway. Oh, and it definitely adds to cost, reducing the potential power availability per money invested.
Boy, those "eco" places sure push for you got get the "cheaper and maintenance free" grid tied (non-functional in a grid down) systems. It looks like most of them work directly for the power companies, which are all so heavily regulated they might as well be state agencies, companies right out of Hitler's Germany, to be honest. Oh, I know, you can still install a battery panel and some other equipment and set both up, which simply adds expense on expense with no return on the grid tie-in switching, which will undermine the whole notion of any kind of rebate, which is exactly what they want to get most people to not go that route. Gah, I hate that. Still, it isn't a deal breaker, just a bit of a setback.
Bleh. I'm done with research for now. Later or good night.
.
I just can't sleep. I feel it, yes sir, I do want to sleep, both mind and body. My eyes even hurt. I used to think that might be some kind of headache or some mental condition, when I used to believe in that. As my head has cleared, I see more clearly about more things than what I could keep conscious enough to really pin down before. Got to hand them something for that, as these medicines ARE actually improving my life. And what I see is this pain is neither mental or a headache, it is my eyes hurting because of a lack of fluid. My eyes rub my eyelids, dry eyelids, or maybe just sore from being open too long while dry along with the blinks combined with no lube. Something like that. It is just my eyes telling me to suck fluid like a fool or my body will hurt me even more. You know how many times they have hurt like that, for long periods, and I just ignored because I didn't know what it truly was? I'm surprised I haven't hurt myself silly ignoring things I couldn't become awake enough to know where a problem and tend. Well, knowing isn't immediately helping but I am trying to hydrate.
I wrote to the proprietor of SurvivalBlog, giving thanks for a couple of articles that got me started. One I read tonight, the other I read recently. Combined with all else, and a friend, I am just extremely grateful to have some kind of loose but possible plan for an energy and heating/heating-cooling system. This is real, I can see the numbers working, I can see (with the money in hand) me truly getting into the project, digging deep, pushing, pulling, scraping, drilling, sawing, and... getting it done. It most certainly will not be done in a week, or three, or even three months. It might take me a year or two to make it happen. If I can indeed get to it in the first place. Like I said, an $18k system would, in finality, end up costing me about $8.1k. Which, with the first lump of cash that could be arriving soon (need to call and check) might leave me enough to buy a rechargeable 20 volt power tool kit, extra batteries for that, standard rechargeable batteries, consider a low-power freezer and refrigerator, and still have a bit to pay off one of the more irksome of my bills.
My deal is doing even more research, deciding on whether to go with solar and wood burning and propane generator with ac, or geothermal. Woops. I kept thinking I knew nothing about geothermal, so I did some digging. A ballpark figure for geothermal seemed to be about $26k. It is NOT something I could install myself, at all. Okay, so that is out of the picture. Oh, they would finance it. They suggest $302 a month, indicating that is how much I am supposed to be paying on my utilities a month as is, which I could just now pay them, but forgetting (ignoring) that geothermal is only more efficient. It still uses from 28% to 60% of what I am currently paying (only the 60% applies to me, currently, as I have no AC, which is where this unit shines in comparison, and it is only hot enough to really use AC a month or two out of the year, for me and here). However, an $18k solar system would easily see me through, perhaps without the need of a propane generator for the window ac? I am not even sure I would need that much of one? Just... scrambling eggs.
Oh, one little snag. An add to complexity and cost, to be sure, as well. The only way to receive those government rebates, at least from Utah, is to have a grid tied system. That doesn't necessarily mean I would have to have it installed, it does mean a lot more of a new and complex design element must be considered. Why can't the government just leave us alone to do what we think is best? I know they just want it so that they can grab if they want or need. I simply don't trust the state. I wonder how long it must remain grid available? It seems that, as soon as possible, dismantling the grid tie might be very wise. Then again, maybe not. I hate that anyway. Oh, and it definitely adds to cost, reducing the potential power availability per money invested.
Boy, those "eco" places sure push for you got get the "cheaper and maintenance free" grid tied (non-functional in a grid down) systems. It looks like most of them work directly for the power companies, which are all so heavily regulated they might as well be state agencies, companies right out of Hitler's Germany, to be honest. Oh, I know, you can still install a battery panel and some other equipment and set both up, which simply adds expense on expense with no return on the grid tie-in switching, which will undermine the whole notion of any kind of rebate, which is exactly what they want to get most people to not go that route. Gah, I hate that. Still, it isn't a deal breaker, just a bit of a setback.
Bleh. I'm done with research for now. Later or good night.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Okay, something I hadn't considered regarding renewable energy.
.
.
While reading at Survivalblog, about man who just went through Irene and learned some things, and decided to share his new understanding. A man who had, if timidly due to his wife and her family, prepped. A man who thought it was all set. A man who learned better. Thank you, sir, for sharing. And thank goodness you survived without too many losses, and a great new gain.
While his story was horribly shocking, and answers much of why I sometimes sweat and roll before sleeping, it also taught me some things. A wife. I have to make sure any woman I bring on board IS on board. It isn't a maybe, she will haul the water or walk the plank. A little kink wouldn't hurt either, once in a while, either. (I'll figure out how to get a dancing pole installed, for love and her health, mind you.) and (Just saying.) Another thing I learned? Those stupid little things, those seeming insignificant details I am trying to fill in? Yeah, that's not bad except that it might be too slow. Especially with no wife and kids who really do need some of the money, currently. Except I need to have that a bit more coherently going forward. Then again, I have been buying some rather good stuff. While wool and silk socks, special "outdoorsman" skivvies, and a hatchet might not seem all that good, they are. But I need to figure out a more solid plan. I do spend much of my free money on some of this little stuff. But now to focus that, look to needs and potential needs in some kind of order. This part is quite difficult! Staying on such a plan is just as difficult. Oh, and lifestyle over survival. I really have to try and... bend that more toward survival. I might be able to allow them to come together, if that won't be quick or painless. Oh, and I am starting to take OPSEC more seriously, if I am going to have to learn much more regarding that and my internet usage. My guess is I have absolutely blown my OPSEC. On the good side, I have very little actually worth looting, for the most part... currently.
The other thing, and this is quite important, is that the type of renewable energy is not quite what I thought. What do I mean? When I started looking at the best system for my area, from reading this man's suggestion that solar was only good if you could dump a ton of money into it. D.C. sort of intimated 6k, and I think he did all his own work, so at least double that for an installed equivalent system, and that requires special appliances so it works. So, I ended up looking over a renewable energy database for my county. And what I learned from that is wind power is out, biomass is rated very well (though I don't think I could personally use that, though I need to know more), geothermal is highly rated here, solar is good (5.1-5.5 kWh/m2/day), but wind is very bad.
So, my choices for viable renewable energy for personal use are probably limited to geothermal (which seems to be used singularly for heating/cooling, but I honestly know nothing more than what was written in that database) and solar. Solar is only average here, on their charts. I don't know, I just keep wanting to dig and get as much knowledge as quickly as possible and begin making a plan to try and get that installed. Time is not on my side, nor is money, health, function, or anything. But... those things aren't the point. I need to figure out how to bull through. Now, I like a wood oven, for winter. And though I live near mountains, have you any idea what bringing three to seven cords of wood from the mountain to my home would be like on foot, even with horses? And all of that would have to then be chopped by hand, and it would probably be brought down as eight to ten foot lengths, so would first need to be sawed to 17" to 21" lengths, depending on the cook stove/wood stove used (though if I went that way, I would want to make those two things use the same length of cuts).
So, geothermal or wood? Is geothermal even affordable? More research. Wood burning devices would cost... say... $7k-$12k, plus installation adding, perhaps, another $3k-$5k depending on what they find while doing the work, or $1k-$2k if I could put my hands to it. But wood fired would not handle cooling. That would require a generator, probably propane, along with a 2k buried propane tank, which would give me just a bit each night to allow earlier sleep so I could get up and march into the mountains before the sun was up, or ride my bike to get water and haul 80 some pounds of water back home, which might add $3k to $8k, depending on burial costs, rental or purchase of tank (they might not rent a buried tank?), and such. Plus, I would need to get some appliances that ran on propane or they might not bother renting me such a large tank, if they do rent buried tanks?
Anyway, the moral of the story is, no matter what you do, it will be a little thing, or bunch of them, that begin turning into their own hurricane of disasters right when you don't need injury on insulting injury. Getting this right also means stepping up to manage, coordinate, purchase, install, upgrade as needed, and maintain such a wide variety of systems and subsystems that my head is swimming. No, no no. Not a problem. I went through this in engineering school almost every day. I... should I be honest? Yeah, okay... I enjoy this feeling. *wee!* This is were I work my best, in the shit of whatever sort, over my head, with a bag over my face, and something hitting or punching me. I can't even tell, I don't know, and I don't need to know. I don't take it personal, I just want to change the shit into a calm, without dieing, giving up, or losing so I can get on to my next, deeper or new horror.
Oh, by the way, there is a 30% federal tax credit and a 25% state tax credit (with a max of $2k per year on the state, though any excess over the max can be carried out for four years). A self-designed (and installed I think? You know how reading government garbledygook is?) system might actually qualify with less stringent requirements than professionally installed systems! That could... yeah, that might work. That might be enough of a carrot to get this eleph-mule off his... well... mule. S.O.B. While spending money isn't striking gold, if I can figure out and install an $18k system, for example (which includes solar, biomass, and or geothermal systems, my final cost would be, roughly, $8.1k (if the state rebate ($4.5k) would take three years (including the instant $2k from the install year, so two years once it was certified) to collect. The feds offer an immediate and full 30% rebate ($5.4k in this case). However, I am not sure if the rebates overlap, if one is pulled before the other is figured, or what? S.O.B. I can do that, and before long, if too I would have to just not pay off some bills as I had sort of hoped to do. Son of a gun. Maybe... You have no idea what having a dependable, solid, off-grid electric and heating/cooling rig set up would do for my bean. *RELIEF* And now, I have an inkling of a plan. Just a glimmer of a hope, almost palpable, playing at the edges of my psychic periphery like sugar plum dreams in the Christmastimes of my youth.
But it did get me thinking, looking, planning, and going. Then again, it was D.C. who kicked it all off, in the first place, along the way, and again just recently, in truth. Most recently by pointing to food and water transport (the bike and systems for it). Oh yes. I need a little guidance, a little nudge, a clue that isn't cryptic from time to time. Anyway, it is bed time.
[Note to all. Read D.C. and learn! I don't know how much time you have, but... Even Christ did not know some things. Though those with eyes to see and ears to hear have to know it is coming down. Read, watch, learn, ask, do. He or his site can at least get you started.]
Good night.
.
While reading at Survivalblog, about man who just went through Irene and learned some things, and decided to share his new understanding. A man who had, if timidly due to his wife and her family, prepped. A man who thought it was all set. A man who learned better. Thank you, sir, for sharing. And thank goodness you survived without too many losses, and a great new gain.
While his story was horribly shocking, and answers much of why I sometimes sweat and roll before sleeping, it also taught me some things. A wife. I have to make sure any woman I bring on board IS on board. It isn't a maybe, she will haul the water or walk the plank. A little kink wouldn't hurt either, once in a while, either. (I'll figure out how to get a dancing pole installed, for love and her health, mind you.) and (Just saying.) Another thing I learned? Those stupid little things, those seeming insignificant details I am trying to fill in? Yeah, that's not bad except that it might be too slow. Especially with no wife and kids who really do need some of the money, currently. Except I need to have that a bit more coherently going forward. Then again, I have been buying some rather good stuff. While wool and silk socks, special "outdoorsman" skivvies, and a hatchet might not seem all that good, they are. But I need to figure out a more solid plan. I do spend much of my free money on some of this little stuff. But now to focus that, look to needs and potential needs in some kind of order. This part is quite difficult! Staying on such a plan is just as difficult. Oh, and lifestyle over survival. I really have to try and... bend that more toward survival. I might be able to allow them to come together, if that won't be quick or painless. Oh, and I am starting to take OPSEC more seriously, if I am going to have to learn much more regarding that and my internet usage. My guess is I have absolutely blown my OPSEC. On the good side, I have very little actually worth looting, for the most part... currently.
The other thing, and this is quite important, is that the type of renewable energy is not quite what I thought. What do I mean? When I started looking at the best system for my area, from reading this man's suggestion that solar was only good if you could dump a ton of money into it. D.C. sort of intimated 6k, and I think he did all his own work, so at least double that for an installed equivalent system, and that requires special appliances so it works. So, I ended up looking over a renewable energy database for my county. And what I learned from that is wind power is out, biomass is rated very well (though I don't think I could personally use that, though I need to know more), geothermal is highly rated here, solar is good (5.1-5.5 kWh/m2/day), but wind is very bad.
So, my choices for viable renewable energy for personal use are probably limited to geothermal (which seems to be used singularly for heating/cooling, but I honestly know nothing more than what was written in that database) and solar. Solar is only average here, on their charts. I don't know, I just keep wanting to dig and get as much knowledge as quickly as possible and begin making a plan to try and get that installed. Time is not on my side, nor is money, health, function, or anything. But... those things aren't the point. I need to figure out how to bull through. Now, I like a wood oven, for winter. And though I live near mountains, have you any idea what bringing three to seven cords of wood from the mountain to my home would be like on foot, even with horses? And all of that would have to then be chopped by hand, and it would probably be brought down as eight to ten foot lengths, so would first need to be sawed to 17" to 21" lengths, depending on the cook stove/wood stove used (though if I went that way, I would want to make those two things use the same length of cuts).
So, geothermal or wood? Is geothermal even affordable? More research. Wood burning devices would cost... say... $7k-$12k, plus installation adding, perhaps, another $3k-$5k depending on what they find while doing the work, or $1k-$2k if I could put my hands to it. But wood fired would not handle cooling. That would require a generator, probably propane, along with a 2k buried propane tank, which would give me just a bit each night to allow earlier sleep so I could get up and march into the mountains before the sun was up, or ride my bike to get water and haul 80 some pounds of water back home, which might add $3k to $8k, depending on burial costs, rental or purchase of tank (they might not rent a buried tank?), and such. Plus, I would need to get some appliances that ran on propane or they might not bother renting me such a large tank, if they do rent buried tanks?
Anyway, the moral of the story is, no matter what you do, it will be a little thing, or bunch of them, that begin turning into their own hurricane of disasters right when you don't need injury on insulting injury. Getting this right also means stepping up to manage, coordinate, purchase, install, upgrade as needed, and maintain such a wide variety of systems and subsystems that my head is swimming. No, no no. Not a problem. I went through this in engineering school almost every day. I... should I be honest? Yeah, okay... I enjoy this feeling. *wee!* This is were I work my best, in the shit of whatever sort, over my head, with a bag over my face, and something hitting or punching me. I can't even tell, I don't know, and I don't need to know. I don't take it personal, I just want to change the shit into a calm, without dieing, giving up, or losing so I can get on to my next, deeper or new horror.
Oh, by the way, there is a 30% federal tax credit and a 25% state tax credit (with a max of $2k per year on the state, though any excess over the max can be carried out for four years). A self-designed (and installed I think? You know how reading government garbledygook is?) system might actually qualify with less stringent requirements than professionally installed systems! That could... yeah, that might work. That might be enough of a carrot to get this eleph-mule off his... well... mule. S.O.B. While spending money isn't striking gold, if I can figure out and install an $18k system, for example (which includes solar, biomass, and or geothermal systems, my final cost would be, roughly, $8.1k (if the state rebate ($4.5k) would take three years (including the instant $2k from the install year, so two years once it was certified) to collect. The feds offer an immediate and full 30% rebate ($5.4k in this case). However, I am not sure if the rebates overlap, if one is pulled before the other is figured, or what? S.O.B. I can do that, and before long, if too I would have to just not pay off some bills as I had sort of hoped to do. Son of a gun. Maybe... You have no idea what having a dependable, solid, off-grid electric and heating/cooling rig set up would do for my bean. *RELIEF* And now, I have an inkling of a plan. Just a glimmer of a hope, almost palpable, playing at the edges of my psychic periphery like sugar plum dreams in the Christmastimes of my youth.
But it did get me thinking, looking, planning, and going. Then again, it was D.C. who kicked it all off, in the first place, along the way, and again just recently, in truth. Most recently by pointing to food and water transport (the bike and systems for it). Oh yes. I need a little guidance, a little nudge, a clue that isn't cryptic from time to time. Anyway, it is bed time.
[Note to all. Read D.C. and learn! I don't know how much time you have, but... Even Christ did not know some things. Though those with eyes to see and ears to hear have to know it is coming down. Read, watch, learn, ask, do. He or his site can at least get you started.]
Good night.
I hope to sleep well, finally.
.
.
While the sun was still up, I looked at the outside temp. It read 64 F? Wow. At first I thought it had to be wrong. So I stood there for a bit. No, it really is cooling quite a bit. Yesterday it got down to 72 inside my home, which actually felt cold (in my skivvies). As soon as I read and believed the temp, I opened everything up and turned on the fans to download as much of that cool as bandwidth allows. I don't mind feeling cold, I relish it. I am hoping, after two wreckages of sleep cycles, that tonight will be the night.
Since I wasn't able to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation today I am going to try and be there for confession tomorrow. I am not sure I will make it, but I need it. I need it for it's two purposes. The first is obvious. The forgiveness of sins. The second is just as important. I need the Eucharist more than I need food, and have for a while now. A very long while. I am going to try and push it through. If I can, then I can go to Mass right afterward and receive the Eucharist. Further, I will do what I can to make it to Church on Sunday. Now that I have broken the ice, woken up, shaken my world... I need to act fast before that window closes again for a while. I feel like I am playing hopscotch with life, only the rules change, my capacity changes, and everything is contrary to itself even while it IS itself. No matter, keep your eye on the ball and swing. Striking out is no shame if too it isn't a win. Sttttt-rike! But which strike is it? I can't aim for a bunt, I have to aim for the bleachers. Last inning, 2 down, with two in play. Uhrm, is that how they say it with baseball? Haven't watched baseball since I was... 13? Yeah, something like that.
Just had some prank doorbell ringing. Whatever. I know it was kids, adults don't move fast enough to escape that quickly. The cats knew where they were, I could have found them if I had wanted. At this point, I am not going to fuss over it. If it continues I will fix it, legally mind you. No little arms or heads will be removed via my method, though a sheriff might be talking to child and parent. As will I. No charges, I wouldn't press them, not here. And I don't even care so long as it doesn't become a daily daily, or even a weekly thing. Hmm, if it comes down to it, I think I could forgo all problems if they work off my bother by pulling some weeds, raking, and such. Yes, yes. I am... generous that way.
Sunday, after church, I will have to rush home and change to take my friend out shooting. The 9 mm rifle and pistol and the .45 he thinks. So be it. I had thought the .357 but I don't have any of that ammunition and he didn't suggest visiting his sister to get some. I have magnum loads for it, he sold me those as they are too hot for him to shoot. As noted, they are too hot for him to shoot! Dinner and a shoot-out. Actually it is far more expensive than dinner and a movie, at least the start up costs of buying a gun and ammunition. How much shooting pays for itself, entertainment wise? No amount can. Perhaps it shouldn't be on the ledger as entertainment. If you ever need a gun and the skill to shoot it accurately no amount of money would be too much. Since you don't have a rewind, recut, it is best to pay and lose than to not pay and lose. Money versus life, or even temporary freedom. A lesson for the government regarding the military too.
Hmm, I best get my shoes polished and check to make sure my good clothes don't smell musty. I am sure my good belts, perhaps a tie or three, are close around as well. I am sure the slacks could use dry cleaning and pressing but there is not time, so cords and a dress shirt, with the Oxfords, and perhaps the bohemian sport coat? Maybe or maybe not the sport coat. It is a heavier wool and that might still be a bit on the hot side. Hmm, but to wear that two days in a row? Well, I do have two different cords, and several dress shirts, with several different ties. Do I remember how to tie a tie? Ugh. I'll... figure it out.
Good night.
.
While the sun was still up, I looked at the outside temp. It read 64 F? Wow. At first I thought it had to be wrong. So I stood there for a bit. No, it really is cooling quite a bit. Yesterday it got down to 72 inside my home, which actually felt cold (in my skivvies). As soon as I read and believed the temp, I opened everything up and turned on the fans to download as much of that cool as bandwidth allows. I don't mind feeling cold, I relish it. I am hoping, after two wreckages of sleep cycles, that tonight will be the night.
Since I wasn't able to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation today I am going to try and be there for confession tomorrow. I am not sure I will make it, but I need it. I need it for it's two purposes. The first is obvious. The forgiveness of sins. The second is just as important. I need the Eucharist more than I need food, and have for a while now. A very long while. I am going to try and push it through. If I can, then I can go to Mass right afterward and receive the Eucharist. Further, I will do what I can to make it to Church on Sunday. Now that I have broken the ice, woken up, shaken my world... I need to act fast before that window closes again for a while. I feel like I am playing hopscotch with life, only the rules change, my capacity changes, and everything is contrary to itself even while it IS itself. No matter, keep your eye on the ball and swing. Striking out is no shame if too it isn't a win. Sttttt-rike! But which strike is it? I can't aim for a bunt, I have to aim for the bleachers. Last inning, 2 down, with two in play. Uhrm, is that how they say it with baseball? Haven't watched baseball since I was... 13? Yeah, something like that.
Just had some prank doorbell ringing. Whatever. I know it was kids, adults don't move fast enough to escape that quickly. The cats knew where they were, I could have found them if I had wanted. At this point, I am not going to fuss over it. If it continues I will fix it, legally mind you. No little arms or heads will be removed via my method, though a sheriff might be talking to child and parent. As will I. No charges, I wouldn't press them, not here. And I don't even care so long as it doesn't become a daily daily, or even a weekly thing. Hmm, if it comes down to it, I think I could forgo all problems if they work off my bother by pulling some weeds, raking, and such. Yes, yes. I am... generous that way.
Sunday, after church, I will have to rush home and change to take my friend out shooting. The 9 mm rifle and pistol and the .45 he thinks. So be it. I had thought the .357 but I don't have any of that ammunition and he didn't suggest visiting his sister to get some. I have magnum loads for it, he sold me those as they are too hot for him to shoot. As noted, they are too hot for him to shoot! Dinner and a shoot-out. Actually it is far more expensive than dinner and a movie, at least the start up costs of buying a gun and ammunition. How much shooting pays for itself, entertainment wise? No amount can. Perhaps it shouldn't be on the ledger as entertainment. If you ever need a gun and the skill to shoot it accurately no amount of money would be too much. Since you don't have a rewind, recut, it is best to pay and lose than to not pay and lose. Money versus life, or even temporary freedom. A lesson for the government regarding the military too.
Hmm, I best get my shoes polished and check to make sure my good clothes don't smell musty. I am sure my good belts, perhaps a tie or three, are close around as well. I am sure the slacks could use dry cleaning and pressing but there is not time, so cords and a dress shirt, with the Oxfords, and perhaps the bohemian sport coat? Maybe or maybe not the sport coat. It is a heavier wool and that might still be a bit on the hot side. Hmm, but to wear that two days in a row? Well, I do have two different cords, and several dress shirts, with several different ties. Do I remember how to tie a tie? Ugh. I'll... figure it out.
Good night.
I have been thinking about women.
.
.
No guff, as my friend likes to say. But, I mean in the right way. I have been pondering the question if there might actually be a woman out there for me. Oh, sure, I might be dieing. We will know more after the angiography, and more still after we get my medicines fully up to level and have it there for three months. But I will say this, I don't think I am going to die anytime soon, barring an accident. And, I will wait to know for sure before actively beginning any possible pursuits. No, I am discussing thinking about whether there really are any woman I myself could tolerate to associate with enough to possible end up marrying.
While it seems, since I write about women often, that I do think there are women out there. The truth is I have been quite agnostic about whether there is a woman out there I could handle handling. We live in a crass world these days. Women have decided, in many cases, to take the crassness of men and distort themselves and publicly in such a way as to make the crassest of men seem tame. There are women who, just by what they wear, make this old (if retired at it) horn-dog blush. And more, women are turning into men altogether. But I have been thinking on the proposition anyway.
I started thinking, are there any women I have met or know, regardless of their availability or their ability to fit into my requirements, whom I would marry. As my mind went around, considering the many women I have met recently, I considered them top to bottom, side to side, and inside out. I found about five women with potential and one I definitely would consider. Now, my consideration comes from brief conversations and my sense of the woman as a human. While any woman could satisfy my natural instincts, few would pass muster beyond that. I have to be able to like her, up front, and easily, because it gets much more difficult after that. I would call it a natural affinity, based on some qualities. A humble, kind, generous, abiding, submissive, yet strong nature is required. There is a feel, or a click, when I am near such a woman.
Okay, so now that I suspect there are some women I could not only tolerate, but enjoy, being around, the question goes to other areas. Is she or would she be willing to become Catholic? Can she have children and would she do so? Can she be trusted in the long run? Hell, in the short run? But that is a whole other set of questions. That has nothing to do with whether there really is even a woman that I would consider taking as a wife.
Hopefully as I begin going to Church and it becomes known that a reformed alpha (or, that's the story, one way or the other) is open to finding a good woman I will be forced into fight or flight and will be tricked into enough calm to be trapped. Doh! Bachelorhood made me write that, in... those words. I meant to say, that with the story that a bachelor with some potential is looking for the right woman, perhaps someone knows a woman who might fit the profile and, you know, make introductions. I will also let it be known that I don't take hints. At all. I am nearly perfectly incapable of taking a hint, and I mean to be. Having a single, available, right woman sit beside me in Church for the next ten thousand years would never lead to anything save two dusted seats. Arrangements have to be made, with notifications, a letter of intent (signed, sealed, notoried), and permission slips from both parents and maybe grandparents might be required as well. Just... thinking and saying.
Actually, as I hear it, Adam couldn't take a hint either. Want to hear the story? Okay, fine, since you insist.
'God, of course, made Adam. After God had Adam name all of the animals, and seeing that none were fit to be Adam's mate, and that Adam was lonely, God decided to create him a mate. So God crafted Eve from a rib of Adam, in order that blood of one's blood would bind the two. After doing so, God watched from afar, then closer, closer, then He set aside His God-Nintendo to spend most of His time checking on the two. Nothing was happening, and I mean nothing.'
'So God decided that a small intervention might be critical. God was patient, but Jesus was getting better at the Nintendo, maybe up to God the Father's own level, and He needed to get back up there before He lost His standing. So He calls Adam over and suggests that Adam, while reclining with Eve, put his arm around her shoulder, hoping a little contact would lead to their being fruitful. Adam agrees, happily, and does as suggested. But, that's it. Nothing happens beyond that.'
'Disappointed, God calls Adam back and suggests he kiss Eve once in a while. Adam goes over to Eve, puts his arm around her shoulder... then just sits there. He then comes back to God and asks, "What is "kiss", Father?". So God explains. Ah, good. Adam returns to Eve, puts his arm around her, and kisses her. Throughout their time cuddling, Adam kisses her once in a while. Nothing progresses.
'Again, God calls Adam back over. He decides to suggest another intermediary step, as He wants Adam to simply figure things out on his own. So God suggests that, beside hugging and kissing, that Adam always touch eve, caress her body. Adam agrees immediately, and goes back to Eve, settles in, then looks confused. He comes back to God and asks, Lord, what is caressing? God, again, explains the basics. Ah, fine. Adam goes back and does all of these things over time. Nothing advances beyond that point.'
'Finally God decides it is time for the whole "birds and bees" speech. So He calls Adam over again. This time God suggests that Adam make love to Eve, so that they might bear God some grandchildren. Of course, Master, Adam says. And again he returns to Eve. Again he looks lost and confused, and returns to ask God what this "making love" is and how to do it. God almost thumps His head with an open palm, but stays His hand. He then explains it to Adam as if to a child. Ah, of course, right to it, Father. And off he goes. He settles in with Eve, then begins his play. All of a sudden, he looks lost and confused again. He again rises and heads over to God. God is a bit perplexed this time, He knows He explained everything, explicitly. Adam gets to God, finally, and asks... Father? What is a headache?'
Never mind. But, the idea about not taking a hint IS IN there.
I had, at one time, a Mormon ask me about women and marriage. I was quite honest with them. I said I wouldn't mind marrying a Mormon women, but that I was so powerful I would convert her in a heartbeat. And I mean that. If she is a solid Mormon, she knows who the husband is, religiously. She knows what he does for the family. This would not be a surprise (to her). So she would, most likely, either not entertain the notion of marrying a strongly religious man outside of her faith or be prepared to change. He... did look at me sideways. I think he had some notion that my want of a wife might induce change. I am not sure he has met such faith. Oh, don't think my faith is anything of a personal power. It was a gift, one I have nourished to my fullest capacity (humble and weak as that is, in truth, but there it is), that is all. I thank God for it, but I take no credit for it. None, responsibility, aye, but not credit. A gift, and a pretty one. My finest gift, ever.
Anyway, the thing is, now I at least believe there is the possibility that a Mrs. Doom exists. I need to start shaking bushes, looking under furniture, checking closets, and shooing her out into the open. Only the Lord knows why she hides from me, it is I who am in trouble. Perhaps she is trying to spare me the rod, you know how soft women are. Ha! Oh, don't even look at me like that. No crossed eyes or wrists on hips allowed. Such bluster goes nowhere with this man who knows women as I do! If you are a woman, any woman, you know XACTLY what I am talking about, so hush it, you! And any man knows exactly what I mean too. Wolverines they are, shoving even grizzly bears aside or chasing us off, often just for fun I think. Or like the bunny in Monty Python, the one that killed a bunch of knights as the rest of them "Run away, run away!". Though they don't kill, they do worse! They make us live forever just to make sure "until we die" becomes a blessing. I hope the Lord is kind to me, in this regard. But I think even He has His hands tied when it comes to women. (And thankfully, I think He did this to Himself or otherwise He would have destroyed them for pestering His sons so! :O :P :) Or destroyed us to stop the whining! :)
Just... toying with notions and laughing at the scary scenarios. Ignore the blogger gimp in the corner making faces at the sun and howling at the moon and even daring to think disparaging thoughts about the invisible woman he may well marry. Hush, you!
.
No guff, as my friend likes to say. But, I mean in the right way. I have been pondering the question if there might actually be a woman out there for me. Oh, sure, I might be dieing. We will know more after the angiography, and more still after we get my medicines fully up to level and have it there for three months. But I will say this, I don't think I am going to die anytime soon, barring an accident. And, I will wait to know for sure before actively beginning any possible pursuits. No, I am discussing thinking about whether there really are any woman I myself could tolerate to associate with enough to possible end up marrying.
While it seems, since I write about women often, that I do think there are women out there. The truth is I have been quite agnostic about whether there is a woman out there I could handle handling. We live in a crass world these days. Women have decided, in many cases, to take the crassness of men and distort themselves and publicly in such a way as to make the crassest of men seem tame. There are women who, just by what they wear, make this old (if retired at it) horn-dog blush. And more, women are turning into men altogether. But I have been thinking on the proposition anyway.
I started thinking, are there any women I have met or know, regardless of their availability or their ability to fit into my requirements, whom I would marry. As my mind went around, considering the many women I have met recently, I considered them top to bottom, side to side, and inside out. I found about five women with potential and one I definitely would consider. Now, my consideration comes from brief conversations and my sense of the woman as a human. While any woman could satisfy my natural instincts, few would pass muster beyond that. I have to be able to like her, up front, and easily, because it gets much more difficult after that. I would call it a natural affinity, based on some qualities. A humble, kind, generous, abiding, submissive, yet strong nature is required. There is a feel, or a click, when I am near such a woman.
Okay, so now that I suspect there are some women I could not only tolerate, but enjoy, being around, the question goes to other areas. Is she or would she be willing to become Catholic? Can she have children and would she do so? Can she be trusted in the long run? Hell, in the short run? But that is a whole other set of questions. That has nothing to do with whether there really is even a woman that I would consider taking as a wife.
Hopefully as I begin going to Church and it becomes known that a reformed alpha (or, that's the story, one way or the other) is open to finding a good woman I will be forced into fight or flight and will be tricked into enough calm to be trapped. Doh! Bachelorhood made me write that, in... those words. I meant to say, that with the story that a bachelor with some potential is looking for the right woman, perhaps someone knows a woman who might fit the profile and, you know, make introductions. I will also let it be known that I don't take hints. At all. I am nearly perfectly incapable of taking a hint, and I mean to be. Having a single, available, right woman sit beside me in Church for the next ten thousand years would never lead to anything save two dusted seats. Arrangements have to be made, with notifications, a letter of intent (signed, sealed, notoried), and permission slips from both parents and maybe grandparents might be required as well. Just... thinking and saying.
Actually, as I hear it, Adam couldn't take a hint either. Want to hear the story? Okay, fine, since you insist.
'God, of course, made Adam. After God had Adam name all of the animals, and seeing that none were fit to be Adam's mate, and that Adam was lonely, God decided to create him a mate. So God crafted Eve from a rib of Adam, in order that blood of one's blood would bind the two. After doing so, God watched from afar, then closer, closer, then He set aside His God-Nintendo to spend most of His time checking on the two. Nothing was happening, and I mean nothing.'
'So God decided that a small intervention might be critical. God was patient, but Jesus was getting better at the Nintendo, maybe up to God the Father's own level, and He needed to get back up there before He lost His standing. So He calls Adam over and suggests that Adam, while reclining with Eve, put his arm around her shoulder, hoping a little contact would lead to their being fruitful. Adam agrees, happily, and does as suggested. But, that's it. Nothing happens beyond that.'
'Disappointed, God calls Adam back and suggests he kiss Eve once in a while. Adam goes over to Eve, puts his arm around her shoulder... then just sits there. He then comes back to God and asks, "What is "kiss", Father?". So God explains. Ah, good. Adam returns to Eve, puts his arm around her, and kisses her. Throughout their time cuddling, Adam kisses her once in a while. Nothing progresses.
'Again, God calls Adam back over. He decides to suggest another intermediary step, as He wants Adam to simply figure things out on his own. So God suggests that, beside hugging and kissing, that Adam always touch eve, caress her body. Adam agrees immediately, and goes back to Eve, settles in, then looks confused. He comes back to God and asks, Lord, what is caressing? God, again, explains the basics. Ah, fine. Adam goes back and does all of these things over time. Nothing advances beyond that point.'
'Finally God decides it is time for the whole "birds and bees" speech. So He calls Adam over again. This time God suggests that Adam make love to Eve, so that they might bear God some grandchildren. Of course, Master, Adam says. And again he returns to Eve. Again he looks lost and confused, and returns to ask God what this "making love" is and how to do it. God almost thumps His head with an open palm, but stays His hand. He then explains it to Adam as if to a child. Ah, of course, right to it, Father. And off he goes. He settles in with Eve, then begins his play. All of a sudden, he looks lost and confused again. He again rises and heads over to God. God is a bit perplexed this time, He knows He explained everything, explicitly. Adam gets to God, finally, and asks... Father? What is a headache?'
Never mind. But, the idea about not taking a hint IS IN there.
I had, at one time, a Mormon ask me about women and marriage. I was quite honest with them. I said I wouldn't mind marrying a Mormon women, but that I was so powerful I would convert her in a heartbeat. And I mean that. If she is a solid Mormon, she knows who the husband is, religiously. She knows what he does for the family. This would not be a surprise (to her). So she would, most likely, either not entertain the notion of marrying a strongly religious man outside of her faith or be prepared to change. He... did look at me sideways. I think he had some notion that my want of a wife might induce change. I am not sure he has met such faith. Oh, don't think my faith is anything of a personal power. It was a gift, one I have nourished to my fullest capacity (humble and weak as that is, in truth, but there it is), that is all. I thank God for it, but I take no credit for it. None, responsibility, aye, but not credit. A gift, and a pretty one. My finest gift, ever.
Anyway, the thing is, now I at least believe there is the possibility that a Mrs. Doom exists. I need to start shaking bushes, looking under furniture, checking closets, and shooing her out into the open. Only the Lord knows why she hides from me, it is I who am in trouble. Perhaps she is trying to spare me the rod, you know how soft women are. Ha! Oh, don't even look at me like that. No crossed eyes or wrists on hips allowed. Such bluster goes nowhere with this man who knows women as I do! If you are a woman, any woman, you know XACTLY what I am talking about, so hush it, you! And any man knows exactly what I mean too. Wolverines they are, shoving even grizzly bears aside or chasing us off, often just for fun I think. Or like the bunny in Monty Python, the one that killed a bunch of knights as the rest of them "Run away, run away!". Though they don't kill, they do worse! They make us live forever just to make sure "until we die" becomes a blessing. I hope the Lord is kind to me, in this regard. But I think even He has His hands tied when it comes to women. (And thankfully, I think He did this to Himself or otherwise He would have destroyed them for pestering His sons so! :O :P :) Or destroyed us to stop the whining! :)
Just... toying with notions and laughing at the scary scenarios. Ignore the blogger gimp in the corner making faces at the sun and howling at the moon and even daring to think disparaging thoughts about the invisible woman he may well marry. Hush, you!
I did get out, a bit, and more later.
.
.
I showered and shipped out in time to make it to my appointment. We discussed a number of issues, including joining the ministry for prisoners. It seems the heavy requirements, background checks, and such, are more of a local than a state issue. Even the priest I spoke with today, after being a priest for 27 years, is having to submit a four page form and have something notarized before being allowed access, assuming he is approved! He suggested that the woman in charge of this ministry locally was suggesting that they need more people recently. I might suggest we get people together and discuss with politicians a lowering of the onerous requirements (at least for clerics). Especially when, in SLC, all one has to do is show identification and have credentials or be credentialed through an organization. I might have to see if they have thought of this. Sometimes people just accept things as they are, never thinking to question let alone outright challenge things. I am quite guilty of that myself, sometimes.
We discussed several other things. He had another appointment so I missed the confession part, though I did ask a few questions regarding confession. Honestly, I think he has heard of me. Much like in medicine, your reputation precedes you. However, when I suggested much of my trouble deals with a bad heart I think it made him have to reconsider everything he had been told. All those thoughts about bipolar, depression, whatnot... They all come into question when such a serious physical ailment really is involved. Is a man screaming curses and attacking anyone near him a lunatic? Not if he is on fire and no one is doing anything, or seemingly even noticing. Perspective. (Not that I did or do that, only giving an example of judgment without enough information).
Oh don't be silly. The Mormon and Catholic and probably your church, when you move somewhere and start up (within the denomination) they... communicate to each other. Possibly outside of your denomination. Even though I am not Mormon, because of my friend and association with past missionaries, I am quite sure they have a file on me, that came here with me, before me even. Such is the way of things. Do not think me a fool. I learned much in the military, and through a minute amount of study, learned where the military learned what it knows. Ha!
Paranoid much? But, yeah, I believe that. And I no more worry about it then I worry about the same thing happening in academics, a career, etc. It's just the way of things. If you didn't know, now you do. If you don't believe, scratch the surface just a bit the next time you travel. You'd be surprised at how well you are known. The thing is, that knowledge is a collection of words, is often at least slightly inaccurate, and only you can alter it (not by words mind you, by action or in my case providing that physical ailment that fills in the blanks).
I then went to lunch. My favorite Mexican Restaurant was the place. Instead of a Mexican dish, I went with shrimp and artichoke pasta, with tomato sauce and penne pasta. They serve large meals but I usually can handle that easily. Not having eaten well for a bit made my meal too large to finish. I did my best, ate all of the shrimp and artichoke, but left a quarter of the rest. It wasn't my absolute favorite of their offerings, but because of my preferences not the meal itself. I was just trying something new. The meal was fresh tasting, excellent, and if you love shrimp artichoke on penne with tomato sauce, this would be as good or better than any other. Ah well, it is nice to be different once in a while. Plus, I want to sample their other offerings. It is one of those restaurants that is worth taking some "risks" in dining while visiting.
I received what I had thought was a spam email. At first I thought it was someone trying to comment with a spam link to this blog. I save those, to review (and often chuckle at), when I have time. Being busy I hadn't quite gotten to it. Finally, today, I looked it over. Not only did it not have a link, nor was it a post, but merely an email asking for my opinion regarding a potential project. Further, I liked the idea. So, finally, I responded. Something about an app that would "score" good and bad behavior, to promote working out and eating right, like a first person shooter game somehow, which would link to rewards (coupons or such) as you gained points and increased in ranking. I have a smartphone, but I have never been into apps. I might consider trying such a thing (though my situation is slightly different, so I'm not sure it is quite as applicable to me). Some days I simply can't do anything, so the rewards might come too slowly to add incentive. Still, it might be worth having just to track food, or... a few other things. I think I would also add that I think rewards should come more easily in the earlier stages, where more incentive is more critical and where good behavior is less likely to otherwise go forward and wouldn't be going on as frequently. Another idea I just thought of is the thing should have programmable events. For me, perhaps, taking my medicine might be a behavior that counts for points. As well, another thing might be the ability to program in scheduled reminders to do things. Yeah, that starts getting heavy, but it would be more used if it is more useful. I will be sending these recommendations shortly. I think my main suggestion was that she not have all of the rewards be "healthy" or even "semi-healthy". Don't put a bag of granola in front of me in order to get me to climb a mountain. Put a Snickers and a Coke top of the mountain at least. Don't ask me to pedal twenty miles for a vitamin, have a steak dinner waiting. You see were I am going with that, right? Maybe as rank is attained the rewards can begin tending toward the dry and painful (healthy). But not at first.
I would love to sleep but I promised my friend I would help him escape for a bit. The life of a prisoner is harsh, even with those delicate pretty young women who act as his jailers. A pink prison is no less a prison. A dinner at Jimmy John's maybe, and a bit of shopping. He does like to shop, window shop, and just be about town once in a while. Plus, when we go shooting Sunday, we won't have to stop anywhere but for a meal so we won't be rushed to get him back on time. That should make it much easier. I am going to pick up his soda before I pick him up, too. Then he won't be watching the time and shrieking the "Danger! Danger, Will Rodger! Danger!" about the time. Oh, I know, he just doesn't want to press his luck and get tossed out. As you get older, you worry more I think.
.
I showered and shipped out in time to make it to my appointment. We discussed a number of issues, including joining the ministry for prisoners. It seems the heavy requirements, background checks, and such, are more of a local than a state issue. Even the priest I spoke with today, after being a priest for 27 years, is having to submit a four page form and have something notarized before being allowed access, assuming he is approved! He suggested that the woman in charge of this ministry locally was suggesting that they need more people recently. I might suggest we get people together and discuss with politicians a lowering of the onerous requirements (at least for clerics). Especially when, in SLC, all one has to do is show identification and have credentials or be credentialed through an organization. I might have to see if they have thought of this. Sometimes people just accept things as they are, never thinking to question let alone outright challenge things. I am quite guilty of that myself, sometimes.
We discussed several other things. He had another appointment so I missed the confession part, though I did ask a few questions regarding confession. Honestly, I think he has heard of me. Much like in medicine, your reputation precedes you. However, when I suggested much of my trouble deals with a bad heart I think it made him have to reconsider everything he had been told. All those thoughts about bipolar, depression, whatnot... They all come into question when such a serious physical ailment really is involved. Is a man screaming curses and attacking anyone near him a lunatic? Not if he is on fire and no one is doing anything, or seemingly even noticing. Perspective. (Not that I did or do that, only giving an example of judgment without enough information).
Oh don't be silly. The Mormon and Catholic and probably your church, when you move somewhere and start up (within the denomination) they... communicate to each other. Possibly outside of your denomination. Even though I am not Mormon, because of my friend and association with past missionaries, I am quite sure they have a file on me, that came here with me, before me even. Such is the way of things. Do not think me a fool. I learned much in the military, and through a minute amount of study, learned where the military learned what it knows. Ha!
Paranoid much? But, yeah, I believe that. And I no more worry about it then I worry about the same thing happening in academics, a career, etc. It's just the way of things. If you didn't know, now you do. If you don't believe, scratch the surface just a bit the next time you travel. You'd be surprised at how well you are known. The thing is, that knowledge is a collection of words, is often at least slightly inaccurate, and only you can alter it (not by words mind you, by action or in my case providing that physical ailment that fills in the blanks).
I then went to lunch. My favorite Mexican Restaurant was the place. Instead of a Mexican dish, I went with shrimp and artichoke pasta, with tomato sauce and penne pasta. They serve large meals but I usually can handle that easily. Not having eaten well for a bit made my meal too large to finish. I did my best, ate all of the shrimp and artichoke, but left a quarter of the rest. It wasn't my absolute favorite of their offerings, but because of my preferences not the meal itself. I was just trying something new. The meal was fresh tasting, excellent, and if you love shrimp artichoke on penne with tomato sauce, this would be as good or better than any other. Ah well, it is nice to be different once in a while. Plus, I want to sample their other offerings. It is one of those restaurants that is worth taking some "risks" in dining while visiting.
I received what I had thought was a spam email. At first I thought it was someone trying to comment with a spam link to this blog. I save those, to review (and often chuckle at), when I have time. Being busy I hadn't quite gotten to it. Finally, today, I looked it over. Not only did it not have a link, nor was it a post, but merely an email asking for my opinion regarding a potential project. Further, I liked the idea. So, finally, I responded. Something about an app that would "score" good and bad behavior, to promote working out and eating right, like a first person shooter game somehow, which would link to rewards (coupons or such) as you gained points and increased in ranking. I have a smartphone, but I have never been into apps. I might consider trying such a thing (though my situation is slightly different, so I'm not sure it is quite as applicable to me). Some days I simply can't do anything, so the rewards might come too slowly to add incentive. Still, it might be worth having just to track food, or... a few other things. I think I would also add that I think rewards should come more easily in the earlier stages, where more incentive is more critical and where good behavior is less likely to otherwise go forward and wouldn't be going on as frequently. Another idea I just thought of is the thing should have programmable events. For me, perhaps, taking my medicine might be a behavior that counts for points. As well, another thing might be the ability to program in scheduled reminders to do things. Yeah, that starts getting heavy, but it would be more used if it is more useful. I will be sending these recommendations shortly. I think my main suggestion was that she not have all of the rewards be "healthy" or even "semi-healthy". Don't put a bag of granola in front of me in order to get me to climb a mountain. Put a Snickers and a Coke top of the mountain at least. Don't ask me to pedal twenty miles for a vitamin, have a steak dinner waiting. You see were I am going with that, right? Maybe as rank is attained the rewards can begin tending toward the dry and painful (healthy). But not at first.
I would love to sleep but I promised my friend I would help him escape for a bit. The life of a prisoner is harsh, even with those delicate pretty young women who act as his jailers. A pink prison is no less a prison. A dinner at Jimmy John's maybe, and a bit of shopping. He does like to shop, window shop, and just be about town once in a while. Plus, when we go shooting Sunday, we won't have to stop anywhere but for a meal so we won't be rushed to get him back on time. That should make it much easier. I am going to pick up his soda before I pick him up, too. Then he won't be watching the time and shrieking the "Danger! Danger, Will Rodger! Danger!" about the time. Oh, I know, he just doesn't want to press his luck and get tossed out. As you get older, you worry more I think.
Ah well.
.
.
I can't sleep tonight either. I have an appointment with my priest. The appointment is early, the time is late, and if I slept I would not rise. So...
While awake, I decided to look at what I have, in the way of food, and what I need. I must admit that I have been... procrastinating, yes that would be it... procrastinating about buying food due to a number of factors. For grain, I have been holding back since I don't have a grinding mill, for example. For other items, it is because I don't have a good enough idea about how to store them, exactly. Oh, sure, I have been told, shown online, and researched, but it simply isn't the same thing. And for all of it, I have some worry about quality, price, and... everything! Much like a cat near water, new things, sometimes, often, perhaps too often, have me creeping around them, curiously toying with the notion, but getting nowhere near just diving in. *tap, tap, tap* *runs away (fast)*
I have, academically, in theory beyond that, decided that I need to just go ahead and buy the foods and worry about the rest of it afterward, to a degree. To a degree, I have to be a little less cautious with my money too. I end up spending it anyway. Bleh! I need to plug my emotional/intellectually questioning/pesimistic nose and take the medicine of buying the foods. There is a chance I will figure things out along the way, or shortly after purchase. If all else fails at least I will have some foods for some period of time. To that end I found one of the food calculators tonight and began playing with things. My goal, of course, is to have enough food for one adult for one year. However, I may have guests. Family is not the only potential, though there is that. In a true EOTWAWKI scenario, I am guessing some people will be absorbed here locally, even if most are rejected and sent on their way or outright fought off. I have room, and more hands (and boobs) would not be a bad thing. Just... sayin'. Having enough for myself, another adult, and a child would be a good thing. It would also extend my "year supply" even if no others arrived, or add barter goods to my list.
To that end, I am sort of picking an area, in this case sugars, to start. Why sugars and not wheat or beans or meats or whatnot? Because with sugar, or sweeteners actually, I can fill a one man one year supply this month. The list includes regular sugar, a bit of confectioners and brown sugar, molasses, honey, and maybe maple syrup (the real stuff, for my larder anyway). One of the recommendations is powdered drinks, which actually would be the most expensive part of that, for a year's supply, at least what I am considering. Most of that, barring the drink mixes, can be bought at any grocery store. I will need to read labels as one must make sure corn syrup is not mixed with the molasses or maple syrup because it shortens the shelf life considerably. I am guessing I could get a year's supply of all save the powdered drink mix for, say $50 to $70, even with pure maple as not all that much is recommended of maple syrup.
Now, as to powdered drink mixes? I had, quite honestly, never considered this before. It was on the lists I have seen, I am quite sure, but it wasn't something that showed up on my radar and so had never been considered. A bit of searching did come up with a drink mix. I didn't want simple Cool-Aid or such, it is empty calories. The problem is that the stuff I prefer is not recommended for children, pregnant women, women who are nursing, women during pms, or mean women. Okay, well, maybe I stretched the list. Oh, fine, I made some of that stuff up. But it's alllll twue! However, since it is just me and any women (I know of) who might show up are far past pregnancy, thus nursing (or pms, mostly), even if they are both mean, I will probably go with Emergen C.
I found one that is good for the heart. Now, a year's supply of mixed varieties, at one a day, would be about $100. Then again, I don't plan on drinking it every day in a grid-down. It would merely allow for a bit of flavor once in a while. But I do plan on buying enough for a packet a day. I had thought about replacing soda and my daily vitamin (if after closer review it seemed feasible) with this stuff. For the heart healthy stuff, actually, come to think of it and off hand, given their recommended amounts, it would be way too expensive to replace my daily vitamin and soda. Yep, a calculator check says the cost would be almost $800 for a year's supply at four packs a day. Not... going... to... happen. Though I will be including some of it in my order, and could always order a few extras to stock away. Hmm, as it replaces my soda, which can be $5 a twelve pack, I might be able to afford adding plenty of extra, over time, without killing my budget. Well, not really. But, not drinking soda will cut into the costs of the mix. Anyway.
So, my goal this month, I think, is to get my sugars in order. Next month, legumes/beans (which I will vastly overdo, as I am a bean eating machine) and "cooking essentials" (baking, leavening, and such items). Then dry milk the month after that. Then I will hit the big one, grains. Well, meats will be the most expensive, if a couple of cases of tuna, corned beef, and a few other such products will at least start the meat collection until or unless I can figure out home canning meats as they come on sale. I might, if I have enough to buy some kit while my mom is here, ask her to show me how it is done. Just a small sample size of some cut of beef she has canned before. She used to put up enough beef for about a year of her cooking, when we were kids, when we lived anywhere long enough to store stuff. I can't remember if she canned any meat other than beef, though I suspect so. Canned pork would do just fine with some Mexican dishes. Though I don't think she ever canned fowl (though D.C. did, and blogged it well). The reason I am trying to hit these food groups in this way is that I NEED to see success, movement, storage. Not so much because I believe the collapse is absolutely imminent, though there is that to a degree, we are on extremely globally shaky economic legs. More because success breeds success, and I need some breeding. Or... something like that.
Hmm, since I have to be up, and I am rather hungry, I may go into town and have a tidy little breakfast somewhere, go in and pay my auto tax and make sure the escrow is paying my property tax, and then, if there is time before my appointment, go in and buy some or all of the sweeteners to be stored. Hmm, no. I'll wait until after my appointment in order that I can do my regular shopping too. I am dithering about whether to order the mixes now, or wait until I get a better idea of my finances this month? No, I best order. I'll... figure it out if I begin running a bit shy. Actually, I am probably going to wait until the 3rd, and use the account that gets paid then. Yes, yes. It is a plan.
By the way, while visiting a blog, I was sort of given fresh ideas, thus this post. One of the other things included getting going on a trailer for a bike. So, while I happened to be at Amazon, I decided to see if anything new had come on their market. Sure enough, I think I found what I want. While it seems to have issues, mostly instructions being poor and the coverlet for the thing not fitting well enough to be water-proof/resistant, I figure I can handle that, and fix it if needed.
On to breakfast. Have a great day!
.
I can't sleep tonight either. I have an appointment with my priest. The appointment is early, the time is late, and if I slept I would not rise. So...
While awake, I decided to look at what I have, in the way of food, and what I need. I must admit that I have been... procrastinating, yes that would be it... procrastinating about buying food due to a number of factors. For grain, I have been holding back since I don't have a grinding mill, for example. For other items, it is because I don't have a good enough idea about how to store them, exactly. Oh, sure, I have been told, shown online, and researched, but it simply isn't the same thing. And for all of it, I have some worry about quality, price, and... everything! Much like a cat near water, new things, sometimes, often, perhaps too often, have me creeping around them, curiously toying with the notion, but getting nowhere near just diving in. *tap, tap, tap* *runs away (fast)*
I have, academically, in theory beyond that, decided that I need to just go ahead and buy the foods and worry about the rest of it afterward, to a degree. To a degree, I have to be a little less cautious with my money too. I end up spending it anyway. Bleh! I need to plug my emotional/intellectually questioning/pesimistic nose and take the medicine of buying the foods. There is a chance I will figure things out along the way, or shortly after purchase. If all else fails at least I will have some foods for some period of time. To that end I found one of the food calculators tonight and began playing with things. My goal, of course, is to have enough food for one adult for one year. However, I may have guests. Family is not the only potential, though there is that. In a true EOTWAWKI scenario, I am guessing some people will be absorbed here locally, even if most are rejected and sent on their way or outright fought off. I have room, and more hands (and boobs) would not be a bad thing. Just... sayin'. Having enough for myself, another adult, and a child would be a good thing. It would also extend my "year supply" even if no others arrived, or add barter goods to my list.
To that end, I am sort of picking an area, in this case sugars, to start. Why sugars and not wheat or beans or meats or whatnot? Because with sugar, or sweeteners actually, I can fill a one man one year supply this month. The list includes regular sugar, a bit of confectioners and brown sugar, molasses, honey, and maybe maple syrup (the real stuff, for my larder anyway). One of the recommendations is powdered drinks, which actually would be the most expensive part of that, for a year's supply, at least what I am considering. Most of that, barring the drink mixes, can be bought at any grocery store. I will need to read labels as one must make sure corn syrup is not mixed with the molasses or maple syrup because it shortens the shelf life considerably. I am guessing I could get a year's supply of all save the powdered drink mix for, say $50 to $70, even with pure maple as not all that much is recommended of maple syrup.
Now, as to powdered drink mixes? I had, quite honestly, never considered this before. It was on the lists I have seen, I am quite sure, but it wasn't something that showed up on my radar and so had never been considered. A bit of searching did come up with a drink mix. I didn't want simple Cool-Aid or such, it is empty calories. The problem is that the stuff I prefer is not recommended for children, pregnant women, women who are nursing, women during pms, or mean women. Okay, well, maybe I stretched the list. Oh, fine, I made some of that stuff up. But it's alllll twue! However, since it is just me and any women (I know of) who might show up are far past pregnancy, thus nursing (or pms, mostly), even if they are both mean, I will probably go with Emergen C.
I found one that is good for the heart. Now, a year's supply of mixed varieties, at one a day, would be about $100. Then again, I don't plan on drinking it every day in a grid-down. It would merely allow for a bit of flavor once in a while. But I do plan on buying enough for a packet a day. I had thought about replacing soda and my daily vitamin (if after closer review it seemed feasible) with this stuff. For the heart healthy stuff, actually, come to think of it and off hand, given their recommended amounts, it would be way too expensive to replace my daily vitamin and soda. Yep, a calculator check says the cost would be almost $800 for a year's supply at four packs a day. Not... going... to... happen. Though I will be including some of it in my order, and could always order a few extras to stock away. Hmm, as it replaces my soda, which can be $5 a twelve pack, I might be able to afford adding plenty of extra, over time, without killing my budget. Well, not really. But, not drinking soda will cut into the costs of the mix. Anyway.
So, my goal this month, I think, is to get my sugars in order. Next month, legumes/beans (which I will vastly overdo, as I am a bean eating machine) and "cooking essentials" (baking, leavening, and such items). Then dry milk the month after that. Then I will hit the big one, grains. Well, meats will be the most expensive, if a couple of cases of tuna, corned beef, and a few other such products will at least start the meat collection until or unless I can figure out home canning meats as they come on sale. I might, if I have enough to buy some kit while my mom is here, ask her to show me how it is done. Just a small sample size of some cut of beef she has canned before. She used to put up enough beef for about a year of her cooking, when we were kids, when we lived anywhere long enough to store stuff. I can't remember if she canned any meat other than beef, though I suspect so. Canned pork would do just fine with some Mexican dishes. Though I don't think she ever canned fowl (though D.C. did, and blogged it well). The reason I am trying to hit these food groups in this way is that I NEED to see success, movement, storage. Not so much because I believe the collapse is absolutely imminent, though there is that to a degree, we are on extremely globally shaky economic legs. More because success breeds success, and I need some breeding. Or... something like that.
Hmm, since I have to be up, and I am rather hungry, I may go into town and have a tidy little breakfast somewhere, go in and pay my auto tax and make sure the escrow is paying my property tax, and then, if there is time before my appointment, go in and buy some or all of the sweeteners to be stored. Hmm, no. I'll wait until after my appointment in order that I can do my regular shopping too. I am dithering about whether to order the mixes now, or wait until I get a better idea of my finances this month? No, I best order. I'll... figure it out if I begin running a bit shy. Actually, I am probably going to wait until the 3rd, and use the account that gets paid then. Yes, yes. It is a plan.
By the way, while visiting a blog, I was sort of given fresh ideas, thus this post. One of the other things included getting going on a trailer for a bike. So, while I happened to be at Amazon, I decided to see if anything new had come on their market. Sure enough, I think I found what I want. While it seems to have issues, mostly instructions being poor and the coverlet for the thing not fitting well enough to be water-proof/resistant, I figure I can handle that, and fix it if needed.
On to breakfast. Have a great day!
Too much, too fast, too hard.
.
.
All a day in the life of Doom, mind you. I seem to like to shoot myself in the foot, just to make sure it still hurts. No, not really, it just might seem that way to a casual observer. "Is that Doom with a loaded gun pointed at his foot again?" "Why, yes, I believe it is." "Hey Doom..." *bang* "...be careful... Whatever."
My appointment. I made it by not sleeping at all, quite by foolish accident. I did make it in time to scarf a bite to eat on my way in, but just barely and nothing fancy. As I am getting ready to leave the restaurant (across the parking lot from the office) to go check in, my phone says I have a message(s). I check it. From two days ago, or so, I finally get two messages. One is from my friend, though he doesn't say anything, I just know. Trust me, at least on this. I know these things. The other is from the clinic I am just about to check into. The woman tells me that the hygienists are no longer working at the time of my appointment (the one I am about to check in for), or there is a meeting, or both, or something. That I need to call and reschedule. Now, that call came in when the missionaries where here. Neither they nor I heard the call ring through, despite the phone being on and sitting right beside me. Actually both calls happened at that time. Since I hadn't heard the calls, I asked if they had, just for a 'sanity' check. Nope. Okay, I don't know what is happening with Verizon, but I am having this happen far too often. Phone calls that don't ring through and messages being delayed. Further, after they left, I checked my phone messages to see if the callers had left a message. Not a message to be found a half hour to hour after the calls came through silently.
Well, Verizon aside, there I am, at an 8:00 appointment that had been canceled, having spent $30-$50 in gas. Mad? Well, yes, but certainly not at the V.A. A bit at myself, but I did try as best as I was able to check. Verizon has most of my ire. I went in anyway, to reschedule. She suggested I could wait a couple hours to see if a cancellation would occur. None were showing and I was dieing on the vine as it was. And the cancellation might not be for morning, if one came in. I just couldn't stay. I explained that my phone had messed up, that I had tried to check the afternoon before, and just sort of shrugged. More to receive a little sympathy and then to let it go. I got sympathy, and more. They took care of me. I am quite grateful.
I did go on to get some other things done. I picked up a package from an order and then went looking for the BCI, the place where you apply for a conceal weapon permit in person if you are going to do it that way among other things. Now, being tired, dehydrated, and SLC being slightly larger than my home town, things didn't go well. I think that was my first experience of driving around, realizing I was lost, and continuing to drive around, and in the same area (the male stereotype). Usually, immediately after realizing I am lost, or even if I think I could be or will be, I would stop and ask. I knew it wasn't where I was searching, but I couldn't find a place that looked like it was worth stopping at to ask, didn't know where else to go, wouldn't give up, so did this stupid loop through a construction area which really made the travel far worse, for an hour or two, which went on like a bad dream. It was driving hell!
Finally I pulled into a place that is often a gas station and fast food joint combination, a chain I have only seen in Utah though it might be regional. It turned out to be the only one like it that was just a food place that I have seen. I was driving on out through the parking lot as I doubted anyone there would know when I saw a man, a worker I suppose, having a smoke in the parking lot. I drove over to him and asked if he knew where BCI was. By the look of him, as I got closer, I sort of suspected if he knew anything about BCI it had nothing to do with a gun permit (BCI is the bureau of criminal investigation). Being broad daylight, fully capable of self defense, and a bit too late to change my mind, I just waited for an answer. Nope, he knew nothing.
A guy I had noticed in my periphery, in a car nearby, told me right where it was. He suggested he did a lot of work there, that he was some sort of investigator. He said it with a slight grin. I had to grin back. I thanked him, and after figuring things out, made it to the place. I had been searching 3500, though in my sleepy mind I kept looking for 3400 (which doesn't exist as a main road), it was on 5400 (which I know, just not in such a withered state it seems). I have, now, finally, officially applied for my conceal weapon permit. The investigator, however, with the knowing grin and a sort of understanding, sticks in my mind. Predators of predators have an understanding, no matter what our official or unofficial titles or standings may be. I enjoyed the meeting, brief and anonymous as it was. Then again, they often are. *grins*
Okay, but I was pretty cooked by this time. I was dehydrated, but more. I was tired and dehydrated but there was even more. But what? I just didn't know. And like the driving lost scenario, I couldn't even tend the dehydration. Yeah, the mind gets funky when you deprive it, push it, shove it. As I was heading home I really wanted to stop and eat. Being very tired, by this time, I worried that stopping and eating might exaggerate my exhaustion. Food can do that. So I pretty much just headed for home. I was having a huge problem staying awake but I couldn't afford a room and it was far to hot to have tried to pull off for a nap, so on I struggled. I made it home, but don't remember how, when, or much. I didn't feed the cats. The only thing I remember though, was checking that they still had dry food and water available. I put food out before heading out along with water, in volume, when I will be traveling. I closed my door so they couldn't bother me, or did I? Whatever. I crashed, hard. Just waking a bit ago. But I figured out what the other problem was shortly after waking.
I somehow messed up. I haven't taken medicine for four days. You know what? I am either one of the luckiest or healthiest sick people you will ever meet. Going off those medicines, cold turkey, can and does kill people. I am taking Friday's pills, in spite of it being Saturday technically, and will try to sleep in a few hours again, then get back on the drug farm (if not exactly the drug farm they get the big bucks to sing about). Oh, wait, it IS Friday. I will take Thursday medicine tomorrow then. *chuckling* Yeah, I like my stupid humor and foibles, even as they are.
Well, later. Probably good night once I figure out how to get some fluid and food, if that might require a drive.
.
All a day in the life of Doom, mind you. I seem to like to shoot myself in the foot, just to make sure it still hurts. No, not really, it just might seem that way to a casual observer. "Is that Doom with a loaded gun pointed at his foot again?" "Why, yes, I believe it is." "Hey Doom..." *bang* "...be careful... Whatever."
My appointment. I made it by not sleeping at all, quite by foolish accident. I did make it in time to scarf a bite to eat on my way in, but just barely and nothing fancy. As I am getting ready to leave the restaurant (across the parking lot from the office) to go check in, my phone says I have a message(s). I check it. From two days ago, or so, I finally get two messages. One is from my friend, though he doesn't say anything, I just know. Trust me, at least on this. I know these things. The other is from the clinic I am just about to check into. The woman tells me that the hygienists are no longer working at the time of my appointment (the one I am about to check in for), or there is a meeting, or both, or something. That I need to call and reschedule. Now, that call came in when the missionaries where here. Neither they nor I heard the call ring through, despite the phone being on and sitting right beside me. Actually both calls happened at that time. Since I hadn't heard the calls, I asked if they had, just for a 'sanity' check. Nope. Okay, I don't know what is happening with Verizon, but I am having this happen far too often. Phone calls that don't ring through and messages being delayed. Further, after they left, I checked my phone messages to see if the callers had left a message. Not a message to be found a half hour to hour after the calls came through silently.
Well, Verizon aside, there I am, at an 8:00 appointment that had been canceled, having spent $30-$50 in gas. Mad? Well, yes, but certainly not at the V.A. A bit at myself, but I did try as best as I was able to check. Verizon has most of my ire. I went in anyway, to reschedule. She suggested I could wait a couple hours to see if a cancellation would occur. None were showing and I was dieing on the vine as it was. And the cancellation might not be for morning, if one came in. I just couldn't stay. I explained that my phone had messed up, that I had tried to check the afternoon before, and just sort of shrugged. More to receive a little sympathy and then to let it go. I got sympathy, and more. They took care of me. I am quite grateful.
I did go on to get some other things done. I picked up a package from an order and then went looking for the BCI, the place where you apply for a conceal weapon permit in person if you are going to do it that way among other things. Now, being tired, dehydrated, and SLC being slightly larger than my home town, things didn't go well. I think that was my first experience of driving around, realizing I was lost, and continuing to drive around, and in the same area (the male stereotype). Usually, immediately after realizing I am lost, or even if I think I could be or will be, I would stop and ask. I knew it wasn't where I was searching, but I couldn't find a place that looked like it was worth stopping at to ask, didn't know where else to go, wouldn't give up, so did this stupid loop through a construction area which really made the travel far worse, for an hour or two, which went on like a bad dream. It was driving hell!
Finally I pulled into a place that is often a gas station and fast food joint combination, a chain I have only seen in Utah though it might be regional. It turned out to be the only one like it that was just a food place that I have seen. I was driving on out through the parking lot as I doubted anyone there would know when I saw a man, a worker I suppose, having a smoke in the parking lot. I drove over to him and asked if he knew where BCI was. By the look of him, as I got closer, I sort of suspected if he knew anything about BCI it had nothing to do with a gun permit (BCI is the bureau of criminal investigation). Being broad daylight, fully capable of self defense, and a bit too late to change my mind, I just waited for an answer. Nope, he knew nothing.
A guy I had noticed in my periphery, in a car nearby, told me right where it was. He suggested he did a lot of work there, that he was some sort of investigator. He said it with a slight grin. I had to grin back. I thanked him, and after figuring things out, made it to the place. I had been searching 3500, though in my sleepy mind I kept looking for 3400 (which doesn't exist as a main road), it was on 5400 (which I know, just not in such a withered state it seems). I have, now, finally, officially applied for my conceal weapon permit. The investigator, however, with the knowing grin and a sort of understanding, sticks in my mind. Predators of predators have an understanding, no matter what our official or unofficial titles or standings may be. I enjoyed the meeting, brief and anonymous as it was. Then again, they often are. *grins*
Okay, but I was pretty cooked by this time. I was dehydrated, but more. I was tired and dehydrated but there was even more. But what? I just didn't know. And like the driving lost scenario, I couldn't even tend the dehydration. Yeah, the mind gets funky when you deprive it, push it, shove it. As I was heading home I really wanted to stop and eat. Being very tired, by this time, I worried that stopping and eating might exaggerate my exhaustion. Food can do that. So I pretty much just headed for home. I was having a huge problem staying awake but I couldn't afford a room and it was far to hot to have tried to pull off for a nap, so on I struggled. I made it home, but don't remember how, when, or much. I didn't feed the cats. The only thing I remember though, was checking that they still had dry food and water available. I put food out before heading out along with water, in volume, when I will be traveling. I closed my door so they couldn't bother me, or did I? Whatever. I crashed, hard. Just waking a bit ago. But I figured out what the other problem was shortly after waking.
I somehow messed up. I haven't taken medicine for four days. You know what? I am either one of the luckiest or healthiest sick people you will ever meet. Going off those medicines, cold turkey, can and does kill people. I am taking Friday's pills, in spite of it being Saturday technically, and will try to sleep in a few hours again, then get back on the drug farm (if not exactly the drug farm they get the big bucks to sing about). Oh, wait, it IS Friday. I will take Thursday medicine tomorrow then. *chuckling* Yeah, I like my stupid humor and foibles, even as they are.
Well, later. Probably good night once I figure out how to get some fluid and food, if that might require a drive.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)