.
.
The doc said my arteries are as clear as could be wildly hoped for them to be. They also did a vascular survey and it seems that my heart 'electronics' are exactly where they should be, which means the medicine is actually working, according to him. The procedure, so far, has been a non-event. Oh, sure, there were and remain some odd tickles, pains, and stiffness. Without shoes and socks, my right foot feels like someone took the ball part of a ballpean hammer, and while I was chilled to the bone, smacked it good and hard. From the bottom of my foot into odd parts of my lower leg, it feels, I suppose I could say, as if something shivered me timber.
Oh, and while I was there, I had a nurse who was being a stickler to detail. I found out that I am not 6'4", or 6'3,3/4", or even 6'3,1/2". I am actually... 6'5" and maybe a half or a quarter more. She couldn't quite reach for that last bit and it was right on the edge of being the max. Because my weight is fluctuating, both with eating more with my mother cooking, doing less as I am still a little weak, and water weight oddities, I can't quite say I am below 30% bmi. What I can say is, for once, getting on the scales might actually have helped in that score, for what it is worth. I honestly didn't realize that I was 6'5", plus. Odd. Then again, most people are very lazy. Rather than bringing a chair over to get it right, they just slop measure me.
I'm still walking a little funny. I am worn out. All the good news was nice though. I suppose it was worth it. I think my mother enjoyed getting away, but hospitals are hospitals, as far as that goes. When it isn't terrifying it is boring. She made due with reading materials and such. The hotel was okay, safe and clean, and with a decent city scape scene.
We stopped at one of the many fresh fruit and vegetable markets on the way home. Peaches, fresh local grown, and ready! She bought a few more things for salsa and this and that. All good. I think I am about to crawl into my pajamas, because they are easier to deal with. I'll just put on a pair of socks and hope that tends the foot a bit. And, I think, that is about it for me for a bit. If she wants to go somewhere tomorrow, she will probably have to drive unless I feel a lot better tomorrow. I do love to drive though, so we will see.
Later or possibly good night.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Well, tomorrow is the day.
.
.
I'll be out of town for a bit. The prognosis is good though. The chance of a serious problem during the angiography, angioplasty, or adding a stint or several, is in the 1% to 2% range. Even given my luck I should be fine. And, my mother can't say a thing about me 'taking it easy'! Heh. No, she is fine, she is just a busy woman and loves having a little company sometimes. And I like to help, I don't get the chance often, being mostly useless to most of the rest of the world.
I did get information regarding the clinic appointments, but I didn't receive any other information, so I called and called and called. After about an hour, I made contact with someone who knows about the procedure. I have to be there an hour early to get blood work, I need to fast from midnight on (hopefully I will sleep through that, ack!), but I am unsure if I was supposed to take the medicine in the morning or not. Some definitely not, but all of it? I am not doing well today, so attention span is weak. But talking to someone with English as a second language doesn't help. Ah well. I also signed up for online information with the V.A. After I check in and sign up personally, I can then check and order medicine, by name, online, check and change appointments if needed, have direct contact with my clinics and doctors, and some other gunk. Looks good to me.
My mother wanted to ask me something today. I was a bit nervous about it, because when she says she wants to talk, it usually means someone died, or something really bad, otherwise she just says it, usually. So, after I got up and seemed more awake, she asked if I would allow my brother to contact me. Oh, I know. I said I wouldn't consider it. I said it was his fault and I had tried, many times, to horrific rejection. He is taking the blame for it, too. Oh well. I can't refuse, and wouldn't if I could (which, actually, I could, I just won't). But I just don't want it starting about blame or the past or apologies. Just start off with where we are today and what we are planning for tomorrow, as if nothing happened, at the very least for now. If in time he wants to talk about the past, perhaps. But not now. That is the only non-negotiable.
I best get ready. Something like three sets of unders, socks shorts and at least one t-shirt, two pair of jeans, three shirts, and personal kit. I probably won't take soap or shampoo and conditioner. We will be in a decent hotel, not a spooky motel, so I can assume a bit. Hmm, a shower first though. Hmm, I best take a book or two as well. They probably won't let me move much and I might not feel like it.
Have a good weekend. :)
.
I'll be out of town for a bit. The prognosis is good though. The chance of a serious problem during the angiography, angioplasty, or adding a stint or several, is in the 1% to 2% range. Even given my luck I should be fine. And, my mother can't say a thing about me 'taking it easy'! Heh. No, she is fine, she is just a busy woman and loves having a little company sometimes. And I like to help, I don't get the chance often, being mostly useless to most of the rest of the world.
I did get information regarding the clinic appointments, but I didn't receive any other information, so I called and called and called. After about an hour, I made contact with someone who knows about the procedure. I have to be there an hour early to get blood work, I need to fast from midnight on (hopefully I will sleep through that, ack!), but I am unsure if I was supposed to take the medicine in the morning or not. Some definitely not, but all of it? I am not doing well today, so attention span is weak. But talking to someone with English as a second language doesn't help. Ah well. I also signed up for online information with the V.A. After I check in and sign up personally, I can then check and order medicine, by name, online, check and change appointments if needed, have direct contact with my clinics and doctors, and some other gunk. Looks good to me.
My mother wanted to ask me something today. I was a bit nervous about it, because when she says she wants to talk, it usually means someone died, or something really bad, otherwise she just says it, usually. So, after I got up and seemed more awake, she asked if I would allow my brother to contact me. Oh, I know. I said I wouldn't consider it. I said it was his fault and I had tried, many times, to horrific rejection. He is taking the blame for it, too. Oh well. I can't refuse, and wouldn't if I could (which, actually, I could, I just won't). But I just don't want it starting about blame or the past or apologies. Just start off with where we are today and what we are planning for tomorrow, as if nothing happened, at the very least for now. If in time he wants to talk about the past, perhaps. But not now. That is the only non-negotiable.
I best get ready. Something like three sets of unders, socks shorts and at least one t-shirt, two pair of jeans, three shirts, and personal kit. I probably won't take soap or shampoo and conditioner. We will be in a decent hotel, not a spooky motel, so I can assume a bit. Hmm, a shower first though. Hmm, I best take a book or two as well. They probably won't let me move much and I might not feel like it.
Have a good weekend. :)
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Dinner, gun cleaning, and done.
.
.
I was able to shop solo for my mother. I bought a grip bar for the shower, and hope to have it installed tomorrow. Depending on if she likes it. I may need to get a shorter one. I stopped at Home Depot for the bar, tape, and some razor scrapers. Then I made it to the store and picked up everything but a fly swatter, but because it wasn't available and I was 'done'. I made it home, helped unpack (why she won't let me do what I can I will never know). She made a bit of food for me, a delicious egg, fried potato, and salsa burrito.
We did a few things, but it came time to pick up my friend for dinner. He was a bit miffed, as he had hoped (without telling me) that I would pick him up closer to 13:00 (it was well after 16:00, nearly 17:00 when I arrived). I had no notion that he would be free until 15:00 at the earliest. But a fried chicken, fresh corn, mashed potatoes and gravy, with a glass of milk soothed his savage beast right down.
We then cleaned guns. I did my .45 and .22 Henry, he did his .45 and his .357. My mother indicated that I will not be going shooting this weekend. With my condition being weakened by the procedure, at best, she thinks Sunday would be a better day to drive around and look over the other side of the mountains to my west. It's a single mountain chain that leads down into another valley. Though I don't think there is another set of mountains for some distance beyond them. It is a nice ride though, I like it, though I had nothing to do with her choice. She just... wants to see the other side. That is, if everything goes well Friday.
As well, I plan to have him back Wednesday again, to clean the rest of our guns. Hey, after such a meal, it is difficult to do much or to do it quickly. Plus, he will get another meal on the house. I may ask my mother if she wishes for me to cook it. No, really. I am thinking roast beef, mashed potatoes and gravy (all of us love that), and something something else. She may choose to cook, she likes to cook. I am just wanting to offer her a break if she wants it. Women are crazy, even if she says yes, or no, she will probably change her mind on the way and end up doing it no matter what she ever says. Ah well, I do try, sort of. :p
Have a good night. I think I shall rant no more on this fine night. Sleep and such should suffice to find me less foul, should I have been so today. Good night once more.
.
I was able to shop solo for my mother. I bought a grip bar for the shower, and hope to have it installed tomorrow. Depending on if she likes it. I may need to get a shorter one. I stopped at Home Depot for the bar, tape, and some razor scrapers. Then I made it to the store and picked up everything but a fly swatter, but because it wasn't available and I was 'done'. I made it home, helped unpack (why she won't let me do what I can I will never know). She made a bit of food for me, a delicious egg, fried potato, and salsa burrito.
We did a few things, but it came time to pick up my friend for dinner. He was a bit miffed, as he had hoped (without telling me) that I would pick him up closer to 13:00 (it was well after 16:00, nearly 17:00 when I arrived). I had no notion that he would be free until 15:00 at the earliest. But a fried chicken, fresh corn, mashed potatoes and gravy, with a glass of milk soothed his savage beast right down.
We then cleaned guns. I did my .45 and .22 Henry, he did his .45 and his .357. My mother indicated that I will not be going shooting this weekend. With my condition being weakened by the procedure, at best, she thinks Sunday would be a better day to drive around and look over the other side of the mountains to my west. It's a single mountain chain that leads down into another valley. Though I don't think there is another set of mountains for some distance beyond them. It is a nice ride though, I like it, though I had nothing to do with her choice. She just... wants to see the other side. That is, if everything goes well Friday.
As well, I plan to have him back Wednesday again, to clean the rest of our guns. Hey, after such a meal, it is difficult to do much or to do it quickly. Plus, he will get another meal on the house. I may ask my mother if she wishes for me to cook it. No, really. I am thinking roast beef, mashed potatoes and gravy (all of us love that), and something something else. She may choose to cook, she likes to cook. I am just wanting to offer her a break if she wants it. Women are crazy, even if she says yes, or no, she will probably change her mind on the way and end up doing it no matter what she ever says. Ah well, I do try, sort of. :p
Have a good night. I think I shall rant no more on this fine night. Sleep and such should suffice to find me less foul, should I have been so today. Good night once more.
Oh right.
.
.
The problem, put simply, is that too many American men are
but want to be
realizing neither is worth being. The internet is pretty much full of these types.
.
The problem, put simply, is that too many American men are
but want to be
realizing neither is worth being. The internet is pretty much full of these types.
I am not sure.
.
.
I am not certain I am for Perry yet. To this point, probably. But I like the direction he suggests and the way he says it. We don't need another soft-on-America politician, like Romney, who seems to believe in the state over the citizen. And we don't need more politicians who have never actually, you know, done anything but run for minor offices. Nor does a businessman seem to be a wise choice. No matter how successful, business isn't politics. Much like you don't put a pro football player into world class swimming competitions, blindly based on his other accomplishments.
It is funny. I hear people complain about the feminization of the military, the queerification of the military, the immoralization of education, the islamification of America and Europe, and all the rest, and yet then turn around and despise the real solutions to the problems. Why can't we offer special rights AND not have these things? They might as well ask why we can't fly. If they have to ask, they are lost. Whatever. I don't receive responses to my comments anymore because I put it the way it is, not the way it should be, or could be in some fantasy land. And that is fine. All I am saying is if you are going to complain about it, then don't turn around and support it. You can't have it both ways. I have decided, other than on personal matters or with those few of you I usually chat with, comments are off (as much as is possible).
You can't pick one or two groups to support, but not the rest. Just like you can't pick some government glut spending and not other spending. It ends up that everyone picks too much. Special rights and glut spending has to end for America to remain free. Or, more, regain freedom. Even so, even should we do the right things, we will do so under the yoke of a huge debt. Nothing will cure that now. Best to decide whether to freely begin working to get out from under that yoke or choose to live with it and without freedom on top of it.
.
I am not certain I am for Perry yet. To this point, probably. But I like the direction he suggests and the way he says it. We don't need another soft-on-America politician, like Romney, who seems to believe in the state over the citizen. And we don't need more politicians who have never actually, you know, done anything but run for minor offices. Nor does a businessman seem to be a wise choice. No matter how successful, business isn't politics. Much like you don't put a pro football player into world class swimming competitions, blindly based on his other accomplishments.
It is funny. I hear people complain about the feminization of the military, the queerification of the military, the immoralization of education, the islamification of America and Europe, and all the rest, and yet then turn around and despise the real solutions to the problems. Why can't we offer special rights AND not have these things? They might as well ask why we can't fly. If they have to ask, they are lost. Whatever. I don't receive responses to my comments anymore because I put it the way it is, not the way it should be, or could be in some fantasy land. And that is fine. All I am saying is if you are going to complain about it, then don't turn around and support it. You can't have it both ways. I have decided, other than on personal matters or with those few of you I usually chat with, comments are off (as much as is possible).
You can't pick one or two groups to support, but not the rest. Just like you can't pick some government glut spending and not other spending. It ends up that everyone picks too much. Special rights and glut spending has to end for America to remain free. Or, more, regain freedom. Even so, even should we do the right things, we will do so under the yoke of a huge debt. Nothing will cure that now. Best to decide whether to freely begin working to get out from under that yoke or choose to live with it and without freedom on top of it.
Another day.
.
.
I worked as long as I could but ran out of steam. I took a nap shortly after that last post. I woke up every hour, but couldn't rise until three hours had passed. My mother was finished with the day by then. I asked if she wanted me to go to the store. For whatever reason she wants to go too. So that is planned for the morning. Tomorrow, when my friend is here, she will be making a really nice meal. We will be cleaning guns.
One of my neighbors brought vegetables over from his garden tonight. It is quite a nice thing to do and is greatly appreciated. I wish I could offer them something back but I have little in the way of anything to offer, but thanks. Which I do offer.
I am not sure, but even with the nap, life is a bit tough right now. I am doing little, moving slower, and tired again. I plan to go to town with my mother, shopping. I think I could do it myself, easier. But then maybe not. In times like these I "prefer" to rest and just go when I can, feel up to it a bit more. No more pushing, though. I really hit it hard the other night. If I have to I will let her drive home on the return trip, though driving isn't much of a stress.
I still haven't received information regarding the angiography. It would be nice to know how long I need to fast, whether I can drink water, and such. I haven't checked the mail in a bit. If this information isn't in the mail tomorrow, I will call and get the data.
Good night.
.
I worked as long as I could but ran out of steam. I took a nap shortly after that last post. I woke up every hour, but couldn't rise until three hours had passed. My mother was finished with the day by then. I asked if she wanted me to go to the store. For whatever reason she wants to go too. So that is planned for the morning. Tomorrow, when my friend is here, she will be making a really nice meal. We will be cleaning guns.
One of my neighbors brought vegetables over from his garden tonight. It is quite a nice thing to do and is greatly appreciated. I wish I could offer them something back but I have little in the way of anything to offer, but thanks. Which I do offer.
I am not sure, but even with the nap, life is a bit tough right now. I am doing little, moving slower, and tired again. I plan to go to town with my mother, shopping. I think I could do it myself, easier. But then maybe not. In times like these I "prefer" to rest and just go when I can, feel up to it a bit more. No more pushing, though. I really hit it hard the other night. If I have to I will let her drive home on the return trip, though driving isn't much of a stress.
I still haven't received information regarding the angiography. It would be nice to know how long I need to fast, whether I can drink water, and such. I haven't checked the mail in a bit. If this information isn't in the mail tomorrow, I will call and get the data.
Good night.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
I have been doing little things.
.
.
Lots of them. I am about done, however. This last thing, my mother wanted me to put up a curtain rod on the back door. She thought the nails that came with the kit would be fine, but I suspected wood screws would do better. And I was right. She is good with what needs to be done, fail on how to do it. So, I got the thing up. I looked out and was just about to tell her when I thought better of it.
I looked at her, about to connect to someone on her cell phone so well and properly distracted. And with a straighter face then the best poker player and in a serious tone, I said, "It's bad, I'm going to have to take the door off to get the rod on". She looked at me, and thought, scrunching her face like she does when something isn't quite right. I then told her, nah, it's up. She then said, "Bring me a hammer". And I said, in a definite tone, "Not while you're angry"! Then I ducked in and am in hiding for a bit.
I do like being a pest. I really do. *evil grins*
.
Lots of them. I am about done, however. This last thing, my mother wanted me to put up a curtain rod on the back door. She thought the nails that came with the kit would be fine, but I suspected wood screws would do better. And I was right. She is good with what needs to be done, fail on how to do it. So, I got the thing up. I looked out and was just about to tell her when I thought better of it.
I looked at her, about to connect to someone on her cell phone so well and properly distracted. And with a straighter face then the best poker player and in a serious tone, I said, "It's bad, I'm going to have to take the door off to get the rod on". She looked at me, and thought, scrunching her face like she does when something isn't quite right. I then told her, nah, it's up. She then said, "Bring me a hammer". And I said, in a definite tone, "Not while you're angry"! Then I ducked in and am in hiding for a bit.
I do like being a pest. I really do. *evil grins*
Ah, okay. I think I almost popped yesterday.
.
.
I didn't realize it when it happened, and not until I had settled down quite a bit. But I think yesterday, during the hubbub, I came as close to a heart attack as I have ever been. I think, normally, when I get that bad, I have a set of things I can do to alter the proceedings. Slowing down, cooling down, blasting the CD player or turning it down (yes, loud helps sometimes), perhaps a nap, a number of things, depending on where I am, to change the flow of events. Even quiet inflective prayers help sometimes.
I also am beginning to think that exterior factors, such as work, stress, and such, sometimes only have a minor impact on when those things happen. Sometimes that will happen for absolutely no external reason. Because, as I think about things, I really haven't been working all that hard. Bending over a lot might be the biggest problem, regarding physical work. And heat was probably the biggest external stressor. And trying to shop with my mother, in the heat, while stressed, would have been the largest mental stress. Gah! I love her but she shops low, slow, and stops everywhere. But to be honest, she is a good shopper. She remembers lists she didn't bring and alternative fixes for things. I think I can do fine, but not so long, so hot, when so tired. Though too, sometimes this, like I said, happens for no reason at all. Getting home isn't quite what I used to believe it to be. I am having to switch from thinking it is mental to understanding it is merely because my body is telling me if I don't get home, it will fail.
A good night of sleep has helped me get things right. I couldn't get to bed until after midnight but I was up by 9:00. I think I slept well and fell asleep relatively quickly. My waking was nice too, starting at probably around 8:30 and slowly percolating to the 9:00 lift-off. My mother feels bad about it, because she just thought it was an emotional reaction. Now that she realizes it was a physical problem, it bothers her. From now on, if I have to go, I will have to ask her to drop everything and then come back in later or another day. I can often do that. Especially if all I have to do is drive or be the passenger.
I know she wants to go to the grocery store today. Morning or evening is best. She may also want to go somewhere else. My trick, today, will be to stop somewhere, or take a bottle of Gatorade with, though there are a few other tricks I have. When I shop, I can do it very fast (more so when I remember to bring my list). If she lets me shop, she will have what she wants in five minutes, rather than the thirty to forty five minutes she would take (but nothing, or almost nothing, from other lists gets bought). Boom, boom, done, and that actually makes shopping doable for me. A slow pace kills me, literally I am thinking now. I'm a hunter, not a gatherer. :)
I could be wrong about the heart attack. I don't really know the symptoms. Oh, sure, I have read them. I have also read real people reporting on it. I think it is completely individual. Perhaps pushing, too, is good. I don't know. I do know I will continue to work, though pace myself a bit better, if possible. It hit from my blindside, like a Mack truck though, yesterday. But I did most of the right things. I just couldn't go straight home. I'll figure it out. Anyway, Friday is when they will be looking at my arteries and such.
Have a great day.
.
I didn't realize it when it happened, and not until I had settled down quite a bit. But I think yesterday, during the hubbub, I came as close to a heart attack as I have ever been. I think, normally, when I get that bad, I have a set of things I can do to alter the proceedings. Slowing down, cooling down, blasting the CD player or turning it down (yes, loud helps sometimes), perhaps a nap, a number of things, depending on where I am, to change the flow of events. Even quiet inflective prayers help sometimes.
I also am beginning to think that exterior factors, such as work, stress, and such, sometimes only have a minor impact on when those things happen. Sometimes that will happen for absolutely no external reason. Because, as I think about things, I really haven't been working all that hard. Bending over a lot might be the biggest problem, regarding physical work. And heat was probably the biggest external stressor. And trying to shop with my mother, in the heat, while stressed, would have been the largest mental stress. Gah! I love her but she shops low, slow, and stops everywhere. But to be honest, she is a good shopper. She remembers lists she didn't bring and alternative fixes for things. I think I can do fine, but not so long, so hot, when so tired. Though too, sometimes this, like I said, happens for no reason at all. Getting home isn't quite what I used to believe it to be. I am having to switch from thinking it is mental to understanding it is merely because my body is telling me if I don't get home, it will fail.
A good night of sleep has helped me get things right. I couldn't get to bed until after midnight but I was up by 9:00. I think I slept well and fell asleep relatively quickly. My waking was nice too, starting at probably around 8:30 and slowly percolating to the 9:00 lift-off. My mother feels bad about it, because she just thought it was an emotional reaction. Now that she realizes it was a physical problem, it bothers her. From now on, if I have to go, I will have to ask her to drop everything and then come back in later or another day. I can often do that. Especially if all I have to do is drive or be the passenger.
I know she wants to go to the grocery store today. Morning or evening is best. She may also want to go somewhere else. My trick, today, will be to stop somewhere, or take a bottle of Gatorade with, though there are a few other tricks I have. When I shop, I can do it very fast (more so when I remember to bring my list). If she lets me shop, she will have what she wants in five minutes, rather than the thirty to forty five minutes she would take (but nothing, or almost nothing, from other lists gets bought). Boom, boom, done, and that actually makes shopping doable for me. A slow pace kills me, literally I am thinking now. I'm a hunter, not a gatherer. :)
I could be wrong about the heart attack. I don't really know the symptoms. Oh, sure, I have read them. I have also read real people reporting on it. I think it is completely individual. Perhaps pushing, too, is good. I don't know. I do know I will continue to work, though pace myself a bit better, if possible. It hit from my blindside, like a Mack truck though, yesterday. But I did most of the right things. I just couldn't go straight home. I'll figure it out. Anyway, Friday is when they will be looking at my arteries and such.
Have a great day.
Monday, September 19, 2011
Too much, too hot, too long.
.
.
I got very snappy this afternoon. A culmination of many things. It was hot. I have been active every day for too long. My mother moves very slowly, looking at this and that, with no notion to buy. And finally the fact that since we were together, I couldn't just go home. I need to do that sometimes, but could not. I barked, no biting. I also apologized. But I am nearly on bed rest for a few days. I nearly passed out in Walmart. Simply put I was done. I went to the auto to wait, after letting her know, but she still took a long time to get out of there. Trapped, overheated, dehydrated, and done for.
We got home and slowly unpacked the car. I have been chugging Gatorade, which is helping. But it might be a bit before I am able to do much again. I took it to the line then way over it. Okay, I see that there is a real line which going over takes me too far out of my element to be civil. I hadn't gotten close to it before. I have always suspected, if I didn't actually know. Now I know. Feral is where going over that line takes me. Well, that and a few other lines.
We will be going to SLC Thursday. I like the place I chose to stay. There is even a large pool, more for my mother. It is relatively close to the V.A., I know the way well and it is rather straight forward. I have to be there at 6:00, so I am hoping there will be little traffic for the drive, which in heavy traffic would take no more than fifteen to twenty minutes, and ten minutes if it is light. Why the angiography scares me? First, because of what they are actually doing. Second, that after it is done I will be in critical care for four to six hours (and that is if it all works as planned). Then that they don't want me to drive for 24 hours after the procedure. But worse, they fibbed about the severity of the thing when they talked to me about it.
But more, if they do see blockage, they may well try to open in. Since I won't allow an open heart surgery, or any surgery really, if they mess up I am dead. I simply won't allow them to open me up and cripple me for life. Period. I won't even say I am truly frightened, I just know where I am coming from and they don't understand, yet. I think they were rather flip about it, and that doesn't provide much comfort. I don't like this, not at all. But it probably does need to be done, most likely just to check something off the list as a possible culprit. The good side is if they see blockage and can clear it without killing me, I might be back on my feet sooner than later. And perhaps another medicine addition might help keep it that way. It is worth a shot, but don't pull my short hairs about the potential dangers. That's all.
I went in to make sure my mom wasn't crying about my snap. It wasn't completely at her, but she got some of the splash. Actually, it wasn't all that long of a tirade either, or deep. But it was enough. A hug, a kiss, and another apology. Just so she knows. I know how heart-breaking that anger can be. She seems good. I got her a glass of ice-water and asked if she needed anything else. Nope, just reading until she can sleep and good for the night. But she does seem "good" about it. Even around the edges. We do seem to hurt the ones we love the most. Luckily my snap was short, if deep. Ugh.
Almost time for bed. The fan is going, the Gatorade is helping, nighttime medicines are down, Sam is enjoying popos attention and Sassy is... being the nutball she likes to be. All good. Good night.
.
I got very snappy this afternoon. A culmination of many things. It was hot. I have been active every day for too long. My mother moves very slowly, looking at this and that, with no notion to buy. And finally the fact that since we were together, I couldn't just go home. I need to do that sometimes, but could not. I barked, no biting. I also apologized. But I am nearly on bed rest for a few days. I nearly passed out in Walmart. Simply put I was done. I went to the auto to wait, after letting her know, but she still took a long time to get out of there. Trapped, overheated, dehydrated, and done for.
We got home and slowly unpacked the car. I have been chugging Gatorade, which is helping. But it might be a bit before I am able to do much again. I took it to the line then way over it. Okay, I see that there is a real line which going over takes me too far out of my element to be civil. I hadn't gotten close to it before. I have always suspected, if I didn't actually know. Now I know. Feral is where going over that line takes me. Well, that and a few other lines.
We will be going to SLC Thursday. I like the place I chose to stay. There is even a large pool, more for my mother. It is relatively close to the V.A., I know the way well and it is rather straight forward. I have to be there at 6:00, so I am hoping there will be little traffic for the drive, which in heavy traffic would take no more than fifteen to twenty minutes, and ten minutes if it is light. Why the angiography scares me? First, because of what they are actually doing. Second, that after it is done I will be in critical care for four to six hours (and that is if it all works as planned). Then that they don't want me to drive for 24 hours after the procedure. But worse, they fibbed about the severity of the thing when they talked to me about it.
But more, if they do see blockage, they may well try to open in. Since I won't allow an open heart surgery, or any surgery really, if they mess up I am dead. I simply won't allow them to open me up and cripple me for life. Period. I won't even say I am truly frightened, I just know where I am coming from and they don't understand, yet. I think they were rather flip about it, and that doesn't provide much comfort. I don't like this, not at all. But it probably does need to be done, most likely just to check something off the list as a possible culprit. The good side is if they see blockage and can clear it without killing me, I might be back on my feet sooner than later. And perhaps another medicine addition might help keep it that way. It is worth a shot, but don't pull my short hairs about the potential dangers. That's all.
I went in to make sure my mom wasn't crying about my snap. It wasn't completely at her, but she got some of the splash. Actually, it wasn't all that long of a tirade either, or deep. But it was enough. A hug, a kiss, and another apology. Just so she knows. I know how heart-breaking that anger can be. She seems good. I got her a glass of ice-water and asked if she needed anything else. Nope, just reading until she can sleep and good for the night. But she does seem "good" about it. Even around the edges. We do seem to hurt the ones we love the most. Luckily my snap was short, if deep. Ugh.
Almost time for bed. The fan is going, the Gatorade is helping, nighttime medicines are down, Sam is enjoying popos attention and Sassy is... being the nutball she likes to be. All good. Good night.
A deal with the devil?
.
.
It is sometimes more difficult to wake up in the mornings when I know I have much to do. It doesn't matter what I want. This is part of why I am often slow or late, too. And yet I don't want to quit or give up, and I want to help my mom. So I made a deal. I will wake up as early as I can, and more easily, if my mother gives me two hours to... wake up. Not a request for coffee, no asking for even 'a bit of work', nothing. Talk to me, that is fine, but not about work. She has agreed. No, this is what helps me wake up to get to whatever I try to do and every day, whether I get to something or not, whether she is here or not. She has agreed. And, this first morning, she did quite well.
I set my alarm for 7:00, and since I went to bed at 23:00 or so, I thought I had a chance. But I have been doing something for too many days in a row, and every day, and a lot of stuff (given my situation, condition). I did not wake until 9:00 or 10:00, and then I came out and did my morning reading. I could see she was biting her lip, but she did great. And I finished early, so I went in and let her know I was ready. Now I know why she was biting her lip though. I hadn't gotten the trash out and she didn't know when they came to pick it up! So, that was the first thing. Then kitty litter (which was actually pretty good, but weekly is the goal). It seems Sassy "went" in the middle of the kitchen. I think she is acting up because my mother is here. Or my mother was sitting at the table and Sassy didn't think she could make it through? Something.
Three or four or five tasks have been done since then, but it was time to sit. I let her know I was going to take a break, that I had little choice. And I didn't. I turn pale, get sweaty, and begin nearly feinting when it is time to sit. Yes, boys and girls, I have real limitations. Bending over a great deal is the heaviest strain and most, if not all, jobs this morning saw me bent over a great deal. At least, on the good side, with her still sick, I am 'keeping up' to a more narrowing seeming work ethic, for a guy in domestics against a gal, and all things being equal, and... such. Yes, I filled that statement with more caveats, exceptions, and 'buts' than is probably legal in proper English grammar, but it's all true!
Oh, I made one more deal with her. I have watched her, in amazement. And, I do like having a clean house. So, given a day of rest leading up to it, I want her to help me with my bedroom. But, I don't want her to touch a thing. I want her to teach me. I want her to tell me what to do with everything, and have me do it. The same with my bathroom on another day. If she can agree to touch nothing, I will agree to have zero veto power and no (as little as possible) lip. I want to learn to see how she sees, think how she thinks. I want to keep my place up but I am well and truly lost. Oh, I will promise, when she returns, there will always be work if she really wants it (and she does). But that the gnarly stuff won't be nearly so gnarly, or she can get me to do it.
Yes, yes, but my goal is to be as self-sufficient as possible. Not just for me, though if you have ever met an older cat person that reeks of cat, you must know the fear I have. And, further, I would like to have people over to my home for a meal once in a while. I haven't had my friends over in quite some time. I don't want to become a hermit through shame. Further, should I have tasks I cannot quite do, such as rewiring, or bringing the fusebox inside, or hooking up the electric water heater, or having my home inspected for energy conservation, I need to have a reasonably clean place. Shame is powerful, regardless of the reason.
So, the deals have been made. I would like to wonder who in the party to the deal is the devil, but... Well? No doubt who that would be with even an ounce of consideration. But I am actually trying. Later.
.
It is sometimes more difficult to wake up in the mornings when I know I have much to do. It doesn't matter what I want. This is part of why I am often slow or late, too. And yet I don't want to quit or give up, and I want to help my mom. So I made a deal. I will wake up as early as I can, and more easily, if my mother gives me two hours to... wake up. Not a request for coffee, no asking for even 'a bit of work', nothing. Talk to me, that is fine, but not about work. She has agreed. No, this is what helps me wake up to get to whatever I try to do and every day, whether I get to something or not, whether she is here or not. She has agreed. And, this first morning, she did quite well.
I set my alarm for 7:00, and since I went to bed at 23:00 or so, I thought I had a chance. But I have been doing something for too many days in a row, and every day, and a lot of stuff (given my situation, condition). I did not wake until 9:00 or 10:00, and then I came out and did my morning reading. I could see she was biting her lip, but she did great. And I finished early, so I went in and let her know I was ready. Now I know why she was biting her lip though. I hadn't gotten the trash out and she didn't know when they came to pick it up! So, that was the first thing. Then kitty litter (which was actually pretty good, but weekly is the goal). It seems Sassy "went" in the middle of the kitchen. I think she is acting up because my mother is here. Or my mother was sitting at the table and Sassy didn't think she could make it through? Something.
Three or four or five tasks have been done since then, but it was time to sit. I let her know I was going to take a break, that I had little choice. And I didn't. I turn pale, get sweaty, and begin nearly feinting when it is time to sit. Yes, boys and girls, I have real limitations. Bending over a great deal is the heaviest strain and most, if not all, jobs this morning saw me bent over a great deal. At least, on the good side, with her still sick, I am 'keeping up' to a more narrowing seeming work ethic, for a guy in domestics against a gal, and all things being equal, and... such. Yes, I filled that statement with more caveats, exceptions, and 'buts' than is probably legal in proper English grammar, but it's all true!
Oh, I made one more deal with her. I have watched her, in amazement. And, I do like having a clean house. So, given a day of rest leading up to it, I want her to help me with my bedroom. But, I don't want her to touch a thing. I want her to teach me. I want her to tell me what to do with everything, and have me do it. The same with my bathroom on another day. If she can agree to touch nothing, I will agree to have zero veto power and no (as little as possible) lip. I want to learn to see how she sees, think how she thinks. I want to keep my place up but I am well and truly lost. Oh, I will promise, when she returns, there will always be work if she really wants it (and she does). But that the gnarly stuff won't be nearly so gnarly, or she can get me to do it.
Yes, yes, but my goal is to be as self-sufficient as possible. Not just for me, though if you have ever met an older cat person that reeks of cat, you must know the fear I have. And, further, I would like to have people over to my home for a meal once in a while. I haven't had my friends over in quite some time. I don't want to become a hermit through shame. Further, should I have tasks I cannot quite do, such as rewiring, or bringing the fusebox inside, or hooking up the electric water heater, or having my home inspected for energy conservation, I need to have a reasonably clean place. Shame is powerful, regardless of the reason.
So, the deals have been made. I would like to wonder who in the party to the deal is the devil, but... Well? No doubt who that would be with even an ounce of consideration. But I am actually trying. Later.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Survival.
.
.
I keep seeing odd little tales or pieces of advice about how to survive. From books on personal self defense to the notion of surviving come what may. Of course, I look those things over. I think about what is written and the target audience. I am most perturbed by most of what I have read. To put it bluntly, if you are a man in your 30's or older, and you have never been in more than, say, two fist fights, you are in trouble. And women? You might learn to defend yourself against a very weak and poorly interested attacker, but don't even think about getting into 'the pit'. Many of these books or pieces of advice are very poorly targeted. Trust me, don't fight me, don't even think about it. Kill me, if you think you must, but don't fight me.
I honestly don't care if you have practiced martial arts since you were five years old. Unless you have been in real fighting situations, you have zero understanding. There are no rules when it comes to surviving. What of rules may exist now and in the future mean nothing during an encounter. Those are things that are tallied after the fact by people who really don't understand and often mean to not understand. They are a separate issue. Any time you are confronted by naked aggression of which you neither created nor anticipated, and whether you are the target or around the target therefore a secondary target, you are already in a SHTF scenario, a very localized one.
Learning how to use a gun, and practicing with it (or preferably them), is an excellent choice. I highly recommend it, that and gaining a permit to carry concealed. I also highly recommend that if you do so you do not think that makes you, somehow, magically safe now. Even if you have a permit or legal allowance to carry a gun and ammunition; are you willing to shoot a threat in a group of non-involved people? Are you willing to shoot at all? Will you have time to shoot? There are other questions, but that's a start.
If you have never been in a fight without rules, if you have never been in danger of losing it all, you really don't know how you will react. Why do you think they yell at people in military training, save for some of the tighter training (mostly)? It is to get people used to friend and enemy and the environment making lots of noise, in many ways, while the trainee is supposed to do his job anyway. The more advanced students are there at the trainer's leisure, yelling isn't important and is contrary to the training anyway. Get used to loud, boisterous, intolerable conditions. Go out and fight. If you really want to learn. And fight without rules. Or at least fight were the rules are rather loose if you fear that too much to begin. I recommend this only to men who are already combat trained, know where to go, and just need experience. And in another breath, I don't recommend it at all. You really might end up on a slab.
My advice, if you are older and unprepared, or a woman, is to become very aware and avoid confrontation. Know where you are and who is around you. Don't go to bad parts of towns, don't go to bars. Life is really simple. If you must take security risks, doing so in a group only slightly changes the odds of trouble. First, how well do you honestly know yourself? Then, how can you know your friends? No, really. Further, assuming you are right about them, what exactly can they do to fend off a serious threat? Oh? Really?
Survival doesn't always come down to being able to 'man up'. It often comes down to simply using your head, or legs when needed. It comes down to surrendering to degradation at times. It comes down to how much you will sell and how much you can buy. The strong may well be some of the first killed, along with the very weak. I don't think it will have a lot to do with physical ability, intelligence, wealth, or anything. It will have more to do with a willingness to survive. And to survive you will often suffer greatly. Don't worry about being the fastest gun, one against many will undo you. Don't worry about being able to fight your way through any enemy, you can't, eventually. Think about being prepared to suffer. And, actually, understand that won't always do it.
I don't think God chooses. I don't think Satan has the power to choose. Neither, in fact, do we. Oh, I will still prep. And I do know how to fight, shoot, and if I don't have the conscious will to survive, I just seem to do so anyway. But when it comes right down to it, I will usually choose not to fight, quite often by not providing an opponent. But if I have to fight, and I see it coming or not, and I think it is for all the marbles? I don't play fair, I play to win, and I don't worry about it at all. And yet I know that all it would take is one seeming friend with a gun behind his back, a bullet from 200 yards, or a baseball bat to the head (at least a half dozen times, so I really wouldn't try it alone) while I sleep. And I don't worry about that either.
No, don't read a book and buy a .38 and think you are good. It's a big world. When changes come, it will swallow you and Toto too. As uncomfortable as my advice may be, that is probably as good as it actually really gets. And that it is coming from a monster of a fighter and a decent shot, with tactical running around in my mind half of my waking hours, I would advise that you at least think about it.
.
I keep seeing odd little tales or pieces of advice about how to survive. From books on personal self defense to the notion of surviving come what may. Of course, I look those things over. I think about what is written and the target audience. I am most perturbed by most of what I have read. To put it bluntly, if you are a man in your 30's or older, and you have never been in more than, say, two fist fights, you are in trouble. And women? You might learn to defend yourself against a very weak and poorly interested attacker, but don't even think about getting into 'the pit'. Many of these books or pieces of advice are very poorly targeted. Trust me, don't fight me, don't even think about it. Kill me, if you think you must, but don't fight me.
I honestly don't care if you have practiced martial arts since you were five years old. Unless you have been in real fighting situations, you have zero understanding. There are no rules when it comes to surviving. What of rules may exist now and in the future mean nothing during an encounter. Those are things that are tallied after the fact by people who really don't understand and often mean to not understand. They are a separate issue. Any time you are confronted by naked aggression of which you neither created nor anticipated, and whether you are the target or around the target therefore a secondary target, you are already in a SHTF scenario, a very localized one.
Learning how to use a gun, and practicing with it (or preferably them), is an excellent choice. I highly recommend it, that and gaining a permit to carry concealed. I also highly recommend that if you do so you do not think that makes you, somehow, magically safe now. Even if you have a permit or legal allowance to carry a gun and ammunition; are you willing to shoot a threat in a group of non-involved people? Are you willing to shoot at all? Will you have time to shoot? There are other questions, but that's a start.
If you have never been in a fight without rules, if you have never been in danger of losing it all, you really don't know how you will react. Why do you think they yell at people in military training, save for some of the tighter training (mostly)? It is to get people used to friend and enemy and the environment making lots of noise, in many ways, while the trainee is supposed to do his job anyway. The more advanced students are there at the trainer's leisure, yelling isn't important and is contrary to the training anyway. Get used to loud, boisterous, intolerable conditions. Go out and fight. If you really want to learn. And fight without rules. Or at least fight were the rules are rather loose if you fear that too much to begin. I recommend this only to men who are already combat trained, know where to go, and just need experience. And in another breath, I don't recommend it at all. You really might end up on a slab.
My advice, if you are older and unprepared, or a woman, is to become very aware and avoid confrontation. Know where you are and who is around you. Don't go to bad parts of towns, don't go to bars. Life is really simple. If you must take security risks, doing so in a group only slightly changes the odds of trouble. First, how well do you honestly know yourself? Then, how can you know your friends? No, really. Further, assuming you are right about them, what exactly can they do to fend off a serious threat? Oh? Really?
Survival doesn't always come down to being able to 'man up'. It often comes down to simply using your head, or legs when needed. It comes down to surrendering to degradation at times. It comes down to how much you will sell and how much you can buy. The strong may well be some of the first killed, along with the very weak. I don't think it will have a lot to do with physical ability, intelligence, wealth, or anything. It will have more to do with a willingness to survive. And to survive you will often suffer greatly. Don't worry about being the fastest gun, one against many will undo you. Don't worry about being able to fight your way through any enemy, you can't, eventually. Think about being prepared to suffer. And, actually, understand that won't always do it.
I don't think God chooses. I don't think Satan has the power to choose. Neither, in fact, do we. Oh, I will still prep. And I do know how to fight, shoot, and if I don't have the conscious will to survive, I just seem to do so anyway. But when it comes right down to it, I will usually choose not to fight, quite often by not providing an opponent. But if I have to fight, and I see it coming or not, and I think it is for all the marbles? I don't play fair, I play to win, and I don't worry about it at all. And yet I know that all it would take is one seeming friend with a gun behind his back, a bullet from 200 yards, or a baseball bat to the head (at least a half dozen times, so I really wouldn't try it alone) while I sleep. And I don't worry about that either.
No, don't read a book and buy a .38 and think you are good. It's a big world. When changes come, it will swallow you and Toto too. As uncomfortable as my advice may be, that is probably as good as it actually really gets. And that it is coming from a monster of a fighter and a decent shot, with tactical running around in my mind half of my waking hours, I would advise that you at least think about it.
Sin.
.
.
I don't know why some things come to my mind, or why I write about this topic and not that one. All I know is sometimes some things seem to need to be written. This is one of those.
Sin has been on my mind lately. Well, sure, I have confessed to the major ones, the ones I know about or understand for what they are. And I have done that as honestly as I may. Details have been lost in time, but not what was done. I was forgiven these sins, and given a general forgiveness. And I have accepted that forgiveness, finally. But issues remain.
Chief of these issues is a concern regarding what must go with forgiveness or absolution. That is to go and sin no more, especially the same sin. I suppose I wonder, given the chance, would I commit that same sin again? If not in flesh, what about in my heart? I know the answer and I don't like it. I live with it in my heart even as I learn better to live without it in the flesh.
My lady friend was here, we slept in the same room on our trip. And I kept my hands, but not my heart, to myself. God knows. He knows all things. I did do what frustrated men do, privately of course, several times. This too is a sin. I cannot seem to fully get away from sin. You see, and this is a catch. It is required. While I have been vastly better at my choice of celibacy since the 'spring' of health upset the applecart. But that I have to try, pray, work at it, means it is still in there. And more, I would not wish to lose my interest in women. This is just one aspect of sin which bothers me. There are many topics, this one is simply one that most people understand. I think even women know this, if from their side of the conundrum.
I can't say for sure if I will eventually make it to heaven. I know what Christ suggested, I have read the bible, I try to understand what the Church says and means by it, I look to the Magisterium for guidance, I ask God to take over my life and live through me in a quarter of my prayers (the other prayers being over food or little thanks or requests for safe travel or health for myself or others). And I try to let Him come in and use me as He will.
Just saying, this has been on my mind for several weeks. No, I don't think I am dying. I merely think I am hitting something and I need to embrace it and work past it. God is so easy to work with that it is impossible at times. Faith, I suppose, is the anti-dote to doubt. Hope too. Charity must be the product of those two? I'll keep working on it. Childish as it may seem, that is where I am.
.
I don't know why some things come to my mind, or why I write about this topic and not that one. All I know is sometimes some things seem to need to be written. This is one of those.
Sin has been on my mind lately. Well, sure, I have confessed to the major ones, the ones I know about or understand for what they are. And I have done that as honestly as I may. Details have been lost in time, but not what was done. I was forgiven these sins, and given a general forgiveness. And I have accepted that forgiveness, finally. But issues remain.
Chief of these issues is a concern regarding what must go with forgiveness or absolution. That is to go and sin no more, especially the same sin. I suppose I wonder, given the chance, would I commit that same sin again? If not in flesh, what about in my heart? I know the answer and I don't like it. I live with it in my heart even as I learn better to live without it in the flesh.
My lady friend was here, we slept in the same room on our trip. And I kept my hands, but not my heart, to myself. God knows. He knows all things. I did do what frustrated men do, privately of course, several times. This too is a sin. I cannot seem to fully get away from sin. You see, and this is a catch. It is required. While I have been vastly better at my choice of celibacy since the 'spring' of health upset the applecart. But that I have to try, pray, work at it, means it is still in there. And more, I would not wish to lose my interest in women. This is just one aspect of sin which bothers me. There are many topics, this one is simply one that most people understand. I think even women know this, if from their side of the conundrum.
I can't say for sure if I will eventually make it to heaven. I know what Christ suggested, I have read the bible, I try to understand what the Church says and means by it, I look to the Magisterium for guidance, I ask God to take over my life and live through me in a quarter of my prayers (the other prayers being over food or little thanks or requests for safe travel or health for myself or others). And I try to let Him come in and use me as He will.
Just saying, this has been on my mind for several weeks. No, I don't think I am dying. I merely think I am hitting something and I need to embrace it and work past it. God is so easy to work with that it is impossible at times. Faith, I suppose, is the anti-dote to doubt. Hope too. Charity must be the product of those two? I'll keep working on it. Childish as it may seem, that is where I am.
Ha!
.
.
Now my mother had hoped to sleep in today. Which she is doing. I myself, as usual, just wanted to get up at a regular, earlier, time. And I did. Nothing fancy but I was up at 8:00. She is sleeping and it is a goodly bit past 9:00. I have been trying to be (more) quiet, as if I make much noise in any case. But I don't think it would matter. Not when she needs sleep enough to sleep in, which only happens when she is ill. For her, 8:00 IS sleeping in on a normal day.
I just wanted to toot my horn. Sure, I am winning by default against a sick opponent, but I gotta take it! Later.
.
Now my mother had hoped to sleep in today. Which she is doing. I myself, as usual, just wanted to get up at a regular, earlier, time. And I did. Nothing fancy but I was up at 8:00. She is sleeping and it is a goodly bit past 9:00. I have been trying to be (more) quiet, as if I make much noise in any case. But I don't think it would matter. Not when she needs sleep enough to sleep in, which only happens when she is ill. For her, 8:00 IS sleeping in on a normal day.
I just wanted to toot my horn. Sure, I am winning by default against a sick opponent, but I gotta take it! Later.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
I don't know how she does it.
.
.
Nor do I know where anything is. Of course, I don't really care where anything is.
My mother has the kitchen clean and arranged, most laundry is done, the living room is up to specs, and she isn't even well yet. Don't look at me like that, I really do try. I can and do offer muscle, but most of it is just doing, and doing, and doing. On the good side, this visit will be easier than last. In spite of my illness and setbacks, I am doing better this year than last. And it shows in how fast, after a little surface rust was dealt with, that the place is coming together. And I think I am in better shape to keep it up.
Tomorrow I will be picking my friend up for shooting. My mother, as I guessed, will not be going this time. I suspect she will go once, maybe twice, to get out. But she will not go often or even usually. At least it is cooler for her this time. It is just about perfect sleep weather without need for heat quite yet either. Oh, and Sassy is finally, slowly, coming around. My mom feeds her and that is the trick with the kitten. Food means love to her and rarely is she not hungry. A few pettings while feeding, a few itchy scratchies, and patience, which my mom has. She has started to creep closer, looking my mother over, an inch closer at a time. It's fun to watch. Sassy will get tired of sprinting around the house, hunched down, eventually.
I don't even know how I am feeling. When someone is added to the equation, my own system isn't sure how to deal with it. Until I can normalize, I am running on adrenaline. That is just the way things go for me too. Not that I fear my mother, just that I fear change. It isn't a mental thing, so much as animal instinct that has been built into me, like the calluses on my feet. Only I have no real means of altering that. PTSD therapy, though technically not a diagnosis mind you, did help. But it can only help so much. Much like almost any scar mitigation techniques, there is only so much that can be done. At least it doesn't make me dangerous, just more cautious, sometimes slightly more excitable.
Oh, an odd thing is happening with my CPAP. I am breathing so much faster than what it can handle that I am blowing the gasket on the seal around my face. I cause it to leak. Shaving hasn't helped, changing the face mask around doesn't seem to work. Simply the volume of my breathing brakes the seal, then that flapping seal tickles my face (much as kitty whiskers), and I keep waking up. Until I can talk to someone about this, I am choosing to not use the device. Outbreathing the capacity of a CPAP? No, I probably don't have sleep apnea. Especially since the machine was off for two hours due to an electrical failure and I slept right through it with the mask on. No headache, so I am pretty sure I didn't miss oxygen either. Crazy.
Well, good night.
.
Nor do I know where anything is. Of course, I don't really care where anything is.
My mother has the kitchen clean and arranged, most laundry is done, the living room is up to specs, and she isn't even well yet. Don't look at me like that, I really do try. I can and do offer muscle, but most of it is just doing, and doing, and doing. On the good side, this visit will be easier than last. In spite of my illness and setbacks, I am doing better this year than last. And it shows in how fast, after a little surface rust was dealt with, that the place is coming together. And I think I am in better shape to keep it up.
Tomorrow I will be picking my friend up for shooting. My mother, as I guessed, will not be going this time. I suspect she will go once, maybe twice, to get out. But she will not go often or even usually. At least it is cooler for her this time. It is just about perfect sleep weather without need for heat quite yet either. Oh, and Sassy is finally, slowly, coming around. My mom feeds her and that is the trick with the kitten. Food means love to her and rarely is she not hungry. A few pettings while feeding, a few itchy scratchies, and patience, which my mom has. She has started to creep closer, looking my mother over, an inch closer at a time. It's fun to watch. Sassy will get tired of sprinting around the house, hunched down, eventually.
I don't even know how I am feeling. When someone is added to the equation, my own system isn't sure how to deal with it. Until I can normalize, I am running on adrenaline. That is just the way things go for me too. Not that I fear my mother, just that I fear change. It isn't a mental thing, so much as animal instinct that has been built into me, like the calluses on my feet. Only I have no real means of altering that. PTSD therapy, though technically not a diagnosis mind you, did help. But it can only help so much. Much like almost any scar mitigation techniques, there is only so much that can be done. At least it doesn't make me dangerous, just more cautious, sometimes slightly more excitable.
Oh, an odd thing is happening with my CPAP. I am breathing so much faster than what it can handle that I am blowing the gasket on the seal around my face. I cause it to leak. Shaving hasn't helped, changing the face mask around doesn't seem to work. Simply the volume of my breathing brakes the seal, then that flapping seal tickles my face (much as kitty whiskers), and I keep waking up. Until I can talk to someone about this, I am choosing to not use the device. Outbreathing the capacity of a CPAP? No, I probably don't have sleep apnea. Especially since the machine was off for two hours due to an electrical failure and I slept right through it with the mask on. No headache, so I am pretty sure I didn't miss oxygen either. Crazy.
Well, good night.
Hmm, she gets better fast.
.
.
Though still not up to actually being healthy, my mother is feeling somewhat better. Which means she has worked a good portion of the day. I have been her muscle when the foolish woman decides to ask! That is why I am here. And, I really don't mind. I can do ANYTHING she could need, and I've been pretty Johny-on-the-spot... when she decides to ask. I hate finding out that she moved 50 pounds of anything, I don't even really like her moving groups of 20 pound things. Still, only back on things half-timing it, she wore me right out. She is napping now.
I am hoping to get to dishes before she does. But I really am zapped. I have thought about taking a nap too. But... it takes me a while to even get to what I think about, as you may well know. This is going to be a little rough but I will do what I can. She is rearranging things nicely. And with me around, weight simply isn't a problem. I even have some tools which may allow me to empty the living room on my own. I have the strength, if stamina is mild again. I just need direction. I would have emptied my living room before, to clean the carpet, but I knew I would get lost and... it would end up taking weeks. If she just directs, and allows me to take long breaks, she could do this completely painlessly. Alas, that is not how she works. Even sick she is a steam train with only two speeds. *grins*
I still let her know it is good to see her. And it is. Yes, we have had our problems. We have dealt with those. Some problems will be forever though. She is a pit fighting animal regarding domestic issues. I only fight in pits when, well, I am forced into a pit! The rest of the time I relax for the next pit. No more pits, retired as I am and in more ways than one, our differences are obvious. Still, I know I am around a force of nature and I respect her for her domestic-fu. She made a meal for us today that was quite good, right through cleaning and straightening. I'm a one trick pony. She competes in two or three or even four or five races all at once. Bleh.
I think she will be getting me in to join Sam's Club Monday. It is something I have been meaning to do, so it's all good. The carpets will be cleaned and I will have an idea of how to actually do it, where to put things, how long to let the floors dry, and such. All good. And, yes, if I think I can do it, and it seems reasonable, I will do it myself every six months too. Probably. I really would prefer all wood floors. They are much easier to tend. But I don't really have that kind of money and it isn't that high on the list. Just, if I had my druthers.
Well, just thought I'd check in before checking out. Good day.
.
Though still not up to actually being healthy, my mother is feeling somewhat better. Which means she has worked a good portion of the day. I have been her muscle when the foolish woman decides to ask! That is why I am here. And, I really don't mind. I can do ANYTHING she could need, and I've been pretty Johny-on-the-spot... when she decides to ask. I hate finding out that she moved 50 pounds of anything, I don't even really like her moving groups of 20 pound things. Still, only back on things half-timing it, she wore me right out. She is napping now.
I am hoping to get to dishes before she does. But I really am zapped. I have thought about taking a nap too. But... it takes me a while to even get to what I think about, as you may well know. This is going to be a little rough but I will do what I can. She is rearranging things nicely. And with me around, weight simply isn't a problem. I even have some tools which may allow me to empty the living room on my own. I have the strength, if stamina is mild again. I just need direction. I would have emptied my living room before, to clean the carpet, but I knew I would get lost and... it would end up taking weeks. If she just directs, and allows me to take long breaks, she could do this completely painlessly. Alas, that is not how she works. Even sick she is a steam train with only two speeds. *grins*
I still let her know it is good to see her. And it is. Yes, we have had our problems. We have dealt with those. Some problems will be forever though. She is a pit fighting animal regarding domestic issues. I only fight in pits when, well, I am forced into a pit! The rest of the time I relax for the next pit. No more pits, retired as I am and in more ways than one, our differences are obvious. Still, I know I am around a force of nature and I respect her for her domestic-fu. She made a meal for us today that was quite good, right through cleaning and straightening. I'm a one trick pony. She competes in two or three or even four or five races all at once. Bleh.
I think she will be getting me in to join Sam's Club Monday. It is something I have been meaning to do, so it's all good. The carpets will be cleaned and I will have an idea of how to actually do it, where to put things, how long to let the floors dry, and such. All good. And, yes, if I think I can do it, and it seems reasonable, I will do it myself every six months too. Probably. I really would prefer all wood floors. They are much easier to tend. But I don't really have that kind of money and it isn't that high on the list. Just, if I had my druthers.
Well, just thought I'd check in before checking out. Good day.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Well...
.
.
I simply couldn't get to things today. My mother has needed things, little things. But that isn't it. I have been pushing for a few days and I am out of steam. I can take care of her while she is ill though. I can do little things. But an all out assault on the dishes or laundry just didn't get off the floor today. Tomorrow or the day after should see me back on my feet. At least I can tend her with food and help and maybe do a few smaller things as well.
I sort of made it through the first of my economic books. I say "sort of" because I very lightly skimmed through it. I have read it before, to be sure. Oh, sure, it might have been 30 years ago or so, but I definitely read it, and right down to understandings, looking up words, and such. It must have been shortly after I finally found socialism/communism to be defunct, criminal, evil. Odd that I would remember so much, but not the name. A good book for a young mind, not so great for a seasoned adult. While I may have no degree in economics, I would guess I would easily be able to discuss most economic factors in layman's terms with most academics or professionals. I may give the book to the local library. Next I am starting on Locke's The Two Treatises Of Government. Who knows, perhaps I have read it too. I'll know shortly.
I do have to take my friend shooting Sunday. My mother may not go this time. Though, when she is feeling better, I have invited her to go along. I have some .22's and my friend has suggested his .38 and maybe 9 mm rifle or pistol for her leisure. It will be quite up to her. Can't say, as grumpy of 'ol' boys' that we are, that we don't try to accommodate. I suppose it is human nature. No matter how sure we are, someone we tend to like we naturally create exemptions to make them welcome in our favored circles. Well, so long as it isn't dangerous, mostly. No, my mother can probably shoot better than many girl types. She may have reasons not too, in the girl mind, real ones. But it might be time to move past some things.
On to dinner. I would like to set the chuck roast or leg of lamb out to thaw, but I'm not sure how fast my kitchen will come into great enough function to cook those. Hamburger, yes, I will put some of that out. I can, if nothing else, grill that. My mother doesn't care for lamb, but I have... amazed others who do not like lamb. Part of the trick is buying good quality lamb and (this is very important) making sure you aren't buying mutton. The two can be synonymous, but not really. If lamb is older than, say, a year/season, then it is mutton. To my notions. Mutton is very strong and I don't care for it at all either. Anyway, one diner didn't realize what she was eating and ended up almost in shock when she asked about it half way through the meal. The other knew but came just for the company and ended up eating, out of mild politeness, then finishing out of pleasure. I didn't know she didn't like lamb until she had finished her meal! I would have cooked something else otherwise. Still, my mother is a stubborn woman. Yeah, that is where I got what I have, probably.
Hmm, backed potatoes? But I need meat! Meat is my absolute need right now. Sometimes I can get by with grains or beans or fruits, rarely but sometimes. Usually I need meat, often and heavy. Sometimes, like right now, nothing but meat will do. And a good pile of it would be best! Hmm, if the pork and beans is still good, that would work... Lots of ham, a good shot of beans, juice, and cream. Later... As long as I have good meat too, beans make a great meat multiplier, same with mushrooms, and pasta. Most vegetal stuff, however, is not greatly welcome when I'm in a meat mood. I think vegetables and fruit almost make me ill, if I had to guess, in the food mood I am currently in.
Well, actually pilgrim, good night. Sleep well. I'll put as many of you in my prayers as I can remember. Again. Yeah, you need it. I understand because of my own situations! Peace and kindness be in your hearts, and the strength to kill lovingly also. Love your enemy, even while you kill him if you must, that's all I'm saying.
.
I simply couldn't get to things today. My mother has needed things, little things. But that isn't it. I have been pushing for a few days and I am out of steam. I can take care of her while she is ill though. I can do little things. But an all out assault on the dishes or laundry just didn't get off the floor today. Tomorrow or the day after should see me back on my feet. At least I can tend her with food and help and maybe do a few smaller things as well.
I sort of made it through the first of my economic books. I say "sort of" because I very lightly skimmed through it. I have read it before, to be sure. Oh, sure, it might have been 30 years ago or so, but I definitely read it, and right down to understandings, looking up words, and such. It must have been shortly after I finally found socialism/communism to be defunct, criminal, evil. Odd that I would remember so much, but not the name. A good book for a young mind, not so great for a seasoned adult. While I may have no degree in economics, I would guess I would easily be able to discuss most economic factors in layman's terms with most academics or professionals. I may give the book to the local library. Next I am starting on Locke's The Two Treatises Of Government. Who knows, perhaps I have read it too. I'll know shortly.
I do have to take my friend shooting Sunday. My mother may not go this time. Though, when she is feeling better, I have invited her to go along. I have some .22's and my friend has suggested his .38 and maybe 9 mm rifle or pistol for her leisure. It will be quite up to her. Can't say, as grumpy of 'ol' boys' that we are, that we don't try to accommodate. I suppose it is human nature. No matter how sure we are, someone we tend to like we naturally create exemptions to make them welcome in our favored circles. Well, so long as it isn't dangerous, mostly. No, my mother can probably shoot better than many girl types. She may have reasons not too, in the girl mind, real ones. But it might be time to move past some things.
On to dinner. I would like to set the chuck roast or leg of lamb out to thaw, but I'm not sure how fast my kitchen will come into great enough function to cook those. Hamburger, yes, I will put some of that out. I can, if nothing else, grill that. My mother doesn't care for lamb, but I have... amazed others who do not like lamb. Part of the trick is buying good quality lamb and (this is very important) making sure you aren't buying mutton. The two can be synonymous, but not really. If lamb is older than, say, a year/season, then it is mutton. To my notions. Mutton is very strong and I don't care for it at all either. Anyway, one diner didn't realize what she was eating and ended up almost in shock when she asked about it half way through the meal. The other knew but came just for the company and ended up eating, out of mild politeness, then finishing out of pleasure. I didn't know she didn't like lamb until she had finished her meal! I would have cooked something else otherwise. Still, my mother is a stubborn woman. Yeah, that is where I got what I have, probably.
Hmm, backed potatoes? But I need meat! Meat is my absolute need right now. Sometimes I can get by with grains or beans or fruits, rarely but sometimes. Usually I need meat, often and heavy. Sometimes, like right now, nothing but meat will do. And a good pile of it would be best! Hmm, if the pork and beans is still good, that would work... Lots of ham, a good shot of beans, juice, and cream. Later... As long as I have good meat too, beans make a great meat multiplier, same with mushrooms, and pasta. Most vegetal stuff, however, is not greatly welcome when I'm in a meat mood. I think vegetables and fruit almost make me ill, if I had to guess, in the food mood I am currently in.
Well, actually pilgrim, good night. Sleep well. I'll put as many of you in my prayers as I can remember. Again. Yeah, you need it. I understand because of my own situations! Peace and kindness be in your hearts, and the strength to kill lovingly also. Love your enemy, even while you kill him if you must, that's all I'm saying.
Just a bit of formatting.
.
.
I have tried to sort my links using a few different categories. If I have had personal interactions with you, and things were amicable regardless of any differences of opinion (all of them, heh), then you are a friend. Some of you aren't writing much. I don't mind weekly, or even occasional longer breaks, but I'm watching anyway. I added a homesteading group and a friends group. The other is merely news and popular/populist nearly commercial blogs. But uhm, yeah, I like them of course. If you want to be removed from the friends area, tough! Well, no, I would move you. (then watch you like a hawk) :)
Like you really needed to know that. Still... I'm more just settling things in my mind. Seeing something written sometimes helps. Never mind the details of why. Often, even if I am doing it, it is none of my business so I don't really check into it. Later.
.
I have tried to sort my links using a few different categories. If I have had personal interactions with you, and things were amicable regardless of any differences of opinion (all of them, heh), then you are a friend. Some of you aren't writing much. I don't mind weekly, or even occasional longer breaks, but I'm watching anyway. I added a homesteading group and a friends group. The other is merely news and popular/populist nearly commercial blogs. But uhm, yeah, I like them of course. If you want to be removed from the friends area, tough! Well, no, I would move you. (then watch you like a hawk) :)
Like you really needed to know that. Still... I'm more just settling things in my mind. Seeing something written sometimes helps. Never mind the details of why. Often, even if I am doing it, it is none of my business so I don't really check into it. Later.
Well, so far so good.
.
.
This morning I woke to my mother having already started into things. She had slept in too, though, it seems. That is highly unusual for her. No wheel chair and long walks, plus the cold/flu, and she wasn't up until 10:30 or 11:00! She did some work and then just ran out of all her steam. Lunch, though, sounded good. I am pleased to have purchased extra soup, fresh bread, her soda, and some other things in enough supply to last several days. That's all good though. I have been getting up early, usually, lately, too. But this morning there was nothing going until shortly after she woke.
She almost got me off and running before I took care of my needs. But I pulled back, got on the scale, checked my stats. I got lost on the way to my medicine though. I am just getting the first dose down. While she recovers, I will begin finishing the dishes, laundry, and doing little things, as I have been doing.
I have let her know some things I need to finish. I need to apply for that tax rebate, if it is still useful. And I need to get on that insurance company. I am almost certain, at this point, that they are just trying to time it out to avoid having to pay. I also let her know that I plan to move the kitchen table in the middle of the kitchen in order to have more food prep space, and even to use it as a dining place again. With television, that has gone by the wayside. When she leaves I will be ending cable. I truly despise television.
Oh, this morning, I went to do my morning rounds. But the internet didn't work. I had them on automatic pay, but the problem is that is was being paid through a specific debit card. That card was canceled because the replacement was lost. Therefore my automatic payment ended... three months, or more, ago! I owe, it seems, $595. There is no way I could pay that. I have the money, perhaps, in various accounts. But that is 'living' money. They allowed me to simply pay $391, I used my credit card to pay. Ugh. I best check my other bills and see what is what. Most of them, I believe, are through my bank account directly though. Gotta check though, nervously.
Ah well, it all works out, somehow. Just an update. Now I need to do my "morning rounds", then the news, and then figure out how to get to dishes and laundry and such. Bit by bit. Good day.
.
This morning I woke to my mother having already started into things. She had slept in too, though, it seems. That is highly unusual for her. No wheel chair and long walks, plus the cold/flu, and she wasn't up until 10:30 or 11:00! She did some work and then just ran out of all her steam. Lunch, though, sounded good. I am pleased to have purchased extra soup, fresh bread, her soda, and some other things in enough supply to last several days. That's all good though. I have been getting up early, usually, lately, too. But this morning there was nothing going until shortly after she woke.
She almost got me off and running before I took care of my needs. But I pulled back, got on the scale, checked my stats. I got lost on the way to my medicine though. I am just getting the first dose down. While she recovers, I will begin finishing the dishes, laundry, and doing little things, as I have been doing.
I have let her know some things I need to finish. I need to apply for that tax rebate, if it is still useful. And I need to get on that insurance company. I am almost certain, at this point, that they are just trying to time it out to avoid having to pay. I also let her know that I plan to move the kitchen table in the middle of the kitchen in order to have more food prep space, and even to use it as a dining place again. With television, that has gone by the wayside. When she leaves I will be ending cable. I truly despise television.
Oh, this morning, I went to do my morning rounds. But the internet didn't work. I had them on automatic pay, but the problem is that is was being paid through a specific debit card. That card was canceled because the replacement was lost. Therefore my automatic payment ended... three months, or more, ago! I owe, it seems, $595. There is no way I could pay that. I have the money, perhaps, in various accounts. But that is 'living' money. They allowed me to simply pay $391, I used my credit card to pay. Ugh. I best check my other bills and see what is what. Most of them, I believe, are through my bank account directly though. Gotta check though, nervously.
Ah well, it all works out, somehow. Just an update. Now I need to do my "morning rounds", then the news, and then figure out how to get to dishes and laundry and such. Bit by bit. Good day.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Home!
.
.
Well, it went pretty well. My mother was quite tired. They were supposed to have a wheel chair for her but didn't on any of the legs save one of the three. And then, somehow, she ended up at the international, not the domestic, terminal. I can only guess that they must use whatever terminal is convenient currently, making such designations defunct. Still, she was happy to finally be here and to see me. A little bit of unhappiness and she was good again.
I was right, she had not eaten. The place I had hoped to stop was the closest. A steak for me and prime rib for her. Absolutely delicious. I don't think I have tried their prime rib. She gave me a sample. Okay, they make prime rib so well I would even consider it. That is saying something. She didn't even eat half her meal. For whatever reason, I was an eating machine tonight and ate every bit of my meal. Then again, that is a place where even if you have become a light eater, you might end up eating it all.
She napped the short bit home, laying in the back seat. A nice quiet drive home and she is comfortably resting, maybe asleep by now. I want to finish that load of laundry and see what has been happening today. Sam did come over and "visited" with my mother, but Sassy. I still haven't found the twerp! She is seriously hiding. Oh well. She will come around, the love of food Sassy has will eventually bring her down.
Good night.
.
Well, it went pretty well. My mother was quite tired. They were supposed to have a wheel chair for her but didn't on any of the legs save one of the three. And then, somehow, she ended up at the international, not the domestic, terminal. I can only guess that they must use whatever terminal is convenient currently, making such designations defunct. Still, she was happy to finally be here and to see me. A little bit of unhappiness and she was good again.
I was right, she had not eaten. The place I had hoped to stop was the closest. A steak for me and prime rib for her. Absolutely delicious. I don't think I have tried their prime rib. She gave me a sample. Okay, they make prime rib so well I would even consider it. That is saying something. She didn't even eat half her meal. For whatever reason, I was an eating machine tonight and ate every bit of my meal. Then again, that is a place where even if you have become a light eater, you might end up eating it all.
She napped the short bit home, laying in the back seat. A nice quiet drive home and she is comfortably resting, maybe asleep by now. I want to finish that load of laundry and see what has been happening today. Sam did come over and "visited" with my mother, but Sassy. I still haven't found the twerp! She is seriously hiding. Oh well. She will come around, the love of food Sassy has will eventually bring her down.
Good night.
Fear works?
.
.
Hmm, not so much fear, not anymore. It does make a difference knowing what is wrong and that it has a very real physical element. You see, psychological conditions are given zero allowance in the real world. Not that this was something used to decide that such diagnosis were bunk. If anything people who don't want to be responsible for themselves and their actions cling to psychology like a life raft in immoral and amoral seas. If anything it was the other way around, I realized I was responsible and took responsibility which negated psychology. Anyway, it used to be fear that would drive me. The fear of being seen as "less". Now it is respect, or love, or other things that drive me to work beyond my limits for a bit. I can't work long but I can work for a while.
Two loads of laundry have been tended. I cheated a bit though, as one load had pretty much finished in the dryer and one load just needed to be fluffed, along with a moistened dish cloth, in order to get what of the wrinkles out would leave. But those have been tended and a third load is drying currently. Two loads of dishes have been washed, one is drying. Two more loads have been set to soak. A few more odd/large sized loads remain of dishes. They may only get a soak, I will have to see. I am needing rest periods, of course. I have also made my spare bed up, tucking the flat sheet as my mother prefers. I think she even likes the 'rough side' of the flat sheet up, so when it folds down, the smooth side is up. Now, being the domestic philistine that I am, I can only hope I did that rightly, but I did try! Two of my warmest finest blankets are on the bed and a fine heavy bedspread has been set. Five pillows have been outfitted, if I couldn't find all matching pillow covers I did do my best. I shut off the room deodorizer I had working in her room. I have used it in enough of my home over the last week that the place should be... pleasant... for her majesty and her nose too. Though I don't think it smelled bad, musty in a place or two is all, I know that women have much finer nostril sensitivity. *grins* All good, I like trying to make her as happy as I can.
Oh, no worries, the place is still troubling on the eyes. I have done what I can but much remains. I sure would like, one day, to have the place impeccably clean and ordered when she arrives. Even then though, I am sure she would see areas which could use some touching up... in that theoretical possibility. She probably wouldn't say a word though, just tending to them when I was out and about (and completely oblivious). Not that I mean to be oblivious, I am merely sticking to the facts. I wouldn't see a rattle snake until someone pointed out the fang marks and swelling. Even then I might have doubts. Okay, I don't take hints or notice things, so sue me!
Yes, today will be a good day. I hope you are having one, or at least figuring out the bad. Some days it just isn't completely possible. But there is always tomorrow. Just think, it took me more than a month of tomorrows to get where I am in preparing for my mother. And, technically, considering my goals, I failed. And yet I am pleased to have some of the things done. So it goes. Good day.
Update: There is never enough time. I have to leave a load in the washer because it isn't finished too! Bah. At least I am leaving quite ready and on time. Good night, perhaps. I'm not sure I will find time or energy upon my return.
The mother of Doom arrives.
.
Hmm, not so much fear, not anymore. It does make a difference knowing what is wrong and that it has a very real physical element. You see, psychological conditions are given zero allowance in the real world. Not that this was something used to decide that such diagnosis were bunk. If anything people who don't want to be responsible for themselves and their actions cling to psychology like a life raft in immoral and amoral seas. If anything it was the other way around, I realized I was responsible and took responsibility which negated psychology. Anyway, it used to be fear that would drive me. The fear of being seen as "less". Now it is respect, or love, or other things that drive me to work beyond my limits for a bit. I can't work long but I can work for a while.
Two loads of laundry have been tended. I cheated a bit though, as one load had pretty much finished in the dryer and one load just needed to be fluffed, along with a moistened dish cloth, in order to get what of the wrinkles out would leave. But those have been tended and a third load is drying currently. Two loads of dishes have been washed, one is drying. Two more loads have been set to soak. A few more odd/large sized loads remain of dishes. They may only get a soak, I will have to see. I am needing rest periods, of course. I have also made my spare bed up, tucking the flat sheet as my mother prefers. I think she even likes the 'rough side' of the flat sheet up, so when it folds down, the smooth side is up. Now, being the domestic philistine that I am, I can only hope I did that rightly, but I did try! Two of my warmest finest blankets are on the bed and a fine heavy bedspread has been set. Five pillows have been outfitted, if I couldn't find all matching pillow covers I did do my best. I shut off the room deodorizer I had working in her room. I have used it in enough of my home over the last week that the place should be... pleasant... for her majesty and her nose too. Though I don't think it smelled bad, musty in a place or two is all, I know that women have much finer nostril sensitivity. *grins* All good, I like trying to make her as happy as I can.
Oh, no worries, the place is still troubling on the eyes. I have done what I can but much remains. I sure would like, one day, to have the place impeccably clean and ordered when she arrives. Even then though, I am sure she would see areas which could use some touching up... in that theoretical possibility. She probably wouldn't say a word though, just tending to them when I was out and about (and completely oblivious). Not that I mean to be oblivious, I am merely sticking to the facts. I wouldn't see a rattle snake until someone pointed out the fang marks and swelling. Even then I might have doubts. Okay, I don't take hints or notice things, so sue me!
Yes, today will be a good day. I hope you are having one, or at least figuring out the bad. Some days it just isn't completely possible. But there is always tomorrow. Just think, it took me more than a month of tomorrows to get where I am in preparing for my mother. And, technically, considering my goals, I failed. And yet I am pleased to have some of the things done. So it goes. Good day.
Update: There is never enough time. I have to leave a load in the washer because it isn't finished too! Bah. At least I am leaving quite ready and on time. Good night, perhaps. I'm not sure I will find time or energy upon my return.
The mother of Doom arrives.
I woke before the alarm.
.
.
I always like days like that. The alarm is a brutal tool, a necessary one at times. It just seems, even on days where I have slept enough and want to go and feel like going and make it out, being awaken by an alarm clock is like being shocked awake. I just remembered to turn it off so I won't hear it's nasty rudeness at all. And I feel pretty good. Today, for the most part, should be an easy one.
I have already torn into the dishes, put a load of laundry in the wash, and am fluffing some clothes I let set a bit long. In twenty minutes I will check all that. While up I will put bedding on the spare bed. As towels come up I will balance the towels in the second bathroom with those in mine, and put out a load of toilet paper in the second bathroom. Hopefully I can have the dishes done and the laundry as completed as possible by noon. Then a shower. As I dry, I have a few more hours to tinker on what I can do in the last hours before I go. I know I have done what I could, little as that was.
I think I have a small ice-chest somewhere. If I can find it, I will load it with some ice and soda. I am pretty sure my mom will be hungry. They no longer feed them on short flights, during meal times, as if that would really be good anyway. If I know her, and I do, she didn't eat on the way out. I have two places for her to choose. I am hoping to take her to Maddox on my way through or sometime before she returns, barring that the place I found last night has a number of delicacies that are right along the lines of food she understands. I have their number, so I can call on my way through and order pick-up, if that is what my mother prefers. That or tomato or chicken soup and a grilled cheese sandwich if she prefers to wait or isn't feeling all that well.
If her first day is mostly down and out, or first several, that is fine. I can slowly continue my efforts. I might be a cripple but I do try. I do everything I can do and them some, often. At least in my estimate. It might not be much. But in the end it isn't about what someone else can do. You are gauged on your ability. The world does gauge you on some norm, but the world is doomed and a silly place often anyway. I suppose my efforts are much like the widow's mite. Small in comparison to what others can and do give, but all I have. And I am rather cheery about it, quite happy to give. I just want to figure out how to give a bit more. The difference is, my efforts don't go to God. I never quite get to that point. But I have made an effort to try to do even that. I have never been contacted back. I will have to call about that.
Well, on to a bit of waking up while the clothes are refurbished and the dishes cool. Good day.
.
I always like days like that. The alarm is a brutal tool, a necessary one at times. It just seems, even on days where I have slept enough and want to go and feel like going and make it out, being awaken by an alarm clock is like being shocked awake. I just remembered to turn it off so I won't hear it's nasty rudeness at all. And I feel pretty good. Today, for the most part, should be an easy one.
I have already torn into the dishes, put a load of laundry in the wash, and am fluffing some clothes I let set a bit long. In twenty minutes I will check all that. While up I will put bedding on the spare bed. As towels come up I will balance the towels in the second bathroom with those in mine, and put out a load of toilet paper in the second bathroom. Hopefully I can have the dishes done and the laundry as completed as possible by noon. Then a shower. As I dry, I have a few more hours to tinker on what I can do in the last hours before I go. I know I have done what I could, little as that was.
I think I have a small ice-chest somewhere. If I can find it, I will load it with some ice and soda. I am pretty sure my mom will be hungry. They no longer feed them on short flights, during meal times, as if that would really be good anyway. If I know her, and I do, she didn't eat on the way out. I have two places for her to choose. I am hoping to take her to Maddox on my way through or sometime before she returns, barring that the place I found last night has a number of delicacies that are right along the lines of food she understands. I have their number, so I can call on my way through and order pick-up, if that is what my mother prefers. That or tomato or chicken soup and a grilled cheese sandwich if she prefers to wait or isn't feeling all that well.
If her first day is mostly down and out, or first several, that is fine. I can slowly continue my efforts. I might be a cripple but I do try. I do everything I can do and them some, often. At least in my estimate. It might not be much. But in the end it isn't about what someone else can do. You are gauged on your ability. The world does gauge you on some norm, but the world is doomed and a silly place often anyway. I suppose my efforts are much like the widow's mite. Small in comparison to what others can and do give, but all I have. And I am rather cheery about it, quite happy to give. I just want to figure out how to give a bit more. The difference is, my efforts don't go to God. I never quite get to that point. But I have made an effort to try to do even that. I have never been contacted back. I will have to call about that.
Well, on to a bit of waking up while the clothes are refurbished and the dishes cool. Good day.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Much done.
.
.
Nothing was straightforward or particularly simple, mostly. First I realized I had to clean out the Xterra a bit before I could do much. I cleaned and cleared, leaving only what is supposed to be in the vehicle in it. Okay the coin turn in went without a hitch. It was $280, not $287 though. And the inspection went well and was only $17. The registration took a bit more time, as they were going to charge me the full amount and I said that I was not required to pay that, only after a bit of a tussle did she finally tell me that I had to go to another office and do more paperwork, then return with that paperwork, and start all over. She really hated seeing me not have to pay the full amount, and hated being helpful even more. She is married to the state and this is her share of the bread and butter or something. Hopefully they had this all on file, I was thinking on my way there, as I had done it last year and thought it permanent. I wasn't even sure where the required paperwork to reapply might be! It did turn out that they kept it on file and the process was rather painless. Finally I have my vehicle registered for this year. Next for the oil change. I was there a good half an hour early. It took two and a half hours for the job to be finished. It seems whoever put the oil filter on put it on wrong and it was leaking so they had to do it over. Full synthetic, from the start, this time at least.
After that, everything went fine. I picked up my friend, and just shortly after he finished his afternoon physical rehab. We went shopping at Walmart, he had a few items on his list. Then we went to dinner. While leaving Walmart we met his sister. She suggested a place, where they make their own fries and real hamburgers. After a short visit we went there. It was good. Further, it is in a town closer to my home than Logan. A place my mother would like. Simple, real, food. The way diners used to be, really. On our way back, my friend asked if we could stop at Cal-Ranch (a sort of country/farm store). I didn't really want to, but, you know, he doesn't get out ofjail that place often, so... I relented. We ran into a friend of his, who works there. We both chatted with him a bit, but on target. He is an employee, so we have to keep it official.
I found out about the XD 9mm. It seems the XD compact doesn't accept the 19 round magazine but the XD-M does. And since it is the XD-M 9mm that I am interested in, I should just be hunky dory. I also looked the Husqvarna chain saws over, again, again. *drool* It's on my list, you know, a rancher 445 or 455. The guy working there (different from the guy above) said he has been working there for a several years and that it never comes on sale (though I saw a sale on it last year, so). He came up and chatted about the saws, so I asked about sales. But he suggested if I opened a credit card with them, I would get a ten percent discount. Oops, don't fib to someone who knows better. I let it slide, but I know I can't trust that guy now. It's how I roll. My friend enjoyed looking, reading, checking, and just being out and about. But it was time to take him back. Sunday he asked? Sunday indeed. He wants his 9mm highpoint rifle, the .357 (with .38 loads, though he asked me to bring some .357 loads too), and the .45. I can do that.
On the way to taking him home I filled the X for the drive, and ran it through the wash. My friend suggested rain was coming, by the look of things. Bah! I have seen it like this for a week without a drop on the ground. Which is true. So I took him back, then almost went home without shopping. I was a mile out of town before I realized, a mile and a half before I decided I best return and do some shopping. My mother suggested that she will need some babysitting the first few days. Just getting over a cold (she hopes) and the flight, will make her a bit low. Not a problem, so I suggested fried cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. After a pause, she thought that sounded good, then super! I grabbed several cans of family sized tomato and chicken noodle soup, crackers, pepperjack, munster, and mild cheddar cheese slices, heavy whipping cream (for very rich tomato soup), her type of soda and coffee, and maybe something else. I bought artisan sourdough and zucchini bread which was sold at a bakery near the gas station already. So I am ready to go. On the way home... it rained. Doh! Argh! @#$@#^%$#%!
My mom called but I missed the call, didn't even hear the phone (again?). It seems she is going to quit smoking, or try, while here! She actually bought her own patches, so I will have to buy mine. She suggests we will begin the 16th, the day after her arrival. Fair enough. All good news.
Now, I am cooked. But I need to try to do a few last things. A couple of loads of dishes and laundry. Then bedtime. She isn't arriving until later in the afternoon, so I have a little time tomorrow too. Either to sleep a little later, get more work done, or a bit of both. I need to leave here around 14:00, which will give me an hour to play with, depending on traffic. I want to be in the terminal, waiting for her, this time. Parking fees be damned and driving waiting area be damned. Last time I did what the signs said and it was a nightmare figuring out how to connect with her, which area she would be in, and all that. Not again.
Well, I best get to it. Two or three loads of dishes and two or three loads of laundry should see me into being much more ready for a limping but happy to be here mother.
Good night.
.
Nothing was straightforward or particularly simple, mostly. First I realized I had to clean out the Xterra a bit before I could do much. I cleaned and cleared, leaving only what is supposed to be in the vehicle in it. Okay the coin turn in went without a hitch. It was $280, not $287 though. And the inspection went well and was only $17. The registration took a bit more time, as they were going to charge me the full amount and I said that I was not required to pay that, only after a bit of a tussle did she finally tell me that I had to go to another office and do more paperwork, then return with that paperwork, and start all over. She really hated seeing me not have to pay the full amount, and hated being helpful even more. She is married to the state and this is her share of the bread and butter or something. Hopefully they had this all on file, I was thinking on my way there, as I had done it last year and thought it permanent. I wasn't even sure where the required paperwork to reapply might be! It did turn out that they kept it on file and the process was rather painless. Finally I have my vehicle registered for this year. Next for the oil change. I was there a good half an hour early. It took two and a half hours for the job to be finished. It seems whoever put the oil filter on put it on wrong and it was leaking so they had to do it over. Full synthetic, from the start, this time at least.
After that, everything went fine. I picked up my friend, and just shortly after he finished his afternoon physical rehab. We went shopping at Walmart, he had a few items on his list. Then we went to dinner. While leaving Walmart we met his sister. She suggested a place, where they make their own fries and real hamburgers. After a short visit we went there. It was good. Further, it is in a town closer to my home than Logan. A place my mother would like. Simple, real, food. The way diners used to be, really. On our way back, my friend asked if we could stop at Cal-Ranch (a sort of country/farm store). I didn't really want to, but, you know, he doesn't get out of
I found out about the XD 9mm. It seems the XD compact doesn't accept the 19 round magazine but the XD-M does. And since it is the XD-M 9mm that I am interested in, I should just be hunky dory. I also looked the Husqvarna chain saws over, again, again. *drool* It's on my list, you know, a rancher 445 or 455. The guy working there (different from the guy above) said he has been working there for a several years and that it never comes on sale (though I saw a sale on it last year, so). He came up and chatted about the saws, so I asked about sales. But he suggested if I opened a credit card with them, I would get a ten percent discount. Oops, don't fib to someone who knows better. I let it slide, but I know I can't trust that guy now. It's how I roll. My friend enjoyed looking, reading, checking, and just being out and about. But it was time to take him back. Sunday he asked? Sunday indeed. He wants his 9mm highpoint rifle, the .357 (with .38 loads, though he asked me to bring some .357 loads too), and the .45. I can do that.
On the way to taking him home I filled the X for the drive, and ran it through the wash. My friend suggested rain was coming, by the look of things. Bah! I have seen it like this for a week without a drop on the ground. Which is true. So I took him back, then almost went home without shopping. I was a mile out of town before I realized, a mile and a half before I decided I best return and do some shopping. My mother suggested that she will need some babysitting the first few days. Just getting over a cold (she hopes) and the flight, will make her a bit low. Not a problem, so I suggested fried cheese sandwiches and tomato soup. After a pause, she thought that sounded good, then super! I grabbed several cans of family sized tomato and chicken noodle soup, crackers, pepperjack, munster, and mild cheddar cheese slices, heavy whipping cream (for very rich tomato soup), her type of soda and coffee, and maybe something else. I bought artisan sourdough and zucchini bread which was sold at a bakery near the gas station already. So I am ready to go. On the way home... it rained. Doh! Argh! @#$@#^%$#%!
My mom called but I missed the call, didn't even hear the phone (again?). It seems she is going to quit smoking, or try, while here! She actually bought her own patches, so I will have to buy mine. She suggests we will begin the 16th, the day after her arrival. Fair enough. All good news.
Now, I am cooked. But I need to try to do a few last things. A couple of loads of dishes and laundry. Then bedtime. She isn't arriving until later in the afternoon, so I have a little time tomorrow too. Either to sleep a little later, get more work done, or a bit of both. I need to leave here around 14:00, which will give me an hour to play with, depending on traffic. I want to be in the terminal, waiting for her, this time. Parking fees be damned and driving waiting area be damned. Last time I did what the signs said and it was a nightmare figuring out how to connect with her, which area she would be in, and all that. Not again.
Well, I best get to it. Two or three loads of dishes and two or three loads of laundry should see me into being much more ready for a limping but happy to be here mother.
Good night.
What is it?
.
.
After being on medicine for many months now, and other than a few weeks of not logging my stats, patterns emerge. When I am, or am beginning to do poorly, healthwise, my stats climb. The higher and the faster the climb, the worse I do. It, for me, is very much a human barometric pressure. The docs say they want to see my charts. And they always look. But either they can interpret bodily Swahili or they have no clue and just look because they feel that from me, doing something everyday while I die is important. I don't trust them to tell me of problems, or if my case is odd to them. Actually, I doubt if they would, or even could if they wanted to. That is, assuming they might even actually know. I see a new intern every time, and I think even the overseers rotate out, as I saw one I haven't seen in the six months I have been going. There is zero continuity of care. Just notes handed off, with no context.
You realize how flat emails and such can be. Something can sound absolutely cruel. Even a smiley face won't fix some things. Imagine if your health care is based on that? And worse, it makes it impossible for there to be any kind of real trust between patient and doctor. They just drone the same thing the last one droned about without considering whether that had already been tried and found to fail. Still, I know a bit more, on my own and for myself. What it means is that there is something else and they haven't caught it, and further, they have quit looking.
The other night, when I started using my CPAP again? The electricity went out. I have no idea when it went out. It seems to have been out for two to four hours. It, obviously, didn't kill me. But more, it didn't wake me. Even more interesting? I woke with my CPAP on. I doubt if I could have clumsily put it back on after stripping it off in the middle of the night. Darned odd, I'll tell you.
Well, things to do and little time to prepare. Have a good day. Work for your halos, get it done, and don't worry about the little things (or the big ones) that you simply can't change. Much of life we are merely dogs with a taste for bumpers. Even those of us "lucky" enough to fulfill our dreams... probably regret it. :p
.
After being on medicine for many months now, and other than a few weeks of not logging my stats, patterns emerge. When I am, or am beginning to do poorly, healthwise, my stats climb. The higher and the faster the climb, the worse I do. It, for me, is very much a human barometric pressure. The docs say they want to see my charts. And they always look. But either they can interpret bodily Swahili or they have no clue and just look because they feel that from me, doing something everyday while I die is important. I don't trust them to tell me of problems, or if my case is odd to them. Actually, I doubt if they would, or even could if they wanted to. That is, assuming they might even actually know. I see a new intern every time, and I think even the overseers rotate out, as I saw one I haven't seen in the six months I have been going. There is zero continuity of care. Just notes handed off, with no context.
You realize how flat emails and such can be. Something can sound absolutely cruel. Even a smiley face won't fix some things. Imagine if your health care is based on that? And worse, it makes it impossible for there to be any kind of real trust between patient and doctor. They just drone the same thing the last one droned about without considering whether that had already been tried and found to fail. Still, I know a bit more, on my own and for myself. What it means is that there is something else and they haven't caught it, and further, they have quit looking.
The other night, when I started using my CPAP again? The electricity went out. I have no idea when it went out. It seems to have been out for two to four hours. It, obviously, didn't kill me. But more, it didn't wake me. Even more interesting? I woke with my CPAP on. I doubt if I could have clumsily put it back on after stripping it off in the middle of the night. Darned odd, I'll tell you.
Well, things to do and little time to prepare. Have a good day. Work for your halos, get it done, and don't worry about the little things (or the big ones) that you simply can't change. Much of life we are merely dogs with a taste for bumpers. Even those of us "lucky" enough to fulfill our dreams... probably regret it. :p
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Could it be?
.
.
Does a Republican take a heavily Democrat district and a mostly Democrat district? Oh, sure, I heard the drum beating as we approached the election. But I feared the pollsters might actually have been trying to make the things look better for Republicans for a change. Then again, not that I expect much from Republicans from such districts. Another Brown-out, another day. What it seems to imply, however, is that Democrats are in such huge trouble they have no chance to hold anything. It isn't even looking like Democrats stayed home. No, they seem to have shown up and voted against 'their own man'. If this all proves out, I will be feeling better.
Of course, now we have to worry about candidates. The one I think is the best is Perry. The problem is he has some serious problems and he doesn't seem to realize when to have a pissing contest and when to apologize. Romney should have helped Perry see this, with Romneycare. Perry has one serious and one more serious problem that he needs to bandage or he'll hemorrhage his support like a balloon hit by a howitzer. The serious one is his executive order attempting to force all girls to receive a nefarious 'dirty girl' shot. Not only ordering it forward but what the shot indicates is part of the issue. He needs to apologize, solidly, and say he learned his lesson. The big problem is immigration. Again, he needs to say what he will do regarding immigration, as president, and it had better be right. If he stands on these things, he will not be nominated.
To be honest, if Perry doesn't do this, and loses as I suspect he will, I may just zone out. If, again, all we have is a Democrat light, again, I have no reason to vote. I had thought about voting for Paul, regardless, to give Republicans a message. But, no. If forced to, again, I will simply not vote for the office.
I notice that Hatch, here in Utah, has shut down the top Tea Party contender. I think the guy would have won too. Here it might be a serious old boy deal. Politics is often horse-trading here, and not of the better variety. I also notice that Romney is getting a thumbs up from those who have fallen out and is beginning to gain favor among Republican party elite (even more reason not to vote for him, in particular). Having tons of personal money shows up in this manner. He doesn't have to use campaign money to buy the losers. Of course, those who dropped out who support Romney, it is good to see the right ones have been dumped so far.
We will see what we will see, I suppose. While anyone might be better than Obama, I still can't vote for a lousy candidate. Something like what my mother said about not caring what other kids got to do? Yeah, something like that. *smack* Just because the other party was willing to sell it's soul for the ultimate quota, I would not sell my soul just to put another failed candidate into office to replace the quota. I can only vote for a solid candidate.
Good night.
.
Does a Republican take a heavily Democrat district and a mostly Democrat district? Oh, sure, I heard the drum beating as we approached the election. But I feared the pollsters might actually have been trying to make the things look better for Republicans for a change. Then again, not that I expect much from Republicans from such districts. Another Brown-out, another day. What it seems to imply, however, is that Democrats are in such huge trouble they have no chance to hold anything. It isn't even looking like Democrats stayed home. No, they seem to have shown up and voted against 'their own man'. If this all proves out, I will be feeling better.
Of course, now we have to worry about candidates. The one I think is the best is Perry. The problem is he has some serious problems and he doesn't seem to realize when to have a pissing contest and when to apologize. Romney should have helped Perry see this, with Romneycare. Perry has one serious and one more serious problem that he needs to bandage or he'll hemorrhage his support like a balloon hit by a howitzer. The serious one is his executive order attempting to force all girls to receive a nefarious 'dirty girl' shot. Not only ordering it forward but what the shot indicates is part of the issue. He needs to apologize, solidly, and say he learned his lesson. The big problem is immigration. Again, he needs to say what he will do regarding immigration, as president, and it had better be right. If he stands on these things, he will not be nominated.
To be honest, if Perry doesn't do this, and loses as I suspect he will, I may just zone out. If, again, all we have is a Democrat light, again, I have no reason to vote. I had thought about voting for Paul, regardless, to give Republicans a message. But, no. If forced to, again, I will simply not vote for the office.
I notice that Hatch, here in Utah, has shut down the top Tea Party contender. I think the guy would have won too. Here it might be a serious old boy deal. Politics is often horse-trading here, and not of the better variety. I also notice that Romney is getting a thumbs up from those who have fallen out and is beginning to gain favor among Republican party elite (even more reason not to vote for him, in particular). Having tons of personal money shows up in this manner. He doesn't have to use campaign money to buy the losers. Of course, those who dropped out who support Romney, it is good to see the right ones have been dumped so far.
We will see what we will see, I suppose. While anyone might be better than Obama, I still can't vote for a lousy candidate. Something like what my mother said about not caring what other kids got to do? Yeah, something like that. *smack* Just because the other party was willing to sell it's soul for the ultimate quota, I would not sell my soul just to put another failed candidate into office to replace the quota. I can only vote for a solid candidate.
Good night.
Hope and change I can believe in.
.
.
I counted up my coin, then rolled it. I didn't think I would have all that much. I had hoped for, say, $120 but I was prepared for as little as $50. But honestly, it has been such a long time since I have counted up coins, since banks USED to accept the coin as was (though now I am wondering if they ripped me off?). Anyway, first sorting. Then I counted out pennies, nickles, dimes, and finally quarters. I didn't keep track, though the number of rolls of pennies was too many to just glance-count. And it seemed they were in proportion to the other coins. Still, I didn't want to get excited, we all know a quarter is worth just that, a pile of them is worth only a bit more. On it went. Finally, the last rollable amount was put into a carton. I began counting, quarters first, reversing my previous orders. Woah! I just put out $287 in coin, with probably another $10 to $20 in spare change. That does make life just a bit more comfortable.
Odd, that is only four to six months of saving. I used to only seem to ever be able to save $50 to $120. Then again, some people who came in 'borrowed'. Beyond having an unsecure apartment and thieves all around, I had a clepto lady friend. Oh yes, I had no misunderstanding. Anyway. That makes tomorrow a free day and a little bit extra back (after inspection, oil, and registration). Actually, I think that should be around $200 extra. Along with the check I deposited, if not allowing me to live in luxury lane with my mother here, we will a least not starve with that and what else I have available. I still can't believe there was nearly $300 there.
Dishes, laundry, and I'll prepare a meal while I get those going. Later.
.
I counted up my coin, then rolled it. I didn't think I would have all that much. I had hoped for, say, $120 but I was prepared for as little as $50. But honestly, it has been such a long time since I have counted up coins, since banks USED to accept the coin as was (though now I am wondering if they ripped me off?). Anyway, first sorting. Then I counted out pennies, nickles, dimes, and finally quarters. I didn't keep track, though the number of rolls of pennies was too many to just glance-count. And it seemed they were in proportion to the other coins. Still, I didn't want to get excited, we all know a quarter is worth just that, a pile of them is worth only a bit more. On it went. Finally, the last rollable amount was put into a carton. I began counting, quarters first, reversing my previous orders. Woah! I just put out $287 in coin, with probably another $10 to $20 in spare change. That does make life just a bit more comfortable.
Odd, that is only four to six months of saving. I used to only seem to ever be able to save $50 to $120. Then again, some people who came in 'borrowed'. Beyond having an unsecure apartment and thieves all around, I had a clepto lady friend. Oh yes, I had no misunderstanding. Anyway. That makes tomorrow a free day and a little bit extra back (after inspection, oil, and registration). Actually, I think that should be around $200 extra. Along with the check I deposited, if not allowing me to live in luxury lane with my mother here, we will a least not starve with that and what else I have available. I still can't believe there was nearly $300 there.
Dishes, laundry, and I'll prepare a meal while I get those going. Later.
A bit more.
.
.
I almost forgot to make those calls. Time just slips by. I can roll the coins and they will take them, it seems. I have scheduled an inspection and an oil change. Because of time slots available, it won't be done by noon. The oil change was only available after noon. With the inspection done I will have time to take it in and register my auto, then have lunch.
Taking a book along will make the wait at the service department easier. I have started on the pile of books I ordered recently. The first book, though, is not quite what I had hoped. Instead of being a book regarding terms, it seems more of a pro-capitalist book which delineates economic fallacies (such as the "broken window" argument). Yeah, yeah, this is preschool stuff. Then again, I just started. Maybe it will bear fruit later on.
I am not moving fast or well. I am a bit twitchy about my mother showing up to the mess, so I feel really pressed. That isn't helping, though I doubt if it is hurting either. It is just the way of things. I had hoped to make it to Church this week, they have services on five different days. That's all I can say. After doing what is required, and not even much of that, I have little ability to maintain focus, or am out of energy. I will give it two weeks, and if I don't get in I may have to try something else. A new tack, as they say. It isn't about being out and about, it is about hitting the target time and place. Something about accuracy being apart from precision. I can sometimes do one, sometimes the other, rarely both.
Darned fool that I am, I'll keep working on things. Later.
.
I almost forgot to make those calls. Time just slips by. I can roll the coins and they will take them, it seems. I have scheduled an inspection and an oil change. Because of time slots available, it won't be done by noon. The oil change was only available after noon. With the inspection done I will have time to take it in and register my auto, then have lunch.
Taking a book along will make the wait at the service department easier. I have started on the pile of books I ordered recently. The first book, though, is not quite what I had hoped. Instead of being a book regarding terms, it seems more of a pro-capitalist book which delineates economic fallacies (such as the "broken window" argument). Yeah, yeah, this is preschool stuff. Then again, I just started. Maybe it will bear fruit later on.
I am not moving fast or well. I am a bit twitchy about my mother showing up to the mess, so I feel really pressed. That isn't helping, though I doubt if it is hurting either. It is just the way of things. I had hoped to make it to Church this week, they have services on five different days. That's all I can say. After doing what is required, and not even much of that, I have little ability to maintain focus, or am out of energy. I will give it two weeks, and if I don't get in I may have to try something else. A new tack, as they say. It isn't about being out and about, it is about hitting the target time and place. Something about accuracy being apart from precision. I can sometimes do one, sometimes the other, rarely both.
Darned fool that I am, I'll keep working on things. Later.
Just some stuff.
.
.
I had always wondered about this. Though I think how much power the Queen actually has is much underrated by most. I think if she said jump, the P.M. would ask how high.
For caffeine addicts. Here is to a little joy in life!
I always thought I was an extrovert. However, this article has me deeply reconsidering the notion. Can you have very strong aspects of both means of social interaction? Now, it is just an article written by 'someone'. And it seems to be pro-extrovert. But if it holds water then I find myself confused about what I had thought of myself. Of course, and true, how can you really self-diagnose? Then again, that is usually all we have. Doctors have proven to be very wrong, too often, and critically.
No offense to LEOs. And there shouldn't be any taken.
Just some things for the boys and girls of interwebz to chew upon. Later.
.
I had always wondered about this. Though I think how much power the Queen actually has is much underrated by most. I think if she said jump, the P.M. would ask how high.
For caffeine addicts. Here is to a little joy in life!
I always thought I was an extrovert. However, this article has me deeply reconsidering the notion. Can you have very strong aspects of both means of social interaction? Now, it is just an article written by 'someone'. And it seems to be pro-extrovert. But if it holds water then I find myself confused about what I had thought of myself. Of course, and true, how can you really self-diagnose? Then again, that is usually all we have. Doctors have proven to be very wrong, too often, and critically.
No offense to LEOs. And there shouldn't be any taken.
Just some things for the boys and girls of interwebz to chew upon. Later.
I either ask the wrong or the right questions.
.
.
I think it depends on which side of the aisle you are on. No, not whether you like my questions, but how you are offended by them. From professor to fellow citizen to priest, from mother to girlfriend to socialite, from libertarian to liberal to conservative, I seem to be in great disfavor. I don't necessarily mean to cause a ruckus, I think, I just want to know why something is believed, where the truth of it originates, and I notice things most people either don't notice or do not see any point in discussing.
Actually, I think what this tells me is that most people are quite alike. They will let other people slide if other people will let them slide. Keeping it within groups, though. So a conservative wouldn't let a liberal slide unless the liberal had something over on the conservative. Detente seems to be the preferred method of aggression. As much so that people can continue to do whatever the heck they want while still holding their 'enemies' at bay. No one likes the 'nuclear' option. The people with the power of the button instead see it as a means of self-enrichment or allowance. Fat and lazy, spiritually, morally, socially. As a line, with the same implications, in a song I like states it "...and everybody knows".
It wouldn't even be so bad if people kept it to themselves. But they don't. Whether it is in Church or in school, to various degrees, I am sometimes treated poorly. I don't believe, for example, that a priest can be a priest now and an active gay man later. And, yes, it is an issue. I don't believe a priest can be right and suggest that the pill is just fine, and not a sin. I don't believe a professor, who often works quite little and teaches poorly, should have a job guaranteed for life. Nor do I believe they should be able to take credit for the work of their undergraduates or be allowed to fudge their data. And I say it and write it. Among other things. At least with priests, things are changing. So many were taught incorrectly during the 'age of aquarius' that it will take a generation or two to fix things, definitely in the US Church. I don't trust priests my age, give or take a decade to generation. I abide them, as the Church does, but I do not trust.
I would guess I upset both men and women, who in these times believe sexuality is an individual choice and should be a personal thing. Who is having sex with whom is the business of no one but the participants. Psychologists seem to be trying to include children as participants.
Yes, yes, flaws I have, indeed. But I have noted those, easily and fully. The sum total of, and some examples of, my failings can be found here. Somewhere. I don't think there is a single thing I have seen in my life that was wrong that was not written here. But that doesn't change the fact that I can clearly see what is wrong, in my life or another. Nor does it mean, because I have done wrong, that a wink and a nod works. And for this I pay, and will continue to pay. This has effected academic pursuits, social connections, family ties, religious affiliations, and even medical treatment if wisdom is my guide. While it hasn't killed me yet, it would not surprise me to see it happen. While a milder form of it, more indirect, we now live in a form of the U.S.S.R. Mediocrity and sin are licensed by mutual allowances, and those who do not play that game our "out".
To be honest with you, once I realized my fix? I prefer it. Even if it does end up killing me. Maybe more so. No, not a saint. But I am certainly working on it.
As for getting to town today, I am not sure that will happen. I have swept the kitchen, and am tinkering here and there, but I am just not on top of my game. I'm not even really playing the game. Like one of the never used or even possibly needed flippers on a fancy old pinball machine, I just flap once in a while just because, I suppose. Ugh.
Have a great day.
.
I think it depends on which side of the aisle you are on. No, not whether you like my questions, but how you are offended by them. From professor to fellow citizen to priest, from mother to girlfriend to socialite, from libertarian to liberal to conservative, I seem to be in great disfavor. I don't necessarily mean to cause a ruckus, I think, I just want to know why something is believed, where the truth of it originates, and I notice things most people either don't notice or do not see any point in discussing.
Actually, I think what this tells me is that most people are quite alike. They will let other people slide if other people will let them slide. Keeping it within groups, though. So a conservative wouldn't let a liberal slide unless the liberal had something over on the conservative. Detente seems to be the preferred method of aggression. As much so that people can continue to do whatever the heck they want while still holding their 'enemies' at bay. No one likes the 'nuclear' option. The people with the power of the button instead see it as a means of self-enrichment or allowance. Fat and lazy, spiritually, morally, socially. As a line, with the same implications, in a song I like states it "...and everybody knows".
It wouldn't even be so bad if people kept it to themselves. But they don't. Whether it is in Church or in school, to various degrees, I am sometimes treated poorly. I don't believe, for example, that a priest can be a priest now and an active gay man later. And, yes, it is an issue. I don't believe a priest can be right and suggest that the pill is just fine, and not a sin. I don't believe a professor, who often works quite little and teaches poorly, should have a job guaranteed for life. Nor do I believe they should be able to take credit for the work of their undergraduates or be allowed to fudge their data. And I say it and write it. Among other things. At least with priests, things are changing. So many were taught incorrectly during the 'age of aquarius' that it will take a generation or two to fix things, definitely in the US Church. I don't trust priests my age, give or take a decade to generation. I abide them, as the Church does, but I do not trust.
I would guess I upset both men and women, who in these times believe sexuality is an individual choice and should be a personal thing. Who is having sex with whom is the business of no one but the participants. Psychologists seem to be trying to include children as participants.
Yes, yes, flaws I have, indeed. But I have noted those, easily and fully. The sum total of, and some examples of, my failings can be found here. Somewhere. I don't think there is a single thing I have seen in my life that was wrong that was not written here. But that doesn't change the fact that I can clearly see what is wrong, in my life or another. Nor does it mean, because I have done wrong, that a wink and a nod works. And for this I pay, and will continue to pay. This has effected academic pursuits, social connections, family ties, religious affiliations, and even medical treatment if wisdom is my guide. While it hasn't killed me yet, it would not surprise me to see it happen. While a milder form of it, more indirect, we now live in a form of the U.S.S.R. Mediocrity and sin are licensed by mutual allowances, and those who do not play that game our "out".
To be honest with you, once I realized my fix? I prefer it. Even if it does end up killing me. Maybe more so. No, not a saint. But I am certainly working on it.
As for getting to town today, I am not sure that will happen. I have swept the kitchen, and am tinkering here and there, but I am just not on top of my game. I'm not even really playing the game. Like one of the never used or even possibly needed flippers on a fancy old pinball machine, I just flap once in a while just because, I suppose. Ugh.
Have a great day.
Up and thinking about it.
.
.
It always takes me a good long time to reach a critical, or functional, stage after waking in the morning. This has been true my whole life. In school days, and I remember as far back as third grade very specifically, I was never quite awake until 10:00 or later. Some people are morning people, some of us just aren't. I am not sure, any more, what was a health problem and what is just the way I am. I doubt if anyone really knows why any particular person is who or what they are. It gives me caution when judging, so that I do my best not to judge a person, if I also feel an obligation to judge an action and attribute that to a person. That includes myself. My condition, for example, might excuse sloth to a degree. It doesn't forgive surrendering to it. Which also means it is not about failure, that is all but guaranteed. It is about not quitting. Which means my life must, by design, be a hard one. The easy way would be just to simply quit even trying. An outside observer might not even be able to tell the difference. And I have to be vigilant, as much as I can be.
In a bit I will make some calls to see about some things. I have decided to call my bank and ask how I am supposed to bring in coins. I want to talk to someone who will guarantee, that if I bring my coins in, that they will be cashed out. I need that money in my account. I don't want to waste the little time and energy available to me by rolling the coins only to be turned away, again. I want to have someone, who knows, tell me exactly how to do this. They have to take coins, one way or another, I don't think it would be legal to turn away functional modern currency. How much play they have with that is another matter.
I just don't know what I need from the grocery store so I believe I will simply wait until my mother arrives for heavier shopping. I should get diet Coke for her, though. I know she drinks that and will want it. Coffee too, fresh. I have some old stuff but uhm, no. She deserves fresh coffee. Oh, well, there are probably a few other items I could get, just some basics, so there is something standard to eat when she arrives. Well, that and getting those stupid dishes done. To that end, I will soak dishes before I head to town. Dishes and laundry will be my afternoon events. I only have a few days left.
Oh, I am sleeping with the CPAP when I think I will be sleeping for five hours or more. Note to self, absolutely remember to floss and brush your teeth before using this thing. I am not certain that will actually help, morning breath being what it is, but... I really want to try. I crashed last night, forgetting this little task. I am not certain, but I think I sleep longer when using the machine. Then again I might have just been a bit more tired, or got to bed a little later then I thought? Ah, I know it took me a while to get to sleep. No, it often takes me a while to doze off. That isn't it. It just seems that I slept longer, anyway. It is an odd device to sleep with.
Good luck getting your chores done. I hope your work goes smoothly and as well as can be expected or better. If not there is always tomorrow, give or take. Later.
.
It always takes me a good long time to reach a critical, or functional, stage after waking in the morning. This has been true my whole life. In school days, and I remember as far back as third grade very specifically, I was never quite awake until 10:00 or later. Some people are morning people, some of us just aren't. I am not sure, any more, what was a health problem and what is just the way I am. I doubt if anyone really knows why any particular person is who or what they are. It gives me caution when judging, so that I do my best not to judge a person, if I also feel an obligation to judge an action and attribute that to a person. That includes myself. My condition, for example, might excuse sloth to a degree. It doesn't forgive surrendering to it. Which also means it is not about failure, that is all but guaranteed. It is about not quitting. Which means my life must, by design, be a hard one. The easy way would be just to simply quit even trying. An outside observer might not even be able to tell the difference. And I have to be vigilant, as much as I can be.
In a bit I will make some calls to see about some things. I have decided to call my bank and ask how I am supposed to bring in coins. I want to talk to someone who will guarantee, that if I bring my coins in, that they will be cashed out. I need that money in my account. I don't want to waste the little time and energy available to me by rolling the coins only to be turned away, again. I want to have someone, who knows, tell me exactly how to do this. They have to take coins, one way or another, I don't think it would be legal to turn away functional modern currency. How much play they have with that is another matter.
I just don't know what I need from the grocery store so I believe I will simply wait until my mother arrives for heavier shopping. I should get diet Coke for her, though. I know she drinks that and will want it. Coffee too, fresh. I have some old stuff but uhm, no. She deserves fresh coffee. Oh, well, there are probably a few other items I could get, just some basics, so there is something standard to eat when she arrives. Well, that and getting those stupid dishes done. To that end, I will soak dishes before I head to town. Dishes and laundry will be my afternoon events. I only have a few days left.
Oh, I am sleeping with the CPAP when I think I will be sleeping for five hours or more. Note to self, absolutely remember to floss and brush your teeth before using this thing. I am not certain that will actually help, morning breath being what it is, but... I really want to try. I crashed last night, forgetting this little task. I am not certain, but I think I sleep longer when using the machine. Then again I might have just been a bit more tired, or got to bed a little later then I thought? Ah, I know it took me a while to get to sleep. No, it often takes me a while to doze off. That isn't it. It just seems that I slept longer, anyway. It is an odd device to sleep with.
Good luck getting your chores done. I hope your work goes smoothly and as well as can be expected or better. If not there is always tomorrow, give or take. Later.
Monday, September 12, 2011
To town and back.
.
.
Disappointing. I showered and dressed, putting the trash and recycling bins where they belong before anything. I decided to go to the bank first. I was able to deposit a check but they refused the coin, suggesting they could only take it... what... if the coins were rolled? if I had a machine? They said another branch office on the other side of town (technically another town *rolls eyes at the notion of towns being connected in all ways with no separation being considered different towns*). I went there, they said their machine would only accept coins that had been separated by denomination. Huh? I have taken coins in, at least twice, in amounts between $120 and at least $200. Have they sold their machine? Have they decided that taking coin is too risky, are people bringing in metal plugs that somehow pass?
All I know is that, technically speaking, if what they suggested is true, I really don't have a simple way of turning in coin. This is not rocket science, and it means my bank isn't full service. With all the problems I have been having with the bank, I am going to have to consider changing banks. Care must be taken, however. Some, perhaps many, banks are on the verge of collapse. From what I am sensing with my current bank, I am guessing they are among those. Then again perhaps all banks are in various levels of decay and are cutting back services and such. We are in trouble and it is coming fast. When it happens it will be overnight then nothing. That is my sense.
In any case, I went on to register my vehicle. I had it inspected last year. And with the newness of my vehicle I didn't think I would have to this year again. Wrong. Automobiles over five years old, I believe, have to be checked every year. Newer vehicles, like mine, only have to be checked every other year. However, that is based on the year the vehicle was manufactured. Those manufactured in odd years (mine) have to be inspected on odd actual years. A 2011 will have to be inspected in 2011, 2013, 2015, then every year after, I believe. It was too late to see about an inspection. The only thing positive was that when I checked to ensure my home property taxes were being paid, I was told they are up to date. Thankfully I won't need to harp on that to some agency and have one more subject to deal with. I also asked how long someone would have to be in arrears before action was taken. There is a five year window and they would send out multiple strong warnings. Okay. Now, I am slow, can be unlucky with mail, but I think five years is enough of a window even for me.
Having gotten little for the effort, I simply used the drive-through window at Burger King on my way home. I didn't feel like one more failure at some restaurant and I couldn't remember what I needed from the grocery store. The barbecue joint seems to be down. The sign is gone. But I did notice the door open and cleaning gear near the door, a mop in a large trash can on wheels. Being that it was flooded, I am sure any clean-up will be messy. But seeing the sign gone suggests, if it opens and this isn't just a contracted cleaning crew for the bank or mortgage holder, that new ownership is in the offing. I hope someone does try again. Lose the jazz, pick up the barbecue, and life would be good. I absolutely despise jazz/blues as only a step below rap. Yes, I realize, many of you love/play it. It had to come out though. Now you know.
I didn't get too hot! I was surprised. It seems to be just as warm as yesterday. And I did as much or more running around. And all that on top of having overheated yesterday and gotten to bed so very late for it, then awoken far too early. I even had to bring all the guns and ammo back into the house before going to town as I ran out of the energy yesterday to do that and I don't like having that many firearms in the vehicle without someone right there. For whatever reason I am doing good, just becoming mildly tired and readying for bed shortly, as I would want and expect. Fully dressed still, too. Usually I have to strip down when I return home, just to get air, to cool. I don't know that I will get to anything else today. But if I get to sleep early and well tonight, perhaps I can figure out where to get an inspection, check on an oil change, and get in for the registration, perhaps all before lunch tomorrow. Then spend some time on the house in the afternoon, if I can.
Ugh! But the Lord knows, I am putting every micro-ounce I have available into trying to get things right. He sent people over to do my yard. He is sending my mom to do my house. But He has to know I would rather do it myself. He loves me, I suppose God just thinks that maybe without being triple sand-bagged, I might become even more of a braggart. Then again, some of my stories, while they seem a brag, are just the way of it. They are parts of my life, things that happened, and offer various forms of shame, sadness, joy, and the rest of life's offerings. From surviving a heavy dose of Draino, surviving flood waters on an already savage waterway without a boat, to having quite a number of relationships with women. I don't always see it as bragging. I don't even mostly see it as bragging. Some of it seems so empty and dry to me, the empty relationships for example. Though when someone perks up about it, I can... be a dog about it. Oh well.
Good night.
.
Disappointing. I showered and dressed, putting the trash and recycling bins where they belong before anything. I decided to go to the bank first. I was able to deposit a check but they refused the coin, suggesting they could only take it... what... if the coins were rolled? if I had a machine? They said another branch office on the other side of town (technically another town *rolls eyes at the notion of towns being connected in all ways with no separation being considered different towns*). I went there, they said their machine would only accept coins that had been separated by denomination. Huh? I have taken coins in, at least twice, in amounts between $120 and at least $200. Have they sold their machine? Have they decided that taking coin is too risky, are people bringing in metal plugs that somehow pass?
All I know is that, technically speaking, if what they suggested is true, I really don't have a simple way of turning in coin. This is not rocket science, and it means my bank isn't full service. With all the problems I have been having with the bank, I am going to have to consider changing banks. Care must be taken, however. Some, perhaps many, banks are on the verge of collapse. From what I am sensing with my current bank, I am guessing they are among those. Then again perhaps all banks are in various levels of decay and are cutting back services and such. We are in trouble and it is coming fast. When it happens it will be overnight then nothing. That is my sense.
In any case, I went on to register my vehicle. I had it inspected last year. And with the newness of my vehicle I didn't think I would have to this year again. Wrong. Automobiles over five years old, I believe, have to be checked every year. Newer vehicles, like mine, only have to be checked every other year. However, that is based on the year the vehicle was manufactured. Those manufactured in odd years (mine) have to be inspected on odd actual years. A 2011 will have to be inspected in 2011, 2013, 2015, then every year after, I believe. It was too late to see about an inspection. The only thing positive was that when I checked to ensure my home property taxes were being paid, I was told they are up to date. Thankfully I won't need to harp on that to some agency and have one more subject to deal with. I also asked how long someone would have to be in arrears before action was taken. There is a five year window and they would send out multiple strong warnings. Okay. Now, I am slow, can be unlucky with mail, but I think five years is enough of a window even for me.
Having gotten little for the effort, I simply used the drive-through window at Burger King on my way home. I didn't feel like one more failure at some restaurant and I couldn't remember what I needed from the grocery store. The barbecue joint seems to be down. The sign is gone. But I did notice the door open and cleaning gear near the door, a mop in a large trash can on wheels. Being that it was flooded, I am sure any clean-up will be messy. But seeing the sign gone suggests, if it opens and this isn't just a contracted cleaning crew for the bank or mortgage holder, that new ownership is in the offing. I hope someone does try again. Lose the jazz, pick up the barbecue, and life would be good. I absolutely despise jazz/blues as only a step below rap. Yes, I realize, many of you love/play it. It had to come out though. Now you know.
I didn't get too hot! I was surprised. It seems to be just as warm as yesterday. And I did as much or more running around. And all that on top of having overheated yesterday and gotten to bed so very late for it, then awoken far too early. I even had to bring all the guns and ammo back into the house before going to town as I ran out of the energy yesterday to do that and I don't like having that many firearms in the vehicle without someone right there. For whatever reason I am doing good, just becoming mildly tired and readying for bed shortly, as I would want and expect. Fully dressed still, too. Usually I have to strip down when I return home, just to get air, to cool. I don't know that I will get to anything else today. But if I get to sleep early and well tonight, perhaps I can figure out where to get an inspection, check on an oil change, and get in for the registration, perhaps all before lunch tomorrow. Then spend some time on the house in the afternoon, if I can.
Ugh! But the Lord knows, I am putting every micro-ounce I have available into trying to get things right. He sent people over to do my yard. He is sending my mom to do my house. But He has to know I would rather do it myself. He loves me, I suppose God just thinks that maybe without being triple sand-bagged, I might become even more of a braggart. Then again, some of my stories, while they seem a brag, are just the way of it. They are parts of my life, things that happened, and offer various forms of shame, sadness, joy, and the rest of life's offerings. From surviving a heavy dose of Draino, surviving flood waters on an already savage waterway without a boat, to having quite a number of relationships with women. I don't always see it as bragging. I don't even mostly see it as bragging. Some of it seems so empty and dry to me, the empty relationships for example. Though when someone perks up about it, I can... be a dog about it. Oh well.
Good night.
Woot!
.
.
There went the trash! I was right, it didn't look, from here, as if they had emptied it. How did I know? Just cause. The truck just did the trick. Now I am all fuzzy and happy. But it seems so hot. Ah well, I might just have to go in anyway. One more thing off my mind. Plus, I can pull the bins back in before I go and have even one more thing off my mind. The less I have on my mind the more I have a chance to do and the more room for planning in my mind. One too many things and I crash like kid who ran out of sugar. It isn't just physical stamina that I lack.
Later.
.
There went the trash! I was right, it didn't look, from here, as if they had emptied it. How did I know? Just cause. The truck just did the trick. Now I am all fuzzy and happy. But it seems so hot. Ah well, I might just have to go in anyway. One more thing off my mind. Plus, I can pull the bins back in before I go and have even one more thing off my mind. The less I have on my mind the more I have a chance to do and the more room for planning in my mind. One too many things and I crash like kid who ran out of sugar. It isn't just physical stamina that I lack.
Later.
We will see.
.
.
It looks like I plum ran out of steam. I did those things this morning, and was sitting down to figure out a grocery list when I found myself waking up from a nap. Not too bad a deal though. I am not sure when I ended up back in bed, but it was probably after 10:00, and I woke sometime very shortly after noon. I didn't see it coming. But there it is. Hmm, it almost doesn't look like they picked up my trash. I hope so, but... Perhaps they haven't come by yet. Oh gee, what a mess if they failed for some reason though.
I am considering whether I should go to town or not. There are many things I need to do and some things I want to do. But I know, even on this, a cooler day, it will be a monstrous effort. Should I burn up getting to it and probably killing all other efforts for the day and for possibly even tomorrow? After the events yesterday I realize I am still not back on my feet. Everything I do costs in time needed for recovery. If most things you do is akin to doing your maximum physical effort, then continuing that for double what you have ever done it, being active begins to look a little dicey. And you know, once you start, you can't really stop. The things I need to do I will not have the energy to do again soon. So a half effort would mean some things wouldn't be done for probably another week with what else I have scheduled this week. Damn but I hate this illness. I was right, finally knowing what it really is isn't helping.
Perhaps if I go through another round of waking up I might be able to dig in and get going. Some food would be good but the prep would slow me down, as would actually eating due to the digestive processes. Being a little hungry is an incentive, if I put food without dishes on the itinerary. Especially something I find particularly tasty. A real hamburger at Ruby Tuesdays, if they are still open. Lately I haven't seen much in the way of vehicles parked in their lot. Perhaps that is just the times I have been there. Then again, they were one of the places that, after I had a beer there, I was followed by a cop, twice. Such behavior will kill visitors who like to have a beer. And since it is one of the very few restaurants in the area with a bar, it will kill business fast. Sizzlers, one of the times I ate there, was the other place. These are hard times for a restaurant to be messing with paying customers. Why do I think it was due to being at those places? Because other than those three times, I have never had a police car behind me. They make themselves scarce in town. They make it a point not to hassle or even seem to hassle people. Three for three and never before or since leaves me no options but to believe I was being road tested because a call from an eatery was placed.
So, maybe not Ruby Tuesdays. I don't plan on having a beer, it is just the idea. Hmm. I should be able to think of some restaurant, other than fast food, that would entice me to town. Well, there is Jimmy John's. While not quite a restaurant I would guess it is better than McDonalds? Only if I don't take soda. I don't think they have unsweetened tea though? McDonalds does, and I have no problem with the rest of their foods (though I don't like their burgers, I do love their fries). Other than sugar, the rest of it is merely calories. Now, for me, either those calories are tasty or they aren't. Then, they are either affordable at a particular time or they aren't. Hmm, maybe I could check on the barbecue joint. If being flooded out hasn't bankrupted them or allowed them an out they wanted from a tough business climate, they might be open again.
I swear, by the time a new owner of a true pit barbecue place gets the recipes down, realizes that they can't slice meats super thin, and then begins to roll, they are out of business. If it has failed, this will be the second or third owner in less than two years since it opened. I really need to figure out how to make my own slow roasting pit. Money money money, all ideas and no green. The story of my life.
Bah, in a bit I may get it rolling. Going on 14:00 so if I want to go I best go very shortly. Later.
.
It looks like I plum ran out of steam. I did those things this morning, and was sitting down to figure out a grocery list when I found myself waking up from a nap. Not too bad a deal though. I am not sure when I ended up back in bed, but it was probably after 10:00, and I woke sometime very shortly after noon. I didn't see it coming. But there it is. Hmm, it almost doesn't look like they picked up my trash. I hope so, but... Perhaps they haven't come by yet. Oh gee, what a mess if they failed for some reason though.
I am considering whether I should go to town or not. There are many things I need to do and some things I want to do. But I know, even on this, a cooler day, it will be a monstrous effort. Should I burn up getting to it and probably killing all other efforts for the day and for possibly even tomorrow? After the events yesterday I realize I am still not back on my feet. Everything I do costs in time needed for recovery. If most things you do is akin to doing your maximum physical effort, then continuing that for double what you have ever done it, being active begins to look a little dicey. And you know, once you start, you can't really stop. The things I need to do I will not have the energy to do again soon. So a half effort would mean some things wouldn't be done for probably another week with what else I have scheduled this week. Damn but I hate this illness. I was right, finally knowing what it really is isn't helping.
Perhaps if I go through another round of waking up I might be able to dig in and get going. Some food would be good but the prep would slow me down, as would actually eating due to the digestive processes. Being a little hungry is an incentive, if I put food without dishes on the itinerary. Especially something I find particularly tasty. A real hamburger at Ruby Tuesdays, if they are still open. Lately I haven't seen much in the way of vehicles parked in their lot. Perhaps that is just the times I have been there. Then again, they were one of the places that, after I had a beer there, I was followed by a cop, twice. Such behavior will kill visitors who like to have a beer. And since it is one of the very few restaurants in the area with a bar, it will kill business fast. Sizzlers, one of the times I ate there, was the other place. These are hard times for a restaurant to be messing with paying customers. Why do I think it was due to being at those places? Because other than those three times, I have never had a police car behind me. They make themselves scarce in town. They make it a point not to hassle or even seem to hassle people. Three for three and never before or since leaves me no options but to believe I was being road tested because a call from an eatery was placed.
So, maybe not Ruby Tuesdays. I don't plan on having a beer, it is just the idea. Hmm. I should be able to think of some restaurant, other than fast food, that would entice me to town. Well, there is Jimmy John's. While not quite a restaurant I would guess it is better than McDonalds? Only if I don't take soda. I don't think they have unsweetened tea though? McDonalds does, and I have no problem with the rest of their foods (though I don't like their burgers, I do love their fries). Other than sugar, the rest of it is merely calories. Now, for me, either those calories are tasty or they aren't. Then, they are either affordable at a particular time or they aren't. Hmm, maybe I could check on the barbecue joint. If being flooded out hasn't bankrupted them or allowed them an out they wanted from a tough business climate, they might be open again.
I swear, by the time a new owner of a true pit barbecue place gets the recipes down, realizes that they can't slice meats super thin, and then begins to roll, they are out of business. If it has failed, this will be the second or third owner in less than two years since it opened. I really need to figure out how to make my own slow roasting pit. Money money money, all ideas and no green. The story of my life.
Bah, in a bit I may get it rolling. Going on 14:00 so if I want to go I best go very shortly. Later.
Some hope.
.
.
I didn't end up in bed until rather late, sometime shortly after midnight. I couldn't cool down. I didn't get a thing I proposed completed either. Cooling down was all I could get done, and that was late as was. I hate going to bed with the notion that I have things to do with no means of accomplishing them. Sometimes, with appointments, I don't even have enough working to think to call and let them know I won't be there. There simply isn't anything I can do when I get to a certain point, save crawl into bed. Often, I don't even remember having done so. I just wake feeling guilty, as soon as I realize I missed something. Ah, such a life of guilt. Others see it as mere leisure, or doing what I want when I want.
Sassy, for whatever reason, was an absolute basket case this morning. She didn't scratch me, she has learned. I don't remember dealing with her always, though cutting popo when he is trying to sleep is probably as successful a ploy as kicking a sleeping bear. Maybe less so, as a cat can probably outpace a bear and I am not sure a waking bear is all that tactical. Even in my sleep my target acquisition is incredible, even though I have no conscious control, or even awareness. I can grab a scampering cat as easily as I can brush a whiskered face out of my face. I don't know about aiming, but my guess would be walls are not difficult to hit. *thwack* Still, she was making an awful lot of noise and being a pest. It woke me, hard, at about 5:30. When she is awful, I never feed her (which is what she wants). I just, very much against her will, put her outside. I left her there for a couple of hours.
Still, good or bad, she did wake me in time to change the cat litter, get the trash out, and perhaps I even got the recycling out in time. The recycle truck comes rather early from what I have heard, but I'm not quite yet sure what time "early" is around here. Everything was out by 7:00 to 7:30 though. I have my curtains open to perhaps see if I was in time before having to simply check later. Well, it is something to do while I wake up. I'm still a bit peeved about being awaken so rudely so early. She is, trust me on this, not starving. Ah well, perhaps it is for the better. I needed to get the trash and recycling out and I like being up earlier, and this might keep me on my schedule. Schedules are pretty bone dry, you know it?
With the litter changed, I can begin working on any possible cat smells. It was not changed last week as I simply didn't have what it took. With three boxes, there is no odor problem for a week, often even two weeks (Sam mostly prefers the wide open outdoor 'cat litter pan'. But Sassy has been extra... smelly? Yes, that would be it. Perhaps she is finally catching a mouse from time to time now? So I will be using that perfumed wax smelting device my mother sent for Christmas. It actually works rather well. I usually only need it in my room once in a while.
But more, being up early, I am hoping to possibly begin laundry, I stopped about half way through that last batch. And perhaps do the dishes. I really want those things done before my mother arrives. Everything else will just have to be as it is. Well, I did get more of the boxes out to recycling and cleared the kitchen of them. I may use the pretty much unused kitchen table, off in a nook, as a temporary kitchen work station. Not only does it work for that, I could be seated when working. And more, it would be more likely to be used as a place to eat, being easier to reach. Small cramped nooks are negative places for me to be unless I am there with a small pretty woman. And then only until the charm of it dissipates.
The little niche in which the table now sits might, come to think of it, make a wonderful place for a wood burning cook stove, sort of off to itself. It would be much easier to firebrick the small floor in there, adding fire-resistant/proof drywall or such, and installing a chimney there would be easier. The only thing that might be more complicated would be installing a hot water assistance tank, or more running the plumbing for that to a primary new tank while turning the old tank into a reserve tank. Oh, sure, big plans for a little big man. But this is how things start. The more automated and simple, in a way, I make my surroundings, the easier life will be. I have to make plans or nothing will go forward.
I need to get into town. I finally received a notification about my automobile registration. It says I can do this online. But then wait for the stickers and hope I am not pulled over, in spite of an officer knowing I am registered but within his legal rights? No thank you. I need to get that done, do a bit of shopping, and add some money to my account. For being a good boy I will treat myself to a meal. Nothing fancy, but perhaps avoiding fast food too. I am trying to kick soda/pop/coke to the curb. My A1C (long-term blood sugar level) was slowly rising. And I could tell from my urine that the thing was about to become an issue again. Soda is so damn easy though. Coffee in a can, cold, dark, and sweet like I like it.
Back on medicine, I am thinking that even if I did not have swelling (edema) of the legs, I must have been holding on to water (and food) like a sponge. Since starting all of me riddance behaviors have increased ten fold. I don't know for sure, but I would guess I have shed five to ten pounds since starting back up. Yes, a day or two can do that. That reminded me to do my stats. Actually, I am 13 pounds lighter, and it has been three days of regular medicine. I wish I could keep THAT up, at least until I get to the 220-240 range. Oh, and I am going to start taking my stats before medicine, as usual, and then one half to one hour after medicine. Just... curious.
Let me see, I also need to review my pantry and buy a few things from the store. I'm not awake enough to begin that list.
Have a great day.
Hah! I made it. The recycling truck just took a load off. I was hoping to have everything empty (ready) for my mother when she arrives. I ought to clean those containers out, but uhm, well, yeah. That will... go on the list, toward the end. No, I don't mind doing it. Yes, I realize I will be doing good to be at the airport on time. Anything else will just be, well, a bit of luck and some serious effort. Just... being honest I guess. But... YEAH!!! One small favor, pardon, success to start my day. Thanks Sassy... brat! Ah well, I'll give her treats for saving my bacon, if I almost hate to surrender to the notion.
.
I didn't end up in bed until rather late, sometime shortly after midnight. I couldn't cool down. I didn't get a thing I proposed completed either. Cooling down was all I could get done, and that was late as was. I hate going to bed with the notion that I have things to do with no means of accomplishing them. Sometimes, with appointments, I don't even have enough working to think to call and let them know I won't be there. There simply isn't anything I can do when I get to a certain point, save crawl into bed. Often, I don't even remember having done so. I just wake feeling guilty, as soon as I realize I missed something. Ah, such a life of guilt. Others see it as mere leisure, or doing what I want when I want.
Sassy, for whatever reason, was an absolute basket case this morning. She didn't scratch me, she has learned. I don't remember dealing with her always, though cutting popo when he is trying to sleep is probably as successful a ploy as kicking a sleeping bear. Maybe less so, as a cat can probably outpace a bear and I am not sure a waking bear is all that tactical. Even in my sleep my target acquisition is incredible, even though I have no conscious control, or even awareness. I can grab a scampering cat as easily as I can brush a whiskered face out of my face. I don't know about aiming, but my guess would be walls are not difficult to hit. *thwack* Still, she was making an awful lot of noise and being a pest. It woke me, hard, at about 5:30. When she is awful, I never feed her (which is what she wants). I just, very much against her will, put her outside. I left her there for a couple of hours.
Still, good or bad, she did wake me in time to change the cat litter, get the trash out, and perhaps I even got the recycling out in time. The recycle truck comes rather early from what I have heard, but I'm not quite yet sure what time "early" is around here. Everything was out by 7:00 to 7:30 though. I have my curtains open to perhaps see if I was in time before having to simply check later. Well, it is something to do while I wake up. I'm still a bit peeved about being awaken so rudely so early. She is, trust me on this, not starving. Ah well, perhaps it is for the better. I needed to get the trash and recycling out and I like being up earlier, and this might keep me on my schedule. Schedules are pretty bone dry, you know it?
With the litter changed, I can begin working on any possible cat smells. It was not changed last week as I simply didn't have what it took. With three boxes, there is no odor problem for a week, often even two weeks (Sam mostly prefers the wide open outdoor 'cat litter pan'. But Sassy has been extra... smelly? Yes, that would be it. Perhaps she is finally catching a mouse from time to time now? So I will be using that perfumed wax smelting device my mother sent for Christmas. It actually works rather well. I usually only need it in my room once in a while.
But more, being up early, I am hoping to possibly begin laundry, I stopped about half way through that last batch. And perhaps do the dishes. I really want those things done before my mother arrives. Everything else will just have to be as it is. Well, I did get more of the boxes out to recycling and cleared the kitchen of them. I may use the pretty much unused kitchen table, off in a nook, as a temporary kitchen work station. Not only does it work for that, I could be seated when working. And more, it would be more likely to be used as a place to eat, being easier to reach. Small cramped nooks are negative places for me to be unless I am there with a small pretty woman. And then only until the charm of it dissipates.
The little niche in which the table now sits might, come to think of it, make a wonderful place for a wood burning cook stove, sort of off to itself. It would be much easier to firebrick the small floor in there, adding fire-resistant/proof drywall or such, and installing a chimney there would be easier. The only thing that might be more complicated would be installing a hot water assistance tank, or more running the plumbing for that to a primary new tank while turning the old tank into a reserve tank. Oh, sure, big plans for a little big man. But this is how things start. The more automated and simple, in a way, I make my surroundings, the easier life will be. I have to make plans or nothing will go forward.
I need to get into town. I finally received a notification about my automobile registration. It says I can do this online. But then wait for the stickers and hope I am not pulled over, in spite of an officer knowing I am registered but within his legal rights? No thank you. I need to get that done, do a bit of shopping, and add some money to my account. For being a good boy I will treat myself to a meal. Nothing fancy, but perhaps avoiding fast food too. I am trying to kick soda/pop/coke to the curb. My A1C (long-term blood sugar level) was slowly rising. And I could tell from my urine that the thing was about to become an issue again. Soda is so damn easy though. Coffee in a can, cold, dark, and sweet like I like it.
Back on medicine, I am thinking that even if I did not have swelling (edema) of the legs, I must have been holding on to water (and food) like a sponge. Since starting all of me riddance behaviors have increased ten fold. I don't know for sure, but I would guess I have shed five to ten pounds since starting back up. Yes, a day or two can do that. That reminded me to do my stats. Actually, I am 13 pounds lighter, and it has been three days of regular medicine. I wish I could keep THAT up, at least until I get to the 220-240 range. Oh, and I am going to start taking my stats before medicine, as usual, and then one half to one hour after medicine. Just... curious.
Let me see, I also need to review my pantry and buy a few things from the store. I'm not awake enough to begin that list.
Have a great day.
Hah! I made it. The recycling truck just took a load off. I was hoping to have everything empty (ready) for my mother when she arrives. I ought to clean those containers out, but uhm, well, yeah. That will... go on the list, toward the end. No, I don't mind doing it. Yes, I realize I will be doing good to be at the airport on time. Anything else will just be, well, a bit of luck and some serious effort. Just... being honest I guess. But... YEAH!!! One small favor, pardon, success to start my day. Thanks Sassy... brat! Ah well, I'll give her treats for saving my bacon, if I almost hate to surrender to the notion.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
9/11ism
.
.
I see there are a few others out there who don't think 9/11 should become an ad lib holiday. While I disagree with most of the reasoning, which ends up somewhere between the notion that our national reaction was wrong to the notion that we as a nation are wrong sum total and no matter what we do, it is wrong. I don't agree with any of that. No, it is just that remembering this day as a nearly religiously patriotic reflex does little to help with the continuation of the fight that must be fought and won and only serves to offer fodder for those who relish what was done on that day. It is, in my opinion, a sign of weakness.
While it might serve as a reminder. To those who are fighting the fight and those of us who support them, no reminder is needed. Further, to see un-Americans, like Mayor Bloomberg and others of his ilk despoil the day for leftism, anti-Christian, Antisemitic, and anti-American bigotry, and hubris is anathema to any purpose of remembrance. The day, for what it was ever worth, has been ruined by so many such people who still have their hands on the levers of power. Obama chief among them.
No, not that I will forget. I just think memorials and celebrations are a sign of weakness, a chance for the evil ones in our midst to put their noses where they obviously don't belong, and for our enemies to cherish the memories like pedophiles gaining access to the pictures they took while committing their crimes, like tokens. More so with the blessings of Bloomberg and Obama.
All I want to know is that the war continues. I don't need to see pictures of it. I don't need to hear stories about it. I can more than just imagine what is being done. That I know that continues in earnest is good enough. While Captain Zero stands with a smug, upraised, elitist mug, seemingly happy with the event he was there to mourn*, a real president flawed as he might have been, at least humbly bows. On top of that, Captain Zero threatens to cut forces where they are still needed to unsustainable levels for the forces that remain. Either pull them all or leave a sustainable force!
So, forget the parades, memorials, gatherings, how about continuing the war until it is won? How about making sure the men are where they need to be and seeing to it that they are fed, armed, and covered from the backfield and air, and in enough strength of numbers to survive? How about tracking down every single last standing jihadi, putting to sword every man and woman who would provide aid or comfort to these barbarians and run them through, and take down every government that would honestly pitch a dollar or donut for terrorists? That is enough. I will remember the day privately, thank you.
*I won't allow his face to besmirch my blog. Go to the link to see the umbrage of the bastard.
.
I see there are a few others out there who don't think 9/11 should become an ad lib holiday. While I disagree with most of the reasoning, which ends up somewhere between the notion that our national reaction was wrong to the notion that we as a nation are wrong sum total and no matter what we do, it is wrong. I don't agree with any of that. No, it is just that remembering this day as a nearly religiously patriotic reflex does little to help with the continuation of the fight that must be fought and won and only serves to offer fodder for those who relish what was done on that day. It is, in my opinion, a sign of weakness.
While it might serve as a reminder. To those who are fighting the fight and those of us who support them, no reminder is needed. Further, to see un-Americans, like Mayor Bloomberg and others of his ilk despoil the day for leftism, anti-Christian, Antisemitic, and anti-American bigotry, and hubris is anathema to any purpose of remembrance. The day, for what it was ever worth, has been ruined by so many such people who still have their hands on the levers of power. Obama chief among them.
No, not that I will forget. I just think memorials and celebrations are a sign of weakness, a chance for the evil ones in our midst to put their noses where they obviously don't belong, and for our enemies to cherish the memories like pedophiles gaining access to the pictures they took while committing their crimes, like tokens. More so with the blessings of Bloomberg and Obama.
All I want to know is that the war continues. I don't need to see pictures of it. I don't need to hear stories about it. I can more than just imagine what is being done. That I know that continues in earnest is good enough. While Captain Zero stands with a smug, upraised, elitist mug, seemingly happy with the event he was there to mourn*, a real president flawed as he might have been, at least humbly bows. On top of that, Captain Zero threatens to cut forces where they are still needed to unsustainable levels for the forces that remain. Either pull them all or leave a sustainable force!
So, forget the parades, memorials, gatherings, how about continuing the war until it is won? How about making sure the men are where they need to be and seeing to it that they are fed, armed, and covered from the backfield and air, and in enough strength of numbers to survive? How about tracking down every single last standing jihadi, putting to sword every man and woman who would provide aid or comfort to these barbarians and run them through, and take down every government that would honestly pitch a dollar or donut for terrorists? That is enough. I will remember the day privately, thank you.
*I won't allow his face to besmirch my blog. Go to the link to see the umbrage of the bastard.
Some of it.
.
.
Running too slow, and not able to find my shoe shine kit, and between looking for something I couldn't find and running slow I didn't manage the trash and recycling. I did make it to go shooting, a bit late as usual. But not so late as to surprise, worry, or upset my friend. As I said, even things I want to do are done on the margins. Does it bug me? Do flies bug you? Mosquitoes? Anvils falling on your head? Finally, yeah, okay, so you know how I feel about it. Then again, this world isn't about feelings. Feelings, while not quite a flaw, often have to be set aside by adults to get to what they can. And, that is what I did.
A fine day of shooting. I am woefully out of practice, however. Then again, I am still lagging. Holding a pistol or rifle for an half hour, after having loaded the vehicle with his and my guns, ammo, and whatever else, then loading his wheel chair, then all the driving... It puts a dent in my zing by the time we get there to shoot. Especially since I am always rushing just to be late. Heh. No, as troubling as it all is, as a sarcastic hard ass, it also brings me a small tear from laughter. Look at the gimp! Look at the gimp run! Only about myself, but yeah, there is that. No, I mean it, I don't laugh at other gimps. But if I know them, like my friend, I will give them some jazz if I see them too long in the tooth about it. My friend doesn't seem to have that problem, though we still razz each other anyway. Next time, I might ask if he wants to race. The heartsick versus the footless. Should be interesting. No worry, we will only speculate. *grins*
Once I cool down I am going to try and get the trash and recycling set up, change the cat litter boxes, find that damned shoe shining kit and use it, and try to do it all slowly enough that I don't heat back up again. I have been red-lining my tach for the last two to three hours. Which is fine save that I need to cool down a great deal in order to sleep and the fact that I still have things to do. I did purchase more kitty litter and a couple of gallons of milk, oh, and tobacco. I am not sure if I had other things on my list, I just couldn't think by that time.
Fried I am, so I told Sam, no problem she hissed, just as long as you aren't _________, now feed me, ogre!
Bleh.
Later.
.
Running too slow, and not able to find my shoe shine kit, and between looking for something I couldn't find and running slow I didn't manage the trash and recycling. I did make it to go shooting, a bit late as usual. But not so late as to surprise, worry, or upset my friend. As I said, even things I want to do are done on the margins. Does it bug me? Do flies bug you? Mosquitoes? Anvils falling on your head? Finally, yeah, okay, so you know how I feel about it. Then again, this world isn't about feelings. Feelings, while not quite a flaw, often have to be set aside by adults to get to what they can. And, that is what I did.
A fine day of shooting. I am woefully out of practice, however. Then again, I am still lagging. Holding a pistol or rifle for an half hour, after having loaded the vehicle with his and my guns, ammo, and whatever else, then loading his wheel chair, then all the driving... It puts a dent in my zing by the time we get there to shoot. Especially since I am always rushing just to be late. Heh. No, as troubling as it all is, as a sarcastic hard ass, it also brings me a small tear from laughter. Look at the gimp! Look at the gimp run! Only about myself, but yeah, there is that. No, I mean it, I don't laugh at other gimps. But if I know them, like my friend, I will give them some jazz if I see them too long in the tooth about it. My friend doesn't seem to have that problem, though we still razz each other anyway. Next time, I might ask if he wants to race. The heartsick versus the footless. Should be interesting. No worry, we will only speculate. *grins*
Once I cool down I am going to try and get the trash and recycling set up, change the cat litter boxes, find that damned shoe shining kit and use it, and try to do it all slowly enough that I don't heat back up again. I have been red-lining my tach for the last two to three hours. Which is fine save that I need to cool down a great deal in order to sleep and the fact that I still have things to do. I did purchase more kitty litter and a couple of gallons of milk, oh, and tobacco. I am not sure if I had other things on my list, I just couldn't think by that time.
Fried I am, so I told Sam, no problem she hissed, just as long as you aren't _________, now feed me, ogre!
Bleh.
Later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)