.
.
And it isn't over yet. While I still haven't mopped or finished the bathrooms (mopping remains in the bathroom I have otherwise completed, as does finishing that blasted grout!), I have done an amazing number of things. Vacuuming to laundry, dishes and the whole kitchen (barring mopping), little bits here and there, phone calls, orders placed, emails, paperwork found and some of it dealt with or being dealt with, and my routine to include exercises. I even just got the weight bench mostly together! I even finally have my shoes and boots polished, having to buy polishes a brush and rags first. And lastly, last night I finally ordered a new roaster along with the cd with About to Happen. And I have done things in spite of not wanting/feeling like doing them. No doubt about how well this week has gone. And, after turning the heat up to feel warm, then turning it down a bit as once warm I am good, today has turned out better than I had thought it would.
I tried to call the IRS but none of their connections allowed for what I needed and they wanted information from my returns, which of course I don't have, so I couldn't even speak with a general operator, if they even have such a thing. I did find an office in Ogden. I had been planning to get my friend up there so this will fit in. I tried to call my friend to get going on a trip to Ogden but he didn't answer and his message system isn't set up yet. I also, as a final task, called the man who sent the letter regarding my conceal weapons permit. I just asked to know who I need to contact, what else I might need to do, and such. The letter really didn't have much in it other than the reason for the rejection and his contact information.
What else might I do today? I don't know. I am still pretty beat up. I am hoping, however, to keep things going until the weekend. Then, on the weekends, just do my routines, little things as I feel the want or need, and Mass/Reconciliation in their due time. So I am going to push getting the floors mopped and maybe the other bathroom washed and rinsed. I ended up washing some of my rugs yesterday, a day early it seems. Sam vomited on one today. I suppose I could give it a quick whirl through the machine too. At least I hadn't mopped as well. One thing I keep forgetting, being so busy, is to drink enough. I have to drink a ton to get the water pills to kick in. Not a ton and a half though, but that isn't a problem. It is usually difficult to drink enough, I am not sure I can (save on a few rare occasions) drink too much.
Yeah, a good week. And I mean to keep it going. Good day!
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Hmm?
.
.
I did check about a lawyer, then called his office. We will have a phone conversation Monday. While I was doing some straightening, I found the original police report which should have most of the information needed. I will look around for the claim number, if it also has letters in it, as well. Then I scrounged up what I could find for the first-time buyer credit. I had hoped to stuff that, and a hand written letter, into an envelop and send it but I am having trouble finding an address to which to send the package. I was in the middle of that when the missionaries arrived.
Putting the weight bench together, on my own, was going to be a bit tricky, so I asked if they would help. They did. My weight bench is now, mostly, together. There are some missing parts though. I am sure I put those all in a bag, and have them around somewhere. I will be looking for them shortly. If all else fails, I will simply look at how many slots are missing, and what type of connection is needed then go buy them. Olympic weight benches are fairly universal in bolts and L-connectors. I am not in a great hurry, either. Still, one more thing. The next time they visit I will have them give me a hand with the setup machine. One thing at a time.
Now, back to finding the address for the IRS. Perhaps a call would clear things up? I might give that a shot too. Back to it. Have a good day.
.
I did check about a lawyer, then called his office. We will have a phone conversation Monday. While I was doing some straightening, I found the original police report which should have most of the information needed. I will look around for the claim number, if it also has letters in it, as well. Then I scrounged up what I could find for the first-time buyer credit. I had hoped to stuff that, and a hand written letter, into an envelop and send it but I am having trouble finding an address to which to send the package. I was in the middle of that when the missionaries arrived.
Putting the weight bench together, on my own, was going to be a bit tricky, so I asked if they would help. They did. My weight bench is now, mostly, together. There are some missing parts though. I am sure I put those all in a bag, and have them around somewhere. I will be looking for them shortly. If all else fails, I will simply look at how many slots are missing, and what type of connection is needed then go buy them. Olympic weight benches are fairly universal in bolts and L-connectors. I am not in a great hurry, either. Still, one more thing. The next time they visit I will have them give me a hand with the setup machine. One thing at a time.
Now, back to finding the address for the IRS. Perhaps a call would clear things up? I might give that a shot too. Back to it. Have a good day.
Can't wake up.
.
.
I went to bed rather early, I think by 21:30 or so. I also fell right to sleep. The first alarm? I never quite know. That 7:30 alarm by the bed I never seem to hear. I must have automated my ability to shut it off, which is fine as that is just a heads up alarm. The 8:00 alarm had me up by 8:15. I didn't want to get up. I am tired to the bone. I didn't want to do my morning routine but did it anyway. I am simply beat down hard today. One of the tricks I have been using is turning the heat down at night, then warming the place up greatly during the day, first thing. Once I get warm I then turn the furnace down a goodly bit. The last few days, however, getting warm has been very difficult. It may be my heart, based on that? I am not sure but I will keep working on it all.
I have decided to add the B complex, zinc, and magnesium only 3 days of each week. They are rather high doses (if they make even higher doses). I just want to replace what is going out voiding but I don't want to overdo it either. It is difficult to know what to do, honestly. I can't trust the doctors. They know I am on my own and low functioning at times and should have suggested some of these things. Who knows what else I am missing. They are only worried about 'their products', supplements don't concern them. I am notorious for not taking medicine but given that they are notorious for giving me the wrong medications I suppose that is fair.
I can't believe how much that little bit of exercise is helping. Oh, of course, I am not bulking up. But I definitely have gotten a little larger and better defined. I haven't felt, yet, up to increasing those numbers of exercises. I will take this slowly. I am simply trying to do something every day, twice a day. I am in this for the long haul. I don't want to add more than I can do and end up quitting. I have no other goal than to do what I am doing until I can do more, then do a few more. I might simply add one every two or three weeks. I know, like interest (when there is anything on bank savings over inflation), that over time even small amounts will add up.
Many of my connections are gone or bad. My friend and my brother have lousy reception on their phones, so I can't just call and talk. Blogger, or whoever, has made commenting impossible on most of my regular places. And I am a bit busy to be getting out to visit people, beyond that I only know one man well enough to just show up and visit. Life is feeling a bit isolated. No problems. Perhaps as Church gets more underway I will meet others there. Hmm, I haven't heard back from my friend via email yet. I may call and see if he is just doing his usual hide-and-seek or if I had his email wrong. I did call my lady friend and my mother, to let them know packages will be arriving soon. Surprisingly, both of them were available for a live conversation. I had to ask what my lady friend is up to, with canoeing and gardening done for the season. Housecleaning, it seems. Good answer. It was nice to tell her that I had been doing the same, and all but the last bathroom, sweeping and mopping, I have my home back in the order my mother had put it.
The curtains are opened, the sun is smiling, and I have work to do. While quite tired, I will get on these things. Calling a lawyer and checking on paperwork for the refund. If I get those done, for sure, then I will call about the cwp. I am hoping this goes more easily than not. I have worked hard at pulling away from psychology, and might not be alive if I hadn't. My frustration with the medical field might be a ding, but that I didn't do what any right insane aggrieved man would have done should say something. No, I will work with what I have, ignoring idiots but no more, and doing it the way it works for me. On to it, then.
I do wonder if my willingness to talk is seen as a problem? I know in engineering it was seen as a negative. Then again, professionals often have many secrets and can't just talk. My professors, often, were more researchers than teachers. And toward that end, they were mum on much. Quiet guys, paranoid to a degree, and even in other fields like math, chemistry, and physics. Research is their golden egg layer, and they won't risk losing it to a loose lip. I would guess field engineers have similar restraints, often codified in their contracts. Isn't it funny how academics keep their work top secret, then hand it out with graphs, charts, tons of documentation, and such? So long as they are the first to spit it out they don't care who knows and try to get them to not only know but to believe. Unbelievable!
Oh, get off your duff. If I have to work through exhaustion, you get to work through boredom! :p Have a good day.
.
I went to bed rather early, I think by 21:30 or so. I also fell right to sleep. The first alarm? I never quite know. That 7:30 alarm by the bed I never seem to hear. I must have automated my ability to shut it off, which is fine as that is just a heads up alarm. The 8:00 alarm had me up by 8:15. I didn't want to get up. I am tired to the bone. I didn't want to do my morning routine but did it anyway. I am simply beat down hard today. One of the tricks I have been using is turning the heat down at night, then warming the place up greatly during the day, first thing. Once I get warm I then turn the furnace down a goodly bit. The last few days, however, getting warm has been very difficult. It may be my heart, based on that? I am not sure but I will keep working on it all.
I have decided to add the B complex, zinc, and magnesium only 3 days of each week. They are rather high doses (if they make even higher doses). I just want to replace what is going out voiding but I don't want to overdo it either. It is difficult to know what to do, honestly. I can't trust the doctors. They know I am on my own and low functioning at times and should have suggested some of these things. Who knows what else I am missing. They are only worried about 'their products', supplements don't concern them. I am notorious for not taking medicine but given that they are notorious for giving me the wrong medications I suppose that is fair.
I can't believe how much that little bit of exercise is helping. Oh, of course, I am not bulking up. But I definitely have gotten a little larger and better defined. I haven't felt, yet, up to increasing those numbers of exercises. I will take this slowly. I am simply trying to do something every day, twice a day. I am in this for the long haul. I don't want to add more than I can do and end up quitting. I have no other goal than to do what I am doing until I can do more, then do a few more. I might simply add one every two or three weeks. I know, like interest (when there is anything on bank savings over inflation), that over time even small amounts will add up.
Many of my connections are gone or bad. My friend and my brother have lousy reception on their phones, so I can't just call and talk. Blogger, or whoever, has made commenting impossible on most of my regular places. And I am a bit busy to be getting out to visit people, beyond that I only know one man well enough to just show up and visit. Life is feeling a bit isolated. No problems. Perhaps as Church gets more underway I will meet others there. Hmm, I haven't heard back from my friend via email yet. I may call and see if he is just doing his usual hide-and-seek or if I had his email wrong. I did call my lady friend and my mother, to let them know packages will be arriving soon. Surprisingly, both of them were available for a live conversation. I had to ask what my lady friend is up to, with canoeing and gardening done for the season. Housecleaning, it seems. Good answer. It was nice to tell her that I had been doing the same, and all but the last bathroom, sweeping and mopping, I have my home back in the order my mother had put it.
The curtains are opened, the sun is smiling, and I have work to do. While quite tired, I will get on these things. Calling a lawyer and checking on paperwork for the refund. If I get those done, for sure, then I will call about the cwp. I am hoping this goes more easily than not. I have worked hard at pulling away from psychology, and might not be alive if I hadn't. My frustration with the medical field might be a ding, but that I didn't do what any right insane aggrieved man would have done should say something. No, I will work with what I have, ignoring idiots but no more, and doing it the way it works for me. On to it, then.
I do wonder if my willingness to talk is seen as a problem? I know in engineering it was seen as a negative. Then again, professionals often have many secrets and can't just talk. My professors, often, were more researchers than teachers. And toward that end, they were mum on much. Quiet guys, paranoid to a degree, and even in other fields like math, chemistry, and physics. Research is their golden egg layer, and they won't risk losing it to a loose lip. I would guess field engineers have similar restraints, often codified in their contracts. Isn't it funny how academics keep their work top secret, then hand it out with graphs, charts, tons of documentation, and such? So long as they are the first to spit it out they don't care who knows and try to get them to not only know but to believe. Unbelievable!
Oh, get off your duff. If I have to work through exhaustion, you get to work through boredom! :p Have a good day.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
No way!
.
.
Cleaning the shower is proving impossible. I will have to get something specific for tile and grout. It has taken up far too much of my time and I still can't get it right. The lower areas that remained have proven intractable. I have scrubbed them two or three times now and it just isn't working. But I simply refuse to quit. I would look a product up online but there is no guarantee I could find it locally and I don't want to pay shipping. I may just move on to the rest of the bathroom for now, but I am tuckered out from spending hours on my knees and scrubbing at odd angles. At least I have those kneepads. Those are a life saver.
Tomorrow is dedicated solely to finding a lawyer and getting him on the case and then applying for the home purchase rebate. If I get those knocked off early I will begin appealing to the cwp board. I have been thinking about character witnesses. To be honest, I think my mother would be good. I have another small group who has worked with me and knows me, including, potentially, a few of my professors and the holder of a masters degree in physics. I am also thinking about D.C. Not sure he is up for it, or feels qualified, but there is that. As for professional assurances, I may start looking for a someone qualified to make such an assessment. Simply put, this harassment due to a misdiagnosis has to end. They are too embarrassed to change the diagnosis, or just dump it as they should. And my disability claim is tied to it, so they don't want to risk losing a 100% either. Which might happen if they decided to try and change the basis of my diagnosis. But more, because I don't work with them well, they won't be a good choice to go to "prove" I am sane. Never mind, as with many things, I will do it on my own.
Oh, by the way, I am quite sane. A little rusty at times. Definitely unique in how I think. And not always interested in doing the "sane thing" for public consumption. But my mind works just fine. I know right from wrong and take responsibility for it when I am not right (and expect others to as well). My faith is strong, which if they have a point in the secular courts, it would be that. In a Godless world, belief in God is insane. Barring that they have no case.
Hmm, I think I will get back to the bathroom and skip the rest of the shower for now. I suppose, actually, I could look up what is supposed to be the best five tile and grout cleaners online. One of those should be available somewhere! If I finish the bathroom, and still have some energy, Mopping the kitchen, other bathroom, and laundry room is all I really have time left for tonight. The other bathroom will be easy to finish, when I get to it. Probably Friday morning unless my efforts are extremely easy tomorrow. We will see.
Good night, I believe. I won't be sleeping for a couple of hours but I probably won't be back. Sleep well. I will pray for you, again, and your problems and doubts, fears and hopes, and long safe peaceful life.
.
Cleaning the shower is proving impossible. I will have to get something specific for tile and grout. It has taken up far too much of my time and I still can't get it right. The lower areas that remained have proven intractable. I have scrubbed them two or three times now and it just isn't working. But I simply refuse to quit. I would look a product up online but there is no guarantee I could find it locally and I don't want to pay shipping. I may just move on to the rest of the bathroom for now, but I am tuckered out from spending hours on my knees and scrubbing at odd angles. At least I have those kneepads. Those are a life saver.
Tomorrow is dedicated solely to finding a lawyer and getting him on the case and then applying for the home purchase rebate. If I get those knocked off early I will begin appealing to the cwp board. I have been thinking about character witnesses. To be honest, I think my mother would be good. I have another small group who has worked with me and knows me, including, potentially, a few of my professors and the holder of a masters degree in physics. I am also thinking about D.C. Not sure he is up for it, or feels qualified, but there is that. As for professional assurances, I may start looking for a someone qualified to make such an assessment. Simply put, this harassment due to a misdiagnosis has to end. They are too embarrassed to change the diagnosis, or just dump it as they should. And my disability claim is tied to it, so they don't want to risk losing a 100% either. Which might happen if they decided to try and change the basis of my diagnosis. But more, because I don't work with them well, they won't be a good choice to go to "prove" I am sane. Never mind, as with many things, I will do it on my own.
Oh, by the way, I am quite sane. A little rusty at times. Definitely unique in how I think. And not always interested in doing the "sane thing" for public consumption. But my mind works just fine. I know right from wrong and take responsibility for it when I am not right (and expect others to as well). My faith is strong, which if they have a point in the secular courts, it would be that. In a Godless world, belief in God is insane. Barring that they have no case.
Hmm, I think I will get back to the bathroom and skip the rest of the shower for now. I suppose, actually, I could look up what is supposed to be the best five tile and grout cleaners online. One of those should be available somewhere! If I finish the bathroom, and still have some energy, Mopping the kitchen, other bathroom, and laundry room is all I really have time left for tonight. The other bathroom will be easy to finish, when I get to it. Probably Friday morning unless my efforts are extremely easy tomorrow. We will see.
Good night, I believe. I won't be sleeping for a couple of hours but I probably won't be back. Sleep well. I will pray for you, again, and your problems and doubts, fears and hopes, and long safe peaceful life.
I wanted a nap desparately.
.
.
However, the only way to possibly find out why my cwp was rejected was to go to the post office. So, out of my house clothes and into street clothes, I headed down the street. Walking seemed like the way to go. I got the letter and waited until I arrived home to check it. Okay, yeah, probably V.A. related. I am going to have to fight this. I may need to employ separate medical professionals to get this fixed. I sure won't be trusting the V.A. Not only can't they get a diagnosis right, they can't fix things when they find them. Nor can they be trusted. Unions and liberalism runs that show. Various depths of socialism, against gun ownership at all cost, to boot.
While I was there I had two young women... Blush and such around me. I caught one of them checking me out. Yeah, me. I looked around to see if some hunk was sneaking up on me or something. Don't ask me, I just live here. Maybe I have a funny reputation? Who knows. You never know why or such on these things, or what any of it truly meant. I'll chalk it up as a couple of nice complements from young women to an old duffer and leave it there. But... YEAH! *grins*
Now I am too up to nap. I have sprayed the shower again, with the cleaner. A bite to eat then another spray while I absorb lunch/dinner, and then back to it. Good day.
.
However, the only way to possibly find out why my cwp was rejected was to go to the post office. So, out of my house clothes and into street clothes, I headed down the street. Walking seemed like the way to go. I got the letter and waited until I arrived home to check it. Okay, yeah, probably V.A. related. I am going to have to fight this. I may need to employ separate medical professionals to get this fixed. I sure won't be trusting the V.A. Not only can't they get a diagnosis right, they can't fix things when they find them. Nor can they be trusted. Unions and liberalism runs that show. Various depths of socialism, against gun ownership at all cost, to boot.
While I was there I had two young women... Blush and such around me. I caught one of them checking me out. Yeah, me. I looked around to see if some hunk was sneaking up on me or something. Don't ask me, I just live here. Maybe I have a funny reputation? Who knows. You never know why or such on these things, or what any of it truly meant. I'll chalk it up as a couple of nice complements from young women to an old duffer and leave it there. But... YEAH! *grins*
Now I am too up to nap. I have sprayed the shower again, with the cleaner. A bite to eat then another spray while I absorb lunch/dinner, and then back to it. Good day.
Tired.
.
.
Yes, I did get up this morning. I did my routine and slowly worked on the main bathroom. Tile grout slowed me right the heck down. I thought I could whip through it but no such luck. I have done the ceiling, the floor, and the tiles from top down to about my knees or a bit lower. Mass was coming up on me fast, so I policed my gear, took a shower, dressed, and headed out. Just on time, I notice other cars in the lot and a couple was coming in behind me. The doors were locked? It looked like people were inside though. Could it be that a few minutes late means no entrance? I doubted that. Then I saw father. He disappeared for a short bit then came to the door. It seems I, and the couple behind me, misheard. Mass is on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday... I think. I will double check that. I was still pleased to have made the grand effort and been on time. Father suggested we could go on in, so I did. Crossing myself with holy water from the font, kneeling before entering the pew, I merely said a prayer, sat in silence a short bit, finally leaving the way I entered. Home. Indeed.
On to shopping, albeit dressed to the nines. Well, for me. I bought what I needed and a bit more, then headed for home. I keep thinking about stopping for food but I would just as well not. I have stuff at home and restaurants are becoming dearly expensive. So to home I hied.
I am getting really tired. I have been doing a great deal of work. I seem to be slowing and there is little I can do about it. Which, if absolutely necessary, I will simply have to deal with from time to time. I absolutely want to keep to my routine. After that, I will work as fast and hard as I can. The bathrooms and mopping are still on the schedule today. Being two thirds done, but only with the shower itself, I am not sure how much of that I will truly get done. All I know is I will keep on it for the breadth of today and pick up on it when next I see the chance. If I finish those two projects for tomorrow I will then use any spare energy to get what remains.
I have been doing little things along the way. Cleaning off this surface, sorting, storing, and tossing. Cleaning and organizing this drawer, putting what doesn't belong where it does belong, setting it aside, or tossing what is no longer needed or useful. Piece by piece, one place at a time, I am taking my home back from chaos. And, again, this morning, I made the bed. All little things, and more, happening an eyesore at a time. I hope, when I get this place straightened, to begin looking for art, setting up little nooks for my kind of curios, and considering plants finally. I need green growing things around me. I have simply been too busy with too much else, too broke, or too ill to date.
Something happened the other day. It is like I became alive again. And while I still suffer my illness, I now see a way into life. I can see beyond disasters, upsets, and such, and keep going. My body will still quit on me, but I think if I keep my eye on the ball and keep trying, doing what I can, my longsight into life has returned. Baby steps, if needed if that is all I can do. But a push toward more in the long run. I can do this.
Later.
.
Yes, I did get up this morning. I did my routine and slowly worked on the main bathroom. Tile grout slowed me right the heck down. I thought I could whip through it but no such luck. I have done the ceiling, the floor, and the tiles from top down to about my knees or a bit lower. Mass was coming up on me fast, so I policed my gear, took a shower, dressed, and headed out. Just on time, I notice other cars in the lot and a couple was coming in behind me. The doors were locked? It looked like people were inside though. Could it be that a few minutes late means no entrance? I doubted that. Then I saw father. He disappeared for a short bit then came to the door. It seems I, and the couple behind me, misheard. Mass is on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday... I think. I will double check that. I was still pleased to have made the grand effort and been on time. Father suggested we could go on in, so I did. Crossing myself with holy water from the font, kneeling before entering the pew, I merely said a prayer, sat in silence a short bit, finally leaving the way I entered. Home. Indeed.
On to shopping, albeit dressed to the nines. Well, for me. I bought what I needed and a bit more, then headed for home. I keep thinking about stopping for food but I would just as well not. I have stuff at home and restaurants are becoming dearly expensive. So to home I hied.
I am getting really tired. I have been doing a great deal of work. I seem to be slowing and there is little I can do about it. Which, if absolutely necessary, I will simply have to deal with from time to time. I absolutely want to keep to my routine. After that, I will work as fast and hard as I can. The bathrooms and mopping are still on the schedule today. Being two thirds done, but only with the shower itself, I am not sure how much of that I will truly get done. All I know is I will keep on it for the breadth of today and pick up on it when next I see the chance. If I finish those two projects for tomorrow I will then use any spare energy to get what remains.
I have been doing little things along the way. Cleaning off this surface, sorting, storing, and tossing. Cleaning and organizing this drawer, putting what doesn't belong where it does belong, setting it aside, or tossing what is no longer needed or useful. Piece by piece, one place at a time, I am taking my home back from chaos. And, again, this morning, I made the bed. All little things, and more, happening an eyesore at a time. I hope, when I get this place straightened, to begin looking for art, setting up little nooks for my kind of curios, and considering plants finally. I need green growing things around me. I have simply been too busy with too much else, too broke, or too ill to date.
Something happened the other day. It is like I became alive again. And while I still suffer my illness, I now see a way into life. I can see beyond disasters, upsets, and such, and keep going. My body will still quit on me, but I think if I keep my eye on the ball and keep trying, doing what I can, my longsight into life has returned. Baby steps, if needed if that is all I can do. But a push toward more in the long run. I can do this.
Later.
Needed the alarm clocks today.
.
.
Why? Because I ended up tinkering and dragging my feet getting to bed last night. Again it was midnight or so when I finally dragged myself in to sleep. I did my routine(tm), plus I did finish drying and dealing with the laundry. I just hated leaving it for today, especially since I have two bathrooms instead of one on top of what else is planned. My morning routine is being handled as I write. Weight has been taken, teeth cleaned, medicines taken or in the process with the potassium being drank in liquid form over time, and while I was at it I made my bed.
Today will be a busy one. Like I said, two bathrooms are to be cleaned, mopping wherever that is needed, going to Mass, moving that kindling outside into a dry place, checking the mail and finding out what has happened with the cwp. I can't remember if anything else was planned, but this is the plan as it stands today. My guess is, as I am going through things, I will find more work. Oh, one other thing. My roaster seems to have disappeared so I am going to order another one. It disappeared the last time my mother was here. I don't think she would have tossed it? I have looked in every cubbyhole, closet, niche, nook, cranny, back high or low corner and I have not found it. There are many of those places, by the way, but I am quite sure I have searched everywhere. I hate buying a new one because the type I demand are not cheap, starting in the $120 to $150 range and going up. It's not like a small thing, the roaster, something she would accidentally have tossed. And I don't think she is quite that mean. So, I don't know. Not buying a couple of pistols will allow me to buy this without issue. And, actually, I may put some extra back in savings but I might just spend half of what I was going to spend on long term storage food as was initially planned. Why cry over spilt milk when it was merely spilled into a cheese tank? Just... make cheese!
A bit of waking up and we will see where I can get and what I can finish today. Race you? Later.
.
Why? Because I ended up tinkering and dragging my feet getting to bed last night. Again it was midnight or so when I finally dragged myself in to sleep. I did my routine(tm), plus I did finish drying and dealing with the laundry. I just hated leaving it for today, especially since I have two bathrooms instead of one on top of what else is planned. My morning routine is being handled as I write. Weight has been taken, teeth cleaned, medicines taken or in the process with the potassium being drank in liquid form over time, and while I was at it I made my bed.
Today will be a busy one. Like I said, two bathrooms are to be cleaned, mopping wherever that is needed, going to Mass, moving that kindling outside into a dry place, checking the mail and finding out what has happened with the cwp. I can't remember if anything else was planned, but this is the plan as it stands today. My guess is, as I am going through things, I will find more work. Oh, one other thing. My roaster seems to have disappeared so I am going to order another one. It disappeared the last time my mother was here. I don't think she would have tossed it? I have looked in every cubbyhole, closet, niche, nook, cranny, back high or low corner and I have not found it. There are many of those places, by the way, but I am quite sure I have searched everywhere. I hate buying a new one because the type I demand are not cheap, starting in the $120 to $150 range and going up. It's not like a small thing, the roaster, something she would accidentally have tossed. And I don't think she is quite that mean. So, I don't know. Not buying a couple of pistols will allow me to buy this without issue. And, actually, I may put some extra back in savings but I might just spend half of what I was going to spend on long term storage food as was initially planned. Why cry over spilt milk when it was merely spilled into a cheese tank? Just... make cheese!
A bit of waking up and we will see where I can get and what I can finish today. Race you? Later.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Almost.
.
.
I vacuumed, swept, and the laundry should be done. But mopping and the bathroom will have to wait. I am, simply put, all done in. No complaints. I did far more than ever before, and faster. I kept on task, added things, and just did a wondrous couple of days of work. I don't even think it is over. It is just over for today. I am hoping to keep up this type of work, and my routine, taking weekends off. Some days I will get more done, some days I won't quite make it.
So, tomorrow, my bathroom, mopping, maybe the extra bathroom are to be cleaned. Mass at noon, as well as checking the mail and figuring out what the problem with the cwp is and beginning that. Before, during, and after those things, I will be looking for old tasks, projects, and little things to work on along the way. Thursday is a real test. I am hoping to do just two things for sure. Find a lawyer and begin on the accident claim and send in the paperwork for my federal home purchase return. Anything else I get done will be candy, but I will stay on those two projects until I have done them to the point where I can do no more, to be followed up on Friday, if need be. Friday, for sure, Mass. What else beyond that I can't know quite yet.
I am about ready for bed. I will do my exercises, figure out the laundry, and a few other things then probably hit it early. It is a disappointing day though. I didn't do everything on my list and I didn't get the gun. So be it. Tomorrow is another day. I will be setting my alarm clocks from now on. My goal is to be up by 7:00. Earlier if possible, but 7:00 will do. Good night.
.
I vacuumed, swept, and the laundry should be done. But mopping and the bathroom will have to wait. I am, simply put, all done in. No complaints. I did far more than ever before, and faster. I kept on task, added things, and just did a wondrous couple of days of work. I don't even think it is over. It is just over for today. I am hoping to keep up this type of work, and my routine, taking weekends off. Some days I will get more done, some days I won't quite make it.
So, tomorrow, my bathroom, mopping, maybe the extra bathroom are to be cleaned. Mass at noon, as well as checking the mail and figuring out what the problem with the cwp is and beginning that. Before, during, and after those things, I will be looking for old tasks, projects, and little things to work on along the way. Thursday is a real test. I am hoping to do just two things for sure. Find a lawyer and begin on the accident claim and send in the paperwork for my federal home purchase return. Anything else I get done will be candy, but I will stay on those two projects until I have done them to the point where I can do no more, to be followed up on Friday, if need be. Friday, for sure, Mass. What else beyond that I can't know quite yet.
I am about ready for bed. I will do my exercises, figure out the laundry, and a few other things then probably hit it early. It is a disappointing day though. I didn't do everything on my list and I didn't get the gun. So be it. Tomorrow is another day. I will be setting my alarm clocks from now on. My goal is to be up by 7:00. Earlier if possible, but 7:00 will do. Good night.
No revolver.
.
.
So, I get everything into the X and head out. I stopped at the Post Office and sent the lamp and the two cards. With my brother's address, his very late birthday card went out too. On to town. Picking up my friend, I suggested that my license might have been pulled, but we would go check anyway. On the way I dropped off my slacks at the dry cleaner. Sure enough, my cwp has been canceled. There is a registered letter from them to me in the mail, so I will get that and find out what it takes to barrel through their hurdle. Congressmen, state and federal, the V.A., and bureurats will be contacted. I won't let this stand and will do everything I can to fix this.
It was too cold to go shooting so my friend just wanted to go home. As I was leaving after dropping him off, I remembered what I had thought I needed. I had heard zinc was a good supplement when taking water pills. But I really didn't feel like shopping. I remembered my new innovations in thinking and doing and so just did it anyway. I would rather just crash and burn for a bit but that won't help. So I am going to stick to my plan, do what was on my list, and keep going.
After just a few days of pushups and crunches, I am already noticing some small improvement. My arms look slightly larger and there is more definition. I know that seems impossible, but there it is. Subjective, to be sure, perhaps I should do some measurements. Ah well, at least I am home earlier than would have been so I should be able to get everything on my list done at a much more reasonable hour. Wow, what a bummer.
Later.
.
So, I get everything into the X and head out. I stopped at the Post Office and sent the lamp and the two cards. With my brother's address, his very late birthday card went out too. On to town. Picking up my friend, I suggested that my license might have been pulled, but we would go check anyway. On the way I dropped off my slacks at the dry cleaner. Sure enough, my cwp has been canceled. There is a registered letter from them to me in the mail, so I will get that and find out what it takes to barrel through their hurdle. Congressmen, state and federal, the V.A., and bureurats will be contacted. I won't let this stand and will do everything I can to fix this.
It was too cold to go shooting so my friend just wanted to go home. As I was leaving after dropping him off, I remembered what I had thought I needed. I had heard zinc was a good supplement when taking water pills. But I really didn't feel like shopping. I remembered my new innovations in thinking and doing and so just did it anyway. I would rather just crash and burn for a bit but that won't help. So I am going to stick to my plan, do what was on my list, and keep going.
After just a few days of pushups and crunches, I am already noticing some small improvement. My arms look slightly larger and there is more definition. I know that seems impossible, but there it is. Subjective, to be sure, perhaps I should do some measurements. Ah well, at least I am home earlier than would have been so I should be able to get everything on my list done at a much more reasonable hour. Wow, what a bummer.
Later.
I keep doing.
.
.
So I keep writing. I need this for evidence, for myself, later perhaps. Proof of what can be done without pain or stress or fear.
I went to grab the laundry and noticed the slacks which need to go to the dry cleaner. I grabbed those and the laundry and made it to loveseat where the boxed lamp sat. I set down what I was carrying, found a pocket knife, and opened the box. It seems to be packed well enough. I had to grab some duct tape to cover a few things on the box, then a couple of magic markers to write "fragile" all over the box and label the top and bottom. Then the card that was to go in the box had to be prepped. I filled it out, but remembered I needed to put a check in there. Out to the X, where I had left the checkbook, and then that was filled out, put with the card, and the card then put in the box. But while I was at cards, I prepared the thank card for my mother and the birthday card for my brother. I completed the thank you card but I don't have my brother's address. I will call my mother later, when I think she will be at home. I couldn't seal up the box, either, as I don't have the right kind of tape. I'll get that done when I arrive at the Post office.
After I sorted that out, as much as possible with what I have, I grabbed the laundry and the slacks to be dry cleaned, and headed into the kitchen, where I bagged the slacks and put them with the ammunition to be packed in the car. I then put the box to be shipped in with the things to be loaded. The laundry then went into the laundry room. I put in a good solid load, and extra (than my usual, I skimp, and even with this extra it is a skimp) soap for that load, plus an extra rinse because of the extra (by my standards) soap, and tinkered with the machine. I figured out how to put it on a three hour delay timer and that is ready to go. I was getting a bit hungry, so a thigh and drumstick, and one of the remaining ribs, went into the microwave to heat. Yum!
As I sit, updating, I finally remembered my supplements and added potassium to my drink and am consuming that while I write. In town I need to pick up my friend, take the box in have it sealed and send it, drop off slacks at the dry cleaner, purchase the pistol, send the card off to my mother, and I am hoping I will remember what I had needed to buy, then go shooting and on to a meal out.
When I return home, the goal is to finish the laundry, though there is really only one load so it will just need to be dried, I think. I then will sweep, mop, and vacuum everywhere, and finally clean my bathroom down to the nubs. A complete wash and scrubbing where needed. When those things are done I am ending my day and will just enjoy what there is left of time. The other goal, not quite job related, is to do these things fast enough that I can get to bed early, or earlier Oh, I almost forgot to call my brother. Right after this.
Tomorrow I will clean the other bathroom, look outside for a few tasks, and get to Mass. I may look for other things to do while I am at it, or, as today, just notice things while I am doing other things, and get right on it. Yes, right on it. Oh, I hope to set up my weight station tomorrow. After I get my home in order I will begin looking at doing some chump change workouts with the straight weights. Probably just bare bars, minimum repetitions, but full of promise. Form is key and is lost even before muscle I think, at times. Initially it will just be a time killer. I will go slow with it, too, in all ways.
So, yeah, it can be done. Even by a cripple. If I do have to do my own thing with medicine to get it done. Risks which will only be rewarded if I hold up my end when I take what I want instead of simply taking what is given. Nothing is free. Later.
.
So I keep writing. I need this for evidence, for myself, later perhaps. Proof of what can be done without pain or stress or fear.
I went to grab the laundry and noticed the slacks which need to go to the dry cleaner. I grabbed those and the laundry and made it to loveseat where the boxed lamp sat. I set down what I was carrying, found a pocket knife, and opened the box. It seems to be packed well enough. I had to grab some duct tape to cover a few things on the box, then a couple of magic markers to write "fragile" all over the box and label the top and bottom. Then the card that was to go in the box had to be prepped. I filled it out, but remembered I needed to put a check in there. Out to the X, where I had left the checkbook, and then that was filled out, put with the card, and the card then put in the box. But while I was at cards, I prepared the thank card for my mother and the birthday card for my brother. I completed the thank you card but I don't have my brother's address. I will call my mother later, when I think she will be at home. I couldn't seal up the box, either, as I don't have the right kind of tape. I'll get that done when I arrive at the Post office.
After I sorted that out, as much as possible with what I have, I grabbed the laundry and the slacks to be dry cleaned, and headed into the kitchen, where I bagged the slacks and put them with the ammunition to be packed in the car. I then put the box to be shipped in with the things to be loaded. The laundry then went into the laundry room. I put in a good solid load, and extra (than my usual, I skimp, and even with this extra it is a skimp) soap for that load, plus an extra rinse because of the extra (by my standards) soap, and tinkered with the machine. I figured out how to put it on a three hour delay timer and that is ready to go. I was getting a bit hungry, so a thigh and drumstick, and one of the remaining ribs, went into the microwave to heat. Yum!
As I sit, updating, I finally remembered my supplements and added potassium to my drink and am consuming that while I write. In town I need to pick up my friend, take the box in have it sealed and send it, drop off slacks at the dry cleaner, purchase the pistol, send the card off to my mother, and I am hoping I will remember what I had needed to buy, then go shooting and on to a meal out.
When I return home, the goal is to finish the laundry, though there is really only one load so it will just need to be dried, I think. I then will sweep, mop, and vacuum everywhere, and finally clean my bathroom down to the nubs. A complete wash and scrubbing where needed. When those things are done I am ending my day and will just enjoy what there is left of time. The other goal, not quite job related, is to do these things fast enough that I can get to bed early, or earlier Oh, I almost forgot to call my brother. Right after this.
Tomorrow I will clean the other bathroom, look outside for a few tasks, and get to Mass. I may look for other things to do while I am at it, or, as today, just notice things while I am doing other things, and get right on it. Yes, right on it. Oh, I hope to set up my weight station tomorrow. After I get my home in order I will begin looking at doing some chump change workouts with the straight weights. Probably just bare bars, minimum repetitions, but full of promise. Form is key and is lost even before muscle I think, at times. Initially it will just be a time killer. I will go slow with it, too, in all ways.
So, yeah, it can be done. Even by a cripple. If I do have to do my own thing with medicine to get it done. Risks which will only be rewarded if I hold up my end when I take what I want instead of simply taking what is given. Nothing is free. Later.
Oh yeah?
.
.
Well, yes.
After waking a bit and thinking, I realized I can't go to Mass today. There isn't one! Ah well, a little more time to do some things here at home. I was thinking it was going to get really tight really fast with Mass in there. In any case I got on to my bedroom. The bedding has been changed, the mattress has been turned in the process. Quite an involved process, actually. And I had to redo some things to make it just so. While I was working on that, I noticed not all of my clothes had been properly put away, so I tended that for the most part. Then I noticed some books out of place in my room and put those up. Then I removed the dirty towels from my bathroom and put them in the laundry, which will be going to the laundry room with everything else from bedding and typical use as I head that way to prepare breakfast.
As well, I emailed my friend, to make sure I got his email address correct, then put his email address in his contact information on my phone, or it would get lost. After that I called my mother to make sure she will still be living in the place she is at long enough for the rice machine to arrive. She had mentioned she will be moving but I didn't know when. Sure enough, she is good to go. So I ordered the machine for her and it is on the way. Little things. All of them. But one baby step after the other, and before you know it, I complete the tasks.
Before long, yet before I go, I will call my brother, take a shower, eat breakfast, consume my potassium and supplements, feed the cats again and check their water. I have the bullets I want to take for the .357. Remember, I purchased the .357 ammunition from my friend. He didn't like the more powerful rounds, they hurt his hand in his pistol and even then I was planning on buying a .357. I merely, yesterday, bought a box of .357 rounds to have another sample to compare my friend's rounds with through the pistol. I will be buying a holster for it, one of those nylon type ones, right when I buy the gun today. Why buy a pistol without a holster?
I would like to do laundry but I don't want it to set for hours. Hmm, I might have to tinker with the timer setting, so that the laundry begins in three hours or so, just in time to be finished by the time I return, for another load. As I become busier I am noticing that I am having to figure out how to try and do more things at once. Mutli-tasking is for WOMEN! And bachelors it seems. So be it.
How do you like them apples? And so it goes. Well, time to get the laundry in play and then have some breakfast. Chicken, ribs, or cereal though? Hmm, maybe a bit of each. In some ways, at some times, I am more a garbage bin than a consumer of fine foods. That does make... flexibility a presumption though. It can also cut down on expense. *wolfish grin* Hmm, I think, while transporting the laundry I will check that lamp for shipping to my lady friend. If it is all good, that will go today or I will make it ready and take it in for shipping when I go to town. And I will fill out the card for her, adding a little check to it as well, and packing that right in with the lamp. Oh yes, never ending but the tasks when tended are done. There is that. You do notice, as I get to things, I am noticing other things, and tending them right in there with the rest of it. Interesting.
With what is happening? I'm almost feeling sexy! Yeah, it is slick to run a clean operation. Later.
.
Well, yes.
After waking a bit and thinking, I realized I can't go to Mass today. There isn't one! Ah well, a little more time to do some things here at home. I was thinking it was going to get really tight really fast with Mass in there. In any case I got on to my bedroom. The bedding has been changed, the mattress has been turned in the process. Quite an involved process, actually. And I had to redo some things to make it just so. While I was working on that, I noticed not all of my clothes had been properly put away, so I tended that for the most part. Then I noticed some books out of place in my room and put those up. Then I removed the dirty towels from my bathroom and put them in the laundry, which will be going to the laundry room with everything else from bedding and typical use as I head that way to prepare breakfast.
As well, I emailed my friend, to make sure I got his email address correct, then put his email address in his contact information on my phone, or it would get lost. After that I called my mother to make sure she will still be living in the place she is at long enough for the rice machine to arrive. She had mentioned she will be moving but I didn't know when. Sure enough, she is good to go. So I ordered the machine for her and it is on the way. Little things. All of them. But one baby step after the other, and before you know it, I complete the tasks.
Before long, yet before I go, I will call my brother, take a shower, eat breakfast, consume my potassium and supplements, feed the cats again and check their water. I have the bullets I want to take for the .357. Remember, I purchased the .357 ammunition from my friend. He didn't like the more powerful rounds, they hurt his hand in his pistol and even then I was planning on buying a .357. I merely, yesterday, bought a box of .357 rounds to have another sample to compare my friend's rounds with through the pistol. I will be buying a holster for it, one of those nylon type ones, right when I buy the gun today. Why buy a pistol without a holster?
I would like to do laundry but I don't want it to set for hours. Hmm, I might have to tinker with the timer setting, so that the laundry begins in three hours or so, just in time to be finished by the time I return, for another load. As I become busier I am noticing that I am having to figure out how to try and do more things at once. Mutli-tasking is for WOMEN! And bachelors it seems. So be it.
How do you like them apples? And so it goes. Well, time to get the laundry in play and then have some breakfast. Chicken, ribs, or cereal though? Hmm, maybe a bit of each. In some ways, at some times, I am more a garbage bin than a consumer of fine foods. That does make... flexibility a presumption though. It can also cut down on expense. *wolfish grin* Hmm, I think, while transporting the laundry I will check that lamp for shipping to my lady friend. If it is all good, that will go today or I will make it ready and take it in for shipping when I go to town. And I will fill out the card for her, adding a little check to it as well, and packing that right in with the lamp. Oh yes, never ending but the tasks when tended are done. There is that. You do notice, as I get to things, I am noticing other things, and tending them right in there with the rest of it. Interesting.
With what is happening? I'm almost feeling sexy! Yeah, it is slick to run a clean operation. Later.
Up a bit late.
.
.
I suspected I would be though. And to that end I set every alarm on every alarm clock I have. The first went off at 7:30. Setting right beside my bed it was meant to begin rousing me if I had no reason to believe I would even remember it, check. The other was set for 8:00, further away. It could be unheard for a bit but would eventually roust me, whether I would know it consciously I could not know so I set the beside one for a 10:00 as an emergency backup, check. I did hear and respond to the 8:00 alarm, if 45 minutes after it had begun. Going to bed past midnight and maybe past 1:30 I can't truly remember, this is no surprise. A full day yesterday, too, adding doubts, concerns.
My routines have started. Teeth and exercises have been done, medicine is in the offing, breakfast and vitals to follow shortly. A bit of blogging to wake me up first though. I might start trying to add making my bed and policing dirty clothes part of my morning. Just a roughly 'first thing' sort of habit. And, I know, not every day will see everything done, especially initially. I think I can so I will. I have also started thinking about how I can try and force home cleaning tasks a little better. Cleaning one room a day, perhaps. Having certain days for dusting and vacuuming, picking everything up, a sure day for laundry, a specific day to do dishes if I haven't been keeping up. I really think I can do this now, mostly.
If I can make these things work, then I will begin looking at adding to the routine. Perhaps putting heavier exercises in there. Nothing huge, just a bit more than my morning routines and a few days a week. Perhaps walking to the mailbox as a refresher aside from formal exercises. I am simply not sure what all can be added, or should be added, at first. I will wait until I have a set daily and weekly routine. One day at a time, one project at a time, one piece at a time. And failure is an option, just not one I will abide. Falling off a horse in a rodeo is a given. Staying in the dirt one was dumped is not. It is time to get back in the saddle.
Today will be a busy day. I need to get breakfast, a shower, change my bedding, and get medicines down. Then to Mass at noon. Then a call to my brother. Then over to pick my friend, and then pistol, up. Then to a bit of shooting with a meal in the offing after that. When I return home I want to sweep, mop, and vacuum. After that I may clean my main bathroom, do a bit of laundry from the bathroom cleaning and bedding change. I might also look around the yard and see if there is anything else I can do. Something little but real. Oh, and I need to find those links for Game, for my friend and get those sent. And I need to check that lamp and get that going to my lady friend. Oh, and I also need to get that rice cooker ordered for my mother. Ack! Another very busy day. I am good with that.
That will be all. I suppose when I have said, on some days, that I did nothing, that you really thought I was jesting? Some of those days I didn't even eat. I am getting better. And I always have wanted to do things. Could a mere song be pushing me on? Could cutting back on medicines just that little amount be doing this? Is my mind simply getting focused for it's own reasons? I honestly don't know. I do know I will ride this wave to as great of a success as is possible. I will do everything in my power to reject my cynicism, exhaustion, medical pass, or anything else the world or I might try to throw in my path.
You know though, as busy as I was yesterday? I still had plenty of time to goof. And, while I don't mind goofing a bit, from time to time, all work and no play and such? I also don't like slacking. Plus the goofing can slow down my progress so that I don't sleep until too late. I need to become more efficient. I want to use myself and be used by the world. I don't have to like all of it, I don't have to want to do some of it, it doesn't matter. I am in training to be a servant. I have failed as a master. But beyond that, I had no servants! Impossible! *grins*
Have a great day. Get out and get to it. Later.
.
I suspected I would be though. And to that end I set every alarm on every alarm clock I have. The first went off at 7:30. Setting right beside my bed it was meant to begin rousing me if I had no reason to believe I would even remember it, check. The other was set for 8:00, further away. It could be unheard for a bit but would eventually roust me, whether I would know it consciously I could not know so I set the beside one for a 10:00 as an emergency backup, check. I did hear and respond to the 8:00 alarm, if 45 minutes after it had begun. Going to bed past midnight and maybe past 1:30 I can't truly remember, this is no surprise. A full day yesterday, too, adding doubts, concerns.
My routines have started. Teeth and exercises have been done, medicine is in the offing, breakfast and vitals to follow shortly. A bit of blogging to wake me up first though. I might start trying to add making my bed and policing dirty clothes part of my morning. Just a roughly 'first thing' sort of habit. And, I know, not every day will see everything done, especially initially. I think I can so I will. I have also started thinking about how I can try and force home cleaning tasks a little better. Cleaning one room a day, perhaps. Having certain days for dusting and vacuuming, picking everything up, a sure day for laundry, a specific day to do dishes if I haven't been keeping up. I really think I can do this now, mostly.
If I can make these things work, then I will begin looking at adding to the routine. Perhaps putting heavier exercises in there. Nothing huge, just a bit more than my morning routines and a few days a week. Perhaps walking to the mailbox as a refresher aside from formal exercises. I am simply not sure what all can be added, or should be added, at first. I will wait until I have a set daily and weekly routine. One day at a time, one project at a time, one piece at a time. And failure is an option, just not one I will abide. Falling off a horse in a rodeo is a given. Staying in the dirt one was dumped is not. It is time to get back in the saddle.
Today will be a busy day. I need to get breakfast, a shower, change my bedding, and get medicines down. Then to Mass at noon. Then a call to my brother. Then over to pick my friend, and then pistol, up. Then to a bit of shooting with a meal in the offing after that. When I return home I want to sweep, mop, and vacuum. After that I may clean my main bathroom, do a bit of laundry from the bathroom cleaning and bedding change. I might also look around the yard and see if there is anything else I can do. Something little but real. Oh, and I need to find those links for Game, for my friend and get those sent. And I need to check that lamp and get that going to my lady friend. Oh, and I also need to get that rice cooker ordered for my mother. Ack! Another very busy day. I am good with that.
That will be all. I suppose when I have said, on some days, that I did nothing, that you really thought I was jesting? Some of those days I didn't even eat. I am getting better. And I always have wanted to do things. Could a mere song be pushing me on? Could cutting back on medicines just that little amount be doing this? Is my mind simply getting focused for it's own reasons? I honestly don't know. I do know I will ride this wave to as great of a success as is possible. I will do everything in my power to reject my cynicism, exhaustion, medical pass, or anything else the world or I might try to throw in my path.
You know though, as busy as I was yesterday? I still had plenty of time to goof. And, while I don't mind goofing a bit, from time to time, all work and no play and such? I also don't like slacking. Plus the goofing can slow down my progress so that I don't sleep until too late. I need to become more efficient. I want to use myself and be used by the world. I don't have to like all of it, I don't have to want to do some of it, it doesn't matter. I am in training to be a servant. I have failed as a master. But beyond that, I had no servants! Impossible! *grins*
Have a great day. Get out and get to it. Later.
A woman's work is never done!
.
.
More so when a man tries to do it alone. But boy am I tired.
I had hoped to do a number of things tonight. Dishes, laundry, changing bedding, maybe cleaning the kitchen, polishing shoes, and finally my routine. I didn't change the bedding. Sam was sleeping so peacefully I honestly could not disturb her while I was in the room sorting, folding, and hanging the laundry. No, I let puss-puss enjoy her beauty sleep. The rest is done, every last thing save brushing my gums, including my exercises. From the counters being cleaned off to the microwave being washed, even the microwave platter being taken out and truly scrubbed, to the shoe polishing. Although I will be doing one other thing before brushing and sleeping. Looking for a way to get shoe polish off a finger. It looks like I had an itch I really shouldn't have scratched.
The shoes will need another wax soon, several. While what I did improves the look much, that they hadn't been polished in years meant that they are merely improved, not optimized. But optimization in such cases can't be had with one polishing. Nor two, three, or possibly even four polishings. Adding too much wax at once does them no good, either. I also got my good hiking boots. They aren't waxed to a shine, they aren't supposed to be shiny. But they have been treated. I will be adding mink oil to both later in the week, unless I can find a true weather proofing product.
I don't know how long I can maintain things at this level. But I think the point of my life going forward is to work as hard as I can to honestly get everything up to spec, then figure out how to make sure things don't fall into such deep disrepair. It will mean doing things when I don't want to, ignoring exhaustion, ignoring my petty dislikes and disinterests, and just doing. I forgot to add Jean to the list of women motivators. She has written other things as well, but this was the one that came to mind. The other day she wrote a haiku, I think?, on the subject. I need to quit checking, asking, thinking about it, and just do it. That is my goal.
I will never stop being tired. But each step I take into doing more will gain me access to even more, until I hit some real hard absolute maximum potential, beyond which I truly can't do more. I am a long way from that, but it is the goal. While I have always thought I have been doing all I can, and though sometimes that has been true, it has just as, or maybe more so, often not been true. Sometimes the habit of being ill is difficult to differentiate from actually being ill. I'm... right on that. But this time that isn't snark. I really am getting right on that.
Be well, good night, and may God bless you and keep you.
.
More so when a man tries to do it alone. But boy am I tired.
I had hoped to do a number of things tonight. Dishes, laundry, changing bedding, maybe cleaning the kitchen, polishing shoes, and finally my routine. I didn't change the bedding. Sam was sleeping so peacefully I honestly could not disturb her while I was in the room sorting, folding, and hanging the laundry. No, I let puss-puss enjoy her beauty sleep. The rest is done, every last thing save brushing my gums, including my exercises. From the counters being cleaned off to the microwave being washed, even the microwave platter being taken out and truly scrubbed, to the shoe polishing. Although I will be doing one other thing before brushing and sleeping. Looking for a way to get shoe polish off a finger. It looks like I had an itch I really shouldn't have scratched.
The shoes will need another wax soon, several. While what I did improves the look much, that they hadn't been polished in years meant that they are merely improved, not optimized. But optimization in such cases can't be had with one polishing. Nor two, three, or possibly even four polishings. Adding too much wax at once does them no good, either. I also got my good hiking boots. They aren't waxed to a shine, they aren't supposed to be shiny. But they have been treated. I will be adding mink oil to both later in the week, unless I can find a true weather proofing product.
I don't know how long I can maintain things at this level. But I think the point of my life going forward is to work as hard as I can to honestly get everything up to spec, then figure out how to make sure things don't fall into such deep disrepair. It will mean doing things when I don't want to, ignoring exhaustion, ignoring my petty dislikes and disinterests, and just doing. I forgot to add Jean to the list of women motivators. She has written other things as well, but this was the one that came to mind. The other day she wrote a haiku, I think?, on the subject. I need to quit checking, asking, thinking about it, and just do it. That is my goal.
I will never stop being tired. But each step I take into doing more will gain me access to even more, until I hit some real hard absolute maximum potential, beyond which I truly can't do more. I am a long way from that, but it is the goal. While I have always thought I have been doing all I can, and though sometimes that has been true, it has just as, or maybe more so, often not been true. Sometimes the habit of being ill is difficult to differentiate from actually being ill. I'm... right on that. But this time that isn't snark. I really am getting right on that.
Be well, good night, and may God bless you and keep you.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Happy Halloween?
.
.
Well, yes, I suppose. I had forgotten. so when the first kiddies rang the doorbell I was caught completely off guard. Oh, I knew it was coming. And from time to time I knew I should buy some candy. It just never happened. So, what was there to do? I asked the youngens to wait, went to my change jar, grabbed a handful each (too much, as I later considered, but it happens), then returned to give them each a fistful of change. Okay, after they left and I settled in, I decided that $1 in quarters, per, was about all I could do. I only had so much, then I could go to dollars, of which I only had five. Which meant I could only treat about 18 trickers. So I was hoping this year would be as light as last year. It looks like that was the case. Another group came by. I apologized for forgetting candy but they seemed to be quite grateful for money and several suggested this was the best place ever! *smile* I'm happy if the kids are good. I do enjoy them coming by. Yeah, I like kids, all of them, up to the point of doing serious bad. The little bad things? Just make me chuckle. Been there, done that. *grins*
The dishes are soaking, the laundry is finishing drying, and I will get these things done. Then my sets of push-ups and crunches, a bite to eat, my remaining rituals, then bedtime. I will do these things, and keep doing them, somehow. And I will begin doing them in a more timely manner. I don't want to be Siouxsie Sioux, who I was, but who I can be. And I think, one step at a time, on as much medicine as I can handle, and I can get there. Through the confusion, exhaustion, disinterest, black nether, spiritual and mental blindness, and anything else that might get in the way. I can do it. And I am going to force it if I have to. And I will do it one little thing at a time, built into a cohesive force of life, building on itself one small step at a time. Cheers to Siouxie Sioux, Wonder Woman, and Heidi, who have inspired me in this particular way. In more ways than one. Ungh! And you thought I disliked women!
Ah, but I have something for you adult tricker treaters. Oh, you know who it is from. But it is all I have. Such are dreams, I suppose. Nightmares of our youth? Fears in the here and now? Sometimes both. Remember, little big ones, when you were young.
Good night.
.
Well, yes, I suppose. I had forgotten. so when the first kiddies rang the doorbell I was caught completely off guard. Oh, I knew it was coming. And from time to time I knew I should buy some candy. It just never happened. So, what was there to do? I asked the youngens to wait, went to my change jar, grabbed a handful each (too much, as I later considered, but it happens), then returned to give them each a fistful of change. Okay, after they left and I settled in, I decided that $1 in quarters, per, was about all I could do. I only had so much, then I could go to dollars, of which I only had five. Which meant I could only treat about 18 trickers. So I was hoping this year would be as light as last year. It looks like that was the case. Another group came by. I apologized for forgetting candy but they seemed to be quite grateful for money and several suggested this was the best place ever! *smile* I'm happy if the kids are good. I do enjoy them coming by. Yeah, I like kids, all of them, up to the point of doing serious bad. The little bad things? Just make me chuckle. Been there, done that. *grins*
The dishes are soaking, the laundry is finishing drying, and I will get these things done. Then my sets of push-ups and crunches, a bite to eat, my remaining rituals, then bedtime. I will do these things, and keep doing them, somehow. And I will begin doing them in a more timely manner. I don't want to be Siouxsie Sioux, who I was, but who I can be. And I think, one step at a time, on as much medicine as I can handle, and I can get there. Through the confusion, exhaustion, disinterest, black nether, spiritual and mental blindness, and anything else that might get in the way. I can do it. And I am going to force it if I have to. And I will do it one little thing at a time, built into a cohesive force of life, building on itself one small step at a time. Cheers to Siouxie Sioux, Wonder Woman, and Heidi, who have inspired me in this particular way. In more ways than one. Ungh! And you thought I disliked women!
Ah, but I have something for you adult tricker treaters. Oh, you know who it is from. But it is all I have. Such are dreams, I suppose. Nightmares of our youth? Fears in the here and now? Sometimes both. Remember, little big ones, when you were young.
Good night.
Busy day.
.
.
Along with the additions to my routines, I made it to town. I picked up my friend and we headed right to the gun store. Long story short, I don't have a new revolver. That's the bad news. The good news? Well, I remembered the price and moved money out of savings for it. When I got to the store? I had remembered the wrong amount and wasn't sure I could quite cover the difference. Panicked a bit, I muttered something about price, worry, payday tomorrow. Oh, no problem suggested the clerk. We can hold it 24 hours with no fee, charges, or paperwork. He asked, for sure, if I have my cwp. Yep yep. So it will be waiting for me tomorrow.
My friend hadn't brought a gun, and since the revolver I was going to shoot was not yet in my possession, I asked if he would mind holding off shooting until tomorrow? I offered a last snow free ride up Logan Canyon and then supper, on me. Good enough. So I got right on it. A loverly ride, I love driving in the mountains now, and fall leaves are still showing, if less so that even a week ago. The trees know. A meal was had afterward. Then I let my friend off and proceeded to the store to buy a new polishing kit, including some rags. Then to home.
The rifle I had been hoping to buy is gone. I will keep looking for it or one like it. I could kick myself, but there was little I could do. I am sure something will come along sooner or later. And, of course, who knows if it was a good buy. It is just that it seemed to be everything I wanted in a hunting rifle. The right caliber, a lever action that could handle pointed bullets, and a price that will be very difficult to beat. It'll happen.
And yet I am not done. Dishes and laundry remain on my to-do list and I think I will get them done. Something about this song and the video has been aiding me in my efforts. There is, of course, the song. Beyond being lively, the point of the words is precisely what I need. Then there is the video. Again, beyond merely being exciting and sexy you see a real woman who has to do amazing things, and have done so for decades, to keep in that kind of shape and expel that kind of energy. But too, you see her taking a cab 'in to work'. Just a normal woman, in many ways. She makes decisions and carries through with them. You have to imagine that, often, she doesn't want to. I imagine, somehow, the life she leads off stage. Oddly, I sense no drug use, or booze. She can't afford it, to her mind. I might be wrong, or maybe she did those things at one time if I don't sense that. No, a straight hard worker who enjoys her life but works hard for it. How odd. And the mythology of the band indicates that she wasn't even a singer. She just... started. With a group of guys, in her late teens to early 20's, she just up and... became what she is. From normal to superstar in a minor blink of the eye. Inspiring. All combined it has been driving me forward. I need to find the cd that song is on and own it. After finding a number of jewels from her lithography I had not heard before, and enjoying them madly, I need to add more of her music to my collection I see.
Tomorrow will be a busy day. I will do my morning routine, including minor calisthenics, shower and dress properly, get to Mass, call my brother, then pick up my friend and his guns, buy my gun, and then go shopping. Loverly! Sometime in the next week or two I will be taking my friend to Ogden to do some shopping. Since I back down on the medicines I am not nearing feinting when on my feet more than 15 minutes to an half an hour. That was really putting a damper on my affairs. Can I do all those things? Well, maybe. I'm going to 'get up, get out' as she suggests. I won't hang about!
Today was the first day of carrying a concealed firearm. To be honest it felt no differently than yesterday or any other day I have been out. I am a rather confident man, however, so that should be no surprise. If I walk out my door, armed or no, I am ready to live, die, kill, or let live, for the right reasons. If I am not up to the task I won't head out that door. So, yeah, I do feel pressure when leaving. Why do I feel this way? Anybody's guess. But it is real and true and hard. As I wrote on the conceal carry boards I will carry if allowed (if I debate the allowance part, I will abide it in times of mostly lawfulness). I do it as a civic, social, manly, duty. And so it is.
What a wonderful day. If I could just keep it up! You know, KNOW, I want to. Later.
.
Along with the additions to my routines, I made it to town. I picked up my friend and we headed right to the gun store. Long story short, I don't have a new revolver. That's the bad news. The good news? Well, I remembered the price and moved money out of savings for it. When I got to the store? I had remembered the wrong amount and wasn't sure I could quite cover the difference. Panicked a bit, I muttered something about price, worry, payday tomorrow. Oh, no problem suggested the clerk. We can hold it 24 hours with no fee, charges, or paperwork. He asked, for sure, if I have my cwp. Yep yep. So it will be waiting for me tomorrow.
My friend hadn't brought a gun, and since the revolver I was going to shoot was not yet in my possession, I asked if he would mind holding off shooting until tomorrow? I offered a last snow free ride up Logan Canyon and then supper, on me. Good enough. So I got right on it. A loverly ride, I love driving in the mountains now, and fall leaves are still showing, if less so that even a week ago. The trees know. A meal was had afterward. Then I let my friend off and proceeded to the store to buy a new polishing kit, including some rags. Then to home.
The rifle I had been hoping to buy is gone. I will keep looking for it or one like it. I could kick myself, but there was little I could do. I am sure something will come along sooner or later. And, of course, who knows if it was a good buy. It is just that it seemed to be everything I wanted in a hunting rifle. The right caliber, a lever action that could handle pointed bullets, and a price that will be very difficult to beat. It'll happen.
And yet I am not done. Dishes and laundry remain on my to-do list and I think I will get them done. Something about this song and the video has been aiding me in my efforts. There is, of course, the song. Beyond being lively, the point of the words is precisely what I need. Then there is the video. Again, beyond merely being exciting and sexy you see a real woman who has to do amazing things, and have done so for decades, to keep in that kind of shape and expel that kind of energy. But too, you see her taking a cab 'in to work'. Just a normal woman, in many ways. She makes decisions and carries through with them. You have to imagine that, often, she doesn't want to. I imagine, somehow, the life she leads off stage. Oddly, I sense no drug use, or booze. She can't afford it, to her mind. I might be wrong, or maybe she did those things at one time if I don't sense that. No, a straight hard worker who enjoys her life but works hard for it. How odd. And the mythology of the band indicates that she wasn't even a singer. She just... started. With a group of guys, in her late teens to early 20's, she just up and... became what she is. From normal to superstar in a minor blink of the eye. Inspiring. All combined it has been driving me forward. I need to find the cd that song is on and own it. After finding a number of jewels from her lithography I had not heard before, and enjoying them madly, I need to add more of her music to my collection I see.
Tomorrow will be a busy day. I will do my morning routine, including minor calisthenics, shower and dress properly, get to Mass, call my brother, then pick up my friend and his guns, buy my gun, and then go shopping. Loverly! Sometime in the next week or two I will be taking my friend to Ogden to do some shopping. Since I back down on the medicines I am not nearing feinting when on my feet more than 15 minutes to an half an hour. That was really putting a damper on my affairs. Can I do all those things? Well, maybe. I'm going to 'get up, get out' as she suggests. I won't hang about!
Today was the first day of carrying a concealed firearm. To be honest it felt no differently than yesterday or any other day I have been out. I am a rather confident man, however, so that should be no surprise. If I walk out my door, armed or no, I am ready to live, die, kill, or let live, for the right reasons. If I am not up to the task I won't head out that door. So, yeah, I do feel pressure when leaving. Why do I feel this way? Anybody's guess. But it is real and true and hard. As I wrote on the conceal carry boards I will carry if allowed (if I debate the allowance part, I will abide it in times of mostly lawfulness). I do it as a civic, social, manly, duty. And so it is.
What a wonderful day. If I could just keep it up! You know, KNOW, I want to. Later.
Doing well.
.
.
Today is better than the last two, for whatever reason. Kitty litter has been changed, trash has been collected and such and sits on the curb, recycling has been tended to the outdoor bin though it isn't a recycling day. Brushing, weight, medicine, sweeping (went with litter tending), and a few push-ups and crunches (a new addition to my morning and evening line-up if I can keep it going), and I am just about to have breakfast. Then on to laundry and calling my friend to set up our shoot today. If he cancels I will be free to go to Mass. And, whatever happens, when I get to town I will check on the revolver. All in just a few hours, nice. That Siouxsie and the Banshees song, It's about to happen has gotten me off my posterior I think. Love that, it's new to me.
What else is going on today? I have no idea. The curtains are open and it looks pretty wide open out there. I... I think I want to go out and find something to do. And then I think I want to return and improve my home just a bit, a touch of cleaning. Another window to life has opened up. I'm going to hop on life express for as long as the ticket taker will let me stay.
Get to it yourself, and enjoy it damned it. You only live here once.
.
Today is better than the last two, for whatever reason. Kitty litter has been changed, trash has been collected and such and sits on the curb, recycling has been tended to the outdoor bin though it isn't a recycling day. Brushing, weight, medicine, sweeping (went with litter tending), and a few push-ups and crunches (a new addition to my morning and evening line-up if I can keep it going), and I am just about to have breakfast. Then on to laundry and calling my friend to set up our shoot today. If he cancels I will be free to go to Mass. And, whatever happens, when I get to town I will check on the revolver. All in just a few hours, nice. That Siouxsie and the Banshees song, It's about to happen has gotten me off my posterior I think. Love that, it's new to me.
What else is going on today? I have no idea. The curtains are open and it looks pretty wide open out there. I... I think I want to go out and find something to do. And then I think I want to return and improve my home just a bit, a touch of cleaning. Another window to life has opened up. I'm going to hop on life express for as long as the ticket taker will let me stay.
Get to it yourself, and enjoy it damned it. You only live here once.
Oh, ouch.
.
.
No, it doesn't hurt actually. I did end up staying up a bit later as getting those last chores done was like pulling teeth. And I woke early again, so I feel that rub of being tired. At least that is from natural causes and I will work to move beyond that. I often feel like a paraplegic adult (my mind) trying to get and keep the attention of a very scattered child (my body), then trying to get it to do a few simple things. My body, not because it means to, also tends to try and distract me, and is good at it. I am trying to add things to my daily routine anyway, which is succeeding. Brushing and gargling has been added to the morning and nightly chore list. I miss from time to time, but usually ding it. Weighing in, first thing, medicine, and then taking my blood pressure, are all roughly restarted and moving forward, jerkily. But sometimes, no matter what, just getting my act together to take out the trash, do dishes, or such, is nigh on impossible. Pushing through the nether, I suppose. Still, it is getting done. Just not in the time I would prefer.
I don't know what all is planned. I have to get the trash out shortly, and change the cat litter, possibly put out the recycling bin as well. I am set to take my friend out shooting today, check to see if the .357 is still in the display case, put the dishes to soak, and finish the laundry. I put the last load in the drier last night as a last thing. Bedding. Now would be a good time to change my bedding too, come to think of it. Yes, yes, I will keep trying. Wednesday is my next real shot at Mass. Lord knows I need it like a man who has been lost in the desert needs a water hole. Hmm, to that end, I should also pick up brown, black, good waterproofing polish, and a brush. Perhaps some cloths for polishing and whatever. A mechanic's pack would be good.
A couple of comments D.C. has made, I think, needed a minor response. While with me on the purchase of a new gun, it seems, I thought I should explain a bit more. Since I don't trust them not to, eventually, yank my cwp, I am going to buy the guns on my list, while I can. They have become uppermost until I have the range of firearms I want. My list includes a .357 and 9 mm handgun, a hunting rifle (preferably of the .308 variety), and a main battle rifle(preferably, again, a .308). I have spotted a possible .357 and .308 hunting rifle (I hope it hasn't sold, and I have to look at it first). I might be able to get those this month. That is why guns have preempted other buying.
As for women not liking men touching their feminine, absolutely. But sometimes you just do what you do and set their moaning and complaining aside. If you steal her gold though, mind you, you must repay her in silver and toss in a diamond on top of it. They are terribly efficient horse traders, if not good at knowing the man value of things, so it works. You can't go to far so as to preempt her position or she will try to dethrone you, it is an ugly affair, if women are terrible at war, so is man's capacity to truly damage a woman he loves, or even just a woman, if he is a good man. It is unnatural to war on women. So there are boundaries, but these are very flexible. I was probably short with my answer because I do pretty much any damn thing I want and let women hate it. But that is never free, either, as I suggested with the silver and gold. Siouxsie, again, has a song which indicates women's notion on men and lace, I'll put that up for you. (Yeah, I'm on a Siouxsie bender, hush!)
Confiscate my lace indeed.
Oh, and making a woman angry, while I pretend it is something that causes fear in me, it isn't true. An angry woman is both a happy woman and... in the bag. It helps with her need for drama, as long as you reasonably attend it, but don't get lost in it! If you aren't pissing your woman off, something awful, and often, you aren't doing it right. Not that you have to really try. As a guy, to guys, I would suggest being honest. That will suffice. Women will, in part, always hate you just for the fact that you can get away with telling the truth. God knows, dearly, in the black pit that is sometimes my heart, I enjoy being told... "I... hate you!". Oh, baby, I know you do. I know it. Uhm yummy!
Here is one I had never heard before that I really enjoy. Just morning music though it reminds me of when I finally entered the Church I was called too. Though I knew this before too, when I realized some other things... like I have no right to be alive, statistically. Actually, I might say, I... can't be alive. Never... Mind...
Yeah, sure, I might be delusional. But are you sure you want to bet that way, mortaling?
Have a great day.
.
No, it doesn't hurt actually. I did end up staying up a bit later as getting those last chores done was like pulling teeth. And I woke early again, so I feel that rub of being tired. At least that is from natural causes and I will work to move beyond that. I often feel like a paraplegic adult (my mind) trying to get and keep the attention of a very scattered child (my body), then trying to get it to do a few simple things. My body, not because it means to, also tends to try and distract me, and is good at it. I am trying to add things to my daily routine anyway, which is succeeding. Brushing and gargling has been added to the morning and nightly chore list. I miss from time to time, but usually ding it. Weighing in, first thing, medicine, and then taking my blood pressure, are all roughly restarted and moving forward, jerkily. But sometimes, no matter what, just getting my act together to take out the trash, do dishes, or such, is nigh on impossible. Pushing through the nether, I suppose. Still, it is getting done. Just not in the time I would prefer.
I don't know what all is planned. I have to get the trash out shortly, and change the cat litter, possibly put out the recycling bin as well. I am set to take my friend out shooting today, check to see if the .357 is still in the display case, put the dishes to soak, and finish the laundry. I put the last load in the drier last night as a last thing. Bedding. Now would be a good time to change my bedding too, come to think of it. Yes, yes, I will keep trying. Wednesday is my next real shot at Mass. Lord knows I need it like a man who has been lost in the desert needs a water hole. Hmm, to that end, I should also pick up brown, black, good waterproofing polish, and a brush. Perhaps some cloths for polishing and whatever. A mechanic's pack would be good.
A couple of comments D.C. has made, I think, needed a minor response. While with me on the purchase of a new gun, it seems, I thought I should explain a bit more. Since I don't trust them not to, eventually, yank my cwp, I am going to buy the guns on my list, while I can. They have become uppermost until I have the range of firearms I want. My list includes a .357 and 9 mm handgun, a hunting rifle (preferably of the .308 variety), and a main battle rifle(preferably, again, a .308). I have spotted a possible .357 and .308 hunting rifle (I hope it hasn't sold, and I have to look at it first). I might be able to get those this month. That is why guns have preempted other buying.
As for women not liking men touching their feminine, absolutely. But sometimes you just do what you do and set their moaning and complaining aside. If you steal her gold though, mind you, you must repay her in silver and toss in a diamond on top of it. They are terribly efficient horse traders, if not good at knowing the man value of things, so it works. You can't go to far so as to preempt her position or she will try to dethrone you, it is an ugly affair, if women are terrible at war, so is man's capacity to truly damage a woman he loves, or even just a woman, if he is a good man. It is unnatural to war on women. So there are boundaries, but these are very flexible. I was probably short with my answer because I do pretty much any damn thing I want and let women hate it. But that is never free, either, as I suggested with the silver and gold. Siouxsie, again, has a song which indicates women's notion on men and lace, I'll put that up for you. (Yeah, I'm on a Siouxsie bender, hush!)
Confiscate my lace indeed.
Oh, and making a woman angry, while I pretend it is something that causes fear in me, it isn't true. An angry woman is both a happy woman and... in the bag. It helps with her need for drama, as long as you reasonably attend it, but don't get lost in it! If you aren't pissing your woman off, something awful, and often, you aren't doing it right. Not that you have to really try. As a guy, to guys, I would suggest being honest. That will suffice. Women will, in part, always hate you just for the fact that you can get away with telling the truth. God knows, dearly, in the black pit that is sometimes my heart, I enjoy being told... "I... hate you!". Oh, baby, I know you do. I know it. Uhm yummy!
Here is one I had never heard before that I really enjoy. Just morning music though it reminds me of when I finally entered the Church I was called too. Though I knew this before too, when I realized some other things... like I have no right to be alive, statistically. Actually, I might say, I... can't be alive. Never... Mind...
Yeah, sure, I might be delusional. But are you sure you want to bet that way, mortaling?
Have a great day.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Such a struggle.
.
.
Why should doing a few things be so very dearly difficult? One would think, with as hard as it was, that I have moved 10 ton of grain or something. Is a bad heart really that serious? If so, why can I still do some of the stunts I pull off? Why am I still so strong? Anyway. I am finishing the last of the laundry. There wasn't that much, it is just that there were several different types of loads and the washer is slow (slower than the drier to help you understand). I don't really care about the washer being low energy consumption, but I do like that it is easy on my clothes. It makes it worth the time problem.
Early today I brined the chicken in prep for the grill. I thought I would have been finished grilling it by now, but so be it. I salted the beef ribs a bit ago, and will let them sit for an hour before cooking them. It's a little open secret with beef, if you know where to look or hear. I had thought to not grill at all but didn't want to leave the chicken in the brine overnight, so there it is.
I've done a few other assorted things here and there but it has been so difficult to do anything. My mind can't focus, my body has trouble doing, and yet I feel like busting heads and crunching fools! I need a break from my body. It is almost like I am babysitting my sickly flesh, tied to it like a wife to a seriously ill husband or something. I'm stuck. I'll keep working on it. Since I have found some improvement I will give the new medicine dose another week. If I am still in even this higher but insufficient level of function next Monday, I will draw the dose down again. I have things to do! Siouxsie says it best!
Ha! She reminds me of WW. I wonder where Wonder Woman has been lately? I am almost sure she would at least like the sentiment the song evokes.
.
Why should doing a few things be so very dearly difficult? One would think, with as hard as it was, that I have moved 10 ton of grain or something. Is a bad heart really that serious? If so, why can I still do some of the stunts I pull off? Why am I still so strong? Anyway. I am finishing the last of the laundry. There wasn't that much, it is just that there were several different types of loads and the washer is slow (slower than the drier to help you understand). I don't really care about the washer being low energy consumption, but I do like that it is easy on my clothes. It makes it worth the time problem.
Early today I brined the chicken in prep for the grill. I thought I would have been finished grilling it by now, but so be it. I salted the beef ribs a bit ago, and will let them sit for an hour before cooking them. It's a little open secret with beef, if you know where to look or hear. I had thought to not grill at all but didn't want to leave the chicken in the brine overnight, so there it is.
I've done a few other assorted things here and there but it has been so difficult to do anything. My mind can't focus, my body has trouble doing, and yet I feel like busting heads and crunching fools! I need a break from my body. It is almost like I am babysitting my sickly flesh, tied to it like a wife to a seriously ill husband or something. I'm stuck. I'll keep working on it. Since I have found some improvement I will give the new medicine dose another week. If I am still in even this higher but insufficient level of function next Monday, I will draw the dose down again. I have things to do! Siouxsie says it best!
Ha! She reminds me of WW. I wonder where Wonder Woman has been lately? I am almost sure she would at least like the sentiment the song evokes.
Something that has been bothering me lately.
.
.
When talking to old friends, should I happen to ask about their sister(s), getting told that they are happy, and married, and with a pained look on their face or in their voice... When it happens often enough, I started getting a bit peeved about it. I was merely asking after their affairs, not looking for their hand in marriage after all. It is not even as if marriage, dating, and the particular friend's sister were even being discussed in anything like close proximity. And, yes, it hurt my feelings a bit. I have been chewing on that this morning for some reason.
Then it hit me. Their reactions suggest two things. One, that they see me as a real contender for their sister's attentions. They must see me as what they would consider attractive to women. The strong scent of fear I get from them is sometimes intense, like a bad fear fart, it fills the room. Next, they must see me as some kind of heart breaker, home-wrecker, or bad apple to be involved with women or they don't think much of their sister(s). Maybe brothers are simply protective of their sisters though too. This has happened some number of times, through time, and most recently again. What is that? Doom is in the area, hide you women folk! Heh. Still bothers me, but at least there is a minor compliment in there. Never mind, if health holds, I'll still get someone's sister. Just you wait and see. Then they'll be sorry! hahaha
It is easy to see why that is galling. I still can't make heads or tales of it though, not fully. Are these not really my friends? Am I that bad of an apple, to men who know me? Perhaps they don't like their sisters? Still mulling while I wake up. Galled and all.
.
When talking to old friends, should I happen to ask about their sister(s), getting told that they are happy, and married, and with a pained look on their face or in their voice... When it happens often enough, I started getting a bit peeved about it. I was merely asking after their affairs, not looking for their hand in marriage after all. It is not even as if marriage, dating, and the particular friend's sister were even being discussed in anything like close proximity. And, yes, it hurt my feelings a bit. I have been chewing on that this morning for some reason.
Then it hit me. Their reactions suggest two things. One, that they see me as a real contender for their sister's attentions. They must see me as what they would consider attractive to women. The strong scent of fear I get from them is sometimes intense, like a bad fear fart, it fills the room. Next, they must see me as some kind of heart breaker, home-wrecker, or bad apple to be involved with women or they don't think much of their sister(s). Maybe brothers are simply protective of their sisters though too. This has happened some number of times, through time, and most recently again. What is that? Doom is in the area, hide you women folk! Heh. Still bothers me, but at least there is a minor compliment in there. Never mind, if health holds, I'll still get someone's sister. Just you wait and see. Then they'll be sorry! hahaha
It is easy to see why that is galling. I still can't make heads or tales of it though, not fully. Are these not really my friends? Am I that bad of an apple, to men who know me? Perhaps they don't like their sisters? Still mulling while I wake up. Galled and all.
Awake and early again.
.
.
It is just past 4:00 and I have been awake long enough to weigh in, brush and gargle, take my blood pressure, put on some p.j.s, and have some cereal. Nothing fancy but good enough. To actually be doing something right away in the morning, anything, is good. I had just been getting up and going to the computer. I couldn't think beyond that. Well, feeding the kitties, but they sort of help old popo remember. Brats! I am not sure how well I am doing this morning, not yet. I do have some goals for the day.
After two days of unexplainable weight gain, my weight has dropped again. Another two pounds off after gaining eight or nine pounds, ending up ten pounds below the recent high. Don't ask me, I eat and drink about the same, it is merely water weight. I think, when I took my friend out shooting, that since I wasn't near the bathroom, I simply didn't void as I would at home, which gained me about a pound and a half. But the seven pound gain, that I don't understand.
Laundry and dishes. Cleaning the house. Church if I can get my act together in time. After falling so hard and fast yesterday, and that after not being able to get going in the first place well, leaves me a bit leery of being sure of anything. I can only post goals and work toward those. Patience is something I have had to learn to abide. It isn't an option but a reality. My body simply doesn't do what it is told.
Just fidgeting as I figure out my day, life. It is good and I will enjoy it, frustrations and limitations, and whatever else. I am just waiting for the sun so I can open the shades and turn off the lights. Have a great day.
.
It is just past 4:00 and I have been awake long enough to weigh in, brush and gargle, take my blood pressure, put on some p.j.s, and have some cereal. Nothing fancy but good enough. To actually be doing something right away in the morning, anything, is good. I had just been getting up and going to the computer. I couldn't think beyond that. Well, feeding the kitties, but they sort of help old popo remember. Brats! I am not sure how well I am doing this morning, not yet. I do have some goals for the day.
After two days of unexplainable weight gain, my weight has dropped again. Another two pounds off after gaining eight or nine pounds, ending up ten pounds below the recent high. Don't ask me, I eat and drink about the same, it is merely water weight. I think, when I took my friend out shooting, that since I wasn't near the bathroom, I simply didn't void as I would at home, which gained me about a pound and a half. But the seven pound gain, that I don't understand.
Laundry and dishes. Cleaning the house. Church if I can get my act together in time. After falling so hard and fast yesterday, and that after not being able to get going in the first place well, leaves me a bit leery of being sure of anything. I can only post goals and work toward those. Patience is something I have had to learn to abide. It isn't an option but a reality. My body simply doesn't do what it is told.
Just fidgeting as I figure out my day, life. It is good and I will enjoy it, frustrations and limitations, and whatever else. I am just waiting for the sun so I can open the shades and turn off the lights. Have a great day.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Halvsies, as usual.
.
.
I did make it to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I was an half hour early, which makes it more comfortable. Plus, I like praying, thinking, and just soaking in the surrounds there in the nave. I also go and pray afterward, just a bit. It always makes me feel like I am home. More so, I suppose, because I have never had a home. There is no one place I could call home, save in time where I currently reside. I almost feel foolish going in with my quaint little sins. And I do look things over for even little things. I am sure I miss much, we have a way of forgetting. But I am sure I get the big ones and some of the little ones. What is worse, at this point, I am probably too sick to develop new sins, so I am stuck with the same old ones. :p In any case, I always feel blessed to have another chance to try and beat those same old sins. It might be a losing battle but since God is willing to forgive, over and over, I am willing to try, over and over. I am just glad He forgives one more time than I sin. :)
I could not stay for services. I was already failing and I really needed to shop. There is always tomorrow, for shopping, but I get on a roll and I have to... do. I will try to be to services tomorrow. Though 10:00 is early, it might suit my schedule of awakeness. The only problem is that, like this morning, I may not be able to get moving. Neither heat, caffeine, or food could get me going today. Still, I did what I could. Doh! I forgot shoe polish! No worries.
On to the store I went. I spent nearly the last of my open money on food, but all good. Chicken, beef ribs, cereal so I have something more substantial 'on tap', milk, and a few other items. Nothing fancy, I didn't have much remaining to me. I know how much was in my account, so I counted the items, roughly, as I put them in my cart. Ten dollars here, three dollars there, seven there, and so on. It adds up fast these days. For some supposed great slaughter of cattle going on, the prices aren't reflecting that. At ten a pound for steak, which I had to pass, I think we are being had.
But I am done, spent, tired, and more. I am honestly doing everything I can do, and probably then some. At least, with God, I have no worry about explaining things. He knows very well how hard I really try. He knows how important He is to me. He even knows what I do for Him. What I surrender of my own notions, what I try to convey to others from Him, and that I know I am His. Christ made me His friend and brother. It's a family sort of thing. I think I do like the priest. He is a bit mysterious, curios, interesting. Not that that matters, just a side note. I hope to get better enough to work with him and the lady who runs the prison visitation group. He says she is a good woman and I believe him. Sometimes you just sort of trust some people.
I had hoped to grill, do more laundry, and do the dishes, but I am all out of gas. I believe I will cool down just a bit, do a few finishing touches on things, say a thankful prayer and include some of your concerns in my prayers, then go to bed. A good night to pray for my enemies too. Lord knows, they need them. At least now, tonight, when I lay down to sleep, I will rest much easier. If I don't make Mass tomorrow, I will soon, and in good conscience. Good night.
.
I did make it to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I was an half hour early, which makes it more comfortable. Plus, I like praying, thinking, and just soaking in the surrounds there in the nave. I also go and pray afterward, just a bit. It always makes me feel like I am home. More so, I suppose, because I have never had a home. There is no one place I could call home, save in time where I currently reside. I almost feel foolish going in with my quaint little sins. And I do look things over for even little things. I am sure I miss much, we have a way of forgetting. But I am sure I get the big ones and some of the little ones. What is worse, at this point, I am probably too sick to develop new sins, so I am stuck with the same old ones. :p In any case, I always feel blessed to have another chance to try and beat those same old sins. It might be a losing battle but since God is willing to forgive, over and over, I am willing to try, over and over. I am just glad He forgives one more time than I sin. :)
I could not stay for services. I was already failing and I really needed to shop. There is always tomorrow, for shopping, but I get on a roll and I have to... do. I will try to be to services tomorrow. Though 10:00 is early, it might suit my schedule of awakeness. The only problem is that, like this morning, I may not be able to get moving. Neither heat, caffeine, or food could get me going today. Still, I did what I could. Doh! I forgot shoe polish! No worries.
On to the store I went. I spent nearly the last of my open money on food, but all good. Chicken, beef ribs, cereal so I have something more substantial 'on tap', milk, and a few other items. Nothing fancy, I didn't have much remaining to me. I know how much was in my account, so I counted the items, roughly, as I put them in my cart. Ten dollars here, three dollars there, seven there, and so on. It adds up fast these days. For some supposed great slaughter of cattle going on, the prices aren't reflecting that. At ten a pound for steak, which I had to pass, I think we are being had.
But I am done, spent, tired, and more. I am honestly doing everything I can do, and probably then some. At least, with God, I have no worry about explaining things. He knows very well how hard I really try. He knows how important He is to me. He even knows what I do for Him. What I surrender of my own notions, what I try to convey to others from Him, and that I know I am His. Christ made me His friend and brother. It's a family sort of thing. I think I do like the priest. He is a bit mysterious, curios, interesting. Not that that matters, just a side note. I hope to get better enough to work with him and the lady who runs the prison visitation group. He says she is a good woman and I believe him. Sometimes you just sort of trust some people.
I had hoped to grill, do more laundry, and do the dishes, but I am all out of gas. I believe I will cool down just a bit, do a few finishing touches on things, say a thankful prayer and include some of your concerns in my prayers, then go to bed. A good night to pray for my enemies too. Lord knows, they need them. At least now, tonight, when I lay down to sleep, I will rest much easier. If I don't make Mass tomorrow, I will soon, and in good conscience. Good night.
Ah well.
.
.
The morning was a wash. I did put a load of laundry in. I didn't follow that up, though I will now that I remember it. I didn't get in and do any shopping. I did look for, but did not find, my shoe shining kit. But I am going anyway. I just used an old rag to buff my shoes as well as possible. A shower, no shave as I am growing my beard, and then I just finished dressing properly. First the Sacrament of Reconciliation, then Mass. I will get it done barring death or accident. And, perhaps, I may begin going to the noon Masses offered Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I will try to make it either Saturday evening or Sunday morning, when those lie within a sleep cycle, but only one. I like the notion of more regular attendance, but since those are the busy Masses, I like to leave room for others (unless I notice attendance is light).
Yes, yes, this and that. Sure, there are problems with the Church. I have mentioned them. But just as often I use those to cover for my illness, as reasons to not go. Attending Mass is vital, critical, for Catholics... or I should say Church of Christ congregants. I have simply been too ill to get everything together until now.
I keep reading over how the Sacrament is supposed to go, the father's role, and mine, but it just isn't sticking. I will explain that I am quite ill, and unable to concentrate well, and ask him to guide me. I know my sins though! Oh, and I have brushed and gargled a second time. Before taking the host, we are to not have anything in our mouth for an hour, in reverence.
After confession and Mass, I am going to try and shop. I thought about carrying today. But the holster I have, though it has a component for concealment, is not rigged for it and I don't have time to search out the component and figure out how to set it up. Next week, perhaps, I will have it arranged. I could just take it in my jacket pocket, but then I would have to wear that the whole time. It is way too hot in churches for such. The 9 mm would be nice, right about now. I believe I could fit that in the pocket of my cords, and with the right pocket protector, it wouldn't print. One of the few benefits of being large enough to have pants you can stow a thick Steven King type novel in your back pocket, or a 9 mm in your front pocket (probably not at the same time, however).
Well, on with things. Good day.
.
The morning was a wash. I did put a load of laundry in. I didn't follow that up, though I will now that I remember it. I didn't get in and do any shopping. I did look for, but did not find, my shoe shining kit. But I am going anyway. I just used an old rag to buff my shoes as well as possible. A shower, no shave as I am growing my beard, and then I just finished dressing properly. First the Sacrament of Reconciliation, then Mass. I will get it done barring death or accident. And, perhaps, I may begin going to the noon Masses offered Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I will try to make it either Saturday evening or Sunday morning, when those lie within a sleep cycle, but only one. I like the notion of more regular attendance, but since those are the busy Masses, I like to leave room for others (unless I notice attendance is light).
Yes, yes, this and that. Sure, there are problems with the Church. I have mentioned them. But just as often I use those to cover for my illness, as reasons to not go. Attending Mass is vital, critical, for Catholics... or I should say Church of Christ congregants. I have simply been too ill to get everything together until now.
I keep reading over how the Sacrament is supposed to go, the father's role, and mine, but it just isn't sticking. I will explain that I am quite ill, and unable to concentrate well, and ask him to guide me. I know my sins though! Oh, and I have brushed and gargled a second time. Before taking the host, we are to not have anything in our mouth for an hour, in reverence.
After confession and Mass, I am going to try and shop. I thought about carrying today. But the holster I have, though it has a component for concealment, is not rigged for it and I don't have time to search out the component and figure out how to set it up. Next week, perhaps, I will have it arranged. I could just take it in my jacket pocket, but then I would have to wear that the whole time. It is way too hot in churches for such. The 9 mm would be nice, right about now. I believe I could fit that in the pocket of my cords, and with the right pocket protector, it wouldn't print. One of the few benefits of being large enough to have pants you can stow a thick Steven King type novel in your back pocket, or a 9 mm in your front pocket (probably not at the same time, however).
Well, on with things. Good day.
Nice.
.
.
Each day I become stronger. I can't abide the doctors. Their leechcraft would have me crawling on all fours like a beast. I have no wizard, ranger, or paladin, or goodly thief, kings, or princes on my side. I must do what I must. Actually, I am thankful, at this time, not to have a wife. She would help them poison me. Such is the way and intellect of women often. It allows them a freedom from the prison of a man, so they are willing to abide his fall for their gain. No, I will grip my sword and keep it handy. If it kills me I will die free.
After the sucesses, and easy successes, yesterday, today is a fresh start. I didn't end up sleeping until 23:30 or so. The laundry was finished. Today I woke at, roughly 3:30 to 4:30. I wasn't sure I really wanted to roll out but it was time(tm). I took my meds, the dose I can tolerate. I then brushed my teeth. And not wanting to be further frozen in the things of the past, I dressed warmly, turned the heat up a bit, brushed my teeth, and sit considering the gift of this new day.
I will be searching for my shoe polish kit shortly. Barring that, a quick trip to town is in the offing. I will have my shoes polished today, before noon. I will also look over my clothing. I do believe I have some dress cords and a shirt or two from which to choose. I didn't attend shopping yesterday, it was too much of a stretch, with another stop, selection, toting the goods and putting them away. It was too much more to ask from what I had available. The goal is confession, then mass, later today. My other goal, after researching the pistol at the store, is to check on it and see if they will put it up until payday. A post-dated check might convince them, perhaps with a small cash set-aside fee, if that is legal. There are those who disrespect Taurus, and on some cases rightly. But this pistol has been around for a bit and has some solid credentials and fans, it has been vetted. As with all guns, there are going to be bad ones. But I don't hear the furor of a lemon on this one. Further, with the deal, it comes in at well under the competition and has everything I wanted plus an extra chamber. For those who might be interested, HKS also makes a speedloader for it. So, those are my little tasks this day. Oh, and dishes and finishing laundry, as the last bits of my hope for this new day.
I can't wait for the sun to arrive. It won't happen for a bit. I may call my brother today, later, and see what he is doing... No, I think I will wait until Monday. I don't wish to... disturb his family life. Part of our problem in the past has been his wife, to my thinking (which he denies). And perhaps it wasn't her, but his... notion of what she would want (wrongly or not). So I don't want to cause there to be enmity there, or again, or such. Until the relationship is stronger and I understand more, it is best to keep it as uncomplicated as possible. Oh, yes, I see much. Perhaps too much?
I seem to have Lord of the Rings on the mind this morning. It actually isn't so much the movie as it was the general notion of kings, treachery, war, and politics. Dreams of kings and queens and guillotines last night, heavy and deep dreams. I love those deep, pseudo historical dreams. I just wish I could remember more. The dreams just seem to go with Lord of the Rings, it being so king rich and wrought with intrigue and such. Have you ever noticed that kings, emperors, dictators, and the like allow for zero-point projections of power, things by which power may more easily be studied, good only in theory, or for theory, but lousy in reality? Just a thought. While I do believe in a King, that King is not of the realm of failure and flesh. Never mind.
Yep, up, at it, brushed and medicated to a reasonable point, and... waking to get going on the rest of my plans. I didn't want to suggest it yesterday in case this morning I woke all broken up and such. I can't know, quite yet, what any particular day will bring in this brave new world I am negotiating. All I can say is that my slight depreciation of dose, very against my doctor's will, has elevated my status and opened a window to the world probably only limited by my endurance. And my endurance will grow so long as I hold onto hope, and yet forge ahead as well. As I am no simple sheep politically, medically, or religiously, or in any other way, there is some real hope, if to the cost of doing(tm). It is time.
Good day.
.
Each day I become stronger. I can't abide the doctors. Their leechcraft would have me crawling on all fours like a beast. I have no wizard, ranger, or paladin, or goodly thief, kings, or princes on my side. I must do what I must. Actually, I am thankful, at this time, not to have a wife. She would help them poison me. Such is the way and intellect of women often. It allows them a freedom from the prison of a man, so they are willing to abide his fall for their gain. No, I will grip my sword and keep it handy. If it kills me I will die free.
After the sucesses, and easy successes, yesterday, today is a fresh start. I didn't end up sleeping until 23:30 or so. The laundry was finished. Today I woke at, roughly 3:30 to 4:30. I wasn't sure I really wanted to roll out but it was time(tm). I took my meds, the dose I can tolerate. I then brushed my teeth. And not wanting to be further frozen in the things of the past, I dressed warmly, turned the heat up a bit, brushed my teeth, and sit considering the gift of this new day.
I will be searching for my shoe polish kit shortly. Barring that, a quick trip to town is in the offing. I will have my shoes polished today, before noon. I will also look over my clothing. I do believe I have some dress cords and a shirt or two from which to choose. I didn't attend shopping yesterday, it was too much of a stretch, with another stop, selection, toting the goods and putting them away. It was too much more to ask from what I had available. The goal is confession, then mass, later today. My other goal, after researching the pistol at the store, is to check on it and see if they will put it up until payday. A post-dated check might convince them, perhaps with a small cash set-aside fee, if that is legal. There are those who disrespect Taurus, and on some cases rightly. But this pistol has been around for a bit and has some solid credentials and fans, it has been vetted. As with all guns, there are going to be bad ones. But I don't hear the furor of a lemon on this one. Further, with the deal, it comes in at well under the competition and has everything I wanted plus an extra chamber. For those who might be interested, HKS also makes a speedloader for it. So, those are my little tasks this day. Oh, and dishes and finishing laundry, as the last bits of my hope for this new day.
I can't wait for the sun to arrive. It won't happen for a bit. I may call my brother today, later, and see what he is doing... No, I think I will wait until Monday. I don't wish to... disturb his family life. Part of our problem in the past has been his wife, to my thinking (which he denies). And perhaps it wasn't her, but his... notion of what she would want (wrongly or not). So I don't want to cause there to be enmity there, or again, or such. Until the relationship is stronger and I understand more, it is best to keep it as uncomplicated as possible. Oh, yes, I see much. Perhaps too much?
I seem to have Lord of the Rings on the mind this morning. It actually isn't so much the movie as it was the general notion of kings, treachery, war, and politics. Dreams of kings and queens and guillotines last night, heavy and deep dreams. I love those deep, pseudo historical dreams. I just wish I could remember more. The dreams just seem to go with Lord of the Rings, it being so king rich and wrought with intrigue and such. Have you ever noticed that kings, emperors, dictators, and the like allow for zero-point projections of power, things by which power may more easily be studied, good only in theory, or for theory, but lousy in reality? Just a thought. While I do believe in a King, that King is not of the realm of failure and flesh. Never mind.
Yep, up, at it, brushed and medicated to a reasonable point, and... waking to get going on the rest of my plans. I didn't want to suggest it yesterday in case this morning I woke all broken up and such. I can't know, quite yet, what any particular day will bring in this brave new world I am negotiating. All I can say is that my slight depreciation of dose, very against my doctor's will, has elevated my status and opened a window to the world probably only limited by my endurance. And my endurance will grow so long as I hold onto hope, and yet forge ahead as well. As I am no simple sheep politically, medically, or religiously, or in any other way, there is some real hope, if to the cost of doing(tm). It is time.
Good day.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Almost done.
.
.
Wow, nearly three hours have passed since my last post and it seems like moments. I lost track and delayed finishing the laundry. Now one load has been done and the other has about 10 minutes of drying time left and then I will be folding, hanging, or... dumping... the pieces where they go. I will just dump the unders and I really don't feel like folding. But I will be dumping them in a drawer, if that counts.
Quite tired, both of my feet hurt, I think, now that they are out of shoes and socks. I think my right knee is feeling not good too. When I say things hurt, I mean they are uncomfortable. I am sure they are supposed to hurt. And I am limping, which means even if I don't feel pain, my body does react to it. Whatever. So ready for bed. But such a great day!
I have a few things on the schedule for tomorrow. Easy things. One involves a little travel, one involves a slight amount of elbow grease. I am almost afraid to say what the tasks are, in case saying dooms the prospects. Never mind, I'll let you know if I succeed. Not that you care, I understand this. I don't even care, in some ways. But it is putting one foot in front of the other when steps seem impossible, then going as far as you can. That is what it is about, as Jean pointed out. Hush! Do. And if nothing else, you get the sense that I really do try. Perhaps that is what you get from reading here. Even when I physically can't, my mind races on to try and... do. Nothing gets done but... it is figured as if it does, will, should, could. I just can't quit. So just don't quit yourself.
Good night.
.
Wow, nearly three hours have passed since my last post and it seems like moments. I lost track and delayed finishing the laundry. Now one load has been done and the other has about 10 minutes of drying time left and then I will be folding, hanging, or... dumping... the pieces where they go. I will just dump the unders and I really don't feel like folding. But I will be dumping them in a drawer, if that counts.
Quite tired, both of my feet hurt, I think, now that they are out of shoes and socks. I think my right knee is feeling not good too. When I say things hurt, I mean they are uncomfortable. I am sure they are supposed to hurt. And I am limping, which means even if I don't feel pain, my body does react to it. Whatever. So ready for bed. But such a great day!
I have a few things on the schedule for tomorrow. Easy things. One involves a little travel, one involves a slight amount of elbow grease. I am almost afraid to say what the tasks are, in case saying dooms the prospects. Never mind, I'll let you know if I succeed. Not that you care, I understand this. I don't even care, in some ways. But it is putting one foot in front of the other when steps seem impossible, then going as far as you can. That is what it is about, as Jean pointed out. Hush! Do. And if nothing else, you get the sense that I really do try. Perhaps that is what you get from reading here. Even when I physically can't, my mind races on to try and... do. Nothing gets done but... it is figured as if it does, will, should, could. I just can't quit. So just don't quit yourself.
Good night.
All sorts of good things.
.
.
I made it a half an hour late, to my friends. When I got there, and while we were talking, catching up, I told him right off that a half an hour late for me was a half an hour early. He laughed, not because it's funny but because it's true. Well, looks like he is doing fairly well. Though I think he was sick recently too. He just got better about a week before I did. So he has been rearing to go.
First a bit of hither and thither in town. I had been hankering to try some cigars they just got in, Gurka. Yeah, bad heart. Yeah, plaque build up. Yeah, eat me. My arteries are clear and now that edema is gone, my lungs are clear and have a larger capacity than some horses. I ended up buying two of them. Then we went shopping for gloves, looked at some guns, bought something to drink on our trip. It was all good as from the time I picked him up until we headed to the range, the temp went from 51 to 54. Actually it ended up being the perfect temp for shooting.
Two of his gun smithing attempts worked perfectly. His .357, with a new spring set, was smooth as butter. I didn't think it was bad before, and to be honest, it wasn't bad. But compared to now? Now I can remember the gravely feel, the heavy action of levering back the hammer, the somewhat jerky feel. All compared to now. Things I didn't notice until I felt the silk compared to the cotton. His .380, for which he ordered a new slide and installed it with a bit of extra work, as the slide lock failed, now locks back sharply and surely when empty. Oh, and he was dinging things between 40 and 50 yards with that little tweeter. It was amazing, especially since we haven't been shooting in weeks. With the .45, I think the 24 pound spring was too much. The old, worn, original spring was definitely far too soft. He has one more spring to try. A good day though. And I did shoot my .22 rifle a goodly bit. I just love that rifle.
When we returned, we ate at an Italian place. It was a bit ritzier than I had thought. More in price. Perhaps because I haven't been eating and my tastes are off, or simply because they or I was having an off night, I didn't favor the fare. Then again, I was trying a food I had not tried before, veal. It was quite mild tasting. And, actually, I didn't really ever get the sense that I was tasting anything. The sauce was pretty much the flavor. On the good side, it didn't taste bad. There simply was no flavor, itself, from the meat, that I could sense. While the sauce was okay, I wouldn't choose to spend that much for sauce. No worries, I never write a place off irretrievably without a second, maybe even a third try. And the price isn't quite prohibitive, if... it would cause one to think twice. But I finally got to try something I have been waiting a long, very long, time to try. Cannoli. Okay, after waiting this long, again, I wasn't impressed. Now, to be fair, I was beyond tired at that point, I haven't been eating right for some time so my taste buds may be off, and... just random possibilities. Still, the meal was filling.
I then got my friend to his home, stopped and chatted just a bit longer, but dying on the vine I bid him good night. But before leaving, I decided to set up Monday as our next shoot and asked if he wanted to go to Ogden after payday. I probably won't buy much but it has been some great long time since he has gotten to Ogden. Time to go reloading supply shopping! Besides, I have a new expense. My cwp license arrived in the mail (recently) today (I haven't checked my mail in... some time). Time to go gun shopping! I saw a Taurus, 4", with adjustable sights, stainless, that had been used in an 'event' (shot about a hundred times) at a great discount, a hundred off. I am going to look up the gun, and check out reviews. It's a seven shot (seven shot? yes), 4", brushed stainless, ported, .357, with the adjustable sights. Yeah, I like it. I best get in, maybe tomorrow, and see if they will hold it until payday. *So-and-hoozit, "Damn it Doom, you had other plans for that money"! Doom, "Lets think logically here... Shut up".)
Oh, but all that, this, and here and there, and you know what? It was easy. Or far easier than I thought it would be. My right foot is a bit sore. It hasn't been in shoes or walking in a long time. Fair enough. And I am about ready for bed, but it is 20:34, later than I have been up in... ... ... well, in a while. Those stretches of illness seem to last forever. I lose "yesterday" in there. One long nightmarish blur. All better though, it seems. Or at least working on it.
The cats are begging. I do want to finish off the laundry. It has been a long day. So, I will cut it long (too far past anything reasonably to be called cutting it short, but I really could go on, heh). Good night ladies and gentleman. Oh, I think I almost impressed my friend by recognizing a tune by Vivaldi at the Italian restaurant. Anyway. Good night.
.
I made it a half an hour late, to my friends. When I got there, and while we were talking, catching up, I told him right off that a half an hour late for me was a half an hour early. He laughed, not because it's funny but because it's true. Well, looks like he is doing fairly well. Though I think he was sick recently too. He just got better about a week before I did. So he has been rearing to go.
First a bit of hither and thither in town. I had been hankering to try some cigars they just got in, Gurka. Yeah, bad heart. Yeah, plaque build up. Yeah, eat me. My arteries are clear and now that edema is gone, my lungs are clear and have a larger capacity than some horses. I ended up buying two of them. Then we went shopping for gloves, looked at some guns, bought something to drink on our trip. It was all good as from the time I picked him up until we headed to the range, the temp went from 51 to 54. Actually it ended up being the perfect temp for shooting.
Two of his gun smithing attempts worked perfectly. His .357, with a new spring set, was smooth as butter. I didn't think it was bad before, and to be honest, it wasn't bad. But compared to now? Now I can remember the gravely feel, the heavy action of levering back the hammer, the somewhat jerky feel. All compared to now. Things I didn't notice until I felt the silk compared to the cotton. His .380, for which he ordered a new slide and installed it with a bit of extra work, as the slide lock failed, now locks back sharply and surely when empty. Oh, and he was dinging things between 40 and 50 yards with that little tweeter. It was amazing, especially since we haven't been shooting in weeks. With the .45, I think the 24 pound spring was too much. The old, worn, original spring was definitely far too soft. He has one more spring to try. A good day though. And I did shoot my .22 rifle a goodly bit. I just love that rifle.
When we returned, we ate at an Italian place. It was a bit ritzier than I had thought. More in price. Perhaps because I haven't been eating and my tastes are off, or simply because they or I was having an off night, I didn't favor the fare. Then again, I was trying a food I had not tried before, veal. It was quite mild tasting. And, actually, I didn't really ever get the sense that I was tasting anything. The sauce was pretty much the flavor. On the good side, it didn't taste bad. There simply was no flavor, itself, from the meat, that I could sense. While the sauce was okay, I wouldn't choose to spend that much for sauce. No worries, I never write a place off irretrievably without a second, maybe even a third try. And the price isn't quite prohibitive, if... it would cause one to think twice. But I finally got to try something I have been waiting a long, very long, time to try. Cannoli. Okay, after waiting this long, again, I wasn't impressed. Now, to be fair, I was beyond tired at that point, I haven't been eating right for some time so my taste buds may be off, and... just random possibilities. Still, the meal was filling.
I then got my friend to his home, stopped and chatted just a bit longer, but dying on the vine I bid him good night. But before leaving, I decided to set up Monday as our next shoot and asked if he wanted to go to Ogden after payday. I probably won't buy much but it has been some great long time since he has gotten to Ogden. Time to go reloading supply shopping! Besides, I have a new expense. My cwp license arrived in the mail (recently) today (I haven't checked my mail in... some time). Time to go gun shopping! I saw a Taurus, 4", with adjustable sights, stainless, that had been used in an 'event' (shot about a hundred times) at a great discount, a hundred off. I am going to look up the gun, and check out reviews. It's a seven shot (seven shot? yes), 4", brushed stainless, ported, .357, with the adjustable sights. Yeah, I like it. I best get in, maybe tomorrow, and see if they will hold it until payday. *So-and-hoozit, "Damn it Doom, you had other plans for that money"! Doom, "Lets think logically here... Shut up".)
Oh, but all that, this, and here and there, and you know what? It was easy. Or far easier than I thought it would be. My right foot is a bit sore. It hasn't been in shoes or walking in a long time. Fair enough. And I am about ready for bed, but it is 20:34, later than I have been up in... ... ... well, in a while. Those stretches of illness seem to last forever. I lose "yesterday" in there. One long nightmarish blur. All better though, it seems. Or at least working on it.
The cats are begging. I do want to finish off the laundry. It has been a long day. So, I will cut it long (too far past anything reasonably to be called cutting it short, but I really could go on, heh). Good night ladies and gentleman. Oh, I think I almost impressed my friend by recognizing a tune by Vivaldi at the Italian restaurant. Anyway. Good night.
Oh yeah?
.
.
Well, yeah! Okay, so the dishes aren't soaking. But I have finished a load of laundry, mostly (still a bit damp, but time to go and I didn't want to leave the other load in the washer so I put the slightly damp in a basket). I will need to finish drying both when I return, but I'm good with that. The washer has been cloth dried and set open to air dry the rest of the way. The pants I wanted were dry (enough) and the shower was great. So, I am pretty much ready to go. I just need to get the guns and ammo together. This will be my last load over to my friend, the last of his stuff I have in stock. I believe I will just take the Henry .22. I love that little rifle, after a bit of fuss getting it to shoot straight.
I will be just a few minutes late. Not bad by my standards. My friend will actually be pleased, if he would rather already be heading out. We, as humans, are funny that way. It looks like a nice day. It will be cool though. So I have put on my super underwears and layered just a bit. My gloves are in the X. While they will be cold, my friend needs heat so I will be warming the X and the gloves up on the way to get him. All good.
I best be off. Later.
.
Well, yeah! Okay, so the dishes aren't soaking. But I have finished a load of laundry, mostly (still a bit damp, but time to go and I didn't want to leave the other load in the washer so I put the slightly damp in a basket). I will need to finish drying both when I return, but I'm good with that. The washer has been cloth dried and set open to air dry the rest of the way. The pants I wanted were dry (enough) and the shower was great. So, I am pretty much ready to go. I just need to get the guns and ammo together. This will be my last load over to my friend, the last of his stuff I have in stock. I believe I will just take the Henry .22. I love that little rifle, after a bit of fuss getting it to shoot straight.
I will be just a few minutes late. Not bad by my standards. My friend will actually be pleased, if he would rather already be heading out. We, as humans, are funny that way. It looks like a nice day. It will be cool though. So I have put on my super underwears and layered just a bit. My gloves are in the X. While they will be cold, my friend needs heat so I will be warming the X and the gloves up on the way to get him. All good.
I best be off. Later.
Holy c-c-c-crap!
.
.
I sorted laundry early. Wanting to get that going first thing, as the pants I want to wear are in the laundry, I set about it all. After sorting, then compiling into the basket, finding a few things that hadn't made it to the basket in the first place, I grabbed the basket and headed into the laundry room. Initially, just in my underwear and a sleeveless t-shirt. WoW was it cold! I dropped the basket, turned up the heat, and decided to start on laundry when it warmed up back there. Mind you, I was not all that awake at that moment. So, just a bit ago, This time wearing sweats, a jacket, a baseball hat, and thinking it might be warmer. Not one degree warmer! I about just did a u-turn, thinking to do it even later. Then I thought, you know, this isn't the way it was last winter. I checked the windows. Open, every one of them. BrrrrrrrrH! So, I closed them and went ahead and put the first wash in. As long as the front loader takes, and the way I dry things (on fluff until nearly done, then if needed cotton or whatever is appropriate), I will at best get two, maybe three loads though. I'm still reeling from that slap of cold though. Wouch. Wakey wakey?
Sam wanted out. So I let her out. Sassy wanted to follow. But... it was daytime! Sassy has patently refused to venture out in the sun to date. This morning, though, it looked like she really wanted to follow Sam. Unfinished business between the two, copycatitis, or just because I will never know... her diary is beyond my capacity to translate. In any case, I nudged her just a bit, and after a brief pause, out she went! Ah, so cute watching them get all growed up. Their little venture lasted as long as my first attempt at laundry, and I think for the same reason. It is c-c-c-cold this morning!
The coffee I put on earlier has grown cold itself. Have you ever noticed that if you chill yourself to the bone somehow that room temperature drinks then taste chilled? Maybe it is just me. I ought to eat something soon. A few rounds of salami and some of that excellent gorgonzola cheese. I used to enjoy plain crackers, you know, the square saltines, with this mix. After having some Italian seasoned ones, however, the saltines are simply not up to it anymore. Why do I have to go and ruin a perfectly good thing? Meh, another thing on my list.
Dishes have snuck up on me. But nothing out of control at this point. A quick soak, and perhaps when I return from this afternoons outing I may lay my hands to those porcelain, steel, aluminum, and plastic bandits. And good timing too. I hope to buy some meats and fire up the grill for fresh meat tonight. A couple of family sized packets of chicken and some beef ribs on the bone, cooked and refrigerated, will last me a good week, along with the beans and rice. Perhaps a few steaks for later in the week and into next month, and some hamburger for... whenever. I enjoy a little hamburger or two, from time to time, or fried with the beans and rice, satisfies like nobody's business. And perhaps some more salami. I have cheese to last.
Well, time to... do something. A shower? I never quite did get to that yet. I'm... right on it! Later.
.
I sorted laundry early. Wanting to get that going first thing, as the pants I want to wear are in the laundry, I set about it all. After sorting, then compiling into the basket, finding a few things that hadn't made it to the basket in the first place, I grabbed the basket and headed into the laundry room. Initially, just in my underwear and a sleeveless t-shirt. WoW was it cold! I dropped the basket, turned up the heat, and decided to start on laundry when it warmed up back there. Mind you, I was not all that awake at that moment. So, just a bit ago, This time wearing sweats, a jacket, a baseball hat, and thinking it might be warmer. Not one degree warmer! I about just did a u-turn, thinking to do it even later. Then I thought, you know, this isn't the way it was last winter. I checked the windows. Open, every one of them. BrrrrrrrrH! So, I closed them and went ahead and put the first wash in. As long as the front loader takes, and the way I dry things (on fluff until nearly done, then if needed cotton or whatever is appropriate), I will at best get two, maybe three loads though. I'm still reeling from that slap of cold though. Wouch. Wakey wakey?
Sam wanted out. So I let her out. Sassy wanted to follow. But... it was daytime! Sassy has patently refused to venture out in the sun to date. This morning, though, it looked like she really wanted to follow Sam. Unfinished business between the two, copycatitis, or just because I will never know... her diary is beyond my capacity to translate. In any case, I nudged her just a bit, and after a brief pause, out she went! Ah, so cute watching them get all growed up. Their little venture lasted as long as my first attempt at laundry, and I think for the same reason. It is c-c-c-cold this morning!
The coffee I put on earlier has grown cold itself. Have you ever noticed that if you chill yourself to the bone somehow that room temperature drinks then taste chilled? Maybe it is just me. I ought to eat something soon. A few rounds of salami and some of that excellent gorgonzola cheese. I used to enjoy plain crackers, you know, the square saltines, with this mix. After having some Italian seasoned ones, however, the saltines are simply not up to it anymore. Why do I have to go and ruin a perfectly good thing? Meh, another thing on my list.
Dishes have snuck up on me. But nothing out of control at this point. A quick soak, and perhaps when I return from this afternoons outing I may lay my hands to those porcelain, steel, aluminum, and plastic bandits. And good timing too. I hope to buy some meats and fire up the grill for fresh meat tonight. A couple of family sized packets of chicken and some beef ribs on the bone, cooked and refrigerated, will last me a good week, along with the beans and rice. Perhaps a few steaks for later in the week and into next month, and some hamburger for... whenever. I enjoy a little hamburger or two, from time to time, or fried with the beans and rice, satisfies like nobody's business. And perhaps some more salami. I have cheese to last.
Well, time to... do something. A shower? I never quite did get to that yet. I'm... right on it! Later.
Same time, same place, different day.
.
.
Of course, with me, two days are more like to snow flakes than anything else... very different. But the facts as described are real enough to pass muster. Weighing in this morning, somehow I gained seven pounds overnight. Thems must have been some serious dream meals! No, fluids do that. Lose so many pounds and the body must think it's dying and fights to retain again. Something weird like that. It has always been the case. Though a jump of seven pounds is pretty nasty.
Today will be, pretty much, the first day out without an appointment driving me out. At high noon at the O.K. Corral? Not quite. But sort of. Guns and ornery men, bravado, and a bit of rebelliousness is involved. The targets don't shoot back though. I have checked my finances, it seems I can afford to send that package to my lady friend, do some shopping, eat a meal, and still be within budget.
The last two months have simply dinged my finances a bit heavily. Not so much my mother being here. I just had odd bill after odd crisis. I think I have changed my bills so that they are all paid directly, not through problematic debit cards. When a debit card is cancelled, all such bills stop being paid and I don't necessarily check my bills very often when they are on auto pay. I suppose I should but it is an easy thing to not do when I have to start cutting back on my activities. Well, it does add some excitement to an otherwise rather drab life.
Waking at a little after 1:30, I tried to force sleep again. No dice. Up and at it was the only option. It looks like 3G is back on my phone but the batteries are near dead. Ah well. Weight and morning meds have been dealt with. I put on a pot of coffee. In an hour or two, after some coffee and wake time, I will get my shower in early and be dressed and ready to go well in advance of the time to go. I might even hit the laundry and dishes or sort through this or that.
Oh, I had a most interesting dream. Some woman was here, from the Church. And she was going on about this or that and I put the screws to her (having nothing to do with anything physical). I hammered her liberalism. She went away, sore it seems. So a priest arrived and asked what I thought I was doing. I told him. He went away. Then a group of men arrived from the Church, forms of clergy and specially trained laymen. They asked me questions. I answered rightly, save one. They asked me what would happen if a Church family was unrightly being threatened by a biker club (say, they had witnessed a murder by chance or some such, so innocent of the threat to them). I suggested prayer. They suggested the Church has other means of dealing with this, but I don't remember the answer. Drats! I am curious, even if it is just a dream.
Oh, a problem with the Amazon shopping effect. While internet shopping does lower costs it also makes it so that stores don't carry as many items. Further, items get boosts from initial sales while not getting good solid longer term reviews. For example, I have been looking for the perfect rice cooker for my mother. She enjoys her stir fry, and with her guy. But rice is a rather odious thing to prepare, more so the brown varietals, then time and keep warm. I have been looking at what is available. The top tier of rice cookers get rave reviews, and lots of them. But after some serious digging, after looking at the negs, I found that the various top tier cookers fail after anywhere from a year to three years, and it is a design flaw (or indiscreet planned obsolescence). The battery that runs the logic chips is impossible to change by a non-tech, without special tools, and dies in three years and other items are not built very well. Step it down to medium tier and you find construction or cleaning problems. Below that, you get crappy rice. But little of this would you know by reading the reviews (from new buyers and in a wasteful society). But nowhere can I find the rice cookers to look at them in person, look at the instruction manuals (often complicated and translated poorly from Japanese or Chinese into pig-English). The way of the future, I suppose.
Well, on with my day. Good day.
.
Of course, with me, two days are more like to snow flakes than anything else... very different. But the facts as described are real enough to pass muster. Weighing in this morning, somehow I gained seven pounds overnight. Thems must have been some serious dream meals! No, fluids do that. Lose so many pounds and the body must think it's dying and fights to retain again. Something weird like that. It has always been the case. Though a jump of seven pounds is pretty nasty.
Today will be, pretty much, the first day out without an appointment driving me out. At high noon at the O.K. Corral? Not quite. But sort of. Guns and ornery men, bravado, and a bit of rebelliousness is involved. The targets don't shoot back though. I have checked my finances, it seems I can afford to send that package to my lady friend, do some shopping, eat a meal, and still be within budget.
The last two months have simply dinged my finances a bit heavily. Not so much my mother being here. I just had odd bill after odd crisis. I think I have changed my bills so that they are all paid directly, not through problematic debit cards. When a debit card is cancelled, all such bills stop being paid and I don't necessarily check my bills very often when they are on auto pay. I suppose I should but it is an easy thing to not do when I have to start cutting back on my activities. Well, it does add some excitement to an otherwise rather drab life.
Waking at a little after 1:30, I tried to force sleep again. No dice. Up and at it was the only option. It looks like 3G is back on my phone but the batteries are near dead. Ah well. Weight and morning meds have been dealt with. I put on a pot of coffee. In an hour or two, after some coffee and wake time, I will get my shower in early and be dressed and ready to go well in advance of the time to go. I might even hit the laundry and dishes or sort through this or that.
Oh, I had a most interesting dream. Some woman was here, from the Church. And she was going on about this or that and I put the screws to her (having nothing to do with anything physical). I hammered her liberalism. She went away, sore it seems. So a priest arrived and asked what I thought I was doing. I told him. He went away. Then a group of men arrived from the Church, forms of clergy and specially trained laymen. They asked me questions. I answered rightly, save one. They asked me what would happen if a Church family was unrightly being threatened by a biker club (say, they had witnessed a murder by chance or some such, so innocent of the threat to them). I suggested prayer. They suggested the Church has other means of dealing with this, but I don't remember the answer. Drats! I am curious, even if it is just a dream.
Oh, a problem with the Amazon shopping effect. While internet shopping does lower costs it also makes it so that stores don't carry as many items. Further, items get boosts from initial sales while not getting good solid longer term reviews. For example, I have been looking for the perfect rice cooker for my mother. She enjoys her stir fry, and with her guy. But rice is a rather odious thing to prepare, more so the brown varietals, then time and keep warm. I have been looking at what is available. The top tier of rice cookers get rave reviews, and lots of them. But after some serious digging, after looking at the negs, I found that the various top tier cookers fail after anywhere from a year to three years, and it is a design flaw (or indiscreet planned obsolescence). The battery that runs the logic chips is impossible to change by a non-tech, without special tools, and dies in three years and other items are not built very well. Step it down to medium tier and you find construction or cleaning problems. Below that, you get crappy rice. But little of this would you know by reading the reviews (from new buyers and in a wasteful society). But nowhere can I find the rice cookers to look at them in person, look at the instruction manuals (often complicated and translated poorly from Japanese or Chinese into pig-English). The way of the future, I suppose.
Well, on with my day. Good day.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Well?
.
.
Okay, not today. I had something I forgot to change until it was too late. No problems, I enjoy having the missionaries over. And it is running a little too close to bedtime to try and add four or five hours of shooting and miscellany on top of it. But I did call my friend. Tomorrow will work, around noon which is early enough in my somewhat weak but strengthening foray into daylight. I am going to try and get in a bit early, my phone is having problems with 3G. Actually, the connection isn't even showing up. And I want to buy a Gerka. I have wanted to try those cigars for a long time.
Not much else going on. But I have had an easy time of staying up to almost 16:00. I think I am going to try and push it on up to 19:00 if I can. I won't stretch beyond sanity though. If I can just low and slow it, it might work. I slept until 1:30 or 2:00, I think. Perhaps I can sleep until later tonight. Better and better, more weight off, and I am starting to wonder if I have just missed another bullet.
Good night, or soon enough.
.
Okay, not today. I had something I forgot to change until it was too late. No problems, I enjoy having the missionaries over. And it is running a little too close to bedtime to try and add four or five hours of shooting and miscellany on top of it. But I did call my friend. Tomorrow will work, around noon which is early enough in my somewhat weak but strengthening foray into daylight. I am going to try and get in a bit early, my phone is having problems with 3G. Actually, the connection isn't even showing up. And I want to buy a Gerka. I have wanted to try those cigars for a long time.
Not much else going on. But I have had an easy time of staying up to almost 16:00. I think I am going to try and push it on up to 19:00 if I can. I won't stretch beyond sanity though. If I can just low and slow it, it might work. I slept until 1:30 or 2:00, I think. Perhaps I can sleep until later tonight. Better and better, more weight off, and I am starting to wonder if I have just missed another bullet.
Good night, or soon enough.
A new day.
.
.
Possibly in more ways then one. At 7:30 it was still dark. I checked my watch, and another clock just to make sure, so as to not call my mother at some weird hour of the night, as I have done when in a confused state. Yes, the time was right. So, a quick call just to catch up, say hello, pass on some news, catch up on some news, and, well... Do you remember as children, when our parents were everything. And sometimes we hated them for it? They weren't always fair, sometimes they didn't even try! They owned all money and would sometimes share it, sometimes not. We didn't know why. It didn't always make sense to us. And then we got out as fast as we could, most of us about the time we graduated because we were afraid of the options. You know, really, that was a pretty good life. Even mine, compared to what the world dishes out. Oh, I know, it was too small of a world to contain us. I guess it is still fair to reminisce? Anyway, that was a part of the call today. Especially after having spoken with my brother after... 18 years? That brought back a lot.
When the sun rose today, it was different. The last few weeks, when the sun would rise, it hurt me. If you want to know how, stay up overnight and look at the sun. Now do that several weeks in a row. The sun takes on a sinister, almost chilling in a way, sense. It assaults the mind, hurts the eyes, and just... looks wrong. Today the sun was... just the sun. It was where and when it was supposed to be, as was I. It was comforting. Not quite as good as usual, but more normal somehow.
I won't swear to it, but I might make it to town today. The odds are better, if not sure, the longer the day goes on. I made a breakfast. I think I added too much to my egg scramble though, too many things in the mix. While not bad, it was simply... bland? Then again food isn't tasting all that good recently.
I have decided that I probably am depressed at times. Not psychologically, though. I think of it as a mechanical depression. Whether it is from the weak heart function, liver or kidney issues, which all come or go, or some other physical ailment, the result is the same. Prozac, or whatever else they are pushing now, won't fix it. It isn't of the mind. It is the mind being acted on by an ill body. I don't think there is a cure, save a healthier body. Just a note so that I keep square with reality.
Yep, very possibly a visit with my friend, and getting him out shooting. He has done some gunsmithing and needs to check his work. Then a bit of shopping and maybe a meal to finish off our visit. Climbing out of the coffin for a day on the town with the crew, I suppose. I would certainly enjoy it. Well, as much as I am able to enjoy anything. Sometimes, like with pain, though I don't have a felt perception, I notice little indicators. Joy, flavor, pain, all are things I only peripherally notice. Such a shame, even pain is a good thing for many reasons, to include letting one know that they do indeed yet live.
I have been brushing my teeth much more regularly. Now that I am having someone look at them occasionally. Something about shame, hope, and having things out in the open. I am actually timing both the brushing and the rinsing. At two minutes each, I have noticed some significant improvements. While not quite to flossing, I am using my plastic toothpicks heavily again. I can't wait until I can afford a month and a half of patches to quit chewing. That might help, though the truth is, tobacco kills bacteria. On the bad side, it kills bad AND good bacteria.
Well, on to other things. Have a good day.
.
Possibly in more ways then one. At 7:30 it was still dark. I checked my watch, and another clock just to make sure, so as to not call my mother at some weird hour of the night, as I have done when in a confused state. Yes, the time was right. So, a quick call just to catch up, say hello, pass on some news, catch up on some news, and, well... Do you remember as children, when our parents were everything. And sometimes we hated them for it? They weren't always fair, sometimes they didn't even try! They owned all money and would sometimes share it, sometimes not. We didn't know why. It didn't always make sense to us. And then we got out as fast as we could, most of us about the time we graduated because we were afraid of the options. You know, really, that was a pretty good life. Even mine, compared to what the world dishes out. Oh, I know, it was too small of a world to contain us. I guess it is still fair to reminisce? Anyway, that was a part of the call today. Especially after having spoken with my brother after... 18 years? That brought back a lot.
When the sun rose today, it was different. The last few weeks, when the sun would rise, it hurt me. If you want to know how, stay up overnight and look at the sun. Now do that several weeks in a row. The sun takes on a sinister, almost chilling in a way, sense. It assaults the mind, hurts the eyes, and just... looks wrong. Today the sun was... just the sun. It was where and when it was supposed to be, as was I. It was comforting. Not quite as good as usual, but more normal somehow.
I won't swear to it, but I might make it to town today. The odds are better, if not sure, the longer the day goes on. I made a breakfast. I think I added too much to my egg scramble though, too many things in the mix. While not bad, it was simply... bland? Then again food isn't tasting all that good recently.
I have decided that I probably am depressed at times. Not psychologically, though. I think of it as a mechanical depression. Whether it is from the weak heart function, liver or kidney issues, which all come or go, or some other physical ailment, the result is the same. Prozac, or whatever else they are pushing now, won't fix it. It isn't of the mind. It is the mind being acted on by an ill body. I don't think there is a cure, save a healthier body. Just a note so that I keep square with reality.
Yep, very possibly a visit with my friend, and getting him out shooting. He has done some gunsmithing and needs to check his work. Then a bit of shopping and maybe a meal to finish off our visit. Climbing out of the coffin for a day on the town with the crew, I suppose. I would certainly enjoy it. Well, as much as I am able to enjoy anything. Sometimes, like with pain, though I don't have a felt perception, I notice little indicators. Joy, flavor, pain, all are things I only peripherally notice. Such a shame, even pain is a good thing for many reasons, to include letting one know that they do indeed yet live.
I have been brushing my teeth much more regularly. Now that I am having someone look at them occasionally. Something about shame, hope, and having things out in the open. I am actually timing both the brushing and the rinsing. At two minutes each, I have noticed some significant improvements. While not quite to flossing, I am using my plastic toothpicks heavily again. I can't wait until I can afford a month and a half of patches to quit chewing. That might help, though the truth is, tobacco kills bacteria. On the bad side, it kills bad AND good bacteria.
Well, on to other things. Have a good day.
A new day, a new chance.
.
.
I was able to go back to sleep several times, finally running out of steam to sleep somewhere between 1:30 and 2:00. That three and a half plus hours of sleep might make it more possible to extend my day. And, if I can, I will go to town. I do feel sort of beat up, like the proverbial salmon who survived breeding and is making his way back to sea.
I forgot medicine yesterday. No, not intentional at all, and I am back on it. It is just that I needed to set up my medicines again and never got to it. It seems like such an easy thing, and, really, it is. It is a matter of keeping it in my mind until I can focus on the task. There is the trick. I failed. No harm no foul, I am not dead. I bought vitamins and aspirin when I was taking my mother to the airport for her return flight but I cannot find those. I need to buy more. I really hate that. It's only $20 or so, but when I only have $60 to see me to the end of the month without digging into my paltry savings, it is disheartening.
I am seriously going to push to get to town today. The vitamins and aspirin, some meats and milk, butter and cream, and hopefully to get my friend out to shoot! I am feeling better on top of the other days. I will swear to nothing, however. I am simply too thin in what it takes to do anything with any surety. Oh, and I lost another two pounds. Weight is dropping off. I don't really know how, why. I only track it and, really, like it. In a few weeks to a month, I might be back to 264. At which point, if possible, I might make a run for 250, or even 240. I think 250 is the magic number. At that point I will be more capable of physical activity. I also understand that if I hit 250, and begin working out, I will gain weight quickly.
Working out. Dealing with weight gain through muscle development. Then losing more fat. It's not quite as straightforward as it seems. It is more akin to a puzzle where you try to put it all together in some convoluted order to win some prize. It is difficult for me to look in the mirror. At one time I was 240, wore a 31 inch waist, and benched over 550. I will never be there again. Perhaps I peaked a little early. Then again, just a few summers ago, I got back up to pressing 400. If I can just get and stick with it. The problem is it is not just willpower. That bum ticker is an s.o.b. It affects body, mind, or both. And for no good cause and without seeming rhyme or reason. Working on that...
Well, later. Have a great day.
.
I was able to go back to sleep several times, finally running out of steam to sleep somewhere between 1:30 and 2:00. That three and a half plus hours of sleep might make it more possible to extend my day. And, if I can, I will go to town. I do feel sort of beat up, like the proverbial salmon who survived breeding and is making his way back to sea.
I forgot medicine yesterday. No, not intentional at all, and I am back on it. It is just that I needed to set up my medicines again and never got to it. It seems like such an easy thing, and, really, it is. It is a matter of keeping it in my mind until I can focus on the task. There is the trick. I failed. No harm no foul, I am not dead. I bought vitamins and aspirin when I was taking my mother to the airport for her return flight but I cannot find those. I need to buy more. I really hate that. It's only $20 or so, but when I only have $60 to see me to the end of the month without digging into my paltry savings, it is disheartening.
I am seriously going to push to get to town today. The vitamins and aspirin, some meats and milk, butter and cream, and hopefully to get my friend out to shoot! I am feeling better on top of the other days. I will swear to nothing, however. I am simply too thin in what it takes to do anything with any surety. Oh, and I lost another two pounds. Weight is dropping off. I don't really know how, why. I only track it and, really, like it. In a few weeks to a month, I might be back to 264. At which point, if possible, I might make a run for 250, or even 240. I think 250 is the magic number. At that point I will be more capable of physical activity. I also understand that if I hit 250, and begin working out, I will gain weight quickly.
Working out. Dealing with weight gain through muscle development. Then losing more fat. It's not quite as straightforward as it seems. It is more akin to a puzzle where you try to put it all together in some convoluted order to win some prize. It is difficult for me to look in the mirror. At one time I was 240, wore a 31 inch waist, and benched over 550. I will never be there again. Perhaps I peaked a little early. Then again, just a few summers ago, I got back up to pressing 400. If I can just get and stick with it. The problem is it is not just willpower. That bum ticker is an s.o.b. It affects body, mind, or both. And for no good cause and without seeming rhyme or reason. Working on that...
Well, later. Have a great day.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
At almost 11:00...
.
.
Not even noon and I am crashing hard. I am not sure if anything will help me stay awake. You know that feeling you get, when your hands feel like balloons, because you are in pain? Well, no pain, just the feeling. My guess is that it hurts, I just can't feel it. Seriously. In the last three weeks I have scraped off chunks of skin. One, after we rearranged my bedroom and the raw ends of the bed, where the endboard is supposed to attach, caught me good. It tore a chunk of skin down to the meat off my shin, larger than a silver dollar. It also ripped a seven inch gash on my foot. Then, recently, I ripped a dime sized chunk off my right index finger. Oddly, messing with the microwave. The door did it as my left hand was shutting the door and my right hand didn't know in time. That door took off a good chunk of skin, again to the meat. No pain. I just don't feel pain. I can tell by other means that I am in pain, and one of those is the feeling that my hands are swollen. Something to do with dissociation I suppose. On the good side, my foot and shin have healed completely. Not bad for a diabetic with advanced heart failure. *grins*
I can't make it in today, obviously. At times like these, I really wonder if I am dying. I doubt it. I have gone through these things before and come through fine. In the past I would lose all track of what is going on. Now, doing better, at least if I limit medication, I know what is happening but can do nothing about it. It is getting better. I think. But gee is this a pain. Can't work, can't eat, can't even play. Sucks. Ah well, time will get me through this.
I best go to bed. Before it hurts bad enough that I really can feel it. Good... night...
.
Not even noon and I am crashing hard. I am not sure if anything will help me stay awake. You know that feeling you get, when your hands feel like balloons, because you are in pain? Well, no pain, just the feeling. My guess is that it hurts, I just can't feel it. Seriously. In the last three weeks I have scraped off chunks of skin. One, after we rearranged my bedroom and the raw ends of the bed, where the endboard is supposed to attach, caught me good. It tore a chunk of skin down to the meat off my shin, larger than a silver dollar. It also ripped a seven inch gash on my foot. Then, recently, I ripped a dime sized chunk off my right index finger. Oddly, messing with the microwave. The door did it as my left hand was shutting the door and my right hand didn't know in time. That door took off a good chunk of skin, again to the meat. No pain. I just don't feel pain. I can tell by other means that I am in pain, and one of those is the feeling that my hands are swollen. Something to do with dissociation I suppose. On the good side, my foot and shin have healed completely. Not bad for a diabetic with advanced heart failure. *grins*
I can't make it in today, obviously. At times like these, I really wonder if I am dying. I doubt it. I have gone through these things before and come through fine. In the past I would lose all track of what is going on. Now, doing better, at least if I limit medication, I know what is happening but can do nothing about it. It is getting better. I think. But gee is this a pain. Can't work, can't eat, can't even play. Sucks. Ah well, time will get me through this.
I best go to bed. Before it hurts bad enough that I really can feel it. Good... night...
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
(%*$(*^_*_!
.
.
Oh, nothing serious. When I go to bed at 6:00? I sleep until 22:00. When I go to bed at 14:00 or 15:00? I snap awake by 22:00. Two days in a row. I suppose that I am somehow cutting my sleep time is good, but it messes everything up. My friend called today but I missed the call. I knew I couldn't get to town when I saw the call and I hate dealing with bad news when I am already broken. I have a plan. Never worry, it too may fail. But dang it... I'm going to try something else. If what you are doing keeps failing, do... something else? I'll let you know if it worked.
I am feeling, again, ever so slightly better. I have lost 12 pounds since my high weight mark, losing two pounds just since yesterday. At 278, my goal isn't the 264 I was at as a low, but 250. I think at that point I can begin being more physically active, even in the cold. You may not remember but, when I didn't have a place to store up food, and instead of just blowing money I put it in seriously good winter gear. I still need a serious parka and gloves, and would like better pack boots but for more moderate weather I should be fine. But I have the underwear, long and short, snow pants, head gear, socks, and some other stuff. I do have what I need, should I want to go out when it gets down to even 20 below, just not the serious cold. Then again, I'm not very prone to frostbite. When I went out with my lady friend, cross country skiing, with plenty of spills and such, I didn't have anything over my ears or on my head actually at all, for five hours counting the time we were setting up, and taking down, and I doubt if the high that day hit 20 F. Don't try that at home. And no, my ears were warm the whole time. Only my feet got a bit cool, but the boots they offer at rentals are wretched for warmth, though I might have started cooling off anyway as I became tired and the last half of the time out was not strenuous as it was all down hill.
Even to be considering getting out, even to be trying to see my friend, all upgrades from the week or so in which I couldn't remember my name. Perhaps my cut in medication will be enough. I will make that decision next Monday, give or take. If I can't do the few things I need and want to do, if I am still stuck, I will take it down just a bit more. At least I can sort of keep on top of things, mentally. The cats have been being fed but... the kitty litter? Ugh... I just realized I have missed doing that. And the trash needs to go out, what of it there is. At least when I am down, trash simply doesn't pile up. But laundry does. Arghhhgghghgh!
I'm... on it. Right on it. Hahahaha.
Later.
.
Oh, nothing serious. When I go to bed at 6:00? I sleep until 22:00. When I go to bed at 14:00 or 15:00? I snap awake by 22:00. Two days in a row. I suppose that I am somehow cutting my sleep time is good, but it messes everything up. My friend called today but I missed the call. I knew I couldn't get to town when I saw the call and I hate dealing with bad news when I am already broken. I have a plan. Never worry, it too may fail. But dang it... I'm going to try something else. If what you are doing keeps failing, do... something else? I'll let you know if it worked.
I am feeling, again, ever so slightly better. I have lost 12 pounds since my high weight mark, losing two pounds just since yesterday. At 278, my goal isn't the 264 I was at as a low, but 250. I think at that point I can begin being more physically active, even in the cold. You may not remember but, when I didn't have a place to store up food, and instead of just blowing money I put it in seriously good winter gear. I still need a serious parka and gloves, and would like better pack boots but for more moderate weather I should be fine. But I have the underwear, long and short, snow pants, head gear, socks, and some other stuff. I do have what I need, should I want to go out when it gets down to even 20 below, just not the serious cold. Then again, I'm not very prone to frostbite. When I went out with my lady friend, cross country skiing, with plenty of spills and such, I didn't have anything over my ears or on my head actually at all, for five hours counting the time we were setting up, and taking down, and I doubt if the high that day hit 20 F. Don't try that at home. And no, my ears were warm the whole time. Only my feet got a bit cool, but the boots they offer at rentals are wretched for warmth, though I might have started cooling off anyway as I became tired and the last half of the time out was not strenuous as it was all down hill.
Even to be considering getting out, even to be trying to see my friend, all upgrades from the week or so in which I couldn't remember my name. Perhaps my cut in medication will be enough. I will make that decision next Monday, give or take. If I can't do the few things I need and want to do, if I am still stuck, I will take it down just a bit more. At least I can sort of keep on top of things, mentally. The cats have been being fed but... the kitty litter? Ugh... I just realized I have missed doing that. And the trash needs to go out, what of it there is. At least when I am down, trash simply doesn't pile up. But laundry does. Arghhhgghghgh!
I'm... on it. Right on it. Hahahaha.
Later.
Round 2!
.
.
Okay, so I made it through parts of yesterday's plan. I did stay up a good part of the day and I did speak with my brother, if he called right before I was going to call. Sneaky. I'll bet he reads my blog and knew what I was going to do, and when. I'm not sure how I feel about people who know me reading here. Then again, I am pretty sure a fair number of them do. How they find my blog is anybodies guess. I certainly don't hand it out. Bored people and the wiles of the internet.
So, I am up, it is 9:43 or something. I should eat something. I haven't been able to eat well lately. I do try but food, cooking, eating... just hasn't been working. Nibbling is the best way to describe my meals lately. I need to stay awake until around noon, then begin trying to call my friend. Perhaps he will want to go shooting, or shopping, or out for a meal.
I think I am feeling better, just a bit. And yesterday's efforts didn't end up hurting quite as bad as I had anticipated. Perhaps I can do something besides just feel better. There are a thousand things, it seems, on my plate. Lots of things to do just... no way to see myself through to them. If I get into town, I hope to do a bit of shopping. Some meats would be very nice. I need meat like some people need coffee or such. Probably more so. Fresh cooked meat, and better ripe off the bone, might just be what I need lots of. A steak or two, chicken hindquarters, a roast, some chops. Food, real food.
Wish me well in my endeavors?
.
Okay, so I made it through parts of yesterday's plan. I did stay up a good part of the day and I did speak with my brother, if he called right before I was going to call. Sneaky. I'll bet he reads my blog and knew what I was going to do, and when. I'm not sure how I feel about people who know me reading here. Then again, I am pretty sure a fair number of them do. How they find my blog is anybodies guess. I certainly don't hand it out. Bored people and the wiles of the internet.
So, I am up, it is 9:43 or something. I should eat something. I haven't been able to eat well lately. I do try but food, cooking, eating... just hasn't been working. Nibbling is the best way to describe my meals lately. I need to stay awake until around noon, then begin trying to call my friend. Perhaps he will want to go shooting, or shopping, or out for a meal.
I think I am feeling better, just a bit. And yesterday's efforts didn't end up hurting quite as bad as I had anticipated. Perhaps I can do something besides just feel better. There are a thousand things, it seems, on my plate. Lots of things to do just... no way to see myself through to them. If I get into town, I hope to do a bit of shopping. Some meats would be very nice. I need meat like some people need coffee or such. Probably more so. Fresh cooked meat, and better ripe off the bone, might just be what I need lots of. A steak or two, chicken hindquarters, a roast, some chops. Food, real food.
Wish me well in my endeavors?
Monday, October 24, 2011
I'm going to try.
.
.
It is about bedtime. But I am going to stay up until 11:00 and call my brother. And then, if I have any capacity left over, I am going to call my friend and see if he wants to go shoot. I won't be shooting myself, or perhaps the .22 rifle. Then, if he wants to go and would like to do some shopping and then wants to stop and eat somewhere, we could do that too. I will have to figure out something for tomorrow as well. A few phone calls and some business, but put them into my phone calender. Wednesday I can try and make services at noon, and then a light lunch somewhere.
This is going to hurt. I am finally at a place where this kind of pain might be worth the effort and pay off. I can't be sure it will work, or that I will make it. But I think I can give it a try. I have turned the furnace up, am trying to keep a bit of food in my stomach at all times, just a snack here and there, but of good foods, and keeping personally warm. As well, I will be setting a pot of coffee on in a short bit. I want to wait until I really need it and yet I need to drink it before it is too late. I have had zero caffeine lately, so it might hook me up well. Wish me luck?
Good... day? Ha! We will see.
.
It is about bedtime. But I am going to stay up until 11:00 and call my brother. And then, if I have any capacity left over, I am going to call my friend and see if he wants to go shoot. I won't be shooting myself, or perhaps the .22 rifle. Then, if he wants to go and would like to do some shopping and then wants to stop and eat somewhere, we could do that too. I will have to figure out something for tomorrow as well. A few phone calls and some business, but put them into my phone calender. Wednesday I can try and make services at noon, and then a light lunch somewhere.
This is going to hurt. I am finally at a place where this kind of pain might be worth the effort and pay off. I can't be sure it will work, or that I will make it. But I think I can give it a try. I have turned the furnace up, am trying to keep a bit of food in my stomach at all times, just a snack here and there, but of good foods, and keeping personally warm. As well, I will be setting a pot of coffee on in a short bit. I want to wait until I really need it and yet I need to drink it before it is too late. I have had zero caffeine lately, so it might hook me up well. Wish me luck?
Good... day? Ha! We will see.
Vampire days.
.
.
Going to bed at 6:00, waking at dusk. Yeah, that is just how it is going. That brief reprieve granted by the medication stoppage is gone. Beyond, I am still rather limited in function. I have been taking the medication, regularly as possible. I have lost another five pounds, from the peak. I am trying to figure out how to get back on my feet. It's just a crawl. I would love to simply cut the dose again. But, as I said, I will maintain this level for two weeks (so another week and change) before re-evaluating. I really do need to, probably, go slow with the medicines. Even if I was sure I was going to cut it, I would wait for a bit. I have probably just gotten lucky, so far, with drastic changes. Or not, but why push it?
My lady friend called. It seems she needs a lamp. I had purchased one for when she visited, after I moved out from living with her. Actually I purchased several, but one was just for her. It was meant to be arranged for when she visited but the arrangement was never set up. In any case, I offered that to her. I suggested that it was not all that bright but that seemed to be just fine for her needs and wants. I'll... get it sent before too long. It is still packed in the moving box. I may just check to make sure it is packed well enough for shipping.
My friend called. I tried to call him back but the call went straight to messaging. He called three days ago, according to my phone, but I just noticed the call and message. I need to call my brother, but the best time to call him is when I am deep in sleep. And I need to get some internet links together for my high school friend, regarding Game. I think it would help him a great deal. Potentially. Something about leading a horse to water, and all, though.
Heck, there is a lot of other things I need to do. I just can't get my head wrapped around everything. I am better than I had been, but and again, only a felt, perceived, "better". I am not that much more functionally better. So be it. I'll get to things when I can. I may try to sleep a little earlier, and wake with some daylight left. That usually doesn't work, either getting to sleep or when I can do that, waking earlier. Worth a shot, to heck with history.
Good... night?
.
Going to bed at 6:00, waking at dusk. Yeah, that is just how it is going. That brief reprieve granted by the medication stoppage is gone. Beyond, I am still rather limited in function. I have been taking the medication, regularly as possible. I have lost another five pounds, from the peak. I am trying to figure out how to get back on my feet. It's just a crawl. I would love to simply cut the dose again. But, as I said, I will maintain this level for two weeks (so another week and change) before re-evaluating. I really do need to, probably, go slow with the medicines. Even if I was sure I was going to cut it, I would wait for a bit. I have probably just gotten lucky, so far, with drastic changes. Or not, but why push it?
My lady friend called. It seems she needs a lamp. I had purchased one for when she visited, after I moved out from living with her. Actually I purchased several, but one was just for her. It was meant to be arranged for when she visited but the arrangement was never set up. In any case, I offered that to her. I suggested that it was not all that bright but that seemed to be just fine for her needs and wants. I'll... get it sent before too long. It is still packed in the moving box. I may just check to make sure it is packed well enough for shipping.
My friend called. I tried to call him back but the call went straight to messaging. He called three days ago, according to my phone, but I just noticed the call and message. I need to call my brother, but the best time to call him is when I am deep in sleep. And I need to get some internet links together for my high school friend, regarding Game. I think it would help him a great deal. Potentially. Something about leading a horse to water, and all, though.
Heck, there is a lot of other things I need to do. I just can't get my head wrapped around everything. I am better than I had been, but and again, only a felt, perceived, "better". I am not that much more functionally better. So be it. I'll get to things when I can. I may try to sleep a little earlier, and wake with some daylight left. That usually doesn't work, either getting to sleep or when I can do that, waking earlier. Worth a shot, to heck with history.
Good... night?
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Women. Huh?
.
.
Having burned through women, most of them who seem to have been around for just that, I have come to notice there are women out there worth having. Now, most of these women are owned. Fair enough. But it does leave me with the notion that there might be one out there who has not been taken. I have indulged in the physical fruits of a relationship with one of these creatures. I have even played house a few times, rather successfully. The she in those scenes just wasn't the right one. So I know of the other fruits of having a woman. I have even thought about what I need and want from a woman.
Sure, I would love to play the father in Father Knows Best, and have my own little wife and children. Truth is, as we all learned, there is no such thing. While you might create the appearance of such a family, and even the reality of it for the most part, the truth is that family life is hard work.
And what of women? Most, today, believe they are equal partners. Many believe they are full on equal to their men, or better. While men have sweated, grunted, groaned, and died making a world in which women in the modern parts of the world enjoy an easy life, while doors are opened, thermometers are set to women's needs, mechanical devices are constructed to make their lives simple, and everything is good, they forget just what did and does keep them warm and comfy. And they reject any notion that they could be at fault, any fault. So divorce looms large over any proposal, writ large is the truth that the family (circus) court is happy to destroy a marriage and a man at the whim of feckless women. And, no, religion doesn't play that large of a role in marriage anymore. Catholics, for example, the typical ones, are just as likely to divorce as any other group. Still...
This woman sings it well. She gets what I... enjoy in or about women, expressed how a woman would express it though, mind you.
I think she covers it in those songs. I suppose I could try to write it out, but why, when she invokes the notions viscerally, the way women understand things? Sometimes even men understand, I can, do in this case. Besides, if a picture is worth a thousand words, how much more a video with vocals? No, this will do.
.
Having burned through women, most of them who seem to have been around for just that, I have come to notice there are women out there worth having. Now, most of these women are owned. Fair enough. But it does leave me with the notion that there might be one out there who has not been taken. I have indulged in the physical fruits of a relationship with one of these creatures. I have even played house a few times, rather successfully. The she in those scenes just wasn't the right one. So I know of the other fruits of having a woman. I have even thought about what I need and want from a woman.
Sure, I would love to play the father in Father Knows Best, and have my own little wife and children. Truth is, as we all learned, there is no such thing. While you might create the appearance of such a family, and even the reality of it for the most part, the truth is that family life is hard work.
And what of women? Most, today, believe they are equal partners. Many believe they are full on equal to their men, or better. While men have sweated, grunted, groaned, and died making a world in which women in the modern parts of the world enjoy an easy life, while doors are opened, thermometers are set to women's needs, mechanical devices are constructed to make their lives simple, and everything is good, they forget just what did and does keep them warm and comfy. And they reject any notion that they could be at fault, any fault. So divorce looms large over any proposal, writ large is the truth that the family (circus) court is happy to destroy a marriage and a man at the whim of feckless women. And, no, religion doesn't play that large of a role in marriage anymore. Catholics, for example, the typical ones, are just as likely to divorce as any other group. Still...
This woman sings it well. She gets what I... enjoy in or about women, expressed how a woman would express it though, mind you.
I think she covers it in those songs. I suppose I could try to write it out, but why, when she invokes the notions viscerally, the way women understand things? Sometimes even men understand, I can, do in this case. Besides, if a picture is worth a thousand words, how much more a video with vocals? No, this will do.
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