.
.
All of the other symptoms disappeared quickly. The aches, pains, seeming sensitivity to heat. All but minor palpitations. Very minor. I am not even sure if they are heart related. Just... trust me. There are other things that can cause minor... internal hiccups. The lungs, major arteries, perhaps just nerve communication problems. My heart electrical is in as top-notch shape as are my arteries. I have felt this before, it simply hasn't ever been identified, even while my heart was being actively monitored. So, I suspect it isn't that. Then again, medical isn't all that good. It doesn't seem to understand the body, or specific individuals, very well or even at all in some cases.
I am resting well enough today. I am still weary. I may end up in bed before too long, again, tonight. I do have some hope that I am able to stay asleep tonight. Watching shows, and the movies that correspond with those. I was a great deal more secular back then, if some of what Hollywood does is always disturbing, and is meant to be. They think they are avante garde, instead of the trash they actually are. Drug users, rich, power brokers, they often try to present their debauchery of all things as the way forward to cover for their guilt in it. The first trick Satan deployed was denying that he existed. This is just one of the methods.
Still, it is interesting to revisit some of the material. Unfortunately, in spite of having thought I had ordered the complete set, it seems some of the movies are not in the collection. I don't believe I was any other collections. Perhaps some parts are only sold individually. While I have my reservations, thinking one has a complete collection, only to find there are missing pieces, is irritating.
The hope is, that tomorrow, I can figure out how to get to town. Just a bit of shopping. Groceries is all. Hmm, though it would be nice to return the failed timer system and see if anything else is available. Troubling, really. I liked the system. And it is merely one part, but a vital part, that failed. There was only one. Unless they have another one in, I can't simply replace the kit. And, by parts, it will be more expensive. That is, assuming I can make it back to town, and that after grocery shopping that I will have enough energy to continue to the hardware store.
At least I have food. The ribroast was cut into thick slices, but it is a bit much to eat even so. I took one of the slices and sliced and heated those slices, which ended up making an extremely good couple of sandwiches. Milk, and a can of splenda soda, finished the meal. While I am over most of the other symptoms, when I eat I am getting gassy and having g.i. discomfort. It doesn't seem to matter what I eat. Food won't be staying in my system long enough for me to get optimal caloric use, so I will probably need to eat more often, and in smaller amounts. Something like an anatomic reverse bleeding of the break lines... or... something along those lines. Never mind, just saying that not all symptoms are gone, or fully. This sort of thing usually occurs at the end of an illness. I was expecting it.
Later, maybe good night.
Wednesday, August 6, 2014
Flavor is different.
.
.
I am not feeling most of the other flu-like symptoms. Or, not yet. That does come and go. My ribs feel like I have gone a full match with a near equal. It's not as if the wounds were fresh, more like a few days to a week old. Not fresh, but no really mended yet either. The guy I fought with has a heck of a hook, is primarily right handed, and has a bit of an uppercut. Going by the pain, and how it sits on me. Yeah, I've actually been in enough fights to put these things into play. It doesn't always, exactly, line up with what I have remembered from the fight. But you never know which punch will get through your defenses, or which one was thrown with all he had at the moment. To be honest though, I would rather feel like I had been in a fight than have that feverish panoply of flu symptoms. Then again, I know that will be returning before long.
More? My heart is stumbling. I thought it was just while I was in bed. It is not. Troubling, to be sure. Especially since I am taking medicines correctly. Oh, it happens from time to time. It hasn't been, so far, more than something that makes me nervous. And it does. It is so rare that I have never gone through when being checked by a doctor. Once to three times a year, at most. Actually, the first time it happened, I did tell my doctor, back in I.C. He attached a device that would read any problems, and found nothing. Then again, I can't remember if my heart actually stumbled while the device was worn. I think so, at this time, but don't recall for sure. Then again, most testing doesn't even show that I have heart problems. It takes rather intensive testing for it to show up. Never mind, as I said, that comes and goes. I just hate when it arrives when other stuff arrives. Doubly nervous.
Alright, I'll admit it. I have had an odd dream four times in the last few months. I think I am channeling the guy who first owned this home. Three wives. Various stories. Last night he started out with two wives and then ended up marrying the third time. Various details I don't with to surrender until I know if they fit historically. And, I won't swear that it was the guy, I just have a sense. From my dreams, I am right that multiple marriages aren't as fun as most think, they aren't quite as horrible as I had presumed, perhaps even dreamed before. No, not an endorsement. It's actually easier for women. But for men, as usual, it is a lot more work. A man has to solid up in such a case. He has much less room for negotiations, and once those are settled, he cannot abide changes, save for his own purposes, literal needs and changes, and such. If he changes things, after an agreement, he will never know a night's rest the rest of his haunted days. And while some men love the idea of that, the reality of it is a little stifling. And it is much easier to make mistakes when you are indeed king. And, remember, even a king is a slave to his people. He really is. There is no easy way in life. Different ways, wiser and more foolish ways, but easy is not in there. Actually, the simpler you try to force it to be, or the more gain you attempt to dig out of reality, the harder it gets. Ask drug addicts. Even if they do quit, and never start again, they will always be an addict, broken and weak to ideas, substances, and such, which eat people alive. The wealthy and powerful have it no differently.
As for today? Just in recovery of sorts. It feels so hot, and yet the sun has been mostly under for days. I have the AC running, but it just isn't enough. If what I am dealing with is a fever, at least it doesn't feel like a fever. It just feels like a heated environment. Much preferred, given the option. I can't really eat. I am a bit nervous of illness returning. Maybe a glass of milk, from time to time, perhaps something else. Rice, with butter, isn't too hard on my system. I need to recover a bit, so as to get some shopping done in town. That will happen when it will. I don't have much input on when health returns. I will take my medicine, eat what and when I can, keep cool, and rest as I may. I've had worse. And will probably go through worse on the way to doing well again.
If healthy, may you stay that way. If ill, I hope you find your way to health sooner rather than later. Good day.
.
I am not feeling most of the other flu-like symptoms. Or, not yet. That does come and go. My ribs feel like I have gone a full match with a near equal. It's not as if the wounds were fresh, more like a few days to a week old. Not fresh, but no really mended yet either. The guy I fought with has a heck of a hook, is primarily right handed, and has a bit of an uppercut. Going by the pain, and how it sits on me. Yeah, I've actually been in enough fights to put these things into play. It doesn't always, exactly, line up with what I have remembered from the fight. But you never know which punch will get through your defenses, or which one was thrown with all he had at the moment. To be honest though, I would rather feel like I had been in a fight than have that feverish panoply of flu symptoms. Then again, I know that will be returning before long.
More? My heart is stumbling. I thought it was just while I was in bed. It is not. Troubling, to be sure. Especially since I am taking medicines correctly. Oh, it happens from time to time. It hasn't been, so far, more than something that makes me nervous. And it does. It is so rare that I have never gone through when being checked by a doctor. Once to three times a year, at most. Actually, the first time it happened, I did tell my doctor, back in I.C. He attached a device that would read any problems, and found nothing. Then again, I can't remember if my heart actually stumbled while the device was worn. I think so, at this time, but don't recall for sure. Then again, most testing doesn't even show that I have heart problems. It takes rather intensive testing for it to show up. Never mind, as I said, that comes and goes. I just hate when it arrives when other stuff arrives. Doubly nervous.
Alright, I'll admit it. I have had an odd dream four times in the last few months. I think I am channeling the guy who first owned this home. Three wives. Various stories. Last night he started out with two wives and then ended up marrying the third time. Various details I don't with to surrender until I know if they fit historically. And, I won't swear that it was the guy, I just have a sense. From my dreams, I am right that multiple marriages aren't as fun as most think, they aren't quite as horrible as I had presumed, perhaps even dreamed before. No, not an endorsement. It's actually easier for women. But for men, as usual, it is a lot more work. A man has to solid up in such a case. He has much less room for negotiations, and once those are settled, he cannot abide changes, save for his own purposes, literal needs and changes, and such. If he changes things, after an agreement, he will never know a night's rest the rest of his haunted days. And while some men love the idea of that, the reality of it is a little stifling. And it is much easier to make mistakes when you are indeed king. And, remember, even a king is a slave to his people. He really is. There is no easy way in life. Different ways, wiser and more foolish ways, but easy is not in there. Actually, the simpler you try to force it to be, or the more gain you attempt to dig out of reality, the harder it gets. Ask drug addicts. Even if they do quit, and never start again, they will always be an addict, broken and weak to ideas, substances, and such, which eat people alive. The wealthy and powerful have it no differently.
As for today? Just in recovery of sorts. It feels so hot, and yet the sun has been mostly under for days. I have the AC running, but it just isn't enough. If what I am dealing with is a fever, at least it doesn't feel like a fever. It just feels like a heated environment. Much preferred, given the option. I can't really eat. I am a bit nervous of illness returning. Maybe a glass of milk, from time to time, perhaps something else. Rice, with butter, isn't too hard on my system. I need to recover a bit, so as to get some shopping done in town. That will happen when it will. I don't have much input on when health returns. I will take my medicine, eat what and when I can, keep cool, and rest as I may. I've had worse. And will probably go through worse on the way to doing well again.
If healthy, may you stay that way. If ill, I hope you find your way to health sooner rather than later. Good day.
Sick, hard, bad.
.
.
Whatever is wrong it is pretty harsh. The fever from some time back, and flu-like symptoms, are back. A mild headache, some skeletal-muscle aches and pains, stomach upset. No nasal block or drip. Tired. Whatever it is, it is taxing my system. Medicines have been going in lock clockwork, and seem to be working. This isn't them, it isn't from strain, it isn't from too much rest, but it is ticking my days and nights over. I was able to go to bed at 20:00, but couldn't stay asleep. Actually I didn't have a choice. I had to sleep, and did for a few hours. I am heading back to bed at 2:00, which is earlier than I have been able to sleep for days now.
Never mind. It will pass, as it did before. However, I suspect illness is being spread. Those who are strong enough will survive. Those who aren't will die. And that won't always be who one might easily suspect. The invasion that has hit America brings with it new viruses, new strains, strains partially bolstered by poor medical care and ignorant and poor people for whom a doctors orders mean little. When self-preservation becomes extremely limited, down to just getting food, long term self-preservation, such as taking a full compliment of antibiotics, becomes meaningless. Another reason to not support functionaries, such as those who serve in doctors without borders. There good deeds sound more like personal satisfactions, and beliefs in feeling good about themselves, than of doing good, or wise, things. I do have questions. They don't have good answers. The secular never do. It's about them. And, really, we are all worthless, in the grand schemes, unless that is all we have. If there is nothing greater, then those who are worthless will create disaster, chaos, and spread disease so as to feel good about nothingness. I think this will only be getting worse until, or unless, the decision to repatriate, without doubts, reservations, qualifications, or anything else, is made and acted upon. Even then, there will be many losses.
For now I will suffer through. As weak as my system is, it is yet too strong to succumb. Probably. My friends were all ill as well. None of us travel much, staying home more than not. I wonder how many others, mostly young and old, who are going to have trouble. Time will tell. As our medical field is turning into a bureaucracy, I doubt if it cares. The more who die, if more expensive in the short run, the cheaper in the long run. Attacked, in every way, from every side, by one's own government, medical, academic, political, security, intelligence, and perhaps in time military. They think you deserve it. They need you to deserve it. It'll prove them right. And, as you already know, if you have debated the left, they are always right. And the ends justify the means. Now you will get a chance to understand that much more fully.
Good night.
.
Whatever is wrong it is pretty harsh. The fever from some time back, and flu-like symptoms, are back. A mild headache, some skeletal-muscle aches and pains, stomach upset. No nasal block or drip. Tired. Whatever it is, it is taxing my system. Medicines have been going in lock clockwork, and seem to be working. This isn't them, it isn't from strain, it isn't from too much rest, but it is ticking my days and nights over. I was able to go to bed at 20:00, but couldn't stay asleep. Actually I didn't have a choice. I had to sleep, and did for a few hours. I am heading back to bed at 2:00, which is earlier than I have been able to sleep for days now.
Never mind. It will pass, as it did before. However, I suspect illness is being spread. Those who are strong enough will survive. Those who aren't will die. And that won't always be who one might easily suspect. The invasion that has hit America brings with it new viruses, new strains, strains partially bolstered by poor medical care and ignorant and poor people for whom a doctors orders mean little. When self-preservation becomes extremely limited, down to just getting food, long term self-preservation, such as taking a full compliment of antibiotics, becomes meaningless. Another reason to not support functionaries, such as those who serve in doctors without borders. There good deeds sound more like personal satisfactions, and beliefs in feeling good about themselves, than of doing good, or wise, things. I do have questions. They don't have good answers. The secular never do. It's about them. And, really, we are all worthless, in the grand schemes, unless that is all we have. If there is nothing greater, then those who are worthless will create disaster, chaos, and spread disease so as to feel good about nothingness. I think this will only be getting worse until, or unless, the decision to repatriate, without doubts, reservations, qualifications, or anything else, is made and acted upon. Even then, there will be many losses.
For now I will suffer through. As weak as my system is, it is yet too strong to succumb. Probably. My friends were all ill as well. None of us travel much, staying home more than not. I wonder how many others, mostly young and old, who are going to have trouble. Time will tell. As our medical field is turning into a bureaucracy, I doubt if it cares. The more who die, if more expensive in the short run, the cheaper in the long run. Attacked, in every way, from every side, by one's own government, medical, academic, political, security, intelligence, and perhaps in time military. They think you deserve it. They need you to deserve it. It'll prove them right. And, as you already know, if you have debated the left, they are always right. And the ends justify the means. Now you will get a chance to understand that much more fully.
Good night.
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
A rather rough day.
.
.
I was correct. Whatever is wrong had nothing to do with the alcohol. It started before the drinking and is running through to well past recovery. These things will come and go. God knows it is miraculous for me to even be alive, toss in living on my own, and some other things, and... Suffering is not a choice. I can't fix that. I can only turn that over to a higher authority. It is pretty much all I have to offer. On the good side, I have it in spades.
I am prepping for their arrival. Nothing much, but the meat is being tended. Potatoes soon. A shower earlier. That is about as good as it gets. The meat will be more done than what I had hoped, but that's shouldn't be too bad. It will be pleasant to have company. To eat as a group. And to talk, discuss plans other than those of my own, and just enjoy company.
I will probably not do much else this week. Tired, a bit ill, sore, but I can relax a bit. It is the hottest time of summer. And yet storms have been coming and going. All good, I simply must learn to enjoy as I may. Sometimes that means working, sometimes that means resting. At least the I have the series to watch. I am not up to playing the game at the level I need to play it. So... yeah... something to watch is good enough, for now. A bit of AC when needed or wanted. A bit of food as I can.
Later.
.
I was correct. Whatever is wrong had nothing to do with the alcohol. It started before the drinking and is running through to well past recovery. These things will come and go. God knows it is miraculous for me to even be alive, toss in living on my own, and some other things, and... Suffering is not a choice. I can't fix that. I can only turn that over to a higher authority. It is pretty much all I have to offer. On the good side, I have it in spades.
I am prepping for their arrival. Nothing much, but the meat is being tended. Potatoes soon. A shower earlier. That is about as good as it gets. The meat will be more done than what I had hoped, but that's shouldn't be too bad. It will be pleasant to have company. To eat as a group. And to talk, discuss plans other than those of my own, and just enjoy company.
I will probably not do much else this week. Tired, a bit ill, sore, but I can relax a bit. It is the hottest time of summer. And yet storms have been coming and going. All good, I simply must learn to enjoy as I may. Sometimes that means working, sometimes that means resting. At least the I have the series to watch. I am not up to playing the game at the level I need to play it. So... yeah... something to watch is good enough, for now. A bit of AC when needed or wanted. A bit of food as I can.
Later.
Monday, August 4, 2014
Well, yes. Postponed.
.
.
Thankfully they weren't terribly ready for the day. More to do than they felt up to, and too little time, plus some shopping remaining. For me, I just can't get going. The weather is changing and I am still... getting back onto my feet. A couple of, for me, busy weeks, a change in weather, and a bit deeply... or actually just very quickly, into the cup and...
I am just watching shows and trying to figure the world out. No real naval gazing. Recovering from it all. I should be back to life in a few days. Then I'll get back to planning. I still haven't read the post I put up and shut back down. Sometimes those things are best left where they belong. A psychic bowel movement, a dislodging of poisons, bacteria, and viruses of the soul. I may be nothing, but nothing is everything so I won't lay claim to that. I can't humble myself to that of a servant, no Father wishes that. Nor can I lay claim to my inheritance, and I'm not sure there is one, for me. So, I just do. Not quite a ranch hand, not the owner, not a king, not a serf, not even nobility or a knight, even if some of those things may once have had some truth, as men see things. I only know the direction, and reason for going in that direction. Thankfully, I know I do not have to move an inch to get there. There, is here, even if it is beyond the rim of reality as well. Magic, and yet simple physics. The next time you are there, with someone who is far away, because of a phone, you will understand.
Anyway... I'll figure out how long to roast the beef through the evening, and set the grill up for a long roast. I will wash the potatoes and have them ready to go in at 16:30 or so. And then I will watch some more shows, take a shower, try to hit it a bit earlier tonight, and set the alarm for as reasonable a rise, tomorrow so as to have the meat cooked and all else set. Later.
.
Thankfully they weren't terribly ready for the day. More to do than they felt up to, and too little time, plus some shopping remaining. For me, I just can't get going. The weather is changing and I am still... getting back onto my feet. A couple of, for me, busy weeks, a change in weather, and a bit deeply... or actually just very quickly, into the cup and...
I am just watching shows and trying to figure the world out. No real naval gazing. Recovering from it all. I should be back to life in a few days. Then I'll get back to planning. I still haven't read the post I put up and shut back down. Sometimes those things are best left where they belong. A psychic bowel movement, a dislodging of poisons, bacteria, and viruses of the soul. I may be nothing, but nothing is everything so I won't lay claim to that. I can't humble myself to that of a servant, no Father wishes that. Nor can I lay claim to my inheritance, and I'm not sure there is one, for me. So, I just do. Not quite a ranch hand, not the owner, not a king, not a serf, not even nobility or a knight, even if some of those things may once have had some truth, as men see things. I only know the direction, and reason for going in that direction. Thankfully, I know I do not have to move an inch to get there. There, is here, even if it is beyond the rim of reality as well. Magic, and yet simple physics. The next time you are there, with someone who is far away, because of a phone, you will understand.
Anyway... I'll figure out how long to roast the beef through the evening, and set the grill up for a long roast. I will wash the potatoes and have them ready to go in at 16:30 or so. And then I will watch some more shows, take a shower, try to hit it a bit earlier tonight, and set the alarm for as reasonable a rise, tomorrow so as to have the meat cooked and all else set. Later.
A call.
.
.
It's always good to speak with family, parents more so. The older I get, the more important that becomes. It takes time to figure some things out, to mature, to understand. Mothers are female, thus alien. No matter how many I have known, or how well I understand some things, how, why, and what they think, and more importantly for them feel, can never quite be a known quantity. I sort of suspect that women more resonate than use logic. I will admit, men aren't perfectly capable of logic ourselves. It's just that we strive for that. That doesn't even mean, when we do use logic, and well, that we are always any more correct. Much as trying to use science to decipher the bible, there are some things that cannot... be derived through math, logic, science. That doesn't mean they are right, always, either. They seem to have a very different priority and social system. Never mind, there remains enough crossover, mutual allowance once maturity has hit, and such, that communication is worth it.
We were discussing pain and exhaustion. She bottled 36 quarts of corn yesterday, or froze? Something. She is sore and hurting today. Her ailments are different, but age has put us closer to a similar place in life. Actually, she is still in better shape. But then my body really is still almost dead. However, she, as I, in health and youth, were both hard workers, in our own ways. Now, when either of us works, we pay. And yet neither of us is quite ready to give anything up. I did suggest, however, that while work does bring pain and exhaustion, it is better than just going through that without gaining. Something we both do as well, and anyway. I told her that I am doing much this summer, all things considered. And, at times, I am paying the price. I am glad she is still able to work, and that I am coming back to it, in fits and starts. I talked her ear off for as long as she could stay awake. To bed, early.
Tomorrow? I don't know, other than contacting the gents about what time they wish to eat dinner. Then I need to figure out the grill, get it set up and going, and have the meat and potatoes ready for their arrival. Slow, low, and turning often should work well enough, putting the potatoes in for the last hour and an half, perhaps. It's good to have folks over for a meal once in a while. I just wish I could keep the cave in better shape so as to do that even more often. Friends, neighbors, acquaintances, and anyone who might stop by for dinners would be nice. Perhaps, as the summer goes on, I might be able to get the place into better shape. If I continue to improve, perhaps I can keep on top of things.
Good night.
.
It's always good to speak with family, parents more so. The older I get, the more important that becomes. It takes time to figure some things out, to mature, to understand. Mothers are female, thus alien. No matter how many I have known, or how well I understand some things, how, why, and what they think, and more importantly for them feel, can never quite be a known quantity. I sort of suspect that women more resonate than use logic. I will admit, men aren't perfectly capable of logic ourselves. It's just that we strive for that. That doesn't even mean, when we do use logic, and well, that we are always any more correct. Much as trying to use science to decipher the bible, there are some things that cannot... be derived through math, logic, science. That doesn't mean they are right, always, either. They seem to have a very different priority and social system. Never mind, there remains enough crossover, mutual allowance once maturity has hit, and such, that communication is worth it.
We were discussing pain and exhaustion. She bottled 36 quarts of corn yesterday, or froze? Something. She is sore and hurting today. Her ailments are different, but age has put us closer to a similar place in life. Actually, she is still in better shape. But then my body really is still almost dead. However, she, as I, in health and youth, were both hard workers, in our own ways. Now, when either of us works, we pay. And yet neither of us is quite ready to give anything up. I did suggest, however, that while work does bring pain and exhaustion, it is better than just going through that without gaining. Something we both do as well, and anyway. I told her that I am doing much this summer, all things considered. And, at times, I am paying the price. I am glad she is still able to work, and that I am coming back to it, in fits and starts. I talked her ear off for as long as she could stay awake. To bed, early.
Tomorrow? I don't know, other than contacting the gents about what time they wish to eat dinner. Then I need to figure out the grill, get it set up and going, and have the meat and potatoes ready for their arrival. Slow, low, and turning often should work well enough, putting the potatoes in for the last hour and an half, perhaps. It's good to have folks over for a meal once in a while. I just wish I could keep the cave in better shape so as to do that even more often. Friends, neighbors, acquaintances, and anyone who might stop by for dinners would be nice. Perhaps, as the summer goes on, I might be able to get the place into better shape. If I continue to improve, perhaps I can keep on top of things.
Good night.
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Last night got a little... tight.
.
.
Too tired to sleep, I thought a short one would help. I started with one, but it went fast and off the grid in a hurry. Even on most nights, where I decide to have a sip, even when I head in fast, I can't remember ever going in that hard or fast, save for the one time I thought Everclear would be an easy, cheap, and tolerable method. Just vodka, last night, and not, actually, that much of it. It must have been the speed of consumption, or perhaps medicine or general health were affecting it. I do remember, just not clearly or well.
I posted something, but have no idea what it was. I... often don't read such posts, just pull them. They aren't tied to reality, and can be a bit harsh. I mix of the insane, fantasy, and reality, in portions that can only make sense while not in one's right way of thinking. I just hope I didn't post comments anywhere. Those can be just as bad, or worse.
Yeah, I know. And it is rare. I do have a drink once in a while, sometimes two. And, mostly, usually, that is enough. Sometimes, though, it's as if my body finds some need with the stuff. Sometimes I realize it, and go with it. Last night... I simply did not see that coming. I slept with a bucket by the bed, just in case. Morning was rough, but I pushed myself to wake and deal with the morning. Or... early afternoon. As soon as I was aware, I was awake. Rough, but I have recovered. At least I don't drive when drinking. I never got into fights when drinking, either. I never even got into arguments with past girlfriends. When I drink, it is relatively a friendly thing. The only thing I would change is figuring out how to turn the internet off. Gah!
I didn't get to town, but I did find a beef roast that will do every bit as well as brisket, and then some. I do have soda, and coffee. Beer just isn't sounding so good, and won't for a while. They are bringing salads and any libations they might enjoy. So... it's all good, if not what I had planned and hoped. I still need rest, anyway, so I am not terribly upset with the weekend. I'll be hitting it again when I can. I might even make a trip to town Tuesday, to manage business and do the shopping. I will replace the roast, and add a few extra as well. And replace the pork roast I recently cooked. I am truly enjoying that grill. And the right foods, cooked once or twice a week, really hold me over. If I could just keep up on even that.
A storm seems to be coming in. It seems cooler. I am enjoying that, if I hope tomorrow isn't rained out. I doubt it, and besides, rain here, this time of year, is a short thing, and usually light. Later.
.
Too tired to sleep, I thought a short one would help. I started with one, but it went fast and off the grid in a hurry. Even on most nights, where I decide to have a sip, even when I head in fast, I can't remember ever going in that hard or fast, save for the one time I thought Everclear would be an easy, cheap, and tolerable method. Just vodka, last night, and not, actually, that much of it. It must have been the speed of consumption, or perhaps medicine or general health were affecting it. I do remember, just not clearly or well.
I posted something, but have no idea what it was. I... often don't read such posts, just pull them. They aren't tied to reality, and can be a bit harsh. I mix of the insane, fantasy, and reality, in portions that can only make sense while not in one's right way of thinking. I just hope I didn't post comments anywhere. Those can be just as bad, or worse.
Yeah, I know. And it is rare. I do have a drink once in a while, sometimes two. And, mostly, usually, that is enough. Sometimes, though, it's as if my body finds some need with the stuff. Sometimes I realize it, and go with it. Last night... I simply did not see that coming. I slept with a bucket by the bed, just in case. Morning was rough, but I pushed myself to wake and deal with the morning. Or... early afternoon. As soon as I was aware, I was awake. Rough, but I have recovered. At least I don't drive when drinking. I never got into fights when drinking, either. I never even got into arguments with past girlfriends. When I drink, it is relatively a friendly thing. The only thing I would change is figuring out how to turn the internet off. Gah!
I didn't get to town, but I did find a beef roast that will do every bit as well as brisket, and then some. I do have soda, and coffee. Beer just isn't sounding so good, and won't for a while. They are bringing salads and any libations they might enjoy. So... it's all good, if not what I had planned and hoped. I still need rest, anyway, so I am not terribly upset with the weekend. I'll be hitting it again when I can. I might even make a trip to town Tuesday, to manage business and do the shopping. I will replace the roast, and add a few extra as well. And replace the pork roast I recently cooked. I am truly enjoying that grill. And the right foods, cooked once or twice a week, really hold me over. If I could just keep up on even that.
A storm seems to be coming in. It seems cooler. I am enjoying that, if I hope tomorrow isn't rained out. I doubt it, and besides, rain here, this time of year, is a short thing, and usually light. Later.
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Plans without fruit.
.
.
I suspected I wouldn't get to much, if anything, today. I still made plans, and tried to corner that angle, making plans and having hopes. Simply put, I couldn't, and still can't, do a thing. I have been watching shows. Too tired to even game. I'm running at the most difficult level of the game. I don't have the energy to push through on that. I did make something to eat. I cooked rice, then fried tuna, and mixed the lot. It's humble food, but good enough. I am too tired to even be hungry but pushed through on that. At least I have been able to keep my dailies in check, and put some food in my mouth. Sometimes that is as good as it gets.
I still plan to try to make it to town tomorrow. If not, then Monday early. I need to get a brisket and some beer, and might as well pick up a few other things while I am in town. I miss cream for my coffee when I am out. Milk can act as a meal, all by itself, when all else fails. And there are a few other odds and ends that make life just a bit easier. Being a cripple is humbling. Worse when it comes and goes. A pain all it's own, one few, thankfully, will know. And yet it offers a grace few can know. If you can survive not having legs to stand on. Not a problem hereabouts, regardless of choice, always.
Never mind. Since I couldn't get to anything, other than a small humble meal, I did go ahead and enjoy some time off. Just ramping up for the next leap into whatever else I can get into this coming week. I hope it pleases God, that I haven't, and won't, quit. I hope my small efforts please some part of Him deeply, personally. It's as much as I can offer, in thanks, gratitude, and to His honor. To use what life I have, as I may, and as rightly and fully as possible. Even with such a heavy blemish... a blemish He knows means nothing, in the final assessment. I know it, but living with it... difficult to separate things at times.
Good day.
.
I suspected I wouldn't get to much, if anything, today. I still made plans, and tried to corner that angle, making plans and having hopes. Simply put, I couldn't, and still can't, do a thing. I have been watching shows. Too tired to even game. I'm running at the most difficult level of the game. I don't have the energy to push through on that. I did make something to eat. I cooked rice, then fried tuna, and mixed the lot. It's humble food, but good enough. I am too tired to even be hungry but pushed through on that. At least I have been able to keep my dailies in check, and put some food in my mouth. Sometimes that is as good as it gets.
I still plan to try to make it to town tomorrow. If not, then Monday early. I need to get a brisket and some beer, and might as well pick up a few other things while I am in town. I miss cream for my coffee when I am out. Milk can act as a meal, all by itself, when all else fails. And there are a few other odds and ends that make life just a bit easier. Being a cripple is humbling. Worse when it comes and goes. A pain all it's own, one few, thankfully, will know. And yet it offers a grace few can know. If you can survive not having legs to stand on. Not a problem hereabouts, regardless of choice, always.
Never mind. Since I couldn't get to anything, other than a small humble meal, I did go ahead and enjoy some time off. Just ramping up for the next leap into whatever else I can get into this coming week. I hope it pleases God, that I haven't, and won't, quit. I hope my small efforts please some part of Him deeply, personally. It's as much as I can offer, in thanks, gratitude, and to His honor. To use what life I have, as I may, and as rightly and fully as possible. Even with such a heavy blemish... a blemish He knows means nothing, in the final assessment. I know it, but living with it... difficult to separate things at times.
Good day.
Odd dream, late start, hard sleep, plans.
.
.
I didn't get to bed until late, partly due to having to mess with the hoses and timers, part of it due to not being able to sleep. Sometimes I can get to sleep, potentially, earlier than I do. But if something drags me beyond that earlier potential, then I can't sleep until another opportunity is available. Last night for sure, and maybe yesterday night. I'll try to sleep a lot earlier, if I can. On the good side, my windows of opportunity for sleep recycle much more quickly. At least I haven't been dragged to 3:00, 4:00, or 5:00, just 1:00 last night, 2:00 the night before.
Sleep was hard. Have you ever worked a day in your life where you know, without any reservations, exactly what work is? I don't mean the ones that almost kill you, but the ones that use you up pretty good, and you feel like you earned your pay but still can feel good about it? That is how I feel coming out of sleep. I even have some aches and pains, though of a mechanical, physical, sort. Perhaps the little bit of work I have been doing has been slightly more physical than I thought? I hope so. If not, I just live in an older body than what I thought. Just a bit rough this morning, but physical pains of this sort are a pleasure. They at least make me think I have done some work. The only way to build up, or even try to stay somewhat fit, is to break the body down a bit from time to time.
I was speaking to someone in my dreams. They were asking about my blog, and some of the things I write. They wanted to know if I really thought I was special. Initially I took their meaning as mundane, trivial, nominal. I said, of course! God loves us very much. If He offers the grandeur of hue to the flower, feeds even birds, as He has suggested, how much more us? And, as children believe in their parents, I believe in my heavenly Father. Without reservation, doubt, or blemish, I believe. Well, that wasn't quite it. I was asked if I believe that I am more than just the typical person, or sheep of the flock, or trans-, sub-, super-human even, perhaps. Maybe even the manifestation of War, one of the horsemen, or a sort of prophet.
Ah, that. And what I said in the dream is how I really feel about things. There is some wonder. No doubts about that. Simply the number of times I should have, and actually have, died? It is unreasonable not to be left with wonder. I have died very hard. I should have died harder. That on top of living in a body that has no right to still be living, all on it's own. I do see things. I have visions. Right, true, possibilities? Some of the things have come to pass, some may be coming true as we speak, and I am pretty sure some things I have seen have no option but to happen. If I think those things are more for me than for you, or everybody. I simply don't know. I doubt that I am truly special, I have no way of deciding if I am anything but human. Any method possible would be beyond my ability and any who might see the patterns, if such exist, would not tell me the truth... for one reason or another.
I write. Stories, experiences, notions, visions, and dreams. I combine them in a fashion that seems to square enough of the circle, as properly as possible to what conclusions may be gleaned, leaving off some things I don't think should be shared. I write, sometimes, with the surety of intent, so as to flesh some thoughts and possibilities out. I do use filler, to cover gaps of knowledge, certainty, possibility. I didn't tease about wanting the Eucharist to... test some things. I feared taking it, but had faith in it too. I am... agnostic about being anything other than an ill, middle aged, slightly curious, sort of man. But, and more importantly, I explained that, even should I be something like War, or a nephilim, or have some other bit to play? That makes me no more important than anyone else. Christ, the most important human, if a trans-human through divine nature, also merely submitted to His part. How could I ever be more? Having a part, and in a sense we all do, is not special. Doesn't make us special. It is just an opportunity that varies slightly from the roll we are all asked to play, that of a saint. That is, pretty much, how the dream went. A confused look on his face, probably mirrored by my own expression. It's all I've got to offer.
Today? Ah, urhm... To the store, hopefully. Then work on the benchtop. No other plans. And I will try to keep it light, beyond that. I am tired. I am sore. But I am, with those givens, in good shape. I would like to keep it that way. Today and tomorrow need to be very light. And I need to keep as cool as possible. I am right on the edge of having pushed far too hard, even as little as I have done. As I said, my ability, capacity, is a moving target. It seems to be fairly low on the horizon, meaning I only get a few shots. I've used those and then some. Rest, with just a few chores thrown in. Later.
.
I didn't get to bed until late, partly due to having to mess with the hoses and timers, part of it due to not being able to sleep. Sometimes I can get to sleep, potentially, earlier than I do. But if something drags me beyond that earlier potential, then I can't sleep until another opportunity is available. Last night for sure, and maybe yesterday night. I'll try to sleep a lot earlier, if I can. On the good side, my windows of opportunity for sleep recycle much more quickly. At least I haven't been dragged to 3:00, 4:00, or 5:00, just 1:00 last night, 2:00 the night before.
Sleep was hard. Have you ever worked a day in your life where you know, without any reservations, exactly what work is? I don't mean the ones that almost kill you, but the ones that use you up pretty good, and you feel like you earned your pay but still can feel good about it? That is how I feel coming out of sleep. I even have some aches and pains, though of a mechanical, physical, sort. Perhaps the little bit of work I have been doing has been slightly more physical than I thought? I hope so. If not, I just live in an older body than what I thought. Just a bit rough this morning, but physical pains of this sort are a pleasure. They at least make me think I have done some work. The only way to build up, or even try to stay somewhat fit, is to break the body down a bit from time to time.
I was speaking to someone in my dreams. They were asking about my blog, and some of the things I write. They wanted to know if I really thought I was special. Initially I took their meaning as mundane, trivial, nominal. I said, of course! God loves us very much. If He offers the grandeur of hue to the flower, feeds even birds, as He has suggested, how much more us? And, as children believe in their parents, I believe in my heavenly Father. Without reservation, doubt, or blemish, I believe. Well, that wasn't quite it. I was asked if I believe that I am more than just the typical person, or sheep of the flock, or trans-, sub-, super-human even, perhaps. Maybe even the manifestation of War, one of the horsemen, or a sort of prophet.
Ah, that. And what I said in the dream is how I really feel about things. There is some wonder. No doubts about that. Simply the number of times I should have, and actually have, died? It is unreasonable not to be left with wonder. I have died very hard. I should have died harder. That on top of living in a body that has no right to still be living, all on it's own. I do see things. I have visions. Right, true, possibilities? Some of the things have come to pass, some may be coming true as we speak, and I am pretty sure some things I have seen have no option but to happen. If I think those things are more for me than for you, or everybody. I simply don't know. I doubt that I am truly special, I have no way of deciding if I am anything but human. Any method possible would be beyond my ability and any who might see the patterns, if such exist, would not tell me the truth... for one reason or another.
I write. Stories, experiences, notions, visions, and dreams. I combine them in a fashion that seems to square enough of the circle, as properly as possible to what conclusions may be gleaned, leaving off some things I don't think should be shared. I write, sometimes, with the surety of intent, so as to flesh some thoughts and possibilities out. I do use filler, to cover gaps of knowledge, certainty, possibility. I didn't tease about wanting the Eucharist to... test some things. I feared taking it, but had faith in it too. I am... agnostic about being anything other than an ill, middle aged, slightly curious, sort of man. But, and more importantly, I explained that, even should I be something like War, or a nephilim, or have some other bit to play? That makes me no more important than anyone else. Christ, the most important human, if a trans-human through divine nature, also merely submitted to His part. How could I ever be more? Having a part, and in a sense we all do, is not special. Doesn't make us special. It is just an opportunity that varies slightly from the roll we are all asked to play, that of a saint. That is, pretty much, how the dream went. A confused look on his face, probably mirrored by my own expression. It's all I've got to offer.
Today? Ah, urhm... To the store, hopefully. Then work on the benchtop. No other plans. And I will try to keep it light, beyond that. I am tired. I am sore. But I am, with those givens, in good shape. I would like to keep it that way. Today and tomorrow need to be very light. And I need to keep as cool as possible. I am right on the edge of having pushed far too hard, even as little as I have done. As I said, my ability, capacity, is a moving target. It seems to be fairly low on the horizon, meaning I only get a few shots. I've used those and then some. Rest, with just a few chores thrown in. Later.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Some of it.
.
.
The timer, or one part of it, isn't working. I have been tinkering with the thing all day, it seems like. Back it goes. I will try one more system. If that doesn't work I will simply do it by hand. The problem with that isn't the work, the effort, it is remembering. Well, mostly. Sometimes I can't do much, but even then, that isn't the work involved.
I have been watching the beginnings of Babylon 5. I found an order to watch that is supposed to make sense, with enough positive feedback that I trust it. Not much else today. While it is less than I had planned, it is more than, after hitting the day, I thought I would get done. I am so tired. I suppose the heat has returned, as well. A few cool days then back to summer. From what I can tell, it isn't heat, or cool, that will get me. It's a quick change in weather that will take me down, as well as either extreme. It just changed and is hitting, if more regular summer, extremes of heat. AC helps, but just only so much. Central air would be nice. And, yes, it is on the list. A bit for prep, a bit for this, a bit for that, lists out my ears, but only just so many dollars to go around.
I have to stay awake another hour. After, finally, giving up on getting the timer to work, I just turned on the front and back yard hoses by hand and will have to turn them off by hand. At least the garden timer works. Another episode of Babylon 5, maybe some popcorn, and then to bed. Good night.
.
The timer, or one part of it, isn't working. I have been tinkering with the thing all day, it seems like. Back it goes. I will try one more system. If that doesn't work I will simply do it by hand. The problem with that isn't the work, the effort, it is remembering. Well, mostly. Sometimes I can't do much, but even then, that isn't the work involved.
I have been watching the beginnings of Babylon 5. I found an order to watch that is supposed to make sense, with enough positive feedback that I trust it. Not much else today. While it is less than I had planned, it is more than, after hitting the day, I thought I would get done. I am so tired. I suppose the heat has returned, as well. A few cool days then back to summer. From what I can tell, it isn't heat, or cool, that will get me. It's a quick change in weather that will take me down, as well as either extreme. It just changed and is hitting, if more regular summer, extremes of heat. AC helps, but just only so much. Central air would be nice. And, yes, it is on the list. A bit for prep, a bit for this, a bit for that, lists out my ears, but only just so many dollars to go around.
I have to stay awake another hour. After, finally, giving up on getting the timer to work, I just turned on the front and back yard hoses by hand and will have to turn them off by hand. At least the garden timer works. Another episode of Babylon 5, maybe some popcorn, and then to bed. Good night.
I don't want to go!
.
.
Tired. Really tired. I've sort of been pushing. It's not the big things. Little things, lots of them. Projects almost every day, several to many. Some aren't noted here. Some were never planned, they just happen as I see them or the thought occurs. I'm getting ahead of my feet and heading for a stumble. And yet I need to go to town, for several reasons. Reasons I can't really negotiate. I suppose I can, actually. Perhaps put off shopping until tomorrow and deal with taxes later in the week. And I may. Not sure, may not have a choice.
I put the timer contraption together, set it and all. It takes AA, oddly, and I keep those in stock. It was simple enough, now to see if it will work. After that, sanding. And maybe a bit of other tinkering out there to get my workbench and some other things arranged. After I get those, and a shower, I will consider the trip to town. It's just not looking likely. On the good side, I already have my inspection out of the way. And I remember where I put the paperwork, if... it is where I remember. Bleh.
Life is sort of a trap. If you can't do much, then you are stuck with what you have, and as you are. If you can do, then you must do. The world and your stomach demand it. A wife and children simply add to the demand. Our very natures claim a chunk of our want for survival, and more. I suppose there are some who want to simply receive, and do nothing. And everybody looks at the various ways to the ends and considers which hard paths and which easy paths to attempt. We can't fight all hard battles all the time. The option isn't so much an option as an end. A trap within a trap.
Oh, no complaints. Just noticing, again, and evaluating it all as I sit here, sitting here. Stewing about being stuck. Stuck whichever way I go, whether by choice or not. Not sure which is the way of being more stuck, having a choice or not. Never mind. I'll at least get a couple of chores done today. Then take the weekend off, save for a shopping trip. And I will work at getting to sleep a bit earlier. That might be the full part of my problem, and some of it was my fault. Later.
.
Tired. Really tired. I've sort of been pushing. It's not the big things. Little things, lots of them. Projects almost every day, several to many. Some aren't noted here. Some were never planned, they just happen as I see them or the thought occurs. I'm getting ahead of my feet and heading for a stumble. And yet I need to go to town, for several reasons. Reasons I can't really negotiate. I suppose I can, actually. Perhaps put off shopping until tomorrow and deal with taxes later in the week. And I may. Not sure, may not have a choice.
I put the timer contraption together, set it and all. It takes AA, oddly, and I keep those in stock. It was simple enough, now to see if it will work. After that, sanding. And maybe a bit of other tinkering out there to get my workbench and some other things arranged. After I get those, and a shower, I will consider the trip to town. It's just not looking likely. On the good side, I already have my inspection out of the way. And I remember where I put the paperwork, if... it is where I remember. Bleh.
Life is sort of a trap. If you can't do much, then you are stuck with what you have, and as you are. If you can do, then you must do. The world and your stomach demand it. A wife and children simply add to the demand. Our very natures claim a chunk of our want for survival, and more. I suppose there are some who want to simply receive, and do nothing. And everybody looks at the various ways to the ends and considers which hard paths and which easy paths to attempt. We can't fight all hard battles all the time. The option isn't so much an option as an end. A trap within a trap.
Oh, no complaints. Just noticing, again, and evaluating it all as I sit here, sitting here. Stewing about being stuck. Stuck whichever way I go, whether by choice or not. Not sure which is the way of being more stuck, having a choice or not. Never mind. I'll at least get a couple of chores done today. Then take the weekend off, save for a shopping trip. And I will work at getting to sleep a bit earlier. That might be the full part of my problem, and some of it was my fault. Later.
Probably pushing things.
.
.
I couldn't sleep until late last night. Actually into early morning. I set the alarm for a seven hour sleep, trying to keep things in check, and did wake, mostly, on time. But it's a rough morning. I want to get sanding done shortly, and set up the timer for the lawn. I may need a battery for it though. No real problem. If I get it set up, mechanically, I can get a battery while in town. Sometimes they are in the package, sometimes not. Haven't looked yet.
I remember one dream from last night. Someone was suggesting that something was simply a right. I told them that it was not a right. I suggested that it might be a freedom. I was asked what the difference was. I told them that a right is something allowed without question or consequence. Breathing, assuming life, is a right. Life itself is not exactly a right, save in a philosophical sense. If faith is had, life isn't a right it is a gift, granted each moment. But breathing, while that gift is in play, is a given. That is a right. A freedom requires due diligence. You may have a freedom to do something, but you have the responsibilities that go along with it. If you wish to hike, you should be aware of wildlife, weather, and your fitness level. If you wish to do almost anything, you need to be responsible for yourself in that regard. A right, today, confers the notion that you can just do whatever you want. That isn't how it works. Death cannot be undone, living with the death of another, caused by your actions, even less so. And life is life or death. We, in our luxury, have simply forgotten that. The learning curve in this regard is going to be very steep when we get to that point. It is coming.
Oh, today? Sanding, setting up the lawn timer, checking the plants, then showering and grooming for a trip to town. Property and vehicle taxes, drivers license, and a trip to the store. Brisket, beer, bread, perhaps some other meats, a bit of cream, and maybe a few other things. I'll check the various larders before heading to town. If I have anything extra to offer, I might try to mix the stain. I suspect that will be something for tomorrow though. And I would sorely like to fiddle with the faucet, with the part that had been set aside but might make it work. We'll see.
Later.
.
I couldn't sleep until late last night. Actually into early morning. I set the alarm for a seven hour sleep, trying to keep things in check, and did wake, mostly, on time. But it's a rough morning. I want to get sanding done shortly, and set up the timer for the lawn. I may need a battery for it though. No real problem. If I get it set up, mechanically, I can get a battery while in town. Sometimes they are in the package, sometimes not. Haven't looked yet.
I remember one dream from last night. Someone was suggesting that something was simply a right. I told them that it was not a right. I suggested that it might be a freedom. I was asked what the difference was. I told them that a right is something allowed without question or consequence. Breathing, assuming life, is a right. Life itself is not exactly a right, save in a philosophical sense. If faith is had, life isn't a right it is a gift, granted each moment. But breathing, while that gift is in play, is a given. That is a right. A freedom requires due diligence. You may have a freedom to do something, but you have the responsibilities that go along with it. If you wish to hike, you should be aware of wildlife, weather, and your fitness level. If you wish to do almost anything, you need to be responsible for yourself in that regard. A right, today, confers the notion that you can just do whatever you want. That isn't how it works. Death cannot be undone, living with the death of another, caused by your actions, even less so. And life is life or death. We, in our luxury, have simply forgotten that. The learning curve in this regard is going to be very steep when we get to that point. It is coming.
Oh, today? Sanding, setting up the lawn timer, checking the plants, then showering and grooming for a trip to town. Property and vehicle taxes, drivers license, and a trip to the store. Brisket, beer, bread, perhaps some other meats, a bit of cream, and maybe a few other things. I'll check the various larders before heading to town. If I have anything extra to offer, I might try to mix the stain. I suspect that will be something for tomorrow though. And I would sorely like to fiddle with the faucet, with the part that had been set aside but might make it work. We'll see.
Later.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Did what I could.
.
.
The dishes and laundry were finished. The sander was found, checked, and the cord found... all of it ready to go. But that was it for work. I did make a meal though. I grilled boneless port ribs, and then worked quinoa and cooked that. Alright, when quinoa is done right, it is much better. Two heaving washes, with an half hour soak in the middle. There was no blah soapy taste, it wasn't acidic or whatever. It tasted much as mild grits, where you can't really taste corn. But it isn't as mealy. With the ribs it was truly good. Butter mixed in, a little salt. It's a bit expensive. However, for long term storage, it has all of the goodness of whole grain rice, and more, but will store. Unlike rice or any other similar food. Now I can begin looking for larger batches of that. Oh, did I mention? It is a complete protein, all by itself. But, not being a vegetarian, I wouldn't use it as such unless I had no other choice. Without animal fats, I don't think it would be right. It would simply due in a pinch, for a pinch. One more thing off my list of things to check, and then onto my list to buy.
I will just keep going with the list. Tomorrow I am hoping to be up early enough to sand the workbench, set up the timer and hoses, then do some business in town. Taxes, drivers license, maybe a touch of shopping. Just need to get it out of the way. But that will be about it for the week. I am going to need to back down a bit on the weekend. But I don't just want to sit. Perhaps I can work on the sink, since that will be a mild project, at least to try to set it up and see if it works. As well, I might get the stain 'cooked' and begin applying it. And, perhaps, through the weekend, I might find time to sweep wherever could use it, and maybe mop at least the bathroom. But... that would be it, mostly.
I am doing as well as I can do. Medicine, grooming, home, lawn, garden, prep, and minor improvements and maintenance here and there. Never had it so good, even as mild as it is. Hoping for more. A bit at a time, a little on several to many things each day, prayer at least at night and over each meal... Good night.
.
The dishes and laundry were finished. The sander was found, checked, and the cord found... all of it ready to go. But that was it for work. I did make a meal though. I grilled boneless port ribs, and then worked quinoa and cooked that. Alright, when quinoa is done right, it is much better. Two heaving washes, with an half hour soak in the middle. There was no blah soapy taste, it wasn't acidic or whatever. It tasted much as mild grits, where you can't really taste corn. But it isn't as mealy. With the ribs it was truly good. Butter mixed in, a little salt. It's a bit expensive. However, for long term storage, it has all of the goodness of whole grain rice, and more, but will store. Unlike rice or any other similar food. Now I can begin looking for larger batches of that. Oh, did I mention? It is a complete protein, all by itself. But, not being a vegetarian, I wouldn't use it as such unless I had no other choice. Without animal fats, I don't think it would be right. It would simply due in a pinch, for a pinch. One more thing off my list of things to check, and then onto my list to buy.
I will just keep going with the list. Tomorrow I am hoping to be up early enough to sand the workbench, set up the timer and hoses, then do some business in town. Taxes, drivers license, maybe a touch of shopping. Just need to get it out of the way. But that will be about it for the week. I am going to need to back down a bit on the weekend. But I don't just want to sit. Perhaps I can work on the sink, since that will be a mild project, at least to try to set it up and see if it works. As well, I might get the stain 'cooked' and begin applying it. And, perhaps, through the weekend, I might find time to sweep wherever could use it, and maybe mop at least the bathroom. But... that would be it, mostly.
I am doing as well as I can do. Medicine, grooming, home, lawn, garden, prep, and minor improvements and maintenance here and there. Never had it so good, even as mild as it is. Hoping for more. A bit at a time, a little on several to many things each day, prayer at least at night and over each meal... Good night.
Not fast, but sure enough.
.
.
Took a bit to get going, but after the last post, I reset the dishes and put a load into the washer. I also found the sander, checked the sandpaper, and found the longer extension cord. I then went down for a bit, setting the timer, which I somehow didn't hear, for an hour and an half? Something. When I realized time had flown, I got back to it. I transferred the clothes to the drier. There aren't enough other various types for another load so I dried out the washer (front loaders are a bit finicky), set the drier going, then washed and rinsed the dishes. They are sitting in the rinse now. I'll dry them when I go to get the laundry for folding and whatnot. While messing with the clothes, I noticed Sam, most likely, had made a bit of a mess in one of the hampers, so I washed that out.
I should be able to finish dishes and laundry within a couple of hours, then hit the work bench. Perhaps test the sander on the rain porch supports. After that, a break, and then I will install the pressure limiter on the garden irrigation system, and make a stab at setting up the lawn timer and system. Who knows if I will get it all done. If I can give it all a whirl, I will be happy. I might need a heavier sander for the supports, for one thing. And I may run out of the energy needed to tinker before I finish it all. I'll know before long.
Tomorrow? A lighter day. I found something that might make the kitchen faucet work. A fitting that simply got set aside. I would like to try that, and if it works then put my kitchen sink back together. The only other things I would like to do is to create my workbench finish concoction, then apply that. And sweep and mop around the place. Further, if I get that done, then I will take a jab at wet vacuuming in the kitchen area the day after. And start tearing into my bedroom after that. I may need to sleep in the spare bedroom, as the first thing I want to do is empty my bedroom, then spray for bugs, then steam vacuum, let it dry, and put it all back together before hitting the spare bedroom, then the computer, then living, rooms. Bleh. I might actually get it done in a week or two. Lots of breaks, but a steady hand.
Later.
.
Took a bit to get going, but after the last post, I reset the dishes and put a load into the washer. I also found the sander, checked the sandpaper, and found the longer extension cord. I then went down for a bit, setting the timer, which I somehow didn't hear, for an hour and an half? Something. When I realized time had flown, I got back to it. I transferred the clothes to the drier. There aren't enough other various types for another load so I dried out the washer (front loaders are a bit finicky), set the drier going, then washed and rinsed the dishes. They are sitting in the rinse now. I'll dry them when I go to get the laundry for folding and whatnot. While messing with the clothes, I noticed Sam, most likely, had made a bit of a mess in one of the hampers, so I washed that out.
I should be able to finish dishes and laundry within a couple of hours, then hit the work bench. Perhaps test the sander on the rain porch supports. After that, a break, and then I will install the pressure limiter on the garden irrigation system, and make a stab at setting up the lawn timer and system. Who knows if I will get it all done. If I can give it all a whirl, I will be happy. I might need a heavier sander for the supports, for one thing. And I may run out of the energy needed to tinker before I finish it all. I'll know before long.
Tomorrow? A lighter day. I found something that might make the kitchen faucet work. A fitting that simply got set aside. I would like to try that, and if it works then put my kitchen sink back together. The only other things I would like to do is to create my workbench finish concoction, then apply that. And sweep and mop around the place. Further, if I get that done, then I will take a jab at wet vacuuming in the kitchen area the day after. And start tearing into my bedroom after that. I may need to sleep in the spare bedroom, as the first thing I want to do is empty my bedroom, then spray for bugs, then steam vacuum, let it dry, and put it all back together before hitting the spare bedroom, then the computer, then living, rooms. Bleh. I might actually get it done in a week or two. Lots of breaks, but a steady hand.
Later.
Awake and moving.
.
.
Feeling just a bit better today. I don't think I'll be hitting anything too hard but I am hoping to do a few things. Perhaps a load of laundry, a few dishes I have setting to soak if they do need a fresh soak, setting up the timer and hoses, and sanding the workbench. Sounds like a lot, but if I do the things in parcels, they aren't too much. Hmm, and, just maybe, if I get three of those things done, I'll figure out something a bit special for dinner. Spaghetti and meatballs? Maybe. I have the meat thawed for a special sort of meatball, three meat type. I have never made meatballs before, so...
I'm telling you what, I am glad I started brushing regularly. I thought it was a gimmick, but I can plainly see the difference. I ought to add flossing in, really, and will. One thing at a time, folks. I really do have to add things slowly. Just a month or two of twice daily and it really is making a difference. My teeth, oddly, were in excellent shape even before brushing. Why? Don't ask me silly questions. But my gums were a bit rough. Oh, don't try this at home. You aren't me. You go without brushing for decades and you won't have any teeth, more so as a past street fighter, who drank a case of regular soda a week, or more. Yeah, I like the way of it, now, and even get up to brush if I forget before sleep and remember before falling asleep... just like with medicine.
Medicine has been going down like clockwork. And this week I have started taking my stats. Blood pressure is better, 125/92 this morning, pulse has been in the 60's to 70's range, and blood sugar has been dropping, down to 136 this morning from the 160's at the start of the week. I have had a few sodas, regular sodas, in the last few days. And, yes, that seems to help... once in a while just not regularly. Even so, I am rather bushed. Two trips to town already this week, and a pretty heavy week last week, I suppose I might just be falling out from effort. I will be trying to push to the weekend though. A day off yesterday helped, and yet didn't. I think I am just going to be tired most of the rest of my life. I need to find balance, as much as is possible with a moving capacity target. This is not how my nature works. It is contrary to everything I am. And yet it is what I must tend. So... I will.
Oh, I am adding a label for blogging... daily diary. I might, eventually, when I can't do much else, go back in and assign that to old posts. It'll be posts that are mostly just mundane life ramblings. I hate not having a label, or set of them, for posts. Plus they offer an easier way to find old posts along specific themes, or just wander through.
Laundry, setting up the dishes, then getting my sander and extension cord out. A little break to let the dishes soak and then I'll wash those, another break then deal with the laundry, another break and I'll hit the sanding. Sounds like a plan to me, for starters. I'll figure things out after that. Later, and good day.
.
Feeling just a bit better today. I don't think I'll be hitting anything too hard but I am hoping to do a few things. Perhaps a load of laundry, a few dishes I have setting to soak if they do need a fresh soak, setting up the timer and hoses, and sanding the workbench. Sounds like a lot, but if I do the things in parcels, they aren't too much. Hmm, and, just maybe, if I get three of those things done, I'll figure out something a bit special for dinner. Spaghetti and meatballs? Maybe. I have the meat thawed for a special sort of meatball, three meat type. I have never made meatballs before, so...
I'm telling you what, I am glad I started brushing regularly. I thought it was a gimmick, but I can plainly see the difference. I ought to add flossing in, really, and will. One thing at a time, folks. I really do have to add things slowly. Just a month or two of twice daily and it really is making a difference. My teeth, oddly, were in excellent shape even before brushing. Why? Don't ask me silly questions. But my gums were a bit rough. Oh, don't try this at home. You aren't me. You go without brushing for decades and you won't have any teeth, more so as a past street fighter, who drank a case of regular soda a week, or more. Yeah, I like the way of it, now, and even get up to brush if I forget before sleep and remember before falling asleep... just like with medicine.
Medicine has been going down like clockwork. And this week I have started taking my stats. Blood pressure is better, 125/92 this morning, pulse has been in the 60's to 70's range, and blood sugar has been dropping, down to 136 this morning from the 160's at the start of the week. I have had a few sodas, regular sodas, in the last few days. And, yes, that seems to help... once in a while just not regularly. Even so, I am rather bushed. Two trips to town already this week, and a pretty heavy week last week, I suppose I might just be falling out from effort. I will be trying to push to the weekend though. A day off yesterday helped, and yet didn't. I think I am just going to be tired most of the rest of my life. I need to find balance, as much as is possible with a moving capacity target. This is not how my nature works. It is contrary to everything I am. And yet it is what I must tend. So... I will.
Oh, I am adding a label for blogging... daily diary. I might, eventually, when I can't do much else, go back in and assign that to old posts. It'll be posts that are mostly just mundane life ramblings. I hate not having a label, or set of them, for posts. Plus they offer an easier way to find old posts along specific themes, or just wander through.
Laundry, setting up the dishes, then getting my sander and extension cord out. A little break to let the dishes soak and then I'll wash those, another break then deal with the laundry, another break and I'll hit the sanding. Sounds like a plan to me, for starters. I'll figure things out after that. Later, and good day.
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Resting but weary.
.
.
Doing well. I just need some downtime. I did pull the trigger on something I have wanted for a while. I ordered Babylon 5, the complete series, the movies, and a branch series about which I was unaware... the Crusades, or some such. I have wanted this for a long time. I have, or had, it on dvd. I simply don't have a dvd player. That and the I didn't have the complete collection, let alone the movies or the extra series. Hmm... I ought to give them to my friend. I think he might enjoy them, and has a dvd player. No loss to me, at this point. If I can find them.
Not this month, but maybe in another month, I am hoping to buy a chronograph. With it I would feel more comfortable reloading. I have many friends who reload, but without using this device. So I know it can be done. One of those friends likes to load very hot, too. I have seen, first hand, what can be done with very little in the way of precaution. Now, for me, it isn't so much about precaution, at this point, as it is about precision. It will help me work up rounds, of several types perhaps, for each caliber. One round for target, perhaps. One round for self-defense. Perhaps even another round for hunting. If I wanted. Really I just want two types of rounds for my pistols, and even any rifle I might use. A load and bullet type for the most accurate and precise self-defense/hunting round, and a heavier penetration round. But I want to work them up and down, crafting as much precision as possible. The problem with this, of course, is availability of specific components. Sure, you can stockpile. But components have a limited lifespan. I have been looking to buy a chronograph for a very long time. I think my reloading friends will enjoy it just as much. The only price of use is... you break it, you buy it.
I doubt if I will get to sanding, but it could happen. And I won't be setting up the timer, most likely. I just don't have anything but a towel to throw in. I wanted to cook something for dinner, but even that is looking improbable. No worries, I knew I was pushing it. And I enjoyed going the extra distance. I got some of my list managed, and enjoyed some company and a couple extra meals this week. I won't knock it or worry. I'll just enjoy my rest unless I can knock something else off my list. There is always tomorrow. It has been a good summer, even with the downtimes. A few hiccups are to be expected. Later.
.
Doing well. I just need some downtime. I did pull the trigger on something I have wanted for a while. I ordered Babylon 5, the complete series, the movies, and a branch series about which I was unaware... the Crusades, or some such. I have wanted this for a long time. I have, or had, it on dvd. I simply don't have a dvd player. That and the I didn't have the complete collection, let alone the movies or the extra series. Hmm... I ought to give them to my friend. I think he might enjoy them, and has a dvd player. No loss to me, at this point. If I can find them.
Not this month, but maybe in another month, I am hoping to buy a chronograph. With it I would feel more comfortable reloading. I have many friends who reload, but without using this device. So I know it can be done. One of those friends likes to load very hot, too. I have seen, first hand, what can be done with very little in the way of precaution. Now, for me, it isn't so much about precaution, at this point, as it is about precision. It will help me work up rounds, of several types perhaps, for each caliber. One round for target, perhaps. One round for self-defense. Perhaps even another round for hunting. If I wanted. Really I just want two types of rounds for my pistols, and even any rifle I might use. A load and bullet type for the most accurate and precise self-defense/hunting round, and a heavier penetration round. But I want to work them up and down, crafting as much precision as possible. The problem with this, of course, is availability of specific components. Sure, you can stockpile. But components have a limited lifespan. I have been looking to buy a chronograph for a very long time. I think my reloading friends will enjoy it just as much. The only price of use is... you break it, you buy it.
I doubt if I will get to sanding, but it could happen. And I won't be setting up the timer, most likely. I just don't have anything but a towel to throw in. I wanted to cook something for dinner, but even that is looking improbable. No worries, I knew I was pushing it. And I enjoyed going the extra distance. I got some of my list managed, and enjoyed some company and a couple extra meals this week. I won't knock it or worry. I'll just enjoy my rest unless I can knock something else off my list. There is always tomorrow. It has been a good summer, even with the downtimes. A few hiccups are to be expected. Later.
A cool day of rest.
.
.
I am pretty much cooked after two days of being out of the house and into town. I did collect my mail. Thankfully. I had forgotten about the extra insecticide I had purchased. The ladies at the post know I am... sorely lacking in 'go' sometimes, and let it stand a little longer, I suspect. I have enough food to last for a while, but still need to get back into town, perhaps Friday or Saturday, for a very quick stop at several shops. Perhaps Friday, as I need to renew my drivers license while I am at things, and deal with property taxes.
I now have enough insecticide for several years of spraying. Every spring, early, then mid-summer spraying, should see me to a much more comfortable existence. I wonder how many preppers even consider that? Without the capacity to clean the home as is now done, without clean easy running water and some other things, something I know a bit if more due to health, bugs will become more of a problem. Well, and people will be at home much more than they are now. Two recipes for reasons to stock up a bit on the stuff, and a sprayer. Toss in livestock, harder work and less capacity to bath, and all else and... yeah... The next time I spray, I will probably buy more of the stuff. It works. But what works for me, here, may not work for you. Stop calling Ortho, or whoever, and learn how to do that yourself. Anyway...
Rest, today. I missed one dose of heart medicine and insulin Monday. And last night I forgot to brush. But in taking my stats the medicine miss didn't seem to cause much disturbance, and surprisingly, my mouth didn't feel too awful this morning. If you fall off, just get back on as quickly and seamlessly as possible, I suppose. Which I did. Sleep was very good, if it was a full nine hours and small change. It took a few minutes for the alarm to register. I was dreaming but have no recall. My stats are fairly good, 130's/90's, blood sugar is a little high, around 160's for the last few days (but lower than the 200 it had been running when last taking insulin and testing), and weight is pretty much the same at 280's.
It's a cool, almost cold, day. I am loving it. If I can get some things together, I might try to use the cool as a day to sand the workbench. I might see if the orbital sander is functional on the porch roof posts, too. And, perhaps, set up the timer and hoses for the lawn. I don't know if the kit I bought will really covers all of the hoses, and even if it does, I will need to move the hoses around between waterings, but I will find out soon enough. If it works, I will stay up late, a night or two, to check them. And check the results once in a while as well, and have them run later at night on into the dark. But the lawn and garden simply have to be watered at different times, due to water pressure limits. Boy am I enjoying the cool though. Not sure how long it is going to last, if I doubt that it will last long. All good... it is summer, you know.
Have a good day.
.
I am pretty much cooked after two days of being out of the house and into town. I did collect my mail. Thankfully. I had forgotten about the extra insecticide I had purchased. The ladies at the post know I am... sorely lacking in 'go' sometimes, and let it stand a little longer, I suspect. I have enough food to last for a while, but still need to get back into town, perhaps Friday or Saturday, for a very quick stop at several shops. Perhaps Friday, as I need to renew my drivers license while I am at things, and deal with property taxes.
I now have enough insecticide for several years of spraying. Every spring, early, then mid-summer spraying, should see me to a much more comfortable existence. I wonder how many preppers even consider that? Without the capacity to clean the home as is now done, without clean easy running water and some other things, something I know a bit if more due to health, bugs will become more of a problem. Well, and people will be at home much more than they are now. Two recipes for reasons to stock up a bit on the stuff, and a sprayer. Toss in livestock, harder work and less capacity to bath, and all else and... yeah... The next time I spray, I will probably buy more of the stuff. It works. But what works for me, here, may not work for you. Stop calling Ortho, or whoever, and learn how to do that yourself. Anyway...
Rest, today. I missed one dose of heart medicine and insulin Monday. And last night I forgot to brush. But in taking my stats the medicine miss didn't seem to cause much disturbance, and surprisingly, my mouth didn't feel too awful this morning. If you fall off, just get back on as quickly and seamlessly as possible, I suppose. Which I did. Sleep was very good, if it was a full nine hours and small change. It took a few minutes for the alarm to register. I was dreaming but have no recall. My stats are fairly good, 130's/90's, blood sugar is a little high, around 160's for the last few days (but lower than the 200 it had been running when last taking insulin and testing), and weight is pretty much the same at 280's.
It's a cool, almost cold, day. I am loving it. If I can get some things together, I might try to use the cool as a day to sand the workbench. I might see if the orbital sander is functional on the porch roof posts, too. And, perhaps, set up the timer and hoses for the lawn. I don't know if the kit I bought will really covers all of the hoses, and even if it does, I will need to move the hoses around between waterings, but I will find out soon enough. If it works, I will stay up late, a night or two, to check them. And check the results once in a while as well, and have them run later at night on into the dark. But the lawn and garden simply have to be watered at different times, due to water pressure limits. Boy am I enjoying the cool though. Not sure how long it is going to last, if I doubt that it will last long. All good... it is summer, you know.
Have a good day.
Tuesday, July 29, 2014
Shooting.
.
.
I couldn't hit crap today. Too tired from yesterday, out of practice, just one of those days. No matter. Practice was needed and had. My friend, his friend, and his friend's son made it to the range, then a burger joint I hadn't visited. It's sort of new to town, as I scale time. It stayed cool throughout the day and shoot, which helped. But I am simply done. Tomorrow will be a day of rest, maybe Thursday too.
I had hoped to make it to the grocery store on the way back, and maybe stop at the coffee shop as well. Nope. Too tired. Then again, I left at about 13:00 and returned just right at 21:00. that is a very long day for me. A bit of coffee to put some life back into my bones so that sleep isn't so dead, a bit of gaming, then to bed by 23:00 or 0:00. Whenever I can get to it. I am hoping I will sleep well, but not too hard. I'll set the alarm for an eight plus one hour sleep, and try to beat the alarm.
It was good to get out. I have set up a cookout for Monday. If they bring libations and salads, I'll get a brisket and slow cook it, was the deal. I should call and see if they like it smoked. I am hoping to cook it for about six to eight hours, starting earlier, and monitoring the heat. At 250, it should do fine. Oh, I might ask them to bring a loaf of bread from the real bread store. That really goes with brisket well. Rye or a mixed wheat variety... perhaps a potato or peasant loaf... something.
Well, that is it for that. Good night.
.
I couldn't hit crap today. Too tired from yesterday, out of practice, just one of those days. No matter. Practice was needed and had. My friend, his friend, and his friend's son made it to the range, then a burger joint I hadn't visited. It's sort of new to town, as I scale time. It stayed cool throughout the day and shoot, which helped. But I am simply done. Tomorrow will be a day of rest, maybe Thursday too.
I had hoped to make it to the grocery store on the way back, and maybe stop at the coffee shop as well. Nope. Too tired. Then again, I left at about 13:00 and returned just right at 21:00. that is a very long day for me. A bit of coffee to put some life back into my bones so that sleep isn't so dead, a bit of gaming, then to bed by 23:00 or 0:00. Whenever I can get to it. I am hoping I will sleep well, but not too hard. I'll set the alarm for an eight plus one hour sleep, and try to beat the alarm.
It was good to get out. I have set up a cookout for Monday. If they bring libations and salads, I'll get a brisket and slow cook it, was the deal. I should call and see if they like it smoked. I am hoping to cook it for about six to eight hours, starting earlier, and monitoring the heat. At 250, it should do fine. Oh, I might ask them to bring a loaf of bread from the real bread store. That really goes with brisket well. Rye or a mixed wheat variety... perhaps a potato or peasant loaf... something.
Well, that is it for that. Good night.
Couldn't go down until late, again.
.
.
I slept very soundly. I missed one dose of medicine yesterday, just... because. I was sort of in a hurry to get going, and out, and... that slipped. It will happen. Not today again, and hopefully not for another couple of weeks or a month. Being a bit cool here, over cast as it was and remains, and with a healthy rain, from the looks of it, sleep was one of those very good things. I was well on my way to remembering a dream. Such wonderful sleep. The phone rang in the middle of my idyllic sleep session.
Usually, even when sleeping, when I get a call I do one of two things. I hide from it, pretend I don't hear it, assuming I really don't miss it, then spend hours of guilt until I get back to whomever it was who called. Or I, which is usually the case, answer it. Happy to receive a call. My reaction today was one of indignation, for reasons I still haven't fathomed. Who could it be, what are they calling regarding, what time is it? It still being dark when I opened my eyes, I felt insulted. Very odd reaction, but reactions, like dreams, are what they are. I couldn't find the phone in time, but did see that it was my mother, and that it wasn't quite 6:00.
Actually, I, after waking just a bit, was pleased with the call, and the timing. While not quite ready to be awake, and probably needing more sleep, I have been wanting to try to wake a little earlier. And, it woke me... a little earlier. It's good to enjoy the early morning cool. Waking earlier allows more day in which to work. I called back when I could figure out which claw to click the phone with, and in which order. Gosh but surprise early wakes can be a bit whacky.
Nothing new. She was just calling back. I had tried to call last night. Oh, did I wake you? Did you wake me? Seriously? I know she enjoys that. She has enjoyed waking me for as long as I have been alive. Cruel, I tell you. Her and my brother were always early to bed, early to rise. I was the black sheep of the family even in this, and they have enjoyed that as much as I enjoyed disturbing their nights. Even two to one, though, I think I won. Never mind. It's just good to talk once in a while, especially when things are going well.
Today? Well, since I am up, I can take a slow approach to figuring that all out. Mostly it will be about another trip to town. A quick stop at the gun shops to check ammunition prices and look for .22 long rifle. Though a few other calibers would be good. I'm still stocking up on .45 and 9 mm. The goal, for each, is about 2k, and for .22 it is about 4k-8k. I'm not far from that in .45, but 9 mm is sort of a new thing, and I have a ways to go for that. I was there with .22 but shot without replacing before I realized I couldn't replace due to lack of availability. I doubt if I have a thousand rounds of .22, and yes, that causes me some worry. Not the type of worry I lose sleep over, but an activating sort of worry. I could fill that, but I simply refuse to pay $120 for 500 of those, and think those who do are extending the problem. I think the .45 and 9 mm are what I will be taking today. It is only supposed to get to 80, as a high. And, perhaps, remain overcast. I am thinking that shooting in the mountains might be cooler yet. And, yes, I am all about cool.
Anything else that might happen to get done, or not, is of minor concern. And tomorrow will probably need to be a day of rest. Unless I am feeling my oats. If so, I will push on but I am not concerning myself with plans, at this point. I will figure out my literal tomorrow when it arrives, depending on how I feel. Ugh, but 6:00? I might need a nap in a few hours. My friend is set to call at 11:00, so if I am going to nap, I will probably do so from 8:00 to 10:00, then get up and shower and pretty much be ready to go. Or... that is the plan if all else works out.
Later.
.
I slept very soundly. I missed one dose of medicine yesterday, just... because. I was sort of in a hurry to get going, and out, and... that slipped. It will happen. Not today again, and hopefully not for another couple of weeks or a month. Being a bit cool here, over cast as it was and remains, and with a healthy rain, from the looks of it, sleep was one of those very good things. I was well on my way to remembering a dream. Such wonderful sleep. The phone rang in the middle of my idyllic sleep session.
Usually, even when sleeping, when I get a call I do one of two things. I hide from it, pretend I don't hear it, assuming I really don't miss it, then spend hours of guilt until I get back to whomever it was who called. Or I, which is usually the case, answer it. Happy to receive a call. My reaction today was one of indignation, for reasons I still haven't fathomed. Who could it be, what are they calling regarding, what time is it? It still being dark when I opened my eyes, I felt insulted. Very odd reaction, but reactions, like dreams, are what they are. I couldn't find the phone in time, but did see that it was my mother, and that it wasn't quite 6:00.
Actually, I, after waking just a bit, was pleased with the call, and the timing. While not quite ready to be awake, and probably needing more sleep, I have been wanting to try to wake a little earlier. And, it woke me... a little earlier. It's good to enjoy the early morning cool. Waking earlier allows more day in which to work. I called back when I could figure out which claw to click the phone with, and in which order. Gosh but surprise early wakes can be a bit whacky.
Nothing new. She was just calling back. I had tried to call last night. Oh, did I wake you? Did you wake me? Seriously? I know she enjoys that. She has enjoyed waking me for as long as I have been alive. Cruel, I tell you. Her and my brother were always early to bed, early to rise. I was the black sheep of the family even in this, and they have enjoyed that as much as I enjoyed disturbing their nights. Even two to one, though, I think I won. Never mind. It's just good to talk once in a while, especially when things are going well.
Today? Well, since I am up, I can take a slow approach to figuring that all out. Mostly it will be about another trip to town. A quick stop at the gun shops to check ammunition prices and look for .22 long rifle. Though a few other calibers would be good. I'm still stocking up on .45 and 9 mm. The goal, for each, is about 2k, and for .22 it is about 4k-8k. I'm not far from that in .45, but 9 mm is sort of a new thing, and I have a ways to go for that. I was there with .22 but shot without replacing before I realized I couldn't replace due to lack of availability. I doubt if I have a thousand rounds of .22, and yes, that causes me some worry. Not the type of worry I lose sleep over, but an activating sort of worry. I could fill that, but I simply refuse to pay $120 for 500 of those, and think those who do are extending the problem. I think the .45 and 9 mm are what I will be taking today. It is only supposed to get to 80, as a high. And, perhaps, remain overcast. I am thinking that shooting in the mountains might be cooler yet. And, yes, I am all about cool.
Anything else that might happen to get done, or not, is of minor concern. And tomorrow will probably need to be a day of rest. Unless I am feeling my oats. If so, I will push on but I am not concerning myself with plans, at this point. I will figure out my literal tomorrow when it arrives, depending on how I feel. Ugh, but 6:00? I might need a nap in a few hours. My friend is set to call at 11:00, so if I am going to nap, I will probably do so from 8:00 to 10:00, then get up and shower and pretty much be ready to go. Or... that is the plan if all else works out.
Later.
Monday, July 28, 2014
No more co-blogging.
.
.
I liked the idea. I went with it for a while. I knew I wasn't a good fit. I don't fit there, or anywhere really. That isn't why I ended the relationship. At this point I simply do not see any benefit to offering council. The time for talking has come and gone. Actually, the die was cast before I was born. Long before I was born. The fruits are simply being borne to emancipation, among other things. The state, the constitutional nation, to which I thought I was born was already ended by the time I was born. The last nails were yet to be pounded into the casket, but the corpse was cold and dead.
At this point, all that remains of hope for the nation is various economics collapses which offer opportunities for rebuilding. The two major problems with those are that most of the people who have the authority to rebuild would be using the blueprints that lead to failure. They don't know any better, and professional believe contrary to reason, history, and tradition, at this point. The other problem is that every crack that opens up for change to the right also opens up a crack to the wrong. Oh, sure, men might decide to override it all. But men strong enough to do so rarely choose to not get ahead while doing that. There is some room for that, but not much. And, populism pays, for politicians and generals alike. Egos, for most men, and gold, trump what is right.
There is no more reason to discuss politics, social impacts and collapse, feminism, religion, or any other thing at this point. It is nearing end game strategies, and for most people, that comes down to surviving a new and terrible paradigm shift. We are still living on great fat, even as our economy and personal wealth decline. The next generation will not be greater. Much of the next generation has been incinerated or never allowed to exist in the first place. Essentially, the next generation will not even be American, save by geography. They are tribal, and will force tribal from the rest. How do you talk around, or about, those things? Especially with people who believe those things are good, somehow?
So... I'll stick to personal blogging. Ignoring much of this matter as well. There is no reason to discuss the reasons or outcomes. I understand that most who have access to a computer, and the education to use it in such a manner as not to be obviously foolish and easily ignored, are also indoctrinated into believe that emancipation, birth control, abortion, and such, are good things. And they do. So I don't bother, save when it comes up for other reasons or just floats through.
Time is short, the clock is ticking. I have not time to discuss reality with people who don't even know what they believe, other than anything that is right or true is, obviously, wrong because Patriarchy, or because ecology, or because science... none of which they could pull out of their ass to save their head being removed from their shoulders. Which it is what the choice is going to end as. Those who can't survive, won't. Even those who can will be up against it. Days? Years? Months? A decade? In time you will see that it was and is and will be... today.
Yeah, I'll still put up my doings, lists of things to do and buy, plans, goals, and efforts. I'll add in my dreams, when I can. I will add music and thoughts about it. But I'm not going to fuss with those who are gone, living in a dead world.
Good night.
.
I liked the idea. I went with it for a while. I knew I wasn't a good fit. I don't fit there, or anywhere really. That isn't why I ended the relationship. At this point I simply do not see any benefit to offering council. The time for talking has come and gone. Actually, the die was cast before I was born. Long before I was born. The fruits are simply being borne to emancipation, among other things. The state, the constitutional nation, to which I thought I was born was already ended by the time I was born. The last nails were yet to be pounded into the casket, but the corpse was cold and dead.
At this point, all that remains of hope for the nation is various economics collapses which offer opportunities for rebuilding. The two major problems with those are that most of the people who have the authority to rebuild would be using the blueprints that lead to failure. They don't know any better, and professional believe contrary to reason, history, and tradition, at this point. The other problem is that every crack that opens up for change to the right also opens up a crack to the wrong. Oh, sure, men might decide to override it all. But men strong enough to do so rarely choose to not get ahead while doing that. There is some room for that, but not much. And, populism pays, for politicians and generals alike. Egos, for most men, and gold, trump what is right.
There is no more reason to discuss politics, social impacts and collapse, feminism, religion, or any other thing at this point. It is nearing end game strategies, and for most people, that comes down to surviving a new and terrible paradigm shift. We are still living on great fat, even as our economy and personal wealth decline. The next generation will not be greater. Much of the next generation has been incinerated or never allowed to exist in the first place. Essentially, the next generation will not even be American, save by geography. They are tribal, and will force tribal from the rest. How do you talk around, or about, those things? Especially with people who believe those things are good, somehow?
So... I'll stick to personal blogging. Ignoring much of this matter as well. There is no reason to discuss the reasons or outcomes. I understand that most who have access to a computer, and the education to use it in such a manner as not to be obviously foolish and easily ignored, are also indoctrinated into believe that emancipation, birth control, abortion, and such, are good things. And they do. So I don't bother, save when it comes up for other reasons or just floats through.
Time is short, the clock is ticking. I have not time to discuss reality with people who don't even know what they believe, other than anything that is right or true is, obviously, wrong because Patriarchy, or because ecology, or because science... none of which they could pull out of their ass to save their head being removed from their shoulders. Which it is what the choice is going to end as. Those who can't survive, won't. Even those who can will be up against it. Days? Years? Months? A decade? In time you will see that it was and is and will be... today.
Yeah, I'll still put up my doings, lists of things to do and buy, plans, goals, and efforts. I'll add in my dreams, when I can. I will add music and thoughts about it. But I'm not going to fuss with those who are gone, living in a dead world.
Good night.
Yes, awake and alive.
.
.
Something is coming back, and at speed. Is there a reason or is it just something that happens as I surface? I don't know but it is profoundly powerful. It is as good as I have ever been since becoming better these last few years, with room for much more. There is almost real life, and corporeal power, just a stone's throw away. I don't know if I will reach it this time, but I am beginning to reach for it even now. It is something I fear.
Why fear? Have you ever considered what we are programmed to do? Of all the big, or little, things, our minds, hearts, and souls or spirits, that of man, nephilim, even those bearing the mark of Cain, are meant to find the tools which they use, then use them. It is what we do. It is a call that underwrites all of our other motives and inspirations. My choice of tools, and call to action, is war. If health returned, I could, as well, become an engineer, a husband and father, even a bit of a farmer on the smaller scale. All of these would be secondary, and would become integrated into my warrior's nature, which is primary. It is what I do, it is tools for this that I seek, and find. A powerful body means a readiness for war. But does readiness mean it is time? That is what I fear.
.
Something is coming back, and at speed. Is there a reason or is it just something that happens as I surface? I don't know but it is profoundly powerful. It is as good as I have ever been since becoming better these last few years, with room for much more. There is almost real life, and corporeal power, just a stone's throw away. I don't know if I will reach it this time, but I am beginning to reach for it even now. It is something I fear.
Why fear? Have you ever considered what we are programmed to do? Of all the big, or little, things, our minds, hearts, and souls or spirits, that of man, nephilim, even those bearing the mark of Cain, are meant to find the tools which they use, then use them. It is what we do. It is a call that underwrites all of our other motives and inspirations. My choice of tools, and call to action, is war. If health returned, I could, as well, become an engineer, a husband and father, even a bit of a farmer on the smaller scale. All of these would be secondary, and would become integrated into my warrior's nature, which is primary. It is what I do, it is tools for this that I seek, and find. A powerful body means a readiness for war. But does readiness mean it is time? That is what I fear.
That worked well enough.
.
.
It's hot out there. To me. Even being overcast. Direct sun would have been much more brutal. This was hard enough. Tomorrow is supposed to be cooler.
I made it to town, and called my friend as I was getting ready for a shower. He thought it would be too hot to shoot today, but as mentioned, passed the notion of shooting tomorrow. I had wanted to make a single run to town. After thinking about things, however, I decided that two runs actually sounded better. Sure, it'll jack me around a bit, and I will need to take a day off. But pushing everything I wanted and needed to do into one trip... Yeah., no. Today was for groceries, the hardware store, and a bite to eat for lunch. Tomorrow will be a day of shooting, perhaps looking over the ammunition availability especially .22 long rifle, and another meal.
I bought a lot more than I had intended at the grocery store. But my freezers are getting a bit bare. I need to put in an order for a hog. They take about three months, which will give me time to be ready. Once that is done, and when picking up the hog, I may, again, investigate a quarter or half of a beef. It's a lot of money but is a lot cheaper than buying it at the store, piecemeal. I have expanded my ability to cook so that I can now use those roasts that would otherwise languish. Not all roasts have to be eaten as roast. Think homemade potted beef! Or even beef and noodles. Same with pork. This time, though, I will ask about the pork feet and brains. Yeah, yeah, shut up. You eat what you eat, I'll eat what I eat.
The hardware store had everything I needed. I was a bit surprised they had bee's wax, but then it isn't uncommon for finishing wood. I'm just new to this whole notion. I bought enough chemicals for several all I need, and then some. And, when I finish the benchtop, I might hit the support beams for the porch, on both sides of the house. I will need to sand those a goodly bit first, but that should be relatively easy. I don't think the orbital sander would work best on those, so... might have to bend my arm around the elbow and buy a belt sander? Gosh, you know how much I hate buying tools. Hmm... and while I am at it, I may pick up my first standard wood plane. When I buy one sort of electric tool, I like also buying something that might fill in for it, in a pinch. It might seem foolish, but I think it will pay. Plus it gives me two tools for the price of three! :p
I hope the pressure regulator works. I did buy a timer kit, with a new water spread bar, a bar I can hook four hoses too. The one I have is leaking terribly. Now, I might work on that bar, figure out if there is something I can fix with it, but as slowly as I do things, I don't want to wait and this kit was just a few dollars more than a kit without the distribution bar. I love being able to do, think, buy, build, and work. Slow as it is going, it is going. Life is slow, difficult, exhausting, but satisfying. I just wish I had a bit more to put in for a bit more out. I'll keep at it.
Groceries are sorted and away. I'll get a cup of coffee in a second, never had one this morning. I got in a hurry. I made it, just didn't drink it! Oh well. At least it is still, by my book, fresh. And I have real cream for it tonight. Such a dessert compared to canned milk. I am running the front and a side hose for an hour. With the cloud cover I can do that early. I am starting to see some green. After those areas are hit, I will move a couple of hoses around in the back and hit those areas too. I feel bad about letting the lawn go like that. I just didn't have a way around the fall. Other than that, the rest of tonight will be resting, gaming, blogging, and just... getting ready for bed and another go at town tomorrow. Later.
.
It's hot out there. To me. Even being overcast. Direct sun would have been much more brutal. This was hard enough. Tomorrow is supposed to be cooler.
I made it to town, and called my friend as I was getting ready for a shower. He thought it would be too hot to shoot today, but as mentioned, passed the notion of shooting tomorrow. I had wanted to make a single run to town. After thinking about things, however, I decided that two runs actually sounded better. Sure, it'll jack me around a bit, and I will need to take a day off. But pushing everything I wanted and needed to do into one trip... Yeah., no. Today was for groceries, the hardware store, and a bite to eat for lunch. Tomorrow will be a day of shooting, perhaps looking over the ammunition availability especially .22 long rifle, and another meal.
I bought a lot more than I had intended at the grocery store. But my freezers are getting a bit bare. I need to put in an order for a hog. They take about three months, which will give me time to be ready. Once that is done, and when picking up the hog, I may, again, investigate a quarter or half of a beef. It's a lot of money but is a lot cheaper than buying it at the store, piecemeal. I have expanded my ability to cook so that I can now use those roasts that would otherwise languish. Not all roasts have to be eaten as roast. Think homemade potted beef! Or even beef and noodles. Same with pork. This time, though, I will ask about the pork feet and brains. Yeah, yeah, shut up. You eat what you eat, I'll eat what I eat.
The hardware store had everything I needed. I was a bit surprised they had bee's wax, but then it isn't uncommon for finishing wood. I'm just new to this whole notion. I bought enough chemicals for several all I need, and then some. And, when I finish the benchtop, I might hit the support beams for the porch, on both sides of the house. I will need to sand those a goodly bit first, but that should be relatively easy. I don't think the orbital sander would work best on those, so... might have to bend my arm around the elbow and buy a belt sander? Gosh, you know how much I hate buying tools. Hmm... and while I am at it, I may pick up my first standard wood plane. When I buy one sort of electric tool, I like also buying something that might fill in for it, in a pinch. It might seem foolish, but I think it will pay. Plus it gives me two tools for the price of three! :p
I hope the pressure regulator works. I did buy a timer kit, with a new water spread bar, a bar I can hook four hoses too. The one I have is leaking terribly. Now, I might work on that bar, figure out if there is something I can fix with it, but as slowly as I do things, I don't want to wait and this kit was just a few dollars more than a kit without the distribution bar. I love being able to do, think, buy, build, and work. Slow as it is going, it is going. Life is slow, difficult, exhausting, but satisfying. I just wish I had a bit more to put in for a bit more out. I'll keep at it.
Groceries are sorted and away. I'll get a cup of coffee in a second, never had one this morning. I got in a hurry. I made it, just didn't drink it! Oh well. At least it is still, by my book, fresh. And I have real cream for it tonight. Such a dessert compared to canned milk. I am running the front and a side hose for an hour. With the cloud cover I can do that early. I am starting to see some green. After those areas are hit, I will move a couple of hoses around in the back and hit those areas too. I feel bad about letting the lawn go like that. I just didn't have a way around the fall. Other than that, the rest of tonight will be resting, gaming, blogging, and just... getting ready for bed and another go at town tomorrow. Later.
Down late.
.
.
Just couldn't go down. Some of it is that it is so sexy being in a cave that is actually beginning to look a lot different. Clutter is going away and the visual horizon is opening. And I didn't do much work this weekend, so probably had a bit of pent up energy. Though, too, that energy, and it's use, is getting away from me. What? As well as having too little energy and too many things to do, I am suspecting that I am hitting too much energy and too little capacity to use it. My physical body isn't in the type of shape to use what I am having on tap. If it weren't summer, this would be a good time to begin working out... to begin stretching and shaping my physical form. Then again, perhaps, this coming payday, I might try to create that diy swamp cooler. I don't really need it in the house, though if I make it I might try it here too. But the garage? Where my bench and weights are? Yeah, it might help there. Even being a detached garage, the way it was built makes it rather cool even without that. A thick cement slab for a foundation, and cover, helps.
Going down late did make waking difficult. It was overcast, so cooler, this morning. That also sort of stifles an early, and quick, rise. On the good side, a trip to town is much more possible. Maybe even for some shooting. I didn't call my friend last evening so I will give him a call shortly. Right after I create my list of things to buy. Okay, purchase list done, plus another timer, one with two hose attachments. Timers really help, if I still need to check on things.
While a day shopping, and shooting, isn't a work day, it isn't just sitting around either. And it is out! I do like to get out, when I can. Oh... right, before coffee, brushing, or anything else (other than feeding the girls and blogging, because I forgot), I'll take and register my stats. Today is a new day, and a beginning of what I had been doing well for a very long time. Back into life, almost. I might not be winning, as the world sees it, only in my mind and time and within a very little existence, but I will take that. Later.
.
Just couldn't go down. Some of it is that it is so sexy being in a cave that is actually beginning to look a lot different. Clutter is going away and the visual horizon is opening. And I didn't do much work this weekend, so probably had a bit of pent up energy. Though, too, that energy, and it's use, is getting away from me. What? As well as having too little energy and too many things to do, I am suspecting that I am hitting too much energy and too little capacity to use it. My physical body isn't in the type of shape to use what I am having on tap. If it weren't summer, this would be a good time to begin working out... to begin stretching and shaping my physical form. Then again, perhaps, this coming payday, I might try to create that diy swamp cooler. I don't really need it in the house, though if I make it I might try it here too. But the garage? Where my bench and weights are? Yeah, it might help there. Even being a detached garage, the way it was built makes it rather cool even without that. A thick cement slab for a foundation, and cover, helps.
Going down late did make waking difficult. It was overcast, so cooler, this morning. That also sort of stifles an early, and quick, rise. On the good side, a trip to town is much more possible. Maybe even for some shooting. I didn't call my friend last evening so I will give him a call shortly. Right after I create my list of things to buy. Okay, purchase list done, plus another timer, one with two hose attachments. Timers really help, if I still need to check on things.
While a day shopping, and shooting, isn't a work day, it isn't just sitting around either. And it is out! I do like to get out, when I can. Oh... right, before coffee, brushing, or anything else (other than feeding the girls and blogging, because I forgot), I'll take and register my stats. Today is a new day, and a beginning of what I had been doing well for a very long time. Back into life, almost. I might not be winning, as the world sees it, only in my mind and time and within a very little existence, but I will take that. Later.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
Good, for a day of rest.
.
.
Daily dailies... medicine, brushing teeth, feeding the girls, tending their litter... To be expected but not always possible. The only thing I seem to be able to guarantee is feeding the girls, and keeping their water bowl full. Sometimes that is all my life hangs upon. But today, and for the last week and change, an almost full regiment of dailies. This week I am hoping to add morning vitals. The kitchen table is well cleared enough for that. Weight, blood pressure, and blood sugar, first thing, before coffee and brushing. Well, that's the plan.
I did straighten my desktop. It's not perfect. There are things I still need to sort. But I can see most of the surface. Some of it I will never see, due to a lamp, the computer, and some other gear that belongs. I can clean and clear more, but as with the kitchen table, I've hit a spot where I don't know what else to do. For now. I also tinkered in several other spots. The footrest could now be used, tools, gear, and equipment were sorted and some of that put up, and the coffee table just has outdoor gear and books, but is otherwise straightened. I watered the front and a different part of the side lawn and looked the garden over. It looks like I lost all of the small pepper plants and one of the big plants. That leaves me with five to six tomato plants and two jalapeno plants. The ones that are surviving look to be, at this point, a bit over-watered, but otherwise with some hope to them. Two of the tomato plants have tomatoes on, and those look much better with a bit of water. So I will give them two to three days before watering again. As I mentioned, I need to get a new water pressure limiter. The one I have simply doesn't work. I should have enough time to buy that and get it installed before the garden needs watered again.
From all else I have been doing, I had plenty of trash to take out this time. Much of it packing material from orders over the past six months, perhaps year. I got that together and out to the curb. I took some recycling out, but had a number of boxes outside, two of them rather large, that needed to be ripped down and stuffed in. Luckily there was room. But just. The half dozen or so little boxes inside will have to wait until next recycling day.
Oh, and a little parting gift for a friend who is going away for a while. What else would someone like me offer but tools? Hey, don't knock it. Tools aren't anything, they are everything. The first sits between the ears, the rest can be more complicated but are sorely missed when not available. Plus I am going to give up one of my very own tools... My little flashlight. I did order another, as a replacement, but while the other tools will (so it was stated) be hear Tuesday, the little flashlight seems to take 12-18 days, or something. And time is short. I ordered a multitool, with assorted fittings for it. A leatherman, the very one I want but have been too cheap to buy, for myself, so far. I just hate seeing peeps go out there without the right gear.
A little bit of music then on to bed. Tomorrow? Hmm, actually yet tonight... a call. I need to see how my friend is doing and what he is up to, then maybe schedule a day out, even if it is just shopping. I guess I will more plot the week, and let things fall out from there. Tomorrow, the back yard will be watered again, for an hour. I will skip the front yard for a few days. But the side, and back, actually, both need more. I need to get in to town, no matter what else. Groceries and the hardware store. I'll have to remember to put the list into my phone. And, more cleaning, clearing, tossing, and straightening. This week will be a bit lighter, though, with a couple of rest days. The heavy days will be heavier though. It's just gotta be.
Good night.
.
Daily dailies... medicine, brushing teeth, feeding the girls, tending their litter... To be expected but not always possible. The only thing I seem to be able to guarantee is feeding the girls, and keeping their water bowl full. Sometimes that is all my life hangs upon. But today, and for the last week and change, an almost full regiment of dailies. This week I am hoping to add morning vitals. The kitchen table is well cleared enough for that. Weight, blood pressure, and blood sugar, first thing, before coffee and brushing. Well, that's the plan.
I did straighten my desktop. It's not perfect. There are things I still need to sort. But I can see most of the surface. Some of it I will never see, due to a lamp, the computer, and some other gear that belongs. I can clean and clear more, but as with the kitchen table, I've hit a spot where I don't know what else to do. For now. I also tinkered in several other spots. The footrest could now be used, tools, gear, and equipment were sorted and some of that put up, and the coffee table just has outdoor gear and books, but is otherwise straightened. I watered the front and a different part of the side lawn and looked the garden over. It looks like I lost all of the small pepper plants and one of the big plants. That leaves me with five to six tomato plants and two jalapeno plants. The ones that are surviving look to be, at this point, a bit over-watered, but otherwise with some hope to them. Two of the tomato plants have tomatoes on, and those look much better with a bit of water. So I will give them two to three days before watering again. As I mentioned, I need to get a new water pressure limiter. The one I have simply doesn't work. I should have enough time to buy that and get it installed before the garden needs watered again.
From all else I have been doing, I had plenty of trash to take out this time. Much of it packing material from orders over the past six months, perhaps year. I got that together and out to the curb. I took some recycling out, but had a number of boxes outside, two of them rather large, that needed to be ripped down and stuffed in. Luckily there was room. But just. The half dozen or so little boxes inside will have to wait until next recycling day.
Oh, and a little parting gift for a friend who is going away for a while. What else would someone like me offer but tools? Hey, don't knock it. Tools aren't anything, they are everything. The first sits between the ears, the rest can be more complicated but are sorely missed when not available. Plus I am going to give up one of my very own tools... My little flashlight. I did order another, as a replacement, but while the other tools will (so it was stated) be hear Tuesday, the little flashlight seems to take 12-18 days, or something. And time is short. I ordered a multitool, with assorted fittings for it. A leatherman, the very one I want but have been too cheap to buy, for myself, so far. I just hate seeing peeps go out there without the right gear.
A little bit of music then on to bed. Tomorrow? Hmm, actually yet tonight... a call. I need to see how my friend is doing and what he is up to, then maybe schedule a day out, even if it is just shopping. I guess I will more plot the week, and let things fall out from there. Tomorrow, the back yard will be watered again, for an hour. I will skip the front yard for a few days. But the side, and back, actually, both need more. I need to get in to town, no matter what else. Groceries and the hardware store. I'll have to remember to put the list into my phone. And, more cleaning, clearing, tossing, and straightening. This week will be a bit lighter, though, with a couple of rest days. The heavy days will be heavier though. It's just gotta be.
Good night.
Well? Indeed.
.
.
I am already nearly rested. I could do work again. However, I do want to take today as a mostly restful day. There are a few things I will do, as noted, and perhaps a few extras. But I will keep it light. I know that having worked a five day week tired me sorely. I know that I have another five day week planned. If I want it then I need to be restful on the weekend. I do much better, with finer detail and more strength and purpose if I rest. I guess I am a bit surprised that I am doing this well is all.
I figured something out. A minor household thing. I can't always get the trash out in a timely fashion. Often there isn't all that much in there, anyway. And yet that little bit that is in there can become a huge problem over time. Smells and bugs. Especially in the heat of summer. Even so, it is very difficult to distract from other tasks in taking care of it, using energy that is so scarce, or simply not having the energy or function available to deal with it. So? So I realized, if I put three or four bags in the trash container, if things get bad, I can easily close one of the bags, even if only a quarter full, to cut on most of the problem, tying it down so as to keep the remaining room in the container open for more. It seems like a waste of bags, but... not really. By volume, I suppose. But most people go through much more trash, and bags, than I ever could. I will do that with recycling too. Cat food tins get nasty fast. Organization? Something like that. When a notion hits me, and my eyes and mind open to it, it seems to be more than just a thought. It isn't just a doorway, but a doorway to many, now open, other doors. Oh, and I think I will get a larger trash container for in the computer, and maybe living, room. Sure, it's ugly, but that is easy to fix should visitors call, I don't care for myself (mostly), but it would sure take care of some problems and help me keep up. They would mostly be filled with paper, so I wouldn't have to fuss much with them until they were quite full. More doors.
I am cooking rice, again, as I speak. I have a couple of pork chops thawed which will go swell together. I'll have to see if there are any vegetables. With the freezer, now, I should start stocking up on frozen. They are generally better quality. Just for shorter term use, in the prepping thing, as I don't count on electricity in a real scenario. Still, a dozen bags of various veggies would be nice and would last a month or three, as rarities, but nice ones on occasion. Tomorrow I might hit up quinoa again. It's a bit acidic, or something, but tasty too. Now that I can really clean the seeds really well without losing them they actually taste fairly good. I don't buy the whole superfood notion, mind you. Superfood is actually homemade food someone else made at home for you, and a few very special dishes liked because they are so good. Actually, all food that is tasty is superfood. It's more a matter of how well it works nutritionally, for your body style, metabolism, caloric burn rates, and such, that is of concern. If you want to eat so that you don't age and still die horrible, might I suggest lead? At speed, makes it quick. The rest is fiction. :) Hmm, I think I will have a bowl of some of the rice right now. While the chops cook.
After that, I will hit my desktop, a footstool that has become a secondary desktop and tool bench, and then the coffee table in the living room. If all goes well, I might dig through my hiking pack, and make sure I have that squared. A hike might be closer than I imagine. Right after getting my friend out to shoot, probably some morning. The afternoons are just a bit too warm almost all the way to darkness. Though... I don't know. I'll call him later this afternoon and see about making plans. Later.
.
I am already nearly rested. I could do work again. However, I do want to take today as a mostly restful day. There are a few things I will do, as noted, and perhaps a few extras. But I will keep it light. I know that having worked a five day week tired me sorely. I know that I have another five day week planned. If I want it then I need to be restful on the weekend. I do much better, with finer detail and more strength and purpose if I rest. I guess I am a bit surprised that I am doing this well is all.
I figured something out. A minor household thing. I can't always get the trash out in a timely fashion. Often there isn't all that much in there, anyway. And yet that little bit that is in there can become a huge problem over time. Smells and bugs. Especially in the heat of summer. Even so, it is very difficult to distract from other tasks in taking care of it, using energy that is so scarce, or simply not having the energy or function available to deal with it. So? So I realized, if I put three or four bags in the trash container, if things get bad, I can easily close one of the bags, even if only a quarter full, to cut on most of the problem, tying it down so as to keep the remaining room in the container open for more. It seems like a waste of bags, but... not really. By volume, I suppose. But most people go through much more trash, and bags, than I ever could. I will do that with recycling too. Cat food tins get nasty fast. Organization? Something like that. When a notion hits me, and my eyes and mind open to it, it seems to be more than just a thought. It isn't just a doorway, but a doorway to many, now open, other doors. Oh, and I think I will get a larger trash container for in the computer, and maybe living, room. Sure, it's ugly, but that is easy to fix should visitors call, I don't care for myself (mostly), but it would sure take care of some problems and help me keep up. They would mostly be filled with paper, so I wouldn't have to fuss much with them until they were quite full. More doors.
I am cooking rice, again, as I speak. I have a couple of pork chops thawed which will go swell together. I'll have to see if there are any vegetables. With the freezer, now, I should start stocking up on frozen. They are generally better quality. Just for shorter term use, in the prepping thing, as I don't count on electricity in a real scenario. Still, a dozen bags of various veggies would be nice and would last a month or three, as rarities, but nice ones on occasion. Tomorrow I might hit up quinoa again. It's a bit acidic, or something, but tasty too. Now that I can really clean the seeds really well without losing them they actually taste fairly good. I don't buy the whole superfood notion, mind you. Superfood is actually homemade food someone else made at home for you, and a few very special dishes liked because they are so good. Actually, all food that is tasty is superfood. It's more a matter of how well it works nutritionally, for your body style, metabolism, caloric burn rates, and such, that is of concern. If you want to eat so that you don't age and still die horrible, might I suggest lead? At speed, makes it quick. The rest is fiction. :) Hmm, I think I will have a bowl of some of the rice right now. While the chops cook.
After that, I will hit my desktop, a footstool that has become a secondary desktop and tool bench, and then the coffee table in the living room. If all goes well, I might dig through my hiking pack, and make sure I have that squared. A hike might be closer than I imagine. Right after getting my friend out to shoot, probably some morning. The afternoons are just a bit too warm almost all the way to darkness. Though... I don't know. I'll call him later this afternoon and see about making plans. Later.
Rest was needed.
.
.
And so it is being had. The good side is that I see the need as being relatively short term. I am actually already feeling better from resting. I am almost itching to get back at things. I may do very minor tinkering today. My desktop, perhaps sanding the workbench, and watering the lawn. The garden has enough water. I won't water that, again, for two days, most likely, perhaps three. And, when I go to town, I will be purchasing a new water pressure regulator. The one in my system simply doesn't work. I have to go to the hardware store anyway, and it isn't a pricey piece.
Coffee, just a bit of waking time, then probably on to gaming. Perhaps sanding in a couple of hours. That shouldn't be a major task. After a rest from that, then on to clearing my desk, and maybe the coffee table in the living room... things I can do while seated, at a leisurely pace. I can't really water the lawn until 20:00-20:30, as I see things. One more watering out there, then maybe hitting some of the 'corners' of the yard that have been missed, in the next few days, and then starting a two or three time a week watering schedule. I simply don't have enough timers for the lawn and garden, though I might fix that, or start on that.
I do feel a bit trapped. When I have the energy, I feel the need to move, do, work, and play. But I always seem to overdo. I don't know, quite, how to moderate. Because of how my health is, that might, literally, not be possible. The target, goal posts, limits and my capacity to do, to heal from doing, and such, are all in constant drastic flux. What I could do, easily, yesterday, I might not be able to do today. It reminds me of what it must be like to be a the ball in a pinball game. When the quarter is in, it's all about being battered until you drop. But once in play, control isn't always to be had. Oh, there IS a glass ceiling, but that isn't what should concern you. Trapped. Still, it's nice to be able to put some points on the board again.
Later.
.
And so it is being had. The good side is that I see the need as being relatively short term. I am actually already feeling better from resting. I am almost itching to get back at things. I may do very minor tinkering today. My desktop, perhaps sanding the workbench, and watering the lawn. The garden has enough water. I won't water that, again, for two days, most likely, perhaps three. And, when I go to town, I will be purchasing a new water pressure regulator. The one in my system simply doesn't work. I have to go to the hardware store anyway, and it isn't a pricey piece.
Coffee, just a bit of waking time, then probably on to gaming. Perhaps sanding in a couple of hours. That shouldn't be a major task. After a rest from that, then on to clearing my desk, and maybe the coffee table in the living room... things I can do while seated, at a leisurely pace. I can't really water the lawn until 20:00-20:30, as I see things. One more watering out there, then maybe hitting some of the 'corners' of the yard that have been missed, in the next few days, and then starting a two or three time a week watering schedule. I simply don't have enough timers for the lawn and garden, though I might fix that, or start on that.
Later.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Yeah, well, maybe a bit more rest.
.
.
I had hoped to get some things done today, and will, am. Just not as much as I had hoped. This week was as close to a sprint as I can get. I am pretty zapped. I did a few small things here in the house, then set up the garden for automatic watering then rearranged a hose to spray a remaining part of the lawn. I will hit the front and back yard right were they got hit yesterday again today. This is the first time at trying to set the garden to automatically water the garden, so I have a timer set for shortly after it starts. I will check on it, making adjustments or fixes as necessary.
Most of my day has been used to rest. I need rest, badly. I didn't really want to mess with watering, I just must do that. I can't fix what is wrong, but I can change behavior today and onward, for as long as I can. And so I do. I doubt if much will happen tomorrow, either. And it is hot out there. No raking, no more work save watering, until I can catch my breath.
Medicines have been being taken like clockwork. It's been almost a week and a half since I straightened out the mess of hit and miss on that. It does help, sometimes. When it isn't hurting. I suspected I wouldn't be working quite as quickly as I did, so perhaps I am finally hitting that wall I thought I would hit right off the bat. No worries. I'll just take rest when required, getting back into the game when possible.
A few side projects I will be researching, or one at least, is getting the drip irrigation situated so that I can water the hanging baskets. If I do that, I will buy more flowers for those, if need be. It does look like the ones that are there are dead. Another day, and watering, will let me know for certain. I really liked the bluish purple flowers too. Little things, but such vibrant color. I'm not a great fan of growy things you can't eat, but even I was impressed. I... liked those. A lot. I'll do some research before going back to resting. I probably have everything needed, probably. I just don't quite know how to set it up for over the house, and up and around the porch roof line.
I did make rice. Adding canned tuna and cheese to some, eating the rest of it just with butter and salt. And I did straighten the floor freezer. I'm getting low. I really need to order another hog, and contemplate a side or quarter of beef. Well, and begin looking for someone that raises lamb. I don't see a lot of fowl being raised out here, currently, otherwise I would look for duck, goose, maybe even chicken. It isn't about the local movement, a fad really, as literally marrying to the land and people I live on and with. I avoid the term organic with a passion, and for good reason. It is wasteful in product and offers no guaranteed value nutritionally or through eliminating the use of "bad things". But I will buy local, otherwise, when the option is available. If I had more energy, I would fish, too. Putting up a small group for the winter, while providing meals through the spring and into fall, could help the bottom line and with food I do enjoy. Perhaps in time, if I won't hold my breath.
On to gaming, and resting... before checking the garden watering automation. Later.
.
I had hoped to get some things done today, and will, am. Just not as much as I had hoped. This week was as close to a sprint as I can get. I am pretty zapped. I did a few small things here in the house, then set up the garden for automatic watering then rearranged a hose to spray a remaining part of the lawn. I will hit the front and back yard right were they got hit yesterday again today. This is the first time at trying to set the garden to automatically water the garden, so I have a timer set for shortly after it starts. I will check on it, making adjustments or fixes as necessary.
Most of my day has been used to rest. I need rest, badly. I didn't really want to mess with watering, I just must do that. I can't fix what is wrong, but I can change behavior today and onward, for as long as I can. And so I do. I doubt if much will happen tomorrow, either. And it is hot out there. No raking, no more work save watering, until I can catch my breath.
Medicines have been being taken like clockwork. It's been almost a week and a half since I straightened out the mess of hit and miss on that. It does help, sometimes. When it isn't hurting. I suspected I wouldn't be working quite as quickly as I did, so perhaps I am finally hitting that wall I thought I would hit right off the bat. No worries. I'll just take rest when required, getting back into the game when possible.
A few side projects I will be researching, or one at least, is getting the drip irrigation situated so that I can water the hanging baskets. If I do that, I will buy more flowers for those, if need be. It does look like the ones that are there are dead. Another day, and watering, will let me know for certain. I really liked the bluish purple flowers too. Little things, but such vibrant color. I'm not a great fan of growy things you can't eat, but even I was impressed. I... liked those. A lot. I'll do some research before going back to resting. I probably have everything needed, probably. I just don't quite know how to set it up for over the house, and up and around the porch roof line.
I did make rice. Adding canned tuna and cheese to some, eating the rest of it just with butter and salt. And I did straighten the floor freezer. I'm getting low. I really need to order another hog, and contemplate a side or quarter of beef. Well, and begin looking for someone that raises lamb. I don't see a lot of fowl being raised out here, currently, otherwise I would look for duck, goose, maybe even chicken. It isn't about the local movement, a fad really, as literally marrying to the land and people I live on and with. I avoid the term organic with a passion, and for good reason. It is wasteful in product and offers no guaranteed value nutritionally or through eliminating the use of "bad things". But I will buy local, otherwise, when the option is available. If I had more energy, I would fish, too. Putting up a small group for the winter, while providing meals through the spring and into fall, could help the bottom line and with food I do enjoy. Perhaps in time, if I won't hold my breath.
On to gaming, and resting... before checking the garden watering automation. Later.
Friday, is it.
.
.
I had thought yesterday was Thursday. Toward the end of the day, however, I started to wonder. Someone put up their ritual music for Friday. Of course, putting it up early isn't a bad choice. And I was up late. Between finishing the watering, and coming down from a long day, and week really so far, I wasn't tucked away until right at midnight. Sleep didn't creep up on me, or need to be coaxed. It was more akin to being blindsided by a bus, only waking up from the impact was much smoother and painless.
I indicate, at times, that I enjoy pain. It does have it's uses, but it is to be endured. And, at times, sought in order to progress. Hmm, no, pain isn't actually sought, even then. But it will happen, so it is confused with what is sought. In any case, as I come out of my most recent spell, I have been going more slowly. I'm not yet ready to push into pain. And I haven't been. And yet I have been able to cut a decent piece of pie from my want to do list. All good, for now. Another week or two, at this level, and I might be able, willing, interested, in digging that bit deeper. Hopefully with a clean, neat, cave in which to tend the pain. I need to go there, from time to time, for a number of reasons. As I can. And I want to go there. Always have. I'm just not quite ready. I think of minor caused pains, from strengthening and growing rightly, as the pop quizzes for the life I know. You should see the finals! Oh, yes, those are going to hurt. And the ph. d. presentation? Yeah. So, I best dig in when I can.
I'll have to figure out what I am doing today. Since it isn't Saturday, continuing to work at an upper level seems fair. I will definitely do sweeping, some vacuuming, and mopping, plus go ahead with the calking if I get to that point. And more straightening. If I can get that stuff mostly done this morning, I might try to make it to the store this afternoon. It's been a while since I have been out. And, as a last thing, this evening, I might give the yard, and especially the areas that weren't hit, more water... along with the garden. I think I can water the garden earlier, as the sun is pretty much clear from that by 17:00 or so. Then I can water the grass two, maybe three, hours after that, and be done an hour earlier than I was last night.
That would take care of what I had planned to do Saturday. So, instead, on Saturday, I might get out the rake and wheelbarrow and remove branches in the yard, and hit a couple of areas with the weedeater. A nice outside job. If done early enough, it won't be too hot. Then rest, as with Sunday, though along with some minor, sitting, tending of minor areas, like my desktop. Oh, and perhaps, somewhere in there, sanding the bench top. Because if I make it to town this afternoon, I will be buying some goop for the bench along with the groceries I need. I will also be making some calls and arranging some visits for next week. A day at the range would be good, in the morning or later in the day. A social call, with guns. And perhaps another sort of social call. As my home tips more to being in shape the notion of having a visitor becomes more reasonable.
It almost sounds like too much. But I think I can do most, very possibly all, of it... and maybe more. I just have to do it a bit at a time, taking breaks, and keeping on it. Later.
--------
Scratch that, it is Saturday. Just waking, and misinterpreting bloggers "day". Which is "from - to", not the exact day. Not quite as heavy of a day, but the sweeping, mopping, toilet maintenance, and sanding, I believe. And maybe a trip to town, and watering of things. If I hold out. Light work tomorrow, very light, though with one more watering session.
.
I had thought yesterday was Thursday. Toward the end of the day, however, I started to wonder. Someone put up their ritual music for Friday. Of course, putting it up early isn't a bad choice. And I was up late. Between finishing the watering, and coming down from a long day, and week really so far, I wasn't tucked away until right at midnight. Sleep didn't creep up on me, or need to be coaxed. It was more akin to being blindsided by a bus, only waking up from the impact was much smoother and painless.
I indicate, at times, that I enjoy pain. It does have it's uses, but it is to be endured. And, at times, sought in order to progress. Hmm, no, pain isn't actually sought, even then. But it will happen, so it is confused with what is sought. In any case, as I come out of my most recent spell, I have been going more slowly. I'm not yet ready to push into pain. And I haven't been. And yet I have been able to cut a decent piece of pie from my want to do list. All good, for now. Another week or two, at this level, and I might be able, willing, interested, in digging that bit deeper. Hopefully with a clean, neat, cave in which to tend the pain. I need to go there, from time to time, for a number of reasons. As I can. And I want to go there. Always have. I'm just not quite ready. I think of minor caused pains, from strengthening and growing rightly, as the pop quizzes for the life I know. You should see the finals! Oh, yes, those are going to hurt. And the ph. d. presentation? Yeah. So, I best dig in when I can.
I'll have to figure out what I am doing today. Since it isn't Saturday, continuing to work at an upper level seems fair. I will definitely do sweeping, some vacuuming, and mopping, plus go ahead with the calking if I get to that point. And more straightening. If I can get that stuff mostly done this morning, I might try to make it to the store this afternoon. It's been a while since I have been out. And, as a last thing, this evening, I might give the yard, and especially the areas that weren't hit, more water... along with the garden. I think I can water the garden earlier, as the sun is pretty much clear from that by 17:00 or so. Then I can water the grass two, maybe three, hours after that, and be done an hour earlier than I was last night.
That would take care of what I had planned to do Saturday. So, instead, on Saturday, I might get out the rake and wheelbarrow and remove branches in the yard, and hit a couple of areas with the weedeater. A nice outside job. If done early enough, it won't be too hot. Then rest, as with Sunday, though along with some minor, sitting, tending of minor areas, like my desktop. Oh, and perhaps, somewhere in there, sanding the bench top. Because if I make it to town this afternoon, I will be buying some goop for the bench along with the groceries I need. I will also be making some calls and arranging some visits for next week. A day at the range would be good, in the morning or later in the day. A social call, with guns. And perhaps another sort of social call. As my home tips more to being in shape the notion of having a visitor becomes more reasonable.
It almost sounds like too much. But I think I can do most, very possibly all, of it... and maybe more. I just have to do it a bit at a time, taking breaks, and keeping on it. Later.
--------
Scratch that, it is Saturday. Just waking, and misinterpreting bloggers "day". Which is "from - to", not the exact day. Not quite as heavy of a day, but the sweeping, mopping, toilet maintenance, and sanding, I believe. And maybe a trip to town, and watering of things. If I hold out. Light work tomorrow, very light, though with one more watering session.
Friday, July 25, 2014
Not bad, not at all.
.
.
Keeping right on things. I had to move a couple of the hoses and sprinklers and run them another hour. I still didn't get all of the lawn. It's a start. The garden was well watered, and the flowers were watered earlier. I didn't have enough spunk to do much in the kitchen, definitely not a sweep. Instead I did the little bit of organizing and cleaning of it, and then collected cardboard boxes and the hoses and other discard from the old reverse osmosis system. I am over-done. I am just finishing up a spot in my game. I've been doing that when I need rest or when the time isn't right to work.
Tomorrow? I can't remember what I had planned, but, if it is Saturday as I suspect, then I will try to keep it light. I want to scrub the bathroom floor, but if I do that then I want to hit the kitchen floor, which means sweeping before mopping. Bleh. But, that is a part of it. When the bathroom is mopped, then I can calk around the toilet. The problem is, the toilet butts right up against the wall, or very close. I'll have to see what I can do. Perhaps I can use a putty knife to work it in? Don't know, will have to see when I get to that point. It's good to know I'm not a pure man-pig though. It's just, I guess, how toilets work. Calking? Who knew.
I am definitely ready for bed. The cave is far from clean and neat, but so much closer. When I walk into the kitchen or the computer room, I am sometimes surprised to see it so much... neater... different. I do like it. I probably won't be able to keep it up, but I do like it. So much fine detail, attention to detail, organization. But more, it is a constant energy drain. I'll go as far as I can with it. I'm not doing much else, and I can.
Now it is good night. Sleep well, I will.
.
Keeping right on things. I had to move a couple of the hoses and sprinklers and run them another hour. I still didn't get all of the lawn. It's a start. The garden was well watered, and the flowers were watered earlier. I didn't have enough spunk to do much in the kitchen, definitely not a sweep. Instead I did the little bit of organizing and cleaning of it, and then collected cardboard boxes and the hoses and other discard from the old reverse osmosis system. I am over-done. I am just finishing up a spot in my game. I've been doing that when I need rest or when the time isn't right to work.
Tomorrow? I can't remember what I had planned, but, if it is Saturday as I suspect, then I will try to keep it light. I want to scrub the bathroom floor, but if I do that then I want to hit the kitchen floor, which means sweeping before mopping. Bleh. But, that is a part of it. When the bathroom is mopped, then I can calk around the toilet. The problem is, the toilet butts right up against the wall, or very close. I'll have to see what I can do. Perhaps I can use a putty knife to work it in? Don't know, will have to see when I get to that point. It's good to know I'm not a pure man-pig though. It's just, I guess, how toilets work. Calking? Who knew.
I am definitely ready for bed. The cave is far from clean and neat, but so much closer. When I walk into the kitchen or the computer room, I am sometimes surprised to see it so much... neater... different. I do like it. I probably won't be able to keep it up, but I do like it. So much fine detail, attention to detail, organization. But more, it is a constant energy drain. I'll go as far as I can with it. I'm not doing much else, and I can.
Now it is good night. Sleep well, I will.
Almost done.
.
.
I did get the drip feeders on and set up. Then I just set it to run for an hour, though... since I forgot to connect some things, I can probably kick it off in an half hour. I tried to run all of it at once, but there is simply too much pressure demand. So, the lawn won't get watered until the garden is finished. Then again, I was pushing it with the lawn. While the sun is lower, it is still shining on the lawn. Yeah, it burns it even at an angle. I just got in a bit of a rush. I can probably check on it any time now. After writing this, anyway. It is hot out there, but due to a couple of mistakes, I got a little splash of the cold and wet. Actually, that wasn't bad at all. I might have to do it on purpose from time to time.
After I change garden to lawn watering, I'll do just a bit in the kitchen. Just to say I did do something in there. Put a few things away off the table and sweep? Sounds good. I have been making food. I wasn't up to cooking beans, but that is why I keep cans of that around. Along with hamburger and some spices, I can make a decent burrito. Two days of that is getting old, but it was good to eat something a little more complex that just a hamburger or hot dog.
I am tired though. I'll be pushing it, just a bit, to finish. All good. I will sleep well, again, tonight. And tomorrow and Sunday will be slow days. I am going to avoid planning until Sunday night. I know I want to get into town. I had sort of hoped to do it today, but with what else I had planned, that didn't seem reasonable. Tomorrow I need a break, as with Sunday. Monday would be the earliest. I just won't say that is the day I want to go, or will go. I'll just have to see where things sit later Sunday. This week has worn me out. All good. Good night.
.
I did get the drip feeders on and set up. Then I just set it to run for an hour, though... since I forgot to connect some things, I can probably kick it off in an half hour. I tried to run all of it at once, but there is simply too much pressure demand. So, the lawn won't get watered until the garden is finished. Then again, I was pushing it with the lawn. While the sun is lower, it is still shining on the lawn. Yeah, it burns it even at an angle. I just got in a bit of a rush. I can probably check on it any time now. After writing this, anyway. It is hot out there, but due to a couple of mistakes, I got a little splash of the cold and wet. Actually, that wasn't bad at all. I might have to do it on purpose from time to time.
After I change garden to lawn watering, I'll do just a bit in the kitchen. Just to say I did do something in there. Put a few things away off the table and sweep? Sounds good. I have been making food. I wasn't up to cooking beans, but that is why I keep cans of that around. Along with hamburger and some spices, I can make a decent burrito. Two days of that is getting old, but it was good to eat something a little more complex that just a hamburger or hot dog.
I am tired though. I'll be pushing it, just a bit, to finish. All good. I will sleep well, again, tonight. And tomorrow and Sunday will be slow days. I am going to avoid planning until Sunday night. I know I want to get into town. I had sort of hoped to do it today, but with what else I had planned, that didn't seem reasonable. Tomorrow I need a break, as with Sunday. Monday would be the earliest. I just won't say that is the day I want to go, or will go. I'll just have to see where things sit later Sunday. This week has worn me out. All good. Good night.
Pleasantly rested already.
.
.
I could actually hit something heavy yet. However, I will wait until it is cooler, then get the sprinklers working. And, after that, perhaps set the drip irrigation to work. Can you believe there are some tomatoes on the plants, through the heat, without water for weeks? They aren't the prettiest things. Perhaps water will help. I am not sure if anything is actually salvageable. Time will tell. Oh, and not all of the flowers died, just the ones in the small planters. The big planter flowers, cactus seeming things, and such, are doing quite well. I did put some water in all of the planters, just in case some of the seemingly dead ones might come back to life. Hey, I've been on the edge before. It can happen. Actually, that is what I am doing with the tomato and jalapeno plants. I did get out and give them some water, at their bases, before going down. A second chance, really. A dubious one.
It isn't what I am doing, did, or will do, that... causes me to write. It's the little thing that isn't discussed, but around which all of that occurs, leaving room for even more. That I am already rested up, and ready to go and would go were it not for the heat and that it isn't the right time to do the chores, is the thing that got me. I really thought, after doing what I did this morning, that I would be done for the day... anything else I would do would have to be a heavy push. I am very surprised, and pleased, to be back ready to do more. My work, this evening, will still be a bit of a push, since it will be nearing the end of my day. That's always a more difficult time to do things. But my body won't be an additional problem. It's a seeming tiny notion, but one that has huge implications.
Oh, I know, it will come and go. I live in, and for, moments. It's all I have. When the moments are splendid, strong, easy enough... then I really get to enjoy them. And I am. Who could imagine enjoying work? Physical work? But I do. At least as a counter to thought, or even cooperation with thought. Later.
.
I could actually hit something heavy yet. However, I will wait until it is cooler, then get the sprinklers working. And, after that, perhaps set the drip irrigation to work. Can you believe there are some tomatoes on the plants, through the heat, without water for weeks? They aren't the prettiest things. Perhaps water will help. I am not sure if anything is actually salvageable. Time will tell. Oh, and not all of the flowers died, just the ones in the small planters. The big planter flowers, cactus seeming things, and such, are doing quite well. I did put some water in all of the planters, just in case some of the seemingly dead ones might come back to life. Hey, I've been on the edge before. It can happen. Actually, that is what I am doing with the tomato and jalapeno plants. I did get out and give them some water, at their bases, before going down. A second chance, really. A dubious one.
It isn't what I am doing, did, or will do, that... causes me to write. It's the little thing that isn't discussed, but around which all of that occurs, leaving room for even more. That I am already rested up, and ready to go and would go were it not for the heat and that it isn't the right time to do the chores, is the thing that got me. I really thought, after doing what I did this morning, that I would be done for the day... anything else I would do would have to be a heavy push. I am very surprised, and pleased, to be back ready to do more. My work, this evening, will still be a bit of a push, since it will be nearing the end of my day. That's always a more difficult time to do things. But my body won't be an additional problem. It's a seeming tiny notion, but one that has huge implications.
Oh, I know, it will come and go. I live in, and for, moments. It's all I have. When the moments are splendid, strong, easy enough... then I really get to enjoy them. And I am. Who could imagine enjoying work? Physical work? But I do. At least as a counter to thought, or even cooperation with thought. Later.
Wiped out.
.
.
I did get it. The lawn is ready to be watered, the outside perimeter of the cave, plus the inside of the garage this time, have been sprayed for bugs. And then a shower. I did it pretty quickly, really. Starting at about 11:30 and it is now just almost 13:30. That might be a land speed record for me. But I am done, at least for three or four hours, but just as likely for the day. As I make passes to the bathroom, however, I might do little bits and pieces in the kitchen. Deciding and putting this or that in a place that makes sense, washing this or that, or tossing something I have decided has no further use. Dunno, but I am happy with what I have done. Oh, well, I will set the sprinklers to watering the grass later this evening. After the sun has set enough that it isn't hitting the grass, mostly. A good hour, tonight. I may adjust the sprinklers for tomorrow. A couple of heavy waterings, perhaps for the next three days, then back that down to three times a week. Oh, crap. I forgot to water the plants, and yes, I am going to do that before I settle in to gaming. Poor things.
Later.
.
I did get it. The lawn is ready to be watered, the outside perimeter of the cave, plus the inside of the garage this time, have been sprayed for bugs. And then a shower. I did it pretty quickly, really. Starting at about 11:30 and it is now just almost 13:30. That might be a land speed record for me. But I am done, at least for three or four hours, but just as likely for the day. As I make passes to the bathroom, however, I might do little bits and pieces in the kitchen. Deciding and putting this or that in a place that makes sense, washing this or that, or tossing something I have decided has no further use. Dunno, but I am happy with what I have done. Oh, well, I will set the sprinklers to watering the grass later this evening. After the sun has set enough that it isn't hitting the grass, mostly. A good hour, tonight. I may adjust the sprinklers for tomorrow. A couple of heavy waterings, perhaps for the next three days, then back that down to three times a week. Oh, crap. I forgot to water the plants, and yes, I am going to do that before I settle in to gaming. Poor things.
Later.
Not quite as bad as I thought.
.
.
Oh, the grass is brown. But some of the plants might survive, if I begin watering them. I may hit them with water now, just at the base, and then water them tonight. I was sure they would be completely dead. Not so much, not all of them. The real surprise was setting up the hoses. I thought that was going to quash me, all by itself. Really? It just wasn't that bad. Winded, but I did it pretty quickly, for me anyway. I won't run the water until tonight. But I did get the sprinklers roughly aimed where I want them to go. The rubber hoses I am sure about, the others... I will just have to see if they failed yet, or not. I have several spare, and may buy another hose or two, slowly replacing all of the junk hoses with longer lasting, heavier duty, ones. As they wear out, anyway. Damned expensive, but if the quality proofs the price, there you go.
I also swept so that I can spray for bugs shortly. I let Sam run with me while I was putting the hoses out, then she came in, thinking she would be allowed to play the in-and-out game. Tricked her. I need her in, for at least three hours, after I spray. She neither knows, nor cares, she just wants to do what she wants to do, and being inside isn't it. Like a child, or woman, she holds her head high in ignorance. Oh? Yeah, sure, men do too, but as the apex predators... and son's of Adam, we are the end of the line. So... tuck your head in your lap and prepare for a ride! Anyway... after the rest I get posting this, I will spray, then shower. Good to shower after sweating, and spraying. Then a bit of down time as I figure out what next to do. The kitchen table, a bit more sorting as I can. Then sweeping, vacuuming, and mopping the kitchen and bathroom. After that I don't think there will be much else I can do.
Tomorrow I only plan on doing a few simple things. Clearing and cleaning my desktop, calking around the toilet, and resting. Perhaps sanding the workbench top, and putting up a few things for out there. Sunday, mostly, will be a day of rest. Then I will figure out where to go, and what to do, Sunday night and try to hit it Monday... or Tuesday. It has been a very good week. I am back on track for as long as it will last. I can not only see a future, I can plan it, then make some of those plans happen. And organize? Seriously? That has me... amazed. Magic. Later.
.
Oh, the grass is brown. But some of the plants might survive, if I begin watering them. I may hit them with water now, just at the base, and then water them tonight. I was sure they would be completely dead. Not so much, not all of them. The real surprise was setting up the hoses. I thought that was going to quash me, all by itself. Really? It just wasn't that bad. Winded, but I did it pretty quickly, for me anyway. I won't run the water until tonight. But I did get the sprinklers roughly aimed where I want them to go. The rubber hoses I am sure about, the others... I will just have to see if they failed yet, or not. I have several spare, and may buy another hose or two, slowly replacing all of the junk hoses with longer lasting, heavier duty, ones. As they wear out, anyway. Damned expensive, but if the quality proofs the price, there you go.
I also swept so that I can spray for bugs shortly. I let Sam run with me while I was putting the hoses out, then she came in, thinking she would be allowed to play the in-and-out game. Tricked her. I need her in, for at least three hours, after I spray. She neither knows, nor cares, she just wants to do what she wants to do, and being inside isn't it. Like a child, or woman, she holds her head high in ignorance. Oh? Yeah, sure, men do too, but as the apex predators... and son's of Adam, we are the end of the line. So... tuck your head in your lap and prepare for a ride! Anyway... after the rest I get posting this, I will spray, then shower. Good to shower after sweating, and spraying. Then a bit of down time as I figure out what next to do. The kitchen table, a bit more sorting as I can. Then sweeping, vacuuming, and mopping the kitchen and bathroom. After that I don't think there will be much else I can do.
Tomorrow I only plan on doing a few simple things. Clearing and cleaning my desktop, calking around the toilet, and resting. Perhaps sanding the workbench top, and putting up a few things for out there. Sunday, mostly, will be a day of rest. Then I will figure out where to go, and what to do, Sunday night and try to hit it Monday... or Tuesday. It has been a very good week. I am back on track for as long as it will last. I can not only see a future, I can plan it, then make some of those plans happen. And organize? Seriously? That has me... amazed. Magic. Later.
Ah, it seems one of the dreams has come back.
.
.
It wasn't a talky, a silent movie sort of thing, and short. It wasn't a happy one, mostly, either. While I was speaking with the woman, and she was talking as well, the words were not heard. I was listening to what she was really saying and how I was responding and what I was saying. Most communication is nonverbal. Sometimes I am very good at that, hearing that. None of what was being spoken was about what was really being said.
She wanted to know why I did not take her, bring her in, make her mine. I told her that her "read" was wrong. That I did not advance because I did not see intent, or interest, in her ways. She told me that I had misread. I told her that I believed her "read" more than I trust her words, that she is confused and did not understand her own truth. All this, of course, in body language, and about body language from the past. She was angry, with me, for this. I simply asked her to consider what I had just "said", to contemplate it. I knew she would not, she was sure she was right.
And, maybe she was. But I must act as I see fit in specific circumstances. Perhaps my take on what I am perceiving is wrong. That is possible. What is also possible is that she was not ready to be taken, owned. That she was too confused to have been... integrated into one with a man. Perhaps she was deceiving herself about her wants and interests.
Oh, it's about a real woman and a real event, series of events really. I just hadn't ever compiled everything. My dream did that for me. And, truth be told, I am still unsure, of anything. But I did what I did, perceived as I did, and what has and hasn't happened are the results of that. A fool, mistaken at times, but I have to go by what I see and understand. Life is pain (just the music). As, sometime, am I.
On to work. I'll do the hoses and such, then spray, then take a shower and figure anything else out. Later.
.
It wasn't a talky, a silent movie sort of thing, and short. It wasn't a happy one, mostly, either. While I was speaking with the woman, and she was talking as well, the words were not heard. I was listening to what she was really saying and how I was responding and what I was saying. Most communication is nonverbal. Sometimes I am very good at that, hearing that. None of what was being spoken was about what was really being said.
She wanted to know why I did not take her, bring her in, make her mine. I told her that her "read" was wrong. That I did not advance because I did not see intent, or interest, in her ways. She told me that I had misread. I told her that I believed her "read" more than I trust her words, that she is confused and did not understand her own truth. All this, of course, in body language, and about body language from the past. She was angry, with me, for this. I simply asked her to consider what I had just "said", to contemplate it. I knew she would not, she was sure she was right.
And, maybe she was. But I must act as I see fit in specific circumstances. Perhaps my take on what I am perceiving is wrong. That is possible. What is also possible is that she was not ready to be taken, owned. That she was too confused to have been... integrated into one with a man. Perhaps she was deceiving herself about her wants and interests.
Oh, it's about a real woman and a real event, series of events really. I just hadn't ever compiled everything. My dream did that for me. And, truth be told, I am still unsure, of anything. But I did what I did, perceived as I did, and what has and hasn't happened are the results of that. A fool, mistaken at times, but I have to go by what I see and understand. Life is pain (just the music). As, sometime, am I.
On to work. I'll do the hoses and such, then spray, then take a shower and figure anything else out. Later.
A very good sleep.
.
.
I can't believe how good life had become. I'm still lame, a goodly bit. It's not like I am back to windsprints and benching. But I am doing some of the little stuff of life. I am even able to begin organizing. I have almost never been able to do even what I am doing, on that accord. Something clicked, after decades of living in a dark age, and it... makes sense? Something like that. Yes, I have a long way to go. But when some doors open, if you can keep them open, life changes. That is one of those doors for me I do believe. I've been thinking about it seriously for a year or so, when something clicked regarding it some time back. It is as if my subconsciousness took that concept and worked it in the backfield while I was struggling with other things consciously. When ready, like a present, wrapped and causing curiosity, it was presented.
Sleep was fantastic. Being able to work on several fronts, do a bit of research, a bit of planning that seems possible, do work that goes with the planning and research, and still have time to play as well all adds up to just about everything life is about. Yeah, I'm still doing it at a snail's pace. But I am doing it. I went to bed, and woke, a bit later today. There is some variability in my pattern. Two steps up, two back, but it is staying night and day. I'll take that.
Dreams, again, last night. Not quite as many are remembered, but the few were much more powerful, even satisfying. Running down Lucifer, chasing him to his lair, denying him access. Dispelling false myth and lies, on the side. Things like that. Heavy, but things that wet my appetite. Things I feel I was born to do. The contemplative life has it's place, the active life has it's place. I, personally, think that choosing just one, or the other, alone, is a mistake. However, some are only fit for one or the other. If both are available, pursue each in it's time. You won't regret it. Even if you simply "think" for a living, grow a garden. That is active, and will reward you in many ways.
Yes, yes, I have things to do. Setting up the hoses and timer. I will adjust the sprinklers this evening. Then to set up the bug sprayer and begin that project. After that, more tinkering in the cave. After, of course, a bit of waking and another cup of coffee. It's a small but wonderful life, for now. Now, go! Make your own life wonderful... or just hang on until you can. Blessings.
.
I can't believe how good life had become. I'm still lame, a goodly bit. It's not like I am back to windsprints and benching. But I am doing some of the little stuff of life. I am even able to begin organizing. I have almost never been able to do even what I am doing, on that accord. Something clicked, after decades of living in a dark age, and it... makes sense? Something like that. Yes, I have a long way to go. But when some doors open, if you can keep them open, life changes. That is one of those doors for me I do believe. I've been thinking about it seriously for a year or so, when something clicked regarding it some time back. It is as if my subconsciousness took that concept and worked it in the backfield while I was struggling with other things consciously. When ready, like a present, wrapped and causing curiosity, it was presented.
Sleep was fantastic. Being able to work on several fronts, do a bit of research, a bit of planning that seems possible, do work that goes with the planning and research, and still have time to play as well all adds up to just about everything life is about. Yeah, I'm still doing it at a snail's pace. But I am doing it. I went to bed, and woke, a bit later today. There is some variability in my pattern. Two steps up, two back, but it is staying night and day. I'll take that.
Dreams, again, last night. Not quite as many are remembered, but the few were much more powerful, even satisfying. Running down Lucifer, chasing him to his lair, denying him access. Dispelling false myth and lies, on the side. Things like that. Heavy, but things that wet my appetite. Things I feel I was born to do. The contemplative life has it's place, the active life has it's place. I, personally, think that choosing just one, or the other, alone, is a mistake. However, some are only fit for one or the other. If both are available, pursue each in it's time. You won't regret it. Even if you simply "think" for a living, grow a garden. That is active, and will reward you in many ways.
Yes, yes, I have things to do. Setting up the hoses and timer. I will adjust the sprinklers this evening. Then to set up the bug sprayer and begin that project. After that, more tinkering in the cave. After, of course, a bit of waking and another cup of coffee. It's a small but wonderful life, for now. Now, go! Make your own life wonderful... or just hang on until you can. Blessings.
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