Just right.

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Maybe a bit shy on sleep.  That is better than too much, more so in that I seem a bit more rested.  It will take several days like that to get fully back up to speed.  I really did need the ac still.  It's keeps it 62 in there, plus with the fan, adds air movement.  In just a nap, when the house temps remain stable, I can raise the temp in the room by much as five degrees, a nap being two hours or so.  Perhaps that is normal in a 110 square foot room... give or take?  I can't tell over the long run, because the house temps don't remain stable.  I had thought, by this time, as things cool, I could begin going without ac.  And, sometimes I can.  Just not when I am running this weird sort of fever I get from time to time?

Again, today, I am hoping to get work done.  I have the same things today that I had yesterday, plus a few more dishes.  Dishes, a shower, a meal window, then boxes?  That is the goal.  If I can still do minor work, I may continue doing little sorting tasks in the living room while watching the drama of Barnabus et. al.  Laundry and more of the kitchen tomorrow.  The kitchen is holding, fairly well, so far.  If I get the boxes out, put appliances on the roll cart, and then set up the large shelf and arrange that when it arrives, I will have Mise en Place.  It is far easier to maintain neatness and clarity from such a position.  Then to spread that to the rest of the cave.  What does that take?  If you have a large number of products, objects, tools, and all, you need places.  For everything there must be a place.  I had been... reluctant to purchase, which meant I had to shuffle spaces, or put items in spots that simply weren't intended to facilitate usage, crippling my applications.

It isn't just places to fit things.  I am also considering how I do things.  Processes.  For example, rather than a draining rack, which doesn't really fit anywhere when it is done, so takes up counter space, offering very weak usage, I am considering a grate, or two, for over the sink.  Just roll it when done and set it aside.  Though, really, I need to work under the sink, and in the kitchen, then have a plumber in to set the under-sink plumbing to rights and check a few other things.  Teach, I will ask.  I simply need the kitchen to be in order before requesting assistance.  Oh, and a faucet he will guarantee and work to make sure it works year over year.  If he won't guarantee it for at least three years, I can't afford him.  I'd like him to investigate a few other issues.  Though I think the drains are all related.  I have been keeping them clear, mostly.  But either I am doing something wrong or something needs adjusted to them, perhaps a bit of both.  And, just maybe, he can fit the tub drain with something, like a double strain trap, that can more surely catch debris and be cleaned out right there.  Dunno, hopeful, and as usual doubtful.

Why three faucets have failed I can't say.  I have one on a sink in the back room that has worked fine since I moved in.  It's just not the easiest location in which to do dishes.  It's also not really heated, making it a bit chill to be working there in the winter.  The tub and bathroom faucets, likewise, are not a problem.  The kitchen faucet though?  I wonder if it somehow comes off or out of something that is prone to producing sediment issues.  I simply don't understand.  Like I said, a guarantee that he will tend and or replace the thing for up to three years.  No more faucets with special or finicky systems, no replacement cartridges, nothing.  Just a faucet.  Maybe with a pull handle though, or very high head for cleaning pots.  Hmm, and have him figure out the water softener.  Bleh.  Bit by bit, but I have to get the kitchen in shape, than watch pennies until I can spring for a plumbing assault on various domestic problems.

First?  I have to wake up.  I do believe I will have, for the first in a long time, typical drip coffee.  I had been using an Italian stovetop espresso machine.  And while it is okay, I don't think it is anything really like a true espresso.  I tried various grinds, and found that, for my money, course ground was far superior (as with the french press).  I don't care what others believe.  I like what I like, I buy what I have, and I'll use it as I prefer.  What I find is that many "aficionados" just follow explicit instructions from the first snob they think knows it all, or knows better than them, and stop thinking.  I try very hard to figure my own life and tastes out, even taking recipes I like, stripping them, reducing them, rebuilding them, mixing them, and coming up with what fits my nutritional and taste needs and wants.  And I recommend the same for you.  Still, this time, just drip.  Plus, it's the best way to use the fine ground coffee, as I have found it works better in drip... again, to my tastes.  It's not an opinion thing.  My tastes may be finicky, but not THAT finicky.  Once I nail something, after enough sampling, it pretty much stays.  Objective to my tastes, which are rather stringent and static, if allowing for some exploration.

Oh, today?  Eggs, bacon, and...  I dunno.  Perhaps an alt-flour flatbread?  I'd sure like something.  And I have eggs, almond and coconut flour, and a few other things.  Enough to make something simple, like...

Or using this bread recipe, minus flax, apple cider vinegar, and changing sea to regular salt.  I don't think I am up to any of it today, but it is, in the long run, in the plans.  I may boil eggs, however, so as to have easy food on hand, again.  I keep forgetting about those.  If... what about boring do you not understand?  Too much of anything is just too much.

I think I am back, pretty much, on intermittent fasting.  Weakly, as with keto.  Next Monday I hope to gear back up to three day fasting.  Yeah, it's taking time.  When concentration is lost, it is difficult for even this.  While I can, or have starved, that is a very strange event that is deeper down than this.  It is easier, if there is food, to eat than not, if mental focus begins to falter.  Starvation occurs when there is no focus, or means of shopping or cleaning in order to make food.  I am far from there.

Later.

Yes, yes, still awake.

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Quite a long day, actually.  No, I didn't get to much.  Oppressed by my own flesh.  And yet, I am still awake.  There is hope, just in that.  To work I must sleep.  To sleep I must be awake and weary myself.  I have taken that latter step hopeful for the former reaction.  I keep my mind in the game, even if my body seems as if it might just time out.  I don't know, perhaps it is just weary.  Perhaps more.  Time tells all with no wiggle room.

A bit of entertainment, at my expense, through the art of another.  Oh now, quit with that.  Are any of you married?  And happily?  If you lost your wife, would you not carry bits of her with you?  Have ghost pains, even sensations you suspect arise from living out a part of her life that lives so long as you do?  Now if you lost more than her, but the memory, even a name, but then she came back to you somehow, would you not... be a bit different?  Aside from that, women speak well sometimes, just in general.  And they have areas they cover better than men can... so I let them.  Is it I who brush their rock'n'roll hair, or is it the other way around?

Hmm... are they just a game?

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Is twitter, f.b., gab, and perhaps others, just a way to attempt to gain popularity... or, really, false popularity?  Collecting... what are they called?  Ah, followers.  Is it just the high school popularity contest all over?  Or is there a real reason to use the system, or at least gab?  I have heard, as with anything, it depends on your goals.

For now I have little interest in posting, much.  I am more looking for sources of news, maybe a laugh from time to time, and such.  I have learned that reaching out, on the interwebs... most people aren't who they present.  I am considered hardcore and tight.  Do you really mean you wouldn't bang a chick if you have the chance?  Well, yes.  I don't care if she tricks out all my bells and whistles.  I simply won't mess with a woman unless we are married.  Really?  Really.  And, yeah, I really used to be a bad boy.  Some would say a very naughty boy, others would say phenomenally bad.  I really did give up several aspects that some dream to enact (wrongly, I assure) and even diametrically opposed odds and ends.  But, pretty much, what I write here is what I mean, save that I can, do, have, and will again sin.  So I am not looking for friends, mostly.  Too many honestly do not believe in anything, and their intent is as weak as their intellect.  Though the truly erudite are often worse, as are the powerful and rich.  Curses, but comfortable ones.  Been there, done that, if for just a short while.

No, news.  Perhaps a laugh or three.  Maybe contacts should I ever begin doing things, like getting out.  At least once I get out.  Not a high probability notion.  If I can improve, then get out on my own so as to gauge my ability, then to meet others who get out?  Yeah.  But as with women, friends have to... well... don't expect much.  Love and friendship is, often, like money.  You can have it or you can spend it, just not both.  And, without some source and production of the wealth of any sort, spending is dangerous.  You can only spend what you have and what you can create, so... be gentle in your demands.  And be gracious in what you offer.  Give freely what you have.  But... don't expect much.  You aren't the only one living to die.

I'm just not going to play the game, at least not for popularity.  I am going to attempt to play it completely... stoic?  Well, that is the goal.  If I feel I am being attacked, for the most part, I should ignore.  If I don't understand, ask.  Just business.  Pretend conversation there will be read by everyone I know.  Then again that doesn't stop me here.  Hmm... I'll have to think on things, as I learn more.  Doesn't anybody use twitter or gab?  Really?  Though perhaps you do it, and did it, just going in cold.  If... I have some suspicions... I am more alone here than I thought.  In some dark ways.  Perhaps.

Any tweeters/gabbers out there?

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I have no experience with f.b., tweeter, or the newest one, gab.  I went ahead and signed up for gab.  It... took a while.  When I got the official go-ahead, I went ahead and signed up and in.  I looked a little bit.  Didn't even figure out how to... post? comment?  Let alone how to start a thread.  Not sure I want to... do any of it.  I just decided, if there was a resource such at that which I might want to use it would most likely be gab.  Which... yeah?  But?

Okay, that isn't the problem or even...  Though if anyone knows of a tweeter/gab cheatsheet for noobs, a walkthrough or guide, that would be cool.  Oh, if I get to that point, don't worry.  I'll get myself banned before long.  That isn't the issue either.

What is curious is that, without ever having commented... posted?  I have already attracted followers.  Not, I am quite sure, real followers... just people waiting to see if I write anything in.  Now... that makes me curious.  I think I go by doomdforev and my name is Doom (Doom was already taken, of course).  I am not even sure how I could be seen without having interacted other than creating a sign in?  Is that just par for the course?  People just randomly pick names they wish to follow for... no particular reason?

I know nothing.  Not just on this matter, though on this one too.  I almost wish I could keep it that way even more so.  Still, while I'm not doing anything, or seemingly able to do much, I might as well light a fire or three innit.  If anyone has more data I can learn and then learn beyond my capacity to know, if somehow functionally, drop a comment, a link, or just laugh at the geezer trying to juggle life and death on a monocycle while gabbing.  Innit?

I know what they want.  I know what the world wants.  I know what I used to want.  Now I just want His will, so take what I get, even when it lays me out.

It is a harsh day.

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Nothing feels right.  I am tired but cannot sleep.  I attempted a nap, it just would not happen.  Things just feel off, again, perhaps even worse than before.  Nothing fancy, I don't think.  Probably.  Nothing I haven't actually lived through and worse for at least the first few decades after becoming ill.  Heck, what I am feeling is some of the best, most lucid, moments in the first two and a half decades.  Which... I must say... was pretty rotten.  A bit of a fever, a lack of focus and energy, uncomfortable sitting, reclining, or laying down, can't sleep or really be awake, and falling behind on some things.  Oh, right, and the feet.  I have to cycle through various things.  Between high strength, mid strength, and no socks, I need to cycle through those.  No one option is really bearable.  The heavies become oppressive, the middlings only work for a while, and going without is a bad choice.  Even with the water pill it... is just taking more than just that.

Juggling, if more often in a reactionary way while I am in a lessor state of mind and being.  By the time you realize something has dropped it simply hurts.  On the good side, I am finished with cooking for a bit.  I could get stock through, but I can also wait on that for a week or three or month or two probably.  I can keep my meals simple and pretty much single pot or pan deals, or maybe, say with beans, do a batch that will last a while again.  I will be using the chicken confit, from now on, mostly in casseroles of some sort.  Small ones, mixed with other meats, and a few more keto friendly vegetables such as cabbage.  I should check tubers, but my guess is they are all rather carb rich.  While meatzzas are great, they do tend to get a bit old.  I'll have to consider other foods.  Pork carnitas, perhaps even made confit as well, would make a great addition to various dishes.  Simple is nice, variety seems necessary.  Lamb stew would be very good, I just need a few herbs and spices.  As well, I would like a number of simple recipes to view, read, consider.  I often don't just use one, or use one completely.  I am not sure if you can marinade, then stew, right in the yogurt, but I seem to have heard of that, and eaten that or what seemed to be that, long ago, then... within the last five years, at a restaurant most recently.  I don't remember where the first time(s).

It is a struggle, right now, today.  I may turn the ac on, see if that will help me sleep.  I don't think I am going to watch some of the horror.  And I may simply destroy one of the films.  Some things... just have no saving value.  I had hoped there was more to them, there just isn't.  Junk.  I may actually, however, end up following on some new leads.  Horror seems to be where I need to look.  I don't know what it is I am supposed to see.  I just don't think the line I am on is it.  Trash.  As with a shark, sometimes the only way to know is to bite.  I bit, I spit out.  Until then, I do have a few I can watch, some that were slightly interesting.  Oh, and, while I don't quite consider it horror, as many probably do or did, I found a small selection of the Dark Shadows series.  We were not allowed to watch that, as children.  In part "because", in part because the reruns came on late.  I don't think it was because it was all bad, it's because my mom and dad at the time wanted some private time to relax with the tube together.  Nothing fancy, just time, relaxing, together.  Although I bet they necked sometimes!  Gah!  Anyway, I... have always been curious.  Now I am finding out.  Mostly looking like a silly melodrama than a serious monster or horror series.  Still, it's presentable if quite dated.  I'm just on the first of six disks, in it how Barnabus becomes a vampire is supposed to be revealed.  *ta~da!*  :p

I am hoping to be able to pick up and get going and do some things over the weened.  Even if I just get caught back up on dishes.  But if I can push some laundry through, shower a couple of days, deal with the trash, and tear down some or all of the boxes, I will be happy.  Well, and get the items to be returned packed and ready for shipping by Monday~Wednesday.  If I could rest well, that might help.  If I can rest maybe I can wake.  Not sure about the fever or aches and pains.  Anacin seems to be helping, but I don't want to become dependent on that, or even use it too often.  And, yet, I may use it max use for several days in an attempt to sleep, or wake, or relax so either of those can happen, or... hoping maybe to break the cycle and begin reversing the bad one.  Later, or much later, and maybe good night.

Cooking is always a bit of a guess.

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I wasn't sure about how much fat I would need.  Too little would only be a minor problem.  I would simply need to liquefy another batch.  But... how much?  Too much would be fine, too.  Excess could simply be kept in the melting pot, then drained into tubs.  As it turned out, my eye was good.  I thought, with more pieces and the size of the roaster, it would take... about >that much< more.  I just wanted the chicken parts to be covered.  Not deeply, though to my reckoning by at least a quarter of an inch?  Give or take, people.  It turned out just perfect.

It is baking, or slow cooking anyway, as I write.  It has been for a bit, has 50 minutes remaining, at least until I check it.  The bowls are ready.  Of course, even if the chicken is done it takes a while to cool before storage.  A thigh and a drumstick will then be browned, as well.  Which takes an half hour.  I think it takes longer for the fat to cool.  All good.

I have been disappointed with the horror movies.  You can tell, after a few, who the target audience was.  One trick, when someone suggests equality, is to realize that the brightest of men and women are so far apart.  Even when horror is aimed at the brighter, it ends up being targeted at one group or the other.  There, in my opinion, is not much crossover.  What men and women fear is quite different.

Sometimes, when some people suggest women aren't funny, I am not sure if they are joking, or trying to trip others up.  What even makes a woman laugh is very odd.  They don't seem to be able to encapsulate that into doses for others, or if they do, they... really aren't very funny.  The same goes for horror.  I actually think almost everything terrifies women.  Age, their children, having no children, being a bitter pill, though too being a fluff-nugget.  They ignore their fears and yet so often find themselves afraid.  Alone, with others, because it's warm... or cold.  Horror aimed at women, as such, is pretty schizo, in the common vernacular.

So, which sort of horror do I appreciate?  The trick with horror, for me, is that if I have heard the "joke", not matter how well timed it is the next time, I begin, quickly, losing my taste for it.  However, the sort of horror that sneaks up, and is believable... real, but not in a secular truth sort of way.  Hell is frightening, but only if I can associate with the leads, realize they have ended up there incorrectly, and know that there isn't a way out.  Though that is difficult, as I can't believe God would allow a way for the innocent to be damned, and I have difficulty associating with the secular who live lives which will lead to hell.  Complicated.

Can I just go with a story?  Not so much.  It has to work.  Sometimes it can work by remaining silent.  For example, rather than exposing the fact that the protagonists are immoral or amoral, just letting the ending implicitly provide the answer.  Most normal folk who have no faith live their life and do what they do without any regard, or often thought, to the notion that they might be trespassing toward hell, inviting possession, or other such things.  Even those who know what sin is can fail, then fail again through pride in a sin or denial of seeking forgiveness or atonement.  Are they to be judged?  Absolutely, if not by me.  I can't know.  Nor by the world, in truth.  The world seems to far and away support those on the path to damnation than those on the path to righteousness.  If, so far, it hasn't seen fit to attempt to destroy, outright, en masse, those who seem publicly to suggest their is a difference and support seeking Truth, Rightness, Holiness... or really suggest to seek God.  Not yet.  That will come if the bible is true.

Horror is a tricky thing.  Like a joke, timing is important.  As well, there has to be a solid grain of truth.  Jokes about women have to be natural... a joke about a woman's physical muscular strength, if it isn't mocking the craziness of life, should be about how that doesn't actually exist.  Some themes are frightening.  Physical pain, wonderment and involvement with those who have died and maybe not gone away, involvements with the other things of hell or even heaven.  Angels aren't always... so what is typically considered angelic would certainly not make moderns happy.  Sodom and Gomorrah ring any bells?  Try mansplaining that to even high school kids.  Yes, an angry angel, for a human, would be... a difficulty.  Even the angels on high will have to be judged, and not all will make it.  Meaning, even if they abide God, they can make mistakes.  Though that isn't necessary.  Their tasks can be quite harsh.

Don't know.  Just know that most horror is fairly sophomorish, or worse.  I'm not, at all, completely sure what I am seeking.  I only know there is something in the back of my bean which is suggesting I look.  Much as I do with music and music videos.  So far, other than a few notions I wish to research, nothing.  I may begin looking in music, too.  I just... don't know what it is I am supposed to be seeking... just where it might be found.  Later.

Everything seems off.

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The shoulder, neck, and back of my skull are tight.  Which seems to be causing a mild fever and weird, noncentered, shifting, headache.  I'll see about a fist full of anacin.  I am hoping to dig into two tasks today.  The chicken, then dishes.  Hopefully finishing dishes before the chicken, as I need some containers from the dish pile.  So weary, a bit sore, and just plain off today.  That is how it has been for several days, getting slightly worse each day.  Nausea is even rearing it's ugly potential.

It'll work out before long.  Until then I'll attempt to trick my way around the stiff, pained, unhappy body I seem to be stuck within.  If I can get the dishes done, then the chicken, I am hoping to do a small load or two of laundry and break down a nice chunk of the boxes.  I had hoped to get in to town yet again this week, but that will have to wait.  Probably not until next week.  I am running on two or three short time clocks, but I have a broken body for the moment.  So... I wait, hoping the timing isn't too deleterious.

Ah, another thing...  I signed up for gab, an alternative to... tweeter?  Something.  I have set it up, signed in, but... I was never a tweeter.  So... it's an alternative to... nothing.  I am not even sure how to post.  Not sure I see a reason to post.  For now, I may check in and look around from time to time.  If I see a reason to post, or have an interest without good cause, I may.  Or... I'll watch.  If that isn't my gig, I'll just move on.  So many of the tweet links seemed to lead nowhere, or to bad sites.  I wonder if these techs have learned to eliminate bad links and bad actors or if it is completely a form of clicker caveat emptor.  Being free, technically, probably the latter.

I am sure hoping to get going on some things.  The girls will be fed shortly.  I'll take anacin now, then look around the web or something, until breakfast.  Hmm, I might start melting the fats for the slow cooking of the chicken.  I can't wait for a drum stick and thigh, cooked then crisped.  That truly is delicious.  And that little bit is easily filling for a normal meal.  Add a few greens, a small potato or ration of brown rice, and you would do well for three to five hours.  The carbs would pull you back, as well as the lack of enough calories sum total.  Still, if you are healthy, it wouldn't be a bad way to go a few times a week, and one batch cooked, stored in the fat, would last several weeks... if you don't munch too many too fast.

Later.  ---  Oh, but from a friend.

The video music I have used from them... long, long ago.

Stumbling on.

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The chicken is curing.  I am not sure I would call it a true cure.  An overnight run just, I... then again, there might not be another good word for it.  Someone might suggest it as a marinade.  I see that as a fail, as I believe a marinade requires a liquid.  The chicken, in this case, while soaked in salted water, then rinsed of salt, is also patted dry before being seasoned again and placed in an airtight bag.  Yeah, I guess a short cure?  Tomorrow it will be cooked in fat, cooled, then stored in the fat.  I am telling you, that makes a fine meal when removed and the skin crisped.  I can't wait to see if the thighs are even better... more meat.

I've also been digging through here and there.  First to find this, then that.  A remote and a game controller.  To be honest, I didn't look all that closely, or correctly.  I... let the task take me into sorting, clearing, cleaning.  Much more to do, but I am pleased with the effort.  Perhaps it wasn't super, and I didn't come close to finishing it all.  But I dug in a goodly bit, even in my condition this day.  And I am still awake.  Perhaps a bit more tea, one of the more campy horrors, then on to bed.

I have divided the horror into various groups, putting a more mild one next to one that is supposed to be more severe, and stacking through in that pattern.  I only have a few that are supposed to be intense.  The first of those has been seen and it was considered lame.  It's depiction of some things was accurate.  It was just so campy stupid that it just had no bite.  I have seen, in dreams and visions, masses of the dead and dying, victims of many things.  Festering wounds, depravity among those who remain when all the horsemen ride, and many other things.  Those things do not bother me.  Most will have chosen their path.  By the way, when Jesus suggested that the meek shall inherit the earth, do you think that was a blessing?  *wink*  So many think such strange thoughts.  Now, maybe, just... think on it.  Think about what context that is in, who the meek are, and when they would inherit the earth.  Before or after massive ascension?  Oh... and if you are here when the riders ride, and aren't bedraggled from being hunted as a true Christian, I'd be looking for a different faith, or really just keeping a solid eye and ear out for Christ.

Perhaps another show, or two.  I'm looking for some things.  I don't know what, might not find it.  As I mentioned, Supernatural has in the past had some interesting notions.  Quite a few notions that I have had to consider.  While it is often drama and fluff, they have some writers who have serious chops in these areas or did serious research... going places most modern seculars would greatly fear.  I might have to see if the season I didn't see... or two now?  is available.  They are real punks about putting it out though, like not releasing for four to six months after the last airing?  Must be some contract thing?  Or just lazy about getting it done?  Well, I mean... they had one available, so I ordered it, then got something saying something like, 'oh, by the way, these aren't to be sent out for four months'.  So angry that they would offer it without any warning on the delay.

Well... on to something.  I wish I could do dishes, but my ribs are weirdly out of place, my back hurts, and... no.  I just won't, not now, not today.  I am hoping to do some other things tomorrow.  I did call Eddie Bauer and contacted someone who did the right things.  I now have that printed and should be able to get everything in tomorrow.  If I can make it.  Ugh.  Brutal.  Maybe a little light horror will unlock the relax button.  Sometimes it actually does.  The darkness was home.  The light is now the path, but I know the other better.  I suppose there is a reason for Him to call things from there.  Welp!  Later.

Couldn't sleep.

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Just one of those times where I can't sleep and yet I don't want to be awake.  I am not feeling well, not at all.

I am digging into horror movies.  Why?  Well, because.  There are reasons.  And, once in a while, I see or hear something that... makes me think.  Not so much about some stupid seculars who think they will outbright heaven or hell... but old parts of the story that I had forgotten.  The television serious Supernatural offered a lot of potential material.  Not that I agree with all of it, or disagree, only it... reminds me of things I have heard or seen or believed here or there, now or then, not always even how it was put makes it seem either.

As well, seeing others... contemplate... or act... while faced with, surrounded by, or even nearly possessed by, evil or darkness (not always the same thing, mind you)... reminds me or allows me to contemplate.  I can't explain all to you.  I have hinted at things in this blog.  But that will never be enough for you to really get it.  If you, as a child, were taught that killing another human (or things that resemble such) was bad, bad to the point of evil, and yet you found yourself in the military, and you did end up killing, even once, but more if you killed many, you would have a better idea.  Not the present, not even this life, not even as a two-legs, mostly.  Though that is a vast simplification.  I, for example, have no compulsion about killing when required.

Is the paradigm from which I derive the right to kill correct?  I think so.  I haven't killed anyone I would be arrested for having killed... if I have killed that is.  If the law is far from morality, it is on the scraping weak edge of it.  Not only would I not have been found to possess guilt, I would not even have been arrested... not by a US LEO.  Though, if I had done so, where I had done so the LEO's might well have attempted an arrest.  If said had occurred, they might well have in truth.  When someone is shooting at you, stopping to ask their interest in the matter is not... a thing even the most nervy sob would truly contemplate... mostly.  In any case, I do believe my paradigm is correct.  Not because I am, but because it is objective, and based on God's words and will, spirit and law, and more.  I would bet my soul on it, if I would prefer not to have to kill for it.

Oh, right.  Horror.  I see horror.  Real things, or... well, at least dreams that render as if real.  Visions at times.  There are things worse than death.  There are monsters.  There is hell.  Even those who do rightly may do terrible things, on their own, some through others, some will do both.  Humans think demons are funny things that might possess, or suggest bad things.  Even if they believe in possession, and think it is terrible but has nothing to do with them...  When demons walk the earth, wearing their own skins...  When the dead rise, and walk, for whatever reason...  When the whole world shakes, when every man who isn't damned is cursed, save the few who run to try to save the knowledge of the Son of Man and his faith as bedraggled beasts to be hunted...  Imagine having to wear the skin of one of the darker princes among them, commanding man and beast, even demon and angel, doing a darkness that has to be done, working through the worst to defeat them, and yet in truth, hoping for a way out.

Wasn't sure whether to post.  Static from the ether ran through, ending up digitized, and, now... will be posted.  Just echoes of previous posts.  When I am lost in fog I seem to remember these things more acutely... if I don't recall much else... or understand what any of it means.  Good... day?  Later?  Later.

Food is wiping me out.

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No, I haven't had another bite of anything.  I am going to, despite this exhaustion.  No, what I had was a quarter of the meatzza, usually I prefer to have about a third, if it is just one of the course... one half to a third if it is the whole meal.  Wiped.  I'll eat the last portion, then go back to bed for a while.  No choice.  Hopefully I will wake up in time to do some things today.  Maybe it is the weather or season changes.

I am falling pretty hard.  Later.

Plans not quite ready.

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I had meant to cook the chicken this morning.  Then I realized I prefer to give the chicken a salt soak first, so set that up.  I was going to wait for breakfast, to be able to include chicken, which if all went well would be in about three hours.  Then I realized that wasn't at all correct.  Beside the liquid brine, the chicken needs to be cured, overnight.  Yeah.  I wasn't going to wait that long for breakfast.  Well, at least not quite yet.  So...  The chicken is soaking.  In an hour I will drain the parts then set them up for an overnight cure.  Yeah, well, it happens.

The meal yesterday was good enough.  Even though I slept a great deal, if it had not worked I had plenty of opportunity to snag a meal or large bite somewhere in there.  That hunger thing isn't really what it seems, not for diabetics.  If I think many people are closer to being diabetic than they think.  If you are constantly hungry, then you really aren't getting something you need.  Fats?  I don't think protein deficiency gives you that sort of hunger.  An addiction to carbs will leave you in melt down if you don't eat often enough.  And, yes, even if you cut carbs, but your body had switched to using proteins to convert to sugars, yeah, that is possible too.  Though the lack of fats won't do that, the imbalance of fats in your diet will lead to it, because of what you are replacing it with.  Carbs or proteins are your only other option, both of which will lead to diabetes.  Then again, if you keep your portions small, maintenance level?  Well, good luck with that.  There is exercise, but runners should know they have a limited life for their knees.  Swimming, but... there are problems even with that, especially at a pool.  Though winter wild swimming doesn't work so well.  Tricky?  Yeah.

I've started through my meal.  A piece of the meatzza to start.  I may simply have the other portion and be done with it.  Perhaps a portion of pistachios or sunflower seeds as well.  I keep wanting to do things, but crashing.  I am hoping to get some work in before long, then maybe a trip to town, and more work after a returning and napping if needed.  I am so close to getting way ahead and arranging the kitchen for ease of use and maintenance.  I simply have to figure out how to push through.  Or at least stave off falling back to where it was.  Ugh.

Later.

The long sleep.

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I went down pretty hard.  I woke a few times, just not for long.  I could not see beyond the void, and so fell to sleeping each time until just a short time ago.  Why the great seeming need for sleep I cannot say.  Is it the cooling?  Less sun?  Has it been cloudy off and on to top it off?  Beginning of fasting?  Going back toward keto?  I suspect keto is playing a minor role.  While I am not in ketosis yet, my body is prepping.  Not gassy quite yet, but that seems to be in the works.  Yeah... you feel it before you do it.  As your innards becomes a gas bomb factory, all the tubing seems to be pressure tested, creating a minor internal torture chamber... chambers.  On the good side, when gas finally starts going, in spite of some (at least for me) embarrassment, the satisfaction covers the shame.  *toot*

It is a very strange thing.  I don't think it is all gas production.  Fat and muscle, and maybe the organs too, are rearranged as things begin happening.  Probably not so much for people who aren't overweight, and have been for a long time.  But for biggens, the body she shifts.  Even bones, more like the ribs for me, shift a bit.  Less outward pressure as fat is used, perhaps.  Which means they drift in.  Which isn't where they were, so connective tissue is slightly stressed.  It just does not feel good.  And, yet, for me... at least if I am correct and I think I am... I don't mind.  I know it is taking me where I wish to go... or be... wish or need?  More questions without answers, for now.  Patience, time tells all.

I have decided, after putting up chicken confit since I have it thawed, I will not be doing any fancy cooking for a while.  I will finish up the dishes, then pretty much put up pots, pans, fancy utensils, and all other items which need washing, until my hands are healed.  The aloe vera never arrived, so I bought some in town.  It isn't doing all that well, any better than olive oil.  Still, I am hoping, over time, it will heal.  I will be careful and limit how often I wash, but making sure they are clean... using gloves to hold the moisture in and on at night, and wear gloves when I have to work in water or near the oven.  Yeah...  Though stove top cooking is okay too.  And oven work, if it is simple, without too much fuss and in and out of there.

Juggling many things, trying to right some things, and doing it as I can.  My feet are again strongly on the mend.  Just have to remember to wear those socks, at least more often.  Medicine has been going down well.  I am on my second two-week set.  Which means I need to get the other set refilled and ready.  Tick tock, always something, and something else, and then food, and of course this and that and... maddening, if it wasn't worth trying to make the hoops and add a few extra just for kicks, innit?  Never mind.  Go, do, or do not but don't say I didn't warn you.  Good morning.

The kitchen is closed.

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There are leftovers.  I wonder if kings every ate leftovers?  Probably only when traveling, and more in the form of pies?  I suppose a meatzza could be called a pie, if in an extended alternative manner.  Though, really, a regular pizza is crusted with bread, if more like a meat, cheese, and vegetable tart than a pie?  Perhaps it depends on which period is under debate.  Currently there seems to be no tradition.  That will... change.

Oh, and I do use fermented liquids to assist with digestion, just not alcoholic liquids.  Kefir.  Though sometimes a vinegar mix, if I have forgotten the instructions.  Then again, that... didn't work for me all that well.  Still, from time to time, I have a little something to keep the engine tuned.  I won't swear that it works.  While I like kefir, often, I don't know that it does anything for me.  Perhaps, if you are healthy (at least in that way), it does all it's good on, pretty much, the first shot.  Or what good it does is not terribly discernible.  Or, maybe, it doesn't really do any good at all if one is healthy.  Then again, it must be... solid in there.  It took Draino without any major problems.  I actually have yet to meet another survivor of that.

I need to rest just a bit.  I did follow up with a small dose of kefir this time.  A small tumbler of the stuff.  Even so, a small tumbler, even if it worked miracles, would have a lot to work it's miracle upon.  Hmm... might even need a nap.  I didn't eat as much as I had supposed, but what I ate was rich.

I just can't quite get going.  Had the problem before eating though too.  I am actually hoping that eating earlier will, in due time, offer the energy I need... if I must first digest, and perhaps rest from digesting.  Digestion is one of the more taxing things the body does, by the way.  Ugh... I am simply hoping I can get going before it is too late.  Though, if not, there is tomorrow... and the next day... and so on.  I'll quit when I am dead, if probably not even then if some things I have seen and done have any truth to them.  Later.

The problem with fasting.

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Last time, starting fasting... or stopping eating?  Whichever, but it was easy.  I had to think back as to why.  Ah, because I was already off my feedbag.  So, actually, I was less extending the time between not eating and eating as decreasing the time.  I mean, I was bringing regularity to starvation mode.  I was already fasting, in an uncontrolled manner, which would have lead to similar feasting.  So, by putting meals in there to control the ravenous nature starvation creates...  It was easy because I was already doing it.  There.

That is not the whole of my problem with fasting, currently, however.  The other part is that I have returned to my grazing habit.  I have become accustomed to eating now, and then in a bit, and so on throughout the day.  Which is fine, if I were bovine, appearances notwithstanding.  At least I may seem full of it, and doubtlessly can be often enough.  Not the point.  The deal is this, I need to figure out how to break the grazing cycle.  And, looking back, I remember exactly how that was done.

A massive meal, eating in a window of time until I am well satisfied.  Which, initially, during startup of intermittent fasting... with or without keto... means initial over-consumption... aiming at high fats, solid mid-proteins, and low or no carbs.  This seems risky, but I noticed quickly that it takes care of itself quickly.  Within a week, each time I had to kick through that, I was back to eating far less than even normal and satisfied both immediately and through my fasting periods.  So?  So I'll eat more.

Ah, but I can't make it to dinnertime!  I just, it's...  It's simple.  Don't wait until dinner.  Since I have an absolute bodily demand to eat now I will simply have my meal time at breakfast.  Sure, I would like, in time, to kick it back around to eating in the evening.  And, I think, once I get the pair of systems back inline and online, I will be able to do that easily.  For now it is just a matter of getting it all going again.

Today's menu:  It started with about two ounces of salami, a remnant I missed.  No cheese to go with it, though a small dose of sunflower seeds seemed to do nicely.  With lamb chops out and easily thawed, I got those going.  Having to be fussing with the main skillet, I used a cast placket, heating that, slowly, in two stages, then melting butter.  Less butter next time, lamb is truly rich.  Just a touch, just enough to help with browning, crisping, and keeping it from sticking too much right in those first moments.  I had a bit of tarragon, mint, and some others spices.  I like the mint and tarragon, and could like thyme with it I think, but more than that is a waste.  That is everything I remember good about lamb.  The chops were bigger than I thought.  I was thinking rib chops only, I believe.  Oh yes, quite fine.

Next I will be making a meatzza.  As I suggested, initially I will overeat.  That buys my body time to adjust to the longer periods of not eating.  It actually, in the shorter term, makes eating a chore until it just evens out.  But it has to be high-fat foods.  I love and hate this part.  Hopefully, this time, with some monitoring and tending of weak areas, I won't be going on and off, in and out... though there is always food upsets.  Things I didn't know would or could throw keto.  Even things that don't for others.  This is experimental.  Of course, if all fails, I could try a very bland, simple, meatzza, eggs, and such food plan.  But that is not sustainable for a longer period... which makes it just a fad diet unless you do exactly what I am doing, branching out... which, as noted, comes with the pitfall of having a food react unusually in my particular system.

Oh, I best get to the meatzza.  The goal is literally to overeat.  To eat more than I feel I should.  I don't care what others do, in my mind and body, this is the fastest way to get my body to kick down it's hunger and to ensure I stay on the fasting schedule.  Trying to diet within the diet, at first, is a guaranteed failure.  Well... on to it then.  There are definitely good and bad parts to this side of the plan.  Later.

First!

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Oh, right... my blog.  Go figure.  You either get that, perhaps have done it, or not.  I won't trouble your weary head with information that just won't make sense or mean anything even if I took the time to explain it in an excruciatingly detailed manner so that you would at least entertain the notion, if not see any point to it.  Give or take.  Hmm?

A good sleep, just not as much as I would have hoped.  Just about exactly at seven hours, I think.  Normally that is fine.  I just wondered if I hadn't taxed myself yesterday.  Then again, that isn't seeming to matter.  My body is figuring out how to jump that rail and run the track like it belongs there again.  And I don't seem out of sorts today.  Winding down, sure.  Last night my mind began to take note of the dark halls and blood memories in which it was... born... lived.  No, not insanity, just the price of a life hard lived, tragically loved, and finagled for it's absolute earthly value.  When living on the edge of extinction, even while fit as not just any fiddle but a Stradivarius, darkness surrounds.  I was born to die young.  God said no.  That was a reminder of that life then, and for a while even after my fall.  Old habits.  The ghosts remain, and when I dig, or they do... or is it me who is the ghost?  Well, whatever.  There we were and this morning here I am.  Back with the living, regardless of my condition.

Yes, I mean, a good sleep.  Resting enough.  My feet are doing better.  Powdered well.  Oh that stuff helps.  My feet are on the mend.  As well, with the gloves, and being in town, I purchased aloe vera gel.  It said 100%, but later upon reading the label, it has a lot of stuff in it.  Whatever, at this point.  I slathered it on my hands, donning cotton gloves, and went to bed.  I added more this morning, and will continue with the gloves for a while.  The hands are rather burned.  I don't know if this is the best course.  Being that I don't have access to medical, am just using the doc as a bureaucratic put, it is what I have.  It will either do or... it won't.  Time and care, and maybe this.  At least I can still type with the gloves on.  A little slower, but not that much.

Today?  Right...  I need to find a small box for one of the returns.  I also need to call E.B. again.  The woman who kept putting me on an interminable hold was the only one answering the phone yesterday, after reaching the first operator who... attempted to help.  Do they only have two employees, then only one after some point?  An angry black woman who really didn't sound like she wanted to talk to anybody.  Hopefully, if I can reach someone who can help, I can get that packaged up as well.  Then?  Ah, finishing the dishes, on to boxes, a small load or two of laundry, and dinner later.  I am back to intermittent fasting, but just day to day for now.  Next Monday, if all is going well, I will add in a three day fast... just once a week at first.  If that goes well, maybe make it back to back.  I don't know.

Tomorrow or Friday I will get the packages loaded up, along with the broken down boxes, and make a run for it.  Looking for a couple of cards to send as well.  And, if the boxes are gone by then, I'll put the new kitchen cart together and get it rigged for business.  I do have another shelf for in there coming as well.  Organization makes life a lot easier.  But it seems to be murder difficult to get that lined up.  More spaces, more shelves, this, that, and the other.  If you can get ahead of it, you just might be golden.  The other trick is the spaces have to be convenient for you.  I have many spaces that are too low for me to effectively use.  They are better for large items, but not heavy items.  And there is much wasted space because I just can't easily get to it.  Most women can't employ the high spaces.  For even with a step-stool, it's a scary area for them.  Gravity for them, knee pain and back pain for me.

Well.  Enough.  Just figuring out, mapping out, life for the next bit.  As much a prayer in hope as a plan.  Isn't that the way of it, in truth, anyway?  Not a complaint, just a simple understanding.  Good morning and day.

Loving some is difficult.

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Even those one wishes to love.  Sometimes the weight of their sins, sometimes the weight of their bodies, sometimes the insubstantial nature of who they are from time to time?  Perhaps.

Not a chance.

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Yeah, that was way to much.  I did very well.  After washing the dishes (which still have yet to be put in for a rinse, just got back, had to push to make the post, then... I was off and running, so...), I got the needed and wanted shower.  While dressing and a bit of air drying, I got a return order going for an item, then called to check on another.  All was sat, save the second return order was not delivered by email.  Somehow I saw that coming.  Just... you can almost sense when you are dealing with someone who isn't on the hook, at all.  Probably screwed up my email address in their system while she was at it.  You... or at least I... can just sense it.  Yeah, I'll call after this post.  Then to the post office to pick up mail and packages.  I suspect more are on the way.  Then to the store, and the doctor office.  Finally I did pick up the lamb... checked about a second lamb and got a time to order that and prime rib for Christmas, if that's the way things go.

A package of chops are thawing.  Four to a package.  But, remember, these are fairly small.  Not a problem, just don't confuse them with pork chops.  They are often called lamb lollipops, or proteinpops for a reason.  Still, I can't wait to try them.  I happened to get yogurt.  If I have fresh enough mint, I might, later this week, pull out stew meat, marinate that in mint and thyme and yogurt.  I could use kefir.  I am just not sure kefir will give it a smooth taste... or more texture?  In an odd way, yes, I think yogurt will give it a... smoother texture.  Just betting, from what I have eaten and explored.

Yeah, that was a bit much.  It had to be done.  And I am not through.  I still have to call about that one return label, and then tomorrow I have to return the items... figuring out how to package them.  Anything else?  Aye... a bit more shopping.  I did find an italian spice blend, just not some of the individual spices I like.  And I would like to get fresh mint and... tarragon...  That also does quite well with lamb.  I think?  Fennel seed as well, though I'd like to crack that (brown it in a cast item for just long enough to release the oils... good with pepper too).  I'd also like to find white peppercorns.  That I would pay for, as I'm not sure you can find it preground, and white disappears into yogurt where black looks like a bug got ground into the meal.  Bleh.

I should be able to stay up the rest of the day, make it a complete new day for the second day of the week.  Sure.  No, I won't get to boxes.  Yes, I will get the dishes to a rinse soak, and maybe finish them?  And yes, I will also call about the return label.  *sigh*  On the good side, at least it isn't always just me.  I don't hate her, she sounded tired.  Who knows what is happening in her life.  Maybe just... life.  Can do that.  No sweat, since I caught it and caught it.  *wink*  Later.

Started.

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It was slow getting going.  Then it just hit.  I knocked out the first set of dishes, which is all save three pieces which are still being used, sort of.  Now, after a shower, I'll set them to a simple rinse.  When you keep up on dishes, they don't get too... uhrm... tangy!  There was one that was a bit tangy, but for good reason.  A coffee cup I repurposed as a soup liquids dipper.  The holey spoon I was using was great for dipping out beans and other solids, not so good for liquid.  And, I have learned that, if soup is done correctly, I actually do enjoy the liquid.  No need for saltines in soup, homemade soup anyway.  Or at least not mine.  It wasn't even a stew, mostly... just beans, lentils, ham, sausage, and... I think that was it?  Well, water... bean juice... somesuch.  What is the water in soup called?  Stock?  I'll have to see if there is consensus, historic norms, or... even regional norms for the terminology of soup liquid.

Huh?  I don't know.  Oh, yes, blathering for sure.

After a short break, on to the shower.  I am hoping to get that in, and be dressed and out in time to make it to the post.  Then to pick up lamb?  Perhaps then to the store?  No, to the post, then the store.  The butcher shop will be closed by the time I get there.  Two stores, but minor shopping.  Milk, cream, thyme, and some other spices, cabbage to attempt something simple other than meatzza (!!!).  Yeah.  I like meatzza.  Oh, and a head of cauliflower.  I would sure like to mess with that.  Even just having a potato substitute as a side dish with meatzza!!!  Though it would be fun to see if I can make a grilled baked cauliflower cheese (and maybe ham) sandwich.  Yeah.  Steam it, split it out, then work various things with it this week.  Probably just daily fasting until I get my legs back off the ground.  Yes, off.  In the clouds, dontcha know?  Just not currently because my fly juice has gone to my feet.

Then, on the way back, pick up the lamb.  Oh my.  What a wonderful little life.  Now, I don't know if I will make it to two stores, but I really would like more foot powder.  That sure helps with the itch.  My feet are doing better, but it's back and forth as I spend too much time on my feet and doing, then have to back off... when I finally can.  Ugh.  The Lord knows I do my utmost to do my utmost.  Fail.  Mentioned.  But the effort, will to it, and will to please Him, is in it and all things I do.  Even my life is precious as all life really is.  Doesn't mean all life or all souls will be spared.  Choices.  Still, I do.  And pray, and hope.  Ugh.

Good morning and day, again?  Probably.  Definitely if you count... yeah, blathering again.  Later.

Dinner and a movie.

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While night and day are shifting, back into alignment, and I am easing my way back to enough health to again attempt to tackle things, good food and small bits of entertainment are being enjoyed.  The last of the cassoulet was consumed, as well as the last three pieces of chicken confit.  More chicken pieces are thawing, and fats are being brought up to room temp, in prep for another round of those.  Now that I understand things a bit better, I won't be in such a hurry to eat the confit.  Sometimes a piece will be eaten as a side, doubled as a main, dish, or broken apart and added to something.

The movie was one recommended by a visitor.  A movie I had been dithering whether to watch.  It was a rather well done horror, as they go.  There were a few things I didn't quite get.  Sometimes I am in better shape to view, make connections, understand.  Last night was not the best of those times.  And... there just seemed something off.  Sound didn't come through all that well.  There are some ideas I have explored on my own.  Truths, I believe.  Among them the notion that there is something that is not God, 'God, or such... as logic would have it.  Anti-God.  In the beginning, God simply existed.  Then He separated what was God from what was not God.  What happened to this which is not God?  It corrupted Lucifer.  This not God is more like an unholy Spirit.  Lucifer, while he could take form, was actually of spirit.  His son will be of flesh.  It is the unholy trinity, not equal, and only an attempt at opposite.  Wanting to be, actually being, but wanting it's will to be dominant.  But it can't be.  It's just one of those things.  Of course, there was a lot of secular thought in there.  Not sure... I think I missed some things.  Usually I don't zone out like I did last night.  Well, and the sound seemed weak, or just wouldn't connect.

Oh, as to an analysis?  Incomplete.  However, I would, generally, recommend it for those into the occult.  Just watch it.  Horror films are notorious for attacking Catholicism and raising secularism as the true hero to mankind.  I guess Catholics have academia stapled to it's ass the way Judaism has islam stapled to it's ass.  Filthy rude disbelieving and none to bright, but sorts of kin.  Hmm?  Shut up.

I am going to try to hit the dishes.  Then a shower and a portion of the boxes.  Finally I will look for some paperwork and consider a call or three and maybe some other business.  Bleh.  I'm still sort of out of sorts.  Every year, each death, and just because sometimes, it all gets a bit confusing, even if I am succeeding.  I don't have to understand to do, I just have to... do.  So I'll do until I can't.  Good morning and day.

Such strange notions.

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Various things, the onset of the cold seasons, a great loss.  Things to do, seemingly too many things to do.  Everything a concern, and yet no great worries.  I am living in a bit of a mess.  I'll have to figure things out shortly.  Like... tonight, for some things, to be dealt with tomorrow.

A paper to the doc, picking up lamb meat, paying some bills.  Wait, can't pay the bills unless/until the doc paperwork goes through.  Messy.  Too much.  I am hoping to do chicken stock this week, and make more chicken confit.  Perhaps early next month I will purchase duck fat, pull one of my ducks, skin it... reserving that for a terrine, meat it out for duck confit, after ordering enough duck fat to produce a true duck confit.  I am curious if that is worth the cost and hassle.  My guess is it is no better.  It is simply what the French had and chose to have more than better or worse.

If I can do the chicken stock this week, next week will be focused on cleaning more in the house, prepping for fall and winter, and getting back fully on my diet and fasting.  I thought that would be started already, it just hasn't.  There is one last dose of the soup.  I will have that, then sort of work back toward my regular high fat low carb keto, then get fasting going.  It's sort of like jumping rope.  You don't just jump in, especially with girls running the rope.  I decided girls didn't like boys, then I realized they really really hated other girls, then I learned they dislike themselves even more than others?  Damned New Yorkers!  Anyway, so, I will have to get in on at as I see advisable.  Still, I should be back to it tomorrow or the next day.  Meatzza!  Oh, and chicken confit.  Man is that good stuff.  With a slice of meatzza and a piece or two of confit with greens, I think I can eat much less all told.  The richness fills you well and quickly.  Add a dose of milk, maybe some nuts or rarely fruits or some veggie, alternating between those per meal period, and... yeah.

Actually, chicken confit is so easy I may just pull out some to thaw and get that going tomorrow.  It makes an extra dish so easy.  Just dig out a piece, or two... thank you Loretta, and crisp them however you like.  Pan or oven, all is good I do believe.  Already cooked, just need the skin crisped and it heated well.  Yeah... I think so.  This time it will be thighs.  I like hindquarter sections, but they only sell them in drummies or thighs, not together anymore... annoying.  I suppose, from now on, I will thaw a pack of each and cook them together, stacking them in sets in the fat.  Still, would be much better to have the whole hindquarter all in one piece.  Then again, might start going for the whole chicken, saving some parts for stock.  The breast, carcass, and whatever else I don't like.  Save the wings for, perhaps, their own confit dish?  Sure!

I feel awful, in some ways.  Off balance.  I was feeling that way before the bad news.  That simply added gravity to the sense of being off-kilter, confused, and off track.  Prayer.  Extra prayer.  I won't say it always helps, I won't say it doesn't.  Either way I am comfortable asking God how to proceed and what I can do for Him even in this state.  He doesn't always say, thought often enough I end up right were I need to be to do what I need to do... even if it is a silly thing like making a food.  Oblations.  And action.  Who knows.  Once in a while I even end up feeding someone.

Later.

Awake, though I don't think I can stay that way.

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I had hoped to wake and get going with some things.  I set the alarm, headed for a long nap, and woke before the alarm.  But that isn't going to work.  Too many days off too much, and the temps are dropping, the sun is shining less and less, and cloudy days are soon to arrive.  The gears are grinding toward fall, then winter, on top of my pushing and pulling.  I think I can continue to do so, it's just, some days, I'll have to sleep longer, more, even a bit too much.  No problems, just the facts.

Another title might be, "Saw shadow, ran and hid".

Yeah, back to bed.  Good night, again.  And good day.

Lost a cousin.

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I am not sure how, that is being determined.  Thankfully it wasn't as it might have been.  I have lost many cousins the wrong ways.  She was a favorite when I was younger.  When we met we still had a special bond.  She was one of those cousins who was a temptation.  Into prayers.  Before I knew even this bit more, just knowing she had died, I prayed... that my fears not be the whole of it.  Some prayers are answered.

If I had a way back I would go back.  There have been others, as well.  This one is the strongest.  I simply cannot get back.  Prayers, phone calls, a card, maybe flowers, will have to do.  Her mother is a favored aunt as well.  She has lost two of her daughters, of four children, now.

It is good to know that she died, mostly, naturally.  It evens seems that it was quick, and only mildly disturbing.  I am probably in the vast minority, in truth, wanting to suffer before death.  To know and grasp life, even as it passes.  I don't wish my desire on any others.  Now, mind you, I am not a masochist, I merely want to know, see, feel, as life passes, so as to celebrate life and prepare to let go.  I've lost life before, but more like on a slide, having no grip or understanding.  I didn't like that.  Anyway, it sounds as if she was here, knew something was off, then was gone.  I will keep her in my prayers and thoughts, as well as the rest of the family.

Oh, well, there are good things too.

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One of my favorites?  Actually a woman?  Yeah.  Always right?  Probably not.  Did she just do her best though?  No.  She made it right, in living and efforts, even when it no longer made a lick of sense to her own brain.  It's like her spirit knew, though.  She was lead.  She followed.  And, on this one, I believe it is right to call her a saint.  What is better?  She is wholly rejected by the left, if that really boils down to her belief in life and her faith in spite, sometimes, of herself.

She knew suffering, personally and among those she served and with whom she worked.  She fully admitted not always understanding.  She suggested for many years she lost a connection to why to serve, or who her Lord was, or as I gather things.  These things I know, if no longer anywhere nearly as well as she knew them.  If I have been far farther from the path than she could ever have known, and more lost than any alive probably understands, for decades.  If she is in a totally different class, a more rarefied one, purer, thus more beset by evil.  She put these things into her service.  Not a simple plan to follow, but the only one that will get you where you really want to go.  Even the damned want heaven, for what little want alone will get one.  Yes, yes, I... leave these things in God's hands, for I have failed.

Suffering isn't a thing to be avoided.  To my way of thinking, the song from a recent post, about being addicted to pain?  That isn't as direct as it seems.  Someone who is addicted to drugs is addicted to the pain of trying to escape pain.  Some do it with drugs, others with sex, others with porn, and yet others with intellectual, philosophical, psychological games.  Facing true suffering with courage is a maturity.  Some days I am weak to it, facing pure physical pain often, and yet I have learned to live and move through it, or simply endure it.  No longer seeking a way out of it.  Handing it in, as with my blindness, to God.  If He won't fix these things now, I believe they will serve as a duty.  The worst of pains is the avoidance of pain.  Because pain will find you everywhere in life.  Only in death can you truly escape it.  Meaning, especially for the desperate, suicide of one form or another.  Though, if you are a true human, you cannot die.  Yeah... avoiding pain will lead to eternal tortures.

Hmm?  Oh... well...  I think this is positive.  A warning, but also remembering one who suffered for life, even when she didn't understand, and is truly hated by this world for that.  A saint without a doubt.  Amen.

Mostly a day of rest.

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Dinner, or breakfast, or midrats... was served.  The odor disappears when the dish cools.  Actually, even when reheated, the scent is nothing like that first bake.  But the scent is still alive in the tasting, somehow.

Why stinky cheese?  Many reasons.  In tradition, it had more to do with storing milk in such a manner as to avoid starvation.  Without refrigeration, canning, and other techniques, plus poor hygiene... well...  No singular cheese satisfied, not all cheeses could be stored short or long, and there was no universality... each area, perhaps each season, and by needs as well as wants, lead to various methods.  More?  With the molds initially most likely being wild, even getting the same thing from the same process was unlikely.

How many died eating a cheese that was bad, before it was understood?  How many cheeses for various lengths of use could still be found as unique?  Why eat cheeses that are seemingly foul?  I don't think I can answer the first two.  As for the final question, I can only answer for myself.  The reason to each stinky cheese is, because, if your palate is mature enough, seasoned enough, to get beyond the odor, the texture and taste is unique, complex, and refined.  More, it means you can enjoy foods that others cannot, giving you one more opportunity to survive in a world of desperate want.  None in this nation has known true hunger.  Our poor are fat.  This is so much of an anomaly to human history that...  To see it wasted on people who complain about everything.   And worse, to be one of those at times...

Being able to eat umami, in it's most complex forms, was a gift to the poor which kings learned to hold to themselves.  It meant life, even more than just survival, at times.  Only middle-weight wealthy eschew such.  In time, however, if the middle continues to demand only fresh, new, and best, they will end up falling, for the most part, and becoming the new poor.  Only a few rise to oppressive wealth in such situations.  Educate themselves beyond the will to breed, and face the consequences?  Aye.  Much has gone wrong.  The price is coming due.  I will eat my cheese, and learn umami, so as to ride out what of it I may.  Oh... I played my part.

I did see one of the most wonderful horror movies I have seen in a very long time.  Not much gore, if any really.  Not a single jump-scare, not to my way of reacting.  An H.P. Lovecraft modernization.  I have tried to like his stuff.  It usually escapes me.  It seems, too often, to be a blend of documentary of pseudo-history (the story) mixed with a first person sort of diary.  I just, while trying to read, I... *zzz*  However, in at least this movie, it fit perfectly.  And the acting was rather tight.  I really enjoyed it.  Ah, the name, The Thing at the Doorstep (free if you have amazon prime).  Pure... say... Poe like horror... only with a lot less blood, actually.  Wonderful.  I don't mind blood, in some, if it fits.  I don't need to see extremes, though if somewhat needed, then do those correctly.  Poor horror is trash.

If I am up to it, I may hit some dishes, then laundry, then a shower.  Cleaning the kitchen while dealing with dishes.  I have been staying up on the kitchen, mostly, so that won't be a huge issue.  Then, maybe, boxes.  Trash and recycling are in the bins, if those need to be taken to the curb.  Yeah.  We'll see.  Good early morning.

Love that sleep.

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Well needed, it was, and put to full use.  By timestamps it may look like twelve hours, but it wasn't close.  I don't believe I went right to bed and I didn't just wake.  I forgot to see how accurate the timestamp is with my time that once.  Though that doesn't matter so long as it is precise with regards to itself... meaning the time at any given time is accurately distanced from other times it has conveyed?  Maybe!  I did get eight to ten hours in, if more to the middle or lean side of that.

A new week?  Well.  That means business.  And fasting.  I actually put up more like two thirds of the cheese dish and will put up most of the ham and bean soup.  So, after I finish off what remains of the cheese dish today, that isn't frozen, I'll begin fasting tomorrow.  Just, after supper tonight, I won't eat until tomorrow.  Then back to the three day by one day fasting, and more strict keto.

As well, back to working on the cave.  I should be able to get dishes and the kitchen back in shape tonight... probably.  Perhaps even break boxes down and have them ready to go.  If I am doing well with those things, I may attempt a couple more small loads of laundry.  Smaller loads seem to work so much better.  Otherwise I simply become swamped in laundry and give up.  For me, four shirts, pants, underwear, several bath towels and whatever wash clothes and kitchen towels might work.  Then... stop right there.  More is just too much.

When the kitchen is back to specs, and the boxes are torn down, then I'll put the kitchen cart together, finish constructing my new desk, and begin figuring out how to move to it.  Bleh, that will be a lot of work.  A lot of clearing and cleaning will take place.  Much needed work, of course.  I had hoped to hit the bedroom first, but... I want this done.  Then, it is hoped, I will hit the bedroom.

The welder's gloves did arrive.  They are fantastic.  I actually also bought a welder's mask, with a flip-up lid.  I have no patients regarding getting in there.  Besides, when baking, sometimes you just need to check.  On some things, which are temp sensitive as to whether they will work, you have to work quickly... can't allow heat to just fall out.  This will keep my face from cooking.  My hands are improving, if I have pushed things a bit with this last set of cooking events and hurt the burned right thumb and left index finger.  Gloves will have to become a habit, habits simply aren't automatic.  I hope the aloe vera arrives tomorrow.  I think that will work where olive oil and other treatments have been failing.  Oh, and I really have to wear gloves when washing dishes.  There may come a time where my hands are in better shape, and I can slide once in a while.  But, as with my feet, that may be a while off.

Hmm?  Don't know much else.  I best get to something, or just to waking.  Good evening.

Naptime, again.

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I have most dishes, pots, pans, and whatever else soaking.  I have what of the meal is to be frozen freezing.  The bean soup will just have to wait until I wake.  I'll need to wash the 32 ounce containers.  If, from now on, I do believe I will wash them a few at a time, more as needed plus a few extra.  No rush, this time, so I won't.  Perhaps it wasn't a marathon, and even if it was I didn't win a thing.  That was never the point.

I learned how to make several varieties of creme fraiche, I learned how to make confit... doesn't matter what kind as it all goes the same way.  Though, I must admit to wanting to get enough duck fat and hindquarters to do true duck confit.  Maybe just once in my life, but... there it is.  I learned about washed rind cheeses, and the limits of my capacity for new foods has definitely be expanded... or brought back up to a previous expansion?  When you die hard enough to lose memory you lose some precious parts of yourself.  It would be as losing a physical part, perhaps in ways worse, in ways better.  Anyway... I know for sure I like such.

Oh, and my kitchen is pretty good.  Did I mention I sharpened three kitchen knives last night?  Yep.  I sort of ran out of interest after that.  They seem good.  I'll have to see how well they do while cooking and doing prep.  I'm not sure I got them just so, if I think they are better than they were and not bad.  Cutting paper proves nothing.  These will all do that, though might have been able to do so before... if a bit more roughly.  If I don't like how well they are doing, I may practice on them again.  If they do well, I'll move on to other knives.

Oh, right.  Naptime indeed.  Good day.

Ferocious raised to the i?

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Maybe not quite that, but three times as potent?  Yeah, by odor.  After making it through the initial horror, however, I didn't do more than flinch and become a bit... passive?  Yes, I became a bit passive in the face of the odor.  It had been, mostly, like a gym room.  After baking for an half hour it was more like an open latrine in full summer glory.  Well, mostly.  It was frightening.  And yet, as I mentioned, I had already climbed over that horse and was well into the saddle.  I wasn't going to be dumped now.

Good?  It took a bit to figure that out.  Just, you really do have to, after climbing in that saddle and going for broke, then pull your tastebuds over the saddle with you, while trying to keep your seat.  After a few attempts, I could finally taste again, not just smell.  And, yes.  It was delicious.  The melding of spices, meats, fats, beans, cheeses, and...  Oh, yes.  This was absolutely fantastic, and more really.  I just don't have a right word for it yet.  Not off the top of my tongue anyway.  I think the odor sets you up for a fall into cuisine heaven... if you can get through it.

I had thought to offer some to the neighbor.  Beforehand.  I don't think so.  As a, at one time, very normal eater, if I entered a home, even of my best friend, and he offered me a bowl of this, I might actually be offended.  The smell.  To the regular American, this... what about open latrine in full summer glory is confusing?  Although... I am pretty sure this is very close to what I had when I visited France.  I don't think the cheese was this ferocious, though it might have been.  I was no less fearless then, about food, or women.  Probably less so then.

Even so, if I didn't know everything that was in this, that everything was clean, that I as the cook was clean, that the ingredients were fresh... I would think someone grabbed bilge water, rotten meat, and who knows what else, and was trying to poison me.  I can only guess, if it was similar that time in France, wine, and maybe a woman, helped me see through it.  I liked local, back then... food, women, whatever.  Who knew that would become a fad?  Anyway.

Stuffed.  I had a reasonable but timid portion to start.  Then I loaded up with almost more than my French soup bowl would hold.  Rude, true.  But I am at home, I have spent days on this, and it is truly delicious.

Beside the main meal, there were too many beans.  The ham was thawed, and there was extra... everything, including bean juice.  I didn't want to dig out more confit though.  So, I have bean and ham cooking, to use up most of the remnants!  There weren't that many beans, compared to the other portions, so I added three cups of lentils.  I have an extra sausage, though, just for it's own small course, and the confit, which will be used slowly over the next week or two, being replaced as I finish it.  And the soup, which, when done, and cooled, will be stowed in 32 ounce containers and frozen.  I suspect the cassoulet, Doom's version, will end up being separated into 16 ounce containers and frozen as well.  What remains of it.  I am not sure if it will freeze well.  Will find out.  I am going to keep about half of it out for my dining pleasure this next week though.  Oh yeah.

Now how is that for an effort?  I had to clear and clean most of my kitchen, to include most of my dishes, just to get in to get to that.  Ah, but... yeah.  I learned many things with that single "one dish" meal.  Including that a one dish meal can take more pots and pans than what even I have, and more utensils and the rest than I would have imagined.  I would offer you some, I just don't think you have the... stomach for it.  Still... my door is your stinky cheese casserole portal.  All I have to drink is tea, coffee, and crystal light, so if you want elsewise, byob.  *wink*

Ferocious!

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The cheese, that is.  When I pulled it out to cut it, I sniffed.  Yeah, you can smell it.  Then I cut through the covering.  Then it was stronger.  I think I went through two more layers until, finally, I got a more direct sniff.  At first, just out of reaction, I though maybe I had gone beyond my depth.  It had been chilled, or it would be worse.  And, yet, I have gone this far.  At least a taste, I thought.  You know?  Not bad.  Being a freshman in the cheese department means my tastes aren't mature.  Even so, I can see how, over time, this could go from just being good to being a requirement in life.  Not ever day, or every week, but monthly would be wonderful.  In a dish, as a side, or even matched with something, such as fresh fruit.  I would love to do a cheese a week.  I simply can't find the good stuff in small enough portions.  No local cheesemongers.  Purchases start at about 7.5 ounces and go up to as much as 5 pounds.  Further, the shipping will get you more than the cheese.  Ah, well, once in a great while, but all in a rush.

I quartered the small round and... oh, almost forgot the creme fraiche.  I smeared that around, and tasted the remnants on the utensil.  I'm telling you, this is some fine food.  Yes, I checked the beans.  All else was sure.  I then placed the cheese parts, though went through several variation on how to place it.  Being round, I thought of a... squared circle, but that really didn't look right.  I ended up having their flats face counterclockwise, with their half-moon ends at the center and as close to the edge of the pan as possible.  I simply have to wait, checking on it from time to time... like... now.

Oh, by the way, I was quite easily able to eat the rind with the uncooked portions.  I was curious.  Other than some slight texture, I didn't really sense anything else.  So, yeah.  At least for me, I won't worry about the rind.  *munch*  Later.

Okay, well, yeah.

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It sure is a lot more work than it seemed.  And it seemed like a lot of work to start.  Which... is why you don't even make a meal like this weekly, even monthly.  Not even chefs do this, if you truly understand things.  They make things ahead, in bulk, freeze if possible or refrigerate, then what has to be fresh, heating, and assembly is what is left.  No, not a small task.  Less so given that few if any restaurants have only one or even several courses available.  As well, a chef has many employees quite often, plus wait staff and others who, if the show really must go on and they are short, can be put to work.

Amazing though.  Everything that needs to be fried or sauteed or... else... has been done.  At this point, the beans, bacon, some of the juices, bones, and the a cup or two of stock plus other water is coming to a boil.  Nibbles?  Well, NO!  I have had to taste things, to make sure... several times... to be extra sure.  Professional duty.  Though, now, I am hungry.  I should have something...  Hmm?  I have more sausage than I will need.  And I cook sausage done done, regardless of what else I may do with it.  Pork to and Iowan must be done, done, through, and over.  Hmm... yeah... one of those would be good.  Two would be better.  Too rich to have more.  Mustard?  Yep.  The benefits of being a chef... or cook.  We'll see.

I know, when in France, I ate this or something like it.  Not just once.  My memory seems to shift, but I am certain I had this there, probably several times.  I have dreamed of this.  I may even, when in Germany, have tried this there.  When you taste something that absolutely blows your mind, you begin wanting to try it in other ways and places.  Or... I do, did, still do.  I don't have wine, this time.  But if it doesn't quite work, I may search for a wine that is common to use in this dish, try it first as a drink... to know it's flavor, profile, what it might add, and then do that.  I won't be looking for a drinking wine, just a cooking wine, probably just for this dish.  Store a case of it for possibly yearly revisits for the next several years... if this doesn't work.

Ah, the nice thing is, I will be putting everything back right into the pan in which I cooked everything but the beans.  Oh, yeah, I think that will be quite good.  While I did set the pan aside, I will be putting it back to heat before too long, in order to deglaze with white wine vinegar.  Yeah.  It isn't this, or that, or the other thing, that makes some foods good.  It is the layers upon layers of flavor additives and flavor boosting techniques.  Could skip one, sometimes will, simply by accident or incident.  But not this one, not this time.

Yes, yes, the stones are soaking, should be ready when the beans hit a boil.  I have three knives out, and the bucket of stones and towels set.  A workstation.  Three different sized knives, two with a Japanese angle, one a European style blade.  Yes, yes, I know the angle difference.  If hitting that angle is a bit or a trick.  We'll see.  Be back when... probably when it is completed and I can give a report.  Perhaps.  Later.

Yes, yes, I'm working.

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I woke a good number of hours ago.  The nap was rather long, as well as needed.  I did a few normal waking events, then was going to blog right after setting the bacon and then onions to go.  My barely awake mind did not realize the conflict.  You CAN'T fry things, in a high heat way, AND get on to blogging.  Do one, or the other, both can't be done simultaneously.

So... I started on the bacon.  Diced, but in such a way that shrinkage wouldn't cause them to become just background... stuff.  Then onion slices.  While one is doing this and that in prep for this and that, and has much to do, or at least in my experience, and with some things, there isn't a good stopping point.  So, while needing to be out there anyway, I got to boning the pork chop and dicing that meat for frying, getting the packages of sausage out... just to have product placement as they don't need any prep work, and then removing four pieces of chicken from the fat... then heating some of the fat, pouring it back in, so as to seal the chicken exposed but not used.  There was more fat than needed, which had been removed.  The extra went back into the less full tub.  Yeah.  That really is a lot of work.  But this isn't dinner, it is a feast meal.

After that, the pork bits were fried, almost over done.  I just hope they do well in the bean stew.  They are delicious, so perhaps.  Then on to getting the frying pan ready to cook the sausages.  While doing these things, I have been using the extra fats to clean various cast iron pans and such.  When I am done, I will save some fats to clean and season/reseason a few last cast pieces.  Yeah...  I really am enjoying this.  I also, in there somewhere, parted the chicken confit from bone and skin, setting the skin aside for a fat medley and tossing the bones in with the beans, which will go on after the sausages are finished and the skin, pork fat, and butter has been rendered to a golden trio of deathly deliciousness (if you believe doctors... a fool if you do).

Getting closer.  Oh, I do believe I will set my wet stones to soak.  I would like, while out there watching the beans ever so closely while they cook, like to sharpen knives and maybe a couple of straight razors.  I am hoping practice will make perfect.  I will start with the kitchen knives.  Those can have minor flaws... I have little skin in their use, so long as they are reasonably sharp.  I won't, actually, be making them reasonably sharp.  I'll be making them nasty wicked sharp, even if I don't get it just right.  So, it's not like I'm worried about the difference between pretty sharp and a bit dull...  These will cut when I am done, just perhaps not as well as a perfectly sharpened item.  Or, actually, just as well in reality, the only difference identified by tests that have nothing to do with kitchen cutting.  Still... it's never sharp enough.

Right.  The pan should be about ready to kick up the heat, time it down, then start the sausages.  Oh yeah, I'll get there.  Later.

Almost naptime.

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The dishes available have been set to soak, the last of the laundry has mostly been folded and put up, the last third remain.  I simply needed to sit for a bit.  The chicken was also put away, in fat, with the extra put into tubs for future use as well.  My efficiency will improve, but this was not bad for a first run.  Unfortunately one of the pieces of chicken just would not, could not, be put in the container.  I was unwilling to find another container, this one being so very close.  I sacrificed for the good of all the rest of the confit chicken and team, and bit into one more.  Only for the Gipper, boys and girls.  While I was draining the oil through a filter, I caught the garlic.  I had split a full head of garlic and dumped it all in.  I almost through it out, but not!  Just in time I thought to add it to the chicken that was browning.  Oh, my, fine save!  A few became nearly burned, quite dark, and yet... little bits o' heaven.

The chicken is up, the fats are up, all was cooled of course.  Dishes ready, just waiting for the bean pot most likely?  Or will I just store it in the pot after cooling?  Yeah, I'll see.  I need to cool the beans quickly after cooking, to keep them from finishing.  But I can put them back in for the final production scheme tomorrow.  I am not sure if there is enough beans for some to reserve for ham, though I believe I better pull out a number of ham steaks just in case.  Worst case scenario, I have ham and eggs sometime soon... often.  My nose knows no skin in these?  Nope!

Ribs are getting tender.  A lot of bending, sitting in this unsupported office chair, being an overstuffed ogre... all good.  I'll get over it.  It is incentive to lose weight and become more active.  I best get to the last of the laundry and then hit it for a bit.  Gotta admit, it's a good day and looking to be a better week.  Much to do, much done, the pain, confusion, and the rest is doable.  Good day.

While resting, plotting.

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I have a while to go before the chicken cools.  I suppose the last load of laundry is done, or will be soon.  Yeah, I'll do that right away.  Three loads down is fantastic.  As for dishes?  Those can wait until the beans are done.  Which... will be a goodly while.  Maybe even after all else, a nap, and yeah... a while.  Waiting is the worst part, really.  I'll survive.

As I mentioned, plotting.  What is my next big caper?  No, not that caper... nothing pickled about it.  I think?  Ah, right.  A terrine, or pate... mostly the same thing.  Yeah.  I have been thinking on these for... many years.  Fooling with such is perhaps not the most practical of things.  They have bitten more than a few, and not just to mild illness.  Though I think people would be absolutely amazed at how unclean some Europeans, hired help, and restaurant folks can be, more so in the past though it comes and goes.  Teaching cheap uneducated help, from third world countries, who know nothing about hygiene, to even wash their hands after using the facilities, is... difficult.  Don't even go there.  Before touching food, and after certain things, even as I am being cautious with water, I wash.  I just am very careful to dry well, and not wash when not needed.

Backing it off.

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With two loads of laundry washed, dried, folded, and put away, with one more in the dryer, I believe I am finished with that for today.  The chicken confit, the main part of the batch, is cooling in the fat.  Two drumsticks were baked for an half hour and are just cooling as well, themselves.  After the snack, I may watch a movie or read a bit.

I still must cook the beans, chopping then frying the bacon with onion slices to add to the beans.  As well, I need the chicken to be cool enough to remove the bones from the pieces I will be using in the dish.  I am not sure exactly how I will be storing the chicken, or what it will be stored in.  I am hoping for the smallest vessel possible, so as to reduce it's footprint in the refrigerator and so as to reserve more of the fat on the side... in [a] tub(s) also to be refrigerated.  So, just a bit more before I can even start with the beans, but not too far.  A couple of hours I hope, though... this is an experiment.  I have absolutely no idea how long any of this will, could, should, take.

Hmm... a small dose of sunflower seeds sounds good, too.  While I am feasting I will... feast!  Two drummies are but a tease, as any would know.  These might turn to be delectable ones?  By odor, yes.  Still, would be nice to have greens, of almost any kind, to plate with them.  Ah well, next time.  And there will be a next time.

Oh... timer clicked off and I didn't realize.  Time for my snack.  Later!

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Delicious?  I wouldn't call it that.  I am not sure there is quite a word to describe it.  Calling the most beautiful woman who ever impressed your eye "cute" would similarly fail.  Well, for most of you.  And, as to filling?  Surprisingly.  I thought I would be starving after.  Not even close.  I did have a spot more, if I think that is reasonable... the last of the plain yogurt sprinkled with a dose of sunflower seeds.  I've wanted to try this with pistachios, but those are so dear I just can't quite do it.  All nuts seem to have become insanely expensive.  I can't really afford them.  Sunflower, sort of.  Pistachios are right just in or out of my per pound for rare luxury items... if I don't count that half and probably more of the weight is shells.  *le sighe*  Oh, right... but that's the update, just in case you were curious.

I am sometimes amazed.

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In what seems the blink of an eye?  One load of laundry pulled and folded, another put to dry, and a third set to go; the fats liquefied, chicken patted fully dry, placed in the fats and then in the oven, adding a split full garlic bunch; coffee made and arranged, and a few other things.  By the way, that marinade of salt, pepper, thyme, and time was fantastic.  If I have ever been tempted to consume raw chicken, it would have been then.  Yeah.  I'm not even awake.  I haven't had tea, and just started on coffee.

I have a few items to wash, of course... somehow.  The damn things sneak up on you, like indians or white man.  How would I know?  I'm a breed, twice over.  That's how I know!  Damned sneaky, if I needed to be, probably.  It's in my genes, and other places I shouldn't discuss.  For now I believe I will just kick back a bit.  The chicken has between another hour and hour and an half to finish.  Then?  Then I'm going to cook a couple of them up.  I don't have any greens by which to cut the richness, but I'll survive.  I may end up using a lot of this quickly, given the recipe, that they are just (if very plump) drumsticks, and that I will be eating two right out.  If I like them, I may set out thighs and do another batch.  Yeah...  I'd like to experiment with these.  If I really like them, or only so so even, I may go with duck next time.  Or may anyway... or next next time?  Yeah.

I won't start the beans until the chicken is done and cooled.  I will be dicing the cured smoked pork to go in with the beans, and the bones both from my snack drummies and from the chicken confit I will be putting into the dish.  Hmm...  I should have thawed stock.  I have some I could add, if I would have to skip today's portion.  No problem.  I'm sort of eating enough as is so as to not worry.  This time I really need to stay right on top of the beans.  Actually, while it is coming up to a boil, and then until a simmer is reached, I will probably just sit out in the kitchen.  I've got books, reading exercises, and might even soak stones so as to make a stab at sharpening some of my knives, and straight razors.  Try try again!

A good morning, so far.  Even if it isn't morning here.  It is actually morning somewhere.  Britain, most likely, or as close as most major population centers.  Later.