Another regularizing day.

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I can't say things are perfect.  I can say I have waken at about 5:30 (actually 5:41 by my computer, which is off, but it's what I used because it's the first thing I see and it is the same thing each day) for a week?  Longer?  I have been doing bits and pieces each day, if not what I hope to do.  Yeah.  Well.  I am feeling mostly rested.  I am not in pain.  I am not too foggy.  Everything seems to be doing well.

Dreams last night.  Of childhood, of things that existed in those times, of how I thought.  While I was certainly a child compared with how I am now, I... never was a child.  I knew far too much.  It wasn't mechanical knowledge.  I could see into people then.  I thought so, but the dream... cemented that notion.  I could see sin.

Of course, what passes for sin today, often, is not sin.  Much of what is called sin isn't any such thing.  The ten commandments, plus the first two... 'go forth, prosper, and multiply', along with some others.  Some sins, or more prohibitions were eliminated... that of foods mostly... 'worry about what comes out of your mouth, not what goes in it'.  I use pairs of " ' " these when I paraphrase.  Many translations, not sure which you might be using.  There were other things, though... for example, long hair on a man is one thing that has been called an abomination.  Yeah, it's in there somewhere.  There are differences between prescriptions, proscriptions, and sin though too.  A question though... while Jesus predates the writer of the long hair thing, if Jesus had long hair, he would have known of it.  So... either Jesus didn't have long hair or the writer (or one who was quoted) thought that not all things Christ were good for all Christians?  It's homework, for you, I don't have an answer.  Not a trick question, just... a question.

See sin?  Aye.  Much as I see in the dark today.  I have mentioned it, put up music videos about it.  See.  Right into the heart of a man.  Right into my own heart.  The old riddle, 'Everyone has it, but no one can lose it'?  A shadow.  But that is more a story, for I was without shadow for the longest of time.  I was in the dark, of the dark, from the dark.  There are no shadows away from the light.  But sin?  That would be a better answer, at least in this place, in this time.  And see it I do.  And did, even as a child.  Grating.  Especially to have come to understand it was, and will be again, a time without sin... even in hell.  Not yet, here or in hell, but... soon enough.

Well, as I said, better.  And jibber jabber.  Dreams can really make me think.  Oh, and I am back to daily fasting.  Eating what I wish in a four hour block, the rest is for without food.  Daily fasting isn't even really that harsh.  I can eat enough potassium, if I keep greens, beans, and such on hand and in the queue.  A couple weeks of this, and medicines back to regular, and then I start on the two or three day fasting cycles.  Good day.

A regular morning.

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How long it will last is another question.  At about 5:30 I was awake and up.  To be honest, that is the perfect time to wake.  Not much traffic to disturb sleep, nothing expected quite yet, time to wake and make a grab at doing other things, time for planning or just some quietude.  If I can find my bible again, I might start reading from it, a bit each day.  A study guide would be good.  I'll look into a study guide.  Quit talking and do, right?  Right.

Today?  I don't know.  I didn't end up doing much else yesterday.  I am hoping to do some cleaning today.  Just a few loads of dishes.  If I do what I have planned, then maybe a load of laundry.  That is all I will schedule in or my mind will overload.  If I end up doing more, it won't be because I overscheduled.  I am in the sort of space where planning to much can kill everything.

I thawed meat as well.  I am setting up to have breakfast.  Steak, and maybe eggs.  I have cleaned the litter boxes and fed the girls already.  Keeping the litter boxes sorted is more important in winter than summer.  I can't just open up and air things out as easily or often.  Though, push come to shove, I can blast the furnace, open some windows, and turn on a fan for a bit.

A shower, maybe a bath, would be good today.  I may try epsom salt without anything else, if I bath.  My feet are getting better.  It's slow though.  It'll take those a long time to truly heal.  And it will require regular use of the water pill and compression socks.  Not absolutes, but pretty regular.  Being a form of chaos, I can't do absolute regularity and do well.  You'll just have to trust me on that.

I've salted the steaks, then I let them sit for an hour.  I had to work the cast pan a bit, but that is done and ready.  It wasn't too bad, or bad at all really.  It's just... that is how cast is.  It's fussy and takes a little work before, during, and after.  Sometimes more, sometimes less.  You know, cheese would go well with the eggs while I am at it.  Later.

Some things just don't fly.

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I have tried to watch vampire diaries, or whatever it is called.  It's a monster series, from a female perspective.  It is why feminism is doomed.  And, yes, all women are feminists.  The pretty ones just... find that male company is better than female solidarity, by far.  Even if they hate it, too, often enough.  Anyway, after bleeding manliness off the way one might bleed heat in the North Atlantic in winter, trying to watch the first two episodes, I have given up.  There is no monster story in there worth digging through that much estrogen to try to find.

I turned the heat up, but it's not helping.  I may turn it up a bit more.  The hope is to do some work in the cave today.  A few small batches of dishes, perhaps some laundry, maybe a little clean up in the kitchen, and just possibly setting up for food again.  I've been seriously off my feed.  Popcorn, a can of sardines, and that's been on heavy food days.  I also need to figure out medicine and get more regularly on it.  I have been on it, just sporadically.  As I begin to do better, getting more regular with that will help.  And getting on the last medicine, carvedilol, might help... after it hurts and I work through it.

I may start a game.  I simply cannot handle the series.  Not sure I want to start up X-Files.  Though, if the game falls through, I may just begin X-Files.

It is getting cool out there.  Later.

Now that was different.

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Several things seem off.  First?  My mother called to check on me.  She said she has tried to call me for the last three days.  I have received no messages and no trace of a call.  Further, the last time we spoke, she said my brother had called, and left messages.  Again, no messages were recorded, no trace of a call, or calls, was indicated.  I have been waking at about 5:30 the last week or more, and using my phone in the morning to play sudoku.  So...  No clue about that.  I wonder if Verizon employees are adamantly anti-Trump protest types, and are screwing with some people and our lines, redirecting, not connecting through, or hacking?  Or are other such types doing so?  All I know is that I am not receiving calls or messages, but can call out.  I need to get rid of this "smartphone" I do believe.

The reason for her call was also... unusual.  It has happened before, it is simply rare.  She wanted to know how to cook bok choy.  It seems that has become available... someone is growing it and offering it, but being "strange", few are taking it.  She dared, but didn't know, exactly how to deal with it.  And she remembered that I had cooked it for her before.  It is good to, even if only rarely, be of culinary assistance.  She taught me much of what I know, and has advised on a thousand and one recipes or techniques.  She has taken two or three helpers, a few bags of groceries, and fed armies.  She can go simple or rather fancy.  She might not know exotics, but anything on a local, regional, and probably national level, she can work with.  Bok choy, essentially, is a form of cabbage... to me.  Stir fry, perhaps even kraut, steam, and I would even consider making slaw with it.  All the cabbage sorts can be used as a pseudo raw noodle replacement, if that works better with some sauces than others.

It did snow, by the way.  If an inch and an half was had, most of it melted.  It started with a rain, which, I think, is why only the grass seems frosted.  The drive and road doesn't look iced.  Which... super.  I may, if I can, get out and attempt to pull some of the stems out to the roots, the ones which would not come up by raking/cutting with the flat-bladed shovel.  I got most of it.  I just ran out of energy after an half hour of tinkering, along with the rest of the day.

Another project, replacing the rear windshield wiper is proving difficult.  I checked at my usual maintenance shop to no success.  I have checked amazon, but... I just don't trust them.  I called autozone today, but they don't have anything listed.  I may have to call the dealership.  I would like to get an extra arm, if that may not be needed, and a couple of extra blades.  If it's proprietary, I hate having to wait, potentially, for delivery.

Yeah, I was up at 5:30 this morning.  Doing good, actually.  I have the furnace set to 66, it's frozen outside, and a t-shirt and unders are good enough.  Actually the girls want it warmer.  And I may turn it up to become a bit more active.  A shower and a call or three.  More business.  If that all works, then maybe more.  So much to do, so little time, so behind.  Good day.

I actually did do more.

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Business, so far, mostly.  I had packages to return, four of them.  Complicated, a bit.  Had to trick around to figure out what with which, but did so.  Then to find a box that was the right size per grouping.  A bit of packing helped.  Then in to town.  After that, I got the auto washed.  It may snow tonight or tomorrow.  As much as an inch and an half may land.  I have weed remnants in the drive!  I took out one line of them, may work on more.  That makes shoveling a serious chore.  I really need to get weed killer on that, and not just for this reason, next year.  Weeds will wreck a drive.  I probably ought to get a crew in to work on that, next chance I see... if I have the money.  Argh!

I did have pizza, as a reward.  Yes, yes, but it's been... a while... a long while... since I've had a treat night.  I might even sip a tipple or tres.  Bonne!  See what I did there?  I'll probably, in truth, only have one good nibble of Blanton's... a mild but true bourbon.  I told you I'd be trying bourbon.  Now, though, when I have a tipple every six weeks or so?  It's... just a tipple.  Maybe two.  It'll take me a year, maybe two, to drain that hooch.  That, my friends, is drinking.  I don't even actually catch a buzz.  It's for the taste, mostly.  There is minor blurring along the edges, only slightly more than what the end of the day normally brings.  Yes, a sip, or two, but no more.

I'll be finishing the Teen Wolf (?I think?) series tonight, then probably starting on another monster series.  There is a lot of suck in it.  It's a teen thing.  Oh, and they cram every queer type they can, and multi-culti, to brainfuck the kids.  Most kids, though, know better.  No amount of teaching really does change kids' minds.  They might get stuck in something stupid, but they know it's stupid.  I think the end of the like for that is on the horizon, and it has nothing to do with my gen, or those before.  Just common sense intersecting with reality.  I think the new series is diary of a vampire, and I expect it will be just as pussified with multiculti too.  I've only bought some of it.  If it's too much I will dump it.  I have X-Files, complete minus the new mini-series or movie or whatever most recently came out.  Pretty lefty, too.  But in the mostly white-ethno way.  Bleh.

Later.  Or good night.

Better, a bit.

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I did make it to the post office.  Packages, mail, just to get out.

Which meant a shower, dressing, and all.  It's been a long time.  I did get the trash out for Monday, so brought the bin back while at it.

I'd love to do more.  Not sure that will happen.  I did check blood sugar, it was 245.  But that is without fasting and without insulin.  Then again, on insulin, it was going up and beyond ~650-700... beyond my device's ability to measure.  So, if it's a choice between 245 w/o medicine, and that on medicine, I'll go without.  Still, fasting, when I can get back to it, should solve this.  Time... *tick-tock*

I have been doing bits and pieces in the kitchen.  First I hit the parts that were malodorous.  Dishes, pots, and such with experiments going on... the cat litter boxes, and trash.  I got most of it in one fell swoop, yet there is always more.  I got it from worst to tolerable though, and have been doing bits more as I can.  Life, even if you keep things clean, is a dirty project.  No matter how well you keep things clean... it smells.  I guess that is why women use so much perfumed products, from actual to deodorizers.  Then again, scent is more their area than ours, on top of it.

More and more to do.  I never get caught up.  I realize I never can get caught up.  To even get close, it takes someone who believes, and is willing to bet on it.  This is not our area.  Even with women, it's only some of them who have any interest in doing that.  I have some business to do.  After which, though, I may consider looking into cleaning services.  I honestly don't think I can afford them.  And I'm not sure I can trust them.  Still...  I figure, if I could get some of it, I could do some of it.  The incentive to do more, and the price of doing less, would be coin... if I can negotiate a reasonable situation.  Yeah.  Of course, there are some other things I really need done, so I have to be cautious about things.  Plumbing problems, a new floor in the kitchen, and maybe help or simply having someone in to redo the bathroom.  Bleh.

On to the day.  At least I am up and moving, mostly.  Good day.

Good good.

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Even if it is dark, I am waking early.  My clocks are still off.  It looks like I was up at about 5:30.  It's the perfect time to have a full day and make it through the day... if I can.

Yesterday I finally cooked again, after a rather long time out.  Food just wasn't tasting good, which didn't help.  Ham and beans, a rather large amount of it.  I'll tell you, that is some seriously good food.  And it gets everything working more quickly and easily.  It sure sounds busy out there, on the road.

I am hoping to get up, showered, and out, in time to hit the post office.  You would think, with this kind of a running start, that the goal could be guaranteed.  That's not how it works.  While I can and do get out of bed at some point in every single day, I don't always rise to even the level of function.  Getting out is one or two more stratas above that, even just to the post office.  It means showering, dressing, then going.  It isn't always just physical, it isn't just concentration, and even if those are both a check, there seems to be other sorts of problems.  A little help wouldn't be bad.  Having a woman around, or my mom when I lived with her, to a point, can help a lot.  Uhrm, if she wants to be helpful.  Though, to my great enticklement, even when a woman is being demotivational or attempting to hamper my will, that can help. *evil grins*  And is sexy.  Get it up!

Well, winter is coming.  I have the oil change and tire rotation completed.  I have a few more things I'd like to do.  Business and a bit of work.  I am doing bits more, but I am getting to things so slowly and weekly.  Ugh.  I'll keep at it.  Later.

Well, there is always that.

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I meant to make some changes on my blog.  I meant to get rid of the "writer", and just have the original operator.  Both are my identity.  I had simply thought having both my accounts have access would facilitate some things.  That didn't work out.  Anyway, when I disconnected an account, it was the wrong one.  Yeah.  On the good side, I didn't sever my connection.  I did have to figure out how to do some things a different way.  A way I don't like to do them, which was... why I was changing things.

It doesn't matter if you are tired or awake, doing good, or buys, or doing poorly... mistakes just happen.  Fine.  Now, to fix it won't be a great problem.  However, it will mean regaining access to an unused email address.  Of course, not only is it a weekend, it's a holiday weekend.  Yeah... Today, maybe?  Is it a four day?  I don't think so, but who knows.  I'll know shortly when I check to see if packages on the way have moved.

Oh, I did get the trash out, and do some work on some pots.  Ugh... I'm talking... science project level pots.  When you throw something out and you are pretty sure it's growling at you...  Yeah, well.  I really was down, and hard, for a bit.  I am hoping this is the week where I get back to things.

I think things are mellowing.

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Some of it was seasonal, some of it was medicine, some of it was politics.  Trying to figure out how to get away if she was elected, with what I feel I need... with the least loss.  Even now, figuring out how to get out, even if a bit more slowly, is... something of a trick.  Where to go, how to clear out, clean up, move out.  It's a lot to do.  And, of course, money.  I have to start living differently, right now.

I may not make it out.  It may not be possible.  Not where I wish to go.  Though, perhaps, somewhere.  Or not.  Still tending some thoughts.  It sort of depends, to, a bit, how Trump shapes up.  If he is just another typical Republican/Democrat wash, then... yeah.  He is merely stop-gap.  If he undoes Zero's darkcraft quickly, and begins swinging the bow around?

The wilds aren't all that comfortable.  They are dangerous.  Risks and other assessments must be made.  I would really like a visit to Alaska before making the move, but the time and money involved...  It's a heck of a thing just getting up there, with wheels, minus airplane.  I'm not even sure about getting through the Canadian border, or back through to the US, on the road.  Nasty in both directions, for different reasons, even if you have clean intentions.

Just... thinking.  Dreams, while I slept, reminded me of my intent.  Perhaps, even if it isn't my absolute desire, as with coming here, my dreams will push me.  Dreams?  Not just dreams.  It took, God I think, four or five years to shove me out here.  I don't think Alaska is a choice unless...  Not sure which is worse though, a wife or the wilderness... or if there is even a difference sometimes.  Different sides of the same thing, mother nature.

Time and a few things.

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It may not be as quickly as I had thought.  I will be ending my association with gab soon.  I'm not a good fit.  It has been "new".  It is addictive.  But it doesn't really add anything.  Socializing with complete strangers.  I suppose some sort of relationship is created.  Just as often someone who is ignorant, none too bright, or just a jerk, is on the other end.  Mocking, but as leftists do.  They never really do just say they don't like what you said or your music.  They actually do just the opposite.  It's difficult to tell what you are dealing with, probably ever.  Snark doesn't do well online.  No tells.

How much longer I will stay is sort of up in the air.  I'd like to wait for Trump's inauguration and first hundred days.  There is some good info, from time to time, there.  If too, there is a lot of junk-false news.  Or just the loony bin stuff.  I am so itching to leave.  It is just a matter of time.

Then, sometime... perhaps before, maybe after, I will end blogging.  I don't know if I should kill the blog, but I am thinking that is probably right.  Between youtube and blogger, the older posts, especially with music, are falling apart.  I really can't keep up on them.  Every once in a while, if I track a hit back, I'll try to fix a page.  But it's... too much work, and not always possible anyway.  Yeah, best to just take it down.  Probably.

I don't know that I'll be able to get to anything more.  Maybe.  The future will just have to be what it is, when it comes, as those things happen.  Yeah... I'm giving you fair warning.  The day is coming.

Good night, Mr. Leonard Cohen.

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Nothing I could say would properly express his life or the learning and joy I gained from it.  A few of my favored pieces.  How best to celebrate some special individuals?  With their own works.  Rest in peace.  A prayer for the resolve of your soul is in the works.

Wonderful.

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Wonderful headache.  Oh, and a bit of nausea.  Wonderfully messed up body.  Wonderfully missed appointment.  I think I can manage the headache.  It isn't a migraine, but is enough offputting I will attempt to treat it.

I changed my doctor appointment to today.  I was awake.  I knew it was coming.  I tracked the time, and... time blew right past it, with me in tow.  How do you drop two to three hours.  Well, it means I'm still doing poorly.  I used to drop weeks, so...  A few hours is what it is.  I just wish it hadn't been today.  Nothing to do but keep at it.  I won't bother making another appointment until I am clear of this psychic... and physical... muck.  Fog?  Fogue.

I'll just... I don't know.  I am hoping to break through before long... or settle in for a long winter of mostly sleeping.  I've been seriously off my feedbag as well.  Which is fine.  I have been meaning to fast, at least daily, for a while.  I am there, I think, or more.  Which also means I need to be getting the potassium in.  Ugh.  There is always something.

Just checking in.  I am just awake.  Days and nights might have shifted back aright, but with the winter darkening, it almost doesn't make a difference.  All good anyway.  Good day, and morning.

Hmm, so it is.

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I tried to stay up later yesterday, to see if Florida, at least, would get called.  I simply ran out of energy.  I left the machine on, so I could easily check if I woke, then go on back to bed hopefully.  I did wake.  Not having to fuss with getting the machine functioning, I hoped I could go back to sleep right away.  That simply didn't work out.  Everything was up in the air, but in a much more potentially positive manner than...

Look.  I didn't think he would win.  I wanted him to win.  I shilled for him, without compensation.  I took some hits for him.  And I hit at him.  It's my way.  Friend or foe, blows of some sort will happen.  Not always, as with Mr... president... Trump.  Testing the tires.  It is how my kind do.  I actually avoid physical, and have for some time, if that wasn't always, even so, my choice.  Sometimes one would step up to champion, sometimes my claims went unanswered.  I am simply not afraid of asking hard questions, serious questions, to me.

To my mind, even so, he held up well.  Not so all of his champions.  But, then... most people, not even men, should step up when I am at bat.  I don't play to be civil, I play for blood.  I mean to win, even if playing the devil's advocate.  If you want gentility, go to the lady's knit club.  Uhrm, or... not.  Depends on the bloody mood of the brood.  Go play softball with the girls.  They might play for blood, but they don't have that much to offer that way.  I'll make you legless, freefalling in gravity, then further slam you even faster on your way down, just to see if you can take it.  As I said, he did well, not so all his champions.  What a pussy world this has become, and that's many of the men.

So, I stayed up, and watched.  None of the sites offering information could be trusted, by me.  I was not going to open cookies for the NYTimes, or abccbscnbcnbccnn or any of them.  So I had to get what news I could from others, on gab.  Every station, to me including fox, seemed to be shilling for Hillary.  All night.  Even when they realized they had no chance, they still tried to push her way.  Last I heard they were trying to suggest she won the popular vote.  Which... I doubt.  Wonderful.  I had, days ago, in spite of my doubts, bet he would get 305 or better.  I'm still not sure if he got there, or yet.

As a return favor, I called my mother this morning.  I wasn't sure which way she have voted.  She was cheery yesterday, though that could go either way with her.  I was just as cheery this morning.  Hi.  Good morn.  Sleep well?  *chitter chatter*  Oh?  Did you know your man won?  *dead silence*  Who, Trump.  Uhm-hum.  This and that.  Well, she was a woman.  Still is, as are over half the people in the nation.  I knew, then, who she was with.  You know, with over half the population female, and them have the vote since... 1919, or maybe effectively 1920... and we haven't had a woman president?  Just the history of women, and how they voted, should tell something.  But, nooooo.  Then again, this wasn't even close.  I'm curious to see if this was a Reaganesque beat-down or a little less.  It was harsh.

Still, favor returned.  She was so chipper and smug yesterday.  Wonderful.  You know though?  I should have told her Hillary won.  Oh... the schadenfreude when she heard otherwise.  Gosh... maybe next time.  Not sure if I can get back to sleep any time soon, or if I will simply try to push through the day.  Ugh...  I'm doing okay so far.  But I know I am running on vapors.  Later or... much later.

Okay, changes.

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Small things, yesterday.  More today?  Maybe.

My mother called this morning.  Just a check-in and flyby.  Well, and an election jab.  It's how my family 'do'.  It doesn't matter which side of things.  If they know which side you are most likely on, they'll poke you in the eye with it.  Not too poignantly, just enough to see if you still have reflexes.  I just laughed.

She said my brother has been calling, has left messages.  I haven't received any calls or messages.  Unless his numbers have changed I have him programmed in, both home and cell.  I couldn't call him right then, too early.  I did try a bit ago.  He didn't answer.  I didn't want to call his cell, that would more likely have meant he was out, perhaps voting?  Anyway, there is that.

Another shower today, I think.  I will cook food, a bit.  I did make a bowl of popcorn.  Plenty of butter.  I simply can't, really, taste food.  I haven't been able to for a bit.  I try to eat anyway.  I'm not sure what the deal is.  No major issue, I have had this happen before.  Not hungry, so it's not too much of an issue.  I guess I really didn't need the gum to begin fasting again.  Still, it might help when I hit a snag.  I have enough for a small gum stand and a larger event.  I may make a few burgers in a bit...  Without bread I'll just add some ranch dressing, maybe melt cheese on top as it finishes.

Yeah.  Another shower.  Perhaps some work if I can get to it.  And an attempt to push through the day.  It's not dark today.  I don't need the curtains open to sense it.  I can even enjoy it, as sensitive as I am, in what you might consider blackout conditions.  Yeah... I'm... that sort.  Oh, sometimes I am better, and enjoy going out.  And a woman might create inducements... one way or the other.  Love em', hate em', or a bit of both... but they sure get their men to... become more active.  *grins*

Later.

Life?

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I felt as if something improved.  Health returned.  For a moment, just a sensation, will it lead to anything more?  I don't know.  On top of that, I dreamed of cleaning my closet, moving to the spare bedroom for a bit, and finishing off my main bedroom on out from the closet.  Time will tell.

I have been a bit frozen lately.  Night and day have been confused.  Often having several sleep and wake cycles each day, and before that some time back, more like having a day last two actual days, if sleep was more normal.  Just the season.  I haven't been keeping up on food or medicine well.  Even so, I may begin carvedilol this week... if I can find it, then load it into the dispenser.

I have a powerful itch to begin cleaning.  We'll see.  Later.

Black Friday?

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Most of my life I have ignored the big sale days.  I always suspected that, for all the rush, mostly what was offered was merchandise... I wouldn't want if they gave it to me.  Last year I did a minor search of what was offered, I think the year before too.  I didn't write about it.  I wasn't sure if the failure was mine or if it was correct.  As the third year rolls around, and I suppose some skill improvement has occurred, I'll give it one more shot.  So far, what I am seeing, is the clearance of merchandise that isn't selling anymore.  Dated, shown to be defective or ineffective, or just out of style.  Even the things that are put on really cheap, limited number sales, have seemed to be low end, really out of date things... like big screen televisions of a brand I wouldn't buy.  If I wouldn't buy it at ~$400, why would I buy it at ~$99?  Not good enough doesn't become better when it is offered for less.  And, most such can't be returned.  You won't even have that as a minor backup.

Clearance of items which won't sell any other way.  That is what most of these sales bring to mind.  Cheap stuff made even cheaper.  As I said, it just doesn't work for me.  Now... if there is a minor niche to fill, or a rather specific item you had already been seeking, that comes up?  Sure.  I just haven't seen a thing I would buy, so far.  I'll look, again, this year.  Urhm, no... I won't do the store thing.  That is insanity.  And for lesser deals even then, from what ads have shown.

If someone can advise me about what I might be doing wrong, I'll listen.  I won't even argue back.  I'll give it a go.  Just... trying to find a way to save some money.  But on things I really would like to buy.  *shrug*  Later.

Troubles with fasting.

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While I was chewing way too much gum, I have reviewed things.  While I didn't need it to fast as I had been, it might be useful at this point.  Part of the problem with fasting, currently, is not being on a good regular schedule.  I AM, probably, fasting... but in an uncontrolled manner.  Fasting and feasting, more than running a program.  So I have ordered enough gum for a good long period.  The hope is, though, that between using the calendar to know when and what I have eaten, plus the gum for control when I could otherwise slip, and going mostly back to plain tea, I might be able to get it all going again.

Beside feasting and fasting without a good handle on that, keeping up to cook isn't happening well either.  I'll keep at it.  At least I don't really need to go to the store for much, being primarily a meat eater.  Milk, eggs, that sort of thing.  Fruit once in a while, and now some vegetables.  But those are sides.  I can do without, for a long time, if needed.

Gabbing as usual.  It does seem that, at any time, I can quit the program.  I'm thinking on it.  Later.

Sleep is simply off.

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It looks like days and nights have halved.  About two per day.  Yeah.  Medicine and the season.  I can't quite get back onto medicine perfectly.  Too exhausted to focus and memory just doesn't survive the various seeming days and nights within each real day and night.  No worries, I don't feel horrible or anything.

Food... I just can't seem to eat much of it.  When I can bother to remember I am hungry.  Food just doesn't get digested anyway.  I've been munching on almonds, as they are easy and I can eat a small enough dose that they don't clog up the gut.  Yogurt too.  Which tells me it isn't mental tiredness, but my body simply not able to function.

I will keep thinking about what I wish to do.  Sometimes, if I see it and do it, work can draw me out of that dead zone.  Hmm... a bowl of yogurt, I think.  Later.

Awake at a normal time?

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Awake by 7:00, give or take an half hour.  I have three different times on various clocks for various reasons.  Softly waking means I am never sure which time I saw.  It is better than not remembering a time at all though.

I have no idea how to get going on things.  I know I wish to do so.  Even taking medicines regularly is a bit of a task.  Not a task I am successful regarding.  I do well for four to ten days then drop the habit.  It's not willful, it's simply incapacity.  No focus, foggy memory, poor time tracking.  No real problem if it isn't a real problem, I guess?  *grins*

I am not hungry.  I try to eat.  I make food from time to time.  Just... nothing really tastes good.  I have yogurt.  It's soft enough, and easy on the system.  Yeah, it's... to that.  My body has to work to hard to digest almost anything, which is a part of the problem.

I'm not terribly ill or such, save that time with the doctor.  Then again, as with when I tried to push through to get to the doctor, if I feel bad, and I back off and go to bed if necessary, it all works.  I get better quickly.  Not ill, just not really in charge of my schedule and at risk if I attempt to push it.  Just of illness.  I suspect I could function quite well, but there would be a price.  I've done that often enough.

On the good side, I may be getting back on schedule so I might be able to make the next visit.  He had an opening fairly soon, so it'll work out.  Later.

Wonderful.

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As headaches go.  Not a migraine.  I have given it enough time, I do believe.  I hate medicine, even, perhaps especially, painkillers.  Pain has made me what I am, like it or not.  Still, this stupid little thing has had enough of my time and patience.

I am feeling better.  I don't think I have good control of my sleep/wake cycles though.  Which... was what I ran into.  Between this and that, I run a very rough range.  Sleeping six to maybe fourteen hours, but staying up from twelve to twenty four hours.  Once in a while I crash short, but mostly if I've done a couple of long hauls, and then probably back to back or more.  It is what it is... Fall to winter crashes versus the push to not fall.  Massive effort against the fall of a titan.

Tonight?  I don't know.  I am in the process of making a meatzza.  I would like a shower.  Perhaps some work in the bathroom, kitchen, or both.  If I get the shower in a timely manner, I may hit a load of laundry.  And... dishes are always something to do.  Bleh.  I truly hate dishes.  Even with disposable, there is always something to wash.  Always.  Always.

Gabbing a bit.  This time of night it's mostly Brits and cousins.  They don't understand us anymore than we really understand them.  They aren't fighters.  Some small history of it, but...  More like hobbits compared to men, really.  Brits have gotten in it, but they are horrible at war.  For them it has always been survival, no more.  And they aren't very good at it.  Their elitist classes are worse than ours, and totally based on who, not what is known.  So... it's slow to gab at this time of day/night.  And... they keep to their own, somehow.

Well?  I don't know.  Later.

Missed the appointment.

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Rough.  I woke in time.  I was simply horribly off.  Sick.  A bit of nausea, a general sense akin to vertigo, and some other general problems.  Nothing serious, but... hmm... grounding.  I could get in to shower.  I had to sleep more.  Rough, rotten, untenable.  Still, I called to reschedule.  No fuss it seems.

Why so ill though?  I haven't felt bad for a very long time.  Perhaps lethargic, not ill.  And this was something else.  As illness goes, it was bad.  The thing is, just a few hours more sleep and it is completely gone.  Well, mostly.  What remains... I'm not even sure it was involved with that.  It may just be typical creaks, groans, and such from life.  What remains doesn't seem associated.

I am rather tired, and sore about the shoulders.  No idea why the soreness.  I think the exhaustion is simply less sun and cooler temps.  Seasonal.  All good.  I just wish I could catch a break on that.  Sometimes, if I can get used to it, I can come back part or full.  I'd like to get back to work on some things.  I like to work.  And I like what work creates.

Later.

More reading?

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Maybe.  With Dantes finished, I may move on to the new testament, but this time in full study mode.  Not only do I want to look at the notes much more closely, and of course review any cited material, but also look at a good study guide.  Perhaps the whole new testament, or many just a focus on the gospels?  As the seasons change, this might be a good way to stay focused.  I may need to source a study guide I find acceptable.  Just because it says Catholic doesn't mean it is, or even if it is that it will suffice.  Much of Catholicism has been adulterated, more so since the Vatican II, then faster and faster with these last popes.  Perhaps there is something from before.

Hmm... Okay.

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Whatever went wrong seemed to have corrected.  I seem, now, to be able to visit blogs.  And that post did go through.  Or seems to be in place from my perspective.  Difficult to know otherwise.  Later.

I am not sure what happened.

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It looks like the browser I have been using no longer works to view other blogs.  I seem to still be able to blog.  This is a bit of a test for that.

I can't seem to get going in life.  If you can't get going, the best thing to do is fall back and regroup.  If you have to fall, fall somewhere more comfortable or close enough to get there.  Some people don't get the option, I have it so employ it.  I will keep looking for opportunities.  I simply haven't been seeing them.

Medicine has become quite regular.  Just getting that back on track will help, if I am not quite up to specs.  Still, twice daily, so as I add the last medicine, then increase dosage, it should be smooth.  Depending on how bumpy the start of carvedilol is.  That can be a monster or simple, I never know.

My feet are really back in shape.  They are still healing, but well and well into that.  There were some serious risks with them.  And, even with the good, they are still a weak spot.

I've been comfortable with the house at 66.  I don't think that is holding me back, to be honest.  I don't get that zombie cold sensation when it is too cold.  I am back to having a fairly warm body, if I can handle warm days still too.  Something is right, that is how it used to be.  Hot, cold, humid, arid, it really didn't matter to extremes most people couldn't take.  Whatever I am doing, it seems to be about right.  Probably.

Later.

Conversations lead places.

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Various people, men for our part, women for their part, in various topical and not conversations, spun my mind into considerations.  How fickle love, even if true, and the grandeur of it?  Maybe.  How trusting, foolish, and necessary... love that is.  Maybe.  Such a strange thing.  Would only fools dare?  I hope not.  While a fool in many ways... then again.  Maybe.

A different dinner.

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Oh, well, not an every night event.  Still, once in a while, a treat is good.  A feast.  Have you ever eaten signal crawfish?  It was in the works for a while.  That and some very good adds, including shrimp, red potatoes, fresh (somehow(?)) green beans, onions, spices, and such?  Oh, right.  Not a meal for every day, or even monthly.  I am still rolling my eyes back in my head.  A lot of work for a little meat.  True.  But beats a fork soup diet.  It was quite good.  In a few months, or so, give or take and all, I might have to do oysters.  Share out for a hand shucking.  Some for half-shell, some to be frozen for soup?  Yeah.  That would be nice.  If you've ever been sea-side and more, don't eat anything.  That stuff is addictive!  And pricey if you move away.  Then again, they usually don't have good meat on the hoof.  A good steak, seaside, costs as good seafood does inland.  Gah!  There has to be a better way?  Really, though?  I don't think so.

I've been Gabbing like a fool.  Oh, I mean online.  I can't do a whole lot more, right now.  I should be acclimating to medicine before long, but then I have to add another, then do a couple of titrations.  So... it's not going to be quick or easy.  I will push when I can, I just haven't had... the pedal is mush.  While that isn't an improvement, clarity is better.  I'll take what I can get.

I found another tv series I thought I might like.  I ordered a few seasons, and will after seeing the first season, order the rest.  Teen Werewolf, or some such.  Yes, from mtv.  The music sucks, unlike Supernatural.  But the story is okay, so far.  Yeah, the teen stuff sucks, as with the romance and such from Supernatural.  Ew, kissing.  Yeah, maybe I've become a pre-teen again.  Though, maybe that is just a guy thing.  Especially a single guy.  I may check out Diaries of a Vampire and the Originals too.  Hey, other than the trampy, trashy, chick-flick aspects, some of these are okay.  Except for the kissing, if I didn't mention.  But then again, I've never really been a voyeur.  Just isn't my gig.  Play or do not, but don't watch.  Heck, I'm that way with sports too.  Uhrm... in a very different different way.  *blink, blink*

Uhm?  Later.

Yes, starting medicines can be a drag.

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Not so much... hmm... troubles... merely losing concentration.  I've been on them a couple of days, for sure, again.  Tracking well enough, if I had to make some changes.  Keeping up, just on food, forget blogging, has been... interesting.  I am trying to mix in more good carbs, as it is somewhat needed, while still trying to keep those down as far as possible.  After this two-week setup, I will begin switching in carvedilol.  Yeah, it takes a while.  Everything has to be perfect, then I have to be in shape to fill the dispenser, then I have to... be will and able to take a nosedive.  I am a reluctant patient.  If someone wants to clean and cook, I would do it more quickly.  Barring that, wait.

Gabbing is continuing.  They are trying to welcome leftists on.  The problem?  Question a lefty in the least and they run away to where no one doubts their lies and foolishness.  Yes, they know they are lying.  That is why they try to angle in to it.  If they don't look directly at their lies, I think they think they can believe.  When shown, and forced to look directly into the matter, their theories splinter and shatter.  Their ego is so involved with their lies that they simply can't handle the truth.  So... gab gives those "harrassing" the lefties a shadowban timeout.  It doesn't seem permanent, it does happen.

I see gab as just another form of twitter at this point.  They want both demographics, left and right, for advertising.  No more, no less.  It's simply a business.  And the only way to ensure that is to shadow ban whichever group seems weakest, prone to fleeing the truth or direct debate, needing a safe space.  They are only, perhaps, better than twitter in that the bans aren't permanent.  But, no, you can't speak freely always.  So... get that straight.

I am still working on developing the account... adding those I follow, some following back, commenting, and just reading.  I am not sure when an account can be ended.  Not yet, the mechanisms aren't in place.  Yes, I am considering ending my account when that is available, give or take.  Maybe this one too.  Just... leaving the interwebs as I left television.  I suppose I have to keep an email, but if those things happen, it will just be for business.

Maybe.  I have things to do and these things are distractions... and costs.  Later.

Sure cleared up fast.

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I went from being rough to being well before dinner yesterday.  I am doing well again.  Sluggish, a bit, sure.  But well enough.  Visitors to the blog continue.  I can't see where they are looking.  Though the story I began, then quit, seems even to have been dug from the dust of age.  As I said then, I won't become a slave to writing for only a few measly bucks.  The average writer, assuming they put out enough, makes around $6k a year.  What with leftist gatekeepers on one side and raw markets on the other, now is not a good time to try one's hand at it.  Sure, if you want to produce, edit, figure out how to get that into ebook format, advertise it, and run yourself ragged, for such small money, go for it.

That isn't all though.  Music.  I can tell through various means that a lot of music is being reviewed.  Are the words being read around it?  I don't know.  Might not be possible, unless it is many visitors, not just a few.  I wish there was a way to know, but I haven't found an honest, trustworthy, tracker (that visitors won't cancel... and can't blame them).  I think one is still on, but only because I don't know how to remove it now.  A block of code in there somewhere.

Today?  Well... who knows.  More laundry, another shower, setting up the dishes which I didn't do the other day...  No more, probably.  Oh, perhaps seeing about male-in balloting.  I'm not sure if there is still time, how to do it, and all.  I like it as it would give me a chance to review some things that I don't currently know.  First I need to wake a bit.  I'm at 3,900(?) I am following in Gab, with about 1,500 followers.  So I hear much.  Can be a silly place.  As memeingful as... well... as memes are.  I'm backing away  from memes.  Going more for supporting news, literary, arts, and music.  Now I know, for sure, what a meme is.  It's a slogan... and how the West has nearly been lost.  Bleh.

Later.

Rough.

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All good.  A new week, a fresh start.  Little works ongoing.

It looks like many visits today, but this time it was mostly, potentially, from "my" browser.  I had it sitting on my blog for edit and a page.  I can't be absolutely sure it was my browser being counted (won't let me turn off self-counting on this browser).  Now, usually it will only count the first visit.  But if the internet is intermittent, which is becoming fairly regular, that might be causing this.  No guarantees, just a suspicion.  I'm not tech savvy, mostly.

Then again, even the big boys have no real clue who or what is dinging their visitor counts, even with the gooder trackers... especially with yahoos like me who do everything we can to NOT be tracked.  Oh... I get it.  I just wish there was a tracker that bloggers and visitors could agree upon.  The problem is, as soon as they make one, get it a good name, they then sell it to Russians or the Chinese, who immediately savage everyone using it.  I've had to trackers sell and become poison, I just stopped doing it.  And, yeah, no, ms's tracker?  Yeah, no.  That might as well be Russia and China combined.

On a food note, I have found the diced raw cabbage goes quite well with any salad dressing I like.  Cabbage seems to last longer as well.  Not sure it's for everyone, but I like the meatiness of the vegetable.  Oh, and when prepping?  I cut the heart out, chef's treats.  Those truly are fantastic.  I don't even salt them.  They have a peppery taste, and just a bit of a bite.  You have to be 'this tall" ~adult and with an acquired taste~, but if so, this stuff is good.  Raw, as salad, or cooked in with fatter meats.  The fats sweeten the cabbage, the cabbage soaks up the mess, and it all comes out cleaner.  Once I have the ground meat(s) fried, I add the cabbage and let it cook for eight minutes, stirring it in at the start, middle, and end.  Not fancy, not bad.  Hot, more simple savory, or even slightly sweet will do.

Well... on with something, or nothing, depending on how it works.  Good evening.

Lots of visitors.

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I didn't think I left a link to my blog from... the chat sight.  Maybe I did, or maybe some there knew me there and here, or...  Many visitors.  I didn't think they liked me there.  Though, favor isn't always the point?  I did wonder if it was a fluke.  Perhaps someone purposefully or accidentally pushing my numbers here, for any of a number of reasons.  But there were enough different browsers that... it might be legit.  Not sure why they would visit and not comment though.  That seems odd.

Perhaps they are just music raiding.  Little written here could be of interest.  Who knows though.  Kids these days.  Well... and adults?  Could be.  Still, it's... interesting.

I notice that some who I know who are lining up to vote for Hillary are surprised that I am not surprised.  They have been trying to convince themselves they are conservative, but only really supported that when they believed the party would rather lose than actually stand on real positions and actually fight to win.  The Republican party has been a leftist drone since before I was born, only making a slight inkling of something substantively conservative with Reagan.  But that was a fluke and was suppressed immediately after.  No, not surprised.

I received a mail in ballet.  I will see how to do it, and if there is time.  If so I may go that way.  Simply, it is difficult to stay on track and be ready on any given day.  Although the window of opportunity is rather wide.  Still... might be best this way.  Have to figure it out though.

Another load of laundry going through.  I am hoping for a shower and setting up dishes, but no promises.  Ugh.  Later or good night.

Days are slipping.

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Yes, noted the other day.  The slip hasn't gotten too much worse.  Instead of 8:00~10:00, it's an half hour later.  The slippage hasn't been heavy or fast, simply sure and small.  Which is fine with medicines being started, fall here, and just the tide of my cycle.

I got some of the work planned done, yesterday.  I started a fresh load of laundry this morning.  The other load I only set to partially dry, meaning to finish today.  Another shower, then at least setting up some of the dishes, should go ahead.  Then, probably, some cleaning in the kitchen.  The new month approaches and I really want a plumber in to do and fix some things, perhaps do it all depending on his quote and willingness to stick with the quote.  I simply want the areas he would be working in to be reasonably clean and neat.

I am tired.  I feel it right down into my bones.  In a way, it seems worse than what it has been.  Truth be told, I don't think it is.  I just think that as I get better I notice how bad it has gotten more acutely.  Darkest before dawn and all that.  It'll be a couple of weeks before there is much improvement, then there will be setback of starting the heavy medicine.  Then that will be increased twice, over a month or two.  THEN I'll be... maybe better, usually better, better until my next fall unless I am still in this one.  All good.

On to waking.  Good morning and day.

Hmm, I think I can.

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Not tomorrow.  Maybe then too, but today I mean.  I called my mother but she didn't pick up.  Next, a shower I hope.  Then setting up dishes and getting laundry back, perhaps getting a load going.  If I do laundry, just one small load.  As I may have mentioned, for me, I have learned a right configuration... two to four towels, shirts, underwear, perhaps two t-shirts, and two pair of jeans/slacks.  There might be room for a few odds and ends, but... too much more and folding and such just is at risk of not happening.  Yeah, I like clothes and towels folded and put up or hung.

Dishes?  I might be able to wring a load out tonight, but no promises.  If I can get a load washed, and reset to a fresh soak, after a bath, I'll be happy.  If I can get those things done or started, I might be able to hit the kitchen just a bit.  No more, but it's a start.  I won't say medicine is helping, but the thought of it might be.  I like being back on the road.  It's a tough road, whichever way I go.  Even just flopping into a ditch, since I can't seem to die.  So... better to at least be fruitful as I drag ass... at least if I can be.

Up very late.

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It wasn't the effort yesterday, I am sure.  It was the restarting of medication.  I am not even on the worst of it yet.  And I won't be starting that, even then, fullout.  Probably half of half.  Still, that's the way it goes.  I didn't think the rest of it would cause a hit, drop, fall.  I guess, compared to the other, it doesn't.  But it sure does.  I am glad I was more cautious this time.  Although, this time, I am only going up in ranks of medication twice.  After this.  Yeah, I can tell it was restarting medicine.  It's just... a different feel.  All good though, I suspected it might happen, which is why I am taking it slow.  It is even why I was... taking my time restarting it.  I hate adding a load to an already stressed system.  I know, it gets better on medicines... mostly... usually.  The highs are higher but the lows are worse, even sometimes to having to stop taking medicine.  HuP!  No I know and attend better though.

I hit the tub with the plunger today.  Nothing.  Plunge.  Nothing.  Plunge.  Nothing.  Plunge.  Gurgle.  *swoosh*  I had cleaned the tub recently.  I was terribly surprised to see only a little ring remain, which I will clean off when I shower next.  I thought I was being punished for a good dead and would need to scrub the thing all over again.  Sometimes a good deed remains untarnished even through the flood.  :p

I just brushed my fangs.  I might even begin trying to hit them three times a day.  I have some specialty gargle that... well...  For a couple of weeks I want to hit them hard.  Oh, they are healthy.  Healthier than I have any right to, it's just they get a little... long in the, well, tooth, from time to time when sorely neglected.  I am also hoping to hit many other things, if I can.  Back to work in the cave.  I want to get the kitchen and bathroom reset for a plumber to be in without too much fuss this next month.  Yeah.  At least I don't have to call him early.

Later.

A start. Restart.

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Murderously stumbled at it.  First to get the shower.  Ugh...  Wash, scrub, double soap, triple.  Rub a dub dub.  I love showers, especially when truly needed.  Of course, now the tub as full and not draining.  I have plunged a great deal.  I'll try again tomorrow.  If all else fails, if I will keep at it I may call a plumber in.  While he does that, I'll get a quote for some other work.  Bleh.

I made it to the post office first.  Several packages.  Including a device by which miso can be added to broth.  Yeah, I know.  Not absolutely necessary.  It's just...  And I think it can be used for other things.  Not used in the US, that ended up shipping from Japan and took... a month or two?  Bleh.  Still, it's here now.

Then I needed to get some packages returned.  Even with me saving boxes of various sizes, getting the right one for the right one is often a bit of a trick.  Which is why I save packing material.  Just the paper kind and I doubt the blown plastic bubbles will last and I think old peanuts might get nasty, and fast.  I almost just didn't do it, but... darn it.

I then drove through the car wash.  Yeah, I like paying upfront and just being able to clear any time I happen to be in town without worry about cost.  She needs to be detailed a couple of times.  I let the cleaning go for a bit.  I'll... fix it.  And I ate pizza.  Yeah, I know.  But I have been off everything for a while.  The pizza was a kiss off to how I have been doing.

Medicine was taken, for the first time in a while.  I started wearing the socks again.  I'll take meds tonight.  I'll brush my teeth again.  I did shopping and will begin mixing milk and whole cream in an attempt to get thicker kefir, probably tomorrow.  And tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my diet.  Or, that's the plan.  I do have to have carbs, but greens, whole rice (a little), quinoa, onions, things like that.  Smaller doses, but good, slow burn, carbs.  Gotta have some.

Yes, today.  A restart.  Good night.  I have a bit more time to be up, a few things to do, but... I'll be getting there soon.  Sleep well.

Some days...

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As I wrote there I will suggest here...  Some days I just don't seem to be able to do it right.

I've been off of all right things of late.  No work.  Odd and wrong timing and food for eating.  I haven't been taking medicine or else.  I am going to push through today, in an attempt to get some things started.  I think medicine, some of it, is required.  Though, too, there will always be times when I simply fail.  That I am not failing all of the time... the why of that is above my paygrade.  It is above the paygrade of doctors.  I am starting to think not even the angels could say why.

That doesn't mean I will quit.  While it might not be an opportunity to enjoy, it is an opportunity to serve my Lord.  How?  Witnessing to life, through suffering, illness, and pain... showing that death cannot defeat will, only the body, and not even always then.  How much less in God's grace and beyond the veil.  Well, and, once in a while, a good deed here.  It's difficult for me to find them to do, but... it happens.

Interesting.

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As you know, I don't have cable for television.  I also do not have an antenna so as to pick up local broadcasts.  I mean not to have either ever again.  So watching the debates isn't likely.  I don't think they broadcast that on radio, either, and would have no idea what channel to tune in if so.  In any case, I was able to "watch" the debate through Gab.

Now, not verbatim.  But when a topic would come up, there would be a ripple.  I would see something about, say, emails.  I'd have a pretty good idea, but then other bits, such as... she is claiming Russia.  Then I would know, for sure, which emails.  On and on, and then the general idea of a response.  It was an interesting way to 'listen to or watch' the debate.  I even brought a few things up that I hadn't seen broached, like zerocare (obamacare if rightly named).  After I wrote it, I caused a ripple in the chatter, and then the topic was broached.  I... think they are, the handlers, listening to us.  I do.  I honestly think my notion made it to the ears of at least one side of the debate and the handlers of the debate.  Coincidence?  Maybe.

Had a bit of a ball.  A few notes, some shared comments, listening to other folk, and a jab at my situation.  All good.

I need to start getting back into real life though.  Not quite today.  Some work around the house today.  And a trip to town in the next four days.  Food and cleaning, medicine and whatnot.  And, of course, blogging and Gab.  It's what I have.  Later.

Sure rile them up.

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Some women, most women, don't get it.  For them to lose their "rights", all men have to do is nothing.  Which, if you ask them, is exactly what they want.  Right.  But they do want their rights preserved, but only by... doing nothing?  Right.  I don't coddle.  I make it very clear.  Them or us?  The thing is, if we don't do anything... check mate.  Women will lose their rights, and sanctity, respect, and what else the West affords.  If we do something, to ensure we don't have to do it again soon, women will have to lose some of their "rights".  Voting isn't, and never was, a right.  It was limited, to men, over the age of 25 or 26, and taxpayers, and for a reason.

The choice is quite simple.  But it lies in that place that women cannot look.  It is why they were handled with kid gloves, but kept from certain areas of life.  It has to happen again, either softly, or with the back of a sharia inspired slap.  There isn't another choice.  People are living in a bubble created out of history that is totally false.  It was sustained by true wealth creation, until thieves and liars took over and stole what was being produced and ate the geese which were laying the golden eggs.  Now only pigs grow fat, and that on the backs of people being crushed by their government and corporations.  There is no more real gold, growth has died, it is all fixed.  The golden age is finished.  And all that fiction of equality is going to hit reality, one way or the other.

A lot of folk, even on Gab, think we can just... twist the wheel.  Just a bit.  That will save us.  The truth is, there is no salvation.  The wheels are off the road.  How far down is anybody's guess.  We will have to bottom out.  It will hurt everywhere.  Many won't survive.  A lot of people think this, what we are in, is bottom.  This is a splendid time.  I recommend you enjoy, save up a bit, pray, but prepare for a very long hard winter.  Amen.

Awake and good?

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You know, I think so.  I just feel better.  Not the best, not even normally healthy, just... better.  I've been rough and tumble for a while now.  Nothing too horrible, just nothing that is fun to fuss with.  Already sandbagged, this sensation of being really out of sorts adds another sandbag... but they aren't equal, so add to both the weight weighing me down and a large imbalance.  Still off, but, better.

Today?  I don't know.  A shower.  Some cleaning in the bathroom and kitchen if I can hit it. Setting up dishes for a soak if I get the shower in.  And getting laundry back and ready to go if I get that far.  If I can do a load of dishes and laundry, cool.  If not, just having things ready will do.

It looks like a device to help put on compression socks is in.  I don't need it because I lack strength.  Actually just the opposite.  I stretch socks too easily if I just pull them on.  Now, that is a lot of work, and tires me for a bit or lot, so I am hoping it will cut the energy expenditure, while allowing me to keep the compression in tact and help the socks last longer and be in the right place instead of elongated.  I might get out to get that today, or tomorrow.  Bleh.

Later.

Yeah, feeling better.

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Not quite to doing better.  As suggested, I got the trash and recycling out.  Most of it.  I was picking up bits more through the day, taking small extra loads out to the trash.  Recycling pickup happened too early.  No complaints, just, that's how it worked today.  Yeah... trash.  Getting it out should help.  A lot.

I hope to get to more.  I did make lunch.  Nothing fancy, cabbage and beef as suggested.  Oh, I best pull pork and lamb chops out, maybe a steak, and more hamburger.  It really pays to stock up on meats.  All I need to buy is greens, milk, and butter type things.  I can go without those things for a pretty goodly stretch... nearly as long as I have meats here actually.  Not the best of plans, but it works if all else fails.

I'd like to get in to town again soon.  Kefir, but I want more milk and cream to mix in such a way as to attempt to replicate unseparated whole from the cow milk.  Actually, I ought to look up what portion of which is to be used to make a reconstituted whole milk, or whether there might be a trick to it.  brb...  *elevator music*  Okay, finding an exact recipe wasn't possible.  And, really, that "whole milk" can mean many things is another problem.  As well, the breed, season, etc, all can play a part... unless the mixes are formulated for standards.  What I am seeing is that the milk should have 4.6% to 6% fat for it to be whole.  I'll check mine.  I may not need a full half and half, though more is definitely needed.  I will start with a quart of whole cream per gallon of milk, and head toward a one to one ratio as needed.  I really hate having watery kefir.  I want it thicker, like what stores produce, but without the thickeners they use.  Though there are some thickeners that might do if the milk cream mix doesn't get it.  Yeah, there I go, playing with my food again.  But kefir, when it is right, is fantastic.  And can lead into so many other things, cultured creme fraiche to cultured sour cream, and much more.

I am feeling better.  I wish I could be even more active.  It will have to do as I attempt to get back on my feet and do some things soon.  Be well.  Later.

Yes, yes. Maybe.

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I almost feel better.  I am awake, the trash and recycling is out, perhaps a shower in a bit, then maybe some work.  More cabbage and burger, if not preferred.  It is just what is available.  I suppose I could tinker with spices to change it up.  I still enjoy it, but I don't want to go the way I did with meatzza.  I sort of burned out on that.  It'll come back, I just have to change things up a bit more.  Boredom is a serious risk when frequent cooking, complex cooking, isn't possible daily.  Even ribeyes, every day, would get dull quickly.  I just have to remember to thaw various foods.  Having beef steaks, pork and lamb chops, and ground of each, even so, gets tight.  Even when adding in various options.  Low carb is a bit of a trick is all.  All good, I'll keep at it.  Which reminds me, I need to pull out enough meat to last until Friday.

I don't know if some aspect of the weather has lightened up or if I have become attuned.  Perhaps messing with the furnace has helped me find the optimal temp.  I don't know.  I only know I am doing a bit better.  Hard work level better?  It's the intent.  Yeah, I... really need to hit the kitchen and bathroom.  I think I can square it back away, and maybe get a few more steps ahead, but it will take a day of heavy dedicated effort.  I really want to do that, then maintain, to have a plumber in at the first of next month.  Bleh.

I'll keep at it.  Later.

For a time.

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Sometimes I forget.  Sometimes she, several of her, almost remind me.  So be it.

Back to cooking for a moment.

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I love spices.  Not just one type, or direction, such as standard American (as much as that is even possible), Italian, Indian (dot), or... whatever.  If I was wealthier I would keep more on hand and tickle mixes.  I have made more mixes, of my own devising, than I can count.  Some were a guess at a chef's work, some where just my mind working in the background until a 'recipe' pops, some were suggestions from others.  Mexican, Italian, and Indian mixes were my most common themes.

With Indian food, I could not deal with something in their food... sometimes.  I had to test a good deal to figure it out.  Curry.  No, the spice.  Most people call food curry, but it really isn't.  It is actually spiced with something called (garam) masala (?spelling, though it may vary?).  There are more variants of masala than of any spice mix I have ever heard mention.  It isn't even just Indian, but travels a great deal and has many different names in different places, and times probably.

Here is one example.  I like what he does with this.  There are some things I might change, some things I think are spot on.  Though a few of the spices he uses would be new to me.  And I appreciate that he is open to the protein.  I just can't do chicken very often, chicken breast not at all for my part.  I've eaten it, and will, but I can't do it right, ever.  Hmm... I am thinking of marinating with this spice blend or close and yogurt or kefir overnight.  Yeah.  More beef or lamb though.

These spices are made for a people who are quite often vegetarian on into vegan.  So they really need to add flavor.  While it seems social over their, it is also due to crushing poverty and extreme population density plus severe poverty.  So less might be needed on meats, though full flavor can be fantastic in my humble opinion.  By the way, while Indian food is know for hot spice, as with a few other ethnic foods, there were no hot peppers around the world, until after Columbus.  Those are American.  Thank you, Christopher, for sharing the Burn.

Hey, I like to cook, and eat, and rightly if possible.  So sue me.

Oh, really? What time again?

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It's 4:00 and all is well.  I am feeling just a bit better.  No real reason to it.  Why does it rain, why does the sun seem warmer this sunny day than that, with all else seeming equal?  Because.  I think they wrote a song, repeating that word often.  I can't remember if they tried to answer or if it was just saying.  Hmm, was it in Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang?  I can't help the shows they made for my age group as a child anymore than you can.  It was one of those shows.  Not looking it up, now, yet, maybe ever.  I am quite sure I won't end up happy with it.  Most things from childhood seem, to me, best to remain in childhood.  At least secular things.  There are exceptions, I just don't think that would be one of them.

I am hoping to get to cleaning today.  Trash, a shower, dishes, and maybe lining up laundry.  Perhaps doing laundry.  I don't feel like it.  I am not sure I am able.  None of which matters.  Now that I can see the need, have the want, and am aware, I will put my best foot forward on these things.  I may need a nap at around 8:00 or 9:00 though.  I'll know more later.  Ah, I need to reload my medicines into the two-week dispenser.  I've mostly been taking them, the ones I had.  Potassium was out, at least.  Back on the pill-gang.  :p

Enjoy your weekend.  Good morning and day.

Burger and cabbage.

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That is simple, but really good.  Spice it as you wish.  I like a bit of italian, garlic, red pepper flecks, and black pepper.  When I tire of that I may try allspice, cinnamon, ginger, and a different heat source.  Yeah.  I added a few mushrooms this time.  Good enough.  I'll have a salad in a bit.  Loving that ranch.  Nothing beats homemade glop!  Even if I have to use the packaged dressing mix, the rest is truly right.

I keep thinking Saturday is Sunday.  I get the rest of the days in the week pretty much right (something new, only the last few years really).  Reliably tracking the day, and generally date, is... nice.  You have no idea what it is like to ghost through life unable to know these things, to keep them functionally active in mind and memory.  Yeah, I really do enjoy the new me.  What is impressive though?  In spite of truly being far more dead than alive?  Most people didn't know.  That is either high praise for me or very low praise for most people, in several ways... those who can't tell the difference and/or that others who are healthy are no different.

I'll try to get back to things.  I don't seem to need extra sleep.  Though even getting the rest my body seems happy with I don't seem to be able to be all that functional.  I'll keep working on it.  I'll make an attempt to punch out of the hole I am in.

Ah, Gabbers aren't bad.  I was just talking off my exhausted head, and using worst examples.  Some aren't good at playing the 300 or less phrase game.  Some are out of their gords.  Some are lost, afraid, crazy.  And then you have those that are there for some sort of faux love.  Bleh.  Can't even tell, truly, who is who.  But most do just fine.  I... just get grumpy when tired sometimes.  Thing is, it really isn't a chat at a local coffee house, old school or hipster.  Some of them could be computers.  Heck, I might be a... wait.  Anyway...  It's an interesting place.  Good for news, titters and chuckles, a bit of banter and maybe some pseudo-flirts.  Just.... don't expect it to be your life.  Not even a guy like me.  Just... apologizing, a bit.

Later.

Slept well woke well.

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Just that little bit of getting out and all seemed to help.  I am still exhausted, but working through, over, or beyond that seems to help trigger a release that allows for a better sleep.  It is raining out there, so darker as well.  No fuss today.

I did produce a mess of mayo, then dressing last night.  Good?  Yes.  Very good.  I have, for my part, as close as I can get, produced as good of a ranch dressing as I am able.  And that ranch dressing will rival anything on any market or even small tack-on restaurant which does their own dressings, at any level.  Life is good regarding that for me, finally.  You have no idea how long I worded to try to do it all on my own.  It just doesn't work.  My guess is, whoever doesn't use the packets uses something else that is just as "out of bounds" and will never tell you.  Liars.  But fine, be that way.

I am hoping my mother is around.  I'll give her a call.  She doesn't always realize she likes to or wants to talk to me, until I don't call her for a long time.  Teh Womenz!  Crazy.  Mom, sister, your woman, all nugging futz, and it's all our fault.  Actually... I'm hoping.  *grins*  Nothing like guilt with honest if deceitful deniability.  How can it be honest and deceitful?  Ignorance is bliss, baby.  Woot!  Woo, woo, wow!  Woo-hoo!  Love me some women thinks.  Remember, if they bring you their hate, they... actually do love you, or want to.  Bon apetit.

Anyway... yeah... I'll give her a call.  Just like to see how she is.  Later.

Medicine and groceries.

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Yeah, the scripts went through.  Not sure they were filled, but after calling in they were ready when I got there.  The price frightened me at first.  It seemed so much higher than before.  Losarten is a rather spendy medicine, the most expensive of the lot, probably because it is potassium sparing.  When I was told these were for three months... no problem.  Monthly it would be a challenge.  Though, for some reason, the potassium, I only get that in monthly lots.  I wonder if it is too fragile, or breaks down to quickly.  That's a bit of an annoyance.  I'll see what I can do about that.  At least this potassium is easy for me to take.  The V.A. stuff was terrible.

After that, groceries.  Just a bit.  Apples, cabbage, romaine lettuce, a few other things.  I also caved and went for ranch dressing packets.  I have tried and tried, and tried some more, to get the right blend of spices.  I just can't get it.  I'll still make my own mayo, and I keep creme fraisch on hand regularly now.  Using that rather than sour cream, I do like the texture better... plus it is definitely probiotic as I use kefir to produce it.  I might whip that up for a salad before bedtime.  Yeah, I think I won't mind adding veggies in, certain ones.

Oh, right, I think I also finally figured out my problem with kefir... why it was often thin.  I think many, when they say they use whole milk?  They aren't talking about whole milk you find in stores, but whole milk, unseparated, straight from the cow.  Basically, what they mean, is whole cream or half and half.  I'll be exploring this.  I'll try some with whole and some with a mix of the two.  Regular store bought whole milk kefir is thin, too thin, usually.  Sometimes it's good, if I think that is probably in the spring, when feed is richer... or something.  Didn't really track it seasonally.  Live and learn.

I am tired.  At least I got a bit done, another shower, groceries, and next a bite or three.  Good night.

Showered and postal.

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Well... no one was injured, that I recall.  But I did go to the post office.  mail, packages, funny looks.  I'm the local ogre but not everybody is used to having an ogre about.  Well, and some are and think it's somewhere between groovy and crazy to allow such critters to roam outside of chains and without attendants.  I simply can't afford them.

I'll make a few calls today, see what is going on.  Medicine, house payments, lots of things.  Maybe a trip to town.

I had a ribeye for lunch.  Those are simply the tastiest things.  And they have the perfect balance of fat and protein for keto.  Now, I heard from Desert Cat that vegetables were actually necessary.  And I argued with him, as with my doctor.  I... may have to walk back on that.  Beside, extra edible potassium is wise.  He was right about a number of things.  Yeah, I know.  I seem to, part of the time, have to make my own mistakes and sleep in that bed... hoping it doesn't become a death bed.  Thankfully, so far, I seem rather prone to life.  Reminds me, I'll have to email him and see how they are doing.  I won't offer troubles upon his head, just ask and leave it.

I will do just a spot of shopping, if I get out, today.  Green leafy vegetables.  Though I do need to make ranch dressing, which means mayo as well.  I might buy chard or some other types of such for adding to my bone broth.  It'll mean heating it a bit longer, so I may do a couple days all at once, then re-store it to be heated per use on the given day.  Heavier dark greens can handle it.  Hmm, could use some seaweed too.  The thing about seaweed is that much of it has heavy metal contamination.  I haven't found a, for sure, safe source for that.  Which might well be out of my price range.  The world is going down hard.

Well... a song for the kickoff to the weekend?  Maybe.

Just another.

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What day?  Ah, right.  I best get to some things.  A small trip, a phone call or three, maybe a long trip.  After a shower and such.  Bleh.  I was just thinking how much I used to hate partying... my kind.  No worries.  Post is short and sweet and I think even the more demure of dames can handle... well, mostly.  If they internalize and remember behind or ahead, yeah... maybe.  *wink*

I love laying traps.

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Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.  But with a trap, you know if it has been tripped.  Not always by whom, though guesses are probably on a short list.  I was just... curious.  I wonder if they take it too seriously... or not.  This might help if they do.  Or... not.

By the way, that thing with airing out the house worked.  I just had a batch of sneezes, but the first since I aired out the place.  I just have to remember to add a new screen in, say, January to February.  That one will pretty much last for the rest of the season.  Then, in fall, I blow it all out again, then add a new screen and let that blow more hot air out for another hour or so.  It sure beats sneezing all winter.

I am hoping to get to a few things today.  Very little has much to do with the intertubes.  Still... if blogging is addictive, Gab and the others are like crack.  Saps the life out of you while at it.  Later.

Oh my Lord, but the people are weak.

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I'm going to stop Gabbing.  I might check in from time to time.  But really, tis a silly place.  I still don't understand all of the tricks to it, or how all things work.  In time I suppose I will figure other things out.  I have done amazing things, though, without being told.  I figured out how to edit before they announced the potential, and was just trying things here and there that worked, but just because they had just been brought online.  However, there are other things I don't understand at all.  Time, just not for a bit.

People are not... very bright.  Stoners are stoners.  Broken dolls are just that.  Some things never change, online or off.  So many of them, even at Gab which is supposed to be a voice for those who are being denied, still want someone else to tell them what to do, but only someone who agrees with them, often.  What?  Exactly.

Imagine someone talking to Christ.  Well, sure I want eternal life.  But I don't want to have to do anything for it.  I mean, if I want sex with the neighbor, what is it your business?  If I steal some money, why shouldn't you support me in that?  Sheesh, man, just get off my back!  Huh?  Yeah.  There are some who do get it, but they can't go long.  They won't push through.  Someone else will be required to do the heavy lifting.  If that doesn't happen, they will just grumble and go back to wherever they came from.

Where do I fit?  As rough as I am, I am simply my own man.  I am beholden to God with my life and all.  I will do what is wisest for me, with His will in mind.  I speak my mind, even if it isn't well represented in common consent, or often in civil tones.  And, yet, I do try to maintain some order, more for the Spirit of my Lords sake.  Yeah, a rough in the diamond?  :p  I do try, and I do fail.  A lousy singer in church, metaphorically, but I do belt it out.  Usually too chicken literally, though permanent dry throat doesn't help.  And not being used to PEOPLE adds to it.  God knows, literally.

It's been so long since I interacted in a group of groups.  Then again, it is internet people.  Many are reitred, like me.  Or otherwise ill disposed or ill dispensed from one sort of ill or another.  Oh well.  Use it for news and a bit of conversation from time to time.  Later.

Another morning.

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I have been awake for an hour and an half, it's 4:30.  I can't remember bedtime, though it was after 17:00, perhaps at late as 19:00 though probably not all that close to it.  Just guessing.  I am stretching my day into business hours but it is killing short term memory, which impacts mid term memory.  Think of the various memories as building blocks, or better parts of the food chain.  If there are scant little things, the big things will suffer, as with memory and memory through time.

I am making an effort to heal.  It just isn't working.  I will hand most of this to the changing season.  It is pummeling me this year.  I will check with the pharmacy today.  If medicines are in, I can begin working those again.  That might help.  The doc wouldn't give doubled lower dose medicine.  I don't know if he has limits.  I know, at times, these medicines have become scarce.  Perhaps that is the deal.  Dunno.  So I went with the lower dose.  it will simply slow progress.  I don't even mind that, and it was the only other real option.

I have been gabbing quite a bit.  I may take a day or two off.  Or soon.  I am following 2608 people.  Not all that many talk at once.  I am not sure how many are on at any time, but really, only maybe twenty people seem to be slowly active at any given time, many of them just read and vote posts up or down.  I still have no idea what I am doing.  Are there private rooms, or side rooms?  How do you know or find them?  I see there are ways to censor, but is is people or words, and how does that work.  There is much to learn.  There is a starter guide but... I... it isn't written in a way that my mind can use it well.  A Spartan trying to read Greek.  Even if I was classically trained, it... really isn't how my mind works.

Well...  On to gabbing some more, I guess, as I wake.  Mostly just reading and smacking down smarmy people who think they are in private chats.  *bam!*  Later.

Well... bedtime.

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I'll try to push some things through tomorrow.  Another shower, or bath?  A trip here or there, or not.  Dishes, laundry, at least getting those together.  Trash out, who knows.  So worn, but not done.  Good night.

Yeah? Yeah.

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I made it out.  I didn't think I would.  I was sure I wouldn't.  I just never quite give up all hope.  All of a sudden, I went from sitting here to in the car and going.  Gone.  Bye.  To the various stores, after checking my accounts.  Looks good.  Did I get everything?  I can't afford everything.  But I did get what I wanted and needed.  I think.

Nothing fancy.  I might do it again soon.  Good afternoon.

Well, I am... doing.

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Not a lot.  I got a shower in, dressed, and made it to the post office in time.  Just, but that counts.  A bunch of packages which were back-ordered from months ago.  Now worries, I suppose.  I finally have short sleeve, button up, shirts I like that fit.  In poplin.  A few more cooking items, and pens.  Not standard pens, fountain pens.  I have several letters to write.  Noodler's ink as well.  Waterproof, archival, lasts, and not that expensive.

After returning home, I decided to wait to call the doc.  About medicine.  They called, when the phone was in the other room.  I was just going to get it in order to call.  Worked out well.  I had to debate.  Not sure it will work but I asked for what I think will help me get to dose the quickest.  She argued with me, mostly.  Wasn't happy.  Might not get what I want.  I just told her to skip that medicine, but I think they really want that one, so she sort of, agreed.  I shouldn't have to argue like this.  Though if they just want to cut dosage, it means it'll take longer for me to get up to dose.  Gah!  Every fucking doctor and office is like this.  I really may just quit medicine when I get to Alaska.  This is just annoying and more.

I don't think I can make it to town.  Though maybe.  I'll think on it.  Later.

Dames.

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If I can't speak to you?  If you can't or won't speak to me?  There is nothing I can, or would, do.  If I think you are irreparably femininely insane?  I just won't deal with you.  Dealing with women on Gab who simply... have lost it brings reminders.  For my part, I will tell a woman what is on my mind.  I don't hold back.  Once I have said my piece, though, I am done.  Even on Gab, a lot of them just don't get that.  Although one among them, one they might consider queen, has learned to... not engage.  I checked this earlier.  What would keep her at bay... only a few things.  The temptation had to have been grand.

Not bad.

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I made it to past 17:00, nearly 18:00, then crashed like a biker into a full cement truck.  I always wondered how mothers developed sight in the back of their heads.  Mine are welcome, for not doubts I played a large part in that for them.  Not a hate thing, at all, just the costs of life, if with a bit of a tickle... up until it was my turn.  I then woke in the midnight range.

I'm not doing much.  Can't do much.  I hope I can click in and latch down, catching the day and hanging on for a bit.  That would be nice.  When you are past your time so far that miracles no longer explain it, though, I suppose sometimes you just have to take it as it arrives, do what you can, and enjoy as possible.

Supper was in.  Soup.  I added bone broth too it, some salt, some red pepper flecks, micro'ed the lot, and... nice.  Oh, I added cream.  It can be a really nice addition.  To think, for so many years I missed out on soup because I thought I didn't like it.  Just broth is amazing with a few minor touches.

I am hoping to... do something today.  What?  What what?  I don't know.  I have some plans, but I don't want to jinx them.  Maybe a bit, maybe a lot, though I might fall flat, again.  I'll keep trying.  Later.

Stretching.

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I am attempting to push my day into the early evening.  I thought about a trip to the post office, and town.  Not today, probably not tomorrow.  Soon.  Grocery shopping, a larger amount of cat food and litter material this month and next, mail of course, prep for winter.  It's still a bit off.  It creeps slowly until it has snuck up in plain sight.  Then there is snow.

I have been burning time on Gab.  I'll... take a break.  If I can.  Addictive.  Wasteful, too, really.  Sometimes there is news.  Usually just the "hooray for our side" banter.  Oh, I do disagree.  However, I let it go just so far (especially with women), then I say... that's it, no more.  People are amazed when I cease to engage.  I say my piece, riggle raggle a time or two, and then go upon my way.  If it isn't settled for someone else, that truly isn't my monkey.

It's a bit rough, don't know how much longer I will actually make it.  Even a few more hours would be good.  I doubt if I can make it to when I would like to make it.  A shower would be good, and might help a bit.  As well, it would add to prepping for tomorrow.

Oh, an update on the homemade dry shampoo.  The stuff does really well.  Though I have showered, I wanted to see how long the hair lasts, my hair anyway, which is thin (per hair, not really so much scalp-wide) and prone to being greasy.  I will say that, for me, this stuff does pretty good for about five to seven days.  Then it starts getting a caked feeling.  It still works, but loses volume and begins to appear just a bit oily/wet.  What I also really like about it, is that if applied behind the ears, it makes it so my glasses limbs don't dig in, or become smelly, etc.  It really checks that.  I've always had a problem with that, no matter how well I have been able to keep clean otherwise.  I think it's my size and the limit of glasses to really fit large people.  Or, maybe, many have that problem.  Just a little dab of the stuff behind the ears, as needed/wanted, and it really helps.

Later, or good night.

Just a bit of chaos to start things.

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I have been awake for a bit.  Gabbing, and youtubing.  Gab?  It's a replacement for twitter, which has self-immolated.  I'm not saying I'll stay, or do much, but it's a curiosity and you know how those go.  I am pretty sure this is... hmm... pretty much as the cliques in high school, even before.  I am working to increase the number of people I follow.  Not really interested in gaining followers.  I am seeking the zeitgeist.  Each has a little bit of it.  A small sample isn't enough.  Patterns emerge with enough throughput and involvement.  I should stay quiet, but I am simply enjoying myself, writing, agreeing, reposting, as I see fit.  I know not what I do.  As is my usual, I simply... do.  The zeitgeist might not live there, though.  Or, if it does, it might not be found there.  Time tells all.

Bone broth is quite good.

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Sometimes I forget I have it.  I have had it suggested that two to three cups of the stuff is a good thing, if more for a medicinal thing.  And, yet, that is about right for me.  If I was five feet tall and my weight, maybe not.  At my size I do need just a bit more... of everything.  As well, adding whole cream offers good fats and a potential energy boost.

The thing about bone broth is I do not salt or otherwise spice it.  I make it in the raw, so I can use it for anything, out of an abundance of fear of oversalting or spicing a batch, and for fear of carb issues.  I have been trying to get a solid idea about how much to add, for taste.  The thing is it is different each time.  Sometimes I like more, sometimes less... of any given thing.  I am working to find some sort of middle ground though.  This is good stuff, whether you are on keto, no diet, paleo, or... just about anything.  They really did consume this, probably to a man, at one time.  Daily.  It's what they had, and they didn't have much.  Toss in vegetables if available, meat if there was enough, or just drink the meat tea and be grateful for it.  Plus, it is good enough as for what it is to be used on true fasting days.

Today, for three cups, I added an half teaspoon salt, red pepper flecks, and an italian seasoning blend, plus a quarter teaspoon of garlic powder and black pepper.  Perfect.  I would like to try "sweet" blends.  No sweetener, just spices that bring that to mind, such as clove, allspice, cinnamon, and perhaps some others... mint?  Dunno.  Look, it's a game.  How not to be bored with stuff that sustains rightly, or better.

Someone, someone else I think, dug way back.

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I think I know why.  Who?  That could be a number of folk.  However, it would be someone who read my blogs long long ago and is still connected through other blogs.  There are probably several possibilities I might know and a few to many I simply don't know exist.  They read, they don't comment... or even leave a trail.  As I wrote on a blog comment recently, which I think is why these videos were dug up, was that while I might not always be able to get to my feet, that doesn't mean I will ever kneel.  And I strongly despise those who do, as few could be as incapacitated as I am at my worst... at least and still be outside of an hospital.

Accidents happen.

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Sometimes, perhaps more often than one could know, accidents are tremendously fortuitous.  A foot forward through calamity is still a foot forward, especially given some of the other options.  One cannot bet on the probability of another outcome, not enough data.  For one example, if they had diagnosed the heart as bad early, they would have replaced it... back then I believed doctors knew what they were doing.  I'd be dead.  Better to suffer and live?  Only if one believes in God, perhaps, and then only learned of God after what would have been death.

Another, more simple, accident which proffered fruit recently?  Ah, yes.  I do use crystal light.  I use it in water, I also use it in tea.  I have certain flavors I enjoy very much.  Most I don't bother using.  Mostly berry types, for me.  I tried various lemonades, to mixed reviews.  Actually more negative.  Just a bit too... too.  However, I happened to be nearly out of most.  I almost never use a whole pack.  Actually, I take that back.  I mean I never use a whole pack, for sure.  I happened to have a partial of lemonade and, perhaps, fruit punch.  I mixed them.  Nice, very nice.  I have since experimented.  About two thirds of the berry to one third of any of the lemonades (you like and find work with the other) and, bam, you get a really nice flavor boost.  I don't use this stuff full strength, or every day.  A treat, even if "diet".  Even so, as a treat, I enjoy it more this way.  Something for you to tinker with.

Look, I enjoy tea.  But the volume in which I consume it, it's... impossible to just drink it the same all the time.  Even if I mix teas, which I do.  Even if I have different sorts of teas, for different moods.  Even while sometimes I drink it hot, mid, or cold.  And water?  I haven't been able to drink it without an add since the mid to late 90's.  Might be a side affect from the medicines they wrongly had me on.  It seems permanent now.  There are often downsides to even fortuitous accidents.  Anyway, just thought to share.

Yes, tea and coffee really help.  In enough volume, the water is a flush, the caffeine helps with hunger, and some... other good things for the keto and i.fasting way.  It is the way of it.

Later.