Oh well.

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Again.  I just can't climb out of the hole I have fallen into.  No worries, I'll get there.

Blood sugar is down to 122.  Ugh, but it is a major push to bring it down.  BP was good, gooder.  At 138/98 it is nearing reasonable.  I am draining well as well.  I have gone back down to two water pills.  A weigh in at the first of the week, or my gut feeling, will let me know when to drop to one.

Oh, I received something from amazon I hadn't ordered.  At first I thought it was a mistake.  Nope me, and my address.  Then I checked billing.  I hadn't been.  Initially I thought it was Dr. Bronner's peppermint soap.  I already use that.  On closer inspection, it turns out to be the above, minus soap.  Hand and body lotion.  Seemed fubar to me, but I'll try anything once.  Free, twice.

I... am extremely impressed.  I don't know how much it costs yet, but I'd be willing to pay a premium for it.  Why?  A very little actually does an excellent job.  I am perplexed why so many lotions fail so spectacularly.  And if you like the scent of mint?  This is where that is at.  -  Price checked, between $10 and $11, for eight ounces.  Considering a dime spot covers both legs, ankles, and feet, to and including the knees, with my alligator skin?  Inexpensive.  They also have other scents... lime, lavender, perhaps others.  Just saying.

I might yet shave and shower.  Try the lotion after.  Hunger returns, then fades.  It is mild, some of it is just in my mind... a want, from habit.  Some hunger is real, but not biting... not yet.  Whatever. Good night.

Yeah, not today.

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Simply too hot.  It isn't what the fake weather reports say.  It is 88, they are claiming 97.  Still trying for grobble warbling I see.  Even so, just too hot.  I may check in an hour, though light might be a bit scarce by then.  The problem is there doesn't seem to be a cooler day in the forecast.  Then again, this is from the bozo assclowns who have 100 year forecasts nailed.  I guess if they can't figure tomorrow's weather, going so long they won't even be remembered when they flop... and Soros/globalist money spends good today.

I WILL get dishes, a shave, and a shower.  Once those are completed, I'll think on more.  I did water the side yard just a bit, and will complete that later.  And a narrow patch in the back yard is being hit now.  I'm trying to... bring back the lawn.  With some help it is working.  More seed, and cordoning off some areas from being mowed until growth is next.  If I can keep up on the watering, yeah.

Dishes should be easy.  Shaving won't be bad.  And the shower should be really good.  Hunger pangs earlier.  Need to mix the ketonic (a combination of three powders/crystals, an oil, and warm to hot tea).  Yes, the tea is hot.  That stuff... can help.  Cuts hunger, or offers some energy.  I really need to make bone broth.

Even hot, it's a good day.  I think I'll run the ac for a bit.  Later.

I love it when fasting is... cake?

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Talk about not having your cake, and not eating it to!?!  I... think so.  When fasting is easy, life is better.  The start of the second day and all is well.  Blood sugar finally got down to 145 last night, early this morning actually.  Fasting draw was 201 or such.  No idea why, really.  I'll do what must be done.  BP is fantastic, at 123/86 with pulse at 44?  Maybe I am learning to Zen again.  You would be amazed what you can train your mind and body to do, if first you have to part from them.  Death gave me that opportunity, many times.  So much so, they are... sometimes foreign to me.

My mom called.  She is pleased with her blender.  It was spendy, but can probably handle small, single loaf, bread dough.  Firetruck red, so she won't lose it.  It sounds like she has work lined up for me.  All good.  Using a tractor scoop to get limbs cut, painting roof fronting, more I am sure.  "Afraid of ladders?"  Heck no.  It will be good to help.  I am taking some of my tools.  Life is good.  Hmm, I should get to my windows... extra practice.  And find a hat to keep the sun off.  She has to have a way for me to cool down.

As well, I remembered my bills.  I paid them over the phone before calling my mother.  I also got the mailing address for the one that charges, even for a bank drat.  I may start mailing that in, then decide how much to pay extra, get it automated, possibly sending more in, if I have more than more *wink* at the end of the month.  Triple down, if I can go without so much Amazon.  Arghhhh!  I am thinking one and two thirds on auto, the enough to double or triple pay, depending how the month goes.  We can't, but I can.  Hup!

Yeah, dishes, sanding.  I know... echoing.  But, for sure tonight?  Yeah.  Right.  Later.

Oh, well?

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Dishes?  What else?  Oh, trim... inside, of the outside, windows... the trim next to the glass panes, on the exterior portion of the window.  Some things take a passel of words to convey, or perhaps a few technical words possibly not found in any particular dictionary.  Hmm?  Never to worry.  I mean, I did start on dishes, then sort of fell down.  I'll... get them yet.  But the trim I skipped.  It was 90ish F most of the day, and still 80 as it was growing dark.  Nope.  Just... nope.  As it cools, I may do a bit of prep, so if waking, light, and cool converge, I will be ready.

Fasting is going well.  I seem to be unable to drink as much as usual.  Strange.  Which means I haven't brewed fresh tea, which while warm is what I prefer for my ketonic... the powders mix better and the warmth brings out the flavors more richly.  Yeah.  If I run into that problem in the future... I need to introduce an override or bypass routine.  I am doing that much better in recent years.  Everything from recently learning to take medicines properly when I miss a day of sleep, to brushing regularly, or taking my meds backwards when I lose my day schedule.  I... can learn, train myself.

Blood sugar is coming down.  It's still high, higher than the average I showed the doc, honestly at that time.  I'm not going to worry.  It'll do it's weird thing, I'll just test four times a day, five if my day stretches long, double if I do a double day.  BP is middling ugly as well.  Annoying.

A time of fasting.

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Blood sugars remain ugly.  BP remains middling ugly.  Medicine is taken rightly, foods that have been tested out remain the menu.  It just doesn't seem to matter.  Then again, this isn't completely a surprise.  Perhaps volume, if I don't think so.  I still suspect the brots did something really off.  Something strange about those...

So, today, back to fasting.  The goal is to fast through Monday, at least to it.  If needed, then again next Thursday through Monday.  I will hammer this back in shape.  Oh, I gained 15 pounds in three days when I was having blood sugar problems.  I was drinking less, but enough less I wasn't priming the pump.  So that gallon to gallon and a half per day mostly stayed... enough of it.  I doubled my dose, but have again added another tab... just to push more.  When the pump becomes un-primed, it must take a little more to get the pump flowing again.  Been on this high of a dose before.  All good.

Do what it takes.  If you don't, they will.  Fasting isn't so bad, especially if you have extra to tide you over.  I would like to push both the length and activity level.  The ketone gunk might help.  I keep forgetting it.  It tastes odd, and helps mildly.  But I haven't seen huge gains... marginal only... which means only slight gains.

I may also have to return to full keto.  What's not to like with keto?  All food loses flavor. While that limits temptation, since it all tastes like cardboard... who wants to eat cardboard!?!  Ugh.  Trying to figure the world out, two seconds from death in any direction, is trick.  Well, they say I am close to death.

After searching, many times, for the book I was reading as a devotional and failing to find, I gave up and reordered.  It arrived today.  As well, it's curtains, for me.  Doc.  Well, some of them.  For upstairs.  As well, now that I have mostly figured out water kefir, I ordered more bottles, which arrived, snap-tops, resealable button tops, 16 ounce, strong enough to hold serious fizz.

I'd best get the ketotion, medicine, tea, and then on to my waking and life.  Today?  Dishes, and window inside trim sanding.  Anything else will be incidental.  The trim will have to be later, it is hot, and as any cat on such a tin roof might know?  Youch.  Later?  In more ways then... three, somehow.  Don't cross your eyes!  Dot them!  To a tee?

Cornish game hen, with a twist.

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Several twists.  First, spatchcocked, then grilled, finally basted with coconut manna (butter).  Done perfectly this time.  However, you can keep the coconut manna.  It wasn't overpowering, on the good side.  It had a heavy fatty taste, even grilled, that just...  Now, I did baiste almost as it was coming out.  Maybe that was the problem.  I plan to experiment with it as a food and lotion stuff.  Yeah.  I am trying to find double, even triple, duty stuff.  I wonder if this would work as gun grease?  Seriously.

Anyway, tentatively not giving the nod on this for that.  Although, I finally found a use for my tiny cast frying pan... as a butter, of whatever kind, melting and basting device.  I have several, if the next size would be better for two, or three small, eggs.  I bought a group of them out of curiosity, and because I love cast iron.  It feels... real.  So much of what I find in this place is insubstantial, seems weak, feels too light, reminds me of death.  I want more life, Father.  For myself, and my things.  Iron.  It's not perfect.  It is better.

It was 82, I think, last I checked.  Probably warmer now.  It is 73, and points, inside.  When it feels too warm in here, stepping outside, sitting in the shade until some comfort is obtained, then returning inside does the trick.  It's, really, the perfect weather for the 4th, as an Iowa boy.  No humidity and all is good.

Hmm...  I'll try pork in a bit.  I purchased pineapple, canned, with no sugar added.  I am thinking of trying that on top, just to see.  It's probably beyond the pale, even should they be telling the truth.  Pineapple is pretty sweet.  It's a feast day, it happens, and I am still testing.  Plus with blood sugar gone wild anyway...  I will wait until my blood sugar has time to settle, say three more hours, so I have a flat starting number.  If my sugar is high, but it doesn't spike much, I have a initial positive result.  It takes a number of results to begin making a conclusion... Barring catastrophe.  By the way, when are the French going to learn to write proper (US) English?  :)  It's our national birthday.  What better day for some international incidents?

Back to music, resting, and gaming.  Good day.

The 4th!

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First things first.  BP is a little high, blood sugar is and has been ugly.  Nothing I am doing is working.  Multiday fasting will probably work, but not today.  Today is a feast day.  Pork ribs and a spatchcock cornish game hen.  Last one was grilled whole, someone, over at Ace's (should it be Aces'?), reminded me of the method.  For a 24 ounce bird, it's mostly bone.  I think being forced to peck through the bones for meat makes the meal... much better, sort of like shelling pistachios.

I did not get the flag up.  I'll... it'll get there.  I hate when I remember the important undone tasks in while-waking dream storms.  You can't make me feel more guilt or shame than I already know.  And you probably have no true idea of what might, or even should, grieve such a one.  I do.  Know, that is.  While I won't beat a dead horse, I do know the faults and failures, and try to fix, do, change.  And, slowly... I fix, do, change.  If never will I have all of it.

I have to admit, president Trump... is superior to even what I suspected.  I did have some concern that populism and ego might be the limits of, to, his time in office.  I easily see he has clearcut pro-American goals that supersede those limits.  Further, those weren't what I thought.  They are elements of his game.  Like all men, he struggles with ego, but that is a small personal thing, one he manages well, in my humble opinion, especially given his station.

I do worry about him putting a lefty in the scotus.  When Schmuck Schemer fights against a woman, he is more likely saying who he wants, or what he wants.  Something he should be denied.  Women are fearful malleable weak creatures.  Gave in to Satan quickly, easily, dragged man down with her.  I just hope Trump... he knows.   It would be a trade of some sort, not a good one, especially with that party committing suicide.  Don't surrender now, Grant.  Some associations can't be fixed.  Who would have thought the right party then would turn into such a whiney, self-loathing, anti-American, group of Sodomites?  Sad.

Yes, America is looking better.  But Trump's fixes need to be made law, Dem ruinations such as Zerocare need to be eliminated.  President Trump's appointments need to be shoved through.  Establishment GOP need to be denied entry *cough* Romney *cough*.   Others need to "retire"... many are leaving, as Ryan partly and others completely, if not enough  *cough* McConnel *cough*.  Still, the road back from hell isn't an easy one.

We haven't yet hit the impending economic collapse.  Fed spending is what is artificially sustaining.  It isn't the economic driver, as Zero tried to make it.  The spending is merely an umbrella to buy time to rebuild, design, focus, and unleash the only possible economic engines of commerce, production, construction, and such from the private sector.  We will get hit, hard, often.  It is a matter if we have cut the swill of social socialism and crony capitalis enough that we don't collapse from what is due, coming.  Though, if we go?  They all go darker still.  They know it.

More winning?  Sure.  But for now, have yourself a fantastic, hopeful, patriotic, family and friend filled, delectably edible, celebration of the birth of the nation that has brought light, in a thousand ways, to every corner of this dank, dark, retched world, or died trying.  And remember to thank the soldiers, marines, sailors, cops, and others, who do stand against the filthy darkness so you don't have to face the dragons yourself.  Amen.

A bit, so far.

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A bit of simple rest got me over the want of a nap.  So, after doing my regular affairs, and cooling plus relaxing, I started a bit more.  The new garden hoses arrived, so I was able to bypass the broken hose.  As well, I installed the timer and delink devices, so as to be able to keep the hoses connected, and switch them, and even the timer, with ease.

With it being overcast, or was, I started watering.  Of course, this time the sun sort of came out.  I turned it all off, if I may move things a bit and give a soak to a slightly different area tonight. It is helping, but it will never quite make it without more shade, and perhaps fertilizer, maybe else?

I had to call my mother, though it is good to check in, it regarded an exact address check, for a delivery.  Her birthday present, one of them, for this month.  Surprisingly, a name brand.  She is usually a very country girl, and usually right.  But sometimes she finds a quality item, and knows from experience that it isn't just a name thing.  I am just proud she, mostly, wasn't afraid to ask.  Of all the cooks in the world, she has done the most with the least.  It is good to get better tools in her hands.  Pleases the soul, and many bellies even to this day, and so long as she lives.

As well, and finally, Duluth returned the money.  I was tempted to not buy again.  Save that their belts, while spendy, are truly the best belts under the sun.  And, the other things I like from them, even for the price, are excellent.  I just can't hate them.  So I ordered belts again.  I don't even need to throw the fifteen year old one away.  I can just use that for around the house.  Yeah, they are that good.  I am murder on regular belts.

Up and over.

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With such a long, hot, busy, exhausting day, I wasn't sure how things would work... through the night, or waking today.  I ended waking at a weird early time.  Perhaps I already wrote about it?  Waking after a short to normal sleep period.  I then crashed, hard, around 1:30.  I fell too fast to set an alarm.  I woke at 9:30, an half hour before driving was planned.  I really wanted to tuck back in but didn't.

Up, hair fixed, medicine, dressed, and teeth being brushed when the knock came.  I got the grill going, then we headed out.  It was better, but not stellar.  It just takes time.  Then a steak dinner.  And right as he goes in to get his braces out.  *grins*  I bet his ortho (is it) will be happy with that.  Driving and work next time, and a... chat.  He has broken two hoses and the brass splitter.  He... has some work to do, off the books.  Repairs.

Today?  Resting.  I have pushed far too hard these last four or five days.  I need rest.  It's a cool day, at 64 F, last I looked.  Mostly overcast, with a mild breeze last time I was out. Now to strip to shorts, t, and house flops.  Then daily do's, news, and on to gaming, or a nap.  A nap will happen, soon or late.

Later.

Rough day, wake.

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What a mess.  Too little sleep, dehydrated, overheated, hungry, and bulling on through?  There was a price.  My blood sugar sot up, and the meal and fluid exacerbated that, spiking to 300/275.  (I did a second test, not trusting the first, not sure which to believe.)  Then I crashed so hard I think I hurt something... no, not really if almost.

I thought I would sleep for days, or at least half a day.  Nope!  Seven hours and I popped out of bed like a perfect ice cube ejected out of it's mold.  It pretty much hurt right then, but the bed was finished with me.  No going back.  I am tempted to take aspirin.  I like to hold off, though.  Reserving that for persistent, harsher, pain.  It makes the stuff very effective when something is on the edge of tolerability.

I immediately checked the outside temp.  It was cooler than indoors already, barely.  Good enough.  Everything was opened save the window on the sunny side.  Way too much heat, even with the fading sun.  It is time to open that window.  Sundown is heaven, hereabouts.

Ah!  My bad about the boss.  He didn't just forget, or get busy.  He was camping last week.  He told me, too, I just... reckon time... differently.  I thought he had already gone, last week.  So... lessons are back on.  At least I... didn't have to eat too much crow.  A minor apology seemed appropriate, and to suffice.  My can I be a big baby.  Oh well.  At least I... left room to sort it out before harm.  Though, I was trying to be understanding... I thought, maybe, he got in too deep, too many jobs.  All good.  Only the cap toe, not the whole shoe...  *tap dancing with the devil...*

All things are getting better.  The pains are easing, the cave and bod are cooling, blood sugar is at 185, food is being planned... the same old regular, ribeye, corn, potatoes, and fresh milk *WOOT*... medicine is down, plus I finally added the extra minerals to my kit and going to need them with double water pill dose.  Oh, I best brush.  For why though?  Fie, for now, I will continue.

I am hoping to sleep earlier tonight.  Even a nap would do.  I want to be ready to drive tomorrow, and do some other things.  I may have a bargain for the boss... a deal he can't refuse.  We are all momma's boys, in even our darkest hearts.  Some run from it, wrestle with it, face it, or else.  Just best to take it like a man, for whatever that means on any given day.  Yeah, cooties and all, I suppose.  It's a trap!

We'll, I best brush, open the lee window, and get the grill hot.  Hmm, not the grill quite yet.  I must thaw steak.  Good evening.

Still awake.

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No choice.  I thought the doctor appointment was tomorrow.  At about 4:30, I checked my email.  Yeah, well, too late for me to back out fairly, to the doc.  A shower, my readings/devices, dressed, and then out.  I was nervous.  Blood sugar has drifted up, averaging 151 or so.  He was fine with that.  BP, which I lost track for these problematic days, was around 122/82 or such.

With the tester data, and the V.A. a1c, he didn't see the need for more labs today.  Cool. I do seem to be retaining water, so upping the dose on the water pill.  All good.  Should have realized to do that myself already.  I let him know i upped carvedilol, and started losartin.  I think he was impressed.  Asked me how I did it...  When I saw him two months ago, my bp was 224/126, pulse 120-145, and blood sugar hitting over 400.

Fasting, of two sorts, and care with foods.  Yeah, I think he was impressed.  I asked if he could tell I had started brushing my teeth.  He said he couldn't.  I guess I assumed I had to have bad breath.  Nope.  He said he would have remembered.  Odd, but okay.  Oh, and I asked for and received handicap tags.  I just had to get them processed.

Then to the library.  The return labels printed perfectly, quickly.  Then the package finally was sent.  Crazy.  The disability cards were obtained next.  I'll only use them rarely, when needed desperately or if gasoline is going missing at a particular place.

After four hours, in the heat, without anything to drink, my blood sugar jumped to 212 or so.  I was hurting.  Something to drink and eat quickly after returning.  Trying to make it up to mid afternoon or later, to reset the internal clock, maybe.  Rough, long, hot day.  Later, good night.

Did you ever see too far?

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Perhaps it was seeing to cosmic inheritance too soon.  Maybe seeing falsely.  Maybe one sort of corruption, or another.  I was so sure.  When I found her, I knew.  I was going places.  I was doing things.  Then I was alone.  I couldn't think.  I stopped being able to remember.  I was dead before I died, only moving forward through momentum.  Such grand momentum, it carries me to this day, from time to time, when my feet can keep me up.  I DO remember... some of it... sometimes.

Deprivation wasn't working.

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With a fasting blood sugar at 188, then the next read, two hour after... still fasting... at 202, I had to think.  What else changed?  Hmm, less fluid.  A lot less.  From two to four gallons a day to, perhaps, a gallon plus up to another half, max.  It's rather difficult to drink, for me, without at least an occasional sweetening.  And?  And cutting food.  Both based on numbers that went crazy, due to bad brots.

Okay.  So, if it was the brots, and I wrongly cut food and fluid, if I go back to drinking much more and eating the right foods regularly... could that fix it.  Fasting wasn't helping, nor was running dry.  Worth a shot, and I was tired of pushing and pulling.  So... I ate.  A goodly meal.  And started sweetening every other tea.  Within the hour, my blood sugar dropped to 183, then rose to 198, then dropped to 140 and just now down to 125.  Why do I feel like I am playing Go with my body?  Uhrm, because I am.

So?  So, dinnertime!  I've got the grill going, just to heat some already grilled meat.  As well, green beans, and three or four eggs.  Sizes vary a bit with "wild" eggs.  I think it was a lack of fluid, but food irregularity was adding to the problem.  Of course it may have been linger syrup, other issues, or a combination of knowns and/or unknowns.  It may not be solved, this could be a fluke.  Time is a distant relative to the Truth.  May do for now, soon.  Huh?  Give it a while.

I did water the front yard a bit tonight.  It is all looking a bit better, and will until the world heats back up again.  I best check the grill, put veggies on first... they take longer. I may not be a grilling godfather, or yet, but I am learning.  I will do if a true patron of the man-cooking arena is not to be found.  I know that good food isn't about my feelings, but about satisfied bellies.  I'll make it as guests, or myself if I am it, prefer... with a smile even if I have to do it over and again.  Though, too often, same one, invitation list, scratch.

Well.  Have a great evening, night.  Uhrm, morning for some of you.

Going off schedule is rough.

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No matter what, I had to go off schedule.  Either sleep or food had to be missed.  Actually, it turned out that a bit of both was lost.  I did get a full night of sleep.  Only after staying up too late.  And, a shorter sleep, between six and seven hours, heat woke me.  It's not really hot, 78 F or so, in the early afternoon.  Only 73 in here.  And, yet, you can feel the increase in intensity.  My body hates sleeping in those conditions.  Better to cut sleep shy then get heat-sleep sickness.

Fasting blood sugar is high.  Not as bad, at 168, if not great.  After four hours, after supper, my blood sugar had only gone down to 148, so I didn't end up eating again.  As well, today I will not eat until/unless blood sugar drops to 135 or less.  I don't want to fast.  If required to manage blood sugar then so be it.  It seems I can do it.  I can't do it and get much done.  But I can do it.  I am still suspicious that more is going on that appears the case.

I have been keeping up on brushing teeth, medicine, on top of other usuals.  I had to get out of bed the last two nights, to brush, and last night for medicine as well.  Both were harsh, but last night was brutal.  I don't care, as long as it gets done.  Roll, remove cat, remove blanket, roll and twist... are eyes open?  Open eyes, check.  Etc.  All good.  I sleep better with those things done.  I haven't missed a medicine back to two, maybe three Mondays ago.  Not bad.  Brushing?  I haven't missed morning and night for a month, more.  I have missed a few 'lunch' brushings, this month, two I should guess.  Not bad.

Trash today, what little there is.  A shave and shower, maybe bedding and laundry?  We'll see.  Some of it might depend on food.  I can do some, but without food, I do slow down a bit.  A lot, sometimes.  We will see.  Later.

So far so good.

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I wasn't sure what to honestly expect.  The last few meals exploded in my face.  I am more and more sure it was the brots.  Dinner was very good.  The cornish game hen was fantastic, if a bit overdone.  If I have to go more one way or the other, I prefer extra crispy, especially for fowl.  I also had a slice of beef.  Chuck roast, grilled as well, but nowhere close to overdone, if not underdone either, just right.

Blood sugar went up to 161 from 132.  It has probably risen as high as it will go, and in an hour it should be on the way back down.  If I am lucky, and it doesn't explode, it may be back down to the premeal number.  I'd really like another full meal, but I think not.  A small bowl of pistachios, or fruit.  Not more.  Then back on to bed.

I sure hope I am back on schedule.  I won't have to reschedule.  I will check everything I buy much more closely.  Corn syrup in brots?  Poisoning us, intentionally.  The meat tasted wrong, underneath.  I wonder if syrup allows them to use what should be called bad meat?  Thank you, FDA.  You should be outlawed.

Good night.  I'll write a report in the morning.

Ugh, finally.

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I have been testing frequently.  I am really not ready to fast.  As with yesterday, I set a goal, before eating.  Instead of the 150's, I lowered it to 135.  And only unsweetened tea has been consumed.  I'll do every other read, as it covers everything, and was similar to yesterday.  Fasting was 195, then 222, 161, 143.  At which time I realized  I would hit my goal, so accelerated thawing of a few things.  A final read of 132 just now.  No potatoes, no fruit and cottage cheese, just meat and corn, and a smaller meal.

I still don't exactly know what went so disastrously wrong.  The brots suggest there is only one sugar.  I don't think so.  Or something else changed.  Did I pick up a lite, rather than unsweetened?  Did they mislabel something?  Too much of something, or a mix of things?  I will see how this meal works.  If the reading is back to nearly 132 in three hours, I will have a second meal, then stay awake until the blood sugar drops to, or below, say, 135?  Or, I'll give it another hour, failing the wanted drop, I'll just go to bed.  Yeah.

I simply am not back up to being able to fast again yet.  Not of body, not of mind.  And, yet, I had a blood sugar problem.  I'll do what it takes to not be on insulin.  I don't believe doctors, they lie all the time.  Every time I offer them some trust, they fail.  No insulin.  And I'll stick with higher fats and proteins, occasionally veggies.  Salt as I desire, as usual.  Sure am hungry.  Later.

Almost.

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The first woman I could have had has been haunting my thoughts this week.  Usually these pass.  I try to ignore these sorts of thoughts, memories, or just enjoy or suffer them quietly.  I have to write about this one.  Every time I turn around, look closely at something else, or look away, there she is.  No, I will try to ease her from my mind through my blog.

She wouldn't have been my first lover, if we had gone there.  No.  What she would have been was my first love.  A very different thing.  A love is owned, a lover is had... once or several times.  She was the first possibility, as a man, to have, own, a woman.  It would have led to marriage, children.  I knew she was open to me.  I was interested.  It was a serious, often unspoken, series of events.

Ah-ha!

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I found some of the problem.  Brots, Johnsonville, they add corn syrup.  As expensive as they are...  On the good side, they were a trial, one I didn't like.  I will see if the neighbors want them.  The remaining packages are still frozen.  Yeah, but, could that still be tagging me?  I ate five, over two days.  Two, two suppers ago, one as a snack yesterday, and two for supper last night.  Maybe.  It is just odd that blood sugar keeps going up today, only drinking plain tea.  I guess I am back to fasting, at least until I hit the 130's.  Yeah, added corn syrup, and manufactured in sugar (in bread, etc) seems to really bash my diabetes, whereas adding sugar, or even having a soda, doesn't... or as much.  Something about what they add, or how they add it.

When did they start pouring sweeteners into brots?  Maybe they have for most of my life?  Are they somehow adding it to raw pork as well?  I'm not sure.  I just don't trust... anybody... at this point.  I'm throwing the rest of the pork I recently bought and cooked. I haven't had this problem with other batches bought.  Though I am not sure that is the problem, just an abundance of caution.

I was thawing a cornish game hen.  I had to go check that, and the raw pork.  Thankfully neither indicates anything other than meat.  Who ever knows anymore?  I'd like to try to grill the hen.  I'm not sure how well that will work.  If it does work it will be fantastic.  I am hoping to be eating by tomorrow.  Later.

A tough week.

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I can't say why.  It is warming, if today and yesterday is and was cooler.  But that isn't it.  I have been staying on medicine, which is usually good, if I am on a steeper dose which could be part of the problem.  Blood sugar has started running high, for no good reason.

I have completely eliminated the sweetener.  I am suspicious of the brots, perhaps ribs.  The brots are processed.  I bought sweet, but that was an assortment of Italian spices, not sugared... though perhaps that changed.  The ribs were cooked from what I presumed a raw state.  I even washed, then changed out the jar I was drinking from... which worked a bit for a bit.  I even did fasting for a while.

I am honestly suspicious of outside influences.  This, happening right before a doctor appointment, with a doc who is going to try to force insulin?  Very suspicious.  I've never had this happen when I could focus before.  I'll figure something out.  I won't let them force me onto insulin.  Oh, and with elevated blood sugar, typically cool has become hot, according to my senses.  For now, back to fasting.

After fasting, cleaning than changing out my drinking jar, the number dropped, so I thought food might then help.  Nope.  I'll have to change my appointment.  And watch my back.  Later.

Waking early is good.

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It's a tough one, this morning.  It may not be continued in the future.  It has always been the intent.  If I were simply a night-owl, I would learn to live with it.  My schedule bounces, more so when I am able, then work.  The problem isn't just sleeping to much, but can be staying awake too long and or too little.  Those things don't go together, each can be it's own problem.

I have been doing well for a bit.  My day is slipping though, slowly.  Later and later.  Actually, after this post, I have to go back to bed.  Meds have been taken, teeth brushed.  My day has been started.  Something feels off though, as if my innards slipped a quarter off track.  There is some direct discomfort, and some odd organ affects.  I hope it's just a bad day.  Milder than such events in the past, but it's been so long time since my innards hurt that it's having more of a punch.

Dreamed.  Not a pleasant one.  The evils of jealousy.  All you have to have is one more item, comparatively, for some people to be murderously jealous.  The young are greatly susceptible, if some never grow up.  I ended up getting rid of all possessions, none going to those who were thinking of murder for gain.

Another day.

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I didn't do much.  Blood sugar is higher than it should be, if easily below 200.  Still, it's being fussy.  I have started wondering if sugar is being added to something.  Something isn't adding up.  I may fast again, early.  Do what I must.

What seemed the makings of a storm rolled in.  A dry one.  The wind is gone already.  It did provide cover so as to water the lawn again.  It may simply be too sunny for the lawn to survive well here.  I'll try.  It may simply not work.  I really should put the timer out, and get a few other things in place.  Not tonight, if it is time to shut it all down.

The temp went from 88 to 65, outside, in an half hour.  I opened the cave accesses right away, but it didn't cool off any better... well, it was 75.9 yesterday, 75.6 today.  :p  I do run the ac a bit in early afternoon.  While it doesn't seem to change the temp, it does feel cooler.  Then again, all my thermometers are higher up.  I may check something the next few days.

I had to laugh.  I sensed that someone was trying to use a song I showed to suggest I was the same type of monster I was suggesting was the enemy.  I can never tell if I am dealing with an idiot, a poser who should know better, or a typical evil actor.  Letting one who is too young go is... a good thing.  I don't have to feel good about it, but I must.  At my age, in my health, finding a woman with whom to have children with is tricky, unlikely... if that is half the point.  Too young is just that, too, again.  But, anyone with half a brain and even a modicum of morality, wouldn't have an issue.  Unless they are simply stupid, or evil.

I may get to bed earlier tonight.  It's about time, if so.   Almost.  Good night.

A strange morning and night.

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As for the night, a dream.  Most, actually all, monsters either can't (usually) or won't (rarely) be able to see just what kind of monster they are.  Only, I suspect, those who were once powerfully on the side of good... who kept themselves clean, knowing both sin and virtue exceedingly well... may be able to still see their own faults.  They simply refuse, for... pride?  March, if you know it and wish to show it, I suppose.

In my dream, I saw the nature of the monsters which are the most common threat.  Addled with hungers, addictions, lusts, none of which can be satisfied, and the women who live much like them, refusing to sate lusts, merely egging their pseudo men on with  lust invoking but unloving, or simply crass but unsatisfying, approval behaviors.

Of course, there is their dark lord.  Even when I walked in darkness, he was not my lord.  To the powerful, he is not a king, just a greater, the greatest, betrayer.  The king of fools?  I think that is how he was known by me and my kind.  The oldest any of us knew, until... until God... became known to a few, and worshipped by fewer still.  There is him.  He isn't the earthly threat.  For now.  It is his knowing and willing minions.  Again, for now.

Watering, food, and remembering a dream.

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Not much, if pushing creates *stars*.  That is not nearly as severe as it was yesterday, if enough to keep my plans simple.  The yard really needs water.  Longer tonight, and longer Saturday.  Longer until I see solid results.  The side yards are better.  I may look into smaller indigenous shade trees.  Something to give the front yard a chance.  Perhaps evergreens of some sort.  We have a brutal sun here.  Wow, that water is C O L D though.

Blood sugar isn't great.  BP has been good.  Another meal is about to get going.  Pieces of pork rib, crisped on the grill, and eggs.  Perhaps milk, though definitely cottage cheese and a few slices of peach.  Those unsweetened canned fruits are truly a treat.  Convenient, no hits on blood sugar, not expensive, with a can lasting out five meals over a week.  Almost anything is edible, just a matter of dosing.  Except added sugar, corn syrup, or such.  I may try a roll tonight.  They may add sugar, but not include it on the ingredient list, a common treachery.

Personally, I think the government knows, approves, pushes, such.  We need to end both public sector unions and lifetime bureaucratic positions and the safety of those jobs, be able to fire anyone in the government for even a hint of corruption, impropriety, or just being assholes.  They have forgotten who they work for.

Ah, the dream.  I saw him leave.  I thought it was after she fell.  And there is another woman to go.  Which is when, who, is another matter.  If the left is crazy now, rabid soon.  That can, will, be handled.  Amen.

It got to 88 today, by early to mid afternoon.  It was 73 F in here, until late afternoon when the house finally surrenders a bit, and hit 75, nearly 76.  Almost as soon as the sun drops, for now, the temp plunges.  It is 62 and probably still falling.  Everything gets opened and the fans continue their tiresome but beloved job.  I am enjoying summer a lot more.  With diabetes and bp more controlled, the heat is much easier to live with.

Later.  Perhaps good night.

Another opportunity.

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Is there ever a better time than now to start, start over, start again?  Actually, is there any other time?  Now or never isn't wisdom, merely a truth... given the constraints on time with which we are faced.  Even if you don't begin now, it is only now, in awareness, when plans may be formulated, and some current or future now when those plans may be implemented.  It's... always now... when one plans or does.

So, plans for today?  Same plans as yesterday, minus what has been done.  ;p  It's too early for recall.  Though another shower, maybe a quick shave, might be good.  I already cleaned the litter box and topped off their dry food.  Time to see if Sam wants out.  I try to hit litter at least twice a day.  It pays... litter lasts longer and odor is controlled... especially since I can and do vent daily, while it is cooler.

I experimented with the ac upstairs.  One tiny ac does the trick.  I thought it might help cool the downstairs, but nope.  So...  Actually I may buy another, but not for up there.  Perhaps for in the north-facing laundry room, one with a timer, to run in the mid afternoon, daily.  Just a bit of a boost to cooling.  A few hours is all it should take.  And a few hours in the bedroom as I go to sleep, better started an half hour before sleep.

It's only 72, but for some reason it seems hot this morning.  At 9:30, it was 65 F outside, but the sun was blazing.  I closed everything down.  I have two fans going.  I don't want to run ac until it hits 74.  Why do I feel so hot?  A shower may help.  Though even cool showers end up heating me up, sometimes, often.

No stars, at least so far.  When I shave and shower I'll know.  A mild... headache type thing, but different.  I'm definitely chalking that up to fasting, it's similar to one of the mild complaints from while fasting.  There are several, but so mild as to be easily ignored.  Just mentioned now because it is occurring outside of fasting, which is unusual.  I think strong heat, or severe cold, probably extremes of any kind, don't go well with fasting.  No worries, just something to consider when fasting in the future.  Yes, fasting is a permanent part of my life.  Always has been, just... now it is controlled.

I'm doing bp with my waking-fasting blood draw, roughly two hours after waking.  It will give medicine time to work.  Eating will be after the blood draw four hours after that.  I may eat as hunger dictates for the next six hours (roughly for now, four to eight hours as needed until I can tighten, then take it down to a four hour food period, as my regular consumption rules).  Yeah.  Fasting and feasting, sinning and saintliness, it is the way of those whom I have sought more understanding.  Want better?  Here?  Living with both is... even if you don't sin, it's all around.  Actually, by not sinning one becomes insane, according to the world.  Probably why I am so hated at the V.A.  Or they think I follow up on my notions... if I doubt that is the problem.

On to waking.  Good morning and day.
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Somone... remembers... the gig?

Just a bit.

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Freshly grilled meat is too delectable for me to pass upon.  Just a bit, with mustard.  It took my blood sugar to 119, which is lower than any fasting read, I believe.  Still, I am chalking these up to fasting.  Another reason to eat is because something is really off.  The 'stars' are back.  I feel nearly dazed and confused.

Not sure what the problem is.  I know it isn't dehydration, hunger issues, low blood sugar... bp is 119/77, with a pulse of 80.  I think that is a record, for the second number?  Close if not.  Perhaps my body just isn't made to have such low numbers, or isn't used to it.  My body is really off, that is for sure.

I will rest pretty soon.  Perhaps that, with the food, will put things to rights.  I sure hope so.  Could it just be the heat?  It feels heat related.  Nah.  I was feeling this when it was just 70, this morning, which passes for chilly around here recently.  I just don't know.  I sure need sleep.  Good night.

Well?

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Food helped, a bit.  A drive to town, shopping.  A few new things, a few things I was running low on, regular items.  Even with food, the trip was tough.

I knew the meal I had was going to destroy my blood sugar read.  Jammed it, after two to three hours, up to 99.  Wha?  I've been fasting for half a week and didn't come close to that.  So I break fast with enough food for two meals and hit the jackpot?  I'm telling you, it just doesn't make sense.  Grilling brots and pork ribs.  I might have a nibble, but most of it is for the rest of the week.  Chop and heat with eggs, grill again and eat with mustard, perhaps on a bun.  Hmm, might make an egg casserole with bits and parts.  Life is good, more so when, if, you do your part.  I am trying.

Ugh.  Hot, tired, but... pleased.  I'll keep at it.  Good night.

To work I must eat.

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I could continue my fast.  I can't continue my fast and work.  I hit a wall.  Seeing stars a bit too frequently, just doing minor things... showering and shaving, then almost anything outside.  It isn't terribly hot, 85 F and dry.  It is hot enough that being outside is slightly taxing, generally.  Saw stars, so stopped my efforts and returned to my chair.

Choices.  Though not really.  I have things I must do.  Obviously not today.  Food won't work that fast.  Tomorrow or the day after.  I have things which have to be done, inside, out, and business.  A choice that isn't. On the good side, I was able to fast well this time.  The Thursday after the next I may try to hit five days.  It seems even my schedule has limits.

I could drive, just not work.  Dinner is on.  Later.

A great start to a new day.

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Up late might be the only complaint.  But not by when I went to bed.  Late, very late, to bed.  Season lag?   More sun, more heat, harder to even remember to sleep.  I'll work on it.  I haven't been needing the ac or fan, which is incredible.  Perhaps turning those on for a bit, to help sleep earlier and more quickly?  Yes.  But to remember to do so, then follow through?  If I can learn to brush my teeth again, it's possible.

Dishes were reset, teeth brushed, cat litter tended, Sam was let out right off.  At 10:00, it was just around 70 F... going to be a warm one.  All good.  With the watering timer set and seemingly functional, I'll get that set up.  Dishes, bedding, and laundry remain.  Well, there is always more.  I'll do some named and some unnamed.

Fasting blood sugar was better, at 123.  BP was superior, at 119/94 p. 74.  Actually before medicine, right off the flattop.  *zoom*  It's the fourth day fasting, doing well.  Doing exceptionally well.  I am certain to make it to five days?  How about fourteen days?  We'll see.  Those are eventual goals, just to see.  If they work, perhaps a twenty one day fast.  If I succeed with that, it may become a yearly lent observance, with three-day fasts every other week and daily fasting as a general rule?  Aye.  Yes.

Best to shave and shower today.  I am pleased with the direction and velocity of this week.  Even with fasting it is going well.  There are always more tasks, jobs, chores, duties, responsibilities, and opportunities than time, for now.  But that is half the beauty of the gig.  You carve your face into a block of reality with the choices of the usage of your time, becoming what you do, if only parents and the holy transcend.  Amen.

Hmm.  Shut up.  ;)  I suppose a shower and shave, in case the boss shows up with keys and time.  Then to just wake via gaming.  Later.

Some of the plan.

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Through the third day of fasting, I honestly wasn't sure if anything would get done.  I saw stars a few times.  More a bp, or pulse, thing than glucose.  My pulse did go up to 65 by midday.  BP was middling okay.  Bleh.  I haven't checked it yet tonight as I just remembered medicine... want to give it an half hour or hour to work.  Blood sugar is better, now that I am limiting sweetener, at 114.  

I got all the watering done before it got dark.  Nasty dry out there.  Despite reviews, or maybe because of old ones, the watering timer actually works without waiting a week.  I wonder, if they fixed that, perhaps more than one of the four outlets can be used at once?  No, I think that failed when I was tinkering, if that was manual.  I may experiment.  I hit the yard in two shots.  I don't have enough functioning garden hoses for a single pass, nor water pressure probably.  So, for now, it is as it is.  I plan to order two more hoses this next month, hundred footers.  That and repair a few.

I also did dishes, almost.  Two washes.  Rinsing now.  Won't finish them tonight.  Pulled weeds while out there, picked up sticks, made an effort to fix one of the hoses as well.  Lots of standard things too, like feeding the girls, tending their litter, oh and got the trash and recycling barrels pulled back.  Yeah, not bad.  Not all planned, but that wasn't... likely.  I am a bit surprised and pleased.  A gift to and from God.  To His glory.  Hmm, something about... to He Who has, more shall be given?  As below, so above?  I suspect.  Good night.

Oh, bp is 139/99, p. 76.  Good night.

The satisfaction of hearing success.

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It took until nearly 3:00 for me to get trash and recycling collected, to the bins, then the bins out for pickup.  I was honestly beginning to think I would time out.  Sometimes I literally cannot function after some point, or for various reasons.  I was pushing, it worked.  It is more exhausting to push and do nothing than to simply do it, but if I can't, I can't.  The satisfying rumble of one, maybe both, refuse trucks, the sound of the breaks, rumble of the engine, clanks of the lift arms, as I remained just that side of sleep, satisfied in knowing I did not miss another trash day, chore, duty.  Odor, in and out, has been managed.  Then drifting back down to a kind rest.

Sam did wake me again.  I "forgot" to close the door.  It was half that, half being undecided... wanting to see what she would do.  She gave me a bit longer in the day, if pushing my actual sleep time.  Letting me sleep in to 9:30, if cutting sleep time to six hours, plus up to an half hour.  I'm tres bon with that.  I'm liking my little living teddy bear girl cat alarm.

Fasting blood sugar is a wee high, at 145.  We'll see if sweetener control helps today.  BP is... weird, 151/89, pulse 40!?!  I... have snuck in extra carvedilol, two by 6.25 mg, in the mornings.  I have been on four times that amount, which wasn't sustainable.  Now I know why.  They were trying to murder me.  Good to know.  I've just started.  Would like to give it a few days to week to settle out.  It's the pulse that concerns me.  I had been on a single extra in the morning for two weeks, with pretty much no effect.  I've only been on the current dose for two or three days.  Ah, weighing in at 252.

A shower, some calls, dishes, bedding, and laundry?  It's a plan.  Fasting will continue.  Feeling good with fasting so far today.  I need to remember bullion or broth the next time I shop.  Oh, and watering again.  I can hit the food type greens a bit after noon, when the sun is cut by the roof.  The rest must wait until long shadows fall.  Perhaps earlier, and with better zone planning.  Ugh.  I hate doing stupid, but sometimes it has to happen.  Ah, such a low pulse may play a part.

Hmm.  A shave and shower as a first, beside already brushing teeth, meds, and blog runs.  Now for tea and a spot of gaming.  Good day, chuckle-heads.  Blessings, wise thoughts, and stupid grins.  Later.

Is it?  Innit.  Of course.

Watering the green growy things.

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Took longer than anticipated.  I kept finding dry patches.  Didn't help that it was getting, then got, dark.  Still, I finally got it all.  I may hit it tomorrow, briefly, then every other then third day.  Yeah, it's a pattern, that will fit in a week; Monday, Wednesday, Saturday... an half hour per.  The front and side lawn needed it desperately, which is why a quick splash tomorrow will happen.  I got the garden stuff yesterday.  It was still looking good, only gets sun half the day.  It'll get hit tomorrow too.

Not much else done.  While late, I will get the trash and recycling out.  Recycling is mostly out.  I'll take the bag I've been using, mostly just to be tidy, and for odor management.  Trash.  It... there isn't much, but out it will go also.  At least the effort should be easy.  Should be.  My body doesn't want to, I don't want to.  I will.

Blood sugar was elevated much of the day.  I realized I have been drinking a lot of artificial sweetener.  I usually use it in half my tea.  Lately I've been using more and every time.  I cut that, and... bingo.  I'll have to both cut volume and frequency.  No problem.  Now I know, and that is a relief.  I was beginning to think... something broke, permanently.  Not sure if blood sugar is, or how close of a, glucose model it is.  Not sure if everything that affects one affects the other?  Do they know?  BP is ranging lower to lower middling.  Bleh.

Fasting is doing well.  I was tested earlier.  Popcorn really sounded good.  Powerful, the temptation, but short lived.  No?  No!  My leg is doing better.  I did find my regular vitamins.  I took the minerals off daily, but kept extra in the cycle four days a week.  I may go back down to thrice weekly if the leg does well enough for long enough.

Health habits are taking hold.  Medicine, brushing teeth, taking readings.  Oh, must add foot lotion, which ends up getting hands, arms, knees, and elbows.  The leg is doing much better, but it's not quite there.  I may add Listerine in, for lunch gargling.  It and my other do different things.  Docs, of the dental varietal, want me to use both but resigned their hope to the main one I use.  I am hoping the new kind will help.

I best get the refuse collected and out.  Sam has her work cut out for her tomorrow morning.  I may shut the door?  Good night.

I have the quad timer set up.

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Mostly.  I have two zones ready.  The odd thing is that the system will only allow one zone to run at a time.  Usually water pressure is a bit high.  I am considering using just one zone, with a splitter.  I don't need to water the back.  A benefit of allowing someone to farm grasses back there. Probably the side yard in time.  For now I have the side and front yard.  The water pressure should be enough for both.

I plan to water more often, but for short runs.  Once I have it set and going, I'd like to put grass seed out, then do that again this fall, everywhere it has become sparse or worse.  Then put up barriers so those areas don't get mowed.  If weeds appear, either pull by hand or use the weed whip.  I'm never sure what variables might be in play, so which solutions could do.  Tick-tock.  I just know I need to water.

I actually will water manually this week, or until I hear the timer working.  I have heard it takes a week to activate, switching it to manual will reset the cooldown.  I'll see.  No problem doing it manually until I am sure it is working.  Annoying, but every timer out there has bugs or limits.  I don't understand why they can't, or won't really, simplify.  I suppose engineers up to snuff for that get paid a lot more to do more important things.

BP was a bit high, blood sugar popped up then dropped ten points.  My body seems to be ignoring my fast, or doing it's best to do so.  Blood sugar went from 128 to 160/165 to 150, well into the second day without food.  Nutz.  BP is sometimes higher, if mostly better.  I am beggining to feel the pain... just starting to feel hunger.  Perhaps a nap?  Later.

Sam has decided to wake me?

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I don't know if this is a local fad or if it will become a regular thing.  She shaved sleep a little tight this morning.  But being up earlier is... good.  I wouldn't mind her pushing my wake back to 5:00 or 6:00.  She doesn't get fed any earlier, or even let out.  But she does get positive reinforcement in the forms of petting, mild itching, and massage.  And this lets her know she is top cat.  She is often in the dog house, so this pleases her.  She likes... to be liked.

Fasting blood sugar, through yesterday, started high, went higher, then started coming down the last two draws... 150ish, a couple 160's, a 140, then a high 120.  It is 128 this morning.  BP is a bit better, but increased from middling to the bad numbers by bedtime.  I am taking medicine and change.  It was on the lower end of my usual range this morning.  Odd thing is that my pulse has dropped into the 70's, almost every time, except last night, for days.

Fasting is going very well.  No pains or... what I call... withdrawal symptoms, yet.  While I do need food, I am also prone to addiction.  As are we all, I believe.  Born to eat, poop, and die.  Thank God for commas!  And you thought my jokes weren't funny.  Uhrm, I sincerely hope that's funny to you.  I suppose there must be proof all cultures aren't equal if not.  Here's to laughing at you, kid!

My mom called.  I missed but called her back.  This time it worked.  It seems she is moving.  Out by August seems the plan.  I don't know that I can make it, but I may try.  Perhaps for the last week or two?  If, that is, I can make it.  Gas one way, one month, the other way the next month.  Got to have a cool place to sleep though.  Still not sure.  Maybe.

Medicine, brushing, stats and blood tests, all becoming routine... for now.  Fasting becoming easier, so far.  Pretty tired though.  Which, if I can keep up while exhausted, there is that.  Now to add a bit of work and exercise in.  This is a very good downtime.  I am yet hoping for a better uptime, perhaps an extended one.

I ordered a few more parts for watering the lawn.  I looked in town, to the limits of my ability.  If it's not even there, I can't buy it.  I'm watching my money.  Slipping just a bit, if I put more in this month than there was last month.  I really need to open a saving account.  What I don't see...  Just for emergency and home repair use to keep it in check.  No use to save when value is lost through interest versus inflation... just another form of theft.  Worse than loan interest, especially credit cards.  They took mine away because I paid it quickly.  Now my account is my positive "credit card balance".  I am laughing all the way to the bank.  Except for interest theft.

Later.

Sam woke me this morning.

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Sometimes, I suspect, the old girl wakes me for her own purposes.  Sometimes she just thinks I should be awake.  Generally she is fair, if not always correct.  Today she was both.  I suspect she wanted out.  Though... I do think she thought I had enough sleep as well.  Persistent old girl.  At least she has learned to not use claws.

Awake I am.  Teeth brushed, waiting that half hour after brushing and gargling for tea, and meds.  Blood sugar is 148, bp is 138/99, p. 90.  Better, for no good reason(s), than yesterday.  Fasting starts today.  Maybe two days, maybe longer.  The goal is five days, then longer, when I trust to go that far.  The difference between sleep-fasting and wake-fasting is that when I would sleep for weeks, my body would slow, greatly.  While awake, my body can't slow.  Which is why fasting shaves weight, wake-fasting that is.  Which is why the weight loss surprised me.  As for pain?  I think sleep-fasting was worse.  I would dream of starvation, couldn't wake to deal with it.  True horror.

I hope to do things today, if doubt.  It's 55ish, F, at 8:30.  Strange.  Or seems so to me.  I'd like to do a few small parts of several projects and a few chores.  We'll see.  First my wake-up routines.  I'm not sure if it is tea time yet or not.  Medicine and tea.  While nothing was done yesterday, I did take medicine, brush, and do my reads, save the last bp check.  That's something, and becoming pretty typical.  Later.

Bah!

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Can't fast today.  Not an issue of willpower.  I have two steaks thawed.  The boss was mowing, so I offered him a free meal.  He has other plans.  I just won't burn that much money, steak is spendy.  Tomorrow, then through Tuesday?  Longer if I can.  It gets a bit funky after several days. The mind gets wonky.

Blood sugar went higher, fasting to point today.  Then I needed a nap, and blood sugar remains in the low 160's.  It's definitely time to fast.  Bp went higher.  I was about to brush when it turns out I need to eat, so that will wait.  After lunch I hope to get to town.  Package return, another stop at the library is required.

If I can.  It's in the mid 70's, which oddly, out of the sun, feels cool to cold.  Strange what controlling blood sugar does.  I am having a kefir water soda.  Amazing what a bit more fruit does.  This one has almost as much fizz as regular soda, if it behaves slightly differently.  And it is quite tasty.  Popping the top almost gives the notion of opening champagne.  I only get two of these a week.  Will test diabetes in a bit.  These seem to cause a quick rise, quick fall, then to below the initial point, on their own.  I let the boss try some.  I think he was as surprised as I was.  Far cheaper than regular soda, too.

Later.

Up and, well, just up.

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I do hope to finish a few things, start a few things, and continue a few things.  I am feeling a bit rough today.  Just odd varied bodily complaints.  I am doing well with brushing, at least with the morning and night routine.  It's the aftermeal one(s) I... need to work on.  I stilll wake with bad breath, only now I know it.  I'm not sure that is an advantage, for me.  The rest of the world may disagree.  How in the world... I clean and sanitize, only to wake as if... I don't know.

Fasting blood sugar is a little high, again, at 151.  A longer fast, hopefully until Monday or later.  If I can hit five days... or, when I can hit five days... or more, I will.  Blood pressure was 138/100, p. 80.  That has been the same, give or take five points, the last three times, mornings and nights, since beginning that yesterday.  Still a bit high.  I am thinking of adding another carvedilol, though may hold off to see if fasting brings it into alignment.  Several more 'fasting treatments' and I am hoping my readings will more fully normalize... and stay regular.  Got to admit, fasting is helping.

The glasses I got from the V.A. are really off.  So, when the glasses I ordered off-site came, I wasn't sure.  Bother trying them or just send them back?  I went ahead and tried  them.  Better but still off?  Is it just getting used to new glasses?  I will try the V.A. glasses again.  Though those were truly awful.  I couldn't see through the upper or lower portions.  To be fair, everybody gets a pass, will mess up.  It's a bit the scripts and a bit the making of those... the first failure for them.  I do need to call.  All glasses have to go back.  What a pain.  Strange, the Chinese knock-offs were better, with a bad script?  Weird.

Actually I will be keeping the standard, non-bifocal glasses.  Even flawed they are better than the last glasses I got (not at the V.A., but at a local eye doc they sent me to see).  I won't let the V.A. experiment on my eyes anymore.  No drops, no dilatation, none of it.  Maybe that will help them focus on what I need, not on their trainees' curiosity.

Later.

Very good.

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As I was considering getting started, the doorbell rang.  I couldn't imagine who.  Still less than presentable, I rushed to manage that before the visitor went away.  The boss? I didn't think he was to be back for a bit?  Hmm.  Curious.  Stick lessons?  Finally!  It's been thirty years.  Total memory wipe, as with her.  I don't think the memory loss was for the same reasons.  One was just collapsing health, the other was brute trauma, though the trauma may have lead to health issues or in part.

I... wasn't expecting much.  From myself.  I did... okay.  Better than I expected, if that was a rather low bar.  It will take a lot of practice.  If I get an hour or two a week, and gain some competence, by summers end I may see about a great used stick car... low mileage, high mpg.  Or maybe not until spring if I can't find a front wheel drive.  I don't trust awd's, and rear wheel drives are useless in the winter.  Insurance is the bigger concern.  Well, after payments.  Ugh.  Keep it to $250 a month?  Dunno.  Max though.

I am excited.  Jacked.  It was, probably, 1987 the last time I drove stick, a Navy deuce and an half, to pick up the crew for physical quals?  They missed me the year before, so put me in charge the next.  I think so.  Rough old bitch, if she was actually pretty new.  Fun to play with, as long as none of the old men (xo's on up) caught you, or didn't know/owe you.  Bidniz.  She was stiff, but goosing would get the girl to blush and wiggle.

I'll see what else I can do yet.  Steak and eggs for a first meal.  Another steak in a bit.  Premeal blood sugar was 122.  I'll check again at 14:30.  Later.

The pound of flesh.

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Borrowing has costs, plus interest.  I borrowed from Wednesday, perhaps even from today, on Tuesday.  I was down yesterday.  Enough so that blood sugar was off.  I struggled with it being in the 150-160 range until it dropped, to 122 before hitting the 140s.  It ended up being a long, if lame, day.  I think if I exhaust my body beyond some level of means, blood sugars will be off.  This morning, fasting blood sugar is 143.  BP is 142/100, p. 78.

I am considering beginning the next multiday fast.  Today or tomorrow.  I have so many things to do in these next two days, it may be better to start it tomorrow.  I can work hard one or two days, but not three.  I plan to push through Saturday, if I can.  Then let Sunday be right with God.  It's the plan.

Yeah, I'll start tomorrow.  Whenever blood sugar and bp begin tilting, hit it with some dw-0.  :p  Bastages!

Today?  A shave , shower, and at least UPS, if the post office too, if possible.  With Subway having worked, I want to try JJ's, my much preferred shop.  If it works, I have a place for a treat every other week or so.  Treat?  Easy meal I enjoy.  As well, I am hoping to hit the kitchen floor, do some paint removal/sanding, and work on the watering schemes and systems.  I'll do my best.  First to wake, do morning routines, take medicine.

Later.

A long solid sleep.

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Awake around 5:00, earlier yet if getting out of bed was not of interest.  I needed the sleep.  Yesterday ended up being quite a day.  Blood sugar is a bit high, at 151.  I ate a medium bowl of pistachios right before bed.  Two reasons for the higher number.  First, I ate all day.  Never a good thing.  Second, I went to sleep before that final snack had a chance to settle out. Neither of those are absolute markers, but for me they each increase the risk.  Together they increase the risk greatly.

Today?  Waking.  Then, perhaps, more cleaning, a shower, and to town.  I dreamed of hitting some of the lower wood window trim.  And inside window dressing... plus all the other domestic work.  We'll see.  Too much work for time can clog the flow.  A few focal points a week.  Say, primarily, the kitchen and painting the windows?  Aye.  I'll need to strip those, which is the more serious part of the work.  Painting just takes time.  Well, and getting the water timer set up would be good, plus returning the last package.

Duluth is jacking my return because they have a thin skin.  Goes to show.  I told you, I'll make you famous.  Only hurting them.  I won't reorder until the return is made, and will continue to note their union-like behavior publicly.  Are you sure you want to go there... or more?

A bloody nose last night and first thing this morning.  No worries.  A shower shortly will help, probably.  So tired last night.  Forgot things.  Crawled out of bed for medicine.  When I realized I hadn't brushed my teeth it was too late.  I couldn't rise to save my life.  Got them this morning.  I am brushing three times a day, when I do it right.  Slippage will happen.

I best get to waking.  Later.

So much for a nap!

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The boss knocked, at a most inopportune moment.  Keeps me on my toes?  Something. I'll be rtghh hhhttt, I'm sure he heard.  Okay, was the reply.  Do you want to work.  Do I!?!  Well.  We will.  To the stores.  Beside hardware, grocery.  Eaten, yet, Boss.  Yes and no.  Luckily his choice was next to my destination... Subway.  Any sandwich shop, really, but that was first named in a prime target a.o.

Paint, batteries, brushes, silicon, and all needed for two jobs, plus I looked at ac units, just a price check this time very doable.  Then the pudding, jello, tapioca, and coolaid... all sugar free.  Finally to the sandwich shop.  I was agonizing over whether to buy one myself, knowing it would destroy my sugar read, for days perhaps.  I... fell.  A footlong club, double meat, if "whole wheat" and vinegar, oil, salt, and pepper.  Oh well.

Back at home, we got the ladder out, and all three of my sanders.  The angle grinder was awesome, with the wound metal leg wheel it stripped like a champ.  I was wearing out, remember, I had been crashing.  Anyway, we got two of the seven upper windows stripped and painted.  I bought gooder paint and it is proving out.  May need a second coat, if only for close inspection.  And the satellite antenna is gone, plus the bolts sealed and reset.  Very good.  Well, and everything has been put up.

Well, to check the damages.  I really thought of just not checking.  Was it curiosity that egged me on?  Kills the cat, satisfaction can bring me back.  Or was it duty?  Fear.  And duty.  Always, Sir.  In any case, so be it.  My two hour aftermeal blood draw was 117.  Isn't that as low as it has been today?  Okay.  I did only eat half, won't eat there again.  Jimmy Johns, or the pizza place... they do sandwiches as well.  Satisfaction brought me back.

I need to cool, maybe shower, then to bed.  Aspirin, tea, medicine, and some gaming.  It was 68 F, in the shade.  But I worked up a serious sweat.  Later, or really, good night.

Ah well. Not today.

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Clouds have returned.  While not a complete darkening, it is darker.  I... it is taking me down.  What needs to be returned can wait.  As well, I am hoping to figure out a different means of access when using random platforms, to gain email access on 'foreign' computers.  Perhaps after a nap.  I am crashing.  I can't stay awake much longer.

Premeal blood sugar was 133, after meal (two hours after) it is 160.  Big meal, small spike, all good.  A glass of kefir and a nap next.  Kefir is excellent for some things.  And tasty once you acclimate.  Blood sugar keeps trending upward, if not as heavily or quickly this week.  Extended fasting may be a mid to long term requirement .  I am hoping to not need it, if I would like to continue, but for reasons of faith.  It offers a special sort of gift to God.

I am hoping to work after the nap.  Oh, and set up an appointment.  Always something forgotten.  Hmm, and calling the doctor office, to see about going in early for blood work, so that might be ready for him.  Not sure how fast their lab is, still.  Perhaps he could simply send the lab reports, circling issues.  We seem to not connect well, and neither his or the V.A. portals accept ps4 access, or from my attempts to date.  It's what I have.  So...

Sweeping, mopping, dishes, bedding, and laundry later?  Dubious, but it has happened.  It is the plan.  Later.
-----------------

It is about that time again.

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Fasting blood sugar the second, 152.  What is different?  Brushing teeth.  I haven't been for a while.  While I was awake earlier, I hit them... then this morning first thing.  Is that it, or are there remaining repercussions from salsa?  From what I have seen, poor food choices can come back to bite me well after, days after, consumption.  Perhaps it changes patterns, like throwing a rock into the water.  Or changes what the body wants or expects.

I will check in a few more hours, then have steak and eggs.  I have more fruit and cottage cheese, but also picked up a large supply of peanuts and pistachios.  While peanut butter may be out, I should check into other nut butters, or good peanut butters, as well as what ingredients are actually sugars or otherwise to be avoided.  I only avoid those too fast-acting as carbs.  The rest just... narrow your search too much?  You may be left with grass or cake to eat, for your king's invisible clothes foolishness.

I have medicine down.  I missed Monday morning, a Monday whole day two weeks ago, and three varied half days the month before.  Which... is superior, especially as cool as spring has been.  At least for me.  I am getting food, intermittent fasting, and multiday fasting (this weekend) down.  I was brushing and showering more regularly until medicine combined with spring trounced me a bit.  I am hoping to get back in that game.  Getting back to work on the cave is next.   Already started.  Got to keep it going.  As well, pieces and parts for my lawn watering are here.  I have a few lawn hoses to work on, a timer to set up, and watering regimens to arrange.  And I will be buying paint for trim and calking so as to finally remove an unused antenna.  Yeah.  Brush morning, and night, plus an half hour after every meal... and snack?  Seems a bit much.  Oh, and swimming, boating, and hiking (further from the city).  Metros and millenials fear giants.

So, yeah, a busy week, summer, life... if I can.  I am enjoying the warming, and cooling to a degree.  The leg is still a bit of trouble if day heat helps.  As well, I have to figure out glasses at the V.A.  One more shot.  If they fail again, I'll have to go it on my own.  Always more.  Free may well be worth exactly what you pay, rendered services do not count.

Later.
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"No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good." C.S. Lewis

h/t Ace and crew

Ripped off again.

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Down around 18:00.  I thought I would sleep well, and long.  Not so much.  Awake just after midnight.  I did sleep well.  I will try to get back to sleep in a bit.  Fasting blood sugar is 137.  No, I didn't have another bite, despite a minor temptation to eat something in town.  My numbers are so good I simply wasn't willing to risk it.  I am hoping it will drop a good bit in the next few hours, or by the time I wake again.  It's not quite time for medicine, or anything.  I'd love a bite now, but wish to see what my blood sugar will do shortly, on it's own.

I did get the bathroom swept, plus cleaned the toilet.  Today I plan to get the kitchen floor swept, then mop both floors, hit the counters and stove, and get bedding changed and washed.  Plus the rest.  It seems like a bit long of a list, but doable.  Even for the mostly dead just escaping the coffin again, for a while.  The remnants of the shopping lists is waiting.  Is?  Aye.  One actual list, parted by type or particular store.

I did receive a shipping label.  Several, if I only need one.  Ask and receive, even of people, sometimes.  If, I suspect, such is and has always been the case most of the time... just not always the truth of it, not completely.  But don't forget sincere gratitude... if they act sincerely and functionally.  Otherwise heap scorn as reward for insincere, poor, dubious, devious, hateful, works.  Especially when that is all some groups offer.  The Devil works through the spiteful, and it shows.

Actually, I believe more sleep will be attempted.  I suppose my body just isn't quite used to sleeping at night.  A few more days of this and perhaps...  Good night again.  I hope.

Not all, not bad.

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Shaved, showered, load of laundry in, dressed, then on to town.  The library first.  Couldn't get all of it to print.  The most time sensitive was packaged and sent.  Tomorrow, the rest.  Needed my cellphone.  I'll... fix that.  As well, I did some but not all shopping.  Ran out of attention span and steam.  Tomorrow.  And a car wash.  Yeah.

My V.A. glasses arrived.  Yep, she screwed the pooch on the prescriptions.  Total wipe.  She meant to do that.  She only did a few "better/worse", and after putting several types of drops in my eyes.  I'll have to request someone competent and no more drops.  They are just harassing me with that at this point, because I refuse insulin.  Check.

Everything is put up, except me.  It is just about bedtime.  I just need to cool down a bit.  Blood sugar did go up, to 111.  I can live with that.  Good afternoon and night.

Slowly but... maybe.

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I didn't make it to the post.  Running slow.  I did finish the floor treatment.  Which leaves a spic n' span spot surrounded by what had been cleaner parts of the floor.  Yeah, I'll have to... get on that.  A shave then shower next.  Will see after that.  Not fantastic.  Just, if I can do a bit more?  Please?

Forgot about another blood sugar read, until now.  It is 109.  That is probably as low as it will go.  Probably.  No more food today.  I suspect it will go up when I do a bedtime check in four to six hours.  And I expect a higher fasting blood sugar in the morning.  As my days and nights are switching back to normal, I am giving bp a chance, with medicine right righted, to settle.  A few more days and I will begin that again.

Oh, my leg is improving as the double pj's, warmer days, and cut water pill dose begin to mesh into a functional solution.  Oh, what a relief.  I was beginning to wonder about that one.  I've never had such a problem.  Does bone cancer hurt?  Or like that, perhaps initially?  Every year on the chronograph... if nothing else, cancer.  And I have cheated Death so cruelly.  Payback may be just as ruthless.  If, as with the whims of Fortuna, so too with Death, I crack funnies even as she hides my expressed back to her indignities.  I am beginning to think it has started to truly hurt them more than me.  What a gas!

Hmm?  Shut up.  Later.

Checking closer.

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With blood sugar consistently lower, with exceptions for food testing, I wanted to begin seeing about the time it takes for blood sugar, eating gooder(tm) foods, to begin dropping.  Initially that was all over the board.  From a few hours to... days.  As I cleared or eliminated foods, and fasted, regularity has set in.  Still, I'll be checking fasting, premeal fasting, then one meal - premeal, two hours, three hours after, then bedtime, for the next three days.

Today was quite good.  Premeal was 131.  Not great, not horrible, it was what it was.  The salsa messed things up.  After two hours it was up to 158, not a bad spike.  That was a full meal, the second for the day.  It, three hours after, is back to 131, and probably still falling.  I will check one more time, in an hour.  I am still day fasting, eating all within six hours.  Mostly.  I may need to... watch the time a bit more carefully.  I am working on meal size as well, which is helping.  Yes, I can, and should, eat much more than you.  God demands more poop from me, so I get more food!

It is amazing.  First the lowered numbers, now the rate of refresh.  This project is coming along nicely.  I see why the V.A. doesn't want to provide a tester.  Can't sell insulin to a self starter.  And they want no part of that.  Thankfully I don't need them.  I have a doc who doesn't mind me figuring it out on my own.  If he won't call me back.  Perhaps he... Hmm.  I'll try to call again today.

Ah!  While I didn't catch my doc, I did get some info and set up an appointment.  Yeah, diabetes freaked him out too.  When he tested, my a1c was 11.9.  The V.A. tested my a1c at 10.  Freakishly high, absolutely no doubt.  But my blood sugar was running up to 463 at the time he tested, around 230's when they tested, and averaging 124 (all), 148 (aftermeal), and 118 (beforemeal) for this last week.  Medicine is simply not an option.

I did start in on the floor.  It... was a spooky mess.  I had a plan, and some hope.  It is working quite well.  I got the main spill.  I will completely clear that area, let it dry, then sweep all, and hit the whole floor again.  I'll sweep the bathroom, then shave and shower.  Shaving last works for some, it just doesn't work for me.  Oh, I'll set up another pedicure right now, and put both appointments in the device.

Checking baffles.

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Among other things.  The baffles?  Revisiting the last meal, sans salsa.  And?  In two hours my blood sugar dropped (aftermeal) 33 points, to 177 from 210.  Three to four hours out and it is down to 131.  Definitely the salsa, only two tablespoons, or less, of the stuff.  Nutz!  Can't trust any processed.  At least the in-store stuff is honest, and the spike is milder.

Trash and recycling are out, if it is only trash to the curb.  I'll be ready next week.  There was more trash than I thought.  It is 45 out there, which I enjoy.  As long as I don't sit in it. Leg isn't quite as bad with layered pj's, and in the high 60's in here.  Another batch of food going.  Same, again.  Hey, it's mostly ready and easy.

I am hoping to do the floors, then get a shower in.  Perhaps make it to the post office and who knows what else.  We will see.  I just don't want to set myself up for a disappointment again.  I do remain hopeful.  Later.

What a rip-off!

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I was certain I'd be getting to work.  Lunch rolled around, I ate, and here I am, just waking.  Tested a food, again.  No more salsa.  Whether it claims sugar or not, all processed probably has it.  My blood sugar, with food that usually lowers blood sugar over four to five hours, is 210.  No more salsa unless I make it myself, fresh.  Perhaps it is the type of tomatoes they use, if I really suspect there is sugar in there.

Anyway, my plans failed.  I will try to get cat litter and trash out, and hit the kitchen floor.  When, as, if, I can.  I was so certain I would get to it.  I wonder if the sweet crashed my boat?  If I think I was slipping before?  I just can't be sure on that.  I'll... keep aiming at work.

Oh, something odd?  When I bake a potato during the day, it can get up to 76 in here.  Even so, I can feel cool to cold.  Quite odd.  I believe that is from diabetes coming under control.  It is amazing.  I am wearing layers in the summer.  Me?  Summer?  Is it why my leg has been aching?  I have two layers of pajama bottoms, which is helping.  It may be from sitting too much, or on top of else.  Got to get to swimming.

A few hours to wake, then cat litter, trash, and recycling... if I am not sure that goes out today, it will go at least outside.  When I fast, it sure cuts down on the various refuse.  After that, sweeping the bathroom and hitting the kitchen floor.  Later.

Naps are awesome!

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Can be.  This one definitely was.  I went in a bit before 7:00 or up to 8:00, then slept to just now at 10:00 and change, waking immediately and fully.  Dreams, gooder, and even better ones.  Slept so well I forgot it was a nap!  I thought I'd be waking to a new day.  Nope, A fresh and top start to 'yesterday'.  Which... is fantastic.  I think I can work today.

Trash out, cat litter sorted and a partial change, floors and remaining counters plus the stovetop, another hit on the bathroom, plus bedding and laundry?  It's the plan.  Some of it is catching up, some of it will be getting ahead.  Yeah, I am looking forward to work.  Just a small bite before digging in, a medium bowl of peanuts.

How much of that will get done is anyone's guess.  Sometimes I do more.  No further communication from my friend.  I am beginning to think he had a few snifters and his thoughts got away with him.  No matter, I would like to try to catch up and stay ahead, if that will take outside help.  I will see, as with health, what I can do myself, especially as health improves.  And, of course, there is always the chance my mother could visit.

Blood sugar went up to 157 before a meal, 168 after a meal, and is at 129 as I wake.  Not great but still not bad.  Pork ribs, corn, something, and milk for my big meal in a few hours.  I really love grilling.

If the world would warm, that would be good too.  I need that.  A bit of waking first.

Still with the leg.

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My leg improved, but only yesterday, after starting back on the water pill.  Or, more, when it started to do it's job.  With the pool drained it is back to being painful.  Nothing I have or am doing, except that and the pedicure, have helped, and helped for very short periods.  Oh, I said I would get back to lotioning my legs.  Maybe that would help?  A low slow if constant hard ache.  Probably a very mild charliehorse or that is what it brings to mind.

Blood sugar was a little high, at 138.  I had two big meals yesterday, foolishly.  It got to 161 last night at bedtime.  I didn't make it to town, for smaller meal makings.  I have some left, but variety is lacking.  Today, boring or not, I'll stick to smaller meals, save one.  Oh, peanuts and popcorn could mix things up.  One large meal and two to four, rarely five, small meals or snacks seems to work for me.  BP is middling ugly.  Not as high as it got and was going taking medicine wrongly, but not down where it had been. I am chalking this off to my schedule being mixed up, if that isn't fully as bad as medicine being off.

Funny, I didn't think I would be considering 138 as a higher number so soon.  I expected that to be out several more weeks, even a month or two, further along.  I will make mistakes, I will be trying various foods... perhaps it wasn't the second big meal, but the kefir water?  Actually, from experience, I am almost sure of it, though together more so.  As well, if kefir water is worth the jump, I may still use it a few times a week, if it is easily recoverable.

Oh, I have milk kefir back on the menu.  Believe or else, that stuff is tasty.  If raspberry bushes get figured out, the mix would be quite the thing.  I don't trust frozen berries without a source, or worse from China.  Our FDA is only in play to eliminate American growers, not to ensure quality at all.  Do they even actually inspect any imported foods, or are they only in 'the business' of adding expense and shutting down US growers for no good reasons?

Well, on to waking.  Sunday already?  I am still tired.  So cool, and July is speeding at us. Oh well.  There are some advantages.  I'll figure out what my plans are as I wake.  Good morning and day.

Midday reads.

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BP dropped just a bit.  There is one other thing which is different, beside food.  I stopped the water pill two days ago.  That might be causing the problem.  I am, and planned, restarting today.  I will find out soon.  I won't go on the full dose, may not be going back to full dose.  My fluid consumption has tapered, greatly.  Blood sugar, two to three hours out from breakfast, is 115.  It's... quite good.  That IS an aftermeal read, for me.

I am wondering if Youtube is dying, broken, or what.  No new pops, no rotations of already watched vids.  Stagnant.  The random area does change, but offers the same, limited, repeat "new videos".  Perhaps that is just for some of us, maybe they are dying.  Perhaps the Euro thing has them broken?  All I know is my portal is dead.  I might as well be looking at a picture.  I haven't tried to search, but I was viewing old vids from my blog.  That used to jog the flow.  Nothing.

I'll have a small meal.  Fruit and cottage cheese.  I will also try kefir water, this time, as it looks like dairy kefir works.  I have one bottle left, more processing.  I'll only be drinking a bottle every few days, if I'd like to hit milk kefir nearly daily.  I like them both, but think the kefir water is more of a risk to diabetes.

A shower before long.  Life is going very well.  I am still a bit too tired, if the weather is still a bit too chill.  Crazy cool out there.  I'll keep at it.  If I get nothing done I will stay intent.  Yeah, it really is something.  It wears me out itself sometimes.  I'd best get to medicine, food, a shower and shave, and hopefully more.  Have a great morning and day.

Morning already?

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It is now.  I can't be sure when I went to bed.  Right around the last post, but the timestamps are often so wrong.  Was it 10:00ish, noon, 13:00?  I honestly can't recall.  I was crashing so hard and fast there was no way to remember.  I did a final blood draw, it was 110.  I woke a bit before midnight.  BP is a bit high, again.  I hadn't taken medicines though.  Further, I am taking them in my morning, if not the actual morning, which may be part of the problem.  No water pill with them, still?  Fasting blood sugar is 128.

I will test bp along with waking-fasting blood sugar at 2:00.  Not sure what else to call it.  I like keeping the night fast going a couple hours into the day, then see what blood sugar does.  When it was higher, it almost always dropped.  Now it usually drops.  I'm not sure what I am looking for.  I am... trying to get some idea... of food, body, cycles... a handle, for a better attempt at control.

I may attempt a nap around 4:00.  I really want to get to town.  Sleep hits so hard and fast, without good cause.  It's become a struggle again.  After my next tests, I'll make scrambled eggs.  Milk and salsa on the side, perhaps a few pieces of bacon to boot.  I am hoping to find pudding packs, etc., without predosed sugar.  I have several sweeteners with which to experiment.  Hmm, perhaps koolade as well?  Maybe, as a non-caffinated option?  Sure.  Though perhaps other drinks as well.  Sure, but what?  I ought to look up making my own coco mix.  If I can get to town.  Ugh.

Later.
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The waking-fasting blood sugar is 125.  Unchanged as I count things.  Breakfast is on.  Steak and eggs, rather than bacon.  I am having a cup of kefir as well.  From limited past experiences, I believe milk kefir might be bad for my blood sugar, short term.  I want to explore that more fully.  First, I really like the stuff.  Second, through fasting I may imperil my gut bugs, the good ones.  This stuff will help with that.  As well, it is supposed to be better than milk, for diabetics.  Oddly, so far, I am not seeing that.  Perhaps previous observations were flawed.

My bp is unchanged.  Perhaps next time, in four hours.  I won't check it after that until bedtime.  Perhaps food is the problem?

I didn't and won't make it.

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Not really a choice.  Too tired.  It wasn't food.  I was too tired befor eating to do almost anything.  This is probably the right time to sleep.  My leg is killing me on top of everything else.  I couldn't get a shower in.  Sat, hurt, never really woke.  Sleep now.  There is tomorrow.