Not a bad start.

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Bills.  Two still require calls.  Before the tenth and they are good.  One goes to the sixteenth, but the other would be late.  I pay them together.  I haven't started automatic payments as I am waiting on ss payments so I can pay more on my mortgage... as much as double.  Too tight currently.

I also called my brother.  He was in the shop with his youngest.  Dental?  Some such.  A short talk, he said he would call back soon.  I'd like to call him more often.  Not too often, neither of us are... actually we are both gabbers, just not with each other, or yet?  Still, a short talk is good.

Ducks were fed and watered.  I am able to open the gate... it is not frozen in now.  As well, I can keep garden hose and sprayer attached and out there.  It's a minor thing, seemingly, but really shaves time, especially feeding and watering them twice a day now.  As soon as I can get the fencing up and right, and new hay, I will chase them out and clean their hutch... shovel, spray, reset the hay, perhaps attempt to create nesting boxes.  Ugh.  Yes, cats have been fed and watered.

A meal in a bit.  Another call.  A shower and shave.  Some work in the bathroom and bedroom.  Ugh.  Or something.  It is 52, here, at noon.  Overcast.  Dark.  But warming.  Later.

Awake too late again.

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It was about 22:30, give or take an half hour... actually only maybe more, definitely not before?  Probably.  I wrestled with the alarms again this morning, without causing pain.  I was awake at 7:00, this time definitely give or take a quarter.  Teeth are brushed, a bit of web browsing and music as I plot a course for the day.

It is, again, dark, cold, and wet.  A shower, a shave, some calls, ducks and girls first?  I don't know.  If I could do more work, I might sleep at a preferred time.  The goal is to wake at 3:00, give or take, but by half past.  I think I am close to being able to do that?  If I can do that I can begin trying to make the world my oyster.  Seriously.  If I can do that, best to get out of my way.

I keep trying to find the perfect medicine dispenser.  I found one I think will hold all of my meds and supplements (mostly just regular and trace vitamins and minerals at this point) for a month.  Plastic, will fail, but duct tape, judiciously applied, will probably keep it in action for years.  The one I am using now fails every four to six months.  If I like it, I will order three more.  One to have in slide alternating service, the other for spares.

Same work plan today as yesterday.  I may also see about adding chicken fencing to the big square fencing along the western and northern areas of what will be the duck yard.  I may put emergency shelters on both the south and north side, covering them with tarp.  Then train them how to tuck away through pocket doors.  Won't keep a skunk or raccoon out, but the perimeter fencing should.  As well, those creatures are nocturnal.  Their outside yard is only for parts of the day.

I best finish waking and then get going.  Later.

A shared dream.

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When I first showed this vid, I suggested I had dreamed a similar vision.  I think I suggested it was before I learned of the God.

Wrestled with the alarm.

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Not a bad show.  I didn't sleep until midnight, after... a quarter? half after?  I heard the alarm at 3:00, almost thought I could wake.  While debating the potential I dream debated right through that snooze group.  Still, compelled by my belief that I was >this close<, I reset the alarm to a few minutes into the future.  I road that into oblivion, as well as the set of snoozes which started at 5:00.  I rode them all to their ends, but kept thinking I should get up.  Finally, at a bit after 6:00, I did wake.  It was as good as I could do.

It was raining all night.  perhaps small hail?  The droplets were sure hitting hard if not.  I did feed and water the ducks again last night.  It looks like they may need twice a day, as often as possible.  I would guess laying regularly requires vast amounts of food.  Not a single day finds them with food left over.  Being both warmer and with longer days, added to laying, and they have become serious eaters.

I do believe another shower today.  When I miss showering for a few extra days, I get the creeps about it.  I can't get cleaner, not really, but I can wash away the ugly sense of being unclean.  Oiling two days in a row, after good scrubbings, might get rid of dry skin though.  My feet are absolutely amazing.  Still... oh, I need to set up an appointment.

I have roast leftovers, hot tea going, will make chia cereal this morning, and that is that?  Maybe.  I am cleaning and clearing little areas, slowly.  I still need to hit larger areas, more vigorously, or I'll slip behind.  The bathroom and bedroom today, if I can work through exhaustion.  Maybe.

A call.  My mother.  Just a short check.  Later my brother.  Waking first, red eyes, mumbling, stumbling, and other rare waking issues.  But all good given the givens.  I hope your day goes well.  Later.

Very late.

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Driving lessons and a bit of shopping.  A shower and shave.  Got the last item needed for swimming, a lock.  As secure as size permits for what it means.  Couldn't work outside, it is raining.  Ended up just talking, and nerfing... at point blank range.  That actually stings.

Did I water the ducks?  I will check.  I am pretty sure.  I just...  I wouldn't mind hitting their bowls again anyway.  Then to bed.  I might not make it up by 3:00, but I am going to try.  If I have to push for it, all good.  I think, actually, I can.  I'll know tomorrow.  May need a nap midmorning.

The shower, driving, and company, helped.  Being cold and wet not so much.  But it will help with the asparagus and other plants.  Not seeing much.  Not harvesting asparagus this year.  Would like to can some rhubarb and maybe horseradish this year.  I'll look for recipes, keto/diabetic friendly recipes.

Several recipes to check with blood testing after eating.  I may see about local strawberries as well.  There should be enough rhubarb by then.  I have two roots, both are exploding up.  No jerusalem artichokes (aka sun chokes) up yet.  I just left most of last years crop in.  They weren't all that big... weren't watered while I was away?  

Ducks, then on to bed.  Soooo tired.  Good night.

Odd how things happen.

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While crashing at 18:00, it wasn't until 19:00 that I finally could go to bed.  It was difficult to remain awake.  I have a headache this morning for it.  Too, it was impossible to get to sleep.  A brain freeze which confused, obscured, caused by the severity and speed of onset of the oblivion form of exhaustion that hit.

Still, I made it to bed early enough.  It was having a plan that allowed sleep, if later than hoped.  Without a solid plan, and probably better health, I would have just drifted into the equivalent of a psychic snowstorm.  It's been like that the last few evenings.  I am not sure how to change that.  I'll... think about it.  It is, in part, weather related.  Here it is, 6:41, and still dark as night out there... I think due to cloud cover.  While I haven't been out there, I perceive it to be cold again.

I woke at 3:00, if I played with the snooze again.  It seems the faster and/or harder I hit the bar, the faster the snooze drops.  If I do it slowly and gently, it goes off in ten minutes.  A fast hard hit on the bar and it is more like a four minute reset.  Of course, that is from a sleepyhead perception, if I think closer to truth than not.  Oh, and either way, it stops ringing after forty minutes no matter how it is used.  The goal, from now on, is no more snooze bar use.  I almost overslept.  I suppose, if I really need it... from time to time...

A shower shortly.  Fed the girls a bit ago.  It's almost 7:00, so good enough.  Tea down, more shortly, hot tea brewing.  The ducks around 8:00?  Work today.  More work on the fencing for the ducks, but house work this morning.  I have got to push.  I want things done.  Tired of being tired.  Ugh!  Later.

Down a bit early?

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Perhaps.  I am so tired.  Might as well.

On the good side, it got up to 58.  Or that is what the outside thermometer read.  So I opened a few windows for a few hours.  I am sure it did, or will help.  It was too overcast for me to have enjoyed being outside, but Sam was out most of the midafternoon.

The beef roast was fantastic.  I'll put the rest up.  I overcooked it a bit, still excellent.  I have come to understand that some beef, from any season, is fantastic.  Some simply isn't.  It doesn't matter how much you spend.  Grade has something to do with it, but that can be off greatly.  As with a band and... it's cover?  Yea.

Good night.  Still setting the alarms.  I also set one for 5:00, in case I miss thee 3:00 alarm.  If I need more sleep, one extra hour is never enough.  Anyway, sleep well.

Ask?

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Receive.  While it was close to freezing when I fed and watered the quackles, it is up to 52° F.  Still not warm enough to air the place out, but it is not long off.  Even with the temp up, it still feels cold.  I am setting the grill going, hoping to get roast ready for a pleasant meal.

Pretty rough.  Tired anyway.  I just can't shake it.  It is the cool.  I'll turn the furnace up.  I turned it to 66°, without worry of freezing, but that was a bit too cool.  Unless doing nothing is the plan.  Spring.  It does what it does.  As do I.  After it warms, a shower and shave.  And probably a tasty dinner right before.

I called my mom.  Such a worry inducing creature.  She sounds better.  Says she is doing better.  It's antibiotics and other things... a midsection brace I think she said?  That terrifies me, if I heard correctly.  Our causes are different, but I've tried the equivalent of a brace, albeit as a pistol belly band.  It really harms me, curtails breathing.  I can wear one, but only when in better condition.  Well, whatever works for her.  I'll check up on her in a few days.  It expresses concern, as good as chicken soup, for the soul.

I was going to call my brother.  Time just slipped.  He only likes calls, from me, in a short period around late morning.  Fair enough, but it is difficult to hit that, for me.  Tomorrow, or this week.  I do my best, which often, obviously, isn't good enough.  I keep trying.

The timer.  The grill should be ready.  Good day.

Up at a right hour.

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The goal is to be awake at 3:00-ish.  I really have to be to bed before 20:00, by a goodly bit.  At 19:10 or so, that was easily good enough.  I easily heard, and could have waken immediately.  I wanted to enjoy using the snooze bar though, and stretched it out to 3:30.  I didn't fall back to sleep, just thought and signed.  A fool alone in his varied considerations.  A bittersweet event, one I encourage a few times a day.

I realize as Sam ages, she too yearns for the lost.  I think she can sense them more acutely.  She mewls so... mournfully.  Initially I tried to get her not to do it.  I realize she has no more choice than I do.  I think to, for her age, for me having breached the veil so often and returned, we see those over there.  Sense them.  Sometimes it is a comfort, sometimes a great suffering.  To see without being able to touch.  If I can't handle it, I turn up the volume.  If I can, I go lend comfort.  She has years left, I suspect she will only mewl more and more as she gets ever, inexorably, closer.

Meds down, teeth brushed... using baking soda a few times a week in an attempt to further whiten, tea being had and brewed.  A shower and shave before long.  I thought about swimming but I am not quite ready.  It's coming.  I need a paddle-lock.  Ugh.  I am feeling better.  Not necessarily doing better, if feeling better can be party to it.  Not required, always.  It just doesn't hurt the process.

It's been a great day so far.  Now to do something with the rest of it.  Later.

In brief...

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Good night.

*click*

Attack of the alarm clock.

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I started it.  Literally, last night.  And I meant it.  I started going to bed at 18:40, but didn't get there until 20:40.  Yeah, but I've had worse.  As well, I had to push meds.  I was sure I took them first thing.  Wrong day?  Double... no.  I... crap, I took Thursday's morning meds too.  Bleh.  Anyway...  Awake, finally, at 3:40.

I heard the 3:00 alarm and we danced!  I kept hitting snooze, hoping to... sure I would... wake.  At some point I either wore the poor dear out, or bumped the off button.  The alarm is almost perfect.  If battery operated, batteries last years.  It has a 24 hour mode, the light isn't on unless I tap what also passes for the snooze bar.  It is adjusted easily enough.  The only real complaint is that the buttons are too easy to tap.  Further, either ghosts, or... else..., set the alarm(s - it has two, another plus) to active, or it auto turns on from some fluke, a few times a month.  I haven't had it turn of, but I have slept through it.  It is mild, but will ring several times, five minutes apart, and flashes a lemon led while it sounds, so you can see the time.  Oh, and it starts gently and builds volume, I think both through each episode and over the episodes.  It is, for me, as perfect as I have found.

Teeth brushed, meds in, tea going down.  I'll hit brewing tea soon.  I'll set the alarm, to feed the girls and shower in a couple hours, reset the alarm for a few more hours then deal with ducks.  Then, hopefully, on to work today.  Yes, I know what day it is.  If you don't think God doesn't understand, you are a blind zealot.  And if you think you have judgment over God... good luck with that.  Pack for hot when you die.

Blood sugar is 281.  It will come down, but I really have to eat more.  Last night it dropped to 230.  I ate nothing else, and it rose to 331?  Crazy but true.  More fat.  A fatted tea, another cereal, a burger crumble salad and another fatted tea, then a late fatted tea and half a cup of mixed nuts?  Something like that.  Hmm... maybe a fatted bone broth to replace one of the teas.

I am... better.  I feel good, great actually, if still tired.  I am hoping to manage more today.  I promise nothing, merely hope and focus at the efforts.  I'd like to go out, sit, and let the ducks out for a bit.  Sam would probably go out happily.  Yes.  Perhaps acclimating to the outside slowly.  Fresh air and what sun there is does magic, or as close as such goes.  Sunshine, fresh air, a woman, children, and home cooked food from scratch, with a relationship with God.  That is as magic as it gets, or needs to be.

Oh, well, I best set the alarm and get to waking.  Get to church.  And if you do, say a little prayer in my stead, if you would be so kind.  God knows.  Later.

Bedtime.

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The only thing I did was call my mother.  She is having respiratory problems, enough for an emergency room visit.  Some days ago.  It disturbs me that she didn't call, or have someone call for her.  The emergency diagnosis was pneumonia.  After visiting her doc, they both think it is something else.  I couldn't make it out with here rasping breath.

I know that.  At least the symptom.  No fluid buildup, so far.  I hope she... gets better.  Not much I can do.  I'll check on her every few days.

Tired.  All else is good.  To bed shortly.  I thought alarms were set for 3:00 and 5:00, but I don't remember them.  I will set them again tonight, or tonight for certain.  Good night.

A very good sleep.

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I am feeling better.  I am still doggedly dodging through life, having difficulty eating well, correctly, regularly.  You really have to eat, and a lot, and regularly, of mixed means.  Meats, dairy, veggies, fats, proteins, and some carbs.  It is complicated.  Add in diabetes and heart issues and complications treble.

Sometimes I can't eat, lately, until I am so hungry I eat anything... everything.  Sometimes food just isn't interesting, sometimes I simply can't cook, or keep up on groceries.  I'll keep at it.  Spring has sprung, but it's a cool wet one.  A few warm days, to air the cave and warm the bones would help.

I've been doing quite well on meds.  Almost slipped two eves back, but pushed a bit to get it in.  It's now, definitely, been over two weeks of perfect medication.  Brushing teeth has been nearly perfect, up to four times a day, minus three days, for nearly three months.  I missed two nights and one morning.  After my next check-up I may relax to twice, sometimes three times, a day.  I suspect much more, after they are back into good trim, will be detrimental.

I haven't been in pain, mostly, for a long time.  Except for muscle cramps and tightness as a side effect, and other side effects.  Organs have been good.  As well, I may ease off on the water pill.  Without the junk medicine somehow flooding my body, I am starting to go a bit too dry.  It almost seems as if that fake medicine may have altered a few things more or less permanently.  It was seriously nasty stuff.

Oh, I have been told that Nissan will not be leasing.  They were quite willing to sell.  No thanks.  I'll hold off before seeking again, from anyone.  Why lease?  Limited to three years, then renegotiate or just walk away.  If you have a second vehicle it is far less stress.  I refuse to go into debt for six years on a vehicle that won't sell when it is finished.  Their problem is car lots of new cars, priced out of sales, clogging up lots.  Nothing is moving, they are terrified of thousands of used cars coming back and having to store, and sell, those.  Then again, their used cars are way overpriced.  Last year, with 40k, only a couple grand off sticker?  Insulting. My eyes see half sticker, and that last year's sticker.  Best to walk until right before they nearly literally are driven to cannibalism.  I am assuming all sales teams have been put on suicide-stupid mode.  I wish them all the luck they deserve.

Hmm... fatted tea, start chia soaking, ducks in a few hours, then a shower... no shave for a bit, until Monday.  I nicked myself seriously last time, want that to heal a bit more.  Then to the bathroom and bedroom if possible.  Ugh.  I am doing better, finally, again.  If the weather would cooperate.  I'll do what I can in the interim.  Later.
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This was written several hours ago, three almost exactly.  Everything has been completed save the shower.  It... I thought it was warming up out there, when feeding the ducks. If it has warmed it hasn't effected the cave much.  I'll turn on the heat in hopes of showering and getting other things going yet today.

Fasting blood sugar was 270.  Not superior, but I had pizza and regular soda yesterday.  When the gents are over, I like to treat and was starving as well.  After breakfast read was the same.  Often it drops, but I ate... if all keto... more than usual.  It'll start dropping quickly, if I can keep on keto.

Are you following me?

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Wow.  The music just keeps popping.

Today, is it?

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I had an appointment yesterday.  Early but not very early.  I was up very early, in plenty of time.  I was also so exhausted I couldn't get going.  At least I called to reschedule several hours in advance.  On days like that, when the bottom falls out, that is as good as it gets.  I do my best.

Then, as I was about to go to bed, a text.  Some help with chores, and the young man working on my computer, wanted to visit.  I was so exhausted, but I'd like to get things going, so... said I'd be awake.  The computer is together but glitching.  And most of the new fencing is up for the ducks.  Posts were much easier than anticipated, if for my exhaustion I only drove a few.  Oh, and the dead ducks have been buried.

I was wheezing through the little I could do.  Almost blind with exhaustion.  I don't mind, for my part.  I just hate being nearly useless.  And I was.  On the good side, I really pushed back into days, as a schedule.  If I can keep it, I will.  I don't prefer days, but that is when life happens.  While even that, in ways, is against the very nature of the rider of the red horse, when God graced me with more than my nature, and a hope for more of an existence than my truly humble, otherwise final, nature, I choose, when able, to indulge, however feebly, in this odd grace called life.

Up, around 3:30, if I am just doing this post nearly an hour later.  I feel rested, but the underlying exhaustion persists.  I would like to try more work.  A bit of sweeping and mopping in the bathroom, and cleaning the toilet.  I have been keeping up in there.  But a bit of a larger hit in there, at least once a week, is good.

A fatted tea or three, and chia cereal in a bit.  Teeth brushed.  Beside the critters and bathroom, I'd like to hit the bedroom, again, finally.  If I can.  Still honestly recovering from that so-called medicine.  Seriously, that was nasty stuff, if too weather has broken for the worse.  It's a bit of both.  Well, and I am hoping for it to be warm and dry enough to air the cave out a bit.  That would help I believe.

I'll... begin things shortly.  I have an alert set for two hours.  Then will start.  Good morning and day.

No idea.

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I can't remember when I went to bed.  I woke up after 22:00, but a few minutes or an hour and change later?  When you push your wake cycle twelve hours and change, but can't adjust sleep, something has to give.  Memory, this time.  Sleep was good.  Can't complain.  A bit groggy, but two days of pushing as a given, it isn't too bad.

I'd best brush, then put fresh tea on.  I have the alarm set for a few hours after a while after waking... kitchen alarm.  I'll feed the critters, perhaps ducks too if it isn't freezing outside.  I'll probably shower first.  I have my other alarms set to get other things going as well.  Ugh, probably another longer day.  If I won't be stretching quite as desperately.

Exhausted from travel, schedule changes, the stress of checking on the auto (no reply, don't expect one), and still getting over that poison prescription.  Yeah, they can murder you with medicine, and mean it... or cripple you.  It's a dangerous world out there.  Still, I think I might be improving.  It has been dark, cold, and wet out there too.  Ugh.  Still, improving again.

Later.

Hilarious.

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Many bloggers seem to think with Mueller, and his investigation, finished, that now Dems and the media, among other groups and orgs, will not only apologize, but be punished.  I laugh.  The level of naivety involved to believe any such thing is beyond my compression.  I keep posting comments only to have those removed, even from blogs which usually don't filter... thanks Doug.

There is some notion, too, that certain media is being hurt, financially, for their misdeeds.  Not at all, I say.  It is merely people finding cheaper ways to gain access.  Antennas to streaming, they simply aren't supporting cable or dish.  I doubt if it is at all political either.  It's just about inflation, wage stagnation, and general Interest... or disinterest.

Further, people don't politically care.  Those on the left would be happy to see Trump removed.  It has nothing to do with logic.  Their think tenders and feelz people have convinced them that someone they know nothing about politically, personally, socially, or in any other way, is evil.  Given that many are low-q, drug users, sexually amoral (at best), foreigners, and female?  Yeah.

Then again, many on Trumps side (including former anti-Trumpers... Doug) seem to be financials.  I am, mostly, pro-Trump.  But that doesn't mean I think his shit doesn't stink.  I refuse to be a fanboy.  Further, as mentioned, if five hundred miles of the wall, with viable plans for completion aren't in order, the one reason to elect him... isn't satisfied... I won't vote.  No local politicians worth electing.  McRomney country now.

Go ahead, keep glorifying him as fanboys do, don't hold him to his promises, and you will get what you deserve.  Perhaps, as with Brexit, the tptb have said no.  Perhaps Trump and congress couldn't build the wall if they truly wanted too.  I don't know if the republic AND democracy are that dead.  But, maybe.

Yeah.  That should about cover it.  They might be able to hide what I write, but they can't stop me from writing it.  Later.

Day number...

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Hmm, that would take some thinking.  Well, and some decisions which could cause some unknowns to be introduced.  If counting in utero, which I do, how can one be certain of exact conception?  Anyway, not a project for today.  It is more a... philosophical exercise... a looking back without too much depth... without an excess of depth.

I went to bed sometime after 17:30 but before 19:00... I think.  I looked at the clock out here several times in the minutes leading up to sleeping, then at the alarm before rolling and tucking in.  Given that I stretched my day twelve hours, it makes sense memory is shot.  I woke at 1:30 but didn't get up until 2:00.  I was thinking I could sleep more.  Just couldn't and didn't really end up wanting more sleep.

As well, my blood oxygen levels are low, 90 I think.  BP wasn't bad, or super, at 146/100(ish).  I understand what the prescribed poison did that caused muscles and lungs to burn and be exhausted now.  It purged oxygen from, pretty much, my whole body.  I am still, days after quitting, low on oxygen.  Blood sugar spiked as well, and remains way too high.  Many other symptoms have receded or disappeared.

Tea, ham and beans, after brushing, medicine shortly.  Beans aren't the best, but it is homemade.  It was easy and needed.  Big grain, stone ground, mustard on the side.  Pretty darned good.  Tea is brewing, for a fatted tea or two shortly.  A chia cereal later.  I have to try to get back to keto, but with oxygen levels lower and blood sugar spiked, all effort wears excessively, which also greatly reduces focus.  Both physical capacity and mental clarity are needed to keep on keto and intermittent fasting... even extended fasting.

I'll keep at it.  I will win.  I may not conquer but... that isn't my task even if I am cosmically branded with the titles of war, destruction, and other such.  That, still, when it is time, is your job.  Odd thing?  You, most of you, hate your duty so much, as a group you created weapons which require some level of peace or nearly total destruction.  They... won't save you from your nature.  Nor will they give you as much of a shortcut through as some of you had hoped.  Ask any Timekiller.  For we all know.

Good morning anyway, and day.

Teeth and... wheels?

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Dental today.  X-rays, cleaning, and a checkup.  Wow.  My teeth are amazingly clean.  Further?  A perfect checkup, from gums to... everything.  Further?  I think my teeth are growing.  I had eaten them way down.  I am positive they are longer.  I have other evidence.  Crazy, true.

I only made the appointment because I started being able to brush three to four times a day.  If I can't keep up, I shouldn't ask for help.  Or, that is how I see it.  Oh, received a call from the V.A.  A reminder about another upcoming appointment, with primary care.  I requested a testosterone lab.  I don't know if it is low.  If it is, with heart improving, I want that back.  I've done my part, they can do theirs.

As well, I stopped to check on a car.  They wanted me to buy.  Too long, 72 months, at $240 or so.  No.  Asked what would do it for a purchase today?  An impossible $150 a month.  It was impossible.  I only really want to lease.  I only want a stick.  They only wanted to sell the less expensive stick or lease the next model up.  No tacked numbers.  I... will have to keep looking.  They have priority, if they can hit the sweetspot.  If they end up being a bit more, I will square it.  It they are double and keep being squishy?  Life is tough, and competitive.  I am hoping for their lease, but it isn't to die for.  I'll keep looking.

It's been a long day.  I need to rest, tend the critters, then crash.  Amen.

Sleep was good.

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I slept longer than anticipated.  In part because most pain is gone, so sleep is pleasant.  I can sleep much deeper.  I am still tired, which also helps.  Add that it is dreary, dark, damp, and cold?  Oh yes, sleep is a breeze, a needed one.  I wake fairly well... when I wake.  Ugh.

After a bit of waking I will get a shower and shave going.  The ducks were fed immediately.  The girls will be fed right before grooming.  Two hours down, then into the bedroom.  I mean to work in there as much as I can work.  If I can hit two solid work periods in there, if I can work more, I will hit the dishes and some surfaces.  Any work after that will be back in the bedroom.

Such dreams.  They fade so quickly, but... women.  The good parts.  You know women fight, not to win... it's a trick, test.  Oh, sometimes it is for a real reason, just mostly not. Can they control you?  Will you let them destroy or ruin?  Are you weak?  I... always enjoyed, or ignored, or just won.  None of that, that I remember in the dreams.  Just the cracker jack prizes from answering her hindbrain well enough.  ;p

The neighbor has switched the plow off for the mower, then mowed.  I... heard what I thought might be mowing, though might have been a dream or a neighbor doing something with their machines.  Couldn't quite wake even enough to look out.  I think I rolled a bit, tried to get to where I could look.  Just wasn't happening.  While checking the ducks it was obvious.  Looks like grass fill is doing okay.  I have more seed, might spread that out over a few sparser areas.  Spring is here, as spring is hereabouts.

Later.

Lots of meat.

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Even with a minor log sized bone, I'll bet there is... was... six pounds of meat.  Some of it will be lost to tough bark, but most will do nicely.  I had a pound to start, if a fifth was lost to hard bark... a sixth.  Later I cut the rest from the bone.  From that I ate two thirds of a pound, a quarter of which wasn't edible.  That should, mostly, be all for hard bark.

I have four or five pieces, good sized chunks, remaining.  I'll put those up shortly... should be cool enough.  I am surprised how well it cooked.  The thermometer is your friend.  It got hotter near the end, in spite of stoving the smoker down.  The roast went from 101° to 150ish° F in the last half hour, which surprised me.  Next time I will watch more closely toward the end.  I suppose it's size turns it into a mantle... increasing heating as it heats.  Still, not horrible.  I'd like more edible bark.

I did have to switch day and night meds, again, yesterday.  Today too probably.  I'd like to bag trash out, though not actually needed.  There simply isn't enough to go to the curb.  Perhaps I could finish laundry.  I did put dishes to soak in the sink.  I probably won't finish those this morning.  I am tiring.  Medicine and towels, bedtime, then a shower and shave first thing upon waking.  Sleep and waking are short shifts, and I am still exhausted.  I'll keep trying.

Good night.

Dinner and a movie.

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A mistake.  No, dinner is delicious.  The pork has a perfectly cooked rind, juicy succulent interior, and the fat had just perfectly partially rendered.  Corn and a glass of milk on the side.  After a bit I will have a salad.  Not too much to eat.  I didn't eat too fast.  Perfect.

That's a lot of pork!

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Bone in, though nearly ten pounds anyway.  It has been grilling for several hours, with the internal temp just hitting over 101°  F.  The timer is set for forty five, or was.  Probably twenty to thirty minutes left.  I am excited.  An half pound, pound, plus a salad, and fatted tea.  Honestly, this fresh, and freshly cooked, this is food fit for a king.

Someone reviewed back, based on my most next recent post.  Chuckling at my obvious musical understanding of what I just wrote and have written previously, and more briefly expressed.  I hadn't quite meant these in this context, but if the shoe... boot... fits?  Yeah.

Awake and better.

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I woke an hour ago, but wasn't feeling ready to start up quite yet.  I tried to get back to sleep.  It just wouldn't happen.  It's a darker, colder, day.  That and I am very ill yet from the prescribed poison.  I refuse to call that medicine.  I hate reclining if I can't sleep.  So up I got, feeding the girls again.

I was thinking though.  I recently watched a short documentary on men dying alone in Japan.  At three every minute, long before the height of the geriatric tsunami truly hits, and this just of men, dieing alone, often unknown for days to weeks, they are keeping busy.  I can only imagine when sone places become more full of the dead than the living, for a time with not enough people to tend the dead.

The idea was that the family unit has been destroyed... wars have consequences.  Feminism was unleashed, forced, required.  Was it Patton?  Yea, whichever, he toasted Japan, and Europe actually, worse than a dozen more bombs could have done, per country.  Anyway.

Still, a couple of notes.  The single men, who here as there generally eschew medical, are living longer than married men and men living with extended core families.  If the data was correct.  Even those who drink heavily live longer.  Remember, Japanese employees are expected to work long hours, then drink with their coworkers after.  No surprise alcoholism is a plague.

What I realized is something I mentioned before.  Women traditionally were the doctors of the family.  Beyond that, they would decide, because of that, if someone should be euthanized.  Not... just to ease suffering, or only, but because she realized she couldn't keep up, and the condition would get worse, plus bedsores and the spread of illness from all that.

Basically, grandma, then mother, would end whoever became too sickly.  No one said boo, no one questioned it.  That is until medicine took over.  Initially, with access to medicine, it was right.  They could return the healthy to function.  As it became lucrative, they began to be able to keep the terminal alive longer.  The problem becomes obvious.  Someone has to pay... for the surgeries, medicine, food, and extended care.  We, as Japan, are about to hit the same bump.

Whoever can't figure out how to escape care, live on their own, are going to end up murdered.  In nations where infanticide has been legalized... mandated, who thinks the old and ill will escape the same?  I actually wonder if that last medicine wasn't such an attempt.  I won't get much better.  Even if I could?  The V.A. is for practice, and if I am right that is the direction medicine is going.  I wonder how many nursing home guinea pigs aren't able to say no and end up with a heart attack or stroke from the medicine?  Everyone involved will simply tell you they are just doing their job.  And, right.  I suspect women will be allowed back into the killing game.  So many for the slaughter, so few to do it.  Though I suspect, with the numbers I have seen, that they are back to it.

I suggest that is only from a lack of faith.  Wait until you become ill, or even unemployed, or are considered to have too many children, too few, too little education, too much education.  Be careful, despots have used every reason under the sun as an excuse for murder.  It is returning.  It looks like they are targeting the middle to upper middle classes, using any reason available.  The lower classes are auto self-selecting for elimination or prison slavery.  Don't trust your doctors, and watch your woman with great care.

Rain snow mix.

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Huge flakes, many of them, with many nearly invisible very wet rain drops filling in the little space available.  The ducks were fed and watered at a serious chill factor cost.  Still, it was pretty out there.  Pretty wet.  Oh, but I also mean it as suggested.  If you enjoy weather conditions, in the mountains, today is one of the better days, especially knowing if I needed to travel I could do that.  Or, I believe so.

It took a bit after waking to get to it.  And it will be a bit before tending the girls.  But I am feeling better, thinking more clearly.  I won't be awake much longer.  Still suffering from the side effects.  But I will do a few more small chores and will probably be working more much sooner, perhaps the next wake cycle.

Ducks already, plus sweeping the bathroom floor and keeping up on the toilet.  Personal care is vastly improved.  A bit of laundry before I go back to bed... and continuing with the medicine that works.  I really want to clear the bedroom and kitchen this week, as well as getting sleep cycles back to nights, perhaps get a swim and a hike in as well.  A bit much, but as the poison leaves my system, perhaps some or all of it.  Then, next weekend, fasting.

First medicine, laundry, then cats... food, water, and litter.  Maybe putting tea up and starting another batch before a nap or longer sleep.  I will sleep as required to ease the symptoms.  At this point, I think doctors have become as bad as psychologists and psychiatrists... both should be banned as political antiscience antiAmerican malpractices.  The medical practice is going the same way.

Later.  Or much later.

Better, but it will take time.

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On top of a host of other problems, blood sugar was spiking to the 450s the last four days.  It is down to 350 today.  Didn't matter what I ate.  Bad medicine.  I crashed at 5:30, just waking a bit before 9:30.  I was overheating, with the door closed, no furnace, and the fan going.  You guessed it, another side effect of the "medicine".

I am beginning to feel better, but it will take a while.  Even the lungs burn.  I had thought that a condition of excess fluid in the lungs, which it might have been, in spite of being on a large dose, three of, the heavier acting water pills.  Sour stomach and heartburn are easing, pains in the chest are relaxing, I am more alert.  No, that wasn't medicine, just the opposite.

I am hoping to get back to work today.  I won't be able to do as much as I had been, but some.  Perhaps a couple hour long sessions.  A shower and shave as well.  As well, I hope to grill one of the pork roasts... today or tomorrow.  I can't do a multiday fast in my condition.  I can't believe how cheap pork has gotten.

Later.

It is the new medicine.

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from the strange color to frequency of bms, to heartburn (something rare for me), to a persistent sour stomach which is also rare, to muscle and general exhaustion, and half a dozen more "rare", "uncommon", or "unknown" symptoms on the medication's list, I see clearly that it is all from the new medication... amplodipine.  It's finished.  I have a third to half of the more negative symptoms while lacking the only symptom they suggest is common... swollen feet and ankles.  Done.  Starting tonight.

I gave it a reasonable chance.  All those things I thought were from something else.  To be honest, I think these things are often given to create the side effects.  They want to put sick people down, or even create conditions which can also be medicated.  Just how much medicine is handed out to treat side effects?  Most doctors either don't know or don't care.  It's just money.

My muscles were feelingly sore.  Any use and they felt exhausted of oxygen immediately, beside hurting as if bruised.  This stuff they offer is horrible.  If, as I mentioned, the symptoms are wanted by doctors, and perpetual illness is part of their goal as well, whatever the main illness is.  If you fuss, they then try to strip your disability before you are actually well.

I hope I can get back to being better soon.  Sometimes a few days will get me better, sometimes a week.  At least I know.  One of the side effects was confusion, which delayed my research.  I wonder how many people in nursing homes are jacked down on a bunch of these pills just to shut them up and down?  Most?

Later.

The exhaustion is real.

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My muscles hurt... leg, arm, shoulder, and back.  Sore, and stiff as if I had been doing weights or swimming.  Perhaps I did more than I thought.  I don't mind.  Given the physical proof of having seriously taxed my body, I can easily see that rest has been needed.  I don't mind.  Not at all.

Corned beef and cabbage is going.  It's down to the last hour.  I could have pressure cooked it, but with veggies and meat it would have meant more immediate effort if over less time.  I might as well take morning meds before supper, as I attempt to stretch my day.  It smells good, if you like said.  I do.

I am so amazed with the bathroom.  I did a small bit of cleaning after showering, before?  Both.  Just getting the bowl and around the base.  I have enough whites to do a load.  Two towels is all it takes, if I have more.  Mostly towels and hand cloths, easy to fold etc.  Yeah, I'll put that in as dinner finishes.  Later.

Some of it, again.

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Running low on money, had to get groceries.  First a shower.  I will shave later.  The shower drained me.  And with the drive to town ahead I couldn't do both.  Perhaps if I had hit it earlier.  As was, I was down to having to push through.  I dressed and headed right out.  Cabbage, finally, salad makings, eggs as I am seeing if the hens will brood.  Beef and pork roasts were both inexpensive and two-for-one.  I am running very low on money, have two trips to the V.A., and am hoping to swim soon.  But, couldn't pass those up.

It has been raining, perhaps with snow in there at times.  The roads aren't slick, but a few areas can give concern.  As written, all good.  Someone is really going to town with hatred, I am sure of it.  Perhaps many.  I can't really sort it out.  It isn't, mostly, my problem.  I cut off their method of hate spamming.  Now it's not my problem.  I just... they are so erratic with the expression of their hatred that it just, I can't pinpoint who, or why... mostly... probably.  I do realize, given womens' nature, it might not be at all for the reason logic would indicate.  Hatred is a feminine thing, dealing with a lack of logic and man's indifference and lack of understanding of the feminine.  When it is pointed at us.

I had thought to work on the heels, but there is nothing to do.  My feet are smoother still.  I might be brutally tired, but some things improve.  If, when I increase the new med, fail more, I will dump it.  Meds are improving my health, if bp remains an issue.  It isn't worth crippling myself on medication for ten points on bp.  Swimming, hiking, and keeping up on the house are far more important.  Though if half doses work, and I can push through, I might be willing to do that.  I'll find out soon.  It's been a week and a day since I got back on meds.  Haven't missed a dose, if I did have to switch day and night doses, and will do that whenever necessary.

Ugh.  Later.

Such... thoughts.

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The videos or music populates, the puzzle pieces begin to fit, and even exhausted out of my gourd, it all still... becomes a representation of... a thought, a chain of them.  Art?

I can't get going.

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I simply pushed too hard, ran too fast, burned too much energy.  I can do little  things, work for an half hour at a time, but not often.  Nearly permanently winded, I tire and must sit after very little work.  So I am taking it easy.  Could it be the new medicine?  I'm on half doses, as a recommended start.  I will know for certain after kicking it up to full dose.  If exhaustion gets worse, I will cancel it.  Oh, I should start checking bp.

I did fold laundry, and sort a bit in the room.  I also made a dinner run.  I need to do some grocery shopping.  Ugh.  I haven't showered or shaved, will shortly.  First thing.  I have really kicked life up, on the little things.  Brushing teeth four times daily, doing extra occasional processing on the tea stains.  Showering and shaving every other day, plus or minus a rare day.  Keeping up on dishes and laundry after catching up.  I'll do a load of whites after my shower, as an example.  Not enough of anything else, or I'd hit that.  I look for medium loads, of anything, then hit it.

Little things, regularly.  Even the trash... collected, outside, to the curb, and back.  Plus tending critters and my own food.  If I mess up, it's my own food.  I forget to thaw, or enough... or too much.  I don't have enough, or all the ingredients.  Getting to town is... troublesome.  I forget, or am broke.  Ugh.  But the little things are improved, even when exhausted.  If I mess up, I pick up next time.  Better.  But still broken.

The heat is up, medicine is about to go down, the ducks and girls are about to be fed etc., then a break and a shower.  So tired, but so beyond sleep.  I am hoping to hit the bedroom, much harder than the last few days.  We'll see.  Gah, but it's been rough.  I checked my blood sugar. It was impossibly high, improbably high, but down 150 in a few seconds... not trusting the meter to biology... will check after showering.  Later.

Heat is needed.

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Laundry was cycled.  I'll run the last load through the dryer a short spin soon.  I am sipping a fatted tea.  Sort of stuck otherwise, forgot to set the thermostat up.  Freezing.  Just hit it.  I am planning corned beef and cabbage in a bit.  A late St. Patrick's day, as is the case with many celebrations.  It's as good as I can do.

It seems rest is still required.  I pushed hard, too hard.  Wanted to see if I was really better.  Not so much.  I have longer legs, but probably just enough extra under the hood to actually hurt myself.  No better at keeping a day schedule, or any schedule, either.  I may have stressed my heart.  It hurts.  Don't want to come to a complete stop, but can't hit it as hard as I had hoped, or hard at all.

A shower in an hour.  I will reset laundry after this, then fold both loads while waiting for warmth before hitting shaving and showering, then probably another long break.  If I can, I'd really like to hit the bedroom.  Sorting, one or both storage units, and/or changing bedding.

While not hitting things whole hog, I am doing small pieces and parts, plus handling dailies.  I am getting ahead.  Has it been darker lately?  Even with the sun out it can seem dark.  Though, that might just be exhaustion?  I don't know... too tired to sort it all out properly.  No matter either.  I just need to keep at it as I am able.  Later.

Awake but absolutely exhausted.

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It was supposed to be a nap.  Not a chance.  I was going to sleep after that last post.  Again, not a chance.  It was three hours later, five?  At least two, if probably closer to the first two guesses.  I had slipped to far into that dread insomniac fog to know.  I am sure I  examined the clock out here, and the alarm, bot which run of the atomic clock signal.  It doesn't matter how accurate they are if the mind can't generate enough short term memory for recall.  Awake at 13:30, for whatever that means.

First thing, ducks.  I think I forgot them yesterday.  Because of the vagaries of my sleep pattern, the miss was between twelve and eighteen hours, not twenty four.  Odd, but I think they doubled egg production!  I am leaving eggs for now.  It looks like they have sorted into three nesting areas.  For now I am leaving them to it.  I am not sure what to do, so... for now... natural is as it is.

That little bit totally winded me.  What?  That shouldn't have been a problem.  Whatever.  I will catch my breath and go from there.  I keep being amazed by how clean the bathroom is.  So pleased, I have been keeping up, cleaning the toilet just a bit near daily.  I haven't, yet, officially, cleaned the sink or mirror.  I finally found the glass cleaner, so that will be done before I shower and shave, which is my first chore today.  Perhaps in a few hours.  I thought I would be able to hit a lot more work... looks like not.  I will do what my health allows.

I found the eyehooks and wire.  I will seek the stud finder.  As the rest of today, if a second and other winds can be had, will be about the bedroom.  Well, and finishing laundry and putting up dishes when only small shorter tasks can be done.  Tea, after brushing my teeth and cycling laundry, then a long sit.  Air!  I need air.

Oh, blood sugar is 294.  Not great but beats the 330s and higher.  My stupid sleep, and maybe excess sweetener while fogged in, are the problems?  Maybe.  I'll be careful.  Chia breakfast, and a fatted tea, later a fatted broth.  I need to thaw more of those.  They aren't fantastic tasting... if not bad with herbs, spices, cream, and salt.  It is knowing I am getting natural stuff my body needs, craves.  I wonder how much bone broth has helped my feet, skin.  The gelatin, minerals, and else, really can't be had in many other ways.

Later.

Nothing.

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Almost nothing.  There was a small load of laundry, synthetics, which have been washed.  And the other load which was given a spin... should be through, I'll flip those shortly.  I also made fresh tea, then had fatted tea with chicken.  I will have the last of the roast beef with a fatted broth shortly.  Oh and, well, I've done minor work in the bedroom.

After another meal, I need a nap.  I hope for more work, but may end the day with sleep.  I am terribly tired.  Who knows.  Maybe I can do more soon... yet today, tomorrow.  I will get it this time.  I am sure of it.  So extraordinarily tired, worn.  The heart feels better , from rest.  Not a bad thing.

Later, or much later.

Hmm?

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Of course I understand where from you most recently got the gist, as titularly notated, I simply don't particularly grok usage, or by whom.  Sure, I can see with my eyes closed, just not everything.  Less so when I am the target, or involved without... being in the inner circle.  Hmm?

The muse herself?  Perhaps a sister, a... a jealous sister.  But hers or mine?

You wound me.

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Not sure who, but someone keeps playing this one, I sense with dark intent.

Whought?

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Down, finally, around  10:0x to 10:1x?  Definitely in that range, up at 16:30 to 17:00.  Not feeling bad, surprisingly.  A slight twitch in my lower right love handle area, more like a very minor back pain translocated there.  Very strange, but a minor weird complaint I can live with.  And, because there is such a dearth of other pains, I am noticing a slight pain in the right shoulder blade.  I really thought I would wake in wracking pain.  All good to wake rather rested and... good?

A call to my mother.  She has something strange happening.  Vertigo?  I know of such, but as a reaction to height.  When I suggest I fear heights, that is my main symptom.  Whether driving out on a bridge with sweeping, unexpected, vistas dropping away, or up in a tree and looking down without thinking... or looking over the edge of the Grand Canyon, straight down a thousand or two thousand feet.  Stomach lurch, knees... legs turn to jello, nausea, perhaps breathing issues as I can forget to breath, and that spin! Around and round we go!  Anyway...  Her's is not as bad, but sustained.  It might be an ear or medicine thing.  I'll be checking on her until it gets better.  Her doc checked her out thoroughly, no stroke or other of the worst possibles.

Today?  While doing quite well, I have been pushing.  I am quite surprised nothing broke.  I am not going to continue the extreme treadmill.  Putting clothes away at a leisurely pace, clearing the bedroom, and putting up the storage units from now through the weekend.  Actually, if I catch myself pacing too fast, I will slow down.  For now the goal is two hours on, two off, doing actual work no more than six hours a day.

Even that might be pushing it, because I am allowing regular daily duties on the side.  feeding, watering, and care for self and the critters, dishes and laundry as things gather... before they get out of hand, and other such.  We will see how all works.  Definitely doing better, if pushing a bit too hard.  I can sense trouble if I don't throttle back at least a little, maybe a lot.  Heart feels like it is... cracking.  The clothes in the dryer should be done, just needing a short spin.

Fatted tea?  Shortly.  Cold tea and medicine first.  Blood sugar is 284.  High, but lower than any read since the 13th.  I'll... keep that going.  Chia and fatted tea.  While early as per sleep cycle, my sleep cycle is off.  So... I don't mind eating "early".  Yea, sleep oddities make the world messy.  Later.

Bedtime, finally!

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Several small extras, one more as I go to bed, and laundry put in the dryer.  Not as much as hoped, if i am probably planning too much on top of too much, over and over.  I need slower days for a few days.  I have a serious lower back pain, a sour stomach from too much to drink... non-alcoholic mind you... hmm perhaps a vinegar ketonic will fix that... as well as several other problems else happening.

No worries.  And I will sleep until I wake, comfortably.  As much as that may be possible.  I should take my night meds, as days and nights are inverting.  It's the only way to not begin losing doses, while not struggling through sleep with fresh water pills disturbing rest.  It's just a short down and dirty trick, but it works.

Rough, but just as the edge of a good whisky.  I earned it, I'll take it.  Good night.

Not as much as hoped.

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Between slowing down and that odd insomniac fog of war, plus dinner?  I just couldn't get started, then couldn't work hard or fast.  I did get through several baskets of clothes put away, and will get empty boxes and packaging out.  I couldn't make it through to the bed change.  I'll get there soon.

There is no way I can get to swimming today, but that is closing in.  All swim wear has been rounded up, and put in a bin with what else is swimming related, but won't be going every time.  Hmm, there are a few more items to go in there yet tonight.  If I kit out, I buy extras.  It just saves heartache.

I will put a load to wash.  Just trying to keep up.  I have dishes soaking in the sink.  I can do those while waiting to cycle the laundry.  Yeah, I am working on keeping up.  Might as well hit the cat litter, and should feed my ladies while at it.  Don't I have towels to take back while I go that way.  I am sure of it.  See how things add up?

Blood sugar is 232 after dinner.  I can handle an 18 point spike, if I'd be happier with a drop.  I had more beef than planned.  Still, good enough and well below the 330s.  Oh, through the magic of the Internet, everything except flipping laundry is completed.  Nothing extra, but I didn't promise anything extra.

Yeah, on to the few things remaining while closing up shop.  Lungs are a bit tired... wet, full.  Perhaps I am pushing a bit hard?  The extra water pill should be helping.  Ugh.  I won't take more, more.  I'm stretching things as is.  I may need to slow down for the last of the week.  Not stop, just slow up a bit.  Good night.

Yes, work as well as... thought?

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I can't call it thought, or not mine.  I merely noticed what someone... someones... were reviewing.  Oh, I suppose I thought about such, and responses.  Clarifying.

First, fatted broth.  Blood sugar is staying high, even back on keto.  Fasting this weekend, sometimes it is the only way.  Hmm, just checked.  It broke below 332, in that range for the last week, to 214.  Yeah.  Okay.  Anyway.  I still need food.  Roast beef reheated soon.  Hungry, but will go shorter on beef, longer on fatted tea.  Watching the  artificial sweetener levels and hitting fats is what is working.

After the liquid lunch, I hit some work.  First, the spare bedroom.  Why?  No clue.  Sorting boxes, recharging batteries, stacking sorted boxes.  Okay.  On the good side, I finally found my first mp3 player.  It is charging as I speak.  I hope it still works.  If not, I did order another, if the new one needs charged and loaded.  Ugh.  Quite a nice job though.

Then I showered and shaved.  I also washed another pair of swimming shoes, then sprayed them with disinfectant.  Doing that regularly, with all my shoes and boots, has cleared that locker-room smell I had once thought was just a permanent guy thing.  Well, that, treating my feet with antibacterial and antifungal until I wasn't too ashamed to get them professionally groomed, then a year, almost two, of that.  I also rasped the heels again.  Crazy, but my feet are almost baby butt smooth.  I'll keep on top of it, but that is taking less and less.  More pedicures?  Yes, the human contact and circulation help, for now, is quite worth the price.

I am hungry.  Food next.  Then I hope to dig into the bedroom, my main bedroom.  I would like to put away or hang up every last stitch of cloth devised items that are clean, strip and remake the bed, then get the empty boxes and trash out.  It's just packing and packaging, so no real fuss.  I don't eat in there, etc.  Finally, if I can do it.  Or nearly?  No, I will dig in.  How far I get can't be yet known.  Hungry.  Later, unless I crash.  Very pleased with all.

Ahm ver.

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Flirting?  I think... yeah.  Not sure who, but... she... yeah...

To it a bit early.

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It all started by accident.  I was fussing with something in the tub?  No, I was grabbing a towel.  I am washing towels after two uses.  I'm pretty clean and it saves on everything.  I tried more, but am not satisfied.  More than two, sometimes as many as three but not always, and I have to use vinegar with soap, or it smells musty.

Anyway, as I pulled the towel, I pulled my liquid soap sprayer, which fell.  It landed bottom first, but either the solid hydraulics of the impact, or simple mechanical forces of said, or tipping as it landed, shattered one side pressure containing the spray trigger.  Cool.  Bullshit actually, but cool as I knew I had another.  Definitely bullshit.  Anyway.

I knew where it was if, too, I didn't.  In the shelving above the towel drawers, I was all but sure.  So I opened the cupboards and... shit... what a mess.  Not dirty, just... tangled... a jungle in there.  So...  I tried a few pokes, but realized that was just not going to be efficient enough.  It all had to be organized.

Four levels of shelving, each with up to three levels, five?, deep, and probably twelve across, per shelf?  Gah!  Still, I hit it.  It... actually wasn't that bad.  Some of it was trash, old products no longer used, empty boxes, etc.  No messes, thankfully, though I had resigned myself to clean if required.

Dig, sort by keeper products and size.  Cleaning kit near cleaning stuff, application by application, soap by shampoo by conditioner, etc.  Ah, the extra spray bottle?  I had almost forgotten, given up.  It was finally found.  Not only in the last place I looked, but also the last place left to look... behind the last bucket on the right side of the top left shelf.  Ugh.  It had water, from when I tried it on the cats... worked, per cats, but was adding a musty note to the cave.

With that much done, I decided to hit the floor in there.  Sweeping first, then mopping. I only have the sink remaining, and it isn't to bad.  Though I will clean the toilet lid again, again, after I shower, then scrub under were it was again, again.  Still, mostly done.  Nice.

Then the ducks and girls were fed and watered.  Forgot litter, will hit that after this post.  I hit it twice yesterday, so it won't be too bad, if the overnighters are the worst.

I went to work an hour early, so a timered break after.  An hour and an half.  Then I  will shower, shave, prepare a fatted bone broth while heating roast beef and... something else.  As the beef heats, I will begin sorting clothes and the bedroom.  Yea, yea, I am feeling it, in the non-feelings way.  It doesn't matter that I don't feel I am up to it, only that I do it when I can.

Up, late.

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To bed about 2:00, or as much as a quarter after.  Insomnia was just about to set in.  The fog of deathly waking sleep was closing in.  I escaped it, just.  I must have fallen hard.  The next thing I remember was looking at the clock, at 11: 38 or 48.  Too early regardless of the objective time.

Sam has been a little terror through the night and morning.  I try to let her out, as it seems a tom is what she wants or needs.  Still too cold for her to be out long, low 40's, often, in the days.  She is chasing around, jumping on me, knocking over trash bins and attacking the bags... which are thankfully mostly empty.  Ugh.  Heat, in any female, is annoying.  *grin*

Back to it today?  Slightly sore.  Still tired.  I don't know, but definitely if I can.  I'll turn up the heat, take medicine, grab some aspirin, wake for a bit, then shower and shave in a couple hours?  That is how it is set.  First meds, then altering the furnace, then my morning *cough* reading session, then I'll set the alarm for two hours... for waking.  Then I will know.  Ugh.  Later.

Dinner, that was about it.

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A chuck roast and chicken drumsticks, well spiced and tended carefully.  Not just good, amazing.  I don't know why food goes from terrible to almost magic.  Same point of purchase, same recipe, same measure of doneness.  Sometimes I can barely eat food, especially chicken.  This time it was not only good fresh, but a few pieces were seriously good cold.  The beef was excellent warm, and I am betting warmed as well.

I heated the cave.  I ate enough.  Medicine was used.  I dressed warmly enough.  It didn't matter, I was simply too tired.  I am awake this late in the hopes something would happen.  I did bring barrels back.  I am doing better about such things.  Not perfect, better.

No shower or shave.  Tomorrow.  Brushing teeth four times and still a lot of bathroom runs, if only three sit sort today.  Still a lot.  One is okay, two is better, three isn't bad if hedging toward annoying.  I still feel a bet wet in the lungs.  I have cut from two to one extra water pill.  A few more days, I am hoping, and all will be clear.

I'll keep with today's list tomorrow.  Taking things slowly, in hopes of having energy for swimming Wednesday.  I have just worn myself down, stretching direct energy spent and stretched my waking hours.  I... am pushing a bit too hard.  Well, and starting medicine on top of that.  Ugh.

Good night.

Very late to bed.

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It was after 4:00.  A bit or hours I can't tell.  Memory went blank, mostly... I just remember seeing 4:xx, but not going to bed even quite then.  I woke at 13:00.  I was expecting to be in pain.  As I was waking there was mild pain.  But by the time I actually woke, aches had mostly backed down, and here an hour later it is pretty much all gone.

Teeth brushed, ducks fed and watered, tea going down and fresh brewing, while thinking about breakfast.  I won't be eating for a while.  I just... food is on my mind.  Not hungry, just... my mind likes food!  No swimming today though.  I was up too late.  So I need to get a shower and shave.  Wednesday?  Yeah.

Back to work.  With laundry and dishes done, and all laundry folded, I really am down to putting laundry away and sorting various rooms.  I did clean  the toilet, if I do need to sweep and mop, and hit the sink.  I am hoping to really hit two rooms and the bathroom.  Plus, later, roasting beef and maybe something else.

Not perfect, but I did get some things done, I am moving ahead fairly well, and I am feeling better.  Besides work, I need to get my mp3 running, thus my computer has to be set up.  Hmm.  Yeah.  I'll get there.  I am solidly getting there, if not as fast as I would like, it is at a more reasonable pace.  To fast and I am more likely to crash... remember the story of the tortoise and the hare?  There you go.  I have the choice, but the rabbit mode always loses.  A shower and shave after I fully wake, a break, then into the laundry going up while hitting the bedroom.

Oh, the specters have changed once again.  They are the size of adolescent cats, and are popping right at my feet.  They, or it, appears just long enough to spook, and as I begin trying to visually... comprehend, it disappears.  Left and right side, usually on the floor, within a foot, fairly frequent, sometimes up on a chair near me.  Further, both Sam and Sassy have been startled.  So it isn't just me.  They don't seem to fear, as with me it's the sudden appearance that gets them.  They must have figured something out though, because now they ignore the arrivals.

Dreams, last night.  I... may, or maybe not, cover it, them? in a bit.  Later.

Well, yes.

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Trash, recycling, dishes from the tub put up, a bin rebagged, and two loads of dishes finished.  One load was sort of hidden.  I am up late, I believe, because I forgot medicine until very late.  It just doesn't always allow me to sleep for a while.  Fine, I got a few things done.

Oh, I loaded travel dispensers with soap, shampoo, and conditioner, bagged those, then double and triple bagged the lot.  I also started setting up my swim duffel.  I have yet to try my new and old trunks.  I do have them gathered, just... I ran out of energy.  Tomorrow.  Yes.

It's almost 2:00?  No nap.  I don't hurt?  Bedtime.  Good night.

Supper, a ghost, and else.

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The last of the carby food.  Spaghetti and doctored meat sauce.  Blood sugar is high, but will come down by Wednesday to Friday.  Another fatted tea.  Might have another. I have eaten much less today, yet am stuffed.  No nap either, or work.  I will get trash and recycling out.  Oh, I did set supper dishes to soak.  Might even give them a first wash.

Not long ago, I suggested I never saw ghosts.  No matter how I phrased it, I was mistaken.  I have seen them before, and since.  I might prefer to forget?  This last one was between when I suggested such and now... a week ago, four days hence?  In there like that.

She was a small woman.  I sensed she lived here once, before the front and back additions were added.  I saw her in the kitchen, going into the back hall.  She didn't see me.  I was in the short hall, to the bathroom... getting cat food.  I almost asked her who she was until I realized what she was.  A daughter, or wife, of a previous owner.

I... opened up, to... understand, or try, what she was about.  She was a bit confused, as a lessor sensation.  She thought she was still alive, believed she was home, but didn't understand the very existence of the kitchen.  Okay, I got that.  Her main problem was jealousy.  She believed a woman would be arriving, to become the woman of the house.  She thought she was or would... should... be the woman of the house.

My bad.

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I forgot to turn the heat up.  If that wasn't all of it.  The diuretics were releasing fluid, but seem to be releasing more.  While I have only lost, probably, nearing thirty pounds, it looks like I lost more.  My torso was backed up.  Today I have consumed one small meal, the last few days I have eaten, to be honest, light.  And, yet, I have gone about six times, plus the standing job about a dozen times in the day, four more through the night, and for the last two days solids, the last four liquids.

It isn't liquid, so not sickness.  Some of it may be getting back to keto.  High fat, high fiber, on top of more fluid and added diuretics.  My eldest cat, Sam, has taken over one of the towel drawers.  Usually sleeps soundly, ignoring me.  The last few days, when I go in and sit, she finds somewhere else to be.  I don't think it's all that bad.  But she has never done that before.  ;p

I think those things, plus not turning the furnace up, have broken my effort so far.  I just raised the temp, am having another fatted tea, and will make the last batch of spaghetti shortly.  Then, hopefully, some work or sleep.  I could probably put up dishes before sleep, if it is headed that way.

Later.

Noon.

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Ducks were fed, Sam allowed out.  Now to actually wake.  I feel, mostly, pretty good.  A bit tired, some aches and pains, but better than most mornings for weeks now?  I think so.  Life is improving.  I am still limited in how much work I can do, and when, but even that is an improvement, and improving.

Dishes from last night will be hit before long.  One of the pots will be used for breakfast.  A roast for supper, and a couple of fatted teas and chia and flax cereal to fill out a sort of lunch/snack... those latter being how I get the fat portions configured.  Until steak is fiscally viable as a near daily driver again, fats have to be consumed this way.

The goal is all washed clothes and dishes put up, the bedroom sorted, and boxes to be broken down at least gathered.  If that gets done, then the bathroom.  Even more?  Then the boxes taken down and some sorting in the living room.  I doubt if I will make it out of the bedroom, but who knows.  Seriously, sometimes I just get second, third, and fourth winds.  I want direction, a plan, just in case.  I have lost that drive to not having goals before, quite frustrating.  I'll save putting up storage systems for tomorrow.  Probably.

Oh, trash.  I doubt if I have more than three smaller bags.  Perhaps a bag or two outside already?  Doubtful.  I think it is recycling day?  I think I do have two bags out there, maybe one to take out.  Yeah, easy enough.  A few garbage cans will need bags added.  No real heavy work this time.  Stay on top, easy to keep up.

Swimming tomorrow.  I will shower at the pool, before and after, so no need shower at home.  That isn't unfairly taking advantage, it is what most pools prefer.  It cuts cleaning expenses much more than it costs.  I am a bit nervous.  It's been a while, new pools, and, well, people... mostly naked people.  *grins*  Later.

To bed it is.

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The only thing I will do is set the dishes up, and put the last of the sauce away.  Well, brushing teeth as well.  Crashing hard.  It's half of each thing hoped, earlier to bed if not the earliest, but with little done.  Good night.

Right at 20:00.

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Similar to last night, I think?  Perhaps a little earlier.  Waking was easier and brighter.  I mean, when I put my feet to the floor this evening I was vastly more awake than at least yesterday evening.  I started mushrooms soaking for supper.  Then brushed my teeth... three times a day at least, plus any time before I sleep and whenever I wake.  I poured tea, and may have a fatted tea.

I have been eating wrong.  Beside beef and beans, I have been having spaghetti and meat sauce.  I may have solved storing homemade sauce, but will finish it off this time. Yes, between the two carby entrees, and constant consumption, my blood sugars are high.  Yeah.  But I have roasts out.  I just put them out for the week after waking.  Another spaghetti meal after this, then roasts or else.

Well, mushrooms are drained, the liquids filtered, and it is nearly time to cook.  Oh, but the sauce needs to be brought to room temp.  Then I will fry the mushrooms in butter, cook the noodles... never mind.  I'll get it done.  The next shower is Monday.  No worries, as I am finally caught up, so washing in the sink.  The tub will always be open.

A fast start.  Not sure how much or fast after.  Dishes and laundry put away, the bed and bath rooms receiving what I can offer.  I would like to go back to bed as soon as possible.  But if it isn't possible then work.  If neither is possible, then I'll tinker, read, and listen to various sources.  Later.

Crashing.

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This time I saw it coming.  All clothing has been folded or separated in prep for hanging.  Breakfast was had, and dirty dishes are soaking.  No more dishes were put up, but I am good with that.  Absolutely exhausted.  But I am good with that too.  At least I know the time.

It is 17:34.  I'll post this then crash.  Yes, medicine was taken.  Meds have nothing to do with the crash.  I am pretty sure the same as with yesterday.  I took the meds well after I realized I was about to crash, just as I am about to lay down.  I did well tonight, in not blacking out and simply failing.  I saw it coming, then guided the fall when I realized there wasn't a choice.

I don't mean I literally fell, but I did black out.  I don't remember some period of time, then going to bed.  While I am aware tonight, I won't remember everything when I wake.  How much is difficult to know.  But yesterday I was losing all memory well before this equivalent timespan I am now in.

I don't know if this is it for the night, or if I'll be back up and at it in a while.  I'll be the first to know!  *grins*  So very tired.  Later or good night.

Struggling to work.

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Pushing through pain and exhaustion makes the work more valuable.  Sleepy, lower back pain, and a headache are the main problems.  It would be easier without, but there is something else giving difficulty.  Like an unidentified anchor causing some sort of additional drag against the drives.  Ah!  The furnace wasn't turned up, and socks hadn't been put on.  That isn't all, but those are things I can fix.

I washed all dishes.  The dishes in the sink have been dried, the others are rinsing.  I pulled what was in the dryer, and have those items folded or separated and ready to hang.  When I transferred the clothes from the wash, I put them on fluff, because I wanted to see if a stain had been removed.  I couldn't tell right out of the washer.  It turned out to be good, so I turned the heat up one notch and started it up again.  Fluff simply doesn't work in the winter.

Food was set out to be heated in a bit.  You have to bring leftovers to room temp before trying to heat or it's a struggle.  After the clothes in the dryer are finished and the dishes are completed, I will start a late breakfast.  That pan and eating utensils will go into a hot soak right after.  I'll see if the heat helps.  Perhaps I can do a bit in the bedroom, than kitchen aside from the dishes and laundry.  It sounds like the dryer finished?  If so, I'll check.  I don't think the clothes will be dry.  I'll run it just a bit longer, finish the dishes, start breakfast, then bring the laundry out to be managed.

I may end up to bed early tonight.  Later.
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Actually, all of it is already done?  Right?  Well, dinner is heating.  After dinner, a long break.  Then putting up the last of the dishes, then clothes, then hitting the bedroom.  If I find a good place to stop in there, I may hit the bathroom.  As is, all dishes are washed, all laundry is done, if that will change when I change bedding.  The cave is starting to slowly shape up.

I am amazed at what is being done.  Dinner bell, maybe...

What?

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Well, yes.  To bed at 2:00, up at 11:30.  I hit things right away this morning.

Laundry was given a final spin, to make sure it is dry.  I put a load in really late.  It will be switched shortly.  Then I drained the dishes, showered, and put them back for a final soapy soak.  As well, I finally have one of the kitchen sinks clean and open, so started dinner cookware and else in there last night.  When I put up the last of the clean dishes, the other kitchen sink will be open.  Then, if I can keep up, I won't need to wash dishes in the bathroom.  To many dishes and there isn't much choice.

Why would I think I could keep up?  Medicine is back on tap, health has improved, spring and summer are approaching, and just a gut feeling.  All of that has started a mild morning headache.  With it is nausea.  A dose of tea might help.  I will bring clothes to fold out shortly.  Put the wash to dry.  Then set the alarm for two hours, hit the dishes, possible give laundry a final spin, fluff or heat depending on need.

I don't know about more.  But there is hope.  Going through swimwear, setting up the swimming duffel, do some sorting in the bedroom and living room, cleaning the bathroom, and maybe setting up a computer.  Some, all, none?  I'll know when I get there.  I'd like to sleep earlier, but cool downs take as long as they take, food does it's thing, and slowing down work when the getting is good is difficult.  I do as I may.

Meds are in.  I am extending the additional water pills.  I have probably dropped twenty pounds in water, have about that much more to go.  Yeah, I had been missing meds.  Breathing is better, activity is still tough but improving, and internal pains are much eased.  Yea.  Later.

Definitely medicine.

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Starting full dose, and then some, is making life tight.  I just couldn't sort the night out.  I cycled laundry.  That was it.

The extra water pill is doing it's thing, to great relief.  The lungs are still waterlogged, if improving.  As well as the torso.  Voiding two thirds the usual volume at two to three times the frequency.  I am definitely feeling better if I have a way to go.  No worries.  I definitely hit it when I can.  And I'll be back at it soon.

I would like a bit more to eat, then back to bed.  I hope to be back at it tomorrow.  Feeling better, just sluggish from jumping to full doses.  Yeah.  Oh yeah.  There is more to it all than meets the eye.  Oh... yeah.  Good night.

I crashed.

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No solid idea when I fell, or for that matter when I woke.  After 14:00, but how many hours after did I fall?  It is 20:30, but I was awake for some time, then made supper.  I have taken all medication, took it before falling asleep.  I suspect, because of that, it was after 16:00.  It's just how I think, if there is time.  I would have, if cognizant, wanted meds in in case I went down for the night.  I don't remember thinking that, this time.  It's just a general rule.  I remember nothing after milk arrived at around 14:00?  Give or take.

I made dinner, finished it at least half an hour ago.  The pans are soaking.  I still plan to finish my work schedule, from laundry to dishes, to my room and the bathroom.  Yeah.  I want the bathroom open for a shower tomorrow.  I'll skip shaving over the weekend.  I'd like to do more, but I am not sure there is enough time for all this.

Dinner was good.  I am hoping to get going in a bit.  It takes a while after a larger meal.  Later.

Accusations?

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The first two arrived last night.  I had to ponder upon them.  The accusations could go a number of ways.  The simplest is what is presumed.  Not all my friends are... simple.  My enemies certainly aren't.  Some of those with whom I progress or digress together with actually can't see the simple.  In various ways Michael, Desert Cat, foamy, and sometimes others.  My enemies avoid the light, if I will call them principals of the Moriarty clan.  Though some are far darker, if a few are far lighter... which is why even those of the host on high will be judged... some will burn.

It could be merely suggesting I am insane.  I have considered the possibility since I was... seven?  Six to eight, when contemplation on the concern was initiated.  A year or three after contemplation on infinity was started.  No matter one's intent, sanity cannot, fully, be gauged by self.  However, modern psychology is actually a worse test. They know neither themselves nor their enemies.  I know those, just not always the ties that bind.  If considered a god, a thing denied, in a non-human way.  Nephilum, as angel, as human, immortal in diverse ways, no more.

Another set of surprises.

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As it turned, I wasn't to bed until 2:00.  Just couldn't.  So, when I woke, I had a few expectations.  The first was that it would be late.  The second is that I would be in significant pain.  Officially it was 10:30.  Rather a good time since the switch.  I was awake probably more like 10:00, giving the girls attention.

While there was mild pain, mostly from the center lower back, it has mostly melted away.  I am tired, groggy.  But with all, not bad.  Morning meds are down, a cold tea is going down, dishes have been reset, and laundry.  The last of two loads is washing... coats and parkas took three loads themselves!

So, yes, today is at least planned as a work day.  A few hours figuring out the world, then back to it.  The dishes are few, but I would like to put all dishes away, hit the stove, and finish the counters.  Both loads of laundry are to be finished and folded, then as they are put up, begin in on the bedroom.  As well, I plan to hit the bathroom.

Other than that, just the dailies, critter feed and water, cat litter, my food later... intermittent fasting means no food until 14:00.  Should make that 16:00.  Tea is fine.  When I get regulated, my blood sugar back down, I will see if bone broth breaks my fast, according to blood sugar dynamics.  I've received mixed signals on that.

That is life, as scheduled, today.  A couple hours to wake, then to it.  Good morning.

So very late.

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I yet had things to do.  Was slowing.  Just couldn't get right up after supper.  When I did, my efforts took longer than I would have thought, in part because I was moving slower, in part because time isn't what it seems.  A shower, shave, teeth brushed, and cats fed, once I could get going.  My feet were incredibly smooth.  I went to polish the heels, which had been the worst part, but the pumice stone would catch on anything!

I also put dinner away.  Yea, I don't always get to it.  I have the dishes, mostly from today, ready to be soaped for the night.  As well, I plan to hit the cat litter for the third time?  At least.  That will be it.  It's just at 1:00.  I'll be to bed by ten, perhaps five after.  Good night, for certain this time.

Not exactly a wedding rite.

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But not far off.  Someone has been digging in my grave.  Careful chiilin.

A shower and shave, after supper.

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Jackets and coats were hung and placed.  Another batch of clean clothes were put up.  More clothes remain.  So, technically, I haven't done any real more sorting in the bedroom.  Some of the dishes were put up.  I just took pot shots at projects as I faded. Medicine is down as well.

Supper is just about ready.  After, as I mentioned, a shower and shave after.  That is it for tonight.  Time slithered by so fast I wasn't able to grasp it.  Or, maybe I did.  That might be as much as I could bargain?  Not a bad day.  Only a few odd corners of inactivity.  Quite a lot done.  Further, I don't hurt, or yet.

Blood sugar after chia dropped to 190.  A few hours later it is at 158.  I can't complain.  Next Friday or so, fully back on meds including the new stuff, I will begin checking bp.  Yea, it takes a while, sometimes, to gear up or down and get going.  It is going.  Quite a thing, more so when I can begin changing my life.  Ooh!  Supper!

Good night.

Gotta take a break.

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All the first loads, and towels and whites, are folded and put up.  The last load of jackets is drying.  That is it for laundry today, if I might hang jackets and coats in their summer location.  Hmm, I should purchase air-tight cases, larger ones to hold several per.  That will be several months off, while saving for meds.

I found the duffel bag that I had been using for swim gear, but haven't searched it yet.  I really have been dialing the numbers, as to work.  When I need a break, that means nothing.  Fine.  After this post, I will get tea but otherwise check gravity... bottom first.  I will check in an half hour to hour.  Lunch is almost ready, chia, flax, a bit of milk to cut else, and a cup or two of cream.

More, yet tonight?  I'll see after this break.  I think so... know so.  At least a shower and shave.  As to sorting in the bedroom?  Probably.  Yeah, I want at least the clean clothes in there up, emptied boxes and packing out, and at least room for one of the organizers, perhaps both, for a quick install yet tonight or tomorrow.  Fresh linens, after a shower and shave would be the addition of the cat's meow to the cherry on top.

I am tired.  And, yet, I want to dig out.  I will dig out.  Premeal blood sugar is 190.  Later.

A bit more.

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The call, about a bigger bin, was made.  The first call, from an online yellow pages type site, almost had me in despair.  No service, try so-and-such.  A few more questions.  She was in Arizona?  Another question, does her company actually even include my area?  No.  I almost called her a dumbshit.  Now that wasn't worth the time.  Pelosi's b.s. merely means they are all in agreement at this point.  No wall, no stoppage on illegals, and most likely amnesty too.

The second call was money.  Yes, they serve.  The only limit for my town is pickups are only on a few days of the week.  I can handle that.  The rent is a little less than $1.50 a day, less than $45 per thirty one day months, with a pick-up charge at $22.50 per.  Nice.  I can do that without too much hassle.  Next month?  If I can get at least, or nearly, one load ready, then yes.  Otherwise May.  But, yes.  I even know where to go to do the paperwork.  I might attempt to do that in advance to avoid hitches, toils, and delays.  One, maybe two, loads is all it should take.  I wonder if a mattress could fit?  The bed base can be cut up with a sawsall, probably the mattress too.  A chainsaw would work great, until it hit metal.  Three loads?  :p

All laundry out has been folded.  I'll put these up, then get the towels folded before putting the rest up.  Yea, a lot of clothes, towels, and such.  After the towels, and the rest, I'll dig more into the bedroom.  After that, I may change bedding, start that to wash, and put dishes up.  If I do enough in the bedroom, I may then put up at least one of the storage systems.  I'll be targeting opening space for those, but... there is a lot to do.  Ugh!

Yes, hell yes.  I am digging in.  Oh, I need to set some time aside to look for the mp3.  There are better, cheaper, ones on the market now.  If needs be, I'll order one.  Four times the storage, a third the cost.  Such is tech.  Yeah, and a shower and shave before bed.  No kitchen or bathroom work, unless I am up to sweeping and mopping before showering?  Who knows.

Spring is almost here.  I really am feeling it.  Oh, blood sugar rose (still fasting, no sweetener) to 221 before the fatted tea, then dropped to 204 an after hour and an half after that.  I'll have a fatted chia and flax, by itself, after I finish through to towels.  If you don't know, fatted means adding a cup or two of raw heavy cream.  Later I'll fry more burger and add the rest of last night's mix in.  More cheese and sour cream, never hurts my feelings!

Later.

Late, but back to it.

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I had forgotten to turn the heat up and take aspirin.  This time I really had to take aspirin.  I still hurt well into the day.  The heat was needed too.  Between those, I was completely shut down.  About 13:00 I patched those files.  Here at 14:30 I am getting to things.

Dishes have been rinsed and set to dry.  Some dishes require hand drying, glass, stainless, and ceramics.  Some, like plastic, can air dry... if there is time.  There is time.  Laundry, the last load, is being fluffed.  The last two loads to be folded, except for towels, is in front of me... with a stupid pleading look on it's face.  I'd rather plead the fifth, after torching it.  Oh, before I hit the folding, I will put another load through.  Two loads left, because the new towels doubled what had been a single whites load and because my coats are so massive.

When folding is done, I'll begin putting things away.  Hopefully I will blend restructuring my bedroom while at it.  As well, I want to call to see about a commercial trash bin delivery, rent, and pick-up arrangements and charges.  I'll do that after charging the washer and before beginning folding.  Yea.  I'm not sure when I'll get that in, depends on meds and... money, money, f'ing money.

I am feeling much better.  A fatted tea at 13:00?  Or an hour after.  Still nursing it, must have been started more like 14:00.  I think I might really get some work done today.  If I can, I will punch that ticket like I need to get there.  Maybe life is improving.  I'll still have to move heaven and hell, and burn, for it.  Nothing is free.  An opportunity is only the release of the chains and the opening of a door... doors.  The rest, which is a hellalot, is up to me.  Advice?  Don't be in my way.

Oh? Ouch.

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Everything hurts today.  Organs, headache, shoulders, legs.  No pains the worst I have known, but, in congregate, definitely hitting the upper reaches of my endurance?  Yum?  Maybe.  I have kept pushing through what I have taken as warning signals.  Ouch, even my inner ears hurt, with ringing at half mast... I have had worse tinnitus, but the ear pain is near max.

I am not even doing all that much.  I am not just sitting though.  That is what my body signals as needed.  I won't sit, not anymore.  Not even on the weekends.  If I am putting swimming off to Monday.  If in part to finish the bedroom and find the waterproof mp3.  And, maybe, feel a little more ready.  It's not all about feelings, but some times and some feelings must be leant an ear, especially an aching one.

Today?  Finishing dishes and laundry, sorting my bedroom back to order... maybe setting up the standing closet or wire mesh open storage... or both.  I think, once room is available, they will go up quickly, which will create a ton of space.  The only reason the first mesh shelving was slightly complicated to install was that it was in a double closet, under hanging shirts, around a middle door.  These will need to be wired in, but that won't be difficult with piano type wire and eye hooks.  I figure four for the closet, about eight for the shelving.

A shower and shave as well, plus the critters' care and my food.  This list for certain, what of the last list is possible.  Some other things to, or instead, as well.  Like finishing surfaces in the kitchen, and some touch ups in the bathroom.  I may do half, or less.  I may do it all, and more.  It does hurt, but I have already drained the dishes and reset to rinse and will check laundry.  I am sure it is dry, but will fluff it.

Medicine went in, I am rethinking taking aspirin, tea is being had... without sweetener, back to one in three sweetened... and blood sugar was taken.  It is a rather better 208 fasting.  Given the givens, that is excellent.  Just tea until about 14:00, then a fatted tea, broth, and cereal or the beef and bean mix, with and added couple of pounds of fried ground meat, adding a lot more various fats.

Yeah, but a couple hours to wake...  And time for a fistful of aspirin to do it's job.  Ugh.

Harsh.

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Some more work done.  Not as much as hoped.  A few dishes remain, but just few.  I'll drain them so a shower can be taken early, and a shave.  I will check the laundry.  The last load should be dry.  The wash can be put over.  Oh, I have a package at the post.  I'll get that before I crash, then feed the girls.

I did have several meals.  Blood sugar was down to 192 before the last meal.  The beans did raise it to 256.  It's what I had.  I may fry up another pound of burger, to mix the rest with, and add more cheese and sour cream.  It is filling.  Oh well, I'll keep at it.  Sometimes you have to take what you can get.

I did get medicine set back up, but too late to get both doses in.  Tomorrow.  So tired.  I keep trying to push through.  I am getting some of it done.  Ugh.  Good night.