Better.

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Blood sugar is 128 after several meals and one dose of insulin.  An 89 point drop.  See, that is what I was discussing.  When diabetes is mostly under control, save an outlier event, or even series of events, but mostly good eating and attempts at medication go forth, then the seeming high numbers crumble easily.  So, if I try to dose as if diabetes were still totally out of control, and food was bad every day, all the time, then... I get in trouble, quickly.

I really do eat keto, low carb, very well now.  Fats are probably still too high, proteins too low as well.  But I am working on these things.  Calories?  I haven't been able to track, lately.  I'm just not... conscious, awake, aware, able.  I'm... trying to get back to it.  I really pushed, and it really costs me.  Will do what I can.

Gaming, mostly, lately.  Can't do well in even that.  Though, with this game, as with most Dark Souls type games, the devs cheat against players.  I almost beat the boss, the first one.  Should have.  I was nearly full health, the boss was on it's last tenth, then all of a sudden I couldn't hit him, he couldn't miss, and I was given no chance to heal or else.  Even my special combat skills refused to land, and they are supposed to be automatic hits.  So, yeah, the game is cheating.  So?  I... figured out how to cheat better.  Don't know if it will work, yet.  Will find out soon enough.  Assholes...

One more meal.  I have had chia, a fatted coffee, a cheese and deli roast beef sandwich, and a taco salad.  All good, really good.  Not sure what I can have for a last meal.  I keep thinking cat, the cats keep thinking not.  :)  The funny thing is, they know what I'm talking about when teasing about that.  And don't think it's all that funny.  Well, the youngest, Sassy, doesn't think it's funny.  Sam is just curious, if I eat Sassy, if she can get a 'wing' or drummy out of it.  :p  She is as bad as me, only... she is half serious.

Hmm, I may just go with a kefir, egg white, and berry smoothie.  Slightly sweetened with liquid stevia and that other one I use.  While stevia doesn't really sweeten?  To me?  It... somehow... helps the one I use, allowing me to use less, and avoiding blood sugar spikes.  It's... an odd thing, but works.  Liquid sucralose, is my main.  But, used itself enough to my tastes, it'll cause a spike.  I am down to two, usually, but up to six drops, allowed, a day.  And, was doing really well that way.  No more than two drops in any drink.  Though, oddly, if I cook it I don't get the spike.  Which I rarely do.  Just a note.  Very strange, but take em' where you can get em'.

I was nearly awake until midnight?  Definitely after 23:00.  I am trying to push days and nights back in order, then get things arranged.  But keep up on medicine is bogging down.  I... don't get it.  My whole will is aimed at that, but something broke recently.  Though it broke in high winter.  A tough time, season, to have a 'flat'.  Getting the spare on, and going, is a trick.  I'll keep at it.

Well, back to something or other.  Later.

Kefir is back on the menu, boys!

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Now, either you love, or hate, kefir.  Some may tolerate it, and learn to... accept it, for nutritional reasons?  I would like to say I couldn't do that.  But, cabbage and a dozen dozen other foods would call me a liar.  Still, with this, I am not sure it is possible?  Anyway, I... do love my kefir.  More so since I brew it myself.  From grains I trust, using raw milk, on my counter.

My first half gallon is ready.  It is not the best, in spite of being double fermented.  Not that it is bad, just that it isn't all that strong yet.  It will take a bit to get to the strength I like.  But it will get there.  Still, for now, it will happily do.  I am having a cup of the lovely stuff right this morning.  It was finished last night, to before bed I put it in to chill.  I can't quite wrap my bean around warm kefir.  Your mileage may vary.  Raw, today.  Though I can see adding egg whites, protein powder, and frozen berries, into a smoothie.  I have chocolate and unflavored powders arriving.  They were on a very good sale, and all other things checked.  Tasty?  Probably not.  Some of that will be up to me, as with egg whites.

Protein is the new name of the game.  Odd, how, when I finally sort out how much fat, for a traditional keto diet... and begin hitting the target fairly well?  I realize I need to change course.  Still, I think I'll get onto the new system before long.  My one concern, despite what some suggest, is protein based blood sugar spikes.  I'll... sort that out in time.  Some of it will have to do with how fast the protein uptake is, much like with sugars.  Everything has some sort of sugar or starch, or is a protein which can be used AS such.  My guess is, the more complex, the more difficult to pull the proteins in order to create glucose... insulin.  Can't be sure, and will have to try various protein sources.

Well, I made a mess of things again, with blood sugar.  It... does get messy, or can, as I restart.  Especially if I get impatient.  Too much fast acting insulin yesterday.  But the readings were over 200, so I thought 20 cc's would be fine.  Twice.  But, it seems, while blood sugars will go high, they are till prone to being brought down quickly.  Especially with slow acting now being added again.  I crashed a few hours after going to bed.  I had to gobble two and a half packs of glucose tabs, and some candy.  Ugh.

Today?  I want to get the jars cleaned.  The hydrant ate yesterday.  Hopefully to some use.  But, if nothing else, I did learn a few things.  If it is flowing, or not actually, on a warmer day if it is, I'd like to do a bit more tinkering with it.  I think the plunger is set too deep.  Over time, that will wear it too quickly.  It can be replaced, but... that... is a whole other and extra animal.  

Jars, trash and recycling set up, maybe put out, and something cooked, or set to thaw to be cooked.  Taco salad should work well, after this chia breakfast and kefir side.  Oh, and cat litter.  Probably a complete refresh.  I need to see about local cat food and litter prices.  It's a lot more work, but I think I am being ganked about that online.  Or... cat food has become nigh on unaffordable?  Same with litter.  Online just doubled prices, which were already a bit higher than local.  But delivery made the premium... premium.  But... not double premium.

A shower, today.  Gotta be.  Needed.  Wanted.  Even the cats let me know it's time.  Women!  If a critter that licks it's own butt turns up it's nose at you... yea...  :p  That, and maybe milk.  Or sometime this week.  A couple of jugs, to keep the kefir going.  But... I really have to get the other jars clean and ready.  That and milk are both bottlenecks currently.  So, I gotta do it.

Later.

Not going to make it.

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Just that bit of effort this morning pretty much did me in.  I had a bite to eat, hoping it would warm and tend me.  Nope.  I didn't eat enough to cause a crash, either.  It... I simply am finished.  On to bed.  No, I didn't get the hydrant going.  No, I won't finish chores... until later.

The girls were fed, well.  I ate, and dosed.  I wanted to be careful, before doing else.  Blood sugar is 129, but less than thirty minutes after eating.  So... probably can take slow acting insulin.  It will be decreasing, but... all good.  It shouldn't drop too much.  And, anyway, I have glucose tabs upstairs if needed.  Been doing rather good, lately.  Haven't needed them in some time.

Good... afternoon, day, and goodnight.

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Well, there is that.  I had left the hydrant handle up.  There was a sad little hope that, somehow, it would start to flow.  Somehow.  So, I went to turn it off, and... it was flowing.  I must have just started, as there wasn't much water out in the area.  So... when the lemonade is offered from lemons, I... I'll take it.  I got to work trying to get the plunger adjusted.  To be honest?  I don't think it worked.  I may have overtightened.

Still, will find out if it worked soon enough.  There didn't seem to be any suction, however.  So I have my doubts.  Perhaps the rubber stopper is worn, or something else in there isn't working correctly.  But without suction, I am guessing there may yet be a problem.  Then again, maybe it drains so fast there just isn't suction.

The other problem was that it seemed to want to leak unless it was too tight.  I just don't know.  All I know is, an opportunity arose, and I took it.  I did what I could with it.  I can hope it worked.  I just have reasons not to believe so, or at least to doubt it.  No worries, you do your best, you take your chances, and you go from there.

Now I can go to bed knowing I did do something.  Well, and the cats have fresh water, and I have two fresh buckets of water by which to refill waterers, and maybe change out the girls' water as well before having to obtain more... however easily or difficult that might be.  I can check the water next time I am out, see if it will flow.  I don't have to be filling buckets to check, I suppose.

Anyway, goodnight.

There may be a solution.

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Assuming I can get the stupid thing thawed enough to run, that is.  I have been working on it, off and on, for an hour now.  I looked for either of my torches.  Neither are to be found.  I guess those were also stolen.  There are only two places they would be, and they aren't there.  Assholes steal both of them, not even leaving me one.

Chores finished early.

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Right around 08:00 to 08:30, I got out there.  As suspected, food wasn't an issue.  Water, of course, was.  It was 14 or 16 F out there, 16 I think.  Not as cold as it sounds.  No wind, not wet.  Not even too dry.  I actually think, when it is too dry, it does feel colder.  It feels, when you breath through the nose... which I do out there... as if a nose hair was pulled too.

No, just a pleasant winter day.  A bit deeper into the cold, but not unbearable, with all else for measures.  Sunny, if that doesn't add any warmth to the day... or... Nothing directly.  I am sure, without it, it would be colder.  It's just, some days, any heat from the sun doesn't seem to touch the skin.

Sort of tired, still.  Worn, getting better?  Trying to get better.  Not really improving.  I'm not sure if I have, finally, fallen behind on pill medicine.  But I did restart insulin last night.  Just can't seem to get it all straight, quite yet.  Working on it.  Eating is still off kilter, being that my schedule is off.  Getting headed back toward both days and a singular day in a day.  I really wrapped my body, as if it were a car at high speed, around a tree or light pole or such.  Didn't kill me, but sure banged some things up inside.  Heck of a ride though!

I am hoping to be up at least until noon.  But, maybe, later... The goal is to do chores again around noon to 14:00.  Then the rabbits will drink.  I am sure their waterers will be frozen by then, again.  Oh, and I am hoping to get the hydrant flowing again too, so as to refresh the girl's water, and get two buckets for refreshing the waterers.  Ugh.

I let one container of kefir go another round.  Plus the two that are working.  And, actually, I have two from the old ones still going.  They do smell okay, similar, yet slightly different.  I want to see if they will, in time, work out.  I won't be getting extra milk today, but sometime this week.  I may put those in the fridge...  And the others, once they hit critical.  I also have to clean out jars.  I have seven to clean, three being soaked as is.

Between cleaning jars and getting the hydrant flowing, and looking over internal parts for the hydrant, that will be it for the day.  Well, and chores.  Though, to be honest, a shower would be good too.  Ugh.  And food.  Do I have enough time for all that?  Maybe.  But not if I just sit here.  Though, for hydrant parts, I have to be on the machine.  Could call places, but... I'd rather at least figure out what I need.  Once that is done, then I might call some places.  The problem?  All the places I would call are big chains.  At this point, what is the difference between amazon, walmart, lowe's, etc.?  There aren't any local shops.  Wait, there... actually might be.  And they might carry the items.  But... what is their name?  I could check.  Assuming I can figure out what it is I need.  Later.

Revisited chicken was... good!

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Perhaps it was too moist, the first time.  Perhaps it was the vinegar, which had time to evaporate overnight?  Whatever the case, heated, to a point where the skin could and did crisp, the chicken tasted much better.  Next time I will merely brine it.  Then leave in in the fridge, in a wash pan, after being blotted dry, to dry more fully.  Say, overnight, tented in plastic wrap (over the wash pan, leaving plenty of air to allow the chicken to dry).  Yea, a lot of work.  But if I don't salt brine it, often it is tasting bad.  No real choice.  And, since chicken can taste really good, it turns out, if done and processed correctly...  I need the protein.

That, and cauliflower, broccoli, and water, made for a very good meal.  I could have eaten more, I think I had four and an half drumsticks, I was tiring of all the goodness.  So, shared with the girls.  They absolutely loved it, so I know it was good.  Then again, they liked it last night too, and I didn't.  Perhaps they saw the potential that I couldn't?  Though, if the chicken is bad, they really won't eat it.

Now, for another meal.  But what?  I am still a bit tired and confused, baffled by the world.  But I know I need to eat.  It helps recover, even from merely going without sleep for three days.  Hmm... perhaps a salad.  But with what?  Tuna?  Oh, I could make eggs!  If I have a pan available.  If not, I could get one ready.  I need to clean a little pot, so as to boil half the eggs, anyway.  Hmm, warm boiled eggs, though, too, would be super on a salad.

Oh, I need to set up an italian dressing.  Do I have any good oil?  If I don't have olive, I could try avocado oil?  I don't have an italian spice blend I like, but I do have bits and pieces of what I'd usually use.  Oh, and a bit of hot.  Not every time I make italian dressing, spaghetti, or such, do I like it hot.  But every third time, or so, I like some serious to light heat, depending on the mood.  So, yes, some carolina reaper flecks, some of the 90k cayenne ground, and maybe a touch of the standard hot pepper flakes.  The mix, you see, hits several levels of heat.  Actually, adding black pepper also perks those pepper tips up just a wee.  *wink*  Love me some heat, and know how to do it like a heat wizard.

Even if I don't have a salad tonight, I may go ahead and set up the spicy italian dressing for a soon to be meal.  I'll just put it in a smaller canning jar, let it marry out, overnight, then put in the fridge tomorrow.  I like to pull it out, if I think in advance, and let it warm to room temp while I wait for the meal.  Not always can that be remembered, but it's... a nice touch.

Oh, and reset kefir.  Will see how it works out.  The liquid, while not exactly whey, was put in one jar.  The grains and some of the thicker curds, were put back in the jars they were in, with milk added.  Those will get a first ferment.  The other jug will be given a second fermentation.  Tomorrow, I will probably put all in the fridge, considering getting more milk this week so as to manage that, and get it all up and going again.  Then, begin cycling the jugs through.  A jar lasting two to three days, then cycling through.  Double souring all of it, so that I don't have blood sugar spikes.  Or... that's the plan.  I sure miss that stuff.

Well... on to... something.  On to dinner.  Maybe figuring out supper, or whether to go without that.  Don't know.  Sorting out life as I wrestle with death?  Amen.

Not too bad out there.

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I didn't check the thermostat, but it seemed... okay out there.  Probably in the 15 to 25 range?  The rabbits were happy to see fresh water.  They all still have food, or the ones I checked.  Probably won't eat, but... who knows.  Tonight or tomorrow I need to get fresh water from the hydrant.  Which means thawing it out.  I should look for a parts kit.  As the reason it may be freezing is because it has a gasket leak inside?  I suspect so.

I have an alarm set, to feed the girls in a bit.  I am having a fatted coffee as I wake.  Will have something else shortly... perhaps a taco salad?  Maybe sardines on those keto crackers?  Or without the crackers, to cut cabs.  I may try to crisp the skin on the chicken, that might help.  The soaking may make those soggy, and perhaps it is taking up the vinegar, making it taste off?

I don't know.  Next time, I'll try just a brine.  Maybe the vinegar doesn't work well.  Well, and dry them out a bit before cooking them.  Sure extends the cooking process though.  I don't know, I'll keep trying.  Especially since chicken can be a superior protein consumable... if I can cook it, processed as needed, so as to be able to eat enough of it.

I am hoping to do more than just sit today.  What?  Laundry, dishes, drilling holes in the pipe for installing i-bolts and then setting up the hammock.  As mentioned, something I ordered was an underquilt for a hammock.  It is supposed to be comfortable to zero degrees, f.  I'd like to check it.  It isn't even that cold, so...  Still, I'd like to begin seeing about winter camping, but starting in my back yard.

Perhaps I will need more.  Beside my various multi-layer sleeping bag sets, and the underquilt, I may need a high-r value (well insulated) sleeping pad.  And, just maybe, an overquilt.  There is only one way to know.  And, to be honest, I would like to try it on the coldest day, with high winds... as if I got stuck in it, out there.  Because, I have no doubt, if I go out there, I... will get stuck in it.  It is how my life is.  Now, I don't mind, I just want to come back.  I have, always, before.  If but for the grace and blessings of God, even though it has hurt.  Or... because it hurt?

No, I want to find out what I and my equipment can take, and in a place where if it isn't quite up to snuff, getting out isn't at the cost of fingers and toes, or life itself.  God gave me a responsibility.  I take it serious.  And, yet, He knows I must go out there.  Or... plan and configure so I may.  Later.

Awake, and gladly.

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Down just before, or at noon.  Down well.  Sleep was fantastic.  I think?  I could have awaken at 19:00 to 19:30, and various times after, in half to quarter hour segments?  Initially.  My body wanted up.  It wanted to wake.  I negotiated more sack time.  Not for... my pleasure, or mere leisure, but to try to get back to days.  If I reason with it, sometimes... if in accord... it will abide my will.  This time it did, without much fuss or selling.  We both prefer days.  It makes managing everything from intermittent fasting to medicine a lot easier.  It is on-board with health, as there have been signs of improvement.  We both have... plans, hopes, for more.

Anyway, so back to sleep.  After a few automatic attempts to wake, every half hour, we finally shut off the bioautonomic beeper... on the bio alarm, and slept until nearly 22:00.  A good sleep.  Dreams, but I don't remember them.  Hmm, though, there was a particular woman I once adored in there.  A once lover.  Now I remember.  Her scent.  Her feel.  I really liked her, loved her.  Miss her.  It isn't all about sex but... sex is a powerful thing.  When you are that close, you... have become more than friends... a sort of kin?  I just couldn't always stay.  And women can't always wait.  Slaves get what we get, I guess.

I have ordered protein additives.  I will, probably, try several types.  Along with the egg whites, I should be able to reasonable add forty to eighty proteins a day, if I can't get it in my food.  Into a kefir smoothie, or with coffee.  I am sure the smoothie will be better, but the coffee, other than being a bit different, isn't bad.  It just seems like it has pepper in it?  It makes the coffee much less sweet, more... savory.  Savory!  That is the word.  I could add more sweetener, or go with butter or ghee instead of cream, and spice and herb it more to fit the savory feel?  Thinking out loud.

Anyway, yes, I have plans to get more protein in.  I am hoping to eat more, and just use the additives when I fail.  And, hopefully, at that, just twenty grams a day extra.  The first goal is to get to 150 grams of protein a day.  I have, with some effort, been able to hit between 113 and 135.  But that has been pushing, especially since I can't eat chicken as well as I had hoped.  There is no way I can eat ten pieces of chicken drumsticks.  They just... especially from time to time, are inedible.

Hmm... I wonder if there is a local who raises chickens, affordably, for sell.  Well, and perhaps I should get going with rabbits.  But, if chicken is too lean?  Rabbit, without any skin at all, would be brutal?  Hmm, wrapped in bacon?  One piece per might help, though, too?  Ugh.

Well... I best get to waking.  I will get water out to the rabbits.  Even if they only get a sip, before it freezes again, at least I have done what I can.  I really hate going out, in the cold.  But, it's... not about me.  I know it is right, and that... is right, regardless of feels.  Though, sometimes, feels... when aligned with what is good, can be wonderful.  It's just not about feels.  They can bolster what is right, but are rarely a sign of what is right.  Save pain.  If it hurts?  And you are sure to do it anyway?  That... if you aren't a masochist... which I assure you I am not... is a sign post of the right direction.  Heck, even love, here, in this fallen place, hurts.  Beautifully, sometimes, often.

Later.

Almost noon.

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I... didn't mean to, or even want to, stay awake.  But, here I am.

Definitely goodnight now.  And morning (still, here anyway), and day... good, good, all of whichever.

Oh well.

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I brined the chicken for an hour.  Then baked it, just right.  But something tastes wrong, still.  The skin, wrong.  Was it the apple cider vinegar?  Was it just too old, or not frozen quickly enough?  Not processed fast enough?  Or are my taste buds off?  Sam and Sassy both tore into it.  Though I only gave them the meat.

Because they are more than happy to eat it, I will save the rest, for them.  The broccoli was okay.  A bit overcooked.  Just a bit.  That is hit or miss, but I am getting better.  Though, this time, I was outside doing chores.  I was legitimately busy.  Just crossed wires while stumbling through the morning.

I would like to have gone to bed around 02:00 or 03:00.  That didn't work.  So, I am hoping to make it to noon.  I might.  But it's rough.  So tired.  Only an hour and a quarter to go, but some days that is a very long time.  Today is one of those days.  Still, I'll... try.  If I can't, I can't.  I won't worry.  There is tomorrow.

Oh, I should have checked the mail.  My medicine should be in.  I am just running out.  So...  I can't get in this morning.  Far too tired.  Last night?  I was too tired, and too confused.  Getting better.  I did push.  But boy did I push.  I probably got... four hours of sleep, in three days?  Just an hour and an half on the final day.  Crazy.  Some young people can't do that.  Imagine what I could, and did do, when I was young.  Things you... don't want to know.  Regardless of any other story or thought, know that, without a doubt.

What's more crazy, to me, was of all the things I did, places I went, and trouble I got into and out of, it was... a virus that got me.  If even it couldn't seem to kill me.  Something so small.  And the reoccurrence of it, the shingles, recurring chicken pox... untreated for a mere three months, got into my heart.  Herpes Zoster, or some such... which I thought was just... herpes.  Nope.  Anyway... so, yes, that is what killed me... for as well as I can die.  So far.  It'll get me, eventually.  The thing is, that can attack any part of the body.  I wonder if the boosters they gave us, when going abroad, as what they force on the military now, also played a part by making me vulnerable.  Seriously, they have been fucking vaxxes up for my whole life.  If it didn't cause the problem, it certainly may have led to it, or allowed it, or even helped it happen.

Ugh.  I'm not going to make it up longer.  Goodnight, morning, and day.

I kept thinking I'd go to bed.

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I just couldn't.  No great problem.  I'll have something to eat shortly.  I... oh... chicken drumsticks.  I will brine them, adding vinegar, for an hour.  It just really helps, as chicken has been rather skunky lately.  Winter?  Poor, few, workers... or automation isn't working out?  Whatever the case is, chicken is rough lately.

Since I am awake, I'll get the rabbits feed and water as soon as it lights up out there.  I have been feeding the girls well.  But, their litter!  Yea.  That really needs tended, reset whole I would guess.  I'll check, but... it's probably pretty rough.  When it is rough, Sam gets rough.  She is too old to care for herself as well as she would wish, especially if the pans are a bit off.

She is mostly sleeping the last of her life.  I... understand.  Medicine has helped, so I don't do that as much.  But... anything gets pushed, or pulled, or hurt, or... and I can go down hard.  Now, with medicine, it isn't quite as bad.  But, still, I know where she is at.  So, I try to keep up on things, just to ease the last of her life.  I swear, she is trying to outlive me.  I am grateful for her efforts.

Still cold, in here.  I need to insulate the house, seal cracks, do other things.  I just... haven't been able to do much.  The thing is, this will help in summer and winter.  I don't think having a home completely sealed is wise, but having it breath much more explicitly... making air transference more of a task... is wise.  Necessary.  Not sure how possible it is, but I think the drafts are mostly from doors and a few windows.  I am sure there is a way to seal up much better.  I... beside being not able, and not being able for a while, I don't know how.

Well... on to making a bite to eat.  Meat, I really need some.  And, chicken, at least with skin, does work well.  Perhaps broccoli.  And... something else.  Oh, I did get kefir sorted, and another jar started.  It sure seems like a lot of grains were made, or it is coming out very thick?  It's been a while, but this seems different.  This seems more like yogurt, cut in the container (though I didn't cut it) than kefir as I remember it.  But yogurt cultures wouldn't do that.  So... not sure what to think.

I do need to empty the other kefir I tried to make, from the refrigerated stuff.  And clean those jugs out, to get them in play for a full set of kefir, set and refrigerated, and with spare jugs ready for when I need to make more.  I will reuse the jars a few times, but at some point it is just best to completely reset the whole jug, wash one, bring a clean one in to replace, and go from there.

A shower would be good, too.  Perhaps it will warm me up.  So cold, even with the furnace up high.  Oh well.  Later.

What for supper?

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Supper?  Lunch?  Dinner?  Surely not breakfast!  Well, maybe.  By sort if not time or meal placement?  I mean, fried eggs, to me, are always breakfast foods.  And I am leaning toward eggs.  But fried, scrambled... or other?  I have been thinking about it for the last two hours.

The girls have been fed.  I haven't gotten out to the rabbits yet, but will.  Late or not, I'll... do it.  Oh, and I best get litter tended.  Probably have to throw the lot out and start over.  I did have a very good, rather long, run on keep up on litter.  I just pushed and fell, hard.

On the good side of things, I am not actually that far behind on pill medicine.  I only missed one dose in the last... two weeks or so?  At least.  I know I hit the last week of my last pill box well.  And I am just down one dose, and that from yesterday.  I may have been struggling with it, confused about days, not sure when to take it and all, but I... got it all in, save one dose, and I will try to get it in even yet.  Ugh.

Cold, people.  Colder than walk-in deep freezers.  A dry cold, at least.  And, even so, the snow is disappearing on my lawn.  Not in my field.  I suppose houses give off lots of radiant heat?  It just seems odd.  The rabbits don't even blink at it.  Their coats are quite nice.  Though, they do stay still.  You would think they would be more active, but... no.

Oh, I have chicken that needs to be cooked.  I'll check it, but it should be good.  And, tonight, I am going to try egg whites in my coffee.  Not an extremely hot coffee, I don't want it cooked.  I just want it to mix as a liquid.  Protein!  But first, to figure out, say, 20 grams of protein... also 100 calories.

Done.  As it turns out, there are ~13 tablespoons in a cup.  A serving is three tablespoons, so round to four servings provides for 1 cup... actually that is a bit more but within tolerances.  In with warmer but not too hot coffee, with cream and a few drops of two sweeteners (so as not to cause an insulin spike)... and... down the hatch?  Well?  It's... a bit different.  Not great, not terrible.  Different.

Can I eat this every other day?  Maybe.  Can I eat more of it?  Probably not in this form.  I also have protein powder on the way.  Why?  I need a lot more protein.  I simply can't eat what my body needs, even purely at maintenance.  No wonder I have grown weak.  Age will do that, but not eating well enough to even maintain muscle will lead to greater weakness.  Time will tell if protein can be leveled and maintained, then if that works... at both regaining and maintaining muscle.  I'm not going after the world cup in old guy body building, or such.  I just want to be a bit more able, fit.  We'll see.

I have carrots steaming.  I'll probably just have a few meat sticks and cheese, for lunch.  Lunch?  By time, I guess that is it.  I may get to the rabbits, while the carrots cook.  A bit warm and some cold.  I prefer hot food in the winter, it just isn't always possible.  

Hmm... the egg whites sure thicken the fatted coffee.  I am down to about a tablespoon of cream per coffee, so it had become rather watering.  The egg whites add... a fine grain?  Something like that, texturally.  Not as smooth as cream, but not terribly graining.  Just... think eggnog.  While smooth, it is thick too.  Unless you add enough vodka to enjoy it.  Well, that was my theory when younger.

Yea.  On to getting the rabbits a bit of a later night watering.  I am pretty sure they will take it whenever they can get it, in this cold and dark.  Hmm... I still wonder if there is a way... You know?  Christmas lights!  They would work around the closer cages, not really out to the outbuilding though.  Though... with the ducks gone, perhaps I could move those cages closer?  So I don't have to walk so far?  And, have access to power?  Heck, I might be able to put all the cages in there?  Maybe, just... maybe.  That would be a lot nicer for them.  And I wouldn't have to struggle with tarps, wind, else.  And... could close them up, so nothing is bothering them.  Maybe, maybe.  I'll... have to see about that.

Well... all good to plan.  But until I can function, it's... just that.  Later.

As it turns...

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I did make it awake long enough to feed and water the rabbits, this morning.  The plan, then, was to go on to bed so I would be awake in time to water them again.  Well?  As to the plan...  I wasn't able to sleep until noon.  And, I find myself waking at 20:30 or so.  All good, save that it is a bit late to water the rabbits.  Still, in a bit, after waking, I will get them fresh water.  I checked the temp outside.  At 10 to 12, their water is definitely frozen.  Probably has been most of the day.  So, fresh water, even if they only get a sip while I am out there.

Sleep was very good.  The problem is, I still don't have a day, or "day", and night... or "night".  I am sleeping about as long as I am awake, mostly?  So it is more like having two days and nights per actual day and night cycle.  Winter, pushing things, off meds... can't seem to figure out when to take them, or remember to take them.

I can't focus, remember, think well.  I'll keep at it.  At least thing have been better arranged.  And I will be getting a means of discarding large amounts of things, and then doing so.  The slog will be sorting.  What to keep, for now.  What to toss.  Perhaps even what to consider selling.  For now, however, choosing what to toss and what to keep is primary.  A box or three a day, more some days, once I have a place to put the refuse.

Food, too, is off.  I am blindly hungry when I wake, so eat.  Having two days per day, generally, means I am overeating.  But I can't focus.  I'll... eventually... sort things back out.  One problem, medicine, feed cycle, etc, at a time.  On the good side, I am generally eating right.

Oh, and kefir is going.  Either today, or tomorrow, I will drain it off, and reset.  If there are enough kefir grains created, I will do two half gallon starts.  The goal, eventually, is to have four half gallon jars going, using two to three per week.  Preferably about two per week.  One as a starter for breakfast, I guess with chia.  One small glass with each meal, for digestion.  It helps move it all along AND break down vitamins and minerals.  Plus feed and restore the gut biome.  Plus, it really does act as a sort of fiber.  Just the bulk of it.  Love the stuff.  Missed it.

Today?  Tonight?  I have no idea.  I will do whatever I can do.  Later.

Cold, and feels it.

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Some days 11 F seems cold, some days it doesn't.  Today it feels it.  Crisp.  A hard cold.  No play or give to it.  Yes, I really do believe there are days, at the same temp, that feel better.  Today isn't one of those.  Still, I got the rabbits fed and watered.  Didn't need, or even want, more food.  But water was in high demand.  I am hoping to get up and out before it gets too dark.

I wish there was a way to get some light out there, but really, I just don't have what is needed, currently.  No pun intended.  Mostly.

The girls have been fed, I have been fed.  Getting confused about days, somehow, still.  I... finally realized it was Sunday, not Saturday, or Monday as I had thought before... well.. was.  It has Become Monday, so, yes.  But... in my confusion, I missed a day of medication.

I am missing medicine, feed amounts and windows, and insulin.  I am in really rough shape.  I will simply have to do my best, recover as I can, and push through when possible... living with the consequences in the interim.  It is pretty brutal.  At least I am mostly keeping up on feed, water, and hopefully will get caught up on litter soon.

Now, for some sleep?  I think so.  I'll give it a shot, anyway.  Though, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I will sleep quite well.  I just... want something to eat, first.  Oh, I know I am eating too much.  But my body is asking for it, politely.  I am trying to offer it what is better, rather than have it come unglued and go to town, literally and figuratively, and eat like a beast.  Sometimes, if we can negotiate, we can make some reasonable compromises.

Yea, I'll... have something.  Goodnight.

A very good supper.

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I didn't even end up eating any potato.  I did add carrots, to the steaming pot.  And had both broccoli and cauliflower as well.  Those and the chops were quite enough.  I even left an ounce or two for the girls, of the meat.  Though, if there is butter in the veggie juice, they will enjoy some of that.  Cats aren't stupid.

I got the waterers all reset.  It was about time.  I had hoped to water the rabbits, but it was already dark when I woke.  And they just don't drink in the dark.  Even with a porch light on.  I might see about getting a light out there, for them, for late watering.  Though, too, their waterers needed reset.  It was a double negative.  I'll get them as soon as it is light, though may be going to bed shortly.  Still, should be up sometime in the early to mid morning range.

Oh, I may boil some eggs.  I like having some for frying and scrambling, but having some boiled is really good too.  I might be able to fit a dozen or two eggs into my menu through the week.  While not, as whole eggs, protein heavy, they are a good mix, about even between protein and fat.  And, generally, a very healthy food for a sit down or run and gun meal.  If I had boiled eggs on hand, I might not have eaten as badly when out.  Then again, I needed caffeine very badly.  When I push like that, something has to give.  Still, maybe... I might not have eaten quite so badly.  A little bad versus all and very bad?  Plus, now that I have croutons, or a replacement that is very excellent, boiled eggs on my salad is another missed treasure.  Boiled eggs and, say, canned tuna, on a salad, turn it into a real, whole, full, meal.  Especially with a homemade italian or similar dressing.

Well, not sure I can get to boiling them tonight, but maybe tomorrow.  And fry a few for breakfast, for a change.  I still really enjoy chia, just... I miss eggs, finally, again.  I think I overdid it there for a bit.  Balance.  Definitely need balance.

Well, on to... just a bit more tinkering, then bed.  Hmm, and a plate of salad.  Maybe just lettuce, dressing, and croutons.  Nothing fancy, but it sure sounds tasty.  Later, or more likely good night.

Pork blade chops!

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Well, sounds good to me.  As well, broccoli and trying half a potato again.  With the broccoli, it is hoped my appetites will be sated.  I am trying to get over my addiction to carbs, if it's possible.  Fast carbs.  But I don't, too, wish to be completely incapable of process even fast carbs, but in smaller amounts.

I do see the similarity between carbs and booze.  The Irish nearly prove my point.  Was it because they ate so many potatoes that they became so vulnerable to alcoholism?  Did American indians have a problem with alcoholism because, much as with diseases, they really hadn't ever had access to carbs in any quantity, so were... are... nearly completely unable to resist?  Odd, how opposites can be the same.

Anyway...  two medium chops, about 8 ounces after the bones are weighed, cut, out.  Plus a healthy dose of broccoli and carrots, steamed.  Plus half a potato.  Then, either tea, a fatted coffee, or just water.  Probably just water.  Later on, probably just a deli meat and cheese sandwich.  Oh, and maybe, trying a cup of egg whites.  I wonder if that can be mixed with a warm coffee, to make a more tolerable protein drink.  I might start small, just a couple... three... tablespoons of the stuff in with a fatted coffee.

The guy, as mentioned, who suggested this, says he drinks it straight.  I'm balking at that, but, if my approach works out, or I get used to it, maybe.  Oh, I should boil some eggs, to start getting whole eggs back into my diet.  And having fried eggs a few times a week.  Boiled are good straight, on salad, they say even in soup?  Dunno, those orientals can be a bit odd with their foods... even to me.  Sometimes I like it, sometimes not so much.

Well, best check on the grill.  It is freezing out there.  And it is creeping in, even with the heat up, and dressed warmly.  Later.

Upon waking...

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I was sure it was Monday, afternoon by the time.  So, I got up and was ready  to face the week.  I am behind on... everything!  The cat litter and pans are a mess!  The rabbits, I need to water them as often as humanly possible and absolutely twice a day minimum while this new freeze has taken over.  I need to get back on a feed plan, myself, well, and make sure I am feeding the girls more often.

Everything sort of went off the rails.  Two days with less than two hours of sleep each, plus a longer day before that.  Trips here, and there.  Eating wrongly, poorly, but as needed.  It caught up to me.  Missing meds, though even when taking them, when the clock and schedule are in freespin, I am not sure they matter.  Woah.  If the place would just stop spinning for a bit!

In the old, old, old days, when life would get this bad, I would drink like three sailors.  A fifth of vodka, a fifth of Yukon Jack, and a case of beer would put everything back in place.  I couldn't drink daily.  Even weekly.  Or socially.  I drank as a medicine, for when the world went completely sideways.  And, to be honest, with nothing else in the works back then, it actually fixed things.  No, not even a consideration these days.  Medicine is almost there, finally.

It will take unbending my bent body and mind, and stretching and pushing back into some kind of shape.  Plus, doing my best with medicines and food.  Weak as a babe, I pushed hard.  Got it done though.  I have had much worse, but I was younger, fitter, and such.  Still, I will... get back on track.  And, Thankfully, it is Sunday.  I have... a bit more time before having to get back to it.  Though, I am hoping to get trash rounded up and out, and recycling too.  May not make it to the curb, may not be enough.  But... I'd like it out, then decide.  Mostly likely only one smaller bag of each.

That morning seltzer does a world of good.  I look forward to it.  Any bad tastes, or dry mouth, or such... this takes care of it.  As well, it makes up for what I lose to the water pills and keto.  I am holding off blood pressure testing until medicine and schedule... a, any, schedule, is back in play.  Right now I am sleeping, then awake, when I am, but that could be at any time.  I may even go back to bed shortly, or in a few hours, or maybe not for ten or fifteen.  I'm off my rails.  I'm not even quite ready to aim for a schedule.  Too unstable.

Still, all good.  "Breakfast" soon, some gaming to try to get my mind ordered and ready to target real world tasks.  Medicine, wherever I am with all that.  Oh, I'll get litter, and the rabbits, and the girls fed, before long.  Ugh.  A shower, it is hoped, and setting up some dishes?  Laundry is probably ready to be hit.  Well, and trash.  Just... flicking through the to-do list... lists?  Later.

Day, or night?

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What day is it?  Wow.  I sleep, then wake, eat, then sleep.  I think I missed the rabbits for a day.  I don't like doing that in the extremes... hot or cold.  I don't like doing it ever, but it happens.  Sunday.  Today is Sunday.  I am about to go back to bed.

I am terribly bent out of shape.  Not sure when I woke, yesterday.  Actually... I think it was around 17:30.  How about that.  Right when I woke, I sent a text.  It was at 17:30, on the dot.  Anyway... I have remained awake.  Still in rough shape, trying to sort things out, body, mind, food, medicine.  Everything seems like round items are trying to make it into square grooves, and it's not working.  I'll sort it out after a few days.

It is 8 F out there.  Oddly, it doesn't feel all that bad.  No wind, dry, and maybe the sun will be out today?  Difficult to tell, but it sure looked like that was going to be the shape of things.  The rabbits all looked good.  I petted some of them.  They are still rather shy, but allow it, mostly.

Taco salad for a meal last night, and a fatted coffee.  A small meal, to be honest.  And, even so, I am absolutely stuffed.  I don't quite get it.  I'm fine with that though.  I would get back to intermittent fasting, but days and nights are spinning.  until I have a schedule again, I can't sort that out.  I am back on keto, solid, though.

I did start up kefir.  The grains arrived a few days ago, but I have been too busy or too tired.  Last night, in the quiet, I put the goop in the milk and am letting it smooth in the warmth of the kitchen.  Hoping it goes quickly.  Then, to reset and double.  Starting with half of a gallon, and hope to double that as soon as there are enough extra grains.  I think that helps with digestion... makes it more complete... and pushes things through... plus increases the bio processes in there.  Plus, it's a marvelous drink.  Now that I am testing blood sugar, and all that, I'll see just how keto-friendly the homemade stuff is.  If it's not quite there, I'll have to sort out double souring it.  Basically, anything not a month old isn't too sour for me.  I've... got a gut that handled Drano without... burns through the lining.  I... can handle quite a lot.  I'll stick to kefir, though, for now on.  :p

Wow.  Amazing what happens in a few days.  Sure messed me up, but well worth the price.  Cash in the bank, a bill no longer due, registration difficulties gone.

The one thing I did buy, with some of the extra (if I was probably going to even without it), was the purchase of a hammock underquilt.  Built for winter use.  Now, to get my hammock set up out there, and a tarp over the top.  Then, to get the underquilt on it, and see how it works.  Good to zero.  Will... find out in time.  Would like a top quilt, and an insulated sleeping pad.  But... this is a start.  One thing at a time.  These are hand made, so... it'll be a day or six, or more, before it is made.  Then it has to be sent.  I am excited.  I went economy, can't afford the fancy.  But... it'll do.

Goodnight, good morning, and good day.

Up, again...

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For a while?  For the night?  I'm still a bit confused and out of sorts.  Pushing two days in a row, throwing my whole schedule off, eating like a hangry fool, missing meds and taking them very off schedule... what was taken... leaves me a bit, a lot, out of sorts.

All good.  For the mission, the man is expendable.  Not only was the mission embarked upon, no matter how dubious, it was returned from AND successful.  None of that is every promised or even suggested.  It is... merely hoped.  The mission comes first.  The prices is... what it is.  For all but those who pay it, it is, at most, an afterthought.  At least I actually brought home bacon, not just a bunch of gratitude from command who really didn't actually give a shit.  Or even like us, most of them.  Worse under dems, but not great under repubs either, to be honest.

I ate this morning, two meals.  Small meals.  I have to eat again, but I'm not really keen on doing much.  Hmm... I do have already cooked burger, salad, cheese, and such.  Sounds good to me.  Easy is good, beats even a steak, when recovering from pushing to extremes.  If I would have to cook it, anyway.

Hopefully, I will get the big bin in, to near the house, in the next week or two.  Then I start breaking, tearing, sorting, and tossing.  A LOT of tossing.  I am excited, and yet fearful.  This will be the beginning of a long run... to get the house cleared, cleaned, straightened.  To get my belongings in order, reducing my stock, and again, and probably again again.

I'm not planning on going minimalist.  I merely want to keep only that which I will use, or that which might be useful.  Almost anything that is in the way of clean, simple, function, or proper aesthetics, will go.  Even my couches, recliners (too old and don't work well), and other things will go.  Good furniture, fitting clothes which are still in good shape, will be kept.  Perhaps some new furniture, on the lower end, for plants, and a better tall-boy recliner, may replace most of my living room stuff.  Perhaps a few chairs for guests.  But I have endtables and a coffee table, so maybe not much else?  Plant stands, maybe, specifically for those?  Maybe?

My kitchen will be cleared, and reset.  Designed, from top to bottom, for storage and ease of use.  I have wire shelving, regular cupboards, and rolling wire racks.  I have the perfect gear for making a highly functional kitchen, just too much else in the way at the moment.  It could be an ideal kitchen.  I even have a big, 6 quart, standing mixer.  I have everything, save perhaps a wood burning cookstove, a gas stove, a stove vent, and... well... I have much else.  

Oh, well, a larger food processor, if I get the kitchen in order and keep it that way... I may get one of those back.  The rolling racks would be perfect for larger "small" appliances.  Storing below what isn't being used, having a cutting board on top, for almost any even larger small appliance use on top.  Perhaps two at a time, and I have two of those.  I used to do more, but that got reduced as I began... losing space.

If this works, once every few years, I may just get one of those for a while, and... begin paring.  The hope, though, is that this will, mostly, get a lot of that done.  And, this time, I'll keep up on it.  It is... a possibility.  Definitely a hope.  Dubious?  Aren't all hopes, even plans?  Amen.

Well... on to dinner.  Supper?  Breakfast?  I... don't think, at this time in the mess of recovery, food is anything but face and body filler.  No name or title quite works.  Later.  Oh.  Blood sugar is 164.  I don't think that is fasting?  Not long enough since I ate, before I slept.  And, without slow acting insulin two nights running, or even fast acting for... a while... three days?  So... okay.  Back on the chain gang, tonight.  A small(er) quick acting, then a slow acting regular dose in an hour.  Not bad for the abuses I just put my body through.  I was expecting three fifty, hoping for two and a quarter.  Amen.

Back to it all.  Shouldn't be too bad.  Oh, and kefir.  I'll restart that tonight!  Excited to get that back into production.  Love that stuff.

Trying to stay awake.

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Can barely stand.  Breakfast and lunch have been eaten.  Dairy and eggs arrived.  A small gift back at them.  Once in a while, showing a touch of gratitude goes a long way.  It doesn't have to be gold.  It doesn't have to be silver.  Just something that says thank you in a solid way.

I need to get to chores.  But I am so very tired.  I may crash, again, shortly.  The rabbits have had water available all day for the last three, rather than just for an hour or three, twice a day, so I am not quite as worried about chores... immediately.  They may even still have food, or would have first thing.  Though, maybe not.  I suppose, if water is much more available, perhaps they have eaten more quickly.

I... was so tired, this morning, that I didn't even remember to wait for breakfast.  I just ate first thing.  All good.  I have been pushing exceedingly powerfully, digging down to all I had available, and then some.  So, for the next few days, I am not worried about mistakes.  I will do the best I can do, while my nerves, bone, muscle, sinew, and whatallelse knits back together and relearns how to function again.

Yes, more sleep.  Then chores when I wake.  The cat litter is a mess, again.  I'll have to get that sorted out too.  Everything sort of went down the crapper.  I am still on medicine, pills anyway.  I think I lost track of slow acting, and even fast acting, insulin.  Messed up.  But... I'll... figure things out.  After a nap, or three.  Good just afternoon, morning, and day?  Perhaps even night, for some of you furriners.  Oh, and goodnight, very likely.  I have some doubts if this nap will be an actual nap.

Up and at it?

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Oh, but I think so.  sometime after 03:30?  Pretty close to that time.  Not much started, yet.  Maybe not much today.  Chores, when the sun returns to whatever level it will return.  Breakfast on the way, water probably heated by now.  A timer set by which to feed the girls.  And, perhaps, some dishes and trash to be gathered and set out.

Well, and food.  I have burger boiled and set aside.  Some even frozen.  There are meats thawed.  Vegetables are on hand.  I really need to expand my list, oh and add cabbage back in.  I do adore cabbage, nowadays.  And it goes so well with just any meat.  Even steak, to my mind.

I went way off the reservation the last few days.  Don't know why.  But, so very hungry.  Hungry in to the bones.  Almost a feral hunger.  No, I'd say it IS a feral hunger, I have just been able to mask it to some slight degree.  I think it has been tinkering with sleep to such a huge degree.  It... awakens something in me most of you have never known or been.

An animal.  Truly.  Chased, pushed, hunted, and even self-deprived until a feral form remains, meant to hunt and kill and do what is necessary.  The man yet exists, but is set below the feral.  Only as a slight guide, more like a man who shoots a rifle becomes the bullet.  Only a guide for the missile, unless he becomes the missile.  Then... what is he?  Well, when I tinker with things to extremes, two or three days of little or no sleep, long trips, stresses and worries, this and that.  Adds up.  The animal can still do it, but... there is a price.  And feeding that terrible hunger, what it wants and at least thinks it needs, is a part of the requirement.  Unleashed, it was.  A price had to be paid, and was.

But.  Today.  I am going back on the leash.  Or attempting to do so.  I may still, yet, need, to feed it more.  But I should be able to get it back to keto.  That is all I have here at the house, these days, so there is hope.  But if that isn't enough, it will drive me to where it can get what it wants.  My body is not, fully, me.  It, can, has, will, take the wheel right out of my hands.  Perhaps you... know this.  Perhaps you don't.

I have spent decades attempting to... mollify... that aspect of my nature.  To make peace with it.  It is of and for war.  It is not nice.  It is not civil.  It's own life isn't even what it is about.  It is... mission oriented.  At least, if it believes in the mission.  Once signed to a task, it may well die to see it done, and kill.  Doing the least damage has nothing to do with humanitarian, civil, or other issues.  It is merely a matter of efficiency.  Don't waste a bullet, though use every one needed.  Efficiency.  No, boys and girls, you don't want to play with this... thing.  I have, finally, made it as much of a freind and ally as possible.  But it is still no more mine than it is pleasant, civil, or such.

Anyway...  Up, at it, and getting ready to go back on right foods.  I got plenty of sleep.  Going to bed at, perhaps, 18:00 to 20:00... can't remember.  Absolutely crushed before I even got to that time in the afternoon.  Just couldn't slow the war-wagon down enough to jump off until then.  Actually, not even all that much sleep, but as much as I could handle, for now.

Maybe a shower, trash out, some dishes started and maybe done.  All my plants are in planters, but I do need to check on them.  Starting kefir, if dairy arrives in time.  Lots of things.  Oh, I did find and make purchase of egg whites... for protein additions.  An half cup would, if I did my math correctly, provide 40 grams of protein with reasonable other things.  Just need to sort out if I can handle drinking it, or if there is another way to consume it, if that isn't possible.  I want to boost my protein to, probably, 150 grams... maybe 200 if I can keep the rest of the macros in order... if nothing else give that a few months to see if it makes any real difference.  If I can begin building muscle, then swimming might well come back into the program.  Muscle is the best fat eater I could have.

Anyway... There is that.  Awake, aware, about to begin eating rightly.  Contemplating a two day fast next weekend, from Friday to Sunday.  Full fast, not a dawn to dusk or such thing.  In part to make up for this two day feast I have done, but because it is time.  Later.

I just knew it.

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Couldn't sleep last night.  So very tired, yet... things on my mind.

The trip, to Salt Lake City.  In an attempt to sell the car.  One day after posting it for sale, four or five offers and a few bids.  Oddly, from dealerships.  One, here in Logan, we went to.  In spite of posting a reasonable bit, they tried to offer me about half.  Not their price, what was really my side of the value of the car.  I just shook my head and walked.  It was never a thought.

there was a bid for that and two thirds.  Of course, who knows.  When we get there, maybe they would find "reasons" to lowball.  Who knows.  Two bids. a few hundred apart.  The higher bid was... sketchy.  Anyway... I knew that wouldn't be what they finally offered.  I made sure I had enough money to get both cars gassed back up for the drive home.

When we got there, we first drove to the place which was more trusted.  They looked it over, turned it over to their service shop, then we went in to do paperwork.  I saw it zoom out, was pretty sure.  They... really... took off, if so.  But, yes.  The young man we were working with suggested that was a good sign.  It meant they didn't find anything immediately disqualifying.  A bit later, they came back, just as zippy.  They came in, I mentioned it, he thought I was messing with him they drove so fast.

I... knew they weren't going to honor their bid,  I was just hoping the other bid, here or the next place, was good enough.  I figured I had $4700 to $5200 owing.  And I wanted some money back.  I paid about $8k to $9k, plus financing.  There was no way they would pay my back then price, is there?

Anyway, I was right.  To be pessimistic.  I was just wrong about that.  I got, pretty much, the full asking price, and a hundred over their initial offer.  Then again, he had been planning to drive us back, we saved him that since I followed with my other vehicle.  Wow!

I made enough to start a savings account... for house things.  Electrical and... who knows.  With the three hundred I was paying out, two of that will go into savings, a hundred extra will go against the house... for now.  I will start looking for bids on a new electrical box.  No interest on that, but... I have some, and will be having more, for home repairs, and, maybe, in time, household appliances.  Can't do electrical until spring, so I'll have more by then.

Then to get a quote for a new furnace and ac.  Planning that for the spring after the upcoming one, or the fall after that, depending on costs.  After those things?  Let me name the things...  A dishwasher, a refrigerator, subpanels to the garage and outbuildings, a welder, a garage door opener, insulation in the garage, perhaps a vent hood in the kitchen and bathroom, and... more.  Ugh.  Well... ideas.

I might even quit amazon, and begin saving more and putting more against the house... for now.  Still... thinking on things.  Oh, and getting a smaller industrial bin, to begin clearing the place and regaining, or asserting, order hereabouts.  Yea, I think so.  

A brutal day though.  I only got two hours, or less, sleep.  Some of it was stress about the sale, especially after being offered so little yesterday.  And that my days and nights are funky.  So pushing and pulling and doing at the wrong hours simply doesn't allow for sleep.  Ugh.

Steaks, today, more.  The sale was so good, I couldn't let that go.  I have enough steaks for three months, at leisure.  Not sure I'll be able to replace them, but let that worry about itself.  I'll do my best, and eat what I must.  One to my helper.  Some of these are huge.  All good.

Anyway... I... now... have to cool down and relax.  I did stop in town, while picking up the steaks, and opened that account, and got an automatic transfer set up.  Yea... I... can't believe what just happened actually happened.  At the dealership, I thought they were going to pay the bank, and the bank was going to kick back the remnant to me.  But, nope, I got my own, very cashable, check on my way out.

Awesome.  Out of debt with a minor nestegg too.  On the way home, someone called, acting as my power company, saying I was overdo and going to be cut off if I didn't pay them in the next half hour.  I just hung up and called my power company.  Nope, and typical.  I had turned off the "do not disturb" setting, so he could call without me having to tapdance through menus while trying to stay on the road, as tired as I was.  Back on.  Keeps those not in my list from called.  Cheers!

Anyway, one heck of a day.  Oh, and it's nearly a heat wave out there.  It's about 35 F, and feels very very good, nice, spring-like.  It wasn't just me who thought so.  Later, or goodnight... in case I don't get back to here before there.

Had to wake up early.

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Way early.  I went to bed around 11:00, got awaken at around 16:00?  Gosh, I can't really be sure.  Either that, or close to it, or nearly 17:00.  Anyway... Finally, I did wake.  Several calls, which I heard but wires weren't crossing.  Two calls in a row, which would normally rouse me, but not today.  Then... rocks and snow balls.  I was beginning to dream that a snow man got the wrong house, or was trying to indicate odd medical problems?  :p

Nope.  I put someone in charge of selling the car.  He got it cleaned up, took pictures, and posted it.  He got hits quickly.  One we checked out this afternoon.  No go.  They saw what it was listed for, and thought asking half was polite.  No.  It wasn't.  And, no deal.  You sort of expect that though.  There are going to be people who ask for things for free.  No shame, none whatsoever.

Anyway.  While in town, I got to the bank and store.  Groceries, nearly enough for the month.  A very peculiar thing?  93% lean is less expensive than 85% lean, at this point!  Yea, it is this government screwing with prices.  And probably, by the sounds of it, trying to put beef producers out of business.  Just as likely to take over the industry.  Of course, all beef is excessively expensive.  Except what is on sale.  The steak on sale, this time, was porter house.  They call them t-bones at times.  And there is a difference, but these, to me, looked a lot more like porterhouses than t-bones.  Much larger steaks on both sides.  At $8 a pound, you know I got some.  Heck, that is only $.50 higher than chuck roasts!  Ugh.

Oh, I also bought egg whites.  Just... egg whites.  I want to see about adding more protein that way.  About an half cup of them offers 40 grams of protein, if I read rightly.  I'll have to see how to use.  The source of the idea, a body builder, drinks the stuff straight.  Muscleheads must really have an itch, or... not?  ;)  Still, I'd like to do something.  I am thinking, if I can handle it... raw or added in with other eggs, every other day or so.

I bought, mostly, enough food to last for the month, mostly.  I even found plain ground pork.  I keep looking at sausages, and they all have sugar, dextrin, maltodextrin, etc.  I... don't want that.  Yes, just... start from plain meats.  Spicing, adding herbs, and perhaps vegetables, as I desire, am able.  Some for with eggs, some in with beef.  All boiled.  Well, pork and 85% or less lean boiled.

Other than the offer that fell through tonight, there are two to deal with tomorrow.  So... he will see what he sees.  He gets a percent, of profit.  Though, with a basement.  He has incentives to want more.  We all do, save the buyer.  It would be good to walk away with a bit of cash, and no more bill.  Because ssd had been stolen, I didn't have enough to drive to visit my mother, or go to national or state parks.  So... it... mostly sat.  Just being driven, from time to time, to keep it operational.

I woke up hungry.  When I push sleep, or wakefulness, my belly can take control.  I did get a bunless burger at the Five Guys.  No fries, no soda, trying to keep it together.  But I was too hungry!  On the way home, I stopped at Wendy's.  I did get the burger in lettuce, but then got fries and a soda.  I... broke.  So HUNGRY!

Still hungry.  So, I am having one of the steaks, plus veggies.  At least I did get all keto foods.  And, enough to really hit it.  Salt, pepper, garlic powder, and butter.  These aren't the most marbled I have ever seen.  Plus, butter, lard, tallow, and a few others, help crisp the outside.  Which... yea...  Not sure I can eat the whole thing.  These are bigger than I... thought.  Wonderful.  I can always have spare, to be heated and put on a salad tomorrow.  

So... I'll try to stay awake until... 22:00 to 00:00, getting to bed so as to be available tomorrow, early if needed.  I'll set the alarm, and do my best to be up and ready for calls and such.  I will be praying.  I wouldn't have gotten into this deal if I had know ssd was going to be stolen.  It would be good to be out of it.  But... not at a crooked price.  Won't do that.

If the steak isn't enough, or is too much but I still need something else, I'll have a bit of salad.  I really am enjoying salad lately.  And will try various things with it.  Plus, those crackers?  Can have six, probably, but only use one per salad, and not even every time.  Just... an occasional treat.  Life is good.  Later.

Food was excellent!

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Okay, yes, potato.  I... have a few choices.  If I have more, of other veggies?  I think I can pull it off.  Otherwise, it just won't work.  I'll eat the whole thing.  Went well with those blade chops though.  My word!  Today was the best eating I have done in a while, and only messed up a little with the potato.

I still have a fatted coffee to get down.  I wasn't able to eat it all in time, by a lot.  But, things are off kilter.  Sleepy, it's cold out there, yada yada yada.  I'll keep at it.  Do what I can.  Food was so very good though.  If I can keep up, with food like that, only with more broccoli, or cauliflower, or other types... life will be a bit easier.

Part of my problem is simply getting to the store!  It's been rough, lately.  Days became nights.  Trying to push my way back around, but it's tricky.  Blood sugar is a bit off, but really?  My current "off" is better than most of my time with the health issue.  Still, gotta keep trying.

Gifts are in, for family local and far.  Heard from my brother, just that they had arrived.  He was waiting for his wife to get home so they could open the presents.  Must not have liked them?  That was days ago.  They are busy, he is not in the greatest health himself, they have ill in-laws there, and children.  I... really shouldn't worry about me.  But... that is nature.  I just hope they do enjoy.

I let the other local family know, and... well... haven't heard anything.  May be working, may be out of town, may have issues?  I... don't know.  I can't give them to them if they... don't talk.  I am hoping they like these things.  Items I use, if that doesn't mean much.  Well...  I'll... just wait.

Well, on to... something.  I'll get the rabbits when the sun is up.  They just don't touch anything, even if I leave the back porch light on.  It's just not bright enough, or it's sleeping time.  I'll get the girls, shortly.  And, may take a nap after a fatted coffee.  Seems odd, but they work well together.

I think it was ten.

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When I went down.  It was a bit before 17:00 when waking.  Well, at least it wasn't a fourteen, or seventeen, or thirty six hour downtime.  And, I did make it back into daylight, for a while.  It'll be rough as I push through to sunshine, or what will pass for it, in this next week, month, whatever.

I put out meat to thaw, and covered it as the girls... Sam anyway... is willing to tear into anything.  Trash, fresh food, even the refrigerator if I leave the door open.  I feed her five times a day, between treats and canned, plus she has all she can eat of dry food.  I... think it is dementia.  The early stages of it?  Or... something.  She will try to steal food, right off my plate, on my lap, while eating, if I don't make it clear, several times.  If it continues, I may lock her up while I eat.  Though it isn't complete insanity, because she has, for now, mostly, learned to sit and just watch.  Even when I am eating a salad, she likes to watch me eat!  Ugh.

I have to admit, my morning 'seltzer'... made of flavored or not perrier, electrolyte powder (lemon flavored, keto production top to bottom), a teaspoon of sea salt (the good stuff), and a stir?  That sets my whole day up right.  Any throat dryness goes with it.  Any serious thirst too.  I just sets things up for food and else.

I have kefir grains on the way.  I tried the old stuff.  It just didn't work.  I think they are in, hopefully in my mail box.  I'll check this evening.  If so, I'll restart kefir, and get that back on track.  Probably, since I am cutting fats, go to from three to two cream, and from one to two milks.   I... keep trying to get it right.  But, needs, moods, and understandings... change in time.

Today?  I have 'breakfast' going.  But I am cutting that.  From thee tablespoons of chia down to two.  I don't mind the cinnamon, keeping that about the same.   As well, I have cut cream from an half to quarter cup, down to one to two tablespoons.  Trying to reduce fats.  Making it a two to three hundred calorie dish rather than a five to six hundred calorie dish.

Something else I have found that offers a much higher protein to fat, with no carb, product, is deli meat.  At least the beef.  It has 2.5 g of fat per 8 or so grams of protein.  The thing is, that is for four slices, and at about 60 calories.  How to eat enough to make that significant is a bit of a trick.

I thought about cheddar sandwiches.  And, actually, those will work.  As there is a slight bias toward protein even with the cheese... at... oops, well, a slight bias toward fats.  I thought that was the way, but read them backwards.  Anyway, at 7.7 g of fat to 5.8 grams of protein, per two slices...  Now, if I put eight deli cuts per two slices of cheese?  (not saying it's possible, just... thinking).  there would be 12.7 grams of fat, total.  And 21.8 grams of protein.  Nearly two to one, but that would be a lot of food.  Hmm... could try it.  With a little mustard?  Perhaps a bit of horseradish?  If I could get homemade mayo to work, that wouldn't be bad either.  Though that would increase fats.  Ugh!

I keep trying to make it work.  And, it time, it will.  My limits are shopping, washing, cooking, and sometimes eating... too much or too little.  Oh... was stressing food, then got my phone and started playing with the menu and...  I... see you are still here!

Wow.  A little work, as I start the day, and food can really get sorted.  I still have supper to plan, but breakfast and lunch are managed, and there is room for a decent supper.  I am hoping the chops are thawed.  If so, they will be supper.  And, maybe, half a potato.  Just half.  I... have to... be sure.  Those are so delicious.  Still, just half.  So, half the butter, half the sour cream.  The Lord knows I try.

Yes, two chops (which should be between six and eight ounces, I put in ounces, will check between cooked whole and remnants being weighed).  Half a potato, a pat of butter, a tablespoon of sour cream, and... good.  A few calories over, well over with protein, under fats, over cabs but with veggies and fiber making up well over half and only slightly over?  Yea... and... it is all extremely edible.  I shouldn't have a problem, save getting the cheese sandwich down.  That... might be a trick.

I am just about to begin my long slog meal right at 18:00.  To be done in four hours would be to finish by 22:00.  For six hours it would be 00:00.  Ugh.  Wish me luck?

Oh, I will do breakfast, then get to the rabbits, and cats.  I get to eat first, sometimes.  But they were fed, through the night and day, so I'm not worried.  And the rabbits were good through the day and night, and checked.  So... I... don't mind.  Usually they get fed and such first.  Today is my day.  By needs, not otherwise though.  Later.

Couldn't sleep.

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Though, too, I am hoping to push days back around into alignment, and I want to water the rabbits.  I wanted to be awake until daylight, and on into the day a bit.  Well... here I am.  So I best get the rabbits fed and watered.  It was too late, last night, to water them again.  They simply won't feed or drink when it is dark.

Eyes are burning.  Sleeping too long, and staying up way too long.  I just can't quite get it all corrected.  Still, I am struggling with things.  Somethings aren't working out, others seem flat out failing, and a few things are doing okay.  But, I am still juggling.  And, when an egg drops, I let that go, get another egg, and get back to it.

Blood sugar was 90 just now.  I'll take it.  A fast acting dose, 15 cc's I think.  Then a slow acting dose.  I have finished the pills, much earlier.  So, as I go to bed, I'll take the night pills, saving the morning pills for my "morning".  Those water pills are too much for a bedtime snack.  I've been keeping up on those things, mostly.  Though I did figure out why some of the pee jugs smelled odd, even after being well cleaned.  One word... garlic.  That... I finally put it together, that when I eat extra garlic, it gets in there.  Not even bleach can quickly reduce that.  I love my garlic!

Certainly not perfect.  Definitely not the worst I have done.  And I haven't fallen completely off the track.  I keep missing, in a lot of way, but I haven't had to shut it all down and hope for better times.  I am a bit surprised.  There have been times when I really thought the rabbits would end up dead.  But I have kept watering them, and they just won't quit either.  So, when I can do them a square, I do.

I won't mess with the hydrant, nor did I last night.  Just couldn't get to it.  Maybe when I wake up later.  Well, on to rabbits then bed.  Good morning, day, and night.

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Forgot to post this last... well... this morning.  Oh, did get out for the rabbits.  But their waterers were still running, and had water, so I didn't end up needing to change them.  But!  I did check.  Fair enough.

A lot of salad today!

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And, actually, it was really good!  I wasn't cramping my style by doing it.  Hungry for it.  The first two were just standard.  The last one was with boiled burger.  Which, actually, was pretty good.  I think I'll have a final bowl of that, just spiced, otherwise alone.  It was good enough for my tastes.

As well, a fatted coffee or two, and a chia and flax breakfast.  I think I have enough room for more, but... one more bowl of burger should be good.  I will definitely be getting more lettuce.  As to salad dressing, I think I'll just make my own.  The italian was okay, but my vinaigrettes beat the tar out of  that.  I do need to find good olive oil though.  Extra virgin is only for that and a very few things.  

Don't... bother cooking with it, really.  Good also for mayo.  So... spend the money, and get definite extra virgin.  Which... I need to do.  Otherwise who knows what is in that oil.  Seriously, they fill it with (on the high end) canola, on the low end... you don't want to know.  

Same with ghee too.  Don't buy that, make that.  Plus, if you have a basement or root cellar, ghee will last a very long time.  Make three to five jars.  Oh, and don't make it out of grass fed, grass finished, organic.  Ghrrr!  Complete waste.  Use a lower middle grade of stuff.  Look, I won't be cheap for being cheaps sake.  Just, don't waste your money by cooking on high with evoo, or using extra class butters for ghee.  Just... don't.  If you have money to throw away, could you... throw some my way?  At least I won't waste it.

While I missed the technical window, by time, I made it by length of time allowed.  It's as good as I can do with sleep being so off.  Technically, though, I fasted longer, so it's all good... unless I make it back up tomorrow, by being up early.  But, even then... it'll do.  Intermittent fasting will just... have to sort itself out some days, in spite of, or because of, me or my failings.

The girls have been extra hungry today.  Pissing me off, a bit.  But, I... have relented.  If they are hungry, I will feed them.  I know how the cold gets to me.  And, I worry about them.  I just make sure they aren't just jerking my chain.  They haven't been, and are completely demolishing what I give them, so... I'll... feed them a bit more.

Late on the rabbits.  But, tonight, I will definitely get them more water.  I have been lax lately.  They are still doing good, but I want them to do better.  I may, if possible, thaw the hydrant tonight, or give it a good shot.  It read 28, last time I looked.  Not sure if it is staying there or cooling more.  I hope it is.  The hydrant is rather frozen.  Oddly, again, there is an icicle in it.  That really shouldn't happen.  I will look for the torch, soldering torch really, and get that going while I use the heat gun as well.  Maybe it will thaw faster.  Hopefully it doesn't break.  Ugh.  Who knows.  I guess I will find out.

One more bite, then done for the evening.  I don't think I even started eating until... 18:00?  20:00?  The latter, I think.  Just... couldn't... go.

My brother texted, that they received a package or two.  I have another gift for them, next month.  Something that is wonderful, both for holy holidays, as well as just for whenever.  I have been using it, and enjoying it, immensely this year.  Actually, I plan on sending several out, to folks near and far, through the next few months.  Not... a lot.  Just... a few, to good folk.  I won't write what it is, some may well read here.  Nothing fancy, just... a pleasant little thing in life.

Well, on to food.  Medicine too.  Oh, the pills I thought I was out of?  I am, but because I used them in the pill dispenser, as far as they would go.  I think I have a week or two of them.  So, all good, not actually out of those.  I will try to order more quickly, next time.  They are set to only offer a month of medicine, instead of the usual three months.  But because we weren't sure if these would do.  Still not sure, so... I'm... sort of stuck.  But I don't want to increase the dose until I am more sure.

After some misses, I want to give them a few more days, then begin checking bp again.  So, I really need to make sure and hit the meds super on it, every dose, every day.  I need to see exactly how these are doing with bp.  Especially since I reduced carvedilol.  I haven't tested that aspect yet.  Gah... trying.  Doing well really.  But falling a bit, in the cold.  I'll keep at it.

Awake so late!

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The cold is getting to me.  I can't sleep until late, and on top of it I sleep so very long.  Fourteen hours down, last night.  Hard to go to bed early enough to work around that.  I... kept waking.  The girls were singing for breakfast.  I think someone rang the doorbell.  I thought it rang.  Thought it was a delivery.  Nothing at the door, when I eventually pulled out of that blackhole of a sleep.

Who says there is no light in a black whole.  It is all around you, being directed inward, just like you.  Only, what you see in it is all out of context, like you being out of space given propulsion and steerage.  By your charts, you should be far away.  Just as the light should be with other light, sending visions to other places, along with the whole of what was once a light transmission package.  Not all light gets bent, just what is close.  So it was with the sleep last night, and dreams, sounds, thoughts.  All.. somehow... out of context, space, time.  But a very good sleep.

I did end up eating more last night.  Salad, with italian dressing.  Nothing fancy.  Not many calories.  And, yet, it messed up blood sugar this morning.  It had been 98 before that.  This morning, it is 161.  Yes, I just can't eat late!  Still, I am pushing a lot of fronts... calories, fats, carbs, depressing those.  Plus, trying to eat it all, and enough, in a short timespan.  There are going to be hiccups in my plan.  And, maybe, in time, I will do it... or be required to loosen my grip.  Why hold on to what one can't control?  Better to take a step back, if required.  Time will tell.

As with medicine, I am trying to sort things out in midwinter.  A desperate time to attempt... anything... let alone severe medical intervention or food/dietary controls.  Not that any of those things is ever easy, but when even witches are complaining about their nipples, you... know it's a troubled time.  I'll bet that tom has to keep his testes up where he sounds like a teen choir boy, too.  Cold, I tell you.  And, it's more than just temps.  There is something dark to these recent temps.  Something, almost with ill, evil, intent, in it.  Wait... there is... a prayer for such things.  I think Christ said them, at least once.  I ought to see if these are layman prayers.  If not, I can at least pray, with that intent, as a laymen.  Foul airs... these... are biblically know.

Well... Up.  Breakfast is brewing.  Or the water has probably heated anyway.  I cleaned and added litter for the girls, then fed them.  Medicine... pills... are down, as is electrolytes.  Oh, I'll get vitamins as well.  Eating as quickly after as possible.  I like to let the chia seeds stew for fifteen to twenty minutes.  Provides a warm breakfast, but not too hot.

Then, after I warm, out to the rabbits.  Oh, while getting breakfast brewing, I checked.  It is about 28 out there.  Which, really, isn't bad.  I may try to thaw the hydrant sometime today.  It doesn't even feel bad, as it has.  I didn't get the trash and recycling bins in, will do that when I get to the rabbits.

Well... on to my day.  Later.

It is freezing!

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I have the furnace up, somewhere between old people heat and really old people hot.  And I am still cold.  Yes, dressed warmly.  Drinking hot drink after hot drink.  It seems to be really cold out.  No wind, just... cold.  Or, no wind last time I checked.  I really don't want to take fresh waterers out to the rabbits, but I... will.  Though I may take a shower, see if that helps.

I did get most of the chicken down.  I left a decent little bit for Sam, but really got enough to call it good.  And I ate within the four hour window.  Five hour?  I... can't be sure, now, but I thought I got it in the four hour window.  The way to do that, in the future, is to eat a heavy half first thing.  Though, breaking fast with a large meal can be difficult too.

Cutting cream, quite a bit, really makes the fats easier to limit.  That is one part of it.  But getting the protein in is brutal.  Now I get why people don't eat enough protein.  For an average person (150 pounds, give or take), that is 30 to 50 protein a meal, just to maintain muscle.  Not powerlifting type, or body building.  Those guys are hitting 300 grams of protein, as a starter, at that level.  If you aren't eating that much protein, you are losing muscle mass.  You definitely can't build, but you can't even maintain.  Some things make sense now.

This is, probably, the best day for a higher protein version of keto so far.  Fats were closer to the cutoff than hoped, but under... 88.7% of max.  As with carbs, at this point, the task is to limit fats rather than maximize.  With carbs, I went over the 30 mark by 3.9, but more than half of those are solid fibers.  I'm good with that.  Would like to cut just a bit, but that shouldn't be a problem.  For protein, at weight loss but maintenance levels, I got 111% of my goal.  And, to be honest, I want more like 132% on up to 176% of my goal.  For protein, I want overages.  It's... just... currently... eating that much protein is problematic.  Even knowing sources for it, quite yet... I just don't.  Well, other than 10 chicken drumsticks!  Ugh.  

Still, not bad, at 32 calorie under the max.  Now, I do try to hit that as close to on the nose as possible.  When I don't, I get hungry in a mean and nasty way, and may go on a binge.  There is only so much I can deprive, and I am right on that line.  I may yet have half a tablespoon of milk with some hot tea, to cover that gap.  It will add fats, but... I don't want that hunger thing to attack.  Or I may not.  It's... probably close enough.

Blood sugar is 98.  Good enough.  I did dose with dinner, because of the potato.  Well, that is it for starches, sugars, and sweet carbs for the week.  Two such meals a week, maybe three.  The rest have to be fiber, veggies, or other righter carbs.  I used to not count veggies, but... no, I need to know what it is I am eating, down to the gram nearly.  Gotta count everything, even if you allow some things to pass.

Well... on to something.  I may well be to bed early tonight.  I'd like to get the bins in, get a shower, and then feed rabbits and cats.  Actually, I'll give the girls treats, right now.  Bring the bins in.  Then shower.  After watering the rabbits, I'll give them a can of food.  Then... begin heading to bed.  Later, or goodnight.

Odd how things work.

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The baked chicken, by the way, was excellent.  I have had half the pieces.  With skin, this time.  Absolutely wonderful.  While putting it into the food logger, I... saw something odd.  So, I checked something else.  I added the rest of the chicken drumsticks, with skin, to the daily menu.  And?  And... I got to the right amount of protein and fat!  Well, with what else I ate.

I am cutting the fats I am adding to my breakfast and coffees, teas, etc.  A tablespoon per.  Some days I will have more, other days... most days... less.  As well, coconut milk on some occasions, which cuts more, especially as I use less.  Still, the trick is to figure out how to eat the rest of that chicken!  That is a lot of food.  Well, and I am trying to finish it by 18:00.  Which, I don't think is possible.  As is, I am probably going to have to push it two more hours.

Delicious, but that is a lot of food.  A bit high on carbs (due to a potato, if half of the carbs are fiber from chia seeds).  But only 3 over, so... doable, and it won't be every day.  I was under my limit of fats, by a bit.  Which is good.  And over on protein, which is excellent.  Assuming I can finish it all.  Oh, and one more fatted drink.  Still under calories by 32.  I... can live with that.

I will have to see about chicken thighs.  While chicken has been a bit off, lately, the tricks my mother taught me, to brine the chicken, as well adding vinegar... soaking in that for an hour... really helps get rid of that bad taste.  Further, not over-cooking helps a good deal.  More?  I don't cook it in it's juice.  I set it up, so it drains that.  And more properly, or nearly, roasts rather than steams or broils or such.  A dry cooking process.  Fantastic.

I'll try to finish it off, in an hour or so.  I'll be taking just a slight amount of fast acting insulin, to get things in trim.  I will be doing a second set of chores tonight.  Feeding the girls two or three more times.  Though, even with what was left on the chicken bones, they are going to have a good night.  Pulling the bins back, from the curb, and getting a shower too?  Right.

Oh, and if I didn't mention, I did call the VA, ordering medicine and setting up another appointment.  They keep wanting an office visit.  I keep refusing.  As soon as they stop the genocidal policies, I'll come back in.  No mask, no push for the anti-vax, none of it.  If they want to kill people, I will leave them to kill the idiots.  Not my gig.  If they want to murder me, they will have to do it honestly.

Well... on to digesting supper... dinner?  Yes, dinner.  Supper is yet to happen, if the food is already cooked.  Oh, and I'll think about setting up to boil hamburger tonight... for tacos tomorrow, and other things.  I just hope I can handle that lean of burger.

Something they suggest, is that boiling fattier burger will only take it to about 90 to 93 percent lean.  The question is, is it more expensive to render fattier burger, or purchase leaner burger.  The thing is, boiling (or frying, draining, then rinsing) only gets it to about 90 to 93 percent.  Doing those processes to 90 percent lean (or more) beef removes no fat or calories.  I may way the burger, before and after, then compare prices.  It may or may not be more expensive to render.  As well, it would be far easier to simply buy leaner burger, and not have to mess with it.  Currently, 85% lean is $5.50 a pound?  Crazy, but... so, it really might be cheaper to buy the 93% lean (what my store offers as the leaner choice).  I'm not sure what their ground turkey or pork is, though, either.  And, yes, it's all the same, based on the percent lean, not on the base meat.  So, when someone says ground turkey is leaner?  It might be, or not.  Unless you know the number, the meat isn't automatically leaner because of what it is, as they add or subtract fats, from other sources of necessary.  Nothing is, these days, offered as is.  Bleh.

Well... so full.  I'll try to get more chicken in.  Hope I can.  Later.

A quick bit.

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Meds ordered, an appointment arranged.  All good.  Now to get chicken soaking and set up breakfast.  Trying less cream this morning, just a tablespoon.  Attempting to rein in the fats, calories, and sort out proteins.  It'll be messy, might take a while.  But... that is how life goes.

As well, let my brother know his gifts are on the way, and how I use them.  He can do as he pleases, just informing him of my methods.  And... I called him a grinch!  :)  Only because he is!  Still, hoping he enjoys.  Or... whatever.  Not my problem.

Best get to setting up chicken and breakfast.  Oh... but I am out of the new stuff.  I'll just have to wait until it arrives.  Not much else I can do about it.  I just wish the VA would allow us to get a script, at least on non-narcotics, so we can fill them ourselves if all else fails.  A ten day wait, I am told.  Oh well.  I guess I'll get a vacation from some of the medicine.  Should I go back on the smaller dose of carvedilol until then?  To cover some of the gap?  Bleh.

Later.