.
.
I keep tinkering with the dishes. Giving them a fresh soak or rinse. I took the pressure cooker out, though, and washed it, again, and with bar keeper's friend. It actually is back to specs after a couple of washings and soakings from the pork roast that ran dry. The plan is to make noodles, probably let them dry, and be ready for the roast, some onions, cabbage if it is still good, and carrots and celery. I suppose I could bake some potatoes, too, and have those ready to dice into the stew.
I called my mother, to see what she was doing. She is home from a visit with my brother. Usually the south is much warmer, and I suppose they had some good days. It sounds like the cold went right down there with her, this time, though. Oh... someone is shoveling. I best get out. I can help today. Well, that was still a lot of work, even with two other workers and a helper. My drive is thirty yards and change, not quit double wide but not thin either. I can only guess that we got 3" to 6". It is nice to have it cleared though.
I may just go to town for a dinner and some groceries. I ought to check my produce, to see if that will be good. Milk and whipped cream are always needed. A bit of cat food and another bag of cat litter would be good. Yeah. I think I want to warm up, rest just a bit, and make those noodles first though. This time I will dry them and make my gravy and meat tomorrow. Yeah, that might just work.
I best get going. It looks like my chemical reset did it's job. Later.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Well, about that comment?
.
.
Now, it doesn't happen too often, these days. And it wasn't a planned exercise either, mind you. I thought a beer, maybe two, would... be tasty. I do that up to three or four times a week, sometimes only once every few months if medicine is trolling me or I personally think it not wise by how I am feeling or doing. And, well... those beers most certainly were tasty. After a six pack in ten minutes, while trying to maintain some... reason, I did have to make a choice. More? I looked at my calendar. I have an appointment around the middle of next week. It's tight, but I work better under pressure, so I went for a night in the fishbowl minus the fish. I hope. At some point, some nights, I am not sure I would notice. I did make the choice, mind you. But that first six-pack sort of jumped in my lap and made it difficult to think. Sa Weet, she was.
Besides, sometimes a night of consumption will break me out of... whatever... It resets, or can, some inner buttons, switches, connections, and such. It's sort of like a chemical overhaul. I won't know if it worked until, well, I know whether it worked. For having gone to bed at 00:30, and full in the cup, and waken at 6:30 as per the queen's and princess's... tomfollery, I'm doing alright. Got in a desperately needed shower, right before I realized the girls deserved their giving me my desserts.
Yeah, well, there isn't but a shot of Vodka left, must have just missed finishing it by >.< that much, just by not paying attention, or the glass was too full? No... usually that goes in right after the coffee. I only have a few beers left. Yeah, it was tasty. The girls usually don't care, but they didn't get their last feed in my condition. Ah, but they woke me by 6:30. I wasn't going to feed them, for their sins, until I realized it was I who sinned. Grumpy, not exactly chipper, even so... fair is fair. They will still get their two normal meals today. Poppa's not such an ogre all the time.
Oh, urhm. The morning after? It depends on if I posted comments or not. I always sweat that part, more than any kind of a hangover. Especially when the blue moon of my habits is out in full force as it was last night. Go ahead, if I did bad, I'll lend you the switch. Even if I might agree with the notions, there are... possibly... better ways of saying things. I can lose all finesse, if... that ain't all bad, either. Sometimes it just has to be said. And yet, there may be a price. That's what... makes me a bit nervous in the morning. Yes it does. Gosh, I best check my own blog for... boldness. Maybe in a bit, when I have steeled my nerves enough to peek.
I don't know how many beers I had to start, but it was pretty close to an eighteen pack. And I can't swear how much of that 1.75 liter of vodka there was, but I thought it was greater than half. White Russians, or a form of it, huge 26 ounce ouncers, interspersed with a beer-fest minus the fest. I do have healthy appetites, more so for a man in my condition. Diabetes? Yeah, well, eating right and insulin were keeping that up around 300, and rising as a trend. I can't do much about it. It's difficult to take to much interest when your best efforts yield poor results. Docs blame me anyway. Although, I am titrating that up slowly because I don't know will happen when my blood sugar suddenly drops, for whatever reason it does, and if I don't happen to notice or do a reading just on time to notice. That stuff is... hmm... time release. Spooky, to me. The thing is, with the non-time release, I would have to do a calorie count, and add in that I don't eat every day or even for days at a time sometimes.
Shower was good. Hopefully I will recover and get to a few things yet today. Or... not. I never know. I did cook the chicken, but just baked it done then crisped it. I want to pressure cook the beef and try another batch of noodles. A little more research into noodles though, this time. They weren't horrible, they just weren't quite (at all) right. Not sure how much was the wrong flower and how much might have been bad technique. While my mother suggested that I don't "have" to dry them overnight, something about the way she said that made me think that... really... you should. So, it would be nice to get all the prep done today and make the meal leisurely tomorrow. Might just cook the beef tomorrow, if so. Fresh au jus is the thing, innit? Oh yeah.
Later.
.
Now, it doesn't happen too often, these days. And it wasn't a planned exercise either, mind you. I thought a beer, maybe two, would... be tasty. I do that up to three or four times a week, sometimes only once every few months if medicine is trolling me or I personally think it not wise by how I am feeling or doing. And, well... those beers most certainly were tasty. After a six pack in ten minutes, while trying to maintain some... reason, I did have to make a choice. More? I looked at my calendar. I have an appointment around the middle of next week. It's tight, but I work better under pressure, so I went for a night in the fishbowl minus the fish. I hope. At some point, some nights, I am not sure I would notice. I did make the choice, mind you. But that first six-pack sort of jumped in my lap and made it difficult to think. Sa Weet, she was.
Besides, sometimes a night of consumption will break me out of... whatever... It resets, or can, some inner buttons, switches, connections, and such. It's sort of like a chemical overhaul. I won't know if it worked until, well, I know whether it worked. For having gone to bed at 00:30, and full in the cup, and waken at 6:30 as per the queen's and princess's... tomfollery, I'm doing alright. Got in a desperately needed shower, right before I realized the girls deserved their giving me my desserts.
Yeah, well, there isn't but a shot of Vodka left, must have just missed finishing it by >.< that much, just by not paying attention, or the glass was too full? No... usually that goes in right after the coffee. I only have a few beers left. Yeah, it was tasty. The girls usually don't care, but they didn't get their last feed in my condition. Ah, but they woke me by 6:30. I wasn't going to feed them, for their sins, until I realized it was I who sinned. Grumpy, not exactly chipper, even so... fair is fair. They will still get their two normal meals today. Poppa's not such an ogre all the time.
Oh, urhm. The morning after? It depends on if I posted comments or not. I always sweat that part, more than any kind of a hangover. Especially when the blue moon of my habits is out in full force as it was last night. Go ahead, if I did bad, I'll lend you the switch. Even if I might agree with the notions, there are... possibly... better ways of saying things. I can lose all finesse, if... that ain't all bad, either. Sometimes it just has to be said. And yet, there may be a price. That's what... makes me a bit nervous in the morning. Yes it does. Gosh, I best check my own blog for... boldness. Maybe in a bit, when I have steeled my nerves enough to peek.
I don't know how many beers I had to start, but it was pretty close to an eighteen pack. And I can't swear how much of that 1.75 liter of vodka there was, but I thought it was greater than half. White Russians, or a form of it, huge 26 ounce ouncers, interspersed with a beer-fest minus the fest. I do have healthy appetites, more so for a man in my condition. Diabetes? Yeah, well, eating right and insulin were keeping that up around 300, and rising as a trend. I can't do much about it. It's difficult to take to much interest when your best efforts yield poor results. Docs blame me anyway. Although, I am titrating that up slowly because I don't know will happen when my blood sugar suddenly drops, for whatever reason it does, and if I don't happen to notice or do a reading just on time to notice. That stuff is... hmm... time release. Spooky, to me. The thing is, with the non-time release, I would have to do a calorie count, and add in that I don't eat every day or even for days at a time sometimes.
Shower was good. Hopefully I will recover and get to a few things yet today. Or... not. I never know. I did cook the chicken, but just baked it done then crisped it. I want to pressure cook the beef and try another batch of noodles. A little more research into noodles though, this time. They weren't horrible, they just weren't quite (at all) right. Not sure how much was the wrong flower and how much might have been bad technique. While my mother suggested that I don't "have" to dry them overnight, something about the way she said that made me think that... really... you should. So, it would be nice to get all the prep done today and make the meal leisurely tomorrow. Might just cook the beef tomorrow, if so. Fresh au jus is the thing, innit? Oh yeah.
Later.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Perhaps I shouldn't...
.
.
My time may be near, so I will... discuss some matters. As my father, and his Father, would will it. Fool? Of course. Happily. For my father's Father, and my Father, in sooth.
.
My time may be near, so I will... discuss some matters. As my father, and his Father, would will it. Fool? Of course. Happily. For my father's Father, and my Father, in sooth.
True, but there is the now. And again.
.
.
Mix and match, new and old, questionable all. Doubt if you must. I do. But don't doubt who I serve, wrong or right myself, God is never wrong. And, in Him, neither are we... if only in the end.
.
Mix and match, new and old, questionable all. Doubt if you must. I do. But don't doubt who I serve, wrong or right myself, God is never wrong. And, in Him, neither are we... if only in the end.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Down late, hard.
.
.
Up early and well enough. No energy, perhaps. But feeling 'gooder'. I doubt if I will get much done today. But that is fine. I know I will get into better shape eventually. I know, when things are doing well, medicine is on track, and everything fits, I can live a little life. I am almost sure, as well, if we get a decent amount of snow, I will figure out how to get out in it this time. Snow shoeing will happen. Yeah, it's a little thing. But it is something.
Breakfast already. Not much, just a bite. I think I will try to go for a couple eggs and three pieces of bacon for lunch. Now that my cast iron skillet is back into play, it is as non-stick as the best artificial non-stick you can buy, and yes... I would know. Hmm... might have to work on getting some dishes done, just so as to cook something for meals to come. Chicken, then later in the week, beef and veggies. Cabbage doesn't go well with chicken, but carrots and onions do. Hmm, potatoes or rice would be nice to cook and have on hand as well. Yeah, food is a small joy, more so when done exactly to perfection.
Later.
.
Up early and well enough. No energy, perhaps. But feeling 'gooder'. I doubt if I will get much done today. But that is fine. I know I will get into better shape eventually. I know, when things are doing well, medicine is on track, and everything fits, I can live a little life. I am almost sure, as well, if we get a decent amount of snow, I will figure out how to get out in it this time. Snow shoeing will happen. Yeah, it's a little thing. But it is something.
Breakfast already. Not much, just a bite. I think I will try to go for a couple eggs and three pieces of bacon for lunch. Now that my cast iron skillet is back into play, it is as non-stick as the best artificial non-stick you can buy, and yes... I would know. Hmm... might have to work on getting some dishes done, just so as to cook something for meals to come. Chicken, then later in the week, beef and veggies. Cabbage doesn't go well with chicken, but carrots and onions do. Hmm, potatoes or rice would be nice to cook and have on hand as well. Yeah, food is a small joy, more so when done exactly to perfection.
Later.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Haiku Monday - Menu
.
.
A cough or two and... Fishy is up with the contest. It sounds like she is hearing a lot of coughing this weekend, none of it having to do with physical ailments, at least there is that. Oh, sure, sympathy, even empathy. With this taken care of, and pb&j as a way to soothe *cough* another cough, perhaps all is good? Never mind me, with distance comes bravery. Though, I should advise, testing that probably isn't wise. Blood pressure and all, if yours, not mine, is something that concerns me.
Menu, eh? That's quite a wide open topic. Let me just... think.
.
A cough or two and... Fishy is up with the contest. It sounds like she is hearing a lot of coughing this weekend, none of it having to do with physical ailments, at least there is that. Oh, sure, sympathy, even empathy. With this taken care of, and pb&j as a way to soothe *cough* another cough, perhaps all is good? Never mind me, with distance comes bravery. Though, I should advise, testing that probably isn't wise. Blood pressure and all, if yours, not mine, is something that concerns me.
Menu, eh? That's quite a wide open topic. Let me just... think.
Dinner, She Suggests
what do you desire
roast beef, pork chops, anything
move closer, said I
Eyes And Space
delicate to filling
sweet, savory, meaty - what?
one of each, thank you
Choices
what is wanted, liked
too many choices not enough decision-fu
simply cannot decide
No nap, still up, that's it.
.
.
I did make a plan. I had several goals. The reality of function simply isn't there. For now, I guess, I am just stuck. Think of a tranquilized bear. I can think, I just can't do much else. How well I think? That is always the question, isn't it? I'm becoming a bit sore from sitting. Yeah, I sit quite often. However, I am usually moving around fairly often. That, folks, is as good as it gets, save for a very few special periods that were either extraordinary in length of time or level of function, such as burning man or several three month spans over the last few years. And I still have medication to go up one... more... notch. I am at three quarter dose currently. And, yeah, this stuff junks me out. At least until I get back in the saddle of it. Then I have a much better chance as doing more in life.
Ah well. I will keep looking for opportunity. Even if I do nothing more than make a plan, that IS something. Some days I may not get that done. Either because I won't think of even that, or because it is painfully obvious that nothing is possible. I think I am set to increase dose near the end of this week. I am NOT looking forward to it. I have stalled it twice, now, though. I just have to do it. The medset is geared for it, and when I start it, I will try to fill the second medset right away, in case I crash. Having two medsets, and good ones, helps a great deal. I can't fill those, sometimes, on short notice. Two weeks should be enough time, though.
I have been sleeping well, keeping days going, sleeping only about eight hours, unless I need a nap, or two. I am rather amazed that I am doing these simple things. If things get foggy, I haven't gotten lost in that fog. Short trips in, and then out for most of the rest of the time. I'm taking a beating, I must admit. But I am holding up to it rather well. I almost have a bit of pluck. Looks like we have a good chance at snow, a couple times, in this coming week. Snowshoeing, I am hoping, even if it nearly kills me. Ki Yay.
.
I did make a plan. I had several goals. The reality of function simply isn't there. For now, I guess, I am just stuck. Think of a tranquilized bear. I can think, I just can't do much else. How well I think? That is always the question, isn't it? I'm becoming a bit sore from sitting. Yeah, I sit quite often. However, I am usually moving around fairly often. That, folks, is as good as it gets, save for a very few special periods that were either extraordinary in length of time or level of function, such as burning man or several three month spans over the last few years. And I still have medication to go up one... more... notch. I am at three quarter dose currently. And, yeah, this stuff junks me out. At least until I get back in the saddle of it. Then I have a much better chance as doing more in life.
Ah well. I will keep looking for opportunity. Even if I do nothing more than make a plan, that IS something. Some days I may not get that done. Either because I won't think of even that, or because it is painfully obvious that nothing is possible. I think I am set to increase dose near the end of this week. I am NOT looking forward to it. I have stalled it twice, now, though. I just have to do it. The medset is geared for it, and when I start it, I will try to fill the second medset right away, in case I crash. Having two medsets, and good ones, helps a great deal. I can't fill those, sometimes, on short notice. Two weeks should be enough time, though.
I have been sleeping well, keeping days going, sleeping only about eight hours, unless I need a nap, or two. I am rather amazed that I am doing these simple things. If things get foggy, I haven't gotten lost in that fog. Short trips in, and then out for most of the rest of the time. I'm taking a beating, I must admit. But I am holding up to it rather well. I almost have a bit of pluck. Looks like we have a good chance at snow, a couple times, in this coming week. Snowshoeing, I am hoping, even if it nearly kills me. Ki Yay.
Just a bit better.
.
.
If you have ever swum in deeper water, much deeper, and gone through several layers of water temperature starting at warm surface water to cool, to cooler, to cold, and on into downright chilly water, you can have an idea of how I am improving. I was pretty deep into illness, or exhaustion. Yesterday I came right to the layer one level up, but didn't quite cross it. I think I passed through that layer and actually rose to the next layer of "warmth". I'm still a bit down in there. I am starting to see the light though, and my body is feeling a bit more sensation.
It might have something to do with diabetes. Either that, or whatever is causing the diabetes is what is wrong. I have been eating and drinking the right stuff for weeks and my blood sugar has actually jumped in the last bit, now hitting over 300. It simply doesn't make sense. That might be part of the problem, or was affected by whatever, or... Docs don't understand that medicine doesn't always work. They have to see it to believe it. Then, they want me to jump medication, which comes with it's own risks once whatever was causing the levels to rise goes away or gets better. They would, and nearly have, medicated me to death before. I can't fully trust them, or medication. It's a tricky path I walk.
Oh, but I am going to get to a few things today. I should be able to finish dishes. I have a lot of washed laundry that... well... was never folded. I'm not exactly sure what to do with all that. To be honest, some of it may need to be washed again. Some of it, I suppose, could be "dried" again, with a moist towel. Some of it can just be put up. I don't care if my unders have wrinkles! :) And, if those things go according to plan, I might see about vacuuming and sweeping, then steam vacuuming a few of the areas. I am back to it, a bit. It will depend on how much my body can literally handle. But, for sure, if dishes go forward, I will pressure cook chicken and then crisp it as a finishing touch. Chicken is just one of those good meats to have cooked and ready.
Just a tad better. But it is enough to do some work. The hope is that I can maintain this level enough that I can get into town this week, maybe set up a haircut appointment I missed recently and get my friend going, and do more around the cave. Slowly, until I am back on my feet. Napping when needed I suppose. Ugh... My last increase in medication starts this week. *shrug* But I've got to do it. I've... stalled and pussy-footed around with it as much as I dare.
Later.
.
If you have ever swum in deeper water, much deeper, and gone through several layers of water temperature starting at warm surface water to cool, to cooler, to cold, and on into downright chilly water, you can have an idea of how I am improving. I was pretty deep into illness, or exhaustion. Yesterday I came right to the layer one level up, but didn't quite cross it. I think I passed through that layer and actually rose to the next layer of "warmth". I'm still a bit down in there. I am starting to see the light though, and my body is feeling a bit more sensation.
It might have something to do with diabetes. Either that, or whatever is causing the diabetes is what is wrong. I have been eating and drinking the right stuff for weeks and my blood sugar has actually jumped in the last bit, now hitting over 300. It simply doesn't make sense. That might be part of the problem, or was affected by whatever, or... Docs don't understand that medicine doesn't always work. They have to see it to believe it. Then, they want me to jump medication, which comes with it's own risks once whatever was causing the levels to rise goes away or gets better. They would, and nearly have, medicated me to death before. I can't fully trust them, or medication. It's a tricky path I walk.
Oh, but I am going to get to a few things today. I should be able to finish dishes. I have a lot of washed laundry that... well... was never folded. I'm not exactly sure what to do with all that. To be honest, some of it may need to be washed again. Some of it, I suppose, could be "dried" again, with a moist towel. Some of it can just be put up. I don't care if my unders have wrinkles! :) And, if those things go according to plan, I might see about vacuuming and sweeping, then steam vacuuming a few of the areas. I am back to it, a bit. It will depend on how much my body can literally handle. But, for sure, if dishes go forward, I will pressure cook chicken and then crisp it as a finishing touch. Chicken is just one of those good meats to have cooked and ready.
Just a tad better. But it is enough to do some work. The hope is that I can maintain this level enough that I can get into town this week, maybe set up a haircut appointment I missed recently and get my friend going, and do more around the cave. Slowly, until I am back on my feet. Napping when needed I suppose. Ugh... My last increase in medication starts this week. *shrug* But I've got to do it. I've... stalled and pussy-footed around with it as much as I dare.
Later.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
My own woodcraft lore?
.
.
Well, sort of. It isn't anything fancy, it actually isn't mine. My last ladyfriend passed it to me, but as an idea. She never did create it. I did. Back when I still lived in Iowa, but after we parted. And, yeah, I gave her half of my stash. Why? She begged, it was her idea, I wasn't using it, and I was able to get her to beg. Good enough. Anyway.
It's really simple. The supplies you absolutely must have include cardboard egg cartons, lint from the dryer (which I do keep and store), paraffin or some sort of wax, and a means of melting the paraffin. Melting paraffin, at least, is a bit messy. A small pot, water in the base, and a tin can, combine to work the best from my experience. Simple get the water heated, put the paraffin in the tin can, then put the tin can in the water. Oh, and don't dump the paraffin down the drain or toilet. It won't possible stop it, IT WILL STOP IT UP. Just don't do that.
Once it is melted, coat the egg carton really well, both sides if you wish but I just do the inside. From what I have seen, it works it's way through. Then add just a bit of the lint, enough to cover the inside of the egg recess. Then add a bit more paraffin. When it dries, quarter the egg recess area, or more. It doesn't take much. This is waterproof tinder, and it is a little miracle. I plan on making some, possibly even yet this evening. It's been on my mind, I just haven't quite gotten to it. First I didn't have paraffin, then I didn't have time, then I forgot. Tonight would be a great night to do it. Then, as well, I can say I did something.
Good night.
.
Well, sort of. It isn't anything fancy, it actually isn't mine. My last ladyfriend passed it to me, but as an idea. She never did create it. I did. Back when I still lived in Iowa, but after we parted. And, yeah, I gave her half of my stash. Why? She begged, it was her idea, I wasn't using it, and I was able to get her to beg. Good enough. Anyway.
It's really simple. The supplies you absolutely must have include cardboard egg cartons, lint from the dryer (which I do keep and store), paraffin or some sort of wax, and a means of melting the paraffin. Melting paraffin, at least, is a bit messy. A small pot, water in the base, and a tin can, combine to work the best from my experience. Simple get the water heated, put the paraffin in the tin can, then put the tin can in the water. Oh, and don't dump the paraffin down the drain or toilet. It won't possible stop it, IT WILL STOP IT UP. Just don't do that.
Once it is melted, coat the egg carton really well, both sides if you wish but I just do the inside. From what I have seen, it works it's way through. Then add just a bit of the lint, enough to cover the inside of the egg recess. Then add a bit more paraffin. When it dries, quarter the egg recess area, or more. It doesn't take much. This is waterproof tinder, and it is a little miracle. I plan on making some, possibly even yet this evening. It's been on my mind, I just haven't quite gotten to it. First I didn't have paraffin, then I didn't have time, then I forgot. Tonight would be a great night to do it. Then, as well, I can say I did something.
Good night.
I scrubbed the nap.
.
.
I would like to claim that I forgot to nap, got busy, but that isn't really the truth. Although I did get distracted, and before I knew it it was 13:00. A bit late for a mid-day nap. Yes, picky. Yes indeed. Gaming, and a bit of research, is what I was up to. Well, and some planning and, possibly, fantasy planning.
When I discuss going out into the wilds, I really don't mean going out with techy gear. I mean roughing it, if you can call it that. For some people, that isn't so much vacation as... well... almost vocation. I really need to work on getting a conceal carry permit. More to have some options open, but also to make obtaining a hunting license easier. Simply so, when in those wilds, if I happen to see a small game animal, I can bag it. It's just easier and wiser to do it with a permit than to have a mess. And, generally, one of those things goes with the other.
.
I would like to claim that I forgot to nap, got busy, but that isn't really the truth. Although I did get distracted, and before I knew it it was 13:00. A bit late for a mid-day nap. Yes, picky. Yes indeed. Gaming, and a bit of research, is what I was up to. Well, and some planning and, possibly, fantasy planning.
When I discuss going out into the wilds, I really don't mean going out with techy gear. I mean roughing it, if you can call it that. For some people, that isn't so much vacation as... well... almost vocation. I really need to work on getting a conceal carry permit. More to have some options open, but also to make obtaining a hunting license easier. Simply so, when in those wilds, if I happen to see a small game animal, I can bag it. It's just easier and wiser to do it with a permit than to have a mess. And, generally, one of those things goes with the other.
Perhaps no early nap.
.
.
I can't tell you what changed, exactly. I kept trying to think the need for sleep was just in my mind. It wasn't. It is like the difference between driving through heavy rain and then hitting a clear spell. Driving in the rain is simply more exhausting. You have to look more carefully, in case someone slowed down, had an accident, or in case you hit a pothole full of water, or anything in the road. It stresses you, which makes driving much more strenuous. Hmm, now, while I don't need a nap, I may take one anyway. I could use a nap. And that by itself is unusual. Whatever it is or was, I am not through with it.
And yet, even with a nap going ahead, I am feeling much better. Turning up the thermostat to 74 helped a bit. And while I still don't feel warm, any hotter would just be annoying at this point. It has been a while since I got really sick, and being that my medicines, as I increase them, are making me vulnerable, perhaps it's just that time. No other symptoms, though, which seems odd. I had sneezing and nasal overload for a couple of days, and go through a spell of sneezing, for a few minutes, a few times a day every other day. I just don't know. Hmm, I wonder if having my right hand lock up a bit for a couple of days has anything to do with it? Dunno. Then again I doubt if doctors know. If this new doctor works out it would be nice to have a medical source I could trust. But that takes years of working together, trust is earned. I think the V.A. tries to avoid having regular doctors for us. I don't know if that makes it cheaper, or what it does for them. It definitely doesn't help with consistent medical care.
Hmm... Yeah, a nap. I did rinse the dishes, I've put a load through the washer and dryer (yesterday) and need to tend that later. I cleaned up the cat litter, now to keep that clean. The litter lasts much longer and the girls are happier. I also pulled some meat out to thaw. There is a way to do "fried" chicken, cooking it first in the pressure cooker then simply crisping it. That will be next. I also pulled out a roast of beef, and will try egg noodles again, this time with real flour. I might do a bit of troubleshooting regarding noodles, up front. Some research. Just how should the dough feel when it is just right, and such. Hey, it was fun. And I think I might be headed back to doing things again.
A nap. Even if I could do without it, I could use it. And I would simply rather not push, right now, not yet. Later. :)
.
I can't tell you what changed, exactly. I kept trying to think the need for sleep was just in my mind. It wasn't. It is like the difference between driving through heavy rain and then hitting a clear spell. Driving in the rain is simply more exhausting. You have to look more carefully, in case someone slowed down, had an accident, or in case you hit a pothole full of water, or anything in the road. It stresses you, which makes driving much more strenuous. Hmm, now, while I don't need a nap, I may take one anyway. I could use a nap. And that by itself is unusual. Whatever it is or was, I am not through with it.
And yet, even with a nap going ahead, I am feeling much better. Turning up the thermostat to 74 helped a bit. And while I still don't feel warm, any hotter would just be annoying at this point. It has been a while since I got really sick, and being that my medicines, as I increase them, are making me vulnerable, perhaps it's just that time. No other symptoms, though, which seems odd. I had sneezing and nasal overload for a couple of days, and go through a spell of sneezing, for a few minutes, a few times a day every other day. I just don't know. Hmm, I wonder if having my right hand lock up a bit for a couple of days has anything to do with it? Dunno. Then again I doubt if doctors know. If this new doctor works out it would be nice to have a medical source I could trust. But that takes years of working together, trust is earned. I think the V.A. tries to avoid having regular doctors for us. I don't know if that makes it cheaper, or what it does for them. It definitely doesn't help with consistent medical care.
Hmm... Yeah, a nap. I did rinse the dishes, I've put a load through the washer and dryer (yesterday) and need to tend that later. I cleaned up the cat litter, now to keep that clean. The litter lasts much longer and the girls are happier. I also pulled some meat out to thaw. There is a way to do "fried" chicken, cooking it first in the pressure cooker then simply crisping it. That will be next. I also pulled out a roast of beef, and will try egg noodles again, this time with real flour. I might do a bit of troubleshooting regarding noodles, up front. Some research. Just how should the dough feel when it is just right, and such. Hey, it was fun. And I think I might be headed back to doing things again.
A nap. Even if I could do without it, I could use it. And I would simply rather not push, right now, not yet. Later. :)
Another roll of the dice.
.
.
I may be feeling better this morning. Not much, I don't know if it will last, the improvement is very slight. Even as bad as it is, I am quite sure it has been worse for most of my past. I would literally be sleeping for a few months at a time and for long periods between sleep sets. Years have passed with me being mostly unaware. I am aware. I can remember. I can do small things. I can keep my eye on my goals. I am even taking care of a couple of cat burglars.
My need for warmth comes and goes. Yesterday I kept the house at about 68. This morning, though, I think I need to warm things a bit. I will try 74. If that doesn't work, back up to 80, at least for a bit. I will be gaming for a bit this morning. There is a chance gaming can push the mind, and pushing the mind and reflexes can push the body. There is a link in there. It just isn't always possible.
To bed by 23:00, I think. Up at nearly 6:00. Two two hour naps yesterday, and the last few days actually. But they are helping me maintain a day schedule and aren't actually chosen. I am crashing very hard. I can fight it, but as I suggested, I lose that fight much more severely if I don't just tend the need. I will try to make it to 11:00, perhaps noon. But I can see the need for sleep will be hitting fairly soon. A pot of coffee in the morning helps. Strong, five dosers of the heavy good stuff. It's a darker roast, so it isn't as caffeinated as typical coffee. But at the dosage, and being fresh ground, it does have some kick.
Hmm... Later.
.
I may be feeling better this morning. Not much, I don't know if it will last, the improvement is very slight. Even as bad as it is, I am quite sure it has been worse for most of my past. I would literally be sleeping for a few months at a time and for long periods between sleep sets. Years have passed with me being mostly unaware. I am aware. I can remember. I can do small things. I can keep my eye on my goals. I am even taking care of a couple of cat burglars.
My need for warmth comes and goes. Yesterday I kept the house at about 68. This morning, though, I think I need to warm things a bit. I will try 74. If that doesn't work, back up to 80, at least for a bit. I will be gaming for a bit this morning. There is a chance gaming can push the mind, and pushing the mind and reflexes can push the body. There is a link in there. It just isn't always possible.
To bed by 23:00, I think. Up at nearly 6:00. Two two hour naps yesterday, and the last few days actually. But they are helping me maintain a day schedule and aren't actually chosen. I am crashing very hard. I can fight it, but as I suggested, I lose that fight much more severely if I don't just tend the need. I will try to make it to 11:00, perhaps noon. But I can see the need for sleep will be hitting fairly soon. A pot of coffee in the morning helps. Strong, five dosers of the heavy good stuff. It's a darker roast, so it isn't as caffeinated as typical coffee. But at the dosage, and being fresh ground, it does have some kick.
Hmm... Later.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
I simply don't understand.
.
.
I haven't felt this out of touch in a very long time. Even with all the problems since September, this is as bad as it gets. There is no pain, mind you. There is simply nothing. Painkillers, neither my biologically native nor manufactured, can do this. There simply isn't anything to me, as if I had become two dimensional... or less? It is an illusion, however. While it does impact my ability to carry out my will, it doesn't completely stop it. I physically tire pretty quickly, so there is a real limit. But I can do things, even if it doesn't seem like it. The trick is to focus. Need helps. Being hungry is more likely to induce cooking, and cleaning. That isn't a guarantee, though, either.
For some reason, my right hand is quite sore. If I had been shoveling, or doing a lot of fine heavy work, like hand loading a couple dozen magazines or other fine work that also requires strength, I would understand. The palm of my right hand feels as if the muscles were pulled. My right thumb is weakened, as if I had been gripping an item too tightly for too long. None of those things, I assure, have occurred. As is, my right hand is nearly useless. Don't ask, I simply don't know. Well, my useless and your useless are probably two different things. Better if I suggest I can't use that hand up to my specs. My guess is I still have more hand strength in that hand than most men will ever have. I can't crush a coconut, but I can come about as close as one could realistically get to that. My hand strength is great enough that I can hurt the bones, if I am not careful. And my bones are as close to metal as bones get. Annoying, it is. And nothing accounts for it. Clenching it while dreaming, while it is out in the cold? I simply don't know. I am going to begin massaging it, when I remember to do so.
Now, I do have moments where life is better. But those moments are few and far between one and the next.
Medicine is going down as required. I am eating fairly regularly. I am keeping up on the cave, mostly, and rather well actually. I am going to start trying to play computer games. I have no more interest in that than I do in anything else though. Sleep? That just happens when it happens. I have found that it is better to yield to my body's demands than to push it, at this point. If I don't, then either I crash so hard that I sleep way too long, or too short... or I end up not being able to sleep and drift into insomnia. Two naps a day, on top of a full night of sleep. I have been able to maintain a day schedule, but with as much sleeping as I am ending up doing, there isn't much "day" in my day. Four to six hours napping plus six to ten hours a night in bed.
Something is just wrong. I am going to try to take my stats and weigh in a bit more often. Desert Cat has offered a suggestion for a targeted visit. I will be doing correspondence and considering the offer. Urhm... it's not humid down there, is it? :p A short, inexpensive, trip might help cure what ails me. Who knows, I might even, finally, get to meet the Mrs. Not sure she is up to it. If I don't think it will be quite as awful as all that. Mostly. Depends on if I take a liking to her or not. Then again, I enjoy women who hate me, as I may have mentioned.
Oh, right, I keep bumping into why others think the way they do. I forget, from time to time, just exactly how things work. While I am ill, so things aren't exactly in order, I am an ENTJ personality type, drifting into ENTP, or another couple of types, due to my dysfunction. For some, personality types are like horoscopes. For others, like myself, they are absolutes. I entertain a few other types because I can't be who I am. How can I lead from a deathbed? Actually, I still do, just... not in the same ways, necessarily. And while I like systems, when the system has been used to destroy itself, I begin looking at other options. I like to do a lot of work up front, so as to coast. And, I can do that. If the systems are in balance and right. Not fair, but functional. Right now, the American system is more dysfunctional than I am. And it has been for decades.
Never mind. The point is, I am not a feeling type. Not only that, I don't care what you, or even I, feel. There is a time for dealing with that, but it isn't all the time and it isn't at a time when things need to be, or in my case can be done. Feelings are a luxury that I simply do not abide any more than I abide play or softness. Even sex isn't a soft thing, for me. It's about children. The pleasure of it just balances the costs. Yeah, I'm a bastard. But I told you that. And, yes, that plays quite well with women, even the ones who don't believe they have a "place". I just put them there, debate it with her when she feels the need and if I have the time, and then put her back in her place when I have real things to do. Even feminists have functioned quite well, better than they imagined, with a tank who knows and does around them. I don't need to crush women, I simply function in such a way that they function as I wish, and as they should. The payoff is worth it, even if I end up dumping her. Well, so I have heard.
Anyway... La... no... Good night. Again.
.
I haven't felt this out of touch in a very long time. Even with all the problems since September, this is as bad as it gets. There is no pain, mind you. There is simply nothing. Painkillers, neither my biologically native nor manufactured, can do this. There simply isn't anything to me, as if I had become two dimensional... or less? It is an illusion, however. While it does impact my ability to carry out my will, it doesn't completely stop it. I physically tire pretty quickly, so there is a real limit. But I can do things, even if it doesn't seem like it. The trick is to focus. Need helps. Being hungry is more likely to induce cooking, and cleaning. That isn't a guarantee, though, either.
For some reason, my right hand is quite sore. If I had been shoveling, or doing a lot of fine heavy work, like hand loading a couple dozen magazines or other fine work that also requires strength, I would understand. The palm of my right hand feels as if the muscles were pulled. My right thumb is weakened, as if I had been gripping an item too tightly for too long. None of those things, I assure, have occurred. As is, my right hand is nearly useless. Don't ask, I simply don't know. Well, my useless and your useless are probably two different things. Better if I suggest I can't use that hand up to my specs. My guess is I still have more hand strength in that hand than most men will ever have. I can't crush a coconut, but I can come about as close as one could realistically get to that. My hand strength is great enough that I can hurt the bones, if I am not careful. And my bones are as close to metal as bones get. Annoying, it is. And nothing accounts for it. Clenching it while dreaming, while it is out in the cold? I simply don't know. I am going to begin massaging it, when I remember to do so.
Now, I do have moments where life is better. But those moments are few and far between one and the next.
Medicine is going down as required. I am eating fairly regularly. I am keeping up on the cave, mostly, and rather well actually. I am going to start trying to play computer games. I have no more interest in that than I do in anything else though. Sleep? That just happens when it happens. I have found that it is better to yield to my body's demands than to push it, at this point. If I don't, then either I crash so hard that I sleep way too long, or too short... or I end up not being able to sleep and drift into insomnia. Two naps a day, on top of a full night of sleep. I have been able to maintain a day schedule, but with as much sleeping as I am ending up doing, there isn't much "day" in my day. Four to six hours napping plus six to ten hours a night in bed.
Something is just wrong. I am going to try to take my stats and weigh in a bit more often. Desert Cat has offered a suggestion for a targeted visit. I will be doing correspondence and considering the offer. Urhm... it's not humid down there, is it? :p A short, inexpensive, trip might help cure what ails me. Who knows, I might even, finally, get to meet the Mrs. Not sure she is up to it. If I don't think it will be quite as awful as all that. Mostly. Depends on if I take a liking to her or not. Then again, I enjoy women who hate me, as I may have mentioned.
Oh, right, I keep bumping into why others think the way they do. I forget, from time to time, just exactly how things work. While I am ill, so things aren't exactly in order, I am an ENTJ personality type, drifting into ENTP, or another couple of types, due to my dysfunction. For some, personality types are like horoscopes. For others, like myself, they are absolutes. I entertain a few other types because I can't be who I am. How can I lead from a deathbed? Actually, I still do, just... not in the same ways, necessarily. And while I like systems, when the system has been used to destroy itself, I begin looking at other options. I like to do a lot of work up front, so as to coast. And, I can do that. If the systems are in balance and right. Not fair, but functional. Right now, the American system is more dysfunctional than I am. And it has been for decades.
Never mind. The point is, I am not a feeling type. Not only that, I don't care what you, or even I, feel. There is a time for dealing with that, but it isn't all the time and it isn't at a time when things need to be, or in my case can be done. Feelings are a luxury that I simply do not abide any more than I abide play or softness. Even sex isn't a soft thing, for me. It's about children. The pleasure of it just balances the costs. Yeah, I'm a bastard. But I told you that. And, yes, that plays quite well with women, even the ones who don't believe they have a "place". I just put them there, debate it with her when she feels the need and if I have the time, and then put her back in her place when I have real things to do. Even feminists have functioned quite well, better than they imagined, with a tank who knows and does around them. I don't need to crush women, I simply function in such a way that they function as I wish, and as they should. The payoff is worth it, even if I end up dumping her. Well, so I have heard.
Anyway... La... no... Good night. Again.
It almost feels like something broke.
.
.
While I didn't have a fever... no, I didn't test... no, I didn't. Trust me. I know fevers. I do get them from time to time. Ten times a year, give twice that or take half that, depending on the year, I get what I call a micro-fevers. Another little gift from my service, no doubts. Heat flashes that might only be a degree or two above average, and come and go, with some other symptoms. And then, about every six years, I get a serious fever. I've had it run 103 easily. I know my fevers. Anyway, while I had no actual fever, when a fever breaks, there is a special feeling. I did get that. My guess is I was sick from something. It's not over, it's more like getting off work Wednesday afternoon during a hard heavy week. Not over but more than half way done. I think. That is the longest I have been sick in quite a while. Actually I am thinking that was my sixth year thing. Or will be when it is gone. I hope.
With the breaking sensation, I am... thinking, maybe, I can get to some things. The dishes have piled up, just a bit. Those have to be sorted. I just ran a fresh soak. An hour or two and I will get to them. A shower would be awfully nice. A bit of vacuuming and sweeping. Hmm, I'll have to look for cleaning solution. I used up one of, or THE, jug of stuff recently. I'd like to hit the bathroom. That would, most likely, be about all I could do. Oh, and kitty litter. But I might be able to get to that, or some of it. Seriously, these things... I have been drooling to get to them, for a while now actually. There has been nothing left to put forward toward those things. Waking up, tinkering on blogs, news, and staying awake. Well, and eating. The foods I cooked kept me going through my fall, if I am out now. Apples and oranges served me well.
As soon as I can, getting to town for more groceries, and a few items like cleaning chemicals, would be good. I ought to check the mail on the way. Hmm, and figure out how much I owe utilities, pop that in and envelope and in the slot, along with checks to keep me up on that for another six months or year. I do try. Still a bit off, of course. Not moving fast. Sleep is just plain off, now. I couldn't keep the schedule I had. Up for six to eight, down for two naps a day, and... that actually helped me break whatever it was that broke. Rough, but I have definitely had worse.
Later.
.
While I didn't have a fever... no, I didn't test... no, I didn't. Trust me. I know fevers. I do get them from time to time. Ten times a year, give twice that or take half that, depending on the year, I get what I call a micro-fevers. Another little gift from my service, no doubts. Heat flashes that might only be a degree or two above average, and come and go, with some other symptoms. And then, about every six years, I get a serious fever. I've had it run 103 easily. I know my fevers. Anyway, while I had no actual fever, when a fever breaks, there is a special feeling. I did get that. My guess is I was sick from something. It's not over, it's more like getting off work Wednesday afternoon during a hard heavy week. Not over but more than half way done. I think. That is the longest I have been sick in quite a while. Actually I am thinking that was my sixth year thing. Or will be when it is gone. I hope.
With the breaking sensation, I am... thinking, maybe, I can get to some things. The dishes have piled up, just a bit. Those have to be sorted. I just ran a fresh soak. An hour or two and I will get to them. A shower would be awfully nice. A bit of vacuuming and sweeping. Hmm, I'll have to look for cleaning solution. I used up one of, or THE, jug of stuff recently. I'd like to hit the bathroom. That would, most likely, be about all I could do. Oh, and kitty litter. But I might be able to get to that, or some of it. Seriously, these things... I have been drooling to get to them, for a while now actually. There has been nothing left to put forward toward those things. Waking up, tinkering on blogs, news, and staying awake. Well, and eating. The foods I cooked kept me going through my fall, if I am out now. Apples and oranges served me well.
As soon as I can, getting to town for more groceries, and a few items like cleaning chemicals, would be good. I ought to check the mail on the way. Hmm, and figure out how much I owe utilities, pop that in and envelope and in the slot, along with checks to keep me up on that for another six months or year. I do try. Still a bit off, of course. Not moving fast. Sleep is just plain off, now. I couldn't keep the schedule I had. Up for six to eight, down for two naps a day, and... that actually helped me break whatever it was that broke. Rough, but I have definitely had worse.
Later.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Just odd.
.
.
There isn't much I can do one way or the other. I went down at about 18:00 and woke at least once for a bathroom break, which is unusual. I then woke at about 2:00. I thought I would make it back to bed shortly but that simply didn't happen. Exhausted, regardless of how much I do or don't do. Though when I try to do a few things, I can get in more serious trouble, needing a lot more sleep and running even slower when I can be awake. It is simply a rough week. My blood pressure seems to be staying fairly stable in the 120's/80s. I haven't been checking blood sugar, though that seems to have trended down a bit if not where it would be preferred. Weight has been pretty stable as well.
Some days 70 F is good enough, almost too warm. Some days 80 is downright chilly. I have no idea what that is about. Usually I don't change tolerances that fast. Lately it has been almost every day, or every other day, where that flips.
Today? I am going to try to get caught up on the kitchen. Just cleaning the dishes that have been soaking and straightening just a bit. If I can get that done, have a bit of energy left, I may make a grocery run to town. And, if that works, I may actually try to bake those fruit pie pockets. No promises. I am not sure about anything. Zapped, since I woke, all of yesterday, the day before, and for some number of days before that. Simply keeping a day schedule is about all I can do, and I am pressing things to get that done. Still, I am at the point where I would like to try, at least make some goals.
I have been researching some things that would be handy. While an AK is fine, for shorter range shooting, a larger caliber rifle has been on the menu for some time. There are a variety of rifles available, and some number of calibers. My preferred medium sized longer ranged caliber is the .308, or 7.62 x 51. Beside the qualities of the caliber, the plentiful nature of ammunition and potentially parts and rifle configurations, is the notion that I can reload that ammunition. I have been reviewing rifles, and to be honest, the DMPS long range configuration is probably the one that fits cost and function requirements the best. No rifle is perfect, each has their little flaws or drawbacks. But this seems to fit the best. Of course, getting a scope for it would be the next step. And while I can go low on that, to be honest I expect to spend almost as much for a scope as I do for the rifle. Why have a rifle that is good for 600 yards and potentially double that or more, but lack a scope that fully uses that range? Anyway... thought I'd toss that out for ya. And yes, it is a reasonable hunting and target platform.
Later.
.
There isn't much I can do one way or the other. I went down at about 18:00 and woke at least once for a bathroom break, which is unusual. I then woke at about 2:00. I thought I would make it back to bed shortly but that simply didn't happen. Exhausted, regardless of how much I do or don't do. Though when I try to do a few things, I can get in more serious trouble, needing a lot more sleep and running even slower when I can be awake. It is simply a rough week. My blood pressure seems to be staying fairly stable in the 120's/80s. I haven't been checking blood sugar, though that seems to have trended down a bit if not where it would be preferred. Weight has been pretty stable as well.
Some days 70 F is good enough, almost too warm. Some days 80 is downright chilly. I have no idea what that is about. Usually I don't change tolerances that fast. Lately it has been almost every day, or every other day, where that flips.
Today? I am going to try to get caught up on the kitchen. Just cleaning the dishes that have been soaking and straightening just a bit. If I can get that done, have a bit of energy left, I may make a grocery run to town. And, if that works, I may actually try to bake those fruit pie pockets. No promises. I am not sure about anything. Zapped, since I woke, all of yesterday, the day before, and for some number of days before that. Simply keeping a day schedule is about all I can do, and I am pressing things to get that done. Still, I am at the point where I would like to try, at least make some goals.
Later.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Yeah, well, you know what? No nap.
.
.
Screw it. I'm refusing my "medicine", in the form of a nap. I want one. I might even need one. But I'm not going to take one. I have to figure out how to stumble through to early evening. I don't know how to do that, but I'm going to try. I can barely focus. Then again, it's not as if naps have helped in that regard, they just ate some of the time I might otherwise have had to tinker away. Crap but I am tired.
Uhrm? What to do though? I might game some. I have tried to do that lately. It just isn't interesting. There are a few games I haven't played, and some old games I know are good, a little more lively. Perhaps a movie, and maybe popcorn? Sure, why not. Anything to try to stay awake, I suppose. I have been taking my medicine like clockwork. I have been eating fairly well. I need to work on the kitchen, but there is just the stuff from my most recent efforts, so not too rough, yet. I have been keeping up on picking things up. Not bad, really, just not getting ahead.
Well... I'll figure it out. It looks like it did rain, or may have rained. It's spooky looking out there. I just looked again. It's... melting? Weird. Dang weird. Oh well... Hmm, later, I hope.
.
Screw it. I'm refusing my "medicine", in the form of a nap. I want one. I might even need one. But I'm not going to take one. I have to figure out how to stumble through to early evening. I don't know how to do that, but I'm going to try. I can barely focus. Then again, it's not as if naps have helped in that regard, they just ate some of the time I might otherwise have had to tinker away. Crap but I am tired.
Uhrm? What to do though? I might game some. I have tried to do that lately. It just isn't interesting. There are a few games I haven't played, and some old games I know are good, a little more lively. Perhaps a movie, and maybe popcorn? Sure, why not. Anything to try to stay awake, I suppose. I have been taking my medicine like clockwork. I have been eating fairly well. I need to work on the kitchen, but there is just the stuff from my most recent efforts, so not too rough, yet. I have been keeping up on picking things up. Not bad, really, just not getting ahead.
Well... I'll figure it out. It looks like it did rain, or may have rained. It's spooky looking out there. I just looked again. It's... melting? Weird. Dang weird. Oh well... Hmm, later, I hope.
A weird night.
.
.
I made it to 17:00 or 18:00 last night. I went down hard. I don't know if I dreamed, or if the phone really kept going off. I had to turn it on this morning, or last night, if I couldn't make head nor tails of things at that time. So I don't know, and haven't checked yet this morning. I woke at about midnight and was awake for... a while. Then made it back to bed, waking at 7:30 or so. I was doing as much as I could to keep a day schedule. I had to push in a lot of areas, and I'll have to push until I get some juice back. I could almost swear that it rained last night. Is that even possible? I don't, honestly, know if any part of my memory, after going to bed, or to bed that first time, was real. Even when I think I was awake I didn't have the sense of the real. Baked, cooked, fried, take your pick.
I'm doing okay this morning. Oh, I best turn up the heat. I needed the rest. All of it and maybe more. Too much sleep, though, is as confusion inducing as not enough and whatever else is wrong. Something about pushing through to do some minimums. It's just the way it has to be and I am doing what I can. Which, until I get my feet under me, will be very little. I absolutely hate this. Just... hold the breath, push when absolutely needed, look for windows of opportunity, and... hope. This has been a tough winter.
Well... on to a few things, or something... or... most likely... just trying to stay awake, and maybe just until a nap at noon. That is simply what life, lately, has been reduced to. It'll get better. Maybe it is some bug, but I have no real means of getting that treated. A four hour trip is no more in the cards than waiting at a hospital emergency room or doctors' office all day in the hopes of an opening to just as likely be told there is nothing to treat. Risk assessment, or even the potential for treatment even if help is possible, is too slim for the nearly impossible effort that might just put me in the bullseye for some other, harsher, ailment. Hospitals aren't safe for sick people. Some parts less so than others. Yum.
Bleh, later.
.
I made it to 17:00 or 18:00 last night. I went down hard. I don't know if I dreamed, or if the phone really kept going off. I had to turn it on this morning, or last night, if I couldn't make head nor tails of things at that time. So I don't know, and haven't checked yet this morning. I woke at about midnight and was awake for... a while. Then made it back to bed, waking at 7:30 or so. I was doing as much as I could to keep a day schedule. I had to push in a lot of areas, and I'll have to push until I get some juice back. I could almost swear that it rained last night. Is that even possible? I don't, honestly, know if any part of my memory, after going to bed, or to bed that first time, was real. Even when I think I was awake I didn't have the sense of the real. Baked, cooked, fried, take your pick.
I'm doing okay this morning. Oh, I best turn up the heat. I needed the rest. All of it and maybe more. Too much sleep, though, is as confusion inducing as not enough and whatever else is wrong. Something about pushing through to do some minimums. It's just the way it has to be and I am doing what I can. Which, until I get my feet under me, will be very little. I absolutely hate this. Just... hold the breath, push when absolutely needed, look for windows of opportunity, and... hope. This has been a tough winter.
Well... on to a few things, or something... or... most likely... just trying to stay awake, and maybe just until a nap at noon. That is simply what life, lately, has been reduced to. It'll get better. Maybe it is some bug, but I have no real means of getting that treated. A four hour trip is no more in the cards than waiting at a hospital emergency room or doctors' office all day in the hopes of an opening to just as likely be told there is nothing to treat. Risk assessment, or even the potential for treatment even if help is possible, is too slim for the nearly impossible effort that might just put me in the bullseye for some other, harsher, ailment. Hospitals aren't safe for sick people. Some parts less so than others. Yum.
Bleh, later.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)