Prisoners, jailers, and the institutions they inhabit.

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As the time approaches for me to begin picking up the cross that has been laid before me, I begin to formulate, consider, and investigate the matters involved. I am not sure why I am called, other than that I sense that this is the way for me. I haven't consciously thought much about it, because to this point such a notion was far off and possibly never even going to be explored. My health is feeble, I wasn't even sure I would live to this point. Now as the time is arriving I begin thinking.

I understand some things about prisoners and law. I have known others who visited prisoners. I have known some prisoners after incarceration. Some I have known quite well. I have heard that many proclaim innocence. Some try to blame others for their actions. I simply disallow such notions. Inside a prison, to people who may have no chance at getting out or even surviving their stay, I am guessing such conversations might have to be tempered. I won't modify my answers if I might avoid such lines of questioning. As while it might seem that a freed criminal might be more dangerous, the truth is they now have a reason to fear prison while someone behind bars and without hope of being free has no such fear.

As for guilt or innocence, I do believe the absolute vast majority of criminals behind bars are there for very good reasons. Even should I accept that they are not in prison for the crime which they stand accused, I do suppose they should be there for a thousand other crimes. But that is not the point, neither to me personally or to my understanding of crime and punishment. Personally, I am not visiting about their guilt or innocence. I am visiting them as I would Christ, who was absolutely innocent, and even went on to die. So, personally, their guilt or innocence is not my issue. Further, I don't believe any judicial system is or can be perfect. The best we can hope for is as fair a system as is reasonable and that such a system make vitally clear what is acceptable and what is not. As for our judicial system? It is among, if not (and probably) the fairest system in this world. Nothing this side of Christ's proclamation of worth is closer to right. And, actually, if our system errs, it errs on the side of the criminal. No sympathy is to be had from my quarters.

But it isn't just about guilt or innocents that these people can try to get under your skin. They want what they can get. Some of them would happily kill you for even a short bit of seeming freedom. I think, even further, they want to make you guilty of something, anything, so that they can lessen their load, or not to feel alone in sin, or... for whatever reasons. I have seen this, know this. It isn't just prisoners though. People who use drugs try to pull you in. People who have strange sexual desires try to hook you up. I would guess that the desire becomes much more pervasive in prison.

I still have much to learn. There are real threats, there are rules, their are norms, and their are things to be gained from doing this type of work. I am neither thinking on this for the pleasures or pains. I'm not in this for me. I simply feel called to tend to those who wish company. And I don't even mind putting a nickel in a prisoners larder (legally, through the commissary, should that be allowed, mind you). If they have been without, abandoned by family and friends, or simply alone in the world and unable to earn just a bit for whatever reason. I would do this for my brother, from time to time, as money goes for me. I wouldn't mind getting them books that might not be available or might be in bad condition, as I could only imagine finding a great book, beginning it, only to find pages gone, worse still the last page. But only within the rules, norms, and my own safety and resource allowances. I do the same for my ill friend, currently. And even with him, I do so only within certain bounds (like not buying him cigarettes).

I don't think that I will be preaching though. I'm not really the preachy type, at least if not pushed. And then I would say I am more direct than preachy. No, I am just going so that some men know that others care, without any hope of gain, about other men. I guess I hope they see something, or learn something, or find something in the visit that might cause them to reconsider what they may know. I almost wish I could say I do it more for Christ, in remembrance. But that isn't true either. I do it for those men, wicked, hard, uncaring, dangerous, as they may be.

Actually, given that I could easily have ended up in prison, should I have slipped or pushed, I am only slightly more interested in visiting such an institution than I am in visiting hospitals. I knew a lot of guys who should have been, or possibly now are, there. I just don't have sympathy. I decided (or got a bit lucky) not to cross that line, or often enough and deeply enough, to be unquestionably invited into that club. No, I don't really want to go, I am simply called. When you let God in, you never know where you might end up. Who would have thought that by loving and obeying God I might end up going to prison! Well, or trying to? Yeah, now that is funny. At least in this case.