For the boys doing the real work.

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I don't often say much this way, but I mean it. This group does it better anyway.


Well, I did (happen) to be up, and mostly on time to go help do some community work. Oh, sure, I did light stuff. Computer data processing, until I shut the machine to turn it on it's side to plug in an internet connection as the one I had been using died, and when I opened it up, the machine went to a fingerprint security. Now, that is no comparison to what they did at my home. From sticks on the roof and cleaning the spouts, to mowing and removing the leaves and twigs, leaving a wheelbarrow full. I returned while they were in the middle. I hated to not help but I honestly couldn't. Nothing like being a gimp, I suppose that is the way of sin though.

I want so much to take a nap. I truly am fried just from showering, dressing, and walking there, doing that bit, and walking back. Being around people, after being alone so often, is a bit taxing. That is part of my problem with Church. I try to escape, after events, but often can't. I'm not quite rude enough, and besides I do like people. What a mess. Too tired to stay awake and too sleepy to do anything, but there it is.

In any case, I am going to try to get to confession today. And perhaps Church after. I doubt if I will make it to Church tomorrow, but I will try if I can't quite make it tonight. Much like a power system, you try to have the led lights to see the manual so you can figure things out, then you realize you can't afford the led lights! *blink* Whoa! What happened. Never... mind. That is how my heart works, sometimes. This last month has been like that constantly. We will see what happens now, with a slight reduction. They might be right, it might not be the medicine. But if it isn't, what then? Don't give me that psychiatric mumbo-jumbo, that stuff is bogus and always has been. It is an excuse for lazy doctors. There might be something else, but either they don't know or they don't care, or both.

Anyway, I do everything I can do, when I can, how I can. I am quite sure God is happier with me (on this score) than I am. He knows all. And, yes, that brings some satisfaction. He knows some of us 'rats' are in a maze that has no solution. I am not sure if He prefers that we settle in and just accept or if He wants us to push on through? Maybe each has a place. I know I have to keep trying. I don't even honestly always even know why. It's ingrained to never ever even honestly think of giving up now. Must... move... forward... Alright, who turned off the lights? *bonk* Alright, who put the steel bar at head level in the doorway? Bleh.

Oh, I am about a quarter of the way through the book-thing I downloaded from you, D.C. I am just reading it, as much of it as I can before my 'batteries die'. I will go back through and figure out what some unknown terms and components and such mean or are. Then when I have a good handle on things, I will read it again. I will be looking specific things up, looking at pictures of the items, sorting things in my mind, and getting heavy on this. It's a start.

Good day.