Today and tomorrow.

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Not so good.  I didn't wake until right at 16:00, and only because the neighbor boy stopped by to start watering the lawn.  I have no idea when I finally fell asleep.  I think I hit it around 7:00 but I didn't sleep for hours afterward.  What sleep I did get was quite good.  A conflicted mind is not a helpful sleeping aid, so putting things to rights helped a bit.  Oh, one prayer isn't going to do it.  Neither will a dozen, score, or hundred.  Marrying will right  up until it doesn't, then there will be the next hurdles.  Though, I am guessing, after that the nagging will be on smaller ticket items.  Do this, don't do that.  Well, and sometimes just helping the wife type or doing for the Church or such.  A wife and children will take a lot of what else I can give.

The other day, someone asked me about the Navy.  How did he know?  I have no idea.  Never again volunteer yourself, was my first sputtering about it.  Then I suggested that isn't 'xactly a good plan.  He was even ahead of me there.  Nope, he suggested, because that means you leave yourself open to someone else volunteering you... for what else has to be done.  Yep.  Pick your poison or it will be chosen for you.  I still had a bit of a minor internal hoot over the conversation.  Yeah, I did like the Navy.  If you weren't smart, or at least clever, you just became a tool.  If you were both smart and clever you could, and would, with a bit of elbow grease, climb into the captain's chair.  And, yeah, to a degree and in my own way, I had that very design.  Even a captain gets paid little.  It isn't for the pay, or seeming power (doesn't have much of that either), it would have been just for the climb, to be the technical master of a ship or sub, and to master one's own self on the way.  No mean feat starting as a petty officer.  Ah well.

I suppose as the truly disabled go, I got there in these circles, all things considered.  I make enough to get into a home (if I couldn't have built it).  I live somewhat comfortably.  I make more than most disabled folk.  I have some serious freedoms of choice left to me.  Heck, I'm even looking for a serious wife.  This isn't the boat I had planned, and I am not yet the master of it in full, but... I'm getting there.  Perspective.

Hmm, now to figure out how to be there at 9:00 tomorrow.  Should I try to nap later?  Probably.  Barring that I will have to shove through an all-nighter.  I don't think they guys know what they were asking, and I was, sort of, volunteered.  I'll... I'll do it.  It's going to hurt something awful.  My job, beside being there, is to make it look effortless.  If I can be there I probably can do that last part.  That's why doctors don't believe they have the right charts when interviewing me.  I can cover my weaknesses nearly flawlessly, even to their trained eye.  But the charts don't lie.  I learned very young not to ever show weakness to potential enemies, even to seeming allies, friends, family.  Piranha, all people and beasts looking for a chink from which to begin ripping and tearing, feasting.  Don't show too much strength, either.  That causes fear and group defense mentality.  Just be a shadow.  That is half of any potential for alpha I might have.

On to... something.  Later.