Fathers...

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How many of you have dealt with father-in-laws, or potential ones?  Something I never thought about until I was visited by them last night.  Four that I remember but I think there were others.  Ever been chased off by a potential f-i-l?  That's my point.  For all of my problems I was not only not chased off... I was welcomed, encouraged.  Even when I deserted, the hope was that I might... come back.  It was as if they desperately hoped I would take their little girl home.  Why?  You can tell when a father wants that.  He acts almost as giddy as she does, but in a manly way.  He becomes furtive, secretive, you see... much... going through his mind.  Again, why?

I had... forgotten these things until that dream let me see not just one incident, which is easy to set aside, ignore as delusion, denounce as a mischaracterization. But all of them, end on end, right in front of me... being able to compare and contrast?  No, no doubts.  Disturbing.  Especially when seeing some things in these days.

I don't understand.  I doubt if I can understand unless I become a father of a daughter as she approaches that age, the age of consent, of marriage.  I can imagine, but only imagine, what goes through his mind, heart, even soul.  Why would I receive... approval.  They had to know of my history.  Men know about other men, much like women know about other women, roughly.  Women know a vamp, a tramp, and a hussy, when they see one.  Men know a womanizer.  Then again...  I'm not sure what Desert Cat thought.  But he is somewhat unique.  This isn't quite his area.  Still, if he were commenting here, now is a time I would be curious if he sensed anything.

I know, it's still Christmas.  But the dreams, memories really, intense.  Those fathers were like squirrels in a rush to store up before winter hit.  They didn't want to get involved, to push, or pull, or block, or even encourage other than a very general allowance and otherwise hands off, just... watching... with some hope...  It always scared the heck out of me.  That much energy, pent up like that, in a man, can be extremely dangerous.  I was a fighter, I know what that can present as.  But it wasn't directed, exactly, at me.  Like a ref at a wrestling match or something.  Yeah, that's what it also brings to mind... highschool wrestling, not the fake crap.  Odd how we forget things that terrify us?  No, again, I didn't feel threatened by the fathers, just... didn't know what they were doing and had never seen men so... alive, involved... real.  Save in prep for war, but as if among their brothers in arms.

Never mind.  I don't even know what it all means, save that... I am seeing it again, if to a lesser degree.  Might be the number.  I have always targeted younger daughters in the family scheme.  This one is the oldest.  Perhaps fathers get more intense with the last of their daughters?  Dunno, dunno.  Spooky.