See, that's part of why I went private.

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Easy to mock from a distance, perhaps.  Online, real life but out there, pick your venue for laughing at a fool.  But when in the den of the roaring lion, the world changes.  Even when he isn't roaring at the moment.  Not sure if some are ready to read, hear.  Saw it, clearly.  It doesn't matter if I am believed, what I write here is a mix of stories, thoughts, visions, dreams, a dumping ground for things I can't just walk around carrying as it gets too heavy.  That doesn't make any of it true, or false, per se, believe as you wish.  It just is what it is.  The longer it has been pent up the more... potent... it becomes.  Potent?  I had repressed much for a while leading up to my going to ground.

To the young, especially, ones who aren't quite ready.  They have been told by the world that it's all easy.  That there is no pain that can't be medicated, that there is no right or wrong, that there are no winners or losers, that there is no real good or evil, or sin or need for forgiveness.  And here I sit, exposing the notion that there are ONLY those things.  I do it starkly, at times.  I do it painfully.  I almost bleed through the letters on my page for my distress from it, the truth of it, the humility of it.  Oh, they can get bits of it.  I know some of their parents really have tried to help them see, to prepare them for the world and the truth of God.  But here, there is no age sensitivity here.  There is no cuddling, or hugging, or a joke, after some things are stated.  It unnerves me, sometimes, when I go back in review.  Did I write that?  Did I mean it?  Urhm... what does it mean?  Like licking that sore tooth in the mouth until I have either loosened it enough to yank it out or I have pulled the sickness out and allowed the tooth to resettle.  If over an extended time, I almost forget that it hurts and that I, technically, am causing it, but for reasons only known to my subconscious or even animal mind in that case, soul in the other case.  Over and over, wave of pain after wave, and a little illness from the puss being extricated.  Even me, so I know.

Why go public again?  Because, while I wanted to keep this from happening, on the side, I had hoped to keep... others out.  I realized I wasn't keeping them out.  The ones I wanted out the most.  Not for long, or even all of them up front.  They have their ways.  So...  So people are just going to have to choose to read here or not, I am going to have to shield myself from the hate, and that's just that.  All else fails, and I get weak again, Christ comes out.  Not borne like a weapon, if He is to the wicked.  *avert eyes*  They will try to lap up the blood here.  They want the taste but not the price.  They don't seem to realize, without the price... there is no taste.  Too weak, usually, to murder themselves, for the blood.  Though some of them who have tried realize that is... even more empty.  And no one else can pay that price for them.  It is actually free, in one sense.  But it does cost your life, in the true sense.  More like an auto shop though.  God does take possession of your vehicle, only for a while and simply to repair and return, when needed.  Some can't see that.  Some won't relinquish what, in truth, they don't own to start.  Can't take it with you when you die?  Then you don't own it.  He took it with Him.

Yeah.  The expressions, the turning of the head, the avoidance of eye contact.  Fear.  Naked.  Haunted my dreams, it did.  Saddened, but... not.  Haunted, not by damage, but by the reflection of the reality of things.  I prayed for him, even in my dreams.  I felt for him.  But it is not my place to lie to him.  It does come down to winners and losers.  We, of our own accord, are losers.  All of us.  Even when we bow to God, our coats are soaked in His blood.  He is the ultimate champion and sacrificed His perfection in exchange for our sin, our losing nature.  We can win, but not in any way but through Him.  And what appears to be winners might already have lost everything.  It is why they hate.  All is not as it might simply appear.  Amen.