Saturday, October 30, 2021

Something is really wrong.

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I can feel the dehydration.  But there is something else wrong.  Probably several things wrong.

I decided to check bp and pulse.   It is 132/86, with a pulse of 83?  Well, okay.  I would have thought it was much lower... or higher.  It feels off.  It also isn't blood sugar, or wasn't.  I... had... a few bars.  Temptation was just too much.

Something(s) feel so off though!  I have no idea what all is wrong, only that some things are terribly wrong.

I have taken medicine, keeping the water pill to one.  I have carefully made sure I am not extra dosing that stuff I had been doing too much.  I check my medicines every day, just... to make sure.  I have my medicines memorized, and am being so very cautious.

I feel like I could pass out.  But I am careful, cautious.  Not only when I go to stand up, but also just sitting here.  I am being cautiously alive.  I realize, whatever is wrong, I could end up dead.  Which, if it is that time, is fine.  But I have a duty to be alive for a while longer.  If it is possible, even if it means being more long suffering, I will try to outlive my mother.

It's a difficult thing.  But I will do my best.  It might not be much, some might think it merely a normal cause, or wish.  But, for me, it is a great suffering.  Even so, one I will endure if possible.  Something is so very wrong.

I have had a few trick or treaters.  I am handing out two full sized bars, as I don't think there will be all that many visitors.  I have very much enjoyed the visitors so far.  Handsome young gents if mostly pretty young ladies.  A few parents in with the crowd, if none would take a treat themselves.  Still, the offer is there.  Some have been quite pleased with the full size bars.  I am pleased that they are happy.  Maybe not many visitors, but they have been happy visitors.  All good.

Later.

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