A bit rough.

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Just, from the day, the week, the last several weeks, spring?  I have been getting to church.  Missed this week, broke.  Still...  I am pushing through, trying.  Doing well?  As good as can be hoped.  Again, this week, my "intensity minutes are at 1400 and change, where the stated goal is 150 "intensity minutes", and the week isn't quite over.  I have been doing between eleven to twelve times the wanted (essentially workout minutes) the previous two weeks.  Tired.  Always tired.

Cooking gizzards tonight.  In the oven for a bit, then I'll grill them crispy, or crisper.  This will be, I think, my first try at griddling gizzards?  I think so.  A potato with it.  Yes, keto, carnivore even, just not perfect.  It's what I have.  A twice baked potato, though, too.  Had a second kefir.  Am hoping to figure out how to get kefir to ferment a bit faster.  And added a jar, so I get more when I get some.

Nothing fancy, but life is moving along.  Trying a new game, Resident Evil 4, Remake.  It's... a bit... much.  For the condition I am currently in.  Still, it's something.  Couldn't figure out how to get everything in the other game to work.  I'll give it another chance, in time.  

So tired, truly, today.  Stresses, but to, pushing... even lightly... these last few days.  And... something else.  I have been having troubles for a while now.  Every once in a while, I worry that I am nearing death.  Not... worry, in the common sense.  How about... believe?  Suspect?  It wouldn't take much for my body to tumble, have a stroke or a heart attack.

I have had times I thought I was a lot closer.  And times I am almost sure I crossed over for a bit.  This isn't, I am saying, the worst of things.  There is no medical, who has heard my heart, who understands why I am still alive.  When it is acting up.  It sounds like a heard of bison on the run.  Watch, it won't even by my heart, of permanent other organ failure, that kills me.  It'll be a slip on ice, or a car accident to which I'm not even directly a party.  Just a bystander.  I... won't mind, in whatever fashion it might take, or when.  I'm just enjoying while I can, what I may.  If I'll surrender that for the right reasons.  Possibly even for a wife, if I could find one.  A... right one.  I didn't say I was bright.

Well... back on to the game?  Hmm, I'll wait until after a meal.  Oh, and should go to bed after supper, to be honest.  That's... why things are feeling even worse.  I should have been to bed an hour or two ago.  Ugh.  Oh, and turning the schedule that fast will cause harsh feedback.  The body doesn't like doing full speed 180s.