Half way.

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To survival.  Whatever I did, I stabilized the heart.  It is no longer thumping like a mostly dead fish, tossed to a riverbank after half an hour.  Regular, solid, well paced, heartbeat.  That's... a start.  Was it food, getting trash out, some of it, the worst of it?  Was it pushing?  A bit of each?  I can't be sure.

But, now?  Doing almost anything completely exhausts me.  Still, I went through some laundry baskets, after making the bed this morning.  I pushed to a 1:00 wakeup.  I wasn't going to feed Sassy first thing, but she begged.  So, fed she was.  I had to take a break.  Am on the break.  Will be on the break for another hour, or two.

I wanted coffee.  But am so exhausted, literally, from just those things I have done, that... I really wanted to make freeze dried coffee... because it is just pour, stir, drink.  But... that coffee is disturbing my body lately.  So, I went ahead with french press.  Even to cleaning out the pot when finished, ready for next time.

What do I mean exhausted?  Well, standing, or doing just a few things, makes me feel hollowed out.  Spent.  Do sprints to exhaustion, or work your muscles to exhaustion pumping iron.  If you have never done that, you won't know.  But, that is what I feel like from doing... almost nothing.  Pale, spent, clammy, even sweaty.

While separating laundry, upstairs, this morning, I had to bring a chair over.  I was becoming absolutely exhausted, and very quickly.  Why?  Not absolutely sure.  It may be too few calories for far too long.  Food helped, yesterday.  But seven hundred calories won't exactly make up for a week or two of near constant fasting.  Not starvation, but more severe fasting than most churches request.

Most faiths only ask to go hungry, say, from dusk to dawn.  Or to eat only one light meal, through the day.  So, not eating every other day, then eating only one light meal a day on the odd, or even third day?  For a week, two?  Now that I think back, remember...  Odd, I didn't realize I was doing it.  Not... fully... on purpose?

Why?  I had it in my mind to fast for peace.  Then heard the pope request it.  But just for Friday?  Between that, and being off my feed and out of my sorts, it... may have stretched.  I didn't mean to, fully, but it happened.  Hasn't helped the world, not sure it was good for me, but... it was... done.  Amen?  But, it's... time to eat.  Not feast.  Just... eat.  Two meals a day.

I'll have burgers shortly.  Then, later, eggs and corned beef hash.  Nothing fancy, not a lot, but.  Though... I do consider those eggs fancy.  Seriously.  And they are brown, or naturally colored.  Delightful to the eye, tongue, and body.

But... while I still have a bit to go?  I think I made it.  Still conscious, but... in a large body of water, with unknown predators, and no certainty of which way to go in order to get out of the water, let along find my way home?  Well, as someone recalled?  If not my exact story, the parable will work.

And, yes.  I had to... do the time do-hickey thing.  I was beginning to near passing out.  I had to figure, sort, attempt different things, push beyond normal limits, and... hope.  Tunnel vision was closing in.  Faith comes in handy as well.  As does love, even of self.  Not the silly type, the real type.  Knowing one is a child of God, and that He wants us to be well, do well, live.  And that He suffers with us, has taken our sufferings for Himself.  Amen.

Well... on to... the day.  A shower, when I can stand again, catch my breath, stop sweating, stop being so hollow.  I'll need the shower stool in there this time.  Bit by bit.  Have a great day.