I made it.

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I wasn't sure I was going to make it.  Time was ticking, I had done a lot of work, I had been up more hours than I have in weeks... consecutively.  Or, mostly.  I was so very tired.  Still, a shower, dressed... in clean clothes.  Then off to town.

The visit lasted three or four hours.  I had to get down to my underwear and put one of those hospital gowns on, if they did leave a blanket too.  Blood tests, urinalysis, x-ray, and an ultrasound of my leg.  The wounded one, for some strange reason, was swollen way more than it even usually is, but the other foot wasn't.  Usually, when they swell, they do it at the same size.  Worried about a blood clot.

Turns out nothing showed.  Nothing?  Well, there were still tests coming back.  But... yea, no.  The kidneys, though.  He was worried about those.  Up to 2.5.  I corrected him.  DOWN to 2.5, from 3.6 or 3.8 last time?  So... that was good.  I think he wonders why I went in.  Me too.  I just wanted more antibiotics, and to sleep.  I was sort of... goaded into it.

I'm not the usual customer.  I've been dead three times, I sort of know when I need help.  And, if I think they can do something, I will... let them.  If not, I'll find a nice cool, or warm, or whatever I need, place to sleep my life off.  I'm not giving away body parts, if I can hold out.  I'll... just... make it over the line.  If God wants me here, He'll sort that out.  I'm not negotiating, or fussing too much.  I only went in because I feared, still, an ambulance showing up at my door.

I stopped, at my store, and usual place to buy medicine.  They gave me a discount, again.  I feel ashamed, as if begging.  But... money is low.  I needed a few things, and got it.  Their waters were still on sale, to I snarfed enough up for, maybe, a month?  Two?  Then butter, cream cheese, and a few other minor things.  Plus the antibiotic.  Same kind as last, same duration.

I wasn't sure it would work, forgot the day.  Thought it was the eighth.  My appointment is coming up, but that wouldn't have carried me through.  But... it's not the eighth, and it will.  I was hoping for something stronger, and longer.  We'll see when I see my primary.  And the kidney people also that day.  I wonder if they have seen a one full point improvement in that measure in three months?

I will let them... view, measure, test.  But I won't let them do any procedures nor take any medication.  At this point, I don't trust medication.  Much of it will simply maintain the issue.  It may, or may not, halt or slow the problem.  But it is about as likely to make it permanent, no matter what else it does.  Medicine, much of it, shouldn't be taken.

I'm having water.  Oh, I miss that when I have to budget.  I did make three cans last four days, but by water fasting.  Though, I did learn to try to take it easy, mix other water and coffee in.  I'll... try to cut my use.  It was becoming excessive.  A treat, one, maybe two, a day.

My first dose of the new stuff is in.  I'll take another before bedtime.  As well, I have my pillbox upstairs, and will add some to it.  Plus take up waters.  I... learned how to do it last time.  While I may not be able to get up, go downstairs, and take the stuff.  I can wake up, from time to time, and remember to take it.  Even, sort of, keep it to just four a day, by keeping a running count of what is up there, and what I took during whatever passes for my day.  I... got pretty good, for being a total mess.  God blesses even fools.  If only I could just be a more humble one?  Right.

Oh, but a lot of work done.  I turned the dryer back on, on fluff, for the synthetics.  They don't feel very dry for having run three or four times now?  Bah.  I'll also put those glass pots in to a hot sudsy soak before bedtime.  I would like to have them ready for tomorrow.  Would like to eat, too, but... can't.  Just... done today.

I should sleep like the dead.  Or is it living dead?

Oh, bp started out at 160's/110s or so.  But, because I was afraid they were going to try to hurt me again.  Oh, very worried.  That kind of pain had caused heart problems for two weeks.  NO!  When I realized they weren't going to try to rip into it, I relaxed.  BP dropped to 137/93?  Pulse in the high 70s?  Right, good enough for me.

They even installed a... thing... in case they wanted an IV.  Turns out they didn't.  But that went smoothly, came out cleanly, and no bruises or else.  Well, maybe a sore area.  Nope.  Once the bandage came off, the soreness went with it.  It was the wrap and wad of gauze that was hurting the area.  Goody.

Yeah, I think the doctor thought I was a fool for coming in.  I don't.  Though if the NP, or PA I spoke with had just sent more antibiotics, I could have continued sleeping, and started taking them when they came.  This was an expensive adventure to do exactly and all I had asked to do.  I'm not like the other boys and girls.  Fevers don't kill me.  Chills are just something to struggle through.  Nausea... is helping me lose weight.  Ugh.  Can't tell anyone.  I just don't die well.  But I still felt like he blamed me for wasting his time.  *sigh*

Oh, best put up the bits of groceries, and go on to bed.  I fed Sassy first thing.  But am going to close her out, so I can sleep well, and maybe long, tonight.  Though I will try to wake, if just to feed her, in four to six hours.  Or... as... soon as I can.  Ten, twelve, eighteen, thirty six.  Ugh.  I... like that I can live through a shit life, but I hate that I have to... on one or both sides of that split?  Something like that.

Still, God asked, I abide.  As I may.  But... He better keep up.  I can't do this all alone.  He needs to cure that leg, for I am not giving it away... if it kills me.  Ask, and you shall receive, needs to work both ways sometimes.  Goodnight.