Figuring things out.

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With aches and pains fading, my pillows sorted (if they aren't right, which they haven't been, I sleep wrong and hurt more), and medicines set up and going, regularly, again, I suspect things may improve sooner rather than later.  No guarantees.  I got into this mess starting from perfectly good patterns.  Decline will happen, of it's own accord.  If you have good health, pray to God you keep it.  Still, I can coast, and better, when everything is as sorted out as it can be.  Technically, I am dying at an unsustainable pace, but then I have been for decades.  It's an impossible situation.  It is what it is.  Further, I will probably live for another set of decades, and very possibly even longer if... certain events occur.  Events I am... hoping will happen, even encouraging.  Not for the longevity, mind you.  But because a bear is always hungry, and some fruits are beyond delectable.  *grin*

Medicine was set up, and started as a regularity, today.  First thing.  It has been on my mind, it just hasn't... worked... until today.  I suspect I will have some fallout from that.  Being ready, and knowing ahead of time, doesn't fix anything.  It doesn't guarantee readiness.  Much as knowing you will suffer does not always strengthen you against the suffering, and may actually lead you to fail against it.  I never know.  I do know it is worth the effort.  And, I do hope it will be shorter and lesser.  While I do have a intimate relationship with pain, I don't always fancy it.  It is simply, while forced to dance with agony, one might as well be courteous and, perhaps, slightly romantic about it.  A grin, a laugh, a tease... these things go far in courting what must be endured.  If you can't leave it, learn to love it... until you can wear it out and sneak out the back door.

I need to shop, soon.  Surprisingly I am out of very little.  But I am nearing a dearth of various things.  Cream, milk, and treats, are too low, old, or gone.  Fruit would make a wonderful treat, if I could keep fresh on hand.  The refrigerator isn't a good place to store fruit.  Then again, neither is the table, even in a basket.  Time is against it.  I still haven't figured out a good snack.  Hmm... there is salami and cheeses, goat cheese among my favorite.  Both are rather high in salt, if I don't believe salt is a problem, there are limits even for me.  Carrots last fairly well, and go good with peanut butter.  But that gets old very quickly.  Celery and peanut butter is grand, as well, but celery goes bad so very fast.  I don't know.  Chips?  Bleh.  Good with sour cream, and other dips, and lasts well though.  And, of course, Oreos!  I love those things, but only allow myself a package every other month or less.  Still, shopping is on the list.

When the hog I ordered comes in, I plan on looking at their beef prices.  Which is part of why I am holding off on a computer.  I may just order a half, or quarter, beef.  I have the room in my freezers for it and the hog, easily.  Though I ought to sort things a bit.  I actually did sort the hog meat last time, a bit.  Last time I looked, beef was about $1k for a half.  I fear it is at least $1.5k now... I'll... be keeping that in mind.  If close enough to the original price, I will punch that ticket that day.  If too much more, I may just hold off until my ready reserves won't impinge my longer term saving.  Still, it would be good to begin beefing up and porking out on a yearly basis.  Next, to find lamb, perhaps goat, and local fowl.  Goose, duck, even chicken, and ordering packets of those.  Leave the store for milk, but only because local farmers have been frightened off from selling that fresh.  Though cream isn't separated by dairymen, I don't think?  That would be fantastic as a local fresh product.  They say they fear people making cheese.  Do you know how much milk it would take to make cheese?  How hard that process is?  You would need huge bins, and it would have to be kept exceptionally, industrially clean, with steam cleaning systems, and...  Yeah, I did look at cheese production.  But I knew I could not keep that level of an operation up.  Just buy it at the store.  Though a closer true fresh cheese monger, selling hand crafted goods, would be a wonderful thing.  It doesn't exist because the demand just isn't there for it, unfortunately.

Oh, right, on to... waking... now that I have my medicines set up and taken and a fresh start to life.  Oh, after the pain has eased for another day or two?  I may try to get back up in the tree.  Since I will be doing it solo, I may get out some of my climbing kit, and practice using some of the security measures.  The tree I will be in is easy enough, but there is always risk.  The thing is, it is a perfect arena to practice tree roping on a minor scale for when I truly need it in the higher, less densely branched, trees.  Well, we'll see.  It's a thought, for now.

Later.

Pretty rough.

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I beat myself up a little, but that isn't the big thing.  Hit and miss on medicine is part of it, but just a smaller part.  It has simply been a rough summer and it seems to be continuing.  I'll keep pushing, where and when I can.  But, today, I have three things weighing me down.  Spirits are good, and I have a task, perhaps this afternoon and will do it.  Then some down time.  Considered, not accidental.  I have to back off and stop pushing for a few days.  I need to make sure I am getting enough sleep.  At least I have been eating well enough.  That will help.

I am hoping, when the leaves begin to change in earnest, to get out and look.  Nothing fancy.  No hikes, no overnights out, just a drive, maybe two, through the areas nearby.  Why?  I can't say.  It is different.  It is seasonal.  It is something to do.  It is as difficult to pay attention to such things as it is to eat, though I am sure there is a reason to do so.  And, so, I give it effort, and plan for it, when I can.  Thin, life is, but not gone.

Hmm... a shower, I believe.  Then maybe a small bowl of beans and ham.  You can overeat that.  I haven't been, by volume.  Though perhaps something a little different, soon, would be nice.  Rice and fish if nothing else, or a tuna cheese mac.  Nothing says good like simple, when food can taste like sawdust.  Thankfully, I can taste most recently.  Ham isn't my favorite, on it's own.  Beans are rather bland.  Mix the two and there is some reasonable flavor, with a little extra salt.

Yes, a shower.  Later.

Still pretty sore.

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And I haven't figured out my medicines yet.  I am sleeping and awake more normally, but...  It wasn't the simple part of the little bit of climbing, it was going over, under, and around branches, while climbing, that tested my muscles.  A slow game of dodgeball, sort of.  Some serious scrapes were had, as well.  That bark has bite.  Balancing while cutting, I would have thought, would have gotten me.  But that seems not to be the case.  It is all upper body soreness.  It was enough of a test that my muscles were acting weird for the first day of recovery.  Twitches.  Muscles rarely used were exercised well.  Today I get to help cart off most of the wood.  I need to get a shower, then maybe lay out the wood, put some in a wheelbarrow, and set aside what I want to keep.

I am needing to sleep with the ac on.  I suppose it might be cool enough that if I just open the windows, or use the fan on the device, that will work out well enough.  It's just that thinking straight at bedtime is a no-starter sometimes.  Not always.  Gotta think about these things as I go, and sometimes ahead of time.  Which... is exactly what I am doing. 

Today?  Other than wood work, I only hope to get my medicine on track again, again.  I keep falling off, and worse, horse trading to stay on.  I need to get this all set back up, and keep it there.  No, it hasn't been the best summer.  Spilled milk, though, as they say.  Can't change that, but there is tomorrow.  Today is a little rough.  Tomorrow, proverbially, it is.  Later.

Ah-ha! That is why sleep was running short.

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I should know this by now.  Then again, sometimes it is more, or less, obvious.  I didn't go down until well after 6:00 this morning.  Which is fine, considering I am in a rolling sleep cycle thing.  Not a choice, mind you, just an application of my reality.  Odd how a woman can fix that, mostly, but I don't have one in my back pocket currently.  Hmm, women fixed it even without medicine.  That is odd.  Never mind.  I woke at about 11:00 or... something not good.  Oh, I can live on that little of sleep, but it will bring me down.  Quickly.  Then it hit me.  It was just a bit too warm.  I need cool to sleep, below some threshold.  If it gets above, even slightly above, some number... I am not even sure if it is a fixed number or if it is related to other health issues at the moment... then I can't sleep.  If it gets too high, then my sleep becomes a feverish nightmare.  Trauma dreams, and hell, visit and tear into me.  Sometimes I have no choice, having no options and needing sleep so badly that... I got what I got.  Now I have ac.  Just a window unit, but it is enough.  So I turned that on, though I skipped adding the fan as well as the temps were just bordering too much and I only wanted a short bit more sleep, not a freezer coma session.  There are times for that, but this wasn't it.  I finished my sleep and woke pleasantly just a bit ago.  A few hours ago, that is.

I added some of the freshly thawed ham slices to my pot of beans and put that on to heat.  I've been tinkering with this and that as well.  I've been mostly on autopilot so far, and may remain that way.  Stiff and sore, with a few burning scrapes to remind me that my efforts were real.  I won't be doing anything too heavy, but I would like to hit a couple of things.  The dryer lint cleaning, picking up recycling and stacking or even breaking down boxes, a meal, and... something else.  I think I can get to it, I don't know if I will.  Just because there is enough wiggle room doesn't mean I have the wiggle to go with it.  Still, a plan is in play.  Oh, a shower would be good, but that wasn't the other thing...

I am holding off on the computer until the hog I ordered comes in.  That is a couple, two to three, months away.  At the turn of the month, I will recheck my finances, and probably buy the wheat grinder.  I also need to see if I have been paying my dues for this and that, between here and then.  I have been rather... asleep at the wheel.  These things can sneak up on me if I am not paying attention.  Doesn't matter if you have every bill but one in order, that one can chew you up.  Not awake, but working on it.

Later.

One of us was going down.

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Even if it meant both of us would go down.  And, to a degree, that is exactly what happened.  Oh, I helped get those branches down.  And then when down, chopped up.  He did a lot of the work, to be sure, half plus.  But that isn't the point.  I did get out, I did get up, and I did saw.  Now I know I can do more.  I might be hitting some of the other tree limbs, here or there.  Some in the same tree.  Others in different types of threes.  The other trees are different, not so easy to climb, and much higher on fewer branches.  A little more rope security is probably needed.  And some way to leverage the cut branches.  It won't be pro, mind you.  Hick, with some math, hope, engineering, and prayer.

I'm a bit torn up, sore, worn out.  Exactly how I like it.  If I could do this every day, I would.  I really do like this.  Perhaps different things on different days.  Enough hits, scrapes, bruises, and such, and you do harden.  I am weak, scratch easily, probably bruise easily.  Then again, I hit it pretty hard when I can hit it.  Ah, we will be taking most of the wood cuttings to a place where they share it out to those in need.  I'll keep some, just to have fresh cuttings for emergency wood stores.

Ever seen a bear climb a tree?

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I did, I did!  Well, it was me, but that counts.  I wasn't sure how to quite do it.  My neighbor, the other neighbor, showed up.  He looks like he had already wrestled a bear, a greasy one, like an engine.  I felt bad making him do more work, so I tried to do my part.  The ladder got us to the lower branches.  From there on, it was old fashioned tree climbing.  Sticky, scratchy, pokey, and a bit... demanding in a way.  Keeping balance on twigs, lifting the next foot, grabbing that other branch.  But, slowly, we climbed.  No more than thirty or forty feet perhaps, but enough to know the ground was a long hard fall away.  The chainsaw went with, hopscotching between carriers and branch cradles.

I was... impressed.  Seriously, how many heart transplant potentiates do you see climbing trees, helping hoist a serious chainsaw, then cutting branches while perched precariously in the green and brown?  The kid was tired and sore from a day of work, but he did it without effort.  Or so it seemed.  To be young is to... I don't know... have more than even you think?  Something.  A good dozen dead branches came down.  It looks good.  There were some, as noted at the end, much higher.  But I didn't think I could squeeze through the branches to get to them, and thought what was done was enough.  In the future I may, now that I know I can, shimmy my way up when I have a bit more breath.  I won't be worn by lower branch work, and there are only a few.  Perhaps with a rested demeanor, the squeeze won't look so tight.

And, it seems as if I was wrong.  The wife didn't say no.  These women, and men, are changing up and getting tricky on me, by doing pretty much what they seem to be thinking of doing!  How can I go get suspicious if people do what they say?!?  Ah well, at least I can still be paranoid.  I don't put much faith in that, or much else of flesh.  I'm just a hobbyist, at it, anymore, I suppose.  But iffin you ever needs some tips, you know who to visit.

Supper arrived.  It sounds good.  I am hungry, and thirsty.  Even with beans and ham for lunch.  Boy I like to work.  I'm going to really have to try to get out there again.  I liked that.  Risky, too!  Later.

Decided.

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I believe I am going to upgrade my downgrade and just build one machine.  The main reason for a first machine was trying to be cheap.  Though it would have been nice to have a dedicated, off-line, gaming rig... I don't have that kind of money.  My previous attempts at building a gaming rig were proving far too expensive.  I kept hitting, I think, right at $2.5k.  Too much.  Even when I have it, I just won't do it.  Even though I play, and compute, and blog, and browse, much of my time, I just... can't go over some points.  When I was young and sure to be dead imminently, it didn't matter.  My machines were $3.5k monsters, for their time.  No more.  A third of that makes me flinch.

With this machine, if it proves a bit weak in the near future, I have some upgrade capacity.  Adding a second graphics board, RAM, even cooling, would be a snap, and rather affordable by that time.  It won't beat top, or even serious second tier machines.  But I don't need it to do so.  Compared to even a new console, it cooks that.  Plus, if I want to mess with mods, I can.  Computer gaming is simply much better than console gaming.  And it doesn't eat my television.  I ought to get rid of that dinosaur.  Then again, maybe I can figure out how to hook my television and computer up, so that I can... ruin the television this way!  :)  Damn kids.

I'll keep saving.  The hope, after the fixes and upgrades on my home are done, is to get into solar power.  Enough to run some lights and the computer.  While the world burns, I can just... keep playing.  With a minor refrigerator/freezer, enough stocks in this and that, a few firearms for those who might wish for what they could have but didn't choose and communal security, and popcorn.  I really ought to get some more of that stocked up.  Never mind, just some thoughts.

Doesn't look like the tree trimming will get done today.  I'll have to try to do that on my own.  I had asked him something.  He was going to ask the wife.  I was pretty sure what that meant, but... now I know.  Don't worry.  I knew that gig.  It's, when I have had women, how I used to say "No.", without saying it, too.  :)  Dang kids.  Think I don't know the score.  Ha!

Later.

A laptop?

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Well, it was a thought.  Then I thought again.  If I am going to build a desktop in the future, a higher tier one... and I hate laptops and would just be using it as a desktop... why... buy a laptop?  Silly me.  I guess it just seemed easy.  After a bit of thinking, I believe I am simply going to buy, and build, a desktop, but a lessor one.  I keep trying to pare, but every time I cut something back, I remember something else.  I am overdoing my build, for what I want.  And it will, even if I dump to just a dual core, be killer compared to this pentium IV.  I think I only have a gig and an half of RAM.  Bleh. 

Yes, build my own.  I don't want, nor need, nor like, laptops.  Their keyboards are small and have no tactile grip, the monitors suck, and in all ways save portability, they are inferior to desktops.  They are the McDonalds of the computer world.  On the other hand, I prefer the real deal to the electronic, by far.  A slider and fries, hold the laptop?  Yeah.  Plus, it will be good practice.  So far, I have optimized down to $1k.  But I want it lower.  This will just be an internet tool, not a gaming platform.  And yet I would like to, maybe, do a bit of gaming.  Just to tinker.  Maybe, if I optimize correctly, I will never build that massive machine, merely adding bits to this build. 

So... I am looking at ways of not having to backtrack.  Some of it will have to come and then go.  RAM, for example.  I need, currently, to buy 8 gigs, in a 2x4 configuration.  But with a gaming rig, I would want, at least to start out, with 16 gigs in a 2x8 configuration.  That will simply have to come and go.  The motherboard is a thing of contention.  Buying a very good board now, even if with a much lessor chip, might be best.  Not quite, but nearing, the top of the line will allow for almost any upgrades I could want.  As far as the case goes, I won't be doing triple or quad, but might do double graphics cards, into crossfire or sli configuration.  The simple cost of triple or quad makes me not want to play.  That is simply too much money, time, and effort tied up into a machine.  I think I can go rather tame on the case.  I really wanted a full size tower, but I won't be overclocking, at least not in a large way.  Probably not at all with this first setup.  And I won't be putting in six hard drives, two flash drives, and three blue-ray/dvd readers or read/writes.  So a smaller case should do just fine.  The only problem might be if, as I add things, heat becomes an issue.  A smaller case can only do just so much.  The problem is price.  The case for the smaller build is more like $60, for a gaming rig, I'm looking at, starting, around $130 on up to $200.  Then again, perhaps I could go skin on some of it, pricey on some, and mix and match in the future, to still have two complete machines.  But transferring chips and motherboards and such gets ugly, fast.  Though the graphics board and memory would be easy to switch.

The thing is, I had set an outside dollar marker at about $600-$800 for a laptop, in my previous thinking.  I would like to hold to that as much as possible.  I just have to think through components, what could be transfered, what will be cheaper, and much cheaper, in the near future.  The choice is a gaming machine or a new console.  The console would be cheaper, but it isn't upgradable, it is very expensive for what it offers, the gaming experience is sometimes limited by both the game maker and Sony (or Microsoft if you are a total sucker), and I think they are changing the rules, again, to favor themselves over my wants.  Hey, I'm a gamer.  It's part of what I do in life.  I simply have to deal with it.

I'm thinking... I'm thinking...  But I do know I will roll my own, get back into the tech field, and see where that leads.  I almost am considering AMD, but I simply don't know where to even begin with that.  While it would be less expensive, how much quality would be lost I don't know.  Cheap comes with it's own costs.  Bleh.  Later.

I had forgotten I had a plan in play.

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I love it when I am doing for myself in spite of not knowing it.  I put beans on to soak last night, or this morning, technically.  Black beans, my favorite.  I had ham slices out and ready, and have thawed more.  The mixtures is just about perfect.  I actually think adding kale might not be a bad touch.  It's a matter of not knowing when I will be cooking, and even so, being to the store in such a way as to have fresh.  Usually, even with onions and potatoes, when I remember and go to use them... it's a little... hrmm... late.  Still, if I happen to get out in the next few days, I may see about buying a lot of the green leafy.  I probably hated kale when I was a kid, even a younger man.  Now?  Now the stuff is almost as good as!?!  Cabbage!  Yeah!  Shoot me now, I have become my grandfather!  Then again, I don't think he was born that way either.  :)


Don't know.  Feeling pretty good.  I have some things I want to do, and am a bit stuck, but I do have some things on schedule and a hope to a revitalization.  It's not always fair, or fun, but then for folk like myself, that isn't part of the planning.  I expect it to be harder unfairly just because of who I am, I expect enemies to attempt to trip me up even to my death if they can, I expect the worst and I still am pretty sure I will do more than what is possible.  It isn't just people, but the environment, and my own flesh at times, that are against me.  Remember... life is an anomaly, one the universe if it weren't for God, would seek to eliminate.  Of all the matter that exists, such a vast minority of it is living, and an even vaster minority of that sentient, and an even smaller lot than that which chooses good over evil, that... we are miracles.  I wish you could see these things as I have seen them.  A saved soul is worth more than all the gold, gems, buildings, patents, that man can ever dream of having.  Even so, do not expect the world or others to like, or treat you fairly, or such.  Get on with it, and do what is right.  Don't worry about that.  Expect it.  If it isn't fatal, file and forget.  If there is a change of heart, forgive.

Oh, on to... more waking, then setting up medicine.  Yes, yes.  I think so.  "Not fair!"  Cool...  Hehe.  Later.

Awake, and before noon.

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Yeah, my cycles are pretty off.  Oh well.  I'll have to get this fixed as soon as possible.  It won't be soon, and it isn't possible, but it may become such.  I just have to grab the horns and guide them through windows as they appear.  I do some interesting things sometimes, but understand, I do them blindly even so.  Some think I am a simple normal.  Take away the ability to hear, see, comprehend, or think... in the world... and, then you begin to understand.  So if you see me out there, understand, it's not what it appears.  But, do not worry.  If such were going to be my end, even doing... unlikely things... such as white-water rafting... it would have happened long ago.  What I can't avoid I seem imminently able to live through.  And great fun is had, soon or late, from such events.

Still, I am awake, so I need to begin figuring out my day.  Tree trimming, later.  Perhaps another shower, tinkering on a project or two, oh and setting up and taking medicine.  Hmm, that last first, I do believe, as soon as I am more than cognitively bordering on flatlining.  Nothing is going on upstairs until the bypass circuitry is engaged, and the delays are overcome.  Being mostly dead means conscious function takes time.  Unconscious function can happen while rousted from sleep.  Some things I know how to do better than a man should.  Don't test that.  It's possible why I don't remember some conflict.  I wasn't even awake.  Body did it's thing, sent me a memo.  A God thing these days.  Though, even when a free agent... I didn't stray from form, only... from capacity to understand it all while holding on to objective Truth.  Faith was blind while actions were still sound, so it goes in the depths of bowels of hard realities, from time to time.

Dreams?

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Probably.  Good omens, odd portents, strange things, in life.  No reason not to see them displayed while I sleep.  Though, good is not always what it seem, or without cost.  And portents... well... a man does not become strong in order to live a mild life.  If you can, then you must when called upon to do what is right.  No gift comes without dues.  How the dreams might, or might, feed upon knowledge, sight, or happenstance is not for any to know.

Careful with that shard.

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It was once a lordly, perhaps divine, weapon.  As with all things, time and use eventually cost wholeness so that only parts remain.  The once solid blade now resides as chunks of metal, wood, and adornments.  Aye, but some of those pieces maintain an unearthly sharpness.  Tend them in the name of nostalgia, in honor of their deeds, or for whatever reasons are found to be noble, but with care.  The will, of course, isn't in the pieces or memory, but in the care tendered, and those who do so.

Dreams of a beautiful death denied, and end of an era personally, professionally, and politically.  Another world and time, when men did what they should, and when leaders were sane enough to know good from evil.  Those leaders who believed in good defeated those who were weaker forms of evil.  It wasn't simple, even in those days.  Some evil had to be simply watched, for going after all evil can blind a good eye and turn it to just another form of evil.  So it is in life, it is in war and politics, even in love.

Slated to die, an assumption already made.  Of the many swords sent out to never return, a standard issue of my sort.  The only one of my lot that did return, but not whole.  Encased in glass, held as honorable, but with no interest in such for most of my time.  I have done what I could to return to be with the other lost weapons.  Failing that, I have surrendered to existing as is.  But, I have done what I may to ensure I am not... loved for what I am not.  Yes, that is why, with the stories of gore and glory, I also make sure to add the human, the mistaken, the wrong.  False idols, false flags, I will have none of it.  Even if I must make you choke on thoughts you would rather not consider.  A weapon, indeed.  And to this day.  Be careful.  Just let me be.  No dues are owed that have not been paid in full, and then some.  A shame to my nature.  With the givens, it is what must be.

And yet, I do dream of that beautiful death.  I did find it, you know.  Not just a combat death, but an artistic and tragic one.  Not alone in it.  I shared with the taker of my life the loss of his life and his brothers as well.  Whether he was cheated, as I was, I do not know.  But I remember the look on his face as we parted, both to go to our deaths after sharing our beautiful moment.  A pained look, an ashen face, a blur, and we danced no more together.  Russian, most likely.  When I woke from the remnants of his death gift, things changed.  It is a new world when you go and come back.  And so it was, and the beginning of the shattering of the blade I once was.

Good day.

Well, it was a thought.

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I'm still not sure which day I received the call that let me know I had an appointment tomorrow.  Wednesday, most likely.  I called back right that day but the phone centers were down.  I fumbled the rest of the week, somehow thinking it was Saturday both Thursday and Friday... somehow.  Oh well.  I meant, then, to make it to the post box over the real weekend, but wasn't able to get my act together.  I will try to do that next last best thing, call in the morning to let them know I won't be in, and reschedule.  Crazy, but it's what happens when life is so sketchy, medicines become hit and miss, and all else seems to have misfired that can.

I checked my wallet.  It looks fat.  A good time to... wait.  Next month I will go ahead and order the wheat grinder.  After that, I'll store up for some work on the cave.  I am sure thinking about purchasing a new computer.  Probably a laptop of some sort.  Just something inexpensive, but new enough that it will work for years, preferably in win 7.  Something for internet and such.  As well, I will begin looking at components to build a gaming computer next spring, perhaps.  It won't see the internet.  It won't get updates the bugger things up, it won't receive anything online.  I may epoxy the internet connection from the motherboard.  All updates will be obtained on the laptop, checked for viruses and such, and then applied via thumb drives.  From updates messing with things, to hackers, to everything else, a machine off the grid is the way to go these days.  Hmm, I may look to see if win 7 can still be obtained somehow.  I won't need to broken patches and such, just the core.

Actually, I am not sure I will make it to morning to call.  I still need to get the recycling and trash out.  Not sure that will happen.  Cooked, baked, fried.  Not doing well.  I did bother to make egg burritos again.  Pretty bland, even with hot sauce... my hot sauce... habanero stuff.  Bland.  Though, in my current condition, a ribeye might actually seem bland.  Well, I wouldn't go that far.  The idea holds though.  Food just doesn't taste good. 

Tomorrow I will reset my medicine sets.  I was taking them hopscotch from missed days.  It's too easy to lose track that way though.  Yeah, I'll figure it all out.  Sooner or later.  Gah!  *zzz*  Yeah, I'm not going to make it to morning, and there is no one to call now.  I doubt if I'll be able to manage another hour awake.  You are watching Doom doing everything he can but in an impossible situation.  There is nothing to do but try to remember to call in and see who it was with, and when we can reschedule.  I have another one coming up in the middle of the month.  Hopefully, by then, I will be in shape to get there and do that.  I do try.  The docs actually have been helping.  It's worth my time, if I have the choice.

Good night.

Odd dreams, weird sleep, and surprises.

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No idea what all happened.  Sleep was like a surfing trip gone the way of noobs on the waves.  When I wasn't seemingly spinning out of control, left to right or head over heels, I was upside down or under water.  Hey, no complaints.  That's my gig.  It's what I do, loved to do anyway, until I broke.  Lord knows, unless you have rocks for bones, a thick skull, an cast iron stomach, and balls of various metals, you shouldn't go out and play with Doom.  Friend or foe matters little.  I play hard.  I'm still amazed just play didn't kill me.  Work was worse, but I was serious about it, mostly.  "Get that damn smirk off your face, Doom!  That coulda been a career ender!  ~  "I know!"  *grins*  Ah well.

I dreamed all throughout, it seemed.  The only thing I recall was backhanding folk.  I have used it, in serious situations, about nine times, or so the dream told me.  Mostly against surprise attacks.  It is a beautiful, elegant, and swift manner of dealing with, essentially, a bum's rush.  I breaks the lead or leads, stuns the assailant(s), and allows time to grab a defensive or offensive stance, depending on what looks most likely to succeed.  No time to consider which, instinct and experience will guide the thing.  As well, the backhand can be happily used on friends who have gone way over the line.  No real harm or foul, but a definite indication of limits.  Hmm, I guess I didn't dream about the two times I have received such.  It 'do' tend to get ones attention and cause one to... retool... rethink what one was doing or saying.  *bam!*  If done by someone respected, it is accepted.  Grudgingly, perhaps, at first.  But time allows wisdom, well, and the reset counter.  *BAM!*  Like I said, it doesn't hurt, not all that much.  It's the... notion of the thing.  Actually, the bible discusses when and how to deal with some people and situations using just such.  Oh?  Don't believe your friendly Doom?  Go, see, and be humbled.  *Bam!*  :)

I kept trying to wake, but it seemed so dark, so late, that I became... chagrined.  I didn't want to look at the time.  It seemed that it must be either way past afternoon and into early twilight, or overcast.  Neither of which was I prepared to handle.  So, back to sleep.  Two or three pseudo wakings, like the groundhog, but seeing it's shadow so scurrying back to slumbering.  There was some forms of guilt and shame, and sleep, it seemed, allowed me some temporary cover.  I knew it could not last, so started steeling myself for the eventual rise and price.  Even so, it took to rounds before I finally accepted fate.  I went to bed around... 3:30, 4:00, give or take.

Finally, I was... set to just take what of the day was to be had, consequences, the reasonable, the unreasonable.  At first I walked out into my cave world and... couldn't get a fix on what, exactly, this life stuff is all about.  What, exactly, is it, that I am supposed to do?  Bathroom, of course.  That's always a good place to... get a handle on things.  Sorry ladies, just a man's thing in this instance.  While in there, since flow is limited, there is time to gather wits and dispel gloom?  Something like that.  I still simply returned to the bedroom to try to find my cause célèbre(s) du jour.  It, or they, weren't there.  But I didn't notice the clock.  Just a wee after noon?

Gah!  I had spent the last half of my sleep long in the mouth because I thought I had missed some things and blown a day!  And, after it all, I was awake about exactly when I thought I should have been.  Never mind.  Foolishness.  I'll figure it out before long.  Though, truth be told, until the day I die I will stumble blindly on nothing, from time to time.  And, for more truth be told, I sort of... enjoy it now and again.  Keeps me humble.  And the Lord knows I need that.

Well, on to... something.  Later.

Breakfast burritos at midnight and bedtime.

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Sleep is just off.  I guess, whatever.  Being hungry though, needed an answer.  Some bacon, then eggs scrambled in the pan, a few tortillas, and a glass of milk.  Oh, I had just a bit of cheese left, which always adds to the meal.  I wish I could keep onions in stock.  Fresh diced onions add a ton of flavor and texture.  Still, no complaints.  Well... maybe that I ate just a bit too much.  But from where I am standing, that isn't, technically, a complaint!  Rarely do I get the chance to overeat.  Either I can't, or it isn't available.  When all food tastes like sawdust...  And yet I do try to eat, when it is available.

The shower has made me famously popular with the girls.  Cats, that is.  They love it when I shower.  Heck, they were fighting over who got to set on the back of my chair.  Sassy actually has snuggled in, and simply "forgot" Sam might want a shot at the old man.  I love having petable neckwarmers.  A few pets and they turn into purring muscle relaxing vibrators.  My girls purr like boat motor engines!  Sassy, I just found out tonight, and oddly... snores!  I had to laugh.  I tried, and succeeded, in not waking her while laughing.  But... it caught me so off-guard.  Cats snore?  Wow.  Now, on the rare occasions I do so, I won't feel so badly.

Weird.  Saturday, now Sunday?  It... feels like I am into the week.  My sleep is sort of normal, mostly.  Staying awake a bit longer, I think, but sleeping, mostly, about eight hours a sleep cycle.  And, yet, each day feels like two.  I lose, or add, days in there.  This last week has seemed like three weeks, somehow.  Never mind, I'll get it back in order as soon as I can.  I am still working on prepping to finish the game.  I could just go on, but I am trying to have everything I will need for the next playthrough, and not have to mess with the tedious when difficulty is ramped up.  It is sort of annoying.  I guess I never considered myself to be detail oriented, but when it comes right down to it, I am.  When I tell others to just do it, I have often forgotten just how much I did to get to the point where I seemingly "just do it".  Oh well.

Good night.  Yeah, it's still night, just at 3:46, so...  Too late for early, not morning to be sure.  No other way to put it.  *zzz*

Can't sleep.

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Somewhere near morn's light and I am still awake.  It's not gaming, I see.  I think I stopped playing at... 22:00?  Perhaps 23:30.  No.  I am actually considering just playing more, since sleep will not happen.  The girls are a bit perturbed.  They like a rest time, of darkness and quiet.  Something that doesn't exist while I yet wake.  I can't do much about it, not in my hands to change some things.  It's icky, but...  Some days, or nights is it?, are like that.

Twisting in the wind.

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Perhaps starting medicine up has thrown things off?  Since starting it back up my mornings have slipped to early afternoons, and counting.  This is pretty potent stuff though, so... yeah.  With new insulin in, I have switched to a new vial this month, at a slightly reduced dose due to the age of the old one.  I suppose a confluence of events have lead me to allowing myself to be eaten by gaming.  Couldn't do much else, so...  I have done as much exploring as warring in the game.  I like to figure out not just how, but why.  Not so much the story line, that is, supposedly, hidden in the game.  But it doesn't effect the why.  And, if you know anything about stories, you know that they are based as much on the teller's perspective as anything else.  They must be deciphered, and compared with contrasting 'testimony' to provide a fuller notion of the truth.  As well, some understanding of the story teller must be obtained through interaction in order to gauge veracity, and some other things.  That isn't really provided, so, to me, the story is... not of much use, at least in this game.  I, personally, have worked to allow you some of that here.  And yet, often, you may just have to go along for the ride, or get off before the twists and turns burn your mind or soul.  You do need to be at least "^" this tall to ride. 

Just a bit sore today, and yesterday, maybe the day before.  Minor aches.  Bone, seeming, with some slight muscle ache along for the ride.  All good though.  I've definitely had worse.  I like these little pains, they remind me that I am alive.

I have been keeping up on the girls, I have been eating something every day, when I figured out medicine had been sidelined, I picked that back up and am on track with it.  Essentially, I am doing quite well for not doing very well.  I won't complain.  A shower... however... would be a kindness indeed.  I am figuring out how to face the world enough to make that happen, hopefully today.  I have some other things I would like to do as well.  Hmm... bacon and eggs later?  Sure!  Oh, I have been told I have an appointment soon.  I tried to call Thursday, but completely forgot Friday.  I'll... have to check the mail, to see if I received a card.  I received a call, but it didn't say with who, or when.  I can't be there if I don't know that information.  I know I have something the mid-month, but this?  It'll be hell being there, if it is early, but I'll do my best(est). 

Well... on to the day.  I suspect, when I get these two toons through the game, which will be a bit yet as there is much prep, but... when I do, I can relax on gaming and take my foot off the gas.  I'm a game sprinter.  Or... I game like I used to drink.  Once started, the idea was to hit it hard and go until it was done.  Burn, baby...  Actually, I hit everything like that.  Work, academia... women.  Thankfully, for the most part in life, I have... learned to moderate in most things.  Only, when I am ill, a certain variety of it anyway, and hit this... I get stuck in overdrive.  *zoom-zoom*

Later.

Music, her, and some thoughts.

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Thinking, lately.  Dreaming too.  I played a song not too long ago which... kept coming up and troubling me.  Aye, deeply.  Finally I thought it through.  Mostly.

Finally.

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Took all day to level the caster to have enough hit points to survive the confrontation.  Probably went a bit overboard, but...  Added some "breath" too.  But now it takes too much to level.  Not possible, or reasonable more like it, at this point in the game.  Now I just need to get each 'toon ready for the end of this game, and the start of the next game.  Store up on 'in game vittles', kill a few last remaining for improvements, and just do a clean and sweep before killing the final boss, and preparing for a new game.  In the new game I get to keep almost everything.  But the enemies hit a lot harder, but drop more loot.  You can play games where it gets harder, each time, up to seven times... then it stays at that level from then on.  Though... I would have to guess that burnout has to happen rather quickly.

I have my characters up to level 140~150.  Which sounds good, unless you realize that you can go to level 700 plus in the game.  Bleh.  Unless they drop a lot more loot, I don't know how much more leveling I will really end up doing.  That'll burn out your bean.  But, for today, I am done.  Leveling like that burned me right out.  Absolutely mind-numbingly boring repetition.  But... I did what I wanted.  I am so burned out that I just want to push on through to the end, but... that doesn't work well, so I will just quit for the night and see what tomorrow brings.  I can't imagine the people who play this and only get an hour or two a day with which to play. 

Good night.

Leveling a 'toon is no fun.

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The trick is to find an area that yields the greatest desired product in the least amount of time, and do it repeatedly until the desired number of product are obtained.  At the level of my 'toon, cartoon if your are curious... a nickname for characters in games, it takes a very large number of repetitions.  I take breaks once in a while.  Usually just abandoning the game altogether.  This part of the thing is murderously boring.  I would like to say I am half way through, but I can't quite say that.  As I use the "product", the next level costs more, so it's a moving target.  I didn't do the math before hand, and haven't been watching exactly.  I think I have moved up nine levels, and was going to do another eleven, plus five, plus one, so... seventeen.  I decided to only go up another 12 levels.  So... considering... inflation... I am about a third done.  I can skip the singe level, but I really can't skip the others.  So... grind.

A bit more to eat, a little longer rest, then some coffee, time to digest dinner, then back to it.  This game, in some ways, is like life.  If you want it, you can have it, but you WILL pay for it.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, is for free.  Time isn't enough.  You have to put skin into the game.  Some of it you will lose.  Whether muscle, mind, conscience, and other things, you will pay.  The hope is that you can live with what it takes until you can automate the process and let others do the work for less pay but more surety, and just glide.  Unfortunately, with games, there is no easy way.  I may try the boss after six more levels.  Either way, I still want to get another five levels after that attempt.  Bleh.  Later.

Back to dragon slaying.

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When introduced to a problem that seems insoluble, I stop and think.  I look at what others suggest.  I compare that to my experiences.  I look for those who have used the same methods that I use, looking for what they are doing, or have, that is different.  I also look at those who are using things I don't have or haven't used or tried.  I do know what my problem is.  This particular character has too little health.  It also has too little "breath", but I have learned to manage that.  Actually, I have learned to mitigate the health weaknesses on other bosses and situations quite well.  This fight is different.  I may simply have to build up health first.  My techniques are... impressive.  Simply, the window for error recovery is too slim.  And errors will be made.  They can't be, as with other bosses, skipped.  I have room for one error, and that isn't enough.  When this boss realizes you are on the ropes, he becomes excessively aggressive, allowing no chance to recover.  Trust me, I have tried numerous times.  I am surprised I was able to get the tail.  But, then, I learned how to bait a very specific attack.  And then learned how to strike at an extremity and then roll out.  To win, I would have to roll in.  And that is where I get into trouble.

I can't believe I started this game with a caster type, thinking that would be easier.  Well, I suspected it wasn't, but I... liked some of the offerings there.  It did make bringing a character in, on the warrior side of things, a cakewalk.  I have died on only a few bosses, with the second character.  And I have gotten to a similar level in half the hours... though some of it is having a better idea where to go, and using some of the shortcuts in the game more efficiently.  No, they build shortcuts in, so that after some point, you don't have to chew old dirt to get to the payday.  But until you know where you are, where they are, and where they can get you, you waste a lot of time doing double duty on old dirt, regaining what is unnecessary to win again.

This game is demanding, but it isn't difficult after a few efforts and learning what works and what doesn't.  It is highly, though not completely, mathematical.  Not just the application, but the theory.  If you know a + 3b=17 means a = 5 and b = 4, that's good.  But if you know why, the theory, then the Xa + Yb = Z makes sense every time.  A fish, or fishing, at least up to a point.  However, this game also allows for some variability within that theme.  Theory works right up until it doesn't, because of it's own limits or because reality is and theory only tries to encapsulate that with a random amount of failure.  Two different, but related, things.  Trust me.  The theory of the difference between analog and digital, if the truth of that theory is... muddier than any let on.  Digital is just as dirty, only in a cleaner way to the simpler minded.  ~  Never mind!  Gah!

Anyway, I think, what I have to do, is increase my health... A lot.  So... more grinding.  A day or two of just mashing buttons long enough to level up at least a score of times.  At my level, that means triple duty.  Bleh.  At least I have something to do while being able to do nothing.  Yes, yes, one of those theories within a theory that proves that theory is only theory.  Doesn't work in the real world, in spite of being fully operational in a non-standard variation of improbability.  What?  Shut up.  Later!

Awake, finally.

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Could not wake up, but did.  Eventually.  I didn't get to bed at midnight.  Just wouldn't go down.  It was more like 2:00.  Set the alarm for 10:00, heard it, turned it off.  Actually woke within the hour anyway.  A bit of will involved.  Figured it out though.  I've been forgetting medicines.  Not all of them.  Insulin has been going in.  Odd how I can literally forget, or lose track, of this or that, but not all of it.  Just... weird.  Anyway, took a dose this morning and will get back on track on that.  I did see something odd though.  While taking insulin but not other medicine, insulin seems to act as a diuretic(water pill, and at least for me)!  Very very strange.

The body aches, though.  Perhaps sitting to hard, too long.  Perhaps from missing most meds, something is just off.  Skeletal pain, mostly, with a hint of neck muscle thrown in for flavor, minus a headache oddly.  Yes, pain comes in many flavors and I know many of their recipes.  One might suggest I have been collecting recipes all of my days.  I'm just too ill to get about putting some of them together these days.  Still, my goal is to get healthy enough to cook up some of the good stuff.

I'll get back on track.  That hasn't meant much this year, but...  It can mean more than not, at points.  Much more than nothing, if not so much as... well... as very much.  Oh, I think I ended up staying up too late trying to take down that last boss with my caster.  I've tried this and that school of magic, repeatedly.  I've tried dexterity based melee.  I'll... review what others have done and see if, between this and that, I can find a method that works for me.  That is how I got the tail twice.  No one method quite worked, for me, but a combination, and my own experiences and play style, combined to create a formula that actually worked with two very different sets of skills and assets.  It just didn't work out the same for beating the actual boss.  That is why I have two very different 'toons.  I like to suss out the various methods.  The eventual goal is to have a toon that can use anything, then combine those to craft techniques that are tailored to the boss or situation like can be done in no other way.  As with me, or as I was, a specialist jack of all trades.  Only some can do it.  But when done right, for those in the league, it means there is no bridge too far, no wall too high or stout, no impossible.  I realized, in time over time, that Christ was the first, or prime, among us.  Didn't like that answer when I first viewed it, so doubled down... and lost eventually.  None are as good, all others will lose, eventually.

Well... on to... other things.  Good day.

Not much.

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I figured out how to get the tail, and beat, the dragon, with my warrior character.  I went on to get the tail with the caster *gimp* but can't seem to find a way to beat the dragon.  Fair enough, this boss is resistant to the main spell groups.  But even the backups don't work, and that character just doesn't seem to have enough mojo to survive long enough to wait out opportunities.  I even found the best weapon for that setup, and modified it to be as good as I can make it.  Nope.  Still, I have two tails and one win, so far.  I won't quit at this point.  Some times it just takes... time... and lots of death.  I know that from real life. *grins*

I was afraid I wouldn't be able to sleep very early.  While it isn't early, technically, considering my very long nap, it is.  Midnight.  But I am bushed.  I will sleep quite well, I do believe.  Rain has set in, and is happening pretty much ever day, for large parts of the day.  It's cool, and dark.  It is how I like it but it also seems to be doubling down on my cripple-itis.  So be it.  I'll just continue to game and look for opportunities for more.

Sleep well.

Long nap.

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Too long.  Must have needed the sleep.  I fiddled with the alarm, to no good ends.  And dreamed.  Exactly what, I can't say, but some notions remain.  Music is probably the best way to express these things.

Up way too early.

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I've actually been up since 4:30.  Don't know why.  I didn't go to bed until after midnight, which is still earlier than of late, if still later than I... intend.  I set the alarm for 9:00, I think.  I really do need eight hours of sleep, I work... more normally.  Not optimally, that requires four to six hours of sleep.  But optimal sucks.  I'm too old to be keeping myself mean and lean in enough areas to play king.  Hungry, tired, sore, with grudges to bear, and some other things, and I could do much.  The price, however, was that I was a stone cold sob.  But I got the job done, any of them, all of them.  It's the price for a tinkering sword sell.  Too old, now I just play it once in a while.

Seriously?

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Feed the beast and you get output, perhaps.  I went to bed a and hour and a half to two hours earlier than I have been lately.  I think it was right at 23:00, which means more like 22:30-45.  Though the alarm is set enough ahead that 23:00 works as a baseline.  I set the alarm for right at eight hours and... pop.  I heard the alarm right away.  So dark at that time!  I love the dark, just not used to waking in it.  I hit the snooze just to... figure... some things out.  I'm not used to new or different things, and the dark is new... at least for waking into.  I seemed to take forever to grasp the new paradigm.  Then rose.  Didn't really need the snooze for sleep purposes, just... to figure, calibrate.  Must not have been too long, I woke before the snooze went off and then shut the alarm off altogether before it had time to annoy me.  Right at 7:00, plus almost a snooze bar timer.

Today?  I don't know.  If it is overcast and raining, I doubt if my friend will want to go shooting.  Still, I may go into town in either case.  I have a few things to send, and could visit at his home.  Maybe a lunch somewhere.  And I would like to get the dryer sorted out.  It's already Tuesday, for heaven's sake!  The week started without me, again.  I won't, this time, if I can help it, run away from me.  No, I'll be tagging along if I can.  Hard is the beast that lives in the shadows, but shyer than the world might think.  Not looking for a fight, just unwilling to placate a bully, thug, or undue harshness.  I'll take my dues, but no more.

The mind is whirring.  All dressed up with nowhere to go and only one hand on the wheel?  Something along those lines.  Coffee should be ready, and it sounds good, is needed.  Get on to life folks.  It won't wait.  Be well.  Later.

Hey, what do you know?

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It looks like bedtime will be early.  At least earlier than it has been.  I don't know if that means I can push my morning back too?  One thing at a time.  And I will set the alarm for an eight hour sleep.  Though, with all, I may need just a bit more.  I've been shaving sleep rather tightly, lately.  Couldn't help it.  The game called.  I was at a point where I was trying to get a number of options arranged, and was in a flurry to get those done so as to get a primary goal done.  As it turned out, I fussed for no real good reason... or my fussing paid off in spades... never sure are we?

I am now to a point, in the game, where I have four or five bosses remaining.  My first character is stuck.  Not so much on a boss, but a dragon boss's tail.  Yes, you can cut those off and use them for weapons.  My kind of game, I'll tell you.  The problem is, I just can't seem to do it.  I want to try it with this new toon and see if melee heavy works better.  If so, I'll... grind my first character enough to use some of the heavies.  Or... just skip it this time... or just try with what I have.  I want to see it done, and how.  Oh... just game stuff, but... when it's all you have, it is important.

Tomorrow I suggested a day of shooting.  And, if I can, I plan on it.  While out, I am hoping to send a package and a card.  Late, very late, but...  Perhaps I'll take my chrony with, as well.  Just to play with it, while out.  Of course, that means putting batteries in, taking the tripod, and that along with a couple of firearms.  The chrony isn't so much for pistols, but it is easier to train on it with those than it is for it's intended work.  Gotta start somewhere.  I just wish .22 rifle would come back into easy access.  A heavier pistol, and the .22, when ammunition is reasonable, and I get off light for a day of shooting.  As is, the cheapest is 9 mm, the heavier, for the moment, is .45.  To get a reasonable shoot in, I need both, and a box or two of ammunition.  Bleh.  If reloading saved, I'd do it. 

Well... on to bed.  Good night.

No, not much.

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I did get the trash out.  Wait, I did that last night.  Okay, so I haven't done a thing.  Hmm, I did call my mom.  Right as she was about to press the call button to talk to me.  We used to do that often.  Every other call, and sometimes even more frequently.  So far back that phones were not even digital.  Remember when you had to twist the rotor with your finger?  That... was annoying, especially if that particular phone had a really strong rotor resistance.  Anyway...  A good omen?  Definitely nostalgic on a number of fronts.

Then I received a call from my friend.  It seems he no longer trusts me.  Something to do with a recent post, would be my guess.  He has assisted with certain things, but will no longer do so.  Very well.  I guess I'll just have to get busy on another end of things.  So be it.  He is still a friend, just not as functional.  I wish he had told me a bit ago.  But... that's the way it goes, I suppose.

Not much else will happen today.  Tomorrow I am hoping to get out.  The rest of the week is up in the air.  Perhaps I could get some of the little jobs going again, but... I don't know.  That is the hope.  Fall is about to set in hard, I think, and it looks to be a wet one.  It's been a cool summer, definitely compared to last year.  But that doesn't always really suggest much about winter, not often enough to be sure.  I was too messed up restarting medicine to remember last winter well, though I thought it was just fine.  Not too cold, not too snowy usually, a few rough patches, but... not a bad season... from what I remember.

I best get on to something or other.  I've sort of hit a place in my game where I could go on, or I could level a bit, or... And I just don't have a great feeling about any of it.  I leveled my second character from the melee side, the first character from the spell side of the game, and they are merging.  Eventually, if you play enough, you will, effectively, max out your character.  There are ways to cheat, and ways that require online play but aren't, quite, technically, cheating (but are).  I like to do things as they were meant to be done.  It does take longer, and some of it is a bit of a stretch.  But, it is within the parameters of the game, what I do.  And, usually, when I stretch, it is because I have pretty much zapped the game, and am down to looking for a few scraps to fill something else out.  Live how you play, and vice versa, I suppose.  I don't care for pvp'ers.  They pretty much strip mine the game for their tidbits, and cause developers to constantly change things because "it's not fair!", or something.  I wish I could find this game, unupdated, and just play it offline.  They have ruined much for pve'ers, with their constant whining.  Bleh.

Oh, but, on to a bit more gaming, I suppose.  If I can pull it together, I might make burritos later this evening, and maybe see if lint is the problem with the dryer.  It is old, very old.  Like... decades old.  But I really like it.  I think I love the thing.  It's big, it works well when it works, and it's simple.  If, or when, it fails... and if it isn't fixable... I will not buy one of those eco dryers.  I will buy as close to the same type as I can find.  A big brute that can eat em' and spit em' out without muss or fuss.  This techy stuff, like my washer, are generally crap.  You pay more and get less.  Caveat emptor!

Later.

-----

Oh, I had a visitor.  A mother her (two of them anyway) young ones.  She seemed... surprised.  Wrong door, or so it seems.  It may have been... an investigation.  No, not a legal one, a social one.  Sussing out Doom, checking to see just who... that man is.  Or, who lived there.  The surprise would fit.  No one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition!  :)

Late and early seems to be a pattern.

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I tried to break it last night.  I was well on the way.  Then... disaster struck.  I got a second wind.  Maybe a third.  The second hadn't actually died out so I can't be quite sure if it just strengthened a bit or another force was added.  I didn't think I would be up early today, though.  So I took the trash out last night, to the curb.  That... realllllllllllly needs to go.  I should bleach the bin, too.  And the indoor trash can, while I am at it.  Nasty.  Even so, or maybe because of it, I woke right at 8:30 this morning.  I didn't set the alarm.  The girls, for whatever reason, have been waking me right at 8:30.  They know they won't get fed, and don't try.  So... I'm not sure what their angel is.  Perhaps to be more sure to be fed at noon?  I have been pretty regular about that, assuming I wake early enough.  And they let me know when it is noon, leaving me alone until then.  So... I've been adding daily treats at about 19:00.

The girls are quite pleased with me.  They have been keeping themselves pristine, and interacting in... a loverly way.  Not as if they were into their cycle and a tom, any tom, would do.  No, this is... like... when your sister or mom or aunt is being extremely nice to you, more so when you don't know why.  It's been like this for days.  Their Sunday best, a smile always, and kindly affection.  I'm always suspicious when women folk are nice.  They don't just give that away, you know!  :)  Thankfully, felines can't drive, don't use cash, and won't eat frozen foods.  So... I don't know what's all up.

They are usually pretty good.  But, this is different.  This is them on their absolute best behavior.  And they have been like this for a while.  I'm not even, usually, letting them sleep in with me very often.  Don't know.

This week?  Don't know, but nothing today, probably.  The notion is good, I am just not ready.  It looks overcast too.  Tomorrow I hope to get out.  Either to go shooting or to visit my friend in town.  I ought to clean my guns.  I ought to do a lot of things.  I doubt if I will do much, but...  I am looking for opportunity to do a few things.  We'll see.  Later.

Good morning.

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Late, again, last night.  And... relatively early this morning.  But my morning started just a bit later than what I had hoped.  I have to focus on changing my bedtime, pushing that back.  We will see.

Today is another day of rest.  I will do a few things, if I can.  But I am not counting on much.  I do need to get the trash, and maybe recycling, to the bin tomorrow.  And I would like to get the dryer working.  Plus there are some things I would like to cook.  Other than that, I don't have any pressing demands.  Oh, but I did look Wyoming birth certificate information.  I would like to give that office a call Monday, as my case is more complicated.  Further, I need to find my social security card.  When I have both, and with a few other papers, I may put those in a safe deposit box.  Along with all my gold.  Wait!  I don't have any gold!  :)

On to waking.  Have a good day and weekend.

A day of rest.

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Needed, and deserved, within the givens.  Further,  I didn't have much choice.  With fall coming on, and it being overcast and raining, it was a good day to unwind.  I am hoping, next week, to hit it a bit again.  Both at home and out there.

To bed late, up early, revisited.

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I need to quit that.  But... it is what it is.  I simply couldn't quite go down.  Two days out in a row and it took a bit to cool down?  Nah.  The trips were cake.  They did slowly wear me down each day, but that is supposed to happen.  More so for me, and so it went.  But, really, cake.  Especially for me.  No, it wasn't that.  Staying up late has just been what it was.  Waking early has been it's own thing.  Neither of which do I understand, fully.  Perhaps the game, and life, are somehow adding motivation to my gumbo?  Maybe.  It's even dark outside, raining.  But it's a southern influx.  Cool, but... different.  Not a northern thing.  Perhaps the hi's and low's are different.  Can't really say.  All good though.

Today, however, will be a slower paced day.  I am hoping to do a few things, through the day, but just minor tweaks here and there.  Tools getting policed, picking up and recycling to be tended, perhaps looking over the dryer to see how to get that going again.  Nothing fancy, nothing big, nothing too draining, but not stopping either.  Monday or Tuesday I hope to be back in town.  Until then resting and relaxing just a bit with a hope of hitting next week a bit harder, doing a bit more, becoming somewhat regular.

I still have a shop to put together and an en suite bathroom to rediscover through rebuilding.  It shouldn't be too much work, just a lot of it, some of it slightly technical, and all of it will have to be a sustained effort.  I may be surfacing to the point where I might be able to hit it, or bits of it.  I can't believe how often I have been down this summer.  Even keeping meds and food on as much call as possible.  It would be quite easy to just quit.  To surrender to "facts".  But I won't, can't.  Hmm...  Well... a bit of waking then I'll think about what to do first.  Later.

Yes!

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To town.  Later, as I suspected, in the afternoon.  Taxes, and registration first.  Then on to the DMV for a renewal.  Now you have to have a birth certificate or passport!  Even for a renewal?  Oh well.  They issued me a temporary license, good for six months.  When I bring that in, and my social security card, they will issue me a permanent(*) card.  Well, that does buy some time.  DMV is messed up.  Not that, I don't mind that, save for it is going to mean a lot of paperwork and writing, calling, talking, and spending.  I should have a birth certificate, so that isn't so bad.  The six month time-table is what is troubling.  I'll... get right on that.

After that, I did make it to the hardware store.  I had no idea where a lint cleaning tool might reside so had to ask.  While I was at it, I... looked at belt sanders and shop wet/dry vacs.  I just... wasn't sure with the sanders.  However, they had the shop vacs I had reviewed, and approved, and at a reasonable price, so I got one of those.  Many of my tools, and tools I would like to purchase, have systems to hook right into a shop vac.  Most also have little bags, but those really are a nuisance.  Plus, a wet/dry vac is almost a must for any homeowner.  From a waterheater failure to a leak or overrunning sink, plus the shop use, it is invaluable.

I called my friend before heading out.  He is okay, his phone was just acting up yesterday.  What a relief.  Last night, while I didn't mention it, I had a dream in which I met the most important of my dead.  Father, grandfather, woman, brothers, and even some I put in the grave.  It was a hard thing.  I met them and they wanted me with them, and for it all to be... as it was, or better as it is for those who I met.  Even former enemies...  there was no animus... only a new understanding.  It was a hard dream, so wonderful, and yet... here I am and there they are.  It is a new place I am told, though this I knew.  I fear knowing others... the neighbor and family, a woman in the making, and some others... cause me great trepidation.  I hate to lose.  And while I can't seem to lose, almost everyone else I love seems to not be able to win.  I don't need my friend to add to the list.

Never mind.  I got him out for a dinner, on me this time.  And then did a bit more shopping on top of it.  Oddities, but needed.  Shampoo, cat litter and food, and some other odds and ends.  I like having several months of cat food and litter on hand.  I usually nearly run out, so it's not without reason.  I just can't, recently, guarantee that I can shop.  I wish I could stock for about a year at a time, then revise every six months.  I'm not in that kind of order, not quite yet.  maybe never.  But... I am doing much better.  Even when down, I keep something in the larder for when I can eat, something for the girls, and keep them tended.  All else goes to hell in a handbasket off a cliff into fire, but...

Well... on to a bit of gaming to cool off.  Probably good night.

Late to bed, early to rise, again, again?

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Yup!

I need to stop that.  But, after yesterday I couldn't cool down fast enough.  And today will be another day out if I can.  Car and house taxes, a package to be sent, a tool to clean the lint from the hose, perhaps another to clean after the hose.  I'll look that over before heading out.  A meal at some point, as well.  Love me some "free" food.  If I get out early enough, so am back long enough to get hungry yet today, I may fire the grill and do some cooking out there too.

Fall is here.  Whether by the date, that I don't know.  But the feel is here.  It is still pretty warm out there though, at least for a cavedweller.  I hope to get to town before it warms too much, but I'm not thinking that will happen.  I'll probably be hitting town around noon, or even into early afternoon.  I've got to get the body motivated, my mind on track, and a shower.  Today will be a bit difficult but I think I can.  I will certainly give it a shot.

That's it for now.  I hope the mountain being made as your mole-hill is tenable today.  Don't let them ever kid you.  Doesn't matter what they do, or can do, they are probably ignoring what has been cleared for them to do what they do.  If it's hard, given your situation, then that is just what it is.  Have heart, but know when to fight the battle and when to retreat.  No use falling on your face.  Mine is too pretty...  Well... too pretty ugly.  But I am sort of used to it.  Later!

Made it!

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Wasn't sure.  Time is harsh, and when moving slowly, a true enemy.  I didn't get started on laundry until 11:00 or so.  But that didn't work.  I tinkered until about 14:30 before realizing there was a problem that will have to be solved.  Most likely a dryer vent hose cleaner is what is required.  I actually meant to get that today but it wasn't really possible.  If I make it to town tomorrow, or Monday, I'll try to fit that in with business.  Yeah, yeah, should have that tool.  But, as a new home owner, there are some things one never considers.  My landlords took care of such matters before.  I had no idea, though... when the problem cropped up, I actually did know what... might solve it.  Not bad, in a way.

I bought everything on my list and change.  Soda wasn't really on the list, but it makes a nice alternative to coffee some days, or when making coffee seems like too much work!  It happens.  Three different stores and rush hour.  Bleh.  I called my friend, to take him out for a meal.  His phone went to message.  He has never had messaging functioning before.  I am a bit worried, truth be told.  I called again, a few minutes later.  Same.  And he hasn't called back.  Yeah... I'll have to follow up on that.  But I did have a meal in town, as a treat.  I looked at shrimp and fish, at my primary store.  The prices were simply too high.  The world is becoming prohibitively expensive.

Oh, on the good side, I am eating enough, recently, that... the toilet paper is no longer collecting dust.  Rice, or with fish, meat once in a while, and.... just... more regular food.  My system doesn't complain.  It knows the truth of a beating a dead horse.  I actually, sometimes, enjoy the starvation sensation.  Not always.  And it may be more that I have gotten used to it, or surrendered to it a bit.  It seems like pleasure, but I think it's not quite that, as I wouldn't choose it.

A funny thing happened in town.  At one of the shops, I noticed a... burner type.  Oh, she was covered, mostly.  She was playing low, slow, slim, and civil.  We do know our own, however.  Little... clues... little ways... little things.  While not technically a burner, I am definitely outside of the norm, and so consider burners... cousins, making second cousins, sometimes kissing cousins... *^eyebrow ^eyebrow*  In any case, she was being so cool and calm and just... then she saw me leaving as she was going in.  Big, I mean huge smile!  Then just a touch of the tongue out.  And a minor bite.  She... surprised and impressed.  All I could do was grin from ear to ear.  Long hair, I have, and a massive mustache with huge soul flare below the lip... think Three Musketeers...  Anyway... joy and grins were had all around.  A moment.  But that is, sometimes, all we have, innit.

I had a tailgater from Logan to my turnoff.  Ten feet off my bumper.  Then, whoever, turned my way, so I pulled over to let them pass.  A chubby Bart Simpson looking man or woman passed, then decided that driving the speed limit was too much effort.  I road their bumper until I could pass, and then I passed.  Not in the best place, I was a little hot.  Still, I made it.  Then!  It decided to ride my bumper again!  I put the breaks on hard, and made them pass.  If I had to I would slow down, wanted nothing to do with the idiot.  About halfway along the way, a state trooper pulled out in front of me, between us.  I was through with the thing, up to that point.  But that pissed me off.  So, I followed into town, watched which way it turned, then, the block before the main line turn, I turned in the same way, getting rid of the trooper blockade, followed on the side road, and tracked the driver to his or her home, or where they stopped.  Just two homes away from mine.  Saw them get out and go in.  Nah, wasn't making a point, mostly.  Don't like interference, though, especially wrongly... and... I haven't hunted in a very long time.  If that had been my prey, not even Death could stand in my way.  I'm... not the sort of brother who can be sidetracked, shaken, or beaten.  No indeed.  Points made and fun had.  Actually, I hope the target didn't notice.  It really wasn't about them, at that point.  No need to go disturbing the sheep.

Well... on to a bit of gaming.  Later.

To bed late.

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I kept trying to figure out laundry.  It never happened.  I kept thinking about it, but not seemingly able to do it, so I just... stayed awake.  As if that would solve the problem.  It's a psychic trap I can fall into.  I SHOULD just go to bed as soon as I realize the problem.  But like a starving wild beast which smells meat in a cage, when there is a simple task I should be able to do, but can't, I linger.  Part of the problem is that I didn't believe fluffing would deal with the wrinkles.  You can always toss in a damp towel, and hope, but I have never seen that work.  I think some women do it just... the way children avoid stepping on cracks to avoid breaking their mother's backs... a superstition to deal with things they don't like but can't choose another way.

Never mind.  The thing is that late was the hour of sleep.  Worse, I forgot to set the alarm clock.  No worries.  My body had me covered.  I woke at 8:30, easily.  A bit late, but... considering bedtime, and what I have been doing, and considering all else, I will take it happily.  Blogging, already, and with a plan for the laundry.  I believe I am going to wash the whole lot over again, and then dry it in parts, again.  That will be my morning wake.  Along with gaming.  I am merely grinding at the moment.  I am hoping to grind six to eight levels.  Which means... I best get to it.  Plus I have some items to upgrade.  Ugh.  This game takes a great deal of grinding if you want what you want.  There are better, and worse, places and points in the game to grind.  But... if you want what you want when you want it, and yet to be able to play the game without perpetual death, then you have no choice but to do, rinse, and repeat.  On the good side?  You learn certain enemies extremely well.  Grinding on my first 'toon has made this second playthrough... comparatively... cake.  I have killed most bosses on the first round.  I'm not so sure about the next boss, a pair of them actually, but... maybe.

After laundry is done, I will begin considering a trip to town.  Shopping, and business, and shopping, and business.  Hmm... real life grinding?  Well... yeah.  :)

Later.

Some of it.

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The dishes have been done, a meal cooked as well.  Fish and rice, though this time I added brussel sprouts.  I added some in with the rice itself, some in the steamer tray with the fish... to see if there was a difference.  Not so much.  It really did add to the meal though, if you like bs.  :)  Next time I will add broccoli.  This is working out well enough that I may go ahead and buy more frozen vegetables.  They make for a more complex one "pan" meal.  Fresh would be better, but if I had that much going on I'd be in heaven.

I will be doing the last of the laundry as well, before I sleep.  I'll keep the load split, but fluff them a bit, each, to work some of the wrinkles out.  Well, that's the goal.  Plus, two loads gives me time to rest between them.  With that, much will have been done in the last few days.  Not a perfect run.  I didn't make it into town.  But that was doubtful from the start.  Tomorrow?  To town, if I can.  Shopping.  A blur of shopping.  Here, there, everywhere.  I had hoped to make it in Friday for business, but I just can't be sure.  That might be too tight, but then... just maybe.  Otherwise, more tinkering in the cave... cleaning and straightening.

It's been a good day, if a bit slow.  The body is the problem, at this point.  Focus is okay to good.  Mental faculties are reasonable.  The body just doesn't have anything to give.  Not even when fed well enough.  I did thaw meats, and will be grilling soon enough.  A pot of beans would be nice as well, to go with the ham.  Rice and quinoa would make a good add, especially with some vegetables thrown in.  Just... something sort of novel, for my recent cooking notions anyway.  I used to guarantee two, and usually three, vegetables a meal.  I cooked five days a week.  A veritable feast every night, I kid you not.  Not the way to go if you want to even maintain your weight.  But it was fantastic.  Hmm, then again I was only 300, twenty pounds heavier.  Odd, that, as that twenty pounds was four sizes larger in jeans.  Weird?  I guess you know where fat goes on me.  Though I had water retention problems back then, too.

I best get to laundry.  Good night.

Not bad, not at all.

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How much can I do?  I don't know, but the... light shines.  Curtains are open, an easy morning as I wait for the package to arrive.  I have plans to finish the dishes and laundry, get in another shower, then tinker on a few other things.  And, if the package arrives in a timely fashion, perhaps a run to town.  Mittwoch, is it?  Yeah, then no window on when I have to be home.  It's merely an energy use thing.  Three stores have to be hit.  Ugh...  And I can't be sure that will happen.  However, it is all possible.

I didn't get to bed until late.  This time I didn't try to force an early wake, instead leaving eight hours, and change, to sleep.  The last time I tried to push I... don't remember the alarm AND I slept until almost 11:00!  Gah!  That hurt my fragile ego.  I thought I was mastering life again.  That shook me just a bit.  In any case, I woke very early, compared to the alarm.  I guess if I don't push my body will, when it can, help out. 

Good sleep lately.  Fall and winter are spendrous for sleep.  Medicines being on schedule doesn't hurt.  But more, doing even little things, but significant things, helps too.  Too much of a list and I can go blank and either want to sleep too much or too little.  Balance is the key.  Finding that balance isn't always possible.  So, when I see it, on days like today, even if nothing got done, I would enjoy the day.  Success, for me, cannot be weighed on action.  Nor on contemplation.  Merely being, with a clear mind and some wit, is success.  Sad, in a way.  Quite a let down.  I had hoped for more.  And, actually, I don't even think that this a truth just for me.  Look at everything you have done and will do.  Now weigh that against feeling right just being alive in the world.  Yes, there is the hope, want, and effort to more.  But, fundamentally... I think my proposal wins.  Which is why so many people are miserable.  Priorities.

On with it, after a bit more waking.  Yeah, I don't really need it, I just... I am enjoying leisure this morning.  Another hour or two and I'll get to things, probably.  Later.

Baby steps.

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A shower and a shave.  Trash gotten out.  Dishes put to a fresh soak.  A few other very small things.  Just enough to show intent, I suppose.  Insulin didn't arrive, so I get to wait for it tomorrow.  I was hoping to try to steal my way into town tomorrow.  Depending on when, and if, the package arrives, I may yet.  A shower, again, first thing will make that more possible.

With the cat litter and trash out, I have been airing the cave out.  I really have to get the trash bin to the curb this coming Sunday.  I might be able to put one more sack in, without shoving, but...  Yeah.  Recycling shouldn't be a problem.  But it would be nice to get everything to zero again.

While waiting for the package tomorrow, I hope to finish the dishes and the laundry, and... put the tools up from the bathroom job.  No, I never did get those put up.  Bleh.  Small things, little plans, all good.  At this point, it's as much as I can do and hope.  I could blame gaming, but that just isn't the case.  I have been like this several times, off and on, most of the summer.  It's not medicine.  I've been pretty good with that unless I hit bottom otherwise.  It still amazes me that I can go cold turkey on that stuff, and usually just pick it right back up three days, even a week later.  I know I can't pick it up a month and a half after quitting, not easily.  I do know I can go about a week and an half.  Not sure where the cutoff is but I'd rather not figure that out.

Yes, medicine is ongoing.  Rather well, considering.  A few nights missed, a day here and there.  Given my condition, I'm actually impressed.  The insulin has gotten old.  There was some phone tag problems.  They couldn't catch me and I... couldn't respond.  Eventually it worked, if the package arrives.  I'll start a new vial at the beginning of the month, at a cut dose.  No choice.

Well... that's it in a nutshell.  I ought to do a post on Dark Souls, the game I am currently playing.  I initially had mixed reviews, mostly favorable.  I have a more positive take after starting, and running, another character through.  As far as games go, it's not as difficult as some might suggest.  It's not easy.  But there are usually many ways to do some things, but within a rigid base of mostly fail.  You won't get through the game by accident.  I'll think about posting just on it.

Oh, in a recent conversation, someone suggested that I make things complicated.  This is not true, not at all.  I only notice how complicated the world is.  If you wish to understand, I have a little... example.  It will take a bit of work, but if you really wish to understand you may.  Learn to solve one of the simpler calculus problems.  It will... take a bit.  But...  Now, understand, that math problem, and the most complex of it's nature, can solve less than a percent of the types of problems it was created to solve.  Life is very complex.  We can choose to see it as simple, but it's not.  Even the words in the bible have... many meanings.  Read a verse, a particular one with great meaning but about which you are unfamiliar for the most part, every Sunday for the next month.  After reading it, write down your understanding.  Then, each Sunday, do the same, but without referring to your notes.  Then, at the end, review your notes.  Even with an exact translation, which we don't have, can't have to a degree because of language differences, phraseology that is lost to us, social contexts that no longer exist, and such... we still wouldn't completely be sure of the meaning.  For example, Christ did indicate one man, one woman, as to marriage... but in a time when a man often, perhaps usually, had several wives, but without saying anything negative about having multiple wives.  A trick or a truth?  Complex.

It is bedtime.  Good night, sleep well.  I will.

The mind is still present.

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The body is not.  Or they are out of sync.  Something.  Another nothing day.

Pretty dead but not completely.

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I made it to bed at a more proper time.  I think around 21:00, almost.  I set the alarm for 6:00 and woke ahead of time, as I prefer.  Just a bit ahead of time.  Then again I don't care if it is just two minutes before the alarm, being up and turning off the alarm before having to hear it is a wonderful thing.

Not much done yesterday.  I did reset the cat litter boxes, and reset the soak on the dishes, and made grilled cheese sandwiches.  None of it was as simple as it sounds, of course.  There was always something more to do with it... washing the litter boxes, washing the pan to fry the sandwiches, and such.  But almost nothing else was done.  I'm a bit cooked, for whatever reason.  Maybe too much too fast Saturday?  Maybe.  I'm pretty shot today, too.  But... I am awake and alive.  I haven't been.  This is a good thing. 

My package didn't arrive today, so I will be home again tomorrow, waiting for it.  Wednesday will be my first chance to get to town.  As I suggested, it will, whenever I do get to town, be a burst shopping run.  Coffee, tobacco, cream, milk, the basics.  But each is at a different store, so it is going to be brutal.  Then a few days down before I must get to town for business.  Business, business, business!  Gah!  I'm late, almost over-late.  Gotta do it.

I did make another set of sandwiches today.  Tuna melts.  Nothing fancy but it works.  I can tell I haven't been eating enough.  The tp had dust on it!  Yeah, not nearly enough.  Even with food coming in...  If I don't eat otherwise, those meals are stored and used extensively, not being let go until I begin to eat more regularly.  You would think I would stopper up, but that only happened back when I wouldn't eat for weeks, or more, at a time.  For as weak as I am, I have a heck of system.  Without the heart problem I would have gone very far.  Then again, where I was going was... quite dangerous.  Not sure I would have made it very long with a good heart.  Odd, actually funny, if you think about it.  Saved by heart failure?  :)

Well... on to the rest of my day.  Good day.

To bed late, up early.

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What?

I don't know.  Not a typical combination, but there she is.  I was having trouble getting both of those large loads to dry.  I muddled through the first, but the second... after a number of tricks and methods that each lead to failure, I finally broke that last load into parts.  As it turns out, I was too tired by the time I put the second load in to mess with the first half.  So, that is on the menu, as well as finishing up the dishes, getting a shower, and tending the trash, recycling, and cat litter.  I think I can do most of that.  I think I can do all of that.  But then, full plates are always a challenge.  It was nearly 1:00 when I went to bed, almost 6:00 when I woke.

If I can get my work done today, tomorrow will be a light day.  Light cleaning, picking up, small sorting.  I have to be home Tuesday or Wednesday as I have a package coming in, one I have to be here to receive.  Why they couldn't give me an exact day I don't know, but they couldn't, wouldn't, or at least didn't.  I will spend those days on cleaning up as well.  Light, as I am hoping to make it to town twice this week.  Once for shopping in a dozen places, then later in the week to visit my friend.  Friday or Saturday for the latter.

I'm still in a minor fog.  But it is one I can work, if a bit blindly, through to a degree.  I've already had breakfast.  Simple rice with butter, but it is something.  I need to thaw some meat.  Fish is good once in a while, or good enough when steamed.  It's just not a daily thing.  Hamburger to add to rice, or quinoa, would be fine.  Something to grill perhaps.  Just something, more meaty, to have on hand for a quick or slow meal.  I really need to grill once a week, enough meat for the weak.  Acorn squash is great on the grill, too.  Lots of veggies do better with a little smoke and char.  It adds a little life.  Still, blindly I live, often, so getting to it is a whole other issue.  For now I seem to have found my feet.

Well, on with it, I suppose.  A few more hours to wake, then I will get to things by, say... 10:30... a couple of hours to recalibrate for the day.  Later.

That's more like it.

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Two very large loads of laundry have been washed, the last is in the dryer.  Everything was hung or folded from the load that is done.  As well, I did a lot of the dishes.  They have been washed and sit in a rinse until I get the last bit of energy to finish them, after finishing the laundry.  While I was at it, I cleaned and set up my rice cooker, and rice and fish should be done in twenty minutes.  After I finish what I have started, however, that will be it for the day.  The only other thing to do is to stay awake until at least 18:00, though 19:00 to 21:00 would be preferable.  I don't want to push though, as pushing, at times, on top of a relatively heavy load for the day, can cause problems.

Further, I am finally able to hit the game again, at least rightly.  I had thought I had hit the maximum of my capacity in the game.  Not so much.  It is just that I was as bound in real life as I was in the game.  When I started planning, and doing, the bottleneck in gaming opened.  Three bosses that had been ripping me up I took down in three single shots.  I didn't do anything new, or different, I simply hadn't been in a state of mind to do what I meant to do as well as I had meant to do it.  Everything was off.  Basically, save for the final boss, I am done with the game.  Replay is reasonable.  You keep almost everything, but the game becomes... much more difficult.  The trade-off with increased difficulty is increased payout, by a 1:2 scale, give or take.  Initially, that isn't much of a trade.  It is only over time where the pay-off begins to overcome the advanced difficulty.

An advantage to playing the increasingly hard game levels is that, should you choose to play another character type, you will gain skills that carry over.  And, yes, this game... most likely, will be my winter hold-over recreation.  I hope it isn't the only one, snowshoeing is still on the menu, as is scouting camping opportunities and locations for the future.  I need to find where it is safe enough to camp, and whether I can get there.  Or, more, how long it would take me given the load needed for a couple of days out.  In the summer it isn't as much of a problem.  But in the winter...  You have to have enough to survive, then some, and some back up for when everything goes wrong.  But you still have to be able to carry it all.  So...  Scouting and learning to walk that way, are on the list.  Perhaps next year I will begin looking for a true four season tent (really only three season, but it means winter worthy).  And, perhaps, learning more about what is needed, what is required, what "luxuries" really work, and begin exploring my tastes just through day hikes.  Gearing and learning in a smaller way along the way.

I only have one major purchase still to go.  A heavy duty wheat grinder.  After that, I can pretty much play with my money a bit more easily.  Setting some back for play, but beginning to save, and maybe put more on the house and car.  A four season bomb shelter tent is on the longer view, but before that, a Nikon D7100 with at least two lenses... as standard and a telephoto.  And classes...  One place, locally, that sells them, offers the classes for free, with purchase and a photo print bundle.  I've checked their deal, it's legit.  After that?  I need to figure a few things out.  Perhaps have cleaners come in once in a while.  House cleaners.  I can't afford an impeccable cave, but I wouldn't mind a little help once in a while.  Clean a room and it inspires me... to do a little more, for a while anyway...

Well... On to lunch.  Later.

Much? No.

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I did open the curtains.  That... wasn't a metaphor by the way.  Actually, I handled that most of the day, if I didn't open them all of the way.  Planning... and I saw an opportunity to push my day through into a real day.  I was able to stay awake until 18:00 and some goodly change.  A major success.  I saw the potential for it, and though I had other intentions... priorities.  Getting a day shift back into the game is bigger than doing a few tasks, no matter, almost, what they might be... unless vital for survival.  But... when eating and drinking aren't vital for survival... I just don't encounter such things often, and when I do, oddly, my body quickens so as to manage or hardens so as to survive it.  It's not something I even need to contemplate.  Going down a floodstage whitewater run taught me just how hard I am.  I don't think I broke a single rock, but I sure gave it all I had, many times.  I didn't even bruise.  Then again, I was in the cold cycle!  :)

I woke around 4:00.  Sassy was being a little monster.  Normally I don't mind.  But... yesterday, in celebration to my newfound intent, and some will to spend on it, I had fed them twice (soft, remember... I always keep their hard food available).  So, when she was harassing me all through the night, waking me at least twice, when I got my stones ready to throw, I grabbed the little beast (not painfully, but surely) and relocated her outside.  Brat!  And, I told her when I let her in an hour later, that if she went native again I would toss her again.  Yeah, she knows what I said.  And she knows I mean it.

Never mind.  To start the day, I didn't want to just... wake.  Dishes were set to soak.  Not all of them.  Some that where in there, some that were out.  Not all, but a start.  Then I collected laundry, perhaps not all of it... again, but enough to begin.  I need daylight, I need clean clothes, and I would like to be set to begin having a meal a day, extra some days but just standard on all days.  Beside collecting clothing, I put the first load in, then checked to make sure the dryer was clear.  All good.

Now I get to sit for a goodly bit.  The laundry can sit for a bit, when it is done.  I will game for a while, a couple of hours, then cycle the laundry.  Then sit again, do the dishes, sit again, and hit the laundry.  I might get six or eight cycles of effort through, I might get four.  I just want to make sure that at least the washer is emptied and dried out, whatever else happens.  As well, I plan to get the trash and recycling queued.

Ugh, but I am running low on some primary items.  Coffee, tobacco, cream, and milk.  I might have to make a super sekret run and jump into town.  It'll have to be fast, hard, and nothing else.  If I can do it.  Crap sandwiches, that means a shower.  I just took one yesterday, but...  I just won't go into town unclean.  I am sure I smell a bit off, because of living in... a temporarily fetid world, bachelor land of the worst order at the moment, but why add to it.  Then again, I obsess.  Hard to know and no one will say.  The fears of a single man.  I suppose even women worry about such things?

Oh, by the way, I did finally order a heater for the garage.  Nothing fancy.  It's just a minor propane heater, Big Buddy, or somesuch.  The hope is, in the winter, I can use the shop.  Perhaps, if it all works eventually, even lift weights as well.  The thing is, it opens the window of opportunity for garage use, for many various things.  I have a couple of canisters of propane, at the moment.  That should last me most of the winter, I suspect.  A few hours here and there, when I can.  Uhrm, and a good way to heat the auto if I should need to take a road trip, if that usually isn't too much of a problem, it would be a nice touch.

Well... on to my day, and you to yours.  Make it a good one, give that a shot, or just hang on for dear life, limb, and the pursuit of a quieter time and place.  Later.