Good morning.

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I need practice just going to bed.  I don't think it took too much longer to get to bed than planned.  But little things kept me going for a while.  I don't even remember what.  Now, I don't mind making sure little tasks are totally finished, or at least hitched for the night for an easy start when I get up.  Those are good things, both useful and they help in gearing down at times.  What I need to learn to avoid is little task just on their own.  Though they can be useful if there is still energy that needs to go, or to give a sense that life is just a bit more sound, or other things.  But they can also lead to insomnia if I am not careful.  I'm not always sure if such are a symptom, or a cause, though I suspect they can be a bit of both.  All I am saying is that I need to watch those things, check mate them if they are becoming a bother.

As I said, I got to bed early enough anyway.  I slept quite well.  Some very hard dark dream, and a couple of pleasant dreams, as you might see them.  I need the dark with the light, bittersweet being my norm.  I am trying to give up vivid dreaming.  It's just not something that, at this point, is necessary.  I did it for a very long time, but in order to fix something I was told was broken.  I have come to realized I was told lies.  Those dreams simply are real, memories.  They can't be changed, at least.  The most I could do was look around in those dreams a bit more, find details.  I never have been able to change the nature or outcome in them.  I... prefer the lies.  Nor have I been able to find proof in them.  Then again, many who told those lies believed them, or, like me, really wanted to believe the lies.  No evidence, on paper.  Not that they are my truths, perhaps there is still other ways out of them.  But not this way.  I am not sure it is that easy to give that up, but non-conscious use has helped.

Breakfast, already.  Coffee is brewing.  I already cleaned up from breakfast, and while grinding coffee, since the counter is clean, cleaned up a small spill of grinds and a few coffee drips from recent days.  Keeping up on the small stuff is part of the goal, making the bigger cleaning much easier when that is due.  Fewer layers to dig down through.  In a way, it might be less efficient.  Save that when the job gets to a certain point, it can be almost overwhelming, just figuring out where to start become a trick otherwise.  Well, and it is really good to live in a neat and clean environment.  Medicine have been taken, and have been right on track as well.  Oh, I will continue with what I have until it is gone, regarding supplements.  Some of it will not be coming back.  I really haven't had any noticeable improvement from any of it.  Oh, sure, the old ones will stay, and daily vitamins.  As to the over-the-counter heart medicine, I bought enough to last a while, and one of them is at a lower dose and I have more at a higher dose, so I will continue with those.  If no real improvement occurs on the supplemental heart stuff, I will quit those when I am out.  I may check my bp this morning, or not.  Thinking on it though.  Oh, and I am hoping to get the last of the Christmas lights down today as well.  I'll feel better with that completed.

Today is all things living room.  Mostly a soft start, just boxing books, tossing junk, dusting and cleaning surfaces as I go. If I get through that quickly enough, on to moving furniture and vacuuming.  I am hoping to wake quickly enough to push for a nap then hike, or just on to a hike, if I can, this afternoon.  Hopefully it stays cloudy, I don't mind the rain either.  I just don't care much for the heat.  Heat will always make getting out a struggle.  If I can knock out both a good two hour, at least, hike, plus do weights, then tomorrow will be even lighter.  Still a work day, but just that.  That is why I would like to push for both types of exercise in one day... gives me more of a rest between.  Or a chance to add in a bit more, if say I get enough done tomorrow, to throw a little hike in there.  Perhaps around the lake at the lower dam, or around the lake north of town, or along the bank of the river to the south... just to see what is out there, and get some air, you know?

It's going well.  I'll make it through for a good while, I think.  The right foods, medicines on target, exercise going forward, the cave getting put in order, and then being worked on and cleared of excesses, while gear is being purchased and organized.  Plus, I am learning and practicing new things, from braiding my own hair, to minifacturing items, to... who knows.  I'm still gimping it, but I am on the path that will lead to the dirt road, which will even lead, eventually, to the super highway leading to where I need to be.  The clock is, once again, ticking.  But first, today, I have to wake.

Yeah, no, got it.

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I have done everything, including rebagging the trash cans, except laundry.  I'll do that as I go in to sleep.  Yes, even the french braid.  I can't be sure, but I think I might actually have that braid down?  I just can't be sure.  I'll keep at it, then have them give me a pass fail at the salon, if a fail, I work on it.  Oh, and I had a couple of small sprigs of grapes, as a treat.  Sprigs?  Who knows, too tired to look it up.  If I get out hiking tomorrow, I'll even bring the bins back either when I head out or when I return.  Probably.  I'm terrible about those, some weeks.

There is just one song that kept flashing.  All day, for a while now actually.  Yes, before anything over at playpen game page.  Just a... sense, a feel, maybe even a slight hunger or thirst.  Yum!

Bedtime?

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Yeah, you know.  I think I am done for the day.  Hmm, well, after I take trash and recycling out.  I'm not going to bother loading it all up.  What I have in the bags, and bins, will go.  And I will put up the laundry.  A few shirts to hang, a few folded items to store away.  Then bed.  I doubt if I will sleep all that long, perhaps six, though maybe eight hours.  I am rested, I should be able to remember sleep and wake-up times.  No guarantees on anything, I'm already beyond the rule book for nearly dead people.  Still, the odds improve when rested.  I think I am ready for tomorrow.  Oh, right... I might tinker with french braiding before I crash.  All those little things, you know.  But... it is scheduled in, and a solid want.

If things work as I suspect, I will wake sometime rather early in the morning, get cracking on the living room, two or three sessions and rest periods, then a nap.  Hopefully a nap that will end in time to see me hiking.  If I miss that, I will hit the weights.  But I really want to hike.  And, if I do, I may still hit the weights.  I won't be raising the weight on the curl bar, probably, until the end of the week... maybe.  Never can be sure, then again the curl bar is starting to feel too light.  Tuesday will be lighter duty.  An half dozen work periods, rests, and a nap if need be.  But I'd also like to hit the stick anchor.  Well, and keep up on food and dishes.  Try boiled eggs and grain mixes... it really does make putting solid food easier for a regular thing.  Which reminds me, I finally washed and rinsed the grapes and cherries, I best put them up.  That's my fruit for this week.

Wednesday, if I have everything, I am really hoping to get the kayak out and see what I can do.  I am not counting on a great deal of really good exercise.  Simply, learning to control the boat is going to eat into those profits.  On the good side, getting coordinated as to rowing, control, and such, can be more exhausting that actually swinging a paddle or whatever once you get it all down.  Those baby steps are sometimes worse than a full balanced stride, as to energy drain.  I am hoping to find out.  I'm not sure how cold the water is, so am not really sure how to dress.  Hmm, but I'll be taking some extra clothes, in the smaller drybag I already have.  It doesn't fit a spare pair of boots though, which is why I ordered a larger one.  Still, I won't need spare boots, I can keep dry in the Xterra for when I get back.

Yeah, I am ready to hit it again.  Lungs are still ticklish, but I think they will be for a long time, until I blow the carbs out.  Harder, I hope, than last week, if in a better condition to do so.  Good night.

It's working.

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Pacing.  Even on days off.  I suppose it's like trickle feeding batteries so that they don't die.  Even on days off, I have to get up and do, from time to time.  I don't want to hit the batteries with with a stupid charger, nor can I let them sit untended.  Dishes, there were more than I remembered.  I had added some in, and forgotten.  More to clean the kitchen a bit more than because they were actually dirty.  Laundry will be finished soon.  Trash and recycling are pretty much ready to go.  I won't get to the stick anchor today though.  It just isn't fitting with the pace.

I just realized, the french braid lesson is coming up.  I think I have four days.  So, I won't be practicing that up to perfection, but I might be able to get a session, or two, per day, until the lesson.  For me, I really need to work on tracking the strands, and which side to pull extra hair from and then were to put that.  I can do a basic braid in seconds now.  But this is just a bit more complicated.  Once I get it down, I will have it very well.  I was surprised I was able to get the regular braid down.  This is just a bit trickier, but not much.  I just have to focus.  I might be able to get it down, but...

Oh, right.  I didn't bother with measuring blood pressure today.  I didn't want to be disappointed.  I did, however, want to test strength.  It's a subjective manner, but to me a sure one.  Swords.  I have a 46" katana.  Yes, functional.  No, not a hand made one, crafted by a monk after forty days under a waterfall, meditating.  Anyway, when I first bought it, I realized it was a tad out of my ability.  Decent for two handing, barely.  And it could be used in a single hand, but was so very slow.  Well, even at the place I am now, I can use it in my right hand with slightly clumsy ease, and both hands absolutely splendidly.  I considered the weight I have on the bench now, and my goal.  My guess at 1/8the the way is about right.  When I am half way, I will be able to use this sword with either hand as if using a dagger.  So, while no measurements seem to be improving, my raw strength is.  No, I don't have the strength, currently, to use this weapon artistically... Just a sharp baseball bat really.  But that, too, will come.  Trust ol' Doomster, he really does know how to play not nice... with or without tools, but with more tools than you might imagine.

I know some may be confused about my considerations regarding finding a woman.  Yes, that is still on a sort of track.  It has simply become a bit more complicated.  I won't go into more detail, I will only suggest that I will still make the effort.  I may, indeed, be delusional about the whole thing.  I may have misread what I thought I saw.  In either case, the rules have changed.  She may have to rethink the whole thing, if I saw right.  Then again, I am not sure that will stop her.  Some snagglepusses don't scare off easy, not if they... like something enough.  Probably delusional, but I'll find out soon enough. 

I remembered, from a recent dream and some memories after, about several women who didn't think I was good enough.  I warned each, that if they didn't decide in time, I would have improved beyond their interest to me.  I told each, I was about to improve, increase, manifest, but that I would not wait.  And once I hit the max, they would no longer be in my league.  Two chose otherwise, and later let me know that they greatly regretted their choice.  One went along, until another sticking point came up and I went on.  Even so, she was pleased to have chosen even the short ride.  This time, it's for real, and always.  Same deal though.  I don't really have regrets that way.  I can only ask, offer.  All deals are a limited time production, subject to my interest and the time I can afford to mess with such things.  Still, I may give this one about a year to really think things over, maybe two.  If she is interested, that is.  I won't sweat it either way.  It's just not how I roll.

Later.

Pushing and pulling.

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Why push?  To get ahead.  It doesn't matter if you are doing it for intellectual, spiritual, or physical reasons... specific short or long term goals... or for no given reason.  I have my reasons.  And this push hasn't been light or easy.  Some, however, are confused.  They think the pushing is making me grumpy, hard, turning me into a bastard, hard nut, or such.  No, it isn't the pushing.  It never was.  That is merely what happens when I reach, as in this case, my local maximums.  I peel off the soft and fuzzy, and what lies underneath is hard, with damned high expectations for not just myself but everyone around me.  I then begin not to care about what hurts on you or me, about how or why a failure occurred, only fixing it, and right.  Pull any weapon out of it's sheath, and shit just changes.

As lame as my work has been, it has laid bare the blade that I truly am.  It will cause fear, just as so, in some.  It will call others closer, for various reasons.  This shine will not wax unless I fall hard or quit my pursuit.  Truth be told, I am only an eight uncovered and I am already causing people to sputter and fuss.  I could tell them to fuck off, and to some extent have.  But, yeah, at least at this stage, I can see it.  Simply understand, Doom is coming back.  When full blown, as I have mentioned, you will hate me, more so if you love me.  I'm not your pansy mom or dad or favored grandpa or therapist, I will not shy from just saying it, I'm all about business.  Good, bad, ugly... do your damn job and keep the whimpering to a minimum, or better, just go away.  I know you probably can't cut it.  And I won't handhold through the hard shit.  Further, you will either survive, or most likely not.

Odd dream, good stomach pains, and an hangover from the emotional storm.

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My gut still feels like it's been used for a punching bag.  When I feel the want or need to cough, from having opened bay doors in my lungs that have been closed until recently... or just putting such a consistent load on them... not sure which, or even maybe something else... I wonder if I should suppress the cough.  Sometimes I do.  Sometimes, usually, I just push the cough through to the sense that it has cleared, regardless of pain.  I think suppressing just stalls, and maybe exacerbates, the felt need to cough, so I am, more and more, surrendering.  It's not the pain I am trying to avoid, it is just a hope that if I don't surrender to the cough, the need might go away?  Some sort of catch back there, a tickle.

I don't know when I went to bed.  I am guessing anywhere from 23:00 to maybe 1:00 or even 2:00.  I woke sometime around 5:00 to 6:00, I think.  I looked at the clock at each of those events, but memory absolutely fails.  I am not in the best of shape, and still a little wrung out from the mood thing last night.  Wasn't really a mood, so much as a mood brought on by a concern, or three.  Frustration with a seeming lack of measurable success, as well.  I have been working very hard, doing things even daily, lots of things.  It just hasn't been enough to leave a mark, not yet.  Well, it has left me sputtering, coughing, and a bit of a wreck.  There is always that.  Maybe another day of rest will cover some of that.  Gotta take weekends off, and figure out how to restart the motor after downtime.  Gotta.

I might be able to turn that into a good thing though.  It means I am less likely to just split.  I need to be ready for some serious rigor, at least from time to time, and more daily function.  This is just going to take time and a lot of effort.  I think some believe me to be pinned.  And, to a degree, that may be so.  I can't work on a definite daily basis.  But I might be able to work up to large efforts several times a month.  I am hoping to make those efforts large enough to survive, if just barely.  It'll be tight, even that.  Better just a little hope than none at all, so I'll go with that.

Ah, the dream.  I dreamed I was a monk.  The new pope decided to end monastic orders.  We were being told to enter civilian life, find a wife, and such.  This particular monastery was rather large, perhaps a hundred of us.  And, in the dream, we were going to follow orders.  There was one particular woman I had fallen in love with, but had kept vows and never let her know, not even in a sideways sort of way.  As we were released, I went seeking her.  It turns out another had an eye on her as well, and got to her first.  They were already set to be wed before I could even speak with her.  I decided to keep to my vows, just in a secular setting, then on to a hermit life.  And so it went.  Quite a downer of a dream, but you get what you get.  Oh, a lot more detail, I just pared it down from a full short story to a paragraph, and that's probably just of what I remember.  I wore my order pin, but under my regular clothes, and kept a few of the items, plus carried out daily prayers and such.  Just all alone, out in some place back in the woods... in the dream.  No, it wouldn't surprise me if this pope does that.

Anyway, on with the day.  Dishes, first thing, then a shower.  Trash and recycling next.  I don't know if I will get to much else.

Oh, right, music.

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Oh, just a few tunes and thoughts.

Guilt?

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Actually, yes.  Just sitting around sucks.  I know I could be working.  And I fear that resting might cause a problem restarting.  You just have no idea what being imprisoned in your own... pretty much... corpse is like.  I've been out of the limits of the box for a bit.  I do fear falling back in.  Oh, it'll happen.  As it heats up, perhaps as fall or winter hits, maybe off and on until a major setback occurs.  So, while I feel like I could work, it is very difficult to just rest, relax.  Emotions, however, have to be set aside.  I do need rest, or something will break, or I'll simply fall too hard to easily get up.  Pacing, and logic, is more vital at this time than emotion.  But that doesn't mean the old sob doesn't feel.  Not even sure what to do with it.  It's like a woman screaming in my head, when she seems right.  At least I know she isn't.  I'll figure it out.

Some of the recent research has been about what to do once I get to Alaska.  There are several issues.  None of them are simple, or cheap, or always even going to be possible, fully.

In the areas I would like to go, permafrost might well be a problem.  Building on permafrost... well... it's not a happy thing.  Either you mitigate in a number of ways or you simply understand the structure will be short lived.  Even with mitigation, the natural variability takes any real surety off the table.  While their is over-engineering, in an off-grid, off-road, environment, unless you are a major corp or government, you won't have a way of getting in equipment, you won't have access to electricity, and there will be other problems. 

Start by not buying swamp land, though.  However, there are some ways of helping.  My guess is, my first cabin will not last very long.  Just the start-up costs... buying the land... locating the land and looking it over first, will be quite an expense.  Bush pilots ain't cheap, and that is who would be doing those sorts of runs.  Then getting a bid in before it is gone.  Tricky, but doable if I watch p's and q's with great care.  Perhaps cabin sitting for store/service vouchers, then camping hard in the summer, for inexpensive living.  Not a happy life, but... there are some advantages.  Heck, perhaps volunteering as a camp helper for hunters, so as to learn to skin and butcher, for nothing but lodging and food... or if seen as more valuable, for the same as I might ask for lodge sitting...  Tricky, as I suggested, but doable... if available, if I can get fit enough.

The next idea is energy.  Sure, wood for heat.  But having some electrical would be a great help.  Solar in Alaska would be sucky much of the year, but would come into it's own in the summer, when a fridge and/or freezer would become quite useful.  Wind power, however, might well be a good option.  Perhaps a hybrid system.  So, I've been delving into that.  Such a set-up would make cordless power tools less of a luxury, more of standard kit.  Of course, there would have to be a generator, gas or diesel...  I haven't even started looking at those.  Perhaps something better will be out before I get settled and ready for that.

A large part of what I will be doing, when I first get there, is figuring out how to live without spending money.  Camping will work, to some degree, but there would still be food and gas to get food, initially.  Just going up there, and living off the land to start out, isn't a practical notion.  I'll have to earn my way into that.  Just the hunting skills, for there in particular, will have to be learned.  Further, an out-of-state hunting and fishing license would not be possible, I believe... as a means of survival per cost.  Fishing licenses for out-of-staters are limited, and expensive.  The expense may, probably, not be worth the value.  Well, and out-of-state hunting licenses for big game requires hiring a guide.  Poaching?  Yeah, no.  As much as I am not interested in state, I'm also not interesting in that unless something went really wrong, and only as a means of survival.  Camping would cut lodging costs, but food and fuel of some sorts would remain a cost... at least initially.  Money, money, money.  And I don't count on having much when I get there.  Just what I have paired my belongings down to, and what I receive each month.  I will need to make contacts, and try to prove myself out through the summer, in order to get a sitting/caretaker gig as well.  Being there, in person, may help with that.

So far out there.  So much work to get in the kind of shape that is required.  So much hiking, camping, boating, and fishing to do to get some of the skills down.  And, I am hoping, only a few years away, two, maybe three, depending on how I can work up, organize, handle some business, gear up, and save.  There are a lot of balls in the air in this juggle, but...  Heck, who knows, maybe the strain of the push will kill me, and I can sleep, peacefully, with the fishes?  *blub*  It'd make a lot of people happy, I don't really care so long as it doesn't just cripple me and drop me into the mouth of the bureaucratic leviathans or some such other ugly scenario.  No, I'll keep going.  Just wanted to spill a few beans, vent, and...  Chicken.  I think I'll warm a couple of pieces of that, watch some old show from before I realized how nasty H-wood is, then go to bed... or maybe do a little work, then go to bed.

Later or good night.

Going through a spot.

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Yeah, the battle cry has been to bring on the pain.  And I have done so.  Like trying to get a vehicle out of a rut, it's been a lot of back and forth.  Sure, I have been at least moving most of the time for a good long time now.  And there has been success, and mostly success.  Thing is, I am still in the rut.  Unlike the analogy, being in a better position, even if not escaping the rut, is a good thing.  I am definitely in a better position.  But it's such a tenuous thing.

While I have hit my goals fairly well, I am still quite behind in the real world game.  What I have been doing is slim.  Most of you reading this can do in a few days what took me a couple of weeks.  Heck, what I have done is what some of you do while holding a job.  Then, on top of that, you head out on weekends to play or party or garden.  Just to add perspective.  If I have done anything, it is to have worked up to a place where I might be able, just now if that, to begin pushing to add stamina and strength.  Two, maybe three months, of pushing as hard as I can, just to get into a position to begin making my advances more, if only potentially even so, permanent.  Ugh.

Lungs are still a bit wheezy, just from that effort.  I'll have to dig so much deeper to actually add strength, all while trying to maintain my home, auto, boat, and life.  I hope the weekend gets me back into solid oxygenation, and cuts the pain in my stomach from pushing into coughing for air.  I am hoping my body relaxes and is again ready to push wherever I can fit a push.  I haven't checked my blood pressure... tomorrow morning.  I doubt if it will have improved though.  I did check weight, and that has remained the same.  It's a bit depressing that all the seeming effort hasn't done a thing.  No signs of improvement.  I can tell my body is tighter.  Muscles, structural integrity, if not something that will last without continued effort.  I know there are improvements, but they aren't showing up in any real measurable way.

I've done a few very minor tasks, eaten a meal, and will do another task or two today.  Strictly low level, low effort.  Even while I haven't improved, for the state I was in, I have pushed.  If you don't work out, it would be like adding five or six half hour periods of exercise into your life.  Only, I would guess, you would have improved more.  As I said, I am hoping I am up to the point where I can begin actually improving.  I had to shake off ages of rust just to get to this point.  I just hope I can keep it going.

I have the recycling pretty much ready for tomorrow, and with the bill paid I have no trouble putting things out... on the conscience level.  Trash is pretty ready to go, too.  I might put most of the trash on ready tonight, while I deal with the last bits of laundry, and wash the dishes in prep for a final soak, finishing those tomorrow.  I may also begin tearing down the living room tomorrow.  Just organizing and sifting lighter stuff, from time to time.  Monday is when the real teardown begins in the living room.  Taking out the chairs and everything mostly mobile, moving things that aren't as easy to manage onto one side of the room, vacuuming and steam vacuuming the open parts, then letting that dry.  I don't know if I will get all of that in one day, but it's possible.  Oh, and I need to hike, maybe hit the bench too.  Tuesday will be for picking up and around, finishing what I didn't get done, and a lighter day.  If I got one half of the living room done, then I may begin in on my bedroom... sorting, sifting, tossing, getting it ready to be evacuated so as to be vacuumed and steam cleaned.  I'll probably move into the guest bedroom while that goes forth.

Yeah, I think I'll get it done this time.  I have three more areas after the bedroom.  I'll hit every other day hard, doing lighter days in between, with weekends off.  Add in the hope to do something outdoors, or on the weights, on the heavy days.  I am hoping to get the kayak on the water Wednesday, but I won't promise on that.  I definitely have a life vest, a pair of anchors (if not the stick anchor yet), and... Hmm... I'll check to see about paddles.  I thought they came with the kit, but didn't find (or look for) them in that initial setup.  Gotta have paddles.  If not, I'll check with the seller.  Could always get an extra one anyway, whatever the case.

NOW it's Saturday.

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Oh, and I am so glad for it.  I was limping across that line, more so after having gotten confused and sprinting Thursday.  I went to bed about 20:30, waking at 4:00 to 4:30.  I woke well enough.  Initially I was in pretty bad shape.  Sore.  Muscles, a few bones and various joints, a headache was either showing up or leaving, and some other identified things.  Have you ever had your headphones really loud, then got called away and left them on high.  Then turned them on one morning when quiet was needed and wanted?  Yes, that is how it initially felt, only with pain instead of sound.  No complaints, I have worked hard for that.  While I don't mind working, and earning my dues, I wasn't really interested in paying those dues first thing, or at that pace already.  Thankfully, while I have no volume control, my body quickly adjusted some things and I am already feeling better.  Plus, a fresh pot of coffee just finished.  Yum.

From coughing, maybe working too, my gut feels like it has been used as a punching bag.  I don't cough much at this point, but when I do, it's like having a kid bounce a bat off my middle section.  The pain is sharp, quick, and gone just as so.  Not as brutal as it sounds, I have definitely had much better, or worse if you are one of those pain adverse wienies.  This is how I need to keep it, at a bare minimum, from now on... for some number of years.  I don't know who well I can keep it tanked off.  I've done well to get to this point though.  Many meatheads with bad cases of manorexia use pills and shots, for muscle but also for the pain, because they can't handle the pain.  Not my gig.  I resist even using over the counter stuff, unless I really pushed too hard, or snagged a nerve around some bone or muscle group.  Even then I don't use it carelessly, or even until the pain is gone, just long enough to get my 'nerve' back to handle the pain and begin mechanically working, or walking, it out.

Oh, but this weekend is needed.  I am hoping, if I really slow it down on the weekends, I can ramp it even more during the week.  I am pushing for eight to ten work hours, when and as I can albeit, plus an exercise function, each day.  Then to ride the exercise depth up the hill at a pretty quick pace.  The last time I started working out, I was able to get up to 300 benches in three months.  Not sure I can repeat that, but it's a general goal, along with increasing the other exercises, and lengths of hikes, along with that.  I'll be figuring a few things out along with that. 

The gps arrived very early, compared to what was suggested.  It wasn't going to be in until the end of this month to the end of next month.  I was not happy about that.  I guess someone got the memo, for once.  It doesn't work well in the cave, but then, the cave has three to four foot walls.  Parts of it, enough of it.  Yeah... it's about as close to a real cave as you can get.  I'm almost surprised I get cell signals.  Though usually I can call, 3G and 4G are really spotty, depending on the time of day.  I have calibrated altitude/barometer, the e-compass, and took it outside long enough for it to link to this area.  What I haven't been able to do is see a dang thing for maps, update the date (I think, though maybe that will be automated when I make a trip).  I'm not sure what maps I will end up wanting or needing, either.  Garmin seems to be good, but they ain't cheap.  Buy a unit, at a premium, then buy maps, also at a premium.  It seems easy enough to use, but without maps I can't be sure how well it really works.  Can't really order maps online, without calling Garmin to see what exactly they recommend.  Hope to buy inland waterways next month, maybe, and road maps a month or two after that.

Gosh, it's nice to be  able to just sit, without having a list a mile long sitting on my mind.  Oh, I'll do a few things... finish the dishes, put up the now tended laundry that remains, get in a shower, and maybe begin work on the stick anchor.  And, tomorrow, maybe pickle the uncooked eggs I have on hand.  Not much more, other than eat two or three times.  Oh, well, and have trash and recycling ready to go, and get it out Sunday night.  Recycling is pretty much ready... a few boxes to break down and a sack to take out.  But trash will be a bit more work.  All good.  Later.

I've done what I could for the week.

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Tired, now.  Almost a bit punch drunk from it.  Pleased.  I've been thanking God every night, save on those nights where I just went down so fast I didn't even realize I had made it to bed.  That has happened.  I'll continue through the weekend, only much lighter work, more spread out, with longer breaks.  I am really looking forward to the weekend.  I might even just go to bed shortly.

It never stopped raining while I was in working condition, so the area rug will just have to wait.  The rest of the stuff got hit, some of it done.  It had become difficult to focus.  All good though.  One of the things I did was to grill several meats.  I turned to beef slices into sandwiches.  I had no room for anything else.  Heck, that is one of the biggest meals I have had this week.  Oh, but on the food thing, I don't think I need to boil as many eggs as I had supposed.  One or two eggs per meal seems to be enough, and then some.  I figure eighteen eggs, and a cup (dry) of the mush mix, will see me through breakfasts and lunch for a week.  I don't, won't, always even eat supper.  That is one step toward figuring out my future.  Nutrition is vital, regular eating is required, and the good stuff is the way to go.  No organics were masticated in the video.  :p

Yeah, my body is definitely done.  It wants to keep going, in it's way.  As do my mind and spirit.  But after abusing last weekend, I don't want a repeat.  I do have limits, upon limits, upon limits.  I'm punching holes in those as if there is no tomorrow.  And, I suppose, I can... for a while.  Eventually either the fee will come due, or I will seriously grow, or most likely bits of both.  There is nothing like suffering for the right reasons.  Plus, as I said, I add my suffering to assist those in purgatory.  Nothing like a little wind in the air when the sails are otherwise flat.  Trust me on that one.  Can't get them through to safe harboring, but I might buy them a little more time to figure it out.  On my side, I call it the blessed burn.  And it isn't even a vanity thing, mostly humbling, as I see it.  Or how I try to keep it.

Good night.  I hope you have enjoyed the show.

Ah, Friday.

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Yes, I figured it out shortly after that last post.  I was already at work.  I had refreshed the dishes in a fresh soapy soak, got the laundry out for folding, swept the floors, and... some other things.  Glad it's Friday, I was hitting work again pretty hard and fast.  And I will continue with it.  Oh, and I'll get the rug out, beat it clean, place it, then vacuum it.

After I finish those tasks, I am hoping to get out for a hike.  Then, this evening, if I can, I will begin sorting and organizing in the living room.  The hope is, by Monday night, to have that room cleared enough to remove furniture, and maybe vacuum.  Of course, my estimates are often off by a bit.  Still, that's the plan.  And, while I do intend to take the weekend off, a little work, now and then, won't hurt.  I really think, this time, I will get the living room, then my bedroom done.  After that, I hope to clean, sweep, and mop the wash room and back entry way.  Then to get started on the en suit bathroom.  Yes, I am going to hit that.  And maybe figure out the wiring for a subpanel in the garage.  A couple of improvements, for when I sell the house.  If it takes long enough, and money goes right, I might even put new flooring into the kitchen. 

Eventually, or throughout, I might even get this room, the spare bedroom, and the upstairs sorted out.  Those aren't prime targets, but some spit and polish will be extended to them as I can.

It is raining, but I can still do as I hoped.  The rain wouldn't be a problem for a hike, but the timing may be.  Hmm... Perhaps working until 14:00, then just go for the hike?  Yeah, maybe.  At least it will be cooler.  I have several pieces of rain gear, so no biggy.  A day off, but it was working out before I even realized it.  All good.  Later.

Right to the line, basically.

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I had to work up to midnight, 23:30 actually.  But that was as close as I could get.  I could have, in the remaining time, folded laundry.  Technically speaking.  I had nothing left at that point.  I still need to sweep.  The thing about sweeping, then mopping, is there are always bits left from the mopping, no matter how good you sweep.  At least when mopping is a rarity.  The floors weren't dry enough though.  Sweeping even a partially wet floor though, is bad.  Always bad.  So that was out.  I suppose I could have hit the dishes, too, or taken the floor rug out and beaten it.  Like I said, I was wiped.  I am going to hit the dishes and laundry though.  Just not quickly.  And I will sweep the floor.  Other than a bit of cooking, that will be it for weekend work.  I lit a scent candle my mother brought into my home, and might start using one of those electronic (plug-in) air fresheners from time to time.  I haven't, to this point, because I hate masking unclean with a false face of scent.  If I can keep up on cleaning, I don't mind... enhancing the notion though.  I suppose.  Cinnamon.  I suppose I could just use stove potpourri, but that is messy.  This is much easier, and no pans will be dirtied in the process.

It has been great having steady easy good food.  The eggs last well enough, from what I can see.  As does the grain mix.  I don't think I'll make as much grain/seed/legume mix though.  I'm not sure that much will last.  Even eating a cup a day, which I rarely do, that's quite a lot of the stuff.  Nothing fancy, but it has definitely been a good thing.  Simple, really, plain to be sure.  Hmm... now that the cast is ready to be used, I can make some bacon, perhaps even some in advance, with the rest of it.  Not a daily, just a nice add as a treat for when I have done well.  Though I need to do something more in the evening, as to meat.  I'll be cooking up chicken, brots, and thin-sliced beef sometime today, which will last half a week anyway.  Cold is good, when I'm on the run.  The nuke is good enough for warming food.  And, I always get a slice of warm after cooking.

If the chores and resting go nicely enough, I may attempt to fabricate the stick anchor this weekend.  I can do parts of it at a time without much wear and tear.  Besides, it's both a fun project and for a fun goal.  Boating isn't just about exercise, or backwood mobility, but a pleasure.  If you don't like something, how are you ever going to get good at it?  I hope to have a project each weekend, one I can tinker with at my leisure, but not too big of one either.  Hopefully, on some future weekend when I grow to have more on the ball, perhaps I can begin on the solar oven.  Just... something.  Perhaps I can even begin collecting parts for a minor solar rig.  Something for a few lights in the cave.  Actually for several things... rechargeable battery charging, learning solar, maybe enough for one of those micro-fridge/freezers too.  Just a little system to learn with.  It'll take a while to buy all the components, wiring, and then assembly.  Or saving until I have enough to buy a decent little setup.

I am surprised.  I woke right at 7:30.  I am not sore.  I am not stiff.  I'm not even worn.  Still, I know from last weekend, I simply cannot push seven days a week.  Nothing too heavy.  If I hit heavy, I have to back down.  I simply won't stumble through another week as I did this one.  I'm not sure God needed a break, I think that was just a gift for us, an example to follow.  I've got to take it.  Amazing though.  I really thought I was going to stumble and hit the dirt for a week or two.  I did stumble, I just didn't stay down... more than once.  All good, very deliciously good.  Later.

Fooled you, and me.

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I did rest a bit, with the ac running.  I tried to sleep, and could have made it.  I set the alarm for 21:00, if with a nagging feeling... that wouldn't work.  Then I remembered I hadn't turned the laundry over.  With front loading washing machines, you really can't leave damp clothes in there.  Once the mold gets into the rubber gasket, you might as well buy new or just get used to the stench of it.  So, I got up, to at least fix that.  I decided not to go back to bed.  Besides, the cough wasn't that bad... just uncomfortable... as was the seeming airlessness. 

Since, I finished the kitchen, neatness wise, then swept the kitchen, and other areas, again.  Then to mopping, just the bathroom and niche area, as there is too much furniture otherwise to make sense of things.  I have mopped both of those areas twice, then just finished running a clean rinse over them.  I've got the timer set for an hour.  If those areas are dry then, I'll move the furniture into the niche and mop the kitchen, twice, then do a clear finish.  I hate tacky floors.  The only way to fix that is to clear rinse.  Two cleaning mops is required if you... don't mop often enough.  I hope to have the kitchen and other areas, sorted by bedtime, with the exception of putting the area rug back down.  I want to take that out, put it over the line, and beat it with a stick, or two by four, or some such.  But not tonight.  Even then, I'll probably end up vacuuming it, and when I steam vac the living room, I'll hit that too.

Yeah, lungs are still a bit quirky.  Deep breaths can tickle in a not so pleasant way.  I am bushed.  But I will be done with those areas and can just start in on the living room Monday.  I was so close, I didn't want to have to redo, again, again.  Just a few days, and the girls have kicked out more stuff.  Bleh.  Yeah, that means I'll have to sweep before putting the area rug down, but that it is mopped means that should be much smoother.  Tomorrow a little cooking, but mostly resting.  Sunday might see some minor tinkering, but again, mostly resting.  No exercise, and nothing that burns too much energy of one sort or another.  Might be a good day for gaming... haven't done that in a long time.

I still have work to do, but I won't be checking back in.  So, good night, for sure.  I hope I've worn you out enough to sleep well.  That'll make two of us.  Yeah, good night and rest well.

Push till you lung out?

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Yeah, that seems to be the plan for now.  Until the lungs pull through.  Well, even more.  Push it until the lungs fail, and then I run out of air besides.  It's working for me, so hush.

I didn't finish with the kitchen, but very close.  Dishes are soaking.  The laundry should be done, so I'll put that in the dryer for when I wake.  Just a partial fluff dry, enough that if I forget they won't get too gnarly, yet not enough so wrinkles set too deeply.  Yeah, I learn a few things from time to time.  Tricks.  When you are on gimp time, you gotta learn to stretch things, try to make the picture fit the puzzle, or the other way around, when just doing it all at once isn't possible.

I'll crash for a while, then hit it fresh when I wake.  Hopefully I'll be awake before the day turns into Saturday.  I really have to take the weekends off.  Though I can push that to the minute.  Which, if it works out, might mean I can get... yeah... probably not.  But I will be ready to finish Monday.  I might even be able to get hiking in.  I'll just have to see.  The lungs are getting a bit better, lasting longer.  And I did put the weight vest on for an hour.  What is getting me is that there is always more to do than what the crow's view might show.  Dig down a bit, and you find extra work... if you mean to do it right it means the job takes longer.  I am down to the floor though.  I just need to clean and sweep that, then sweep the off areas and mop those, then when those dry mop the kitchen.  Plus I caught up on the other daily, normal, usual, tasks... or am in the process.

I'll take it.  Heck of a two weeks, and more.  Lungs are ticklish and I am all out of air and time for this period.  Good... night... give or take.

Yeah, I'm getting there.

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After waking, I hit it.  I decided to wear the weight vest, at 40 pounds, while working in the kitchen, until I needed a break.  I wore the vest for an hour, worked for half an hour.  Yeah, it's probably pushing it, but I don't hurt anymore, and pain isn't something you can remember.  So...  I took a break and am about to hit the kitchen again.  I might toss a load of laundry in before... maybe... finishing the kitchen.  That's the goal with this next run.  Just a bunch of little crap, but so many little things.  Annoying, detail work, you know?  If I can finish, I'll sweep the areas to be mopped before closing down for another break.  Maybe mopping while I am at it.

If I do get that, then I will be in good shape.  Next work shift, I'll vacate the kitchen, sweep, then mop that area.  If I get that done, and have some juice, I'll begin tinkering with the stick-anchor.  I still hope to lift weights before the day is done.  Some of it has been pushing, especially the weight vest work, some of it has been pretty easy.  This next bit should be on the easier side.  Look Ma, no vest.  It's nice when I get to take that off.  Gah!  I had hoped to get the Christmas lights down.  Sounds easy, and it is, but... probably not today.  Maybe Monday... nah... Tuesday.  I want to get into the living room Monday, don't want to be slowed down or sidetracked this time.

On the good side, I have meats ready for the grill this evening.  Just a bit.  It'll mean I can take Saturday more off than I had thought, Sunday too.  I need a more serious downtime this weekend, and will take it if I earn it.  Lungs are good, body is a bet pushed to limits but doing okay, I think I am back on track.  Which is why I risked the vest, and am hoping to risk lifting weights later.  Gotta keep it in the working zone, if away from the red line.  Only one way to figure that out, and it is a moving target.  Should be increasing, until I hit a crash zone.  Then it's about backing off just enough to rest just enough to figure out how to fix then go all over again.  One hurdle survived, on to the next.  Later.

Awake and started.

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While making coffee for the morning, I gathered the few dishes needing washed and set those and the pot used for eggs, to soak.  I suppose I could just rinse the egg pot out, I just... want to be sure.  I looked over the kitchen while I was doing all that, and think I can get it knocked out in pretty short order.  I had breakfast, then went back to waking up.  Yeah, it just takes a while.  I was a little surprised I got the dishes going.  It's not just an energy thing, it's also that until I wake up, seeing what needs to be, or even could be, done is... well... often that just isn't present in me.  Sure, I could see a charging bull and deal with it, but the little shit just doesn't configure in my bean, usually.

Of course, I review blogs, check a few out of the way news sources that have a better chance of hitting what is important, or close enough that I can draw a line to what is really happening, though just as often, with any news source, I keep an eye out for what is being emitted.  It's often the black holes in the news that tell more than anything.  They do, indeed, set out to deceive.  Politicians, corp, and newsmen are in the same game, self-enrichment as the base, with deception used as a means of cover.  I did run across a story that I found interesting.

It is suggested, from a major study, that hand grip strength is the best tell for longevity.  A solid hand grip, and your time is predictably longer.  It is more of a predictor than blood pressure readings, or... anything else.  Further, it isn't just heart failure related.  A strong grip means you have a better shot at simply living.  Even when education, age, tobacco use, levels of activity, and some other things, are all covered, hand grip still is the best indicator of a future stroke or heart attack, or as I mentioned, other forms of death.

No idea.

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When I finally went to sleep?  I was fried well before I left town on my way home.  Memory short circuits when I have gone that far.  I tried to locate the time, and put it in memory.  As I said though, I stopped being able to do that before I returned to pick up the charcoal.  I probably looked a wee stricken.  Foggy eyes, pasty paling skin, you know the look... in yourself, in others.  I never caught a second wind.  Ice water before bed, a bit of winding down, no food though.  Just couldn't do one more damned thing.  After the water, I don't remember much, even as roughly as I remember anything.  All good.  I need to find this place fairly often.  It and pain are the clues that I am hitting the limits and then going beyond.  It's the only way.

I woke at 2:00 or 3:00.  In good shape.  Tired, in a distant manner.  Sore, but not in a place, just... sore, roughly around and about body and mind.  Every muscle has just a mild sense that it has been stretched, pushed, pulled, just a bit out of kilter.  But no one piece, place, or thing is more than the rest.  I am guessing, just very roughly, that I went to bed somewhere between 17:00 and 19:00.  My sleep it becoming pretty regular, right at eight to nine hours.  Unless I end up taking two four to six hour naps in the day, but I didn't, so...

Sure, exercise has been what has been cut.  And while I don't like that, it is the least functional thing.  It won't always be what is cut, but this time, that was the decision.  Once I get the cave in operating order, and am maintaining it, it will more often be projects that get cut.  Until then, it will be exercise.  Priorities.

Today, after I wake, I'll be hitting the kitchen.  I am fairly close to having that about ready for mopping.  Once there, I'll sweep, everything to be mopped, again, then hit the bathroom and niche with the mop.  Then wait until that dries to vacate the kitchen and mop in there.  I think I'll have it today... if I can squeeze the work out.  I am definitely limping.  Still, I think I can.  If I can get to that, and feel well enough, I will hit the bench.  Tomorrow I am hoping to begin digging into the living room.  Oh, if I get that far, it'll be very light duty.  Thankfully, much of the first part of the living room is light duty stuff... if that is the work I really hate.  Organizing.  Bleh.

Later.

It took all I had.

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I wasn't sure I was going to get out.  It's getting pretty warm, 70 by my thermometer outside near the door.  Yeah, that's warm, for me.  I am a bit worn out from fighting the lungs, too.  Now I am coughing from time to time, but it's a dry cought.  It'll get back in right form before long.  I didn't get everything for everything, but then I hadn't planned on doing that.  I bought the parts for a stick anchor... some assembly required.  I then went to the grocery store, got what I wanted and noticed a few things were on sale, things I usually use anyway, so I stocked up just a bit.  Hmm... but then I realized I had to go back and pick up charcoal.  I should have done that while getting the bits and pieces.  I was pushing just to be out though, so.  Still, I almost dumped that task.  Instead, I decided not to pick up mail.

Oh, yeah, I did get the checks in, and the gifts delivered.  But I was done.  I still had to unpack everything though.  Yeah, it was rough.  One of the things I bought was ice.  Goes good with water on a day like today.  I also bought grapes and cherries.  I believe I'll have a small bowl of the latter after I cool a bit.  Then, most likely, back to bed.  I'm having to use the ac already, but that's fine.  I've been using the fan for a while now.  And I'll need to bring the other fan down from the attic for in here.  Might get another one.  Fans are okay, but a bit limited.  Hmm... right, and perhaps begin working on a bucket humidifier, or two.  I'm just not into heat.  Thankfully I can handle the cold fairly well.  Those people who can't handle much variance are in real trouble in the world.

Yeah... a bit of cooling off, some cherries, and then bedtime.  I'll see what I can do when I wake.  I'm still limping from overdoing, but I think I can get some smaller jobs done.  Trying to keep working until the weekend.  Ugh.  Later.

Wonderful.

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While I didn't get any work done in the midnight to 6:00 shift, I seem to have taken care of the wet lungs and balanced hydration.  The extra dose, then two thirty six ounce doses of gaterade sort of set things up.  After that, two or three thirty six ouncers of water, and a lot of peeing, got it so that when I went to bed I was feeling more alive and breathing better.  Waking about an hour ago, on an even keel ensured what I suspected.  My guts still hurt from coughing as if I had been in a sparring match, with both hands tied behind my back.  And I still cough, now and again.  Just not constantly, or that deep into my gut and lungs.

I'll get a shower and bath in, then get going on some of my projects.  I will be checking the mail, delivering gifts, dropping off the checks, shopping at both places, and then seeing how I am doing.  If I still have mojo, I'll hit the kitchen, perhaps cook just a bit of meat for the rest of the week, and call it a day.  I am hoping, at the very least, to cook.  I'll just have to see when I finish with the rest.  Yes, push, when I can.  Gotta breath to push though.  Ah, but I figured out one of the problems I may end up facing, from time to time.  A little extra this, a little extra that, and... voila!

As for the pain?  All good.  This is minor stuff.  But figuring it out will allow me to push into more severe forms of suffering.  I won't get far just going up to pain, even to me severe pain, then backing off.  Unless I make it to corporeal failure, from time to time, I am not going to make it.  The escape trajectory is a monster climb.  I'm going to have to be beating my body into submission, even drowning in what feels like failure, until I am used to that and able to fight right on through.  That's just the way it goes.  So, yeah, I enjoyed.  More so that I figured it out, still tried to cut through down to a burnout, then figured out how to get past that.  One down shift was all, and in that I was playing doctor, chemist, athlete, right over the failure.  Now to get a bit more pushy about working on through failures.  It'll take some time and new experience.  And I really don't want to kill myself, so... taking some care until I see how, and what, works, is best.

Bath, shower... hmm... might shave first while I am at it.  I feel like a puppy all over again!  Later.

While waking I like to brainstorm.

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Sometimes I hit areas that I am directly working, such as tricks, hints, and alternative methods for gearing a kayak.  Other times I hit other areas of general or specific intent or concern.  This morning, I was on about scurvy.  Yes, you have it right.  A dread disease that, for the most part, in the Western world, is gone.  It wasn't absolutely specific, my research, to scurvy... as it turns out.  Their are many diseases that have gone away, due to good nutrition.  Nice and all, but what if a garden is not possible in a grid down, or extended backwoods situation?  How does one tend vitamin and mineral supplementation? 

Currently I consume a slurry of vitamins.  I won't say they are extremely effective.  I will only say that life has improved with them.  They do have a rather short shelf life, and there is some doubt about how much gets into the body even so.  Though, to be absolutely honest, researchers seem to be coming to the conclusion that you really aren't what you eat.  Consume lots of fats?  If it's a healthy fat, honestly, you lose weight and drop fat from your body.  Of course, assuming you are eating the right amounts of it, proportionally, to your body.  And exercising, burning calories, in proportion to your particular bodies needs.  Further, one shoe definitely does not fit all bodies.  As with the weather man on your news channel or station... take a general read from him, but for spot on accuracy, look out your own window.  Perhaps track barometric pressure for a day.  Same with nutrition.

So, really, there isn't a silver bullet.  Not from pills, not from food.  You sort of have to calibrate yourself.  Though, honestly, the only people who really have that kind of access to nutrition and physical fitness tables are athletes.  Most husbands do not tinker with food.  Most wives do not track their daily caloric burn, or that of their families.  Nor can most.  It's all give or take.  Still, there are better and worse general options.  Mine, so far, has been vitamins.  And, I will probably continue with those.  However, I may begin adding another option.  Sprouting seed.

Sprouts aren't new to me, not exactly.  Beside having eaten those, offered by women in my past... and more recently tried that with wheat berries on my own... I have heard of these things.  When I saw the option, I really couldn't put much together about it all.  I don't know more than, say, how to sprout one type of seed.  Hmm, I will be considering adding that to my diet again, as well, come to think of it.  But for other types of seed, I know very little.  I am currently digging to find out about longer term storage for those seeds, whether that is possible, what the limits might be, and such.  It would be good to be able to have seeds I could sprout, with a shelf life of at least a couple years.  In Alaska, I would have to figure out how to keep them from freezing, should I be out for days to a week.  Though I want to learn that trick for more than just seeds.  Batteries are good to have, but a long freeze would kill them too.

Yes, I'm trying to put together a plan, and implement parts of it as I go.  If sprouts checks out as a potential vitamin and mineral source, I may well begin putting that into practice, working up a dose/mix, and begin eating that.  If it works well enough, I might even cut some of the pill forms of vitamins.  Everything is poison at a high enough dose, mind you.  Still, having pill backups for when I can't sprout isn't a bad plan.  Yeah...  I'm really putting some effort into this program.  Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock.  Even with the lung thing, I'll get around, past, through, over, or under that block before long.  Pacing would help, but so would the right foods.  Later.

Midnight.

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Yeah, well, I wake when I wake, I guess.  And then I will do what I can.  My lungs are feeling better.  I can now take breaths deep enough that it flexes my ribcage enough to just tickle-hurt the muscles.  That's a good thing, or better than the option most recently available.  For the last few days, filling my lungs half full would commit me to a few minutes of coughing, I presume in an attempt to flush fluids.  My lungs aren't completely dry, even so.  But I am not perpetually at the level of coughing.  Now just once in a while.  Unfortunately, my body itself is super-dehydrated.  Not sure how I will work with this kink, exactly.  I'll be upping my daily dose, not doubling, going forward.  And I am backing down just that bit, or more as needed, until I find some kind of middle ground.  Most likely, I am simply going to have to suffer through it, hoping to eventually get past it or simple be able to deal with it.

Heavier exercise is off for the week.  I need to see how this is going to go.  Limping to the weekend finish line is just about what I can do.  Though, this is into the third week without a real single true day off.  Not bad, truly.  I would like to do some cleaning, if I am awake for sure.  Shopping in the morning, plus check and gift delivery, plus collecting my mail.  First I do need to hydrate a bit.  I keep some gaterade around just for this.  I may have pickle juice too... it's actually far superior, if I have it.  Though, at this point, I probably need a bit too much to depend on either alone.  Ah... I'll definitely add pickles to my shopping list.  I rarely eat the pickles, but the juice, for me, is unparalleled as to hydrating a parched body.  I prefer the juice with big hearty chunks of garlic, dill seed, and other gunk.  Don't know that those things help, they just add texture which I simply enjoy.  An half cup, to cup, of that, and no matter how dry I am, it gets me back into moisture by the next day, or within eight hours if I have to be awake.

So... on light duty, the goal is to finish off the back areas of my cave by Friday.  If I finish sooner, then on to the living room.  Either way, Saturday and Sunday need to be taken off, cleanly.  I need rest, real rest, and then to make that a regular and sure thing.  Perhaps Monday I will begin putting exercise back into the lineup.  Not optimal, not how the plans were set, but then I knew failure was not just possible, but probable, and I pushed well beyond indicators.  And I am still doing something.  I'll take it.  A learning event.  I am still getting stronger.  Ah, more fluid.  Thirsty!  Need ice, but it's on the list.  Later.

Walking pneumonia?

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No, but it's beginning to feel like it.  What has happened is I have caused wet lung.  It's not nearly as bad as it was when I went into the hospital that first time with it, where I was persistently panting.  But it isn't good either.  Water pills, eventually, worked that out.  They have worked, until now, to solve that problem.  Either I am causing extra fluid to dump from the heart or drinking more fluid, or just not voiding enough, so that my lungs are getting very wet.  I took an extra dose this afternoon, just a bit ago though.  And I will be increasing my dose tomorrow.  Tons of snot, coughing from wet lungs, and some minor breathing impairment, is what is happening.  Meaning I have become extra tired.

No, I didn't make it to the trail.  After the shower and a few other tidbits, I ended up back in bed.  I woke for supper, but may go back to bed again.  Just a kink in the plans, one of many that I knew could happen, and will have to figure out.  I'm not quitting, just... backing off a bit more while experimenting with the medications to cover the flaws.  Too tired to do more than eat supper and then probably go back to bed again for a bit, taking night meds as I go.  I'll see if I can hit the kitchen when I wake.  I'll back off exercise until the extra fluid has been dealt with.  Hopefully a little work each day until this weekend, then I will take some serious downtime.  No complaints, I'm working with a nearly dead body.  There had to be some problems, especially trying to push through for two weeks without any real days off.  At least at this stage of quickening.  It was fun while it lasted.  Haven't lived, worked, and played like that for decades.

Oh, I'll tell you, that bath and shower combo is one of the finest things I have enjoyed in a very long time.  Since I'm slowing down on purpose, I may do another of those tomorrow.  Oh, and I may pull out the french braid videos and begin working on that, as a downtime thing, along with continuing with the kitchen, bath, and niche area cleaning.  That I can do in small enough bits, as needed.  Great, beside that ticklishly annoying cough and wet lungs, I know have the hiccups!  Bleh.  I'll survive.  Later.

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Nice!  I think that extra dose of water pill is clearing things up.  I'm still down from tough breathing, and I'll want to drink a good load of water to make sure... well... that everything continues to work, and then works through to a balance... extreme dehydration isn't better than extreme hydration.  Balance.  Just an half hour after taking the stuff, though, and... better.  The cough, which I think was trying to removed the fluid from my lungs, has quieted a great deal.  Still an itch to cough, just not a compulsion, mostly.

I did say I was going to slow down.

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After breakfast and medicine, I collected my checkbook and got busy.  I don't think I'll be going to Alaska next summer, but you never know.  So I filled out checks to past when I would return from a summer visit.  Just in case.  I also made a grocery list.  I didn't put down the stuff for the pole anchor.  Other than a dowel and a huge nail or sharpened bolt, the rest of the stuff is needed for a sun block top anyway.  I'm not sure which shopping I will do today, if any.

I then went to take a shower, but all my cast was in there.  It was all somewhat rusted, but with lots of fats in there.  My very bad.  That was a heck of a mess to tend before then being even able to take a shower, then bath.  Usually I heat the pans, then get the fat out with a paper towel, THEN soak in medium hot water before using steel wool to clean and a paper towel to dry.  It was a project that got lost on my way to the burn, then didn't get done until today.  As the kitchen was getting messed with, it was found and finally found itself right in the way.  All good.  Otherwise it would have been... a while again... before I would have got to it.  After I dry them out and set them up, I should be ready for bacon once in a while.

I'm going to just air dry for an hour or two, have a pair, and slowly dress so as to be on the trail by 14:00 or so.  If I shop, I'll do that on the way back.  Same, actually, with the gifts, dropping off the checks, and checking my mail.  Later, always later... on days like this.  I have a good shot at some of it.  Checks, gifts, and at least one shopping run should happen, beside the hike.  Later.

Still on the edge.

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I have pushed too far.  As I mentioned, that doesn't mean I am going to stop.  I am simply going to take things a little more slowly.  I couldn't sleep until about 1:00.  I thought about setting the alarm, but with such a long "nap" yesterday but combined with overdoing things, I didn't want to over or under sleep.  I figured I would wake when it was right, which turned out to be at about 5:00.

I almost started in on housework.  That won't happen today, not as a first thing.  Instead I had breakfast and medicine, watched an episode of one of the shows I now have on tap, plus coffee.  I will be taking it easy this morning.  The only thing I want to do before heading out later in the morning is to take a shower, then bath, and get checks written out for utilities.  I found extra checks last night, but was running out of steam beyond that.  I'll write out about a year in advance, put them in an envelope, and put them in the paybox as I leave town.  I suppose I could check my mail, either as I go or more likely on my way back.

My pack is rigged to go.  I know I wanted to do some shopping, I just can't remember what I wanted.  One thing I was considering outright buying I have now decided to just make... a pole anchor.  I know what I need for that, some of it I have though too.  Fresh fruit would be good.  I have been eating one piece each day, for either breakfast of lunch.  Nothing fancy, but it works.  The rest I will need to check on previous posts and whatever I might have put in my smartphone on the list already.  Shopping will be after the hike.  Just what I can do.  I'll be back in town at least one more time this week.

I have to go a bit slower.  I don't mind pushing, but vomiting is not going to help.  Dehydration and some other things would become a problem.  I remember football camp and basketball practice for the first few weeks, as a freshman and sophomore...  By the junior and senior years, between doing my own prep for those, and perhaps being a little more mature of body, were better.  Then again, in the service.  Don't remember where or what, but yeah... I remember working to, and through, vomiting.  It's been a while since I pushed that hard.  My body wouldn't let me.  Something has changed.  Motive?  That is only a small part of it.  Something else... it's in the air?  Maybe.  But my body is in better shape.  Still, the goal isn't to keep the motor on the redline.  Nice to see I can hit it, as little as that took mind you.  But now I need to ease off to find a sustainable use rate, then keep and expand that.  A bit longer this time, a bit higher the next, just keeping it going until something cracks open or breaks, then dealing with that.

Hiking...  From near the first, hopefully to the third, dam.  And back, of course.  Then a bit of shopping.  On my way out, I will do two things... deliver utility checks and deliver a small gift.  On the way back I will check my mail.  After a good rest, maybe a nap if needed, I'll hit the kitchen a bit.  Tomorrow is a day at home.  I will hit the kitchen, and hopefully be ready to mop all the areas, put things back as it dries, and maybe hit the bench in the evening, or later at night after rest or sleep.  I will wear the weight vest for part of tomorrow. 

Who knows.  Eventually I might be able to push through full days, with just a few ethical breaks for reasonable periods.  Coughing my lungs up from the pushing.  Not sure if that is involved with vomiting or not.  Doesn't seem like it, but there are times when those seem to be connected.  It's a beautiful thing, in it's own way.  I'll check my bp in a few days, and blood sugars.  I'm curious if any of this is even having an affect, or yet.  Later.

Alright, I've got to back it down just a bit.

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Reason has to be applied.  While I didn't think I had done all that much today, I ended up puking a bit again today.  Two out of the last three days have seen me to that.  And, at some point, that will be the way of it.  Actually, off and on throughout my attempt at revivification this will happen.  But it does mean that I have overshot the goal a bit.  Sometimes.  Then I realized, I was busy all day Saturday, from through Friday night.  And that even on Sunday I had not backed down.  Fine.

It doesn't mean I am going to take a break now though either.  I want to align weekends with off time.  No break until Saturday, to a degree, but Sundays have to be a day of rest.  While I won't take days off this week, I will have to limit things just a bit.  Either hiking and/or weight lifting, or house work/chores/business.  I can't mix and match.  It seems I don't know when to stop otherwise.  Saturdays I will allow light work if I have it.  Cooking for sure, cleaning up after that, and maybe just a bit of picking up.

I think I decided on a nap long before I got to it.  The eggs had to be, and were, peeled.  Then that mess was cleared and cleaned.  I had already started to vomit a bit.  Never had to go to the bathroom.  Just took it like a man.  After the third time, I realized it would be best to rest.  I thought a short nap would do, but it didn't.  I wasn't awake until the call for supper came.  Even then I had to push out.  All good.  I'll rest, read, and take bedtime medicines, then go back to sleep shortly. 

Tomorrow will be a day of hiking.  I don't know if I will do all that much besides.  I would like to get the checks out, deliver one minor gift, and perhaps do some shopping.  To ease that, tonight I will try to remember to write the checks and put them in an envelope and get the gift package parts together in one spot.  Other than that, it's light duty.  Oddly, I am not in pain otherwise.  Rather than stiff and sore, my body is becoming simply tight.  It's always been tight, but there are degrees of that.  This is more like tight and inside compression clothing.  Ribs are just a bit ticklish, but that will pass.

So, while I will be working through the week, I won't be pushing quite as hard as I had been setting myself up to work.  Then again, I have food ready for most of the week.  I'll buy some chicken, so that along with whatever meats I thaw, I can cook enough meat for the remainder of the week when I do finally pick up some charcoal.  A chop, two or three pieces of chicken, or such, per night.  Just meat, at night.  A little salt, a little ground black pepper, maybe garlic.  Simple.  Pure clean food, from eggs to grain mash, to meat.  Well, with veggies once in a great while, and fruit a bit more often.  Simple, clean, easy, elegant... in a man way.

Ah, right...  I have set up another French braiding lesson.  I checked... I can still do the simple braid easily.  I have about nine days before the lesson, so I am going to begin practicing with the new braid... from what I remember.  I want to be able to have some of that down by the time I go in for the lesson.  I am hoping to have it enough down that I get mere approval, or pass the test, when I go in.  But if I am not doing it right, perhaps she can fix that.  It's just a much tighter braid, holds the hair longer.  And, yes, I can wash my hair with it in, if I am careful.

Well... I best get to those things before I crash.  Later.

Not bad.

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The mash isn't bad.  I wouldn't write home about it, but it does the job.  I had an half cup, maybe, while it was still warm.  I boiled eggs while I was finishing that off too.  Hadn't thought that I would have to peel those before I sack out.  I pretty much got everything I had hoped to do, except peeling the eggs.  I'll do that, then nap.  I'm pretty sure I'll be to town in time to hike.  Shopping has more flexibility to it, and I'll need my energy for the hike up front.  Shopping can be in pieces and parts, scattered over several days, if need be.  Oh, but I should get utility checks written and put in the box on my way out.  So many little things, on top of the main plan.

I was a bit surprised that it all cooked together so well.  I ended up adding water twice, and giving the grain, seed, and lentil fifteen extra minutes over what I had planned.  It all came out just right.  Not too mushy but without really chewy bits.  I'll do the eggs first.  Hopefully the mush will have cooled enough to be put in a container then refrigerated.  I don't know if it matters, I just don't think it is right to put things like that up hot.  No, I don't cook with salt, usually.  I just add a bit when I eat.  While I don't believe in the notion of too much salt, even for my condition, I don't want everything too heavily salted... just for my own culinary and dietary preferences.  Salting while I cook, to my mind, usually just adds salt I can't really taste.  Inefficient.

I best get to those eggs if I want to nap before noon.  Bleh.  Later.

Waking up is hard to do.

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At least I can become actually conscious very regularly.  I often was always both asleep and awake at the same time, regardless if I was technically sleeping or awake.  There was a difference, but it was rather slight.  Those were brutal times.  Life has improved a great deal.  Even so, most of you would call it misery even to this point.  I won't call it joyous, merely better, and much better.  Sometimes coffee helps a bit, sometimes just digging in helps, sometimes, somedays, like today, I realize it is going to be a struggle all day long, or most of it.  More so since I have plans.

I did dig in, lightly, already.  I had to push for all of it.  Which is fine, mostly.  I cleaned off one of the counters, washed and dried that section, removing some of the minor appliances, putting some back so far.  I need more coffee, so another pot has to go on.  And I mixed the rice and lentils into an airtight bowl.  I can't mix the quinoa in, as I have to thoroughly was those seeds before cooking.  But I have the stuff all together, ready for the next batch.  And I started the first batch.  I'll give it twenty minutes, check the water level.  If more is needed for another 20 minutes of cook time, I'll add it.  It's a long cook, but the foods are whole... takes time.  When that is done, I'll have some eggs, mush, and fresh coffee.

I cleaned the table off a bit more, gathered the trash and took it out, then to the curb.  It doesn't look like it is recycling day.  Still, I took the cardboard I had torn down out.  I'll keep the box I had been using as a container for any other teardowns I do in the near future.  I am collecting dirty dishes, and need to hit the cast iron, so have it soaking in warm/hot water until I can get to it.  Probably after breakfast.  Then a shower/bath combo.  After that, and air drying, I may take a nap with the hopes of getting in to town for shopping and a hike.  I have one gift set to deliver as well.  Part of it is in the auto, hopefully I'll remember to do that on the way out or back.

I don't know after that.  It depends on what shape I am in.  I would like to finish the kitchen, sweep the bathroom and niche again along with the kitchen, then mop those two areas if I think I can hit the kitchen with the mop yet today.  When that is done, I am going to begin figuring out where to put the microwave cart, and then move the microwave to that, to open up more counter space.  Yeah... I'm not the fastest, and priorities...  The mush timer is beeping.  I best get to that, then... drift for the last twenty to thirty minutes of it's cook time.  The whole day looks like it's going to be nothing but push.  Which is fine, so long as I get what I want done.  Later.

Not so much in the eye.

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I explained why I wasn't at the dinner, and that I wanted to be.  I didn't mention it wasn't about getting thanks, but about sharing in that.  Couldn't look him in the eye.  I knew I had been pushing, and continued to push, and that is why I failed.  I didn't lie, I simply had guilt.  I'm a terrible liar, and worse about holding things back.  Ever had a dog or cat or kid who knew when it had done something and couldn't look at you?  Now, I honestly thought I could push through, and then I did get tangled in the push and ended up pushing too far, but I should have known better.  Well, yeah.  Still, that is the way it will be here on out.  I'll never know what I can do, regarding the outside world.  I just shouldn't... promise.  Not anymore.  I probably still will, in hubris.  Sometimes I will be able to make it, sometimes not.

Down a bit before 22:00, up a bit after 2:00.  I need to get the trash out, work in the kitchen as I can, get a shower/bath combo in, then probably take a nap before setting up to get to town today.  Hiking.  My pack is still set up.  As well, I may see if any of the sporting goods stores, either of the Walmarts, or a few other places, might carry a stick anchor.  I would like to set up the kayak again today, work on the anchor trolleys (one on each side), figure out the seats (which I may or may not be using solo), and get it all ready for a trip down the river today, tomorrow, or Wednesday.  For some reason, the gps I ordered may take a full month (really?) to arrive.  So, if I go, I will be sticking with the buoyed river path, for now. 

Then again, I had no plans of going extremely far.  The first times on the water will merely be to acclimate myself to the craft and to this water.  I will have some things aboard, and in the Xterra for when I get back, so the operation isn't too much strain.  It may well be cool, even cold.  It might be raining.  I won't, on purpose, be dumping the craft.  But that may very well happen.  I have to be geared, in any case, so as not to lose anything.  Bungee cords, rope, waterproofed containers.  Never go out assuming... anything.  Less so with certain craft.  Plan for the worst, hope for the best. 

My sleep cycle is off.  I am awake, then not.  This part I don't mind so much.  It's when I get stuck in the middle, as happened a good part of yesterday afternoon.  Couldn't do even much like work.  A bit, but no focus.  I couldn't nap, just wasn't in there.  I couldn't really read, lack of focus again.  I did wear the weight vest for a couple of hours.  I think that actually helped, a bit for a bit.

Yes, I will get the trash collected and out by 6:00, I am hoping.  Spending the time in between waking and maybe doing some other light tasks, though mostly just trying to wake.  Medicines... I'll take those right away.  I just had a pear, I'll have three eggs later, then a few more for lunch.  I need to thaw meat, buy charcoal and cook meat tonight, boil more eggs... three dozen will get me through the week, and then figure out the grain mush.  Hmm, with hiking, shopping, and the kitchen, I may or may not get to the boat today.  I would like to have the last things I want for anchorage, and make sure I can find my pdf.  That may be it for the kayak.

Ugh...  I do need time to wake.  At least I am not sore, stiff, ill, or green.  Vomit seemed to be focused on Saturday afternoon, but has not been a problem since.  Still, life is getting tight.  It'll never be easy again, not for the foreseeable future.  It'll be three or four years before I know any kind of allowed rest again.  Gotta go.  And nothing before me is easy.  Quickening is the hardest part, mechanically, but probably the least complicated.  The rest gets downright faith based complicated.  His will, my... back.  Oh, don't even think I'm back-sassing.  He's already done all the heavy lifting, mind you.  Any sass noticed is at myself.  Later.

An off and on day.

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I couldn't rest, I couldn't concentrate on anything for long.  Reading, a bit of tinkering on this and that, attempts at napping with some very minor success.  I did get  a couple of hours in on the vest, two... or did I start more around 11:00?  Anyway, yeah, I think that will work well.  I feel like a baby though, with the weights I am using, with the vest bars, and all.  Gotta start somewhere I suppose.  If I can really crack the opening, even if I can't keep pushing immediately, I can at least be much more physically functional.

Tomorrow is a day for a hike.  I didn't find a stake anchor, so I might look around... or just order from Amazon.  Amazon isn't always my favorite, but sometimes it is all there is.  I can't find it locally.  Actually, while I did find a heavier anchor, I did not find a small folding anchor either.  I do have all the rope I need, and probably mechanical furniture to install at least one trolley.  Plus, honestly, I hate shopping.  Especially when it is so often such a failure.  Either no items are found or the price is too high.  I need to remember to just call around.  Especially because, once in a while, the savings buying locally can be profound.

I am going to sleep now.  Absolutely done.  Beside hiking, I am hoping to hit the kitchen again tomorrow, perhaps finish it off and be ready for mopping and having the three areas out there done for a while.  While I am in town, I really need to remember charcoal.  If I do that, then tomorrow evening I will cook meat for the week, boil three dozen eggs, and stew some sort of grain/legume mash.  Just do it and be done with it.  I need to food to keep up, but won't really have the time and energy for daily daily.  A plan, not concrete or stone, but it'll do as general rules.  Good night.

Still a bit of a rough day.

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I have definitely been pushing.  And I will continue.  I am just about to hit the kitchen.  Not a lot of work.  Clearing counters, maybe washing them.  Perhaps collecting what of the dishes remain or have been used since I washed recently as well.  Well, and trash, perhaps recycling.  I have all boxes, save the one I am using as a container, broken down and ready to go.  Well... of the boxes I had out there... the ones I have cleared and cleaned to go.  There are always more boxes, it seems.  Bleh.  Because of little sleep and illness yesterday, I missed medicines.  I am back on them today.

I am also trying something I had talked about before.  I usually won't do this on the weekends, but I wanted to test it out.  I am wearing the weight vest, but just at forty pounds.  This part of a the vest goes up to sixty pounds, and I have another section which takes the sum up to a hundred pounds.  I will, as a general rule, be wearing that around the house.  Taking it off for bathroom functions of all sorts, and when I am out of the house and yard.  I'm not sure that I can wear the rest of the time, but I will be using it extensively.  Yeah, it... does weigh on you.  I've been wearing it for two hours now.  Remember, Roman soldiers, typically around 140-150 pounds, wore 80-90 pounds of armor when they marched, when they built barricades, when they constructed bridges... in scale that would be about 160-180 pounds on me.  Then again, the typical legionnaire was between the ages of late teens to 40, give or take.  Twenty years of service, then the good life, give or take, if you didn't piss off the wrong sort.  Yeah, I may take it off for the day.  Just wanted to see if forty was okay.  It's okay, mostly.

I'm glad I put in a programmed mother's day post.  I really would have forgotten.  I was thinking it was next month.  Since it popped, and I checked to make sure on top of it, I called my mother already, and sort of mid-morning.  Not too much chatter, just... She knew why I was calling, the rest was fluff.  I know it made her happy.  Not just today, but the last few times, I've been trying to tip-toe so as to give her the last words.  I didn't realize, until a few months ago, that I... was aiming at the last word.  I realize I don't need it, but women seem to like it.  And, at times, that is fine.  So, I've been working to give her the last words.  It's a little thing.  Consciously or not, they notice.  Drives em' nuts if you work at it.  Anyway...

Later.

Happy Mother's day!

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Oh, I bet you thought I would forget.  Well... you were right.  Never mind.

More gear.

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I price checked my next batches of gear in town.  I could not find one item, the other item was more expensive.  Though I was able to size something.  With drybags, I had no idea what 30L, or 55L, meant.  So, while I was at one of the stores, I asked if I could open them.  So long as the opening wasn't destructive, I was told.  Some brands were stapled in, so I left those alone.  Seriously?  I bet that will help maintain watertight integrity...  Well, maybe not stapled, but it did have one of those plastic tags through it and into the cardboard.  The other kind came out easily enough.  Yeah, no.  I don't need 55L.  As I said, the price was quite a bit higher at the store.  I meant to get right on the order when I got home, but between trying to get a nap in to be in some kind of shape for dinner, then vomiting and funky bm's, then a hurricane sleep... then a bit of time to wake, I just got to it.  I went with the Garmin 78sc.  Somehow I got it for a good deal less than the current listed price.  Essentially making the other gear (sack, case, mount) I bought "free".  Noice.

The 30L dry bag should be enough for a spare pair of footwear, up to my full sized boots, a full set of clothes including underlayering, a bit of dry food, a wool blanket, and anything I could want for a night out.  I have a much smaller one as well, already, which I could use for electronics, fire/cooking kit, or general secondary use.  I figure the better, but not best, and smaller, ice chest would do extremely well for fit in the canoe as well.  I need to find my bungee cords and figure out the footprint and layout for my first run.  And, yes, eventually, I will make sure the boat flips, so I know how to deal with that and make sure my gear stays with the kayak.  I want a good couple of weeks to month of paddling and swimming before screwing with that, and I'll do it in flat, mild, water, first.  Then, in time, I'll do some of that in riskier water.  Pretty much up to the type of water I might be working with, but in a more controlled environment, or with someone else nearby... just in case.  Yes, I mean to hit it hard.  Initially, of course, soft as a babies bottom.  Gotta start at the start.

I will still need to buy the inland water maps, and maybe for now the highway maps.  I will be doing some traveling between now and go time.  Checking waters, hiking and camping, and traveling to and fro, here and there, to find places where I can run and jump.  Gosh, it's good to at least feel... believe... I might be getting back in the game... even if it is just to leave the game behind.  Alive, boys and girls.  And willing to take the risks, push the envelope, and whatever else it takes.  Might not be pretty watching an old ogre come back to life, but I've never been in it for the pretty boy vibe.  Damned good thing, too!  Ugly, boys and girls, but often grinning anyway.

Later.

Regardless of the time stamps.

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Remember, with my and many other blogs, whatever time is posted as it having gone live, due to government involvement, the time stamp is wrong.  I have not been able to fix that since Zero took office and blacked out the rest of the government.  Not that, even if the corruption in the election, and other processes, that sent Zero to D.C., then kept him there has been fixed (enough) at the state levels, and should that work to remove Zero and the rest of the mob squad, do I expect that to change.  Republicans probably aren't going to eliminate Zerocare... they realized how lucrative that is for politicians.  I wonder just where those bastards are keeping that money, because it isn't openly on the radar.  Anyway, just saying, the time stamp is off, and they change that from time to time.  I suppose when they are doing something terribly wrong, and fear they might get caught, they want that hour or three runtime to shut down the internet or some parts of it and... kill the "story".

With that caveat, I went to bed right at 18:00 and woke right at 02:00.  All good.  No, I'm not working today.  Saturdays and Sundays are supposed to be my official days off.  I don't mind a little light housework, if I can.  I don't know if I can yet, though I think so.  Nothing fancy, seriously.  Picking up a few areas lightly, mostly the kitchen since that is my focus.  Maybe one light load of laundry through the paces, if I have the laundry and juice.  And only two or three small efforts per day.  Rest.  I need that if I am going to try to shove this corpse out of the grave.  Well, and cooking.  I would like to get a grain mash going, this time of quinoa, rice, and lentils.  Next time maybe something slightly different.  It's all got to cook, give or take, at about the same rate.  Split peas might be another option.  Not sure what else.  Oh, and maybe more eggs.  I have been eating three to six of those a day.  I thawed chicken and other meat the other day, but maybe too long ago.  Bah!  I never did get charcoal.  Monday.  I'll toss this meat out with the trash, and thaw new to be cooked when I get home from my hike.

If I can keep to my Saturday and Sunday off, and push through that a bit, I am hoping to hit confession, and then church, more often.  If I can't make weekend Church, perhaps I can make weekday sessions, and work up to an occasional weekend thing.  Yeah, sure, I am burning juice and getting out.  But none of it, so far, is on a schedule.  Rarely even now do I make it out when I suggest.  Church doesn't wait.  Thems just the facts.  Better, pushing, but still not better on timing.  It's just, if I learn to push, sometimes the opportunity will just happen to be there.  So, I'll keep my eyes open for that.  If I could do church regularly, or more regularly, I would have been doing so.  I can't so I don't.

I am feeling much better.  Bile, or stomach acid overflow, is gone.  I think it was mostly too little sleep on top of too much work, on top of... a few other things.  Yeah, no.  Haven't had a drop since a few sips at the burn.  Push, shove, run, jump, it does get to you.  My body is still a pudgy, muscle anemic, mess, but it is tightening and improving.  What I have is stoning up.  If I continue to eat right and work out, I will build some muscle back, and burn some fat.  But I'll never be what I was.  Yeah, glory days... 240, benching 550 (probably six) with a 31" waist and not able to pinch a quarter inch.  Not a musclehead though.  I didn't juice or junk, just did raw.  Didn't look all that special, won't ever at my best.  I might, however, get close to some of the physical abilities I had.  We'll see.  That'll take some time.

Hmm... on to waking though.  I'll figure out my day as I go.  Later.

No, I am going to work out.

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I'm about to start the laundry and do some of the dishes.  When the laundry is done, I'll manage that then hit the weights.  I'm going to hurt anyway, might as well capitalize.  Then I'll finish the dishes and see what I can do in the kitchen.  I'll get that bath in, as well, then sleep.  Tomorrow, if I can roll out, even if roughly, I'll be in town to check on those things I want, and then take a hike, with the pack.  Monday will be my first day on the water.  I should have everything geared, and the anchor trolleys set up, on on each side, and three anchors... a light, a heavy, and the stick.  I'll practice with each, in slower or still water, to see what the anchors do, practice where to use which, and how. [from the night I actually posted]