.
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I slept well, just not for long. I was warm enough, or could stay warm enough, so it wasn't that. I went to bed early and still woke very late. In that over-sleep period I had some serious dreams.
In the first of the two, I was a king of sorts. A king is the lord of an area or country, not of everything or many things. I was not an emperor. What land I ruled I could not say, though it wasn't a rulership as humans would know them, not yet. My domain covered both space and time in a manner that humans aren't even comfortable discussing... yet. Also, with me, was a queen, or several. I can't remember the details. She, or they, were in a variant of time and space as well. I was not sure if the various seeming women were all one woman, locked in some point of one woman's life, but freed in another. It's complex. I understand the possibilities, I am simply not sure how to describe them. Oh, fine, I'll give it a shot.
One possibility is that all my queens where one woman, but from different times in her life. There where three or four, that I remember from the dream, though there might have been others. Imagine if a woman pledged to wed, as a maiden, was frozen in time. Then, other than that part of her, the rest was allowed to age. At certain times in her life, say after marriage but before children, then after several children are born, then after she may no longer have children or right before her death, pieces of her are again frozen in time. These, then, are allowed to become my wives, my queens. Advisers? Lovers?
Either they were all one woman or they were aspects of various women. I just wasn't sure, as a waking dreamer. In the dream I seemed to understand, I just never contemplated it fully, so can only guess.
I was similar and yet different. I could be any of me from some time, gone back to and unfrozen to live for as long as needed, but as I willed it. Sometimes my duties demanded youth, for war or hunting or fathering. Sometimes more wisdom was needed. Sometimes, often, without exacting needs, which of my time stops were lived was simply a personal choice.
In any case, I ruled and probably ruled that portion of reality from then on. What is it that I did? I don't know. It was an inactive time. I was merely living out my life, contemplating various things, and enjoying the company of my queen(s). You have no idea how complex it got. This is just some of the minor vagaries. I literally have no words or methods for some of the other things, even on light-duty.
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The next dream saw me being asked to do favors for the state, the US government. Essentially I became a special operations federal marshal. Some of what I did was create a top training school for special operators, which also acted as a temporary barracks, storage depot, and some other things. It was quite a gig.
I stated, straight up, that I would not become a black booted thug, and would fight any decree or man who attempted such. I would only fight for the good of Americans and America. Although to those ends I would take risks and make hard choices and do those things, even at great risks. This was understood and accepted.
It was like... being in a grown up candyland, on the best playground for warriors, with the best equipment, time, and space, to perfect various modern, mechanized, martial, surveillance, and other arts. While training, I searched for moles and politically evil actors and eliminated them from my program and even from military or police units from which they were derived. It's not even a tight call, for many. They just shouldn't have access to weapons, state powers, or such. I even created a position for a man to oversee my actions.
Dogs, guns, various methods, various ranges, various methods of transportation, and of course cross training. Not everyone can learn to pilot a helicopter, but several should know how to do enough for emergencies, not everyone can be a sniper, but beside those teams I wanted backups in the units, etc. Muslim training grounds in the US, then in our sister nations, then back to over there. Just taking out the ones that were taking trouble up, over there. All in North America, however, were to be eliminated... as with the politicians who were covering for them. Three... two... one.
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A tough morning. Just slept too long. The back and ribs can get a bit tender from such. It was worse first thing, is better now. I might take a dose of anacin, haven't touched the stuff in a long while. Later.
Tuesday, January 31, 2017
Monday, January 30, 2017
Thirsty as a devil, tired too.
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I have no idea why. I do wonder, sometimes, if a dry spell happens here, just as with rain or snow or hot or cold, but it's very own thing. I purchased a humidity gauge, but I haven't been tracking it well. From what I have seen, which is very give or take, the usual range is in the 30's. Today, the 24 hour high has been 24%, the low 16%, and it is currently 22%. That might be what exacerbates my thirst. The cold actually adds to my thirst as well. I've been drinking more like three gallons a day the last few days. Even that isn't quite doing it. Mostly tea and then some milk. I may add water, or exchange water, in. Sometimes that helps, sometimes it actually makes my thirst worse. Life, for me, is a crapshoot, regarding almost any phenomena of the physique and how to treat it. Odd thing though, I've been able to keep the water out of my feet anyway. Dry, might just be having it zapped out, just as if I was in a hot, rather than cold, desert.
I did get the trash out, not much else. A few dishes done, and a few set to soak, but just a few. Maybe, tomorrow, I can get the barrel in, check the mail, do more dishes... who knows. Thirst isn't helping. And, even though I am eating more often, that isn't helping much either. It's high winter in a colder than usual winter, and dryer than usual for the moment. I'll keep trying to get the engine going and work on some things, or just keep resting as needed.
A woman decided to chide me. Something about how women hit the ground running. How my handle was a pseudo handle. About how clever she is, and how big a girl she is for having a tech-god boyfriend or husband or whatever these days. Remember how I suggested I could, with that look and a few words, bake the meanest of my women? Yeah, well.
I suggested that I will, in essence, be here forever. Until the end of time. In my essence. She won't. She, and women, might hit the ground running, but that is because that which they draw their worth is gone so much faster than the horror that is the length of their lives compared to it that there isn't a choice. There was a bit more, in both directions, her first, me last. Haven't heard "boo" from her since. That look, and a few words. Oh... which is which? The song, yeah, always music. I found this in about two seconds. Or... it found me. I never can be sure.
.
I have no idea why. I do wonder, sometimes, if a dry spell happens here, just as with rain or snow or hot or cold, but it's very own thing. I purchased a humidity gauge, but I haven't been tracking it well. From what I have seen, which is very give or take, the usual range is in the 30's. Today, the 24 hour high has been 24%, the low 16%, and it is currently 22%. That might be what exacerbates my thirst. The cold actually adds to my thirst as well. I've been drinking more like three gallons a day the last few days. Even that isn't quite doing it. Mostly tea and then some milk. I may add water, or exchange water, in. Sometimes that helps, sometimes it actually makes my thirst worse. Life, for me, is a crapshoot, regarding almost any phenomena of the physique and how to treat it. Odd thing though, I've been able to keep the water out of my feet anyway. Dry, might just be having it zapped out, just as if I was in a hot, rather than cold, desert.
I did get the trash out, not much else. A few dishes done, and a few set to soak, but just a few. Maybe, tomorrow, I can get the barrel in, check the mail, do more dishes... who knows. Thirst isn't helping. And, even though I am eating more often, that isn't helping much either. It's high winter in a colder than usual winter, and dryer than usual for the moment. I'll keep trying to get the engine going and work on some things, or just keep resting as needed.
A woman decided to chide me. Something about how women hit the ground running. How my handle was a pseudo handle. About how clever she is, and how big a girl she is for having a tech-god boyfriend or husband or whatever these days. Remember how I suggested I could, with that look and a few words, bake the meanest of my women? Yeah, well.
I suggested that I will, in essence, be here forever. Until the end of time. In my essence. She won't. She, and women, might hit the ground running, but that is because that which they draw their worth is gone so much faster than the horror that is the length of their lives compared to it that there isn't a choice. There was a bit more, in both directions, her first, me last. Haven't heard "boo" from her since. That look, and a few words. Oh... which is which? The song, yeah, always music. I found this in about two seconds. Or... it found me. I never can be sure.
Cold, and a hard cold.
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I won't say it is colder than usual, for this winter. It is cold, and has stayed that way for a long while. Perhaps it is just getting to me, or at this moment on this day. Usually I'm fine with it. Just not today.
I turned the furnace up. Usually I would have done that already. Not every morning, but usually I turn the heat up first thing. Some days I don't think about it, some days I don't need it, some days I simply don't want it. I do handle the cold very well, usually. Today is not one of those times. Even the most bear-like folk break down, from time to time, because of the cold. Though I'd wager my worst days in failing to the cold are better than those who are always cold. Even their best days, it seems, are hard on them. Most women suffer the cold, no more.
I did get the trash lugged out. There wasn't much, just a single sack. But it was well past time to get it out! I haven't been cooking or tinkering much, so there simply hasn't been much to toss. Though volume isn't what goes bad. Everything goes bad, it is simply a matter of time. I looked down the streets, it looked like the truck hadn't been through. I just hope it worked out. Though, with just one sack, even if I missed this week, I believe that will freeze so well that it won't be a problem waiting until next week. No one seemed to have their recycling out, so I should be good there. I'd like to have it ready next week, so it can all go out Sunday night. That's the best way. If I miss anything, on purpose or not, I then have parts of the morning to get any last minute bags out.
I suppose I'll read a bit. I might need to nap, as the cold is sapping energy. A shower sometime soon as well? Ugh. Later.
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I won't say it is colder than usual, for this winter. It is cold, and has stayed that way for a long while. Perhaps it is just getting to me, or at this moment on this day. Usually I'm fine with it. Just not today.
I turned the furnace up. Usually I would have done that already. Not every morning, but usually I turn the heat up first thing. Some days I don't think about it, some days I don't need it, some days I simply don't want it. I do handle the cold very well, usually. Today is not one of those times. Even the most bear-like folk break down, from time to time, because of the cold. Though I'd wager my worst days in failing to the cold are better than those who are always cold. Even their best days, it seems, are hard on them. Most women suffer the cold, no more.
I did get the trash lugged out. There wasn't much, just a single sack. But it was well past time to get it out! I haven't been cooking or tinkering much, so there simply hasn't been much to toss. Though volume isn't what goes bad. Everything goes bad, it is simply a matter of time. I looked down the streets, it looked like the truck hadn't been through. I just hope it worked out. Though, with just one sack, even if I missed this week, I believe that will freeze so well that it won't be a problem waiting until next week. No one seemed to have their recycling out, so I should be good there. I'd like to have it ready next week, so it can all go out Sunday night. That's the best way. If I miss anything, on purpose or not, I then have parts of the morning to get any last minute bags out.
I suppose I'll read a bit. I might need to nap, as the cold is sapping energy. A shower sometime soon as well? Ugh. Later.
A brutal sleep.
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Some days there really isn't much choice. I woke often enough, around my more usual wake times. I simply could not catch that spark of real wakefulness. I slept without the cats, thinking maybe that would allow me to sleep better. It just wasn't the case, so sometime mid-sleep I let them back in. Only on rare occasions does having the cats in with me affect sleep, more when I am suffering insomnia... which I haven't suffered for some time. What they often do, though, is help me back to sleep when I wake for no good reason. Especially if it's a hard wake boot and I have to figure things out. Those aren't a thing of age. I've had them since I was a child, waking up without being sure where I am, sometimes even who I am. I learned well how to deal with not having a name, place, face I could recall, etc, then learning to figure it out. Terrifying the first times, now just part of... how my life has gone. Now it's the one thing I do remember, if not why, when I lose all else. It's a place I know.
A shower, maybe the trash out first, and recycling? I'd better get going. Ah, too late for recycling, if I can get the bag out. I don't use much recycling these days. Having finished the series I was watching, I'll get back to reading. I am, say, a fifth the way through the final book of Dante's poetry. Paradisimo, I suppose, paradise or heaven really. And, of course, I am working on the haiku book. I am about half way through that one. Then? Perhaps one of the poets and a regular book. Reading two books of poetry per isn't my gig. Having two different enough books can enhance the reading experience of each book, though, without being too much. Haiku and Dante are different enough, most poetry would not be all that different. I'd like to randomize which poet author to read first, or not? And, read them all? Maybe. Or I may just find a list of their more famous poems and do those? I'll see. Could burn out on poetry very quickly. And, honestly, I'd like to memorize a few, perhaps from each... or those I favor. How long can a memorization last?
Ah, but first, trash out then a shower? Then some dishes? I am running behind and rough. I'll work at working, if I could just get going! Good day.
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Some days there really isn't much choice. I woke often enough, around my more usual wake times. I simply could not catch that spark of real wakefulness. I slept without the cats, thinking maybe that would allow me to sleep better. It just wasn't the case, so sometime mid-sleep I let them back in. Only on rare occasions does having the cats in with me affect sleep, more when I am suffering insomnia... which I haven't suffered for some time. What they often do, though, is help me back to sleep when I wake for no good reason. Especially if it's a hard wake boot and I have to figure things out. Those aren't a thing of age. I've had them since I was a child, waking up without being sure where I am, sometimes even who I am. I learned well how to deal with not having a name, place, face I could recall, etc, then learning to figure it out. Terrifying the first times, now just part of... how my life has gone. Now it's the one thing I do remember, if not why, when I lose all else. It's a place I know.
A shower, maybe the trash out first, and recycling? I'd better get going. Ah, too late for recycling, if I can get the bag out. I don't use much recycling these days. Having finished the series I was watching, I'll get back to reading. I am, say, a fifth the way through the final book of Dante's poetry. Paradisimo, I suppose, paradise or heaven really. And, of course, I am working on the haiku book. I am about half way through that one. Then? Perhaps one of the poets and a regular book. Reading two books of poetry per isn't my gig. Having two different enough books can enhance the reading experience of each book, though, without being too much. Haiku and Dante are different enough, most poetry would not be all that different. I'd like to randomize which poet author to read first, or not? And, read them all? Maybe. Or I may just find a list of their more famous poems and do those? I'll see. Could burn out on poetry very quickly. And, honestly, I'd like to memorize a few, perhaps from each... or those I favor. How long can a memorization last?
Ah, but first, trash out then a shower? Then some dishes? I am running behind and rough. I'll work at working, if I could just get going! Good day.
Oh, I see.
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I'm heading on to bed, but not without... some dark thoughts. Daydreams, understandings, doubts of the future and past. Not one without the other. Actually, some certainties. Not a real concern for the moment, except for those. I would explain but I really don't think... Hmm? Oh, well, this might help you understand.
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I'm heading on to bed, but not without... some dark thoughts. Daydreams, understandings, doubts of the future and past. Not one without the other. Actually, some certainties. Not a real concern for the moment, except for those. I would explain but I really don't think... Hmm? Oh, well, this might help you understand.
Sunday, January 29, 2017
Up earlier and strange dreams.
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Not much earlier, even though I was to bed very early. The early bedtime was probably a fluke. Though I seemed to need the rest. As for the dreams? All I remember, for sure, are sounds. Several times, as if someone was walking on my roof. The heavy crunch of deeper, well frozen, snow. No, it wasn't a Santa dream, though it didn't have the feel of some sort of invasion either. Hmm, maybe, if it was warmer, or something, snow has started to slip off. I'm not quite ready to go check.
I slept well if I kept waking. Not from the sounds, though I more suspect those were dreams than not. If, to my surprise, sound will wake me even right while in dreams. Sam woke me while quite in a dream. And it was her meowing that I heard, and her paws and whiskers tickling my face that I felt, right in the dream.
I don't know about today. Perhaps a shower, dishes, and taking care of some laundry that needs hung or folded. I'm having a rough time being active. While I am staying awake, it is difficult to remain so. And yet I can't really nap, either. That feeling that I am being stretched, but don't have many options, is what has been in play for a while. Turning up the heat helps stay awake, mostly, but it doesn't help me do more. It's just how it goes.
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Not much earlier, even though I was to bed very early. The early bedtime was probably a fluke. Though I seemed to need the rest. As for the dreams? All I remember, for sure, are sounds. Several times, as if someone was walking on my roof. The heavy crunch of deeper, well frozen, snow. No, it wasn't a Santa dream, though it didn't have the feel of some sort of invasion either. Hmm, maybe, if it was warmer, or something, snow has started to slip off. I'm not quite ready to go check.
I slept well if I kept waking. Not from the sounds, though I more suspect those were dreams than not. If, to my surprise, sound will wake me even right while in dreams. Sam woke me while quite in a dream. And it was her meowing that I heard, and her paws and whiskers tickling my face that I felt, right in the dream.
I don't know about today. Perhaps a shower, dishes, and taking care of some laundry that needs hung or folded. I'm having a rough time being active. While I am staying awake, it is difficult to remain so. And yet I can't really nap, either. That feeling that I am being stretched, but don't have many options, is what has been in play for a while. Turning up the heat helps stay awake, mostly, but it doesn't help me do more. It's just how it goes.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
A strange story from this morning.
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I was dreaming. I was involved with a number of people. We were at war, in a smaller way, with some sort of evil. My allies were a cross between Catholic spiritual warriors and spook types. Spooks, as you might have gathered, are not my favorite types. But these were a bit different... not political advocacy spooks, mostly. Some of them were reformed to faith, others had never been that sort to start out.
The bad guys had upper floors in something like a hospital, or research lab. We needed some things from their position, no choice but to go in or die trying. One of the lab personnel, who had been on our side before being overrun, had put herself in some sort of coma, attached to equipment that, to me, seemed like and ekg. I suppose it was how she survived. Though we weren't certain she would make it, or what condition she really was in. We only suspected it was self-induced and successful if there were several bits of evidence to suggest that.
She has left a coded instruction about how to decipher the ekg readings (or to whichever machine she was attached). She seemed to indicate that there was a message, or might be, if we could just figure it out. I had called up the operators with the skills, two, blind reading apart from each other, in hopes of being more certain. Right as the first who was to do the reading was to give me what I needed, a cat started meowing, and tickling my face. Sam woke me. She seemed terribly worried about me. I was not happy. Yet how can you even be too angry to see loving concerned eyes?
Are cats evil? At worst they are animal, so no. Sam isn't just animal, not now. While I might not be human, I have come to the call of the Maker. Those animals which become associated to and with me, through my call to salvation also come to be better, more. Annoyed, even so. Still, that is how it worked. I am not sure why she woke me... was I learning something I shouldn't, was I being led astray, or was she just worried about what was happening externally... just to her physical eyes. I have not see that sort of concern in her eyes before. But the girls do try to wake me from time to time.
True story, if I know the fullness of things no more than you. Oh, and good night.
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I was dreaming. I was involved with a number of people. We were at war, in a smaller way, with some sort of evil. My allies were a cross between Catholic spiritual warriors and spook types. Spooks, as you might have gathered, are not my favorite types. But these were a bit different... not political advocacy spooks, mostly. Some of them were reformed to faith, others had never been that sort to start out.
The bad guys had upper floors in something like a hospital, or research lab. We needed some things from their position, no choice but to go in or die trying. One of the lab personnel, who had been on our side before being overrun, had put herself in some sort of coma, attached to equipment that, to me, seemed like and ekg. I suppose it was how she survived. Though we weren't certain she would make it, or what condition she really was in. We only suspected it was self-induced and successful if there were several bits of evidence to suggest that.
She has left a coded instruction about how to decipher the ekg readings (or to whichever machine she was attached). She seemed to indicate that there was a message, or might be, if we could just figure it out. I had called up the operators with the skills, two, blind reading apart from each other, in hopes of being more certain. Right as the first who was to do the reading was to give me what I needed, a cat started meowing, and tickling my face. Sam woke me. She seemed terribly worried about me. I was not happy. Yet how can you even be too angry to see loving concerned eyes?
Are cats evil? At worst they are animal, so no. Sam isn't just animal, not now. While I might not be human, I have come to the call of the Maker. Those animals which become associated to and with me, through my call to salvation also come to be better, more. Annoyed, even so. Still, that is how it worked. I am not sure why she woke me... was I learning something I shouldn't, was I being led astray, or was she just worried about what was happening externally... just to her physical eyes. I have not see that sort of concern in her eyes before. But the girls do try to wake me from time to time.
True story, if I know the fullness of things no more than you. Oh, and good night.
Alright, calling it game.
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As far as Trump, that is. Whether this is what he promised, or whether it will continue or work as suggested, those are something else. In the here and now, what he has done is exemplary. I can't find fault.
Do I want more? Of course. He, on his own, cannot do more. Congress has to to it's part, the courts have to do their parts, the state and local governments have to do their parts, and we have to do our parts. Our part isn't just to push, call, and vote with our dollars, it is also to accept the prices that will come with these choices. Some of those costs will be short term, some will be long.
For example, if we really don't want immigration, we have to reform our education system, reform our workforce to engage more women as stay-at-home mothers so as to have more children, and many other things. President Trump cannot simply mandate that. Women have to choose, men have to accept, the rules have to change in order that these things happen, laws have to change, taxation has to be sorted. There is a price for all involved.
I do think president Trump is showing all the signs that he really is not just pro-American, but for what is right. Those are only synonymous if America is heading much more in the right direction than not. It isn't, not quite yet. If president Trump wins, it might head back that way. Just... there will be costs, choices, some surrendering of this for that.
I will admit, while I am becoming much more pro-Trump as time passes, as he does things, I am quite wary of his supporters. To be honest, I have the same trouble with some of Christ's supporters. Not a new thing. And, no, I am not equating Trump with Christ, only suggesting that supporters of better or best can all go very far astray. I simply refuse to be a fan-boy. I'm not a fan-boy of Christ, merely a servant when I can be kin. I can't live up to being kin, always, so I must suffer through merely serving. I am certainly not a fan-boy of Trump. I merely realize his politics is, from what I can see at this point, both honest, precise, and accurate.
Thank you, president Trump. Stay healthy and keep at it. You have my support.
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As far as Trump, that is. Whether this is what he promised, or whether it will continue or work as suggested, those are something else. In the here and now, what he has done is exemplary. I can't find fault.
Do I want more? Of course. He, on his own, cannot do more. Congress has to to it's part, the courts have to do their parts, the state and local governments have to do their parts, and we have to do our parts. Our part isn't just to push, call, and vote with our dollars, it is also to accept the prices that will come with these choices. Some of those costs will be short term, some will be long.
For example, if we really don't want immigration, we have to reform our education system, reform our workforce to engage more women as stay-at-home mothers so as to have more children, and many other things. President Trump cannot simply mandate that. Women have to choose, men have to accept, the rules have to change in order that these things happen, laws have to change, taxation has to be sorted. There is a price for all involved.
I do think president Trump is showing all the signs that he really is not just pro-American, but for what is right. Those are only synonymous if America is heading much more in the right direction than not. It isn't, not quite yet. If president Trump wins, it might head back that way. Just... there will be costs, choices, some surrendering of this for that.
I will admit, while I am becoming much more pro-Trump as time passes, as he does things, I am quite wary of his supporters. To be honest, I have the same trouble with some of Christ's supporters. Not a new thing. And, no, I am not equating Trump with Christ, only suggesting that supporters of better or best can all go very far astray. I simply refuse to be a fan-boy. I'm not a fan-boy of Christ, merely a servant when I can be kin. I can't live up to being kin, always, so I must suffer through merely serving. I am certainly not a fan-boy of Trump. I merely realize his politics is, from what I can see at this point, both honest, precise, and accurate.
Thank you, president Trump. Stay healthy and keep at it. You have my support.
My morning are getting later each day.
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Oh well. It's how it goes when you are your own world. I see people from time to time, but there isn't any involvement in regular life. Health plays it's part, as does the weather and season.
I keep thinking, of the men who lived here before it was civilized. Before settlers arrived, there was a rendezvous held in this valley by mountainmen. I'd have to look where it was held. I don't know if they then wintered in the valley or headed south, or even north. Mountain men did what they did. South might have been warmer, but with warmth comes people. Horses and mules, by winter, were useless for travel. There were no forms of air transportation. By foot. I am not sure if skis had made it to America then, possibly only snowshoes. Sleds as well.
If I go camping in the cold, I will need not just snowshoes (at least, maybe skis of some sort or other), but a sled. While a pack is okay, for rather short stays, what might be needed could easily become excessive for any pack. Spreading the weight of gear over a six or eight by two foot sled would definitely be easier than spreading it over a forty two by twelve inch snowshoe. Sure, there are two snowshoes, but only one is down most of the time. Take off pack weight, and even at my weight, those snowshoes should do... most of the time. Though I have found, in fresh powder, I probably need even another type of snowshoe... a bearpaw, but sized for me and with close strung rope and knotwork. Two pair of snow shoes, a pair of variably (slope and flat) crosscountry skis, the gear, and a sled.
My guess is that is what they used around here, if they wintered over. But they had cabins, too, and a way out if it snowed too much. They didn't go to town, there was no town. If they went out it was to hunt. And, most likely, they would shelter in the valleys. That is where game would be anyway. They didn't travel far. Always exceptions, both successful and not. How many mountain men bones are scattered throughout the mountains is anybody's guess. It's a risky thing. And, yet, it's what I am hoping to do, soon or late. Though not great travel. A few days in, a few days there, and then back. At most a few weeks out, if I can plan for food and learn enough to keep warm enough. Why? Ah... because I can. I didn't say, or mean, because I can succeed, if that is the goal. I mean, because I can try. I do have the gear. And I mean to do it well, correctly, and return. But that isn't always our choice.
Just daydreaming about getting out. The new snowshoes should be here before long. While handy, and more suited to my size, they still won't do really well in very deep or powdery snow, less so when what I face is both deep and powdered. It will get me started. Just out back a bit more, then on to a Green Canyon, which is sloped but tamed and used. Then, maybe, some wilder runs. I'll work gear in, look at sleds, consider the other gear over the winter, if I can keep at it. Later.
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Oh well. It's how it goes when you are your own world. I see people from time to time, but there isn't any involvement in regular life. Health plays it's part, as does the weather and season.
I keep thinking, of the men who lived here before it was civilized. Before settlers arrived, there was a rendezvous held in this valley by mountainmen. I'd have to look where it was held. I don't know if they then wintered in the valley or headed south, or even north. Mountain men did what they did. South might have been warmer, but with warmth comes people. Horses and mules, by winter, were useless for travel. There were no forms of air transportation. By foot. I am not sure if skis had made it to America then, possibly only snowshoes. Sleds as well.
If I go camping in the cold, I will need not just snowshoes (at least, maybe skis of some sort or other), but a sled. While a pack is okay, for rather short stays, what might be needed could easily become excessive for any pack. Spreading the weight of gear over a six or eight by two foot sled would definitely be easier than spreading it over a forty two by twelve inch snowshoe. Sure, there are two snowshoes, but only one is down most of the time. Take off pack weight, and even at my weight, those snowshoes should do... most of the time. Though I have found, in fresh powder, I probably need even another type of snowshoe... a bearpaw, but sized for me and with close strung rope and knotwork. Two pair of snow shoes, a pair of variably (slope and flat) crosscountry skis, the gear, and a sled.
My guess is that is what they used around here, if they wintered over. But they had cabins, too, and a way out if it snowed too much. They didn't go to town, there was no town. If they went out it was to hunt. And, most likely, they would shelter in the valleys. That is where game would be anyway. They didn't travel far. Always exceptions, both successful and not. How many mountain men bones are scattered throughout the mountains is anybody's guess. It's a risky thing. And, yet, it's what I am hoping to do, soon or late. Though not great travel. A few days in, a few days there, and then back. At most a few weeks out, if I can plan for food and learn enough to keep warm enough. Why? Ah... because I can. I didn't say, or mean, because I can succeed, if that is the goal. I mean, because I can try. I do have the gear. And I mean to do it well, correctly, and return. But that isn't always our choice.
Just daydreaming about getting out. The new snowshoes should be here before long. While handy, and more suited to my size, they still won't do really well in very deep or powdery snow, less so when what I face is both deep and powdered. It will get me started. Just out back a bit more, then on to a Green Canyon, which is sloped but tamed and used. Then, maybe, some wilder runs. I'll work gear in, look at sleds, consider the other gear over the winter, if I can keep at it. Later.
To town.
.
.
Nothing fancy. Minor grocery shopping, a popcorn popper and I looked at tea brewing machines, plus some bulbs of a very strange size for the bedroom. Tiny little screw-based bulb with no information on it. I was hoping to buy several packs, as I do when I hit a product that can be a snag in otherwise simple replacement. Only a pack of two was available. I saw no advantage to the tea brewing machines over simply repurposing a coffee pot and several downsides.
I am having a rough day. I didn't do much, save to get to town. I didn't salt, though that wasn't really needed. I didn't shower, if I did yesterday. I didn't even make food, eating on my way home. Something is simply very off. I'll keep trying, I just don't expect a lot. Tired, worn down, unable to get to things. There is always tomorrow.
Good night.
.
Nothing fancy. Minor grocery shopping, a popcorn popper and I looked at tea brewing machines, plus some bulbs of a very strange size for the bedroom. Tiny little screw-based bulb with no information on it. I was hoping to buy several packs, as I do when I hit a product that can be a snag in otherwise simple replacement. Only a pack of two was available. I saw no advantage to the tea brewing machines over simply repurposing a coffee pot and several downsides.
I am having a rough day. I didn't do much, save to get to town. I didn't salt, though that wasn't really needed. I didn't shower, if I did yesterday. I didn't even make food, eating on my way home. Something is simply very off. I'll keep trying, I just don't expect a lot. Tired, worn down, unable to get to things. There is always tomorrow.
Good night.
Friday, January 27, 2017
Oh, right. I ought to post.
.
.
It's been a bit of a rough morning. As with yesterday, similar anyway. I never did get out yesterday. Maybe today. Thankfully no extra snow in the last few days. I would like to salt the driveway anyway. It just helps thaw a bit, and evaporate some of what is stuck down. If I go to town I will get more salt, and at least ask about sand, or better those two products already mixed. Salt is good, but it doesn't last. Sand might just stay down a bit better, for longer. I've not messed with this so I am not sure exactly what works best. I suppose it is time to learn.
I am really hoping, if I am around this coming year, to consider a lawn/garden tractor. If I want to use it for snow, or gardening, it would have to be a bit more than just a simple riding lawnmower. I am not sure I can afford it, plus the attachments, though. Then again, buying the main rig, then adding a piece every six months to year... that might be possible. I do want it for mowing though too. Bleh... I have attempted to do research but there isn't very good information out there. I am finding sellers, or buyer data, or fan-boys for one or various brands. John Deere is good, but it is awfully expensive for what you get. Green for green as much as anything else. It's for businesses, so they have more of a write-off. I realized, back when IBM and clones were priced so drastically different, and ran about the same, that it was a tax gimmick. Which we need to fix, terribly need to fix. That is corrupting the whole thing. I suppose, if one has been working with a company professionally for years, buying their equipment might... be more than just a simple consumer decision, but I can't afford it.
Oh, I best feed the girls. The natives are definitely getting restless. Mewling, skittering, chasing, stalking me, and growling. I usually feed them several hours after waking. It's been around four. Still... they need to have some variance and I will never be perfect. Later.
.
It's been a bit of a rough morning. As with yesterday, similar anyway. I never did get out yesterday. Maybe today. Thankfully no extra snow in the last few days. I would like to salt the driveway anyway. It just helps thaw a bit, and evaporate some of what is stuck down. If I go to town I will get more salt, and at least ask about sand, or better those two products already mixed. Salt is good, but it doesn't last. Sand might just stay down a bit better, for longer. I've not messed with this so I am not sure exactly what works best. I suppose it is time to learn.
I am really hoping, if I am around this coming year, to consider a lawn/garden tractor. If I want to use it for snow, or gardening, it would have to be a bit more than just a simple riding lawnmower. I am not sure I can afford it, plus the attachments, though. Then again, buying the main rig, then adding a piece every six months to year... that might be possible. I do want it for mowing though too. Bleh... I have attempted to do research but there isn't very good information out there. I am finding sellers, or buyer data, or fan-boys for one or various brands. John Deere is good, but it is awfully expensive for what you get. Green for green as much as anything else. It's for businesses, so they have more of a write-off. I realized, back when IBM and clones were priced so drastically different, and ran about the same, that it was a tax gimmick. Which we need to fix, terribly need to fix. That is corrupting the whole thing. I suppose, if one has been working with a company professionally for years, buying their equipment might... be more than just a simple consumer decision, but I can't afford it.
Oh, I best feed the girls. The natives are definitely getting restless. Mewling, skittering, chasing, stalking me, and growling. I usually feed them several hours after waking. It's been around four. Still... they need to have some variance and I will never be perfect. Later.
Thursday, January 26, 2017
When they have lost.
.
.
Rather than realizing they are no longer in control, they snipe. Whether financially or electronically. Currently my access to the web seems to be being rerouted through foreign countries by which I cannot watch some youtube videos. Their bosses... do they realize what is being done in their name? Attacking the people, for political correctness, which is on it's death bed and all those who favor it are in the targets of all the people they are trying to smash using it.
The little sjw's think their masters do this for the sake of humanity. They don't, they merely do it in order to force the borders open and allow in cheap labor, if at the cost of the people in terms of civilization, tradition, and culture, and in dollars as taxpayers. I love it when I hear of layoffs or libtechs being forced to train their cheap replacements. Of course, that just creates more welfare babies. Still, it's the idea, sometimes, that counts.
Just... letting you, and them, know that yes we do know. And they will be remembered. You have lists, actively being attacked. We, too, have lists... not even begun. Perhaps, rather than bringing what you want of America here, you will be 'allowed' to go find it out there. Keep it up and it won't be a choice. Trump isn't the lead, he simply wanted what he wanted and offered what it took to get it. He is a politician, not the will, of the people. That hasn't been activated... yet.
.
Rather than realizing they are no longer in control, they snipe. Whether financially or electronically. Currently my access to the web seems to be being rerouted through foreign countries by which I cannot watch some youtube videos. Their bosses... do they realize what is being done in their name? Attacking the people, for political correctness, which is on it's death bed and all those who favor it are in the targets of all the people they are trying to smash using it.
The little sjw's think their masters do this for the sake of humanity. They don't, they merely do it in order to force the borders open and allow in cheap labor, if at the cost of the people in terms of civilization, tradition, and culture, and in dollars as taxpayers. I love it when I hear of layoffs or libtechs being forced to train their cheap replacements. Of course, that just creates more welfare babies. Still, it's the idea, sometimes, that counts.
Just... letting you, and them, know that yes we do know. And they will be remembered. You have lists, actively being attacked. We, too, have lists... not even begun. Perhaps, rather than bringing what you want of America here, you will be 'allowed' to go find it out there. Keep it up and it won't be a choice. Trump isn't the lead, he simply wanted what he wanted and offered what it took to get it. He is a politician, not the will, of the people. That hasn't been activated... yet.
Always more snow.
.
.
To be honest, I think it is more the cold than anything. When it is this cold, if there is moisture up there, with or without clouds, and the cold reaches to the heavens (doesn't always), we will get snow. Maybe there is more moisture up there, I just don't think that is the thing. Then again, I'm really not a meteorologist. Then again I don't think that actually means a lot. It's sort of like being a newspaper man. Less about knowing and more about sensationalizing, propagandizing, and selling. P.T. Barnum and Bailey is not the only clown circus going down, by the way, public or private it seems.
No, I won't shovel today. I just don't think there is enough. Tomorrow or the next day, if this continues as is, I will again have to shovel. Not today, if my eyes saw true. I am glad for it. I don't mind shoveling a few times a week, but if gets to daily I fail quickly. The snow blower takes more energy than shoveling up to, say, three to five inches of the powdery stuff, though is useless on wet snow, so is only good half the time when it snows that deep anyway. Even so, shoveling takes what little I sometimes have to offer out of the game plan or costs me in the longer run. If I could cook, do all else, and shovel, that might help. Of course, cooking comes with shopping, cleaning, and the cooking itself. Nothing is as easy as it sounds.
I am hoping to get another shower, get to town to shop, and get home quickly. I may look for boxes to break down and take in. I shouldn't have much. If I am going, and it's an otherwise light day all around, it's a good day to find a minor extra for the while. I have started back on some stuff, potassium was really low, and I could tell. It was hurting my efforts. So, for the next few days, potassium twice a day, along with my chewable vitamin. When I get the sense that is going again, then back to all meds if lower on the carvedilol. That was pounding me into the dirt in a stealthy manner. I have to remember to approach that with great caution. It can do great goo, but it is poison. It reminds me of what happened, on a much smaller scale, when my heart first when bad. I fell. Caution, moderation, slow to dose. I thought I could handle starting at half dose. I can't. Such a struggle just to take medicine!
Up late, but with an eye to the sky and reasonable plans. Good morning and day. Hmm... I think I might just have breakfast in town. Yeah, I know, but it helps. Then, after shopping, I'll get my larder in order for meals here at home. Gotta have food if I'm going to be shoveling, doing dishes and laundry, and all. Multi-day fasting is for the weekends, and even daily fasting has to allow for sufficient intake at the right times. So... once again I begin. May your efforts be blessed and you find pleasure and success in your work.
.
To be honest, I think it is more the cold than anything. When it is this cold, if there is moisture up there, with or without clouds, and the cold reaches to the heavens (doesn't always), we will get snow. Maybe there is more moisture up there, I just don't think that is the thing. Then again, I'm really not a meteorologist. Then again I don't think that actually means a lot. It's sort of like being a newspaper man. Less about knowing and more about sensationalizing, propagandizing, and selling. P.T. Barnum and Bailey is not the only clown circus going down, by the way, public or private it seems.
No, I won't shovel today. I just don't think there is enough. Tomorrow or the next day, if this continues as is, I will again have to shovel. Not today, if my eyes saw true. I am glad for it. I don't mind shoveling a few times a week, but if gets to daily I fail quickly. The snow blower takes more energy than shoveling up to, say, three to five inches of the powdery stuff, though is useless on wet snow, so is only good half the time when it snows that deep anyway. Even so, shoveling takes what little I sometimes have to offer out of the game plan or costs me in the longer run. If I could cook, do all else, and shovel, that might help. Of course, cooking comes with shopping, cleaning, and the cooking itself. Nothing is as easy as it sounds.
I am hoping to get another shower, get to town to shop, and get home quickly. I may look for boxes to break down and take in. I shouldn't have much. If I am going, and it's an otherwise light day all around, it's a good day to find a minor extra for the while. I have started back on some stuff, potassium was really low, and I could tell. It was hurting my efforts. So, for the next few days, potassium twice a day, along with my chewable vitamin. When I get the sense that is going again, then back to all meds if lower on the carvedilol. That was pounding me into the dirt in a stealthy manner. I have to remember to approach that with great caution. It can do great goo, but it is poison. It reminds me of what happened, on a much smaller scale, when my heart first when bad. I fell. Caution, moderation, slow to dose. I thought I could handle starting at half dose. I can't. Such a struggle just to take medicine!
Up late, but with an eye to the sky and reasonable plans. Good morning and day. Hmm... I think I might just have breakfast in town. Yeah, I know, but it helps. Then, after shopping, I'll get my larder in order for meals here at home. Gotta have food if I'm going to be shoveling, doing dishes and laundry, and all. Multi-day fasting is for the weekends, and even daily fasting has to allow for sufficient intake at the right times. So... once again I begin. May your efforts be blessed and you find pleasure and success in your work.
Wednesday, January 25, 2017
Not all, some.
.
.
I did feel the need to shovel. I didn't do the whole drive, just what I would be driving over. It was iced underneath, but not sheeted. The salting saw to it that the ice was as wormed wood... incomplete and punky, as ice goes. Taking off the top bit of snow loosened more of the ice, taking some away. I will salt againg tomorrow.
I didn't do all that was planned, today, either. I picked up the shirts and dropped off the package. That was $40 and a bit back in the account, if that wasn't the reason for the return. I hate when I think I am ordering something and get something else. I am looking for a screwdriver type socket drive with sockets... a small kit just of that. While ratcheting sockets can be okay, often there is no need and the ratchet system is a pain. That's when I love to have a 1/4", and maybe larger, screwdriver socket drivers. These seemed that, then turned into just another overpriced under-useful weird odds and ends kit... not sockets in sight. I could swear I read that it was a driver in the description. Jerks just try to push whatever they can, and attempt to trick rather than provide.
I may go in again tomorrow. I would like to stop at walmart for some things, then do grocery shopping... checking dates on everything of course. And I need gasoline.
Oh, what put me off finishing my lists was dinner. It's been a while since I had a better dinner. Not a fast food, or sandwich, or such, but a real meal. And not just a second one off, but a real meal. So I hit the steak house tonight. A ribeye, potato, and salad. I needed something a little more, and got it. After this coming month, I'll put up for a couple of roasts of ribeye, cut how I like it, if available. One all inch and a quarter, one all inch and an half. It's a lot of meat, but it's perfect keto food. One every other to every third day. A little practice and I should get the cooking down to an art. That thick and both will take to oven cooking to get ready, then a good searing over a coal shoot. That really does well. I like crisped fat, especially of beef though pork isn't bad... bacon!
Good night.
.
I did feel the need to shovel. I didn't do the whole drive, just what I would be driving over. It was iced underneath, but not sheeted. The salting saw to it that the ice was as wormed wood... incomplete and punky, as ice goes. Taking off the top bit of snow loosened more of the ice, taking some away. I will salt againg tomorrow.
I didn't do all that was planned, today, either. I picked up the shirts and dropped off the package. That was $40 and a bit back in the account, if that wasn't the reason for the return. I hate when I think I am ordering something and get something else. I am looking for a screwdriver type socket drive with sockets... a small kit just of that. While ratcheting sockets can be okay, often there is no need and the ratchet system is a pain. That's when I love to have a 1/4", and maybe larger, screwdriver socket drivers. These seemed that, then turned into just another overpriced under-useful weird odds and ends kit... not sockets in sight. I could swear I read that it was a driver in the description. Jerks just try to push whatever they can, and attempt to trick rather than provide.
I may go in again tomorrow. I would like to stop at walmart for some things, then do grocery shopping... checking dates on everything of course. And I need gasoline.
Oh, what put me off finishing my lists was dinner. It's been a while since I had a better dinner. Not a fast food, or sandwich, or such, but a real meal. And not just a second one off, but a real meal. So I hit the steak house tonight. A ribeye, potato, and salad. I needed something a little more, and got it. After this coming month, I'll put up for a couple of roasts of ribeye, cut how I like it, if available. One all inch and a quarter, one all inch and an half. It's a lot of meat, but it's perfect keto food. One every other to every third day. A little practice and I should get the cooking down to an art. That thick and both will take to oven cooking to get ready, then a good searing over a coal shoot. That really does well. I like crisped fat, especially of beef though pork isn't bad... bacon!
Good night.
I got the total.
.
.
It is pretty expensive, but I think, without a loan, I can cover... everything. It won't drain me completely dry, either. That may include the mortgage payment for next month as well, and the hog... if I will put half of that on credit just to have something left in the bank. Probably. I looked at everything I can imagine. Bills going out, money in place, money coming in, the works... at least what I could imagine to consider. If that assessment was correct, I should be fine. Then again, if I miss something, and it gets bumped? Tough. More so since the following month I will be back in the easy black. I'm more concerned with my home than with a late bill or even five if that happened to be the case. Though I know there is probably only one or two bills out there, at most, that I may need to tidy up. And, I might even be able to clear those. Yeah, it... I... we'll see.
Oh, right, well, I'd best get going if I am going to get to town. A shower, some air drying while I finish an episode, then on to town. I'll need to pack the return, a bit, and label it. I have my list ready. All good. But I best get going... not sure when UPS closes. I'll not worry about the little bit of snow out there, just can't. Gotta go. Later.
.
It is pretty expensive, but I think, without a loan, I can cover... everything. It won't drain me completely dry, either. That may include the mortgage payment for next month as well, and the hog... if I will put half of that on credit just to have something left in the bank. Probably. I looked at everything I can imagine. Bills going out, money in place, money coming in, the works... at least what I could imagine to consider. If that assessment was correct, I should be fine. Then again, if I miss something, and it gets bumped? Tough. More so since the following month I will be back in the easy black. I'm more concerned with my home than with a late bill or even five if that happened to be the case. Though I know there is probably only one or two bills out there, at most, that I may need to tidy up. And, I might even be able to clear those. Yeah, it... I... we'll see.
Oh, right, well, I'd best get going if I am going to get to town. A shower, some air drying while I finish an episode, then on to town. I'll need to pack the return, a bit, and label it. I have my list ready. All good. But I best get going... not sure when UPS closes. I'll not worry about the little bit of snow out there, just can't. Gotta go. Later.
Up, late, and rough.
.
.
It's pretty rare that I drink much these days. Yesterday, however, I let it slide. I didn't get too into the sip, just kept it steady for a bit. Anymore, if I have a drink, it's just something on the rocks, with a two a day limit, and rare at that. Well, if you aren't in drinking shape, even a few over the limit, even well paced, can make the morning just a bit rough. The part of might be that I sampled rum. My old friend liked that stuff, and I have some for when I eventually visit his grave. A tipple for each of us. Now, I only had one, but that is sort of different stuff. He drinks the clear stuff, so it wasn't sugary or such. Anyway, I'm in recovery mode, and slept in, if that seems to be happening with or without a sip. Stress and still healing.
.
It's pretty rare that I drink much these days. Yesterday, however, I let it slide. I didn't get too into the sip, just kept it steady for a bit. Anymore, if I have a drink, it's just something on the rocks, with a two a day limit, and rare at that. Well, if you aren't in drinking shape, even a few over the limit, even well paced, can make the morning just a bit rough. The part of might be that I sampled rum. My old friend liked that stuff, and I have some for when I eventually visit his grave. A tipple for each of us. Now, I only had one, but that is sort of different stuff. He drinks the clear stuff, so it wasn't sugary or such. Anyway, I'm in recovery mode, and slept in, if that seems to be happening with or without a sip. Stress and still healing.
Tuesday, January 24, 2017
Feels so good to work.
.
.
While it was a light effort, the snow being light, mostly dry, and fluffy... plus only an inch or two, it winded me. I needed it though. I do my best to push when I can, as much as I can. After the shoveling, I grabbed fresh forty pound bag of salt and let that out. There is ice, and slush, under. It is warm enough that the salt will do some work yet today.
Next, a break. I have my clothes set out for a shower. I have a list of groceries and sunders. The drive is clear, and should get clearer. All I have to do now is rest, shower, perhaps rest again with another episode, then to town. today? I don't know. I'll see if I get wind back. I need more wind, though I think it's okay. Even so, I won't be overreaching today. If I can I will, if I can't I won't.
I will get a shower though, either way. Good afternoon, and day. I hope if you, too, can get in a few licks on the piles of duties, chores, and wants, you give them a little hell for me, too. I definitely keep you in mind while I work. In a good, hopeful way. Be well.
.
While it was a light effort, the snow being light, mostly dry, and fluffy... plus only an inch or two, it winded me. I needed it though. I do my best to push when I can, as much as I can. After the shoveling, I grabbed fresh forty pound bag of salt and let that out. There is ice, and slush, under. It is warm enough that the salt will do some work yet today.
Next, a break. I have my clothes set out for a shower. I have a list of groceries and sunders. The drive is clear, and should get clearer. All I have to do now is rest, shower, perhaps rest again with another episode, then to town. today? I don't know. I'll see if I get wind back. I need more wind, though I think it's okay. Even so, I won't be overreaching today. If I can I will, if I can't I won't.
I will get a shower though, either way. Good afternoon, and day. I hope if you, too, can get in a few licks on the piles of duties, chores, and wants, you give them a little hell for me, too. I definitely keep you in mind while I work. In a good, hopeful way. Be well.
It is time.
.
.
I need to dress, though just roughly, and get to the snow. It looks light... fluffy... but there are several inches. It's always difficult to gauge, just by eye. If it is right, the snowblower might be easier. If it is too wet, however, the shovel is the only way. I have to scoop the front exit and a starting part of the drive nearest the garage, I'll figure it out there.
Then a shower and maybe off to town, unless it is snowing too heavily. I haven't looked in a bit.
I can't believe it, but the air popcorn popper burned out. I've only had it about three or four months. Insane. While I have used it as much as twice a day, that has only been more recently, and not even truly that. I doubt, all told, it has been used even half as many days as I have owned it. It wouldn't be worth the hassle to try to contact the company then work on an exchange. I purchased it through amazon, but at this point... I have too many other problems, duties, and such to add one more wild goose chase to the list.
Well... on with the day. Later.
.
I need to dress, though just roughly, and get to the snow. It looks light... fluffy... but there are several inches. It's always difficult to gauge, just by eye. If it is right, the snowblower might be easier. If it is too wet, however, the shovel is the only way. I have to scoop the front exit and a starting part of the drive nearest the garage, I'll figure it out there.
Then a shower and maybe off to town, unless it is snowing too heavily. I haven't looked in a bit.
I can't believe it, but the air popcorn popper burned out. I've only had it about three or four months. Insane. While I have used it as much as twice a day, that has only been more recently, and not even truly that. I doubt, all told, it has been used even half as many days as I have owned it. It wouldn't be worth the hassle to try to contact the company then work on an exchange. I purchased it through amazon, but at this point... I have too many other problems, duties, and such to add one more wild goose chase to the list.
Well... on with the day. Later.
This company is simply lying.
.
.
Every time I turn around this company lies to me. I could not find the paperwork with the information on it. So I called in. Guess what, now they won't accept the backdue or reinstate, again, until the full amount is paid. And, again, they don't know how much is due. I won't bother with them until the 3rd. I was told, if they find out what the full amount is, they will call. But I don't believe them. I pretty much crashed after that, yesterday. The stress is getting to me. And that, honestly, I think, is their point. So I will not let that get to me. The information I had is gone, as is some other paperwork. I looked everywhere. Yeah, I am suspicious. Some are working against me much more seriously than what it would seem.
The neighbors arrived with, essentially, a small tractor and commercial snow blower. Getting through that by hand would have been... a whole lot of work. It wouldn't have been done in a day. Not by me. It's a murder of snow this year. The banks of my drive are four to five feet high, if tapering, also that wide. Yeah, there is a lot of snow this year.
I'd like to get to town, it's... I might figure it out today. Just for a few groceries and those shirts. Oh, and a return. I'll spend some time waking, then head out and shovel today. It's not so bad, just, yeah, more. Three to five inches? Something. At least the cold isn't getting to me anymore. It never really does when I am dressed and out, just when I am laying low, and down and out, in the cave. Then it seeps in everywhere and bites.
Time to work at waking. I watched the American Horror series recently, up to what I can watch for free, and have just started Game of Thrones. I never did watch Vikings, or whatever that is, or haven't yet. I won't watch anything with commercials, and I won't pay a fortune for something I am not sure about. I figure an episode or two, then on to shoveling, a shower, and maybe to town. Good morning and day.
.
Every time I turn around this company lies to me. I could not find the paperwork with the information on it. So I called in. Guess what, now they won't accept the backdue or reinstate, again, until the full amount is paid. And, again, they don't know how much is due. I won't bother with them until the 3rd. I was told, if they find out what the full amount is, they will call. But I don't believe them. I pretty much crashed after that, yesterday. The stress is getting to me. And that, honestly, I think, is their point. So I will not let that get to me. The information I had is gone, as is some other paperwork. I looked everywhere. Yeah, I am suspicious. Some are working against me much more seriously than what it would seem.
The neighbors arrived with, essentially, a small tractor and commercial snow blower. Getting through that by hand would have been... a whole lot of work. It wouldn't have been done in a day. Not by me. It's a murder of snow this year. The banks of my drive are four to five feet high, if tapering, also that wide. Yeah, there is a lot of snow this year.
I'd like to get to town, it's... I might figure it out today. Just for a few groceries and those shirts. Oh, and a return. I'll spend some time waking, then head out and shovel today. It's not so bad, just, yeah, more. Three to five inches? Something. At least the cold isn't getting to me anymore. It never really does when I am dressed and out, just when I am laying low, and down and out, in the cave. Then it seeps in everywhere and bites.
Time to work at waking. I watched the American Horror series recently, up to what I can watch for free, and have just started Game of Thrones. I never did watch Vikings, or whatever that is, or haven't yet. I won't watch anything with commercials, and I won't pay a fortune for something I am not sure about. I figure an episode or two, then on to shoveling, a shower, and maybe to town. Good morning and day.
Monday, January 23, 2017
Snow, and a lot of it.
.
.
This is as much snow as I have seen since the last major snow day. The rest of the snows have been a matter of several inches. This could be eight to fourteen inches, depending where I measure. I am thinking I will have to use the snow machine, if even it will cut it. That's a lot of work before I can even get to town, but there it is. As well, the paper I had the information written on has gone missing. No problem with that, it's a good thing for telephones. Yet, it is a problem, for a specific reason. Yeah, I get it.
Work, then a shower, then air dry a bit if I can before heading to town. Annoying but that is the way it goes. I just hope the snow blower even can break through this. Then again, maybe my waking eyes were... exaggerating. I still need to wake. Yeah, a later start this morning, and then the internet was not lighting up, had to tinker with that. Everything seems to be a problem this morning. Oh well, I'll get it done. I just have to double check everything and everyone all along the way. Knowingly, willfully, or not, the world seems dead against me on this day and in certain ways. Just bull through harder and more attentively, in times like this.
A bit of waking first. No real choice. I'll set the alarm for a couple of hours, sort of to keep my on track, then hit it. Good morning and day.
.
This is as much snow as I have seen since the last major snow day. The rest of the snows have been a matter of several inches. This could be eight to fourteen inches, depending where I measure. I am thinking I will have to use the snow machine, if even it will cut it. That's a lot of work before I can even get to town, but there it is. As well, the paper I had the information written on has gone missing. No problem with that, it's a good thing for telephones. Yet, it is a problem, for a specific reason. Yeah, I get it.
Work, then a shower, then air dry a bit if I can before heading to town. Annoying but that is the way it goes. I just hope the snow blower even can break through this. Then again, maybe my waking eyes were... exaggerating. I still need to wake. Yeah, a later start this morning, and then the internet was not lighting up, had to tinker with that. Everything seems to be a problem this morning. Oh well, I'll get it done. I just have to double check everything and everyone all along the way. Knowingly, willfully, or not, the world seems dead against me on this day and in certain ways. Just bull through harder and more attentively, in times like this.
A bit of waking first. No real choice. I'll set the alarm for a couple of hours, sort of to keep my on track, then hit it. Good morning and day.
Sunday, January 22, 2017
A bit better.
.
.
Efforts at dragging through the muck to find footing and direction. I did some small amount of dishes then took a shower. I did very minor shoveling to try to neaten what someone else had already done, then salted the walk and part of the drive. As well, a meal, or two? It is difficult to even eat, to be honest.
It isn't the cold. I have gotten so used to the cold that at night, I turn the furnace to 66 F. It is colder in my room as I keep the vent closed. Even so, some night I feel the need for the fan. Oh, and while I had a little blip in my sleep cycle, I think I am back on track. I'll be going to bed in a little more than an hour. Sure, later than I really want. Hmm... fine... I might go to bed in a little less. Yes.
I have to get to town tomorrow. Picking up shirts from the dry cleaner, returning a package, and writing a check into my more local account and finding out when that should clear to do a next step in paying off the debt. If they say it is good immediately, I will have the needed information to send the check. You never know. Sometimes one just gets lucky. Tech, sometimes, advances from before.
Another shower, though, before going in. I am tired yet. Just a bit undone. I may be seeing a way to more. I might figure something out I am missing. I'll keep at it, again. I have some things I am really hoping to get back to doing. I even like to shovel, if I can. I'll... get back to things as I may. Good night.
.
Efforts at dragging through the muck to find footing and direction. I did some small amount of dishes then took a shower. I did very minor shoveling to try to neaten what someone else had already done, then salted the walk and part of the drive. As well, a meal, or two? It is difficult to even eat, to be honest.
It isn't the cold. I have gotten so used to the cold that at night, I turn the furnace to 66 F. It is colder in my room as I keep the vent closed. Even so, some night I feel the need for the fan. Oh, and while I had a little blip in my sleep cycle, I think I am back on track. I'll be going to bed in a little more than an hour. Sure, later than I really want. Hmm... fine... I might go to bed in a little less. Yes.
I have to get to town tomorrow. Picking up shirts from the dry cleaner, returning a package, and writing a check into my more local account and finding out when that should clear to do a next step in paying off the debt. If they say it is good immediately, I will have the needed information to send the check. You never know. Sometimes one just gets lucky. Tech, sometimes, advances from before.
Another shower, though, before going in. I am tired yet. Just a bit undone. I may be seeing a way to more. I might figure something out I am missing. I'll keep at it, again. I have some things I am really hoping to get back to doing. I even like to shovel, if I can. I'll... get back to things as I may. Good night.
I did see this morning.
.
.
Who did the drive and walk, that is. But I had just waken and am running so slow and rough that getting out to offer a thanks wasn't possible. Someone will know. Snow is arriving nearly daily lately. The cold has been heavy and harder than usual. No real problems, just how things go sometimes. I honestly wonder if they haven't learned, to a degree, how to control weather for a short time in a small area. Part of the reason for the drought might be an attempt to keep radioactive waters off the East Coast and even on inland. Well, it's a theory. Not one without... possibilities... either. While seven or ten or whatever years won't do much with the halflifes involved, the ocean is a massive system for dealing with massive contamination problems. That is a lot of time to wash a lot of stuff out and down. And that stuff does sink well, and gets covered easily. Anyway, perhaps they have decided to crack the bubbly... or let the water and snow fall again. Then again, the West has always been spotty about moisture.
Oh, while down, I am beginning to go over old posts. The first round will see me trying to heal broken links, or this or that. Some things are just gone. I'll tinker with it. It is something to do. I can't say I enjoy, though it isn't all bad either. Busy work, though a bit more. I ought to catalog things, and create backups. But those things are a bit too much busy work, not quite my style, and I have no sure way to store such data and media even if I collected it. I think, especially when some truly hate you and your work, things have to fail, grow old, and die. I would guess even the true greats, if they survived this murderous world, were forced to watch their works stolen, corrupted, perhaps simply destroyed. As unfortunate as it is, that is the way. More so for some of us, even if we aren't great. For now I work, tinker to keep the crumbling castle of thoughts as open as possible.
I think it's time to eat. Good morning, and day.
.
Who did the drive and walk, that is. But I had just waken and am running so slow and rough that getting out to offer a thanks wasn't possible. Someone will know. Snow is arriving nearly daily lately. The cold has been heavy and harder than usual. No real problems, just how things go sometimes. I honestly wonder if they haven't learned, to a degree, how to control weather for a short time in a small area. Part of the reason for the drought might be an attempt to keep radioactive waters off the East Coast and even on inland. Well, it's a theory. Not one without... possibilities... either. While seven or ten or whatever years won't do much with the halflifes involved, the ocean is a massive system for dealing with massive contamination problems. That is a lot of time to wash a lot of stuff out and down. And that stuff does sink well, and gets covered easily. Anyway, perhaps they have decided to crack the bubbly... or let the water and snow fall again. Then again, the West has always been spotty about moisture.
Oh, while down, I am beginning to go over old posts. The first round will see me trying to heal broken links, or this or that. Some things are just gone. I'll tinker with it. It is something to do. I can't say I enjoy, though it isn't all bad either. Busy work, though a bit more. I ought to catalog things, and create backups. But those things are a bit too much busy work, not quite my style, and I have no sure way to store such data and media even if I collected it. I think, especially when some truly hate you and your work, things have to fail, grow old, and die. I would guess even the true greats, if they survived this murderous world, were forced to watch their works stolen, corrupted, perhaps simply destroyed. As unfortunate as it is, that is the way. More so for some of us, even if we aren't great. For now I work, tinker to keep the crumbling castle of thoughts as open as possible.
I think it's time to eat. Good morning, and day.
That was just odd.
.
.
For some reason I could not find myself to bed until after 3:00. Something has been stirring, a hunger to more life. Not so much did it attack and roust as sneak up on me while I wasn't paying attention. I think a fuller meal situation is doing it's stuff. I am not that hungry, if my mind realizes I had best get going with food again. Actually, even to fast, I must eat a solid lot of food. As odd as it sounds, one cannot truly fast on an empty stomach! Through which, once again, I realize that God is a comedian of His own sorts.
I dreamed I met the heart of a lion, in a mouse of a woman, last night. I am not surprised to see this live in a woman. In this woman... I wasn't sure about her. Just as only few men contain the bones of the noblest beast, so it is with women. Sometimes this is a good thing, sometimes... Not every man can handle such a thing. Not even other men with such a heart desire that in a partner. The controlling personalities, on either side, face hardship when faced with a partner of magnitude. Oh, she doesn't know yet. For one who can see in the dark little remains hidden. A warning? I don't think so. It is what I had hoped. Why I went to see? I heard of the dream of another, went looking for the source without knowing, and found as I am apt to do.
I don't think the dreamer ever believed. She has reasons not to do so. I have had my own doubts. And, yet, the impossible can be seen from here, here being everywhere, even by one blind to his own future. Or not? The thing is, she is beginning to believe, believe so hard she dreams. I didn't know what, at all, for sure, until I went to see. Yeah... I am that kind and work in that way. She should know, it isn't just for reasons she understands. But as a child before a real fairy godmother, reasons matter little to a true heart. Or a heart poured out in pureness? Right. Yes, I see.
Well... today? Today. I don't quite rightly know. Four hours of sleep leaves me just a bit slow to boot up this morning. Later.
.
For some reason I could not find myself to bed until after 3:00. Something has been stirring, a hunger to more life. Not so much did it attack and roust as sneak up on me while I wasn't paying attention. I think a fuller meal situation is doing it's stuff. I am not that hungry, if my mind realizes I had best get going with food again. Actually, even to fast, I must eat a solid lot of food. As odd as it sounds, one cannot truly fast on an empty stomach! Through which, once again, I realize that God is a comedian of His own sorts.
I dreamed I met the heart of a lion, in a mouse of a woman, last night. I am not surprised to see this live in a woman. In this woman... I wasn't sure about her. Just as only few men contain the bones of the noblest beast, so it is with women. Sometimes this is a good thing, sometimes... Not every man can handle such a thing. Not even other men with such a heart desire that in a partner. The controlling personalities, on either side, face hardship when faced with a partner of magnitude. Oh, she doesn't know yet. For one who can see in the dark little remains hidden. A warning? I don't think so. It is what I had hoped. Why I went to see? I heard of the dream of another, went looking for the source without knowing, and found as I am apt to do.
I don't think the dreamer ever believed. She has reasons not to do so. I have had my own doubts. And, yet, the impossible can be seen from here, here being everywhere, even by one blind to his own future. Or not? The thing is, she is beginning to believe, believe so hard she dreams. I didn't know what, at all, for sure, until I went to see. Yeah... I am that kind and work in that way. She should know, it isn't just for reasons she understands. But as a child before a real fairy godmother, reasons matter little to a true heart. Or a heart poured out in pureness? Right. Yes, I see.
Well... today? Today. I don't quite rightly know. Four hours of sleep leaves me just a bit slow to boot up this morning. Later.
Saturday, January 21, 2017
Actually, food is helping.
.
.
It is just taking some time. Heat is helping too. Rest was needed. Like it? Who even likes to sleep? Well, other than loving it sometimes. I mean, who likes to take time for sleep, or food, or... lots of things. Just do? Just do! But, no. Can't just do if you don't sleep, eat, and drink, to some (unknown) rightness. Given how little I have tended things it is amazing... something... how long I have lived? How well I still do sometimes? Amazing.
.
It is just taking some time. Heat is helping too. Rest was needed. Like it? Who even likes to sleep? Well, other than loving it sometimes. I mean, who likes to take time for sleep, or food, or... lots of things. Just do? Just do! But, no. Can't just do if you don't sleep, eat, and drink, to some (unknown) rightness. Given how little I have tended things it is amazing... something... how long I have lived? How well I still do sometimes? Amazing.
I have regulated to days.
.
.
At my energy levels, though, if I do much I might well end that pattern. Actually, I am not sure how I am keeping it going. The alarm can't force it. If it becomes a problem, rather than 'break', I just stop using it. I could try to go to bed earlier, assuming I can stay awake. I am hoping adding more meat, and simply eating more, might help. But if yesterday is a clue, that's not the problem. It isn't even the cold. I have acclimated to the 66 F temps well enough that, often enough, I can handle shorts and a t-shirt, sometimes adding a sweater, longer pants, a warm bathrobe, or some mix. I think my body just goes through times where I get bedraggled. I think that is now. I am not given a living's worth of income for no reason.
The dream I remember from last night, was of buying a car. A downgrade I didn't want, somehow losing my old vehicle. The exchange vehicle was used and rough, for whatever reason, I had no choice. First thing I got it to a place whereby to clean out the interior. First the passenger area. As I was going through stuff, I saw a spider of significant size... it's main about the circumference of a baseball, or a bit more. I tried to push and scare it out. Finally it departed. I finished cleaning that area, then began on the rear passenger side floorboard area. Again, another spider. Not so big, but too big. After finishing that area, and the cab compartment in general, and a general wash, I decided to bug-bomb the car. -- Just a generally annoying and slightly depressing dream. It, to me, just means that such is life. But that I will figure things out, do what is needed, and go on. This is true whether you are king, pauper, prince, priest, or whomever. It's just one of those things in life.
I sure wish sleep had done more to make me feel rested. Ah, medicine. Something has been missing in all the hubbub. Actually, now that I think of it, this feels like the potassium crash from before. Ah-ha! Thank you, dear diary, for giving me pause. I think that is exactly what this is, and in a bad way. Oh, I do believe, as well, I will cut the carvedilol in half. The last few times I have started, I just... got lost and fell off. I just... for me, that medicine is severe. I have to handle it like learning to handle any other poison. Yes, it's a poison. It is just that it might be less lethal than the poison of my illness. That IS what most medicine is... a calculated bet with your ass on the line. They can't sue every pharma or doctor for every bad medicine or application. They can't do enough trials, or even keep those honest enough. Life is risky, medicine more so. What are you going to do?
I'll find and get that started again, minus the water pill. Strangely, I have gone completely back to normal with my feet. The skin is still dry and cracked a bit, but otherwise you would never know. Funny thing? Where my feet used to be dry and cracked has normalized. It is only where the skin on the feet had expanded to near bursting that the skin is dry now. I am working on it. A focused but not, as yet, due to exhaustion, an allout attack on the problem.
I have... changed some things. I don't understand everything, only that I have to do things my way. I am not sure what is wrong in some directions. I just know I can't do, at all, some things. So I don't. Not all my own doing, just... Never mind. If you find something doesn't work, you don't do it.
Later.
.
At my energy levels, though, if I do much I might well end that pattern. Actually, I am not sure how I am keeping it going. The alarm can't force it. If it becomes a problem, rather than 'break', I just stop using it. I could try to go to bed earlier, assuming I can stay awake. I am hoping adding more meat, and simply eating more, might help. But if yesterday is a clue, that's not the problem. It isn't even the cold. I have acclimated to the 66 F temps well enough that, often enough, I can handle shorts and a t-shirt, sometimes adding a sweater, longer pants, a warm bathrobe, or some mix. I think my body just goes through times where I get bedraggled. I think that is now. I am not given a living's worth of income for no reason.
The dream I remember from last night, was of buying a car. A downgrade I didn't want, somehow losing my old vehicle. The exchange vehicle was used and rough, for whatever reason, I had no choice. First thing I got it to a place whereby to clean out the interior. First the passenger area. As I was going through stuff, I saw a spider of significant size... it's main about the circumference of a baseball, or a bit more. I tried to push and scare it out. Finally it departed. I finished cleaning that area, then began on the rear passenger side floorboard area. Again, another spider. Not so big, but too big. After finishing that area, and the cab compartment in general, and a general wash, I decided to bug-bomb the car. -- Just a generally annoying and slightly depressing dream. It, to me, just means that such is life. But that I will figure things out, do what is needed, and go on. This is true whether you are king, pauper, prince, priest, or whomever. It's just one of those things in life.
I sure wish sleep had done more to make me feel rested. Ah, medicine. Something has been missing in all the hubbub. Actually, now that I think of it, this feels like the potassium crash from before. Ah-ha! Thank you, dear diary, for giving me pause. I think that is exactly what this is, and in a bad way. Oh, I do believe, as well, I will cut the carvedilol in half. The last few times I have started, I just... got lost and fell off. I just... for me, that medicine is severe. I have to handle it like learning to handle any other poison. Yes, it's a poison. It is just that it might be less lethal than the poison of my illness. That IS what most medicine is... a calculated bet with your ass on the line. They can't sue every pharma or doctor for every bad medicine or application. They can't do enough trials, or even keep those honest enough. Life is risky, medicine more so. What are you going to do?
I'll find and get that started again, minus the water pill. Strangely, I have gone completely back to normal with my feet. The skin is still dry and cracked a bit, but otherwise you would never know. Funny thing? Where my feet used to be dry and cracked has normalized. It is only where the skin on the feet had expanded to near bursting that the skin is dry now. I am working on it. A focused but not, as yet, due to exhaustion, an allout attack on the problem.
I have... changed some things. I don't understand everything, only that I have to do things my way. I am not sure what is wrong in some directions. I just know I can't do, at all, some things. So I don't. Not all my own doing, just... Never mind. If you find something doesn't work, you don't do it.
Later.
Friday, January 20, 2017
I'm a bit toasted.
.
.
I think it is stress. Trying to figure out finances, where to go, how to take my belongings, what of them I could take, and not having a timetable to work with... plus a few other things, such as whether I would even be able to keep my cats? I'm fried, down to the deeper nerves. Even if what I am told is true, I realize these companies can pretty much take my home if they want. For politics, or whatever else. And, it seems, they will run right up to it. I realize that my home is never safe, no matter how honestly I play the game. I told you, long ago, I decided I won't fall in line with the pecking order. That hasn't changed.
I called my mom, let her in on the news, but still want her to call me Wednesday... to remind me to call again. I am hoping to figure out how to get back into enough shape that I can get to town Monday. I am razzled, fried, cooked, baked, and shot. I do have to get in though. Oh, and I have some returns to make and shirts to pick up. Gah!
To that end I thawed meat and am eating ravenously. Eating popcorn and salad, while it has some good things, doesn't it cut it when needing to work. I'll be going to bed early tonight, shortly. Probably. I'll try to kick it out to, say, 20:00, then set the alarm for 5:00. Just not sure about that. Good night.
Oh, while I didn't watch the inauguration, I espied from a distance in the way I do. I have some reason to believe from the bits and pieces of the various parts that things will work much better than worse and more often, by far, than not. I'll keep him, family, and America as a nation, in my prayers. Just understand, there is still the piper to pay. Between borrowing and spending, the debt has to come due. It doesn't matter. Sobering up right before the check is handed does not change the amount due for this drunken revelry. It's... gonna hurt. Just so you understand.
.
I think it is stress. Trying to figure out finances, where to go, how to take my belongings, what of them I could take, and not having a timetable to work with... plus a few other things, such as whether I would even be able to keep my cats? I'm fried, down to the deeper nerves. Even if what I am told is true, I realize these companies can pretty much take my home if they want. For politics, or whatever else. And, it seems, they will run right up to it. I realize that my home is never safe, no matter how honestly I play the game. I told you, long ago, I decided I won't fall in line with the pecking order. That hasn't changed.
I called my mom, let her in on the news, but still want her to call me Wednesday... to remind me to call again. I am hoping to figure out how to get back into enough shape that I can get to town Monday. I am razzled, fried, cooked, baked, and shot. I do have to get in though. Oh, and I have some returns to make and shirts to pick up. Gah!
To that end I thawed meat and am eating ravenously. Eating popcorn and salad, while it has some good things, doesn't it cut it when needing to work. I'll be going to bed early tonight, shortly. Probably. I'll try to kick it out to, say, 20:00, then set the alarm for 5:00. Just not sure about that. Good night.
Oh, while I didn't watch the inauguration, I espied from a distance in the way I do. I have some reason to believe from the bits and pieces of the various parts that things will work much better than worse and more often, by far, than not. I'll keep him, family, and America as a nation, in my prayers. Just understand, there is still the piper to pay. Between borrowing and spending, the debt has to come due. It doesn't matter. Sobering up right before the check is handed does not change the amount due for this drunken revelry. It's... gonna hurt. Just so you understand.
They still don't have the numbers.
.
.
They still don't have the full cost of dues, fees, legal, or otherwise. I was told, however, that they will, now, accept the balance on the mortgage and reinstate the loan, allowing me to pay the other things off later. This is a major change. The last two or three people patently refused to offer this as an option when requested.
Of course, I don't have an easy path. I wasn't paying attention to my accounts and... while I have the money, it will be tight. I guess I spent a bit more than I had thought. Last time I checked I had a couple grand over that. I must have... felt a bit too secure, so spent a bit much. The thing is, one of my accounts is in Iowa still. While I was able to draw the "savings" down, and over into checking (to the limit before I have to pay for having too little in the account). The next part will take time. I have to write a check for my local account, then wait for it to pass, THEN have certified (or whatever) check drawn and sent. Bleh.
Other than the minimums which must remain in the accounts, that leaves me with enough to get gas and maybe do minor shopping if needed. Nothing big, milk, maybe a few apples, just that sort of thing and only if really needed. Thankfully I have meat in the freezers. Oh, right, and I have a hog coming this month. No problems. I should be able to make my payments, and we'll work with the lawyer fees. If need be, I do have some room on my credit card (only one card with anything on it, and I keep the limit to $2k). There is a REASON to have meat in the freezer.
We'll see. It looks like I might be staying around, at least for a while anyway. I was hoping, if I leave, to leave on good terms. If I do, this might buy the time to do that. Well, and I won't have to just leave almost everything. We will see. I best try to get a shower, then get in to town to deposit that check... figure out how long it usually takes, and how much those certified checks (or whatever) cost. Later.
.
They still don't have the full cost of dues, fees, legal, or otherwise. I was told, however, that they will, now, accept the balance on the mortgage and reinstate the loan, allowing me to pay the other things off later. This is a major change. The last two or three people patently refused to offer this as an option when requested.
Of course, I don't have an easy path. I wasn't paying attention to my accounts and... while I have the money, it will be tight. I guess I spent a bit more than I had thought. Last time I checked I had a couple grand over that. I must have... felt a bit too secure, so spent a bit much. The thing is, one of my accounts is in Iowa still. While I was able to draw the "savings" down, and over into checking (to the limit before I have to pay for having too little in the account). The next part will take time. I have to write a check for my local account, then wait for it to pass, THEN have certified (or whatever) check drawn and sent. Bleh.
Other than the minimums which must remain in the accounts, that leaves me with enough to get gas and maybe do minor shopping if needed. Nothing big, milk, maybe a few apples, just that sort of thing and only if really needed. Thankfully I have meat in the freezers. Oh, right, and I have a hog coming this month. No problems. I should be able to make my payments, and we'll work with the lawyer fees. If need be, I do have some room on my credit card (only one card with anything on it, and I keep the limit to $2k). There is a REASON to have meat in the freezer.
We'll see. It looks like I might be staying around, at least for a while anyway. I was hoping, if I leave, to leave on good terms. If I do, this might buy the time to do that. Well, and I won't have to just leave almost everything. We will see. I best try to get a shower, then get in to town to deposit that check... figure out how long it usually takes, and how much those certified checks (or whatever) cost. Later.
This, that, and some other things.
.
.
I was wondering why morning wake times, and some bedtimes, were becoming blurry again. Ah-ha! I added an half hour to the alarm, so when it went of this morning, at 5:00, it was actually 4:30. That and internet time and the nuclear based broadcast time remain an quarter hour off from each other. I am still not sure which one people go by, though I am guessing the nuclear time... as that is what my phone shows. I guess MS, or the internet generally, or whatever, has become irrelevant enough that the time they show simply doesn't matter. Though, it may be because of federal crap... if they want to "adjust" any news that gets out, or scrap the interwebs to hide a major event, that gives them time on top of time to scrub things. Is it everybody else, or just my machine... and a few others? That would be telling.
I am feeling better, just not more energetic. It could be worse, a lot worse. It could sure be better too. At least, now, I realize, sometimes... without great need... all my attempts to push through will be for naught. The people who are highly successful do no better. They just learn how to have someone else, in teams, do almost everything, and they plan. They learn to depend on other people almost completely... which means they are always at great risk. It is cutting edge. Further, beside failure, how often they hit the ball and that sooner or later leads to a score on the board, is still rare. But with all else handled by others, they spend their time hitting the ball... to the exclusion of all else. Trust me, I do understand. I don't think most do.
What gets lost in the chase for success? Everything. If family gets in the way, it gets moved aside. If morals or ethics gets in the way, those are set aside. If anyone one or anything, from friends and mentors to nations, even rightly, attempt to interfere, as much as can be done, these things are sidestepped, blindsided, and taken down or out. There was a time where I not only knew, but did so. Not to the elite level, or for long, but... Beside the losses accrued, it was this realization that, on top of else, ended me. You really can have anything you want, you just have to be willing to take it. Most people are sheep, are meek, won't see it coming. If you want it, you can't even blink before pulling the trigger... literally or figuratively.
What is up with the news and blogging? It is just politics, 24/7. Not interested. Then again, those news bits that seem unrelated? Those have always been about trying to get you to rethink good honest notions. Feel sorry for them? Hate your own (if you are white)? On it goes. It isn't new. But there have been times when news offered some actual content. It's dead, on both sides, at this point. So? So I think I'll blog, at least until I am forced out, and read more books and game. The internet itself is, now, just a political organ, and of globalists as it has been handed over. If I end up going on the road, blogging will be left behind, most likely.
On to reading. Or gaming? Later.
.
I was wondering why morning wake times, and some bedtimes, were becoming blurry again. Ah-ha! I added an half hour to the alarm, so when it went of this morning, at 5:00, it was actually 4:30. That and internet time and the nuclear based broadcast time remain an quarter hour off from each other. I am still not sure which one people go by, though I am guessing the nuclear time... as that is what my phone shows. I guess MS, or the internet generally, or whatever, has become irrelevant enough that the time they show simply doesn't matter. Though, it may be because of federal crap... if they want to "adjust" any news that gets out, or scrap the interwebs to hide a major event, that gives them time on top of time to scrub things. Is it everybody else, or just my machine... and a few others? That would be telling.
I am feeling better, just not more energetic. It could be worse, a lot worse. It could sure be better too. At least, now, I realize, sometimes... without great need... all my attempts to push through will be for naught. The people who are highly successful do no better. They just learn how to have someone else, in teams, do almost everything, and they plan. They learn to depend on other people almost completely... which means they are always at great risk. It is cutting edge. Further, beside failure, how often they hit the ball and that sooner or later leads to a score on the board, is still rare. But with all else handled by others, they spend their time hitting the ball... to the exclusion of all else. Trust me, I do understand. I don't think most do.
What gets lost in the chase for success? Everything. If family gets in the way, it gets moved aside. If morals or ethics gets in the way, those are set aside. If anyone one or anything, from friends and mentors to nations, even rightly, attempt to interfere, as much as can be done, these things are sidestepped, blindsided, and taken down or out. There was a time where I not only knew, but did so. Not to the elite level, or for long, but... Beside the losses accrued, it was this realization that, on top of else, ended me. You really can have anything you want, you just have to be willing to take it. Most people are sheep, are meek, won't see it coming. If you want it, you can't even blink before pulling the trigger... literally or figuratively.
What is up with the news and blogging? It is just politics, 24/7. Not interested. Then again, those news bits that seem unrelated? Those have always been about trying to get you to rethink good honest notions. Feel sorry for them? Hate your own (if you are white)? On it goes. It isn't new. But there have been times when news offered some actual content. It's dead, on both sides, at this point. So? So I think I'll blog, at least until I am forced out, and read more books and game. The internet itself is, now, just a political organ, and of globalists as it has been handed over. If I end up going on the road, blogging will be left behind, most likely.
On to reading. Or gaming? Later.
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Not much, at least yet?
.
.
I did take a nap. I don't know that it helped, though it didn't hurt. Yeah, naps are a dangerous proposition, as far as function goes. Sometimes they can wipe me out worse than if I didn't take one. The thing is, I can't always tell that ahead of time. And, what's worse, I may not have a choice. Well, that was the case in the bad old days. Things really have improved. Even so, with so many decades of scraping by, suffering, and having to deal with seeming insane exhaustion, I always... worry.
I heard scraping. As soon as I heard that, I started throwing clothes on, boots, turning on lights, and... they were gone before I had a chance. I hadn't been paying attention to whether the snow had stopped. Yeah, I had been watching it, even checked after my nap, the started gaming. It had only been an hour or maybe two. I am grateful. I suspect who did it, but once in a while it is a different neighbor or group. My mother used to lend us out, actually all of them did. I wasn't keen on it as a kid. Now, to be fair, a mom can't help. But, I think, what helps with one of the neighbors anyway, is that the dad goes out with them. Yeah, that's a good thing. I am glad my mother had us help. I didn't see it from that side then. We didn't do this much either. Still... we did our parts.
I have been eating popcorn quite often lately. I thought, at $5~$6, a container of popcorn seemed... a bit expensive. But, eating it as often as I do, and it filling a couple meals a day as a butter/fat transporter, I am surprised how long it really does last. It is very cheap. And, even if I salt it a little heavy from time to time, it is still a lot less salty that almost anything one would buy at the store. Further, now that I am checking dates, I have found that while jolly-time is fine, the corn pops smaller. Orville is better, with the larger popped corn. Still, I like them both, now, as long as they are fresh.
I'll be calling tomorrow, to find out about the mortgage. My mother will call and remind me. So I best make sure the phone is charged. Yeah, even at this point, or at least often enough, I might forget to call tomorrow without a reminder. When every day is pretty much like every other day, getting delayed in doing something can see that project send skittering into a dark nowhere. I don't know if I can do anything about the debt, or if I have a chance. They were demanding it all, at once, and immediately. I'll know more tomorrow. Even the first of the month might be doable... I just can't tell without knowing what the cost is.
Later. Maybe good night.
.
I did take a nap. I don't know that it helped, though it didn't hurt. Yeah, naps are a dangerous proposition, as far as function goes. Sometimes they can wipe me out worse than if I didn't take one. The thing is, I can't always tell that ahead of time. And, what's worse, I may not have a choice. Well, that was the case in the bad old days. Things really have improved. Even so, with so many decades of scraping by, suffering, and having to deal with seeming insane exhaustion, I always... worry.
I heard scraping. As soon as I heard that, I started throwing clothes on, boots, turning on lights, and... they were gone before I had a chance. I hadn't been paying attention to whether the snow had stopped. Yeah, I had been watching it, even checked after my nap, the started gaming. It had only been an hour or maybe two. I am grateful. I suspect who did it, but once in a while it is a different neighbor or group. My mother used to lend us out, actually all of them did. I wasn't keen on it as a kid. Now, to be fair, a mom can't help. But, I think, what helps with one of the neighbors anyway, is that the dad goes out with them. Yeah, that's a good thing. I am glad my mother had us help. I didn't see it from that side then. We didn't do this much either. Still... we did our parts.
I have been eating popcorn quite often lately. I thought, at $5~$6, a container of popcorn seemed... a bit expensive. But, eating it as often as I do, and it filling a couple meals a day as a butter/fat transporter, I am surprised how long it really does last. It is very cheap. And, even if I salt it a little heavy from time to time, it is still a lot less salty that almost anything one would buy at the store. Further, now that I am checking dates, I have found that while jolly-time is fine, the corn pops smaller. Orville is better, with the larger popped corn. Still, I like them both, now, as long as they are fresh.
I'll be calling tomorrow, to find out about the mortgage. My mother will call and remind me. So I best make sure the phone is charged. Yeah, even at this point, or at least often enough, I might forget to call tomorrow without a reminder. When every day is pretty much like every other day, getting delayed in doing something can see that project send skittering into a dark nowhere. I don't know if I can do anything about the debt, or if I have a chance. They were demanding it all, at once, and immediately. I'll know more tomorrow. Even the first of the month might be doable... I just can't tell without knowing what the cost is.
Later. Maybe good night.
A bit more snow.
.
.
It is usually snowing, but it isn't as heavy as it looked. The reports suggest one to three inches today, with only trace amounts tonight. Now, what day and night is isn't exactly clear. It doesn't look like there is much more than an inch down, so I don't want to hit it until later. I don't think a trip to town is in the works. I just don't want to push too much, and the dry cleaner might be closed by the time I removed snow and finally got into town, after whenever it stops snowing. Some days pushing on through into the evening is fine, sometimes not. Not really worth it if one of the shops might be closed.
I might take a short nap though. Then do a bit of the work on the list. Maybe, for any of it. Later.
.
It is usually snowing, but it isn't as heavy as it looked. The reports suggest one to three inches today, with only trace amounts tonight. Now, what day and night is isn't exactly clear. It doesn't look like there is much more than an inch down, so I don't want to hit it until later. I don't think a trip to town is in the works. I just don't want to push too much, and the dry cleaner might be closed by the time I removed snow and finally got into town, after whenever it stops snowing. Some days pushing on through into the evening is fine, sometimes not. Not really worth it if one of the shops might be closed.
I might take a short nap though. Then do a bit of the work on the list. Maybe, for any of it. Later.
Snowing.
.
.
I am not sure how much is supposed to fall. It seems to be falling at a solid pace. There is a solid blanket of snow down. I'd best keep an eye on things. I'm not feeling like it but I'll do it anyway. I'd like to get to town today, but don't like leaving with the worry of coming home and having to drive through an inch of snow. The tracks just turn into ice. Salt will lift those, if there is enough sun or warmth, but not too much.
My pinkie is still rather rough. Still swollen and the last quarter of the last knuckle has gone from that red speckled bloom to more of a rage purple color. It is breaking up, it isn't as solid as it was. I am surprised the signs of damage have lasted so long. The swelling went down enough so that I could clip that fingernail, just barely and only a few days ago. Some say to work over these little things. But that isn't always possible. I have been able to work around it, or through the pain. But there have been times I could not use it. Even now that comes and goes. Though using it is the best way to heal, unless your healing capacity is completely shot. My comes and goes, this was just a pretty serious crushing.
I am hoping to get mayonnaise made, then make ranch dressing. I need to figure out some other dressings. Sure, I like ranch. And I can put a vinaigrette together in a short time, but those get old. I am definitely hungry lately, but haven't been eating as I should. I mixed hamburger and ground lamb last night. I've got to tell you, I was extremely pleased with that mix. I'll have to thaw something for the next few days. I haven't been eating much, for a while, hungry or not. It just isn't happening.
Later.
.
I am not sure how much is supposed to fall. It seems to be falling at a solid pace. There is a solid blanket of snow down. I'd best keep an eye on things. I'm not feeling like it but I'll do it anyway. I'd like to get to town today, but don't like leaving with the worry of coming home and having to drive through an inch of snow. The tracks just turn into ice. Salt will lift those, if there is enough sun or warmth, but not too much.
My pinkie is still rather rough. Still swollen and the last quarter of the last knuckle has gone from that red speckled bloom to more of a rage purple color. It is breaking up, it isn't as solid as it was. I am surprised the signs of damage have lasted so long. The swelling went down enough so that I could clip that fingernail, just barely and only a few days ago. Some say to work over these little things. But that isn't always possible. I have been able to work around it, or through the pain. But there have been times I could not use it. Even now that comes and goes. Though using it is the best way to heal, unless your healing capacity is completely shot. My comes and goes, this was just a pretty serious crushing.
I am hoping to get mayonnaise made, then make ranch dressing. I need to figure out some other dressings. Sure, I like ranch. And I can put a vinaigrette together in a short time, but those get old. I am definitely hungry lately, but haven't been eating as I should. I mixed hamburger and ground lamb last night. I've got to tell you, I was extremely pleased with that mix. I'll have to thaw something for the next few days. I haven't been eating much, for a while, hungry or not. It just isn't happening.
Later.
Awake early.
.
.
Actually early? I think I crashed early yesterday evening. I never did get a nap taken. Then carrying that exhaustion through the day so that I crashed, I suppose I was going to sleep longer. It is earlier than what it has been though, waking at about 4:30... give or take, if that was a ten or eleven hour sleep. Why do I bother writing this out? I don't track these things, say, scientifically? But I like to have some idea of how my life is running. When I track it with my mind, and whether I can do that, then write it, I get some kind of handle of function, in a time local, and perhaps over time in a mid-term level. It helps me keep up and keep a clear head by forcing me to try to remember and... It's not for your consumption, this. Just notes from and to the management.
Somethings are off. But I haven't been doing right by things. Actually, while my innards are a bit off, oddly it is noticeable because they have been so good for so long! I just realized that. I certainly won't complain about what amounts to minor complaints, now that I realized how well I have been doing. Gosh, this last run, up to now, has been the most pain-free, regarding internals, I have ever known since first becoming ill! Oh my. I think my food choices, and ketosis, is the way for me! I just need to stay on it. I suspect the cinnamon rolls and milk overdose got to me. All good, it's been a very long time since I have had a treat. My keto numbers, according to the sticks, have been running between five and fifteen, even without fasting. As to fasting, I think that would do a world of good, I just can't seem to get back on that wave. I'll keep trying, especially now.
I'll keep the list from yesterday, and take a shot at what of it I can do. Shower before all but waking. Waking is simply brutal lately. I never quite reach escape velocity for getting off my bum for longer than a few minutes. It is literally as if gravity has increased for me... which just means I am weakened by something. That could be a number of things, heart, diabetes, the organs I am feeling not doing their job or overdoing it, who knows. I've been turning up the heat. That just helps me stay comfortable, it doesn't really help me become more functional. I'll keep at it, in mind if not body.
Good morning.
.
Actually early? I think I crashed early yesterday evening. I never did get a nap taken. Then carrying that exhaustion through the day so that I crashed, I suppose I was going to sleep longer. It is earlier than what it has been though, waking at about 4:30... give or take, if that was a ten or eleven hour sleep. Why do I bother writing this out? I don't track these things, say, scientifically? But I like to have some idea of how my life is running. When I track it with my mind, and whether I can do that, then write it, I get some kind of handle of function, in a time local, and perhaps over time in a mid-term level. It helps me keep up and keep a clear head by forcing me to try to remember and... It's not for your consumption, this. Just notes from and to the management.
Somethings are off. But I haven't been doing right by things. Actually, while my innards are a bit off, oddly it is noticeable because they have been so good for so long! I just realized that. I certainly won't complain about what amounts to minor complaints, now that I realized how well I have been doing. Gosh, this last run, up to now, has been the most pain-free, regarding internals, I have ever known since first becoming ill! Oh my. I think my food choices, and ketosis, is the way for me! I just need to stay on it. I suspect the cinnamon rolls and milk overdose got to me. All good, it's been a very long time since I have had a treat. My keto numbers, according to the sticks, have been running between five and fifteen, even without fasting. As to fasting, I think that would do a world of good, I just can't seem to get back on that wave. I'll keep trying, especially now.
I'll keep the list from yesterday, and take a shot at what of it I can do. Shower before all but waking. Waking is simply brutal lately. I never quite reach escape velocity for getting off my bum for longer than a few minutes. It is literally as if gravity has increased for me... which just means I am weakened by something. That could be a number of things, heart, diabetes, the organs I am feeling not doing their job or overdoing it, who knows. I've been turning up the heat. That just helps me stay comfortable, it doesn't really help me become more functional. I'll keep at it, in mind if not body.
Good morning.
Wednesday, January 18, 2017
It hurts.
.
.
I offer every scintilla of shame, failure, loss, and hurt over to God. I don't do it with anger, or a form of shame, or with anything negative. I do it with the most magnificent gratitude I can honestly muster. For all the pain and all that is gone, I am thankful to have seen love, life, women, the world, and to realize there is more. I am blessed in a bath, never-ending shower, of my own tears.
.
I offer every scintilla of shame, failure, loss, and hurt over to God. I don't do it with anger, or a form of shame, or with anything negative. I do it with the most magnificent gratitude I can honestly muster. For all the pain and all that is gone, I am thankful to have seen love, life, women, the world, and to realize there is more. I am blessed in a bath, never-ending shower, of my own tears.
Cooked, baked, fried.
.
.
Call it what you will. I am zapped. Could be stress. Might be a number of things. It is unusual. Even though I have been down, this is down and then some. Double, triple, or more, down. I can barely keep my eyes open, as it has been all morning, yesterday, and for a bit before that I think. I may take a nap shortly with hope that it might help me.
I did print out a return label. And I keep the shirts that need to be picked up in my mind. Today or tomorrow, I am almost sure, I will get those tended. Much else perhaps not. A shower, first, mind you. I am toasted.
Nap time. Yeah. Later.
.
Call it what you will. I am zapped. Could be stress. Might be a number of things. It is unusual. Even though I have been down, this is down and then some. Double, triple, or more, down. I can barely keep my eyes open, as it has been all morning, yesterday, and for a bit before that I think. I may take a nap shortly with hope that it might help me.
I did print out a return label. And I keep the shirts that need to be picked up in my mind. Today or tomorrow, I am almost sure, I will get those tended. Much else perhaps not. A shower, first, mind you. I am toasted.
Nap time. Yeah. Later.
Sleeping in and on purpose.
.
.
When the world spins under the feet, sleeping in doesn't always look the same. I have been planning sleep around bedtime. I add eight hours, rounding up to include extra time, to the bedtime hour bedtime. Why use the alarm clock? Because life was spinning too fast without it. Days and nights were getting too long, and then too short, sometimes together or individually. It was annoying. And the alarm is working.
As mentioned, I slept in a bit this morning. The alarm was set for 4:00, or was it 5:00? I woke just before it, naturally, but knew I wasn't ready to wake. I just added another hour and rolled back in. Now, I ended up waking, again, before the alarm. Still, I slept in. That is about the best extra sleep I have gotten in my life. Not so much extra that I was out of sorts, not too little or after being battered by an alarm clock, and not so late I am too late for the day. Still a bit off, but I'm a bit under pressure.
The goal is a shower, hitting some of the dishes, taking some things back in for a return, picking up shirts from the dry cleaner, and tending the laundry that is finished. If that all goes well, digging more into dishes and laundry. As soon as laundry and dishes are caught up, or while doing that, cleaning in the kitchen and bathroom, then living room, just up to where they were, then starting in on the main bedroom again. Yes, that has been the plan for some time. I haven't, to date, since getting to that point initially, done more than do enough dishes and laundry to keep up a bit. And, so, there it remains. I can hope to finish these things in this week or next and be back to the main bedroom by the end of this week or into the next. I would get nowhere without goals, plus trying to keep those in my mind even while I fail often. Failure isn't an option, it's a guarantee. Now what are you going to do about it?
Later.
.
When the world spins under the feet, sleeping in doesn't always look the same. I have been planning sleep around bedtime. I add eight hours, rounding up to include extra time, to the bedtime hour bedtime. Why use the alarm clock? Because life was spinning too fast without it. Days and nights were getting too long, and then too short, sometimes together or individually. It was annoying. And the alarm is working.
As mentioned, I slept in a bit this morning. The alarm was set for 4:00, or was it 5:00? I woke just before it, naturally, but knew I wasn't ready to wake. I just added another hour and rolled back in. Now, I ended up waking, again, before the alarm. Still, I slept in. That is about the best extra sleep I have gotten in my life. Not so much extra that I was out of sorts, not too little or after being battered by an alarm clock, and not so late I am too late for the day. Still a bit off, but I'm a bit under pressure.
The goal is a shower, hitting some of the dishes, taking some things back in for a return, picking up shirts from the dry cleaner, and tending the laundry that is finished. If that all goes well, digging more into dishes and laundry. As soon as laundry and dishes are caught up, or while doing that, cleaning in the kitchen and bathroom, then living room, just up to where they were, then starting in on the main bedroom again. Yes, that has been the plan for some time. I haven't, to date, since getting to that point initially, done more than do enough dishes and laundry to keep up a bit. And, so, there it remains. I can hope to finish these things in this week or next and be back to the main bedroom by the end of this week or into the next. I would get nowhere without goals, plus trying to keep those in my mind even while I fail often. Failure isn't an option, it's a guarantee. Now what are you going to do about it?
Later.
Tuesday, January 17, 2017
Oh well, so much for an easier loan.
.
.
My brother called back. He started telling me about all these ways he had gotten a loan before. Cool. He has a wife who works, other collateral, he can do that. I'm not going to hate on him. Times are tight, and dealing with a wife can be too much. I don't think there is time, or a way, to get a loan... or potentially. He wasn't my first call. If I can't, somehow, swing it, that's that.
I am not sure how fast they move on homes, but the company seems extremely motivated. So... a month, a few months? Yeah. Paying back is completely in their hands and they seemed disinterested in discussing anything. It looks like they are pushing to close this out.
I hung up on him. I'm honestly not angry. I will put him on the no-call list, or just ignore, until I have dealt with this, one way or the other. That's just how it goes. The two people I know who might have had that option have said no. It's good to know how one stands in the world though. It might not be pleasing but it's... the way it is.
.
My brother called back. He started telling me about all these ways he had gotten a loan before. Cool. He has a wife who works, other collateral, he can do that. I'm not going to hate on him. Times are tight, and dealing with a wife can be too much. I don't think there is time, or a way, to get a loan... or potentially. He wasn't my first call. If I can't, somehow, swing it, that's that.
I am not sure how fast they move on homes, but the company seems extremely motivated. So... a month, a few months? Yeah. Paying back is completely in their hands and they seemed disinterested in discussing anything. It looks like they are pushing to close this out.
I hung up on him. I'm honestly not angry. I will put him on the no-call list, or just ignore, until I have dealt with this, one way or the other. That's just how it goes. The two people I know who might have had that option have said no. It's good to know how one stands in the world though. It might not be pleasing but it's... the way it is.
No information.
.
.
I called the banker. No information from the lawyer on those costs. They suggested I call Friday. So, I called my mother back, let her know to call me Friday. It's as good as I can do. The smart phone calendar, and another calendar app which had a high rating, have proven useless. Updates wipe them, at least on my phone, so I randomly lose data. Useless. As well, I don't always here the alarm, and the ones I have don't repeat, or keep a message up, or those get wiped. I suppose you have to have one or more backup devices, whether laptop, desktop, both, and possibly more? So, if it's important, I have to depend on people.
I then called my brother, to let him know about my problem, and to see if he might be able to help. Without an idea of how much I might need to borrow, he can't say. And there is a limit on how much I would ask. If it's too much I simply have to let it go. That might honestly be the goal. Strip mine the bit I have in it, leave the debt to the feds, and move on to the next sucker. He doesn't know. He'll have to talk to his wife. I may end up homeless, which I think this admin is all for.
Now, my brother had advise for me. He likes the company he has his mortgage through. Me? I didn't like the sound of it. It sounds like they call him with offers and "advice", and a bit more than I want. I want it set up, then to just be left the hell alone. I don't want to pay extra when it suits some company, nor do I want renegotiation ever so often. Not interested. However, if I can save things, I will look for a fixed, perhaps fifteen year, loan. He has worked with this company, and suggested he had problems with it too. He is a retired and a disabled vet too. Still, if his company has as good of an offer as others, and can keep their offers to themselves, I'd consider them. Don't call me unless there is a problem. Not interested. Gah!
Only some are welcome, if they might be very welcome. Now, if I must go, I will. It's earlier than I hoped, if I must. But... that is how it works. I... will do what I must.
.
I called the banker. No information from the lawyer on those costs. They suggested I call Friday. So, I called my mother back, let her know to call me Friday. It's as good as I can do. The smart phone calendar, and another calendar app which had a high rating, have proven useless. Updates wipe them, at least on my phone, so I randomly lose data. Useless. As well, I don't always here the alarm, and the ones I have don't repeat, or keep a message up, or those get wiped. I suppose you have to have one or more backup devices, whether laptop, desktop, both, and possibly more? So, if it's important, I have to depend on people.
I then called my brother, to let him know about my problem, and to see if he might be able to help. Without an idea of how much I might need to borrow, he can't say. And there is a limit on how much I would ask. If it's too much I simply have to let it go. That might honestly be the goal. Strip mine the bit I have in it, leave the debt to the feds, and move on to the next sucker. He doesn't know. He'll have to talk to his wife. I may end up homeless, which I think this admin is all for.
Now, my brother had advise for me. He likes the company he has his mortgage through. Me? I didn't like the sound of it. It sounds like they call him with offers and "advice", and a bit more than I want. I want it set up, then to just be left the hell alone. I don't want to pay extra when it suits some company, nor do I want renegotiation ever so often. Not interested. However, if I can save things, I will look for a fixed, perhaps fifteen year, loan. He has worked with this company, and suggested he had problems with it too. He is a retired and a disabled vet too. Still, if his company has as good of an offer as others, and can keep their offers to themselves, I'd consider them. Don't call me unless there is a problem. Not interested. Gah!
Only some are welcome, if they might be very welcome. Now, if I must go, I will. It's earlier than I hoped, if I must. But... that is how it works. I... will do what I must.
Well?
.
.
I didn't get down until a bit later. Meaning and eight hour, rounded up, sleep time would see me awake at 7:00... 22:30 (ish) down? Yeah. I have been setting the alarm, trying to capture day again, or more. I woke at 5:30, really had to think about it, finally decided I would wake. I am not running well, or on all eight cylinders, but well enough. I was expecting a call, if I couldn't be sure when. It arrived.
Today is the day to call the mortgage company about the costs. And, then, perhaps call my brother for a small loan. I'm not sure he will, or can, offer it. On the good side, I know I am doing well enough that paying it back won't be an issue. Depending on how much it will take some time. But this isn't a gift, or such. Well and truly a loan, and with interest. He probably won't accept interest. And I will accept that. But I will expect him and them to accept a fee or at least a small gift, such as fruit for a few months, or such. Gratitude. Assuming he can offer the loan, of course.
I'll make that call in two hours, or so. Hopefully early enough to call him after, during a time he is usually more available. I'll ask for next month off, to figure out my finances... then see what I can afford, then just send a placket of checks to pay it off over some run of time. As mentioned, I am lousy about paying things in a timely fashion in any other way, save auto-pay. Which reminds me, I need to get utilities caught up. Bleh. It looks like the checks for that have run their course and I'm becoming past due. Bleh. Hate that.
I am hoping to do those dishes which have been soaking, and another pan actually. At least run them through and clean them, then either dry and put them up or take a shower than put them back in for more soaking... or add hod sudsy and put them (or which might need it) onto the stove top to heat clean a bit. And, as mentioned, a shower. Perhaps another trip to town... I have a return to make, and would like to buy a few more things for one last jab at the kitchen drain. A new p-trap section and maybe something to act as shims, plus maybe some sort of glue, for the rubber connector. Both seem to be where the leaks are. Well, and a quick look for a few things at another store... or not.
I'll keep at it. If I can, elsewise in the day, I wish to finish the laundry that is done. I just won't do more laundry until I have all that which is already clean figured out. I may need to add a damp towel back to some things, or just suffer through wrinkled clothes until next time. Yeah, that last I believe. Oh, and while in town, I need to pick up the shirts I had pressed! Gah! Lost track. Anyway... I just want to catch up, then figure some things out and begin again. I'm not so fare behind that it'll be too much work to kick it back in gear. All good.
Good morning, and day. *tips hat*
.
I didn't get down until a bit later. Meaning and eight hour, rounded up, sleep time would see me awake at 7:00... 22:30 (ish) down? Yeah. I have been setting the alarm, trying to capture day again, or more. I woke at 5:30, really had to think about it, finally decided I would wake. I am not running well, or on all eight cylinders, but well enough. I was expecting a call, if I couldn't be sure when. It arrived.
Today is the day to call the mortgage company about the costs. And, then, perhaps call my brother for a small loan. I'm not sure he will, or can, offer it. On the good side, I know I am doing well enough that paying it back won't be an issue. Depending on how much it will take some time. But this isn't a gift, or such. Well and truly a loan, and with interest. He probably won't accept interest. And I will accept that. But I will expect him and them to accept a fee or at least a small gift, such as fruit for a few months, or such. Gratitude. Assuming he can offer the loan, of course.
I'll make that call in two hours, or so. Hopefully early enough to call him after, during a time he is usually more available. I'll ask for next month off, to figure out my finances... then see what I can afford, then just send a placket of checks to pay it off over some run of time. As mentioned, I am lousy about paying things in a timely fashion in any other way, save auto-pay. Which reminds me, I need to get utilities caught up. Bleh. It looks like the checks for that have run their course and I'm becoming past due. Bleh. Hate that.
I am hoping to do those dishes which have been soaking, and another pan actually. At least run them through and clean them, then either dry and put them up or take a shower than put them back in for more soaking... or add hod sudsy and put them (or which might need it) onto the stove top to heat clean a bit. And, as mentioned, a shower. Perhaps another trip to town... I have a return to make, and would like to buy a few more things for one last jab at the kitchen drain. A new p-trap section and maybe something to act as shims, plus maybe some sort of glue, for the rubber connector. Both seem to be where the leaks are. Well, and a quick look for a few things at another store... or not.
I'll keep at it. If I can, elsewise in the day, I wish to finish the laundry that is done. I just won't do more laundry until I have all that which is already clean figured out. I may need to add a damp towel back to some things, or just suffer through wrinkled clothes until next time. Yeah, that last I believe. Oh, and while in town, I need to pick up the shirts I had pressed! Gah! Lost track. Anyway... I just want to catch up, then figure some things out and begin again. I'm not so fare behind that it'll be too much work to kick it back in gear. All good.
Good morning, and day. *tips hat*
Monday, January 16, 2017
Just look in and get a punch on the nose?
.
.
Not literally, or this time. Not sure that ever happened literally, but I lost years of memory, and even the majority good years, I can't remember every bad thing that happened. No, this is poetry. I ended up, rather inexpensively, with W. Witman's, Emily Dickinson's, and Poe's complete poetry, plus a collection (of unknown completeness) by T. Roethke. I know some bits of all the others, aside from the latter. So... even if I am not going to dig, I thought I'd look at a few of his. I am stuck, so far, on the first one. A punch to the chops, if more from back when, while I was still underwater trying to tread without His graces.
A punch on the nose, the title might as well read, by Theodore Roethke. Anyway, I thought I'd recount it here. Giving credit where it is due.
Just of the past? It covers a lot of the here and now. There is a mix and match that just unnerved. I don't, honestly, care for the poem, artistically. But, then, I don't like poetry. *grins* However...
Well, good night.
Bastards and the sisterhood are sneaking up on me.
.
Not literally, or this time. Not sure that ever happened literally, but I lost years of memory, and even the majority good years, I can't remember every bad thing that happened. No, this is poetry. I ended up, rather inexpensively, with W. Witman's, Emily Dickinson's, and Poe's complete poetry, plus a collection (of unknown completeness) by T. Roethke. I know some bits of all the others, aside from the latter. So... even if I am not going to dig, I thought I'd look at a few of his. I am stuck, so far, on the first one. A punch to the chops, if more from back when, while I was still underwater trying to tread without His graces.
A punch on the nose, the title might as well read, by Theodore Roethke. Anyway, I thought I'd recount it here. Giving credit where it is due.
Open House
My secrets cry aloud.
I have no need for tongue.
My heart keeps open house,
My doors are widely swung.
An epic of the eyes
My love, with no disguise.
My truths are all foreknown,
This anguish self-revealed.
I'm naked to the bone,
With nakedness my shield.
Myself is what I wear,
I keep the spirit spare.
The anger will endure,
The deed will speak the truth
In language strict and pure.
I stop the lying mouth:
Rage warps my clearest cry
To witless agony.
Just of the past? It covers a lot of the here and now. There is a mix and match that just unnerved. I don't, honestly, care for the poem, artistically. But, then, I don't like poetry. *grins* However...
Well, good night.
Bastards and the sisterhood are sneaking up on me.
Do you ever get the feeling...
.
.
It's like realizing you are being watched, only more. Being watched is one thing, being watched with intent is another. Is there one being put in the tube for me, is it silver, if both, is the intent an end or a beginning? I do not know, not for sure, I just realize that some bullets merely... enslave. I can't believe that. Then again, when you show signs and have a certain set of gifts, a new potential can open. Terrifying, all of it, and yet not at all. The terrifying part is getting from a to c. Or even just to point a in order to truly contemplate then moving to point b, then c.
.
It's like realizing you are being watched, only more. Being watched is one thing, being watched with intent is another. Is there one being put in the tube for me, is it silver, if both, is the intent an end or a beginning? I do not know, not for sure, I just realize that some bullets merely... enslave. I can't believe that. Then again, when you show signs and have a certain set of gifts, a new potential can open. Terrifying, all of it, and yet not at all. The terrifying part is getting from a to c. Or even just to point a in order to truly contemplate then moving to point b, then c.
More than anticipated.
.
.
Not all that I had hoped, or what I had thought. The trash went out. There wasn't that much but it needed to go. *cough* Yeah. Then a trip to the post office. I just decided to make it to town today. I've been missing milk and cream, butter was low, and I haven't had veggies in a long while, or fresh mayo or salad dressings. Well, and it was treat day.
I ended up hitting three stores. The first was the bread store. No sugar, real sourdough bread. I want to try it, while monitoring blood sugar. It would be nice to, from time to time, have some bread. I'm just not up, quite yet, to working it. Store bought, outright, doesn't work. To be honest I really don't trust the labels anymore. I was always a bit unsure, but now I just don't believe what is written. Our government, on this and much else, has become a corrupted enemy to us. There are shops that make bread though, locally, which I can at least offer the benefit of the doubt.
While at the bread store I ordered a sandwich. Along with the loaf to go, I also bought two cinnamon rolls. If I am going to go wrong, I'll go wrong knowingly, up front, and honestly. It's been a long time since I have had a treat. Too long. Oh, my, are these good.
Next, a trip to one of the health food stores. I don't buy organic, but I do like their standard rices and other grains, for the rare times I consume that. Rice and oats, brown and whole(ish). Oh, and I am trying one of their xylitol mouth washes. It's a bit pricey, but maybe that is typical. I didn't look at the price last time I bought, if another brand. While I was at that spot, since my usual hair cutting spot was next door, I decided to get just a bit of a cut. My regular gal is gone. I am trying a new woman. I've set up an appointment for next month. Ugh, horrible at that, but I'll do my best. Would like to get the shrubbery back into just a bit of a tidier bundle.
Finally, to my regular grocery store. Milk, cream, butter, and more. Salad making, fresh eggs for mayo and dressing, green onions and radishes to slice in a salad or two. Oh, well, and I'll boil more eggs to add to a salad from time to time. I sure miss milk. Haven't had it for... months? Oh my. Or close. And it's been rather irregular even then.
Oh, and before I went, I put some of the pans that had been left go far too long to soak, after I emptied them with the trash today. Ackh! I missed getting the big soup pot emptied. I'll do that and get that out soon. Very soon. I'll bet that is brutal on the nose. Though, being in the fridge, maybe not as bad. I'll find out soon enough. With the lid, the smell hasn't gotten into the fridge yet. Yeah, I can smell. But heavy lids hid much. When I got home, I set them to a fresh soak. Yeah. Anyway. Later.
.
Not all that I had hoped, or what I had thought. The trash went out. There wasn't that much but it needed to go. *cough* Yeah. Then a trip to the post office. I just decided to make it to town today. I've been missing milk and cream, butter was low, and I haven't had veggies in a long while, or fresh mayo or salad dressings. Well, and it was treat day.
I ended up hitting three stores. The first was the bread store. No sugar, real sourdough bread. I want to try it, while monitoring blood sugar. It would be nice to, from time to time, have some bread. I'm just not up, quite yet, to working it. Store bought, outright, doesn't work. To be honest I really don't trust the labels anymore. I was always a bit unsure, but now I just don't believe what is written. Our government, on this and much else, has become a corrupted enemy to us. There are shops that make bread though, locally, which I can at least offer the benefit of the doubt.
While at the bread store I ordered a sandwich. Along with the loaf to go, I also bought two cinnamon rolls. If I am going to go wrong, I'll go wrong knowingly, up front, and honestly. It's been a long time since I have had a treat. Too long. Oh, my, are these good.
Next, a trip to one of the health food stores. I don't buy organic, but I do like their standard rices and other grains, for the rare times I consume that. Rice and oats, brown and whole(ish). Oh, and I am trying one of their xylitol mouth washes. It's a bit pricey, but maybe that is typical. I didn't look at the price last time I bought, if another brand. While I was at that spot, since my usual hair cutting spot was next door, I decided to get just a bit of a cut. My regular gal is gone. I am trying a new woman. I've set up an appointment for next month. Ugh, horrible at that, but I'll do my best. Would like to get the shrubbery back into just a bit of a tidier bundle.
Finally, to my regular grocery store. Milk, cream, butter, and more. Salad making, fresh eggs for mayo and dressing, green onions and radishes to slice in a salad or two. Oh, well, and I'll boil more eggs to add to a salad from time to time. I sure miss milk. Haven't had it for... months? Oh my. Or close. And it's been rather irregular even then.
Oh, and before I went, I put some of the pans that had been left go far too long to soak, after I emptied them with the trash today. Ackh! I missed getting the big soup pot emptied. I'll do that and get that out soon. Very soon. I'll bet that is brutal on the nose. Though, being in the fridge, maybe not as bad. I'll find out soon enough. With the lid, the smell hasn't gotten into the fridge yet. Yeah, I can smell. But heavy lids hid much. When I got home, I set them to a fresh soak. Yeah. Anyway. Later.
Not much done yesterday.
.
.
A shower and a thorough cleaning of the toilet summed up the day. Even with the furnace jacked, it feels cold. I suspect it has less to do with the home than it has to do with me. I have been testing blood sugar ever so occasionally. It has been in the 220~240 range every time I have tested. I haven't been able to fast, not multi-day. However, this last effort was better, for whatever that means. And my last blood sugar at 175 seemed to show that some effort did something. That also may be why I am feeling so cool.
This week I am going to begin making an attempt at fasting through the day, eating only an evening, if extended meal. Eating as necessary, to get the thing going, is easily made up for by having extended periods of fasting. I have never gained weight, somehow, even when eating in excess in that four hour meal period and as I wish. Further, that doesn't last and my appetite eventually falls back into line. Then weight loss rockets... at least to a point. After that, if I keep up, while I may not lose weight, I do lose size/volume. I am still on the crux between 40's and 38's. I'd like to push that down to 36 waists, then keep it going until... until it's done. Then begin exercising and hiking a bit more in earnest. Trying to do much with this much extra is a bit of a losing battle. Although I'd like to hit snowshoeing regularly, at least here abouts... at least when I can.
My pinky is actually starting to hurt. Sometimes quite a lot. Not that it matters, at this point, one way or another. I still shovel, or do other work. I just am surprised it hurts now but not before. The tip of that pinky is at least as big as my ring finger tip, which for me is still quite large. I have no idea when that is going to heal. But it wasn't just a minor thing, I guess. I'm just glad I didn't lose it, or the fingernail.
I need to get the trash collected, and out. The cat litter is good. I will top it off at the end of the month, which should double down it's life. I like to be as frugal as possible, but not beyond some point. Frugality, however, often requires a bit of work. The dollar or the back, that seems to be the choice. After that, I will put dishes to soak, and consider laundry... unless another shower or bath is in order. My feet are really coming back around. Another month like this and there may be no telling that they had ever nearly brought me to death. Just a dry patch on top, where the skin had been stretched by water weight remains to possibly show. Hmm, haven't even been taking medicine, not sure why I'm not having water retention problems now... well... maybe an idea.
Later.
.
A shower and a thorough cleaning of the toilet summed up the day. Even with the furnace jacked, it feels cold. I suspect it has less to do with the home than it has to do with me. I have been testing blood sugar ever so occasionally. It has been in the 220~240 range every time I have tested. I haven't been able to fast, not multi-day. However, this last effort was better, for whatever that means. And my last blood sugar at 175 seemed to show that some effort did something. That also may be why I am feeling so cool.
This week I am going to begin making an attempt at fasting through the day, eating only an evening, if extended meal. Eating as necessary, to get the thing going, is easily made up for by having extended periods of fasting. I have never gained weight, somehow, even when eating in excess in that four hour meal period and as I wish. Further, that doesn't last and my appetite eventually falls back into line. Then weight loss rockets... at least to a point. After that, if I keep up, while I may not lose weight, I do lose size/volume. I am still on the crux between 40's and 38's. I'd like to push that down to 36 waists, then keep it going until... until it's done. Then begin exercising and hiking a bit more in earnest. Trying to do much with this much extra is a bit of a losing battle. Although I'd like to hit snowshoeing regularly, at least here abouts... at least when I can.
My pinky is actually starting to hurt. Sometimes quite a lot. Not that it matters, at this point, one way or another. I still shovel, or do other work. I just am surprised it hurts now but not before. The tip of that pinky is at least as big as my ring finger tip, which for me is still quite large. I have no idea when that is going to heal. But it wasn't just a minor thing, I guess. I'm just glad I didn't lose it, or the fingernail.
I need to get the trash collected, and out. The cat litter is good. I will top it off at the end of the month, which should double down it's life. I like to be as frugal as possible, but not beyond some point. Frugality, however, often requires a bit of work. The dollar or the back, that seems to be the choice. After that, I will put dishes to soak, and consider laundry... unless another shower or bath is in order. My feet are really coming back around. Another month like this and there may be no telling that they had ever nearly brought me to death. Just a dry patch on top, where the skin had been stretched by water weight remains to possibly show. Hmm, haven't even been taking medicine, not sure why I'm not having water retention problems now... well... maybe an idea.
Later.
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Oh, right.
.
.
I've been awake for nearing two hours. I just... when you don't have the web for a bit there is some making up to do. Although the half dozen or so topics or objects I considered have not been what is holding me up. I haven't, I don't think, even hit one of them. I'll have to write them down when I remember them, if I remember them. I have mostly just been catching up on gab, trying to catch up on blogs, checking the news, and listening to music again.
I've got to admit, while I did well in holding off regarding the internet, it was more trouble than I thought. That's not cool. I quit tobacco, not for the health reasons (which I believe are probably erroneous), but because of the seeming need for an obvious non-necessity. The internet is the same. There is nothing on the internet that is of any real use to me in my human condition. It is what socializing has fallen to, it is where the want of information is seemingly fulfilled (as obviously questionable as that is) - (and more, even if true, getting information is separating us from figuring it out, testing it, etc... the only way to more sure information).
On the other hand, at least for me, there isn't always a lot more I can do. Is it fair? Is it right? It, sometimes, doesn't matter. It is what it is. Anyway, yeah... I've been up since 2:00, just drooling over the net access, and using it to a degree.
Today? Hmm... trash will go out. It's not recycling this month. I have been showering or bathing daily lately, and hope to get another one in. Yeah, I do enjoy it when I can. Then, maybe, back to tending laundry, perhaps a load of dishes to be set up as well, and worked through the day. Not much else, if even all that. Though I think so. Yes, God's day. But God has to understand I don't have a lot of options as to when I can, or should, rest or work. I either work when I can or I slide deeper into a life I believe He intended even less than working on a Sunday. And, so, it will be... if I can.
Good morning and day. Later.
.
I've been awake for nearing two hours. I just... when you don't have the web for a bit there is some making up to do. Although the half dozen or so topics or objects I considered have not been what is holding me up. I haven't, I don't think, even hit one of them. I'll have to write them down when I remember them, if I remember them. I have mostly just been catching up on gab, trying to catch up on blogs, checking the news, and listening to music again.
I've got to admit, while I did well in holding off regarding the internet, it was more trouble than I thought. That's not cool. I quit tobacco, not for the health reasons (which I believe are probably erroneous), but because of the seeming need for an obvious non-necessity. The internet is the same. There is nothing on the internet that is of any real use to me in my human condition. It is what socializing has fallen to, it is where the want of information is seemingly fulfilled (as obviously questionable as that is) - (and more, even if true, getting information is separating us from figuring it out, testing it, etc... the only way to more sure information).
On the other hand, at least for me, there isn't always a lot more I can do. Is it fair? Is it right? It, sometimes, doesn't matter. It is what it is. Anyway, yeah... I've been up since 2:00, just drooling over the net access, and using it to a degree.
Today? Hmm... trash will go out. It's not recycling this month. I have been showering or bathing daily lately, and hope to get another one in. Yeah, I do enjoy it when I can. Then, maybe, back to tending laundry, perhaps a load of dishes to be set up as well, and worked through the day. Not much else, if even all that. Though I think so. Yes, God's day. But God has to understand I don't have a lot of options as to when I can, or should, rest or work. I either work when I can or I slide deeper into a life I believe He intended even less than working on a Sunday. And, so, it will be... if I can.
Good morning and day. Later.
Saturday, January 14, 2017
Nearly bedtime.
.
.
Nothing done. I worked a bit into daylight. I just, still, don't have much to give. I have been cranking the furnace when I wake, it just isn't enough. Maybe a week of shaking the chills, and rest, will help. Though, perhaps, fasting isn't going to help. Yeah, there are those things. I don't think fasting is the biggest problem though. I feel just as lethargic as I have while eating a couple meals a day.
It is good to have the internet back. I missed logging some of my notions regarding what of Dante, or the haiku masters, I read. Or other things, in general or specific about life, love, or else. I often miss opportunities. As a photographer can't always have his camera, or the right light, or whatever else, so a writer can't always capture, or frame, a thought or sight or sense of another sort. Still, without the possibility, tools, that potential sinks to zero. A hard thing for one who wishes to express.
Oh, this is actually from quite some time back. When I found the second song (played first in this post), I brought it right in. Though, too, for me? The second (played first) reminded me directly of the first song (played last). No, I... don't think most would catch it, unless it was pointed out. Maybe not then? Come on, comment. Sheesh! It's a matter of perspective, and sensory range, that most simply aren't familiar regarding. You can't see the dark in the light, or the light in the dark. You truly, while living in a fallen world, have no idea how deep that rabbit hole goes, either way. Enjoy or not.
.
Nothing done. I worked a bit into daylight. I just, still, don't have much to give. I have been cranking the furnace when I wake, it just isn't enough. Maybe a week of shaking the chills, and rest, will help. Though, perhaps, fasting isn't going to help. Yeah, there are those things. I don't think fasting is the biggest problem though. I feel just as lethargic as I have while eating a couple meals a day.
It is good to have the internet back. I missed logging some of my notions regarding what of Dante, or the haiku masters, I read. Or other things, in general or specific about life, love, or else. I often miss opportunities. As a photographer can't always have his camera, or the right light, or whatever else, so a writer can't always capture, or frame, a thought or sight or sense of another sort. Still, without the possibility, tools, that potential sinks to zero. A hard thing for one who wishes to express.
Oh, this is actually from quite some time back. When I found the second song (played first in this post), I brought it right in. Though, too, for me? The second (played first) reminded me directly of the first song (played last). No, I... don't think most would catch it, unless it was pointed out. Maybe not then? Come on, comment. Sheesh! It's a matter of perspective, and sensory range, that most simply aren't familiar regarding. You can't see the dark in the light, or the light in the dark. You truly, while living in a fallen world, have no idea how deep that rabbit hole goes, either way. Enjoy or not.
For those who watch, they saw.
.
.
For those of you who know not my... tricks... there was nothing. Still, the dreams continue. She walks with me, haunts me, terrifies me. As monstrous as I am, is she terrible. And, yet, in that, in her, in us, is the only place hope for a temporal manifestation of God's will, a place where heaven may be seen, and the function of the first bit of God's will to which man was introduced, be manifest. Truly frightening. Not without recompense.
She has been haunting my dreams, waking both a darkness and a goodness. For man, and others called to His will and grace, can do no more good than evil in this fallen place. And, yet, from the combined truth, with hope, in faith, by charity, the sum will become greater than their parts. Both the function, her flesh, my want, our will, into another life. Impossible. She might be my impossible girl.
.
For those of you who know not my... tricks... there was nothing. Still, the dreams continue. She walks with me, haunts me, terrifies me. As monstrous as I am, is she terrible. And, yet, in that, in her, in us, is the only place hope for a temporal manifestation of God's will, a place where heaven may be seen, and the function of the first bit of God's will to which man was introduced, be manifest. Truly frightening. Not without recompense.
She has been haunting my dreams, waking both a darkness and a goodness. For man, and others called to His will and grace, can do no more good than evil in this fallen place. And, yet, from the combined truth, with hope, in faith, by charity, the sum will become greater than their parts. Both the function, her flesh, my want, our will, into another life. Impossible. She might be my impossible girl.
While kicking around in the early dark and cold...
.
.
I thought I'd do a bit of research on poets. After writing that last post, I was hoping I hadn't been wrong about Whitman being an American poet. Yeah, it happens. Anyway, at least I wasn't wrong on that. Frost I was much more secure with, and my doubts about Whitman were weak and after the fact. Anyway, a preliminary list was found that seems to hold some promise.
1 Whitman
2 Roethke
3 Stevens
4 Frost
5 Dickinson
6 Poe
7 R. Lowell
8 Snodgrass
9 Pound
10 Sandburg
I visited amazon, and, surprisingly, found the complete works of some of these, in kindle, for free. Others, ones I was totally unfamiliar with, wanted as much as $45 per, and not even complete, collections. Yeah... no. Some were inexpensive, as little as $.99. I gobbled up a number of them. A few I could only find in paperback. If they were inexpensive enough, I added them to my basket for some future time. The only one I might pull the plug on, and spend a bit more for a complete, and hardcover, would be Poe. We go wayyyyy back. I was reading his works before he was writing them, in a weird and Doomish way. *wink*
Now, when will I begin? I can't say. I am about smack in the middle of the epics of Dante, about a third the way through Haiku (or such), and I am what and who I am. Time isn't quite what it seems, which... well... don't you worry. Still, in time, I will begin. I will probably go with one or two of the bigger names (to my ears)... Frost, Dickens, and Whitman would be the top candidates. While, Poe, of course... I have covered Poe so well that... And, yet, he is definitely added back into the queue.
Why? Edumacation, lads and lasses, edumacation. This is one area I... never allowed myself to explore, save in an offhand way with Poe (horror) and Shakespeare (if only personally and privately). I had my reasons. I had much to sort. I could not be seen as... more... problematic than I already was. Secrets protect us, secrets keep us safe. Especially when so small. Now I can finish my education, in this area. Or... start it? If this goes well, I may begin adding in foreign poets. I will be careful, however. I am not interests in some so-called poets. Rappers are NOT poets. I will go more global, however. English, what of some foreign translate well enough, and maybe pushing the envelope a bit. Why? It is time. As well, I have hopes my language skills might improve. I probably can't bump them all that much, but... maybe. Ah, and stories. In the end, that is all that remains here. More might go on, the soul, or spirit converted to soul. But here, in the fallen realm, all that will remain, for as long as it remains, are stories.
Oh... Snodgrass? I had always thought that was a joke name, maybe even about a fictional poet. I think I spoke with Michael about it before. Noting my humorous reaction to the name, and suggesting just what I noted here. I never went on to realize the reality, and the name sunk back to fiction and funny... until this. Will I never learn? Sometimes, of course not. Having too much fun until I am forced to rewrite the wiring harness around some tiddlybits.
Later.
.
I thought I'd do a bit of research on poets. After writing that last post, I was hoping I hadn't been wrong about Whitman being an American poet. Yeah, it happens. Anyway, at least I wasn't wrong on that. Frost I was much more secure with, and my doubts about Whitman were weak and after the fact. Anyway, a preliminary list was found that seems to hold some promise.
1 Whitman
2 Roethke
3 Stevens
4 Frost
5 Dickinson
6 Poe
7 R. Lowell
8 Snodgrass
9 Pound
10 Sandburg
I visited amazon, and, surprisingly, found the complete works of some of these, in kindle, for free. Others, ones I was totally unfamiliar with, wanted as much as $45 per, and not even complete, collections. Yeah... no. Some were inexpensive, as little as $.99. I gobbled up a number of them. A few I could only find in paperback. If they were inexpensive enough, I added them to my basket for some future time. The only one I might pull the plug on, and spend a bit more for a complete, and hardcover, would be Poe. We go wayyyyy back. I was reading his works before he was writing them, in a weird and Doomish way. *wink*
Now, when will I begin? I can't say. I am about smack in the middle of the epics of Dante, about a third the way through Haiku (or such), and I am what and who I am. Time isn't quite what it seems, which... well... don't you worry. Still, in time, I will begin. I will probably go with one or two of the bigger names (to my ears)... Frost, Dickens, and Whitman would be the top candidates. While, Poe, of course... I have covered Poe so well that... And, yet, he is definitely added back into the queue.
Why? Edumacation, lads and lasses, edumacation. This is one area I... never allowed myself to explore, save in an offhand way with Poe (horror) and Shakespeare (if only personally and privately). I had my reasons. I had much to sort. I could not be seen as... more... problematic than I already was. Secrets protect us, secrets keep us safe. Especially when so small. Now I can finish my education, in this area. Or... start it? If this goes well, I may begin adding in foreign poets. I will be careful, however. I am not interests in some so-called poets. Rappers are NOT poets. I will go more global, however. English, what of some foreign translate well enough, and maybe pushing the envelope a bit. Why? It is time. As well, I have hopes my language skills might improve. I probably can't bump them all that much, but... maybe. Ah, and stories. In the end, that is all that remains here. More might go on, the soul, or spirit converted to soul. But here, in the fallen realm, all that will remain, for as long as it remains, are stories.
Oh... Snodgrass? I had always thought that was a joke name, maybe even about a fictional poet. I think I spoke with Michael about it before. Noting my humorous reaction to the name, and suggesting just what I noted here. I never went on to realize the reality, and the name sunk back to fiction and funny... until this. Will I never learn? Sometimes, of course not. Having too much fun until I am forced to rewrite the wiring harness around some tiddlybits.
Later.
Up, up, and awake.
.
.
Mostly. Yes, days and nights are mixed, but days are sort of on the way back into the drivers seat. Waking just now, a bit before 3:00, yesterday around midnight, and the pattern has more slowly been heading in that direction for a while. I have learned that, in the more extreme weather periods... either too hot or too dark, I can't so easily hold days and nights to regularity, not without a woman around. At least most of the time. I have gotten better in several ways though. I can more usefully use the time I am awake, more often than not. And as I more successfully use that time, it almost invariably brings me back to a day pattern even on my own. I am, however, still a bit in shut down mode. Between appliances, cleaning, snow removal, minor injury, and financial stress, I am... not at prime, or even close. Still, I am aiming the bow for better waters, praying, and hoping. I have faith.
As to the attempt at taking my home, I simply pray for them. I am pretty sure what is going on with it. Typical crony corruption, possibly union hurt feelings, Zero's admin making one last strike at as many veterans as possible, directly or by his sort who are employed through government bureaucracies, and don't forget crony capital greed. Government approved businesses are just as bad as any tyranny because they are covered by the government. Washing each other's hands of each other's doings won't save either. Still, I even hope people like Manson, Stalin, and Ted Kennedy repented before they died. I don't know if Manson had ever been taught right, but the others (if you believe Jesuits can teach right, in Stalin's case) had been taught. Pray for them. No matter what, I have faith that God will see me to where His will requires me. Even if they steal the 10~12 k I have stored in this home, that... is just money. I'm not going to risk my soul with rage about dollars.
Oh, about Dante. Okay... I had only, if I hadn't written, read the first book before. I didn't even realize until recently, that there were two other books. Perhaps I had forgotten. Perhaps that first book had been so much, in my young teens, that I buried the memory. It is a hell of a read, even with unit intros and end of unit explanations. However, if you want a dense piece of read, there you go!
And, while I truly do not like poetry, this is... so much more. It is ancient history, mythology, religious understandings and beliefs of that time, writing tricks, allusions, and every sort of literary mechanic probably known to man. Did I mention dense? If you want to boost your language comprehension and other reading and literary thinking skills by a ton, drop this book on your lap and muscle through. You cannot win, but in losing you will not be defeated. Between Shakespeare, Dante, and J.R.R. Tolkien, I could be satisfied that men have done what they could, literarily. Literarily? I mean, that is as great as men can do in the gathering of information and wisdom, and using that as a basis for written art. Fiction? Is wisdom always literal? Is fact not often fiction? There are reasons for such forms, but not as a cloak, merely as shiny a mirror of the true Light as men may produce in written form.
I mean, I am loving the other book, and will like the last one I suspect. It is a brutal read. Not even I can win. Without the extras, I would often miss some of the finer pieces, as any great gothic work. Gothic? Maybe. I'm saying so, you may disagree at your leisure. It is so different, though, that I am able to read the book of haiku masters as an aside and not lose my place. Haiku and Dante are polar opposites, which detracts not one, at all, from the other. Oh, and while I despise poetry, I do believe, after this... I am going to be looking for collections from other, if mostly American, poets. Frost, Whitman(?), and a few others. I haven't truly made a list, just... I think it is time.
One last thing, if on another topic... watch your groceries! I have, in this last year, but realizing for longer if not so badly... they are selling really out-of-date products. Often in sales. I bought something a few months ago, without looking. Several items, I try to stock up on things I like if I catch a sale. The first item tasted funny... checked the date... like June, 2013! And I have been running into that a LOT. Now, if I don't see a date, and I check everything, I don't buy it. Actually, I might start picking out things that are that far out of date and taking them up to the checkout, and asking to speak to a manager. If I hit three like that, at a store, within six months, I'm going to have to drop them. I really am beginning to think that is a corporate decision, though it might just be a store cutting corners. The world has changed. Hopefully some of it can be unchanged. Just... watch your food and sell-by dates. If it's a week off, and it's canned, and you don't care? I guess that's your choice. But a few years off is into the danger zone.
I am going to attempt to fast today and up until supper tomorrow. Then begin daily fasting after that, again. I have quit adding sweeteners to my tea, and am down to just plain tea. It is taking time, but I am moving heaven and earth, in my little ways, to direct my health and eating and work in a better direction. Life is pain, but in that pain is opportunity. Each breath, a chance, for hope, faith, and charity. Not to dismiss the cardinal virtues, which I intend to study (thank you Dante, thank you very much), which are prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance.
Good morning, and day.
.
Mostly. Yes, days and nights are mixed, but days are sort of on the way back into the drivers seat. Waking just now, a bit before 3:00, yesterday around midnight, and the pattern has more slowly been heading in that direction for a while. I have learned that, in the more extreme weather periods... either too hot or too dark, I can't so easily hold days and nights to regularity, not without a woman around. At least most of the time. I have gotten better in several ways though. I can more usefully use the time I am awake, more often than not. And as I more successfully use that time, it almost invariably brings me back to a day pattern even on my own. I am, however, still a bit in shut down mode. Between appliances, cleaning, snow removal, minor injury, and financial stress, I am... not at prime, or even close. Still, I am aiming the bow for better waters, praying, and hoping. I have faith.
As to the attempt at taking my home, I simply pray for them. I am pretty sure what is going on with it. Typical crony corruption, possibly union hurt feelings, Zero's admin making one last strike at as many veterans as possible, directly or by his sort who are employed through government bureaucracies, and don't forget crony capital greed. Government approved businesses are just as bad as any tyranny because they are covered by the government. Washing each other's hands of each other's doings won't save either. Still, I even hope people like Manson, Stalin, and Ted Kennedy repented before they died. I don't know if Manson had ever been taught right, but the others (if you believe Jesuits can teach right, in Stalin's case) had been taught. Pray for them. No matter what, I have faith that God will see me to where His will requires me. Even if they steal the 10~12 k I have stored in this home, that... is just money. I'm not going to risk my soul with rage about dollars.
Oh, about Dante. Okay... I had only, if I hadn't written, read the first book before. I didn't even realize until recently, that there were two other books. Perhaps I had forgotten. Perhaps that first book had been so much, in my young teens, that I buried the memory. It is a hell of a read, even with unit intros and end of unit explanations. However, if you want a dense piece of read, there you go!
And, while I truly do not like poetry, this is... so much more. It is ancient history, mythology, religious understandings and beliefs of that time, writing tricks, allusions, and every sort of literary mechanic probably known to man. Did I mention dense? If you want to boost your language comprehension and other reading and literary thinking skills by a ton, drop this book on your lap and muscle through. You cannot win, but in losing you will not be defeated. Between Shakespeare, Dante, and J.R.R. Tolkien, I could be satisfied that men have done what they could, literarily. Literarily? I mean, that is as great as men can do in the gathering of information and wisdom, and using that as a basis for written art. Fiction? Is wisdom always literal? Is fact not often fiction? There are reasons for such forms, but not as a cloak, merely as shiny a mirror of the true Light as men may produce in written form.
I mean, I am loving the other book, and will like the last one I suspect. It is a brutal read. Not even I can win. Without the extras, I would often miss some of the finer pieces, as any great gothic work. Gothic? Maybe. I'm saying so, you may disagree at your leisure. It is so different, though, that I am able to read the book of haiku masters as an aside and not lose my place. Haiku and Dante are polar opposites, which detracts not one, at all, from the other. Oh, and while I despise poetry, I do believe, after this... I am going to be looking for collections from other, if mostly American, poets. Frost, Whitman(?), and a few others. I haven't truly made a list, just... I think it is time.
One last thing, if on another topic... watch your groceries! I have, in this last year, but realizing for longer if not so badly... they are selling really out-of-date products. Often in sales. I bought something a few months ago, without looking. Several items, I try to stock up on things I like if I catch a sale. The first item tasted funny... checked the date... like June, 2013! And I have been running into that a LOT. Now, if I don't see a date, and I check everything, I don't buy it. Actually, I might start picking out things that are that far out of date and taking them up to the checkout, and asking to speak to a manager. If I hit three like that, at a store, within six months, I'm going to have to drop them. I really am beginning to think that is a corporate decision, though it might just be a store cutting corners. The world has changed. Hopefully some of it can be unchanged. Just... watch your food and sell-by dates. If it's a week off, and it's canned, and you don't care? I guess that's your choice. But a few years off is into the danger zone.
I am going to attempt to fast today and up until supper tomorrow. Then begin daily fasting after that, again. I have quit adding sweeteners to my tea, and am down to just plain tea. It is taking time, but I am moving heaven and earth, in my little ways, to direct my health and eating and work in a better direction. Life is pain, but in that pain is opportunity. Each breath, a chance, for hope, faith, and charity. Not to dismiss the cardinal virtues, which I intend to study (thank you Dante, thank you very much), which are prudence, justice, fortitude, and temperance.
Good morning, and day.
Friday, January 13, 2017
Troubles on top of woes.
.
.
The internet was down. No excuse, just the reason. We had some nasty weather this week. I thought perhaps the whole system went down, or hereabouts. Though it often chokes when it rains. I thought it might be something with my wiring. Nope and nope. Just some jiggly shuffle on their side. Fixed and all going. A new router that is supposed to be better, a reset on the wi-fi... Hmm. Awesome! Not having the internet was a bit annoying. I was rather patient, but then... I was simply being patient. The tech was cool, and just fixed it. Gratitude aplenty.
I finally received the form for automatic billing on my house. The same day I received notice that they are starting foreclosure. I can pay the balance, not sure I can afford the lawyer fees. They said they had to apply to the lawyer to find out how much that is. So, I may lose the house anyway. They kept trying to get me to apply for some sort of government assistance, or force me to pay online. I refused, for a number of reasons. I don't need assistance, and I don't trust online payments (with them, on their site). Crooked bastards, start to stop. I guess they decided if they couldn't force me to be cheated one way or the other, they would clobber via a third party (or on top of it). I am supposed to call them on the 17th. I'll ask some people to remind me.
What have I been doing? Reading, mostly. A bit of gaming, but that just wasn't all that fun. A book of haiku by three of the (or THE) old masters and nearing the end of Dante's Purgatoria. I had been stoved on reading, until the outage, so there was that. Well, and wi-fi should be functional now... if I am not sure I really trust it. Still, I'd like to see about it, so as to consider a tablet or laptop, if I can find a linux device. I don't trust google devices either. Well, or a book reader. I'm using my smart phone, but I need to get out of that. Probably just go to landline, assuming I'll be able to wrangle the house back. Ugh.
We did have one heavy, if not massive, snow. I dug out from it. Three to four inches, but wet, wet, wet. Nasty. That bit of work did me in. My pinky didn't bug me until about half way through, then it was brutal. I had to use it, I had to finish. It's still sore. It's looking better, but still nearly one and an half it's normal size. It's too swollen, for example, to get finger nail clippers in for a trim. Yeah.
Well, back. I'll write more soon. Just laying down a brief and then... doing something else. Later.
.
The internet was down. No excuse, just the reason. We had some nasty weather this week. I thought perhaps the whole system went down, or hereabouts. Though it often chokes when it rains. I thought it might be something with my wiring. Nope and nope. Just some jiggly shuffle on their side. Fixed and all going. A new router that is supposed to be better, a reset on the wi-fi... Hmm. Awesome! Not having the internet was a bit annoying. I was rather patient, but then... I was simply being patient. The tech was cool, and just fixed it. Gratitude aplenty.
I finally received the form for automatic billing on my house. The same day I received notice that they are starting foreclosure. I can pay the balance, not sure I can afford the lawyer fees. They said they had to apply to the lawyer to find out how much that is. So, I may lose the house anyway. They kept trying to get me to apply for some sort of government assistance, or force me to pay online. I refused, for a number of reasons. I don't need assistance, and I don't trust online payments (with them, on their site). Crooked bastards, start to stop. I guess they decided if they couldn't force me to be cheated one way or the other, they would clobber via a third party (or on top of it). I am supposed to call them on the 17th. I'll ask some people to remind me.
What have I been doing? Reading, mostly. A bit of gaming, but that just wasn't all that fun. A book of haiku by three of the (or THE) old masters and nearing the end of Dante's Purgatoria. I had been stoved on reading, until the outage, so there was that. Well, and wi-fi should be functional now... if I am not sure I really trust it. Still, I'd like to see about it, so as to consider a tablet or laptop, if I can find a linux device. I don't trust google devices either. Well, or a book reader. I'm using my smart phone, but I need to get out of that. Probably just go to landline, assuming I'll be able to wrangle the house back. Ugh.
We did have one heavy, if not massive, snow. I dug out from it. Three to four inches, but wet, wet, wet. Nasty. That bit of work did me in. My pinky didn't bug me until about half way through, then it was brutal. I had to use it, I had to finish. It's still sore. It's looking better, but still nearly one and an half it's normal size. It's too swollen, for example, to get finger nail clippers in for a trim. Yeah.
Well, back. I'll write more soon. Just laying down a brief and then... doing something else. Later.
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