Sleeping on notions.

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One of the notions found, which annoyed me profoundly, was the idea that intermittent fasting wasn't necessary.  Oh, I get it.  Some people don't need it, and, really, exploring what really does and doesn't work is, honestly, a wise thing.  However, for me, currently, i.f. is better than not.

Why get annoyed?  Because I am having a hell of a time with my planned eating, as well as sleeping, working, and every damned thing.  So quitting a part of it, a difficult part at the moment, was tempting.  But.  No.  Just no.  However, in looking, I found the notion... which I knew, but with focus shot to shit I couldn't implement until I ran into it as advice... make the project work for you.  If you can't go to it, let it come to you.

Hmm?  Well, if I can't go without breakfast well, by feel or blood sugar numbers?  Then, for as needed, start my i.f. meal time in the morning.  It isn't optimal, but it is a start.  I need to get my food in order or nothing else will work.  For now I have to slide on things or quit.  Quitting is choosing death, plus a lot of pain and humility on the way.

No.  I will get back at it.  If I have to eat early, so be it.  If I initially have to eat too much, okay.  If blood sugars will take a bit of a hit, up front, so that I can begin eating, alright. Food, you can't live with it, you can't live without it.  Although, with a little care you can find balance... if balance can only be found through imbalance as an initial contrast.

So, meat is grilling.  Medicine has been taken.  I missed last night, the first failure in three days?  It's as good as it gets, given all else.  I'll keep at it.  Mulligans, cheats, hacks, and plain suffering failures and humiliation without quitting in the big picture.  It isn't too bad, just how life goes.  Blessings.  Later.

Whole cream for the win.

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I am certain there are limits.  However, one cup of it into the making of a quart of otherwise tea raised my blood sugar by five points in an hour.  I am going to say my blood sugar will naturally vary that much, even quite a lot more, without any catalyst.  For me that is excellent.  If I need fat, which I certainly do restarting keto, this is an extremely fast and easy way to add fat.

I have actually had it well argued that with body fat loss as a goal, even if not the primary objective, my fat consumption should not be in the 70~90%  range.  Even starting out, perhaps a 3:2 fat to protein ratio.  That would be by total calories of fat and protein, or the percentage would be 70 % if going by grams... fat grams are 9 calories per, protein (and carbohydrates) are 5 calories per gram.  Once hunger fades, after a couple weeks, then dropping fat intake to parity with protein, a one to one ratio, was the next suggested step.  That is a starter portion of nearly 60/40%, then to 50/50.  The argument seems reasonable... from my experience so far.

As well, the notion of zero carbs was presented, from several sources tonight, as viable.  I am beginning to lean that way, if nothing else, for ease of cooking especially with a grill and the heartiness to cook on it at even 0 F.  Something mentioned was that it is more the protein that satiates.  Yeah, I think so.

Back to higher fat meats for a bit, then ease off.  Fatted tea for when I can't cook, or eat well.  And just extra fast calories so only a single meal need necessarily be cooked.  Maintenance calories would be at 4200~4400 calories, for me.  Don't try that at home, kids.  Not sure how much is recommended to shave for loss, if I do know too much deficit doesn't work, at least until hunger is managed, meaning I am well into ketosis.  It'll be a while.  As is I have been shorting calories, worse, good calories.

Intermittent fasting won't be possible either, until hunger is back under control.  I have plenty of meat thawing.  Every third meal, for now, I will get a veggie of some sort going.  Or a glass of milk.  I still believe in milk, just in smaller rarer amounts or fermented as kefir or yogurt.

Anyway, I had concerns, questions, doubts.  Still do, just not as heavily.  Not all of what I heard and read was to my liking.  That is what experience will answer.  Yes, I dare.  Later, or good night.

Do they, you, know?

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Or do they, you, some of you, only guess?

Tinkering.

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Physician, heal thyself!

So be it.  Blood sugar, two hours after Zevia, was back down to it's already ugly start.  Five hours after that, consuming only basic tea, chilled, about a gallon, blood sugar has dropped a hundred points from the return to the starting point.  Now I am going to try what is either heavy cream or half and half?  It was so thick I had to add milk for flow (no complaint mind you).  I added one cup, then mixed hot tea to about a quart.

I will try this with various amounts, and various cream consistencies.  No sweetener, though I may add a touch of salt.  Yeah, in time I will try various sweeteners, but not with my numbers so off.  Salt shouldn't have an affect.  Pepper might not be bad either.  The goal is to check it a half hour after finishing it.

Later, an actual meal and dishes rotated... some dried, some put to a rinse, more set to a soapy soak.  Ducks have been put up for a while now.  The cat litter could be checked for the third time.  Perhaps, as I begin a real meal, a snack for the ladies.  No more canned, they have become spoiled.  I must remember to only give them an extra can about twice a month.  Otherwise they begin pushing for that extra can.  Nope!

Sleep has been off.

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A few hours late at night, around the arctic cap of the day, up a few, then down again until past the equator.  But it is slowly changing, heading deeper into the afternoon.  Nothing I can do.  I don't sleep when I want to sleep, I sleep when choice is gone.  Otherwise I would sleep at 19:00~21:00 and wake at 3:00~5:00.  I like being awake before dawn.  A good time to think things through quietly, then be up to speed before the rest of the world is even awake.  A good time to exercise and pray, too.

As is, I simply don't have choice.  Not that I don't push to get my way.  I try to stay asleep when I go down early.  Simply can't.  I keep trying to wake early, and I do wake.  I simply can't stay awake.  The brain just doesn't work right, it hurts too much as well... some mornings.

Blood sugar is staying wicked high.  I have to figure this out.  Perhaps go on fast, if I am not ready for a total extended fast.  Perhaps a fat fast...  that is a fast with half my usual calories at 90 % Fat, or as close to it as possible.  Legit?  Worth a shot.  Cream and macadamian nuts make the project much easier.  Actually, there is another nut that has even higher fat ratio.  It is difficult to get that high of fat content though.

The crazy thing is, everything that is supposed to offer a pass on blood sugar spikes isn't working.  Getting a bit frustrated.  On the good side, some of it is so well individually packaged that monkey business would require... international level functionaries.  While I have a paranoia bone almost as thick as my standard, it's... not quite that thick.  So... it's just... something something.  I'll figure it out.

Example?  Zevia soda... canned... zero sugar, zero carbs, technically zero... everything.  One can, from fasting blood sugar, spiked blood sugar 59 points in nearly an hour!?!  Which makes me wonder about the stuff from yesterday.  Is my body just being really odd?  Tomorrow I will try plain tea.  If there is any kind of spike, then it just isn't normal.

Anyway, whatever is wrong seems to be messing everything up... sleep, diabetes, organ, bone, and joint pain, and a few other things.  These, save diabetes, aren't terribly intense... more just annoying.  Still, would rather figure these out.  I've been doing well with meds lately.  Oh, but need to add daily aspirin.  Yeah, I do try.  Really, mostly dead.  Ugh.

Later.

Just a bit.

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The ducks have been really enjoying the larger water tub and warmer days.  Cracking above freezing easily, and with the larger tub, especially with fewer ducks, baths for everyone!  I am well pleased.  If it means changing the water, I do it happily.  Clean ducks are warm ducks, which are healthy ducks.  Not just friends, if mostly for my part, they are beings to serve.

While figuring out how to serve, functionally might be annoying (if I would debate even that frequently), actually offering them what it takes to possibly enjoy their lives, even when I am terribly sick, is no bother.  Something human elites have forgotten.  Serving, even at cost, is far superior to merely sheering and otherwise consuming in a grossly derelict manner.

They are definitely enjoying the day.  The girls too.  Even if I am stuck in less than ideal health, I am beginning to figure things back out for myself as well.  Dishes were reset, and should get another shot or two before bedtime.  Perhaps laundry and food.  I need to thaw steaks, chops, or ground meat.  I do have egg casserole too.  Hmm, salsa, from mother, hot as hell, don't you know.  The woman might not be able to handle it, but she sure can dish it!

I did call her yesterday.  She sounds much better.

Yeah.  I'm climbing back up, doing better at least by feel.  If I can get cleaning, medicine, diabetes, and schedule back in line.  Ugh.  Later.

Almost a reset.

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I was down by 21:00, maybe up to an hour earlier.  Slept until midnight, give or take an half hour.  A few more hours awake then back to bed.  Not sure what woke me, if anything.  Couldn't wake until noon.  I wanted to be up early.  Woke a few times, but everything seemed Picasso or Dali.  No use staying awake in that mindframe.  Trust me.

I dreamed after my last attempt at waking.  A plague had befallen man.  Literally.  Women survived without a single loss.  Only one in ten men, perhaps less, survived.  Women thought this would bring them to power, initially.  Not so, just the opposite.  The men simply turned our backs on it and women surrendered easily.  It must have been the weaker men who died.

A system of pairing had been devised.  Any woman who wanted a husband would put in her name.  He would blindly pick a name.  He would start with five, eventually deciding if those women would fit, eventually choosing up to fifteen wives.  He could veto a few for any reason, rid a few more and replace, keeping between ten and fifteen.  Sex was mostly for breeding.  A lot of angry women, outside the marriage market.  No, not near as good for a guy as it sounds.  Actually I think women, if they could marry, were more satisfied.  At least the risk of her cheating was all but eliminated.  Mostly for us too.

Since waking, I tested blood.  Pizza yesterday, fast food most of the week.  Blood sugar is ugly.  I wanted to see if the electrolyte powder I use is diabetes friendly.  They are supposed to be.  This one not so much.  A hundred point spike in half an hour.  I had looked over ingredients.  Nothing stood out as problematic.  Either they are lying or something new to me is a problem.  I was beginning to suspect something was wrong with my ketonic.  So, each morning until I test each ingredient independently, I will try one ingredient, in plain tea.  Any failures I will attempt to replace.  This stuff is going in the trash, and will get an amazon comment.  Nothing bitchy, just the facts.

Might as well finish the pizza with such a terrible read.  Oddly sometimes that helps, if I wouldn't count on it.  It is good to begin finding problems again.  I was sure about this stuff, and wrong.  The rest should be good.  I hope.  Later.

Posting late, but for reasons.

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Awake late.  I did set the alarm for 10:00, if the alarm got bumped, pushing mountain into central time, which meant the ducks were fed an hour early.  Or whichever made 10:00 actually seem like 9:00.  All good.  I'd be feeding them at 7:00~8:00 if possible.  I couldn't wake until 11:00~noon, for the day, however.  Then I needed a shower, but cleaned, swept, and mopped the bathroom first.  Very nice looking.

Then visitors, to work in the front room.  Quite a bit done.  Then I set finished dishes to rinse, a few small portions to soak in soapy water, then I had to rest.  Didn't hear knocking or the doorbell.  My neighbor was flabbergasted that I heard nothing.  He can't understand that with all, given all, sometimes I rend the fabric of the veil of tears, end up walking just on the other side.  It wasn't focus, it was a little death.

Anyway...  A bit of rest and I am back enough for a quick post.  Soon to check on the ducks then, perhaps, sleep early.  Later or good night.

Dark notes and high points?

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She is up to her old tricks.  German, if through UN or EU, troops back in France.  In all of the riotous nations?  Probably.  As with the Nazi era, they own the European news, with enough Chamberlains in politics on the opposition sides to quell foreign news, and with American news in there pockets at least as well as Stalin and Hitler held them.  I wonder how many have really been murdered?  Tienanmen Square numbers?  More, less?  Surprised when I did a spelling check it showed.  I don't gulag things.  I laughed, when I heard gulag isn't producing the censored browser for China.  No need, that is google.

Slow cooked roast.

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More intricate this time.  From doing work on the grill to create a much lower and slower cooking environment to scoring the fat for better rendering results and else.  It took longer to figure the temp, get the grill up to speed.  Now I will check every quarter to half hour, to get and maintain between 250 and 300.  I wish I  could do better, and it might end up being stable.

It is cold, about 10° F.  Still in pj's, a t-shirt, socks, and flip-flops.  Though the grill creates a wonderful little zone, mostly, once lit and going.  I seem to handle "the cold" fairly well.  Morning or night, even working with frigid water, once I got used to doing that.  Even when quite ill.  Oh, and my feet remain in excellent condition from the pedicures.  Still, I am hoping to afford one next month.  They really help.

I emptied the ducks water, setting the pan over for a refill in the morning.  The dishpan material is far superior in the cold.  If it holds up, that will be my choice.  The other, harder, plastic chips, even freezes faster.   I know I can put up the water when it begins to freeze over.  That means the duckles are finished for the night.  I don't pull it until then as I prefer them to eat, drink, and bath as much as possible.

I am slightly surprised no other ducks were lost.  I think two others were bitten, for sure.  The bite can kill.  They are all looking good.

I've done some dishes.  A shower after my next check on the roast.  Then the dishes that were washed will get a soak, and more small batches of dishes soap soaked, and a recycling of laundry.  Oh, I must admit, non-stick really... can be good.  I had a pan of... something, out for... a while.  One quick sudsy soak and done.  Yeah.  Cancer?  If what I have already done doesn't merit it, and age doesn't induce it?  I expect a crocodile or meteorite will finish me anyway.  ;p  I am hoping to work through the roasting process.  Earn it.  So hungry, for work as well as food.  Later.

Late but moving.

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Better cold.  The egg casserole that is.  On balance I think I added too much meat.  More mushrooms by half, less meat by half, to improve it while warm.  Cold though, it is as good as it gets.  Can't taste the mushrooms, but I usually can't when it is cold.  I'll keep practicing now that I am almost back to some function, if every other week is as much as I can handle.  It is too rich to eat much even cold, especially cold?  I think either way it is extremely filling.  It is almost magic.

A shower, then paperwork.  Laundry to continue, and dishes in small batches.  Ducks and cats have been tended.  Baby, it's cold out there, if I didn't bother with boots, coat, or gloves... just pj's, a t-shirt, socks and flip-flops.  I am trying one of the new water troughs.  It holds 18 quarts, more than double what it is replacing?  Nearly double.  The other possible replacement is close, at 15 or 16 quarts.  Different types of plastic, seeing which holds up better.  Easy enough, full of water, for me to handle.

I did get back on medicine.  It's been spotty this week.  Still, I kept at it.  Missed about two days, one whole and two half days, I think.  I also forgot aspirin.  Got it in today, finally.  Oh, I have a few batches of dishes before I can shower, which I want to do before laundry.  Always something.  Later.

Snowing.

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Lightly, through the morning to the last time checked.  I didn't want to do the whole drive with it is still falling.  However, I had packages arriving.  The guy has always done me square, if that isn't the whole point.  I shoveled a path to both the front and back door, plus for the inside to the curb portion of his truck, salting there as well.  It's a tough gig in this weather, delivering packages.

I did both doors, in case he was in a hurry... Christmas and all.  Usually back door, as it is less visible to thieves... which has happened... and covered from the elements.  Favor favored, back door it was.  Serve those who serve, if possible.  It works best.  New boots, winter, the right size to accommodate thick socks and poor circulation.  A few other items to hopefully put up planters, hung from the ceiling, I want green out here.

A few loads of dishes started.  Laundry possibly rotated shortly.  Ducks checked a bit ago.  Egg and sausage casserole in a bit.  Perhaps a pork roast later.  Fatted tea shortly... a good way to break the intermittent fast.  When I get stock and coffee back in rotation, I'll mix and match.  Sometimes with or without cream, mtc oil, perhaps try ghee.  Yeah, it sounds strange, but if I can add hard muscle just sitting... it works.  I can only imagine if I could get to working out or swimming.

Oh, medicine!  I keep losing track.  I'll... get to it.  Later.

Shaved an hour off.

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Awake earlier.  No good reason.  I'll take it.  It has usually meant I am about to begin losing my days.  Not always, but, yeah.  Once in a while it is just a fluke.  Oh, I keep forgetting medicine, and aspirin.  Then again, very strangely, I have forgotten to drink tea, even fatted, the last few days.  Highly irregular.  Today, for those things.  If fatted tea will be considered a meal, and save for the appropriate times.

I got some things done yesterday.  More today.  The ducks were fed and watered first thing.  It looks like it snowed just a touch, or blew in the wrong direction a while.  Nothing to remove, from what I saw.  I ought to check the front walk.  It isn't to cold out, if back below freezing well enough.  Some days just feel colder, or less, disregarding the thermometers.

I am hoping to make an egg and sausage casserole in a bit.  Perhaps slow cook a picnic pork roast on the smoker later.  Longer, slower, more frequent turns, for those.  Food needs to be on hand, or I go bad.  Good food.  Avocado, sliced, if one of them is ready.  I am working on intermittent fasting again, so it'll be afternoon before a meal.

Later.

Almost not today.

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I still can't believe it is Tuesday.  If only for a while.

Not yesterday.

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Today.

Up at the same time.  Same mood, if too same squishy body.  Maybe a bit better.  No aspirin yesterday, perhaps today. I remembered to raise the thermostat, to 74.  A shower was easy then.  Back to 70 after.  A load of laundry should be finished.  A trip to the post office.  So far.

I am hoping to redo paperwork.  Then get that in.  Maybe do some shopping.  I was almost sure, with today being the day, it would have snowed.  No complaints, just an understanding.  No snow, or yet.  All good in any case.  I thought it must be Wednesday already, but not quite.

Oh, I best get to the ducks.  If I shop, new watering containers for them.  Hmm, I may use their feed bowl for water today, switch them.  They will clean their food become water bowl quite clean.  They have done it before.  Well, clean of food, they are dirty birds.

Later.

Good morning.

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A bit rough, and dark.  I woke late.  But general mood is quite good.  Good enough to slowly rise, perhaps take aspirin, begin sorting life, and getting back on track.  I think so.  I'm about to heat the last of the meatzza, and make meatloaf... probably for tomorrow.  Cooking it on the grill.  An instant thermometer is your friend.

I need to begin again with food, and drink.  Cutting artificial sweeteners to eating times, and only twice a day, cutting meals to an eight hour period each day and only two... one liquid, one more physical, with perhaps a snack... macadamian or other nuts, sardines (in olive or their own oils).  Well, and then back to multiday fasting every week, or every other.  Yeah, it is time.  I am back well enough on medication, plus over the flu well enough.  I won't recover from exhaustion without returning to better foods and methods of eating.  I am enough better to begin attempting better eating.

In time I will return to a four to six hour eating period, perhaps less... perhaps approaching a single meal, if I found that a two hour slow meal works best.  It will take time to get back to that sort of eating.  Notice I don't call it a diet?  It isn't what most call a diet.  It is just how to eat, for life.

I'll be making broth as soon as I can sort the kitchen around.  Beef and chicken, a mix, slow cooked in a 20 quart pot.  I think I'll need the whole thing.  It is for intermittent fasting, a way to get minerals, fat, and other stuff.  Not a daily, even then... an alternative to fatted tea, every other day if I can keep up.  Good stuff.

I am hoping to be ready to hit things tomorrow, at the latest, if by clearing the way today.  It is exciting to begin seeing the future again.  A bright one.  If hoping I don't hear a train whistle as I head into the light.  *grins*  Later.

Wow, a little goes a very long way.

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Keto food that is.  I felt terribly hungry.  Using a pound of meat, perhaps a quarter pound of else, though some went away through rendering, I tried to feast.  I couldn't eat half.  I really charged at it.  I forgot how dense keto food is.  Further, it turns of taste buds.  It was like hitting a culinary brick wall, but in the best of ways.

Keto helps sustain intermittent fasting.  You just don't sense the need to eat.  If, though, the trick is to eat anyway, but as wisdom not desire dictates.  If you fail to eat wisely you will eat wrongly, one way or another.  Eat, well, correctly.  If, even then, good luck.  You will need a small portion of it.

I am hoping to get back to keto.  It really allows me to eat less, better, and more efficiently.  The last two days I couldn't fill myself as well on twice as much burger, on buns, with fries and soda.  It really is the way to go... if you can handle not loving food.  It becomes a chore, to eat.  There is no more love... just chewing, swallowing, repeat.

The ducks were well.  Shuttered for the night.  The girls were fed twice today, they deserve, need, luxury from time to time.  Nothing else, but fine.  Aspirin did handle the pain.  Every third day, if needed... wanted.  Good night.

Finally, a recipe I think will work.

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Several were possible.  But each seemed too much.  Simplicity, with ingredients I have on hand, yes.  I will add to it.  Anchovy and tomato paste, anchovy into the meat, tomato into the sauce.  I don't have olives, but I can work with finely diced onion and garlic, perhaps some other add?  Hmm, maybe mom's salsa instead of actual tomato else?  Though with paste to thicken.  As well, half burger, half lamb?  Yum!

Ducks, aspirin, and medicine.

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Up late, even getting to bed well.  It is What it is.  The body hurts a good bit.  Too much junk food.  Until I can get to cooking, fast food is it.  Hopefully I can start today.  More meat thawed.  I sort of got stuck on burger.  Chops and steaks are easier.  Meds and a handful of aspirin in a bit.

I fed and watered the ducks first thing.  While still cold, at 22° F, it is very bright, sunny, out there.  It was truly nice... good for the spirits.  The ducks were a bit skiddish again.  I assume the killer has been back.  I hope I catch it.  I may have to use a trick or two.  Probably leave it to animal control or the sheriff.  Assuming I can obtain evidence.

Dreams indeed, but just for me.  If it helps, they... or it?, was reassuring.  Why I have fear and worry, even now?  Though it will grow so very dark.  And I can't always focus on God.  Some of us have work in the deepest of darkness, have to go in, look, focus.  God knows, only gives what we can handle.  As a Herdsman to His sheepdogs, even us monsters among them.  Work, but care, assurances, feeding.

I'll get medicine shortly, with the pain pills.  I am hoping to get trash and recycling out.  Starting in on laundry and dishes, plus getting paperwork ready to go.  Ugh.  I'll try.  If the aspirin helps it will be easier.  Later.

Such things.

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I avoided this song, for many reasons, for a year now?  More.  Years.  I made excuses to not watch it.  The truth  is, I knew watching it would remind me of a future which bothers me.  A present to.  Knowing does not mean being able, or even willing, to change anything.  Would you stop Christ's return to prevent the rest?  I can't, wouldn't, as little as I like what will happen, even to the darkness I lead to destruction.

Not much possible.

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I checked on the ducks.  They really seem to be enjoying the extra bedding.  Their water remains open.  I did add more food.  As much as is eaten, actually say a quarter of what is eaten, is lost to becoming frozen in their water plus food feast.  I am just glad to see them eating again.  I may move the food further from the water trough, but am not terribly worried.

Milk and cream arrived.  That is always a joy.  I am thinking of making a meatloaf, if I am not sure I can.  Going keto... almond flour, cream cheese, cream gravy...  and a bit fancier with burger and ground lamb.  I need to find an exact recipe from which to begin.  While I don't believe in recipes in the end, in the beginning, with brand new ingredients, wisdom suggests them.

A major problem with youtube recipes is you often have to watch the whole vid to know if it's what you want.  Why not coconut flour?  Takes a lot of eggs and other moisture... each varied ingredient comes with it's own quirks.  And I don't have all ingredients.  Some I won't carry, some I can't/won't afford.  Still looking for a solid recipe.

May nap first though.  So tired.  Later, at best.
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Some answers to the question.

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Who are you?

I think those who offered answers are not those who asked, mostly.  Some ask rhetorically.  I believe.  As well, the answer offered comes down to...

He said...

Down right.

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Down right at 22:00, up at an half to 10:00.  Too much sleep, no choice.  At it right away, one of my goals.  Fresh wood chips, and another bag of leaves, out for the ducks.  I would have added more straw but they really didn't need it.  They seem to keep their nesting area clean.  Food and water after that.  Late, but as timely as possible with the givens.

I started the grill while at it.  I use a lot less charcoal, as I learn, and only on half of one side.  If I slow cook something, just about stopping it all down, run it for hours, then I'll create a full and deep bed of coals.  It runs a lot hotter, gets there faster, with an half bed.  Not really hungry, if that isn't a reason to, or not to, eat.  Sensations should only be a clue, a tip to investigate further.  If you shouldn't be hungry, see what last you ate.  If your food isn't sustaining rightly, choose better food.  In my case, often, it is becoming just the opposite.  I have to remember to eat.  Better.

I lost track of medicine yesterday.  Back on it today.  It is 26 ish F out there, I think.  Not bad but still rather chilly.  Later.

A difficult day.

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Getting started was brutal.  Down a bit after 23:00, up around 9:30.  A shower nearly immediately?  I... think so.  Couldn't get a move on, further, until 13:30.  A call, medical.  Incoming.  Some information given, received.  A call for a lab set up, next week perhaps.  Closer than SLC .

I did get the lime.  Then cat litter and a few other items.  Everything except groceries.  I'm not ready to cook, or much, anyway.  Well, other than feeding, watering, and litter duty this morning.  Forgot meds though.  It really is a difficult last few days.  I can't focus.  I'll keep at it.

I checked the ducks a bit ago.  Water is good, food too.  I hope to put out wood chips and leaves tomorrow.  It is getting and staying right around the low teens.  The duckles seem good with it, but I'd like to help.  I am pleased to have the birds.  I hope they have a good life, minus dogs.  I'll get that sorted for spring.

Okay, I did forget extra watering containers, four... perhaps six since I also use them for food and they get so fragile when frozen.  Tomorrow?  Maybe.  Groceries and those, a short fast run.  So tired though.  Not sick, just exhausted.  Oh, I have lost more weight back on the feed bag than when sick.  I am down to 158.  Crazy.

Good night.

Visitors.

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Dead.

They keep asking.

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Who keeps asking?  So many voices!

Other than ducks and calls...

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I couldn't get out.  Not feeling well.  Pretty rough.  I will check on the ducks again.  Mostly just their water, well and food.  I best feed the girls (always a reference to cats, as there is a male duck).  I cleaned their litter, will check again.  I do try.  I hope to shower yet today, maybe shave, perhaps eat again.  It's rough.

I did get a call back from the V.A.  Optometry, not opthemology, and they already have an appointment arranged... somehow.  Through them I will reset the other.  Bleh.  No call back from primary.  Will try back tomorrow.  Bp is again sub 140/90, if pulse is back into the high 80's.  Whatever.

So bad again.  The flu, again, or just continuing malaise from it?  Ugh.  Later.

Three calls.

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Later than hoped.  If getting through messages and writing down extensions, then getting through, even to message services at the V.A. took a redonkulously long time.  No one's fault, just bad timing.  I was prepared to leave messages, and so I did.  Oh, the easy one was checking on the lime.  It is in.  More grocery and other shopping today along with it.  I have the path set, for efficiency.  As well, a partial list.  If I can find the original list, I am in like Flint.

Lunch already.  I'll check on the ducks.  They make keeping the water thawed a game, one I can tell they truly enjoy.  While they are getting back to life, they are very frightened even of me.  Though they never did exactly warm to me.  I even had a hen attack my boot the day before their own attack.  I had felt that was a good omen.  Perhaps it was, if there are limits?

Not feeling the best today.  It's not the flu, but lingering issues?  It feels like it, but that seems unlikely.  Who knows.  I best check on the birds, then prepare for more.  Good day.

Rough around the edges.

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Very tired as well.  Even on medication regularly, my blood pressure is jacking as high as the 170's/110's, if pulse has been in the low 70's.  That is the right arm.  The left pulls it down to the 150's/90's~100's, pulse the same.  The only thing different is eating again and cutting the water pill.  Food?  Maybe.  The water pill?  Possibly.  I'm going back to three of those, and will watch consumption after this large thaw of meats.  Blood sugar had been stable, even beginning to drop.  Not today.

I am up a bit late today.  At 7:30, it isn't too bad.  I have no idea when I went to bed, if I believe it was before 21:00, after 20:00.  I am achy this morning, have been since getting over the flu.  Probably from all that sleep.  Until I can lean into work the kinks will remain.  Aspirin will do, every few days.

I am learning how to layer, with winter clothing.  There is this and that garment, two to five layers, tops and bottoms, then of various materials, for various situations.  Active from a slow walk to heavy work or a serious pace, to partly or completely immobile such as in a hunter nest or blind.  I realize I need bigger boots for thicker socks.  Why manufacturers try to push sizes too small I can't say.

I have opened things up for the ducks, gotten them water as well.  They still have a cup of food, so no more.  I will check later.  They are back to eating.  It is a matter of adjusting feed to their current needs.  I am guessing about a cup and an half per day.  I like to feed them twice, with the majority in the morning.  Oh, I'd like to put out more wood chips, leaves, and a bit more hay.  I like my critters.

I have realized I can't keep the furnace up.  I simply can't sleep that way, even stripped. I still sleep too hot.  I could keep the door shut, if even that isn't a guarantee.  But then the girls would be pounding on it half the night and giving me stink-eye for... forever.  So, like or not, down to 68 at night.  If I was more sure about things, I would take it to 62.  I wouldn't notice in my bedroom.  I think the cats can handle to just above the high 40's, and that long term, so 62 would do.

Well, fatted tea, a few chops, then to work if possible.  A few calls around 11:00, docs, supplies... then plans from there.  Life has become a crossbreed of an elephant and a rhino... it has become an heliphikno.  You can quote me.  No complaints, just sharing observations.  ;p  Later.

Well?

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I had planned a number of things.  I have been checking water.  Amazingly it has remained thawed.  Actually I should dump it at night.  A very good thing.  This way I can do fresh water every day.  I had planned to plow the drive.  I figured I had to 15:30~16:00.  I was hoping to do it so it wouldn't become the burden for another.  I didn't count on the other brother.  It's not too much, but it is time.  And sometimes fussing with bits.  Today it was a pin.  Not sure if it needed replaced or removed then returned due to an odd plane angle.

I had been waiting for a call, that the lime was in.  I lost track.  No call.  I will call tomorrow.  I also missed my nap.  Bleh.  I will let the ducks have their water until it goes dark, then dump it.  I don't want the container to hard freeze and they don't drink at night anyway.  Right, and I need to call the V.A., several departments.  Ugh.

Not much going.  I'll keep... hoping, praying, trying.  Later.

It is good to be eating again.

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Pork chops and a steak.  Took three tries to get the coals to take, no surprise at 12° F.  It is so very good to be eating and have meat available.  I'll slow down consumption soon.  I'd like to try a keto meatloaf tomorrow.  It should last a bit, but I have other meats thawed.  All good.  I'll slow how much is thawed after this batch.

I am trying a smaller water container in with the ducks.  If they can keep that thawed, I'll have a much easier time keeping them in fresher water.  Though I have my doubts I want to try.  It's a lot easier to work with two to three gallons, in any state, than six to twelve.

I'll check in on them, mostly the water, shortly.  Then a nap.  It is snowing, so I will need to plow before long.  Thankfully it isn't so wet of a snow this time.  The last time it was as if I showered.  Both the volume of snow and it being on the line between freezing and not.  Later.

Such a strange evening then morning.

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A power outage yesterday afternoon put an odd spin on things.  While I have lighting options, only flashlights are right to hand.  I suspect very minor looking would find lamps, with oil, ready.  I wasn't in the mood to read though.  What else would there have been to do in such light?  Instead I went in to sleep.

I had to get up, to check my wires.  As cold as it is, I would need heat, which would require electricity for the fan.  If it was my wires down, they would never know.  I could wake in serious trouble and in a frozen home.  Thankfully it wasn't my wires.  I decided to call it in anyway.  By 19:00, yes they knew, had a crew on site, would send updates.  So, back to bed.  Couldn't sleep, wasn't time... rested.

It all came back at about exactly 19:00.  The second outage this week.  It always gives cause for concern when it is this cold.  If it isn't terribly unusual.  No complaints.  Perhaps I should set the temp to 72 and leave it there though.  It had already dropped to 66 or lower.  That in what had been 72, and the heated parts.  While I had usually been doing 70, I had it up during the day the last few days to encourage activity.  As cold as it is getting, perhaps 72 to keep more cushion.  My bedroom, which doesn't have ducts, is 49° F... if that is both normal and preferred... or cooler.

I woke with the lights.  A dinner, Internet, if I couldn't do much.  As with this morning... stuck in, at, Nothingsville.  You have no idea the hunger to do, work, play, but with no mechanical means to that end.  I'll get fatted tea, to warm me before checking on the ducks.  Last I checked, shortly before the outage, their water was thawed.  They don't drink at night though.  It will be frozen.  Oh, I need more basins.  One broke in the cold. But I want taller ones, of similar volume.  I might get four, and insulation so as to create an insulated nest... see if that might make it through the night.

Oh, has youtube died, or just shut of access "to some"?  Wondering if anyone else can't get vids to play.  Can get to the site, just not play vids.

I'll try to do some other work today.  Oh, the hydrated lime, or such, will be in today.  Which means shopping, so a shower.  Ugh.  Later.

The cold, ducks, day.

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I haven't been able to work.  The girls and ducks have been checked, fed, etc.  The water is remaining mostly thawed out for the ducks.  The do their part.  It has warmed to nearly 20° F, 18° I think.  Oh, as to the thermometers?  It may simply be a difference of sunshine.  The difference seems to go away at certain times, returning at others.  Even further north, in winter, on drab days, sun or lack of it makes more difference than I suspected.  Or, who knows.  They started out similar, then had about 6° difference.

I'd love  to shower, make some calls, do some work.  I think I am about to crash so hard and fast it could hurt.  I'll take a few aspirin on the way down, plus night meds.  Good night.

More mushrooms and roast beef.

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Delicious.  Lots of butter, plenty of garlic, a pinch of salt pepper and an Italian blend this time.  As well, I am trying to escape using the microwave.  It is being cooked or reheated in the oven.  I truly do not trust microwaves, less so when dealing with fats.  Veggies?  Dunno.  I'll keep the nuke around, probably.

Then again, I'd love to go to stainless and cast.  Such high maintenance, I don't care what they say.  When feeling better, though, I may try harder to implement stainless.  Ugh.

A nap after lunch.  Then back to work.  Laundry, perhaps a shave, maybe setting up some dishes... small loads, so as not to overwhelm.  I missed recycling, but with only cat food cans and milk jugs, and only two tiny bags in there, it's not a problem.  The trash, on the other hand... but that was taken.  I did pull them from the roadside.  A struggle, if not just for me.  *grins*

A dream, not long ago.  Somehow seeing through God's eyes.  He was looking at women in a way only He can.  He can't see sin.  So strange.  Now I knew there was sin.  Lord knows women know, far more than most men.  I realized, in part, that is why there are mechanisms in place to protect us, in our current state, from God's love.  Even Lucifer is protected... if he can't see it that way.

Why I was shown I cannot say.  Especially with my... various understandings.  Even so, I was grateful for the opportunity.  And the wonder of seeing women in the fullness of their hoped potential.  It adds to my suspicion of why God gave us what He denied holiness.  A gift of hope, in faith, with charity, to and for both parties.  Such strange creatures.  Pandora indeed, but with a purpose even in her darkness.  If desperately in need of the patriarchy.

Later.

Cold!

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The thermometers are nearing agreement, 0° F.  My question is why the thermometers are matching up now.  Not just at this temp.  For weeks now.  One is not adjustable, the other is only correct at the furthest down position.  So how, after being off about seven degrees for the first months, do they now agree?  It's a strange world.

What is stranger?  It doesn't feel as cold to me.  I didn't feel as cold, without knowing the temp, so went out to start chores.  Oh, no boots either... socks and flip-flops.  Tres German!  Cewl.  I have yet to water the ducks, their water was absolutely frozen.  I just opened the hutch, minus the cage half door.

The wounded drake died.  So I took care of him.  Probably not long after I shut them in.  He was frozen solid.  The killer dog was back, looking for a quick snack.  He got nothing.  One track straight through.  Just one dog.  It looked that way, but after the last few days I am more sure.  It makes a difference.  That dog, if it wasn't before, is now a fowl killer.  It's life is probably numbered with as many flocks are around.

As disappointed as I am to see him go, that saves me probably having to do it myself.  He got to die with the group, inside, safe for the last bit.  And he did eat and drink, so had some comforts.  It was as much as could be done.  I returned after that bit, cold had gotten to me.

A bit of warm fatted tea, then I'll get them fresh water.  At these temps, I'll probably have to water them twice a day.  Oh, and I will put boots and coat on.  Best not to tempt health, frostbite, or else for some false pride.  Eating has helped in returning cold tolerance, is my guess.  Took a few days is all.  Still, no need to push it.

Later.

Very good.

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No idea about when I  went to bed.  I think I remember seeing 18:38, if I am almost  positive it was nearly 22:00 when I could finally sleep.  I would have been to bed earlier.  When I push a bit far I sometimes have to relax back down to sleep.  Dang, missed medicine last night.  Not uncommon when I burn it all out.

The roast beef and mushrooms were fantastic.  Real food beats any restaurant, definitely fast food.  Even the cleaned up, straightened out, kind.  Though it is good to have McDonald's back.  I will say that.  It would have been good to have fresh veggies, I just couldn't.  I didn't thaw anything either.  The roast will last several days, especially with fatted teas.  And I didn't think I would be up to cooking.  I truly burned every ounce of will to action available, then borrowed several days worth.  Tired.

Today?  Whatever targets of opportunity I can limp towards.  Of course, the ducks and cats, food and medicine, maybe a shave.  Perhaps a nap around noon, if possible.  I am looking forward to another portion of beef.  It's a small roast, but will offer four meals, maybe five.  I'm not even really able to eat more than once a day.  Fatted tea isn't quite a true meal. Drats!  I forgot some veggies planned.  Hadn't put them on the list.  Next time I am out, maybe.

Have a good morning.

I did what I could.

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The grocery store was the only store which was shopped fully.  Then again, the other store I shopped actually only had charcoal.  It's the only place which consistently carries cowboy charcoal, the real stuff.  I don't trust brickettes.  Now, I had to pick up the meats first.  I couldn't move fast enough, otherwise they would have closed before I was back around. It was still quite frozen when I returned home.

Everything is up.  A nice supply.  I bought chuck, to cook tonight.  The grill has been started, I'll check it soon.  The ducks are still terrified.  The drake in rough shape may be dying, he can't seem to stay with the others, or doesn't want to?  Their water has remained thawed, they are eating a bit more.  I'll keep watch do what I can.

I was much more easily worn than I hoped would be the case.  I barely got through the grocery store.  Putting things up... well, it is done.  I'll make a good meal, then hit it... actually I'll have to come down from it all.  Food, music, gaming.  I don't really have a way to do veggies, but mushrooms on the side is possible.  Tin foil has it's place.

Good night.

About to get to it.

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First, readied for a shower.  Some clothes put back there.  Then a call, seeking hydrated lime (Lyme, lyhme, some such).  Wow.  I called... many places.  Only one offering, and even they didn't have it on hand, but in Wednesday.  Only offered in fifty pound bags.  All good, the stuff doesn't go bad.  I was a bit worried about price.  At the big boxes, they were $26 ish plus $15 ish shipping or more.  One farm supply offered it for $16, but $45 ish shipping.  Really?  Here it was $16 and change, with shipping, handling, and taxes?  Really?  Finally, if there is a reason I have held off.

Now to shower and shave.  I have the list of items, most likely from three different stores.  Not all to necessarily be shopped today.  Not all stores, or items at each store.  Pricing, probably only two stores, then dinner, and picking up meats on the return.  Should work out.  The main goal is to buy all I will be getting this month at the stores I will visiting, so when I pick up the lime, I will only have one store else to hit.  Ugh.

I'd best get going.  Time, to shop at even two stores, eat somewhere, and pick up meats, has gotten tight.  Later.

A start.

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First, trash and recycling together and out.  In time?  I don't know.  I knew it needed to go last night, just couldn't get to it.  As well, cat litter was changed out.  Then a very light bit of shoveling... the front sidewalk.  I put out the bit of salt remaining.  I really need more, for rare events... delivery or known guest appearances.  I do my best.  I usually don't need it.  Though sometimes the driveway really requires it, and I try to avoid letting it get to the point of need.

I had to come in and warm up.  It's 26° F, you'd think it was cold out there!  I must just be getting old.  Just my hands, but still.  After warming, I checked the ducks.  They are really off their feed, not eating a sixteen ounce cup of their feed per day.  They are down two, but they had been eating three of those a day with seven of them.  The severely wounded drake seems to be doing better, but may be permanently lame.  I may have to put him down.  Unfair as that seems, if he otherwise makes it back to health.  But it also has to do with hens to drakes.  He has become the odd drake out.  I... just don't know.

A warm fatted tea.  Then some gaming.  A shower, perhaps shave, then work.  Food before long, as I pick up meats, perhaps do other shopping.  Cabbage, cauliflower, butter, maybe eggs as I never got to storing them.  Charcoal, cat litter, salt... all today?  Maybe.  Ugh.  I'll be thawing steaks, chops, and burger hopefully for tomorrow.  I'd like to make cauliflower 'mashed potatoes', see if that works.  I am hoping steaming them, then using a hand squeeze ricer, will do.  I hate machines, to be honest.

I may go to non-stick.  Am going, certainly.  It's a matter of time by cost.  I have tried seasoning stainless and cast iron.  It takes so much effort, and still fails.  They block up dishes, thus cooking, so aren't worth the effort.  It's just too much, and already, for a bachelor, to try to keep up.  I'll keep the others, for a while.  Some of it still has uses, sauces and some meats, mushrooms.  Just not eggs, or anything without a lot of fat/oil.

On to a bit of gaming.  The furnace is up, to help encourage activity.  BP was back a bit lower to 137/99 pulse 77, blood sugar creeps higher, if fast food will do that but is what I have and is better than nothing, for me, for now.  Fixing that.  So hungry for better.  Have to admit surprise at how deeply and well McDonald's has cleaned up.  Their burgers no longer smell of death.  Their fries though... if they would bring back tallow/lard mix.  They have to know those are truly healthier, and that harming your customer base is not just evil, it is foolish... unless, as with much modern "American" corporate, a hate of America and Americans is their way, harming us is their intention?  Really.  If I know, they should.  At least they taste... crisp, clean.  Still...

Later.

It was back.

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When I got out this morning I couldn't find the hen, the one which had been alive last night.  The drake had limped his way to the water, but it was frozen.  Not deeply, but his feeble state didn't allow him to break through.  I decided to risk putting him in with the others, which worked out.  Fresh water and food for them.  It is going to be difficult to keep up on that, in there.  It is the way of things.

After, I checked the preferred thermometer outside.  The reading suggested just below freezing, but it seemed much colder.  In looking I found the other hen.  She wasn't warm, but not frozen yet either.  The dog had killed her a few hours before I got out.  They freeze pretty quickly.  The dog had also eaten some of the hen it had killed yesterday.  Why it didn't also kill the drake I can't say.  While the drake was mobile, it was at a crooked limp speed... couldn't have escaped.

I doubt if he will make it.  The others look okay, if that doesn't really mean anything.

Bon mot?

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As it turns out, not what I thought.  Two words, spoken, as I woke yesterday.  I couldn't remember their meaning, near or far.  Good word, literally, from French... funny intelligent phrase, after being stolen into American English at least.  I had wondered if it meant good death.  That would have been bon mort, perhaps... not sure if good death is a philosophy keen in the West, European or American... or yet... again?  Then again maybe that is what was said.  It wasn't my tongue, and my ear is lousy for French these days.  I do wonder.

Why?  It seems an odd term to blurt on such a day.  It, either way, got me thinking about death.  I just thought it would be mine, or more a runin with it.  Dunno.

Three meals the last three days.  Bad foods, but something.  Blood sugar is 226, bp is 153/110, pulse 83 (before morning meds, I'll recheck in an hour).  Not great, but I had to have calories and have no other reasonable option.  One more day, two actually as the meat will be frozen tomorrow and will take a day to thaw, then I will be back to right food.

And bone broth.  I ordered beef bones, and froze the chicken backs etc from the butchering.  A short boil clean of the beef bones, baking all bones for an half hour to hour, then overnight in the hot tub.  Yeah, it is super to have true good broth (it is stock if you add veggies).  After pricing broth... making my own is seriously worth it.  Mostly spared for fasting days, though good for bolstering intermittent fasting and adding nearly pure good fats by combining with cream.  Plus, a natural way to replace what the waterpill dumps in way of minerals.

I'll check on my feathered friends in a bit.  I'll be keeping healthy(er) in the pen, which means water now.  I will also be putting water and food near the wounded, should they be alive.  I'll check on them all through the day, all the living.  I wish there was more I could  do.  As is I'll be doing good to get food and pay bills.

I did get a letter written, for social security.  I think one form has been completed, with a backup copy.  It may be too late, but...

More laundry, food, a shower, the ducks and cats, plus trash out today.  I'll try.  A bit of tea, then hot fatted tea, gaming... to wake... then to my fowl friends, in whatever state they may be.  I'd love to bury the ones who die, don't think the ground will yield.  Freeze until spring?  It's their home.

Later.
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The ducks have been hit.

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One is dead, one missing, for sure.  Several others are listing... favoring one side or another.  They were sheltering and I didn't have the heart to poke around and disturb.  If I had to guess, a dog.  I left the door to their hutch open.  I'm not at all convinced any of them will make it.  Should have fully enclosed, if between time, money, and illness, I am not sure there was any real opportunity.

If any make it, I will keep them enclosed until an enclosure can be developed.  That still isn't absolutely secure, it will just be better.  If none make it, I will start over, if with a different breed, in the spring.  I feel bad, but this is part of the process.  I just dread having to put any birds down, but will if need be.  I don't shirk.

I'm going to check on them.  They may not be able to go in, which... they will be in grave danger, but moving them might well be just as serious.  I didn't hear a thing, though it might have happened while I ran for lunch.  The house is sound resistant though too.  Poor things.  Later.
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As it turns out I lost one hen.  Another hen and a drake are too wounded to move.  Three hens and one drake took shelter in the hutch.  No ducks are missing.  Of the four in the hutch, at least one is wounded.  While I can put animals down, I can't do medical.  Actually I can't do medical on me either.  I don't expect the ducks outside to make it.  I left food near them.  Nothing else I can do.  If they are alive in a few days, and haven't, I'll move them in.  I'm not sure the ducks inside will make it.  Bites are bad things.

So sad for them.  Alone, probably dying.  At least there are two out there.  I wish I could finish the enclosure.  I just can't.

The plowing is complete.

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I didn't do it.  But I helped getting the chains back on.  Neighbor was at it.  The chains on one back tire was off completely, the other was terribly twisted, worse than being off.  I brought light, and hands.  As well, a couple of handwarmer packets and a few dollars for a hot cocoa or broth if he has time.  It is cold out there.

He didn't think putting on chains, which required deflating tires, unwinding one, getting them on in the slush and cold, sounded like a reasonable project for 5:00 in the morning.  I absolutely concurred.  Even helping seemed unlikely.  Yet there we were.  I didn't tell him, but that is... much of life.  If you can't always enjoy it, I would have like to have said, learn to bear it with heart, a smile, and humility.  Yes, fake it until you make it, with the goal of not having to fake it.

Today I let him have his sour.  It was mild, and not putting him off his labor.  I merely acknowledged his mild grief and enjoined in his efforts with a smile of my own.  He is a good man with a lot of work, failure, success, and time before him.  None of that is even as it is plainly stated.  Even nephilem and angel, as monks and nuns, priests, kings, and prophets, we all eventually understand how thin our greatest grace.  Even our salvation is a gift.  No due do we earn, only bow to accept.  If this is also no beggary.  Even in that the Christ covered our naked humility, if... we might earn some of that back, if we seek beautiful humility as He showed.  Amen.

It was good to help, on such a dark, cold, early day.  I need more salt.  This slush we are getting is ridiculously nasty.  I was only going between 35 and 45 when out yesterday.  If I drive slow, nobody should be driving.  The only reason anyone was out, save your fool truly, was they were caught out.  Although I have been starving a goodly while.  They salted, etc, wonderfully.  But the weather was extreme.  Luckily they know how to do it, ignore enviro earth firsters, and did it.  Even so, there is only so much you can do.  Yeah, I want salt, and a shovel.  I'll go to my new hardware store soon.

A fatted hot tea, see about the drier load, then the duckles out in an hour.  Later.

A bit of a start.

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The hope is for more today.  Four loads of laundry, in various stages of undress.  ;p  A shower and most of a shave.  The ducks out, and in, within an half hour of either margin, the first plow job, a meal, a jump-start in the bedroom, and more.  A very solid showing on my first day available for work.  HUP.

I went to bed right after 18:30, after getting the duckles in.  My ducks, I'll name them as I wish... always liked "duckles", quacks with chuckles, just like their ograrian overseer?  :)  You ought to hear what I call you, humanlings!  Or, well, all my names fo full breed humans, and the others.  What a gas, chillun.

I woke a bit after 3:00, then wrestled with a severe charliehorse for most of the near hour since.  Used to get those until Desert Cat, bless his black heart, clued me in on adding extra minerals, and a b-super complex, to my mix.  I didn't believe him.  But life is not about belief.  Or, that is the start.  Then one must find out.  He told no lies, and his solution to the water pill simply worked.  A good on him for knowing and sharing, a good on me for listening, suspending disbelief for the right tongue, and just doing.

If you crave, need, belief, even if true?  Prepare to get stuffed.  I make Saint (Doubting) Thomas seem a blind believer.  After checking the holes, I'd need a psych eval, which I would perform, and a credit report.  Do not think I jest.  It took God fifteen years after I knew.  If the devil is in the details, he is hidden there.  God is even in the devil.  Not even his attempts at changing that work.  Heck, the best he can do is half truths.  Still, I had to be sure.  God took the time.  Why an ogre though?  Not a doubt, a curiosity.

Anyway.  The charliehorse wasn't from lack of extra minerals.  Probably just from the work yesterday.  Well, and driving the plow takes some serious leg clunking.  That was awesome, to plow finally.  Again today?  I'll know soon.  Still need a new shovel this year, for side areas.  Hopefully the charliehorse will improve or go away soon.  From actual acid buildup, from working, the water pill helps get rid of that quickly, usually.

It was good to eat, if not a great meal for my condition(s).  I way over-ordered, if I couldn't eat much.   I will eat again today, possibly do mild shopping, depending on how everything else goes.  I will just relax until duckles go out, then get to things... Though perhaps run the drier a bit, and finish the shave with a wet part?  We'll see.

Good morning and day.  Later.

Wearing out.

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Three loads through, started anyway.  I showered before beginning this last load.  I've been going through things in my bedroom.  I'll have it in shape soon.

Snowing.  Big white fluffy ice curds.  The ducks are sheltering, though they were out in it earlier.  I ordered meat, some.  Skipped chuck and ground pork.  The rest, to some smaller or slightly larger portion, is involved.  Then again, a full pound of steak is less by mass than fast food.

I am looking forward to meat, anything actually.  Other than fatted tea, I've had a can of veggies and one of fruit in the last four or five days?  Hungry.  I'll order more meat next month.  Can't order in bulk, can get ahead, and more each consecutive month.  It is wisdom, the wallet is simply too anemic for better preps currently.

Life is about making due, gratefully.  I am not sure I succeed, but I do try.

Later.  Maybe good night.

Snowing.

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It isn't sticking, yet.  It is wet.  It is cold.  It was snowing at least as early as 19:XX.  Not sure, exactly, :29, :39, far earlier or later in the hour.  I just know the hour.  It might have turned to rain, or just snowed from time to time.  I expected to get on the rider this morning.  Nope.  All good.  As frightening to head into, even walk in, it is a pretty time of the year.  Everything is frosted save drives... vegetation, trees.  And there is snow, a dusting.  Plus light fog, just enough to pique a pretty or clever curiosity.

The ducks went out a bit ahead of plan, which is actually the goal.  The stated time is the far edge, so long as it is light enough.  Working with water, for some reason, was exceptionally cold.  It is around 32° F.  I have worked at 20° often, and as low as 12° or less.  Not sure what gives, but I got it done.

A bunch of laundry is back to the laundry room, some of it sorted, a load in each machine plus one through.  The toilet body is clean, more later.  The electric part of the shave is done, teeth brushed, a shower planned as soon as I catch my breath and a couple of cycles have been washed.  I started sorting the bedroom while at it.  I could go far.  I have gone far.

I'd really like food today and for the next few days.  Plus, it's time to order meat.  I'll see how far a couple ducks will get me, steak, burger (heavy on the fat), chuck, and them bones... for broth.  Have you priced bone broth?  OMG!  I'll make my own.  If the price is right, I'd consider a placket or two of chops and plain ground pork and lamb.  I hate having no meat in the freezer, if it will break my wallet.  A couple decent meals a week, it's all I ask.

BP was 130/90, pulse 81... blood sugar, was 145 fasting.  Nothing fancy, if blood sugar is starting to show my diet correctly again.  I really believe someone messes with my consumables.  Anyway.  Oh, I missed a day and a half of medicine there for a bit.  I'm not certain if I missed in parts or whole.  I just lost track.

Time broke.  I've been back on meds, in any case, again, for the last day and an half, whole.  Frustrating to lose your legs from under you, even with focus.  Not sure what failed, only that I was staring right at the problem with absolute intent to prevent it and didn't.  Nor, somehow, did I realize the failure until it was well finished.

A bit of a break, a shower, wet shave, more laundry, then?  Order meat in there, do some paperwork, then food if I have been a good boy.  Later.

Not so well, if that isn't always the point.

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I am not feeling well, if I might be able to do more.  I am about to move laundry through, after a shower and shave, then get food.  I watched the ducks, bathing and having to fight for their time.  I can't wait to get a larger kiddie pool for them this spring.  Perhaps they can all swim at once, at least a few days a week.  Still, they all get their turns.

What is wrong?  I just... hit a wall.  It's not pain, or much.  Perhaps It's hunger... more a lack of nutrition than the sense of hunger.  Food, gotta have it.  I have enough cash for a few runs the next few days.  The problem is being able to make the runs.  Cleanliness first, but the underlying lack of energy causing all obstacles.

I keep missing medicine, or did.  I am back on medicine for a day.  I do my best, which doesn't seem to matter.  I focus, put the meds where they can't be missed, and, yet...  It's as honestly good as I can do.  Perhaps I will turn the furnace up a bit more, at least occasionally.

The ducks were let out on time.  The cats have been fed.  A load of laundry is washed, with one dried in the drier, several loads back ready to start, and perhaps a large group to go to the washroom on my way to the shower.  Hmm, yeah.  I just have to clear baskets first.  I'll get to it.  Later.

Feeling great.

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In some senses it doesn't matter.  I can't regulate my sleep and wake cycle at all.  I am awake until I crash, then sleep until I don't, or can't.  I can't function, eat, cook, clean, or else.  If there weren't too many things in the way, every direction I turn, I might be able to do more.

A load is in the laundry at least.  I hope to get laundry sorted right down to the last load, and a shower and shave while at it.  I need to do paperwork.  I... have had it on my mind.  The ducks were put up at the correct time.  They'll be let out rightly too.  A bit late out yesterday.  I do my best.

Regular food would be super.  I've become picky, as much for diabetes as taste, texture.  I'll get something figured out.  I just can't do sardines.  I used to enjoy canned oysters... no longer.  Can't eat crackers anymore, which is part of it.  The other part is getting used to quality home cooked, from scratch, food.  It's the only way to treat diabetes without awful drugs.

I do feel good.  I mean really good.  I'll do what I can.  Later.

Turned it up.

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The furnace.  Seventy is fine.  Sometimes more than enough.  As ill as I have been a little extra heat just seemed better.  Seventy four, at least for a bit.  Until I get a shower or give up on having one.  I put the ducks out.  Their water had only a thin layer of ice.  Someone put them in last night, save one.  I found her when I went out.  No complaints, grateful that most had been put up.

I may take a nap, with the ducks out, and having been up since around midnight.  If I can.

I called my mom yesterday.  She is still pretty rough.  As with me, mostly over symptoms, just worn.  Her friend has it now.  As suspected, they both got the flu shot.  It simply doesn't matter.  As mentioned, I personally get the flu more frequently when I would get the shot.  If I suspect some shots are different.  Do the doctors, or medical/government bureaucrats choose who gets what has a more lethal probable outcome?  Yeah, I think they want some of us dead.  It's in some of what is offered.

I made cheese and mac. Not so good.  There is food that is something, and there is less.  This was less.  The last of boxes I ended up with.  Done.  I just didn't have anything else.  I am hoping to get out today.  Something something else would be good.  I really am hungry.

Later, one way or another.

Feeling well, still rather tired.

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I'll gladly take being a bit worn over any of the rest of it.  Food would be good, but my stomach and taste buds will be particularly fussy.  I'll have to eat what will stay and get past the filters.  The roast was okay, a small one eaten over three days.  It was a bit hard though, often sitting on my stomach like a cold hard heavy rock.  I need... want... beef, but I need more with it.  Potato, gravy, good fresh vegetables, maybe a salad.  I'm not seeing that anywhere affordable, so just a fast food stop.

It is around freezing out there.  Was about that this morning.  But the sun is up, out.  It's nice enough I decided to go check on the ducks.  They just aren't peopleized.  But that is fine.  I may check on soy free feed next month.  I have a couple of months feed.  By the time I need more I want them on the new feed, so as to go right into laying on the right feed.  Assuming I can afford it.  It probably isn't... the most economical.  Perhaps start to stop as is.  But that isn't always the absolute point.

A shower before long.  I hope.  I don't expect to make it to town today.  Missed medication all of yesterday, but restarted today.  I was a bit more shot yesterday, even today, than I thought.  Better, just quite drained.  I suppose fatted tea will be something.  Perhaps along with almonds, or macadamian nuts.  Plenty of fat, some solids too.  Eat, shower, shave, nap?

Later.

I thought I would be back up earlier.

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The last bunch of sleep cycles were between four and six hours, wake and sleep cycles.  I think this one was about twelve hours, for no good reason.  The ducks were fine, just waiting to be let in.  The girls slept with me until, from what I can tell, a few hours before actually getting out of bed.  I woke several times, tried to shake sleep off, couldn't.  The ducks are on my mind even if I can't get to them.

I had hoped to wake earlier, so as to get cleaned up and to town for food.  It isn't perfect, but it would be something.  I just can't cook.  I need food, to feed up.  Right now, bad calories beats none by a country mile.  I have the chuck, but even that is rich. I fear a return to stomach issues.

Still, it is what I have at the moment.  Something is probably better than nothing.  Potatoes, or rice, would help.  I just don't have those on hand.  The veggies left just... hmm, canned peas...  I'll be getting rid of the green beans of various sorts.  They taste wrong.  Fishy.  But beef and peas might work.  Yeah, that is something.

The fever returns, lightly, sometimes when I sleep.  Very minor aches and pains to, if randomly awake or asleep.  I suspect food would help.  Crazy thing is, I haven't lost much, weighing in at 261 (with pj's).

The goal is to shower, then get in sometime.  Get in at least for a meal, perhaps for shopping.  Ugh.  Later.

Can't complain.

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Still weak, easily tire.  The exhaustion goes so deep that a deep breath can tire.  Just breathing is wearing.  Food, and pushing, over time, will get me back in shape.  My organs, bones, and joints are good, fever is gone, my stomach on down is mild.  There are very mild issues, for which I will take aspirin... just as an abundance of caution and for being tired of being sore.  Couldn't take it as planned, doubted it would be in the system long enough.

I am a bit surprised to be awake already.  Down right around 7:00, awake at just prior to noon.  Sleep was perfect.  I was going in a bit overtired, which was a good thing this time.  Sam enjoyed piling in, sleeping right until I  woke.  Not sure why Sassy didn't, but her name... was earned.  I love her for it, if I always worry about the princess.  Twerp.  ;)

Beef was good, but I am not ready for more.  I'd like to try a gravy, using almond or coconut flour and xanthan or guar gum.  I'm not sure I am ready to be on my feet for that long, but I can review ideas.  Ugh.  For as good as it is, comparatively, it is still rough, limited.  Either way, I am grateful, for the challenges, reprieve, and whatever comes next.

A nap already?  If needed.  Good day.

Roast beef, milk, and tea.

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Not much of any of it.  Enough to be satisfied.  A relative slice, sip, and sup.  No shower.  Too tired.  It'll be all I can do to let the ducks out, break open the water, and open things up to air out their hutch.   I may do that a bit early so as to get shuteye.  Couldn't get a shower, was holding out on that for a nap, here I am.  Late, still awake.

All being well I can let the mousers sleep with me.  They prefer it, as do I.  I'm almost surprised a new symptom, old, or group of them, haven't manifest.  I'd better hurry to get done and go to sleep.

Good night, and day.

So far, so good.

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I went without more to drink, and for several hours.  All is calm, so I am having a trial spot of tea.  Bp was a little higher.  I checked medicine, couldn't rightly remember whether it was taken.  I am right on track with taking pills.  However, diarrhea has to have at least partially interrupted efficacy.  Even so, this reading is magnificent.  This is the old best, everything below 140/90, pulse was below 80.  Just... not bad.  Blood sugar is staying around 160.  Whatever, on that score.

It's not quite a time for a green light, but the caution light is mellowing towards that way.  Another few hours, if all good, a shower, then maybe sleep, with hopes of a trip to town if all remains clear tomorrow.  Otherwise I'll hold out, fast, and dehydrate, until needs be.  I am feeling a lot better, at the moment.  Tire easily, quickly, but duh.

All good, for now.  A bit to drink, gaming, a shower, then more rest.  Later or good night.

The worst case I have known.

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As to food?  I believe nothing is best.  Same for fluid. Starvation and deep dehydration is best, I don't care what doctors say.  Perhaps, if something could be taken to slow it.  But I would have to see results before even drinking.  As is, since earlier morning, n.p.o.  Further, after the horrors of emptying, I attempted escape through sleep.  Two sleep periods, with returned horrors between.  I couldn't get the ducks in, or anything else, until I woke this second time.

I rushed to get the ducks in, in case there might be a return.  Even when it was just gas, the cramping was debilitating.  It was crippling me, so other efforts weren't possible.  Three days of that.  It seems done, I won't risk it.  I have had a few ounces to drink, and will have two to four more, than as much every few hours, until... until I am more sure.  Thirsty as a dog, not worth quenching.

I hope to get a shower soon, do laundry, and when 'mo better' for certain, change bedding.  Thankfully no accidents, just bacteria or virus leftovers or I would have changed it all and then some.  Small steps, I don't wish to disturb still waters with exertion, or rock the boat in any way for any reason.  I can't believe how much my body could expel.  I had been fasting, and the waterpill had already been keeping me 'dry'.  Terrifying.  You would also think I'd be bone dehydrated finally, but I am not, just slightly into thirsty.  I'll have pickle juice as part of my allowance, if I have some.  Uhrm, but I will cancel the water pill until I and drinking regularly again.

Before this ever happens again?  I'll be buying several bedpans to compare and liners... If thick trash bags might work, those would have made life a thousand times better.  If you don't have, consider buying.  For yourself or a family member.  It... much easier, even for self-care.

I am honestly surprised this hasn't killed me.  Heck, it just ensured I got rest I had been ignoring.  Other than a sore bottom, and easy exhaustion from even light duty, I'm still doing well.  Hahaha.  Go away or I shall taunt you a second tima.  Later.

Warm.

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Er, that is.  It is supposed to be right under freezing, say 30.  But it isn't frozen in spite of it having rained.  I don't get it, but I will gladly take it.

The ducks are out, fed, watered.  I am glad to have put up the tarp.  Around four feet up, it gives them cover in most ways, from most things.  The ducks were fussing about going under today... wind was creating crinkly noises.  So I chased them under.  Can't have them afraid of shelter, or they  would seek another.  Their water was still thawed this morning.  I had to refill though.  Not sure that will work in the winter.  Too much work.

The little bit done exhausted me to seeing stars.  I had to hold off a few times.  Not sure if I would pass out if I push a certain line, don't want to find out.  Wheezing yet, won't get up until... for a while.  Going to bed when next I can move.  Cat litter cleaning, then bed.  Surprised how exhausted I get, how easily.  It'll take a bit to feed back up.

Good night.

Unpossible!?!

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I finally checked bp.  It was an amazing, for me, 121/94 with a pulse of 87, without morning meds yet!  Can the flu be a good thing?  I have been on full dose since and through last Thursday, so a bit more than a week.  It doesn't usually work that fast, and from previous experience partial and or inconsistent doses have almost no affect.  So it has been this rather short full dosing that has done the job.

Blood sugar was a bit less than 160, after a meal.  I tried to have pork with beans and cheese.  Pork is just too rich.  Mozz and a mix of canned beans, lots of cheese, in hopes of slowing and cleaning.  Diarrhea for the last two days, every few hours, in volume.  Loose but still solid.  My body must have been cannibalizing, or it couldn't have kept that volume outflow?  Beans offer fiber, cheese slows it.  I hope.

Still tired, but I don't sees stars after very minor exhertion.  Still, standing and showering is enough to wear me out.  Mostly a concern of not enough food.  I would have gone out, but nothing trustworthy open late at night.  McDonald's, but... maybe they have improved nights, as days?  Wasn't willing to risk it, especially for white male haters, the worst of them white males (sort of) themselves.

I am hoping to get out today.  I need food.  The pork is going, but I have a beef chuck thawing.  Perhaps cabbage and other veggies when I go.  Onion, carrot, celery, a mirepoix is good when ill.  Better with chicken, but that is possible.  And an assortment of root veggies sound good.  Hmm, how about tubers and cabbage with beef and the French veggie threesome with chicken?

I'll be pushing to stay awake until time for the ducks to be let out, then fussing with water, so other food must wait.  If the good news is that the beans and cheese have given a reprieve from constant need.  Later.  Good night, actually.

Still better, mostly.

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I have been awake since 21:00 ~ 22:00 last night.  I think?  Strung out from too much sleep, if more would be nice.  It isn't all just simple choice.  Add the final insult to injurious illness, a symptom which makes every... stomach growl and hiccup a potential reason to need to shower.  Fear.  Hoping that dies down before more troubles.

The goal at this point is to make it to 17:30, 18:00.  All give or take.  Then let my feathered friends in, plus attempt to pull the water in.  I'll have to empty it by at least half, my strength is low.  It'll be a test even then.  I was surprised, with the cats, to realize I am keeping up on their litter, food too.  They'll let something slide for a bit, then not an inch.  But they realized, and hard food and water was good, even their litter.  Woman, cat, duck a promise?  To be kept when able.

Needed the shower, for every reason.  Always good.  The plants got a time in there as well.  Yeah, I speak with my plants.  I'd like to say they don't speak back, but they seem to do better with directed attention, conversation.  Believe as you will.  From duck to cat to ivy, they... love a kind lord... friend.  What king has no subjects?  And any right king knows he can't rule over men, queens less so... in all understandings of the latter. So... who do kings rule?  Much as with socialism, pigs can only rule over even lesser animals.

Hmm, not sure I'll make it.

Oh, I was eating, if fatted milk, every other day.  It was enough to keep me regular, plus, until the finish line.  Though... that is a form of regular.  I had pork, but it was a bit rich.  Sauerkraut would have helped.  I thought the mustards and horseradish mix would be enough.  If it might just be a virus and antibody flush.  It's not unusual, if I always forget.  Medicine has been regular as well.  Now to begin checking bp and pulse.  Blood sugar is coming down, a hundred to maybe two down in two days.  Later.

Much better.

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The good part is that pain and fever are mostly gone.  The bad part is what remains is a starved husk without the strength to eat.  I'll try tonight.  Awake a bit later than preferred, to get the ducks in, but not too late.  With the water still relatively fresh, I dumped some, thought about taking it in.  Didn't think I could tow that much in my state.  Nor could I dump it all, wrestle it in empty, then wrestle the hose out and back after refilling.

Thought to dump more, then tow that in, but realized it wasn't possible, tonight.  Perhaps in a couple days.  If I can't handle leftovers, perhaps fast food.  It's mostly junk, but sometimes a starving body just needs raw calories.  The last time I ate I was only able to eat just a bit more than a single chicken drumstick, heated three.  Before that?  I think I mentioned it, or cooking it, the bacon wrapped drummies and pork roast.

Sleep was very good.  After being awake for thirteen to sixteen hours for the first time in nearly as long (?) since I ate (every variable is in some doubt due to the fever), I wasn't sure how waking, sleeping itself, would go, end.  No pain, if a little achy from hunger... not true hunger pains, more pains from a body trying to reserve succor from a body with nothing to offer.  Stupid thing is, in this starving state, I'm still not in keto and diabetes is high.  Bastards.

I'll keep at it.  But food, for the next few days, is vital.  As well as medicine.  Although, it seems, after some issues, when I have medicine, even if it breaks my balls, I do take them.  Better to have chipped brass hang-lows for a bit than a bp of 215/180 and a pulse of 140.  No future in that.  Not that I have a future, I have given my soul over to tending this broken duck of a life.  So be it.

Thanksgiving?

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No doubts, about the sentiment or holiday, merely... it snuck up on me.  It wasn't just illness.  I am getting old.  My mother called or I wouldn't have known.  Ill, recovering, I still hope you all have a time and place to celebrate the real reason for the celebration. Most of you and your families earned it.  Those of you who don't celebrate shouldn't be suffered citizenship.

I'm not quite ready for another meal.  I have food ready, I'll have something before the day is over technically, but after sleep.  I have been awake since last night.  The longest wake cycle in days.  My mother has been ill for two weeks.  Ten to one she got the flu shot.  Whether she believes or not, she'll do what others or doctors say.  It's... just that way.

Tired, beyond the ability to think.  But it has been very good to be awake for a while.  For that, and suffering to offer fools, I am grateful.  Good day.

Awake for hours.

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Not much, any, effort put into it.  If I need more sleep I'll take it.  Aspirin helped, if it does nothing for exhaustion.  Though pain is an exhaustion multiplier.  A new type of pain, something between heartburn and indigestion.  Probably from starting eating again.  It's never fun ending an extended fast.

I am beginning efforts to sort sweeteners.  There was a lot of crystalization in the bottles, on the caps, and in the droppers.  I cleaned that out, though whether appearances are enough I don't yet know.  I will say this, the stuff is a lot less sweet than it used to be.  If this works, I'll have to refresh and clean the dropper bottle monthly.  As well, put the main supply in a double or triple dehydration preventitive system.  Perhaps putting dropper bottles in single systems, such as zip-locks or sealing containers.

Being a bit before time to let the ducks out, and suspecting I'll be asleep for twelve hours when I go down, I am hoping to make it the two hours, and get them out.  I'll have to break open the water.  Every other day with that.  The fellow who I received the ducks from heats the water.  I didn't want to tell him, so sound as a know-it-all... more than I already do, but I think that makes it freeze faster.  Plus, that is something I heard somewhere... unsure.  Though since the water here stays thawed all day, but not there, I suspect so.  I am almost sure if I emptied it a bit, and dragged it in, it wouldn't freeze.  Hmm, worth a shot.  I just hate them not having water, thus food.  Though perhaps that  is good for them?

I also fed the girls an extra time.  Sam is happy, Sassy is still giving me some stink-eye.  I understand.  I still chuckle.  I am cool enough again finally to turn the furnace up, while awake.  Now, again, I need it.  I just need to remember to turn it off before bedtime or it is too hot for me to sleep.

Not laundry, or dishes save for the sweetener droppers.  I'm still worn, wear easier, far too quickly.  Just doing the droppers about dropped me.  Less pain, and that just from getting my g.i. to work again.  I'm almost enjoying life again.  Although I am glad for the pain.  It goes to those in pergatory, some I might know... suspect, some I don't know... the nameless to the world, the forgotten.

Oh, right, gravy.  It is a solid means of increasing fats in a meal.  Of course, generally based on flour, it is verboten.  There are other flours... almond seems preferred, though I would like to research coconut flour.  Further, I have doubts about the raw thickening power of almond flour, either kind.  So I looked into xanthan gum.  An half teaspoon (or full depending who tells the tale) per cup of fluid.  Those combined, plus liquid smoke or paprika (latter for color), should work.  May look into psyllum husk (?spelling?) as well.  Good for gluten free fixings as well.

Later, or good night.

Much better.

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Still exhausted.  No food through three to five days of fever and as I think on things a few days of illness before that, a week?  Putting food back in, slowly.  Started with milk, now chicken and milk.  It'll take a week to strengthen up, but will require consumption and work, a push-pull effort.  Food doesn't taste all that good, then again the deeper in keto I get, the more that is true.

Blood sugar is high.  I couldn't drink unsweetened tea, sorely needed fluid when I could drink, so used the sucra drops as needed.  It's an older container, which may be the problem.  If I can prove it to be dehydration, I may create a solution to the problem.  I'm in a bit of a problem otherwise.  Plain tea is as difficult for me to drink, in the volume needed,  as plain water.  They both irritate the throat until I actually can't eat or drink.

If the bit of food I could eat gives enough energy, I'd like to get a shower or bath, and maybe start laundry.  Probably then back to bed.  Then, each time I can wake for longer than moments, the goal is to eat a bite or three and do some work.  For now, gaming, to stay awake long enough to let the food do it's job, or at least begin expanding my wake cycle.

It's been a rough one.  I expect this every three to five years.  Actually I would get this worse, and every other year when I allowed vaccination.  Yeah, no.  I won't enrich failure.  I can't believe so many people do.  So many just follow along with the crowd, and poor advice.  It makes big pharma a lot of extra money, never kept me well, go figure.  I actually wonder if the vaccines are going to increase virulence.  As with any government involved operation, you have to wonder how unintended just such a consequence is.  Trust?  Verify.  How can I verify when the companies and government agencies involved hide, and are allowed to hide, the real information?

Later.

Amazing how difficult simple efforts can be.

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When ill.  I did use the small sledge hammer and steel stakes, but that usually isn't difficult.  I didn't think aluminum stakes would go into frozen dirt, didn't think the rubber mallet would drive the stakes.  Though, to be honest, I suspect both would have been equally exhausting.  On the good side, I feel better, with the covering.  I used part of the broken cap on top.  Wasn't sure the staked bag b would hold, seems to, if not fully covered.

The ducks were happy to go in.  Being so tired, this was a gift.  The temp is reading around 30° F, give or take.  Which made doing the projects much easier.  This type of illness makes cooler temperatures much more difficult.  At 30°, compared to 12°, it didn't hurt, if it was still exhausting.

You have no idea how difficult editing has been.  Fevers are anti-logic.  If there are still large errors, be patient.

Back to bed.  Food almost sounds good, I just can't do the work.  Good night.

Doing what I can.

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Sleeping still.  Most of the day.  So much pain and weakness.  I haven't been drinking either.  I finally got to drinking.  My throat was parched.  I feared the chapping would get stuck and I might choke.  Some of it was dried blood.  A quart of milk, then I will try that and double tea.

The girls have been patient.  While they had dry cat food, it has been several days since canned food.  I tried, I was just so hard hit I couldn't feed them.  It actually hurt to be awake and out of bed.  I had to restock their food, which was actually hard on me, having to stand, even sorting the cans.  In my condition it was a lot of work.  Oh, I'll grab a new bottle of aspirin.

I realized a water problem.  The water connection has not been covered.  It froze last time it was left uncovered.  That would be a major with the ducks and my illness.  I don't know who to call, though I know some folk who might, called them.  And, tonight, I'll put a plastic bag over the hole, stake it down, then pray that works until a proper cover is installed.

Back to bed.  The girls shouldn't be bothering me.  But the organs are terribly troubling.  If I can sleep deeply enough though... later.

Almost edging towards better.

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To bed, again, nearly directly, at 0:30.  Then awake at 7:30.  Just long enough to handle the ducks.  A very fast effort in brutal cold, given the fever.  Though at 12° F, It has started to count.  I used to be able to handle -20° F, now 20° F is closer to the limit.  Not always, though the fever makes it much worse.  Pain everywhere, doesn't help.

Everything has a tint of feverishness,  it is in the eyes, various pains, burning lungs, no way out.  Extra sleep isn't helping.  I woke two hours after going back to sleep.  I still hurt.  Actually I am a bit more rested, if all pains are equally troubling.  Tea is all I can drink, if not well.  I have given up on food for now.

I am taking medicine and feeding the critters.  It's rough, a challenge.  Oh, and perpetual bloody noses.  Every time I finish one I wake to another.  I keep groups of Kleenex at the ready, enough to stop and reset an half dozen bloody noses if need be.

I haven't been this sick in a long time.  At least no fevered dreams for the moment.

I thought I might wake for a while, but I don't think so.  I can't believe how heavily I am falling.  I simply can't wake.  A prayer would always be welcome.  Later.

Not bad.

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It was difficult to remain awake.  The aspirin did it's job, or the pain subsided, maybe a bit of each.  The fever is... relieved, if it sits back behind the skin.  The skin still hurts, if more mildly.  The burning in the lungs is better.  The organs still hurt, just not as brutally.  Everything still hurts, only a third to two thirds less so.  While that might not sound great, it truly is.  There is in the frying pan and in the fire.  Neither sounds fun, neither is, but there is worse and much worse.  I'm horribly grateful for worse.

Back to bed, while I still feel comparatively better.  I am fully tired again, ready to sleep another twelve hours or more, if I need to feed and water the ducks and cats.  It might be a quick up then back down.  If I go too far sideways I may have to compromise safety for food and water.

Good night.

PAIN!

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The last day, day and an half, has been the harshest in memory.  On top of organ problems, achy muscles and joints, my skin has hurt to even touch.  Sleep has been the only reprieve, as if I had a choice.  My eye sockets were too sore to rub my eyes, still are.  Aspirin is being taken, 350 by four, if I may add a pill.  Everything, where, hurts in some twisted and terrible way.

Even so, I have been tending the ducks and cats.  I will eat if I can.  Not quite now... nausea from pain is a bit excessive.  I slept most of the day.  After several attempts, I was able to push out, if late, just after 21:00.  If late, the ducks are roosted.  I may mot be able to stay awake, if I hope to... extra sore from laying on sore skin, a side effect from fever, I think.  Rarely have I had such a terrible fever.

I have kept up on medicine, if my plans to begin checking bp has not succeeded.  Ugh.  If I can stay up, and aspirin solves some of the pain, fever, I might get to checking bp.  Later.