Awake again.

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A painful wake.  No real problem, I am getting used to pain again lately.  I think I slept too deeply, didn't roll enough... perhaps at all.  No worries, it will work out.

Dishes are planned as a first shot.  Two smaller loads to be finished out, the main load to be washed and set out until I shower.  Then put back to a clear rinse.  Laundry will get a short refresh, then changed through.  The dry stuff will get folded on my next break.  I'll think about what next after that.  Hmm, while waking I will get medicine in and fresh tea started.

Quite a lot of sleep lately.  No choice.  As long as I can work when awake, I won't fuss to much.  Oh, but a shave would be good today too.  I hope to check a lot of the list off.  Dishes, laundry, bedroom, and bathroom, shave, and shower.  Not all today, but it is moving right along.  Hmm, as well, perhaps a small egg casserole, using a square rather than rectangular pyrex pans.  Too much casserole just creates waste.

Blood sugar was better, at 205 fasting.  I must be using too much even liquid splenda.  Oh, potatoes... right.  Still, it was trying a sort of food that can work, a new form.  The rest of my food has been keto.  Ugh.  I do have insulin set back up, and will get back to full keto and insulin.  Blah.  Later.

Strange.

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Fed, rested, medicated in all ways, feeling good, with no pain, having just napped, I am crashing.  There is nothing I can do to prevent it.  I have folded two loads of laundry, but that is it until after whatever sleep is required.  I am well set to get to work when I wake.  It will work out.  Maybe work three days in a row is the deal.

Later.

Someone thinks they have it figured out.

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Funny?  True?

Up and fed.

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A three to four hour nap.  Perfect.  Then breakfast.  I purchased frozen potato products to try.  The french fries and hash browns didn't work as well as tater tots.  I suspect tater tots are blanched and then partially baked, perhaps even have some starch soaked out of them?  Still, I finished the hashed browns tonight, with cheese on top and four eggs.  Absolutely fantastic.  I think I will go back to daikon radishes, cauliflower, and that Mexican item, for my potato and rice needs.

I will reset what is in the laundry, dryer.  Just to warm it, then fold.  Then hit the dishes. I will finish the dishes soaking tonight, then set one more load for my next duty cycle.  It will get a first wash, be set out, then a shower in my next morning.  I may do one more load of wash tonight.  As well, I want to deal with trash and recycling.  I also hope to do more sorting in the bedroom.  It is really clearing up in there.

The list may still be far too long.  But the idea holds.  I will do my best.  One fatted tea, and setting insulin back up.  Ugh, I've fallen from that for days.  Back to it.  Always something forgotten, missed, off.  I'll keep at it, do my best.  I have improved in so many ways.  I'll never really make it out, but I might enjoy life a bit more for the last three or four decades.

Later.

Food on the mind.

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I can't get going, or quickly.  I can dream.  I really am hungry though.  Perhaps something here will inspire culinary action.  After a nap.

With this one, I am planning to just add the dry ingredients, then keep the mixture on hand for mug bread, just add eggs... and any other wet ingredients, minus herbs and spices.  I may experiment with oat fiber, mozzarella, and a few other items.  But this should make a solid starter.

Pain.

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No more or less than usual for these past days.  I was surprised there weren't new aches.  Still, it is becoming tiresome.  Aspirin today.  Actually there was something new if unrelated to work.  It started late yesterday... my yesterday, your morning.  Acid stomach.  It was preventing me from sleeping.  So a vinegared tea concoction was made and consumed, then a glass of milk was had.  Better but not right, not fully.  I think it is the instant coffee.

I have an acid reduced instant coffee in the planning.  I don't plan to use those, regularly, at home.  Cold brew.  Glad I am finding what works and what doesn't before I end up with a sour stomach out on a trail.  I will probably use that stuff up on those days when I run out of cold brew and am not up to fixing more that day(s).  But the suffering that comes with it will push me to make more sooner.  Hmm, it might even be causing stomach/g.i. tract binding?

Quite a good day, the last two days.  Not as much that first day but it got the ball rolling.  I am pretty sure today will be good.  A load of laundry right first thing.  Dishes as I put that first load into the dryer.  No second load until that first load is put away.  I could get most laundry and dishes done today, plus dig into the bedroom... perhaps up to, maybe including, putting the closet and/or cage shelving up?  I need to find zip ties for the shelving.

Not bad.  I am doing quite well.  A clean bed and body, plus a rainy cool day, made for a perfect sleep.  Yeah, I am ready to hit things.  Well, will be.  Laundry right first thing, then some wake-up time and tea.  Meds down.  Fresh tea started while cold teas goes in.  Oh, I best thaw a roast or two, burger, and chicken drumsticks.  Life is good.  Later.

Not all of it.

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Not a bad lot.  Drying the sheets and bedspread did take five loads.  After the second load, I separated the groups.  The sheets took one more load.  The bedspread took two more full runs, plus several shorter runs.  I kept thinking it was almost done.  A shower and dishes set to rinses and the main to another soapy soak.

I didn't end up finishing any dishes or dealing with trash or recycling.  I just won't shave either.  I did make a tuna fried egg and cauliflower rice fry.  Not bad, not at all.  I will buy cauliflower, once I am sure my food processor is clean and ready, in some bulk.  Shred it, blanch it, part some into portions for freezing, and dehydrate some for trail meals.  It really isn't bad.  There is no carb rush, which is what is missed from potatoes and rice actually.

Oh, I did clean more here and there.  Organizing small spits of areas here and there.  A few other small projects while resting as well.  It was a good day... uhrm, night.  Still raining off and on.  I don't think it is too bad of a deal.  It is almost bedtime.  Just a bit of time sitting, winding down.  It is 7:30.  Perhaps in an half hour, hour?  A clean dry body and fresh bedding, plus so much work done, should make sleep a grand affair.

Trash, recycling, dishes, laundry, a shave, and more work in the bedroom.  The short work list.  If I can keep at it, perhaps finished Saturday?

Good night and day.

Nothing is as it seems.

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Some think things... are what they aren't.  I can't tell if it is because they think we are winning or losing.  Though some aren't on the right side.  If they are nothing but snark, presenting as a straight stick, we probably really don't agree.  Sometimes they refuse to be honest.  Whatever.

More. Better.

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More better.

I did bedding first.  Flipping and twisting the mattress, adding a padded undersheet, fresh linens, fresh blankets, and a lighter bedspread.  Yes, it is made.  A few more boxes taken to the spare bedroom, a few piles more of clothes sorted.  All the laundry and two or three baskets back to the laundry room.

I wasn't sure after that.  Laundry, dishes?  I should have hit laundry but didn't.  I was thinking I would need water for dishes, but not so much.  I just washed the dishes in the water available, then set them out so I can shower after a good long break, and after a shower.  Then I put the winter quilt and sheets to wash.

Actually that was a lot more work than I thought it would be.  Even so I steam-rolled through it.  In a couple hours, I will move the bedding to the dryer, check the water and probably take a shower... the washing machine is very slow, slower yet with bulky heavy items.  Then I will reset dishes.  If I can rinse and dry a few smaller bunches I will.

No more laundry until the heavy load dries.  It can cause a several day backup.  Hanging it out would be nice, but it is raining, storming, gusting at times.  I don't think my cord is up anymore either.  I would sure like to get a serious clothes hanging system out there.

What else tonight?  A shower, shave, perhaps one more load of laundry, the dishes I am working on, plus one load set to a fresh soak, trash cans bagged, a load or two of trash and/or recycling out?  Probably not possible, but what of it is possible.  I am surprised I have completed what was done.  Every task had other things as prerequisites, often I got at least a bit sidetracked, and everything takes longer than anticipated as is.  So, an excellent run so far.

Fried eggs and spam.  I didn't think I'd like the spam.  Fried it too.  Honestly it wasn't too bad.  Sure, it isn't steak.  But steak won't last weeks.  I guess I have only ever had cold spam.  This was pretty good.  I won't add salt with anything I am eating with spam, if, thankfully I didn't oversalt the eggs.  Still, no extra salt is needed.

Later.

I was so sure.

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The last of the list would be done, dishes.  Nope.  I crashed so hard and fast I didn't see it coming.  I don't remember even finishing that post.  Pow, to the moon, Alice.  I know it was after 6:00, but half an hour or three hours after I don't know.  Sleep was fantastic.  In spite of it being a black memory spot, something seems good about it.

I woke a few minutes to half an hour ago.  Tea is brewing, a cold spot of it is going down, meds are in.  Breakfast is being contemplated.  I have store bought eggs that are okay.  Not nearly as good as farm fresh, but I don't wish to waste them.  I believe hard boiling is the way to go with those.  It's the best way for old or inferior eggs.

Much to do.  Bedding, laundry, dishes, bagging trash cans and collecting refuse plus getting a bag out.  Boiling eggs, thawing meat, and fatted teas.  A shower, shave, and cleaning the rest of the bathroom.  Not all today, I can't be sure of order.  I'll do what I can.  I'll get to some of it.  I will start with dishes, then bedding, laundry, and a break before a shave, then shower?  Actually, probably two or three breaks in there.

A minor storm blew through.  It took electricity down just long enough to reset clocks. Winds gusted, perhaps some of the valley received sprinkles.  Fast.  In, through, gone.  Sure is dark out there now.  In spite of my trouble with spring, I truly enjoy it's capricious weather.

Good.

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Not perfect.  Not everything.  Maybe not finished.  All laundry has been handled, that was clean from before.  There was more, a few baskets tucked away, than first thought.  Much of it had been sorted, even folded.  Dinner, and a fatted tea, forgot insulin.  Always something.

I am hoping to do dishes.  I won't do bedding, shower, or start laundry, but with dishes out of the way I should be able to get those started first thing.  It is warm enough to let the place air out, in spite of watching a werewolf type of show on one of my breaks, with some very odd noises outside.  Gotta love real atmospherics added for fright factor.

It is a start.  I did clean the toilet the other day.  I have been eating more, with best in class eggs back in stock.  I have cut fluid intake and the water pill to one, successfully so far for the last few days.  It's not all hoped, or listed.  It is something.  And there is always more, and more to tasks and chores, than anticipated.

A bit of tea as I rest, then to dishes then bed.  Good night.

Finally!

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Not much.  It took a while to start.  I am not done yet, if a break is required.  Yes, finally. I got into the bedroom to sort, fold, and hang clean clothes.  I have the underwear section sorted.  I have from 36s to 40s, water can really add up in a hurry.  I may have that more under control but for now I will keep it all.  In a year, sooner if one water pill works out, the bigger size(s) will go.

Still, I had shirts, shorts, pj's, jeans, and pants to sort.  They had mostly been sorted, but a refresh seemed prudent.  As well, I went through shirts, to look for holes, age, and spots.  I have worked on spots as possible.  I have given up on any remaining.  So a bunch of shirts are gone.  I will replace a few.  Fewer, in better condition, plus a few extra new in bagged reserves.

So, yes.  Actually quite a little effort before I even started.  Technically speaking, since none of that was on my list.  As well, dirty laundry was gathered from the bedroom and bathroom, and taken back.  Then I grabbed the clean clothes from back there and brought them to be sorted... after my break.  I did fold and put away or hang the clean clothes already in the bedroom.  They were mostly done as was.  Less than I had remembered.  I suspect I was doing a few items here and there without remembering?

The girls have been fed, their water refreshed, if I am behind with their litter.  I should be able to get bedding changed and dirty clothes started.  Dishes will get at least one shot, some of it dried and put up.  And a shower before resetting those, then laundry.  As well, trash will be... at least bins will be bagged and a bag or two collected.

Yeah, I think so, and tonight.  I would be quite pleased to have a good start, fresh bedding, and a shower.  It would definitely set tomorrow up for a real solid second hit. Ugh.  There are still solid pains.  I am working through exhaustion.  But I can.  I am.  Oh, perhaps a meal while I break.  Just a fatted tea, but fine enough.  Later.

I may not have a sister but I do have a cousin?  If even that isn't as it appears.

All messed up.

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Sleep is completely off track.  A few to six or seven hours asleep, after every four to thirty hours up.  It isn't making sense.  Meds, except insulin, is going down correctly.  I will try to figure out insulin, which requires figuring out meals.  I still have my list of chores.  I must push through.  Today?  Today.

My ribs hurt, my organs are bound, bruised, troubled.  Even so, I am planning to do laundry and dishes today, plus a shower between the next load of dishes.  The cave is open so as to air out.  Oh, and all of the hens are brooding.  Poor drake is probably on a strict limit.  And those ladies have no fear of me, plus they gang up.  He can hope for a great father's day!

Rough, confusing, distorted, but... oddly feeling good on the inside.  Odd, but okay.  Far better than feeling horrible on top of the rest.  It takes going through a lot of serious pain to become able to relax and enjoy life while your guts feel as if compressed in some torture device, ribs feel bruised, days and nights are so confused even 24 hour time pieces only occasionally help understand what part of the day it is.

I really do feel good, as a being.  Oddly, most of the time, I would be good company.  No matter how much I hurt, how sleepy I might be.  I think it actually started with learning to let Christ teach forgiveness.  I thought forgiving others came first, but it didn't, not for me.  If it doesn't start at home it can't really happen.

Of course forgiveness isn't what it seems.  If it is a sin, and you do it, just letting it go won't work.  As I have mentioned, the road back from hell is so very difficult because first you have to accept that your sins are such, then reject those, and really then stop doing them.  Even that is no guarantee.

Forgiveness is a complicated series of actions which begin with understanding sin, figuring out yours, working to separate yourself from them, and then letting Jesus' sacrifice cover for those.  Anything else just won't do.  Once you go there, and learn to live there, life is far easier.  Perfection?  No.  But you had better damn well try.  If you do, you often end up dealing with similar folk.

Anyway...  Doing as well as I am as rough as I am, I will try to get some things done tonight.  Wish me well in my endeavors?  Later.

Masks.

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My posts have pulled memories from others.  They, in turn, have plucked the chords upon which those memories where more fully developed.  And, so, I put them together in a way not yet performed, colluding with recent writs, adding old music to the newer songs, finishing a story line that only seems new to those who didn't understand.

Better, in a horrible way.

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I am feeling better, that is to say, in spite of feeling worse.  While my lower abdomen innards feel knotted and bound, with occasional light side wall muscle spasms, I generally have a better sense to life.  Serenity.  I don't write the story, not all of it.  I can emphasize aspects, when I can.  In this case, these are just the facts.

Blood sugar is high.  An experiment, this time.  Some frozen potato products can be used, some not so much, if volume and frequency play a part.  I was testing a brand that can work with a variation of products.  It was a total failure.  Technically the same carbs, macros really.  It's the processing that makes the difference.

With diabetes off because of sleep issues, I decided to experiment.  I may have another couple of potential sources of higher blood sugar.  I am eating right (other than the experiment, if that only after there was already a problem), if not able to eat as often as suggested... I just can't eat three meals a day.  I'll try something else... much smaller meals.  Even fatted teas will be reduced to a couple cups, and regular tea will be reduced.  Three meals a day is too much?  Who knew.

I have reduced the water pill to one a day, as a trial.  I will have to reduce liquid intake to make that work.  It has already been reduced to get it down to two pills... successfully so far.  If my heart is better, I may not need a water pill at all, in time.  I couldn't just drop it cold turkey though.  I have had to reduce intake, then medicine, in a tiered reduction.  As thw water pills have been reduced, potassium was also lowered as advised.  There are physiological and real psychological involvements.  I think it is working out.

Cats are fed, ducks soon.  I may need a nap first?  I was down at 4:00 or later, up by 10:00 or so.  Trouble sleeping, if the girls were begging for food this morning.  I fed them later, their second meal, before bedtime.  And they had dry... perhaps it wasn't food?  Twerps, but I don't mind.  Yeah, a nap.  Later.

I'm in such bad shape.

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Why?  I reviewed insulin... all medicine.  Actually I am taking it correctly.  I reviewed my diet.  Both from memory, yet I am confident in the memory by comparing memory to things which could be, were, verified.  Not an absolute guarantee but three different topics and times were able to be shown true, some actually over periods of time.  I have been doing well.  The thing that is off is sleep.

Some days I am being awake eighteen to twenty eight hours.  Sometimes I get a nap if usually not.  My actual sleep cycles can be in the five to six hour frames, if usually seven hours.  I, personally, would rather eight, even to twelve, hours of sleep, especially when my days run out of control the long way.  I simply don't have control.

Now, at least I probably know why diabetes is higher.  What else I am controlling is keeping blood sugar in the low 200s.  Until sleep and wakefulness can be limited, or my body acclimate, or a comprise of those two, I may just have to hold on.  Keeping medicines and food on track is all I can do, but I am doing it rather well, regardless of the givens.  It... spring is tough.  But this is the first spring I have maintained so well for so long.  Now to keep it up to and through summer.  If I am pretty sure deep summer will shatter me like a porcelain doll this year.  Just... a feeling.

Still, I have the list, and intent.  I won't quit even if I can't win today, tomorrow, or...  I will keep looking to the list and willing it.  Eventually, someday, they may put me in a room with a window to peer through, and I will just... look...  Until then I will take what victories I may.  I am not finished, not yet.

Later.

Mother's Day?

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I thought so.  Several sites suggested it.  One site said it was on the 14th, but that had to be wrong or the wrong year.  Always Sundays.  In any case, I planned to call my mother.  I kept thinking about it, get distracted, then lose track.  Finally called.  I was the last of the expected... hoped.  I have remembered for the last three to five years, and birthdays.  Improved health, as mild as that actually is, was the key.

Nothing else done today.  Well, a meal.  No work.  I may have to nap first.  Ugh.  I am pretty sure a nap will do.  Then to work.  Later.

A late day.

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Awake very late, waking late, moving slow.  Ducks and cats first thing.  I need to scoop the coop, but not quite today.  I have to do a bit of work in the house today.  I washed some of the dishes and set some of them back to soaking, some have been dried.  Laundry up, bedding changed and that and other laundry set to run, the rest of the dishes, then a shower and shave?  We will see.

Blood sugar is up this morning, in the low 200s.  Actually it is from not eating enough.  As well, too much sucradrops.  Without eating I am not using insulin.  Bleh.  I have to work on that.  If all else fails, I will simply have to take a few risks.  Frustrating.  But then I would rather blood sugar be a bit high than dropping too fast.  I will get there.

A bit of roast beef, then putting laundry up... actually bedding changed and all laundry back to the laundry room and started, then clean dry laundry all up.  Yeah.  It is spring, perhaps changing blankets and the bedspread... replacing those with lighter items while at it.  Yeah.  I'd really like to hit it, so as to get the coop cleaned and fresh hay in there tomorrow.

Later.

She should know...

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Thoughts, gathered for convenience.  Not the happiest, but right?

That is odd.

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Blood sugar does... can... go up until I eat.  But a fifty seven point jump, even watching sucradrop use closely, is unusual.  I am hoping 191 is an outlier.  Then again, mornings have really tended to spike lately.  Being over 150, though, allowed a 10 cc dose of insulin without worry.  I am still a bit surprised at that unfacilitated spike.

Fatted tea now, with eggs and sausage and half a raw potato shortly.  Then either a nap or work if I can.  I turned the furnace up, as it is truly cool still.  The ducks and cats have been fed, etc.  Oh, and someone delivered a bail of hay!  I owe someone.  I... am low on cash but there is the future and possibly some other method.  I know, I have pushed hard for it, but I am grateful.

As I have been sorting ideas, more things are coming together.  Nothing I don't understand.  Things some of you don't get.  You just don't get it.  If some of you, from both sides, choose not to grok.  Which actually causes me to doubt some so-called conservatives.  Liberals et. al. are too weak to think freely, I know that.  If one labels himself conservative, yet refuses to truly consider, they aren't as they suspect.  Merely another progressive type, leaning towards the dictates of others for who or what to hate.

I see Chatteau Heartiste has been taken down, probably for calling out Volvo for making a real family advertisement for their vehicles in Europe while creating a vile queer man fake family advertisement for the US.  Suggesting the ads are aimed at purchasers, so suggesting what American Volvo buyers are.  It was the other blog outlet which did it, if he was there because goolag was already worse.  Hop to it, Trump.  Tear down the digital walls against American thinkers and build a wall against invaders.

Later.

The experiment has a final result.

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I expected blood sugar would be high today.  The insulin brought blood sugar down yesterday, quickly, over a hundred points down.  But blood sugar always rises as I sleep, usually by a score, often by various multiples of twenties.  I expected multiples.  Not so much.  The final read last night was 114, 134 is the morning fasting read.  And it is the lowest fasting read in the three weeks and day since starting treating diabetes again.

The thing that has me wondering is how much insulin to take.  I will test again, in four hours, before eating.  But if it is 150 or less I am supposed to drop 2 cc's from the 10 cc's recommended dose.  I had been thinking of just lowering by days, or pairs of days... for example, if a reading was below 150 and remained below 150, to just reduce the dose to 8 cc's for the next two days (unless readings dropped below 100 or went back above 150).

I... don't think that is right.  Part of the reason I stopped taking insulin was to think on that, as well as curiosity.  As is, I have decided to reduce my dose, from 10 cc's, by 2 cc's, every time a premeal reading is below 150.  This next meal, if premeal reading is, say, 140, then I inject 8 cc's.  If the next premeal reading was 132, I would reduce the previous injection volume from 8 cc's by 2 cc's to 6 cc's.  And so on.  I won't risk taking too much.  I can obviously handle too little.  Too much not so much.  If it hits 100 or less I won't use any insulin.

After a bit of waking I will attempt to put up all remaining laundry, then hit the dishes.  After one wash, I will get a shower and shave if possible.  As soon as those are completed I will at least reset dises to whatever sort of soak any particular dishes need.  Some may require more washing, others may just need a rinse.

I won't plan anything else, if changing bedding and starting that laundry would be good.  I have brots and eggs planned for breaking my fast in about two to three hours, then a bit of beef roast and cabbage later.  I need to get tea, then fresh hot tea started.  Have a good morning.

Uhrm. Interesting?

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Who ever knows.  Two meals, plus a snack, along with two shots of insulin, and?  Blood sugar is 110.  Down from 220's and well over all day.  Very strange.

I reset dishes.  One more soapy soak and they should be ready.  They have been setting for weeks, so...  I believe a nap, or sleep cycle, then back to the bedroom.  I'll hit the dishes after two work times in the bedroom.  Hmm, I never did move the full boxes to the spare room.  That would be any easy fix before sleep.

I will figure out the world again.  I don't think higher blood sugar is all of what can weigh me down, but it is obvious to me it can play a significant role.  Especially seeing low to high to low so close together.  It is a natural end to my day, so while my mind opens with the low reading, my body needs sleep.  What a crazy ride... 110?

An experiment.

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With blood sugar dropping, and since several doses of insulin had been missed, I went ahead and skipped more.  Not the best time to try it, while also experimenting with potatoes.  Still, if testing, then test.  As it turns out, blood sugar jumped to about 225 and stayed there until potatoes, at which point it jumped to 280, as reheated baked potatoes.  Raw potatoes I can do. It actually cuts blood sugar.  Not so much rebaked potatoes.  I will do other experiments, but after lower blood sugar again.

I really had to see about insulin.  Still need it for now, if I have to be careful coming down.  Yeah, I was getting nervous about how quickly it was dropping.  Back to it.  I will simply have to be careful.  I have been working on dishes, but the rest has been lagging.  I will get back to it soon.

Oh, a second of my duck hens has gone broody, crafting a nest and getting defensive.  All good.  I'll let them, encourage them for now.  I may have found a source of a source for straw hay.  Possibly.  I sure hope so.  Then to figure out pens for the brooders.  Ducklings are targets of other hens and even the drake potentially.

I would like four more ducks, hopefully the couple I purchased them from want some as well.  They lost all their ducks.  Actually I had better check.  These don't make good meat birds and there are only so many eggs I can use.  It is good to see they can go broody though.

It looks like youtube killed my "previously viewed" section.  I still have history, for now.  Realizing what is coming, and that nothing in the offerings is of any interest, I won't be using them anymore.  It looks like the music industry is following the movie industry down the drains.  And CNN is a better news source.  A few indies of interest, if they can be found.  If they wish to further inconvenience potential buyers, they will simply be erased.  I don't need them.  They do need people.  India, China, and other advertising click farm origins don't buy products and even cucked US corps realize, eventually, that advertising dollars are being wasted.  The stupider, more anti-white, anti-American, anti-Christian, these cucked corps require their advertising, the higher the third world click farm involvement, which means the fewer purchases per view and dollar spent.  Is anybody out there?  Sure, if you realize none of them buy, or even could buy.

Later.

Some things.

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A load of dishes through, then an early visit.  I was expecting one tomorrow.  No worries.  A bit of a discussion.  All good.  Then a blood check.  Without food or even much to drink, my blood sugar went up to 170.  It... just does things.  I realize that early blood draws, mostly fasting, often rise.  More so, for whatever reason, when the very first fasting blood sugar drops below 150... or at least that is when it will rise above the first fasting blood sugar.  No worries.  It may remain higher or not.

Breakfast, the first meal of the day, was eggs and reheated potatoes.  After seeing that raw potatoes can lower blood sugar, I'd like to see about reheated potatoes.  I'm not sure if these were once cooked though, or just blanched or otherwise only partially cooked, so I am baking potatoes to experiment with twice and other multiple baked potatoes.  Life is an experiment, food is a portion of life.  While man might not live by bread alone, he certainly doesn't live without something.  Nor is he called to do so.

The eggs were fantastic.  The golden yolks, the firm whites, the flavor and texture of real natural food is unbeatable.  As for the tater tots?  Well, with garlic powder, salt, a dash of smoked paprika, and salt, it served to sop the orange golden perfect goo, and well.  I sure miss real eggs.  My question is, why are free range and else store-bought eggs so inferior and more expensive?  Back in black.

I set up more dishes and will be getting back to laundry in a short bit.  I have two more loads out back, plus a remaining load to put away in the bedroom.  I will give the clothes in the wash room fluff time as I get back to work in an hour or so.  I need a rest after the meal.

Hmm... I should thaw meats for tomorrow.  Brots, to go with mustard and sauerkraut, perhaps a pork roast to go with the rest of the jar of kraut, and a beef roast?  Perhaps burger too.  All cooked at once for convenience and to save on fuel.  I need more charcoal.  Maybe an egg casserole with the burger?

I tried a form of instant coffee.  Even with glowing reviews I wasn't expecting much.  Many reviews are jacked, bought, by people with poor or no taste, company employees anymore... or conversely competitors or haters of one sort or another.  Actually?  I was impressed.  I would say they have learned to make a solid instant coffee.  I might have another this eve, maybe with whipped cream topping.  I am getting foods and drink ready.  Now to find the best price.

While I stalled on doing much more, it was today or tomorrow for the visit, so all good. Further, I can still see space opening.  I should do well this afternoon, much more so if I can hit it tomorrow and Saturday.  It really is getting done.  There is something satisfying about it all, and just being able to work.  Yeah, very good.  Later.

Not bad, not at all.

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Part of the difficulty with work is that I can only work in small little packages.  Eating, I have woefully come to realize, is another form of work.  It uses scant energy, even if to produce fuel.  If an effort is made to reduce the demands of that process then I end up short of fuel.  While work can be done with insufficiency, I am already running a twenty to thirty percent caloric deficit.  Trying to swing more gets dirty and failure in much decreased runtimes and recovery rates ensures.

So, eating has to occur, in sufficient volumes to consider even it work, on top of 'real work'.  Yeah.  However, in spite of that, I worked rather well yesterday.  Three hours and change, not including meals.  I really cleared a few areas.  Even straightening a food cupboard.  I liked that.  However, I think I will make my side effort doing dishes, then go back to a cupboard every other day.  That way I can wash the cupboards as I go.

Anyway.  Today is back to the room, and of course dishes.  The rest of laundry, setting aside clothes for the ragbag, and sifting and tossing on the side.  Increments seem to be thirty minutes to an hour with an hour or two down.  Perhaps that ratio will improve in time, if only over stretches of time, probably long stretches.

I was quite surprised waking occurred so, relatively, early.  Bedtime was shortly after 7:00, waking at noon thirty or a bit earlier.  I didn't believe I would wake well or early, this early.  Not only awake incredibly early but in good spirits and form to hit it in a few hours.

Fasting blood sugar is a comparative dream at 145, a sixteen point drop from yesterday, and the first sub-150 fasting read.  There is something good about sub-200 fasting reads, for the ego.  But there is something biomechanically significant about sub-150 fasting readings.  My insulin reception, reaction to occasional carb spikes, and general feel all becomes different.  I am back in the healthy zone.  Now to get fasting to sub-100, then eat to keep it there.  Insulin shots?  Yes, but down to 6 cc's, 4 cc's if... I'll be proceeding with caution.  Blood sugars aren't slipping down, they are cratering.

A nice morning.  I am excited to get started in a couple hours.  Oh, if clothes get managed, and dishes started, then boxes can begin being broken down.  I have a bunch to bust all lined up.  Yeah, that will make a huge difference.  It definitely boosts the ego and drive to see swathes of area cleared.  So much easier to push on.  A trick is to hit big things, then clear a smaller flat surface, mix and match, to get the boost without requiring huge energy dumps for every ego bump or impetus boost.

My mother called.  I'll see if she is around.  Later.

A good start.

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Not as much as had been planned and a lot more.  There was far more between getting the planned operations and what ended up completed than thought.  Straight lines versus the curvature of the earth, only more.  I didn't even get all the laundry put up.  I did get two and part of a third basket up.  I got my underwear section organized while at it.  Had to remove undershirts and socks and figure a new or temporary place for those.  It had gotten all wrong.

As well, I had other things to order and organize, while sorting things out for trash or rags.  More, as I collect and sort, then use items, I will begin eyeing those items prejudicially with an emphasis on removal.  I will create a rag bag, but I need to limit even that.  Yeah.  I think my world may be breaking open to seriously solid new opportunities.

Far from perfect, but amazingly closer than when I started.  Sore, tired, but hoping to continue tomorrow and Saturday before several days down.  Blood sugar was 114 then 123 as a final read.  It is getting there.  Actually I think I forgot insulin save for my first meal?  Yes.  Crazy.  But work can lower the number.  Not always if more often by far than not.  The 7-day average is 166, the 14-day average is 175.

It looks like youtube has broken.  Oh well.  I wonder if just for some of us.  That would be my guess.  It may just be down for maintenance, but it doesn't look like it to me.

Good night.

A jalapeno and tuna salad.

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A jalapeno and tuna salad?  I don't stutter.  That and a can of spicy vienna sausages.  It wasn't great, and I meant to grab plain vienna sausages.  Probably much better blistered over a fire.  Not exactly a super meal but keto friendly, enough, and just barely good enough.

Further, I reorganized one of my cabinets so as to remove foods I don't like or don't eat, filling those shelves with the packable trail foods and snacks.  They aren't great tasting, but when hungry, will do as snacks or meal additives.  Trail meals are rather lacking, especially for biggens.  Doubling is too much food, too expensive, and weight prohibitive... these things just add a few more needed bites.

Food, at home or on the trail, for me, is no longer primarily about taste.  Once in a while, sure.  But food is now about energy, nutrition, function.  Even on keto, I have to limit pleasure.  Keto helps, but I have to do my part.  That means eating whatever it takes to win.  That will often require boring food, and often more than I want (of the boring food).  And weight loss has become a part of the lead targets.  Diabetes and weight loss, now, are equal aims.  Which means weighing twice a week, say Monday and Friday?

I have now had three work periods of about two hours.  I am hoping for enough more time at work to get clean clothes folded or hung and put away.  We will see.  All of it has been sorted, some of it folded, but there is a lot of it.  If I can get it done, I will shower and change the bedding again.  Yeah.  Getting things done.

I definitely have boxes to break down.  As well, a lot of packing material to pop, compress, and bag.  I am surprised at what has happened.  Work is moving right along.  Of course there is so very much to do... as with climbing, if you fear heights, looking down is ill advised.  In my situation, looking around is what is dangerous.  Work everywhere... fear inducing volumes of work.

A bit of gaming as aspirin hopefully begins to relieve knots.  Then more work and a shower.  A fresh bed and shower would make tomorrow an easier work day.  Later.

It isn't working.

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I can't find my smaller pack.  The place is rather rough though.  So I am just going to dig in by digging out.  I started in my room.  Thankfully I have plenty of boxes.  Nothing is well organized as is.  Everything will have to be roughly sorted.  After enough is tossed, then much will need to be reorganized.

Some boxes will be broken down in the process.  Too big, too small, odd shaped, those must go.  I have no idea about priority, though perhaps that will make sense in time.  As is, I am packing as possible while setting unusable boxes off to the side until there are enough... or too many in the way, then tearing them down.

It will take a while.  I think, if I can hit three to five hours every other day, a week could see a much better situation, and probably a lost pack.  Two weeks would make the place nearly righteous.  I do have my big pack, which can be taken down to a tiny day pack, doubled, or with the main pack alone as a major pack, or completely collected into a massive pack which can easily carry 150 to 200 pounds of gear, if one was capable and so inclined.  I'll begin breaking that down and reorganizing it... or just organizing gear outside of the pack for better loading as I get closer to going?  Yeah.

I wanted to do this anyway.  While I didn't order the dumpster, and won't for two months, not until mid-July, I can gladly have boxes ready to load, getting one delivery immediately, and another and hopefully the last out by very early August.  A few chairs and a lot of... other stuff.  Maybe an old bed if possible.  Ugh.

If I can't get out, it is time to get hella busy.  A few more work periods in the room tonight, then on through to Saturday.  I will probably crash Sunday, maybe Monday too.  If my health is actually improving, I should be able to dig in for several days next week, and per run.  We will see.

I've got to figure something out for dinner.  Country eggs are back on the menu.  So much better.  Sure, duck eggs, but I am trying to let the ladies figure out brooding, and I desperately need hay.  So, until that is sorted, I am stuck not using those.  So I was pleased to see the arrival of real eggs.  The others, store bought but free range, have improved, but they just aren't farm fresh.
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Ha!  I was writing, then something caught my attention, then I got lost in work.  Almost an hour.  Five boxes filled, a bunch of empty boxes sorted, most to be broken down.  I hurt my back with all the bending and lifting.  A break, then I will get those boxes moved out to the spare room.  A few baskets of clean clothes to sort, which would both resupply clothes... I had thought I was somehow out... open a lot of space... and really get me set for more work.

As I work through, I should get to a point where the extra standing closet and wire shelving can be installed.  Gotta happen.  Though, once things are opened, I may not need that much extra space.  If not, I may put those in other rooms where the space would be needed.  As an example, put it all upstairs for organizing camping gear.

Blood sugar is 136.  The reading earlier was 237, but as low as fasting and now, I have doubts.  This meter, or the strips, seem to go wonky every fifth to tenth read.  It is better than it used to be, but just off.

I do need to eat.  Not sure what.  Chia and flax is fast and easy, but doesn't sound good.  A tuna salad?  Bleh, but maybe.  After laundry is up, a shower.  I shaved yesterday, so that is still excellent.  Yeah.  We will get there.  Ugh though.  Just... ugh.  Later.

Strange and good collide?

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To bed by midnight thirty, up, mostly, at 6:30.  I didn't actually get out of bed officially until 7:15 or a bit before.  I went to the bathroom, then tried to go back to sleep.  It just wouldn't happen.  Then the girls decided to knock.  I shut them out last night.  If they can't get me to grant them entrance then they try to get me to wake.  I can't believe I was able to wake so early.

Blood sugar is very good, 161 fasting.  A seventeen point drop from yesterday morning.  I wasn't sure after what I ate yesterday.  I had a lettuce wrap burger, which is keto, but also fries.  No soda.  Still, I suspected that would severely set me back.  I tried a can of hot and spicy vienna sausages for supper (canned mini hotdogs in slightly spiced weak tomato sauce, really).  It is under consideration as trail snack or meal supplemental food... high fat, medium protein, few carbs.  Not fantastic but it will do.

A bit on the groggy side.  To be expected.  I hope to get my gear together today.  I only want rain gear and hiking clothes, a simple grouping of cooking kit and foods, and a few minor other pieces of gear plus three days rations to get an idea about weight and stowage.  While I have hiking boots, I may change to trail runners for longer treks.  For now though, just hikers.

I am hoping to get to my list as well, house cleaning.  We'll see.  Oh, I missed medicine last night.  Not worried, less than once every other month.  Later.

The problem.

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At least one solution.  When hiking for longer periods, while trying to do keto, fat is a problem.  One fat, certainly, that holds up to outdoor conditions... to some degree or another... is ghee.  It is expensive to buy, but reasonably priced to make.  And, actually, making it yourself is the only way to be sure what is actually in it.  I have ordered a mid and higher priced container of it to find it had other oils in them (other oils are cheaper, weren't listed on the labels but you can tell by stratospheric pooling).

I would guess superior lard and tallow would work for shorter runs.  As well, coconut oil would work.  Variety is necessary.  Package and send certain staples, or have someone send them, to keep some stock, or all.  I would guess trying to buy food out there would be ridiculously expensive.  It's bad enough on Amazon.

Now, that is fats.  For general foods, for keto, I think I will need to dehydrate my own foods.  Jerky is okay, but has too much salt for all meals.  Dehydrated steamed ground meats, with as absolutely much fat removed, some canned meats, mre's (rarely), and freeze dried meals (rarely), should work.  To get enough food prepped, boxed, and ready to send?

Yes, I am considering a few weeks to a month or two out.  Perhaps as a gift for escaping diabetes.  If I can beat it.  I have everything I would need.  Humping the hills?  I suppose hunger, facing starvation, would be a factor.  I would definitely want to see myself prove capacity.  Only in Utah though.  Perhaps Idaho?  It would depend on a few things.  Yeah, just thinking as I plan to get going on my first hike soon.  I will get my small pack ready tomorrow.

Oh, pedicure today.  It's always a good thing.  I may need that less.  I'm thinking on it.  It is quite relaxing.  But my skin has healed and lotion is truly keeping my body in good straights.  I'll see how tough summer is on them, and hiking as well as swimming.  Those will happen.  Later... or good night.

The first hard morning in a while.

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Ever gone for an extended swim, run, or such when you are out of shape?  Or stretched your routine just enough to dig in?  That whinge in your side that goes deep, when you do it right?  Not the little one which passes almost as soon as you stop, or fully catch your breath, but the one that is going to stay with you a week... you just know from experience?  Right.  Well, that is everything from the ribs down.

Oh, I have definitely had worse.  This almost feels like that gassy bloat, on the medium to high level, but in every organ.  I almost suspect the coconut flour.  Maybe.  My only drawbacks to that suspicion are that the bloat seems to be everywhere (which can be countered by one area actually expanding enough to push into other areas), and that it took so long after the meal to manifest (possibly countered by my not doing anything to place demands on digestion, so it wasn't activated very quickly).

I don't know yet.  After Drano, even so long ago, my body... doesn't react completely normally.  No complaints, just an understanding.  I think, if it isn't sure about something, it quarantines it.  Really really.  I think that is what it is doing.  I sort of know, from experience.  Due to my and other abuses, my body is not my own, and will act in, on, it's own behalf.  I have learned, if I wish to participate, to... acquiesce.  Yes, my body used to be able to shut me out.  What it did on it's own?  I will probably never know, if I think, like any dying animal, it just sought a dark, warm, safe place to hide and curl up.  We have been dying fast most of the last thirty years, after all.

Blood sugar right out of the gate is 178, down five from yesterday morning, which was down seventeen from the previous day, which itself was down five from the day before.  A very solid, steady, decline, with only one reversal since restarting the process, if of only three points.  I'll gladly take it.  I will still have to take 10 cc's unless it drops a lot before breakfast.

Oh, I read or saw somewhere that chia seeds were like soy, anti-androgenic... or worse.  I can't recall the source because I shut it down in fear and loathing.  Believe what you may.  And while I may play a good, or bad, game on the edges, truth is, there is no actual there, there.  So... I was far more disturbed by the notion than you are by my toying.

Eventually I got over my horror and went looking.  I didn't want to quit a good, easy, food... not from one source.  So I went digging.  I checked specific peeps I generally follow, others I suspect are on to something... nothing.  Not involving chia.  So I reverse engineered my searches for phytoestrogens... plant based estrogen... and anti-androgenic foods to avoid (often just as bad for women as men, unless they are post-menopausal, if even that is still debatable).  Nothing, nowhere.  Chia and flax will continue.

They sure pick them.

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A dream last night.  I found an ancient, by US standards, Catholic church.  Irish as hell.  They accepted me easily, strangely.  Some sort of construction project was underway.  They were drilling from the fourth or fifth story to what seemed the eighth or tenth subfloor basement or catacombs.  Something about getting water from a holy spring up to a new font, wanting no bends... a straight shot.

I ended up travelling with some men, younger bachelors.  I learned of their ways.  Catholicism is... not... one notion.  It is all of the various faiths prescribed by the Magisterium, bible, doctors of the church, under guidance of the apostolic ascension.  And, really, each diocese, even individual church, monastery, or other institution, can have variance... great variance.  This church was certainly... different.  Much looser in many ways.  Then again nearly everybody was at least fourth cousins and to everybody.  A bit of laxity was from familiarity.

While I, mostly, accidentally led the lads astray, it wasn't too far off.  Nothing confession was needed to address.  However I was able to find a confessor and do this rite.  For care's sake, I did include my... near sin earlier.  The father just shook his head, said they would likely have had a sip anyway.  They look for a way out of confession.  He knew who despite my only having discussed my part, carefully excluding their or time details.  It was a good dream.
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What for supper?

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Fatted tea and chicken, reheated in the oven?  Fine.  Oh, and a small raw potato.  Blood sugar was down to 123 for lunch.  Lunch was the chocolate mug cake with whipped cream.  I forgot to add extra (liquid) sweetener, which was fine by me.  I never really liked dark chocolate, but on keto it really is, hmm, better.  It seems good enough.  If compared to milk chocolate, outside of memory, I would probably like dark much better now.  Sugar is too much, anymore, cloying in some foods.

I cut insulin by 2 cc's, from 10 to 8.  If I have a similar supper reading I will again cut by 2 cc's.  I don't want to lower insulin too fast.  Tomorrow, unless the reads are really a lot lower, I will keep it at the 8 cc mark.  I'll lower every other day unless the reading(s) drops are too severe.  I don't want to cause a backslide, and want to see what each reduction does first.

I keep forgetting to set the meal timer after I finish eating.  Oh well, as roughly as I am doing it is working.  Other than missing a night not too long ago, I haven't missed medicine in... months... three? four?  It's been a while.  I just wish the stat improvements would show up in the ability to function.  I'll keep work on my mind.  Will hit it when I can.

Later.

Time to dig in.

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I am feeling better.  Blood sugar dropped some, to 170 before my first real meal.  Salad is okay, but this particular pork roast was dry.  I diced a few slices, and it tasted very good with the mixed green salad and olive oil and vinegar dressing... homemade.  I am pushing food to later in the day, in an attempt to make intermittent fasting an afternoon thing.  That works better, especially if I can swim while fasting, in the morning.

My next meal will be as easy as can be.  Soon I would like to try another sort of meal.  I need to double the recipes, but no problem as long as I like the foods.  I don't always want 'fast foods', but sometimes it really helps.  Oh, I will make whipped cream for the dessert dish.

A 3:00 bedtime.

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Really?  Yeah.  Just could not sleep after missing the earlier cutoff.  It just works that way.  I did wake by 10:00, so there is that.  The girls were hungry, if that was only part of it.  I could just feel the day slipping away.  While I am not doing much, I keep believing it will happen soon.  I don't want to waste opportunity or burn sunlight.

The girls and ducks have been tended, hot tea is going, and... nothing else so far.  Trash was taken out last night.  Oh, I did get one last bag out this morning.  Fasting blood sugar finally dropped below 200, a 183 winner.  I often wasn't taking fasting draws before insulin and a return to keto, and was still hitting 450 not even three weeks ago.  I finally checked, I went in on the 18th, but with driving and else, I didn't start that medicine until the 19th.

Blood sugar is definitely doing better.  I did one more draw last night, since I was awake so long.  It was 108.  I am definitely getting there.  Insulin, essentially, is replacing extended and intermittent fasting, in it's effects.  But with keto, it is moving toward repair, not simple maintenance.  I am beginning to believe I will be finished with insulin closer to three to six months than a year.  I know two diabetics who would rather just eat as they do and take the pill.  Been there, done that, have the 3rd stage renal failure for my efforts.  It might heal, time will tell.  I try to get them to switch to keto, both tell me they are fine.  And they are and will be, for five to ten years.  But, then, who wants to live forever?  Nobody does.

Same plans as before.  The timer is set for two hours, then a shot and a meal.  Another two hours... after the end of the meal... then a read, shot, and meal.  I am trying to get three filling meals within six to eight hours.  The limit is the speed of consumption.  I don't want to scarf it down, actually I can't... the problem is actually that I am a slow eater.  Ugh.

High-fat food is work to eat.  Loverly food, truly good, tasty, but DENSE.  Anyway... yeah, drowning in food describes it best.  And I have to eat or blood sugar pops... I assume unless I am in mid to deep ketosis.  If not, the body will "eat" protein from my body, turning that almost immediately to sugars.  What I don't get is why my body would be salvaging when I am doing nothing and only missing one meal?  I thought my metabolism was dead, to be honest, or close to it.  Apparently not.

On to waking.  Later.

Gah!

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While I couldn't work today, I could have been to bed hours ago.  However, after supper, I forgot insulin.  It was a few hours late.  A bit of food and the shot... I am beginning to hate food... eat, cook, way behind on cleaning,  *h`tt`ng, rinse, and repeat.  Anyway, them's the rules.

I finally was able to do a read, half an hour shy of my preferred two hour wait.  Their rules, I simply try to abide since they provided my request and I agreed to hoops.  The final blood sugar was 120.  I will bet it was lower earlier, or would have been if I had taken insulin on time, and minus the extra food.  It isn't bad, but 95 would have been better.  I'm trying to decrease my moving average.

I'd better get trash to the curb.  No more out, but... well, it will do.  Then on to bed.  After stalling, sleep dragged out.  Bleh.  Late, again.  Good night.

Well?

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Oh well.  I just haven't gotten to anything.  The furnace is keeping it warm.  Too warm.  Maybe.  Two meals though. One to go.  I am drowning in food, but if I skip blood sugar rises.  If I stay keto.  I have been testing once too often, so I have decided to cut pre-breakfast testing out.  Lunch was 189 just now was 127.  Another test before bed. I believe the arrangement was to cut insulin 2 cc's if blood sugar was below 150... or was it 180?  I think 150.  So, I cut insulin.  It will eventually see me off insulin, save that I use more if forced to eat higher carbs.  But I am at adjustment time and I seriously avoid carbs.

A shave, trash on out, and a meal shortly.  Chicken salad?  Maybe.  Or pork and... I don't know.  I'd best check the ducks.  The girls won't be fed for a few more hours.  A snack and litter clearing would be good.  I don't like feeding them human or cooked food, but chicken... either I share or they steal.  Or everything gets double bagged then still taken out quickly.  I prefer to share just a bit.  They really can't eat much.

Interesting what music, from way back, floats back after a musical gifting from my side.  I am sure it is from the long time viewers, or ai on youtube.  Still, I enjoy.  I might present some later.  What... fun.  Later.

More than blood sugar on my mind.

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Hmm?

It works out as it will.

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I stayed up later, then much later.  At 20:00 I checked blood sugar again. At 109 I was both comfortable that it wasn't continuing to drop and that the 98 read wasn't a fluke. I couldn't get to sleep until 23:00.  The shock, and fear response, of that steep of a drop sort of made me think.  I couldn't break the thought cycle.

Not waking until 9:00, therefore, wasn't a surprise.  Fasting blood sugar was 200, five points less than yesterday, twenty eight and twenty five less then the previous days respectively.  It drops from a few points to in the twenties per day save for that odd duck three point rise... gotta happen to prove the point.

I am not sure about today.  Though with trash collected, it will definitely go out.  I may see if anything else could be put out.  The rest of the old plans are still on the books.  We will see.

Wow.

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It is about bedtime.  I am not feeling it but I will attempt it.  Only...

My final blood sugar read?  It was 98 a minute ago.  That is... very good.  Awesome.  And yet a bit frightening.  I am eating fairly well.  If supper was a bit light, the rest of my meals were solid.  And I ate a whole if small and raw potato (skinned).  I was wondering what that would do.  I guess I might have a clue.  I won't do that daily, something about frequency creating poison.  A few times a week, until I know for better or worse.

Crazy, but just at a week or two, with keto and insulin, I've dropped blood sugar from over a 450 high to a 98 low?  Crazy.  Nothing half so good as doing what they say you can't do.  Innit.  Good night.

No nap, no work.

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The plan still holds, just not today.  Blood sugar disappointed.  It is still below 200 at 185 but it is 185.  I had hoped it would drop more.  I have one more reading, by instructions, in a few hours.  I just had a final meal but couldn't eat much of it.  I did eat a raw small potato with dinner.  I was curious.  If blood sugar doesn't rise, then keto is probably still good.  I think the other way around is less likely to be true, iirc.

So tired, and cool... almost cold.  I did put the meats up.  I need to do dishes before I can do real cooking, like making egg fried beef rice/cauliflower.  But I can slice hanks off, or grab a drumstick, heated or not.  Hopefully dishes tomorrow, I'd really like to try some things.

I should be to bed early tonight.  Then, hopefully, awake by 3:00.  I really like being up early.  I would like to shave tomorrow as well, then get a shower in first thing Monday.  I really like staying in better trim.  Brushing my teeth, taking medicine, all of it is really coming together.  It is amazing.  I am still usually nearly dead tired, but I can do some things, and more things daily and even several times a day.  I am almost beginning to just about have a regular schedule.  Now to add swimming x 2 and hiking weekly into that.  It will be terribly taxing at first, probably just one swim a week, at least to start.

Yeah, but life is changing.  I just wish I could escape being exhausted all of the time.

Later.  Probably.

That wasn't working.

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Sitting around in warm weather pj's with the furnace nearly turned off with the windows open on a cool day?  Fantastic, for a down day.  I want to work today.  Bedding, laundry, dishes, and the bathroom.  Some of it, maybe all of it.  It was just too cold to really do anything.  So, I closed things up, changed into real clothes, and turned the furnace up to 70, then fed and watered critters.

That still wasn't getting things going.  A blood read was pleasing at 199, a six point drop, and below 200.  Anyway.  So I turned the furnace to 72, then started the grill.  It was right at 60 outside around 11:00, but has warmed between six to eight degrees by noon.  There is a mild but rather chilling breeze keeping it cooler than what the temperature suggests.

I am cooking enough for several days.  Chicken drumsticks, chuck steaks, and a rather small pork loin roast.  I purchased frozen cauliflower rice... that is way too expensive, but buying it that way was the only way I was ever going to try it.  Frozen and already ground, I can use it when it works for me.  IF it works, I will then put in the work to process, package, and freeze my own for a tenth the cost.  I am hoping to make chicken or beef cauliflower and egg stirfry, and other near rice dishes.
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I was doing this and that while writing, plus cooking.  Ended up finishing dinner.  The rest of the meats are cooling.  I had one of the chuck steaks, just right.  Oh, it was time so I checked blood sugar, it was down to 174.  Super.  Now to keep it down.  I had about three ounces of mixed pumpkin seed and hazel and macadamian nuts after my last read.  One more meal today, probably a fatted tea.  For a weight loss program, it is suggested I eat 2,200 to 2,600 (plus or minus 200 from the actual number), for solid weight loss, so... yeah.  And at that I put in an inch shorter and ten pounds heavier for the calculation.

It is staying right around 68.  Ugh.  I'm tired.  A nap?  Yes.  Or not.  If I don't nap I won't work.  If I do nap I won't sleep well.  No nap, I think.  Later.

Why?

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Waking at 6:14, couldn't remember when I went to bed?  Why would that be my first thought?  Why would questioning my first thought be my second thought?  Some part of another region of my brain told these speaking parts of my brain to shut up, at least until after tea, and an half hour or hour.  'Yes, father', in unison.  Still, no clue when I went to bed.

Blood sugar is 205 fasting.  An excellent shift in the right direction.  Hopefully they will all be below 200 today.  I doubt it, especially after yesterday... that rattled my confidence.  I've never seen such an odd reversal while eating correctly.  I've seen blood sugar stick to fasting highs, or slightly higher, but not spike up.  I don't think I had eaten anything.

Well, some things.

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A shower, no shave.  Dailies.  And grocery shopping.  Oh, dinner is on.  Steak, mushrooms, and I would like to test raw potato.  Mushrooms are going, the steak soon.

Blood sugar was weird today.  It started out at ~230, went to 280 then plunged to 145.  I am thinking the meter was wrong.  I didn't have any weird sensations.  Tired as usual.  I did eat, if keto.  I took insulin rightly.  Very odd, had me worried.  Three hours out, after shopping, and it is reading 128?  Nice.  Actually it stayed 233 first, again, spiked to 280, then came down to 245 before dropping to 145.  I was checking because it was being weird.  So, it really wasn't a fluke.

It will take some time for me to get used to stick.  I am improving.  I generally do well enough.  Generally.  It is fun to drive but I wouldn't want to hit anything bigger than an Iowa mosquito with it.  There is nothing to give, nowhere to go, and those airbags will probably kill you popping more than anything.  The illusion of safety.

Perhaps work tomorrow?  Actually more work.  I cleared part of the fridge, changed out one of the litter boxes, and got trash out.  I watered the ducks again, fed them too.  Hungry it seems.  I may still bag the trash bins and do some of the bathroom.  Or not.  It is running late.  I'll see what can be done after supper.  Ugh.  Probably not actually.

Later.  Or good night.

Very late down.

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At nearly midnight, I was surprised to be up before 7:00.  Moving slow, but I have goals this morning.  A shower and eventually a shave, cleaning in the bathroom and front room, as well as dailies.  Oh, and trash collected and out.  I'll give it a shot in a bit.  The shower first, then on to dailies.  Though food would be good to start.

Fasting blood sugar was 233.  Yeah, but I messed up several days ago and am still paying.  The readings are generally below 200, save for fasting.  Keto will kick back in shortly.  I have to figure out how to take tea on trips.  Glass half gallon jars... I love them, but they are fragile and prone to spill or leak when they tip, when they don't break.  Stainless, if they only go up to quarts.  I suppose several would work.

I'd like to go shopping soon.  Lettuce, meats, cabbage, kale, celery... the usual, plus a few extras... all out of stone ground mustard for example.  I am always tempted by donuts.  I just remember what that stuff does to my blood sugar and how long it takes to go back down to a good number.  I may try 90% dark chocolate, and 86%... see what I can handle... if any of it.  I'll look at carbs/sugars first.  If too, the whole bar isn't to be eaten, just a square or two a few times a week.  With coffee and cream.  Which reminds me, I need coffee.

Well, I best set tea, get a shower, and finish my morning dailies.  I really hope to dig in hard and fast.  Later.

Nothing.

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Lazy.  I wish.  I don't yet qualify for that luxury.  Ducks, cats, some food, and rest.  Much needed rest.  I have thought about things.  I have looked around while doing my dailies.  Nothing.  Bedtime approaches.  I find myself struggling against bedtime because I hope to do something.  Not logical.  Not possible.  And yet...  I have done a bit much, especially in the cold and dreary.

My last blood sugar dropped to 150, almost as good as my two week best, my second best?  My seven day average has dropped to just below 200... 193 to be exact.  I only have between three and four days readings though.  My other reader failed pretty much when I got the new one.

I restarted aspirin a few days ago.  Bloody noses have started back up.  Not standard, but nearly unstoppable bloody noses.  This won't stop until possibly morning.  I'll cut those for a while again.  Some medicine can only be occasional, or varying as with furosimide, the water pill.  I might try going down to one of those too, already down one.  It's another pill that, while necessary, often at the higher doses, is hard on my system in various ways.  I do my best when they listen, provide the options.

A few vids... just because?  Doubtful.  You may call it is you will.  Good night.

Keto curiosity.

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I think my mother may be becoming curious about my food choices.  A recipe book would help her a lot at the start.  But once she sees what and how, she would be vastly superior at keto than I.  Her cooking and baking skills are superior, her instincts are top-notch, she just knows how to swing flavors, protein, fats, and carbs.  Her only problem, and we have all been there, is her wrongly embedded fear of fats.  She should know better, having been a farm girl where they ate everything we are now told we weren't supposed to eat, and how old all of her siblings have lived.

Not a gripe.  They did a hell of a job browbeating especially women into using sugar, crisco, margarine, and even carbs and starches.  They inverted the real food chart, for the economy, not biological needs, and for the wealthy against everyone else.  Actually it even favored the medical field incorrectly.  At least doctors aren't pushing brands of cigarettes, if opioids they are pushing are worse.  Hmm?  Never mind.

A tough start.

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Down at 20:00, but after four hours of driving and an hour or more in offices plus having my eyes dilated.  It was in and out or busy at least, mostly, but I was seen at two shops... still, quickly... painlessly.  If it was more regular it would probably be easier?  No.  Currently the trip wipes me.  The only improvement so far is that I can make a goodly number of appointments in a short order.  I am not sure another would be possible shortly, or several, but maybe.  I can only know through failure.

The cool, dark, and wet aren't helping.  While at first blush it looks to have a clear sky today, it is well below freezing, 20° F or so.  So how much it warms is another question.  When airflows, the barometer, and such push things, even the sun has limited input.  Still, I realize, here as anywhere, learn the graces of what you are given weatherwise.  Barring that, relax until you can.  Sleep it off if you must.  Bear it?  *grins... growls*

It wasn't until probably the last possible snooze that I woke.  I cleaned the 3:00 snooze cycle with nary a dozen neutrons seeming to fire.  Just the few necessary to direct a hand to the bar.  If I could have fired a few more up I would have turned the 3:00 alarm off.  I knew I wasn't going to wake.  Actually I think I thought about doing so every time.  Not enough firings to do more than consider the proposition.  Awake at 5:40.

Fasting blood sugar was 246.  Oh well.  It will go down, on it's schedule.  Eggs and bacon?  Nah, chia today.  I need to pull out bone broth to thaw.  I am not sure about a full fast, too cool and I am too tired for that.  However, going to fatted fluids might work.  I get solid calories, if almost all fat.  But that pushes me to fat burning (which I may have (did) bungle yesterday... hey, eating on the road is difficult).  It's a variation on fasting that I have yet to try.  But it is a thing.  A handful of macadamia and hazel nuts, and a few others, would also be allowed.

Later.

A few goods.

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My blood sugar was 148.  Improving.  A read, a fatted tea, and my last shot in an hour.  It is too late to stay up for two hours after my last meal.  Not if I want to be awake by 3:00, and I do.  Travel shakes things up.  I'll get back to doing readings rightly tomorrow, and meals.

I spoke about hiking.  It might happen.  I ordered various more keto foods.  Not perfect, but it should do.  Insulin can cover some when keto fails, and the reverse.  Either way I will go.  As well, I am hoping to swim once next week.  I have had nine appointments and various other demands in the last few weeks.  And I am just coming back to life after winter and such a dark spring.

I do need to get boots polished, gear sorted, and... that should be good.  I am looking forward to getting out.  And swimming will be much easier at 28 instead of 18 mpg... if I believe I can improve the mileage with a little practice.  I am getting excited.  If I can hike more often and distant, I would like to go on overnighters, and more.  Then to winter expeditions.  It'll be on slim coin, if there is a solid good to that.

Later.

Optometry.

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It was a tough morning.  Cold and dark.  Couldn't have driven the Cruze, it was frozen over and I was running late.  I couldn't back it into the drive.  I was able to limp out to the frontage, the wipers and spray opened up the windshield just enough.  I didn't feel quite ready anyway, for stick, especially with freezing rain mixed with snow and regular rain, plus an overpass to negotiate.

Good thing I didn't wait.  There was a massive backup.  A bad accident, two vehicles that I saw, one lane closed, and rubbernecking.  Such an irritating trait.  No, I don't gawk.  None of my affair.  Traffic was 0 to 3 mph for ten miles?  Plus or minus a few.  I just made it a few minutes early.

The eyes are doing better.  Odd.  The heart hasn't improved (since then) but diabetes has gotten worse.  If improving greatly this last week.  It looks like my vision improved a bit as well.  Strange, in one sense, but actually usual for me.  The worsening shown in the last exam was the outlier proving the point.  When diabetes, the heart, and blood pressure are all back tacked down, I will begin consciously working on my vision.  Yeah, I'll get it fixed.  As I have suggested, I don't need you belief.

On the way back, I looked for the trailhead up a particular mountain I have been meaning to scale.  I ended up following a woman.  She turned off, to a closed gate.  I, with some caution, drove just close enough we could sort of talk.  Made sure not to appear to block her in.  People hereabouts may well go loaded.  She wasn't disturbed in the least.  Directions with a country smile.

I finally found the place.  I am going to see about inviting a youngling to go with.  Maybe next week.  I want to get a small batch of gear, mostly for a meal or two out, hiking poles, rain gear just in case, water as there aren't any springs or brooks, and write-in-rain paper and pen to track any trail splits.  Might not reach the top, but who knows.  It IS the plan.  Solo if I must.

Yeah, well... blood sugar and another meal in an hour.  Oh, fasting blood sugar for some stupid reason was 240.  It beats 450 but it isn't sub-100 either.  Will. Get. There.  One more thing?  I believe that is the fifth medical appointment I have hit consecutively, and the eighth or ninth general appointment consecutively hit.  Very nice, if I had to hurt... even pull all nighters to achieve.  Don't say I haven't gone the extra mile.  Later.

Bedtime.

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No work.  Simply couldn't.  I did grill a roast for supper.  It took me a little later than hoped.  Should be to bed shortly.  We had just a bit of rain then snow, and just a very short bit of sunshine sneak through an otherwise still cloudy sky.  And it dropped to a bit below freezing, at least for a bit.  It was a pretty day, a marvel.

Blood sugar went to up 180 then down to 168 before this last meal.  It is too close to bedtime for a last read... I recently finished the last meal.  Pleased with the readings.  All save fasting were sub-200, and that was a very low 222.  Breaking below 200 fasting, then eating to maintain that is the next trick.  Then to have the high be sub-100 and the low be above 80 for a year.  A 230 point drop in a week?  Keto and insulin, used with the intent to clear diabetes, is rather potent.

Bedtime.  Good night.

Really cool.

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By 10:00 it was only to 42° F outside.  I pulled seed pods from rhubarb and looked around the garden.  Asparagus should be super next year.  Rhubarb was exploding, now it's... more exploded?  Both bushes are huge, and tasty.  I had part of a stock... stack? no... stalk?  Gah.  Sun chokes, aka jerusalem artichokes, didn't seem to be doing anything.  A stalk? pulled showed things are growing under there, they just aren't ready to grow out.

Breakfast for all.  Eggs, fatted tea, and bacon today, chia et. al. tomorrow.  My blood sugar was down to 153.  The meal is extended, I ate slowly and only now started my fatted tea.  I'll check again around 14:00.  No work yet.  I finally gave up and turned the furnace up to 72.  It's just too chilly.  I am hoping for just two things.  Changing sheets plus washing that, as well as cleaning the bathroom to a shine.  Perhaps taking a shower and shaving.  If I can break through eye-crossing exhaustion.  If not, tomorrow.

The sun went behind clouds, the temperature wasn't going up anyway, certainly not fast.  Now it may stay or drop.  With the furnace up, it is the dark that is getting to me.  Ugh.  So tired.  A nap?  Maybe.  Blood sugar is improving nicely.  If I could wake up!  Before it gets too hot to enjoy out there.  I keep looking over articles and videos about camping tips, hiking advice, techniques for lighting fires, cooking, layering, and all.  Perhaps, if nothing else, a backyard setup?  Maybe.

Later.

Just on the edges.

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I didn't get to bed until 20:00.  Why?  Because.  It's the only answer I can offer.  I wrestled with the 3:00 alarm to failure so was waiting on the 5:00 alarm.  I woke, and decided to wake whatever else.  A good thing.  The 5:00 alarm had been bumped off (?).  It was 4:57, so...  Odd, but it worked out.

I hoped fasting blood sugar would be below 200.  Nope, 222.  It is dropping, a bit daily, fasting and not.  Currently I am having to use the V.A. blood meter and test strips.  My usual materials have failed.  I am not sure if the test strips are too old or if the reader has failed.  Not this month, but next, I will try another batch of strips.  I have a horrible time with V.A. testing devices/strips.  I had great luck with these others until now.

I hope that is a fluke.  I want a good source in case the V.A. stuff continually fails as it usually does.  Not sure why it has failed so consistently... don't care.  If I have a source that works that is enough... so this concerns me.  It's bad enough that pharma robs us of our health by trying to force medication that keeps us sick, but then to rip us off with simple testing supplies too!  And they wonder why they are hated.

Today?  Back to the list.  I am holding off renting the dumpster, but trash, dishes, bedding change, and more laundry is scheduled today.  Along with standard chores.  The sun, if I am seeing rightly, looks to be out.  I think it was out yesterday to.  When I go out to feed the ducks, on sunny days, I look around my garden.  It's a small pleasure.  Lots of asparagus up.  Rhubarb and horseradish are doing well.  Grass has filled quite well where planted, if there are a few sparse patches.  When watering starts, I will seed those few small areas... rain doesn't get to those spots as well.

It's a start.  After the alarm and critters are fed etc, I'll do bacon and eggs.  Then..?  Bathroom first, so a shower and shave in a cleaner area sooner or much sooner, then changing sheets.  A start on laundry right then.  A break then whatever comes next.  I think the week is really starting.  A quick check, the thermometer, the warm one, reads at below freezing?  Weird.

Good morning and day.

Most... some... of it.

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No shave, haven't cleaned the bathroom, and didn't set up a dumpster.  The latter because I need to see where my finances settle.  Driving was looking pretty good, even on a very steep dirt road.  Still, more practice would be good.  I actually might know where a paved non-highway road is.  The only bad part is that a four cylinder, from a dead start on a steep hill, really has no go.  There just isn't any mojo, none.  All good.  People will simply have to be patient or wreck.

Blood sugar dropped to 172.  But I had a bit of a treat, beans and grilled hotdogs.  Blood sugar went up to 229.  Still, not bad.  I'd like to drive on the paved steep road.  See if there is a way to get up to speed better.  As well as general practice climbing.  Going downhill isn't a problem.  Braking on short hills, downshifting for extended runs.  I am a bit of a control freak with regards to driving, I don't like being out of gear, as little as possible.

No appointment tomorrow, so if need be I can skip shaving until later.  Today was a good day but I am tiring.  It has been almost twelve hours up.  I should be nearing  bedtime.  Four hours more?  Max, really.  Then waking at 3:00 to 5:00 is usually easy enough.

Yeah, a bit of hill driving, then city driving, feeding, maybe watering, critters... plus litter.  It will be the third time for litter, but it helps keep the place better smelling.  Oh, I took a closer review of the automatic cat litter box.  Way to many problems.  However I may have found a better solution.  A very large bin with a lid and three lasagna pans... cut out higher entryways, keep the lid on, and easy.  Perhaps a spare pan or two, so cleaning is easier.  The plastic pans don't come clean.  It will be a lot cheaper, and won't send plastic litter into my septic tank.  Plus, litter won't end up everywhere.

I best get going.  Later, or just as likely good night.
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Blood sugar readings are doing better.  The second to the last was 188, the last was 190.  Three of them have been sub-200.  It's only been less than a full week?  Yeah, I will square this circle quickly.  No sluffing on eating, insulin until I don't need it, or keto.  As little as three months if I can implement intermittent and extended fasting, at worst a year if food temptations are too strong or I go through too many illnesses which don't allow proper feeding.  I will not become diabetic again if I do beat this... I am pretty sure I will win.  Keto, more or less, is a rest of the life thing for me.  One I don't mind.

Nothing else done today.  I will check the duck stuff, give the girls more food and clean their litter, turn laundry over, then brush, take medicine, and go on to bed.  It was 37° F out there this morning.  Yeah, that really doesn't help.  Even showered and well dressed, it just... it's too chilly.  I'll write the temperature when I get back in.  -  It was between 48° and 52°.  Yeah, still a bit cool.

Good night.

You can't be all things!?!

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I hear this through the ether.  Sheep, goat, wolf, lion, of the two legged varieties, all claim one can only be the one thing one is.  If perhaps as one may be called to, or fall from, graces, one way or another, one might go through a middle area.  How quickly they forget the call to have a voice for all ears.

At it early.

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I couldn't remember when I went to bed.  However I knew I took a final blood sugar reading within about ten minutes of bedtime.  I believe...  A quick check showed about a 17:30 bedtime.  I woke a few minutes after 2:40.  A bit long of a sleep, but not all as it would seem.  I woke a bit after 1:00, and could have gotten up.  I didn't want that much day to begin that early.  I would have slept even more at 2:40.  But it was close enough to 3:00, and trying to sleep such a little bit could have lead to oversleeping.  I also didn't want to turn off the 3:00 alarm so as to wake at 5:00.  Blah.  So, only one real choice.

I need to get the trash out.  Then a shower and shave.  I didn't get much done yesterday.  Still, meds and reset, critters and myself fed etc, a few other odds and ends.  It's just so dark.  The house finally dropped to 66.  The furnace is running to maintain.  It took almost two days to cool off.  Unless a freeze happens I am planning to keep it cooler, at 66.  Showers and the right cloths to stay warm.

I think I am doing better, certainly feeling much better.  Hoping to do things today.  Bedtime blood sugar was 202 last night, fasting is 233 first thing.  The body has no pain, no headache, I am not even feeling tired.  Exhausted down in?  Maybe.  But that usually allows me to dig deep before I hit resistance.  Usually is the key.

A shave, then feed, water, and clear litter for the girls.  Maybe start a load of laundry then a break until the load is finished.  Then a shower.  To the post early, then driving practice.  Cleaning the bathroom after.  A later second driving lesson, then maybe a trip to the sanitation office to arrange for a dumpster at the middle of the month.  The goal is to fill that before the end of the month, then if needed, one time next month.  That should be enough.  I'm not sure how truly full I can get the thing, and some large part will be bulk rather than mass.

If I can do these, and get sheets and other laundry done today, I'll hope to start on dishes, more driving, and the kitchen tomorrow.  I am attempting to get back to work... four to five days a week, three to five hours a day.  Not including food, grooming, or critter care, if the grill simplifies cooking for myself.  Yeah, finally, maybe, back to it.  Later.

Never did make it back to bed.

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I simply lost my appetite for sleep.  Which is fine.  I received plenty of sleep yesterday and may nap in a bit.  Still dark and cool, outside.  The house hasn't dropped below 70°, if my bedroom should be cooler.  It feels much cooler than 70°, odd how that can work out.

I think one of my last blood sugar reads was bogus.  It went from 214 to 321 to 233.  I had just eaten, but eggs and bacon and just.  Blood sugar a) shouldn't have spiked quite yet b) shouldn't have spiked nearly that much.  Annoying, but I'm calling that a bad read.  I am regularly hitting the low 200s.  I should begin cracking below 200 very soon, very regularly.  Yes, bacon and eggs is extremely keto friendly, especially in reasonable moderation.

I need to feed the ducks and girls, water as needed, then clear litter.  Perhaps a nap after.  Trash out tonight.  Cleaning the bathroom.  And a shower and shave, possibly some laundry.  Yeah.  Anything else?  Maybe.  I have a few niche small projects I'd like to do... polishing and waterproofing several pair of hiking boots, filling at least one month medicine dispenser, perhaps getting my packs reset... mix and match as possible, as things, time, and energy fit.  Yeah.

Oh, someone looked up a post I was seeking.  It dealt with when I dropped my tea bottle.  It doesn't say who was doing my pedicure, but it does give the date.  I have more work to find the strangely elusive truth, but I have part of the solution.  Odd, this and the first five second sudoku, both from private conversations... the posts were found, and presented.  I may have posted, maybe, about one, but not both?  I don't think I posted about either, though maybe.

Ducks and my ladies have been arranged.  If I can, a nap in a bit.  Later.

Double the trouble.

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Beside the cold, dark, and damp, I was lagging on medicine.  I outright missed an evening dose yesterday and was well on the way to missing all of today.  I woke with an exceptional headache.  It was 22:00, so there might be time to get two doses in and be back to bed in time to be up rightly for morning medicine.

I shouldn't need much sleep later, as I have had a nap and nearly a full sleep as well.  If I can shake the headache and fever-like symptom... and various pains, I should be good.  I had the furnace at 72 with the bedroom door open.  Yeah, that will get to me.  I still needed warmth when I went to bed.  It got too hot.  On the good side, my body has started responding well to cool or heat, and more quickly.

Fasting blood sugar was 224.  It is slowly dropping.  I will probably skip eating tonight.  If I must, perhaps a fatted tea.  Probably just tea.  I turned the furnace to 66° F.  It is taking longer and longer to cool the cave.  I am hoping by the time it is down, it will be time for meds and sleep.

It wasn't just a headache I woke sensing.  Innards hurt, skin was sore from overheating, pretty much everything hurt.  No problem, aspirin.  I have been hitting that a lot lately.  Such is spring.  It is the most complicated season for me.  And yet, I wouldn't change it for the world.  I need four real independent seasons to feel right in, with, the world.
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Forgot to post.  Actually got busy, chasing a notion that has been forming through youtube.  I just, the science... and art... aren't settled.  Or really not settled enough for presentation.  The truth is science and art, in this paradigm... paradoxical paradigm as it now stands, is not only not settled, it can't be settled.  There is no means of doing so.  One of my first tests, to see who I am dealing with, is to see if an understanding of what the consensus is and whether that is considered true or not.  Most are herd animals, goats or sheep.

Round earth.  Cool.  Prove it without pictures from satellites or astronauts.  Use simple tools you understand to prove what you suggest.  If you can't do that, then you actually don't know.  You are merely parroting what you have been told.  Even if the world was mostly, or partially round(ed), unless you have basically seen that there are no gaps in the crust, you simply don't know.  All I require is that if you can't prove something of science with science, that you not believe it in an absolute way.

Hmm?  Oh, well, I...  I got lost in the rabbit hole.  I'll keep pondering the notion... notions.  Blood sugar is 256 after three hours up and no food.  Meat is being thawed.  The cats were fed.  I'll check their water and litter before bedtime.  It isn't cooling at all in here.  It is in the low 50s outside, but staying 72 in here... with the furnace set to 66.  Gah!  I shut the bedroom door, with the fan going.  Hopefully in another hour I can take meds and hopefully a nap.

Two hours?  Good night, again, either way.