The longest shortest sleep in a goodly while.

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I can't remember exactly when I went to bed, but I think it was after 15:00, but before 16:00.  I don't think I have done a darned thing.  Can't seem to get to it.  If I turn the machine off, I crash.  I'm tied to it, like a life-line, for now.  An odd thing, since I don't do much online either.  I suppose the blue-light affect?  Maybe just the possibilities which seem open, to my mind?  But, for now, that is how it is.  Like a single airbubble of consciousness.  If I were a airbreathing fish, in the winter, and there was just a single opening from which to do so, it would be like that.

I do continue to solve the rubik's cube.  I have gotten about as fast as I am going to get on that, as is.  So I did begin reviewing methods that didn't seem to work before.  I realize, now, why not... on at least one of them.  It is because there are variations he did not bother explaining.  Which... is what I suspected anyway.  I now know the other variations and how to deal with them.

What he does offer, is a faster method.  Assuming you know what step you are in, and are in a few of the steps.  If too, some of his methods are actually slower?  I think so.  Or he isn't describing them well enough to be functional.  Another problem with his approach is he suggests if the cube appears in a different pattern, he merely suggests doing it the opposite way.  Now, that sounds good until you realize "opposite" on a rubik's cube can mean several different things.  Still, it's... there is potential there, if I find the other way(s) and sort it(them).  Working...

As well, of course, blog reading and writing, sometimes commenting.  Oddly, each day, I feel closer... or more ready... for death.  I don't expect it.  I no longer desire it, or not.  I simply become more and more comfortable with my skin.  The more I do that, the... easier even pain is.  It might still be crippling, as today, but that's... okay.  There is later, tomorrow, next week, or... hopefully... heaven.  It is not a concern.  I may try to mitigate it.  I may try to work around or through it.  But it's... like anything else... just what it is.

As to sleep?  Right.  I woke at 16:30, as if I had slept a day.  But was still tired, so went on back to sleep.  Then, between 17:00 and 18:20, I woke seven times.  Each time I felt as if I had overslept by a day.  So very odd.  Finally at that last waking I was rested enough, and pain had eased enough, that getting out of bed was possible.  The last time I had something like that was when stuck trying to wake to alarms set an hour apart with snoozes between, and then reset the alarm.  Only, that last time, I never did make it out of bed, not until... twelve hours later?  Something.  This probably was less messy because it didn't involve alarm sounds and I have been sleeping more, I wasn't necessarily sleep deprived, just ill.

No supper tonight, I let Boss know.  I just can't do it.  Well, and I don't have all I need.  Tomorrow.  Tacos.  With shell for him, in a salad for me.  Goulash the night after, with pasta for him, pastaless for me... perhaps on steamed cabbage?  And brots or chili dogs the last night.  Not always fancy, but not bad.  Next week?  Some form of ribs, and I'll see what else is wanted.  Burgers for sure, brots and dogs is a usual as it cheapens out the menu, potato salad this week or next, and coleslaw this week or next.  Yea, but none tonight.  Maybe not even for me?  While not planned, tonight... the whole day really, could be a day of fasting.  I may have a fatted tea or coffee, but I don't count a single of those against fasting unless it is a dietetic fasting... that is, without calories sum total.  A religious fasting can include drinks, very lightly, such as broth or fatted drink, one or two per day if one is preferred.  Too many rules?  Maybe.  Might be wrong, too.  I just do my best, as I understand things.  It's just that on religious fasting days, I may still need insulin.  Possibly on dietetic fasting days too, if only for a single day.  Later.

Horrid day.

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Too hot?  It feels like it.  But it is no different than the last few weeks.  Everything hurts, but why?  I'll get aspirin in with meds.  Blood sugar troubles?  Nope, it came down from the last two mornings by nearly a quarter, to 148 fasting.  Bleh.  Medicine has been being taken regularly.  Nothing has changed, but everything has changed!  It is so rough this morning!

Ah, but I was able to... pray and succeed.  In my more recent goals.  Perhaps resisting evil comes with a price?  To be sure, it was the efficacy of the prayers, not my will, that won the thing.  I guess I hadn't been praying?  No, I guess not.  When I do, it works.  The will to prayer can be weak sometimes.  Even just that?  Yes.

Ducks fed, watered, and out.  I will take medicine and go back to bed for a bit.  I just can't be up at the moment.  Later.

An ugly down.

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An ugly up.  I think I stayed awake until it was light enough to let the quackles out.  Quackles equal ducks, just a more enjoyable way of saying it, if you don't know.  As they were coming out, I frightened them this morning... without the intention.  Not sure what I did, but they ran back in.  I soothed them with my voice and Chief, the lead male for his and the whole clan, came right back out.  Quacking... almost honking, the whole way out the first time, all the way back in, then back out the second time.  I had to laugh.  Charge!  Retreat!  Run away fast!  Charge!  *Quacks!*

Blood sugar was a bit high, at 188 fasting.  What is up with that?  I only ate a single meal, along with two fatted drinks, yesterday.  Nothing carb heavy at all, no great volume.  Two ounces of salami, two of cream cheese... didn't even have onion for it.  And I didn't use all cream, an half cup of cream and an half cup of milk.  Milk might be the problem, but hasn't shown as such on me, in my testing, mostly(tm).  There is always that one batch, or that one time, but it's rare.  I check often enough, and specifically enough, to have it mostly down.  But there are always... quirks.  Always.  Bleh!

Getting to sleep and waking up is becoming extremely difficult.  Chastity has a price, sometimes one I can't quite pay.  If... that is improving.  It, from experience, I know, will never be perfect.  My record is three months.  Perhaps a little longer, but not four months.  I believe there are biological limitations.  For all?  For me, certainly.  Still, it's... not the destination, always, but the journey, in the human way.  And sin cannot be eliminated, at least for men.  I have great doubts about women, if it's their deceiving tongue that is more their bane?  Lying to please, or avoid conflict, is still lying.  Lucifer's favorite, right after pride.  Hmm, speaking of pride...  Never... mind...  Vanity?  Banish the thought.  *twinkling eyes, dancing brows, quirky grin*  *wink*

I finally found all of my carb round packages and got them refilled last night.  Two are upstairs, near my bed.  Two are here at the computer desk, and two are in my possibilities pouch.  Blood sugar has been running higher these last few days.  Sleep has been off too.  I just can't sleep or wake, easily, well, no matter what I do.  If doing nothing makes it nearly impossible.  Bleh.  I have asked for forgiveness, or more understanding.  Still pray.

Now, to get to some work if possible!  Ugh.  Such ugly days.  It seems overcast out there, if it may be more high level smoke than clouds?  I just can't really tell.  It is hazy, if I'm not sure it is really cooling much.  It was 68° upstairs, 72° in the main, 76° in the southern most this computer room, and 85° outside.  The reason the front room is so much warmer is that it is a stick-built house added to the rock house.  It doesn't have the same protection from the heat, if it is probably better than simple lumber houses.  If the only reason the upstairs is 68° is because of ac.  Then again, the only reason they heat up much is because of electronic and biological heat outputs.  I'd bet, a quick bath or cool dip in the shower or some other cool water area, two or three times a day, would really limit heating.  Though electronics don't do well with that, so...

Yes, work.  Soon.  I hope.  Laundry, a load, first.  Oh, I checked.  I DO have clothespins AND hanging bags for them.  I have four different kinds... three types of sixty and one type of twenty four.  I had thought the shiny stainless would look swell.  But thinking about it, they would get blistering hot here.  They will be the indoor ones, along with some... what look to be weaker... the twenty four set... of plastic ones.  Should do swell.  That gives me a hundred and twenty for outdoors.  Half are heavy duty plastic, the other half are plastic coated stainless... or steel anyway. 

I can hang things out as they become available.  Not tonight though, it looks like it could possibly swell and rain at any time.  Or... not.  Until the monsoon seasons hits, and regulates a bit, I'll be cautious about hanging things out.  Still, I am excited.  The pulleys work splendidly.  I can just stand, load up, and send for more space.  It's... it will be fun to dry things out there.  I may purchase wooden ones, of several types, as well... see which last, which work well, which last and continue to work well.  It's... an engineering thing.  Always want to know more about the practical, even about clotheslines and clothespins.  Insatiable curiosity.  That needs guidance, mind you.

I... will finish waking, then begin.  A trim and shower, then a laundry start... may put clothes out anyway?, then dishes in, a shave.  Then cleaning in the bathroom.  Trash collected and out.  Including an exploration in the refrigerator... looking for things to go.  And, maybe, a few counters and the stove top in the kitchen?  I'm hoping so.  I have been so down.  I am still tired.  I have started hurting.  And, yet... I gotta try.  Wish me luck?  Later.

A strange question.

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She asked me what love means.  To me?  Aside from me?  It was about love between men and women.  I knew what she was asking.  But there is a lot of latitude in the answer... answers.  There is much she asked.  But she didn't want much of an answer.  She wanted something concise.  A brief reply.  Well?

Oh, she isn't here.  And, we aren't talking.  I just... I heard the question.  I don't think she expected an answer.  It wasn't me she asked... or... maybe, but the question wasn't for my ears.  So it wasn't.

I know the pieces fit.  Urhm, that is the answer.  And there is more to it.

Bedtime.

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A good night.  Not very active.  Sleepy, tired, but the pain from earlier let up.  It was rather intense.  All good.

Blood sugar started a bit high.  I had a fatted coffee, then a second if with milk instead of cream.  I kept forgetting insulin, but did get the slow acting stuff in.  Even so, blood sugar was down seventy points to 118 last time I checked.  Very strange how that works.  I just had a meal, should have dosed if very lightly.  I'll have another milk and tea, and take the smallest dose with that.

It is bedtime.  It is 60° outside, last I checked.  Okay, but...  Then again, it isn't all that late.  I keep thinking it might be about to rain, and it just doesn't.  A couple days of rain would be quite good.  We may not get it for a while though.  Too many people in too many places in the world are being kept from working.  I still think that is the point.  There is no, or no serious, disease.  It's just a method of shutting things down.  Is the shutdown right or wrong, though.  That's the real question, to me.

I was accepted, as an editor, for an online encyclopedia type of site.  I may have mentioned it before.  I keep reading, and rereading, the expectations, limits, and such, for editors.  Get it?  Well, yes... and no.  Words are never just words.  There is the law, and the spirit of the law.  If the law is reasonable, to me, there isn't a reason to attempt other than it.  If the law is wrong, then I just won't accept the conditions to be within that law.  They seem reasonable, best I can tell.  Still, time will tell.

However, I have no idea what I am doing.  So I wrote someone who might have access to resources, perhaps even a tutor or mentor.  Which is what I requested... resources, and possibly a mentor.  Who I contacted is quite busy.  I don't expect a response for a week or more, and that with luck.  There is the possibility of no response.  But I am continuing to dig on my own as well.  I don't just ask for help, then wait.  I toss out a request while I continue to process, work, sort, find.

Hmm...  Well, that's it.  Good night.

A good bad "morning".

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I can't be sure when I went down.  I think it was around four thirty?  I woke... sometime... at which time I closed the cave down.  I had the upstairs open last night, as it got to 50° or less.  I let the ducks out after setting food up for them.  Then went right back to bed.  I just... don't remember when.  It was just after what should have been sunup, but dawn was hidden behind either heavy smoke from the canyon fires or clouds, I couldn't quite tell.  But it was dawn enough for their safety.

Waking at just a bit before 17:00, I looked out on the ducks.  They seem to be pleasantly enjoying the day.  It is 89° outside, 72° inside downstairs, and 68° upstairs.  Yea, summer persists, and without a break.  Unfortunately, if it rains it will just turn to steam.  Unless it rains plenty, and over several days, cooling in the process.  August has turned into July, at least so far.  Oh well.  Hopefully September will be better, or October.  With the way the world is working, or not, that might not be the case.

With some of the good works yesterday, I am hoping to do more this weekend, indoors.  Dishes, laundry, bathroom, kitchen.  Perhaps some sorting in the living room.  Maybe tearing down boxes.  As much as I can do, in as many areas as possible, if with the goal to finish a few areas sum total.  Work, work, work.  I love to work, when I can.

Ah, someone was jealous.  Beside the vids that showed after, I could sense it.  I had to laugh.  I will never see her again, if I wouldn't mind doing so.  She truly was a pretty woman, and with flirtation on that easily and strongly, she had... plans.  Women don't really care about men's plans.  They don't even consider our plans.  They only have their own.  Or they don't.  She did, she... had her own.  But, she has no real way back.  So... it ended as a fine momentary flirtation.  Vera fine.  As a fact, I shook her hand... to kill it off.  Most women know... that is the end of anything.  Nothing I do is without... consequence, thought, intention.

Still, that there are attractive women out there, who can stumble and bumble, scheme and plot, with me as the target?  I suppose, were I a woman scheming and plotting with me as the target... I'd be jealous too.  Oh, I would!  Though, if I received contact, I'd... be right on that.  Oh, yes.  Yes I would.  Don't bumble about trying to be coy.  Besides, I know better.  *wink*

Later.

Doing right.

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So... I begin by watching a few vids that take me in the right direction.  Oh, I know it.  It... they... move me to rightness.  Then I begin praying, again.  And picking my vows back up.  Increasing prayers, getting back into a good prayer life, if slowly.  Fool, foul, but it's... as I may.  A slow process, just started, but honest.

Doing well.  More prayers each night and morning, if possible.  Today I simply couldn't wake until... about time to work.  Ugh, so no prayers.  Or, no morning prayers.  Meal prayers, light occasional prayers, the always open to God prayer... prayer or medication?  These things.  Still, sometimes time, health, and events, do not allow what is required.  Tonight, though.  Yes.  I have added the Our Fathers and two other prayers for the rosary.

I have a few others, I believe.  I will continue until I can pray a goodly lot of them, then begin the rosary.  I won't require memorization, but that is a side goal.  Same with meditations for the various portions, or days, of the rosary.  I think I will have to focus on those outside of the rosary itself.  Once done, even if lost for a spell, it should return quickly.  Anyway...

For my... good behavior?  God... for it must have been He... sent a quite lovely show of force.

With a little help.

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Most of it.  Outdoors.  Branches were policed, stowed, and the lawn mowed.  I did some, but help did most.  Then I scooped half of the coop, and dumped it.  He did the other half.  I put fresh hay back in.  I left the communal nest alone.  I don't know if I will get anything, but... it's warm enough even if they don't strictly attend for the possibility.  Finally, partial hardware for three of the four clotheslines strands are up, and two lines are fully functional.  I have smaller pulleys than the ones I used on the mains, somewhere, two sets of two.  One will be for the last line out there, one will be for upstairs.  So... actually I have another line going in... two more lines going in... actually three lines, if one is partially set up already.  Yea, I'll be spoiled when it comes to drying clothes on the cheap.

Ugh, but I am tired.  It was only 84°... maybe 86°... out there.  But it sure seems hot.  I need to set the sprinkler up for the back yard, then the side yard, tonight.  The side yard is mostly okay, but the back yard... I really let that go.  It'll get a couple of nights of watering, then in another few days another hit.  I'll get the yard back in trim, with the mowing done.  Yes, then keep it up until fall.  I really want to rake and get leaves bagged, for the ducks in the winter.

I am about dead though.  No dinner for boss, he has his other other work.  Three jobs, plus helping clotzes... if I help him at times too.  I am going to have dinner though.  Not hungry, but with blood sugar going wonky, and working in the heat, food is wise.  A touch of insulin, just a twelver.  Later, if it's still high, an eight... with a fatted tea or coffee.  Plus the slow acting stuff.

The work may have helped get me out of the funk.  Or I will crash so hard I don't see it coming.  Perhaps both.  I'll know in a few hours.  Later.

Very rough morning.

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I got to be after four, a bit after.  Yes, I had wanted to be to bed earlier, it just didn't happen because it wouldn't happen.  Too warm to shift down until then.  I set the alarm for eight and ten, probably just to shut down the remaining downstairs.  No dice.  I woke at six, about half dead.  I fumblingly reached for my blood sugar tabs, ate a whole round... ten... then laid there in bad shape for a bit.  I then ate another round of them, losing one... somewhere.

In such bad shape I could neither locate or pickup if I had that tab, I got on downstairs.  Well enough, by then, to walk at least, I didn't have to slither down the steps.  Hmm... better replace those.  About twenty minutes after my first dose, I did a blood read... 52!  Yeah, I... needed those.  Who knows how low it was when I woke.

I closed up shop, went on back to bed, and would still be sleeping if I could.  It took extraordinary measures, with apologies to God and saints, to wake.  I still feel like hell.  And, yet, I'll... do... if possible.  I just let the ducks out.  As I write this I am having tea.  Blood sugar is 183, after those nearly full two rounds of gluco-tabs and a brot with a bun.  I never can tell how high it might go.

Okay, lesson learned.  I no longer need, or can use, as much insulin as I had been using.  I have used as much as forty cc's.  With blood sugar running so high, and a big dinner, I thought forty would do.  Nope.  I'm guessing twenty is my tops now.  The highest, other than last night, this last week... two?  Has been fifteen I think, a couple of twelves in there, the rest have been eight to ten.  And, I don't dose every day, anymore.  Some days just don't need it.

Well, live and learn.  Later.

Roast beef!

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Oh, it was sweet.  When you begin becoming fat consuming, instead of carbs... or nearly there... fats become sweet.  If, too, I think fats are often understood to be rich.  As you ween completely off sugars, and nearly off carbs, that richness turns to a very special form of sweet.  Oh so very sweet.  Almost can't get enough, save that fat is so filling!  Ugh.  It's a trick!

Insulin in.  I did check blood sugar as I was eating a couple of brots first.  I don't know if those had bumped my blood sugar up yet or not, but it was 208... down a bit from earlier, and without anything.  So my blood sugar spiked and hadn't dropped fully by even then, most likely.  I'll see how it is in the morning.  I hope to be up tomorrow, a few calls, some other things.  Bleh.

I am hoping to do a few things right in the morning.  Perhaps the coop, maybe install some of the hardware, possibly some of the work in the cave.  Then nap through some of the hotter afternoon.  Then do more later.  I'll try to push it.  Tonight, otherwise done, I plan on practicing the hail Mary, Our Father, and perhaps some of the other rosary prayers.  I may not be ready for a rosary yet.  I want the prayers pretty crisp... well remembered... easily recited... or it takes too long for me to maintain concentration so as to finish.  If I start I want to finish.  And, whatever anyone thinks, God and Mary know what I struggle through to... do even these things.  They... know.

It is cooling, but lightly.  It is still 74° main and up front, inside, if it has broken below to 56° outside.  If I could only get more of that in.  It'll just have to churn along until morning.  If I can get it to 68°, then get it closed up, life would be much better tomorrow.  I didn't wake in time this morning, or maybe it never cooled off all that much?  I just don't know.

Plans.  But will any of them happen?  I can sure hope.  I won't be working fast.  But a chore or task, or part of it.  Then a rest, then next, several times... then a nap... and maybe again later?  It would be the Cadillac of my efforts.  It would be pushing it, especially as the day warms.  Ah, but what prayers can't complete, some spit and muscle... or the other way around, to a degree.  Good night.

Bad call.

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Went out a bit, tonight.  Hadn't eaten.  Only had a fatted coffee all day.  Stopped at a place, was hoping for pork rinds.  No go.  So went with regular chips.  Salt and vinegar, one of my favorites!  Not so good on blood sugar.  After an hour(?), it is at 212.  Yeah, well, it would have crashed if I hadn't eaten something.  Keeping in keto food and treats, as needed and wanted, is tricky.  It's my first fail in a long time.  Then again, fasting two meals yesterday, and three today actually, blood sugar was 166 through the day.  It just wouldn't go down.

It is 67° tonight, at nearly midnight.  It just isn't going to cool well.  Still, it's as cool as it will get.  And I want to cook roast yet tonight.  A bit for tonight, some for tomorrow.  I'll dose well with that.  It's been getting a bit rough.  But my tolerances are still strong.  It isn't getting much higher inside, just staying hotter longer and getting really warm outdoors.  I only saw it at 88° yesterday, but heard it got to 103°... or nearby.  Today?

Lots of smoke from fires up the canyon from the college.  I'm guessing guerrilla tactics are in play even here.  They might not be trying to stopper traffic, and with school possibly not happening, it would be staff and above who mostly live here.  But that wouldn't surprise me at all.  Hateful, hate-filled, raging people.  All sub-surface.  They hide it from you unless they think they have the numbers and anonymity to hurt you, or can get you from behind.  Makes me wonder about every fire, anywhere, at this point.

A month on meds.  Still high summer though.  I should be over the initial medication problem, but until heat dissipates a bit, I am again stuck.  Still, will try.  I really want to clean the kitchen and bathroom this weekend.  As well, I hope to do the yard so as to mow tomorrow, clean out the hutch perhaps, get some food stores downstairs, and get the clothesline up and operational.  We will see.

I did find my lady friend's old mailing address.  If still good, I'll... know something soon.  I will be getting a letter out tomorrow.  Not sure if she would write back, or send her phone number, assuming she still lives there.  But... it... will go forward on my end.  I won't be just asking about her, but asking her some thing... some things.  Who knows.  If my stones hold.  :p

The oven should be ready.  Later.  Or good night.

Ugh!

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I have been up since shortly after noon.  It was very warm yesterday, and until late.  I stayed up, trying to cool off the place... to little good.  I pretty much rode it into the morning.  Letting the ducks out, giving the girls a treat, then crashing hard.  I didn't sleep long, but sleep was good.   The upstairs is cool, mostly, but the heat is creeping in up there too.  Sleep won't be long until it begins cooling again.

Pure chastity is doing well.  I have been doing hail Mary's, three, to start back up into prayer, morning and night... when temptation is strongest.  I will next be adding an Our Father, then the other rosary prayers.  Then meditations.  And, finally, begin doing the rosary at least once a day.  With intentions.  Some days are random, other days are directed.  Such as a day for Father Ripperger and fellow exorcists on... one day a week will be set aside just for them.  Other days will have familial intentions, or church intentions... for priests, and the rest generally, a day for the whole of the church, and a few days will be open for special intentions.  Starting back up.  If I can do two a day, that would really allow a lot more intentions.

I have spent most of my day trying to get Verizon employees to get my voice messaging to work.  I have spoken with at least three employees, and some tech contacted BY what I thought WAS tech.  They don't seem to know what the problem is.  Nothing has worked.  I tried to call them a final time, after a disconnect.  They aren't answering.  They have disconnected the call twice.

I realized I am in trouble.  The reason I was trying to set up my messaging for certain, was because I haven't been able to contact the V.A., or reliably get them to call me back on the other number.  Or this number.  Or get through in any way recently.  They were needed to set up driver privileges, but I had no idea if they did so.  Last I heard, they hadn't even received the faxed forms!

So I found the, I hoped, drivers license bureau, called them to get an extension and another form.  It turns out the my doctor at the V.A. has applied the extension.  So, until next year, that is set.  Still, I have to call and get an appointment set up for a blood test, change my phone number so perhaps they will call, and then figure out some other things.  But, without messaging, I might never know they called.  I'm not sure how fubar the phone and system is.

I still have to figure out the messaging service problem.  Verizon tech seems completely ignorant.  Then again, when I went in to set up this phone, they took two hours, because when they billed, their system forgot to add the full bill.  So, while I paid ~$20, it hung up setting up the phone because it wanted another ~$5!  It looks like the fed had induced companies to be politically complaint with the left and swamp.  The customer doesn't even matter.  They aren't working for us.

Yeah.  Well.  It's the way it goes.  No company does what it was built to do.  They are all converged at this point.  You are on your own.  This isn't meant to sustain civilization, what of it we ever had, but to end it and put something else in place.  I don't think you will like what is going to replace it, or how that is to be finalized.  The cities are an example, but a small one on the scale of things.  Later.

Two meals skipped.

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Fasting.  One of them.  The other was... a curiosity.  Though it can count as fasting as well.  I wanted to see what blood sugar would do.  After what would have been breakfast, I tested three to five hours after when I would have eaten.  Blood sugar was 135 at nearly 15:00.  Then, testing a bit ago, at 19:00, it was 134.  Without food.  With nothing but tea.  Oh well.  I will eat something shortly.  I haven't had salami in a while, the good stuff.  Hmm... I wonder if I have some cheese.  Oh, cream cheese to be sure.  And onion?  I think so!  I'm having a milked coffee to start it off.  A little shy on cream, milk is an okay sub.

I tried to nap.  It just wasn't possible.  I missed doing my doings today, but did call my mother.  I wished her a happy birthday.  Not... sure... about some things there.  I'll leave off as things are.  I... understand.

I do plan to get at least one load through tonight, of laundry.  A shower before long?  A meal, and some dishes.  So tired.  A bit weak.  Slightly confused.  Ducks are in.  I'll feed the girls when I eat, before I eat.  Something... somethings... are just off.  It is a bit hotter here.  That isn't helping, but it isn't hurting as badly as it often has.  It's just slowing things down, making the slog a bit more difficult.

There is tomorrow.  Later, or good night?  Nah... probably not quite that yet.  Later.

A few calls.

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No luck getting through.  I will try later.  Perhaps too close to lunch?

Between efforts, I have been listening to Father Ripperger.  Oh, he is difficult to attend.  Not for moral or social reasons.  Well, okay, moral, but... from my lack, not his.  It is that what he has to say, some of it, is new.  Even if I have listened to it before.  Still, so very dense, and new, and from a new perspective (compared to anything worldly, save perhaps physics to some degree) that it takes time to digest, chew even, hear fully, actually.

Ouch?

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.

Yea, but a little one.  A lot of things hurt but in very little ways.  It confused me, at first, this morning.  As I was waking, I could sense much suffering.  I can never tell how much, but usually when everything seems to hurt, it's going to be a very rough day.  I just have to try to sleep through it, or wake into it.  I had slept as much as I could, so had no choices left.  As I wake, I realize the pain is light... if everywhere, or... really, many many places.  It won't even be more than a slight bother though, all rather light.  A dose of aspirin with regular medicine though.

With blood sugar so low last night, I did eat.  Without taking insulin, of course.  I worried the late even light meat might hurt my morning read, but it was better than taking tabs and I just couldn't leave it.  A brot and a chicken drumstick, I kept it light.  That was about as good as I could have done.  Blood sugar is 109 fasting.  I can happily live with that.

I am hoping to make a few calls today.  I had hoped to make a trip.  Not sure I can, not today.  Tomorrow?  It is hoped.  I am in such bad shape.  Even if the pain can be managed, even as light as it is beyond that, there is something wrong.  A trim, then shower, in a bit.  Then starting back on the dishes, a load of laundry in, the cats and ducks...  Yea.  I'll... get started today, be ready tomorrow.  It's all I can do, when I can do it.

I'll have morning cold tea, then reset all that, put on a fresh pot shortly, and have a warm fatted tea in a bit.  Life doesn't have to be complex, difficult, but it often just is.  I... am back on a chastity gig.  I had given up for a while.  It's a difficult row to hoe.  Prayer helps, but there is no guarantee.  Sometimes will alone.  Eventually I fail.  Weren't meant to be alone, I wasn't.  Just... finding a right woman, in a right way...  So many don't care about propriety today.  Or even their vows.  I must.  As much for her sake as mine.

I keep cracking on the rubik's cube, but I seem to get no faster.  If I wish to get faster, I will have to study, memorize a few things, and such.  I'm not quite up to it currently.  Just getting out of bed is a chore, one barely serviced by these old sore bones.  Concentration and cognitive faculties are limited.  Due to late summer?  The final kick as medicine does it's thing?  The beginning of fall?  Just illness doing it's thing?  Some, all, other things, or just some single other thing?  I... don't know.  Oh, and a double bloody nose for the fifth time this week, on top of a dozen single bleeders?  Something.  Bleh.

Oh, but it's SOMEONE'S birthday!  I'll be sure to call.  Later.

Odd blood sugar today.

 .

.

It started out, as written, at 74.  After a fatted tea, it went up to 149.  I then had a dose, with three chicken drummies, 8 cc's.  It next read 188!  I then had supper... ribs, unsweetened mandarin oranges, and a glass of milk, taking a larger dose of insulin, and slow acting.  Blood sugar is 71 now.  I'm feeling good, but believe I will have a brot and maybe another drumstick, plus just tea.  So very strange.  Oh well.

Tomorrow?  Who knows.  Work, ducks, cats.  I took another shower tonight, maybe another tomorrow.

The heatwave?  Not really, not here.  It did get to 91° today, but that isn't unusual.  It is still 68° at just about 01:00.  But that isn't too awfully unusual either.  Actually it being 54° yesterday, and close or same for most of the last week as a low is the unusual thing.  Though it looks like they are rigging the books.  Several "local" reads had it as 84° when it was clearly cooler, in the low 70°'s.  Not only are they rigging the numbers up, they are rigging them to be up longer.  Don't believe pretty much any national weather stations.

Not much, but I did get dinner and a shower.  I am really hoping to get a bit done tomorrow.  Later, probably good night.  Yeah.  If I can sleep, as soon as I can sleep, I'll crash.

Woah.

 .

.

Last night I had to take two rolls of glucose tabs, that's twenty, as I was crashing and couldn't cook immediately.  After, when I could cook, I did, and ate well.  Plus dosing.  Blood sugar, two and an half hours later was at 135.  Still, I expected a high blood sugar this morning.  Sure enough, not.  It was, just now, 74 fasting!  I'm... that's a bit low.  But I don't feel bad.  Still, best get some breakfast in me.  No dosing with that blood sugar, of course.  Wow.

I need to call the V.A., reschedule some things, check on paperwork.  They never did call the secondary number I gave them.  I may have to go in, as long as china virus testing isn't part of the program, I will.  I am not sure if dental is operational, but I will check on that as well.  A few other such things, and maybe cleaning out the hutch, and installing some or all of the hardware for the clothesline.  Though, at just before 11:00, it has already hit eighty out there.  So... lighter duty.

The ducks got another fast yesterday.  I know, a bit more frequent than usual.  They were extremely happy to get out today.  By the way, the new pool is that there really might be four hens and two drakes!  I just... can't be sure though.  Well, I could, if I wanted to... check.  Check check.  I... just... don't want to.  The tweeners sort of stopped growing, the smallers caught up to the tweeners in size, and the definite drakes kept growing.  It might all work out.  Still, a few more hens would be good.  Just... it... eases the pressure on the hens.  And drakes.  :p

Ugh.  Food.  Tea.  Fatted coffee.  Later.

Waking a bit rough.

.

.

Better.  It's just the midsection.  As if a two by four was used to smack my stomach, and a solid racking... nut shot, plus kidney pain.  That has been a portion of the sensation for a while.  The headache and artery pain is gone, as is... actually, quite a few other milder discomforts.  It doesn't seem to be health related, in one sense.  Blood sugar, if at a very late morning, is 147.  A little higher than very recent numbers, but exceptionally low in the long run.  And blood pressure and pulse were very good yesterday.

I wonder.  I finally got my rolling chair in play, here at the computer.  Is my body so delicate that a change in seating can cause this much trouble?  Or, as I wondered, has a poison been introduced?  Paranoid?  Perhaps, but rarely wrong as to potentials of the evils around me.  From medical lying for nearly thirty years, to family thieving, to... yea.  And, some things, oddly, even being blind, tired beyond belief, and confused, I yet see.  I would rather not.  Not sure it matters.

Sleep was good.  It was 69° in my sleep area, yet 70° in the main area upstairs.  I have never seen it cooler where I sleep.  That was... very odd. It is 72° downstairs in the main, 76° in this room, and 94°?  How odd.  Usually, if that hot outdoors, it is hotter in this front room by now.  I'll take it.  Oh, it'll heat quickly with the computer going and me awake and here.  I just wish I could get to other things.

Sleep was pretty good.  I have been, finally, catching up a bit on sleep.  It's as if my body ran out of fight, and has been able to relent, sleep as needed.  I am still behind.  Not that I did all that much, but being awake in the heat was... for me... a great deal of effort.  I just could not find a way to sleep.  It is wonderful, sleep... and catching up on it.  Although, now, I need to figure out some things... so I have to find a way to be awake during the days, for a few days in a row.  Perhaps even take a trip.  Ugh.

A shower last night, probably another one today.  Ribs for supper.  I'll make a baked potato for the boss.  I'd like to make more potato salad, soon.  Trick is to make it in a smaller dose.  I can hold off eating it, for a while.  So, a small enough dose, and it should be gone in a day or two.  That I can resist.  Green beans and butter, or beats, works for me.  Hmm, I may begin the ribs shortly.  Bake them to near done, then have the grill ready for adding barbecue sauce and finishing for his, just plain for mine.  A potato will go in with the ribs, though stay longer.  I'd best find out when, or if tonight would actually be the night.  Later.

Some moments are extreme.

 .

.

From the yesterday, early, until after the nap and sleep, then awake a while longer, something was terribly wrong.  Deathly wrong?  I think there was potential.  If I had doubts.  It was bad enough that such was a possibility.  The neck arteries hurt, the heart hurt, exhaustion was so serious that taking a drink of tea was difficult, there remained a headache aspirin wouldn't touch, aches, and pains.

Dehydration wasn't all of it, but it was a part of it.  Since waking, I have consumed about half a gallon of tea.  Not an irregular amount, if perhaps a little faster than usual.  That has helped.  It isn't all that was wrong, so not everything was fixed.  Or, I simply need more.  I checked blood sugar to make sure that wasn't a problem.

I checked blood sugar before bedtime, too.  It had been 113 at bedtime.  It was 92 upon waking, if I don't think that was fasting blood sugar.  I'll check at eight, it will definitely be fasting plus then.  Still, good numbers.  As long as that last isn't continuing to fall.  It doesn't feel like it though.  I want to eat, though!  Oh well.  I will probably just close up down here, go on up and nap a bit longer... after a bit more tea... then wake in time to let the ducks out.

I am hoping to make a few phone calls today.  As well, get back in touch with the V.A.  I am late with some things, I need to set them back up, see were some paperwork is... get going with that.  As well, I have dishes, laundry, a bathroom, and a kitchen to clear and clean.  Lots and lots of things to do, on many fronts.  Ugh.

I might even begin surveying lumber, to see if putting the duck tractor together is possible as is.  There is some hardware needed, but if that can be minimized it is possible to get that together before long.  As well, some early morning, I'd like to begin putting hardware up for the clothes line.  Some of it, for the main sections.  I really like the whole idea.  It's probably enough clothes line for a family of twelve, but...  it's how I do, when I can do.

Later.

Long cold nap.

 .

.

Earlier in the day, I prayed my brother or mother would call.  I had forgotten my phone upstairs.  When I went up to nap, my mother had called... and right about the time I had prayed?  Give or take a very short time.  Who says prayers aren't ever answered.  Then again, it is my birthday.  I had totally forgotten.  I roughly thought it had passed days ago.  Oh well.  Still, the call counts.  I think she then got my brother to send a text.  So... I have two of the most important missing contacts back.

I told here about my ability to tolerate heat.  She didn't seem all that impressed, but... okay.  For her, 80° is nothing.  It's what she prefers.  For me, that was murder.  Until this year, 73° or higher was beyond my comfort zone.  I could get better at tolerating it, but I was never comfortable.  At that temp, I used to sweat, need to find refuge, try to sleep through the day, or just misery through the day.  Now, even 83° isn't too bad.  If working in heat, or at least direct sun, will absolutely waste me.

I couldn't do much.  Had to nap.  It was between 68° and 70° up there, but I was freezing!  I added every blanket available, snuggled in well, and pressed the edges under me, so as to seal air.  Still pretty cold.  I slept for four or five hours.  Needed it.  Need more, or feel the need, but can't do it.  I wondered if blood sugar had dropped.  Nope, or... not much.  With a fatted coffee and 8 cc's of fast acting, I hit a blood sugar of 120 after the nap.

Actually?  I think it is my pulse that is causing me to be cool.  I've had lower blood sugar and lower blood pressure in the summer, but my pulse used to always run between 90 and 110.  Running between 70 and 80 now, I think that is what the difference is.  It is the only thing different.  Now, why that is lower?  On the same medication I have been on for a very long time?  Good question.  The answers aren't pleasant.

It was only 75° up front.  It has been, typically, 78° to 81° up here, with or without me.  Something strange is beginning.  Oh, my mother, today, on here own, began to believe fall is coming.  We tied, same day, same notion.  She says they need rain.  I told here I'd put a plug in for it, there and here.  Oh, I asked if they got rain that last time I prayed.  They did, at least an inch.  All good.  As mentioned, it isn't my doing.  I just put in the prayer chit.  God does God.

Gotta eat something.  Hungry.  Actually hungry.  I only have one cream for the week, so I don't want to have more than one fatted drink.  As mentioned, I am thinking of fried beef crumble and diced tomato, then served with a healthy dose of cheese melted on top.  No pasta, but... that's fine.  I keep trying other things, but almost all options are fresh, and required both rather frequent shopping and processing... sometimes immediately after shopping, sometimes right before use, sometimes both.  I'm not up to that.  Or, a few more burgers.  I can have a bun, without too much trouble, especially if I put two patties on it.  That would sure be easier.  Later.

A tough few days.

 .

.

Few?  It's been a while.  Later summer, it's wearing me out?  That must be it.  I rechecked bp today, as yesterday I was just off.  I wasn't happy with that reading.  And I was right, it was 127/85 with a pulse of 78 while blood sugar was 117 fasting this morning.  Much better.  I am a little disappointed in blood sugar.  While the second best blood sugar read in... years? it is higher than the 101.  I... I just so like that lower number.

Then again, I have cut the slow acting insulin.  I may have to raise that?  I will give it a few more days... week maybe.  I had been crashing, so I cut everything.  Perhaps too much, or there is a bounce.  I would certainly like to give less a chance.  Especially if this is as bad as it gets.  But if it doesn't improve from there, I will add back the 5 cc's dropped.

So exhausted.  It hurts, the exhaustion.  Breathing, at times, takes effort.  The lungs can burn.  Muscles exhaust easily.  Ah!  I just checked outside.  It is 11:34 and only 76° outside!  Something, weatherwise, has moved in.  Inside it is still only 71° in the main, 73° here up front.  Hazy, if not quite cloudy, out there.  Yes, something has changed regarding the weather.  It is affecting me.

I think it started changing mid-week, and has been causing confusion and exhaustion.  I have been sleeping both more and more often, napping and longer sleep... if still not quite full sleeps.  The sun keeps me awake.  More sleep though.  I think fall is approaching, and at speed.  I am getting ready for a bouncy fall, just in case.  I prefer nice, leisurely, level, declines in weather.  I rarely get my preference.  Fall and spring are usually out-of-control messes, like... women.  Who doesn't love a little sport, though, too.

Just reporting and complaining.  Hoping to pull through a bit better.  A nap?  Yes, might as well.  I can't quite get to doing much else.  Have a great Sunday.

A terrible grace.

 .

.

For much of my adult life, I have been trying to understand what all went wrong.  How it went wrong.  Perhaps looking for bad actors, among men, women, disease, and of course at myself.  Cheated of most of my life.  With so many things to do, ways to shine, opportunities available.  I could have been a potent force here.  I could have been successful, was for a bit, was impressing the right people.

A woman, a bike, a car, a life.  A career with potential for more.  Ducks were lining up and being taken down, in a nearly miraculous way.  Then, one day, it ended.  To this day, on any given day, I can do no better than to get out of bed.  Today and yesterday, while I could get out of bed, I could do almost nothing beyond that.  Unless a nap counts?  Food shouldn't even count, as that is a requirement for life itself.

So cold!

 .

.

I took a nap.  It was 68° upstairs, which was fine, at first, mostly.  After sleeping a while, I realized I was frigid.  I had to work blankets and this and that to keep from being painfully cold.  My fingers, until being downstairs again for a bit, had become like dried raisins.  So odd.  I remember having that temperature be barely able for me to sleep at... it being too warm!

BP was high today, at 147/99 if pulse was a very good 70.  Blood sugar, as well, was running a bit high.  It started at 176, went to 135 after a fatted... milked... tea, then up to 148, then 141, and after another actual fatted coffee it finally dropped to 101.  Just an odd day.  None of that is horrible, it just isn't as low as food consumption and recent readings would have it.  Just 8 cc's per dose today.  I'm getting the grill going for burgers.  A spot of mayo and mustard on top.  It's what I can do.  Perhaps pasta-less goulash tomorrow.

I called a friend, to see if he happened to still have my mother's number.  I have tried checking messages, in case it would be there, but no dice on either score.  I wish she would try to call.  I don't have any number of anyone else who might have her number.  Unless she calls, I can't call her.  And, I do miss at least checking in from time to time.  She is probably just miffed I haven't called, answered, or emptied my messages!  Plus, I'd like to contact my brother, just check in.  And maybe get a few other phone numbers.  But, really, just talking with her is sorely missed.

After that cold nap, 84° feels quite good.  That's what it is at outside.  How very odd.  For the last thirty years and then some, just being outdoors in the summer was exceedingly uncomfortable.  I don't know what happened.  But something very strange has happened.  It is so good to actually be able to enjoy the summer, if not fully actively quite yet.  What is just as odd, is 79° in this the computer room, with the fan going, is... a bit chill.  Not enough to change anything, as it would warm a bit too much probably, just... quite odd.

Not really hungry, but I should eat.  Hmm, I ought to put some green beans on as well.  Later.

He irritates, baffles, and slightly confuses.

 .

.

In a good way.  Oh, and friend, for my part.  He knows me not... for good or ill.  :p

I, from time to time, when I am more awake and aware... able... seek out some of his work.

An opportunity.

 .

.

I'm old, slow, and weak in some ways.  Still, I like to try new adventures.  Such an event happened tonight.  It wasn't anything astounding.  But I learned just a bit.  I helped just a bit.  Not a bad thing.  I really enjoy helping and learning.  It almost doesn't matter what, so long as it is moral and right.  I would learn the world of mechanics, electronics, agriculture, mining, trucking, physics, and the rest, if I could.

I am relegated to the simple.  Oh, sure, I finally got around to the rubik's cube.  But that... isn't as fancy as it might seem.  Just take your time.  Even then it took a week, maybe two, to even complete it fully.  Then another week or so to be able to do it without instructional cues the first time.  A month on, and I can always solved it, but not always as quickly as hoped.  I have completed it at nearly two minutes, maybe once at a minute or close to it, but usually it's between three and an half and five and an half.

Anyway, I learned something tonight.  It required some effort, which did cause me to stumble.  Then again, both nostrils were blocked, due to bloody noses... nose?  A bloody nose out of both nostrils?  But, were they separate bleeds, or from the same origin?  I... don't know that!  So, it could, technically, have been... by English, not necessarily medicine vernacular... a bloody nose OR bloody noses?  I... just can't be certain.  Anyway, that made effort more difficult.  I'm generally a nose breather.

Still, I helped, wasn't in the way, and learned.  It did wear me out.  And, yet, I will do it in the future if the opportunity arrives.  Who knows, perhaps I could get slightly more fit doing such things.

Tomorrow I hope to get the ducks' hutch cleaned and reset.  It won't be as difficult as before.  It will be a bit of a chore though.  And, as mentioned, at least hardware installation for the clothes line.  I am sort of excited to get that set and begin using it.  I may even use it in the winter.  Minus snow, rain, sleet, or excessive winds, it should do quite well.  I will air out my sleeping pads as well.  Nice.

Best get to dinner.  I'd like to eat, do a load of dishes, shower, refresh the dishes, and hit a load of laundry.  I'll do a minor prayer to these ends.  Accepting what I must, if necessary, if hoping for a bit of work yet tonight.  Life is rather nice, if I have been pushing in odd ways lately.  Oh, and I tried cutting slow acting insulin from 25 cc's to 20 cc's and the water pills from three to two.  I'm not sure, yet, about the slow acting insulin, but I still need the three water pills.  Worth a shot, from time to time.  But fast acting insulin is much reduced.  As little as 8 mg's a day, some days, though as much as several 12 to 15 mg doses on other days.  Down from... higher... sometimes much higher.  I'll keep at it.

Good day, and perhaps night.

Finally, some real sleep.

 .

.

I had to sleep in the heat of the day.  I had to push back to sleep over a hard wake.  I wasn't feeling good, and had aches.  Aspirin would have been good, if I had been able to think that well.  But, then, aspirin might have relieved the perceived need for sleep... the part that pain brings.  And, to be honest, I needed sleep more than pain relief.  Perhaps my then mind knew that.  It does, sometimes.

I can't be sure when I went to bed.  Half after ten?  Eleven thirty?  Nine twenty?  I just can't remember.  I woke at 17:30... 5:30 p.m.  It was 68° upstairs... both places, 72° downstairs in the main, 78° in the computer room, and 82° outside.  I am feeling the heat today.  It isn't too bad, it's just noticeable.  So very odd.  I sure hope cooling begins soon though.  I am needing a break.  Who knows, summer may go very long this year.  I still wonder if they can influence weather.  Change it outright, perhaps not, but... adjust... for here and there... maybe.  And, it works right until it fails.

I needed sleep so desperately.  I finally got it.  Had to force it.  Am paying a price or two.  But... all good.  I may end up going to bed early again tonight.  So very tired.  I think the summer is finally catching up to me.  I did a minor reset on the dishes.  I may hit those before going back to bed.  Shower. Then finish them and put another set in.  As well, perhaps a load of dishes.  I began scrubbing the toilet.  I'm letting it soak as I write, for a second rinse cleaning shortly.  Perhaps a few more things even before a next bedtime.

Tomorrow I hope to wake early enough to clear out the coop before it gets too hot.  As well, I may see about installing some or all of the hardware on the clothes line.  I want bracing for the posts before adding line.  I have three types of line to try... an actual clothe woven line at 7/32nds, a steel line with plastic coating, and a bare strand galvanized steel line.  I'm just not sure which will do best.  Or which would do best for what in particular?  I will set a line up for each, and see how they do over time, before choosing one or possibly several?

So tired, even still.  It's the heat, though.  Getting up from 68° and sitting in 78° is a bit of a shock.  Hmm... hungry?  No.  But I do need to eat.  I'm not sure what I have.  Ground burger, I am sure about.  But I think that is it.  Burgers?  Pasta-less goulash?  Burger sausage and eggs?  Dunno, quite yet.  Something, soon.  Just... because I should.  Really not hungry.  Oh, a fatted coffee shortly as a starter.  Wait, no cream.  I'll use milk.  Raw, unprocessed, milk has a higher fat content.  And tastes much better.

Later.

Some sleep.

 .

.

A bit more last night than has been typical, if less than could have been.  I went to bed after 02:30 but before 03:00?  Something in there, probably.  I set the alarm for six and nine, mostly to close the downstairs?  I think I somehow planned to wake.  I ended up unable to rise at the six alarm.  I think I bumped snooze at least once, but so hated being disturbed yet so tired I couldn't figure out how to shut it off initially.  Yea, my bad.

I finally got it shut off.  At the nine alarm, again, I snoozed more accidentally than anything, but turned it off on the second round.  But... I did wake on my own shortly thereafter.  Too early, but the place had to be and now is closed up, the ducks are fed and out, and the girls are about to be fed.  I may or may not go back to bed.  Ugh, but it seems hot today.

It is 68° upstairs, in both places oddly, 72° in this front room, the main, and outdoors currently.  But it feels so warm.  I felt hot flushes this morning.  Sometimes that is a sign of a blood sugar crash, so I tested.  It is 144.  The weekly average is down to 124.  Nice... anyway.  It isn't quite fasting, though, as I had a meal shortly before bed.  Just an interim check.  I really should go back to bed.  But... why the flashes of heat?  It's like my blood is trying to boil, percolating through.  A poison?  Don't know.

It has been a long week.  For high summer, if it doesn't seem it, I have done much.  For an August, it is acting more like a July... little rain and consistently in the upper eighties, even a few low nineties.  I keep hoping for rain and some better cooling.  A week of cooling, and I might get back to work.  Or... well.. a bit more work.

While probably not up for the day, I am making plans.  Scooping out the coop, and resetting it.  Possibly putting up some or all of the pulleys for the clothesline... at least for the poles I have up to date of course.  I also have pulleys for a second pole, and possibly for upstairs.  It would be good, if it's too cold or wet or icy out, to still be able to hang things.  Some things do not dry well.  A fluff to get it a bit drier, then hang it.  Ugh.

As well, I'd like to get back to dishes, and maybe some bathroom and kitchen cleaning today.  Not much, perhaps.  I am so very exhausted.  But... a start.  Then get a shower in.  I'd like to have to kitchen back to specs, and then some, by Monday.  Potato salad, for the boss.  I am easily resisting, after the first batch some time ago.  As well, if I really need, raw potato diced into my potato salad actually works, and doesn't ding my blood sugar.  At least in the moderation I can tolerate consuming... it's a more difficult thing to eat.

Oh, supper?  Yes!  I had ribs out.  From when we went shopping.  They wouldn't have lasted a few more days.  They were looking on their last legs, and I refused to allow them to waist.  I sliced the remaining half of a vidalia onion, salted and garlic powdered the ribs, put them in the oven with the onion slices covering each.  Baking them for two thirds of the time needed.  Then I placed the slices under the rib lollipops, let them finish, and dug in.  Oh my word were those good.

Oh, I was finally given a password to an account, as an potential editor.  I mean, technically, I am being allowed to edit, but I haven't quite taken to it yet.  I am, actually, examining the rules and advice offered for noobs.  Usually I wouldn't, but I am taking them seriously.  Within my domain of capacity in that way.  And, I mean it.  If I make a mistake, I will attempt to learn from it.  Hopefully it won't be fatal.  Though, usually, it is I who walks away.  Rare is the time I have been simply removed.  

My goal is to completely review their rules, regs, and advice... then find the community, join in there.  As well, seek a mentor in the area, as well as a few peers.  Maybe find, or be given, a task or three... to see what I can do, what I do better and worse at, get some feedback on those projects, perhaps attempt to receive a few more given or assigned projects, until I find my feet and begin taking or created projects on my own.  Small, at first, building up.

Grand isn't the plan.  Humble, honest, without ego, is the actual plan.  If nothing of me, other than my time, can be in the projects, that is the sign I have accomplished something.  Actually, I think that is how God did it, here.  He is everywhere, and nowhere to be found.  Look, and you will see... almost, sometimes, by realizing but not seeing.  He who rules least rules best?  If that is true, it seems to have been written first by God.  I see the elegance in that, as does the place which has allowed me to attempt being a party to it.  Despite my silliness, at times, don't completely doubt there might be more.  If, too, less.  But it isn't about me.

 A bit of looking around, on the web, before crashing.  Good day.

Out, at least.

 .

.

Just going along for a ride, really.  But it was a nice outing.  It got hot, but... it's... hot out there.  So go figure.  Lunch on the town.  A rather rare thing these days.  I was worried about blood sugar, they didn't have leaf for a keto sandwich, so I went with bread.  Blood sugar was 130 when I got home, though I wasn't sure if it was going up or down.  A few hours after returning, and blood sugar is 96.  I won't mess with it either way.

I was getting a heat headache.  Aspirin, for the first time in... well... a month?  I stayed up, really, to try to get that to ease before trying to nap.  I was too grumpy of body, not mood, to attempt sleep with a headache.  It has eased.  It should be nicely cool up there.  I am so ready for a bit of sleep.  I haven't been sleeping but, say, four to five hours a night for a week or three?  It's the sun, and heat.  Tolerance doesn't mean it has no affect.

I have everything for the clothes line, save one extra hole dug.  Still, tomorrow, I may get the ducks' hutch cleaned and refreshed.  New hay.  They are doing well enough out there.  I would like to begin assessing my wood stocks for a tractor/hutch for the muscovys.  Large enough for several more hens, with nesting boxes.  I ought to check how many are really needed, what is optimal.  I'd like to end up with six to eight hens, and two drakes, of that sort.

Perhaps, next year, four more hens and another drake, of the indian runner sort.  And, very possibly, two or three turkeys.  Who knows, I may eventually actually get to goats and try my hand at meat chickens, or a mix of meat/egg chickens.  And a dog.  Heck... maybe a wife!  Next thing you know, I'll be healthy enough to have to live another fifty and change.

Ah, and I did get the contact information for the woman who sold the ducks and rabbits.  I'll reconnect, just to have a conversation back in the cue.  And to let her know it'll be next month, when I get the rabbits.  I am sure hoping for the stimulus.  Yea, I know.  I also know they are bailing billionaires out.  There isn't a way to spend, save, or pay off debt out of this.  Event horizon is the only solution left.

Why won't it be like the Wiemar Republic?  Because it is the whole world.  Like it or not, as bad as America is financially, economically, and well before the "pandemic", the rest of the world is worse.  And some countries are still hiding the true death tolls and such.  And they certainly aren't back up to near full, or even half, production.  First they force everyone out of work, to near starvation.  Then they try to force them to work in crowded conditions... a population seemingly much more susceptible to the disease, if crowding and lack of hygiene from excess work load and other factors, and ignorance lead to some of that.  Work a slave half to death, in cramped crowded harsh conditions, even a simple flu will take them down in groves.

Anyway.  No.  When the markets fall, America will, again, be poised to spring back.  Some places will be absolutely devastated, especially with all the food disruptions beyond China virus.  Locusts in Africa and Asia, droughts there, floods there... including China.  This won't be nice.  The drowning can't save the drowning.  I do wonder if governments will finally crack down on the thieves of the real economy, and hang them publicly and in such numbers that it won't be done again in the lifetime of childrens' great grand children.  Then again, a lot of current politicians would have to hang right beside them.  We'll see.  It would be a start.  That and a global economic jubilee... release every debt... if make taking new loans all but impossible, and fee not interest based.  And... put back on a jubilee system.  

Well, ya'll have a good day.  And maybe night.  I'm going down like a felled tree.  Ka-Boom!  Later or much later.

Late, but good.

 .

.

I must be eating very rightly.  Blood sugar was 87, but I'm not feeling badly.  I am preparing to have a fatted coffee before bed, just in case.  And I have carb tabs upstairs, two rolls of them, if it gets rough.  A strange thing, but this coffee is pretty mild as to caffeine.  I'll sleep well even with it.  Oh yes, I will sleep well tonight.  While I didn't do much, I did wake early and stayed up through the day.  I meant to nap, it... just... didn't happen.

Nothing done, really.  A few things on the phone arranged.  Some investigation for this and that.  Dinner, of course.  And a bit of practice on the rubik's cube.  I think I solved it in, around, two minutes, fifteen or seventeen seconds.  Still slow.  And I don't know why it goes together fast this time and not the next.  I do wonder if the fast solvers set it up for a fast solve.  Set it up with a few cues, akin to stacking a card deck.  Though, even then, I have some doubts.  The magic of the camera, as they say.

I keep hoping my mother calls.  I probably have her number somewhere, but where is the problem.  A few other calls tomorrow.  Always something, and I keep forgetting.  Summer is edging cooler, but... it's just not finished yet.  While I am finally handling the heat well, I am still a bit blotted by the continued heat.  Fall is not far off, there is that.  This year I think I will keep up with fall, but more certainly winter.  I... have plans.  We'll see.

Good night.

Helping.

 .

.

Had to wake a bit early today.  A friend needed help writing a defense.  I am good at such things.  So, awake early.  It is done.  I believe as successfully and simply as possible.  Elegant?  In it's straightforward simplicity and honesty of purpose, yes.  Don't try to fly 50 cent words across certain desks though... or red flag terminology.  While English isn't my favorite, I do okay with it.  And simpler logic is within reason.  Still, using him and his notions as primary sources, merely polishing ever so slightly, produced a good product.  We have two external reviewers, so...  I'll hear back later what the others suggest, think.

Not much sleep last night.  Four hours?  But, good.  I was well rested yesterday?  I... thought so.

Blood sugar was being funny yesterday.  I was out last night, realized it was falling, so had to drink a Mountain Dew.  I had forgotten my carbohydrate tabs.  Fixed it going forward, but it is what I had last night.  I thought it would destroy blood sugar.  It was 106 when I returned home.  Well, but I knew this morning would be bad.  Nope, my blood sugar was 94 fasting!?!  Wow!  I am not eating differently.  But something has changed.

The ducks are fed, watered, and out.  The cats are about to get there turn.  I may try to hit some of those dishes, then put them to soak for later.  I'd like some breakfast, not sure what though?  Scrambled eggs sounds... okay?  With cheese?  Sure.  But meat with it would be good.  Hmm... not sure I have anything really ready though.  I ought to start checking the prices for ground chicken, turkey, and pork... make my own sausage patties, with various spices, then freeze them in smaller packages?  Yes.  Yes I think so.  If the price is right.  I do prefer pork, but it can be spendy, has been lately.  Money, money, money.

I have been exploring going over to linux.  I found out how to partition the drive on this machine.  I have looked at several distributions.  I have one distribution downloaded, the newest stable ubuntu... or such.  It's a matter of... well... doing it.  It... is... a paradigm shift.  For me.  Some do not understand this whole notion of paradigm.  Do, or do not, there is no try?  Right.  True, young or old, but tradition... change... sometimes it seems that is all I am made of... that latter.    Which makes me reluctant to accept more... change.  You cannot understand.  Yet.  Home is boring... until you realize... there is no home?  *bend*

Tuesday?

 .

.

I suppose it is better than Monday.  To bed around five or six, up at 13:00?  All roughly true.  A package, with a number of items, arrived.  Alarm clocks.  The first one I tested is loud.  I ordered two types, to see.  This first type is quite loud.  It does take two triple A batteries.  A very small price.  Actually, I would call it a benefit.  The tab batteries are too varied, not carried universally, etc.  Hmm... I owe a battery back, and need to get a spare of those for the glucometer, come to think of it.  I forgot.  Almost.

Sleep was a generous gift.  Though, with a glucose crash again last night, sleep is easier.  I only stayed up that long to make sure I was clear though too.  Without glucose at supper, and just slow acting daily, blood sugar dropped to 79, and was falling.  Oh, you can tell.  So, I started a meal.  But it wasn't fast enough.  Symptoms worsened extremely quickly.  So, glucose tabs, sugar pills, whatever you wish to call them.  A pack of them.

I only take two at a time.  One never works.  Every five to ten minutes, I check how I am doing.  Still horrible?  More.  I ended up taking ten, and eating a meal.  I feared my blood sugar would be... higher.  At 149, while not great, that is... I think... my second best read since going back on insulin?  If I keep this up, I will, again, beat diabetes.  It helps not being poisoned?  Oh, and weekly average is down to 132!

A second month length medkit arrived.  Same as the one that was successful.  I had another, but it was... problematic.  This one stows like a book, nothing can fall out or off the thing... by cat, incident, or folly.  I have, just last night, finished the first month clean.  All meds taken.  Sometimes a wee late.  But all meds taken within a reasonable time associated to their intended schedule window(tm).  :p  Hows that for some bullshittery?  Oh, but that means refilling.  Then again, I had to refill the new medset anyway, so it's a twofer.

Best let the ducks out.  And I may change one of the litter boxes whole.  The girls actually use their litter boxes wisely.  Peeing, mostly, in one... using another for their mixed bad, and when they just have to poop, they use the third one.  They do conserve as they may.  So, one goes bad faster.  The rest can be scooped and managed longer.  I completely redo a tray a month, then switch everything over one since they have a good order. We have learned to jumprope their bathroom functions in a smart way.  Though... I didn't train them.  They trained me.  It works for me.

Ducks.  Right.  I'll fill their water, put out feed, then let them to the races.  A fatted coffee shortly, with 8 cc's... because... but that might be it for insulin today.  My mistake, last night, wasn't what I had thought.  I forgot insulin with supper.  So, thinking I needed it, had a fatted tea and an 8 cc dose, later.  I... didn't need a dose at all.  I just assumed I did.  I won't assume again.  I will check first, every time and always.  My health is changing.  Later.

A good night.

 .

.

Burned the hotdogs.  But... they are hotdogs, so...  All good.  It isn't cooling as quickly as hoped.  Partial cloud cover.  Perhaps it will bring rain.  The lawn is being watered.  Two areas hit.  Still looking pretty good, generally.  It's a pleasant hobby if it isn't required to distraction.  Feeling good, if generally tired.  It's just the late summer doldrums.  A good rain would sooth that.

Ah, but the clothes line poles are all cut, assembled, and installed.  The foam post fill is simply being allowed to dry, set.  Hopefully, if all is well tomorrow, the pulleys and lines can go up.  As is, I am planning on having three lines.  However, I am considering putting up a short line to another post, for very heavy items, such as quilts.  So they don't stretch the longer lines.  It's a thought.  One more dig with a posthole digger.

I checked the ducks, for no good reason.  I do that, occasionally, if I am awake anyway.  Not every night, never twice in a night, just a few times a week.  I had forgotten to feed the girls.  They were rather... pleasant... considering.  They can be rather bearish if I miss a feed.  Still, I was out, and running, and going with little sleep today.  Sometimes they understand.  Though, too, as with the ducks, I don't mind them going hungry once or twice a month... if not usually for a whole day.  Usually.

A few more security devices were installed.  It won't, even now, keep any out.  It might make it more apparent if someone got in.  Might.  Someone is still, occasionally, getting in.  It's like they know.  If I forget to lock a door, if I'm not paying attention, they press it.  They really do.  My guess is more people are being burgled that realize.  I don't always know what was taken, or done.  Sometimes I can tell, because the machine and router are both off, as I left them, and hot.  Which meant they were just running.

Oh, working on the computer and phone.  Trying to get the crooked services as off as possible.  It is all of the involved, the phone manufacturer, the service for the phone, the app crafters and outlets, and of course governments and outside business interests.  They are all hacking your data, or trying.  They sometimes work together, sometimes stumble over one another, sometimes out and out cross each other.  That latter is the best opportunity for me.

I forgot insulin with dinner.  So I am having a final fatted coffee and dosed with it.  A small dose, and the slow acting stuff.  I can't believe how well blood sugar has been.  I'll keep at it.  As little as I am actually doing.  I still think my artificial sweetener was being spiked.  Probably an attack.  Some would rather I not be here.  Never can tell who, but they are out there.  Later, or good night.

Crashed. Hard.

 .

.

Down like a tree, felled while hale and tall.  Down hard, fast, well.  I did set the alarm for 18:00.  It was before or just at fourteen but well after thirteen hundred.  I got the stuff in the car, loose, into the cave.  The rest is in the cooler with ice.  I'll get that in shortly.  I was so very tired.  The alarm... hmm... I thought it took a while, and a bunch of snoozes, but it's just a quarter after?  I must have dreamed that it took a while?

Odd thing?  My sleeping area was 81°!?!  But the rest of the upstairs registered 70°.  Yes, I believe the thermometers.  I... just don't quite get why.  I checked blood sugar, perhaps that had spiked while sleeping?  At 128, I... don't think so.  Wow!  That's, come to think of it, a fantastic blood sugar.  I had lunch, which wasn't exactly keto if not the worst, but without insulin.  We were in town.  Something very... unique... happened.  I simply have no idea what it was.  Very peculiar.  That is with both ac's going and a fan directly on me as well.

I did reset dishes after taking out the trash, then showering.  I won't get to those until it is cooler.  Bare naked hotdogs for me?  Well, with a bit o' beans and ketchup for now.  Just dots, along with mustard.  Actually, with beans I don't need ketchup.  But, cheese and onions added, really a nice way to go.  But... later.  I'm not sure when, probably have it ready by 19:30.

As mentioned, the phone is fully operational now.  It merely needs to be reloaded with phone numbers and such.  It has excellent cameras, or by the numbers they seem to be, but I refuse to allow the camera to use the microphone, so... until I can replace that app... if possible... with one that does it my way, I will go without the cameras.  Actually I should cover those up again, as I did with my last phone.  I wish I could add a manual kill switch to the microphone.  Just an inline switch, somehow connected to one of the buttons, with an indicator light.

I did a rubik's solution as the router was lighting up.  I... did one earlier, as I was getting ready to crash.  I am beginning to see patterns, about how to go faster, or cut moves.  It isn't exactly perfected, but I think I have seen three minute solves?  I'd have to have a timer, but...  And it won't be consistent, maybe ever?  But it is improving, or sometimes.  And, yes, I actually do know what I am doing, and well enough to teach.  At least this method.  I wonder if there are other actual methods?  I'll... have to see.  Just don't trust youtube channels to show.  I think a bunch of them are bogus.

Ah, it was 84° outside.  So it is either cooling already or...  No, definitely cooling.  I think it got to 88° earlier.  At the least, it may have been hotter but I didn't see that.  Hmm... Well, that should be enough.  Later.  

Yea?

 .

.

I can handle the heat.  IF I don't do much.

Today was a trip to town.  Groceries, plus getting my phone working.  Working.  Now to get phone numbers back on it.  I don't even know my mother's number.  Some I can look up.  The V.A., businesses I know.  I can't find the soduku game I had.  I may just stop playing soduku.  As well, getting it set back up, cutting out google etc as much as possible... it'll be a bit of work.  Facebook is trying to impose itself.  I have done what I can to shut it down.

It took forever.  As it turns out, it was their system.  They charged me, partially, for an upgrade.  But then it didn't charge me some extra fee.  It wouldn't, though, allow the phone to be connected until that extra fee was paid.  Probably for free groid phones.  Anyway, it took an hour and an half in there?  Yea.  But it is done.  I am back on unlimited, at a few dollars more than what I was paying.

Prices are dropping as people are unplugging and walking away.  If at home?  Use wi-fi.  These lefturd companies are cutting their own throats, and there may be no path back for them.  People are going to like not being spied on, not having corporate boots on their throats, not paying for false glamour, not being overcharged by hateful employees on up the ladders.

Then to groceries.  Fast, easy, if not complete.  Still, another possibility soon.  I wanted lettuce, more cheese, and a few other things.  Still, I got well and plenty, for my various reasons.  It's good to have food.  However, the heat got to me.  I got the groceries in from the vehicle that were out.  But the rest is in my cooler, with ice.  None of it was frozen, so... I'll take a nap and get it after.

Yes, that heat out there is brutal, even with ac.  Out there, for long, and I begin to crash.  Still, it was a very successful day.  A nap, and I'll get the rest of the food in.  Good day.  Later.  

Oh? Really.

 .

.

Went down hard.  After four again, for certain.  How much after four is another question.  Minutes, long minutes, or hours?  I woke to close up shop and get the trash out.  I had the downstairs already shut up, but didn't remember.  Had to close up the upstairs though anyway.  While at it, I realize trash really needed to go.  I hope they weren't by before I got it out?  I... usually not.  Still, anything is possible?

While getting the trash, I realize cat litter and a few bowls of old food could go.  Went.  A shower was needed, after.  Actually, probably needed before.  And for a day or two.  Got.  Ducks were fed and let out.  Cats will get their turn soon.  I had the door open last night.  Sam came up and squatted the ogre a.o., several times.  Sassy didn't deign to appear.  All good.

A shower already.  If, though, nothing is happening, I am crashing after I get dry enough to crash.  With everything shut up, it was already hitting 73°, pretty much everywhere downstairs and outside?  I thought so.  Definitely inside.  Bleh.  I shouldn't close up early.  Upstairs was still 68°.  Strange.  But... whatever.  I don't always understand how things work.  I just do my best around what happens, and learn.

Holy... moly... we'll say.  Blood sugar is 98 fasting!  That is the lowest I have ever seen it, save fasting.  And, I assure you, I didn't fast yesterday.  Salami and fatted drinks, plus cream cheese, and onions in the last batch.  Not bad, I'll take that as long as I can.  As to doses?  A lot less.  I had two, the last of which was 8 mg.  If the first was... middling, I think? perhaps 12?  Something I ate gave me doubts.  Seven day average is 140.  Better.

Best feed the girls, when I can stand.  That shower relaxed me almost back to sleep!  Later.

Salami!

 .

.

Well, it was something.  And very keto friendly.  Made right here in Utah.  I had forgotten it.  I hope it's good.  I have no idea how long it stays good, in a casing, wrapped in airtight plastic, then in the refrigerator?  I would guess a while.  But, who ever really knows.  That, sliced quite thin, maybe two ounces, plus two ounces of cream cheese, or three?  Oh!  I forgot!

What is really good with it?  You might not believe, but... freshly chopped yellow onion.  You want the onion to have some very good bite.  Strong onion, diced, mixed into the cream cheese, on the salami.  You'll go broke if you open a kissing both, but who cares!  All they do there is kiss anyway.  Teases.  Though, come to think of it, I'd go broke at a kissing stand anyway.

It's about time to chase the ducks in.  Hmm, or give them another hour?  They might already be in.  Yeah, another hour.  They will figure it out.  I am almost certain I have four drakes and just two hens.  The middlings were just slower growers.  And, it looks like the hens are smaller than usual.  Does it matter?  I... don't know.  I like them.  I just wish I could get enough hens, fast enough, that I wouldn't have to cull.  Oh, I'll eat well, it's... just... I've become familiar with these drakes.  I will hate to cull.

As to culling... should I cull the smallest drakes?  Though, perhaps, they simply take longer to fill out?  They will be less  dominant, but that isn't necessarily a trait I prefer. I have a month or two to figure it out.  I think.  I want the bigger, more aggressive, and yes hungrier drakes.  They aren't aggressive toward me or others.  The only problem would be if they become too aggressive amongst each other.  More hens sorts that out.  But, yes, bigger really is better.  For breeding.

I keep working on the rubik's cube.  I haven't studied, or... I am... roughly... trying a few things, trying to figure a few ideas or possibilities out.  Does holding it a certain way, starting with this instead of that way help, etc.  I haven't taken notes, or quite seen a difference, yet.  Still, it's on my mind.  Things, so set, either pop or go away.  If unsolved, they will be back, assuming I live long enough for them to return.  Who ever knows.  Later.

Deep summer.

 .

.

I had hoped I'd be pushing through.  I am feeling great.  I am doing well.  Blood sugar was 157 fasting, and I bet bp is in the normal range.  I am sleeping well, if my "day" has been extended due to daylight.  I have no control over that.  It will shrink in winter, if more toward the end of winter, mostly, these days.  I think, no matter how I feel, the deeper it goes into the harder part of the harshest seasons, the more limited I become.

Spring and fall, if they are chaotic, can cause more problems for me, without a steady weather pattern, I can't sort things out.  Deep summer and winter, if they are steady, are easier, but the limits begin to hit at some point.  It has been in the mid to high 80°s all week?  Really for longer.  It gets to eighty every day in here.  And I am quite used to it.  I am no longer uncomfortable.  Very strange.  Sugar water poisoning my artificial sweetener, I am positive.  Until this summer.

I am eating less, but I think that is the way forward.  On any day I work, I would like to have good keto food as a reward.  Extra.  Not a lot.  Instead of two brots for the day, for example, three.  Or two and some no-sugar-added fruit, or a can of veggies.  Just... a little extra.  A small incentive.  If you can learn to ignore your own begging, the... world changes.  You have to be awake, and well, enough to do that though.  It has started.

The ducks are out and fed.  Sam got a run.  She likes to explore while I am out.  I should go out and sit, so she can play a while.  I realize she is afraid to be out alone.  She is... aging.  Her hearing, and other senses, are limited.  She is afraid to be out there alone.  But with me around, she... can play as a child... kitten... again.  Oh, I understand.  There have been days... perhaps years... when I... feared.  Still do, a bit, if I haven't been in a crowd for a while, if that is slightly different.  I have gotten beyond much of those fears, mostly, usually.  But I know them.

Hmm... actually, I don't have food ready!  I'll have to look around.  I have hotdogs for tomorrow.  It's not super, but with chili it works.  I might even have some cheese and fresh onion to chop for on top.  I won't use buns, being back in keto, for myself.  I will just do a naked hotdog, with else.  Chili?  In very mild moderation.  Everything else is keto... enough.  Blacken them, for me.  Tasty.  But what today?  I'll look.

No idea when I went to bed.  I think it was after four, not by much, but I can't be sure.  I am certain I checked the time before I went up to bed, and checked the time right after snuggling in.  It just didn't stick.  A bit after five, actually?  I think so, just... probably.  Still, it's a good life.  I may have a thousand things I am supposed to be doing, and things I have to do, while being unable to do much.  But... life is good.  It's like pleasantly napping while the plane I am in goes down in flames.  I... can't be bothered.  I am not aware, can't make myself aware.  Oh well.  Later.

-----------

Oh, rubik's cube?  I can do it in just under four minutes now.  I may have done a few a bit faster, but no more than a minute faster.  Remember, miles are run in under four minutes, so... it's... not impressive.  It is a start.  I am, mostly, remembering which steps to use next.  Mostly.  I don't know if I will improve much?  Not without study, and practice.  Is there a faster way?  A better method?  Or is there really only one way, or very few ways?  Optimization might mainly come through knowing what exact next step works best, through pattern recognition.  Shortcuts aren't, exactly, possible.  However, sometimes the shortcut is randomly generated by sheer incident of solution.  Though, as I said, don't believe anything you see on youtube.

Ugh?

 .

.

Yea.  Back hurts.  Chair.  I've got to get some things changed around.  This card table chair sucks to sit.  My upper back.  Then again, I've been slouching.  Not... using the computer... doing the cube.  I have now completed it, say, four or five times, without instruction review.  I have made mistakes, but I knew how to fix that.  I have used notes a few of those times.  The notes don't tell me what to do, only the technique for a particular situation... of which there are eight.  I have the techniques down, just not always sure which one to use.  Very close.

The ducks are in, cats are fed, and I am about to eat.  Medicine, pill form, is down.  Insulin will go in with chow... both sorts.  I try to take the slow acting at the same time of day, as much as possible... evenings.  The rest of the medicine, fast acting insulin and pills, can vary, in several ways.  But it works well enough.  Just like food.  I am, generally, drinking less.  As a result, I am dosing less with water pills as well.  Tricky game, but I'm winning... as much as that is possible.

I may add aspirin to my day today.  Way too much slouching.  If I speed up the rubik's cube solution, I won't crouch as much or for as long, so I won't hurt!  Bleh.  I'm working on it.  I wasn't sure I would be able to do the rubik's cube.  Now it's a matter of doing it without notes.  I think I will have to more closely review several videos and written instructions.  I'll bet you need a high IQ to do these, say room temp IQ?  :p  It's not worthy of a prize, even if you can do it in ten seconds.  Just... a... hobby.

Brots and?  I don't know.  Something.  Hungry.  Hungry!  Mostly in my mind, truth be told.  Later.

Down late, up late.

 .

.

I didn't go to bed with that last post, but within two hours?  Three.  I... can't remember.  I looked, at the time, tried to put it into memory.  There are times when the mind accepts nothing.  That was one of them.  My days are shifting with nothing much I can do about it.  Fight it?  Sure. Losing on that front, try to push it through the other side?  Yes, if as cautiously as possible.  Push too hard and I go into a sleep tailspin, where I have absolutely no control and the cycles become totally insane.  Five hours down, twelve up, three down, three up, twenty down, two up, two down, sixteen up... for weeks.  Caution.

The girls are hungry.  I'll feed them in an hour or two, after I wake.  They haven't been getting fed at regular times, with sleep cycles tilting into tomorrow, but they have been fed two cans per whatever passes for a day.  I think my days are, mostly, longer.  My sleep cycles are around eight hours.  I call it the sun effect.  It is the opposite, usually, in winter.  I am a child of the seasons, if that is made so much stronger by nature of illness.

I was shot, by an intruder, last night in my dreams.  It didn't even phase me.  Several times, in the chest.  Neither did it hurt me, or even stop me.  Wounds, initially, but they healed almost immediately.  That's all I remember, if I am sure I apprehended, and probably disposed of, the perp.  You... can't let such people live, if it's in you to deny it.  They will do it to someone else, possibly worse if it's a woman.

Ducks were let out.  I am trying something different.  I am leaving the hutch open.  More so that if one of the hens wishes to go broody, she has a place even during the day.  I will add water in the evenings, switching water out every other day whole.  I would do it daily, but they generally don't mess the water I put in during the evening, just a bit during the day.  Hmm... you know... perhaps brooding boxes?  I'll... see about that.

Blood sugar, after three more meals(?), two(?), was 167 fasting this morning.  Not bad.  Eating the right foods, watching calories, trying to eat just enough or even a little less than definitely wanted but maybe needed?  That is a good number, especially coming after the 190's fasting yesterday.  I had one other dose, but of eight to ten cc's of fast acting.  Slow acting is always 25 cc's... that is recommended to not change.  I only check bp etc. once every three days or so.  It's doing good.  Ah, and I have added in the 3.125 mg, twice a day, to the 12.5 mg carvedilol twice a day.  Yeah, 31.25 mg a day, total.  But... it... usually works, and is mostly tolerable.  I have a month pill box that is quite good.  I have ordered extras.  Now, when I get meds, I can put up two or even three months supply and have them ready.

It was 88° outside, 75° upstairs, 76° in this the front room, and 73° in the main.  It's usually cooler in the kitchen and further back, but I don't have a reliable thermometer back there.  The upstairs was so high, I suppose, because I tried to go with one ac.  That keeps it cooler, usually, unless I am sleeping up there I guess.  The other upstairs thermometer read 72°.  I need both if I am going to sleep days up there.  That was a bit warm for sleeping.

I kept working on the rubik's cube.  As it got later, my cube-flu diminished to the point where I was a drooling imbecile, instead of the sleek and agile antelope of the cube-dom.  Well, maybe not quite that.  The fumbling fingers of the first time dater?  Perhaps not quite that bad.  Though that improved to removing a bra with a snap.  *Oh!*  She'll exclaim.  Oh yes!  You'll intone.  *eyebrow action*  Oh, you'll get there.  It's the... surprise.  I can... smell it.  Those puppies want to be FREE!

There.  My "morning" update.  Later.

Yea?

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Yep!  Still awake.  Bleh.  It's almost seven.  Might as well stay awake long enough to let the ducks out.  They have been patient with me, lately.  My turn to get back on track.  Though... it's been good.  Even if they might complain, they are well tended, fed, allowed even to ignore my advice and warnings, or just run me over if they want in before I am quite ready.  All good.  Pushy wins, if... it can lose some too.

I had to eat again, and again.  I kept it absolutely keto, and as light as possible.  And it shows.  Blood sugar is 135.  Oh, right, but the reason I ate was because blood sugar had dropped to 89.  Not a terrible number.  Not quite low.  But certainly headed that way.  So hungry, too!  Sometimes.  Oh well...  I may have one more meal, a single brot and a hot fatted coffee or tea, if I will dose.  My doses are very small lately.  And I don't always dose, as when it was 89.  Below 150 I usually don't, unless I am eating left or in volume.

It has gotten down to 54° outside, around 70° indoors, downstairs.  I haven't checked upstairs.  I have just been tinkering, reading, finding a manual for my phone, working on the rubik's cube, even gamed just a tiny bit and watched an amazon prime flick, or part of it, while dining... twice.  Difficult to focus.  Wanted to sleep.  Just couldn't.  So... I... drift.

Yes, another bite.  Another crack at the rubik's cube.  The ducks out... cat litter has been tended.  Hmm?  I think that will be it.  Oh, I will check the phone, see if it gets wifi upstairs.  Wouldn't be bad if it did.  Then I could use it as a hotspot for raspberry pi's.  And a few other things, should I want to play while it's cooler.  Depending on if it's wi-fi is stronger, or if the pis' reception is better, of course.  Good day, and night.