Gah!

.

.

Was going to check blood sugar, then go on to bed.  Started feeling funny, really quick like.  Blood sugar was 53, and dropping.  Could tell.  So... mints, and a good lot of them.  I've eaten, or am in the process of finishing, twelve.  Which is about 24 grams of carbs.  If I had eaten a roll of carb tabs, that would have been 50 grams of carbs.  

They try to tell me those carbs are better carbs, but I don't think there is any difference, fast carbs are fast carbs.  Though, usually, I need a lot more of those carbs for the same effect, which usually messes up my blood sugar more severely.  I think I'll stick to these.  I'll probably have six more, over time... trying to go slower with them, just sucking on these last ones, and the last six as well... three at a time.  But, even with six more, at 8 grams of carbs per three, that will only be 16 more carbs, for a total of 40 carbs.  Whereas, if I tried to use carb tabs, I would have gone through a roll, and still needed some of these, and that would have been 50 to start.

Wow.  What a drop.  What did I do?  I didn't dose high.  Bleh.  Not... sure why that does that, sometimes.  Certainly do not understand this time.  Was already higher, and ate a high carb meal.  Bleh.  I'll stay up a few more hours, and check before going on to bed.  Should be good, if a little high now.  So be it.  

It is continuing to rain, coming down heavier and faster.  Pleasant, if nothing else.  Later.

June?

,

,

The 13th?  Crazy.

I thought I heard the pitter-pat of rain.  But... thought... that couldn't be.  I dismissed it, until I couldn't.  More, I started shivering?  Was I tired, or... cold?  Finally, I shook myself out of lethargy, and went to look.  Raining.  Definitely raining.  And it dropped to 46 out there.  So, yes.  Okay.

Very strange.  Very, very, strange.  And, it's not just a drop, or three.  It hasn't stopped.  A solid rain, for the last half hour.  All good.  Really, at least for my notions.  I have to wonder how good this is for farms.  Though who knows.  Will have to wait and see.  Still, should have been dead dry a couple of weeks ago, and into the 90s and steadily by then, too.  Summer, as it has been known locally, will be very short this year.

As much as water is needed, though, not a bad thing.  If, as I have mentioned, I have great doubts about there being a drought here... just water thievery.  So... This water is more difficult to steal, if it slows growth?  Meh.  Oh well.

Hungry...

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.

Blood sugar came down, a bit, to 134.  Meh.  So I was thinking of just going on back to bed.  But... I... couldn't sleep.  For one.  Why?  I am trying to figure that out.  To be honest, I think, mostly, I am a natural born nightowl.  My mother says she had a hell of a time getting me to sleep at night.  Car rides, it was their only, slim, hope.  I... loved... and still do... the night.  It is my home.

The cool?  The quiet?  The dark?  I... can't be absolutely sure.  I like most of those, all of those.  Would it be different before easy sources of light at night?  Not really, I don't think.  While I can't see like an animal, say a cat or actual owl, I can see far better than most at night.  Or... so I say.  Obversely, seeing during the day is slightly more difficult.  Just like cats.  Too much light.

As to the cool?  I think it is more the lack of sun, than the cool or the heat.  Especially now that health and medicines are in full swing.  I can handle sleeping into the 80s, even wanting a blanket?  Crazy.  As well, I can just as comfortably sleep in the 40s, with several blankets.  So, temps, to a majority degree, don't really matter to me.  But light does.

Still, oddly, I am rather sensitive to the light during the day, while I try to sleep.  I am wearing a cap down over my eyes.  Last summer, I think, I slept in the closet.  But, either way, I seem to sleep so much better during the day.  Oh, I have been working on that problem for longer than some of you have been alive.  Not... all of you.  But certainly some of you.  Heck, twice as long as some of you have been alive, especially if you count the efforts of my parents, and probably the nuns who seemed to ignore me, mostly, before that.

Oh, well, and I became hungry.  So... I decided to cook.  Not well, if not as bad as could have been.  Eggs, thankfully, and in good shape.  Getting older, but still passing my test.  That and corned beef hash, from can.  Wanted to see how that would do.  And, really?  Not... bad.  Truly, not too bad.  High carbs, yes.  I... dosed a bit extra for that.  Should have just had half a can.  But, as mentioned.  Hungry.  HUNGRY!  So, the whole can and four eggs.

I did well, but the pan is a bit rough.  The eggs were nearing too done.  Good hash on the hash.  But, it was actually pretty good.  Not the healthiest, by a stretch.  But... good once or twice a month.  Eggs are good daily, if I could keep up on the cleaning.

As well, I viewed something I keep looking at.  I had, at once, considered a trip.  But with gas going through the roof, and else, no.  No, but I can watch.  Even with the little car, should I have been able to afford it, I wouldn't have been able to afford the gas, and lodging.  Perhaps there might be places to camp, but there is still food.  Then again, I probably have food enough in storage, to pack and heat on the road.  Nothing fancy, but it wouldn't need to be.  It's... the gas.  I'm just, as is, keeping just enough gas to get me to town a time or two.  I can't, won't, afford a fill.  So be it.  I guess at least I can watch.

I keep looking.

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.

Mostly fantasy.  And, yet, maybe not.  Expat status.  Moving overseas.  There are many nations possible.  But, only just so many which would fit a certain profile.  Affordable?  Safe (enough)?  Clot-shot required?  Reasonable to extend the stay?  Environment... how hot, cold, humid, dry?

There is no perfect place.  That... is not what is sought.  What is sought is a reasonable grouping of possibles.  To include medical.  As ill as I am, I actually don't need much care.  Just access to medicine and a checkup to make sure the medicine flows.

Beyond entrance, there is simply getting there.  Flights, or on ships?  Are there passenger ways, other than cruise lines, to such places?  I wonder if, still, freighter ships take on passengers?  That might well be a better way to go.  Much better than changing planes three or four times, over two or three days of flights?  More expensive?  Maybe, maybe not.  Still, surprised how inexpensive a flight really is, for as long as it takes.  Then again, it looks like an hotel room, or stay at the airport, would be required overnight.  Plus food and water.

Of all the places I have looked at, there is only one, for sure, where the vaxx isn't required.  A two week isolation would be required, however.  Not sure how food would be procured, though perhaps allowance is made for getting food.  The trick would be to find a place to hole up while making further plans.  Having a resource, there, on the ground, would be the gig.

Of course, with Russia and Ukraine in the thick of things, and China looking to take Taiwan at any time, and maybe other nations should they get involved (and if they don't, they may well be next), some... considerations have to made for that.  And, yes, China, Japan, and other aggressive asian nations have terrible abused whites/foreigners, from enemy nations.  And few would be willing the stick their neck out for them.  Heck, those who might, may well be in the sights of the aggression themselves, as is.

It looks like they have decided to pretty much undo every power America has had around the world.  Let friends hang, help enemies financially (yes, everything being "done to Russia" seems to be improving their lot in life), etc, all seems to be to the ends of destroying America, and her former allies.  Even Europe is being crushed by our "harming of Russia".  Not sure travel, currently, is the way to go.  Though, with Americans, in America, being as much a target as our allies, it's... merely a matter of assessing which risks are most severe.  I'm thinking on it.  You will have to decide on your own.

Though, getting up and out would be a hell of a trick.  Gotta admit, not sure it is possible.  But I am thinking on it.  Don't believe me on any of this?  Cool.  I... don't need belief.  Oh, and the other thing?  I can't afford an American wife.  Which... is the majority of the problem.  Why didn't the last engagement work out?  Essentially, because to live well, we had to both work.  And... that wasn't enough, for either of us.  Or too much.  In some foreign countries, even older, I could afford a wife.  Just couldn't ever bring her back to America.  It ruins women pretty much overnight.  And the courts and lawyers see to it.  Yes, if I could get over there, I'd... be looking for a woman.  Not preferred, to a degree, but within my means, in all ways.  And, yes... I would like that.  Can't afford American women, not just financially... legally and else.  The risk is not worth the reward, no matter how much I'd love to have a child or three or even six.  Can't afford that.  Can, possibly, afford a foreign wife... a gooder woman.

Blood sugar rose.  It must have been the vanilla.  I have been adding that, sometimes.  I guess I have to give that up.  Just a few drops, but it seems like it is too much.  Too bad.  Didn't take it really high, but to 179.  I'll have a fatted coffee, and a bit of insulin.  Oh, and take the slow acting while at it, too.

Other than that, the breakfast really was good.  Filling.  I cut it enough that, while still full, I didn't get stuffed to the gills.  I hate that feeling, usually.  So, being plenty full, but still actionable, is fine by me.

It keeps cooling, nicely.  Especially with an occasional gust, if more common gentle flow going through.  It is down to 56, outside.  Not cold, not even really cool.  Just... pleasant. Wonderful.  And it is getting down to around the high 60s to low 70s, depending on where in the house I go.  Quite nice.  I would go to sleep, but I don't think I can.  And, I want to check blood sugar in about three hours.

Well, and getting a shower in, trash out, and dishes started would be nice.

Awake, for a while.

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.

Can't remember exactly when I went to bed.  I was up, a while, after the last post.  It... just... took a while to get up off the chair, then get upstairs and sleep.  Just... did.  And, I couldn't sleep for long.  Actually, was doing okay.  It was 83 up there?  Anyway, didn't matter.  A blanket over me, and sleeping well enough.  Couldn't remember my name or station, didn't care.  Do I talk in my sleep?  Don't know.

Was sleeping okay.  Then... it... got cool?  Well, it dropped.  Felt nice, really.  Nicer?  It had dropped to 78, near the bed.  It was 73 out in the room further, and up off the floor more.  Which had been in the 82 or 83 when I went to bed as well.  So, yea, it cooled.  So... refreshing.  Woke me.  Not greatly, just enough that I couldn't just keep laying there.  So... up I got, around 22:30.

Being that I hadn't eaten, or much?, yesterday, I decided to make a chia mix cereal.  Adding all of the seeds.  Grinding only flax and chia.  Then soaking that all.  Protein powder, some powdered cream, liquid sweeteners, and coconut oil.  Oh, turmeric and black pepper too... as little as possible, as they aren't my favorite.  But pepper, put in low enough not to taste, actually does cause saliva to flow as if it senses eating it's favorite food, or smelling it?  And, I got the turmeric low enough, this time, that it isn't an issue.  More like food dye, at that level, but you don't need much.  It makes flax seed much more nutritious.  Worth the effort.

I have to admit, while not oatmeal, or wheat cereal... more whole or less, it is quite tasty, and filling.  Not only that, I really won't get hungry again in an half hour to three.  I will have a fullness, from three tablespoons of food and half a quart of fluids, for the rest of, say, eight hours?  Longer, really, if I don't think about it.  I did have a meat stick, though, too.  More for texture, and the idea of meat, than need.  

When last I checked, outside, it was 61.  I get the feeling that it is continuing to cool off.  The front room, with the door open just a crack, went from 79(?) to 75, and continues to drop... even with me and the machine present and hot.  

To be honest, I may end up just eating, for the most part, those seeds.  Maybe with a can of sardines or such, or a few meat sticks, as well.  If I can do that, I should begin losing weight.  It doesn't make sense, to me, that I haven't lost weight already.  I thought, perhaps, that I simply wasn't metabolizing.  But, if that were true, I wouldn't kick off heat like I do.  And I definitely do.  Even eating just ~1k calories for the last few days, I am still putting out enough heat that, if I leave the room for ten minutes, and come back?  I can still sense my heat signature.  Both upstairs where I sleep, and down here where I sit.  It's as if I left the stove on low.  Which... means... I do have a strong metabolism.  Though, perhaps, not always?

I am hoping to get a shower in, then hit waterers, tonight.  If I get a shower in, I'll set up dishes.  Nothing fancy, but just those things would be nice.  Then, on to bed again?  Oh... trash out, and maybe recycling?  Not sure this week is recycling though.  Actually, pretty sure it isn't.  Still, would like to get that going in any case.  Later.  Or goodnight, if I fail at some or all of that.  

Overcast.

.

.

Now the wind has picked up.  Constant, but with rather heavy gusts?  Very... strange.  This is supposed to be summer.  Once it hit summertime, usually, that is that.  It flattens, hunkers down, and the world cooks.  Just a week or two in, and we are getting weather, of a different sort?  Strange.

Not much I could, or would, do.  Especially not currently.  It's bedtime.  The drank went down like liquid gold, hit every note of thirst quenching possible, and life is good for it.  I'll have to take the last dose of pill medicine when I wake.  For it is far too early to take a second dose.  With sleep off, I can only do what I can do with that.  But I will get insulin in.  Just slow acting.  I won't be eating until I wake, or some point well after.

On to bed.  Some prayers, for folk, near and far, healthy and ill, mistaken, foolish, and wise.  You know who you are.  Save those who have no clue, nor seeming care in the world.  If you really didn't have a care in the world, though, I... wouldn't have to pray for you.  You'll... get that, when you get it.  God be with you.  Me too.  I... don't even know what day it is.  Or date.  And my mind isn't working in such a way that I can work that out.  I'll... try when next I wake.  Amen.

Still so very tired!

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.

I haven't even been able to get coffee going.  So very tired.  I can't really get up, get going.  I don't hurt.  Nothing is off.  I just can't keep my eyes open, or seeing?  I can't focus, recall, remember, think.  As I try to read, or see, or listen, the inputs just dull, fade, then cease.

I want food, but am not hungry.  Certainly there is not enough impulse to overcome the lethargy I face as a headwind against such an action.  However, I am thirsty.  To the end of solving that, water?  But... that was not enough.  So, I added vinegar, with mother.  I have red wine vinegar and apple cider vinegar, both with mothers.  So, added a bit of each.  Well, and electrolyte replacement powder.  That... makes a fine mix.  But, still, something else was missing.  Ah!  Sea salt.  The absolutely perfect thirst-cutting, grail removing, refreshment.  Truly, this is... like a little sip of heaven.

I remembered medicine, so took it.  I will sip this as I probably begin fading, again, into some form of oblivion.  I will take slow acting insulin, then go on up and back to bed within the hour.  I would do it now, but I can't quite get there, and I am still thirsty.  Yet can't quite just chuck this down.  It'll take a bit to get it all gone.  By then I should be ready to try to make the stairs.

So very tired.  And thirsty.  Goodnight.

That didn't... really work.

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.

I did get down early... around 02:30?  Give or take a quarter, if probably right about then.  I was only able to stay down until nearly six.  Give or take a quarter.  I was up... until I wasn't.  Not sure when I turned in.  Faded away, more than made a choice.  Hit sleep like kissing the lead effluent of a double barrel twelve gauge shotgun.  Quickly, and... in a way, sweetly.  Whether I flinched or not, heard the sound or not, no matter how messy it was, I didn't actually feel a thing.  *Bam!*

Whatever else, awake at about 16:30.  Not... terribly rested.  When I tinker, and that fails, I always feel like I am waking with a slight hangover.  Not the type that hurts everywhere, or even anywhere.  Just that one where you feel like you just jumped through time, and it all went sideways.  Nothing quite fits, if it doesn't hurt.

I... did my best.  And, I am not done.  I need to be back to days, and will get there.  It's... just going to hurt a bit, or a lot really, to do that.

Blood sugar is higher than I had hoped, if lower than I had worried.  After I got blood sugar where I wanted it, I gave it another hour.  It went down to 70, and wasn't stopping.  So, I had mints.  Trying to limit the number.  I simply couldn't eat, or cook, so mints where the real choice.  At 142 fasting, given them mints... it's... okay.

Warm.  It is 81 to 82 upstairs, 78 in the front room, and 73 in the rest of the cave.  Overcast outside.  Haven't looked at the temp out there, but it must be warm, or have been warm... on up to hot.  I just don't know.

I am trying to cut food.  And, mostly, am doing it.  If I can push it down to 500 to 1k, I will.  Though if I am hungry, I'll let it run to 1.5k.  Not every day, just...  Then again, hunger seems to run in groups, of days.  So, if I must, I must.  Just... keeping it 1.5k as a max is the absolute goal.  Usually very doable.  I doubt if my body, large as it is, is using even 1k.  It has become efficient, if to nearly the point of failure.  It just doesn't have access to the energy in order to burn it?  Something.  I have learned to eat properly enough to keep it fed, it just... can't use it.  Even when taking ritalin, my body could not be active enough to function.  Which... meant... while those pills did help, to a degree.  They were painful to take.  I... just... wanted to sleep, but couldn't.  They made me so tired.  My body would cry, from sheer exhaustion, on those pills.  They were difficult to take... for whatever that means.  Even having taken them for years, I never could get used to them.  In some ways, I was so happy to quit them.  I slept for a couple of months after stopping them.  Blissfully, happily.  The sleep of the dead, allowed to be dead once again.  Quiet.  Alone.  Just thinking about that makes me want to sleep for a month, again.

Then again, I wasn't on heart pills.  I am almost curious to see if I could take those, on this medication, then titrate this up to cover for that, to see if I could be more functional.  It would be a dog and pony show.  But... to be more active I would... be willing to take some risks.  I... should start checking bp, now.  It has been a long time on meds.  And, to be honest, checking bp allows my body to bring it down.  Some of it, if not all of it, is psychosomatic.  It is of the mind.  The pills make the lows possible, but the mind has to see and react and produce the final results.  At least for me.  In other words, it will not complete the lowering without seeing, testing, and reacting to those.  I'll... look for the cuff, today, tomorrow... find it, use it.

Well... Sassy has been fed.  Need, next, to deal with her litter.  Then refill waterers and get to chores.  A fatted coffee, first.  Then, in an hour or two, after those other things and a shower, a chia, flax, and/or hemp heart breakfast.  Maybe a bit of all?  Two need to be ground.  But a tablespoon of the ground, and one of the not ground, should be more than enough for half or even the whole day.  That stuff is massive, as a meal, when ground.  It's like eating a pound of food.  Later.

Ah, better.

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.

Up later than hoped.  But not near as late as usual.  I had to stay up a bit later because blood sugar was a bit high.  Nothing... terrible.  It was 161.  I wanted to bring it down, and did.  At 107 I am comfortable and will go on to bed.

It has cooled nicely.  This, the front room, is still hotter than the rest of the house.  But at 75 and dropping, it is rather comfortable.  Upstairs?  I don't know.  With windows open and fans working, I can hope it is a bit cooler.  Though... who knows.  Tomorrow, perhaps, I'll get one or both of the ac's in.  And, if needed, run them a bit before bedtime.  Nothing fancy, just... a bit.  Without humidity, and with health stats coming under good control, life really is smoothing out.

Of course, with the medicine still in the restart phase, I am pretty crushed by it.  I keep praying for God to... help.  Maybe He is doing all he can do?  Maybe it is my job?  Maybe being crippled is His will?  Still, I ask.  So... tired.  Sitting in the chair is what I can do.  No shower, tonight, but maybe first thing in the morning?  Maybe.  A little cranky, bodywise, but not terribly.  I... will keep trying.

Still, this is to bed three hours before the minimum usual, as much as eight hours early at the outer fringes.  So... good.  Hopefully I may sleep well.

Oh, am wearing new unders.  Made, really, for travel, camping, hiking.  I wasn't sure I would like them, but they are fantastic.  Enough so that I will buy a few more.  The goal is to wear them regularly, hand wash them every or every other day, and cycle them through... just as if I was on the trail.  I am planning to buy a few more, in a smaller size.  And, perhaps, even the next size down.  Why?  Well... these fit.  But, if I actually get to the trail, and hike and camp?  I will be losing size.  At least one size.  I... know this.  So, I would like to be ready.  Not sure it will happen, but I want to be ready.  As well, depending on the day, sometimes I can wear the next size down.  I had feared they would be terrible, for normal use.  But... nope.  Superior in every way.  I have bought lessor brands before.  Which didn't breath.  These breath.  So very comfortable.  I will wash these, and go without, every other, or third, night... until fresh arrive.  Just let them air dry through the night, as I would on the trail.  Expensive.  But, so far, well worth the expense.  I've never had unders so comfortable, cool, and odor free.  Cotton is great, in the winter, inside, as long as you don't sweat.  These?  Are superior in every way.

Another thing I am doing to try to gear up, get started in a different direction, and if nothing else, enjoy life just a bit more, right here and now.  Yea, it really is worth it.  Even if I never end up hiking or camping.  Goodnight.

Just a bit longer.

.

.

Up, that is.  I think I might be to bed very early tonight.  Or... not.  But the possibility is... more likely than recently.

A fatted coffee, with insulin.  Then peas, green beans, and mushrooms.  I just recently purchased a couple dozen cans of mushrooms.  Could only afford the stems and pieces.  But could afford those.  Those have not impressed me, in the past.  So, I... wanted to see.  Hey, I... don't need to be impressed to find something useful.

As it turns out, the mushrooms were... quite good.  The mix was absolutely tasty.  Well, of course with butter.  Though coconut oil would work as well.  I would prefer to cook butter down to ghee, and store it in half quart jars downstairs.  But I simply haven't been able to get to it.  I'd put up, say, six or twelve jars of the stuff, if I could.  Maybe someday.  Anyway.  Very good.  I was a bit surprised.

I just want to see what blood sugar is, in an hour or so.  If it works out, perhaps I could be to bed by 01:00?  Maybe earlier?  One can hope, and I do.  It is still rather warm in the front room, if down to 68... last I checked... outside... 73 in the rest of the house.  I opened the front door a crack.  That is helping, but at this time, and on, it will only get slightly cooler at night, in here.  Hmm, I may have to find fans, and get a few of those going.  Or downstairs.  Two already going upstairs.

Well... a bit more tinkering.  I wish I could do more.  But I am simply tired, as I have been for months.  Barely standing.  Though a shower would be nice.  Yea... will see.  Later.  Or goodnight.

Hmm, another day.

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.

It is 80 upstairs, 78 in this front room if probably going to get warmer with me here and the machine on.  The rest of the house is around 73, for now.  Keeping things open allows enough airflow, that with the stone and masonry main, for now, it stays a bit cooler.  Amazingly, I slept quite well, and have for days.  Even using, if just one, though a thicker one, a blanket.  Nothing fancy, but sort of amazing... to me.

I slept well, comfortably.  It must be that blood sugar and the rest is at least moderately controlled.  I has probably been two months since I started on the lower dose, and at least a month on full doses again.  Insulin has been hit and miss, if even pills have been to some smaller degree.  But... it... must be enough.  Last year I tolerated the heat better, until absolute exhaustion set in, from it.  But before that, at 73 and higher, I was shot.

I haven't even set up the ac's upstairs yet.  I will set them up.  If I probably won't be using them until I really need the cool.  For now?  Let it go.  I simply can't believe this.  Even last year, it was touch and go until I got used to the heat.  This year, it just isn't a problem.  And, it came up pretty quickly.  Over a week, it has risen from the high 60s to the 70s and finally to 80 today.  So, it's not like I have had a lot of lead time, or a slow load up time.  I must simply be healthier.

Blood sugar was a little high at 150 fasting, if the weekly average is still only 123.  I had some dark chocolate, with peanut butter, before bedtime.  I had just a bit too much.  From reviewing the packaging, and what I ate... the chocolate is 11 grams of carbs per three blocks, and I had four... so I'd call it ~15, plus about a tablespoon of peanut butter, which is 4 carbs per two tablespoons.  So, roughly, ~17 carbs, right before bed.  I wanted to see if the chocolate was still good.  It has been in the freezer for... a year?  Two?  Oddly?  It is... still quite nice.  Molded into foil, sealed, very good still.  And, yes, that will do for a snack, just back it off... say one square, two if I really must, and an half teaspoon of keto peanut butter split between the two.  Check.

Cold water, to start off the day.  Coffee is getting ready.  I did get a shower, for what little that means.  I may take another, shortly, then set up dishes.  I need to reset waterers, refill Sassy's water, and do some other fussing.  I think I can.  Chores... yes... indeed.  Chores.  A bit rough and tumble, but far less than usual.  Heat is not a bad thing.  I feel more like a crinkled soot, being ironed out by the heat, than by a suit that is shriveling up in the heat.  It is a very different rodeo this time.

I best at least get to coffee.  Then, maybe, set up breakfast.  Ground chia, plus unground hemp hearts?  Something like that.  I do have to add more protein, vegans really don't... get it.  And, add fats.  But... I like the filling of it, without the carbs.  It's... something.  And, not bad.  Perfect?  There is no superfood.  Say it with me.  There is no such thing as superfood.  Although, if there was, it would more likely be sardines, liver, heart, even tongue maybe.  Those are closer to it, nutritionwise.

Oh, right.  On to breakfast and then... a shower, chores, waterers, Sassy's wants and needs.  Ugh.  Good day.

Frustrating.

.

.

Blood sugar did go up, to 155.  While not horrible, I... preferred an attempt to lower it.  And... did.  But it cost me the night.  On the good side, it did get down to 52, give or take, from what I saw.  A pleasant night, if it took a good while for that to seep into the cave.  Still, all good.  And I did, with just a touch of fast acting insulin, and food, get blood sugar back down to 134 with the weekly average at 125.

Will sleep soon, if possible.  I've simply been flipping through y.t.  It has pretty much died.  Reminds me of when mtv went from showing vids to doing stupid multi-culti propaganda pieces.  Nothing but stupid.  At least, for the most part, they don't bother me with most of that stuff.  They simply only offer three to eighteen videos, all of which I have seen a dozen times.

I could look, specifically, for things.  But... why?  What I have already seen is of little interest.  What might be interesting is suppressed, for the most part.

On to bed, shortly?  I'd like to sleep, not sure I can quite pull it off.  I did take medicine, for this morning... literally for this new day.  So I have a start on the day.  Not sure what else to do.  Oh, perhaps I could get a shower, and put some dishes in after.  I did get caught back up on my potable water, through the r.o.  I keep four half gallon bottles, two in the fridge... two at room temp.  Well, and the water heating pot, which is about another half gallon.

I am trying to drink more water.  As it warms up, I need that refrigerated water more and more.  But I don't always drink the cold stuff.  In the mornings, and when it is cooler, I'll drink the room temperature stuff.  Or, even in the heat, sometimes.  The cold is more of a treat, as I'm not sure it's the best for me?

A new food tool.

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I am eating more protein.  In powder form, but trying to make sure I eat enough meat to increase overall protein intake.  All good.  But, recently, I have been practicing getting in more fat, better fats.  For the most part, that is being added in the form of coconut oil.  A bit tricky.  Added to a frying pan, it works well.  But, for coffee or hot cereal, and definitely cold cereal, I am having to melt it in the microwave.  If... I really shouldn't be.  May have to figure out how to melt it on the stovetop.  Why?  Well... the microwave can probably make any fat so hot that it breaks down into things you don't want to eat.

Ugh...  Always something.  But... when you start on things, you have to sort through to better plans.  I've almost never started with a perfect idea, implemented perfect plans, right from the start.  Everything starts somewhere and then gets to somewhere else, and so on.  Until, finally, idea and implementation find some standard, acceptable in the main.

Why am I adding extra fat?  Initially it was was an experiment, in seeking to get more calories in.  Which, yes, I need.  Some days more than others.  However, I noticed something else happening.  As I added fat, say three to five teaspoons a day?  My blood sugar became much more stable.  Was easier to lower.  It is taking less insulin, less often.  

Blood sugar, last I checked it, had dropped to 84.  And, that was with some decent eating today.  So, I have just eaten another meal.  A meal which has the potential to raise blood sugar.  It didn't last time, or much.  But it has.  A can of soup, with a can of peas, and the last of the hamburger crumble.  However, I added two teaspoons of coconut oil to the pan.  That... has been having a very strange effect.  Will have to see if it works this time.

I'll check, in another hour.  All medicine, other than slow acting insulin is in.  Will get that, after this post.  Getting warm, still 72 this morning.  I would have liked to be to bed earlier, but between the low blood sugar, and some strange hope I can get to a few things tonight, it hasn't happened.

Summer, it seems, is here, though, finally.  Not as hot as it can get, but fairly warm.  A few months, two or three.  But, for now, tolerable.  That may well change in a hurry though.  Later.

A variation.

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I wanted to add flax, to chia, for breakfast.  As well, I have heard that grinding not only flax, but chia, might help with full utilization of the nutrients.  Which... is why I am consuming?  Mostly.  Although I had been consuming, in part, for omega 3s.  The problem, of course, is that it turns out that the type of omega three is not the right kinds.  And, while that kind will transfer to the right kind, it does so very inefficiently.

So, what to do?  Well, I still like the stuff, for breakfast.  If you have ever had, and come to enjoy, some sort of gruel... whether it be wheat, oat, or else based, you will always have a little love in your heart for it.  Especially in cold weather.  And, even if the omega three doesn't work, there are reasonable nutrients in the various seeds.  Further, it is very easy to make.  And, these can be made cold, for summer use.  Not... a wasted experiment, if not all that I had hoped.

So, grinding.  I ground one tablespoon of flax and two of chia.  Then let them soak in cool water for about an hour.  Then heated that up with 195 F water.  As well, I added turmeric, for the flax, and my usual sweeteners and cinnamon spice, oh and of course protein powder and cream.

All good, save... two problems.  One?  Usually that would make about a quarter of my quart jar.  I would often fill more with water, to make it nearly drinkable.  This?  When ground?  Filled the whole quart!  Think about a quart full of oatmeal, or wheatberry, or such!  Ugh.  Way a lot too mucho!  Nutz, even.  Still, I ate what I could... about three quarters of the mass.

Now, it wasn't bad.  But, I don't care for turmeric.  Which, is fine, from time to time.  Food, honestly, at this point, for me, is not all about taste.  I'll... work with what I have, try to make it edible, but... put up with some things I don't like.  Sardines, on some days.  Turmeric on others.  And, it was too, too, too much.  I am absolutely stuffed.  Which, actually, is a good thing.  Stuffing on food that is good for you isn't a bad thing.  I am not even tempted by bad food now.

Still, from now on, while I will grind both seeds, I will use a half to a third of that mix.  I suppose I could grind a bunch of it, and just mix it.  Or keep it separate so I don't have to eat the mix, as I don't trust that much phytoestrogen too often (from flax), that would work well.  Even putting them in smaller pint jars, and storing them in the freezer.  Once ground, they can go rancid fairly quickly, as both seeds have higher fats.

Hmm... I do wonder, though, if the tests on omega 3 transfers used ground seeds or not.  If not, that might be why they wouldn't transfer so readily.  Who knows.  Just... a thought.  Science, mind you, isn't knowledge, certainty.  Science is doubting everything, until you can find a way to be more certain.  If you are ever absolutely certain?  You have ceased to be a scientist.  Amen.

Well, and... given several hours, I finally checked blood sugar.  I did take a small dose, plus the slow acting insulin.  Did it blind, because I knew it would be artificially high.  But... went with some reasonable guess work, and...  And?  And blood sugar is 123 after three hours.  Perfect.  As perfect as it can be.  I was a bit worried, given the bulk... volume.  But, no, all good.  Still absolutely stuffed though.  Bleh.

Oh, and for carrying?  Ground?  This stuff will offer a lot of filling power, with reasonable nutrition, for extreme light weight.  I would guess, to be honest, one tablespoon of that mix would make a meal that is filling for four to six hours.  Magic food.  And, it isn't junk, is extremely easy to make (don't need to heat, just soak, for probably an hour cold, or half an hour hot... your choice).  This is magic food.  Magic, I tell you.  I'll be practicing with these two, and hemp hearts when that shows up.

Adding tree nuts, as well?  An ounce of a random nut would do wonders to satiety extension, and nutritional redoubling.  Making a can of sardines, kippers, or such, enough for a lunch.  Even on a serious trail.  I will be playing with food, through the summer.  Yes I will.  And, I have started.  Later.

Waking can be difficult.

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And, yet, when sleep is needed, to be gotten is divine.  It was needed.  It was had.  I did keep waking.  And it did get warm, 77 up there!  And, yet, I slept quite comfortably.  I didn't get heat sick.  The warmth is probably why I kept waking, but it wasn't terribly troubling.  It just meant my sleep was shallow.

Hearing vehicles go by, if certainly not all of them, was more of a strangely restful, comforting, thing.  Tractors, atv's, and such, too.  Farm country has farm sounds.  And either you love it, learn to love it, or leave.  Though, trading in occasional auto and implement sounds for constant traffic noise, alarms of all sorts, emergency vehicles, and such?  When someone suggest leaving the gentle pan for the fire, I... usually know what I am dealing with... and leave it well alone.

I missed slow acting insulin last night.  Yea.  I... try.  I got it in, first thing.  Okay.  Cold r.o. water, first thing, and medicine... pills... which I did get in, if not until late.  Pill medicine, in, right now.  Double... triple... checked.  I was so sure I had taken it yesterday!  Definitely taken today.  I won't take a fasting blood sugar, as it will be high.  When breakfast is ready, I will take a fast acting, smaller, shot... then check it all two hours later.

A shower, shortly.  It is 77 in this front room, but cooler elsewhere.  I could see it being mid to high 80s, perhaps into the 90s out there.  Will... check... when I am ready and able to go out to check.  Still, being mid June, this is... very... pleasant.  It is about to tick up, hard, heatwise.  I can usually handle, mostly, a month or two of it.  So, hopefully, it'll begin cooling, just a touch, in August.  

Though who knows.  Just because the world is cooling, doesn't mean exactly here, or now.  Not... yet.  When the US-Mexican border is more like the weather of here in northern Utah, we'll talk.  And... soon or late, it will be.  Have absolutely no doubt.  Though... in twenty years or two hundred?  Or a thousand, for that matter, or ten thousand if I think closer to the nearer edge of those numbers, it will happen.  And, if the equator gets to more like Canada?  Yeah.  It'll either be nearing the end of man, or the gift of a fresh start.

I pray.  But... not for these things in particular.  Merely in thanks, gratitude, and worship, with hope that men will continue to stumble along, blind as we are, more in the right direction than wrong.  And such.  I don't... worry about the world, or cosmos, and their doings.  I merely have some concern with how men react to it.  The planets are neither moral, nor ethical, if they are lawful.  It is men who can choose lawfulness, in the righter ways, or not.  Ethical, moral?  That is the choice of humans, and none other.  Which is why many try to deny faith.  So they can deny choice, obligation, truth, and such.  They know better.  Choosing to be a rock, identify as a tree, or such, will not negate your subjugation to the capacity for good or evil you, and you alone, are born with.  Amen.

Anyway... I have... to wake.  Tinker here a bit.  Get a shower.  Take out trash.  Check the rabbits.  It's not chore day, but it is warm.  Oh, best get waterers set back up before checking.  Ugh.  Later.

Wanted to be to bed by now.

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I... forgot to take medicine, earlier.  Pills.  I've been doing insulin okay.  Lightly, so as not to jumpstart a crash, but hopefully enough to lower the numbers.  It only dropped twentyish points, but... that is something.  It's about time, finally, to take the last pills, check blood sugar, and go on to bed?

Hmm... blood sugar is down to 94?  Very strange.  I haven't taken slow acting yet, either.  Always makes me nervous.  I'll take six mints, the slow acting, and go on to bed.  Plus take a few more upstairs, just in case I wake in trouble.  Blood sugar could dive, hard.  It dropped about fifty points, in spite of food, including some... minor... carbs.

I had hoped to be to bed two to three hours ago.  Just... stupid meds.  But I am doing my absolute best to take all of it, and usually in a timely manner.  And, mostly, am doing it.  But, juggling my clock backwards is proving a bit complicated.  

Actually?  I've only had less than 1k calories.  More in the 800 to 900 range... or... less.  Sardines added to about 350 calories, and cream... four, five tablespoons? 250 calories.  And... that was pretty much it.  Hmm, protein powder?  Maybe 200, total?  Max.  The rest has been water.  Hmm, two crackers, keto crackers, at 120 (the carby food, if all fiber for whatever that means) calories for both.  So... 920 calories.  Yea, okay.

Sometimes fiber really doesn't affect blood sugar.  Sometimes it hits it out of the park.  And... the same fiber.  These crackers, sometimes, cause problems.  Most of the time they don't.  I used them, for variety, because they don't usually cause a problem, and because I need something like that from time to time.  Though, when I am expecting, needing, it to have a bit of a reaction, and it doesn't... yeah...  mints.

A few mints, as I close up shop.  Then on to bed.  I think, last I checked, it was 52 out there.  Not cold, or warm.  Just... what it is.  Though, at higher elevation, without the sun, at 35 to 40 percent humidity, it can seem cool, if you are out in it for a while.  I just hope it cooled off some from the day.

Hmm... may try to get a shower in, if possible.  I would sure like one.  Later, or goodnight.

A bit more shopping.

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Just window shopping, for now.  Windows 11, Brave, and amazon, to be honest.  I would like to get out, and look around, with my own eyes and feet.  The problem is, I... can't.  I'm fairly crippled up.  Well, and gas costs an arm and a leg, people are getting nasty and dangerous out there, and... I don't feel like having to watch my back everywhere I go.  As well, prices.

I am watching what I buy, comparing prices, and holding on to the value of the dollars going out... as much as possible.  I can't change prices, or improve the value of the dollar, but I can make sure, when I buy a food or item, that I am getting the best quality per dollar available... or... mostly.  Things are going up, and down, and sideways through sizflation... shrinkflation, actually, is what they are calling it.  So, being absolutely sure about getting the best price, at any given second, is... not... possible.  Even the pricecheckers apps seem broken.  Plus, if they know you?  they'll price it to your perceived income, and price pain tolerance.  It's all a dog and pony show, at this point.

Still, I do my best.  Three or four price checks, even on dozen can packs, but certainly on larger grain purchases.  Check price, by volume, and delivery method.  Not interested in organic, but that has become so commercial that the prices are all the same.  And, amazon is pushing Chinese.  Even when looking for an American brand, you have to type it in... the few there are.  But that goes for Japanese, South Korean, German(Euro generally).  They hide the good products, and do everything they can to keep you disinterested in buying good, well made, stuff.  Still, I... do my studies, and try.  Not so much stupid stuff, but food?  Yea.  And stuff I would cook on or with?  Yes.

At this point, I have a reasonable, if still minor, stock.  So, I can just ignore price gougers.  And do.  As well, some things I think they are overpricing, I will be checking other places as purchase time approaches.  They say mom and pops joints went under because they couldn't compete.  But I'm telling you, they lived like kings and queens, overpricing everything and meaning to do so.  I don't mind those shops gone.  While quality hasn't improved, it hasn't gotten worse.  And, mostly, if I get a bad product, I can return it.  Never could with mom and pops.

Still, shopping.  I think I have one, maybe two, more carts.  Then I will back off, and just replace what I use, if not use as if shtf yet either.  I'll just turn a few cans of stuff over per week, adding to fresh meats and veggies, from time to time.  As well, experiment with making to food better.  Added fats, spices, and different processes.  Just, then, replacing as I use, on a month by month basis.  Just keep a clipboard down there, and write what I use.  Replacing that on payday.  Perhaps adding small things more... a dozen cans of sardines, or kippers, or a dozen cans of some veggie I haven't got, and such.

One or two more shopping baskets, and I will be as good as I can be.  Mostly for months, though if additions are still available, perhaps a year.  It's... all I can do.  Well... I would really like to figure out canning hamburger, with a pressure canner.  And, maybe, begin trying to make sauerkraut.  I have a big crock, made for that.  Expensive little doohickey, for sure.  Might as well try to use it.  And, if that works, perhaps get to fermenting other veggies.  Just store-bought, but... it would do.

So tired though.  Not sore.  Not ill?  Not... in the way I have been.  Just so very tired and unable to focus.  I have been on medicines for a month? now?  It has taken three or four months to get used to them again.  And, then, fall off.  Ugh.  It's a rough life.  I do my best.  I'll keep doing my best until there is nothing left.  And, thank God, every day, for the opportunity.  Even if I fail every single day.  Later.

Awake, finally.

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Sleeping was a bit difficult.  It is beginning to get warm.  Both fans were running.  It's cool enough, downstairs.  Even the front room, which will be the warmest from now on, is 74, as was upstairs.  The main and farther back into the house it is 68.  So... Though, if I fire the ps4 up, that will change.  I haven't been bothering for a while.  Games made for, really, the ps5... which is unobtainable, and unwanted anyway, overpriced... nowhere near the promised price.  Plus, I'm not sure games are any better on there.  When the programming doesn't fail, the visuals do, or the whole thing just has to be rebooted.  

Console gaming, and probably computer gaming, is dead.  No one, who would use one, or their parents, can afford them.  Computers less than anything.  Crypto mining is seeing the computers being unobtainably expensive.  Not sure that is a bad thing.  Perhaps, if the industry survives?  They will slim down and begin directing their content to the only people who were every willing to shell out and play.  At this point, I haven't seen a game that is a) functional... even months after release b) isn't loaded with sjw (leftist) tard crap c) with systems that are anywhere near affordable, or available d) without tracking and listening systems built in.

I am sure there are subgenres which might still be out there.  But the single game, fps, and mission oriented, are gone.  What men and boys would like to play, as primaries.  Rpgs seem to be around.  Jrpgs (Japanese role playing games) too, but those are... aimed at the prepubescents more than the grown.  The voices.  Yea gods!  Those are annoying.  I remember waiting for my voice to change so I didn't have to sound like a small diesel engine in great need of grease.  Ugh.  And, the girls too.  Only, their voices never cracked over.  They are STILL annoying, if they were more annoying even so, when younger.  

Strategy?  I think they are still making those.  Are they forcing women's units in, without making them as lame as they really are?  And else?  I don't know.  I just know that fps are out of the running.  Can't program them, and the systems can't play them.  Nothing, going forward, is worth buying for a ps4 user, and ps5 aren't worth the risk of buying, even if they were available affordably.  If... I honestly think that was the plan.  They have wanted to kill gaming for decades.  Congrats, you have done it.

Blood sugar was a little high, at 163 fasting.  But... not terrible, considering I ate a good lot of mints to stave off a crash.  Really, given all, not bad.  Terrifying to feel that coming on, know it could hit.  But, honestly, the mints are less strenuous on the system than carb tabs?  Weird, but true.  If I had eaten the equivalent of carb tabs, I might well be in the 200s.  Though, last time it worked out, if I was much more careful with how much I ate of those.  This time, I ate until I was good... good on good!  So... these are better.

Today?  I don't know.  A shower, chores, maybe to dishes, and some laundry?  Maybe nothing, again.  Having trouble getting going.  Best thaw several packages of meat.  I thought the warming would be good.  But... it's feeling rough.  I can't seem to make it out, one way or the other.  I haven't given up, I just can't do much.  Yet?  Later.

Wow.

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I was... recounting my... various... difficulties.  Hopped on y.t.  Saw something new?  Didn't quite get it, by the title.  Usually I avoid such.  But, being tired enough, I decided... what the heck!  So, I pulled it up.  I've watched a few times now.  Gotta be a pixie, of a very unique... or is that normal... type, now?  Anyway.  I... guess I could have it worse.

Broken.

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I am still awake because...  Because I couldn't do what I wanted to do in order to do what I had to do.  Huh?  I mean, I needed to get to the post office, but had to shower first.  I just... couldn't shower.  So... I... kept dragging on.  Hoping, soon, I would shower.  Finally I gave up.  Pulled my hoodie up over my hair, still in my pj's, I... went.  A package was in.  He had let me know.  I missed getting it yesterday.  I told him I would be in today.  Last night.  And, if more early morning, I did so.  But... without a shower.

Can barely stand.  The package, I had thought, would be larger.  Not so big as all that.  Ten one pound canned hams.  Yes, it's... food.  How tasty?  I'm telling you, if you are starving?  Ham will be damned nice, and pass the artificial potatoes, thank you very damned much!  And, yes, barring a miracle, it's going to hit.  It has hit, it just isn't as bad as it will get.  If even that may take a few more years.  Just status quo will ball me.  More and I'm... actually, I am at my wits end.  I'm just trying to get some food.  And will probably have to learn to live on dregs.  Assuming I can even keep the dregs I have collected.

Anyway, I got the package, and mail.  I even took that right to storage.  It's pretty.  Even food for Sassy.  But that... isn't three months.  For one.  I think, beside myself going on a diet, Sassy is too.  One can a day, though as much dry as she can tolerate... which doesn't seem like all that much.  No choice.  Even at the prices of food now, up nearly double over last year, I'll bet people are giving up their pets like crazy.  No choice.  I'm... worried myself.  Another fifty to hundred percent and I'll be sweating feeding her.  All dry?  Not sure she can handle that.

I'm trying to cut down to cream and maybe two small meals, or one and coffee.  Though... I am sorting how to cut my coffee use.  Brutal, financially, and it is only going to get worse.  I'd figure out gardening, if I could figure out how to stand.  No use in putting in things I couldn't weed, or water.  Wasted.

Still, at least I got the package and mail.  It was only 47, last I looked.  But will probably warm up a bit more today.  The sun is out.  Blood sugar, after a meal and insulin, ended up being 108.  I realized I had made a serious mistake.  I... was sure blood sugar would be higher.  With what I ate, and insulin, I was beginning to crash.  A few of the mints.  On the good side, it takes three mints to equal one carb tab.  So, really, I could have eaten thirty mints to equal one container of carb tabs.  I ate ten, and will probably have five more.  Those first broke the fall, but... just.  A few more, just... because.  Blood sugar may be high as a kite tomorrow, but... I... would rather that than to go through those sweats, and nausea, and else such.

On to bed?  Or shortly.  Goodnight, and morning... day.  God be with you.