That didn't... really work.

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I did get down early... around 02:30?  Give or take a quarter, if probably right about then.  I was only able to stay down until nearly six.  Give or take a quarter.  I was up... until I wasn't.  Not sure when I turned in.  Faded away, more than made a choice.  Hit sleep like kissing the lead effluent of a double barrel twelve gauge shotgun.  Quickly, and... in a way, sweetly.  Whether I flinched or not, heard the sound or not, no matter how messy it was, I didn't actually feel a thing.  *Bam!*

Whatever else, awake at about 16:30.  Not... terribly rested.  When I tinker, and that fails, I always feel like I am waking with a slight hangover.  Not the type that hurts everywhere, or even anywhere.  Just that one where you feel like you just jumped through time, and it all went sideways.  Nothing quite fits, if it doesn't hurt.

I... did my best.  And, I am not done.  I need to be back to days, and will get there.  It's... just going to hurt a bit, or a lot really, to do that.

Blood sugar is higher than I had hoped, if lower than I had worried.  After I got blood sugar where I wanted it, I gave it another hour.  It went down to 70, and wasn't stopping.  So, I had mints.  Trying to limit the number.  I simply couldn't eat, or cook, so mints where the real choice.  At 142 fasting, given them mints... it's... okay.

Warm.  It is 81 to 82 upstairs, 78 in the front room, and 73 in the rest of the cave.  Overcast outside.  Haven't looked at the temp out there, but it must be warm, or have been warm... on up to hot.  I just don't know.

I am trying to cut food.  And, mostly, am doing it.  If I can push it down to 500 to 1k, I will.  Though if I am hungry, I'll let it run to 1.5k.  Not every day, just...  Then again, hunger seems to run in groups, of days.  So, if I must, I must.  Just... keeping it 1.5k as a max is the absolute goal.  Usually very doable.  I doubt if my body, large as it is, is using even 1k.  It has become efficient, if to nearly the point of failure.  It just doesn't have access to the energy in order to burn it?  Something.  I have learned to eat properly enough to keep it fed, it just... can't use it.  Even when taking ritalin, my body could not be active enough to function.  Which... meant... while those pills did help, to a degree.  They were painful to take.  I... just... wanted to sleep, but couldn't.  They made me so tired.  My body would cry, from sheer exhaustion, on those pills.  They were difficult to take... for whatever that means.  Even having taken them for years, I never could get used to them.  In some ways, I was so happy to quit them.  I slept for a couple of months after stopping them.  Blissfully, happily.  The sleep of the dead, allowed to be dead once again.  Quiet.  Alone.  Just thinking about that makes me want to sleep for a month, again.

Then again, I wasn't on heart pills.  I am almost curious to see if I could take those, on this medication, then titrate this up to cover for that, to see if I could be more functional.  It would be a dog and pony show.  But... to be more active I would... be willing to take some risks.  I... should start checking bp, now.  It has been a long time on meds.  And, to be honest, checking bp allows my body to bring it down.  Some of it, if not all of it, is psychosomatic.  It is of the mind.  The pills make the lows possible, but the mind has to see and react and produce the final results.  At least for me.  In other words, it will not complete the lowering without seeing, testing, and reacting to those.  I'll... look for the cuff, today, tomorrow... find it, use it.

Well... Sassy has been fed.  Need, next, to deal with her litter.  Then refill waterers and get to chores.  A fatted coffee, first.  Then, in an hour or two, after those other things and a shower, a chia, flax, and/or hemp heart breakfast.  Maybe a bit of all?  Two need to be ground.  But a tablespoon of the ground, and one of the not ground, should be more than enough for half or even the whole day.  That stuff is massive, as a meal, when ground.  It's like eating a pound of food.  Later.