No idea.

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I know things I want to do.  I know how to do them.  I just... haven't figured out how to start doing them.  Or, well, I have.  It just doesn't work out.  To do something, you start doing it.  To complete that task, you keep doing it until it is done.  As is, I can start something.  I simply don't know how to not forget what I am, or was, doing.  Then find myself sitting in front of the computer, looking for things, or nothing.

I did check blood sugar.  It is 124 or was five minutes ago?  Seems like an hour ago, or hours, but the time stamp on the device and the clock, and comparing the current time on the device with the clock... shows five minutes.  Anyway, so, 124 after a meal and a small dose of insulin.  I was careful with the dose, so I didn't expect it to be that low.  I thought it would be closer to 150.  No complaint, just a bit of a surprise.  It means I can, in a bit, have something to eat without worry.  Mostly.

I did have a chia and hemp heart cereal.  That and a fatted coffee, plus four turkey meat sticks.  They are only 70 calories per.  And with what else I eat, or don't, I just don't mind a couple of handfuls of those a day.  Some days all I have is, say, eight of those and two fatted coffees.  Though, some days, I just have the coffees, or a chicken or beef bullion, fatted, and with protein powder at times.  Though, sometimes, that hasn't been enough.  So, a can of beans and mushrooms, or several cans of veggies, or meat.  I'll need to thaw some, again.

I keep trying to get going and I keep failing.  So tired.  Sleepy, even, now.  I may have another fatted drink, take a shower, and get on to bed again?  It is 70 in the front room, if cooler elsewhere.  It is 67 everywhere else... so not bad.  Oh, and 38 outside, for now.  It may cool more, again.  Another freeze?  Maybe.  Crazy.

Actually, I am setting up a pot of veggies again.  This time with mushroom soup, low carb type.  They are, finally, making keto food that is edible and functions as it is supposed to.  Just because it has "keto" written on it means nothing.  Often less than nothing.  Actually, I look for foods which just have what I need.  Avoiding the selling points.  Companies are pretty much criminally negligent in advertising.  I wonder how much of what they are doing is specifically known to be unhealthy.  I mean, they put stuff in they know, chemically, will cause health issues and death, on purpose.  Proving that would be difficult, if mostly because the courts are bought and sold at this point.  Then again, so is medical... from doctors to researchers.

Should be tasty.  Everything I am putting in has been looked over and passed muster, as far as I can tell.  If, still, I try to keep eating out of cans as rare as possible.  From carbs to fats, adding where needed, to checking blood sugar after the meal, and a few other things.  It's as good as I can do, especially on days like today, when doing even that is pushing it.

Thursday?  Well, just turned.  Though it is already 03:20, so I guess not as fresh as first thought.  I have been losing track of days lately, hours, everything.  I'm doing my best, checking the clock and calendar.  It just isn't sticking.  As much of a curse such a thing is, there is a blessing to it as well.  It is nice to not have to shove through, get to this, go there, do that, over and over and over and seemingly without cause or purpose, save to make enough money to put gas in the tank, buy clothes to be presentable (enough) wherever you present, and eat, sometimes even buying something neat, or going somewhere different, but being so tired that it's all a blur.

I remember those days.  Submarine life was the worst, but I remember much of it.  It was only after that, when things fell apart, that I started losing memory.  If that was so bad that I lost memory of some of what came before.  I did enjoy submarine duty.  When I was healthy, I... did well.  I was constantly learning, fixing, doing, going, teaching, testing out.  I was even learning things I wasn't... supposed to learn.  Being investigated for more.  The world had opened up.

I still do that, some of it, what is open and possible.  But so little of it is physical, hands on.  I... I need more of that.  I will see about it.  But it might just not be possible.  Too close to death.  Later.