Trying.

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I did make some coffee.  I also prepared food, and ate it.  Nothing fancy.  Quite plain, simple, yet filling.  As well, I turned the furnace on, if just to 72.  It had fallen to 63 in the house... with the windows shut.  Save for upstairs windows, though with that door shut, so the cool remains up there.  The front room has risen, for that, from 66 to 68.  Though that may merely be for having downstairs windows shut, the door to upstairs closed, and me and the machine here, warming the place.

I haven't gotten any insulin in.  Will, shortly.  Nor have I worked.  Nor, most likely, will I work.  As a fact, I think I will have another fatted coffee, insulin, medicine, and go on to bed.  I simply have no capacity for more.  So tired.  A bit of an headache.  Hungry, a bit, beyond.  Meat sticks?  Yes, that may well do.  Nothing fancy, but... good.  At 70 calories per, no carbs, mostly fat with some protein, turkey based, they are tasty enough.

Becoming sore.  Not sure why.  Weather changes?  Hmm, no.  That usually isn't what gets me.  Just health waxing or waning.  Even getting better, sometimes improving health can cause suffering.  You don't live on the frontier of death without costs.  It's more like living on a border which changes under you.  One moment, for no cause of your own, or action, or inaction, you are on the side of life.  The next moment, the border has shifted, under you, and I find myself on death's side.  Sometimes the shift goes mostly unnoticed.  Sometimes, though, it hurts.  Either way.

At least God has given me the grace to simply pray, and thank Him for allowing me to see and do things most can't, probably wouldn't, maybe shouldn't, but certainly wouldn't appreciate.  Once I learned to see, I appreciate now what a gift it is to know the difference.  A little tight, at times.  And, yet, a grace.  A terrible grace.  A gift beyond the ability of many to even receive, endure, and learn to enjoy.

I think others have known more, or worse.  If... they didn't seem to manage it as well.  The cost, for some, is quite high.  Though, oddly, I see that, in some smaller way, even the one I will discuss learned to enjoy life beyond the treason of and within it.  I have, of course, freedoms she did not... for what all that sometimes accounts anything else.  The freedom to live without the ability to stand is... not as it might seem.  Still, it... is what it is.

I consider her a sort of... sister.  I just wish she hadn't been forced to live as such.

Later.