Okay, a few things actually done.

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I made it to lunch, if just barely. Being rather warm all through the night, and for whatever reason never quite cooling overnight, I didn't get back to bed until 7:30. I have been napping and sleeping a good deal though, so with a little effort I was able to push through the grim veil and hard grip of the death slumber. I couldn't get a shave in, but I did shower and otherwise appoint myself properly for public access.

Pizza was good. At $34, before tip, $42 after, I think it came out well. We even each had our own meals, not a shared pizza as I had first thought. And, we talked. This time without our various bibles or books, for the most part. While I am not quite an apologist, I know more than your average barn animal, and quite often more than your average weekly Church-goer. Many of which seem to think going to Church negates their need to know anything about it. Albeit, I have time. Many people, honestly, have little time and less energy when the world is through having them earn their keep and feed. Rich or poor, the world drags what it can out of you. In my case, it merely took it out of me like a lump sum tax for life or something.

We talked about many issues. One of the young men asked me point blank what my problem with the Mormon faith is. And the three which stick in my craw the most, if not the strongest for the case by some standards I suppose, is the meeting of God and Jesus by their originator. While my near death experience might really have been mere oxygen deprivation, I don't personally believe that (given to that I also don't put a lot of weight in personal beliefs, not even mine). Everything is 'on balance'. On balance, I do believe I was there, possibly purgatory, perhaps just a place for souls who have prematurely left the body, perhaps awaiting judgment. What I do know is that the next thing that was going to happen, soon or late, was that I was going to see God. I also knew that when that happened, even as a bodiless soul, I was never going to be the same. Just being there changed me. I absolutely believe that to look upon the face of God would destroy unperfected flesh. One might as well wander into the sun. I might even say a human has a better chance of dancing on the face of the sun naked than seeing the face of God and living, by infinite orders of magnitudes of ease.

Another thing was that no non-Mormon ever saw the golden tablets. Hitler sent people after the arc, the spear of destiny, and other artifacts. He never sent, nor even considered looking for, the golden tablets. I simply cannot believe that such relics would be lost. And, while I have heard of people being taken up to be with God, I have never heard of him ever taking physical objects to heaven. He has no need of such things. As well, though I didn't mention this, I know some of the witnesses have recanted, re-witnessed, and went back and forth on the issue. I did not see this with the disciples, save when Christ prophesied. Or did He make it happen? No, no, He didn't. God won't lead us to sin, and I have to think denying your Lord and Savior would be a sin. I think He merely forgave them, in advance, so that they would not then lead a life of shame and be bound by the sin He knew they would commit. Yes, something like that.

The final problem I discussed was the fact that I could not believe that God would build the Church and then let it disappear for two thousand years. Christ went into Sheol (or Hades) to bring out the souls of those prophets and holy people who had died waiting for Christ. He did not go into Gehenna, however, to bring out the souls of the damned. When Christ did that, he did it once and for all. When he comes again, He will not die again to bring even more out of Sheol. Sheol is no more. He, when Jesus comes again, will come as the conqueror. Or at least not all in formal hell were brought out, of course. (Though I tend to think these were different places, for why would the holy suffer with the unrepentant while awaiting the prophesied Christ?

They had asked me about prophecy, and I told them that we (and I) believe Christ was the last prophet, as well as sacrifice, to come. They asked how I believed God could leave the Church to find it's own way. I suggested that the Holy Spirit remains. Though too, if I forgot to mention it as such conversations only have just so much room, and move so fluidly, the body and blood, together with the soul and divinity of Christ in the Eucharist also remains, and actually enters us and lives through us, aside from His own real presence at the Eucharist. My question to them was, if God saw the need for a prophet to yet lead, why would He let His Church disappear for two thousand years? Or even a few hundred, or whatever the number they give?

It was an interesting conversation. I do have, and will have more, questions. As do they. They, much like me, seem to be looking. They know their way, and to a degree, I know mine. It isn't contentious, to my knowledge or for my part. I was happy to know what bits I do and compare apples. Could I be wrong? Sure. Actually, I am positive I am wrong. On what I cannot be certain. We simply don't know it all, none of us. And, happily, heaven isn't based on academic understandings of exact passages and dogmas. It isn't based on the memorization of passages. These might be works, if carried out in a holy and faithful way, but they are not the keys.

What I look for in my search, my understandings, my reading, is the origins of the word dogma. It seems, through spirit, The Holy Spirit, logic, and such... to be right. That is as good as I can do for that part. Then to follow through with my faith. I AM a little man. I AM mortal. I AM wrong. Too, I am beloved and forgiven. Christ suggested, to love your God with all your heart, soul, and mind and to love your neighbor as you love yourself. Others have suggested so much as that one IS the other for all intents and purposes. I'm... working on it. But He also suggested through Him, to the Father, and thus heaven. No other way is there.