Ah well.

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At least I was aware that something was about to happen.  And I honestly tried to figure out how to get to it, partake.  I realize, at this point in the day, I have no chance of making the event.  Physically it feels as if I was under an extra atmosphere of pressure, or three.  Actually physically and if you could imagine that translating into how you think, as if moving through chest high muddy grass filled water.  I get the idea on the radar, plan what steps to take, but can never quite get to it.  I even added the incentive of getting a bite to eat to sweeten the pot.  It simply can't happen.

I do think the medicines are beginning to hit.  That on top of being down.  While my mind is mushy, it is still functioning.  Only within, however.  It has no real means of translating thought to action.  I've been hungry all day.  There is food right there.  Some of it doesn't require cooking.  I am still hungry.  It is still there.  Such a small gap, sometimes, just can't be spanned.  Food was a major incentive to get out.  Thinking about it added to being hungry.  You might think that I held off eating so as to be hungry in order to add impetus to my plan.  You would be wrong.  Nice idea though.  I sure wish I had thought of it.

Slowly sinking, I think.  Slowly going down.  But now I can see it happening.  It isn't fast, it doesn't baffle me.  I am hoping it won't be as complete.  I wish I could fight it but there simply isn't any thing to fight or any tool with which to fight.  Attack sunlight with your eyes or attempt to defeat fog with a grimace.  I will be starting insulin tonight, if I can remember.  Later, perhaps good night.