Wednesday, is it?

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I am doing very well, inside, today.  The rest of the world has no connection here, however.  It hasn't since shortly after returning home.  Usually I haven't been this good, even inside of me.  Today is a pleasure, a short reprieve as I head into the healing cocoon.  Though, I am trying something else, this time.  Calling on the beast, the animal, inside.  I refer to him simply as the Beast.  Not as in the devil, mind you.  He is purely physical.  Food, fuck, fight, run, it is what he does and like few others you will ever have known.  He doesn't die well, he doesn't care about propriety, civility, or even duty in the end.  Purely animal.  He might be able to help me stay awake and I may be able to help him become human, or... as human as I am.  Perhaps even moral.  Though I do think animals, in some ways, know morality as human like beings have forgotten.  It was known, once, as they walked in the Garden.  Lost, but neither forgotten nor ended.  It will be were they will live again.  Perhaps even some who wouldn't have been thought to ever enter there, such as myself, will be there as well.  Truly the lion lying with the lamb.  Not a goat, not I.

I think some part of me knew it was Wednesday.  I have looked at the calendar several times today.  I missed an event I wanted to attend yesterday, and had put the notion into my mind several days before, including the day.  But what I do for one process does not effect or contribute to the rest of my existence.  Much as you might be able to automatically do some math process, or mechanical trick, to do some specific thing or task you do, but not being able to simply, easily, or automatically do that same thing outside of a specific context.  My mind is fractured, more so when I am in the 'zombie zone'.  No bother, just and understanding.  Wednesday, is it?  Yes.  And I will have forgotten that by tomorrow, which will be Thursday so today will no longer be relevant, or correct.  I will probably forget by later this afternoon.  Hmm? 

It is good to have a day back, as weak as it might seem to you.  My thinking, in my head, is clear and concise.  I can manipulate complex thoughts, work in memory, develop scenarios, contemplate the future.  Something that has not be available, mostly, lately.  A touch of vodka, a little sugar as well, just a touch of what they say brings death?  Who knows.  That on top of medicine.  Or a medicine of it's own sort.  I will take it, but not pursue further.  Just an occasional dose or it gets far too much to handle, medicine become poison, or at least an addiction.  Never the who, just... rambling as I dance through the nether on my way to a temporary oblivion. 

Take those little breaks when you can get them!  I have learned to enjoy the little things, just as much... no more... than the big things.