Strange dream.

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The dream was out of the ordinary for a number of reasons.  The first was that it was quite short.  There were only a few scenes/settings.  Second, even in the few settings there were very few elements and details.  This must be what most of you dream... or remember?  How... claustrophobic.  In the dream I found a song, created by some... special creature.  A minor angel?  A dear creature, I knew.  Wouldn't face me directly, or show itself (seemed feminine, and like a child).  I could sense but not see.  It lead me to a place where I found a very special song.  It was wrapped as if in an album.  And though I took it, the song (in album and physical, sort of, form) remained plus I had a copy.  Then an angel who had gone astray began tracking me.  The little angel departed, but showed me where to go, how to get there, and left the notion of what to do in my mind.

I had to crawl up through a damaged building.  Careful not to make too much noise, or fall through the gaps in the walls and floor.  Up I climbed, to a part of the floor that was against the outer wall.  Most of that floor was gone, so I had to crouch as close to the wall as possible.  Through the hole in the floor I could see the 'song' and the approach to it.  The failing angel approached.  It didn't go all the way to the song.  It tucked itself into the shadows, as if waiting for someone to go to the song.

At that point, the next to final bit from the lesser but true angel came to me... play the song.  I was afraid.  For if I played the song, the dark angel would surely find me.  I was given no encouragement or further instructions.  Still, I realized the little one had already saved me.  And, if death was my fate, then at least I knew what it would be.  Though, somehow, I... just believed.  So I played the 'song'.  No player was needed, just the will to have it sound.  An interesting song.  I heard it in my dream, but cannot remember how it went or the words.  But it really was... hrmm... interesting.  It was a kindness, a great one.

Anyway, I expected the falling angel to turn and come at me.  As it turns out, however, it couldn't seem to hear the song from my copy, only from the original below.  He moved closer to it, staying in the shadows.  He was far more exposed in his new position.  The final part of the dream was to shoot him, once, through the heart.  He was just about directly below me, three stories down, an easy shot.  I said a quick short prayer, and completed the instructions.  He died, but did not bleed.  It was merely a sort of flesh, but which hadn't ever quite been alive, not while he was in it.  His spirit could no longer enter heaven, and without flesh he could not return to earth, so it fell the long dark fall.  Not so far as Satan, but in with most of the Watchers.
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Even knowing (as far as the dream allows) that I am doing the right thing, I don't like such dreams.  While angels are not beloved in the same way as men, they are quite dear to God.  To see an angel fail is almost as harsh as seeing a man surrender his soul.  Seeing a man die is far less, almost irrelevant in some circumstances, a mercy in others.  But to see a man without faith die, to see the horror, to know he is ended badly and alone... these things trouble even my sometimes cold dark heart.  More so when it is by my hand, even if through their choices.  Now, doing God's will, with surety, is a huge easement.  Some work is harder than other work, is all.  Even for one of my nature.


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I can't seem to sleep well.  A few hours here, a few more there, seemingly too hot, but not the kind of body heat that ac can cool.  Ac helps, but it just can't get inside.  I decided to check my blood sugar... 250 and change.  Weird.  I have been eating less, and properly.  Only one smaller glass of kefir in three days.  The corn?  Steak wouldn't do that.  I did have hot, kefir soaked, cereal this morning.  I hope that isn't the problem.  As I said, I am hoping to get back into shape in order to check some foods and their glycemic affect in my diet.  Though I remembered that it is now "evening" and I needed to take my shot.  I'll see, in a few hours, if that has any affect.

I do my best.  I simply have limits.  And, as I suggested, if my health is poorly... the heart... I suspect certain organs go without blood, and that leads to things like this on a rotating basis.  I am in perpetual rotating organ blood infusion survival mode when my heart isn't doing well.  And, sometimes, it doesn't do well no matter what.  I have been taking medication like clockwork.  It's torturous, sometimes.  Imagine being tied to an anchor, tossed in to where your face is just above the water... and yet you can't sing either.  Now, in calm weather, this can become... tolerable.  But with a bit of wind, thus waves... or during a storm?  That is my health.

I am doing so much better.  In that analogy, I have created a small platform that I can crawl up onto.  I can enjoy the sun, warm myself, dry out.  But not in heavier weather.  Still, even in bad weather, I am just back to what used to be the best.  I am not sinking under the waves, or holding my breath, I just... all I can do is keep my head above those waters.  That is now.  Better, yes, but not best.  I am hoping to find a way to shore, and may.  But not right now.  Later.