Something is simply off, wrong.

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It is rare when my illness, whichever one, is painful of itself.  Perhaps organs can grind in hurt, or a migraine will happen, I suspect, as side affects.  Sometimes from an inability to eat or sleep right as much as from any more direct cause.  Currently, however, whatever is wrong seems to lead to a more direct physical suffering.  I cannot tell you, exactly, what it is.  My body's ability to mitigate pain makes the source a disjointed thing.  I can only, shallowly, sense the nature of the source.  Even then it is a bit of a guess.  Something in my body just isn't working, or a small set of things.  Perhaps, in a watch that has several different integrated parts, which interact but aren't totally reliant somehow, where the minute and hour hands still, mostly, work, but the second hand gears are missing some steps, slipping several seconds each minute, so throwing the whole thing just a bit off.  But it adds up quickly.

This isn't the worse pain I have known, not even close.  Only unusual in that it seems to be directly sourced from, if I had to say, diabetes and the organs involved with it.  What surprises me further is that my blood sugar isn't that far out of spec.  Sure, at 250, it's high.  But I have seen it at well over 600 for extended periods, and in this last year I have seen it 100 points higher, and more, without issue.  Why this time?

I did some research.  What I am on with the injections isn't all that high.  Some use much more.  If I can find a doc who will treat just this, I suspect he will increase the dosage a good bit.  At least for a while.  My syringes don't allow for much more, and the vials I get aren't lasting a full month as is, so I don't have much room for change, as is, on my end.  At least I understand, or potentially, that now.  It is difficult dealing with a medical system you can't really trust.  On some things they are super, on other things they absolutely fail.  And they are terrible with the snark, reverse psychology, and other sorts of crap.  If you want to be a feminist, or progressive, don't take it into your profession, okay?

I dreamed again last night.  I couldn't remember anything.  Even as I was dreaming, and making sense of it, the memory was being lost shortly after understanding took place.  Like watching a movie with a very limited short term memory.  Eventually, and actually rather quickly into the dreaming (did it several times), it was like watching a movie in which you couldn't remember more than a few minutes from the past, so sort of got lost in it, hoping there were enough cues to keep you going.  Though it seemed I never got lost.  Perhaps enough memory remained to make the connections, just not drive some part of the mind into fuller understanding?  If that makes sense.  Read when you are too tired, sometimes, if you want to understand.

Oh, right.  Last night I wanted to check the kefir again.  So I consumed some after my last serum reading (284).  I read it again, in an half hour.  This time it dropped to 246.  I simply don't get it.  I am beginning to think the numbers have little or nothing to do with what I eat.  It may have something to do with the regularity of consumption, and just natural function or lack of it... unrelated to food.  And, perhaps, some other things my testing won't show.  I have long suspected that though.  Later.