Some moments are extreme.

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From the yesterday, early, until after the nap and sleep, then awake a while longer, something was terribly wrong.  Deathly wrong?  I think there was potential.  If I had doubts.  It was bad enough that such was a possibility.  The neck arteries hurt, the heart hurt, exhaustion was so serious that taking a drink of tea was difficult, there remained a headache aspirin wouldn't touch, aches, and pains.

Dehydration wasn't all of it, but it was a part of it.  Since waking, I have consumed about half a gallon of tea.  Not an irregular amount, if perhaps a little faster than usual.  That has helped.  It isn't all that was wrong, so not everything was fixed.  Or, I simply need more.  I checked blood sugar to make sure that wasn't a problem.

I checked blood sugar before bedtime, too.  It had been 113 at bedtime.  It was 92 upon waking, if I don't think that was fasting blood sugar.  I'll check at eight, it will definitely be fasting plus then.  Still, good numbers.  As long as that last isn't continuing to fall.  It doesn't feel like it though.  I want to eat, though!  Oh well.  I will probably just close up down here, go on up and nap a bit longer... after a bit more tea... then wake in time to let the ducks out.

I am hoping to make a few phone calls today.  As well, get back in touch with the V.A.  I am late with some things, I need to set them back up, see were some paperwork is... get going with that.  As well, I have dishes, laundry, a bathroom, and a kitchen to clear and clean.  Lots and lots of things to do, on many fronts.  Ugh.

I might even begin surveying lumber, to see if putting the duck tractor together is possible as is.  There is some hardware needed, but if that can be minimized it is possible to get that together before long.  As well, some early morning, I'd like to begin putting hardware up for the clothes line.  Some of it, for the main sections.  I really like the whole idea.  It's probably enough clothes line for a family of twelve, but...  it's how I do, when I can do.

Later.

Long cold nap.

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Earlier in the day, I prayed my brother or mother would call.  I had forgotten my phone upstairs.  When I went up to nap, my mother had called... and right about the time I had prayed?  Give or take a very short time.  Who says prayers aren't ever answered.  Then again, it is my birthday.  I had totally forgotten.  I roughly thought it had passed days ago.  Oh well.  Still, the call counts.  I think she then got my brother to send a text.  So... I have two of the most important missing contacts back.

I told here about my ability to tolerate heat.  She didn't seem all that impressed, but... okay.  For her, 80° is nothing.  It's what she prefers.  For me, that was murder.  Until this year, 73° or higher was beyond my comfort zone.  I could get better at tolerating it, but I was never comfortable.  At that temp, I used to sweat, need to find refuge, try to sleep through the day, or just misery through the day.  Now, even 83° isn't too bad.  If working in heat, or at least direct sun, will absolutely waste me.

I couldn't do much.  Had to nap.  It was between 68° and 70° up there, but I was freezing!  I added every blanket available, snuggled in well, and pressed the edges under me, so as to seal air.  Still pretty cold.  I slept for four or five hours.  Needed it.  Need more, or feel the need, but can't do it.  I wondered if blood sugar had dropped.  Nope, or... not much.  With a fatted coffee and 8 cc's of fast acting, I hit a blood sugar of 120 after the nap.

Actually?  I think it is my pulse that is causing me to be cool.  I've had lower blood sugar and lower blood pressure in the summer, but my pulse used to always run between 90 and 110.  Running between 70 and 80 now, I think that is what the difference is.  It is the only thing different.  Now, why that is lower?  On the same medication I have been on for a very long time?  Good question.  The answers aren't pleasant.

It was only 75° up front.  It has been, typically, 78° to 81° up here, with or without me.  Something strange is beginning.  Oh, my mother, today, on here own, began to believe fall is coming.  We tied, same day, same notion.  She says they need rain.  I told here I'd put a plug in for it, there and here.  Oh, I asked if they got rain that last time I prayed.  They did, at least an inch.  All good.  As mentioned, it isn't my doing.  I just put in the prayer chit.  God does God.

Gotta eat something.  Hungry.  Actually hungry.  I only have one cream for the week, so I don't want to have more than one fatted drink.  As mentioned, I am thinking of fried beef crumble and diced tomato, then served with a healthy dose of cheese melted on top.  No pasta, but... that's fine.  I keep trying other things, but almost all options are fresh, and required both rather frequent shopping and processing... sometimes immediately after shopping, sometimes right before use, sometimes both.  I'm not up to that.  Or, a few more burgers.  I can have a bun, without too much trouble, especially if I put two patties on it.  That would sure be easier.  Later.

A tough few days.

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Few?  It's been a while.  Later summer, it's wearing me out?  That must be it.  I rechecked bp today, as yesterday I was just off.  I wasn't happy with that reading.  And I was right, it was 127/85 with a pulse of 78 while blood sugar was 117 fasting this morning.  Much better.  I am a little disappointed in blood sugar.  While the second best blood sugar read in... years? it is higher than the 101.  I... I just so like that lower number.

Then again, I have cut the slow acting insulin.  I may have to raise that?  I will give it a few more days... week maybe.  I had been crashing, so I cut everything.  Perhaps too much, or there is a bounce.  I would certainly like to give less a chance.  Especially if this is as bad as it gets.  But if it doesn't improve from there, I will add back the 5 cc's dropped.

So exhausted.  It hurts, the exhaustion.  Breathing, at times, takes effort.  The lungs can burn.  Muscles exhaust easily.  Ah!  I just checked outside.  It is 11:34 and only 76° outside!  Something, weatherwise, has moved in.  Inside it is still only 71° in the main, 73° here up front.  Hazy, if not quite cloudy, out there.  Yes, something has changed regarding the weather.  It is affecting me.

I think it started changing mid-week, and has been causing confusion and exhaustion.  I have been sleeping both more and more often, napping and longer sleep... if still not quite full sleeps.  The sun keeps me awake.  More sleep though.  I think fall is approaching, and at speed.  I am getting ready for a bouncy fall, just in case.  I prefer nice, leisurely, level, declines in weather.  I rarely get my preference.  Fall and spring are usually out-of-control messes, like... women.  Who doesn't love a little sport, though, too.

Just reporting and complaining.  Hoping to pull through a bit better.  A nap?  Yes, might as well.  I can't quite get to doing much else.  Have a great Sunday.

A terrible grace.

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For much of my adult life, I have been trying to understand what all went wrong.  How it went wrong.  Perhaps looking for bad actors, among men, women, disease, and of course at myself.  Cheated of most of my life.  With so many things to do, ways to shine, opportunities available.  I could have been a potent force here.  I could have been successful, was for a bit, was impressing the right people.

A woman, a bike, a car, a life.  A career with potential for more.  Ducks were lining up and being taken down, in a nearly miraculous way.  Then, one day, it ended.  To this day, on any given day, I can do no better than to get out of bed.  Today and yesterday, while I could get out of bed, I could do almost nothing beyond that.  Unless a nap counts?  Food shouldn't even count, as that is a requirement for life itself.

So cold!

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I took a nap.  It was 68° upstairs, which was fine, at first, mostly.  After sleeping a while, I realized I was frigid.  I had to work blankets and this and that to keep from being painfully cold.  My fingers, until being downstairs again for a bit, had become like dried raisins.  So odd.  I remember having that temperature be barely able for me to sleep at... it being too warm!

BP was high today, at 147/99 if pulse was a very good 70.  Blood sugar, as well, was running a bit high.  It started at 176, went to 135 after a fatted... milked... tea, then up to 148, then 141, and after another actual fatted coffee it finally dropped to 101.  Just an odd day.  None of that is horrible, it just isn't as low as food consumption and recent readings would have it.  Just 8 cc's per dose today.  I'm getting the grill going for burgers.  A spot of mayo and mustard on top.  It's what I can do.  Perhaps pasta-less goulash tomorrow.

I called a friend, to see if he happened to still have my mother's number.  I have tried checking messages, in case it would be there, but no dice on either score.  I wish she would try to call.  I don't have any number of anyone else who might have her number.  Unless she calls, I can't call her.  And, I do miss at least checking in from time to time.  She is probably just miffed I haven't called, answered, or emptied my messages!  Plus, I'd like to contact my brother, just check in.  And maybe get a few other phone numbers.  But, really, just talking with her is sorely missed.

After that cold nap, 84° feels quite good.  That's what it is at outside.  How very odd.  For the last thirty years and then some, just being outdoors in the summer was exceedingly uncomfortable.  I don't know what happened.  But something very strange has happened.  It is so good to actually be able to enjoy the summer, if not fully actively quite yet.  What is just as odd, is 79° in this the computer room, with the fan going, is... a bit chill.  Not enough to change anything, as it would warm a bit too much probably, just... quite odd.

Not really hungry, but I should eat.  Hmm, I ought to put some green beans on as well.  Later.

He irritates, baffles, and slightly confuses.

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In a good way.  Oh, and friend, for my part.  He knows me not... for good or ill.  :p

I, from time to time, when I am more awake and aware... able... seek out some of his work.

An opportunity.

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I'm old, slow, and weak in some ways.  Still, I like to try new adventures.  Such an event happened tonight.  It wasn't anything astounding.  But I learned just a bit.  I helped just a bit.  Not a bad thing.  I really enjoy helping and learning.  It almost doesn't matter what, so long as it is moral and right.  I would learn the world of mechanics, electronics, agriculture, mining, trucking, physics, and the rest, if I could.

I am relegated to the simple.  Oh, sure, I finally got around to the rubik's cube.  But that... isn't as fancy as it might seem.  Just take your time.  Even then it took a week, maybe two, to even complete it fully.  Then another week or so to be able to do it without instructional cues the first time.  A month on, and I can always solved it, but not always as quickly as hoped.  I have completed it at nearly two minutes, maybe once at a minute or close to it, but usually it's between three and an half and five and an half.

Anyway, I learned something tonight.  It required some effort, which did cause me to stumble.  Then again, both nostrils were blocked, due to bloody noses... nose?  A bloody nose out of both nostrils?  But, were they separate bleeds, or from the same origin?  I... don't know that!  So, it could, technically, have been... by English, not necessarily medicine vernacular... a bloody nose OR bloody noses?  I... just can't be certain.  Anyway, that made effort more difficult.  I'm generally a nose breather.

Still, I helped, wasn't in the way, and learned.  It did wear me out.  And, yet, I will do it in the future if the opportunity arrives.  Who knows, perhaps I could get slightly more fit doing such things.

Tomorrow I hope to get the ducks' hutch cleaned and reset.  It won't be as difficult as before.  It will be a bit of a chore though.  And, as mentioned, at least hardware installation for the clothes line.  I am sort of excited to get that set and begin using it.  I may even use it in the winter.  Minus snow, rain, sleet, or excessive winds, it should do quite well.  I will air out my sleeping pads as well.  Nice.

Best get to dinner.  I'd like to eat, do a load of dishes, shower, refresh the dishes, and hit a load of laundry.  I'll do a minor prayer to these ends.  Accepting what I must, if necessary, if hoping for a bit of work yet tonight.  Life is rather nice, if I have been pushing in odd ways lately.  Oh, and I tried cutting slow acting insulin from 25 cc's to 20 cc's and the water pills from three to two.  I'm not sure, yet, about the slow acting insulin, but I still need the three water pills.  Worth a shot, from time to time.  But fast acting insulin is much reduced.  As little as 8 mg's a day, some days, though as much as several 12 to 15 mg doses on other days.  Down from... higher... sometimes much higher.  I'll keep at it.

Good day, and perhaps night.

Finally, some real sleep.

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I had to sleep in the heat of the day.  I had to push back to sleep over a hard wake.  I wasn't feeling good, and had aches.  Aspirin would have been good, if I had been able to think that well.  But, then, aspirin might have relieved the perceived need for sleep... the part that pain brings.  And, to be honest, I needed sleep more than pain relief.  Perhaps my then mind knew that.  It does, sometimes.

I can't be sure when I went to bed.  Half after ten?  Eleven thirty?  Nine twenty?  I just can't remember.  I woke at 17:30... 5:30 p.m.  It was 68° upstairs... both places, 72° downstairs in the main, 78° in the computer room, and 82° outside.  I am feeling the heat today.  It isn't too bad, it's just noticeable.  So very odd.  I sure hope cooling begins soon though.  I am needing a break.  Who knows, summer may go very long this year.  I still wonder if they can influence weather.  Change it outright, perhaps not, but... adjust... for here and there... maybe.  And, it works right until it fails.

I needed sleep so desperately.  I finally got it.  Had to force it.  Am paying a price or two.  But... all good.  I may end up going to bed early again tonight.  So very tired.  I think the summer is finally catching up to me.  I did a minor reset on the dishes.  I may hit those before going back to bed.  Shower. Then finish them and put another set in.  As well, perhaps a load of dishes.  I began scrubbing the toilet.  I'm letting it soak as I write, for a second rinse cleaning shortly.  Perhaps a few more things even before a next bedtime.

Tomorrow I hope to wake early enough to clear out the coop before it gets too hot.  As well, I may see about installing some or all of the hardware on the clothes line.  I want bracing for the posts before adding line.  I have three types of line to try... an actual clothe woven line at 7/32nds, a steel line with plastic coating, and a bare strand galvanized steel line.  I'm just not sure which will do best.  Or which would do best for what in particular?  I will set a line up for each, and see how they do over time, before choosing one or possibly several?

So tired, even still.  It's the heat, though.  Getting up from 68° and sitting in 78° is a bit of a shock.  Hmm... hungry?  No.  But I do need to eat.  I'm not sure what I have.  Ground burger, I am sure about.  But I think that is it.  Burgers?  Pasta-less goulash?  Burger sausage and eggs?  Dunno, quite yet.  Something, soon.  Just... because I should.  Really not hungry.  Oh, a fatted coffee shortly as a starter.  Wait, no cream.  I'll use milk.  Raw, unprocessed, milk has a higher fat content.  And tastes much better.

Later.

Some sleep.

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A bit more last night than has been typical, if less than could have been.  I went to bed after 02:30 but before 03:00?  Something in there, probably.  I set the alarm for six and nine, mostly to close the downstairs?  I think I somehow planned to wake.  I ended up unable to rise at the six alarm.  I think I bumped snooze at least once, but so hated being disturbed yet so tired I couldn't figure out how to shut it off initially.  Yea, my bad.

I finally got it shut off.  At the nine alarm, again, I snoozed more accidentally than anything, but turned it off on the second round.  But... I did wake on my own shortly thereafter.  Too early, but the place had to be and now is closed up, the ducks are fed and out, and the girls are about to be fed.  I may or may not go back to bed.  Ugh, but it seems hot today.

It is 68° upstairs, in both places oddly, 72° in this front room, the main, and outdoors currently.  But it feels so warm.  I felt hot flushes this morning.  Sometimes that is a sign of a blood sugar crash, so I tested.  It is 144.  The weekly average is down to 124.  Nice... anyway.  It isn't quite fasting, though, as I had a meal shortly before bed.  Just an interim check.  I really should go back to bed.  But... why the flashes of heat?  It's like my blood is trying to boil, percolating through.  A poison?  Don't know.

It has been a long week.  For high summer, if it doesn't seem it, I have done much.  For an August, it is acting more like a July... little rain and consistently in the upper eighties, even a few low nineties.  I keep hoping for rain and some better cooling.  A week of cooling, and I might get back to work.  Or... well.. a bit more work.

While probably not up for the day, I am making plans.  Scooping out the coop, and resetting it.  Possibly putting up some or all of the pulleys for the clothesline... at least for the poles I have up to date of course.  I also have pulleys for a second pole, and possibly for upstairs.  It would be good, if it's too cold or wet or icy out, to still be able to hang things.  Some things do not dry well.  A fluff to get it a bit drier, then hang it.  Ugh.

As well, I'd like to get back to dishes, and maybe some bathroom and kitchen cleaning today.  Not much, perhaps.  I am so very exhausted.  But... a start.  Then get a shower in.  I'd like to have to kitchen back to specs, and then some, by Monday.  Potato salad, for the boss.  I am easily resisting, after the first batch some time ago.  As well, if I really need, raw potato diced into my potato salad actually works, and doesn't ding my blood sugar.  At least in the moderation I can tolerate consuming... it's a more difficult thing to eat.

Oh, supper?  Yes!  I had ribs out.  From when we went shopping.  They wouldn't have lasted a few more days.  They were looking on their last legs, and I refused to allow them to waist.  I sliced the remaining half of a vidalia onion, salted and garlic powdered the ribs, put them in the oven with the onion slices covering each.  Baking them for two thirds of the time needed.  Then I placed the slices under the rib lollipops, let them finish, and dug in.  Oh my word were those good.

Oh, I was finally given a password to an account, as an potential editor.  I mean, technically, I am being allowed to edit, but I haven't quite taken to it yet.  I am, actually, examining the rules and advice offered for noobs.  Usually I wouldn't, but I am taking them seriously.  Within my domain of capacity in that way.  And, I mean it.  If I make a mistake, I will attempt to learn from it.  Hopefully it won't be fatal.  Though, usually, it is I who walks away.  Rare is the time I have been simply removed.  

My goal is to completely review their rules, regs, and advice... then find the community, join in there.  As well, seek a mentor in the area, as well as a few peers.  Maybe find, or be given, a task or three... to see what I can do, what I do better and worse at, get some feedback on those projects, perhaps attempt to receive a few more given or assigned projects, until I find my feet and begin taking or created projects on my own.  Small, at first, building up.

Grand isn't the plan.  Humble, honest, without ego, is the actual plan.  If nothing of me, other than my time, can be in the projects, that is the sign I have accomplished something.  Actually, I think that is how God did it, here.  He is everywhere, and nowhere to be found.  Look, and you will see... almost, sometimes, by realizing but not seeing.  He who rules least rules best?  If that is true, it seems to have been written first by God.  I see the elegance in that, as does the place which has allowed me to attempt being a party to it.  Despite my silliness, at times, don't completely doubt there might be more.  If, too, less.  But it isn't about me.

 A bit of looking around, on the web, before crashing.  Good day.

Out, at least.

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Just going along for a ride, really.  But it was a nice outing.  It got hot, but... it's... hot out there.  So go figure.  Lunch on the town.  A rather rare thing these days.  I was worried about blood sugar, they didn't have leaf for a keto sandwich, so I went with bread.  Blood sugar was 130 when I got home, though I wasn't sure if it was going up or down.  A few hours after returning, and blood sugar is 96.  I won't mess with it either way.

I was getting a heat headache.  Aspirin, for the first time in... well... a month?  I stayed up, really, to try to get that to ease before trying to nap.  I was too grumpy of body, not mood, to attempt sleep with a headache.  It has eased.  It should be nicely cool up there.  I am so ready for a bit of sleep.  I haven't been sleeping but, say, four to five hours a night for a week or three?  It's the sun, and heat.  Tolerance doesn't mean it has no affect.

I have everything for the clothes line, save one extra hole dug.  Still, tomorrow, I may get the ducks' hutch cleaned and refreshed.  New hay.  They are doing well enough out there.  I would like to begin assessing my wood stocks for a tractor/hutch for the muscovys.  Large enough for several more hens, with nesting boxes.  I ought to check how many are really needed, what is optimal.  I'd like to end up with six to eight hens, and two drakes, of that sort.

Perhaps, next year, four more hens and another drake, of the indian runner sort.  And, very possibly, two or three turkeys.  Who knows, I may eventually actually get to goats and try my hand at meat chickens, or a mix of meat/egg chickens.  And a dog.  Heck... maybe a wife!  Next thing you know, I'll be healthy enough to have to live another fifty and change.

Ah, and I did get the contact information for the woman who sold the ducks and rabbits.  I'll reconnect, just to have a conversation back in the cue.  And to let her know it'll be next month, when I get the rabbits.  I am sure hoping for the stimulus.  Yea, I know.  I also know they are bailing billionaires out.  There isn't a way to spend, save, or pay off debt out of this.  Event horizon is the only solution left.

Why won't it be like the Wiemar Republic?  Because it is the whole world.  Like it or not, as bad as America is financially, economically, and well before the "pandemic", the rest of the world is worse.  And some countries are still hiding the true death tolls and such.  And they certainly aren't back up to near full, or even half, production.  First they force everyone out of work, to near starvation.  Then they try to force them to work in crowded conditions... a population seemingly much more susceptible to the disease, if crowding and lack of hygiene from excess work load and other factors, and ignorance lead to some of that.  Work a slave half to death, in cramped crowded harsh conditions, even a simple flu will take them down in groves.

Anyway.  No.  When the markets fall, America will, again, be poised to spring back.  Some places will be absolutely devastated, especially with all the food disruptions beyond China virus.  Locusts in Africa and Asia, droughts there, floods there... including China.  This won't be nice.  The drowning can't save the drowning.  I do wonder if governments will finally crack down on the thieves of the real economy, and hang them publicly and in such numbers that it won't be done again in the lifetime of childrens' great grand children.  Then again, a lot of current politicians would have to hang right beside them.  We'll see.  It would be a start.  That and a global economic jubilee... release every debt... if make taking new loans all but impossible, and fee not interest based.  And... put back on a jubilee system.  

Well, ya'll have a good day.  And maybe night.  I'm going down like a felled tree.  Ka-Boom!  Later or much later.

Late, but good.

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I must be eating very rightly.  Blood sugar was 87, but I'm not feeling badly.  I am preparing to have a fatted coffee before bed, just in case.  And I have carb tabs upstairs, two rolls of them, if it gets rough.  A strange thing, but this coffee is pretty mild as to caffeine.  I'll sleep well even with it.  Oh yes, I will sleep well tonight.  While I didn't do much, I did wake early and stayed up through the day.  I meant to nap, it... just... didn't happen.

Nothing done, really.  A few things on the phone arranged.  Some investigation for this and that.  Dinner, of course.  And a bit of practice on the rubik's cube.  I think I solved it in, around, two minutes, fifteen or seventeen seconds.  Still slow.  And I don't know why it goes together fast this time and not the next.  I do wonder if the fast solvers set it up for a fast solve.  Set it up with a few cues, akin to stacking a card deck.  Though, even then, I have some doubts.  The magic of the camera, as they say.

I keep hoping my mother calls.  I probably have her number somewhere, but where is the problem.  A few other calls tomorrow.  Always something, and I keep forgetting.  Summer is edging cooler, but... it's just not finished yet.  While I am finally handling the heat well, I am still a bit blotted by the continued heat.  Fall is not far off, there is that.  This year I think I will keep up with fall, but more certainly winter.  I... have plans.  We'll see.

Good night.

Helping.

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Had to wake a bit early today.  A friend needed help writing a defense.  I am good at such things.  So, awake early.  It is done.  I believe as successfully and simply as possible.  Elegant?  In it's straightforward simplicity and honesty of purpose, yes.  Don't try to fly 50 cent words across certain desks though... or red flag terminology.  While English isn't my favorite, I do okay with it.  And simpler logic is within reason.  Still, using him and his notions as primary sources, merely polishing ever so slightly, produced a good product.  We have two external reviewers, so...  I'll hear back later what the others suggest, think.

Not much sleep last night.  Four hours?  But, good.  I was well rested yesterday?  I... thought so.

Blood sugar was being funny yesterday.  I was out last night, realized it was falling, so had to drink a Mountain Dew.  I had forgotten my carbohydrate tabs.  Fixed it going forward, but it is what I had last night.  I thought it would destroy blood sugar.  It was 106 when I returned home.  Well, but I knew this morning would be bad.  Nope, my blood sugar was 94 fasting!?!  Wow!  I am not eating differently.  But something has changed.

The ducks are fed, watered, and out.  The cats are about to get there turn.  I may try to hit some of those dishes, then put them to soak for later.  I'd like some breakfast, not sure what though?  Scrambled eggs sounds... okay?  With cheese?  Sure.  But meat with it would be good.  Hmm... not sure I have anything really ready though.  I ought to start checking the prices for ground chicken, turkey, and pork... make my own sausage patties, with various spices, then freeze them in smaller packages?  Yes.  Yes I think so.  If the price is right.  I do prefer pork, but it can be spendy, has been lately.  Money, money, money.

I have been exploring going over to linux.  I found out how to partition the drive on this machine.  I have looked at several distributions.  I have one distribution downloaded, the newest stable ubuntu... or such.  It's a matter of... well... doing it.  It... is... a paradigm shift.  For me.  Some do not understand this whole notion of paradigm.  Do, or do not, there is no try?  Right.  True, young or old, but tradition... change... sometimes it seems that is all I am made of... that latter.    Which makes me reluctant to accept more... change.  You cannot understand.  Yet.  Home is boring... until you realize... there is no home?  *bend*

Tuesday?

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I suppose it is better than Monday.  To bed around five or six, up at 13:00?  All roughly true.  A package, with a number of items, arrived.  Alarm clocks.  The first one I tested is loud.  I ordered two types, to see.  This first type is quite loud.  It does take two triple A batteries.  A very small price.  Actually, I would call it a benefit.  The tab batteries are too varied, not carried universally, etc.  Hmm... I owe a battery back, and need to get a spare of those for the glucometer, come to think of it.  I forgot.  Almost.

Sleep was a generous gift.  Though, with a glucose crash again last night, sleep is easier.  I only stayed up that long to make sure I was clear though too.  Without glucose at supper, and just slow acting daily, blood sugar dropped to 79, and was falling.  Oh, you can tell.  So, I started a meal.  But it wasn't fast enough.  Symptoms worsened extremely quickly.  So, glucose tabs, sugar pills, whatever you wish to call them.  A pack of them.

I only take two at a time.  One never works.  Every five to ten minutes, I check how I am doing.  Still horrible?  More.  I ended up taking ten, and eating a meal.  I feared my blood sugar would be... higher.  At 149, while not great, that is... I think... my second best read since going back on insulin?  If I keep this up, I will, again, beat diabetes.  It helps not being poisoned?  Oh, and weekly average is down to 132!

A second month length medkit arrived.  Same as the one that was successful.  I had another, but it was... problematic.  This one stows like a book, nothing can fall out or off the thing... by cat, incident, or folly.  I have, just last night, finished the first month clean.  All meds taken.  Sometimes a wee late.  But all meds taken within a reasonable time associated to their intended schedule window(tm).  :p  Hows that for some bullshittery?  Oh, but that means refilling.  Then again, I had to refill the new medset anyway, so it's a twofer.

Best let the ducks out.  And I may change one of the litter boxes whole.  The girls actually use their litter boxes wisely.  Peeing, mostly, in one... using another for their mixed bad, and when they just have to poop, they use the third one.  They do conserve as they may.  So, one goes bad faster.  The rest can be scooped and managed longer.  I completely redo a tray a month, then switch everything over one since they have a good order. We have learned to jumprope their bathroom functions in a smart way.  Though... I didn't train them.  They trained me.  It works for me.

Ducks.  Right.  I'll fill their water, put out feed, then let them to the races.  A fatted coffee shortly, with 8 cc's... because... but that might be it for insulin today.  My mistake, last night, wasn't what I had thought.  I forgot insulin with supper.  So, thinking I needed it, had a fatted tea and an 8 cc dose, later.  I... didn't need a dose at all.  I just assumed I did.  I won't assume again.  I will check first, every time and always.  My health is changing.  Later.

A good night.

 .

.

Burned the hotdogs.  But... they are hotdogs, so...  All good.  It isn't cooling as quickly as hoped.  Partial cloud cover.  Perhaps it will bring rain.  The lawn is being watered.  Two areas hit.  Still looking pretty good, generally.  It's a pleasant hobby if it isn't required to distraction.  Feeling good, if generally tired.  It's just the late summer doldrums.  A good rain would sooth that.

Ah, but the clothes line poles are all cut, assembled, and installed.  The foam post fill is simply being allowed to dry, set.  Hopefully, if all is well tomorrow, the pulleys and lines can go up.  As is, I am planning on having three lines.  However, I am considering putting up a short line to another post, for very heavy items, such as quilts.  So they don't stretch the longer lines.  It's a thought.  One more dig with a posthole digger.

I checked the ducks, for no good reason.  I do that, occasionally, if I am awake anyway.  Not every night, never twice in a night, just a few times a week.  I had forgotten to feed the girls.  They were rather... pleasant... considering.  They can be rather bearish if I miss a feed.  Still, I was out, and running, and going with little sleep today.  Sometimes they understand.  Though, too, as with the ducks, I don't mind them going hungry once or twice a month... if not usually for a whole day.  Usually.

A few more security devices were installed.  It won't, even now, keep any out.  It might make it more apparent if someone got in.  Might.  Someone is still, occasionally, getting in.  It's like they know.  If I forget to lock a door, if I'm not paying attention, they press it.  They really do.  My guess is more people are being burgled that realize.  I don't always know what was taken, or done.  Sometimes I can tell, because the machine and router are both off, as I left them, and hot.  Which meant they were just running.

Oh, working on the computer and phone.  Trying to get the crooked services as off as possible.  It is all of the involved, the phone manufacturer, the service for the phone, the app crafters and outlets, and of course governments and outside business interests.  They are all hacking your data, or trying.  They sometimes work together, sometimes stumble over one another, sometimes out and out cross each other.  That latter is the best opportunity for me.

I forgot insulin with dinner.  So I am having a final fatted coffee and dosed with it.  A small dose, and the slow acting stuff.  I can't believe how well blood sugar has been.  I'll keep at it.  As little as I am actually doing.  I still think my artificial sweetener was being spiked.  Probably an attack.  Some would rather I not be here.  Never can tell who, but they are out there.  Later, or good night.

Crashed. Hard.

 .

.

Down like a tree, felled while hale and tall.  Down hard, fast, well.  I did set the alarm for 18:00.  It was before or just at fourteen but well after thirteen hundred.  I got the stuff in the car, loose, into the cave.  The rest is in the cooler with ice.  I'll get that in shortly.  I was so very tired.  The alarm... hmm... I thought it took a while, and a bunch of snoozes, but it's just a quarter after?  I must have dreamed that it took a while?

Odd thing?  My sleeping area was 81°!?!  But the rest of the upstairs registered 70°.  Yes, I believe the thermometers.  I... just don't quite get why.  I checked blood sugar, perhaps that had spiked while sleeping?  At 128, I... don't think so.  Wow!  That's, come to think of it, a fantastic blood sugar.  I had lunch, which wasn't exactly keto if not the worst, but without insulin.  We were in town.  Something very... unique... happened.  I simply have no idea what it was.  Very peculiar.  That is with both ac's going and a fan directly on me as well.

I did reset dishes after taking out the trash, then showering.  I won't get to those until it is cooler.  Bare naked hotdogs for me?  Well, with a bit o' beans and ketchup for now.  Just dots, along with mustard.  Actually, with beans I don't need ketchup.  But, cheese and onions added, really a nice way to go.  But... later.  I'm not sure when, probably have it ready by 19:30.

As mentioned, the phone is fully operational now.  It merely needs to be reloaded with phone numbers and such.  It has excellent cameras, or by the numbers they seem to be, but I refuse to allow the camera to use the microphone, so... until I can replace that app... if possible... with one that does it my way, I will go without the cameras.  Actually I should cover those up again, as I did with my last phone.  I wish I could add a manual kill switch to the microphone.  Just an inline switch, somehow connected to one of the buttons, with an indicator light.

I did a rubik's solution as the router was lighting up.  I... did one earlier, as I was getting ready to crash.  I am beginning to see patterns, about how to go faster, or cut moves.  It isn't exactly perfected, but I think I have seen three minute solves?  I'd have to have a timer, but...  And it won't be consistent, maybe ever?  But it is improving, or sometimes.  And, yes, I actually do know what I am doing, and well enough to teach.  At least this method.  I wonder if there are other actual methods?  I'll... have to see.  Just don't trust youtube channels to show.  I think a bunch of them are bogus.

Ah, it was 84° outside.  So it is either cooling already or...  No, definitely cooling.  I think it got to 88° earlier.  At the least, it may have been hotter but I didn't see that.  Hmm... Well, that should be enough.  Later.  

Yea?

 .

.

I can handle the heat.  IF I don't do much.

Today was a trip to town.  Groceries, plus getting my phone working.  Working.  Now to get phone numbers back on it.  I don't even know my mother's number.  Some I can look up.  The V.A., businesses I know.  I can't find the soduku game I had.  I may just stop playing soduku.  As well, getting it set back up, cutting out google etc as much as possible... it'll be a bit of work.  Facebook is trying to impose itself.  I have done what I can to shut it down.

It took forever.  As it turns out, it was their system.  They charged me, partially, for an upgrade.  But then it didn't charge me some extra fee.  It wouldn't, though, allow the phone to be connected until that extra fee was paid.  Probably for free groid phones.  Anyway, it took an hour and an half in there?  Yea.  But it is done.  I am back on unlimited, at a few dollars more than what I was paying.

Prices are dropping as people are unplugging and walking away.  If at home?  Use wi-fi.  These lefturd companies are cutting their own throats, and there may be no path back for them.  People are going to like not being spied on, not having corporate boots on their throats, not paying for false glamour, not being overcharged by hateful employees on up the ladders.

Then to groceries.  Fast, easy, if not complete.  Still, another possibility soon.  I wanted lettuce, more cheese, and a few other things.  Still, I got well and plenty, for my various reasons.  It's good to have food.  However, the heat got to me.  I got the groceries in from the vehicle that were out.  But the rest is in my cooler, with ice.  None of it was frozen, so... I'll take a nap and get it after.

Yes, that heat out there is brutal, even with ac.  Out there, for long, and I begin to crash.  Still, it was a very successful day.  A nap, and I'll get the rest of the food in.  Good day.  Later.  

Oh? Really.

 .

.

Went down hard.  After four again, for certain.  How much after four is another question.  Minutes, long minutes, or hours?  I woke to close up shop and get the trash out.  I had the downstairs already shut up, but didn't remember.  Had to close up the upstairs though anyway.  While at it, I realize trash really needed to go.  I hope they weren't by before I got it out?  I... usually not.  Still, anything is possible?

While getting the trash, I realize cat litter and a few bowls of old food could go.  Went.  A shower was needed, after.  Actually, probably needed before.  And for a day or two.  Got.  Ducks were fed and let out.  Cats will get their turn soon.  I had the door open last night.  Sam came up and squatted the ogre a.o., several times.  Sassy didn't deign to appear.  All good.

A shower already.  If, though, nothing is happening, I am crashing after I get dry enough to crash.  With everything shut up, it was already hitting 73°, pretty much everywhere downstairs and outside?  I thought so.  Definitely inside.  Bleh.  I shouldn't close up early.  Upstairs was still 68°.  Strange.  But... whatever.  I don't always understand how things work.  I just do my best around what happens, and learn.

Holy... moly... we'll say.  Blood sugar is 98 fasting!  That is the lowest I have ever seen it, save fasting.  And, I assure you, I didn't fast yesterday.  Salami and fatted drinks, plus cream cheese, and onions in the last batch.  Not bad, I'll take that as long as I can.  As to doses?  A lot less.  I had two, the last of which was 8 mg.  If the first was... middling, I think? perhaps 12?  Something I ate gave me doubts.  Seven day average is 140.  Better.

Best feed the girls, when I can stand.  That shower relaxed me almost back to sleep!  Later.

Salami!

 .

.

Well, it was something.  And very keto friendly.  Made right here in Utah.  I had forgotten it.  I hope it's good.  I have no idea how long it stays good, in a casing, wrapped in airtight plastic, then in the refrigerator?  I would guess a while.  But, who ever really knows.  That, sliced quite thin, maybe two ounces, plus two ounces of cream cheese, or three?  Oh!  I forgot!

What is really good with it?  You might not believe, but... freshly chopped yellow onion.  You want the onion to have some very good bite.  Strong onion, diced, mixed into the cream cheese, on the salami.  You'll go broke if you open a kissing both, but who cares!  All they do there is kiss anyway.  Teases.  Though, come to think of it, I'd go broke at a kissing stand anyway.

It's about time to chase the ducks in.  Hmm, or give them another hour?  They might already be in.  Yeah, another hour.  They will figure it out.  I am almost certain I have four drakes and just two hens.  The middlings were just slower growers.  And, it looks like the hens are smaller than usual.  Does it matter?  I... don't know.  I like them.  I just wish I could get enough hens, fast enough, that I wouldn't have to cull.  Oh, I'll eat well, it's... just... I've become familiar with these drakes.  I will hate to cull.

As to culling... should I cull the smallest drakes?  Though, perhaps, they simply take longer to fill out?  They will be less  dominant, but that isn't necessarily a trait I prefer. I have a month or two to figure it out.  I think.  I want the bigger, more aggressive, and yes hungrier drakes.  They aren't aggressive toward me or others.  The only problem would be if they become too aggressive amongst each other.  More hens sorts that out.  But, yes, bigger really is better.  For breeding.

I keep working on the rubik's cube.  I haven't studied, or... I am... roughly... trying a few things, trying to figure a few ideas or possibilities out.  Does holding it a certain way, starting with this instead of that way help, etc.  I haven't taken notes, or quite seen a difference, yet.  Still, it's on my mind.  Things, so set, either pop or go away.  If unsolved, they will be back, assuming I live long enough for them to return.  Who ever knows.  Later.

Deep summer.

 .

.

I had hoped I'd be pushing through.  I am feeling great.  I am doing well.  Blood sugar was 157 fasting, and I bet bp is in the normal range.  I am sleeping well, if my "day" has been extended due to daylight.  I have no control over that.  It will shrink in winter, if more toward the end of winter, mostly, these days.  I think, no matter how I feel, the deeper it goes into the harder part of the harshest seasons, the more limited I become.

Spring and fall, if they are chaotic, can cause more problems for me, without a steady weather pattern, I can't sort things out.  Deep summer and winter, if they are steady, are easier, but the limits begin to hit at some point.  It has been in the mid to high 80°s all week?  Really for longer.  It gets to eighty every day in here.  And I am quite used to it.  I am no longer uncomfortable.  Very strange.  Sugar water poisoning my artificial sweetener, I am positive.  Until this summer.

I am eating less, but I think that is the way forward.  On any day I work, I would like to have good keto food as a reward.  Extra.  Not a lot.  Instead of two brots for the day, for example, three.  Or two and some no-sugar-added fruit, or a can of veggies.  Just... a little extra.  A small incentive.  If you can learn to ignore your own begging, the... world changes.  You have to be awake, and well, enough to do that though.  It has started.

The ducks are out and fed.  Sam got a run.  She likes to explore while I am out.  I should go out and sit, so she can play a while.  I realize she is afraid to be out alone.  She is... aging.  Her hearing, and other senses, are limited.  She is afraid to be out there alone.  But with me around, she... can play as a child... kitten... again.  Oh, I understand.  There have been days... perhaps years... when I... feared.  Still do, a bit, if I haven't been in a crowd for a while, if that is slightly different.  I have gotten beyond much of those fears, mostly, usually.  But I know them.

Hmm... actually, I don't have food ready!  I'll have to look around.  I have hotdogs for tomorrow.  It's not super, but with chili it works.  I might even have some cheese and fresh onion to chop for on top.  I won't use buns, being back in keto, for myself.  I will just do a naked hotdog, with else.  Chili?  In very mild moderation.  Everything else is keto... enough.  Blacken them, for me.  Tasty.  But what today?  I'll look.

No idea when I went to bed.  I think it was after four, not by much, but I can't be sure.  I am certain I checked the time before I went up to bed, and checked the time right after snuggling in.  It just didn't stick.  A bit after five, actually?  I think so, just... probably.  Still, it's a good life.  I may have a thousand things I am supposed to be doing, and things I have to do, while being unable to do much.  But... life is good.  It's like pleasantly napping while the plane I am in goes down in flames.  I... can't be bothered.  I am not aware, can't make myself aware.  Oh well.  Later.

-----------

Oh, rubik's cube?  I can do it in just under four minutes now.  I may have done a few a bit faster, but no more than a minute faster.  Remember, miles are run in under four minutes, so... it's... not impressive.  It is a start.  I am, mostly, remembering which steps to use next.  Mostly.  I don't know if I will improve much?  Not without study, and practice.  Is there a faster way?  A better method?  Or is there really only one way, or very few ways?  Optimization might mainly come through knowing what exact next step works best, through pattern recognition.  Shortcuts aren't, exactly, possible.  However, sometimes the shortcut is randomly generated by sheer incident of solution.  Though, as I said, don't believe anything you see on youtube.

Ugh?

 .

.

Yea.  Back hurts.  Chair.  I've got to get some things changed around.  This card table chair sucks to sit.  My upper back.  Then again, I've been slouching.  Not... using the computer... doing the cube.  I have now completed it, say, four or five times, without instruction review.  I have made mistakes, but I knew how to fix that.  I have used notes a few of those times.  The notes don't tell me what to do, only the technique for a particular situation... of which there are eight.  I have the techniques down, just not always sure which one to use.  Very close.

The ducks are in, cats are fed, and I am about to eat.  Medicine, pill form, is down.  Insulin will go in with chow... both sorts.  I try to take the slow acting at the same time of day, as much as possible... evenings.  The rest of the medicine, fast acting insulin and pills, can vary, in several ways.  But it works well enough.  Just like food.  I am, generally, drinking less.  As a result, I am dosing less with water pills as well.  Tricky game, but I'm winning... as much as that is possible.

I may add aspirin to my day today.  Way too much slouching.  If I speed up the rubik's cube solution, I won't crouch as much or for as long, so I won't hurt!  Bleh.  I'm working on it.  I wasn't sure I would be able to do the rubik's cube.  Now it's a matter of doing it without notes.  I think I will have to more closely review several videos and written instructions.  I'll bet you need a high IQ to do these, say room temp IQ?  :p  It's not worthy of a prize, even if you can do it in ten seconds.  Just... a... hobby.

Brots and?  I don't know.  Something.  Hungry.  Hungry!  Mostly in my mind, truth be told.  Later.

Down late, up late.

 .

.

I didn't go to bed with that last post, but within two hours?  Three.  I... can't remember.  I looked, at the time, tried to put it into memory.  There are times when the mind accepts nothing.  That was one of them.  My days are shifting with nothing much I can do about it.  Fight it?  Sure. Losing on that front, try to push it through the other side?  Yes, if as cautiously as possible.  Push too hard and I go into a sleep tailspin, where I have absolutely no control and the cycles become totally insane.  Five hours down, twelve up, three down, three up, twenty down, two up, two down, sixteen up... for weeks.  Caution.

The girls are hungry.  I'll feed them in an hour or two, after I wake.  They haven't been getting fed at regular times, with sleep cycles tilting into tomorrow, but they have been fed two cans per whatever passes for a day.  I think my days are, mostly, longer.  My sleep cycles are around eight hours.  I call it the sun effect.  It is the opposite, usually, in winter.  I am a child of the seasons, if that is made so much stronger by nature of illness.

I was shot, by an intruder, last night in my dreams.  It didn't even phase me.  Several times, in the chest.  Neither did it hurt me, or even stop me.  Wounds, initially, but they healed almost immediately.  That's all I remember, if I am sure I apprehended, and probably disposed of, the perp.  You... can't let such people live, if it's in you to deny it.  They will do it to someone else, possibly worse if it's a woman.

Ducks were let out.  I am trying something different.  I am leaving the hutch open.  More so that if one of the hens wishes to go broody, she has a place even during the day.  I will add water in the evenings, switching water out every other day whole.  I would do it daily, but they generally don't mess the water I put in during the evening, just a bit during the day.  Hmm... you know... perhaps brooding boxes?  I'll... see about that.

Blood sugar, after three more meals(?), two(?), was 167 fasting this morning.  Not bad.  Eating the right foods, watching calories, trying to eat just enough or even a little less than definitely wanted but maybe needed?  That is a good number, especially coming after the 190's fasting yesterday.  I had one other dose, but of eight to ten cc's of fast acting.  Slow acting is always 25 cc's... that is recommended to not change.  I only check bp etc. once every three days or so.  It's doing good.  Ah, and I have added in the 3.125 mg, twice a day, to the 12.5 mg carvedilol twice a day.  Yeah, 31.25 mg a day, total.  But... it... usually works, and is mostly tolerable.  I have a month pill box that is quite good.  I have ordered extras.  Now, when I get meds, I can put up two or even three months supply and have them ready.

It was 88° outside, 75° upstairs, 76° in this the front room, and 73° in the main.  It's usually cooler in the kitchen and further back, but I don't have a reliable thermometer back there.  The upstairs was so high, I suppose, because I tried to go with one ac.  That keeps it cooler, usually, unless I am sleeping up there I guess.  The other upstairs thermometer read 72°.  I need both if I am going to sleep days up there.  That was a bit warm for sleeping.

I kept working on the rubik's cube.  As it got later, my cube-flu diminished to the point where I was a drooling imbecile, instead of the sleek and agile antelope of the cube-dom.  Well, maybe not quite that.  The fumbling fingers of the first time dater?  Perhaps not quite that bad.  Though that improved to removing a bra with a snap.  *Oh!*  She'll exclaim.  Oh yes!  You'll intone.  *eyebrow action*  Oh, you'll get there.  It's the... surprise.  I can... smell it.  Those puppies want to be FREE!

There.  My "morning" update.  Later.

Yea?

 .

.

Yep!  Still awake.  Bleh.  It's almost seven.  Might as well stay awake long enough to let the ducks out.  They have been patient with me, lately.  My turn to get back on track.  Though... it's been good.  Even if they might complain, they are well tended, fed, allowed even to ignore my advice and warnings, or just run me over if they want in before I am quite ready.  All good.  Pushy wins, if... it can lose some too.

I had to eat again, and again.  I kept it absolutely keto, and as light as possible.  And it shows.  Blood sugar is 135.  Oh, right, but the reason I ate was because blood sugar had dropped to 89.  Not a terrible number.  Not quite low.  But certainly headed that way.  So hungry, too!  Sometimes.  Oh well...  I may have one more meal, a single brot and a hot fatted coffee or tea, if I will dose.  My doses are very small lately.  And I don't always dose, as when it was 89.  Below 150 I usually don't, unless I am eating left or in volume.

It has gotten down to 54° outside, around 70° indoors, downstairs.  I haven't checked upstairs.  I have just been tinkering, reading, finding a manual for my phone, working on the rubik's cube, even gamed just a tiny bit and watched an amazon prime flick, or part of it, while dining... twice.  Difficult to focus.  Wanted to sleep.  Just couldn't.  So... I... drift.

Yes, another bite.  Another crack at the rubik's cube.  The ducks out... cat litter has been tended.  Hmm?  I think that will be it.  Oh, I will check the phone, see if it gets wifi upstairs.  Wouldn't be bad if it did.  Then I could use it as a hotspot for raspberry pi's.  And a few other things, should I want to play while it's cooler.  Depending on if it's wi-fi is stronger, or if the pis' reception is better, of course.  Good day, and night.

Mostly.

 .

.

A few more reviews of the instructions.  A little practice.  Now I have a few rusty areas of the rubik's cube a bit more polished, and one definite new area learned.  There are actually only two more steps.  But they are much broader.  There are rules, at several stages in each, which must be remembered so as to hold the block correctly, then administer the steps required.  The steps themselves are... not terribly complicated.  Easy to miss a step, easy to go too far or not far enough.  With enough steps that... all told... it gets to where it's more than it seems.

Blood sugar was higher all day.  Below 200, just.  I tested right after the meal, but that was a mistake.  However, a few hours on, and blood sugar is 103.  I'll take it.  The goal is to eat nothing through the rest of the night.  I had been trying to eat, and dose to it.  But that really doesn't work well.  No.  I think letting the glucometer define my food intake is best.

There are limits.  I can't go this shy every night.  Yesterday I got a second meal, if it destroyed my blood sugar for today.  Bleh.  Perhaps I should eat more, at once?  The problem is, I really can't.  I just... either I don't have the food, or the ability to eat.  I fill quickly.  I don't know.  I do know I will do my best, try to figure these things out, cut food, add energy burns when possible...  I just don't know.

It is cooling off extremely quickly again tonight.  All good.  Later.  Or good night.

The rubik's cube.

 .

.

Finally.  I completed it for the first time tonight.  That doesn't mean I can complete it from memory.  It doesn't meant I will ever be able to complete it from memory.  It merely means, after finding instructions which made sense, learning to follow instructions *cough*, and some effort, I was able to follow instructions to completion.

I can, usually, finish the white side, with the sides and centers with matching colors, and then put white corners into their right corresponding places.  After that it gets a bit fuzzy.  I think it will happen.  A ten second puzzle solve?  I doubt it.  If, too, I doubt youtubers who do it that fast.  Nothing like video editing to boost times, by a lot.  Trust, but verify?  Anything youtube must be verified, then, possibly, trusted.  Way too much ego boosting fiction out there.  It could absolutely all be smoke and mirrors.

Dinner was served.  The last of the pork roast.  I thought there was more to it.  Mostly bone.  But it was good.  That, a glass of milk, and tiny can of beats.  I am hoping to keep that as the whole of my food today.  Tomorrow?  I'm not sure.  I'll have to get something going.  I heated it on the grill so as to not have to heat the cave.

Oddly, it is to 76° last time I checked, outdoors, about fifteen minutes ago.  Which is what the living room was reading.  Which, when setting in there to eat and watch a vid from prime, I was actually cool to cold!  Anyway, I opened up most of the windows.  I'll get the rest shortly.  Tired, or... more... sleepy.  There is a difference.  It is 81° up front, but that will quickly cool.  When I open things and get the fans working correctly.

Ducks are in.  Cats have been fed and treated.  Oh, but I forgot their litter.  I'll get that as I open up the last window and door.  Hmm... I may try to memorize one or two of the next moves.  They aren't... too bad.  But I am so sleepy.  Odd, as at 81°, I am very comfortable.  I have acclimated to summer?  Ah, but a cool summer.

BP is 140/83 pulse 70.  The 140 is a bit high, if only two points higher than my recent low... actually.  The low is very low.  I haven't seen it that low in years.  I have heard that is the one of concern.  And the pulse?  Wow!  I haven't seen a pulse that low in... other than when crashing from fasting for five days?  Even then?  That is an exceptional pulse.  Even in the Navy, it ran 84 regularly.  Something is very different.

Later.

To bed late, again.

 .

.

I just couldn't get to sleep.  Yea, things weigh on my mind.  It was near sunup when I was finally able to sleep.  I wasn't able to, as a final task, roll... find the alarm clock... and check the time.  I just couldn't do one more thing.  Sleep was good.  Still, things on my mind.  Big changes.  So be it.  I was just waiting for more evidence.  I guess you never know when or how that will appear.

It sure seems darker outside.  Clouds?  Smog?  Vapor?  Some mix?  It isn't cloudy, directly, or didn't seem so upon my initial inspections or in the parts of the sky I could see.  But it definitely isn't as clear as it might initially seem.  Though, isn't later summer often like that?  I... always thought so... or potentially... as summer comes to a close.  That was Iowa, but... it may be mildly universal?

I left the ducks in, yesterday, again.  But this time I didn't feed them.  I like doing that once a month, just to... help them.  Sounds strange, but fasting works for me.  I do it, probably, close to weekly, though definitely monthly, often split those... accidentally or on purpose.  I ask nothing I don't give.  They were quite happy to get out, and especially to eat.

I reset the pool for them, of course set up new food... having to open my last sack of feed to do so.  I brought their water out, emptied and washed those pans, and will set them fresh tonight.  I watched them enjoy their freedom and food as if it was a celebration.  Some mornings they do anyway, some days their morning rituals are more like going to work.  Muted, sober, affairs.

I changed what passwords, keys, and configurations I could last night.  I just hope I can remember them all.  I have a fairly easy system back to resets, if not.  Now that one machine can do all things, and two machines which can do most things, I have a solid means of resetting anything required on one system or another.  I still have some primary passwords to change.  Can't trust those haven't been compromised while "helping" me.

The internet isn't quite so boggy today.  I was having trouble getting to a site, then reloading or transferring to different pages.  Two thirds to a third of my update or transfer requests were being outright declined.  It would attempt to reload, but took a goodly while.  Surfing the interwebs was becoming a huge hassle.  I assume so many were using my internet that I was only given a small portion of it's potential.

If they keep getting back in, I may have to quit the internet for a bit.  I'm not paying for thieves to use my services.  I can easily do without.  I also need to turn this into a linux machine, add a passthrough system to see what ports are open, or some such, and shut everything outside down while tracking everything happening inside.  Until then, I will constantly be changing passwords until it is too much trouble to try to hack or break in.  Oh... and about breaking in?  Yea... that's... coming to a screeching halt too.  I have to set some things up, and reset a few things.  But... yea.

It's only 84° outside, last I looked.  All good.  It was 74° upstairs, because I had the door to the downstairs open for Sam.  It was 72° down here, in the main and front room, until I started in on the machine.  That all around 13:30.  An hour later it is warming up, inside.  I think that may be pretty close to all for outdoors.  Oh, the only thing I really need to hit is cat litter.  With the clumping, scooping every other, or third, day is good... what with three bigger tubs.  Today is the day.

Well, a shower, a meal, and else... but for the animals the scooping is all that remains.  Though I change the girls' water when I shower, so...  Fresh three days in a row.  Later.

Dinner was good.

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I had brots, and a bit of pork roast, with beans, a smaller glass of milk, and tea.  Insulin, both fast and slow.  I am eating much less lately.  Drinking less too.  Blood sugar, after all, is 108 after three to four hours.  Perfect.  I had thought about another bit, but don't want it.  Not with blood sugar exactly right.  Curious what it will be tomorrow.

While I was out, someone was in... my house.  The back door was open, the router and computer were hot, and the monitor was connected incorrectly.  I get the machines being hot, not the monitor being off.  Unless they were using their own, small, monitor... or smartphone.  Further, my companion helped whoever was in here escape.  He knows who was here, and what they were doing?  I think they are trying to figure out my new router password.  I changed that tonight.

It is getting rather cool out, and earlier tonight.  It is down to 54° outside.  It was around 72° inside... but only because someone had the lights on, and the machine going, plus their body heat.  They must have been on for a goodly while, both pieces of equipment where quite hot.  I'll have to change my passwords daily, and it looks like I won't be going out on trips anymore.  So be it.  You can't be a friend, and do that.  There are other costs as well.  Unfortunate.

Oddly, some of the settings on blogger have been changed.  It could be some update, but... I didn't see an indicator.  No, I think someone got right into my blog.  I'm not sure what they might have done, other than change some of the blog format settings, for typing these posts.  If I suspect they were doing something else... that would have been just a happenstance, convenience, thing.  I wish I had some way to track what they did.

It does look like it will be cooling off well tonight.  Fall isn't quite here, if summer is winding down nicely.  No food.  I don't want to mess up blood sugar.  Medicine has all been taken.  Just a bit of winding down as I get ready for bed.  It is a rotten world sometimes.  As I have always known, friends aren't always friends.  Takes time to tell.  Good night.

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What was changed?  Look at the dots before the post.  Now look at the dots before all posts before it.  They did something with line spacing.  I'll try to figure it out and change it back.  It also works with paragraph spacing and some other things.

An easy night.

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Dinner was ready.  Boss had other plans.  Cool.  Leftovers.  Actually pretty good ones.  It was mostly done, needing grilling.  I had brots, and ate well.  Blood sugar was 198 this morning, and remained that, regardless of not eating, until after dinner.  I ended up 'needing' two rounds of carb tabs... that's twenty, last night.  To deal with the ~57 blood sugar read drop.  It's what my body kept demanding, and it got it.  I've learned to just get out of the way when my body seems to need something.  I'm surprised my blood sugar wasn't higher.  After food, a standard dose of fast acting, and three hours, blood sugar is 118 with an average of 157 for the week.

It only got to 78° up front, 76° in the main, and 68° upstairs.  It was down to 80°, last time I checked.  An hour, two, ago?  I think clouds are holding the heat in.  Unless it rains or moves off... might be stuck with that.  Sure looks like it could rain.  Soon.  Or... not.  I just hope it moves off and cools or rains and cools.  Still, a good day.  Plus, I have supper ready for tomorrow, and nearly a week more.

I will try to get to bed earlier tonight.  Though, my body sort of chooses when it is most comfortable to sleep and wake.  Some of it is what is possible, some of it it a biological ability or lack thereof.  I can put in a chit.  Somewhere, down in the nerves and guts, some animal response system either says yea, or nay.  Usually nay.  Still, worth a shot.  With the ducks up, fed, and watered, I don't have to mess with them tonight.  Just an occasional vacation for me.

Hmm... another spot to eat?  Yeah.  I am hungry again.  Hungry?  Hmm...  I think I need more food.  But, just a dot.  And, I'll take it.  I think the numbers work supporting a minor bite as well.  Yes.  Later, or good night.

Another long sleep day.

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I did wake at eight, actually before, as the alarm hadn't gone off.  It wasn't an actual wake though.  I merely shut the cave down before it got hot out there.  I had hoped to wake at eight, but... I couldn't, and new it wouldn't work, so I shut that alarm off.  I then hoped for the the ten alarm.  I snoozed it a few times, then contemplated.  No, I wouldn't be getting up.  I turned that one off.  No way I could wake.

I hoped for a noon wake.  That didn't happen either.  It was 14:00, perhaps a bit later, before I was finally able to wake.  Even then, it was difficult.  I left the ducks in today.  It is cooler, so I don't mind.  Their water is still rather full and fresh from last night.  I did feed them.  I... I will try to remember to let them out when I shut things down.  It was about 88°, but clouds seem to be building.  It has remained that temperature to a few minutes ago.  I am not sure how cool it was this morning, forgot to check.

A roast is in the oven, and brots.  A pork roast, a nice looking one.  I would love to do those on the grill, or really slow cooked with it all shut down.  Just to avoid heating the cave.  But they take too much time that way, and get a bit smokier than I usually prefer.  Spiced and herbed just a bit, it should work well.  As to brots?  I am going to those instead of hotdogs, for myself.  I don't need buns with them.  Just heated a bit, with mustard, or even solo, with tea, cold.  Two or three can be a whole days food.

A shower, shortly.  Perhaps a shave since I trimmed recently.  Then setting up dishes?  Maybe.  So tired.  Same pain as yesterday morning.  More severe.  But it passed quickly, and quietly, as well.  Odd.  The roast and brots will be underdone in time to set out to cool, then to be heated on the grill.  That finishing touch is nice.  If, for the roast, I want it much closer to done.  With pork roasts, done is actually almost done.  I just want them to heat a bit on the grill, get juices to flow.  Oh, and corn for the boss.  I might have some, but not much.  It's good to have someone to eat the majority of the questionable keto food!  :p

Oh, something is wrong with blogger.  It isn't allowing me to comment, on my own page.  Perhaps other places in a stealth manner.  I don't think they understand what is coming down the pike.  Or I don't?  Time will tell on that score.  I can't do much, some can.  If they will.  Later.

A lot of sleep.

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I can't say how much.  It wasn't too much.  On the basis of need.  It wasn't enough.  On the basis of want.  It was too much.  On the basis of propriety or normalcy.  It is what I could get.

I woke, perhaps, mid-afternoon.  I set up the sprinkler for tonight, set the ducks up and let them in.  I then began dinner.  I started well early.  Then only partially finished the meal, leaving a bit for the grill.  It worked out quite well.  Still tired.  Oddly, by 18:30, the temperature out there was 82°!  It has been running ten degrees warmer for a while.

My phone is on the way.  This one might be tricky to solve, but it does work with Verizon.  I am sticking with Verizon because other phone systems don't work well out here.  Even Verizon is sketchy out here.  I must admit, I am considering a few options.  Politics comes into play as well.  When a company becomes so large and rich it thinks it can ignore it's customers... or outright antagonize, if to some degree they all do it at this point...  Contemplations...

The front lawn was watered one way, then another, tonight.  It's about time to shut it off.  I'll look at it through the next week.  I may water it again, though if so, just in a few areas.  I need to plant more seed.  Though that area may simply not be able to support grass, for one reason or another.  The lawn, on whole, has greatly improved.  But... a bit better still would be good.

I had another diabetic crash tonight.  I felt it, but wasn't home to check.  I had carb tabs, though didn't quite feel it was bad enough.  At that time, it probably wasn't.  Testing at home showed a blood sugar of 56.  Yes, tabs.  I wasn't feeling up to cooking and didn't have much available in any case.  Only ate one meal, since I was sleeping so much.  I'll... sort that out.  I'd best turn the water off.

Oh, it is down to 56° already.  And it is early yet, actually 01:30 here.  It may yet cool a goodly lot.  Such an odd switch from the high 80°s 90°s and lows of the high 60°s for the last while.  I'll gladly take it.  Good night.

Back to bed.

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I lasted a few hours, then became weak.  My torso hurt this morning, and that pain increased.  It felt as if I had been hit just enough below the ribs, by a two by four, that it didn't directly hurt the ribs themselves.  It was the only pain I felt.  I can't remember when, exactly, I went down.  Perhaps around 10:00?  A bit after probably.

The ducks were let out.  I thought I had fed the girls, but it doesn't seem so.  When I woke... if I fed them, there would have been two cans pulled.  One used immediately, another would have been on a cupboard counter.  There were none.  It has become a patterned behavior, so I know.  Otherwise they will beg four cans a day, or not be fed for a day or two.  There is always dry food, and I treat them, but...

Down three hours.  Sleep wasn't good.  I couldn't really sleep solidly.  I kept waking.  I continued to hurt.  Something just feels off.  Is the weather changing again?  I just don't know what all is wrong.  Actually, I don't know what is wrong in any of the things I am sensing.  The world seems even uglier when alone in it, and unable to figure things out.  Old animals know that.  Some people at the end.  You would think I would be used to it after knowing this for the majority of the last three decades and spare change years.  There is no way to get over death confusion though.  No amount of experience suffices.  It is noticed, realized for what it is, much more quickly.  But it is what it is.

No, not dying.  I do live on the line, give or take a bit either way depending on the day.  As mentioned, without interference, I have a few decades, two or three.  If cut loose, I have no idea... though it might help in the short run.  Right until it doesn't.  Living under a bridge or on a street somewhere.  Trying to find as quiet and peaceful a place to wait out my time as possible.  Many years, if left alone.  I don't think I will get that.  I'm on too many lists.  Later.

Up early for such a late down.

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Still very tired.  But I got that last bit of watering in and a meal.  The meal wasn't good, blood sugar was up to 215.  Not sure if that is truly fasting though either.  I'll... work on having better food options for later, snacks of some sort.  It is difficult to keep up on keto foods, it really is.  Still, it's what it is.  Sleep was good.  It just doesn't feel like enough while I can't seem to continue sleeping.  Maybe a nap in a bit.

It is high summer.  And, like it or not, it is getting to me.  Even as mild as this summer has been, a few days to week of higher temps really begins taking it out of me.  I don't think I am alone in it.  Everyone seems to be uncomfortable and extra grumpy through this time of year.  At least I can rest, when I can rest.  And I am beginning to handle the heat fairly well.

I continue to work on learning to solve the rubix cube.  A bit each week.  If I keep forgetting some of the initial steps.  I will have to learn steps, in layers, over time.  Then begin trying to speed up while completing the whole puzzle, as well over time.  I am working on the last stage, the bottom, currently.  There is something I am missing, a step not covered in the particular study I am using, a situation not covered.  There are three options I will have to attempt to use, to see if any of them, in conjunction with the others offered, might work.  How is it that I always find some missing link steps?  I'd rather find them now, though, then find them while showing someone else how "clever" I am.  Bleh.  I have learned my lesson for the week.  The rest of the week is about going back over the old material, and trying to get it all down to where I am.  Over and over, but more consciously, so that I actually remember what to do, perhaps why, and exactly how.

I have one more week of medicines set up, after this week.  For that week, I will add that last bits of heart medicine I can handle.  I would like to get the /95 down a bit.  But there is no more medicine I can, or will, take after this next small addition.  I haven't had trouble adding it in before.  I suppose, by proportion, it is just too small.  Then again, I have gotten up to speed on the main of the heart medicine well and quickly.  I am still suffering, a bit.

I am wondering if summer allowed me to start up medicine more easily.  And, possibly, if suffering the heat somehow handled the problems often associated with starting medicine.  The cold makes it more severe, starting medicine... but since not much else is doable, it's not as much of an issue.  Tradeoffs, everything is one thing against another, against another, in some endless cycle I can never quite understand fully.  Less than others, for I never ever come close to breaking even.  At least I am handling the heat well this year.  Or... was.  Later.

Not bad.

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Chicken for dinner.  Just... chicken.  Oven roasted drummies, mostly done, then put on the grill.  A glass of milk and some tea.  The brine helped, but the italian and onion flavors didn't come through this time.  I actually used less water this time.  Still, the salt did help.  A few hours later, blood sugar is 128.  A very good number.  I have yet to take slow acting insulin.

A bit of review, as to phone carriers.  I will be sticking with Verizon.  But the phone has two ports.  I am considering a second line, to compare... and for local... or even business... use.  Keep Verizon for personal use?  Just possibilities.  Assuming they send it.  I ordered it later last week and nothing has moved, last I looked.  I'm not sure what is happening.

No sleep, and not for a bit.  The lawn was watered.  Actually, since I can't quite sleep, I moved the sprinkler to another section.  I may do even another section tomorrow night.  I have no guilt, I haven't watered more than four or five times this year.  And she was thirsty.  I'll have to hit all four front quarters.  Partly because the front yard gets sun crushed.  The side and back are pretty good.  Last I looked.  Will check much more closely tomorrow.

Since I am up for a bit, hotdogs.  Yeah, but...  It is 65° outside, 75° inside all of downstairs... main floor anywhile.  I want to see it ten degrees cooler, if possible, so have more open than I'd want to leave while sleeping.  All good.  I am hoping to get to some work, finally, tomorrow.  And do a bit of grocery shopping.  Just a touch.  Especially if I can find a store that doesn't require gags.  Will see.

Later, or good night.

Reasonable.

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I finally got around to taking my bp.  At 124/98, pulse 96, and blood sugar at 88 after one meal so far, it's... good.  Could be better.  But not this fast.  Remember, it was ~220/~135 just a few weeks ago.  And blood sugar was ~355, ~335?, somewhere in there even less ago.  I can't tell, as batteries died in one, and the other seems to have lost the higher read.  Still... very good.

The ducks keep running out of water.  I think there must be a hole in the pool.  The indian runners don't have claws, but the muscovys do.  Fairly terrible claws, actually.  I have two spare children's pools.  But, what I'd really like to do is find the hole, tape it well, then put another underneath it.  They might still be able to claw through.  But two?  Three?  No worries, just something to solve.  I like solving.

Chicken, tonight.  Although, maybe hotdogs too?  Yes, but not sure the buns are any good.  Still, a few on, just because.  The chicken is getting brined.  I have found that other spices really will add in to a brine.  Tonight I added italian seasoning and onion powder.  It really does boost it.  I will bake it off, then have the grill ready.  A finishing lick of grilling really adds a nice touch.

My thermometer reads 92°, the other one in town reads 97°, the regional one reads 96°.  The other one in town used to read closer to my numbers.  If it is digital, with send and receive, it can be hacked.  That is my bet.  They really hate it when real numbers come out.  It is 82° in this front room, 76° next door in the main, and 70° upstairs.  I believe the 92° read.  I checked that against freezing water.  Global warming is as true as masks helping against Wuhan flu.

I'd best get the oven lit.  An half our after that, I'll light the grill.  As well, there is barbecue sauce.  I can't have that, but don't need it.  I like herbed and spiced chicken just as it is.  Later.

The best and worst of dreams?

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The first was about war.  Dark forces.  Evil beings.  I fought.  I did.  I won many fights.  In the last one, a creature grabbed me by the neck.  It was a two-leg, but also not human.  Large... it had me by three feet and four hundred pounds, if I had ruined many similar of our kin.  I was so worn from fighting I couldn't do much.  But I could keep it from strangling me.  I figured it was a done deal, I just wasn't sure how it would happen.  Still, that I could prevent it from crushing my throat was a satisfaction.

It kept trying, getting angrier.  I kept breathing.  I had a grim grin.  I knew it was about to be over, but I was making it work for it.  It's coloration changed, as it became angrier.  I knew the only reason I was still alive was because it was intent on murdering me as it had initially planned.  I knew I was dead, in shorter or short fashion.  But I could still grin, making it angrier and more insistent.  Angrier and more insistent it became!

I said a short prayer, kept smiling, and kept resisting.  I had hoped to regain enough energy to do more, and attempted escape and attacks, to no use.  I was simply spent.  I had been fighting for days, or so it seemed.  You can't kill these things.  Then again, they can't kill me, not really.  We aren't that sort.  But... the flesh can be ended, the spirit sent to another place... until a return is possible.

Finally... *snap*  It tired of attempting to crush, so shook me like a dog with a rag doll... a rag doll with a skeleton.  The neck snapped cleanly, quickly, easily.  As I was drifting away, I remember it tossing me aside.  I still tried to rise, but there was no function.  I couldn't stand, move in any way, or even turn my head.  I didn't try to blink, so I'm not sure if that was possible... at least consciously.  I lay there, a bit, and drifted back to another place.  I had done as well as I could.  Death was rather peaceful, at that point.

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The next dream was about a time, past, future, or fiction, with a woman.  Everything was so generic that I can't put a name or face to her.  The dream contained everything good about being with a woman, and some of the... frustrations.  It was quite a dream.  It seemed to go on for days.  When I woke a bit, after this one, I wasn't sure... I thought I might find her beside me.

No hurt feelings, this time, when she wasn't there.  But a small touch of bittersweet.  Still... good.  I really have enjoyed what time I have had with women.  Mostly.  Far more than I have disliked it, even with their need for drama.  It's... gotta be a hormonal thing.  And... paranoia.  Oh, that part I understand.  Still, it's a headcase thing, for any who enjoy that particular issue.  *smile*

-------------------

It may seem strange, to you.  But I enjoyed each dream.  I can't tell you which I preferred the most.  Is that... wrong?  In one, I died doing God's will, in the other I lived doing His will.  I don't mind either one.  It was a pleasant night.  A good sleep.  And rather pleasant wakings.  If I couldn't wake as planned, at least I could sleep until I could wake well.

I am opening up at night, turning ac off.  It gets 73° up there by morning, if it tends to help cool the downstairs to the higher 60°s.  Getting well into the mid to upper 90°s lately, that is as good as it gets.  At least I am not sweating profusely, getting heat sick, or climate based fever-sleeping.  I am rather comfortable, even at 82°.  Of course, I have two cooler areas in which to escape as needed.  Even passing through, to go the the loo, is enough to reset.  The main, with me not in it, goes from 68° to 76° through the day, depending on what time I can be up, and the latter as a late afternoon, early evening, max.

Ducks are out.  I am beginning to wonder if I have a few more females than thought?  Two are tiny little ladies.  Of those I am sure.  Two are hulking out.  Two have been going between fast growth to recently no growth.  They are directly between the large males and the tiny females, but none are full grown yet.  I would guess the males are just about the size of adult females.  Which is an half to third of their adult male sizes.  Unless females grow the fastest, initially, as with humans?  Another reason I suspect I am not human.  :p  Anyway...

I set the alarm for 6:00 and 8:00.  I was able, as planned, to wake and shut everything down at the 6:00 alarm.  I wasn't able to wake at 8:00, as hoped.  I tried a ten alarm.  Again, I failed.  It wasn't until noon, perhaps as much as an half hour after, that I could wake.  Still, all good.  Blood sugar was 187.  Not great, but it definitely beats 350 or such.  And, that is my high for the days.  After, I am hitting between 160's and high 80's.  I am being more cautious with insulin, no dives lately.  I need to check my bp before long.  I just took medication.  I usually give it an half hour to hour to work.

Strange to some, but that was a very good night of dreams.  *grins*  Later.

Yes, right.

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High summer can do that.  I forgot.  While feeling splendid, my mind drifted.  A sort of slumber creeps in.  It allows me to forget what I face.  As above, so below, and lower still if you might not believe it.  Here less than on high... or lessor.  Below us, even lessor.  Hell is a mess, if Detroit is becoming every city.  I... have seen down there.  Sent to look at what was happening.  More like Detroit, before they started clearing blight, but with mixed ages... the burbs and smaller cities anyway.  Building from nearly the stoneages mixed with modern skyscrapers, nothing quite fits or works, but it remains standing, mostly.

I don't know if hell will rise this time or next.  It gets one shot at it.  Man will choose the time.  An agent of God, for good or ill, will assist.  The elect will judge that one.  Demons seem to be on the move, rising, or going to staging areas to rise.  Whether I think it is time, or not, they do.  That is why I was sent.  To look.  All were gathering in the cities, the rural and burbs I saw were... mostly... devoid of denizens.  Mostly.  There were a few... terrible things.  I only sensed them.  Too hateful for even the army of hell, if not interested in much, even me?  Or just unaware, snuggled so deeply into their quilt of hate they couldn't or wouldn't see.

Many men are surrendering to the darkness.  They are embracing it.  As things go one way, they go the other way, if not always in wisdom's council.  If everyone is everyone's enemy, then there is no room for friends of even a slight variance.  Of course, that will mean you are all alone, each of you.  Not even family will count, be cautious.  Choose wisely.  Me?  I am less an actor than a will.  Given no choice, I will do, but that is different from acting.

Someone reminded me.  Even my kin... aren't my friends.  But they aren't friends, even to each other.  Dog versus dog, if I will offer some another option?  I... think so.  Only one can truly know enough to choose to be a friend, ally, of mine, or not.  I have to hope those who claim his council will see as well.  Can't count on it, in these times.  Then again, it doesn't matter in a fleshly way.  That part of my life is, pretty much, done.  This life has been over for decades.  If that isn't what troubles.

A dangerous world.

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I keep bumping into things.  Events.  People, businesses, government agencies and employees, all doing harm.  I have to wonder if harm is the goal, or merely a requirement for some other achievement.  All I am certain about, is that the world has become extremely dangerous.  I have to assume, in short order, it will become murderously so.  I have contemplated escape, but there really isn't a way out.

In part, my health is a limit.  Even in good health, escape would require a place, and means in some new place.  There is no place to escape fully.  Some think Alaska is the place to go.  The thing is, even if you escape one thing, you end up in another form of danger.  If you... mostly... escape government, you then face people.  And a lot of people who mean to avoid government are... problematic.  Should you escape both government and people?  You face wildlife.  And, in all cases, the environment is an issue.

I haven't figured out how to do things.  Only that my government is dangerous.  Corporations have become dangerous.  The people around me have become potentially dangerous.  China virus isn't even a real threat, or at least not one I can do much about.  Masks do nothing.  Nor will goggles, social distancing, or any other measure they impose.  Try wearing airtight goggles.  And you thought masks were bad?  I'm not exactly sure what to do.  Poverty is exploding, government excess is expanding beyond reason, and companies are being funneled into monopolies, run by foreigners, financed by people who hate America and Americans.  Not sure what to do.

Are there any friends or allies, political, economic, social, civil, at this point?  Or has it become completely tribal?  Or worse?  Yeah, it can be worse when even tribes break down.  It is a much more dangerous world than it was not long ago.  And it is going downhill.  As I suggested before, either you aren't alone, or you are all alone.  Though the choice may not be yours.

Another day.

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Down at midnight.  I had opened everything, including upstairs.  It never got below 74° upstairs, after I opened up.  I woke half before eight?  Or so. But just to shut everything down, close it all up.  The front room then read 66°, the main room 69°, upstairs 74°.  I didn't check outside.  At nine, it is 75° outside, 72° in the main, and 69° in this front room.  The upstairs is the same, if ac will eventually cool that to, probably, 70° or 72°.  It will be another scorcher, almost certainly.

I am getting pummeled by the warmth.  It isn't terrible in here, but the long hours of sun, and the heat that seeps through, plus the need to go out occasionally, adds up.  It is too bright to really nap, usually.  On the other hand, it is mostly comfortable until later in the day.  It has been easier to take medicine, and I have been taking it quite well.

Blood sugar was 189 this morning.  A little higher than it should be, but then, fasting blood sugars, for me, have always been high.  I am thinking, in a bit, scrambled eggs with onions and milk should do.  Later?  I just don't know.  Hmm... burger patties?  Smash burgers?  Something.  I need to thaw some things, for the week.

Again, I am hoping to get a few things done.  I'll know more later.  Good day.