So many dreams.

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.

Everything from war, both myself and a brothers in arms.  We didn't get along, for whatever reason.  However, though we fought, we would die to bring the other out, and nearly did.  He may have died back in there, but I was looking for him, last I knew.  I had a psychic connection.  That had been broken, but it just may have been that he was in a coma, or deeply unconscious.  I... was pretty sure I'd get him, wake him or even just haul him out, and that he would be fine.  Still didn't like him, if... that isn't what it is about.  Your people are your people, period.

Oh, and dreams of when I was a child... the girlfriends I had... the innocent ones.  I hated fake teas, but played along.  There were some girls I just... liked.  Had nothing to do with sex, though, in time, may have led to that.  I enjoyed much of what girls were about.  And, even if I thought of sex with an adult woman when I was young, I really generally didn't think of that with girls my age, or even much older... until they were post-puberty.

I explored, in one dream, why I fancied the woman I did.  Ah... she was so very feminine.  She loved having babies.  She was strongly devoted to her man.  She just... effused the feminine.  And, yes, that was a huge draw.  She must have been releasing feminine pheromones at massive levels, almost like being in a drugged air cloud around her.  Yes, I remember, if I didn't understand back then.  Some women are hyper feminine, or for times in their life.  But for the masculine, it's a drawing, limiting, controlling thing.  Which probably ends up being a two-way street.  Even as a child, I... knew what I was looking at, if I didn't understand it.  And, even with my... oddities, I... knew which side of the street I preferred?  I wouldn't even say preferred.  You are either on the right side of the street, or left side.  I was... either on the wrong side of the wrong street, or by common conventions, regardless of oddities, on the left side OF the right side of the road?  Some such.  But I definitely was drawn to some honey bees, or queen bees?  I'd say queens.  Die for them, even back then, if required, even if futilely.  Yes, a dream captured much of this, though it has been on my mind since seeing Northman.  Because, yes, she... Kidman... reminded me of Carol.

Oh, speaking of which, I didn't realize the witch, prophetess, whatever was played by Bjork!  I knew the shaman (jokester, what have you) was played by William Defoe.  Or, just now, learning Ethan Hawke was in it as a major role?  Crazy.  Didn't recognize some of them.  But the cast is among those whose shows (of them I have seen) are among my favored actors and actresses.  Still, not my favored types these days, but, excellent for the type of show it was.  I didn't get every twist, but I knew about mommy dearest, and why though too.  But the final ending... I had hoped for... different, if that was a... possibility.  There were only three possible endings.  It always surprises me that others can't see what is possible, and so be prepared for it.  Most people are led to one type of ending, usually a hollywood ending...  The "good guy" wins, gets the good gal, and go have good babies.  I know there are no good guys, good gals, though babies can make up for some of it.  Amen.

Oh, and other dreams.  On and on.  Streams of open thought, closed speculation, war, love (what's always the difference), and else.  A bit sore, in the ribs, this morning.  But generally much better than the last few days.  And I have been doing well with medicine, if eating a bit too carby even yesterday.

Some meats are thawed.  The bigger cuts need a while longer.  I have whole chicken hindquarter pieces, rather than just thighs or drumsticks (how I prefer it the rare times I can find it in my preferred price level).  But they aren't quite thawed yet either.  Bacon is thawed, and chops.  So, I may even bake some of the bacon, and have bacon and eggs sometime after chia.  I need to cut back on chia, but... until I can, I can't.

Still dark, mostly, today.  It was 52 a few minutes ago.  I'll try to get chores done before long, before it is truly dark.  Then dishes and a shower, maybe a trim and shave.  Medicine, right first thing.  Blood sugar is 217 fasting, so... yeah.  But I have to eat, and have eaten what I have.  But I am getting it down to 136, and even lower, during the day.  Working on it.  Later.

Nothing more.

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Not even breakfast... or... eggs and brats.  Hungry, as can be.  But... just... couldn't get to it.  All good.  A bit after nine.  I'll just go to bed early.  Hopefully get to dishes this afternoon morning.  :p  And, maybe a meal between efforts.  I have meats thawing, so... there is that, as well.  If it usually takes nearly two days to thaw roasts...  altitude, and being cool for the season.  Which is fine.  It'll get there.  though, perhaps, the chops will be ready by this evening?  Maybe.

I did get a number of things done.  Foods stored downstairs, boxes broken down, packing tended, a bit of organizing of the loose materials around... nothing fancy, but not bad.  Especially for as sore and tired as I am.  I like working through the pain, when I can focus.  Something about the challenge.  Did a bit of gaming, but not too much.

I'm stuck, on about three or four bosses.  Like being stuck in the mud, you just have to ease it forward, and back, try to rock out of the hole.  And, if that doesn't work, try something else.  Cat litter, a board, a pulley, a tow from someone.  That is one thing I haven't done in the game.  You can get players to help.  Though... how good they are is another question altogether.  I just... don't... like playing that way.  Still, I may, in the end, on one or two bosses.  But I hate doing that.  And, as mentioned, it is just as likely not to work as it is to be helpful.

Sassy has eaten well.  And has begun enjoying being up on the cat tree.  I'd like to, in time, sooner than later, get a new, better, higher, cat tree for her.  She was... almost afraid of it at first.  I don't know why.  She loved it when she was a little one.  It may have had to do with Sam, dominance, and... such?  In any case, she has retaken a liking to it.  And, further, is enjoying being on near eyelevel with me.  She could be higher, but... doesn't seem to quite prefer that.  Some dames are more demure then others.

Well, on to bed.  Hmm, oh, best take medicine for this morning, and perhaps a smaller dose of fast acting?  But I'd want to eat something with it.  Sardines?  Maybe.  Well, maybe not.  Blood sugar is down to 137.  So, I'll just let that go, for the night.  And skip anything extra, even if hungry.  Sleepier than hungry anyway.  Have a good one.

Dark, early, wet, cold.

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Just at 06:33.  The temp outside is right at 36.  And it is raining.  Sure can use the rain, if more hoping for snow at higher elevations.  Or... so they say.  It sounds like there will be water restrictions, if I still suspect they are shuttling water to California, one way or another, as fast as they can.  It also sounds like they will be dumping a large chunk of water from Flaming Gorge.  They say to just maintain electrical production, but... that just isn't so.  They will dump it to Cali and Vegas.  Can't believe anything they say, anymore.

All that rain will do, they say, is keep grass alive a little longer.  But, if watering is cut to once a week, or less, there won't be lawns.  Some suggest they can come back from a hard year.  I'm not totally convinced.  Especially with extreme limitations.  I guess I wouldn't mind, if California had built any reserve capacity in the last twenty years, while allowing in millions of foreigners and burgeoning their populations.  They have done nothing.  As such, I feel not requirement to share.  They have a whole coast of water, on top of that.  Let them desalinate.  Expensive?  So are millions of illegals.  I don't hear them sending those back, keeping others out.  Unfortunately, their money spends, buys politicians, pushes politics.

Can't believe it is still this cool.  And, cloudy today.  Low hanging clouds, can't see the mountains.  Dark, wet, cold, and early.  Doesn't matter which order that is arranged, it's all the same.  Still, it's... pleasant, in a way.  It smells nice.  Almost floral, certainly grassy, verdant scents in general... topped by slight floral, or fruit?  A mix.  It's... nice.  Kept to a minimum by the cool though.

I've eaten thrice, still hungry.  Blood sugar is a bit higher, but working on it.  Some of it is the foods I have available, currently, or the non-meat portions, are a bit carby.  Beans, and bread (if protein, so not terrible), and crackers... for sardines.  Oh... I'll pull meat out.  A pork roast, more burger, chicken if I have a pack, and kidneys.  Yep, had all, and chops.

Kidneys might seem an odd, off, even scary food.  But it is so easy to cook, and eat, and is actually tasty.  If you are really sensitive, you can soak it in various ways.  I do that, usually.  And, it has an odd flavor, but is so full of vitamins.  It is just behind liver, and maybe similar to heart?  But, texture wise, I think it is better than those, or even tongue.  I need onion, to go with that, and liver next week.  Love me some offal.  And, it's cheap because people are eating the wrong meats.  All good for me... as long as I can find some.  It, liver, heart, and the rest, is becoming much more difficult and rater to find, so I try to stock up when I find it.  Just a few of each, if possible.

Oh, and bacon!  The good stuff.  It's cut thinner than it used to be, but three pounds of prime bacon, for $10?  I'll take that in a heartbeat.  It is similar in price and weight to the odds and ends of bacon, but this is truly good.  The odds and ends can be... a bit... old...  It can taste a bit off.  This has never tasted wrong.  It isn't as prettily cut, but that's perfect by me.  I like the natural cuts of meat.

Anyway... not sure what I could eat yet today.  Eggs, I suppose, fried in a bit of tallow.  Really does well.  But I don't have anything... wait!  There are two remaining brats.  Perfect to be warmed, and have a few eggs, over easy, on top!

I haven't gotten to cleaning the freezer, or dishes, but it is... still... possible.  I think I'll be up for a while longer.  Just the way of things.  Later.

Little things, so far.

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Feeling a bit better.  But achy.  Still, put liners in the trash bins, am prepping another meal, did some online shopping, if I checked finances and decided that is pretty much it.  I still have two bills to get money on.  Will be looking for my checking books, as well, before long.  I think I knew where they were.  Though... if they are still there is a question yet to be certified.

Bits and pieces of other things are happening.  Not a lot, not big things, not exceedingly often, but... a good go of things.

Brats and beans.  Out of sauerkraut, if the brand I had purchased last was... not favored.  It had a sulfur smell, very strange.  Still, I was pretty sure it was reasonably edible, just slightly... odd tasting.  Out, so, beans with the brats.  Not a bad meal, really.  What do the English call them?  Something about bangers and mashers, or... something.  Well, you'll have to excuse them, they are English.  They don't even rule themselves... they, like we seem to have turned, are ruled by elites and foreigners.  No longer a free nation.  Just... let it go, they did.

Anyway... it's something.  I'm baking them, as I don't have charcoal.  May not get any this month.  And I have a full list of preps for next month, unless they raise in cost so much I have to change the orders.  Wouldn't surprise me.  Life is... getting hard.  Will only get harder.  Still, the only thing, sometimes, the little ones can do is turn our backs to the infamy and trudge on.  So be it.

I am still hoping to get to dishes, and a shower.  Will... have to see if that works out.  Will push towards it.  I want to be set up, again, for better meals, soon.  Well, two bills and groceries.  Ugh, but it gets so tight, so fast.  Thankfully I don't have to drive much, these days.  That's murder, the pumps.  Enjoy.  If you chose this, enjoy it.  Later.

More.

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I have been ordering foods for storage.  Short and medium term... six months to a year.  There are many holes in my planning.  Some of the food is not good for keto.  There are limits.  I do have longer term foods, too.  Stored to last decades, with five years on the clock albeit.  Still, it's what I can do.

Storing, long... even medium term, with keto, isn't actually possible.  Just understand that.  The caveat, to middle to longer term storage, is to store what you will eat, and eat it.  I can, in good conscious, only do that to a smaller degree.  If I ate just my stores, blood sugar would be incontrollable.  What I can do is store what I know I will eat, and eat some of it off, from time to time.  Health issues limit my ability.  But, in a true grid down, I will just have to eat what I have.

Chia seed, though, can be stored well.  But that isn't enough.  And, actually, I need to find that in longer term storage, or figure out how to put it up.  It can replace much, but not all.  Nor would I wish to have it replace all.  I have eaten it, nearly daily, for about a year, maybe two?  But I am hitting limits.  I will be cutting it back to two or three times a week, and figuring out something else... eggs and bacon, eventually kefir if I can find my feet and keep up on it, and such.  I like a softer, easier, breakfast.  And, while I despise breakfast, as a meal, I realize I need it.  My systems work far better with it.  Like it or not.

And, I am beginning to explore other options, such as powdered cream.  I have... heard... it isn't the most... appealing of things?  Yet, for camping, or disaster, it can't be faulted.  Other things are being considered.  A lowering of expectation, but a continuation of some normalcy, for a while, should it hit and hard.  All it would take is the nuking of Taiwan or Ukraine, and the gig is absolutely up.  And, don't think it couldn't, wouldn't happen.  Hell, toss Tokyo in.  I'm not even sure the elites mind.  Just... a means to an end, and that is "OUR" elites.  Their elites absolutely don't care.  Yes, we are at that point.  They don't want to be poor, like us.  And would rather go out with a bang, than a whimper?  Something like that.  If, too, they are trying to force us to live like peasants, in the meanwhile.  Wet dreams of being Chinese or Russian elites, who do whatever they want to do, ignoring their people, and their health, wealth, and else for their own grandiose natures.

Yes.  I'm telling you now, stock up.  At least a month or two of food.  If you are older, less active, and might end up shut down and homebound, it won't be as much food as all that.  A couple of big bags of rice and beans would nearly do it, save for boredom.  Add in a dozen cans each of tomatoes, other veggies, potted meats, and longer lasting, shelf stable, protein breads... or canned if blood sugar isn't an issue... and crackers of some sort.  I use keto, but if I could, I'd add saltines or ritz.  Would anyway, but their shelflife is abhorrent, mostly.  And, not things I should eat, even occasionally.  Love those regular saltines, with butter or peanut butter or jelly or... in soups/stews/chili.  Ugh.

Sardines, if you can handle them.  Trust me, something different, from time to time, will be glorious.  Especially something full-flavored.  Cans of things.  Perhaps even honey and/or maple syrup (the real stuff, both in glass), or even molasses.  Things to add a bit to stuff.  And packets of spices, whole black pepper (or white, I have both).

Start small.  Build a bit, eat a bit of it, replace it twice over, etc.  Days, weeks, months, or... never.  Though, it doesn't have to be a big bomb, here or there.  All it has to be is a twisted ankle, a broken hip, closed banks, or an electrical outage for good or no good reason.

Anyway... I got a lot of that downstairs, and collected the boxes, got them to the front room, along with packing and plastic packing, and tore all that down.  I was... a good boy.  If, too, I am beginning to think I am avoiding dishes.  Though, to be honest, I think I trick-fucked myself.  That was harder work, and now my back is a bit out, shoulder really hurt, biceps and leg muscles all got a good workout.  And, yet, I am pleased.

I had asked someone to bring food.  Turns out he had worked late, had a water main problem which soaked him, and was just getting home after... twelve to fifteen hours of work?  Okay.  So, he said he'd get right on it.  Really?  I just told him, if he wished to do me a favor today, to stay home, get warm, rest, eat, and never think about such again.  Didn't have to twist his arm, didn't want to have to.  It's... nice, from time to time, to at least pretend to be kindly.  *grins*

I'll... figure something out.  I... won't be showered, and ready, fast enough to be out before the world shuts down.  But I have a few things.  Canned potted beef, protein bread, sparkling water, and a smile.  Life... is good, can be.  I am grateful for it.  Amen.

Eight hours, or so.

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Down a bit after 11:00, up a bit after 17:00.  It is 57 out there.  Not bad, but still on the cool side.  And, it was an at least partly sunny day.  All good.  I guess.

For no particular reason, trash and recycling have been put out.  Sure, they needed to go.  But, they weren't really on any list.  Friday through Sunday is usually when they hit the list.  Still, all good.  Needed to go.  While there wasn't much volume, as I haven't been cooking or cleaning or else, much, by time... they really... needed to go.  Done.

Dishes are the prime target of the list.  Well, cleaning the cleared freezer top is next.  But, not only am I a going to push dishes through today, I am also going to push putting the clean dishes away quickly.  I want to get back to cooking, and get some real foods too cook, soon.  Maybe nothing fancy.  But... food, real food.  Stews, using chicken broth... meats; roasts, chops, burger, cooked and ready for several days to a week.  And, the better veggies.  Plus leafy greens.  While I am getting salad, mostly prepped, I may begin getting other types of lettuce, to add to it.  Better greens.  I can't pass up the convenience, but I can add in some better greens as well.  I do my best.  If my best has been little better than a beastly way, lately.

Blood sugar was 259 fasting.  Figured it would be high.  Odd how I can get it lower, during the day, sometimes.  But, yeah, right now, just getting back to some sort of rhythm one medicine and food is that priority... better food.  The rest will just have to come back into line as it may.  Ugh.

Still a bit tired, a bit sore, with a minor headache.  But... far better than when I woke yesterday, or went to bed last.  Tough days, but better.  Painkiller helped.  I'd do it again, but as I have mentioned, it doesn't work well twice in a row.  And, the combination is not the healthiest stuff out there.  If you need a sledge hammer, every day, then change the process.  Or understand it.  I do what I can of both, if often just suffering through pain.  Meh.  As mentioned, that keeps me... aware.  It's only when I become numb from it that... I try to find another other way.

Yes, dishes, a shower, medicine.  I've been doing well, back on medicine, mostly?  Well, for a day.  As with insulin.  I keep falling off, but realizing it and getting back on.  Missing doses, here and there, sometimes able to make it up, sometimes not.  Doing my best.  So very tired, mind fog...  But, keeping at it.  And, beginning to do bits and more bits of work, here and there.  Will never catch up.  But, can... do some things.

I have started on the boxes.  Mostly, currently, finding cd's, dvd's, and games, and getting them together, eventually to be put into the living room, near the 'bookcase' for them.  But, while doing that, I may try to get those boxes, and the loose stuff, sorted and collected, in some sort of order.  Bit by bit.  I'll keep at it.  But a shower, right after dishes are finished and drying, would be superior.  And another tomorrow.

I'll keep trying.  Beeping, for something or other?  Time to feed Sassy, for one thing.  Cleaned her litter last night, and changed her water yesterday.  Been feeding and treating her well enough too.  Later.

Still awake.

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Why?  I was trying, and succeeding, at doing small discreet little packets of work.  From clearing, if not cleaning, the freezer top, to waterers, to food, to finishing boxes, and doing a few from the kitchen, and on.  Very little tasks.  Didn't get to dishes.  But... getting closer.

That, in spite of hurting in many ways, all over.  I just hurt.  Ah, I'll take some painkillers, since I have been doing well, the last few days.  Ignoring the pains, and trying.  Oh, and I have been pushing back on to medicine.  I... haven't checked blood sugar in a while.  Nor taken insulin well for days.  Plus I have been eating... poorly.  Even so, blood sugar is 131, after a meal about... three hours ago?  I'll... take that.  I am sure fasting blood sugar may well be nose-bleed high.  But... So be it.  I start where I am, wherever and whenever I am.  I begin from there, and do what I may.

I'll probably take night medicine, for... Wednesday?  I think so.  I'll take night medicine for today, and get the water pills in this evening.

I'll send a text, letting someone know something.  Not that it will necessarily be of any use, but it may be.  I try not to leave others stranded, just because I am crippled.

But... it is about bedtime.  I have done as many smaller and larger tasks as I possibly can.  I still hurt, in so many ways.  My headache, while just a simple one, is rather long-lasting... from when I woke, to of the more severe forms of regular headaches.  I'm... tired, just from that.  Though, toss in the other pains, and efforts, and bedtime calls.

Honestly, though, I am grateful to God for the pain.  It's... all that holds me here.  Or... all I can find, know, see, here.  Pain is what helps me remember I am still alive.  And, if I must be alive, I would rather know it, even if only through suffering.  Another way would be better, but that option doesn't seem to be available.  And, yes, I mean that.  I am grateful for pain.  And the humility it affords.  Finally, a means of a virtue I... greatly desire.  Still not great at it, but... give it time.

Now, on to bed.  After a quick text.  Be well.  Work and play with joy.  Cause a bit of trouble, along the way, just in a kindlier way.  I'll be praying for you as I go to be beat upon by bigger giants, and... maybe even ball one for it's... troubles.  Actually, I only kicked one of it's balls.  Still, caused it to spout vomit.  Not on me, thankfully.  It must have just eaten?  Ha!  Anyway... I'm on to getting my butt kicked in whatever world those dreams happen.  I guess, for good or ill, taking and giving pain is my job.  So be it.

Slow.

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A few last boxes torn down, and packing material torn down and collected.  Plus, I moved the flattened boxes so as to check the porch.  Yep.  A few of the last things ordered.  I have also decided to order a few food items.  I really suspect things are going to get hard, and dark, fast.  And, with the idiot in chief, a nuclear engagement isn't out of question.  I don't think that will be by accident, mind you.  It's... the plan.  And, yes, it will affect you, in ways you definitely don't have any understanding in relation to, at this point.  Not yet.

Beside boxes, I did get all the waterers caught up, fully.  Nothing fancy, just... done.  Out of the way.  Will make getting to dishes easier.  And taking a shower.  So tired, and sore.  May take a nap before long.  Just can't stay awake.  It has been a struggle these last weeks.  Looks like I may lose.  I may just crash hard.  Hoping to get a shower first, but... maybe not.

What I am ordering isn't keto, but keto won't be possible in a hard time like what is presenting as possible.  No, it won't have to be a major, or full out, nuclear engagement for the world to change.  Just a few tacticals, in Ukraine, maybe a few form bloc countries, and... it'll all change.  Or on Taiwan.  China is gearing up for some bullshittery, and our government is supporting both Russia and China in these things, despite what it might seem.  My only wonder is if Japan and South Korea will go down with Taiwan.  They know they are next, might try to fight back.  Neither have the means, with a retard for US president.  And evil retard at that.

I did get a bite to eat.  I had canned chili, but had thawed ground beef, cooked that, and mixed it at about two or three ground beef to canned chili.  Not great for carbs, but filling.  Needed meat.  I may bake some brats tonight, or... tomorrow... as well.  I have figured out how to bake them, since I am out of charcoal.  It works fairly well, to be honest.

Well, so be it.  Later, or goodnight.

Everything hurts today.

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It's all mild pain.  But everything from my shoulders, shoulder blades, and my funny bone from the elbow, to feet, ankles, and skin generally from the hips down.  Knees and ankles, ligaments and joints. and muscles almost everywhere.  Just a general soreness.

I don't remember fighting with bigger giants in my dreams, but... this is what it felt like, especially after a couple of low fives... being smacked by the open hand of a giant after having fallen to the ground.  Patty cake, patty cake, bam!  Who knows why I hurts, just that I do.  Even organs, a bit.

Still, the first things first.  Planning.  Dishes, from start to stop, after clearing and cleaning the freezer top.  I won't be doing it immediately, but soon enough.  I have to wake, first.

It seems to have been sunny all day.  But not all that warm.  It was ~53 out there just a bit ago, around ~17:45.  Strangely cool for a sunny day.  But, okay.

I really need to get to the store, for groceries.  But, I have to shower first.  Then again, dishes have to be at least washed first?  Well, I could just dump them and move them, then shower.  I could.  But I want to try to get the dishes done and moved, first.  Besides, I wouldn't be doing anything right away.

When I complete these dishes, that is it for dishes for a while.  A couple days off.  Then, when I start back to dishes, just one group at a time.  Maybe try to do that daily.  But... when I overdo, it just crashes my system.  There are so many dishes, that it'll take a while.  Tuckers me out just looking at the group.  Probably won't be all that bad, but... maybe.

Later.

A bit to eat and the last of the boxes.

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That is about it.  Oh, some more gaming.  Another boss which I was having difficulty taking.  A couple of tries and... got it.  Not the dishes, not a shower, not the waterers.  I... have stayed up, longer, trying to get more done.  It isn't going to happen.  So, on to bed.

My eyes are burning, from extending my stay.  Odd.  I think I was up later the last few days.  But, I was more active today.  Perhaps the efforts have worn me out?  Oh, no... what it was is the dust from working in the sheds.  Right.  That will do it.  Anyway... nice to have that sorted out.

I am looking at apps, for hiking.  Not sure if they will work here, or which ones are better for Utah.  It would be good to have tech, that I can trust.  But, while at it, to learn to use physical maps again.  It's been a very long time.  Sure, on highways, but not off-road, on foot, out 'there'.  Of course, even finding local maps... I didn't have the greatest success.  May try again, soon.

Well, on to bed.  Goodnight.

An odd start.

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Some boxes broken down.  Packing broken down too.  More to do, but about half done... from in this room.  I was trying to get in to get a 'bookcase' for cd's, dvd's, and console games.  I finally got in to that, dusted it off... the shelves and pretty much everywhere.  Then got it set up in the living room.  It's not the most stable, on the carpeting, but maybe with movies and games in, it'll settle a bit.  I have it slightly wedged, for now, with other furniture.

Then I got the cat tree out.  It's pretty ripped up.  I'll vacuum, and other sort it out, before too long.  And, then, set it somewhere Sassy may be more likely to use it.  I may need to replace it.  I am hoping she will enjoy it.

A bit of food.  But, it really wasn't much, or filling.  I'll have to figure something else out.  A bit of gaming, between work efforts.  Not a lot, just a few things, here and there.  The game has gotten brutal, again.  Not sure, but I think the updates have rendered my methods useless.  That and they changed algorithms, so that... I think... you have to die a certain number of times before even having a chance to get through.  It's... how they do all these games.  So, the bosses may well cheese you, where you have no way of winning.  It's programmed in to be randomly unfair.

I'll hit the last of the boxes out here.  Then figure out something else to eat... if possible.  Then, hopefully, hit dishes, and the last of the waterers.  Maybe taking a shower if possible.  Then, a bit of relaxing on on to bed.  I may or may not have more help tomorrow and/or the next day.   So... I'm going to try to get better sleep in, and be cleaned up.  Even if it doesn't happen, being up and going would be good.  And clean.

Cleared out some of the outbuildings, at least of old wood, metal bits, and such.  The floors remain to be cleaned off.  As well, the clothesline needs to go back up.  I had hoped to clear the foam from the posts tonight, but have... other things going.  At least I am doing something.

As to the hammock?  I wanted to have that up and going, but realized my stakes are all missing.  So, I had to order new.  But... was broke last month.  So, those have been ordered.  Should be here by the end of the week.  Some long, some middling.  Never can be sure.  When they get here, I can get the tarp up.  And, if so, sleep out there, a night or two.  Practice putting it up and taking it down.  Learn how to dry it all in the morning, and get it into my pack.  As well, I may begin practicing using other gear, cooking and rain, figuring out how to change clothes.  I'd really like to begin camping, if hiking first.  And... well... I... have things to learn.

One thing at a time.  If I can remember.  Oh, I asked about help getting to the V.A.  I may or may not always need it, but...  I may not need it this time.  Just thought to ask.  There are other options, but those would mean being up there all day?  Yea, no.  I'd have to find someplace to go, where I wouldn't have to wear a mask or whatever other freaky requirements the hospital might try to impose, and, yet, still be picked up.  Anyway... thought to ask.  Trying to... sort things.  Might be able to get to it myself.  Just... asked.

Well, on to the last of the boxes, some food, gaming, then waterers, dishes, and a shower.  Later.

How very absolutely strange.

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I got to the waterers.  Finished all I need, have another batch set up to be filled, actually, everything including from chores today is emptied, and in one of the freshly filled fill buckets.  Only two waterers, out of thirteen, was less than half full so pulled to be refilled today.  Very strange.  I did check, they are all flowing.  Though, perhaps, at night they do freeze?  Maybe, maybe not.  I just hedges at 32.  If the rabbits drink at all, there is a good chance they don't freeze.

More, food.  Only two were completely out, a few more could use a topping off of feed, but most were still full.  ...  I... someone here?

----------

Yep!  A visitor.  I was grumping at the world, through the only ear that I thought might listen, and it did.  Here to do some work.  So... I... got boots and gloves, and went and helped as little as I was able.  Gave him some money, for food, too.  He never understands.  Just because I am hollering doesn't mean a thing.  Wait until he is married, he'll, hopefully, learn to understand.  Old, ill, women, those sorts... live a different sort of life.  Hollering, often, is just to be heard.  Grateful to be heard, he doesn't understand.  But... will.

Got the majority of items out.  Just need to clear the floors next.  And, set up, maybe, to get the clothesline back up.  I need to clear the post, though.  Get the muck initially tried, foam stuff, off.  Mostly.  He thinks leaving some of it on might not be a bad idea.  I'll.... think on it.  Still, have to get some of it off.  It would be nice to have that up, and setting, for use in a week or so.  Putting bedding out, and some other things.

I... wasn't a great help.  But I got out, into the sun.  He says the earlier days have been sunny.  I guess I just haven't seen it.  All I have seen is cloud.  How very strange.  I did help some.  Then became like a child, confused, or lost focus to some item or topic.  But, being out, in the sun, even as cool as it is, was just fine.  I may have developed a slight sunburn.  Really.

Now, to get breakfast going.  And do dishes and get a shower in.  Then, at some point, work on the clothesline posts.  Yea, maybe.  Will try.  If I can get back up.  Tired.  It just hit like a ton of bricks.  What I just did wore me out.  Later.

Ow.

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Headache.  From sleep being so topsy-turvy.  Ah, but I got to see the sun for a bit.  Will go do chores, to see it more?  Oh, but I have to refill the little waterers.  Ugh.  Still, should be quick.  I can hope the sun is still out.  Seemed like a moment ago, but moments move so... quickly... around the dying.  But the pain from that, and else, is... mild, today.  Just enough to grump just a bit.  Then get on with it.

Water is warming, for breakfast.  Teeth are brushed, I'll get medicine in today.  I stumbled three or four times last week, on medicine, missing several nights.  I could make up for some of it, but not all of it.  I have to get back on track.  Done well the last two days, would like to stabilize this week.  Then, if I can be good on medicine this week, begin checking bp next week.  But... I keep forgetting insulin.  I'm not eating often, and have been eating canned beans with or without whatever meats I can find.  So, not eating right, but not eating often.

Medicine was the package, last night.  So, I'll... get that arranged.  But, too, I need to figure out how to get to the V.A. for a blood test.  He, as a doctor, medical provider, has the right... and need... to check that.  Absolutely fair enough.  It's... just... a matter of getting there, when I am in this condition.  If I can't get there by next Tuesday, I'll call and see what we can arrange.  I don't like the arrangements, so, will... try to sort this out!  Ugh.

A call about money owed.  I am patient.  That patience has been pushed.  If it were twenty, or fifty, that would be one thing.  Larger amounts... if too, it has been months...  Not.. happy.  Oh, I understand.  He is over a barrel himself.  But, sometimes, you have to kick barrels.  It's... how the world works.  Nobody likes to kick barrels, stir shit, stomp in mudpuddles, hit bee nests, but... sometimes, that's what has to be done.  I have been on both sides.  Not favored, sometimes required.  Amen.

Okies.  Now to get to chores, in the hopes of being out in a bit of sun, even just for moments.  It's only 42 out there, even so.  But, I can handle that, 32 wasn't beyond me.  I've gotten used to the cool, again.  Leaving one window open, upstairs, keeps it in the high 50's up there.  Two windows dropped it into the low 50's, which I didn't prefer.  So... yeah.  Anyway.  Best get to it.  Later.

Death? Life?

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A game?

I don't know that I buy it.  But, I don't know that I don't.  I have beaten Dark Souls I and II.  I didn't play III.  And, the game I am now playing is, pretty much, the next Dark Souls.  As well, I beat the first game, these were roughly based upon.  As well, I am... still... alive?

Barely staying awake.

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Tired, sleepy too.  Hungry though.  I'd like to figure out eating something, then maybe going on back to bed.

While looking around, I thought about bikes.  Motorcycles.  While looking over some of those, I ran into something else, maxiscooters?  Scooters with 400 to 750 cc's.  Interesting.  For the larger ones, you still have to get a motorcycle license.  For the smaller ones, you don't.  Or... that may depend on which state you live in?  Interesting sorts of bikes though.  With my size, I'm not sure if even the bigger ones would do.  Who knows.  And they are as expensive as a smaller car, with only a year warrantee.

I looked over a few videos, and comparisons.  But the prices...  I suppose there is used, but, with only a year guarantee, I... just don't think so.  One of the problems with bikes, of any sort, compared to cars.  No, not electrics.  I wouldn't even think about an electric vehicle, automobile or bike.  Problems, start to stop.

I would only consider buying such if I somehow figured out how to sell the house for enough to get on out.  The thing is, rent, in most places, is more than my mortgage.  Good, bad, ugly, there may be no better place to go.  And, Ecuador, the place I had been thinking of, requires the jab.  So... no.  They are still rather masked up, down there, as well.  The Philippines, most nations actually, are rather difficult regarding that matter.  There isn't a place to go, it seems.  A few states, in America, didn't lose their complete and ever-loving mind over... the flu.

On the good side, better to realize there is no safer place, for important things, than where you live.  Home may not be perfect, but... it's not completely lunatic and statist.  Funny thing, Ecuador's supreme court ruled that the things being done are unconstitutional... and, yet, nothing has changed.  America is going that way, it just hasn't, quite yet, become dictatorial in ignoring state and personal rights, or completely.  Yet.  Not that this place is perfectly safe.  If they decided something, here, they will push it through and right over people, even here.  The SSD thing, I think, was them.  Payback for things I have said, and other matters.  Trump thought he'd help me, by getting it sent to Chicago.  But liberals hate me more than the locals, or the Mexican locals who run ssa in Utah.  There was no way out of that.

The world is getting tight, small, dark, and evil.  America is becoming just like China and Russia.  Secular.  The thing about Russia?  They are a dying people.  Even worse than the US, I think.  As is China.  Though, how many children born in the US are actually American?  Fewer and fewer.  I suppose, if they actually end abortion, it is only because they think we have hit a tipping point, were foreign babies will take over.  America has been stolen, as it was in the first place, I guess.  No one seems to care.  Do they even remember?

Filling water jugs for the week.  Took medicine.  Tried to game, too sleepy.  May try in a bit, again.  So tired.  Oh... need to check the post.  A package, it seems, is in?  I'll... get to it.  Later.

----------

I did get to the post.  Holy crap, it's 32 out there.  May 8th, and 32 F?  It took me a bit by surprise.  Sure, it's 23:52, but... that's cold.  Frigid, for this time of year.

Oh... got some sort of letter.  Seemed like they were going to be ask me to pay something, for something.  I wondered if they were going to try to make me pay for deciding against the loan.  Was about to raise holy heck.  Nope.  Partial payback for the years they charged me for paying over the phone.  I was charged $10 a time, every time, still am I think.  Got less than $40?  I guess too busy paying lawyers to actually pay us back.  No wonder no one trusts .gov, the courts, or anyone/thing else.  At least I won't have one more thing to fight.

-----------

Well, not exactly maxiscooters, but...

I like the BMW best, if I'd probably go for the 750 rather than the g310.  If... affordability becomes an issue, again.  Bleh.  Though, the last bike isn't bad either, if affordability again becomes a slight issue.

Up, if so very roughly.

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Down late, but that isn't all of it.  Medicine, and weather, and everything, conspires successfully.  I am sore, everywhere.  Even a pinched nerve affecting my right arm.  Can't feel parts of that arm right to my two littlest fingers being numb.  Odd how things work.  Minor headache, still tight from the knife dream, hungry but not, thirsty as a devil.  Still not used to medicine.  It... takes a while.  Until that happens, every day is like a middling hangover, or worse.

And, I can't seem to drink enough.  Ah... lost track of insulin.  I'll... get back on that.  Gah!  Always something.  And... the sun... I haven't seen the sun in... a while.  It is 17:50 and only 40 degree out there?  Strange.  We seem to be getting rain, more often than I think is typical.  So, there is that.  And, yes, for here, now, that is a good thing.  I'll take the difficulty darkness brings for extra water.  We are seriously low.  I am hoping they won't just dump this too.  No, I don't trust them.  California money and D.C. politics have very serious reach and influence.  Then again, enough that people die or get replaced, one way or another, if they get in the way.  Sodom will not be deprived of other people's water.

Breakfast is brewing.  I don't have any more meat thawed.  Will have to see what is in there, and pull some things out.  A roast, chops, burger and/or ground pork, chicken?  I need to get to the store, for fresh veggies to go with it.  The cabbages I bought previously are... too dated, I think.  I'll check, but... they... seem... rough.  May not have a choice though, haven't been able to get out!  Stuck, here, harshly held down by meds and weather and ill health and all.  Barely getting chores and such.  Sassy is being tended pretty well, mostly.

Will... keep trying.  Like a dog, gone overboard in heavy seas, I'll stay up and trying as long as possible.  Odd, how when I sleep, I always have ended back up on shore.  I know I can die, but...  I still, really wonder, sometimes, if this is purgatory.  Can't... die.  What I see, feel, sense, and understand is... not the whole truth of it.  I can't say this is purgatory.  Pretty sure it isn't hell, not sure it is earth, positive, actually it is neither heaven nor hell.  Just... not... quite sure if it is earth or purgatory.  Though... you should understand?  If I am in purgatory, regardless of what you believe, and you are reading this?  You are in purgatory too.  Amen.

Some things.

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.

I was worried about the rabbits.  So, I pushed and got chores done, earlier in the evening.  Still plenty of light out.  All of them had quite a bit of food.  And some of them still had water.  Some had a lot of water.  Not sure how that happens.  And I check, to make sure the waterers work. They do.  Not... sure why some drink so little.

I also cooked burger, and added keto rice and cream of mushroom sauce, with some cream.  It was pretty good.  If not as filling as I had hoped.  More hamburger, already cooked, remains.  I'll probably add something to that, heat it all up, and have one last meal before bedtime.

Sassy has been tended, well, today.  Sometimes she chats with me, sometimes she lets me know it's meal time.  Sometimes she rests near me, sometimes she goes and finds a place which is quieter.  I sure enjoy her company.  As mentioned, even when I hollower at the game, I make sure she knows it's not her.  I only startle her, if she was deeper in sleep.  Otherwise, when I raise a ruckus, she just... notices.  I have heard her sigh, or groan, about it.  *grins*  She puts up with me rather well, to be honest.  I try to make sure she knows I appreciate her kindness.

I almost got to bed early, very early.  Then I just... lost... track of the idea that I was about to go to bed.  It's 07:10, way late, and much later than I wanted to be in bed.  Ugh.  I'll... keep trying to spin days and nights back around.  

Had a day dream, again.  This time I died.  Nothing fancy, nothing horrifying, just... I fell asleep to death.  I was just thinking over life as body and mind were parting.  Pretty women I have known, seen.  Friends and enemies I have enjoyed.  The pains and joys of life.  Just a little breather, before the next part of the journey.  It was an easy thing.  Saddened, a bit.  And, yet, grateful to begin the next part of my journey.  I then said a quiet little prayer, and began casting about as to where to go or what to do next.  Death is no stranger to me.  This seemed... so real.  It was a rather quiet, slightly pleasant, dream.  I... just... I think I still have things here to do.  And I will do them, as I may.  Amen.

Good... goodnight, good morning, good day.  God be with you in your walk.  If you happen to make it to church, tell God I say hello.  Oh, I say hello to Him all the time, just... I like to send messages through other folk.  He... appreciates that for a dozen and one reasons.  Like notes, in school, me and various pals and gal friends used to pass.  Little joys.  So, if you would, tell Him hello, from me.  He'll... know what all it's about.  And appreciate your efforts.

Awake, early.

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I woke at 14:00.  Lost my phone, had to go looking.  I had just had it in my hands.  Looked everywhere.  Finally, while seated where I last remember having it, my body sort of... reached and dropped.  Some sort of mild memory?  But I had checked that basket of clothes, twice.  Not... well enough it seems.  This time, I went right for the center, and down in a bit.  There it was.

Now I am tired.  But, have my phone.  Wouldn't have cared, but I received a query regarding dairy.  It was early, when that arrived, so I assumed he had just brought the usual.  Nope.  So, I had to find the phone and text out.  One more week of three units.  Next week I will cut it to two, but I won't confuse the matter today.  I'll just send a text, later today.  I even, when out to see the movie, got cash, for payment.

That place, where I would have been stabbed last night... this morning... is... hard.  Just sort of by sense.  And it hurts, deep in.  Probably a muscle flinch?  Ribs are 'tickled' in the area.  Hurts tickle.  I had echo dreams of that through the night.  Not as... severe, visceral, as the first.  Odd.

Dreams of flying, or remembering flying?  Going to Chicago, which I wouldn't do to save the city or my life.  And... remembering dreaming of nuclear bombs being detonated... I had dreamed that was going to happen.  I still think things were in place.  But it seems they actually took it seriously, finally, and went after it.  Sadly?  They knew the actors.  They were a party to their party.  It wasn't easy, when they started pushing, to find and eliminate some of their own operatives.  Not even rogue, really, just more intent than most.  Think muslim antifa.  There were three or four cities set to burn.  I guess they weren't quite as anti-American as they had thought, or... at least, didn't want cities to burn to that level.  

Yea, they... are all on the same side, and it really isn't yours.  Well, that is what my dream indicated, and I believe it.  Just weeks to months away from briefcase nukes being detonated.  The one I saw well was a mock soda machine, if I think they all were.  The materials were on their way.  First, the carriers, and transport grid, was taken down and out.  Then the devices were dismantled, as was the construction infrastructure, here and abroad.  A lot of people, their families, their financiers, their "holy men", and others, simply are no more.  It was Dems who knew them, sorted it out, and took out their own.  I guess cities are off-limits.  Or nukes?  Not sure, with them.

Heck of a night.  Later.

Ah.

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.

I kept watching vids about how to beat certain bosses.  Then I realized it.  Computers, pc gamers... they can add mods.  They can easily change the game, making it easier, or their 'toons much stronger.  Some of the things I was doing, I was getting nowhere near the success.  Now I know what.  Which... is the problem with youtube, or television even, if that were still such a thing.  Can't believe a thing you see on either.

Even the cheeses.  Some of them, obviously enough to me, if through proof being in the pudding, doesn't mean they are all real, or still functioning.  As well, I suspect where you live, and perhaps literally who you are, might make a difference.  Many of the people doing these things, are doing them on a special copy, handed out to influencers.  Meaning, they may get different updates, they may have access to devs and data we don't, and perhaps, the very game they play is different.

I am beginning to wonder if they are trying to force us to play multiplayer?  Making the game pretty much impossible to win legitimately, solo.  Who knows what is going on.  Just know that big money is trying to push everything in certain directions, for ideological, political, and other such reasons.  And, yes, that includes games.  Movies are pretty much done though, it seems.

It's a strange world, these days.  It does look like the agenda drive are being destroyed, their methods are failing.  Which is why the jab.  And some other things.  If even that isn't working out as well as they had hoped?  Or... not yet.  A dark world.  Odd.  Everything is not what you suspect.  And, even I am on the putz level.  Though, too, what they face isn't just men.  Which... despite their duplicity, evil, and machinations, they still haven't won.  They don't get it worse than even I don't get it.  Believing only in the world, despite realizing that is impossible, is why they can't win.  Still, they will try.

Yea, I think these things are more connected than most of you will choose to believe.  Heck, many of you are on Ukraine's side, despite them being set up to be taken by Russia... by their so-called allies.  Even the pope suspects, if I'm surprised he mentioned it.  As I suggested, perhaps he is playing an controlled oppositional part in the play.  He is on their side, after all.

Yea.  Well.  So be it.  I've read to the end, and beyond.  They... won't win.

Happy Mother's Day weekend.

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I... thought it was next weekend.  So... she called me.  Of course.

Still, thinking of her.  Definitely... thinking of her.

All good.

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The rabbits are hopping.  All good.  I may put Hazel in with another buck, later tonight, or early ("early", as when I wake up) tomorrow.  I want her hopper as full as possible.  I have doubts about how many will make it, even if she does deliver.  So...  And I don't mind having two baby daddies for her.  Especially with two simps on standby, potentially.

The main fellow, who is going at it and well, I had thought to cull.  He isn't the biggest.  He isn't this, or that.  Sort of an ugly guy.  A bit... too much... like me?  Maybe.  A beater, who could, and did.  Anyway.  I still haven't named him.  Was thinking Jumping Jack Flash, but really no longer approved of that group, if I ever did save when I was decidedly not Christian, or anything but?  Still, the... name does fit, and suit him.  And, well, critters don't live in a moral world.  A simple one.  And, so, yes, Jumping Jack would work, Flash as well, if you must.  I am... proud of the lad.  He came from behind and rode his way to glory.  *grins*

It's a strange world out there.  Not at all cold, if not warm.  And with winds and breezes and gusts confuse things.  But the air is fresh, clean, slightly crisp.  I had to use my vacuum cleaner on one side, and steam cleaning vacuum on the other, or the door would slam open, then shut, or bang on whatever I attempted to do on just one side.  It is wonderful, to be getting fresh air in.  I am hoping to get to vacuuming and such, before long.  Clean up areas.  Maybe completely empty a room at a time, to vacuum then steam vac.  But... I don't know.  So tired, a bit broken.  Medicine?  Weather?  Gaming?  A bit of each, perhaps.  I'll... keep trying, hoping, praying.

With what is done, done, I'll take a break, then hit dishes when possible, and a shower after.  See about laundry and more dishes after that.  Oh, but breakfast still needs to be started.  The water is hot, I just need to steep chia and else for a bit.  That is all ready, too.  Just... need to pour and wait.  Later.

As usual.

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Dark, but not too cool.  Almost warm, at ~68 out there.  I turned the furnace off and opened windows.  I need to get upstairs, and do the same.  Fresh air.  Love it.  Overcast, with a stiff breeze, occasional wind, slight gusts.  Nearly blustery, just... not quite.  But, greens, purples, yellows, and all sorts of colors and shapes seeping out from the thumb of winter, a hard spring, and moving on.  And  the smells of farming, ranching.  If you don't like those smells, even the occasional unpleasant ones, stay to the city.  Though, after the city, one would think you... ah... those from gated communities?  Right.  Stay in your cities.

Down around 05:00~06:00?  Around them.  Up, anyway, at 15:30, give or take change.  I am trying to push, in either direction.  Not making it far, not having any impact on the results... 15:30, whether to bed early or late.  I... try to wake early, too.  I saw it was 13:30, so went to get out of bed.  And... did.  At 15:30.  Gah!  What happened to the two hours I can't tell you, I was sure I was awake, and would be up early.  Nope.

Today?  Dishes, and the last of the laundry.  Airing out the house, I'll get the windows upstairs opened, and leave the door to the upstairs open.  Though it may fly shut with the winds, gusts, and airflows.  Hmm, might put a chair to block it?  Can try.  Oh, and getting the rabbits at it.  Shortly.  I want to be a grandpa again!  Dang it.  I like my critters, and want them to be happy and productive.  There is something wonderful about being party to the lives and continued living of other creatures.

If I can get a grouping of dishes done, rinsed, and out to dry, I'll grab a shower before putting another load in.  I have been dearly loving showering.  I love to be extra clean, even if it doesn't seem to matter.  I think the reason I am cleaner, is what I eat.  As mentioned, cutting sugars, starches, and such (mostly) really does make it so poo isn't sticky.  TP, in truth, is merely a... check.  The only thing that needs it, really, is when there are seed gold in them hills.  Chia... I can tell when I am getting rid of 'breakfast'.  That's all I'm saying.  Not sticky, just... seeds don't have enough mass to drop as easily.  Needs help going away.  Too much information?  Aye.  Just in case seeds are being considered for feed, so's you know.

Actually, right to it.  I'm going to get the windows open, upstairs.  Jam the door open, to upstairs.  Get the rabbits to hopping.  Get... chia percolating, then breakfast eaten. - By the way, chia is extremely rich in omega 3s.  Which means eating red meats more regularly is much easier on the system. - Then?  Then sitting, looking over the web, maybe gaming.  Until, again, I can get to work.  Then on to dishes and laundry, a shower, and making something to eat.  Hmm, brats, the last of them, and sauerkraut.  Later.

On to bed.

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Did I mention my dreams?  Too late, for one (or one series).  The other dream was about harvesting.  Driving a tractor, all day.  Some carrot colored plant, or flower?  I... never did quite figure out what it was I was cutting, with a machine picking the plants up and putting them into a hopper.

In my dream, I drove all day, harvesting, at a slow steady pace.  Boring as heck.  But, in the dream, that was my job.  It was a terrible dream.  I have always been curious about the job.  I... guess... not so much now.  No, it makes me even more respectful of farmers, ranchers, and the like.  The cab was cooled, so there was that, and obviously covered.  But just going a few miles an hour, staying in a straight row, turning at the right moment, bored out of my gourd.  I don't know how they do it!

Anyway...  I did get a couple of loads of laundry washed and dried, with one last load drying tonight as I go on to bed.  I should have been to bed earlier, just... got lost in the night.  Oh well.  It was too late to get the rabbits going, again.  Dark.  I'll do it tomorrow.  A few more matings, and hopefully, this time?  Who knows.  Will find out.

Dishes, tomorrow, first thing.  And, maybe, another load of laundry.  As well, a shower.  I have been having one every few days.  I still can't believe how... clean I remain.  Even a few days of not showering, but more when it was weeks.  Very... strange.  I think of the incorruptibles.  I tell you, it is not... normal.  I will take it, and gladly.  There have been times when I have gotten a bit... off.  But that is rare.  Usually I remain quite, strangely, clean.

Anyway... on to bed.  Goodnight.

Ride em', cowboy!

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.

The little guy got busy right away.  No problems there.  When I just went and put her back in her cage, the little doe, for a bit of a breather, she was panting and grunting, somewhere... I think... between being pleased and irritated.  About... where you want your woman.  :)  Maybe that's just me?  But, for my part, I think he did well.  I'll put her back in with him, in about four to six hours for another hour or two.  Then call that done, starting on the next doe tomorrow.

As to the big girl?  Well.  The first two bucks were kowtowed by her.  Yes ma'am, no ma'am.  They wouldn't even go near her.  I... thought to give up.  She wasn't getting ridden.  I decided to put her in with the buck I only kept by accident.  One I didn't, initially, like at all.  But, have changed my tune on.  Just... because... he is... well... a true pal.  A guys' guy.

As it turns out?  Saving him may be what saves the bigger line.  Hoppity hop!  Right on top.  He went for leg and would not truck no.  He's fell twice and is still trying to ride her like a hot pony.  I'll give them a few hours, then pull her until later.  Though, with her?  After he gets two rides, I am going to put her in with the last buck left, as well.  If those two will do the deeds, they... will earn their keep.  The others may have to go.  Though, if she kits out, and they can get to those, they may still have use.  Would rather not father daughter that.  It just seems wrong, even if it is common in the industry... for specific purposes.  I just can't see how that would be good for the herd.

Anyway... at least they are getting it going.  I can only hope.  The little ladies will get two breeding's each.  The big girl, hopefully, will get four.  If it works out, and I get kits, and they get to breeding age, I will be keeping what of those I can.  The wall, breeding-wise, otherwise, is probably here and gone.  This is it, or not.  Though, if this fails, I may try, again, to find several breeding stock.  And start over.  I just don't want to quit.  And, finally, have some idea of what is going on, how to get things done, when to do things, and such.  It... takes failure to find success.  We will see.

Hippity hop!  :)  Later.

Sorely up.

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My little world simply hurts.  Hips, elbows, knees.  Mostly joints today?  No headache, internals are very mildly tender.

To bed at about 04:00, awake at about 15:00, give or take small change either way... minutes, that is.  I slept seeming hard, so rolled often.  Didn't matter.  Still hurt.  I roll when I seem to be sleeping too hard, in an attempt to relieve bones and whatelse.  It just didn't matter.  Perhaps I was only awake to roll too rarely?  It seemed like I was constantly rolling, though.  These, compared to other pains, are... milder.  Given options, these are generally better options.

Surprised the show didn't trigger any prophetic dreams.  Yes, that... can happen.  Not a guarantee, certainty, but a common enough trigger for such.  They did catch the prophetic, if from a time before God's knowledge to them... or fully.  They... knew there was God, if often thinking it was several, many.  Angels and demons, these they knew.  As with most old religions.  I suppose God decided they weren't ready.  Until they were.  And, then, He sent men who knew of Him to die telling his stories.  And... die they did, until... they didn't.  Elites won't believe, or at least worship, God, because they believe having their places of power would exclude any such being.  Or, at least, the way most of them rule.  And, often, so it is.  Princes and principalities, not men, is what we face.

Chores, first thing.  I... can't remember how long it has been.  Feared they would all, or some of them, be dead.  Not only not dead, some still had food, and some water.  Some had both.  Very... strange.  Oh, they were happy to see me.  But, nothing too much.  I put a few does in with bucks.  But I think my big girl is done, and she is the last I had of big does.  So, they will just be no more.  I am going to give each buck a shot with her, but they... aren't really trying.  The little guy got right in the saddle, and the little lady seemed rather happy for it.  Perhaps those will do.  I will remove them, from each other, in a bit.  Though the big doe is going in with each buck, in hopes one will toss a hail mary and put a few buns in the oven.  Ugh.

It is 65 out there, and a warm 65.  So, I opened the place up, a bit.  Need to get the front door open too.  I have bratwursts remaining.  And will fry hamburger today, into crumble.  If I do something with that, I may make keto spaghetti.  Or, keto cream of mushroom and rice.  Not real rice or pastas, but they do.  Even the cream of mushroom is different, but not at all bad.  Since processed, I prefer to eat that more rarely.  But it... works, a few times a month, to every other month.  An easier meal to make.  

Well, and I ordered one more thing, keto peanut butter.  No sugar.  Actually, only two ingredients.  Not my favorite oil, but better than some.  Just an oil, palm I think, and peanut butter... ground peanuts.  That is all.  Small jars, relatively expensive if peanut butter has become somewhat expensive anyway.  Being of peanuts, not perfectly keto.  But... really, with macros and else, not bad... if you don't eat the whole jar.  But, isn't it that way with everything, keto or otherwise?  It arrived today, and has been taken back.

Sure feels like summer is about to pop.  Who knows.  Still dark, but rather warm.  Odd, believing 65 is warm?  That's ten degrees hotter than it has been for... quite a while.  So, yea, I am calling 65 warm.  Later.

To the movies.

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I was the only one, other than workers, when I entered the building.  There isn't a ticket stand, anymore.  Just pay where you buy foods, if you were foolish enough to do so.  I just asked about soda.  Between $5 and $6.  I didn't bother asking about popcorn, or else.  They don't take cash, either.  Not good, I won't be back, just for that.

The movie itself?  I... had a pretty good idea, going in.  Was... pretty sure, from the start.  These are a mixture of ancient pre-Christian ways of telling stories which have a rhythm and rhyme.  I read these growing up, along with many other things.  Much as, if you don't know a particular Shakespeare play, but have seen many others of his works... there... is a madness to the method.  No, not the other way around.  And, either you enjoy it or you don't.

There were a few surprises.  But, that is expected too.  Still, basically, I... understood what I was going in for, and enjoyed it to a degree.  But, it's... a rarified thing.  I don't think most people would enjoy it, any more than they would enjoy most of the old stories, or ways of storytelling.  From indian works, to most folk stories from past, from anywhere around the world.

It wasn't the best, or worst.  But, very... good, within that framework.  Far too simple for moderns.  In a time when the average citizen, at least of this country, mostly... so far... to a degree if on the wane... has more rights than kings of old, literally... this won't go over well with modern audiences.  Much like, again, Shakespeare or plays of a contemporary time or nature.  Operas, for example, or even plays... even if you could find one not woke.  

Oh, but the commercials.  Ugh.  All black, all the way.  Just companies, big and small, local and national... not to do business with, ever.  Still, wall to wall advertising for things I'll never use.  Especially the way they were presented.

Leaving, I saw four guys.  They may have been employees though.  I was the only one in my theater.  Wow.  I asked if that was usual.  He said weekdays are pretty dog, but they are busier on weekends.  They have to be losing money.  That's just crazy.  Oh well, not my problem.  They have chased most customers away, one way, another, or another, or another.  I'll... not be back.

As to recommendations?  Not... really.  I don't think most moderns would get anything out of it.  I was merely reminded of the good old bad days.  More a time and way of story-telling, and to a more minor degree, how things really were.  But, I wouldn't go again.  It could have been worse.  Much worse.

A movie I would like to see?

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Possibly.  Problem is, it is... going, and quickly.

Well, not still sleeping?

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Okay.  Dreams.  Of textures, sort of.  The soft parts of women, the feel of horses, petting cats and dogs... clean and comforting.  A strange set of dreams.  Even my skin, more like bullhide than human, mind you.  But...  Odd that last, not sure why it is.  It's as if I still did rough and tumble work, outside.  My skin is wear ready, worn a bit too.  Strange, that, for an invalid.  A wolf in bull's clothing.  The dream was about differences.

Not quite ready for dishes, but will be shortly.  Just before 15:00.  A bit earlier.  But... not enough.  Like someone in the bathroom, while all else wait, push, pull, or leave...  But I just can't shake the hour, much.  Fifteen minutes earlier yesterday, another fifteen minutes earlier today, but I need hours, five, seven, ten, hours shifted in parts or whole.  I have... things to do.

A bit rough, but not terribly.  I cooked the beef roast, and brats, last night.  Came out darned good.  Will finish the beef off today, maybe have a brat or two, and might cook the burger.  Need to get to the store, sometime this week, for salad.  Now that I am making salad dressings I really enjoy, and easily, with quality ingredients, I'll have salads a bit more often.

Oh, and I got the oily ones down, would like to work on the creamy... dairy based... ones.  I really love ranch, I just don't want the arms long length of artificial chemicals most seem to have, or at best (still not good enough) canola oil.  And all seem to have one or three types of soy biproducts in them.  Just understand, soy isn't even good as an animal feed, to be honest.  If there is a problem with meats, it's their feed, not their inherent properties.  Candy companies are providing bulk lots of their stuff to animal feeders.  It isn't grain, that is the problem, it is skittles!  Seriously?  Look it up, before you even think of denying it.  Or shut up, if you won't seek that truth.

Still dark out there.  Oh well.  Seem warmer, slightly, but who knows.  I'll get to dishes again, shortly.  As well, keep up on my teeth, get another shower, and have something right to eat, before long.  Then... see what I can make of the rest of this and my world.  Amen.  Later.

Chased off the rest of them.

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My attitude toward the fake Ukraine thing has enraged the last of them.  Oh, someone still stops in, and looks over some of the posts.  But I went from a hundred or two visits a day to fifty to sixty.  *grins*  I don't mind.  I'm simply not a party to the mic or it's operatives, the propaganda arm of either "party".  Nor of a worldly sort, not these days.

Oh, I have been there.  Did my part.  Thought I was a clever boi.  And, I suppose, I was.  If... that is just a... well... as one I consider a friend, or wise man... in an odd way... once put it... wine is fine but whisky is quicker.  Clever.  He got, I got it.  No, you can't even be a nationalist, these days.  And if you are a socialist?  Your problem, not mine.  Communist?  Back to the whisky, straight up.  Quicker, smartbois.  Ha.

I don't care.  Go.  You know where to go.  And how to get there.  Don't come back.  If you are going to be of this world, stay in it.  Amen.  Hey, I don't mind war, if it's right.  That... isn't right.  Not sure what is up with the anti-pope, but even he seems to see and say, in spite of being a servant of this world and it's master.  Odd, but... okay.  Trying to get someone out in front of it?  Who knows.

No, I'm not on the side of anyone in that war.  There are no good guys in that one.  My advice?  Listen to Christ.  There will be wars, and rumors of war... and... what was, exactly, His advice?  Right?  Follow it.  Amen, and again, I say to you brother, amen.  So.  Be.  It.  

Cold, and wet.

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It is 39, out there, and has been raining.  Not... too recently, but given the proclivity for dry, hereabouts, if there is still water on the cement, it's... been within a few hours?  Something.  Depends on the day, and winds though too.  But, that would be where I would put my money.  What day is it?  Month?  April... no... May?  Wow.  I guess it is what it is.

I got to bed around 03:00, maybe 03:30.  Hoped it would get me up earlier.  Nope.  While my bedtime has been terribly variable, my wakeup time has been right at 15:30 for... a while now.  Given that it is just 15:30, I've probably been up for ten to fifteen minutes, but... close enough.

I was beginning to swell, with medicines being off, and irregular as heck the last few days.  So, I took extra waterpills.  A lot of them.  And, it worked.  Four pee jugs were brought down this morning.  Full.  I'm not sure how much was up there to start.  But, that is somewhere between (if one was already full, I just don't really know) eight to nine liters, to eleven or twelve liters if one was not mostly full to start.  That is, roughly, 20 to 27 pounds.

Not just having that in my body, but also carrying that extra weight.  Add on the bad heart, no wonder I was extra tired.  But, removing that much mass, and it's volume, quickly, is going to hurt too.  But the swelling, from it, hurt worse, I think.  I'm not even sure I am done.  One more day of extra water pills, and then to keep on medicine very regularly.  Not as if I am not trying to do that, just... I wasn't able to, there, for a bit.  Today's medicines, in, started, right first thing.  Ugh.

Now to get chia breakfast going.  Protein powders, cat treats, the cast pan, and fennel seed showed up today.  That is it for my orders, for the month, unless I have extra money... after stowing some away.  Groceries and two other bills, the rest, if any, I hope, can be put into savings.  Which... is just to hopefully have something in if the furnace dies.  Thankfully, it is summer.  So, I have... some time to save some money, if even then not enough, fast enough, for a furnace.  That will take... years of saving.  One month at a time though.

It is a bit rough, this 'morning'.  But... it is also looking up.  I haven't done anything, save set a timer for feeding Sassy, but getting her a few treats to ease her morning.  Well, to feed her, and get to dishes.  I want dishes, then a shower.  Oh, and laundry.  Ugh.  Even while hurting, and with crazy charlie horses last night, I prayed, thanking God for this opportunity.  You can't know joy without knowing suffering.  And I know joy, boioh.  *grins*

Nothing doing.

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Taking little things in the game off an unwritten list.  The trick is to get certain things done before they can't be done.  The game, at some point, closes access to certain quests.  I'm still not sure if it is based on beating certain bosses, or merely being in certain zones.  Though, at this point, for the majority, I think... think now... it is about beating specific bosses.

Though, it isn't always about quests.  Access to some areas, in time, becomes impossible.  Essentially, at some point, the world changes.  Actually, at several points.  What is lost, is replaced by new accesses.  Which, is fine, unless you had something undone in the old access.  But remembering everything is... unlikely.  I would guess some sort of check list would be needed.  Hmm... I wonder if someone has set up such a check list already.  I'd bet on it.  Finding it, and perhaps getting it printed somehow, would be the trick.

Oh, right, another bill.  I'll get to that.  Termite inspection.

No extra work.  Just couldn't do it.  About ready for bed though.  And, it's relatively early.  I have been going to bed sometime between 05:30 and 11:00, lately.  But that time, from day to day, has shifted a lot!  So, at 02:21, this would, again, be a major shift, but in the right direction.  Perhaps, yet this week, I can make it in to get blood work at the V.A.

Oh, I did get medicine in though.  I pushed it, a bit.  But... all good.  Now to rest.  Then, get up tomorrow, and try to hit dishes.  I think I can, but it's just not going to be as fast as I had hoped, with things.  I'll keep at it.  Goodnight.  Sleep well, dream well, see you tomorrow.  I hope, mostly.  Just saying, if I didn't wake up, it wouldn't... hurt my feelings.

Cold, and wet.

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Got lost in the game.  Always more to do.  So, I am taking a break from it.  I still haven't done that part that I offered a guide to and through.  Which, actually, is just a small section of that small subsection.  Maybe it is required?  Or just for a larger subquest?  I... can't remember.  But, I got lost on doing other things which needed wrapped up before I go on with the major projects in the game.  This, too, will be done.  But, more when I am in the mood for a lot more fiddling.  That takes a lot of paying attention, and finding the platforms.  I didn't do that particular one with my main character, so I don't have it down.  Sometimes, once done, it pretty much sticks.  Sometimes not.

I'll hit dishes shortly, and move a load over to the dryer.  I'll set up a second load, but won't run it tonight.  After dishes, and dried clothes, I am hoping to try to make it to bed earlier.  One can hope.

Back on track with medicine.  Because sleep was jumping around so much, I missed a dose a bit ago, but have made it up.  Oops, actually, no.  I thought I had, but seems I... was a day off, within the medset.  Bleh.  Took the first of today's (Mondays) pills.  Hopefully I'll be up long enough to take the rest.  Damn it.  But so off, so tired, sleep is so quirky.  I'll... keep at it.

Ah, but 37 and raining.  Was raining very hard.  Now, more of a sprinkle.  It got really wet out there, though.  So... a very good thing.  The cold is going to be a problem.  Planting, growing season being shorter up here, some realities are going to bother others, one way or another.  It doesn't matter how long or short the growing season is, without water.  But, too, if you plant, but hit the frost wall, what good was water?  God did say, by the sweat of the brow.  I think... that is in more ways than it was first thought.  It's not just work, but worry too.  And, that rain would fall on the good and wicked.  Amen?  Yea, like it or not.  The wicked hate the world no matter, the good love God no matter.  Definitely amen.

Well... on to dishes?  Not... quite yet.  But, soon, I hope.  How about cleaning the freezer top, though, to have it ready?  Aye!  And some painkillers.  I tried to go without, and without extra heat.  Both seem to not be working out well.  I turned up the heat a bit ago.  Now I'll take some painkillers.  Hate to, hate pills, but... it works.  From time to time.  Later.  Or goodnight.

Well, a start.

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A bit of a rest, after the shower and laundry.  Then, dishes in.  I wasn't able to get all of them, even all that had been soaking.  I rearranged things, for a better process.  Though most of them are going.  They don't need to be scrubbed, just... a soapy soak, rinse, and then dried.  A bit of a wash, but just... to do it, get old soapy residue off.  That, and washing the freezer top, so as to get that pressed into action for a drying center.

The goal is two loads of laundry, the freezer top cleaned, this first batch washed and set to a hot rinse, then dried.  One more load... say two dishpans or so, of bigger items, put to a fresh soak, those washed yet today.  Then one more soapy soak if needed.  And, either finished today, or first thing in the morning.  But, either way, another shower tomorrow.

Brushing my teeth this afternoon.  My homemade mouthwash really does keep the mouth clean, even with serious abuse as has happened lately.  When your dentist tells you that enamel can't repair itself, but that yours did, while insisting it isn't possible?  Right?  You know you are doing something right and they are doing something wrong.  Amen.  

Living and loving it, in Sodom, has it's drawbacks.  Sodom, or Babylon.  I'm... not absolutely sure which was worse?  They all go along to get along, and never look the gift horses in the mouth.  Really, some gift horses need to be checked, thoroughly.  I doubt everything, and try different things, rather than just lamenting the evil of the world.  It... often... actually does work.  Can.  Better than floating along, like a dead fish.  Even if I 'are' one.  :p

Anyway.  A good start, reasonable plans.  Back to gaming, for a bit.  I did buy a few things, but much of it is groceries, and a new pan.  A pan, actually, only for deep frying and for spices.  A deep-dish cast iron doohickey.  May end up getting a smaller one though, tried a 12 incher.  Might be... too big.  Still, I'll... find use for it.  Oh, and lodge does make lids for their pans!  I'll be getting a lid for that and the smaller ones, too.  Nice.  I... love my cast, if I'm beginning to love my carbon steel pans.  It just... took a bit of work with them.  Breaking in, much as cast, but easier... with real fats, like lard and tallow.

Still, kept my order small, and mostly just foods... like fennel seed, and protein powder.  My chocolate type went from $47 to $41 to $50, so I dropped it.  Just got my base type, non-veggie.  I probably won't by vegetarian again, after I finish it.  First, it doesn't mix or taste as good, second, it has soy.  If the taste is rather gritty too.  Just... not fun.  More calories even.  Still, I was curious.  I'll use it up.  But, now I know.

No more spending, on anything, until I see how finances are.  I still have two bills, I'll try to sort out this week.  And those go without saying.  But... no other type of spending.  The goal is to begin putting money into savings.  But I have to be sure there is money to put in.  No use putting money away only to have to immediately pull it back out.  The hope was to have the ~$500 from the auto, payments and insurance, get tucked into savings or extra house payment.  Was living pretty tight, though, so not... sure.  Still sorting finances, as I go.  Ugh.

I did get one card partly paid.  The rest are paid off, and will stay that way for a bit.  Though, this one... I want to use it for amazon, and pay it off every other month.  Use it only for that, paying it off every other month.  Just a... thing.  Always lose, but losing, financially, is the way to "get ahead" these days.  Avoiding most of it, without completely ditching the system?  Something like that.

Well.  On with the gaming.  Enjoying a fatted coffee while at it.  Later.

I surrendered.

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After working my hair all night, in fits and starts, there was one knot which would not yield.  So, finally, after many goes at it, I cut it.  As careful to not take more than necessary, and to cut as cleanly as possible, so it went.  I looked at the knot, after removal.  I worked with it.  Perhaps conditioner would have helped, but I think not.  It was a number of knots, in truth.  I finished, finally, last night.

Too tired, to shower, I crashed very hard.  Only awake to try to finish the hair, and up late for it, I was done.  No longer could I stay awake.  But, the task was done.  I wore a cap, to bed, last night, so as to attempt to not create more problems.  And, this morning, the hair was still in good repair.  So, first thing, with the way open, into the shower I went.

So good to feel clean.  Brushed my teeth after.  Haven't done either in... a while.  Couldn't get through dishes, or otherwise at it.  Cleaned the sink while in there.  I am keeping the toilet relatively clean.  But the floor needs cleared, swept, and mopped.  I had set up laundry, to be run after, and hoped to get dishes back in.  But my legs won't carry me to that much, quite yet.  I did get the laundry started.  In time, yet today it is hoped, dishes.  I cleared the freezer top last night.  It just needs wiped down.  Then everything will fall into place.

Not... a fantastic start.  But I still feel like hell, tired as it too.  My innards feel bruised, I am weary beyond tired, it is still dark, but it seems to be warming just a bit.  Into the 50s and maybe 60s.  But still so dark.  Or... from what I am seeing.  And, sleep is way off.  Going to bed anytime between 05:00 and noon, waking sometimes between 13:30 and 15:30.  I try to sleep longer, push it over, but that really isn't budging.  It is what it is until... I get better.  Then the cards will fall where they do, and I'll... have to work on them from there.  

Medicine is hammering me.  But, doing better than usual, for this stage of events.  I'm awake, aware, if mostly just floating with the cerebral flotsam and jetsam.  Awareness isn't always seen as better, if I think it is... if your goal is life and action in it.  While terrible, so see you are as trash, better to know and be able to do something, even if simply futilely planning.  Hopefully, when I am able to test, it will be doing something, with bp.

Well... on with my day.  Good day.

Mostly.

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Worked on my hair all evening, while also playing the game.  I am surprised it didn't hurt my arms.  Yes, having my arms and hands, up in the air as long as I did, can really end up hurting.  Strangely, it just wasn't a problem.  I got most of the tangles out.  I used a bit of the dry shampoo on it, which, I think, helped.  Though, mostly, it was twisting, teasing, pulling a bit.  A lot of work.  But I wanted to have it ready before I took a shower.

Just a bit more work on it.  And a fatted coffee, or perhaps a chia breakfast.  I am hungry, but haven't eaten yet.  I did have a fatted coffee, but that was it.  I may try to make a meal, with meat, before long.  While I add protein powder into the chia breakfast, it just isn't the same as meat.  Brats?  Burger crumble to make something else with, perhaps keto spaghetti?  Or, maybe, a roast.  Though, to be honest, I am hoping to cook everything.  It lasts better if cooked.  Plus, then I only have to heat things up.  I often use my stove, these days, to reheat food.  I just don't trust microwaves, never really have, and for a number of reasons.  Sometimes, it's as good as I can do.  But, when I have options, I use them.

Doing well in the game.  If I used cheeses on certain boss fights.  The game simply cheats.  I haven't sorted out why, or how, always.  But it becomes obvious after a bit.  If the game decides it doesn't want you to beat a particular boss, at a particular time, cheesing is the only way.  Doesn't matter what level you are, to some degree.  And, some bosses seem to not be about level at all.  As well, some bosses seem to be unbeatable.  

Worse, they keep changing the game.  Every time they "fix" something, they break three other things.  They aren't good at what they do.  Just... stop.  Leave it alone.  If you can't just set it up, and let it run, then turn that over to someone who can.  Once the game is out, leave it alone.  Or, make it so that we can choose which, if any, updates we want.  It's our game.  Not yours.  Leave it alone!

If you want to tinker with things for pvp, make that a separate game, with different updates.  Leave the main game alone, once you have put it out.  I am going without updates, until I have beat the game, or bosses I can beat on this new run.  Not sure I can beat the bosses I couldn't beat before, but there may be a glitch... from the last patch I accidentally allowed on, which hurt one aspect but opened another glitch.  Bleh.  Puny devs... better watch out.

Up!

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Weakly.  But, for the first time in... weeks?  I was able to do something.  Dishes.  I kicked them out.  It was far less than it seemed it would be, in my mind.  I haven't been in the shower, myself, in... a week?  Two?  Three?  I haven't even brushed my hair in... a... long while.  It is a mess.  Working on it.  I want it mostly sorted by the time I shower.

Meat has been thawed.  This time, I was able to attend it.  As soon as the burger was thawed, into the fridge it went.  All of the meat has been refrigerated right as soon as it thawed.  Now to cook it.  I... think that will happen, this time.  The burger will be cooked as crumble, and added to salad, seasoned as if for tacos, but from my raw blend.  I have fennel seed on the way.  More for pork meatballs, or a mix.  Along with other ingredients... little flavor bombs.  Would have preferred to by it in town, but haven't been able to get out, not sure when I will be out.  And, not sure I can get to two stores.  Working... on things.

I already paid one of the three bills I need to pay with right first thing this month.  Need to figure out how to get out, to get cash... for one of them.  Well, and to figure out how much that is.  Ugh.  Ah-ha!  $108.  Too tired to use my brain, so... Oh, and plus... $21, for eggs, past and present?  I... think that would be it, so $129.  Can do.  Not sure about utilities, but they will be high... I've lost... track of those.  $150, in arears?  Or one click more, no less.  I'll... get it done.  A check right away, though I'll have to find my other checks, to get a stream of them in.

Money, money, money.  Not a complaint, just a reality.  Even if you are poor.  Especially if you are poor?  Especially.  Give unto Caesar.  While these aren't Caesar, they are worldly.  And, so, from the earth, to the earth.  The only option is to do it all oneself.  I... can't do that.  Nor, truly, would I wish that.  Even with a woman, that path is brutal.  You are only good until you aren't, then you need to die.  And will, one way or another.  Be left to the cold, to die alone.  Or be slain in your sleep, or... even not.  As a mercy.  But who can afford that kind of mercy?  Even the brutal kinless seem to, normally, know better.  Only the wildmen, insane and terrible, might consider it.  If... even they have taboos, oddly.  Ah... from a time before your remembering... or between rememberings.  Even in history, there were unrecorded epochs, and here and there.  The world has been dark as night, to the soul, from time to time.  I... remember.

Breakfast, next.  After that, and some sit down waking time, a shower.  I'll be working on my hair, as I may, on the way to the water gallows.  Good 'morning' and day.  Amen.

A little dark humor.

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Well, yea, I'm... I...  Actually, I have no clue what I am doing.  I am getting there, somewhere, sort of.  More lost in a fog than actually moving forward with a plan, goals, direction, and such.  Can't sleep, anyway, so... there it is.  But, while checking hereabouts, I saw something... caught my eye.

Oh, you've run into this here, of various sorts anyway.  Still, this is done better, more exactly, without room for confusion.  Gallows humor.  Cheers.

Well?

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An early sleep seemed reasonable.  But, then, I broke through in the game.  A new area opened up.  There are three or four items I have been waiting to get.  As well, getting some points marked on the 'map' is important.  Plus, I realize, now, that a boss I thought I would have to fight isn't required.  It's just the game cheesing noobs.  I hate running past things, but when they are made to be many levels above your initial encounter (no matter your level), you really aren't supposed to win.  Cheese.  Which is why, if I figure out how to cheese unfair fights, even fair ones at this point, I will.  Don't play square, don't expect it in return.  

And, beyond the higher level, some of the bosses simply can't be beat.  What makes them beatable, I can't say.  A few more levels, after initial contact?  Doing something else, killing a specific other boss, or set number of them?  Something makes the success possible, and I haven't fully figured it out.  If, too, I suspect, it may be a random event or item, or algorithm of things, items, actions.  So it can't be figured out.  I am sure of it.  Though, I think if you raise a fuss, and they can link you to your account, they can further screw with you.  And do.

Anyway... so, now I am stuck trying to get further in.  So it goes.  Later.